“A Lion Didn’t Eat You This Year!” | Milestone Birthdays

The pictures of Keen says that I had grown up with of like my moms, my older cousins, were them in these crazy dresses.

Oh, the poof dresses that I thought were mandatory.

More Better, More, a little more better More.

Welcome to More Better podcast, where we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more.

Better every day, or at least trying to. That's Stephanie Beatrice and that's most for Merril. And here we are, Here, we are, We're doing it again.

Welcome back, guys, Welcome back. Thanks for listening to us shoot the ship about different things.

Week after week. We appreciate you being here feeling vulnerable, feeling like you're feeling and stuff us too. It's a party. How you doing, steph Oh, I'm in Canada. I'm in our neighbor to the north. Yes, you are in Canada, in Toronto, Canada. You don't say Toronto. You say Toronto. I didn't know the first t like it's a ch and and you don't say the second tea. Try it Toronto. There you go, I do it?

That was it?

Yeah? Was it that? Some effort? Okay, I know it's hard to get, but once you do it, it's sort of it. It becomes normal. But yeah, it's nice here. People are nice. Everyone's like super super friendly. Canadians are friendly. They really are. Man who gossip? They fucking love to wait. I experienced that too.

Yeah, it's like it's like in Vancouver.

In Vancouver.

Yeah, when I did Blockbuster, I was like, oh my god, the stereotype about Canadians being so nice is so true. And then yeah, but yeah, they will drop some gossip. They will be like you know what I heard though, you know why, well, you know.

Why, because they're so nice. They have to put it somewhere. They have to put that vitrol. Yeah, that was my feeling as well. You've got to get rid of it, you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's got to go somewhere, so it's not on the surface, it's not out in public right underneath, it's just bubbling right underneath.

And honestly, I appreciate the self control. I really do. I respect it too.

I'm gonna say were we could learn a thing or two from the Canadians.

Honestly, I prefer it. I prefer it. I would love I would love for everyone to just be friendly and then talk a little shit on the side. I like it exactly, So I'm doing good. I'm liking it here. Everyone's I started the second season of Twisted Metal. It's going really well. It's very fun. It's absolutely insanely wild because, like the other day on said, I turned around, we

You really have to try to be present and stay grateful and make the most of it, have fun and yeah, because it might not come back.

That's exactly right. Speaking of jobs and more better, what's going on with you, Melissa.

I have a job.

Tell us all about it.

My pilot, Gross Point Guarden Society got picked up at NBC, so I'll be.

So excited. I'm very excited. It is as you were saying.

As an actor, you know, we spend a lot of time in between gigs and with a bit of you know, anxiety, I guess, and panic that we try to control of Am I ever going to work again?

And when is my next job coming? Even though like you know, I know that like I'm in.

A good place, you know what I mean, Like it's I know, deep down, like I will work, like things will happen, like I'm okay, but like it's I think just human nature to panic a little bit total.

I mean, so.

Whenever getting you're getting better at it all the time.

I mean like yeah, I'm saying you to me as well, like yeah, yeah, remember when Terry Terry Crews gave us advice on set one time?

Do you remember that was it about? And he was like, it was about like visualizing, right, No, it was.

Well, he gave us advice many times, you guys, but this time we were like wittorried about the next time. We were worried about what our next job that was going to be if the show got canceled, And he was like, you're not starting from the place you started, Yes, fifteen years ago. You're starting from now, Like, you don't need to stress the same way that you did, yeah fifteen years ago, ten years ago. Yeah, you're starting from now, and like, and this is like an hour long You're

It's a drama thing, your girls going back to the drama.

Funny, drama, funny. Yeah, I get to be funny a little bit.

I mean, my kid is funny.

Just yeah, a little wild, yeah, yeah, more so than the other characters. Sorry, guys, I have a little bit of license to be a little bit bigger and a little bit crazy. But but yeah, but still a drama. It's from the writers of The Good Girls. So anyone listening like to that show, you're probably like the show it's like fun, then watch it. Yeah, I think it's going to be I'm really excited about it. The cast is fucking fire, Asia, Naomi King, who's a queen. Anna

I told you this, but I saw Anna Sophia in a production of Macbeth.

In New York.

Yeah, it was an all female production, and she was absolutely phenomenal, just like blew me out of the water. I mean, I knew she was good because I had watched the the prequel Sex and the City show that she did. Oh, I was obsessed with her in that. And then I watched this production of Macbeth that she was in, and I was just like, she is such a phenomenal actress. Like I just think she's so great and I'm so excited for you, girl. It's really nice.

It's really nice to be No, I can like mentally chill for like a good year.

It's great. It's a blessing. Very grateful, very very grateful.

More Better.

Speaking of years, this week's topic is about years. It's about life years. It actually comes from two of our listeners who wrote in Melissa, will you read there? Yeah? Oh wait, actually, before Melissa reads that, if you have a suggestion for a future episode, email us at Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note so we can put you on the pod, but don't say bad words because we're doing that enough for you. Go ahead. That's true.

Okay, So this comes from Texas from Lisa and Kristen.

Thank you for starting more better.

We are fans of you both on the screen and are excited to hear this podcast. We are twin sisters turning forty next month. We're happy we can face this milestone together, but we still have mixed feelings. What were your thoughts about turning forty? If you had any uncertainties, how'd y'all cope with them? Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Sincerely, Lisa and Kristen. Thank you so much, Lisa and christ for this wonderful suggestion. Is actually such

Milestone birthdays, man, they are a big milestone. Birthdays are like so technically what they are is like you know what they are, but just for purposes of clarity, it's significant birthdays that mark an important stage in your life, like when you turn sixteen and you get your driver's license in the US, or you turn twenty one and you can, you know, go buy alcohol and you're like, now you're an adult, and forty when people used to say you're over the hill.

Birth so like they are those birthdays that.

Feel like a big moment in your life. Yeah, and forty is a big one. But like in general, milestone birthdays and like the experience with them and getting I don't know, like this question seems to be like, how do we get more better at like handling this milestone birthday. What was your experience with specifically, let's say your fortieth birthday? Well, I, oh man, my.

Fortieth birthday came like a year after the pandemic and my baby was still very small, and h.

Yeah, I did I that's right. Yeah.

Leading up to the birthday, I remember feeling really good and being like, you know what, I'm not afraid of forty. Everyone says your forties are fucking great. It's when you give less fucks. It's and I want that. I'm like excited about this, right, And I was like, I'm going to go into this with positivity and feeling really good. And then cut to I'm at a beach house with my family and we kind of celebrated the night before

I was like just I just started crying.

I was like in this empty beach house and I just started I was like I don't know, and I started like freaking out about my career, freaking out about where I was freaking.

About about the baby.

Wait, I hadn't lost yet like all the things, and yeah, it all just like came crashing down on me. But maybe I just had to like go through that, Like maybe I was squashed shing some feelings down and they were like no, ma'am, you will, you will face us anyway.

But it was a little sad and then and then the next day was great. My best friend came and that made it all better. But uh yeah, it was. It hit me and then and then there was like a little period where I was just like, I.

Don't know, I don't know how I feel about forty. But it didn't last that long. It didn't last that long.

And I have to say, I think this might end up being I mean, I'm still in the beginning of it, but I think.

This might be my favorite is gonna be my favorite decade. I'm pumped about it now.

There is something liberating about I don't know, just I do give less bucks.

I really do. Yeah, way less than my thirties, way less, way less. I feel like, I mean, I'm saying that in agreement, not not like you yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, give less fucks now, Melissa.

But like, yeah, I feel like my priorities are better, like yeah, I just I don't sweat the small stuff.

It's funny, is like I did I have known you now since when did we meet? How old were you when we met? Thirty one?

When we started to show you for a hope full decade, that decade of your life.

Yeah, yeah, Wow, that's so interesting.

Dang.

I didn't even put that together until just now.

How was it for you? How was forty for you?

Well? I turned forty. So the year I turned forty, I was super pumped about it. I was like, I'm gonna rent. I had been watching this show that like this couple I can't remember what it's called now, but this couple bought a castle in France somewhere and oh redid the castle and they started throwing parties at the castle. And I was like, I'm gonna rent a castle and take my friends. I'm gonna invite like ten friends and I'm going to go to a castle and brands. I

Like like balluon arches are dope, and.

Well, yeah, they're they're at vindication. They're absolutely forever. But like, but the thing, the thing that is more important than anything is having my family and friends together, like because I don't know, I don't want to cry, but like I don't know when I'm going to get another one, you know, Like, yeah, the thing is promised, And that's that's like the thing that I think I really learned. It's like nothing's promised, Like we're not promised the next birthday,

You celebrated with. And I think you make such and I think that that time, that pandemic time especially made me also realize, like you were saying and thinking about the kids' birthdays, about the importance of celebrating, like of like taking a moment to like gather the people you love and celebrating because we don't do it, like we get so busy, we're like go.

Go, go, go go, all the time.

And I, you know, Dave I had my husband, he had like a very hard childhood and birthdays weren't always celebrated because of yeah, money and situations and whatever. And he has a very like healthy relationship with it. He's like, Eh, it's no big deal, Like it's you know, just another day. But like I have really had to like push him a little bit to be like, no, no, no, we're going to stop and we're going to celebrate you today, because yeah, we don't do that. When else do we do that Father's Day?

But like you know, and.

Any chance that we do get like we have to do this and so and I don't.

I do.

I've always done pretty I mean now, when Endzo got a little bigger and wanted to like invite my god, like you know, all the boys from his class at school, like I started, you know, having his birthday parties at like the Laser Tag place or whatever. You know, sure, because I don't want to have like, you know, fifteen kids at my house.

But nothings, no.

But I loved their little birthday parties when they were little, of just like inviting all our friends over friends with kids and like putting out a little bounce house and like having some cake and just you know, because I wanted to show them too, Like you have once in a while, you have to stop and celebrate.

Yeah, with all the people you love. You're important. You are important, and look at all these people that love you. Yeah, and like.

Do that for other people too, like make you know, make sure you like take time to make someone feel special on their day. I think it's just important, you know, And it doesn't have to be It can be small, it can be big, it can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't just as long as the people you love are there, like it is such Yeah, it's so important.

Did you have a keen?

Set?

By the way, did you have a keen?

I did not have a keen?

Sick? Did you have it? You didn't have it? Did you have neither? You didn't either?

What was your I have? There was a specific reason why I didn't.

They're big for Mexican families where I grew up up, but there were not ever a thing really like for my mom and dad, So like, okay, they were like, no, you're not having one.

My mom had a keen? Say in Cuba, oh my god, Yeah, do you have pictures of that. Yeah, oh my god, it looks like a child bride.

Oh my god, Oh my god.

The pictures are I think her dress is white.

I think it was white. But you know the pictures like.

Kind of like you're like a woman now. It's almost it's a version of abut that's what I was gonna say. It's like a version of about.

Yeah.

And there's there's all these different like ceremonies too that you can do.

I don't know, there's like religious aspects to it.

There's religious aspects, but there's yeah, there's like the you start in like a flat shoe and then you like put on a high heel, a high heels.

That one. These are the ones I saw.

Other Keen says, you have a court love like your friends. It's like certain number of boys or number of girls, and you do dances that are like choreographed and you practice. And then there was what else. There was a candle ceremony one Keen say.

I want to that.

I actually did this at my sweet sixteen, where it was like fifteen candles and you pick the fifteen most important people in your life to come up and light a candle.

So wait, soul on you had a sweet sixteen. I did have a sweet sixteen, so, oh my god, I am instantly jealous. I did not have a sweet sixteen.

Really, okay, So what happened was what happened was when I was fourteen and my parents started asking me if I wanted a Keen Say. I had never been to a keen Say before, and I didn't have a lot of Latin friends. My only like Latina friends were at my dance school. I didn't have. There weren't that many Latinos at my school, and I felt weird about it. I was like, no one's going to know what it is, and it's going to be it's going to be weird.

And I didn't want to stand out, you know.

I wasn't like I had a very complicated relationship with my Latin Onis in my tween and teen years, and.

So people are aged it. Yeah, I think, so you just want to like fit in.

And I was like, I think I was scared people would make fun of it or not understand it, and like so I was like, no, I don't that sounds And it also sounded expensive and I was like, no, that sounds I remember. I think I was pretty bitchy about it. I was like, no, that sounds dumb. I don't want to have a Keen Say.

Also, like the period of mom's heartbreaking, Actually, my mom was really cool about it. My mom, she was really cool about it. She like got it.

She got it, like the whole I think my parents have felt so much pressure to Americanize because they came as teenagers that I think that she related. And also the other part was the pictures of keen says that I had grown up with of like my mom's my older cousins were them in these crazy dresses that I thought were mandatory.

So like.

I was like, there is and I was kind of a tomboy like my whole life like didn't I didn't wear dresses really until like high school, and I was like, there is no world in which I want to put on a Sparkley giant dress.

I'm going to feel so dumb. I thought that was like you didn't have a choice, Like if you have a keen Say, that's way you have to wear.

And I just was not that girl.

So but then after I made the decision, then I went to a couple keenses and I was like, oh shit, this is super dope.

I wish I had done this shit. Oh shit, actually can I? Yeah? My parents were like it's too late to plan one now, Like, no, have you seen those videos online of those women that are like older, They're like they never had a keen sick because like when they're having one in adulthood, no, and they're having one as adult, they're so beautiful, cried many of them. They're like really beautiful.

Well, I know when I'm going to be going what rabbit hole I'm going to be going down tonight?

Yeah, but you had a sweet sixteen instead.

So I had a sweet sixteen instead, and like I think, I feel like it was my mom's idea. She was like, well, let's have a sweet sixteen and we can do some keense things at your sweet sixteen. And so we had it at like a you know again, because like my parents really couldn't afford much.

They rent.

They found a really cheap space at like a like a va uh huh place.

Like an Elks club or whatever, you know.

Yeah, yeah, and it basically was like a wood paneled basement room is what it looked like. But it was real cheap, and I had my sweet sixteen there and I did the candle ceremony and I did, and I did something else and maybe like I danced with my dad or something like that, like.

Did you feel like Wow, I'm like, did you feel anything? I did.

I remember being really excited and I loved my dress that I bought. I had this like black long dress with these like big flowers on it, and my mom did my hair and in like a French twist with like pieces hanging down, real ninety style, and.

It's it is back, I know, And oh god, I'll try to see if I can find that picture for the pod.

If you can find them, we have to put them on the I feel like I might have one.

Yeah, And I was pumped and I did. I felt like it was a milestone and it was like it was the biggest birthday party I had in my whole life, Like that and a slip in side party I had when I was like eight were.

Like the two most dope party birthday parties of my adolescent and.

It was Yeah, I remember being really.

Happy and really special and yeah, warm better.

You didn't have a sweet sixteen either, No.

I don't you know. At the time, I was really like, I was so into I was really all when I was in high school, like you rested and all.

Like, yeah, you were clothing you know. I kind of was, yeah, you know, you were straight edge.

We didn't do drugs or drink or drink and we would like go see bands downtown and like you're so cool, blessed. I wasn't. So it's I don't remember what I did. I did something like silly, it was it was, you know, I probably I had like some friends over to the apartment complexes pool and that was it, Like yeah, it just wasn't like the thing that felt like the more The big birthday to me was when I turned eighteen, because like, and I didn't have a party then either.

Twenty one and twenty five also felt like big ones. I remember I feel like I was sad during my twenty fifth birthday, like because yeah, something about twenty five felt like a lot of pressure, even though like looking back is like, oh my god, it's so silly, But.

When you're in your twenties, thirty was heavy. Thirty was the one for me. I was like, oh my I think it was like twenty seven. I started to get this feeling of like oh my god, oh my god. And then when thirty hit, I was like, fuck, I didn't do anything that I wanted to do. Although like looking back, it's like all those years going mushed together anyway, so yeah, it doesn't really matter, doesn't really matter, it doesn't really matter.

And then you see how all of those years, all those things you went through, prepared you for everything that came in your thirties at least, like so much after, right, and you're just like, oh, like, thank god all that stuff happened because it made me tougher or it like made me smarter or you know, yeah, it's it's yeah, there is I think a little bit of right, like blind faith you kind of have to have with these like bigger birthdays or heavier birthdays of just like whatever

I like the thing that you said in the beginning, too, which is like you you maybe hadn't dealt with some of the feelings that you were having about it. You're like kind of pushing them down, and like then you let them out and it was like okay, like that I just had to move through it. It didn't it didn't all come crashing down. No, because I let myself feel fucking scared about having this big birthday, like it's scary. Sometimes it's like shit, I'm like that's how old I am, Like,

Me for those listening The text messages I received while Stephanie was packing where the highlight of my day. I basically I wanted to just stop everything I was doing and just text with you about what you were choosing to pack.

And I was mad that I had to like make dinner for myself. Oh my god, I was. I was like sending Melissa my my master list. But like I opened the closet here and I look at my clothes and I'm like, this is exactly how I dressed in high school. Like I still feel sometimes like oh yeah, seventeen eighteen, I still feel sometimes like I'm twenty five.

If you had asked me in my twenties, like how I would be in my forties and be like, oh, I'm gonna have all my shit figured out by then, and it's like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing still, Like I.

Know, I don't know.

I am so bad at adulting and it's.

Fine, now cut yourself, Okay, you're pretty good at it in some areas.

I'm I'm yes, thank you, yes, And you're better than you were ten years ago. I am away, Yes, you are better than you were. I am so much like you're never gonna have all the answers, No, not until the day you die, you know, like even then it'll be like.

And I think like accepting that and being cool with that and knowing that, like that's just the ride, man, Like that's what it is.

It is.

More better.

Before we sort of like and this I think I want to say to the twins, I call them the twins now. I think like, particularly for forty, there's this there's this some something that this psychoanalyst Eric Ericsson talks about like you're starting this era of your new of your life that's the generativity versus stagnation era, so like

You're so right. I do think I have so much more. I have so much more appreciation for my time, like I have, I put more value on it, do you know what I mean? And like I'm more conscious of like how I spend it and who I spend it with. And I think that that only comes with getting older.

Yeah. I Like the last thing I'll say before I go is like you made it. You made it to forty, you made it to forty one, you made it to sixty five. If you made it there, you know, it's.

Like you just reminded me of yes, yes, you just reminded me of when I turned thirty and my childhood best friend had also turned thirty, and she had been through a really really rough year like have you know lost her mom and like all this horrible stuff had happened or her mom was sick anyway, and I I remember I was like trying to think of like something. It was her birthday and I was like, Oh, she's had like such a rough year and this has been so hard and Dad, I don't even know like just

And so I was like, that's it.

I just have to remind her that she survived and that is worthy of a celebration.

Is like she survived this year.

And I think about that all the time of like, yeah, it's that's what it is.

At the end of the day, it's like, yeah, look at you.

You're here. You made it, you did it. That's enough. That's enough to throw a party, son, Kristen, you fucking made it, made it. Throw a party with all your life.

If you want, if you want, if you want, if you want.

If you want, if you want, do whatever you want you do whatever? Do you feel a little a little more better about this? Do you feel more better?

I also have a birthday coming up really soon that I was having a little bit of feelings about.

But I do I feel better? Yeah? Do you feel more better? I feel a little more better?

Yeah?

You know, I don't think I even like realized how sort of like even keeled I feel about this. I say this now, and then like the next birthday, I have all like text time crying like I don't know what to do. I don't like my life is.

So nuts, and I'll be like, let's go get drunk girl.

And with that we leave you, audience, dear sweet listeners, see you next time, See you next time. Bye bye.

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