“F*ck Valentine's Day, Man” | Romance

listening to this? Maybe you're at work? So interesting to think about people sitting in a cubicle with ear buds in, like listening while they like Yeah, because like when I did temp work, or like when I worked in a in an office, I was not We were not allowed to do that. Also, we were answering phones, so that would have been weird too, write you know what I mean,

Like there weren't. Also, I'm aging myself like we didn't really we didn't have Like we didn't have power buds buds Like I still remember the commercials with the silhouette and the white earbuds and everyone was like earbuds. Oh my god, you can put them in your ear. Yeah. That is a high level of multitasking that I admire. I can't. I can't. Can you imagine processing information? No? I can't even imagine like acting doing like I watched them and I'm like, why are they doing this? I

guess they're just faking it. I didn't even know that until Okay, what have I done my day? That's more better? What have I You know what I'm gonna say, I am in a little bit of a more better draught, just getting just getting through it, you know, like super busy with the job, flying back and forth. How are you feeling about the job? About that? I mean just in Johnny, Yeah, because you weren't feeling good. Oh you know, I got her so sick after that recording and then

is it gone? Now? Wait ye to get anual virus? Did you peek your pants? No? I did not put my pants, but I felt like towards the end of that recording, I did start to feel like a little Remember I was putting my robe on and off. Yeah, and I was like, am I getting the Am I getting caught and cold? Oh? No? And then I was exhausted, slugging through like packing to come back to LA and I was like, I have to go to bed. I have to go to bed. I have to go to bed.

And I laid down, passed out in two seconds, and then I woke up at four in the morning. Then I drenched in sweat. No, but I drenched and sweat better sweated it out. I think I sweated it out. So I think little House on the Prairie sweated the fever. So I appreciate you carry I meant to text you earlier. I appreciate you carrying me through because I looking back, I was like, I don't think I talked that much, not me not noticing. Oh no. I was like, no,

maybe it's in my head. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but like, I mean, we'll see when we listened to it. But yeah, I was like, oh I think I might have been a little quiet. Oh shit, like Steph had to do some heavy lifting because I yeah, I was like feeling slightly worse as we went along, and then bad that night. Bad. Do you feel okay now? Though, do you feel Here's the thing. I woke up and I felt fine. I did sleep on the whole plane ride home, but like, I feel fine. I don't even feel like I have

a cold, Like it was weird. So you're not doing anything that's more better, but you are more better. Sorry, so stupid. I'm embarrassed for myself on that one. Get out. What have you been doing lately that's more better? Girl? I'm getting dressed, Like, yeah, drapetis to wear my pajamas the entire day. Yep, I'm not shooting anything right now, so I just am. I love to wear my gym jams, like, I will straight up get in my jimmies, like as soon as I can. If I can bring my jammis

to dinner, I will. So like problem with this is that like my kids like why are you dressed? Where are you going? And I'm like, oh no, I have to teach her that we like actually get dressed to get dressed. So I'm getting dressed. I'm like, well, I'm also starting to call my home clothes because I feel like my home clothes are a mishmash of disgusting, like and I don't feel good in them, so I want home clothes that are like the mix of comfy and cute,

you know what I mean. I want like, I want stuff that I'm not going to be embarrassed to run to the drug store, you know what I mean, like someone's going to be shopping for some leisure wear. I'm really trying to uh restrain myself from shopping as much as possible unless I'm vantage. I'm really trying unless it's a thrift or vintage, because okay, I feel like we could pick up some good comfies at a thrift store.

I think there's quite a bit of I mean this shirt that I'm wearing right now, the sparts Yeah, who knows sirk or what. I don't even know. It's real cute date on it nineteen ninety. Yeah this shut is the shirt was made in nineteen ninety, you guys. So yeah, that's what's going on with me. I'm getting dressed and getting dressed from my day and making sure that I look okay, deecee and happy, feel comfy, and feel cute

at home. I love that. So then I'm not, you know, wearing the one pair of sweatpants that my husband absolutely hates. I refuse to throw them out. Also, they're really great. He is just like, you know those those there was this there was this pair of gray sweatshorts that he had during the pandemic and I made him burn them like actually, like you actually set them on fire, like set them on fire. Amazing. And then he was like, you know those gray sweatpants that you have? That the

way I feel about those. I was like, no, I don't care, Like that's your problem. That's not my problem. That's a that's a problem, sorry about it. It was like, wait, I didn't know that way.

I have a lot of thoughts about it. I I want to he was fascinated by Dave Eggers and his interesting foray into female sexuality and what he thinks about it. I would just love to sit down with him at some point and be like, what's going on in that big brain ears? Because like, I've seen The Witch and I loved it. I've seen Now, I've seen No Saratu. I'd like to see some of his work that isn't

about female sexuality and sort of hair. I think those specifically, those two works are about female sexuality, and I'm very fascinated about what he thinks about women and female sexuality, especially in young women that are just kind of coming into their own power, and whether or not they have agency on their own or if they're an agent of agency for men around them more better. Anyway, that's not what this podcast is about. Romans, baby, Oh my god.

When we start talking about doing this episode, I was like, I don't know, because I don't think of myself as a particularly romantic person, Like, so do you not really? No? I think I don't know. I've seen pictures of your wedding. It was like, really, although my male is very beautiful as well. Your wedding was also very beautiful and very romantic. It was romantic. It was you got married in the fucking round, do you Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I think getting

married in the rest theater mode. It is a true theater nerd. Everyone has to have a good seat. But also it's incredibly romantic because you're like literally surrounded by all these people that love you. Yeah, well you like say your vows. Oh my god, it's like dramatic and romantic and like also remember our vows were like ten minutes long. Like we didn't say anything. I I don't have a no, I don't have a memory of them being short. I have ton of them being really like

beautiful and sweet. We wrote stuff for our efficients to say, We wrote stuff. We each like helped them write stuff. Oh yeah yeah, And they spoke and then it was like, okay, Brad, do you take.

versions of romance. Right, So I when we were planning our wedding, I was like, oh my god, do you want to like write our own vowels? Like so into it? Wanting him to say yes, and he the look on his face was just like I will die. We're having a staruge wedding.

I know a wedding that I've been to where they've done that. But for us, yeah, we did the same thing. We like wrote out what we wanted our efficient to say, yeah, and then we just said I do, which worked, which is like nice like in between yeah, yeah. I mean, when I think about romance, I definitely had a different idea of what it was supposed to be when I was, you know, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, into my twenties, into my thirties.

I feel like romance changes dramatically after you have children. But for the purposes of this conversation, breaking it down into like when I was sixteen, the most romantic thing in the world was like, you know, I'm saying a song here, I mean you were pardon and when when they like yell at each other across but we're talking about Forrest Gump. You guys, there's this part where Jenny and Forrest run at each other across the Washington mall right, Yes,

they're running across the water. Yes, and you're here and she's like in her little hippie outfit and he's in his like soldier al and it's the most beautiful, huge grand gesture The grand gesture was everything when I was a kid, you know, because you'd see it in movies and you'd go, oh, that's what that's what romance is. If somebody loves you, they do these big grand gestures

for you. Yes. And then somewhere along the way, I kind of realized that it wasn't necessarily about the grand gesture, and so I think I reverted to the absolute opposite, which was like, I'm a cool girl. I don't need a romantic gesture. In fact, I don't need any romance at all. Like I remember specifically dating someone who I should have known it was a red flag, but like he really didn't want to be public about our relationship. Oh read like he felt kind of more calm about it.

I don't even know, you know, I think he just wanted to have it on the down low, you know. Yeah, yeah, and uh. And to me, what was so romantic was the stealing glances at each other, you know, like sneaking around, right, yeah, which is kind of heightened and sexy in a way, but it's not romantic, I don't think, you know, Like, ultimately,

there's a lot of romance that comes with honesty and vulnerability. Yes, somebody that you really love and trust, and when ye being sneaky and nobody knows about you being his little you know whatever, then they can get away with a

lot of shit. And like, yeah, I think young like young me almost went the opposite direction from what I was this romantic I guess in you know, high school, where I wanted these big grand gestures and was basing everything off of every movie that I was seeing, And I went the opposite in my twenties where it was like, yeah, definitely treat me like garbage. I am such a cool girl and I don't care, you know, Yeah, that's we want to like split the dif we want to be

in the middle. You can't. First of all, you can't let anybody treat like garbage, period, But particularly in a romantic relationship, it's like if you're constantly feeling like shit, that's the other thing. Remember those I don't know if you've ever had one, but like those super volatile relationships where people are just like everything is like a big fight and everything is like life and death. Yes, yeah,

it's like people are like I hate growing. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's also not I know it's and then you involve alcohol and like, oh my god. When I was in my twenties, I was dating someone significantly older than me, and he had a bunch of friends that were older than me too, and so they were in their late twenties and I was in my really early twenties. And I remember we went out to dinner with them or something. It was like a holiday or something. Everyone got ripped

at dinner, just ripped. And the one of the couples that we were with was one of those really vollattle couples. And they were screaming at each other in Times Square on the street in front of Do you remember Bluefin? Yeah? Yeah, So they were screaming at each other outside of Blue Fin. And I can't remember the guy's name, but the girl's name was Liz, and he was like, Liz, I love you more than my life. You fucking wore It was like, oh my god, I couldn't. I was like, were you,

Like that's what real passion looks like. I remember like this, these people are fucked up. Any new friends, like this is not my friend group. This cannot be my friend group. No, no, m mmmm no, no, no, no, ma'am, no, no, thank you. Did you ever have a Volletle, like this is romance. Oh smarter than that always? I mean, I know, I don't think I was smarter. I think I was just lucky.

I think my I think the guy that I dated in high school was like a really good boyfriend, really sweet and like set me up for success, you know, like mine too. I think when the first one is like really good, you always are comparing a little bit and and it just it just gives you like a like a framework going forward where you're just like, oh, that guy's a douche, like, you know, because you know what it's like to be treated really well. Yeah. So

I think I was just lucky. But I did like have a sort of toxic relationship in college and it was name but it made name. But you know, it wasn't ever volatile or that kind of thing. It was more just you know, micro aggressions and you know, that kind of thing and not growing like together. I think that was always like a big one. But but yeah, I I you know, I also like met David so so young. Right when you meet David, you were like I was like twenty two. What I know? That is right?

They It's crazy. I look back and I'm like girl, what were you thinking? You were like, snatch him up, snatch him up. And I remember when we first started dating too, that, like, you know, there were sort of the romantic things that he did that that later I was like, you don't do romantic shit anymore, but it was like, no, they just like changed in evault. Yeah, do you know what I mean. Like we first started dating, he used to because he wakes up early and I

do not. And that's still true to this day. He would walk to the dunkin Donuts and get his coffee every morning. And I just saw and I was like, that is the roast romantic thing. It is it as somebody whose husband makes for coffee every day, it is one of the most romantic things in the life. And that is that he still makes coffee every day. Like yeah, So it's like but for a minute, I was like, but he's not going outside, he's not walking down the

block order all that extra effort is. He's not in his room getting up, He's just fucking walk into the kitchen and making some coffee. Like I was like, no, that's those are the same things that the thought is there, The intention is the same there there, and he would if he had to, you know what I mean, he would if he had to, Yes, yeah, but but he did. Uh. So when we first started dating, I had this I painted remember when like painting one wall was really popular.

My god, yes, the one red wall. I had one red wall. Yes, yes, it was like a dark red. Yes. I thought it was so fucking cool. And then I remember David being like, what's up with the red wall? Like just like I'm just curious, like what it's gonna really last? Like, yeah, what's going on with your And I was like, isn't it great?

He got me a new bedspread, he rearranged the furniture so like the room looked bigger, and like did painted the base boards like you know, full thing, And I just had no idea he was doing it and just came home to this like brand new bedroom that was beautiful. I would be fucking livid. How dare you? I mean, but we're very different, We're very different people. I would be fucking livid. But you have really good taste, is so yeah, I don't, and it's not true, but I

can see that. That's like it looked arguably obviously better than it did before. I guess you. I give it. There was no argument that what it was before it was a heinous and it now looked like a beautiful, calm bedroom, like just gorgeous. Yeah, and I guess I had. And I also was like, oh everyone, no one's like you spent all day painting this for me, Like it's a big deal. No one's ever done that, you know. And so it was like this idea that romance was

like flowers and fancy dinnas and like rose petals. I was like, oh no, it's actually like so it's just doing something nice for someone love, Like it can be big like that, but it can also just be small, like it's about connection. It's about you know, it just I felt myself like start to shift my definition to

what romance was because he was paying attention. He was paying attention, he was paying attention, yes, and he was seen like yeah, he was seeing like, oh, she's these are her strengths, and like maybe this is something that she's not she doesn't think about because she's not doesn't it's not something that she's like drawn to thinking about. But I know that I could help her feel better

in her space or whatever whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really I mean, I think Brad is a lot like David in the way that he often does things to make my life easier that I just don't have the capability of doing, like laundry, Like I'm just like I can't. I'm like it will pile and pile and pile and pile until I'm like, oh no, I guess I need to buy any underwear because I don't have anymore and

I don't have time. Like I know, David'll be David'll be doing laundry and I'm like already and a ready yeah man, yeah, Brad will do it every day every day. I'm like, Wow, you're amazing, You're so amazing. And I just and I sometimes feel bad because you know, I don't always notice. Like he'll be like, did you notice the blah blah blah, and I'm like, I didn't, I didn't notice. Yeah, thank you. And I have told him, you know, tell me when you do stuff like that,

because I don't always notice. I'm just like kind of focused on whatever I'm doing at the time. Yeah, you know, a million things going on. Four What would you say is like, uh, the biggest kind of romantic thing in your It doesn't have to be like so he's done anyone, it better be him. I mean I thought about that before we did this. I was like, what if I got on here and was like these poems that my boyfriend when I was twenty four, actually I was thinking

about that. I dated a guy who was very very He was a total romantic. He was a like renaissance man. He was an actor, he was the singer, he was a writer, he played guitar. He was very very like. He was a poet and he wrote me a lack of poems. A stabs. Someone wrote you poetry and they gave me. I got the egg on the poetry. I was like, you know, the third poem man. I was like, bro, okay, my body is the Wonderland. I get it. But it

did give me the egg. And I don't know, I see it was like the time or the person or what it was, because you know, when Brad read his vows to me, it just meant so much to me because he had never written really anything like that. Yeah, or to me. I don't know. I mean maybe it was just it was also like me being you know, probably smart enough at the time, and my intuition was smart enough to know, like it could have been anyone,

Like he could have been romantic with anybody. You could have plugged another woman right into my spot and he would have written her the same kind of of poems, you know what I mean, right, Like sometimes somebody it's some it's just someone's soul that is full of romance

and they just got to express it and that's okay. Yeah, but it just didn't dan't boom from my you know, like you were like maybe totally about me, yeah, like, and some of it was way too specifically about me, And I was like, no, no, I don't need you to write that, don't ever. I don't I don't really need to know what you think about that. Yeah, no, no, no, you remember, like once I one of the most romantic things,

and it wasn't like an outwardly romantic move. But I used to save things from my relationships because you know, somebody writes you poems and it's like, that's so beautiful, right. Yeah. But when I fell in love with Brad after a while, and it was maybe before we were it was before we were engaged anything, but I remember going through my keepsafe boxes for some reason, I was like, oh, I can get rid of all these things. I don't need

these yours anymore. I don't need these ornaments that you know, have a picture of me and another person. And I was like, somebody make you ornaments, girl. I made the ornaments which will tell you about that relationship, you know.

I was like, I love me, but like, but I threw away all that stuff, Like I threw away all the cards and letters and things from the past because like to me, and it's just specific to me, but like to me, I didn't need them anymore because I had found the person that I wanted to be to have those expressions with, and I didn't need to look back anymore. The memories were enough kind of like, yeah, to save the stack of poems. It gave me the eck. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. What are your What are your

thoughts on Valentine's Day? I personally really like Valentine's Day. I hate that it makes everything so expensive. Yes, it's annoying that, you know, everyone's trying to outdo each other and stuff. One of the most romantic things I ever did for Brad was when we first started dating. I got him a bouquet of meat. It was like sausages. Oh my god, that is amazing it that is up

his alley. Yeah. He's a big he loves food. He loves like eating and you know, speaking of like that was one of the most romantic moments ever that I've ever had with anyone. Was the two of us on our honeymoon in Japan eating at this really really special pizza place. And I don't think it's open anymore, but it was this chef who all he made was like three different kinds of pizza. Is kind of like a sushi chef, you know, like that's what he did, and

they were so perfect and so good. And while we were sitting there, he made us like a special pizza and we were like in our cups, you know, like drinking whiskey, like highballs and stuff. And one of the reasons it was so romantic was because before I met Brad,

I had really hard time with my body image and food. Yeah, and he really was the first person that I was with that really opened the opened my mind to like you can enjoy food and not like close yourself off to the joy of eating and the joy of celebrating through food and doesn't have to be this thing that you're battling and fighting all the time, and like you

can have pizza and be happy. And like I remember being like real drunk, but like you know, eating our for pizza on our honeymoon and like crying and being like.

but I love that. Yeah, anytime I need a review in a new restaurant, I just have to ask you. Let us know we're out of I mean, like to be fair. We also my sister lives so close by that like we have babysitter, like right right, right, Yeah, we have a babysitter that's like almost on call because she's like, yeah, hang out with my niece. I would love to. Yeah yeah, yeah that's huge, Yeah for sure. Yeah,

not everybody has that. Yeah what about you? What's like the most like romantic thing you've ever done for slash has been done for you or I guess, like what's like a really like beautiful romantic moment that you've had. It doesn't have to be a Valentine's moment? Yeah, I

you know. We actually, uh, we kind of hate Valentine's Day until until recently because the first few years that we were dating, pretty much all of our close friends were single and we hated that there was this day that kind of made them feel crummy, left out, yeah, and left out and so we would like sometimes try to hang out with our friends and like do more of a friend thing. And this is like before Gallentine's Day was a thing, and but we were just like fuck this holiday.

a romantic thing. Oh you know what, there was one year I think it might have been an anniversary or something, and it was like we both kind of forgot to the last minute that it was anniversary and we were really busy and we didn't have a child care you know, like no babysitter available, and so I ended up ordering

food from Petitois. Oh so ordering all this like French food because we both really love French food and lighting a fire, and after he put the kids to bed, we just literally sat on the floor like around our coffee table in front of the fire and just ate food and drank wine and like talked and he was like I love like, thank you so much. I love this. This is so nice. And I was like, oh, this it doesn't again going back to like it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It doesn't have to be

a huge thing. Like it was so meaningful to him, and it was like a beautiful way to spend an anniversary. Like it was beautiful. It was so nice. Yeah, you loved it, and we talked about it for years. We would be like remember that.

it kind of times forces it. Yeah, you just like forget to do it, or you'll do it later, or you'll do it later, and you'll do it later and like yeah, and then later doesn't come or you don't get a chance to or things get busier, and like you keep putting it off, and suddenly it's like you're looking at this person that you love and you're going don't feel like connected to and I don't know why I love you, but I get to see you all

the time or whatever it is, you know. Yeah, Yeah, And I think that's ultimately like what all romance is is just like connecting reconnecting, you know what I mean. Like it can just be a random fun day at the beach and it's a romantic like culture. Yeah, you know. So it's you know, it's important to I think, remind ourselves to not go too long without those little moments and that they don't have to be big. They can

be really tiny too. On the flip side, I will say, I will say, especially when I'm working a lot, yeah I do need not necessarily a romantic gesture, but I guess what I need is like, like, I I'm not in a space to be thinking about romance most of the time while working, you know, I'm like so in it and the hours are long and I'm in it, in it, and so when I come home, I'm just like I washed my face, I take a shower. I'm like, yeah,

in bed, studying lines or whatever. And so when I have, you know, multiple weeks in a row like that and there's no break or something. Brad planned when we were in Toronto, he planned a surprise for me and he was like, get in the car, We're going somewhere this Saturday. And I was like okay, And we ended up going to the Four Seasons and he had like booked me

a massage and I was like, this is amazing. And I had the massage and it was so nice and like my body was all beat up from the show and like and then after the massage, I went to go you know, he was like, just meet me after and then you know, we can pay and go back home and like I go to the counter to pay and they're like, oh, this is for you, and it's a room key and like he'd got us a room there with our credit card points because Brad, it's very smart.

That allowed us to have some time to like drinks at their rooftop bar. And it was like it was really nice because we didn't we hadn't done anything like that in that way months. You know, good job, Brad. Yeah, he's really he really like thinks about Yeah, really tries really hard and romantic and romantic. Yeah, that's very romantic. I think it's necessary too. However, it's showing up in

your relationship. It definitely is something that like falls by the wayside a lot, because very easy to fall by the way. It's very easy to fall by the wayside. At this turned into like very much like you know, how how much more of it I actually have in my life than I think? Because I was like, oh, no, I don't know, I don't have any that's what you do, that's true, Yeah, I do more better? Do you feel

a little more better than about romance? And when we started, Oh, I actually think I'm like kind of no, I'm not gonna be like I'm nailing it, but I'm I'm certainly doing better than you thought. Yeah, this is the thing about like talking about this stuff on this podcast because and I hope this is what people get out of it too. It's like most of the time we're usually

doing more better than we thought. Yeah, you know, so true, and like that's the important thing we kind of get out of every episode is like just talking about it. It's almost like a check in and it's like, oh, wait, maybe it's not as bad as I thought. Like we're doing okay, it's failing areas, but I'm not failing. I'm not like totally failing at this. No, yeah, probably yeah, I mean listen same anyways, this is me announcing my

divorce here on the thought that was a joke. That was joke joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke joke. At you do you feel more better about this? But I do feel more better about this. And I also feel like this was a reminder to like, you know, it's been life has been hectic and chaotic and busy, and like we need we need to we need to do something soon. You should do that again, like just surprise him with like some kind of crazy ordering and

don't yeah you're doing it. Yeah, like we need a little something. We're both like heads down. Get through the end of this season, he's solo parenting. I'm in Atlanta. You know, it's a lot, and so, like you said, you know, it falls by the wayside, especially when you're so busy. So this was a good like check in reminder for me. Yeah, Happy Valentine's Today, Happy Valentine's Day two those who celebrate. And also, if you hate it, that's great, that's great. We have no judgment about it

because I also kind of hate it. We get it, except it's my son's birthday. I love that part of it, but the other part of it, I don't like. That part's cute. That part's cute. Okay, guys, we'll see you next week. See you next week, Bye bye, More Better. Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episode. Can you relate to our struggles or have

you tried one of our tippe tricks? Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network. Hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Klem at Wvsound.

This episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and hey Loo Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week. Suga bye mm hmmmm oo. Tokitomas Mayhor