More More, More, More Better.
Hi, everyone, producer isis here. I have some very cool news to share before we jump into today's episode, More Better with Stephanie and Melissa has been named a finalist in four categories at the Signal Awards. We're up for Best Comedy Episode for our vindication episode with the amazing Chelsea Peretti, plus Advice and how To Diversity, Equity and
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Yeah, thumbs up from Sophie and her hot hot computer, her Jacob Elordy.
Computer, her jacob Alordi computer.
It's call your laptop Jacob Alordi because it's so doesn't.
Even have to talk.
Sephanie loves a tall boy, a tall drink of water.
Yes, you should have seen me at the US Open.
I'm like shaking, oh my hands in your element.
Sorry, we're recording that you can use that, you can use it. Here we go, guys, we watched the trailer for Wuthering Heights.
Anyway.
Welcome to More Better.
More Better, More.
Better.
Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together and start getting real about how little we know about everything.
Yeah, we're just trying to get by day.
Is that our tagline?
Day? I can't remember? Anyway, How are you doing? I'm great?
How are you?
Let's not pretend we didn't just record. We also just recorded a different episode, guys, so we have been talking to each other. Let's discuss what we were just watching, which is the Margot Robie, Robbie and Jacoba Loordi trailer to Wuthering Heights.
Robby, I don't actually that trailer made me realize that I don't remember the storyline to Wavering Heights, or it's just so goddamn different that it didn't trigger anything for me.
I feel like it's very different.
I feel like it's an a a loose adaptation.
You know, a lot, a lot of looseness in that trailer, I'll tell you that.
Yeah, a lot of a lot of tightening happening. I think there's probably gonna be some naughtiness. There were some images of eggs, probably to have to do with like fertility and Wathering Heights was a good book. It was very romantic. That's what I remember. I'm gonna reread it. I feel like the trailer for the movie was very horny as opposed to a romantic.
Yeah, I'm not mad at it. Though they can be both.
It can be both. Romance can be honey and.
Vice versa, vice versa, vice versa, which is correct?
I don't know vice versa. I think vice versa. Anyway.
I'll go see it in Valentine's Day, Honey, I will be in line and Opening Night in my bottles.
Should we make it a girls' night.
We absolutely should. We have to get we have to get all dressed up like it's ren Fair to get calls new We have to, we have to know, we have to. Oh my god, now we have to. I'm obsessed with this idea. Guys, please join us in theaters across the country. We're not in this movie. We're not in it. We have nothing, we have nothing to do, we have nothing to do with it. We're just excited for it to come out. And you know, just see Jacob Lordy not wait Town, put.
On some ren fair outfits. Oh my gosh, that tall drink of water, and be uncomfortable watching erotica in a theater full of women.
It's my favorite place to watch erotica. Guys, we're what have you done lately between now and the last time we talked?
It's more better.
Well, you know, I got a mammogram today.
What you got a mammogram?
So I got my I got my titty squeeze. Speaking of erotica, the.
Least, the least erotic thing that you can do, I will.
Actually I do have a funny I guess funny story. It was this is very If you know me, you're like of course this happened to you, Melissa Famero. So I'm wearing this little cute, little cotton T shirt dress, right, and I go for my mammogram. And here's the thing. I think when I first made an appointment, I like went between these two places and maybe couldn't get an
appointment at one and went to another one. And then but the one that I couldn't get an appointment with set me a reminder like it's time to schedule a mammogram, and I was like, okay. So I walked into this place and I was like, this isn't where I went before. And I was like, have I been here before? But I've been to that building because it's like a medical building, so I was it was all very confusing anyway. So she brings me to the dressing room and she's like,
your gown's in there. Gives me you know, they say this like a million times a day, and then my appointment like in the afternoon, and so she's going through it kind of quickly, and I'm half listening because I'm in my mind still thinking.
Is this the place I went to before?
Yeah? So then I go in and I look and it's not a gown, but a shirt that they give you, and I'm wearing a dress, so it is a shirt that ends at your waist and I'm wearing a dress.
Okay, so now I'm.
Not I know what I would do, but I can't wait to hear what you did.
So I'm standing there paralyzed, thinking do I put this shirt on and go out in my thong and just act like this is normal? Or do I figure out how to wrap this dress around my waist. So what I end up doing is I the neckline of this dress is a little was a little high, and I'm like, I don't know if I can squeeze my shoulders and arms through this. But I was like, what choice do you have, bitch, because how are you going to tie
this leaveless T shirt dress around your waist? Like that makes no sense, and also you can't walk out into the hallway with your ass out that also seems crazy. So I stretched the neck and squeezed my arms through it and left it around my waist.
Like a little skirt.
Yep, like a little skirt. But while all this was happening, the woman was like Melissa. I was like, oh, yes, one minute, because I'm taking far longer than all the other women take to just take off a goddamn shirt and put on that god wrap shirt thing that they give you that you end up taking off in the room anyway, Right, Yeah, So that's that's what I did.
So then I left thinking, how do I remind myself next year to not wear a dress, wear pain ladies essay, wear pants or shorts or skirt to your mammogram appointment, because.
You gotta.
When you put well.
I obviously wasn't thinking about the logistics of the appointment, and I think maybe I just thought it was like a gown, But then that doesn't make sense.
I just do you think about it, have asked for a gown? You probably could have asked for a gown, but you were like.
I'm gonna make this work. This warning it's.
When my people pleasing like good, good girl, good student, beside of my personality comes out that I think is like healed and like gone. And then I'm in a doctor's office and they're calling my name and I'm like, god damn it, squeezing the dress down to my waist to make this work. I can't ask for anything. I'm up. I'm up next the reality busy. You could have been like, I'm sorry, I just didn't think I wore a dress. I just didn't thank you. I could have.
It.
We have down here building them.
Sure I can.
So we have little like medical pants for you to throw on, like yeah, probably, but Nope. Instead, my anxiety just went make it work.
I've I've left.
I've definitely been there before where I'm like, oh no, I've worn the wrong thing, you know, or like they'll they'll be like, please strip down to your underwear and I'm like, what don't wear I need today?
So so yeah, but I get to know each other good real quick.
I've asked.
Since then, I've been like sometimes I'm like, do you have any of those paper phons that I could have?
And they're like sure, I'm glad you wouldn't. Got your mamma Grandma.
That reminds me I needed to get my mammogram and a colonoscopy.
Honey, girls, schedule doctor's appointments? Is that time a year.
It's time for the colonoscopy. I don't want to do it, but I also don't want to have something wrong.
Oh yeah, you got to do it.
No important, I gotta do it it's got I gotta do it.
Do it.
You gotta do it. You gotta drink the bad drink.
You've done it.
I haven't done it yet.
Okay, all right, well full report? Yeah, please all full report when I get it. Yeah, I'm I'm probably due for that soon this year, next year.
I don't know.
I feel like.
They've up, they've upped the I used to be forty five that you needed to get a cool and mask, and now it's forty.
Oh yeah, I do need.
My general practitioner told me so shit, So I got a schedule mine.
Okay, more better. Today we're talking about bodies.
Today's topic is from a listener from Joetta. Let's roll the tape as they say.
Hey guys, my name is Joetta. I absolutely love your podcast. To be completely honest, I've never been a podcast person. I always feel like it's background noise, I can't pay attention, and it's just like a waste of time. But I heard about your guys' podcast and I watch Brooklyn nine nine on repeat. Absolutely love you guys on the show. So I was like, you know what, I'm going to take a chance. So what I would like to be more better at is loving my body for the way
it is. I have gone through a lot of health issues. I've been diagnosed with endometriosis and public floor dysfunction, and my body's just not the way it was and I don't think it ever will be. And it's been really hard to accept that and look at myself and love myself.
And I remember in past episodes you guys were talking about that that you get maybe gone through similar things, and that like you have your styles tailored to how you are and you just don't need those toxic resolutions of being weighing less and all this kind of stuff. And I just would love some advice or tips and tricks, as you guys say, to love my body for how it is and accepting it and maybe tailoring my style towards it. So any advice would be helpful. I absolutely
love you guys. Thank you so much for making this podcast, and I can't wait to hear about it.
Iii Ah, She's our little bibe Joeta did the Bie Joe up. Thank you for all those nice things you said.
Yeah, and also, like, as someone his body's changed a lot, I feel you, dude, It's so it's like it's so weird because you're like you're seventeen, you're like, okay, cool, this is it. And then you're seeing me too, and it's like, oh no, this is it. And then you're twenty six and you're like, oh okay, this is it.
And then you're thirty and it just keeps happening. It's like it just keeps happening because your body does keep shifting and changing, and it's like it's such a mind fuck, and we're here to help you kind of like talk at least talk some stuff out, like think it out, think it out.
Think it out. That's what we do here. We think things out.
Yeah, we talk about and we think it out.
It was basically about having a body, right, Like this episode is about having a body and having a body, what that means to each of us and how we're kind of like our personal.
Versions of that. What it is now might.
Be different than what it is next week, what it is in a year. Melissa, talk about your experience with having a body.
Oh my gosh, Well what you were just what you were just saying really struck a chord with me because Yeah, like I remember, puberty was a really big, huge fast change for me. I was like a skiny, skinny, little mini thing as a kid, and I was very active and I danced, and then puberty hit and I grew like four or five inches in a year, like got I got hips and boobs and butt so fast that I got stretch marks that I still have to this day. And I was like twelve, and I was like, the
fuck are these lions on my hips? Like, and I didn't know how to dress and I felt so self conscious and it was just like such a hard and fast change. And you know, and then like you said, like you go through some teen years and you're like, Okay, no, cool, the well, no, teen years were rough. Actually, I don't think I really started to like appreciate my body to like college or like twenties. And then I was like
in a good stride for a while. And then I got pregnant and then that was like that kind of felt like puberty again, where it was this really fast, dramatic change. And I joke that like I think women have there's like a switch that some of us have and some don't, where like when you're pregnant, I think there's a switch that goes off for some women that is like, oh my god, I feel so beautiful and powerful and like this is amazing and like how crazy
is this miracle of life? And then for the rest of us, it's like I feel like a fucking science experiment. This is such a sham. I didn't know it's going to be like this. And every time I get used to something, something else like dramatically, like you literally you'll be like, okay, cool, this is it. I feel like maybe cute, pregnant, and then the next day you wake up and like five things have changed.
Yeah, like your boobs.
Are like crazy bigger, or like your belly grew or you're bastard, or your ankles are swolen like whatever. It's like every time I felt like I got used to it or like okay, it would all like dramatically change, yeah, and then and then like there's postpartum body, like you know, and then it just feels like this roller coaster of
like up and down. And then you're like getting older too, and things are shifting, and you know, even where you gain or lose weight is different, and like I've had giant boobs and I've had really small boobs, and like I feel like I've had giant thighs and like really small.
I've had a thigh gap and I've had no thigh gap, And so it is this constant bombardment, I think, especially as a woman, where you're like trying to feel good about the body that you have and the things that it can do and the things that it has done. But it feels like every five to ten years it changes so dramatically that like just when you get to the point where you're like.
I love my body, yeah, fucking perimenopause or like what you know, or you get pregnant or like.
Fucking or you get sick, or you get injured, or like some fucking shit happens. Yeah, and it's exhausting.
Yeah, Yeah, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to sort of the the reason it's exhausting is because we're and it's not just media. Media has a big part in it, right, Like media, yea is a.
Big part in it.
But we are measuring like, oh no, like can I do this?
Can I do that? Like is my body? You know?
Like am I still young enough to fall off a ladder and not break my pelvis? Am I still you know? Can I still fall? I mean I remember doing this play in my twenties where I was playing Juliet and I had to fall on my knees on this one part in the play and they were like, oh, is do you want knee pads for under your costume? And I was like no, because I was wearing these like skinny leggings with like bell bottoms.
I was like, I don't want to ruin the line of my costume. Me mom.
Now, as a forty four year old, when I go up and down the stairs in my house, I can hear my knees. I can hear them go crunch, crunch, crunch, and like they didn't do that then, but they do it now, and it's they do it. It's like you just it's this like constant battle of like wait, hold on, wait, wait, oh no, wait wait. It feels very Yeah, it's exhausting. It can be exhausting, it can be exlasting.
I will say that there is something about getting older and kind of giving less fucks that's been nice when it comes to my feelings around my body. And you know, I think especially I've had this in two waves where you know, you and I have talked about uh, severe body issues that we've had when we were younger. And issues with dysfunctional eating, and that certainly was the case
for me in high school. And then I had a friend who landed in the hospital for anorexia, and that was like and it was and I and it was it was somebody I deeply cared about. But she was a little younger than me, so she was still in high school when I went to college. This was when I went and I was in college, and so I
hadn't seen her during the thick of this. So this is somebody that we went to dance school to get We danced together, and like we were like still kind of in touch, but not as much, yeah, because of life and school. And I remember I heard that that she was very sick and that she had landed in the hospital, and then I saw a picture of her, and I that shit scared me so deep, my god, because this was someone that was so vibrant and strong in my mind, not someone I would ever guessed would
have gone through this. And it just like shook me in a way that my brain just went, what are
you doing? What are you doing? Why are you restricting food or trying to control or like why you're young, you're healthy, You're at the time, I was dancing like twenty hours a week, and I just had this moment of appreciation that I could do all of these things physically and that at the same time I had been making decisions that could potentially lead me down this same scary road that she went down and trying to understand like why I was doing that and being like fucking stop.
Life is short, Like you got to stop, You got to turn the ship around. Yeah, and I did, but it was hard, and it's.
I was going to say that I think it speaks so like how you how you specifically function as a person, which is like.
You're very tough.
And I don't know if that's like growing up in Jersey or if it's like your parents, or if it's your DNA or your genetics, it's just your personality, but you're very tough. And like I think it's you know, you saw something and you're like, oh, fuck no, you know mm hmm. That is a wake up call to have, like a personal friend like struggle with something like that.
But there's some of us, myself included that, like I don't know that I would have had the same reaction, you know, Like I think that's very a mature place of thinking about like, oh my god, I might not be able to do the things that I love to do because I could restrict myself so much that I wouldn't have the energy or the strength or like the wherewithal yeah to do these things that I love.
Right. The problem I.
Think sometimes with at least with eating disorder stuff is like it becomes the sole focus, Like the everything else falls away, you know, and like it doesn't really matter if you can dance or move or lift or whatever because you look thin, you know. Right, It's like the image becomes everything and the control around the image becomes I mean, at least for me, the control was really where it was at everything in my life felt like I don't have any control. I don't have any control.
But at least I can have control over this thing. You know. I don't have control in whether I'm cast. I don't have control in how people see me. I don't have control it for some people like me, but I can be thin, you know, And it was like, yeah, I can control this thing, and like then it starts to I mean, at least for me. Again, there's a personal These are all personal experiences, but like for me, it was like that was the thing that was the
thing I could control. I couldn't control that. The person that I was with probably didn't really love me. I couldn't control, you know, like that was was the only thing that I had like real control over and like, yeah, that's actually a lie. I actually had quite a bit of control in my life. I had a lot of choices, like, but I wasn't making them. I was too afraid to
make them. So instead I was like, I'll just have popcorn for lunch, you know, yeah, and yeah, and you're you're you know, this is a really interesting conversation too right now because a lot of people are using different kinds of drugs that help them lose weight, and you know, trying not to have judgment around that can be really tricky.
My dad died from complications around cancer. But one of the reasons that the cancer like affected him so intensely, and one of the reasons he didn't notice that he had the cancer was because he was overweight and diabetic and wasn't He had a lot of trouble controlling the diabetes. He had a lot of like he just had a lot of roadblocks for himself, and like something like one of these medications could really helped him have a better
quality of life. So like, there's that side of these medications, right, And the other side of these medications is that a lot of people are taking them to become the thinnished version of themselves. And that's tricky too. It's like, if you've never been a thin person, what is it like to live in a thin body? And how does it feel? And like can you become obsessed with that? And like when is the obsession kind of like guiding your choices
in life? And like any like any obsession, I mean, if we're talking about bodies in general, it's like any obsession. Like there was for a while there was that I can't remember what it's called, but it was like people getting obsessed with like health food and like eating super helpfully.
H articles are sort of saying like, oh, this is.
Kind of a new eating disorder, where like oh, I don't eat gluten, and I don't eat sugar, and I don't eat this, and I don't eat that, and I don't eat but and I don't eat but and I have a friend who she's she is my health coach,
and she's amazing and at the time she was. She was like in an organization that was kind of a churchy vibe but also was very culty, and one of the women there accused her of having this disorder and it was devastating to my friend because she was, like I heard her history was like her dad died of cancer, and she was like really trying to make her body
the most functional and healthy version of herself. And for her, that meant avoiding things that made her feel like crap, like gluten plugged her up, and like processed sugars made her feel crazy inside, and you know, like digesting meat wasn't really good for her. And when it stopped feeling like for her, when she was like, ooh, I think I need extra energy, she added back in like eggs and fish.
It was like it was it was.
Her finding her way through food and trying to utilize it as like food for fun and for function, as opposed to like food to like you know, self soothe or be a bomb or have control or whatever, and so like.
It's all all of it's like all of it's tricky, right, because like all of it's tricky, and like you were like like you were kind of saying, like this body mind connection, right like is so strong it's hard to navigate. It's hard to right like figure out like, yeah, we do use food for comfort and that's also okay, you know, and it's but it's like when you're doing it too much or when you're doing it too little, and like it's all about finding balance.
Balance.
I'm sorry I said it. Everything in moderation like you know is also but like kind of true, you know, it's true. It's like, yeah, I currently I feel like in the last few years, I have moved more towards like you were saying, really focusing on food for like functionality and like feeling good and noticing like what doesn't make me feel great My beloved red wine that I love so much, but also somebody clued me into it might be more the cabernet than the pino noir that's
affecting me. It might be the type of red wines that could be. So I'm trying to figure that out because I love it so much and I don't want to give it up.
No.
Yeah, but yeah, like like more you know, food to live, food to feel good, food to have energy, but also going out and enjoying just all of it, like all the you know what I mean, and like yeah, and having that bit of balance. Ah.
You know something that my health coach Jenna says a lot is like make the choices and then be okay with the choices, right, and like actually be okay with the choices. So it's not it doesn't serve me to go like I'm going to eat this fast food thing and then like beat myself up for three days about it and then like retroactively try to that I'm just gonna have juice, you know, or whatever fucking fucked up thing. It's like, oh, I have a like slow down, make the choice.
Do I really want that? Yeah?
I really want that. That's something that I really want. Is it gonna make me feel good?
Might not?
Might make me feel good in the moment, might feel a little bad later. Am I still gonna choose it?
Yes?
So I'm gonna eat it, and yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna deal with, you know, accept whatever that is.
Right.
So, like this morning, what did I want? I wanted a biscuit. And when I'm on the fucking biscuit.
Fucking love biscuits, man.
Butter and Jammed really wanted and so I got it. And I also knew, like how am I going to feel after that biscuit, that big, old, greasy ass biscuit, Probably a little slow and like, but I you know, I just wanted it. I was just like I really want this biscuit right now.
Yeah, I think you're so right.
There's like more conscious decision making around food choices.
Or do I want to eat this biscuit that is as big as my face?
Yes? I do.
How am I going to be conscious about this?
Yes?
And that's time too. And it's also like accepting this. This is the thing that I think nobody at least not in my family. It was in my family it was like, you better finish the food on your plate. You cannot leave this table until you finish that food
on your plate. You cannot waste. You cannot waste. And that was partially because we were we didn't have a lot of money, and so like, yeah, it was not there wasn't any There's so many fucked up things that like they didn't know, like my mom and dad didn't know that by making me finish my plate that like I was gonna have years and years of feeling like, oh my god, I feel crazy by throwing this food away, I have to yeah on my plate, right yeah, but
ultimately that's what I still hate throwing food out. I get a little I feel, I feel my stress level rise a little bit when I'm like throwing food away that's left over. How's your relationship with or how have you processed just your body being different, because like our bodies just like like you and me, like our bodies right now are different than when we first met. It's boo boo bits. So I'll tell you that much. I don't. There's some things and I'm like, absolutely not. This fucking sucks.
Yeah, like same yeah.
Let me give you two examples after I had ros. The short story is, the short version of the story is there's a there's a chemical that gets released in your body when you're pregnant called relaxing that helps your bones kind of jelly up a little bit so that the kids fit inside your body and so they come out, squeeze that baby out. And what it also can do is it can make things kind of move around, bones kind of stretch.
Like yeah, bone like yeah, like and shit widends literally you.
Can google this.
I'm not a scientist, as we've already talked about on this podcast. But my feet changed from a size a solid size eight and a half to a real size nine nine and a half sometimes.
And that was I cried.
I had this pair of vintage of velvet Todd Oldham slippers. They were so beautiful. I only wore them for special occasions because they hurt.
And they didn't fit anymore.
I mean, I I don't have any shoes from before raz yeah, or two pairs my wedding shoes because I bought them up size half sized bigger because I was like, my feet are probably gonna swell that day. That was hard because I love clothes. The other thing that was hard was a lot of my dresses in the rib cage don't didn't fit in the same way. And still things don't fit me in the rib cage the same way because my rib cage expanded about an inch and that really it's a lot when you're a clothes.
Horse like I am. I say, in a sweatshirt yeah.
But like no, no, but that's so real. Yeah, my feet. My feet grew also, not weirdly. They grew when I was pregnant with Endzo, but they went back like they grew to eight and a half and they went back to eight about eight or nine months after I had him, Like they went back, I know, they went back, but then I know, and then they didn't grow while I was pregnant with Axel. But then it was the pandemic
and my ask wasn't wearing shoes. I was barefoot every day and I still had all that relaxed and in my body after I had him, and my feet grew to eight and a half and they have stayed at eight and a half.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The pandemic did that to a lot of people. Actually, a lot of people were sneezing their feet into little shoes and.
Well, just like walking barefoot all day every day will make your foot spread out a little bit.
It will in a good way, in a good way, in a good way.
But I did have to get rid of so many shoes.
It's brutal. My mom, I don't know about my mom. I hope my mom doesn't listen to this.
My mom has these little she has feet like me. They're like little like they look like little like a toddler's foot, like very wide, right, uh huh, a wide foot like I can spread my foot pretty wide, which I guess is pretty healthy. But my mom will squeeze her foot and has been squeezing her foot. She's like in her seventies, has been squeezing her feet into shoes that are half size a full size too small for as long as I can remember. And this bitch's big toenail is like non nonexistent now, Like.
The other day else was she supposed to squeeze her foot into those heels.
Stephanie the the.
Big dynail got out of the way on the way we were at the pool.
I was like, Mom, what's going on with your toenail? She was like, oh, it's fake.
I was like, what, this woman has put an acrylic She's had them put in a like a big acrylic thumbnail on her toe. I'm like mom, no, Mom no, And like listen, my mom's always trying to get keta deal. She's like shopping, you know, like in the sale department, shopping for things that like she you know, she loves these shoes, so she's gonna just jam her a little
her little titsieson there. But like, wow, don't What I'm saying to you, dear listeners is don't fucking do this shit to yourselves, buy your shoes the right size, babe.
It's not worth it.
Maybe seventy asking your asking your fuck and pediatrist to glue a fake toenail on your toe.
It's Melissa, Oh my god, I will.
I refuse to take a picture of it, but I kind of almost want to.
You because it is wild. I was like, mom, what's going on with your big toe? Wow?
I mean listen, part of me respects the hustle, like part know the dedication. These are these are your feet.
You have to you have to. These are your feet.
This is your only this is your foot. You're right, you only get you only get two feet, girl.
You know you can't buy another pair.
Like, yeah, no, you can't put another pair of feet on.
I have her in Brad is the one. He's like, we gotta get your mom's hookahs. Like she's like, she's in hopahs now she's like it.
I mean, here's the thing.
Is like, when you're thinking about your body, it's also about like long term right, Like so okay, so this.
Is the other thing that me.
Yeah, I got cellulate in places that I'd never had it before. And I have cellu light on my abs and it fucking sucks because it's.
Really annoying and.
It just doesn't look like it used to look. It doesn't look like it used to look. And then I took a workout class ri recently and the instructor so ripped, so strong and like she also had had a baby, and I was looking at her sitting on the bike, and I was like, oh my god, that's how my I mean like not all the muscle, but like that's how my skin looks.
That's how my skin looks, and it's like her.
And it gave me this feeling of like, oh my god, Okay, that's that woman is a fucking badass. Like she's super strong, she's ripped. I would love to be as ripped as she is, but i'd have to teach like five class a day or whatever the hell else she's doing. Write that part right, But it did make me feel much more like, Okay, I'm doing all right, Like I don't need to be so like when is this gonna go away? It might never go away, like I don't know, like
it might stick around forever. Maybe there's a treatment I could get. I'm not sure, you know what I do, Like the gun, the massage gun, for my body.
Can love love the massage gun Love a massage gun.
Guys, if you if you haven't ever tried one, please do because get is really one of the best things you could spend money on. A great Christmas present honestly, like a great Christmas present for like, if you have a partner that like works out a lot, you could buy them matt Christmas present and just use it yourself.
Or I'm now like thinking, I'm like, did we send my parents one? Because we meant to send my parents one because my mom just got knee surgery a few months ago and she's doing great, but she's got these spots that are just like tight with like bar tissue or whatever. Just it's surgery, you know, and you touched on something I think, uh that I wanted to add. I think is the phase I'm sort of have moved into or am moving into when it comes to like
how I feel about my body is longevity. Ugh, totally yes, Like i feel like I've reframed it where I'm like, I want to be agile, like in my fucking eighties, Like I want to be.
I want to live forever. I'm want to learn how to fly.
I want to live forever. I don't want to like
live with you know, pain every day. Of course, like anything could happen, chronic things have I have old injuries that I do like if it's humid enough, my knee will fucking ache, if it's whatever, you know, And that's just like I've just had to like get to a place where like I accept that and like, you know, also like whatever, I broke my knee skiing, like I was doing something kind of badass and like it probably broke from like years of dance and that was also badass,
So like go me. It's like that's a little pep talk. I give myself what I'm feeling frustrated about the like a dull ache in my knee because I like tore all these ligments once. But yeah, it's more like centered now on I work out because I have learned that I do feel the best and most confident if I feel strong regardless of my body size and what my
body actually looks like. And also I remember, like when I oh, I remember when I was pregnant with Enzo, being so grateful for having so many years of dance build up so much muscle and like muscle memory in my body that I really think it was, like why my labor was, like there's certain things that I because I also had a lot of pain during my pregnancy, back pain and like whatever, yeah I remember, but I remember thinking like oh my God, like thank God, like
my legs are so strong, or like my this is so strong because I did this for so many years and I'm like, kind of it's helping me so much, like yeah, through this, you know. I kind of hate when people are like hot take coming in incoming, hot takee.
I love a hot take.
I hate when people are like, I'm just like so grateful for my post birden body because it grew my child and like yes, yes, of course, no, no, I know.
Can we just be fucking annoyed at how much what it did I know, and all the fucking damage it did and just be like this a lot, This a lot, It's a lot.
Okay. Everything is different. Our ribs are wider, our vaginas look different, our everything looks different. Okay, it's all me Like it's a lot, and it's okay, and I'm gonna accept it. But I don't need to like sit and seep in gratitude. I love my children. I'm so grateful that I could grow them, and yes, all that is true, and also fuck yeah, the buck just happened.
The buck.
That's the real fuckery. For those of you that are listening to this of having had kids or like can't, don't want to whatever, you still were a kid and somebody made you and it was hard motherfucking work, and a nobody nobody's supporting that shit. Not in the United States. There's no healthcare, there's no maternity leave, there's no help when your kids are little, Like you have to fucking do all that shit on your own, and like.
It sucks, and like I love my children so much and I and I look at them and I stare at them in like total wonderment and I'm like, oh my god. But at the same time, I can't stare at my child, and that's a given. That's a given. I also at the same time can't stare at my child and be like, yes, I feel okay about everything that growing you did to my body, Like I gotta find that shit somewhere else. That's that ship I have to like make I've had to make peace with in
like a different part of my brain. Like for me personally, individuals, you know individually. I have, yes, like I have had to come at that from a different angle.
It's not a it's it's not a one all, one size fits all thing to be like, uh you know what, I'm just so grateful that my body could do it. It's not it's not some So for some people that is exactly right and it fits them and great.
Well for some people it's like uh no, no, me, no mea memium.
I had to go on a journey with this new body, like I said, and then that, yeah, brings you back to like I think the shift for me was just like looking towards the future, like accepting, learning how to dress differently, learning how to eat differently, like for this new body.
Yeah.
More actually to get into like some nerd time. Oh yeah, she's done this great article that was about body neutrality, and it kind of hit for me. I just want to read a little bit her opening line on what she's describing what body neutrality is. She talks about like how we had this big shift towards body positivity and like accepting all bodies and like how great that was culturally and like as a society, and maybe it went like a little bit like, you know, into like toxic positivity land like.
A little bit maybe I don't know, I mean it all, it all, it all swings, you know, it all swings.
So body neutrality, on the other hand, takes the pressure way off and tends to feel like a much more approachable and achievable goal. It offers a safe place to rest as you exit body hatred without putting pressure on you to somehow magically love every iota of your body and self. Body neutrality invites us to understand ourselves and others as whole human beings first, and to form our concept of worth, value, and identity around a person's internal self instead of their external self.
Beautiful, beautiful, And.
For example, I wish I was smaller and that's not a problem. I hate the way my blank looks and that makes sense and is okay. I desperately want to lose weight and that doesn't mean anything bad about me. Like having these two things coexists, and I feel like that's where I am in my life too, thankfully, where I've gotten to like accept this like post two children, older, post injuries, whatever, whole life right, It's also like the
journey of my whole life. I don't have to like love every little bit, but I can still accept it at the same time, and I can still have goals and I can still strive for things I can strive to. You know, I want to have a strong body when
I'm in my old, old old years. You know, I want to still be able to like walk through Europe or New York and not like and be okay like and pick up my grandkids and like, you know, it's it's becoming about and even now, like I have two very active little boys, I just don't want to get winded when I'm playing with them or running with them, like that simple little thing that shift for me when I'm playing with them and I feel strong and I'm not like a few years ago, I would get winded,
like severely winded after a few seconds of like kicking a soccer ball or something.
I'm like, yeah, I don't, I am winded and I don't now and thank you.
It was like a lot of hard work to not to get to this place, so like I can less like maybe two minutes of kidscraper ball.
No, that's great.
I think that's a big, big thing. It's reframing it. And yeah, and I think it's you know, again getting older and getting better, like giving less bucks and accepting things and accepting that like I don't know, Yeah, there can be parts of my body that I want to change or improve or that I wish were different, But I can be like okay and feel really good about myself at the same time.
Yeah, I think those two things can and should exist together. It's the obsession with yes, the obsession when you cross into obsessive territory when you're like I'm constantly thinking about what I'm gonna eat, yeah I did eat, or when I'm going to work out, or how much calories is in this and that. Like remember, for a long time everyone was like, oh, just track your macros or whatever, and I was like, no, some people can do that shit,
and it's cool for them, not for me. The minute I start writing down, like what I ate.
C cock cuckoo, Like, yeah.
It gets crazy. I get crazy about it. It doesn't, you know. It's like and then that's the thing is like experimenting to try to find Yeah.
I've gone through phases where I can track, and I've gone through phases where I track, and the same I have the same reaction. I go Nope, We're going to abandon this immediately. This is not good for us, and we're going to find a different way.
We're going to find a different way. It's going to be a different way.
I like the the other thing that was in the Nerd Time this week is it was like slightly touched on, which is functionality based body image, which is like what you're talking about function how your body can function for you, right, Like that longevity thing is something I think not everybody is thinking about necessarily in their twenties or thirties, but as you start to hit your forties, you start going like, right, like I can make this.
I have some power here.
And one of the things I'm doing lately on this on the peloton bike is like I'm trying to do longer rides for lone there extent of time, which is like endured. Yeah, it's like endurance and VO two.
Max and all this stuff that I don't really understand.
But the trainer, Matt Whipper's my peloton boyfriend, Oh, he talks about all the time. He's like, this is how you get like stronger over time. This is how like you increase longevity VO two max like dips as you
get older, you're helping to increase it. I'm like, part of doing the workouts is me trying to train my heart and lungs and body to be like, you can do this, you can go up a hill, you can like you know, I mean, yes, there might be a time in the future where I do have to have help walking and stuff like that, but as long as I can, I want to stay in a body that lets me like squat down and talk to ras, tie shoes, bend over and pick things up without having to lean
on stuff. You know, yeah, get up from the floor and get back down. It's like stuff that's like super simple when you're in your twenties and can get harder and harder if you're not taking care of the vessel that you're in. And it's like when I think about my body and like think about, Okay, I can do that, you know.
Do I still have a.
Freak out sometimes where I'm like in a picture where I don't look like I think I do in my head, yes, oh, perc where I'm.
Like oh oh no, oh oh no no a brain picture doesn't doesn't make picture.
But functionality based body image is it can be really yeah, healthy because then you're thinking about like what can my body do as opposed to just how does my body look? And that can be hard to especially like if you're coming up against maybe like an illness or chronic pain, or something new that you're struggling with, like something like endometriosis, which is like, oh shit, my body doesn't do what I doesn't function the way that I wanted to function.
Right, Yeah, oh my god, why am I choking? My body is not functioning? Guys.
Ah, that's my body telling me I need to drink some fun and water.
Drink some water. But yeah, it's it's also like I definitely I mean this not to minimize anything, because yeah, as you were just mentioning, like, there are things that are out of your control that make your body like really feel out of your control and away from you. But in some of my low moments, I've definitely just had that feeling of just throwing my hands up and going like this is the body I got?
Is it? I know this one? This is the one, babe.
So we're just gonna ride this wave. We're gonna ride this bad day, and then when we feel a little better, we're just gonna get back to like, Okay, well, how do I just keep this body and it's or close to its best potential, right yeah? Or like yeah, take care of it or you know, embrace it, embrace it and I at least just try. Like yes, it's so much about just like getting back up and just trying.
I will say, she did mention something about fashion, and I want to touch on that really quickly. I do think fashion clothes are a way too, really can be a way if you enjoy fashion, to be a way to like accept where you're at in your body at any.
Right.
It can be really tricky too, because, like I was saying, if you don't fit in stuff that you used to love or whatever, that can be jarring. But the quick advice that I would say about accepting a new body, whatever size it is, is like, try to get yourself a couple of pieces, but like, and they don't have to be expensive, but like, try to get yourself a
couple pieces that you feel good and then fit. You know, because wasting your time wanting to fit into a size that you used to be it's such a fucking waste of time. It's such a waste time. You can save a couple of pairs of jeans, like maybe if you want to, like, maybe you'll get in there again. Maybe you won't, but like having them be like I'm gonna fit in this again someday. It's just like a to me, it's a waste of time.
It's a waste of time.
I'd rather go, you know, And again I'm not saying it has to be expensive. I'd rather go like thrifting and find a couple of like pairs of jeans that I think are interesting and cool. Like usually I go in the men's section. I have a ton of old Levi's, tons of Oh Hot Tip love an old LEVI love a men's baggy jean. It's like cinch the waist. I love a you know, like a love a men's blazer.
I don't know what Joetta's fashion is, but like even like, I mean, I have a couple of friends whose bodies have changed sizes in the last couple of years too, and I remember shopping with one of them and being like, just get yourself like two pairs of jeans and a couple of new shirts to mix in with, like some sweaters that you know still fit you. And it changed the game for her because she was like, oh, I
feel cute. I don't feel like I'm looking at a closet full of clothes where I'm like I don't fit in anything. I feel like I have a capsule wardrobe, you know, like I have like seven things that I'm mixing and matching and that all look really cute on me, and I feel good about myself, and like that feeling good about yourself when you walk out the door.
It's a big thing. It's a big, big, big thing.
Like yeah, and that can be it, doesn't you know, you don't have to like fit in somebody else's idea of a capsule wardrobe. I mean thinking about what I took to New York and I was like, a plaid shirt, this blue jacket that I bought, that's like it's in tatters. I mean, this thing is just like tattered, vintage like patches on both elbows.
It is dastardly.
A pair of brown khaki shorts, one pair of loafers that I loafed all around New York in, and a pair of petal pushers, a little little cropped pant and three white tank tops that I just like rotated in and out.
I feel like we should do an episode unpacking because you're really good at it.
Oh my god, I love I love distilling down a wardrobe. I love it. It's so fun.
And yet my closet is so stuffed that I have to like get in there and get rid of stuff. I'm not allowed to buy any more hangers.
That's where we're at.
Well, that's where that's where we've come to.
That's where we've come to.
Also, we've said this in other episodes, but like Find the Styling episode, I can't remember what number that one is, but like, size doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, matters, it doesn't matter.
Oh booboo bits.
I literally have felt so liberated since that episode and like just buying bigger, buying smaller, it.
Just doesn't matter. Just whatever fits bro.
Just being like, ooh, this this shirt would be like really cute over size, I'm gonna buy it in two sizes over or.
It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
Like it doesn't matter. We were I was shopping in New York. I was shopping and uh, they didn't have like a size whatever. I'm not gonna say the size so I don't trigger anybody, but they didn't have a size whatever in these shorts and I was like, oh, I'll just take the next size up, and the sales girl looked at me like I had grown another head, and she was like, I think those are going to be too big, and I was like, I'll be the judge.
You know, like I got for you.
Yeah judge, like yeah, yeah, I saw it.
And like, maybe I want the shorts to fit kind of baggy, And personally I do like my shorts to fit kind of baggy, Like.
I like a short short, but I don't like a tight waist.
I've gotten so many pairs of pants in the last two years I've taken to the tailor it's like thirty bucks to get the elastic.
On the waist changed so they're not tight. Fucking hate it. When pants were tight around the waist, I hate it.
Yeah, unless it's a structured gene. I don't want a waistline that is. I mean, I've gone so like I have tons same pairs of pants that I've changed the elastic on the waist because I'm like.
This is too tight. I don't want. I want like, I want us to feel like scrubs, you know.
Yeah, yeah, hot tips more better.
I mean, my takeaway is that I still is an evolving relationship with my body.
Some days I'm.
Really best friends with her, and other days like I just can't even And that's okay, I don't I mean at that, Well, that's what.
I say, same, And I think my takeaway is that that's okay and that's normal, and that's probably true for like every living person.
Mm hmmm hm. We hope.
What we hope is that we all get to the place of, like, it's more better days than bad days.
Yes, And I think if you're having if you're having more bad.
Days, is then better days about your relationship with your body than like I encourage you to start talking to somebody about it, whether that's a therapist, whether that's a trusted friend, whether that's yeah, you.
Know, like somebody not AI.
No, But like, if you're having work more bad days than good days about your relationship with your body, then that's probably a signal to you to like make some kind of changes. But with that, certainly the signal to me, I was like this is this isn't sustainable.
I'm gonna you know, I hate.
Living this way where like I'm just thinking about food.
My world was so small, it.
Was such a small world when you're just thinking about your body and food and like a big world out there. Man, there's so much to do and see and like experience. Like yeah, life is a banquet. Most porcels are starving to death.
That's from Anti Mary. And with that and with that.
See you next time.
We'll see you guys next week.
Bye bye, More more Better.
Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episode?
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Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and conclude a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa Umiro. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos.
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Flumero, along with Wilmore Valderrama and Leo Klem at WV Sound and ISIS Madrid. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy, and features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo boy Our. Cover art is by Vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcast us from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week, Buggers Bye,