She gave love a second chance

If you were in a long-term relationship in your 20s and it didn't work out, you are entitled to compensation. Please reach out on 1-800. My heart is broken. hi guys welcome back to moment of silence pod i'm sakshi shivdusani i'm nana bhan and today i feel like we're going to have a really emotional conversation

We're here with Bumble for round two because contrary to popular belief, we love love and Bumble loves love and they're making space for people to get a shot at it. Right? And with their new campaign for the love of love, it's giving us all a reason to be hopeful. You know, and I feel like it's a lot to do with where we are in life. Yeah. I feel like I'm more awkward.

optimistic these days i think i'm calmer these days how come one i'm going to be presumptuous to say that this episode is kind of like our live-in relationships episode so if that episode you found useful i think this one might also be nice Two, because whenever we've spoken about breakups in the past, it's always been met from both of us with like a lot of unprocessed feelings. And I think since time has passed, we have processed said feelings.

Bold. Kinda. But what we haven't spoken about, which I think a lot of people will resonate with, is the fact that both of us are still romantics. The fact that we both still look forward to love and putting ourselves out there. and how that's evolved. firstly there's an internal battle between being an independent woman and being a lover girl but i do think that you can have it all this you can have all you can be an independent woman and you can be a lover girl yeah

You are weak in some aspect and strong in some aspect and that balance goes up and down. Sure, yeah. I just think it's like, basically, I do think that there is some sort of like... come back to community happening as of 2025 where like i think people have became a little bit too hyper independent to like these are my boundaries these are this these are that and we forgot that we live in a society

We live in a community. I feel like being lonely is probably top five worst feelings in life. And I do understand that there is like... there is like obviously resistance to finding love because the examples of love we've seen generationally have been very like

transactional so to speak like you know everyone serves a purpose in a relationship as opposed to our generation at least in india is probably the first to find like love for happiness rather than like a setup or anything relatively free will relatively free will where it's like we can choose to not get married we can choose to be by ourselves but i think Still, even though we do have that choice, everyone is constantly looking for love. Because Sakshi, it's neuroscience.

Literally when you meet someone new for the first time, there's this chemical reaction in your brain that causes a dopamine hit. And who doesn't want a dopamine hit? I would love a dopamine hit all the time.

would hit the dopamine vape so hard if you made it in that flavor you know me recently my friend called me the CEO of Bumble successes because I have so many like fun successful Bumble stories but where do you think like women our age are looking for love okay so just to preface that a little two days ago i went for the bumble x vogue party okay yeah and there i met

two of four couples who had found love on Bumble. And there are these beautiful films, these black and white films about finding love again and second chances and for the love of love. So one couple got for the love of holding hands. got for the love of like looking into each other's eyes and I met this one couple who was telling me their story they are married as of early this year they've been together for eight years

Zehra, who is the wife, said, you know, when I went on the app, when I went on Bumble, this was the first time I was coming out of a breakup. And this was the first time I wasn't looking for anything serious. I thought I would just have a nice time. And then she met her husband, Zeeshan.

who is the biggest v2 i have ever met okay he's so devoted to her and i think Just the fact that, and if I'm just presuming here, the fact that Zehra wasn't getting too ahead of herself when she was giving herself a second chance, you know, the fact that she was kind of taking it slow.

ended up in her actually finding the relationship that was her forever relationship. Yeah, I also feel like there's so much like talk around dating apps that people kind of at least as a woman going on it you think that you will not find someone just because there's so much abundance i was so overwhelmed okay and i didn't know how to

date casually and then i think a lot of women my age have that same fear of what we don't know what to do when we when we download bumble and we go on the app so i want to ask you as the queen of bumble help help the geriatrics out how do you find love on a dating app so okay so what i genuinely think is the goal of downloading a dating app is to meet like-minded individuals based on what they would describe themselves as yeah because you get like

a 30 second impression right on bumble through someone's profiles the prompts the pictures and it's not easy to tell everything about someone's knife from a dating app but you know like just like enough to be intrigued you think that there's going to be like so much so many men and like how am I going to navigate this and all but

there's so many filters to filter out people that you don't want people that you want like Bumble does a great job with like giving you these features like if you're looking for someone as the same relation type as you if someone's looking for long term and you're looking for long term you can literally filter that out through that so it's pretty personalized and I genuinely feel like the goal of a Bumble match is not to find the love of your life it is to find

someone you want to have a conversation with it is to get to know a person like you meet them on the app you talk for a bit you see the vibe and then if both of you guys are vibing then you go on a date and then like just see meet people like see what you like see what you don't like you're not going to marry every person that you match with but if you never put yourself out there how are you going to find the love of your life is my thing like i know there's a lot of like conversation around

like oh I don't know if I can do a dating app and all but like is the love of your life gonna come break down your door and say and if he does that is that the love of your life I think my fear and apprehension would come even to

like the most simplest thing like i don't know what conversation to have because i'm so used to having serious conversations i'm so used to having conversations about okay where is this going what does our life look like together what what is the color of our carpet in our beautiful fantasy

house basically it happens very often that when you like match with someone both of y'all get into this very love-bomb-y zone from your previous situationship and then you talk for eight hours a night and then all of that shit and then you kind of like it fizzles in two three days

yeah but the thing is if you go in with the whole like okay I'm just getting to know this person I just want to talk to them not like I have unresolved feelings from a previous breakup that I'm gonna be like okay i'm gonna like i'm gonna project project all of this on this new man because what does he know and there is a space for rebounds on dating apps yeah but if you have put long-term relationship like i feel like it's important to be honest with yourself about what you want right because

If you want a long term relationship, acting nonchalant and acting like you don't want a long term relationship is how you get your heart broken. Yes. But if I want a long term relationship, I think... it's okay to say it I also feel like you're again most people and I'm guilty of it and so are you we're always living in either the future or the past and no one's living in the present like today I could I could still today I

still want a long term relationship. But if I'm just processing heartbreak, realistically, if I ask myself right now, what do I need? i don't need a long-term relationship i need to sit here i need to work through some of the issues from my past relationship i need to work through what i want and have clarity in life and then i can go and speak to people because again with the thing with like

talking to people and attraction is that attraction makes you feel so heady and you get so swept up in it that without even figuring out what clarity you want in life, you're already thrown into another relationship. And projecting was a really big part of what you said.

when you've come out of a big relationship and you're still going through the feelings the first thing you project on this random person is your fear of getting abandoned again really mine is like i just pretend like i never went through a breakup i just was like yeah like i had like i think and i've been very lucky like i think i'm very good at using dating apps in the

to know people I'm good with the flirting I'm good with the banter it's like something I genuinely enjoy so when I'm using Bumble I've gone on like I've had like a month-long situationship and the saamnehwala also didn't want like anything serious i didn't want anything serious so we had a bunch of fun good dates and then eventually i matched with someone who was looking for

a similar thing to me and we're seeing where it goes but i like i i think um being on a dating app and swiping on a lot of people that you think will vibe with you and then you end up talking to even a few of them because you don't have to marry all of them but where are you going to find so many eligible bachelors fair uh if not on bumble fair like you know

you know I don't know I approach everything with such a scarcity mindset that the minute that I think this was a mistake I was making like in my rebound that every time I met someone with like half a pulse that I liked I was like oh my god I won't find anybody better than this

person you know and the other thing that I was struggling with is a time pressure because I was like oh I spent my 20s in a relationship and now in my 30s so technically I should still be in a big relationship and there is the time that I had to like Have fun, quote unquote, is gone. If you were in a long-term relationship in your 20s and it didn't work out, you are entitled to compensation. Please reach out on 1-800-

Okay, I'm going to tell you where I was after like when I was kind of getting out. And these are things that I wanted to work on before I got into the dating scene again. Okay. My number one thing was that I felt like I came with a lot of baggage.

And that made me very self-conscious. And I think that made me also very underconfident because I was like, oh my God, who wants to deal with my baggage? Who wants to deal with my baggage? I should make it a show. Who wants to deal with my baggage? It's the new Rakhi ka swahyam word.

yeah but that was something that made me really self-conscious because every relationship that I was trying to enter any person I was trying to talk to I was like oh my god but I've come with this mountain of information and it's overwhelming for anybody everyone has lived a life before they've come on a dating app and you can also do like age ranges and i refuse to believe that you have any more baggage than any other 30 year old yes like everyone has baggage and everyone

at the end of the day is looking for love and I know this is like me and my soft girl era we all know we've all seen the reddit threads we're not going to confirm or deny anything but I did meet someone on a dating app I feel like the perception also is like oh my god I've also matched with this person like a lot of people are like oh I've matched with Sakshi before she's on a dating app since forever but I'm like

yeah okay yeah i'm on a dating app i've met my partner on a dating app so yes you have matched with him i'm not going on a dating i'm matching with someone that's not got zero matches i know there's this like feeling of it being illegal and i'm like you know It's a very simple two plus two equation. Like if he is on a dating app, you are on a dating app.

Other people are also on dating apps I remember even with my ex there was this conversation about how he had matched with a bunch of people and there's this trend going Viral on Instagram. Viral meaning on my little corner of the internet. Oh, I matched with him on a dating app. Oh, he cut the umbilical cord when I had his baby. So I don't think it's the same thing. It's not the same thing.

Can't believe that we're still sitting and normalizing dating apps when they're so normal. Literally, I know at least eight couples whose weddings I've been to that all met on Bumble. Yeah. and it's a very like it's a very normal thing to meet like my cousin is getting roka next month and my dad yesterday we had met because we're doing some planning for her engagement and

he was like oh they met online i think now even like indian parents are so much more open to like uh dating apps yeah because they've seen so many success stories I know someone whose dad was like why don't you go on a trip with this person who they've only been together for like a few months because some other person was like oh yeah I met my wife on Bumble and then after two months of dating we took a small trip to

figure out each other's living styles and i think we got so much more compatible so like i feel like indian parents are also like chalo now that's why i don't think anybody ever this is the first generation where everyone's Kids are like going well into their 30s and 40s single. So even the parents are all quaking. They're trying to unionize and figure out how the hell to get this person out. They're like, Joby, but just do it.

i feel like now that the choice like now that we have choice in picking partners i think the fact that we're all still looking for partners says that we all want to be Love. 100%. We all want to be loved. We're all looking for partners, but we're all messing up in figuring out what we want. We're just like partner.

I know what I want I've been on so many dates and I've like met so many people that I know exactly what I don't want and I know what I want yeah and I think that's my biggest flex is that I've like been open to dating 100 percent like when sakshi was kind of going through the apps and meeting people

she would always like reach out to me for okay this is what i feel about this person i don't think this is working for me and i would always come from the school of thought of like have a little patience give it some time and it's actually like but I know this doesn't work for me.

I'm a 10 on 10 somebody else is a 9 or an 8 on 10 so why should I compromise yeah to which I was like actually when she put it like that I was like oh she was like no answer we had this conversation quite recently yeah and like I only have to be a 10 on 10 in my head so don't come in the comments and call me a cow or something. The second thing that I had to work on which is something that I work on passionately is an every like millennial girl.

needs to decent a man you know yeah i was a man pagloo like really and i'm a man hater yeah but

that's also centering men is what i've realized yeah so i asked chat that day i was like hey i want to work on decentering men as part of my personality but then i was like my content is still about men because that's what works on the internet So it's very difficult to like separate the two because a lot of my friends I also work with and like all of that But it also depends on like what part of your life you're in, right?

I don't know. I think women who are younger maybe are just a little bit better at advocating for themselves or again like having that black and white feeling of I have spent so much of my life putting men on pedestals from the time that I hit puberty actually before I was always I remember when I was like four years old I fell in love with my neighbor and then like I did this whole like like I went and I lay on the ground in front of him like saying that oh you you are not spending time

and then i went to my mom and i was like i told him i love him then i went to my mom i was like i told him i love him so i've always like been weird with like yeah yeah very intense and then imagine having to peel back that much centering yeah no i feel like my friends that love freely are

much more likely to find love like even on dating apps you know like if everyone's playing these like texting games like if he took two hours to respond i'll take two hours to respond and all of that but then i was thinking that the love of my life is not going to make me run in circles to like

commit or like to like to get me whatever the equivalent of flowers is that i want because i don't want flowers so i talk to everyone like one big tip actually i feel like for people that are like downloading dating apps making a profile and all this if you like something weird that you think makes you unlikable, please put it on your profile because there's no point of pretending to be every other girl because you're not gonna get married.

to someone who thinks like yeah who thinks it's weird like if you have this like weird niche hobby put it out there because at the end of the day your husband can't be like yuck what a dirty hobby like you need them to support the hobby so be upfront about it and i also My other friends, like my younger friends who are... of the same like dating app generation what we do is five pictures on a dating app we put a different vibe to all the five pictures and then based on

which guy like says like oh my god i like this picture the most we can tell something about the guy how interesting like one will be like ethnic where one will be like this baddie picture one will be a selfie the people that are like oh my god i love the third picture on your profile we know that they actually like the baddie picture but it's too forward because they want to feel like they match with us for our personality even though the first impression on a date

app is your appearance yeah I also feel like it's really important to like show yourself doing hobbies so apparently the human brain makes a judgment within a hundred milliseconds of seeing

someone's face okay which is like a survivor instinct which happened obviously from when we were like early man where it was your brain needs to complete patterns and brain needs to complete stories so for example if you see like an iron plugged into a board you're not going to go touch the iron because your brain has made the story loop

finished that the iron might be hot so that's dangerous now we don't live in prehistoric times anymore no no even though the men might make it seem that way no i'm kidding uh but uh what is that happening is that people start being bringing that anxiety into dating where and tell me if you do this i do it a lot i've

toned it down is the stories that we tell ourselves when someone doesn't respond to our text on time yeah when someone says they're busy when someone likes had something to do and then suddenly we as main characters in their lives feel like oh my god they hate me they obviously don't like me yeah but I also do feel like in modern dating it kind of becomes a game sometimes and it's because people are so insecure about being left on seen or read that they would rather not

respond like they would rather be like you know after two days of texting someone if you know someone doesn't respond from nine to five you'll wake up in the morning at 7 30 and be like i'll just text them at 5 30 in the evening and my thing is like firstly if you're making it like if your self-worth is based on whether or not you're getting matches or you're getting like uh responses on time and all then that's

sometime you need to take and reflect and be like okay why am i doing this am i doing this for an ego booth am i doing it because i want to find someone why am i so attached to someone i've known for 24 hours like it's okay to have expectations from a partner it's okay to have expectations from someone if you've been dating them for two months but if in one week if you're like putting all your self-worth based on whether you're

match has responded or no then i feel like that's the time to be like okay maybe i'm need to reevaluate whether i still want to be on this app whether i'm ready to date seriously because Why would you attach yourself to a stranger? I think the other thing women like who are younger and who are watching reels do is that they think that setting boundaries and the idea of not wasting your time while dating is that you come in.

so strong like on a first date or a second date be like yo i want to be a passenger princess and i need i'm not going to pay for the bill and i'm going to do this and i'm going to do that you need to adhere to all that and that's not really

that's kind of moving into a fear of like not wanting to be treated a certain way or some kind of projection of something that's not being whole inside because People take time to be able to first get to know you and first get to understand whether they want to do this for you.

But if that is a non-negotiable for you, which I agree that going on the first date and going like, oh, I want to have a destination wedding in Nandaipur with 200 people is not the move because why will the Samhniwara care about that? But I think if it is absolutely a non-negotiable for you that you want to be taken care of in that way if you want to be a passenger princess then say it on the first date but then don't be surprised if the other person doesn't want to.

adhere to it like it's okay to know that like i know that there's guys that want what they want i know there's girls that want what they want and i would be so happy if they came and told me on the first date because then i wouldn't waste my time yeah like i feel like if you're lying on like if you're lying while dating i feel like it's so counterproductive because how much of your life are you going to spend

pretending yeah at some point y'all are going to be living in a one-bedroom house and sharing a bathroom and y'all will know everything about each other so i'm not saying like go in with like your worst foot on a first date and like which is like worst hand is what i meant I'm not saying you just be like, I don't like this, I don't like that.

But if there are certain things that are absolute non-negotiables for you and you know that they are deal breakers to other people, then be upfront about it. In fact, I think it should be on your profile. Like, don't make... me waste my time in that aspect like i know some like i'm 28 now so i've been dating a lot of 28 year olds and the problem is that

People don't want to be honest with themselves because they're scared of rejection. So they're not honest with you by the same logic. It's not like them telling you about their issues like two months later.

are not going to still make them a deal breaker for me yeah fair so that's and the love of your life is not going to find these things to be deal breakers if this person is the love of your life and if they Like if you've just met and they do like things about you then I don't think they'll be so afraid of having

a difficult conversation or saying listen I hear you right now I'm not ready right now to have this conversation but let's get to know each other I'm not getting scared by this I think it's a challenge that I'd like to take on yeah and

Like I think the one time I opened up about my relationship I was like oh honey you're being gaslit XYZ ABC okay that was the comment because I said that it's okay for me not to be texting my partner constantly you're expecting a text back and that's just to say that i feel like i'm in a place in my life and when i was in my 20s i want the person to text me all the time because i think i needed that kind of validation yeah but i'm at that place right now where

their consistent actions over a period of time is what I'm looking out for and those consistent actions aren't good morning beautiful good night beautiful they are when i've come back from a long day this person has made sure that there's like a hot meal waiting for me they've like set the home up done the like put the mood

to like decompress me they're actively going out their way to figure out how to make my life easier actively taking steps in their life to make sure that dreams that i want for us together are getting achieved i also think that only two people know what works for them yes in a relationship and if that is like not talking for three days that's not talking for three days if that is texting literally like being on facetime for 24 hours

it's being on facetime for 24 hours none of these things would work for me like but that's the thing right like there was this huge thing about like uh you know when you're like talking hush hush about how someone's relationship is not working

oh they sleep in separate beds but that's the best way to sleep literally i don't want someone in my bed all the time like yeah so it's like i feel like right now like i said we're the first generation practicing free will at the end of it like i do think there is some level of like honesty that should come with your friends because you should not be dating someone your friends are absolutely worried about who's treating you like shit and it's good to know that your friends will

tell you the truth about your relationship but at the same time it's also important to keep some things between the people because why would you put your relationship out there for people to judge yeah And I think as a friend I've also realized that I have some friends whose partners I'm like whatever they're there they're not there I don't care but as long as my friend is happy and she's not being like

mistreated who am I to say anything like the other thing with friend of talking to your friends about your relationship right it also depends on where the friend is in their lives with because a lot of the time like i know when my friends were coming to me for dating advice when i was freshly out of a breakup I was projecting so much of my own triggers onto them that for me everyone like I'm convinced no this person is not good this person is going to like

be a massive disappointment to your life. But that is just me projecting my insecurities onto somebody else. So even when you and your friends are kind of venting and talking about oh my partner does this does that I think take it with a pinch of salt always and be like okay even if they're angry with their partner and they sound like they're going to break up this is just them venting yeah but I will say every time you ask like

A woman about her partner. It feels like she's ranting off her resume.

like you know it feels like hey actually he's a great guy he also cooks at home he also does this which is so funny to me because you ask a guy about his girlfriend like even if you're his friend and they know it's like yeah she's my girlfriend now deal with it like you know yeah they're not waiting they're not like oh i hope you like this guy like i hope look at his accolades look what he did for me and i think that's something you should

like we should all take from men because why the fuck do we care like you know why am I going and going like oh yeah this is what he does for work this is how many times he goes to the gym this is what his political beliefs are like why am I pitching this person like do i want my entire group to date him no it's my relationship so why do i go in with this like like giving a shelter puppy away like

plays well with kids like no no not this photo i promise he's good looking i swear he's better looking in person to my friends who are dating worse guys like across the board and but i will say like you know like my group that's like all like 24 25 they are so unabashed in their love like it's so fun to watch like i know one girl she literally wears like t-shirts of with her boyfriend's face on it to bed

Like, and I'm like, sure. I wear a t-shirt with your face on it. Yeah, same. Because I have the NNRB t-shirt. So I wear a t-shirt with your face. Too bad. But I'm like, why? Like... it's a very millennial woman thing you know like gen z women are fine they are happy to love they're happy to love freeney they'll tell you that they like to wash their husbands underwear sometimes and that's all well and good between them boomer women

are like yeah fuck I have to wash his underwear all the time. Millennial women are like how can he wear underwear that I don't like that is not approved by my friends like you know I don't know why we do that why does this feel so personal yeah No, no, I feel you. A moment of silence. A moment of silence. For the first time. You know, one debate that I constantly have dealt with in my... Mind is is am I being patient or is this person wasting my time?

Am I being manipulated? Yeah, am I being manipulated or is this person wasting my time? Everyone's on this thing of like, I don't want you to waste my time. But they are also sitting on reels and watching for 10 hours doom scrolling. But somehow when you're in a relationship.

they shouldn't waste your time yeah um what do you think about that like how do you ascertain whether someone is wasting your time or whether they are ebbing and flowing according to the natural pace of a relationship so okay I think being patient is a virtue. And actually, can you, can I please say, I'm a big panicker.

Okay, anytime anything is happening, anytime I'm getting overwhelmed, I'm like, let's do this in the quickest way possible. But when I went diving, there was this like, there's no point panicking when you're underwater, right? So after that, I've like kind of... learned to be a little patient i know very don't stress but

There is something to being patient and going like, okay, I can't ask this guy whether he wants to marry me after one day. You know, there is a time and a place for that. Maybe one and a half day. You know, there's a time and place for that.

in my head and I know giving ultimatums is like oh how can't you give me an ultimatum whatever whatever but in my head i have a timeline so why should i not follow that timeline like why should i wait two more weeks because you have said give me two more but this timeline thing is a big loop okay yeah because again a timeline is meant for a female leading production okay there's one character means that if it's a rom-com there's two people who are getting 50 50 screen time right

this timeline situation when you're like this is my solo timeline I think is like it's like only Alia Bhatt can be in that film you know okay no but I'm saying it doesn't work why because then you're treating the other person in your life as a puppet or a dummy who's just coming in to like be efficient within the little pen that you've made for them and then leave.

But what about their timeline? What about their feelings? But if my timeline doesn't align with him, he may not be the love of my life. I'm saying, okay, let's look at our parents, right? Now that's like 30...

plus years of a relationship there have been times when their timelines have not aligned at all but things still I mean and it's not humanly possible I mean look at us okay right now both of us are like single women in the way of like we're single partners in this business tomorrow suppose you get married your life will get displaced a little bit so one of us has a kid life will get displaced a little bit our timelines might not

Right, but I'm saying like if our timelines are not matching to the point that we can't sit every week and do a Friday upload, then moment of silence has a property. doesn't work so if i have my timeline and i'm dating someone and they're absolutely not aligned on that because i also feel like love is so much about timing if i met the same person six years ago maybe i would not be vibing with them at all maybe they would ghost me like you don't know like what

other people are going through so i think that timing is so important in love and it's okay to like kind of so many couples break up because someone is doing long distance and long distance doesn't work for them and i think that's okay because love is not just like blind where we're like oh

I like this person's personality they like my personality so I will compromise on my career to do it I'll compromise on my education to do it like in terms of like going abroad so I think it's okay to be like okay I have a lot of love for you I cherish you a lot But this is not what I need in life right now. And I'll find you again if it works. So then tell me something. Suppose moment of silence takes her.

break yeah right suppose we come back for another season a little bit later when we're aligned is that us giving each other a second chance or is that us balancing our relationship in the way that it works right now I think we're giving each other a second I don't I don't like this analogy no because I'm just saying that I feel like and there's this like emotional side like relationship psychologist Esther Perel who has an amazing podcast and she also talks about like you know

each partner cannot be at 100% all the time. So it's a good thing to come in when you're in a relationship. At the end of the day, whenever you guys meet, decide, okay, and ask each other, what percent are you at? Some days you'll be at 40, I'll be at 60.

I think I'm talking about like if I want to be married in two years and the person I'm with wants to be doesn't know whether he wants to be married I'll wait for one more year and then if he hasn't made a decision I'll be like okay you know you don't know what you want i'm aware of what i want so i'm going to leave and i will see what i want to do with my life because clearly you're not where i'm at right now and if that kind of like if

my partner's love for me kind of outweighs their like unsurety of whether they want to get married then they will take that step to join me in my timeline but if they are still like staring at me and going like I don't know what I want then I don't think it's wrong for me to just move on and do what I want okay so in a situation where your partner is being unresponsive like not unresponsive but unresponsive also I'm like if

say he wants like men in general if they want a kid like 38 i want a kid at 28 but we're both 28 right now yeah but i also like i understand that like there is a Like if I've spent five years with this person and I have to start over again with someone else and I don't know whether I'm going to find someone else, then why would I leave the person that I'm with?

Because otherwise, at least with him I know I'll have a kid at 38. When I'm single, I don't even know if I'll meet someone I want to have a kid with.

no no I feel you no it is and that's I guess that's also where a lot of people get stuck right a lot of women my age get stuck in that conversation whether and this panic this whole idea of panic right the minute things are not going according to how you suddenly plan them in your head it's panic you have baby fever you see someone else's baby it's panic you know you watch a movie the the protagonist does something you've been wanting to do it's panic again that panic is like again any emotion

is about the entire emotion from start to finish is a timeline of a whopping 90 seconds a heightened emotion

the only time when it like stays with you longer than 90 seconds is when you're not letting yourself feel the emotion so if you let yourself feel the emotion and sakshi is really good at it she goes for walks walk and feel your emotion while your brain is working on two different things together you will actually come to a more of a like a baseline nervous state

Like this panic mode is survivor mode, right? Like neutral. Yeah. Come to neutral and then you see how you feel about it. I think there's a lot of like sunk cost fallacy in the relationships. I think I've said it before also. Where people know that... realistically their relationship is not working but they're like what am i going to do i've never used a dating app before i don't know where to find people i'm gonna get quote unquote leftovers if i like leave right now but

And I know I've said this also before, but it's like better to admit that you've entered a wrong, that you opened the wrong door than to spend your entire life in the wrong room. I've actually been quite... One of my aunts who's like 50 is also dating someone from a dating app right now and I think it's like... It's quite fun to watch different age groups use the same apps and get it more like, okay, this is what I want right now, so I will.

yeah invest in that like and i think relationships are a lot like the grass is greener where you water it but it's okay if you don't want to water the grass it's okay if you've spent like years watering the grass and the grass is acting going like, I will not grow, I will not grow. It's okay to be like, no, I will buy a new garden. Spoken like India's most successful content creator. Where has this joke come from? I don't know. It's my favorite joke.

okay but real real talk if you are new to dating apps and i know it is very overwhelming i am with you pumble has this great feature it's got it's called dating advice hub you have experts

telling you little snippets about different aspects of dating they've got very powerful quotes and little articles so you can always take a break from like swiping and go and center yourself again and go back to I'm very upset that I was not asked to give advice. Yeah, please take it up with Bumble. Hey, Bumble. Hello. Sakshi, I want to ask you.

Because I know this is something, you're dumb. You're like wearing a fucking blazer and you're sitting here asking me questions. I'm feeling like, ask her. Okay, I wanted to ask that we have a lot of girls from us. They're a little bit ex-pugloo. They love their exes. They think they were the best thing to happen to them. When is it okay to give your ex a second chance? Honestly?

like i said timing is a big thing and i was in a relationship and i did try to make it work just because i knew the person and like i was

like we have some kinks that we need to figure out but i'm sure we can make it work and i don't think like uh anyone would have been against me and my ex getting back together but at the end of it it wasn't working for whatever reason so it wasn't working but i don't think there's any shame in getting back with your ex as long as it's like this is firstly not a sign to get back with your ex okay i would like to

Say that with my full chest. Sit and think about whether you missed the perversion that you think your ex was. Are you just lonely? Are you like... Are you afraid of being alone? Are you looking for validation? Are you missing the comfort of the ego boost of somebody else telling you you're amazing when you should be telling that to yourself? Are you just attached to a person because you have spent time with them?

also like a very big thing like you may not love this person but you're so used to them that the loss of them from your life feels like oh fuck what's going on yeah like you know if those are the reasons you want to get back with your ex

don't do it i also think a big one is if you got cheated on and i know there's like some some people are like oh he'll never do it again or whatever and that's whatever i'm not of that school of thought i think if there was infidelity involved don't touch that even with a 10 foot pole but

If y'all didn't work out because one of y'all got a job in another city, one of y'all moved for work, you're not trying again because like maybe... at least in India when you're younger your parents don't want you to date if you're not trying because of that if it was like

inter-caste issue or something and your parents have come around now that you're older and now they just want grandchildren and you're broken up with them because of that I think all of those reasons definitely you should try and explore but then if your parents are the ones that didn't want these things or like if the issue was with you then you sit and work on it and if the issue is with with your

ex-partner that you're trying to make it work with then you make sure that they are at least aligned on those issues and they've figured it out and not only like oh baby i swear this time if you get back with me i'll make it work words don't mean anything You know, unless it's me telling you all to subscribe to this podcast. And hype this episode. And hype it. Yeah. Then it makes sense. I agree. Yeah.

um i think when you get out of a long relationship and you have those wobbly feelings of wanting to come back every time there's a sign of like panic again please acknowledge what you're feeling journal what you're feeling also like i've said in many episodes before if they've been there's been bad behavior log the bad behavior because again your brain tries to make like

patterns the brain romanticizes their good parts when you're feeling panicky so it's good to have like a black and white log of bad behavior so you can always refer that's aggressive i think it works i mean long longer term relationship three months he didn't buy me flowers on tuesday that's like a direct quote from my life but yeah and also like losing someone after so many years is literally like mourning a loss it's like mourning

a death honestly okay it is okay i who have tried both okay no but no it is it is you've been with that person for like so long they've been a part of your life and suddenly they're just like removed yeah yeah yeah no I feel like it's important like on the same thing and 100% if like logging the bad behavior works for you go for it what works for me is logging how I felt in the moment and whether this person gives a shit about how I felt like if I

Like, I really like when people are able to be like, oh, if I say like, oh, this hurt me. And Samnibala is like, oh, I recognize that it hurt you. And he actually doesn't do it again. which is also a genre genre of things that happen yeah but I think like at the end of the day do you want to feel like everything you're doing is pissing the other person off like do you want to feel like oh me not coming home on time is going to be an issue like these are things that you need to work out like with

my my invasive thought is like why doesn't the other person have these feelings they do they don't then they just sit there and stare at your face yeah but i mean they have other feelings they're like ah Why is she always talking about what time I came to? That's the thing, you have to find two people that are like, we don't care about the time the other person came to.

Like as long as y'all are on the same page and the page is not some crumpled mess that you use to like doodle expletives on. Yeah. Then all's good in the hood. My analogies get worse every video. I mean, you used expletives. So, you read a lot of books. I've read a lot of books. Sakshi is killing it. We had put up some polls and stories on Instagram to feed in what your views are on second shots and chances. So let's see what you guys have said.

so the first prompt was what's a lesson you wish you'd learned earlier one person said the lesson i have learned is female best friends will leave you if you give them breakup advice about their bare minimum boyfriends

Was not expecting that after such an emotional conversation. No, but that is so true. It's true. But I don't think, no one wants to be put on blast.

If I was bitching about my parents, would you feel comfortable saying anything about my parents? No So by the same vein if like unless you're like okay bare minimum boyfriends I'm the biggest like don't date a bare minimum guy don't date a bare minimum guy but if you value your friendship with your girlfriend and you want her to have a safe space to come back to then keep your mouth shut

I think like the last time female friends got super emotional you remember in school when like your friend like smoked a cigarette or something and you'd be like oh don't you know drugs are like bad for you oh no that's the only time and no one ever listened to that friend okay yeah because it's like what is

Hitching your ass. Exactly. Like from my relationship. As long as I'm obviously talking in like a... healthy space yes if but also if your friends are in toxic relationships also the more it's like a very normal very common thing that the victim in the toxic relationship will ice Isolate.

herself more and that is what her toxic partner wants. So if you actually care for your friend you keep your mouth shut and hope that they come to their senses and even if they don't come to their senses you need to be there otherwise your friend is being in more harm is like and it's like not just me saying it because of anything other than the fact that I've seen my friends go through this and the more I've told them the more harm has befallen my friend but the more I've been like

just a listening ear they've come to their senses themselves and then they've come and apologize to me later so there's no point of being the friend that like is like oh dump him dump him dump him because your friend's not gonna dump him she's going to dump him eventually but your friendship will never recover from that what's a lesson you wish you'd learned earlier started a live-in relationship after three months of dating him and cooked and cleaned for him never doing that again

For more information, please refer to our Live in Relationships episode. And there's no need to cook or clean. Like, absolutely no need to cook or clean for anyone other than yourself and any pets or kids you have. in that order the second prompt was do you believe in the idea of a soulmate do you believe in an idea of a soulmate i'm like conflicted i don't believe what What is a soulmate? I mean, I do think soulmates exist in like a, you can work towards being a soulmate with someone.

I don't think like a soulmate is limited to your romantic relationship with someone. That's true, yeah. Like you are my soulmate. Yeah. Love ka dekha jaega. Yeah, but I genuinely think, but I don't think you can only have one soulmate. Yeah, I know. After the number of blends you've started with different people. Fuck these blends, bro. You know, you never go on our blends just by the way. And if I send Nana something from our blend, she'd be like, what the fuck is up with your feed?

From our blend, which is suggested for both of us, she'd be like the blend is not accurate. I've seen the shit you like. Okay, so do you believe in the idea of a soulmate? First person has said, I think soulmates just don't have to be romantic, they can be platonic too. She's such a copycat. Preaching to the choir. You read it, no? No bitch, I didn't.

The second one is, I believe what's meant for you will find you. This person has been stung in love really badly. But are you of the school of thoughts like, oh, when you stop looking for love is when you find it? I think when you like... pay attention to yourself is when you find it but okay so is that a yes or a no uh it's a no oh yeah same because some people they try to rig the system like I'm not looking for love I think if you want love you have to actively go and find

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. With a good logbook of intentions. What is a logbook? Just a book where you write stuff, right? Why are you giving it a name? Like a log book is where you log attendance and stuff. Yeah. You've been through a breakup. Biggest anxiety about getting back into dating. The guy being a shitty human with zero models. Yeah. That is also everyone's biggest anxiety. That's my anxiety of working with someone. But yeah.

So fair. These women are getting too picky. What do you mean you want in a shitty human? If the chemistry is there, I'll ignore the lack of compatibility and it'll blow up in my face again. Oh. That's so true. That's so true. But... Yeah, you know, it's like more than inter-caste, you should see like inter-music taste. Inter-music taste? Can you date someone who's like, bro, I still remember this one guy, literally.

i was seeing him for like a week or something and one like sunday we went for like a brunch or something not a week a month maybe and then he came to my house and he was like oh let's listen to music so i said sure and he has played some lyric-less nonsense and not in earphones or anything he's just like listened stood in front of my TV and just vibed by himself for an hour

I had to take an axe dom after he left. I was like, what is wrong with him? And then I was like, I'm never going to date anyone who likes dancing. Dancing. to this oh okay yeah yeah i feel you yeah you know the song oh no we need copyright for my impeccable music and then last but not the least What's one mistake you made in love? Naina, top one? Top one? Top one mistake, sweeping things under the rug.

Yeah, like, you know, I don't want to kill the vibe right now, so I won't bring it up. The vibe killed me. The vibe killed me so bad. No. Oh, this person goes hard or goes home, neglecting my... education, career, and health. What? We asked for one mistake. How do you neglect your health and love? It's possible. I was gonna say like, you know

habits that form in a relationship like if one person wakes up late it's not that they'll start waking up only because of you. You'll start waking up late. So it's important to date someone better than you. I agree. Very hard to find. A unicorn. I watched Matidianist by the way. I did not enjoy it at all. Like, firstly, I don't understand why the...

it felt like there was no emotion while she was talking and that's me saying it who i literally drone and then like i didn't get the point of the movie like i was like why why is this happening why are these cave people here what is going on the cave people bro i switched it off you know the first time i started it then i had nothing else to watch so i watched it but i didn't like it at all my biggest ick in a relationship and this is like in either direction if you feel like

you are not enough for somebody if you feel leave why the f are you wasting everyone's time like but my biggest thing also is that if you feel like you're better than your partner why the f aren't you yeah exactly same that's what i'm saying then why are you waiting on each other to be like oh i don't want to be too much for you i don't i am too little for you fuck off yeah just let's move on and on that note let's end this bye bye bye