Awakening Authenticity: Navigating Workplace Challenges with Areva Martin

This is not free money because you don't have to pay it back and then just plus interest and then figure out, you know, the kind of job you gotta need and get on a plant and you pay it off. I mean, I've paid off thousands and thousands of dollars, loens of thousands of dollars, tens of thousands, but it was so worth If I had to do it again, I would do it all over again.

teeth fixed. People get their teeth fixed. I mean, there are all kinds of investments you have to make, depending on the industry. And so student loans when taken out

for a school. Now, what we say a lot of folks do oftentimes is get student loans and they're traveling and they're finding those five thousand dollars bad eggs that we're talking about, and then sometimes they don't even finish the school and they're left with the debt and they don't have the degree, so they're not able to earn the money that would allow them to pay the loans back. So I came out of law school, college and law

school debt, so you know, a lot of debt. But I was making the kind of money that would allow me again on a budget and be frugal to pay my student loans off. And the reality in this country is there's evidence. You know, you've seen this. College graduates over their lifetime make a lot more money than non college graduates. And as a lawyer, or as a physician or a nurse or any profession, you're likely to make

more money than that non professional personnel. You know, we're setting aside all those you know, tech billionaires, and you.

This is not you know, free vacation. This is not free money because you don't have to pay it back and then just plus interest and then figure out, you know, the kind of job you're gonna need, and get on a plan and you pay it off. I mean, I've paid off thousands of thousands of dollars of students, of thousands of dollars, tens of thousands, but it was so worth If I had to do it again, I would

do it all over again. So I think people loans get a bad rep But the reality is if you're poor, even if you're middle class, Unfortunately, the cost of education in this country is what it is. I wish it were free. I wish these colleges, you know, they have billions of dollars and endowments, you know, would make college more affordable. Summer starting to like USC universities of then California, families that make over eighty thousand, under eighty thousand, they

offer to wish free for those kids. I know, Yale and Harvard all of us, like top schools in the US are starting to make tuition free programs available to middle class and low income kids, so they're opportunities to go to school and a lot of instances without all of the loans, because there are so many great programs out there.

and no, I am not perfect. And some years I didn't save as much and I fell into a credit card trap, which is, you know, the credit because when you get to college, oh my god, every credit card company in the world starts sending you credit cards, and you you know, there is attractive and seductive, and I ended up in a huge credit card uh you know mess where you are charging food and charging again, you know, tickets, and a year later, still paying this exorbitant interest rates

for activities you did a year ago. We remember who did I go to that dinner with? And you're still paying for it. And that's a trap and the credit card companies know it. And I hate this about our country. Credit your credit. You need credit in order to have a high credit absolutely, so that's what they tell young people. You got to have You have to have credit to have a high credit score. You have to show you hold your card and you pay it every thirty days.

That makes a lot of sense except a lot of you know, kids don't have that discipline to do that, They don't have the financial resources to do that, and they end up in this spiral and this trap around credit card. So I've been there. So anyone thinking that it was easy, No, it wasn't easy. Remember poor poverty, no father, not living with my mother, grandmother in a wheelchair. Nothing easy about it. So let's be clear about that. But you know, you do what you have to do.

And I did learn some lessons and I try to remember those lessons in some days you know better at it than others.

And as a woman, and as a woman of color, I experienced not only racism, a great deal of sexism. And you know, there are only five percent of the lawyers in this country are African American, five very white, male dominated profession. Even though now there you'll find probably equal numbers of women and men in law school, so you know, you'll start to see more women, but not

necessarily more black women. So when I started my practice, I was always mistaken for the court reporter, or the paralegal, or the secretary or you know, anybody other than the lawyer. So and it was always in my mind, is it the race or is it the sex? And it was probably both, you know, oftentimes it was both. So I wanted to also have an honest conversation not just about race. Race is very important to me, but also about sex

and gender. And one of the hardest things in this book that I had to do, because one of the lies that I had to confront was the work ethic that the lie and I call it a lie I'm saying in a loving way that my godmother and grandmother instilled in me about work because they suggested to me that if I just worked hard, that I would get ahead, you know. And they too had bought into, you know, America as a meritocracy, so I don't you know, they taught me what they knew, but I know better. And

so when you know better, you do better. And we're not a meritocracy. And sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you work, you as a woman, still may not get on that job, the same salary, the same promotion opportunities, the same benefits as that male. You may not get the same clients, you may not get the same projects, And that has nothing to do with your work so here I am. I you literally cannot outwork me. I mean literally, I'm like the artist working person. That's what

I was taught to do. And as I got to be an adult and you know, started to realize, you know what, in some environments, it doesn't matter how hard I work because it's not about me. It's about the system. Yes, and the system is set up to advance certain people, and those people don't look like me. So I had to confront that, and for me, in some ways, it was like challenging the women that loved me.

you know, the system just turns them out. So that confronting that line was very difficult for me. But I wanted to have conversations like this about women and the things that we think we've been taught are the issues, when really it's not us because we can't work any harder. And you've seen this statistic that women, particularly black women, were amongst the most edueducated demographic in this country. Yes,

so why doesn't that translate? Why aren't there you know, just hordes of black women in the c suites and big corporations since, which is supposed to be a you know, demic. Yes, but there's supposed to be this connection, right, a dotted line between higher education, get your law degree, get your MBA,

get a PhD. And that should open up opportunities. Now, of course it does, but there are still barriers once you get to a or eployees, which is why you know, on a good year we might have two black women as CEOs. In most years we have zero.

that all the time. Good Morning, gorgeous, Morning, gorgeous, Good morning, gorgeous is such an important part of this. It's just that affirmation, and we can't give up. You know, the civil rights leaders in the fifties and sixties often would remind each other and I think remind future generations show equality is not one in one generation. It's every generation's response ability to keep fighting. So we don't get tired, we don't get weary, and you know, we have to

sit down and take a break. You know, we have to sit back sometimes, but we have to just keep pushing. We can't give in, you know, and we reject the patriarchy. I say that the patriot we rejected, just rejected it. It's hard when you've been agatting culcated with these messages.

Is easier for, you know, to rejected to start teaching girls at ten and twelve years old to do that, but for women who've been in the workplace and who have been you know, witness to these structural barriers and witnesses to the guy that you've trained, who now is your CEO. I have a good friend. She's a white woman, went to Stanford, has an NBA from Stanford, and she tells me to this day she was like the smartest, had the best grades with tutor, helped all these guys,

these white guys, they're all CFOs CEOs. And she has struggled because she took time off. She had kids and she has a son. Both her sons have some disabilities, one with autism, and her husband was a lawyer. But she Stanford MBA, became the main advocate care of the household. And then she's trying to get back into the workplace. She's looking at these guys, these guys that she tutored, who are now at the heads of these companies, and she's struggling to get back into the workplace. And that

is just such a common story. And when I wrote the book, I interviewed her, and I interviewed so many women like that who were either in a position and found themselves out of a position, either forced out of a job, left because it was such a toxic environment, or in her case, left to you know, be the primary caretaker for her two sons.

And they started this company to address that. How do you help them transition back into the corporate workplace. Maybe part time. Maybe this knowing that this and even that company they were a sourcing.

told that a couple of conflicting messages about looks. Either we're told looks don't matter, and it's what you bring to the table. Again, it's your productivity, it's your you know, your product that you produce, that's all that matters. Just focus on at Or we're told that as black women in particular, that our looks are not Eurocentric enough, like we can't wear raids or natural hair, or you know, you can't look a certain way. You know, you're in

the media. I work in the media, and women have to struggle with am I going on national television with braids? Am I going with a wig or a weave? And you know, all of these things that we have to think about in terms of our looks. That is counter to the message that your looks do matter. Right, it's just your hard work, and it's your hard work, it's your talent. But that is a lie. And we know there's studies that have been the lighter skinned women get

privileges that darker skinned women don't get. Thinner women are treated differently than heavier women. So all of these things that women have to contend with, you know, around looks. You know, now we're you know Lizo and women, you know, this whole focus on body positivity. Just be who you are. And still people are like, well, you know, you know, I really wish she would do this or I wish she would do that. So you know, you can't win, right,

we can't win. And literally these stories people, Literally when you're on TV, I use time to go and find my website, get me find my email, to send me an email. You know, your makeup is really too gray for you. Makeup is really too dark? Is that your real hair? My aunt I have? And this is lovingly again having a fight with her friends about my nickname growing up was Reebe. Is that Reebe's real hair? Because

you know she always had really long, thin care. I'm like, what does it matter if I bought it as mine? It's my hair. But again, those are the things that lie that looks. You know, so many conflicting messages around it, and we see it leads to a woman having eating disorders, self doubt, the impostures, depression, anxiety, I mean, real mental health issues. You remember the amazingly beautiful young woman who

was the beauty Queen NBA larwyor Chrisly. I had not I didn't meet her, but I had an opportunity to interview her mom a couple of times. I've gotten to know her mom, and she suffered from depressions. So she had some serious mental health issues. But a part of it was, you know, she became a beauty queen. She was almost twenty eight or so, feeling like working in the media, she was already too old and she was

twenty eight years old. But the other pageant you know queens were nineteen twenty culture with pageant culture is you know, vicious, so already and this was I mean, this girl had an NBA, she had a JD, she was an extra you know, red carpet correspondent, so on the surface she had everything, but still she did not feel like she was worthy and she had enough and a lot of it, and talking to her mom was the messages, the images, and she was biracial, and the hate she would you know,

white people say, well, you think, you know, you're not acting white enough. Black people say you're not acting black, and she was just torn and it really had you know, it's worse than her mental health issue. So that is a huge lie and we grapple with that. And one of the messages we send to young girls and you know, about their bodies, about their hair, and the patriarchy goes

way back. White men have been policing black bodies from day one, telling us what we can wear, what we can be, how we can act, how we can wear our hair. And again, you know, it's our time to reject that, to reject and that's why I just rank and who we are. I just love that who you are be authentically you, and I love that in this moment, at least there is some conversation of at it's some awareness and acceptance. And then don't get me started on

black men, because they too start. Let's because I love them, married to one, you know, love them, but they've been inundated with those white supremacy messages about what looks good and what women should look like, which is why we see a lot of black men reject black women, darker skin black women, you know, women that don't fit again, that euro centric uh, you know, aesthetic. We've been having

this conversation with someone about the whole uh, Erica Mina. Oh, and you know, do black men prefer kind of ambiguous race and exotic you know, women who are ambiguous in terms of their race, and you know that's an issue in our culture that we got to be open and oboly.

Until next time,