I remember the first few times I just splat out said notice something, and it felt amazing, amazing. Yeah, I felt like I got so much power back. I was like, oh my god, is this the secret? Is this a secret to like healing my Any type of people pleasing is like this. It is this. It practice saying no.
More better, more, got a little bit more better, more.
Welcome to more better. A podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every day.
Or at least trying to. Mm hmmm. That's most of Marrow and that's Stephanie the Atrice. Hi, welcome back. How are you? Welcome back friends? I'm good. Full disclosure.
Sometimes we record these in a in a big pack because we have busy schedules. So what's is being like welcome back? Yeah, we're like, hey, what's up?
I just I just saw you. I just say you. We've been already spending time together, but yes, welcome back, but we still are.
We are still genuinely catching up what's been going on with you that is non work related.
We had for the first time in a long time where David and I both worked on the same day, but just like I haven't done it in a long time where all the logistics had to be worked out of, like who was getting picked up and you know, dinner and you know all the things. But it was fine, did you guys have did you guys have kids? That week that he guest started on Brooklyn nine nine? Uh yeah,
how'd you do that? Because you were both gone? We were both gone, But it was that episode was really easy because he wasn't in every single scene either, so I feel like he wrapped earlier than I did kind of thing. But we had our sitter at the time. I'm like our nanny I think was with Enzo. I want to say that was like after Endzo. God, what is time? Remember everything you know? Time is blur. Time is very strange. My favorite thing about that episode was
all of Andy's jokes about how hot David is. I know, it was so fun. They were so funny. I feel like there were a few he added that were not scripted. Yes, yeah, and he directed that episode too, and so it was really Yeah, it was like a very hometown home team feeling that week. And I remember David being like, you can never complain about work because this is like the best gig ever. He was like, you guys just have
fun here all day. And I remember I got defensive of like, well you're here during a really you know sometimes like this is sometimes the scene's not working, you know, and like it takes us a minute, and like everyone gets and you know what, and like a lot of jokes and like some of them are working. Are not scarfage. It's a lot of jokes. Sometimes it's so many jokes and I just can't remember them all because they're also funny. Yes, literally, it is probably what I sounded like. Oh yeah, whoops.
Yeah, well yeah, that's what happens when it's a damn good show and really good people on it. Yeah, what are you gonna do?
I've had so many people on this new show that are on the second season of Twisted Metal because we're shooting in Canada, so a lot of our Canadian You're more famous in Canada. I was more famous Canada.
Yeah, Baroski in Canadia and Canadian too.
But the first day it was.
So sweet because there were so many people on the crew that were like, oh, I just have to tell you Brooklyn, and it's my favorite show.
I just have to tell you it's my comfort show.
Like it was really nice, Like it's super sweet.
It made me really really proud.
Yeah yeah, but that's dope. Definitely are more more well known here. Also because I have hair extensions now my hair is longer. Yeah, so people keep like stopping me in the street. There was one girl today that was English or British, I don't know.
She had an accent. I don't know you guys, but she was like, are you from Brooklyn nine nine? I'm not going to do the accent. Okay, I'll do it. Are you from brookn on nine? And I was like I am. She was like, Toronto, okay, thank you so much. So wholesome. It was very it's very wholesome. It's very wholesome. Our fans are awesome, Like the Brooklyn fans are really good people. That's the best. They get it. They get it.
They do my more better is I mean, there are some good things happening. I did just get a new phone chain for my phone. Oh that's great. I'm not dropping it as.
Much more better at not dropping your phone. Yeah. Making sure I wear my sunscreen. Ooh, I've been very good about sunscreen. Good for you. Yeah, it's it's necessary. Yep. I've been doing the extra thing of if I'm going outside in a tank top, put a little bit on my shoulders. Oh, good for you. Good for you, because that's something that I forget.
Shoot, we're shooting this show outside most of the time, and like, whoo baby, you gotta oh re apply, reapply, repply.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, otherwise you're just gonna turn different shades throughout the season.
More better.
Okay, So you guys, let's get down to the business at hand. What are we talking about this week?
Mel Oh, we have a good one today and it comes from a listener. Listeners, you're dropping some great suggestions. Thank you so much for your emails. If you have a suggestion for a future episode, you can email us at Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. You can also include a voice note and be featured on the pod. We haven't done that yet, but we don't be fraid. Do that soon. It come on, do it? Yeah? So today it comes from a listener. Would you like to read the email stuff or do I like, I'll read it.
I'll read it. I'll read that.
Hi'm me listen, Stephanie. I love your podcast and I love the roles you played.
And wait, can you start over and do it in an accent? No? Fu, I refuse. I refuse to have this cut up the internet somewhere my bad accent.
Oh man, all right, go ahead, I will listen to Stephanie. I love your podcast and I love the roles you played in Brooklyn nine nine.
That's my comfort show. Oh.
I struggle with toxic relationships between friends and family.
Oh no, because of a people pleasing feeling that makes it difficult to end it. Can you give me some tips and tricks to help with this would be much appreciated. Sincerely, and I think this is how you pronounce it, lind Oh.
Okay, today's episode. What are we talking about?
People please? God? Everybody does it? We all do it?
Yeah, So tell us what people pleasing means?
Melissa? All right, I have well the official Some definitions could be pushing aside your needs to accommodate the needs of everyone else. People pleaser craves validation and reassurance and is afraid to disappoint others because they worry about being rejected or abandoned, and they may go to great lengths to help others, even when they're not asked. And they
often take the blame even for things that weren't their fault. Brutal. Yeah, I feel like I was very much a people pleaser when I was younger, and I think I still have those tendencies. Oh so like of like not speaking up because you don't want to upset someone or I remember I told that story about the boy that yelled at me for missing a rehearsal. Yeah, and I say anything like I just took it. Oh, it was in our first episode, like the listening to yourself part of that
was also like people pleasing. I was like, if I get in a fight with him, I might upset the whole family. It's going to become a big thing. I don't want to ruffle any feathers. I don't want to like get into a confrontation and you know when he's probably right and yeah, and it was like it was just I want I just want to be good with everyone, and I want everyone to like me, and so I'm just not gonna like stand up for myself. Oh yeah, it's the worst. It's it's a bad feeling. It's very
it's really hard. Yeah, it's really hard. What's what's your experience with people pleasing if you I feel like I can't picture you being a picture were you ever a people pleaser?
I mean, you know, it's interesting for me it manifests in a different way.
It's like it is kind of like.
It's tricky, right because like we have a job where we end up.
Collaborating with a lot of people. I mean, yeah, actually have to make sure that things stay kind of copasetic. And I think a lot of people have that, you know, Like I think there's a difference between standing up for yourself and rocking the boat just to make sure that
you like are heard. And I think sometimes for me the balance is a a is a hard one to find because it's like sometimes sometimes in certain environments it doesn't it doesn't actually serve me to speak up and say like this is what I think is wrong with this, and this is this is why, and this is you know, like what my problems are in this situation. Right, sometimes it serves me better and the environment better to offer solutions and to come forward and say.
Sort of like you know, like for example, like if something's not working for me in a scene, to kind of come forward and say, like what if we tried, like what if we tried doing it on the other side of the room and see what happens, like if we really got close to each other, and like see if that does anything for their relationship, and like see if we play the scene like physically really close to each other, like if you having a problem with blocking
or something. I think what can happen sometimes is that egos can kind of like get attached to saying, like I have to say how I feel because it's part of who I am, right Like for example, there was one time where this is a crazy example, but there was one time I took a ride lift. I don't know what to call it, not a ride share, I guess it's a ride share, you know, when you pull up the app and you to do to do a digital taxi, a digital taxi.
There you go. And the driver was a man, and he seemed very interested in chatting with me, and I just wasn't really I had a bunch of stuff to do on my I said to him, like, if you don't mind, I actually have a lot of stuff to do on my phone right now, and I like just some peace and quiet. And he got livid. Oh no, that's scar, Oh what you're too good to talk to me. Oh, what kind of work do you have to do at ten thirty at night? Meanwhile, I'm like reading an audition
script for the next day. You know, it's actual work that I'm doing. It doesn't matter. Even if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter what I'm doing. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. But because I'm a woman and I'm in this man's car, yeah.
I was like, do I fight him right now? And like do I? Like, I'm not in a safe environment to be like a fucking asshole, you know what I mean.
Like, so I stayed really calm and stayed really quiet, and like normally, if I was, like, you know, out at a bar or something and some guide did that to me and I had some friends with me and felt safe, I'd be like, fuck off, you fucking weed, you know, like, yeah, get out of here, you pin head.
Like I could say some dumb shit to him, right right right, But in that moment, I wasn't safe.
I wasn't safe enough to be like so I did people?
Please? I was like, oh yeah, I'm like really busy at work, and like he kind of like chilled out anyway, long story short, it's tricky. It's tricky to say that.
I hate when I say it's tricky also because that's something that my ex used to say and I'd be like, oh, I just have an opinion, but.
That's so funny.
But but yeah, I people pleasing is hard.
People pleasing is hard. I think there's also, uh, you know, a part of this is boundaries, right, like being able to hold boundaries with people, which is really hard sometimes, especially like, yeah, I find for me sometimes I have the hardest time holding boundaries with family, right, Like I could like not want to do a family thing, and I I feel obligated and I don't want to make anyone mad, and so I put their needs over mine and like, bro, I absolutely will like be like no, bye, yes,
I know I'm not doing it. I know, but it is something that I struggle with, and I've gotten better as I've gotten older. Yeah, I think definitely when I was younger, it was you know, yeah. And I think also like having kids has helped because I'm just like, well, yeah, no, like now this is my family comes first, you know.
But or like my no, I'm not staying up until midnight for Nacho Juanna because.
These these kids will be a nightmare when like tomorrow not doing like yeah, yeah, we're leaving at nine pm. That's as late as she can go. Yes, we are not going to the New Year's party. I do not have little kids that will like sleep in on New Year's Day. Sorry, bye, I'll see you in a few
years when they're older. Yeah. I think that, Yeah, there's a lot of like mission that or or I guess empowerment, right, because that's also I think at the root of people pleasing is losing track or a sense of your own power, right. I think I think there's like a lot of things that like kind of come into play here of like is your time not worthy? Like are you you know?
Like and that's boundaries and that's self worth and that's empowerment, and it's kind of all of it like jumbled up into this ball of just like well if I just like keep it all peaceful and happy and like afraid of conflict, like that can be part of it too, like you know, and it's all these things kind of rolled up into this ball of just like well if I just slap a smile on my fucking face and I'm just nice to everybody, everything will be fine and
it'll be peaceful and I won't have to deal with like, you know, the repercussions. Yes, So okay, so you said something really interesting to then you're like, if I slap a smile on my face and deal right, So there there, and there is a big difference, right, There's a difference between people pleasing and being like if I slap a smile on my face and pretend like everything's fine, yeah.
It'll be like I'll just get through I'll just muscle through it.
Right.
And then there's another side of it, which is the thing that I'm trying to embrace slightly, which is like, how can I look at this and just like let it move through me through water, like or let it move over me like water off a ducts back, you know, like this thing that's frustrating me or this thing that like I'm butting up against. And it's not necessarily like only people pleasing, it's like pleasing others and also finding
a way to please myself. Oh and I find that like for me, Humor really does that for me?
Yeah, Like humor is my way of like being able to Like someone at work the other day said something like kind of on the cusp of like uh.
Oh hr, you know, like it was a little.
Like right on the cuss right, And it was kind of in a big group, and I was standing there while they said it, and I was like, I stood up from my chair and I looked at everyone. I was like, I recused myself from this conversation, and like like I walked away.
And I could hear them all laughing behind me, and I was like.
I'm going to crafty. I made like a bit out of it. And to me, that felt like my way of saying, you know, I didn't have to stand up and be like, this is an unfortunate conversation, you know, because it was like it wasn't like someone.
You know, made a racial slur. You know, that's something that I'm never going to stand for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it was a moment that was like right on the edge of comfortability, and instead of making a I made it so that everyone got to escape. I made it so like and it's but that is also my people pleasing. Like I made sure everybody he was okay with it, you know, so like sometimes that's okay, and sometimes I do need to just walk away and not make a joke. I just have to keep finding when
those moments are. I don't always know, but in that moment, that's where improv I think is like such a nice like it's really helped me in the last ten years of like being around you guys and all of you all being brave to improvise, Like.
Yeah, I improved. I was like, I mean, I can't tell you how satisfying it was to like walk away and also hear people laughing behind me. Oh my god, Oh my god, I knew I took the air out of it. Yes, and you and you in a fun and light way, you established a boundary, you know, like you said, I'm not going to be here for this.
I'm not going to be here for this, and you gave everyone else permission to do this, to go away to Also, yeah, I mean it's so clever and it's so smart, and I think that that oh, thank you, It truly is. I'm like, feel free to use that, you guys. Yeah, feel free. I am back pocketing that exactly myself. I recuse myself. I'm going to crafty from those conversations. Yeah, man.
And it's just like sometimes like but also here's the other thing, Like I grew up in a really volatile household. I've mentioned that before, but like, yeah, being around my parents a lot of times was like walking on eggshells.
So for me, I am like.
That's my people pleasing thing. And it sounds like that's ah Wei's problem too, like Henry, and it's like you struggle with those toxic relationships because it makes it hard for you to walk away, makes it hard for you to end your people pleasing because like you, they're with friends and family, and like a lot of times you look at your most loved relationships, your parents or your friends or family, and you go like, well, I don't want I don't want to make them upset, So like
I'm just gonna do whatever it takes to like keep the status quo keep and then you feel like shit on the inside.
Yeah, yep, And I would also, uh you know, I'm also thinking about as we talk about like boundaries and speaking up is like the ability to say no ooh, oh my god. It has been a journey for me. I mean I think it comes some of it comes with like I don't know if it's the same for the youth now, but it certainly has come with age. For me like, yep, maybe it's different for the children that have TikTok and are listening to other people be like it's okay to say no. Yeah. I did not
grow up hearing that. No one ever told us it was okay to say no. It was like, why are you saying yes? Like, you know, you say yes to everything. You say yes to every invite, every opportunity, everything.
You eat this, you wear this, you watch this.
More?
Yeah?
Yeah, do you remember the early days of Brooklyn when we said yes every single thing? We were asked to do every every pr thing, every pr thing, every everything and look everything. While as as newer actresses on a newer show, probably a lot of that was valid maybe for us to do, but we didn't have maybe every single thing like it would have been fine looking back, like it would have been fine to either like.
It would have been fine even to just like, you know, make an excuse like a little a little white.
You know. Sometimes I even tell my kids, like if you tell like, my son is eight now, and so he's he's and he's very conscious to like other people's feelings, and I forget what the like specific thing was, but I told him, I said, look, lying is not okay. You should never lie. Yeah, but I explained to him what like a little white lie is, And I said, like, a little white lie to protect someone's feelings is okay
once in a while, Like that's different, you know. And I'm like, and that's okay, Like you have to know the nuance of it, you know, and don't use it all the time. It's yeah, it's all black and white. And like, sometimes it takes a little white lie. I'm busy, I'm sick whatever, I have a wedding that day. I just don't have time. And sometimes it starts like that
and you get more and more empowered. I feel like that's how it started for me, was like maybe making excuses till I got to the point where I was like, no, I'm sorry, but no, I'm sorry. No, it's a path, yeah, like I'm sorry, but no. Yeah.
Yeah.
And then in the first few times you say no, and especially when people are like okay, like thanks for considering, you know, and they're totally cool with it and they respect it, and you're just like, oh my god, oh my, could I have said no this whole time? How many other things could I have said no?
About? This?
Feels amazing. I remember the first few times I just flat out said no to something and it felt amazing, amazing. I felt I got so much power back. I was like, oh my god, is this a secret? Is this a secret to like healing my any type of people pleasing is like is this? It is this? It practice saying no, you know? And like, also, what what that does is like it starts to show you who reacts like that, who says and then it also shows you who goes well, I did all these things for you.
I did this for you. Like who in your life starts to guilt you?
Who in your life starts to guilt you make you feel bad for taking your space and for saying no, or for putting up boundaries or saying I don't like that, or for saying I'm not going to do that. My husband, we have a friend who has that tendency sometimes to be like, well, I did this for you. He doesn't do it anymore. You used to do it like a lot more when we were younger, and my husband had the best response to him one time I thought was
so wise. He said, I love you, and I am your friend, and all of the things that I do for you I do not ever expect any of them in return. I do not ever expect you to do certain things because I did it for you, Like I just do it because I love you and that's it, yes, and you cannot ask that of me. And it was such a clear boundary, but it was also fucking true. Like he was like, I will pick up the phone in the middle of the night, I will get on
a plane for you, I will do whatever. But if you don't pick up the phone, I am not going to be hurt by that. I'm not going to think that you're less of a friend. I'm not going to
think anything. Yeah, but it was like, you know, he would ask us to like drive somewhere far and we had the kid, and we'd be like, no, man, we can't, Like we love you, but like we're not going to fucking drive an hour to go like do this thing whatever, you know, and like then sometimes getting offended and it was just like, well we were just doesn't mean we love you less. Like it's just we just have a life and can't see you and we can't see you, right,
I can't do that. Just like this measuring it can't be it's not a Tit for tat you know what I mean, Like, that's not what friendship is. And I thought that that was so wise.
I remember an old friend that's no longer a friend. I remember her getting so upset with me because I didn't buy her a good enough birthday present. And instead of seeing that that was a totally terrible red flag for the next like thing.
I think it was like Christmas or something. I bought her a leather jacket. Oh well, see that's easy kind of yeah. It was very people pleasey. It was very like, oh, I have to show her that I like, really care about her because I didn't.
Buy her a good enough present. Meanwhile, like, you know, cut to ten years later and I'm like, what, like.
Yeah, I can't believe I did that, you know, like I can't believe I did that. And the thing is, and it sounds like, Henri, we're just gonna say his name different ways every time. Oh, we're so sorry, we're not making fun of your name. We're not so sorry, We're so sorry. It sounds like because h mentioned like toxic relationships. And while I will say, is if that story that Stephanie just told resonates with you, I think
the other part of that. That's hard to see when you're in those relationships because it can be really scary to end friendships because you're afraid of being alone or lonely or not having that support system. But also while you stay in those relationships, there's no room for new ones, Like there's no and there's no room for you to grow, there's no room for you to grow, and like it
is scary to end them. But in that process and you eventually make room for new friends that are actually good to you and that are like the people you're that are you're supposed to be around and that you know, and you can actually have a real chance of finding
your community. And so I think, you know, you have to have a bit of like hope and faith in that and like you know, like we talked about in that other episode, go on awkward friend dates, but like you know, but then you really have the chance to like find your people. Cause yeah, it's true, man, It's like those responses when you put up a boundary tell you so much more about that person than yourself.
I mean, I want to.
Read this is from Buzzweed. Okay, these are quotes that isis our producer found from twenty one former people pleasers are sharing the dumbest things I've ever done for someone, and I just want I just want to go through a couple of these. Oh my god, please the first one.
Then the night after I gave birth, I gave my ex husband the hospital bed because he was complaining NonStop about how uncomfortable he was in the chair.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ma'am what, I'm sorry? What? What? And he took it like he slept in the bed.
You guys can't see us, but I'm making the Chick fil A girl face the no Chick fil A sauce what?
Like, I can't believe it. That's not even people pleasing. That's like, I am so happy that sentence says ex husband. I am ex husband because if it said husband, I would have a million following questions. Yeah. No, that's all. That's horrible. That's that is horrible. Not okay, Oh okay, I said that. I was. It was all right.
When my ex forgot about my birthday, I told him I don't like my birthday anyway, so he'd feel less guilty for forgetting. Oh that's so sad, that's so sad.
But you know, I feel like I did some version of that when I was younger, like not maybe with a birthday, but like an anniversary or something. When I was young, just be like, oh, it's so big deal, like who even cares? Like, but I obviously like I cared. I was like, you couldn't buy a fucking In my head, I'm like, you couldn't just like buy a card. You couldn't just like put a reminder on your phone, Like oh that. I feel like a lot of people would relate to that one. But oh yes, yes, okay, listen
to this one. I took out a loan from my boyfriend because I supported him in his business dreams. His credit was awful, so he'd ask me to help him and sign the papers, promising me he'd make all the payments. You can imagine how that turned out.
Oh oh my god, that makes me so mad.
What that makes me so mad?
Dick?
So it makes me so mad. This is discussion money and friends.
But oh yeah, okay.
Going to all of those Mary kay Avon and other MLM parties, it was a huge waste of my time and money just because I couldn't say no to the invitations. Okay.
I just remembered something when I used to teach workout classes I first moved to LA there was another teacher who was a workout like an instructor, and she was like, oh, I would like I would love to meet some of your friends and like we should do like a a like don't you live in this neighborhood, like we should buy some some girls from the studio, blah blah blah whatever. She threw an MLM party at my house like I thought we were doing. She showed up with some supers. She showed up and.
With her total She was like, I'm gonna do a hand scrub for everyone in the bathroom.
And I was like, what's going on? Like I didn't know, Like.
It was so embarrassing because I'd invited a bunch of girls over to like I think it was like we were.
Doing like sushi night. We're like making sushi or something. And then she came with, oh, it was so embarrassing.
I was like, I cannot believe I'm throwing an MLM party right now, girl, mortifying.
I don't want to tell you to throw a party at your house. Listen, I don't even want to admit this. I don't want to tell you about all the Essential oil I bought, and I feel like I did buy Mary Kay in my twenties. And there was another one too, and I did. I was in those. It was I did the essential oils. It was always actor friend, you know what I mean or like, and there was our differends, and I was like, oils would change your life, and
you're like, oh, yeah, okay, and you'll do it. And then my brain would go like, oh man, like I respect the hustle man, like you know, this is a tough job we have, and like I said no, But I.
Should have just said no because I didn't use that ship. I should have said no, I didn't use it, use that shit. And not only did I not use shit, I forgot to cancel my subscription and spent so I still have.
Still have a drawer Essential.
Oh i'll show it to you next time.
These are toils. I will say it was like a little bit better because I did use those. I still use them, I know. Like so on psychology today, Oh yes, people people pleasing tests that you can take. So we're gonna go through it really quick because there's only a few questions. All right, Ready, here we go.
I try to meet the expectations.
Of others, I don't really like. I'm like, nahue, I think I agree on that one. If I know someone has an expectation of me, I'm just like gotta get that a oh god, I agree with others just to keep the peace medium, i'd say, like right in the middle. Yeah, me too. I'm afraid to say no to people hard disagree. Yes, same, because I am in my say no era of life. They know.
I rarely share my opinions because I don't want to upset anyone.
I don't think so I probably should share less opinions. But unfortunately that one does not ring true for me. Listen to this one.
I feel responsible for the happiness of the people in my life. A hard agree for that one for me.
Oh god, that's heavy. That's heavy. That's heavy, especially when you're a parent or you're caretaker or yeah. Like like yeah, I catch myself sometimes like questioning if my happiness is dependent on the happiness of my family.
Yeah, I just feel like responsible for it.
Like, yeah, I can feel happy, but I just feel like they also, I need to make sure that they are also happy. I gotta you know, yeah they Yeah, standing up for myself can be hard. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes I'm in the middle. Yeah. I need the validation of others. I mean, we do a job. We're like the validation is sort of dependent on me. Need this, we need the clapping employment. Yeah, yeah, we literally need people to clap. I'm going to go in the middle there because yes,
in job, but like no in other parts. Yeah, I feel terrible when another person is unhappy with the decision I've made. Sometimes yeah, I kind of feel bad, but like, oh wow, yeah, I gotta protect my peace. Yeah.
I rarely disagree with others. I'd rather be like no.
Sorry, low key, low key at all, low key. I love disagreeing with people. I know you do, I know you do. Okay.
I often seek reassurance from others.
Ooh wow, oh burn right here at the end, Wow, yeah I do, I do? I do? Okay. Last question.
I rarely take on responsibilities that are not mine. Oh let me read that again, because I had a frog in my throat?
Is the frog? Okay? How's the frog? Okay? Geez I I feel like I do do that again. So I'm gonna because yeah.
Yeah, it's hard, I'm going to like soft to disagree, Like sometimes I do things that I shouldn't be doing. Yeah, so we're in the middle. We're like really square in the middle. We got a score of fifty four, okay out of one hundred. We are right in the middle. You have some tendency to please others. You're not entirely secure within yourself. You may hold back from some of your opinions, and at times you treated like a doormat. How dare you psychology today? You may want to strengthen
your self worth and insecurity. Well obviously, obviously, Okay.
Here's the thing, though, we all have like those tendency.
Do you know what I mean?
Like we're fucking human trying our best. If we didn't have any of those tendencies, I don't know, we'd be like a fucking monk somewhere, like living some peaceful lass life, or like we never would have been around anyone when we were children, because like the first thing you were saying, like, I don't know.
As a child, the people pleaser may have had to earn love from an emotionally unavailable, inconsistent parent, or perhaps the love they received with conditional.
Hello, I'm in my hand.
Yeah, it's real. It's really hard.
So like the other thing I was going to say is like call yourself some slack, Like even saying no a little bit is a big win if you have a big, big problem with this, yeah, really really hard. Well, And the other thing I want to point out too, is like if you don't get better at getting out of these toxic relationships and like being better about saying no, establishing boundaries, Like there was a Harvard trained psychologist that found burnout is much higher with people pleasers. They're at
a much higher risk of burnout. Unsurprising. Yeah, because you're just giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, all the time, and you know you gotta put that little mask on first, right, like they tell you on the airplane, put your mask on first before assisting others. Like, yeah, it's that thing, it's that thing. Yeah, you have to, like otherwise you gonna pass out, honey. Otherwise you're gonna pass out and you're not gonna help anyone. You're not gonna be any good to anyone at all.
We'll just be on the floor in a death drop.
Yeah out. Yeah, everyone around you're dead because you didn't put your fucking mask on first. Yeah, and you couldn't help anybody. Oh No, you're people pleasing you're people and everybody else.
More better?
That was good.
I feel I do actually feel a little more better about like my own people pleasing.
So I think that was a really good question. Yeah. I do do it a lot, but it's okay. But it's okay. I think I think the times that we do it and and you know, and the volume which we do it is acceptable and it's something that we can definitely, you know, try to be more better at, but like, yeah, and be aware of That's why I really liked this question from on.
Yeah, Am I doing that to be helpful?
Am I doing that to be Is it? Is it for me? Or is it for somebody else? I think maybe that's the that's the core question, right. Am I doing this because I really want to? That's it? If I don't really want to nail it, maybe I can give myself permission to not do it. Yeah.
Yeah, Oh that was great.
That was great. That was great, great question. Yeah, okay, thanks guys, see you next week.
Bye bye, more better.
Dude, you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episodes. Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and conclude a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network,
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