“Anywayyyyy … Next Question” | Mailbag

More More, More, More Better.

Hi, everyone, producer isis here.

I have some very cool news to share before we jump into today's episode, More Better with Stephanie and Melissa has been named a finalist in four categories at the Signal Awards. We're up for Best Comedy Episode for our vindication episode with the amazing Chelsea Peretti, plus Advice and how To Diversity, Equity and Inclusion and Buddy Podcast. We're so grateful to be recognized alongside so many talented creators, and we couldn't have done this without you, our listeners.

So here's where you come in.

There's a Listener's Choice Award in each of our four categories, which means you can vote for us four times. Here's how it works. Head to vote dot Signal Award dot com. That's v O T E, dot S I G N A l A w a rd dot com. Search for More Better and you'll see us pop up in four categories. Click into each category one by one and cast your vote. Voting is open through October ninth, and it takes just a couple of minutes to support us in all four We would be so honored and.

Grateful for your votes.

Thank you, so much for being the best listeners ever. Now let's get into the show.

We all have those moments.

We've all punched somebody in the neck.

Yeah, have you not?

I would.

There's a short list of people that I would actually punch in the neck, and I would go for it one hundred percent. I'm talking like I would collapse trichy a thumb out, Like I'm okay to break my own thumb if it really gets up in there and does some damage. Anyway.

Next question, I gots so violent.

More, More, Better.

Or Better?

Hi seventy, I'm so excited to be talking to you again. And I'm apologies. I'm on vacation right now, so I'm doing this on my iPad and I can't figure out how to make the mic work. So this is this is what you're getting. This is vacation Melissa in my mom's friend's house because there's no screaming children here.

Nice.

Welcome to More Better a podcast?

What what voice are we doing?

What is that?

But it's kind of we're u in the Star Wars universe.

Maybe I would love to be in the Star Wars universe. Listen, if you guys are listening, I don't know who's listening to this that has any power over there? But Melissa and I are very interested.

Where ready. We won't complain about being in the makeup chair to nothing, nothing.

No uncomfortable costume, holding a sword for a long time.

Lightsaber. Excuse me, excuse me, lightsaber, lightsaber.

Anyway, if any of you guys have any of that power, we're listening. Uh, this podcast is now about Star Wars.

This this be more better at Star Wars.

But Jephany and Melissa, oh my god.

It runs for one episode because everyone tunes out because they're like, they don't know anything about the universe.

They've already changed the channel. They're not here anymore.

Change the channel. Wow, oh god, that made me sound wow channel. You know, my sister is telling me the other day she heard a little boy ross is taking an art class, and a little boy in the art class say we're gonna go home and watch blah blah blah on Peacock on Peacock, and she was like, I

I can't wait to watch season two.

I remember the first time that Enzo saw like commercials interrupt a show he was watching, and.

He was like and he was like, what this bullshit?

We used to live for them.

It's a commercial. See they're telling you about this new toy. I don't care.

Oh my god, No, I used to live Surprise Surprise, Pupper Surprise. How many puff uppies are They're inside suppress Suppressed Puppy Surprise.

I'm sure we can't get the rights to that. You'll have to cut it out. God, do you remember Puppy Surprise. It was like you could get I feel like we're three or four fun. I was like, no, there's always two, it's always two boys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cabbage Patch dolls, yeah girls. My mom wouldn't let me have them because she said they were ugly.

They were ugly.

She was like, why do you want that ugly baby?

Oh?

My god, they were ugly, but I had a little I had a little Latina one that had like brown skin, and I loved her so much.

She was so cute.

Yeah she was bald, but she was cute. She was one of those premies. Anyway, guys, welcome to More Better, a podcast about toys from the eighties. Ah, we are off the rails if you didn't know.

That's most of a maryl and that's Stephane Beatrice.

And this is we're I think we're a little off the rails because we're gonna do a little male episode.

Yeah, so it's also going to be all over the place like we are right now. More Better.

We have been keeping up with all of your emails and messages and stuff, and thank you guys so much, especially for the nice reviews, the nice comments. It really helps us a lot. So today we're gonna answer some questions and read some emails. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Number one.

Roles that changed you from Annabelle. I feel like this is a voice note, is it?

Hey, guys, I love the podcast. I just wanted to share how Brooklyn nine nine basically unlocked my bisexual awakening. It started, you know, when my roommate knew I was going through hard times and she suggested that we watch her comfort show together, which is Brooklyn nine nine. And at first I was just like, oh, this this show is goret It's like witty, it's fun, it's a feel

It sounds it sounds weirder than it is. It sounds weirder than it is. It's not weird.

It's so cute and it's so cute.

Also, this really, whoever did this painting of you? Is really great.

Good, that's good. There was the little life flag there.

Well.

First of all, Annabel, thanks for saying that. And you know, we appreciate your roommate and you so much for I don't know, loving the show and loving what we did all those many seasons, and it means a lot to us, you know. I we never ever ever take it for granted that people still really appreciate that show and how much joy it brings to people, and how comforted they are by it, and how much they feel like they

Yeah, you and I have that one in common. The other big one for me two is Tina Fey and Amy Poehler taking over Weekend Update on SNL.

I like remember that moment.

I feel like I even remember their first show me or the first time that I watched it, And there was just something about these two women, their vibe, the style of their comedy, that they could be brash and vulgar and all the things like they were just so many things, and that particular thing I think always felt like a.

Sort of powerful position on the show.

Maybe I don't know why, not even knowing at the time anything about SNL or like the behind the scenes, but it was like, oh, that's a big deal, Like whoever gets to do that is a big deal totally, and that it was two women and those two women in particular was just I don't know, yeah, sort of how Annabel said, like it gave me permission to be, you know, not have to be so lady like, not have to be so feminine, you know whatever.

I could be crass, I could be sarcastic, I could be and still be feminine or I don't know.

It just was like there were in the same as you were saying watching Elane on Seinfeld, like things that you feel being undone.

Or unworked in your head.

You know that it's like, oh I don't have to be a certain way right that it just feels impactful. Yeah.

Yeah. Daphnie Rubin Vego was another one for me, like when Rent first came out, which was like when I was still in high school, so google lay Alo, but like yeah, she definitely was like oh my god, Like her voice doesn't sound like yeah, every other I mean, her voice is incredible, super powerful, definitely incredibly distinct, like when she's singing, you know, with her right, and up until that point in my in my own personal history of like and I didn't grow I didn't grow up

Oh my god, you know.

But yeah, they're definitely there. Certainly. Of course, there's like moments where you're just watching stuff and you're going like, this is what I want to do. I want to do this, you know.

Yeah.

Sorry, not sorry, but like Ariel and Belle sorry not sorry, and Cobbsworth Lumier for that matter, Okay, not even sorry about it.

Okay.

Next one, This is from a Hannah heimless in Stephanie or whoever is reading this email. We're reading it. Hannah. I'm a huge fan of you both that's really sweet, especially your roles in Brooklyn nin nine. I've watched that show at least ten times and your podcasts. You are both such huge role models to me growing up. Hannah, how old are you? Okay? I must admit I am a bit late to the party. However, I am listening to your anxiety and I are BFFs episode and I

She said.

I know it's a pretty broad topic, but hopefully it's not too broad. As someone who beats themselves up over any sort of rejection and or criticism, I was hoping you both might be able to share some tips on how you deal with rejection and criticism, as I'm sure your path success has not been all butterflies and rainbows. Thanks so much for your time, Hannah. Oh, how do I deal with rejection from people that I'm dating? Not well aggressively? How do you tell?

You know?

I just get a little like.

A fuck you?

Then from jobs I try. I know this is something that I've learned, but and I learned this from our mutual friend Lena, but this or something better for the good of all concerned. And I know it's hard to say to myself and it's hard to believe sometimes, but like it, I hold on to that because it is I in my life. It has been true. It's like maybe that thing didn't come through and I didn't get

Yeah, my actor friend of mine, who was an actor when she was very young, also child actor, shared with me that when she was a kid, her mom said this great thing when she wouldn't get rolls, she was like her mom, her mom was like, it's like flavors of ice cream. They just wanted strawberry and you're mint chocolate chip. And it doesn't mean that you're any less than or not as good. They just wanted They wanted strawberry, and you're the most delicious, awesome, best version of mint

That's like that Dita Antees quote where she's like, some people just you could be the juiciest, ripest peach, and some people just don't like peaches, which also always makes me think of that thing that he says in Face Off.

Where he's like I could eat a peacher.

Sorry, Nicholas Cage we're the greatest actors of our generation. Okay, all right, next one, you read the next one, you read the next one.

Okay, okay, okay, hold on, all right, Stephanie, Melissa and the more better Team. I just listened to the latest episode, and I am so grateful that you chose to answer my question about boundaries. Ooh, this is a a Oh my god?

What is? What are words? Anyway?

I don't know.

It was actually good timing because a couple of weeks after I sent this, I tried to set a boundary with someone at work who tends to take advantage of my resourcefulness, politeness, and patience, and it backfired. They've since been super petty. Oh shit, you both were right. Setting boundaries is so hard, and in my experience, especially hard to do in the workplace side. Anyway, it was validating to hear you both confirm it was a challenge for

Side.

But I still believe even when it backfires, like their, their pettiness is because you set a boundary, and it's like about them, it's not about you. Unfortunately, that pettiness is like going to disturb your peace and still like, but I think you.

Just have to like hold to it, and I don't know. Have some try to have some fun with their pettiness if you can.

That sucks so hard, though, I'm so sorry that's so hard.

Can you pet them? Can you match their pettiness?

I don't know where you.

Work, but like, can you listen to this super loud on your little like tiny speaker at your desk, and like.

I'm sorry they were being a child about you setting a boundary. They probably have never had anyone set a boundary in their entire life because they're used to be walking all over people.

That's so weird that that that person that wrote in his name Lupin, I have name Lupin. You're petty, more Better, More Better, Okay, dear Stephanie Melissa, and my name is girt Jan and I live in the Netherlands. Netherlands. I said girt Jan really well, though, Okay, now try to pronounce my name. Ha ha ha, girl, I couldn't pronounce Netherlands. Okay, we're gonna call you GJ. I really enjoyed it. Listening to your podcast More Better quickly became my favorite pod

And try You're like nope, no.

GJ, No, I'm trying.

Go Yeah, I mean there, it's like it's it's for me passing securities. Those are all my triggers, right, like the like the ship that comes out of nowhere where you're just like, why am I triggered by that? And then it's like, oh, right, because I used to feel really shitty about this back in the day.

Yeah, And it's it's I think when it blindsides me and I get like very uh anxious or just regulated, and you know, and then I don't really know why I'm feeling that way, and like it takes me a minute to feel like to put together the pieces of like, oh, this is something I used.

To really struggle with, right, and I've moved and even though I've done the work and I've probably and I've grown, and it is, like GJ said, where it's it's it is a still scar that you carry around with you. And scars can be fucked with sometimes sometimes stars can

I don't know, that's kind of like it's like it's with it.

It's kind of like you're saying, sometimes it feels like it's something from the past, or like because you're dealing with something new, the past thing kind of like comes up and like.

Is right, It's like old habits we're big yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And it's like just and it's always I find when I have those moments of past and securities coming up, it's usually like about something else and I have to check in and figure out, like what what is the thing that's actually pulling at me? Because I know I've done the work to get past this insecurity.

I usually know when it's an insecurity about the past. New ones surprise surprised me all the time, but the past ones, it's a lot of reminding myself like I already did this, already know this. Let me just like go through the whole movie of what this is, the whole movie of what this is. Is that I used to be this and now I feel this about this and so like yeah, what did I used to be?

Howbody, it's okay, It's okay.

Yeah, Like even if you mess up and say something dumb, like, it's okay. Like most people aren't looking at that, and if they are, they're not looking at it for very long, you know, Like so you have a pimple, Okay, yep, that sucks. I mean this we're talking about, like, you know, our own insecurities or whatever, and like listen, like uh, gret Jan said, acne is a big struggle. It can

So yeah, yeah, it's usually a moment for like right, like a some type of affirmation like and just being really kind to yourself and like, yeah, giving yourself space to be Like I.

Mean, we all, fuck, we all have those moments.

We've all punched somebody in the neck.

Yeah, have you not?

I would punch I would There's a short list of people that I would actually punch in the neck, and I would like, oh yeah, like I'm talking like I.

Would collapse, trickya.

Thumb out, like I'm okay with my mom if it really gets up in there and does some damage anyway, next question.

I gots so violent?

Hi, Sevanie, Melissa. I wanted to write to let you know how much the Heartbreak episode helped me. Oh that was a that was a deep one. I'm currently going through a divorce, and even though it's the right thing for us and our daughter, I feel I still feel sadness at the loss of what we had, especially the marriage being twelve years and the relationship being fourteen. We're still friends and co parent very well and doing things together, such as attending indiecar races with our daughter when we

Good for you. That's amazing. Even though this is probably the best case.

Scenario for a divorce, it's still hard, especially when important dates come up or events that we would ordinarily go to together we now do alone. In October, I went to a family reunion and was binging episodes on the way there. This was the first event with my extended family I was going to alone, and the first time I told my family about the divorce besides my parents and sister. I was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions the whole weekend, and then started thinking and starting about

Ben.

Oh my god, Ben, I barely got through reading that I started why.

I'm so thank you so much for writing in and like sharing that with us. That's really vulnerable and honest and nice of you. To take the time to do that. That's really lovely.

Yeah, and I'm really happy for.

You and your partner that you found a path forward that's you know, good for You're going to be so good for your daughter, and I think good for the both of you. But it's incredibly hard to do. And so just like, pat yourself on the back and let yourself feel proud about that.

That's you're being very.

Adult and mature and evolved approaching it as a team, and so braba, it looks it's us, all of it. It's too hard, it's not. It's yeah, but we're sending you up to love. Yeah, all right, the next one before I start crying, Okay.

Hi, Stephanie, Melissa. I just wanted to say I'm a huge fan of both of you, Brooklyn nine nine. It has been such a comfort and inspiration in my life. I wanted to ask your perspective on something. I'm in my early twenties and for a long time I've had a specific goal in mind for my future, something I've worked hard for and tied a lot of my identity to. But lately, as I've grown and changed, I'm finding I

Vanessa in your early twenties, girl, not your mind. Not to discount you, but not to discount but you.

Know, as as a quick Taale, I will say, I never ever thought that I would be a person who got married or had children. I was pretty dead set on I'm you know not I'm. I could be single, I could be partnered up, but I don't want anybody's finances tied to my own. And I want the freedom of a life that I choose for myself and nobody else's. You know, nothing is, nothing is dependent on me, and I'm doing whatever I want to do. And I changed

Yeah.

I mean I think any age, any stage in life, if we feel that pull towards something. And I understand the like identity part because this is not the same. But I in my early twenties, I was like, I am a New Yorker. I will never leave New York. New York is my identity. New York, New Jersey is my identity. This is where I grew up, This is where I belong, This is where I'll be till the end of my days.

And I had a whole I was like, I'm I'm going to work in theater. I'm going to teach at some point. Maybe I'm going to like teach it at college. Like I had a whole idea of myself.

I was like, every time I saw those little older biddies at the theater, I was like, that's going to be me, with my giant jewelry and my flowy shirts and my comfortable shoes, still getting to a thousand steps a day.

This is going to be me.

And then we up and moved and then I started working in television, which was took me away from theater and it couldn't get theater auditions anymore.

And then we moved to LA and I kind of went kicking and screaming. But then.

Like all these amazing things happened and this like whole new chapter of my life started And my kids are Angela little Angelino's and I love my life like and I love La and like especially recently seeing the city kind of stand up and.

I've been so proud of it. And so.

Even though I still feel like such an East Coast girl in a lot of ways and not like you know, a real like la person like I love. What I'm trying to say is like, eventually, if if you stay open and if you move with change, only good can come of it. If you stay stuck, especially if you feel pulled towards something else. Yeah, because out of obligation or because this is who I am, or this is how people know me, because I have to achieve.

I have to achieve.

I have to achieve. Who cares.

It's like the equivalent of just like walking down a hallway and just like shutting all the other doors and windows and just like continually walk to like this one door even though you have no idea what's behind that door, you know what I mean, as opposed to like just opening all the doors and seeing what's behind them. And

Yeah, yeah, I mean at this point when I'm, you know, in my eighties, I do believe I will be getting botox in my forehead. But I could change my mind there in the retirement home. I might be like, no, I don't care.

I okay.

So that quote that I was going to say. The poem is from the Summer Day by Mary Oliver. Have you ever read it, Melsa, No, you've probably heard the end of it. It's pretty sure.

Okay, who made who?

This is not a poem reading this is not a poetry slam. I'm going to go through this. I'm not going to act at you, guys. I'm just going to say the words boom, who made the world, Who made the swan and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean, the one who's flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who's moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down, who is gazing around with

Great?

I love that you don't have to like run towards this thing of those gold this thing whatever. She's just like, bro Like, I joke about it all the time, and I'm always like, we're all to die someday. And that is my very like nihilistic sort of like. But it's not because this is it.

This is the this is it.

You know, if you're doing something that you're like, oh, no, I was gonna be a whatever. I've been watching a lot of sex in the city, so I'm like pr Samantha Jones. PR been working to be a pr mamen your whole life, and now suddenly you want to be a gardener. Okay, obviously there's logistic, but go be a gardener, even if you have to do it, like in your hobby time like coke, do whatever you want.

It's life is too short, life is too unpredictable. Life is too precious. Yes, if you have a calling, if you have something you want to do or explore, fucking do it.

I'm gonna do it. This is gossip, but do you want to hear so it's related?

Yeah, it's okay, so so excited, you.

Know, like you know, oh, okay, I'm trying to figure out how to say this in a way where like no one will find out who I'm talking about.

But okay.

There was a very high profile couple that had a very large wedding and professed a lot of their It's like it's like it was like such a big show of like we love each other so much, we love each other, we love each other, we love each other,

Very getting like on the day when there's like like ribes vibes.

Did you not know it beforehand?

Like you did?

You probably did maybe like hit really hard that day or something.

Yeah, but like I just know it and all the mornings before when we woke.

Up, we're gonna do stay married to that person like forever, like we're gonna do like this.

Yeah.

Anyway is says good luck, good luck on that edit. You could just sleep it all in. It's fine, more better, Okay, what did we learned today, Melissa? Besides my inside gossip about what did we learn today? Melissa?

Uh, well, we learned.

I'm never going to get cast in one of our movies. It's fine.

What did we learn?

We learned? We learned that we have awesome, amazing fans to write very lovely voice notes and emails to us and very sweet and selfishly personally, my ego needed all those compliments today, So thank you, thank you so much, thank you.

Yeah, and I like these.

I like these mail bag little episodes. I think we're going to do more of them this season. That's what I We're to do more of these this season because they're fun.

They're fun, they're really fun, and like they let us know what you guys are like really connecting to and also what you're interested in. Yeah, and they just make us feel like we're getting to know you guys. Yes, that's nice, So keith those coming. Also, please send us a voice note, send us.

An email, because we're going to do more of these episodes where we go through a bunch of messages as many as we can and send us topic.

Yeah, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, Rate review and subscribe.

It really helps us rate review and subscribe.

MELSA, Do you feel a little more better?

I always feel more and better? Do you feel more better?

I feel like I need a snack, but other than though I need too Pretty great? Yeah, great, I'll say next next time, see.

You next time.

Bye, bye, more and more better.

Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episode? Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast network, hosted by Me, Steffie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.