You need the reason sometimes to do something or behave in a certain way.
All I can think about is that hohop was staying song, So.
You're not talking about and the reason.
Sorry, so stupid.
More Better, More Better, a little better.
Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every.
Day we're at least trying to.
That's Stephanie Beatrice and that's most fe merrow.
And we're back. We're welcome back to the show. Guys, Thanks so much for listening. We're so appreciative of all of your messages and emails and it really means a lot to us. And anytime you are reviewing and liking and subscribing to the podcast is a really big deal for us. So please do that. We see you, We see you.
So thanks And if you have any ideas for future episodes, let us know at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com.
Yeah we want.
To talk to you, yeah, if we want to know what you want to hear us talk shit about.
And you know, our end goal for this is to like meet you guys, actually meet up with you guys in person, and it would be so nice if we were actually having a back and forth conversation. So, yeah, you have to write us so that we can talk to you. What's been going on with you lately? What have you done lately that's a little more better?
Oh man, I sort of feel like I've been doing a lot of things more better because I'm in that mode of I'm about to leave my family for a job, and so I'm in like superwoman super mom mode where I'm doing all the things and my days are scheduled to the tea and I'm just like very disciplined, and I'm you know, kind of going the extra mile in some way, you know, like last week or there's a couple of weeks ago, I cooked some like extra nice dinners and like, I don't know, it's like my mom
guilt like manifesting.
Outcoming what joy?
Yeah, But I think it's okay if I do burn out a little bit, because my first week in some or two weeks there will be for like fittings and just like reading the script and rehearsing, and so it's okay if I get there a little tired, you know what I mean.
You're saying, you're like banking family hours and banking stuff for your family. So because you're going to be alone when you get to the city that you're shooting in.
Yeah, and I yeah, And you know how it is like just a few days by yourself and you're like, I'm good.
I bounce back like literally two days by yourself and you're like, what do I do with myself? Will you charge?
Yeah?
It's weird. How are you?
What have you been doing lately? That's more better.
I've been, you know, racing cars that yeah day in the morning. Yeah you have.
We had night shoots the last couple of nights.
And you know, I've been really practicing this thing where I turn any like resentment or like crankiness into a chance to uh use it for gratitude, which sounds really ridiculous, but it is actually talking and it puts me in
a way better mood. Like, for example, the other night, one of the cars broke down and we had a night shoot, which, if you guys don't know, a night shoot is essentially most of the time on TV, you start really early in the morning so that you can go as long as you can in twelve fourteen, maybe sixteen hours a night shoot. Your call time is usually something like four point thirty in the afternoon. You start shooting when the sun goes down. You're usually shooting outside,
and you shoot until the sun comes up. Sometimes one of our car broke down at about four thirty in the morning. I was supposed to be driving in that car, so I had to wait until the radiator got changed out, which you know, they did it as fast as they could, but in the meantime, somebody else got to shoot their scenes in another car, and I was like, oh, I want to go home. You know, I was like wow, But then I was like, Okay, I'm really Look at me.
I'm like on set and I'm in a trailer. There was a time when I would have dreamed for a trailer. Look at me, I can you know, afford to buy like a nice fleece blanket for my trailer. Look at me. I'm like in a beautiful costume on this show for
one of the first times. Normally I'm in like disgusting, dirty clothes with blood all over them, and like I got to be in a beautiful dress and like my hair's done, and like I'm about to go do a scene where there's like crazy lighting rigs like the kind of lighting rigs that they only have on like superhero movies, and we're like driving cars at like seventy miles an hour and like doing crazy spins and like I'm gonna go to set and do that. I'm gonna go and that.
You know. So by the time I actually got to set and was ready to shoot, I realized, like that really helps me because my brain is just in the place of like now I can give a good performance as opposed to like, e until cranky, I'm cold and it's you know, x many degrees and like home and you know.
So like, honestly though, that's so impressive stuff because it'll having to wait at four thirty in the morning, keep your energy up, like you can't just like take a nap sometimes because I can really mess you up. So I knew I could, like, yeah.
You coffee at like yeah thirty in the.
Morning, energy up for whenever they're like we're ready for.
You, We're ready for you, and uh we have like fireworks going off behind you in this shot, so like you know, we need you to do it well the first or second take, like you don't only have Yeah, it takes forty minutes to set.
The pressure so of like, don't buck this up. We all waited, we fixed the thing, and also there's going to be all these other things going on, so don't fuck it up. Yeah, I just waited for an hour and four three in the morning.
But it definitely is like, uh, it's a good pack.
I will be remember that next time something goes wrong.
It works, dude. I think I got it off.
A ticket and really try to root myself in some gratitude because are hard.
They're hard, They're really hard. I think I'm pretty sure I got it off on TikTok. And for those of you on the internet, I see you where like seventy I thought you deleted your TikTok. I did, and then I put it back on my phone.
I was about, and I'm going to take it all to get done.
On your back phone. I have to take it off again. I spent three hours on it the other day. I should have been in bed. I was like, And then suddenly I looked at the clock. It was twelve thirty at night. I was like, what am I doing? So the real answer to your question, what have I done more better lately? TikTok, I've done it a lot more better. I'm really good at it right now, so good at it. I don't want to be good at it, but I am anyway more better.
Steph What are we talking about today?
This week's topic actually comes from a listener. Oh yeah, we got this really quick, short, quick email, and like most acidey, if you have a suggestion for a future episode, just email us at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and you can also include a voice note. No one's done that yet. I feel like I want to hear your voices.
I'm still shocked that no one has said voice.
I would really love that. Anyway, let's read the email. Okay, I'm listen, Stephanie. I've been listening to every episode of your podcast and have something that I could use some help with and wonder if you could too. How do you get and stay motivated? Bailey? So on today's episode, we're talking about motivation. Explain what that means?
Yes, I have a nifty little definition here from our lovely producer. Isis two definitions of motivation, the general desire or willingness of someone to do something, and number two is the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. I feel like though, that's like a chicken and egg situation there, Like you need the reason sometimes to do something or behave in a certain way.
All I can think about is that hoopa stank song.
So you're not talking about and the reason.
Sorry, so stupid. You guys are probably too young to know that reference. But look at look at usk really good? Yeah, I mean yeah, I think you're right. Chicken and egg kind of situation. Yeah. We So we're very both, very lucky right now, we're both I'm working right now, you're about to start a job. I feel like we are in a place to answer this question. Well sometimes we're not.
But yeah that's now yet just eight months from now, maybe a different episode, yes, correct, But this is a topic we could return to.
Can you talk about, like what your experience is lately with motivation, like presently with motivation, because yeah, you sort of talked about it a little bit.
Already, but yeah, so presently, I motivation has been pretty easy because I have this job coming up, so, like, for instance, working out is one I think that people struggle. I struggle with motivation reasons. I'm in that pre job mindset. I really like to sort of train for every job, no matter what it is, if it's gonna like this show. There's no action in this show, I will be in high heels every day, which I feel like is like action.
And of itself. Yes, if you've ever walked in high heels, you know, twenty minutes.
Yeah, doing a lot of relevance ankle circles. H No, But I it's like, I'm also playing a very confident character. And I know for me personally, if I feel fit and strong, it's not even about size for me, It's just about feeling like fit and strong, I'll be able to like exude, like find that confidence.
More easily, and I don't want to. There's nothing more.
Humbling and also like just sort of fucking depressing than to like feel so tired after the first week of shooting, like exhausted, like you're about to get sick, which has happened to me. And I haven't done a show schedule in you know, in a bit, so I also just
wanted my stamina to get up, you know. And then like I was saying with my family, like I'm super motivated to like be super wife, be super mom, like maybe a little bit too much, but just because I know I'm about to like really miss them, and I it's helping me stay really present and just like do extra sweet things for everyone and just you know that makes me feel Yeah, I don't know, like a little bit better about going away.
What you were talking about, though, is like you have a goal. Your goal is like me, goals help a lot with motivation. Yeah, And it's like a time goal, like in this many days, in this much time, I will be shooting for this many weeks. Yes, I'm not going to see my family for three weeks. I want to like bank time like you have like almost like a calendar in your mind of like this is happening and I need to be ready for it when it starts.
Yeah, yeah, like I think, Yeah, I think. I literally was like for the three weeks before I leave, I need to be like very present for three weeks and just try to like help my family out a lot and like you know, do fun things with the kids. And even when I'm struggling to work out when I don't have a job, which is obviously a lot harder to motivate. Sometimes I'm like, just do you know my husband has this great saying, but like every habit can
be formed in three weeks. So we usually go by like three weeks for like something I'm trying to motivate for if I don't have a good reason, because I feel like the strength of the reason is always a thing that helps the motivation for me. So sometimes it's just putting a false goal on it. Not false, but you know, just saying for three weeks, I'm going to commit to yeah, yeah, twenty minutes a day, or you know,
eating healthy Monday through Friday or whatever. You know, like, yeah, just set these things and I just tell myself, force yourself to do it for three weeks, and then it almost always gets easier after the three weeks and you kind of keep it. You don't like it's it's it's happened where I've been, Like three weeks is up, I'm good, I'm good to go. I'm gonna order order some pizza and like throw a way across the room and be
like fuck you. But most of the time I find that after the three weeks it's like a little bit more. You're like, you have an easier time with it. What about you, what's your how's your relationship with motivation? I'm a lot like you, like.
An incoming you know, an incoming giant.
Iceberg of a job, or like you know, like it's coming. Yeah, that is helpful, it is. It is a lot of my motivation. I think that connects to my anxiety, like oh.
No, I'm not gonna be ready, I gotta get ready, which I don't know that is always healthy for me, but it works, I think the thing I'm trying to think of, Like you know, sometimes sometimes with things I like And I heard this somewhere and I don't know where it was. It was probably TikTok. You guys stopped making fun of me, but it was something like, you make the hard choice today so that tomorrow is easier
in some way. So like for me, for example, I don't do super great with alcohol, and like I enjoy alcohol sometimes, like I love a fancy cocktail, I love a glass of shamps, you know, but in general, I'm better when I'm not really drinking alcohol very much. But that's hard for me because it is such a you know, social lubricant. It is something that everybody does all the time,
especially with the holidays coming up. It's like it's really easy to like have one glass of wine turned into three, so but for me, when I think about the hard choice is like the hard choice right now is say no to the glass of alcohol, say no to the martini, say no to the drink. That is hard in the moment. It's not hard forever. It's just really hard in the moment.
But what's easier is the next day. For me, Yeah, because the next day I don't feel crappy, and I'm reminded of it every time that I imbibe, like almost every time. Sometimes, Like you know, I can have like two drinks and feel okay the next day, but more than likely, if I have two drinks or three, I feel it the next day, Like I feel kind of
like slower, and like it's harder to do everything. You know, it's harder to get the motivation to work out, it's harder to shower, it's harder to like, Yeah, you know.
I've come to the same like similar realization too with alcohol, and it's I used to have a glass of wine every night. Hm, that was like my my end of the day, little ski, lower reward, and it just didn't work for me anymore, I realized, and I felt better when I stopped. Things changed too, right, Like it's yeah, I still let myself have it most weekends, and I do find some weeks that I'm counting the days until Friday.
But sure, that's the way it is. Sometimes I think, you know, the holidays are coming, I'm definitely gonna mark time for myself to like have some cocktails, you know. But I think essentially what I'm saying is, like the motivation for me to not drink in social settings is often like make the hard choice now so that tomorrow things are easier.
Yeah, more.
More.
It's the same thing for me with like nutritious food, Like I make choices that support the long days. I make choices that support my gut health. I make choices that support like what I have to do the following day, like that day, like so that the next day, And those choices are sometimes hard, you know, like especially on set, because they're bringing around like delicious snacks and stuff and like I mean, honey, I like my diet cokes and my diet have these mostly than anybody else, you know.
But it's just like finding when when when those things are, you know.
But it's always there. That table lives there all day, every day, every day, all day. I want to past it multiple times a day. And yeah, when I was a younger actor, I was just like, this is the greatest thing ever.
Oh my god, it's the greatest thing ever.
Especially have a dandee basket. They have a candy drawer, Like.
Oh my girl, you think I wasn't like taking things from the craft services table and putting them in my toe bag. I'm taking when I was poor, kidding me to tutelee.
But then you quickly learn that you feel like shit and you're, yeah, probably just ate too much shit from the craft service table yesterday.
It really is like a connection. Like my oftentimes my motivation to stay like eating stuff that I find nutritious
and supportive of me is like raws, you know, my kids. Yeah, because when I think about like my food choices, for example, I think about and it also not for nothing helps me stay on track with like I have a history of disordered eating, so like it helps me stay on track with like I don't want to restrict the things that I find delicious, Like I do indulge in the things that I really like because I don't want to put them off limits for me and then binge them
at you know, the end of the week, because that doesn't support my longevity and my life. You know, I'm me being one hundred and five with Roz still in my life, you know what I mean? So like that is that becomes my motivation for stuff. It's like, I want to live a long time. So like, am I going to eat this rice Krispy treat? Absolutely? Am I going to slather almond butter on it so that I get some fats and protein while I eat this sugar bomb? Absolutely?
Because I know my body will process it better.
Great snack, It's a great, great, great sat What about I have a question for you. What about like motivating for something you don't want to do, like work or you have to go, let's say, to a function with people you don't like, but you have to for work, or I'm just trying to think of like other things that people. You know, I feel like we're kind of lucky that like we love our job, and yeah, it's pretty easy to motivate to go to work things or work, you know, to work, But like what if you don't.
I mean to quote a great song by the title of November Rain, nothing less forever. We both know hearts can change nothing less forever.
You know, I'm like so much quoted that.
But it's like if you have to go to a crappy function, if you have to do a crappy audition, if you you know, like not a crappy audition, but like let's say you get an audition and it's like, oh god, I don't have to memorize this, like putting it on tape, like put.
Me on it right, like or like dr going wrong for this. I know we're gonna get it right.
Like I have to drive to Santa Monica, which is like two hours away from my house in traffic. Okay, So how do I get the motivation to do it? It's like one nothing less for reever. Nothing literally nothing nothing, you guys, it just doesn't even in your life. It just doesn't last forever. So like it will there will be a when this is done. That that one really
helps me. And number two is like and this one's more like about grief, but someone wants I think it was like a book that I was reading about grief. It might have been my therapist shout out, Danny, she's the best. But it like you you think of this thing as an ocean that's going to drown you, like a wall of water coming at you, and it's like, oh, I'll drown in it. I can't. I can't get in it. I can't. But she's like, try to think of it
or the book or whatever. Try to think of it as a wave, which is like at one point, yes, you will be under the deepest part of the wave, but then the wave will pull back and you won't be in the wave anymore. You know. Yeah, that's one way, right, So like that helps me sometimes, Like that really helps me with especially with auditions, because it's like, Okay, at one point today I will not know this at all, and then there will be another point where I know
really well. At one point today I will be absolutely frustrated because I cannot get this stupid lighting in my office to like make me look like a human person. And but another point, the lighting will be okay, and I'll get a pretty good take, a pretty good take of something that like feels like that's a good representation of me as an actor, you know, yea yeah. And if I don't even like hit those two things, it'll be done. You know, it'll be done, and I'll turn it in or I won't, it'll be done.
I love that so much because it's like, yeah, you're you're finding the motivation in making the thing that feels so big finding ways to make it smaller, you know, and that I think that is so I love that
that visual of the wave. I also something that helps me sometimes with motivating for things that I really don't want to do is like I kind of do a rewards yes, like Okay, if I just do this one thing, I'm gonna like sometimes it's food, but sometimes it's like I'm gonna schedule a massage for myself or going to yeah, like carve out something that I really love to do.
Or I'm also gonna have dinner with this friend that i haven't like seen in a while, and I'm gonna make sure it happened, like whatever, you know, to just like have something to kind of look forward to, Like I bribe myself.
Might have to be immediate, like I have, Yeah, that might have to be immediate rewards, because like if I give myself something too far in the future, it's like I'm never gonna do that, fuck it, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, No, an immediate one is good. An immediate one is good.
Like I'll set a timer for myself while I'm running lines by myself, and I'll set it for like twenty minutes, and then once the twenty minutes goes off, I get like ten minutes or five minutes of like I get to watch something on Netflix for five minutes or ten minutes, or I like online shop and fill my cart with stuff I'm never gonna buy.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean hits. Yeah.
But I set like and I started out in college actually, like because I was so bored with with writing notes and stuff like notes for classes. So I would set my timer twenty minutes and then like or like I'll read this script, and then when I'm done with the script, I'll like give myself a little reward of like watching an episode of Disenchantment on Netflix or something.
You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good. I like that.
I think the thing is the thing that's really hard is it's sometimes it's really easy to start, but the follow through is the part that's really hard. And I find that especially in the beginning. Like Okay, so for example, in our lives, when I am auditioning and I'm not booking, it gets really hard to stay motivated because it feels like I guess I'm just never gonna work again. I'm never gonna do anything again. This is it. I did all the best things that I've ever done, which.
Is a lie.
It's a lie, right, it's a lie, right because you look at especially like any actors that I really like and and really respect, it's like their best.
Stuff always comes with wisdom and aige and like life being lived. Because if you think about it, like being an actor, so much of it is reflecting the human experience back to other people. And it's like the more of that human experience that you have, the better you
are at communicating the human experience. Right, Yes, that's why young people are so good, Like teenagers are so good at being like in love on screen because it's all fresh, right, Whereas like older actors are often better at communicating things like heartbreak or pain or like loss because they've actually gone through it. Yeah, So like ultimately that's a lie, right,
Like my best work is behind me. It's like no, but it can start to be the thing that happens in your head when like you're like, oh no, I'm never gonna work again, right, So, like the motivation has to come from somewhere deeper. Then I'm just going to get this job. I'm gonna I want to get this job. You know, It's like it has to come from somewhere deeper. And I think that's what we're sort of getting at in this conversation, is like what is the deeper reason
for the thing behind the thing? Right? Like you talked about it's not just being a certain size the reason you want to work out, right, It's like, you know, for our jobs, it's it really is things like and it sounds so little, but like think about like someone who does hair, like a hairdresser, yeah, or a barber. They're on their feet constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly, right, Like,
it's the same kind of thing. Like you want to be able to do your job and do it in a way that supports you and doesn't make you feel like you hate your job or you're like you're super tired all the time. Or like even my dad when he was driving trucks, it was like I tried so hard to get him to stretch, and he never did.
But like, you know, I wish he had taken the time to like do a little bit of stretching because like maybe toward the end of his life, you would have been able to move a little better, you know, like moving better. My mom is my mom like loves her hokahs. Brad butaughter a pair of hokahs. She like loves her hokahs. She's always walking around the neighborhood. And I think part of her motivation is like stay active so that your body, like in your seventies, is still giving you what it can.
You know, yes, yeah, I just listened to a podcast actually with Jane Fonda. Ooh, and remember like in the eighties and nineties, she was like real, she was like the aerobics queen. Oh yeah, and she still works out and she works out with weight. She's like, I still do everything that I used to do. I just maybe don't do it as long and I maybe don't do it with the weights are not as heavy.
She goes.
But for me, it was always about and she's in her eighties. Yeah, she is still so active and like it really is just about yeah, like, uh, being able to move. And I find that to be for me when I have no motivation for the movement to think about that, you know, it's like I want to be winded when I have two boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to be winded when I'm like trying to run around with them.
Or let's time travel for a second. Let's say let's say we're twenty five again, because I have a feeling Bailey is younger than us, So let's say we're twenty five. Okay, what is your motivation like or how do you stay and get motivated?
Like, yeah, I think it's a motivation. Was harder when I was younger, because you have, right, like you're like I'm you sort of feel invincible and you don't really have I think a connection with like your mortality.
No, not the same I don't think that the same way.
There's no urgency right to like time yet, right, And I do think there were times so I'm god, I would go I would go months and months without like stepping foot in a gym or like lifting away in my twenties because I was like, eh, my later, and like.
I would say, like in terms of that though, like I think if you are in an ambitious person or like if you have if you have desires and wants like and everybody has different ones, right, but like, yeah, you want something in your future. So let's say Bailey wants like I don't know savings. Let's say like, yeah, that's she wants to travel or she wants Let's that one's more exciting. So let's say Bailey wants to travel, right,
Like what's her motivation for saving money for traveling? Then it's like surrounding yourself or this is something that I would have done in my twenties, which I kind of did, like surrounding yourself with like images of the future that you want. So like I used to do a lot of mood boards or like picture boards or like pinterest boards of like these are the places I want to go, and I would look at them a lot, Like I would hang my what do you call it your vision board?
I would hang my vision board like inside a closet where I like always would go, and so then I would see the images of what I wanted, and that to me would remind me like every day is a way do I wanna? You know, Bailey, do you want to save money for that Paris trip? Is it as important as you really think it is? Like? Maybe it is? So maybe that means like you're not gonna go out to dinner with your friends, maybe you're gonna invite them
over for movies instead. So you guys are gonna say or like you're not gonna buy that new bag because you know that if you save that money in a high yield savings account, listen to me, adult that in two years you'll be able to take it out and like use it for luxury hotels s day in Paris or like maybe don't want to stay the luxury hotel, maybe you want to stay it in Airbnb and like see more of France, you know, like it like becomes like I think the visuals really helped me when I
was in my twenties, like like that's what I want. I want that, you know.
Yes, I never made vision boards, but I did make lists, like goal lists, like yes, you know, and sometimes I would even break it down. I remember, like here's a couple attainable goals for the next six months. Yeah, these are for the year, and these are for five years
from now, you know. And so that it always gave me like something immediate to work on and then something that I could once in a while check in and be like am I making little moves or making little decisions that support this like goal I have for like the end of the year or a year from now.
Oh my god, Bailey, you caught us at a really great time in our lives about this truly conversation, because, like Molso said, to start this in eight check again in eight months.
Record an episode in eight months. Oh my god, you will see how different than Toad will be, Like how does anyone ever get out of bed? You know what?
I am massaging my third eye because like my brain is like, hey girl, it's okay. You're actually doing great. You're doing great, and in eight months you would be doing just as good. Yes, that's right, that's true, it's true, but also more better. Mel did you did you learn anything that made you feel more better today? I did?
Gosh, I felt like you had such good advice on this topic that I'm gonna remember.
Oh wow, so many gems. What's when? It was like nothing less forever, nothing less forever.
Yes, cold November rain and the wave and the ocean. Yeah, I'm gonna make start making vision boards again.
Oh my god, I kind of want to make a.
Vision board too, Like it's really happen vision board party people do that.
That's a great idea. That's a great idea. Oh, if you guys make vision boards, we would love to see them. Oh you put them on Instagram when you tag us and we can, we would love love to see them if it's not too personal. Obviously, sometimes you want to keep your vision boards personal to yourselves. That's why mom is inside my closet, so I get it. But yeah, yeah, if you feel.
Like anybody given your vision board like the Evil Eye.
No, you really don't. I feel more better just talking about it. But I do feel like like I am in a good place to give that kind of advice. I don't know. I hope that it hit Bailey. I hope it hits someone else out there too that maybe needed to hear us in that good place.
Yeah, just know the advice is coming from two very motivated people right now.
Okay, guys, thanks for joining us.
We'll see you next time.
Yeah, we'll see you next time. Bye bye, More Better. Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episod?
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried one of our tips and tricks?
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod Ooh More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from wvsound and iHeartMedia's my Kuntura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zebos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
and Leo Clem at wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and Helo Fort.
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week, Suga bye