#830 - Alex Hormozi - 24 Controversial Truths About Success & Failure

Hello friends, welcome back to the show. My guest today is Alex Hormozi. He's a founder, investor, and an author. Alex's Twitter has been one of my favorite sources of insights over the last few years, and today we get to go through some of his best lessons about life, human behavior, psychology, business, and resilience. Yet again, this is so, so good. Expect to learn how to stop being indecisive and actually take action, how to persevere when things get rough, why overnight successes don't happen.

Why Alex hates being around negative people, if there is a wrong way to live your twenties, the single most important habit to cultivate in life, and much more. I love these episodes with Alex. I'm going to keep doing them because I keep learning stuff and I think he's got a lot to teach us, and the episodes move at this really quick pace.

It's fast enough to be interesting and slow enough for the points to have time to marinate. It's perfect. I really, really hope that this turns you take away from this one. Don't forget that if you are new here or a long time listener, you might be listening, but not subscribed. And the next couple of weeks have got the biggest guests we've ever had coming on the show, Dr. Andrew Huberman, Eric Weinstein, Robert Green, and a ton more.

So if you don't want to miss those episodes, just press subscribe, it helps to support the show, and it makes me very happy, and it ensures you don't miss episodes when they go up. So go and do it for me. I thank you. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Alex Hormozzi. Here we are again. Hard things are hard. That's why they're hard. Another episode.

The biggest risk to your future isn't your competition. It's the distractions you insist on keeping in your life rather than doing the things you know you should be doing but aren't. People delay doing things they don't like for longer than it takes to do them.

There have been so many times in my life where I knew I needed to do something and then I filled all this extra time not doing that thing. And then the moment I did it, I was like, wow, that took way less time than I thought it was going to take. And not only that, it took way less time than it took me to delay to actually get to this point.

And if I had only started with just doing what I was supposed to do, I could have done four or five other things that I was also supposed to do by this exact same point. And so thinking about it from that perspective, I've tried to eliminate as much time between I think I should do this thing in beginning doing it.

And I think you get this positive reinforcement cycle that occurs every time you start, I call it pulling the thread, it's like, I just need to start pulling the thread. And then all of a sudden what feels really unknown becomes very tangible and you're like, oh, I understand the six problems I have to solve to do this big thing. But now I know the problems and then it feels like you can you can wrap your arms around it and then you can start taking it one bite at a time.

This same thing works in reverse as well that when you put something off, it makes putting it off more manana manana manana. I used to define power by the distance between thoughts and reality. Meaning if you think about somebody who's omnipotent, so if God or the God figure would be omnipotent as he thinks things are. So there's zero space between thoughts and reality.

And so if we want to be more God-like in our lives, the distance that we can shrink between wanting to do something or thinking something should be done. And it being done is a direct indication of our personal power in our lives. And so that has helped me basically think don't be a powerless bitch. Just shrink the gap. And I think that's why a lot of my my little like personal hacks of waking up and then trying to shrink the time between when I wake up and when I start working.

And shrinking the time between one task and the next task like you don't need to take 30 minutes of getting ready to start working. Like you can just start working because as soon as you get into it, you start pulling the thread and you're like, oh, here it is. And all of the time that I was getting ready to work, I was just using up my best brain power time on things that truly don't move the needle at all.

Yeah, I came to call that the productivity rain dance that you sort of do this weird sacred ritual beforehand. And we've spoken about this before, but it's you know, there are certain things that you can do that will make success or productivity or focus more likely and better. That doesn't mean that you should disregard them that over reliance on them makes a very fragile unrobust way to get into working. I would delineate the difference between preparation and routine.

And so if I'm preparing for a presentation, for example, I might assemble my notes. I might read some stuff about the audience ahead of time. I might read about whoever's doing the event and learn more about that. I see that as preparation for the thing, which I still see as work. And I think some people, I made a post about how preparation is like everything I put a lot into preparation.

They're like, oh, see, you have a morning routine. I was like, no, no, no, I don't need to stand on one foot and do 17 cold plunges and write six affirmations because none of those things are directly related to the work that I'm going to do. And so for me, if it's basically preparation, it's just a stage of the work. And so if I need to prepare to work, then that's fine as long as it's related to the work that I'm going to be doing.

Well, we spoke about this yesterday, the difference between focusing on inputs and focusing on outcomes. If you optimize for outcomes, the inputs are always optimized. But if you optimize for inputs, what did I actually get done at the end of the day? So the person that does do the productivity rain dance and it takes ages and everyone's done this. Everyone's got a blank piece of paper in front of them. And they end up washing dishes that they never use.

The weirdest tasks become alluring because of that, focusing on outcomes. So when we brought this up, it was perfect because I had a whole thing that I was wanting to talk to you about this. So I'm a big proponent of something I call the rule of 100. And I'm not the one who invented this, but it's basically 100 primary actions. So I talk about this within the context of advertising. So you make 100 minutes of content.

You do 100 outreach if you're doing outbound. You do, you spend $100 a day on ads. Or if you've already spent the money on ads, then you're doing 100 minutes a day of writing ad copy, looking at other people's ads, looking for hooks, and then trying to create more advertisements for your business. And the rule of 100, for most people, takes about four hours a day, ish. And the thing is, is that's pure inputs, not output.

But I've already taken the time to define what those inputs are that create the outputs. But later on in the book, 100 million dollar leads, I talk about the rule of 100 on steroids, which is something that I learned from a guy who owned 13 or 14 really successful gems. And he called it open to goal. And he said, yeah, yeah, he said, my managers work open to goal. And I was like, what does that mean? It's like, so they work open until they hit their goal.

And so sometimes that means they hit their goal by noon and they can cut out. Or that means that they have to go from 5 a.m. until midnight that night, because that's how long it takes them to hit the goal. And so I've seen this across a lot of high achievers across the main. So like, I'll keep shooting free shots until I hit 100 free shots.

I will run until this happens. I will practice my presentation until I do zero mess ups, right? Or whatever that that output is that you want for quality or quantity. And I think that you have to first figure out what the input is that most closely correlates or tracks with the output you want. And then you jam as much as you possible can into inputs. Because if I said, hey, go get me 10 customers.

Yeah, exactly you freeze because it's like, what do I do? And so then normally people start, they skew like behavior skew. So it's all over the place. It's scattered, the shotguns sprays. And then they eventually figure out one thing that works. And then it's like, once you hit that, then you just jam that button as hard as you possibly can. And I think that I've been disproportionately successful in different domains of my life by ruthlessly focusing on one input.

I mean, even when I was a kid when I played video games, it's like if you find a spawn point for zombies right before the end of the level, I would just sit there for like eight hours and just wait for the troll to come up and just slice him again and get my little diamonds and put it in. And I would just do that for hours because I was like, oh, I got a level up my avatar. But I think I play the game of business the exact same way.

Andy Groves says there are so many people working so hard and achieving so little. And that's the lack of correlation between inputs and outcomes. Yeah, I think the vast majority of business, I'm obviously I come from the business perspective, the last vast majority of business owners work a fair amount. They just work on the wrong stuff and they do it the wrong way. And so they get so little further effort that they wonder when they're at home empty handed in bed.

Why is in this working when I am working, but if you define work, at least the way I do, which is output. So I define work by output. And in order to get output, it's volume times leverage. So how many times you do the thing times how much you get for each time you do it. And so that is the do you work smart or do you work hard. It's you do both you do as many reps as you possibly and you were you do it with the most leverage possible.

So if I make a hundred phone calls, the leverage that I can have there would be how skilled I am. So if I make a hundred calls, I might get ten times more. And so I worked more. I had more output than somebody has less skill. But the only way you get skilled is by doing more inputs by working more.

And so it's this first recycle of doing more and getting better and then you get more for what you do. Yeah, magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding all the time every single time that there is we're not making progress in this way. What is the highest pain task that's in front of me that I've put off the most it's always that one it always is you know.

After you spend enough time thinking about work and deconstructing the way the peace your day and your life together, you sometimes believe that the answer is is still out there. And what you actually realize is that you've already learned it. And it's like it's that quote or that insight or that book. It's one of the first books you read because all of the big insights from productivity and personal development are the lowest hanging fruit.

They're the ones that repeated across the most book because they're the most reliable scalable and robust. It's like I don't need to be looking out there for most of the new insights that just shit that I already learned. Yeah, we need to be reminded more than we need to be taught. It's one of my favorites. Bad things don't come in threes bad things happen. People don't know how to cope. And they allow one bad thing to snowball into more bad stuff sucks.

The only thing worse is letting one bad thing ruin many good things. I'm glad you found that one. That was one on that list of things that you know quotes I wish had gone more viral. The amount of I think it happens more when you're younger but you know girlfriend breaks up with you. Okay, then you go into work and you sulk because you're distracted and then you don't do the same level of effort and you're not enthusiastic.

All of a sudden your work suffers and you get you get put on a pit where you get fired. And then now you're fired and you don't have a girlfriend and then you start gaining weight and you stop going to the gym. And all of a sudden you're like, man bad things happen in threes. It's like no bad things happen all the time. And they only become interrelated if you let it affect your behavior. And so I think the equal opposite of that is thinking, okay, this bad thing occurred.

What can I do to decrease the likelihood something else bad occurs in the meantime. And then boiling everything down to activities or the actions that I have to take. And I think about that actually a lot, which is how like if you think about from the power perspective of okay, something bad happens, how much will affect my behavior. Well, the person who is indestructible would have something terrible happen and then nothing with change. And I love that get better.

Exactly. Yeah, that's not an ifrogyllity right? Yeah, the sort of griffin door it only drinks in that which makes it stronger. Fucking Harry Potter reference when expecting that. Yeah, the people don't know how to cope thing, especially with bad stuff is it does explain why you end up with this weird spiral. Tiny little avalanche pebble at the top and then this huge sort of over exaggerated reaction downstream. Yeah, people don't know how to manage their emotions.

I think the more at least for me the more I've tried to create space between how I feel and what I do, the more consistent my outcomes have been. What do you mean? So if I need to create content and I'm not feeling it or I'm feeling tired or things like that, the more times I give into that excuse or that feeling. Then the more superstitious I become about doing it in the future.

Whereas a lot of times if I can just start when I am tired or when something is painful and then still execute about the same as before. I look at game tape or I look at video or look at the content from those sessions for example. And I see that I remember feeling terrible during the session, but you can't really see anything. And I think the more times you get that loop going, the more you can separate how you feel and what is required.

And the more times you do what is required to get what you want, the more times you get what you want. I spoke to Hubehman last year. I think it's called the anterior mid singular cortex. It's an area of the brain. If I've got that right, the fucking yes, bro, the best advert for Nutonic ever. Basically, there is an area of the brain that tracks when you do something that you don't want to do.

And you strengthen the connections in it by doing things that you don't want to do, especially when you really don't want to do them. So you're hypertrophying. It's this exact sort of intuition that you've got that some people will call it resilience or willpower or whatever. But this is neurologically represented in the brain. These connections get stronger. So I think it's so funny. Jim Bros will need a gym analogy in order to be able to believe that their brain changes.

But it's really useful to think, hey, you're hypertrophying this area of your brain. I snapped in Achilles. I had to do a very particular series of rehab movements in order to grow it back. This is just the same. Yeah. Agreed. Successful people, this is kind of similar to what you were talking about. Bad things don't come in threes. Successful people see opportunity in every failure. Normal people see failure in every opportunity. Both the right. Only one gets rich.

Yeah. So I was so this has been something I've been thinking about a lot, which is basically the shittiness of stuff, which is when you're growing in a business, it's very painful. When you're stagnating in a business in your plateau, and you don't know what to do, it's very painful. When you're declining, and you also don't know what to do, it's very painful. And so that means that all conditions of reality are painful.

And so if pain is a prerequisite for reality, then it means it's just a signal that we are alive. And so in thinking about that, rather than pain as a problem, it is a signal that I'm breathing, and then becomes irrelevant. How do you ensure that you're not suffering unnecessarily? You know, pain can be a useful signal. It can tell you to move away from certain things that are suboptimal.

I am, I probably a relatively contrary in views on this, but just even the judgment on pain, I relatively reject. Just like pain is good, pain is bad. I mean, in the gym to give the gym example, they found that the pain that you experience when you're going to work out, and there's a difference between like massive joint, you're like, oh, I just snapped a muscle and like just feeling bad, but feeling bad has zero correlation to your performance in the gym.

And so I remember reading that for the Olympic, you know, weight teams, they talked about that. And I was like, oh, well, it has no correlation, then it's almost irrelevant. And I can just keep living my life. And so I think the ultimate version of the resilience that you were referencing earlier is, rather than, you know, in the beginning, you're like, I feel bad. And then you think that that should weigh on the decision of whether you do the thing that you're supposed to do.

And then you start realizing that you can do the thing, even though you don't feel good about it. And you start hypertrophying it. But I think the ultimate version of the hypertrophy, when the muscle becomes a tendon, or it just becomes fused, is when you don't even consider how you feel. It's just not a thought. You just keep, you just do it. That's that movement from sort of type two to type one thinking, you know, from it being very conscious, very effortful to it's just a reaction.

I get up and I start to write. And you don't use up any war power. Because it's just what you do. There's a Rory Sutherland we were talking about yesterday in his, he's the only guy that I've ever heard swear in a TED talk. And he gave me this idea, which is kind of related. Things are not what they are. Things are what we think they are. For instance, you're doing a hard workout, which gives you a signature feeling.

You're laid on the floor, panting, heart rate at 180, sweating from everywhere with the taste of metal in your mouth. This is oddly enjoyable. But if this exact same sensation was to spontaneously occur in your car while sat in traffic, you'd call an ambulance for fear that you're having a heart attack. Framing is everything. Rory Sutherland says, sometimes you just want to stand in the corner and stare out of the window.

The problem is when you're not smoking and staring out of the window, you're an anti social friendless idiot. If you stand and stare out of the window with a cigarette, you're a fucking philosopher. The power of reframing things cannot be overstated. It's significantly easier to find a way to reframe your experiences as enjoyable while you improve them, rather than waiting for them to be done before you give yourself license to be happy. A friend of mine, she's a very, very successful therapist.

She always asks her patients when they come to her and say some terrible thing happened. She said, what would it take for this to be amazing? For example, Lady Cummst says we're getting a divorce. She says, what would it take for this to be amazing? It just completely shifts the reality of, how could this be an amazing thing that could happen to me? This is relevant for me, shifting gears, because we just had a big tryout inside of our company for a presentation slot that we have in an event.

A bunch of the leaders in the company, there was the fucking hunger games. We put a cash prize out there. Fight to the death, pitchfulks. We did? No, we put a big cash prize out there. I totally did that. I told them I was like, I'll have no expression. Just in a toga. Yeah, exactly. And I could tell that some of them were nervous. And I thought about this because I speak a fair amount and I don't get a lot of nerves in general. And I have a whole bunch of thoughts on that.

But the most basic one is that if you're still feeling anxiety, which many of them were like, hey, I'm so nervous or hey, I have a lot of anxiety before going up, I thought about it and champions just interpret anxiety as excitement. And if you're excited to go up, then you're like, I'm amped versus I'm stressed, but it feels the same the way you frame it. Totally changes how you feel when you're stepping on stage.

But my two sense of if you are feeling lots of anxiety, it means you need to practice more. That just my two sense. And that comes for everything, whether it's to have a meeting or give a presentation or write an email or do a book, like if you feel nervous before you release it, then you probably didn't work on it enough.

And I think the reality is that most people to get not anxious about whatever they're doing, you have to do it so many times that by the last time you're doing it, you're bored of it. Like you don't even want to see the thing again when your sick of it is the point where you'll have no or adrenal response to the stimulus because you've seen it so many times. You could do it in your sleep because you hated it at this point.

And then when you get up, you're like, oh my god, let's just do this because I can breathe this. I can over with. Yeah. What's the gap between your expectation of what is going to happen? Yeah. And the requirement that you need to perform, right? This is where I need to be and this is how I think I'm going to perform as opposed to the other way. So I saw this firsthand when I did the live tour last year.

So I did, I think 17 shows in 28 days, three continents, right? Like proper tour, like real proper, proper tour thing. I did four work in progress shows and then that run all around UK, Ireland, Dubai, Canada, US, Canada again, US again. And I could see because it was around about every other day for a month. And each time that I stepped out on stage every single time that I even I'd done the prep, I'd spent all of this time, I'd done the thing I tried to, you know, I'm nervous.

I'm excited. I'm not nervous. I'm excited. Still, that degraded over time until at the end of it. And this is why comedians, I think when they end up doing really big tours, one of my friends did a 300 date tour of the same show, he said, I no longer felt like a comedian. I was a performer. Oh, yeah. Because he's not stepping out on stage. He is so dialed and routineized that he's bored while he does it. And yeah, that's how you look at, oh my god, Joe Rogan just did Netflix Live.

Netflix Live to fucking God knows how many millions of people metropolitan area of San Antonio's internet probably went down for him to be able to get that connection moving. And how could he do that? All of these people watching all the rest of it. That set that Joe did. I've seen the Vulcan gas company downtown in Austin. And I've seen it at the mothership in different iterations for coming up on three years now.

And his last special was six years ago. That guy has said those sentences and waited those times and got those laughs and understood the inflections and the little pauses he needs to do. Maybe 300 times on that one set. There's no more degrees of free. The only thing that could go wrong is a real quirk mistake that's kind of to be honest out of your control.

If you misspeak a word when you're paying attention, that's not your fault. So yeah, that's how people have unbelievable performance ability. It's just a case of stepping there sort of one degree of competence at a time. And if we think of confidence as the percentage likelihood of what we think is going to happen will happen as a predictive metric.

Then in order to be more confident, we want to have more proof that what we think will happen will happen. And so the easiest way to do that is to do it a lot of times. And so it would be reasonable to say that you're confident that it will go the way you want because it has gone the way you've wanted so many times in a row before. I've just realized. I've never thought of this before. The fact that the word confidence is in how we describe it from a psychological perspective.

And confidence is in the interval level that you have numerically are the same fucking word. That's so funny. Operationalizing. What? How do you become confident? Do it enough times that you feel like it is unlikely that what you think should happen won't happen. My model of the world is accurate. I'm confident when I go up to girls. Well, you start going girls and you start taking.

And then one out of ten times it goes well. And then you do it another ten times and two out of ten times goes well. And then four to ten times and then eight out of ten times and all of a sudden you're confident because you have a high degree of predictive power when you say it will go this way. That's a such a good reframing of confidence. And the best part is you get to use the same word. And you can boil it down to inputs. You just have to do more.

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Yeah, this one I think about all the time because I think about the life that I have now and I know that I wanted this life. But I obviously do a lot of thinking about this type of stuff. But the equal opposite of that is that when I was poor, I was pretty happy. I was okay with being poor. And now that I am rich, I put quotes on that degrees. It's about the same.

And so then it just goes down to well, then the richness had nothing to do with the level of contentedness, which means that my wants in past and present and future. All going to the bucket of irrelevant in terms of their ability to affect my perception of reality in the present. And so in thinking about that, it makes my wants have less stake today. And so a lot of anxiety that I think a lot of people have is around things that haven't happened yet. Either good or bad.

Like I hope this speech goes well or I hope I get this job promotion. But the reality is that once you get the job promotion, you wanted it, you resettle. And the negative version of this is, and I'm, you've probably seen this stuff. But when handicap people get handicap, so they have a terrible accident, they get paralyzed or they lose a leg or whatever. There's a dip in their subject of well-being, but after three to six months, it typically restabilizes.

Which means that if I didn't get paralyzed or even if I did get paralyzed, it'd be just about as content as I am right now. It's like, whatever is about to happen is probably not as bad as that. And so that's the worst case scenario, which is nothing. So, okay. Good things aren't as good as you think they are. Bad things aren't as bad as you think they are. Yeah, life is life. It's the, it's the, you've already achieved goals that you said would make you happy.

Again, it's the other side of this. And, you know, the fact that we take for granted things that only in recent memory, we would have begged to have had the opportunity to have been able to have. And now we're flippant about them, the new car that you thought about and you researched for 18 months, and then you finally got it, and you just curbed the tires yesterday and you go, all right, whatever.

And you're like, you really, you spent all of this time thinking about the house that you're going to move into, the marriage that you were going to do, the holiday you were going to take. I told you about this last time, Morgan Housel steps out on to, after this huge big buildup with his kids and his wife, steps out onto the balcony of this holiday that he'd taken. And his first thought was, wow, it would be so good if we could come back here next year.

That was like during the process of experiencing the thing he was thinking about the next thing. And he caught himself and thought, okay, this means that success isn't a goal, a journey or a destination. When you get it wrong, it's a horizon. Every single step that you take towards it, it runs one step further away.

So during my year off that I took after, you're during the year of the sale when I couldn't, you couldn't, I couldn't really work on the business because you don't want to change anything major when you're going through sale. But I didn't know if I was going to be owning this business soon. So I basically just had to do nothing because I also had to demonstrate that the team could do it without me. So that's still a sellable asset. So I basically just sat there for a year.

That's what a lot of my like thoughts kind of caught up from, you know, when I had started years earlier. And that was when I kind of refined my kind of theory of living for me, which is that hard work is the goal. And so it's not like work hard, so that X. Because as soon as you have a so that, then the X is the thing. But if the goal is to work as hard as you possibly can, then the only real output we have is who we become along the way.

And so in reframing that, then it's something that I can win or measure myself against every day in real time throughout the day, which is how hard am I working because that is the goal. And then even I say this just for audio, but like everything else takes care of itself still puts the everything else as the goal still is just being bigger. But if you just say like the only point is working hard because I know that whatever I'm going to get is stuff that I will become accustomed to.

And the, I guess, opposite of the hedonic treadmill is like the resilience piece is that my ability to work hard itself is growable. And so I just need to keep my RP, my rate of perceived exertion at eight or nine or 10, because I know that when I look back on my life, the days that I loved the most were days when I had nothing left in the tank. And there's this thing that Jesse Itzler has this and I love it. He's so sweet and for having it, it's so fucking good.

But he has, he taught us who's kids, which is he has them, they have a little zero means that there's nothing left in the tank. And when they finish a race or they do whatever, it's like, did you leave, did you leave anything in the tank? And I thought about that. And the best days of my life were ones when I had nothing left in the tank. And so then the goal becomes to empty the tank, not what where I drive, but just to drive the car as hard as I possibly can.

And that means that in the beginning, it's just straight away and just seeing how high I can rev the engine. But as it become more advanced, it's like, all right, when now we've got turns and then it turns an elevation and then it turns an elevation without guard rails because we have risk.

And so when I think about how hard I want to work, the interesting thing about that is that the only person who can judge you on your success is you because you're the only one who knows how much left in the tank you really had. And the better you get and you can resonate with this, you start winning externally. And that's when people are like, it felt so empty. It's because they didn't actually work as hard as they could have. They just worked hard enough to beat everyone else.

But that discrepancy between how hard you could have worked to work your hardest versus what was required in order to win. To me, that's the opportunity that shifting towards the work being the goal unlocks for you. And I work harder now than I did when I was poor. And I think it's because I've learned to enjoy it. How do you ensure that the hard work focus doesn't detach you from outcomes and inputs? This seems like there's a little bit of attention with what we started talking about beginning.

Just to totally it's a direction of a speed is the first one. But we're now talking about maximizing the speed. So how do we balance direction and speed? So with the question, if the outcome that we're trying to have is being present, then the outcome actually is irrelevant because it's about how much empty the tank. If we're talking about the science of achievement, then the outcome, the outcome does matter, obviously.

And so balancing both of those things, which is that if I want to accomplish all my goals, then I need to make sure that my inputs are tied as closely as seemingly possible to the outcome. If I want to be satisfied, it doesn't matter at all. And so I think it's marrying those two ideas where the perfect world in my opinion would be you work as hard as you possibly can because you thought ahead of time, what is the input that has the closest correlation with the outcome that I want?

And then you put your blinders on and you start digging. We don't rise to the standards we have when others are watching. We fall to the standards we have when no one is watching. The only work that really matters is the work that no one sees. It shows you who you really are, rather than who you say you are. There's this line that I heard David Goggins say on Rogan. And I can remember who you're saying it to or what he said in response to. But he just said, I'm David Goggins bitch.

And I remember him saying it and I thought to myself like you want to be able to say that in the mirror to yourself and not laugh at yourself. And the only way that I can do that is know that when no one's watching, I work harder than when they're watching. And thinking about it like that has given me this persistent and ever present scorecard or third party that's like no one's watching which means now you have to work because otherwise you're full of shit.

And so it's this continuous reinforcing cycle of the me and other me holding the whip behind me to see how much I can take. But with each lash of the whip that I take learning that I can take it and continue to trudge on. So as long as you keep going, you bear witness to yourself of what you are capable of. And I find that incredibly satisfying in the trenches of misery when you have to go through it because you're like I'm still here.

And I think that you're not full of shit what it comes down to is I think I told you this story about when I was with Sam last year in LA. So Sam ovens used to make content on the internet now he's very much an operator rather than a front facing which is funny to think about the Sam the creator is opposed to sat the operator.

And he asked why he'd stop making content and he said because I felt like I had to start living up to in private the things which I was saying in public. And he was beginning to feel discordance between the two you know he was making changes personally but he created a brand publicly.

And you can get to the stage where the public version of you is the best version of you and then private you has to live up to the best version of you and then you get to do this sort of self reinforcing cycle that's kind of the virtuous version of that which I guess is kind of similar to what you're talking about here. So I think what we're teasing it is authenticity. And so a lot of people feel like imposters because what they think what they say and what they do are completely different.

But from an operational perspective because that's how I like to define a lot of words which is what do I have to do to be that right what do I have to do to be authentic. And you can describe someone as authentic by saying how would you behave if there was no possibility of punishment. And so if you could not be punished at all that behavior is who you are authentically.

And so in my opinion our degrees of freedom are predicated on how much to what extent we act as though we could not be punished. And so what we want to do and what we do have no possibility of punishment that is what we are when we are our true selves. Jimmy Callt talks about nobody throws a coat count out of the window with kids in the back right that means you're a fucking monster.

Yeah. It's what you do when there's no one around your old one about authenticity. People are attracted to authenticity but it's hard to define for me. Here's my best attempt. True alignment of what you think what you say and what you do the hardest part is realizing that our thoughts are fucked and that we have to fix them instead of faking the next two.

And it's exactly that. And I think that I actually think ground zero of that is living out your fucked thoughts and then slowly try like I think it's it's it's I think the hardest jump is actually doing and saying what you think when someone's like hey what do you think about this and you're like I wasn't paying attention at all. It's like oh wow okay.

And so then you basically become because I think if personal truth of not lying to if you start by not lying to yourself and then you start saying those things then you start not lying to other people. And I think if you can decrease the friction between what you really think and what you say it starts to create some virtuous cycle outside of you that starts to orient your behavior so that you actually start doing what you really think.

And I have integrity but in the true true sense is one of my personal kind of goals. But it's it's jarring to people when you're just honest and like really honest like hey what do you do you want to go to this to Sarah's birthday party.

No. And they're like what do you mean you busy like no I'm not busy but I don't want to go people have a hard time just saying no to things and I would encourage you if you're listening to this like try saying no to try actually telling the truth when you don't want to do something.

Because we say we have so many social niceties that we say I'm really busy or it's a really bad time right now or whatever it's I had somebody the other day I was with a friend and he like I didn't notice that I did this. So sometimes it's nice to have somebody from the outside and so somebody came up to me we were looking at a real estate property and someone knew I was going to be there and said that guy showed up unannounced or whatever.

And he was like hey man can we do a podcast and I was like I'm just in town going to hang out with Layla for the next few days like I really trying to do that. And he asked again he was like hey maybe like 20 minutes let's see like we just we just rock one out. And I was like well let me show you my calendar and I pulled up my calendar and it was all empty and I said see it's there's nothing on there and I was like and I just want to keep it that way.

And I didn't think anything of it but apparently he left and then my friend just start just starts crying laughing just thinking how hilarious he's like I can't believe you said that you just that was so boss blah blah and I was like what is he talking about.

He's like you just showed him your calendar that you had nothing and you were still like you're still not going to get any of my time and I didn't perceive any of this extra narrative that you added to it but I think just being able to say notice stuff when people ask you for it because people ask you for stuff all the time it's these little nibbs these little tiny things hey can you do this or hey can we show up to this thing or hey you're supposed to or hey you're on did that one thing for you so therefore you owe her.

And saying like I don't subject myself to those rules and I had a near resolution which I do believe in making resolutions like why not if you stick with them and so one of my more recent ones was there are no such thing as social obligations only consequences.

So you have no social obligations you have social consequences you don't have social obligations and so you have to go I don't have to go if I don't go they what will happen as a result it decreases the likelihood they will invite me again which is great because then I won't have to say no again so this actually saves me time in the future and so a lot of people don't play out the like what happens if it's like oh more of the thing that I would prefer which is not getting invited to these stupid weddings or not getting a new

you know criss-tz or whatever they're called you know br- whatever I briss whatever the thing is you probably know the word of trying to say you know the word is what you took yeah well kids getting circumcised or I think you go watching like a viewing that's a common thing yeah yeah yeah certain decisions there I think it's a risk whatever doesn't matter all right point being if you say no and are honest about why you said no people will be

jared but then you get this muscle when we're talking about that muscle of being authentic which is just saying what you really think and I think that when you do that you unlock a certain level of confidence in yourself we're like oh I didn't die oh actually what I would prefer to have happened happen as a result of that oh you know what it's Friday night and I am going to get a good night sleep because I do have a clear day tomorrow I'm going to work my face off and I didn't have to

go to Sarah's thing and to me that's like over time I think I just do more and more and more of that and it feels better and better and better it's funny that your friends saw that as a flex that it was and I can see why and I think I would to oh my God dude like you totally owned him with

that thing like you showed off the fact that you've got nothing but really if we're all being honest if we didn't want to do it that is the truth the only reason that it feels like a flex is that it's such a left turn from the social more is that people typically go through I said this to you

yesterday Dan Bills Aryan superpower is his frictionlessness from what he wants to his mouth say what you want about Dan but he's lived very unapologetically and that's what are the things that you can get downstream from that I mean maybe you don't

like his values or his principles maybe you think that he's a bad guy or maybe he's worth more or less money than he actually is all of these things but what you can't say is that you don't trust the things that he does are not the things that he wants to do

and that commands a level of respect that absolutely and it should command a level of respect I think she thinks that when you live that way people trust you more because their ability to predict your behavior 100% if I can't trust your know how can I trust you

yes right anything when people see you say no and then later say yes your yes means a lot more of course because it's the same thing Peterson talks about that a rabbit can't be good it just has no choice to be otherwise you can't the vicious I'm actually I think that some rabbits are a bit like the flats so you probably can find some of the nasty you might have heard me say that I took my testosterone from 495 to a thousand and six last year and one of the supplements I took

throughout that was Tomcat Ali I first heard Dr. Andrew human talk about these really impressive effects that tons of research was showing which sounds great until you realize that most supplements don't actually contain what they're advertising momentous make the only NSF certified Tomcat Ali on the planet that means they're tested so rigorously that even Olympic athletes can use it human is actually the scientific advisor for momentous safe if ever wondered what supplements he would create

or what he really uses himself this is the answer best of all there is a 30 day money back guarantee so you can buy completely risk free use it and if you do not like it for any reason they will give you your money back and they ship internationally right now you can get 20% off everything site wide including Tomcat Ali by going to the link in the description below or heading to live momentous dot com slash modern wisdom and using the code modern wisdom

a checkout that's L-I-V-E M-O-M-E-N-T-O-U-S dot com slash modern wisdom a modern wisdom a checkout if you want revenge for the bad things that have happened in your life start with the version of you that hasn't lived up to your potential.

So I think a lot of us have the the battle of the other self that were the lesser version of ourself that were trying to kill every single day and so a lot of times we have this desire to point the blame finger externally but wherever you point the finger of blame power follows and so whoever I blame for the life I have is the person who I give all the power over my existence over my circumstances and so it hurts but if you turn the finger inwards and you start saying huh I don't like my

self the person that I need to punish or get back at is the real person who got me here which is me and so you may be right that other people did certain things or you got dealt a bad hand it also doesn't matter because the only thing that you can control is obviously the actions that you take and the only person who's in control of is you and so the revenge porn is thinking about what the version of you who got you here did and then acting in the

exact opposite of that as many times as you possibly can and the pain that you feel by rejecting the thing that you used to do that got you into this bad circumstance that's the real revenge. It's kind of like the stoic fork the dichotomy of control but it's just taking all of that and just

lumping it all on you. Yeah it's it's you know I mean this is kind of the push back against victimhood culture that externalizing the locus of control it is the fault of the politics or the economy or it's the state of the dollar or it's the patriarchy or it's whatever it goes hey look you will get

a hundred X a thousand X your returns placing your efforts to try and change those things on you as opposed to on the world like you I think basically the best way to move through the world is to see your entire surroundings as immutable and you as mutable you're the only mutable thing in the entire world you're the only only thing that can change everybody else people opinions places economy politicians policies all of that

none of that's going to change you you can change that's it and then maybe some of the other stuff does and that'd be great it's a really interesting concept so do we accept the world and change ourselves or do we change the world and accept ourselves it's a really interesting dichotomy when you

ask the question because on because both of those sound right you're like I should accept myself and change the world but on the other hand you're like wait no I should accept the world and change myself and so yeah because they're both pithy pithy aphorism porn right and so I think all of the condense comes down to when you change yourself you will change the world because you'll change how you see it.

I think as well when it comes to accepting yourself do you want to accept you do you want to accept a version of you that you shouldn't accept one that you're not proud of one that doesn't live up to the word one whose thoughts actions and intentions aren't aligned fully you know well I mean I can but I don't particularly feel good about that that feels like the higher version of me the potential version of me that

I want to live up to is I'm sort of derogating them that it's this isn't really the tribute to them that it should be and yeah that's why the self acceptance movement that's why people feel it's a little bit about it feel it's a little bit about the self acceptance movement because they know that people accepting a version of themselves which is falling short from what it could be I would say that they're

not accepting themselves in saying that they accept themselves so if I say is there a version of yourself that's better than you are right now and the most people hopefully would say yes it's like great accept that person and I think that to me when we talk about the authenticity accepting yourself is accepting the ideal that we can live up to and that's that is what we accept not the shitty version of that that we are today and I think that marries both sides of the argument.

Jimmy Carb broke my brain with this one everyone is jealous of what you've got no one is jealous of how you got it I love that what my God people see the trophies but not the training ground everybody wants the view but no one wants the climb I love it but the people who win love the climb and the

real mountain has no peak and so the view is always present the whole way up the climb and it seems to me to push back there it seems to me like a lot of the time your head down the pleasure comes from the climb not the view for you again maybe sort of non typically constructed from a psychological perspective that was nice that was diplomatic.

So what would you say and this is something that I think you know with these episodes that we do I often want to try and get you to push a little bit more to adapt your ideas and your insights for people who maybe do have a little bit more of that emotionality that comes through to try and sort of soften this up look I understand that people need more degrees of freedom than me typically I understand that people probably can't get themselves to the level of work that I can.

So do you ever sort of play with that idea of okay what does a little bit of view taking in look like whilst we're climbing. I think a lot of the discontent comes from the judgment people have about what they should or should not do along the way and so they take my description as prescription for what they should do so I describe my life and then people think I'm prescribing what they should do and

it couldn't be further from the truth if you want to take a break at every two steps and take in the view do it I mean in four generations no one will remove your name and so enjoy the view if you feel like it I just happen to enjoy how much I can see that I can do that's

what I enjoy and I feel like I am most present when I work and so I'm not going to go on to work life balance whatever because we already know where that conversation goes but people have a harder time accepting that someone can just work all the time and truly love it and I define

that by there's nothing else I would rather do at any time and so for me I feel like I exercise absolute freedom in my life and freedom is reinforcing for all species dogs cows fish humans freedom is one of the most positively reinforcing thing that people have that everyone wants freedom

everybody wants to be able to say fucking right but once you say fuck you you have to do something because you can't just stay at stand there and say fuck you over and over again for hours for the rest of your life you start to do something and that thing that you choose

to do after you do after you say fuck you is what you want to do that's an interesting point so there are certain things that you have to do to get to the point where you don't have to do things you don't want to do and then when you're liberated there is a whole new challenge

now because it's a completely blank map where you have to actually define that that's one of the things you know about working for yourself there's a lot of derogation about nine to five and university education and kind of the typical track and stuff like bro you should be very

cautious about criticizing people that have more normal salaried nine to five jobs because I look at most of my friends and they can't not take their work home with them so for certain psychological make ups who's more free the person that actually gets to shut their work laptop at five

pm in France they've got this new policy now where you can't email staff after I think it's maybe five pm or six pm at night in certain businesses to try and sort of enforce this work life balance and stuff like that so for certain people you're shaking your head what's your

what's your what's your problem I mean my first thought was well France just took the it's a relevant economy I just made it and and secondarily the person who made that role is somebody fundamentally doesn't understand human behavior so if they were to pass that role for me then

what they did is they actually made my life worse this was the thing when Elon took over Twitter so it's one of my favorite stories over the last couple of years Elon buys Twitter Elon finds out that 80% of the staff base just drinks movies and go on hot girl walks all day and he fires them

yeah and says this team is him and a bunch of aging dudes selfie and he says this is the team that's going to run Twitter now and he put it I think a job posting out maybe on Twitter and he says I want people who want to work harder than they ever have on the most difficult problems

in the world and blah blah blah blah and he got tons of shit for it and they said this is a regressive policy for industry this is taking people back to sending kids up to chimneys and so on and so forth and it's just a complete failure of theory of mind that there are people out there for whom

that is the job advert I want to work harder than I ever have on the most difficult problems in the world and an intensity that would kill most people because that's where I derive pleasure and satisfaction from that's the best situation that I could hope for and trying to take

your model of well yeah but what about my maternity leave and yeah but what about you know jeans Fridays and yeah but what about you know hot girl walks all of that is that those are things that people don't want adding those in gets in the way of the thing that they do want

I think a lot of the confusion around the people who are wanting to work harder than they are or don't like that I work harder that you work hard think that they take this statement as a judgment or criticism on how they live their life and it's because on the other side of that

free line you're like okay I'm not free I have a blank slate if I do something or you do something that they deem painful for them now or something that they don't enjoy they then say you are suffering and that is bad and both of those things are rejectorheartedly

first you don't know that I'm suffering because you have no idea what's going on inside of me come and also what is your judgment mean at all to me there's a tim cook internal memo that he sent there's a saying that if you do what you love you will never work a day in your life

at apple I learned that is a total crock you'll work harder than you ever thought possible but the tools will feel light in your hands so good chef's kiss chef's kiss tim cook feel like you crushed that one I have a friend who worked for a very high level recruitment company

C-suite execs for the biggest companies on the planet I don't know whether it was some internal internet thing or whether they actually saw these people or they maybe pulled candidates with other companies but he was able to see the breakdown interviews

with some of the best CEOs in the world so he was able to see the summary of tim cook and Susanna was juki the lady and apparently the first line so these guys are seeing everybody the best on the planet right and I was like okay so just explain to me the interpretation

difference between the guys that are already triple A and then tim cook and he said the first line of tim cook summary just said rock star that was the first thing all it said was rock star and he realized that in a pool of the best executives on the planet people like tim and people like Susanna

still a heads and shoulders above the rest I just thought that was so cool to like see these people in their nascent stage before they've got the thing that they're going to really magnify they'd all the attributes they didn't have the proof yet

yeah they didn't have the playground they didn't have the petry dish to be able to show just how much they can multiply it do which I think about that a lot when it comes to kind of like potential energy versus reality for people on their way up and so there's this huge time delay

between when we start behaving in a way that a winner behaves and when we start winning and the problem is that the bigger the mountain you're trying to climb the bigger the W you're trying to get typically the more delayed it is the lag between when you start behaving like a winner and

when you start being a winner and most people don't get the fast enough feedback loop to know that they're on the right path when they are taking these first steps in the right direction because they have this really big goal but they forget that with that really big goal comes the even

longer delay that it takes to get there while still continuing to act with no feedback from some positive reinforcement whatsoever and I think that's like if I actually had to put a real like what's been what has worked so well for me and why the input over the output focus has been so

powerful is that I can extend the time rise and basically indefinitely because the goal is me and then the external goals occur you don't need the positive reinforcement I mean everybody's seen I need the positive reinforcement but the positive reinforcement is coming from me I'm just

being like just because I think it's important the positive external reinforcement that most people are looking for right but if you if you are the goal then the actions you take every day are reinforcing who you believe yourself to be that's where the confidence comes from as long as the direction

needs correct and if you just want to be satisfied then just work your ass off yeah yeah I mean everybody's seen one of those exponential graphs and I one of my good friends George bought me ad professor I'm both great he's fucking fantastic I found I'll tell you once we're

fucking one let me say but he's just got the most insane client like one of the coolest companies on the planet and he bought me for a gift last year it's the one million subscriber announcement post I did it's the first ever test footage episode I did in 2017 and in the

middle is the play graph that goes between the two and you look and it is up until a year a year at the time up until like a year before it's flat there's nothing there was days I remember looking back there was days when we were doing this show in March April and May of

2018 where we did zero plays we'd already launched I was releasing an episode a week and there was things where we did no plays I'm like I released an episode and we did no plays I went back through and looked I don't think I even told you this I messaged every single one of the

thousand contacts in my phone that I'd accumulated from nightlife promo on WhatsApp saying hi I've just launched a podcast would you mind subscribing to me yeah a thousand different people bunched into 50 person broadcast less because that was the maximum broadcast list you used to be

able to do and I was the most ground floor door to door sales to try and accumulate an audience and it just keeps happening there's no presuming that you keep on going exponentially it makes every previous version poultry and yeah being able to continue doing something without seeing

the results of your work is one of the best competitive advantages because everybody else is feeling the same discomfort that you are everybody else is going I don't know if this is going to work and this is hard and why is no one telling me that I'm doing a good job and fuck another

day with no plays that's stupid and then you end up looking at the top hundred podcasts in the world I think account for 80% of the global plays a hundred shows out of about four million account for 80% of the plays which means there's what 399,900 and that has got the entire rest of it that's

20% for those that's it leading indicator of a successful person is the ability to act without anything happening and when you continue down that path it happens slower than you expect and then faster than you can imagine and I think that's the part that everyone misses is they

expect the faster than they can imagine and they imagine really big and so then their expectations are really big really fast but they they take the intensity and they don't apply it to a timeline that's appropriate in other news this episode is brought to you by

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com slash modern wisdom this is from Mark Manson why I hate being around negative people being an asshole is a weak persons idea of strength complaining is their connection never let yourself be held back by other people's fears people criticize what they were afraid to do

themselves because bold action reminds them of their own in action if you're afraid to be criticized why do you care about the opinions of those who are too timid to do it themselves if you are the criticizer does tearing down someone who has the courage you lack make you

better yeah people criticize because it helps them justify the risks they chose not to take in the hopes that it will dissuade you from doing it so that you can be in the exact same position as them which then justifies that they made the right call this happened when

you're thinking you know it was now going low and no one alcohols kind of invoked and super duper common but as a club promoter in whatever 2015 2016 that was pretty rare and I think a lot of the pushback that I got from the people around me some of the people

around me was your behavior is throwing my behavior into sharp contrast and you know this is the lonely chapter right this is why the movement away from your existing friend group this is neo you've already been down that road you know where it leads you know

you don't want to go there it's all of those things but because at least for me I always have such inherent uncertainty of my own opinions and such a sense that everybody else is balanced and actually knows what they're doing that I give undue weight to the criticisms of others

oh maybe they are right maybe it is stupid for me to stop drinking maybe this does make me boring maybe it is pointless for me to do like who even knows if meditation works fuck some Harris right like you know all of these doubts that start to creep in and that like we were

saying before this is the discomfort that everybody feels whether you're launching a business or doing personal development or doing all the rest of it and as opposed to thinking about it as a bug think about it as a feature and as opposed to thinking about it as something

that's a personal curse that's difficult think about it as the selection criteria that everybody has to get over that's the reason why so few people are quite a mess and actually peace in their mind because meditation is hard and everyone thinks am I doing it right

this kind of sucks and I'm twitchy and I'm tired today why so few people in shape because going to the gym and sticking to the gym is difficult maybe it's a tiny bit easier for some people that like it than others but for most people most of the time it's really really

hard thinking about the challenges that you need to face it's just a selection criteria the cost of doing business right this is just the cost of doing business and I need to pay it's really the information or the intensity that makes things hard it's the sticking with

it that makes it hard and so the desire that we have to quit is simply breaking the consistency and so that's why consistency's always been the hardest thing for most people to achieve but the intensity what you have to do to be successful is much lower than most people expect

and so oftentimes they suffer significantly more in a short period of time than is required to be successful over a much longer period of time with a much lower intensity and so it's just like if you walk for five minutes a day you're going to get you know 50% of the health

benefits probably more than that I'm sure of just even exercising you add 10 years to your life if you walked five or 10 minutes a day and the path of personal development is befriending uncertainty and so I obviously sit from the entrepreneurial perspective but

almost all decisions that you make in the beginning you have incomplete data and you have to make decisions anyways and so it's growing comfortable with taking your best bad guess and being directionally correct rather than searching for a perfect answer because a perfect answer

assumes perfect information which you can only have after you begin and so in some ways making a decision is the perfect answer so that you can get the information to then improve the quality of the decision later and I think that one loop is what a lot of people

miss out on is they spend the obsess for years sometimes on the perfect pick the perfect business the perfect job the perfect mate when most of the times beginning each step illuminates the next step which means the information the feedback that you get from walking

gives you more about where to walk than trying to sit at the beginning in the darkness and pick a direction lights the difference as well I think between people who are super advanced super developed super far down the line in people who are beginning

to do what if you got what are you risking by trying to do this thing you for you it's fine for you to spend 18 months negotiating with Sam on school deal but if you are yet to do any business that's probably not necessarily the right way to go about things Tim Ferris says in the short term your success depends on your intensity in the long term your success depends on your consistency do not sacrifice the latter for the former which wild about the fear that people have when they're starting out

is that they say things like I have nothing going for me I have no advantages I have nothing to my name I have no money I have no network I have no resources but using Rory Sutherland's reframing it also means that you have nothing to lose which makes you incredibly dangerous and I think people wildly underestimate how many shots on goal you can take when you have nothing to lose whereas when someone has something to lose they have to be more and more selected

about the shots they take and so you have the perfect conditions for taking risk because the worst case scenario is baseline is where you're currently at and so that means downside is this which means that it's like going to the casino and playing craps but they say that you can just keep playing until you win but people are afraid to roll reminder for anyone internally debating weekend plans if you don't want to go don't go if they care whether you go or not

they don't care about you and if they care about you they don't care if you go or not just because you have free time doesn't mean anyone who asks for it is entitled to it I think the second part I want to start with which is if you see that you have an empty calendar

most people assume that if someone asks you for that time it's therefore theirs and it's only not theirs when someone else has claimed it which means that your time only belongs to other people and then you're surprised by the fact that your investment of time has yielded nothing for you

when you've given the only and most valuable asset that you have to everyone else who often give a very poor return on it for you and so in the beginning if you don't have money the only thing you have is time and so that is the only thing that you it's the only currency you can spend to improve yourself or get close to your goals and so if that's the one currency you have then why on earth would you give it away?

I think it's genuinely right to say that your calendar is a better measure of your wealth than your bank account it's also the easiest way to know where someone's going to be in five years or even a year also you just see where they're investing their time and you can predict more accurately

what their life is going to look like in a year based on what they're doing today and it's a good thing for us it's hard for me not to put the business stuff into it but a reminder that the life that I'm living today is a result of the work that I did six and 12 months ago

and so if you're to look at my calendar six and 12 months ago then you might extrapolate out to what I'm doing today but just like people want the immediate reward they also see their current condition as a result of the behavior they're doing today

it's not at all and so that's why I think having in some ways a very vivid imagination of like this is where I think the benefit of quote visualization comes into play I don't see it as much as a benefit for like all I have to imagine this thing to happen

but I think it's more powerful to think I'm doing this thing today and I'm imagining it happening so it's an approximation of the feedback loop that you want to have and so it helps you substitute and get through the period where nothing's actually happening this is so cool to learn this going to the gym is one of the very few pursuits that you can do where in the act of doing the thing you get a brief window into what it will be like if you continue to do the thing

if I go on do a lingo and try to learn Spanish I don't briefly become much better at Spanish like where I'm going to be at in six months or 12 months time but if I go to the gym and get a pump on I go hey that's me hopefully flat in nine months time like how I look now at the end of the session is where I want to be toward the end of this year and that reinforcement loop is so good I think I genuinely think no one's spoken about this pump review yet

but like that I think is the feedback mechanism that makes the gym so compelling it's one of the reasons why it makes the gym so compelling you get this brief window into a future version of you and you got fucking dude I look so I'm like that looks like fucking awesome I can't wait for that to be how I look when I wake up on a morning and you go okay that's how I'm going to get that and that's why it's such a it's so gratifying right it works in the moment and it works over the long term

so one of my closest friends or my closest friend Dr. Kashi and I talk about this but the difference between experts and beginners is that experts have more ways to reward themselves in a given condition and so if you think about an expert salesman there are so many interactions they can have that they are good at that they can find rewarding and positively reinforcing

and so the goal is to develop enough skill that your external environment conditions can deliver enough positive feedback that it can become self-sustaining give me a tangible example so if you're an editor and you edit videos for a living in the beginning you have to you know you watch a video

and then you try the thing and if it doesn't work there's no there's no I mean there is a feedback loop it's null and then you go back you try again and then you do get a positive feedback oh I made that transition happen I made that color grading occur whatever I'm talking about you get the idea

there are some roles like sales and editing where there's a lot of people who are music where people become passionate because there's enough fast feedback loops in the beginning where they can try something and then get good a master musician can pick up any instrument and have positive feedback loops everywhere and so the more you master any skill the more ways you can win

and so it allowed and that's ultimately what makes the rich get richer is that because everything is so positive reinforcing because they start to develop skills then they do more and more of it and as they do more of it the rich get richer the better get better the better become best and then everyone who's starting out is like how on God's Earth is this guy have this work ethic

but it's really that he has high levels of skill and I'm going to go and attention everybody think it's going to be worth it so I think about everything in terms of skills and I have more or less divorced myself from the words like feelings psychology intuition whatever I've just I've just taken it out of my vocabulary and simple character traits

and try to focus ruthlessly on what are the actions that I can take to become patient and if you say be patient what does someone do right they have to figure out what to do in the meantime that's the definition of patience if you say hey be more charismatic the problem with that directive is that it's a bundled term

and so I say charismatic but it would it really means is 12 skills underneath of it that means that when you walk into a room stand up straight when you walk into a room look everyone in the eyes when you walk into room announce yourself speak louder shake people's hands and look at them while they're talking when someone talks nides your head

if you do all of these 12 behaviors or 15 behaviors people begin to describe you as charismatic and in the path of personal development we want to become more of these things but we haven't chunked down the bundle term into the series of behaviors that create the description that people will then call us later and I think by breaking things down then it's not like oh I'm just not that insert character trait it's really oh I have not mastered these 12 skills

and so by doing that it demystifies much more precise exactly this is from a business perspective also really good for training employees so like for example on our team I was like Caleb was the first person who did video with me that I ever enjoyed and so I was like why and then somebody else came in and I was like I'm not having as much fun in these sessions and I'd like to recreate the conditions of success and so how can I make it so that I operationalize fun exactly

and the most Alex Hall-Mozzi thing I've ever heard hey guys let's operationalize fun for a moment and so we had to but then this is the part that everyone misses is that you then have to look with a microscope and say what are all the little things that Caleb does that other ones other people don't do and so it turned out when he was behind the camera he would be nodding his head and if I said a bang or a line

he would he would stick a thumb out and so I'd get these many positive reinforcement loops while I was recording and then as soon as I was done he would come over and be like dude that was fire and then he would take out his phone and have all of these really interesting files

because I could see that he was actively listening and he had thoughts and so then when we retrain the team we said hey when Alex is talking not your head slowly so he sees that you're actively listening if he says something cool do one of these give him a thumbs up

and then all of a sudden my recording sessions without Caleb became as good as my recording sessions with Caleb and we operationalized Calebism right and so I could say I just need you to be more like Caleb but that's not helpful to somebody but if I said I need you to do all these things

then I can operationalize that the reason I'm hitting on this so hard is because this has been such a core change in how I see the world and it has been so useful in terms of making bending reality to what I would like it to be because there's this huge disconnect between what people want how they describe what they want and what it takes for that to occur and by by being able to look with detail about the character traits

or the things that people who are better than you at a certain thing do you can then stop being like man people think I'm a dick it's like well if someone says stopping a dick not helpful I mean good to know that whatever I'm doing is not working but doesn't give me any active directions

and so we just try to break down adquisers.com but in general and for myself what are all what is the 18 things that I have to do and oftentimes it's significantly more things but they're also much easier than you think if I just said I need you to nod your head while you're going on camera

it's not that complicated to understand and so when you break it down that way all of a sudden it become you wrap your arms around it and you're like oh so this is what it takes in order for me to be an exceptional videographer this is what it takes for me to be an exceptional podcaster I'm sure and we call it like as I love living by checklists but right now if you order if I were to say hey what makes a good podcast you'd be like probably about 128 things or more right

but everyone on the outside says you're just so you're so natural on camera you ask such thought provoking questions like man you just get the best guests right and you're like sure and so this is but the thing is I think this is the mysticism this is the unknown that the beginners

or the people are the very beginning of their path don't understand is that there is no magic there is no mysticism there is no spirituality around this everything comes down to behavior and just and by doing that you can take out all of the the hullabaloo all of the voodoo

that unfortunately is so prevalent on social media and so when you hear the the podcast clips and whatever of people saying you just need to be more this if they haven't described it by a behavior it is useless and so this has allowed me to also separate signal from noise when I'm consuming content

in general or if I want to learn something I'm immediately thinking what does this mean that I have to do and if someone can't break it down into the behaviors then they don't know either and they may be very good at the thing but they may be very bad at teaching it and being able to separate those two skills because those are skills to being able to transfer a skill is a skill will allow you to audit who you're listening to so that you can get the highest return on your effort

because then you know that you're doing activities that lead to the outcome that you want we'll get back to talking to Alex in one minute but first I need to tell you about Shopify Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States they are the global force behind gym shark

all birds and newtonic Shopify is the commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business can think of Shopify as your business sidekick the Robin to your Batman you come up with genius ideas and Shopify handles all of the heavy lifting

you can sell without learning to code or design just bring your best ideas and Shopify will help you to open up shop plus Shopify's award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way you didn't get into business to learn to code or to do design or to do inventory management

Shopify helps to get all of that stuff out of the way and allow you to focus on what you came here to do which is designing and selling an awesome product right now you can sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at the link in the description below or heading to shopify.com slash modern wisdom all lowercase that shopify.com slash modern wisdom now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in we have this big nebulous term of anything that's called it confidence

and then there's these component parts that confidence is made up of and only by defining those can you actually bring it closer to you yeah I think you know in terms of getting people past the paralysis of be confident

like what the fuck does that even mean where do I start what are the component parts of confidence and yeah I you know breaking down any big thing into small manageable steps is kind of the key to achieving large goals breaking down nebulous concepts into high resolution very tangible very obvious individual skills I really like that I really like that I think it may be the single source of single stuff one of the largest correlates to what has worked for me in my life

because a lot of this obsession around this and you probably know more about it off camera than people can hear on camera has come from me fundamentally not understanding the world and so I put so much effort into trying to understand when people would say do like stop being that way

or you're you're really cocky or you're really arrogant and I was like how do I not be that and are you really distractable or you're really you know you're scattered and these were all things that like you know it hurts when you hear these things but you're like okay but what do I do

and so I would encourage you if you have either negative traits that you're trying to get rid of or positive traits that you're trying to accrue or become more like to simply demystify it by breaking it down into the behaviors and when you do that you'll realize that though there may be many variables in that there are lots of little things that it takes they're usually not nearly as complex as you'd think and so then you just start looking at it as a checklist and saying okay

people think I'm arrogant when I begin my kind of begin talking to them about how much money I make okay so I have two options I can either be around people who like talking about money and don't see this arrogant or when I'm around people who I think I have a high likelihood of that and I care about their opinion for some reason then I won't begin that way and then all of a sudden few and fewer people begin to describe you as arrogant

you or so the same but people describe you less in those terms and so I'll give you a different example it's completely off the wall here so one that was really helpful for me was defining love and so the problem with the English or all languages is that there's many words that mean the same thing

and so we can look up what you know webstertitionary whatever but if you actually look at the definitions I think most words are actually poorly defined because if you just define them by what someone has to do then most definitions fall short and many of them if you will find online or circular but like likeness and loving to me are a continuum it's not like I like this person I love this person just exists on this I hate to I really like cool

now if I were to say I love you what does that mean operationally so for me I define love by what I'm willing to give up to maintain my relationship with something or someone and so by using that definition I was able to see huh maybe I don't love my family as much as I thought because I'm actually not willing to give up very much in order to maintain this relationship and I might actually love my friend or I may love my co-workers a lot more than I love my family

if we use the definition of what I'm willing to give up in order to keep it and then the more I thought about it I was like oh I love my goals more than I love anyone I'm not willing to give up my goals in order to maintain a relationship and so I actually when I realized this I sat down with Layla and I was like hey I think I love my goals more than I love you

now did that go down great because she was like my whole goal in life has been to help you accomplish your goals and I think the reason that we've had such an aligned relationship is that both of us want to help the other person achieve their goals and in so doing then you're aligned and it's like wow I would give up everything to maintain peace because if Layla is the person on earth that helps me accomplish my goals more than anyone else and my goals mean more than me than anything else

Layla is now the conduit between the two yeah she's like inception mind-fucked you into yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

but it sounds transactional in some ways and it is and I believe but I believe in transactions and relationships in general but when we sat like for some reason in marriage it sounds weird but on a first date the first thing you share is these are my goals this is what I want to do

like is that at all interesting to you because if it's not if you're not aligned with where I'm trying to go then maybe we shouldn't walk in this path together but for some reason later that no longer applies I believe what you apply on first date should also apply on 10 years in at least that's what's work for us and if there's ever been a moment where we're like hey we feel off kilter here this feels like it's conflicting with what we are

earlier agreement then we reconcile it right and so I bring this up because there are so many terms like loyalty trust and I spend a lot of time trying to define these terms so that I can say not do I trust this person but how much do I trust this person this person is honest or not know how honest is this person and the only way that you can know someone is honest is if they have had the opportunity to lie where it's not socially

where it's not socially socially beneficial for them where they lose status by still being integrity and saying what really occurred and so I have this massive list on my phone it's got all the all the terms that I refer to frequently but I would encourage you to define them by what behavior you have to do

if you got your phone and you know yeah can you pull up one and give us a give us a time sure that you like to look at the phone I've tons this is fun waits words and that's one of the things that I appreciate is anybody that spends enough time crafting words and thinking about them precisely

ends up having a very accurate view of the world because all of the fluffiness that comes about we mediate our experience through language and that what you've got a great shit eating grin on your face I've just got so many okay well pick pick one of your I'll do I'll do two three of them two of them that are related and then a third one all right so this will be really good this will be nasty for the people who are listening at home so

learning means same condition new behavior so phone rings answer the phone you say ABC I say cool read this script instead that says D E F phone rings same condition you say D E F you have learned same condition new behavior intelligence is rate of learning it's speed it's a measurement of speed and so it means how many times do you need to exposed to the same condition in order to change your behavior if I teach someone something that script and then on the first try

they say D E F and someone else it takes five tries for them to say D E F they are not as intelligent as the first person here's why this is interesting every person who's listening to this right now has listened to a thousand fucking podcasts and they're in the exact same condition and yet they have not changed their behavior which means one they have not learned and two they are dumb which also means that if you can control your behavior you can also control how intelligent you are

and so if you want to be a smart cookie then it means that you just decrease the amount of times that you do not change your behavior under the same conditions and so when I think about this when I teach my team when I teach anyone I think in these conditions and so every time you watch or you consume a piece of content you read a book if you think what behavior I'm going am I going to change as a result of this if the answer is nothing you wasted your time

and you pretended to be learning but you were really entertaining yourself and so that frame has been incredibly help for me to speed up how quickly I take action because I don't want to be a dodo bird so that's two two different ones learning intelligence

one that I've been thinking a lot about with Dr. Kay and I we go back and forth is motivation so I'll tell you a story and then I'll bring it up I'll bring it around so I had a I was at an event and a young lady said Alex can you just give me 60 seconds of motivation

and of course it's like you know dance monkey dance and so I I you know I took a deep breath and I was like define motivation and you know she just like melted you know the right I was like so you're you want me to answer a question or make a statement about something that you can't even define

and so how would you have any idea of whether or not I actually did it and so then I probably gave her the answer she really wanted let me define motivation for you so motivation is the equal opposite of deprivation so we are we are most motivated when we are deprived of something I'm most motivated to sleep when I sleep deprived I'm most motivated to eat when I'm deprived of food I'm most motivated to have sex when I have an sex in a while now that logic carries for physiological needs

but then you want to get into psychological things or or intangible constructs so like let's think about money by that same logic you think oh poor people should be more motivated because they're deprived of money but that we don't see that in reality many poor people are not that motivated so it would then fall and I've seen some incredibly rich people who are wildly hungry for money and so then it would follow that the deprivation comes from our reference point because money is intangible

and so it's how much do we perceive our deprivation around money and so if all of my friends are billionaires and I'm worth $100 million then I have a $900 million deficit that I have to come up I'm $900 million poor than the person who just is at $5,000 a month who wants to make $10,000 I'm more motivated to make money than they are because I'm more deprived of it and so in thinking about this I then think okay what am I deprived of?

what am I deprived of? that motivates me to go get it and also when I want to try and judge the behavior of others or predict their behavior I have to think what things are they deprived of because I have a much stronger predictive power than trying to say how do I motivate this person look at what they lack it's a much more accurate way to predict the things that people are going to chase after

what do they do? so I found this quote from Timothy Leary and it really it's really fantastic I think that you'll like this find the others admit it you want like them you're not even close you may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them watch the same mindless television shows as they do maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes but it seems that the more you try to fit in

the more you feel like an outsider watching normal people as they go about their automatic existences for every time you say club passwords like have a nice day and weather's awful today you yearn inside to say forbidden things like tell me something that makes you cry or what do you think deja vu is for face it you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator

but what if that girl in the elevator and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work thinking the same thing who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on a conversation with a stranger everybody carries a piece of the puzzle nobody comes into your life by me coincidence, trust your instincts do the unexpected find the others there's many matrix undertones here

and I think we might have we might have covered the same past podcast but um the idea that many people want to be exceptional but they're afraid of being an exception I think is such a it's it's wanting it's wanting an outcome without the requirement that the outcome has and so we can't do the same thing that everyone else approves of and then somehow get a different outcome that everyone else does and so I think it's that's why high that's why high agency for me is something that I look for

and other people which is you know asking someone why do you believe what you believe and we talked about this yesterday but if you have a belief and you can't explain why you believe it it's not yours it's someone else's and most people walk around parodying other people's words for the vast majority of their lives

and so they basically act as recorders where they clicked recorded at one point of the life and then they click play and another time of their life and they're just clicking record play record play record play over and over again and the reason there's that in my opinion that other self that's behind it is because none of those words are yours and so it makes sense that people feel alone and they feel like they're acting because they never say what they think

and as a result they also sound like everyone else because they were never themselves to begin with it's those first three lines admit it you aren't like them you're not even close and it sounds quite sort of self aggrandizing or kind of narcissistic in a way to know you considering yourself as being above other people I think I didn't think it's to do with that I think it's that so many people

could tell themselves and optimize for a mean that may not exist in that they're reverting to a mean that's just a figment of everybody's imagination and the only reason that people coalesce there is because other people think that other people are going to coalesce there

you know the Keynesian beauty contest like same same as that basically I don't know what events okay so Keynesian beauty contest is people make judgments on not who they think is the most beautiful but on who they think other people think are the most beautiful

and they're knowing that other people know that other people are going to make that decision based on that you end up with this infinite regress trying to predict things this is what's happening with politics right it's not about picking the person that you want in your area

it's about making the most tactical pick to ensure that overall accounting for the other people and what they're going to choose that the person that you really don't want in power doesn't get the seat in your area but somebody else in some other area

so when you have this sort of recursive but it happens socially too I say the thing that I think that you want to hear knowing that you know that I could say the thing that I want but so what I say is some mediator halfway between what I want to say and what I think you want to hear from me

and it just ends up with people nobody being themselves and everybody being some weird simulate room of what they think everybody else wants them to be and if we go back to motivation the question is what quote motivates people to do this or to behave in this way and so most times it's fear of something right and so they're afraid of something in their minds but when you actually played out which is one of my favorite frames in the world which is

let's take this to the hypothetical streamer let's play it out to more two more plays two more turns and most times you end up getting way closer to what you really want the moment after the bad thing that you think will happen happens and so we we've discussed that that there's so many amazing things that have happened in my life

and your life and many people's lives that happened immediately after they get out they have something bad happen that gets them out of that realm of just barely good enough but not really and so we have this fear of disrupting the just barely good enough but not really but you're also already miserable and so the fear of disrupting your misery feels ridiculous and so when you think about like that right so when you think about it like that exactly the only thing we have to lose is the current

misery of mediocrity that we're trudging through every day and so worst case you're just also still miserable but maybe you won't be mediocre anymore because at least you won't be like everyone else but there's also a possibility that you are not miserable and also not mediocre and by doing that you might also just start seeing who you really are because I think a great portion of our identity comes from the proof that we give

ourselves of the things that we've done inside in the past and so if we want to build towards a different version of ourselves and it begins with a crewing stacking evidence that aligns with that future self and so in some ways break the plate take the shot get rejected look because when you do that then again the worst cases you have a broken plate but you didn't like that plate to begin with

there it is astounding how many people want to be spectacular in life but also want to fit in and be normal like by being normal you are by definition aiming for average normal people get normal results weird people get weird results you literally can't do what everyone else does and not expect to get what everyone else has by doing what everyone else does you guarantee average results

it's your brother your mom your friend the one comment they're going to say you've changed why are you doing another kick like this oh you're going to try that now okay here we go again

and the thing is that it's not about them being right or wrong again it's about how right and how wrong they could be and so for example let's say you wanted to start a podcast in the past and you did three episodes and then you fell off and then they think I told you so stop with these dreams stop with this crazy content stuff you're never going to become an influencer or whatever your goal is replace influencer of whatever your thing is

the thing is that you are still closer having done three than having done zero and so it's just about directional correctness and realizing that criticizers are more often correct but when it matters most incorrect and so this is where frequency and intensity become flipped so somebody I mean from the investment world it's like okay if I take 10 bets

and I lose nine some people might say he must be a bad investor but the question is how much did I lose on the nine and how much did I make on the one and the best investors in the world understand the benefits of outsize returns both on the upside and the downside and so meaning the perfect way of betting is having no

downside and having unlimited upside you want to make as many of those bets as you can and in the beginning that is literally what you have and so the problem is you have a bet that you take you make three podcasts and you didn't stick with it and so then criticizer gets one point but you lost nothing you maybe even gain a little bit of skill yeah and you gain some experience which means you're actually still better off the than you were when you started so it is a zero

game by choosing to begin that's the thing about cynics right 99% of the time and wrong 100% of the time I use this example because I think it really drives it home so if you if you have judgmental parents or judgmental friends or judgmental whatever's and you date people and you bring them home if they say I don't think this is the

thing for you they're right every single time your entire life except for the one person that you decide to marry and then they are absolutely wrong at the time that it mattered most and the thing is is they get to say on your sixth girlfriend and seventh girlfriend and eighth girlfriend because let's face it you've been alive for a while I have a perfect I have a perfect guess I'm right 100% of the time this

long this one last and two years in there like see you finally broke up with their I told you the beginning was a going to last well it never fucking last except for the one that's going to stick duh and the business never works until it's the one that does and the

episode doesn't take off except for the one that does and whether it's 10 or 10,000 eventually one does because when you do more you get better at doing which is why not quitting is the best skill and the only thing that matters because by default with an infinite game perspective which I

encourage everyone to have the point of the game is to keep the game going it's the only objective because even if I obviously come from the business world so even if your goal was to be number one at business it's like by what metric enterprise value growth profit revenue all of said okay maybe

it's richest man in the world okay for how long look at the history of mankind not one person has ever been richest man forever and so you get to touch the top even if you're that one guy for a moment and then it's gone again and so you can't have that as the end point because it is

by its very nature finite but the competitor whose objective is to continue to play can't be beaten because by playing he wins this is why I think a lot of people have chips on their shoulders once they get to even a modicum of success because everybody that starts off has this huge

amount of escape velocity that's needed to be accumulated the starting from total inertia lifting off where the gravity strongest going past all of these disbelief and the criticism and the lonely chapter and all of this stuff so they've had to go through all of these trenches and get over all of

these hurdles and then they finally get to the stage where they're in a little bit more light altitude they're floating out there a little bit more and maybe their velocity gives them or their fuel give them more returns in terms of their velocity and now people say I must be nice for you you go dude fuck you like if you could have seen how much criticism and hard work and lonely nights and all of this stuff when nobody was watching and I was and was unsure of myself

chronically miserable and I criticized and all my friends took the piss up me and I did all of these things I had to go through all of that for you to now say must be nice and that's why you know Cameron Haynes carries this rock up a hill and it says pose on the back of it it's 72 pound rock and he carries it up a really really steep hill and he does it with sometimes these cameras around but a lot of the time there's no cameras around and he does that to it's the the only

work the mind is this the work that you do when nobody's watching the reason the goal isn't coming at you fast enough is because every person you've seen accomplished the goal you only see it the moment they accomplish it and the reason that it hurts so much when people are like must be nice oh that happened overnight is because every time you fail no one cares and no one sees but when you finally win people

take notice discredited but it's the only time they notice is when you actually win and so to even further reinforce the point the fact that everyone looks like an overnight success means that the 10 years where they sucked no one saw and so the fear that you have about people noticing the fact that you fail is ridiculous because they're barely going to notice when you succeed yeah I think this is one of the reasons why tracking the journey this is something that Chris

Bumster had done very well you know he's had his videographer Calvin with him forever essentially and you know tracking autoimmune disorders and depression and he now he's widespread and then having the kid and I got to go back and do yeah all of that I think one of the ways that you can at least

lighten the load or bring it into land a little bit more effectively is to construct that story arc you know the story of you sleeping in the gym and the cars go over the top and it makes them loud noise and stuff that is an important part of getting people to buy into where you are now by proving that you were there when the line was flat or the actually somehow managed to break through the floor negative a number of times and I remember watching Maisie Williams she was one of the

she's Arya Stark and gave her thrones and somebody asked her what she wished that she'd done differently and you know I think she starts on that show and she's 11 or 12 and it's all of the most formative years of her life until she's 21 or something into decade of doing this show

and somebody asked her what she wished that she'd done differently and she started journaling I think in season five and there's maybe nine seasons or something and she had no recollection of what happened in the beginning and she really wanted that and I think that if there's a

regret that I have with this show it's that we didn't track more of what was happening behind the scenes from the very beginning partly for everybody else to show just how much shit I went through to kind of prove that but most of me to remind myself of where it was and I'm sure

that you know there's a couple of photos you know the bed in the corner of the gym like fuck I wish like I had that and I wish I had this and I wish I had another one you know if you'd had Caleb with you the whole time imagine how fucking I'd be poor broke and never would have

made it probably probably in fucking hospital as well as being on the back of a motorcycle but yeah I think it's important I think it's important to track that to track that journey for yourself and for for other people but it's such it does piss me off like I wish that

human psychology wasn't so easily manipulated like when you see that trick when you see the well if you go zero to hero even if you go zero to hero to zero to back to hero again like as long as you can construct that narrative sufficiently strongly for people you can just

get other humans to buy into you but it hasn't changed what you did it's just changed the way that you presented it to people in the story that you told so it when you start to see things like that it makes I find it disenchanting because it reminds me how fickle crowd mentality

is and it's why Ethan Sopli a big Hollywood actor weighed 500 pounds or something and now he's 260 and he used to play fat guy funny roles and now he plays Jack Beard did micr dude roles and the reason that his transformation is so fantastic is that you know him from

the bottom of the screen and you know him now but the dude that just gets in shape or that goes through the silent quiet challenge and didn't track the progress gets none of the accolade despite going through all or maybe even more of the challenge so much done pack

I'd say one of the strongest mental frames that has gotten me through my hardest times is thinking this will be the story that I will one day tell and that means the harder it is the bigger the dragon the more epic the story and by consequence the more epic the hero

and if you think about the difference between winners and losers winners define themselves by what they made happen and losers define themselves by what happened to them and the difficult part of the lonely chapter is that the rocky cut scene last 90 seconds

in the movie and last five years in reality with no promise of it ever ending no guarantee it blurry what's interesting about and I don't again I don't like using the word psychology but I'll say what's interesting about humans is that our ability to endure is very robust

if we know that will make it out and so they've done my studies where they drop the mouse in and then they let it drown and it drowns really fast and then they drop a mouse in and then before it gets to the point where it drowns they pick it up and then they put it back in

and the second time they put it in it can last like 20 times longer I think the stats of something around will drown in less than an hour if it's taken out dried off and it'll out to relax it'll swim for a day and absurd amount different

and so if I were to say hey I need you to hold your breath but I don't tell you how long 20 seconds in you might be thinking this is stupid is he going to stop using a way for me to pass out and all these stupid thoughts go into your mind but if I say I need you to hold your breath for three minutes

your lungs might burn but you can see that there's this end that's coming the difficulty with personal development and entrepreneurship is that you don't know when the end is coming but you still need to fight like the second mouse who gets out gets dried off and gets put back in

and the only certainty that I can give you is that it's the same thing that every other mouse every other person who got through that period went through and you won't die and if you do die you won't care because you'll be dead and so best case you win worst case it won't matter

it's the same mentality it's the same reason why Uber works the reason that Uber works is partly because you can get a car from anywhere but the real reason is that you know when the car's going to arrive remember back in the day you'd ring a taxi and then just wait

and you go I mean he's some far away I don't know how far away and then it ends up coming along but we've mentioned it a couple of times today a frame that I've used an awful lot over the last year or so is this is the price of doing business so reframing things from bugs to features

you know you need to get into one of my nightclubs 10 years ago there's an entry fee at the dawn and this is the cost of doing business I remember Facebook got this the biggest fine in tech history maybe 10 years ago or something like that and they find some scene numbers

absolutely huge number and somebody worked it out that it was like half of one quarter of one territory's profit and you think well I'm aware that in sort of absolute terms this is a massive number but in relative terms they can just go okay well we'll just factor this into the P&L and go through this so thinking about the byproducts of things that other people see as a luxury that you have reduction of privacy that comes along perhaps with increasing the size of your platform

and you go okay well I can shout and scream and rail against this people saying must be nice you know that's a good one fucking hell that's a difficult one I am going to get people saying must be nice because I just got a promotion at work and that's unfair because I worked hard for that and I want them to say to me well done I know that you probably went through tons of hardship that I didn't see or wow you've really changed the texture of your mind due to all of that meditation that you did

I'm sure that 500 mornings in a row sat on a cushion in your bedroom in but fuck nowhere listening to Sam Harris speaking your ears was really really tough they're not going to say that they're going to say well I mean it's all right for you man you just don't seem to get angry that easily

and you go dude you know fucking nothing about me you have no idea how hard it was for me to get from where I was to where I am now but instead of seeing that as you cannot change what other people are going to say because that is the natural human response to minimize progress that other

people have made in order to shorten the gap between you and them because if it's due to hard work that's something that they could have done if it's due to natural innate talent or genetic predisposition that's something that they have no control over so it shortens the gap of

work and worth between you and them so instead of seeing it as oh my god this is malignant and a personal curse and so fucking unfair you just go this is the price of doing business if I want to be a mindful person people are going to say to me

dude you just seem so calm all the time I wish I was like you I wish I was built like you but you know I just had too hard of a childhood or dude you're doing so well at work I wish that I didn't have the kids or I didn't have those restrictions or that my parents had taught me

more about business it's just the price of doing business you know a fun frame with that is when someone says must be nice you can just say yeah it is or someone says man you must have exceptional genetics to have the body you have and it just happens so easily for you and you're like yeah it's sweet and the thing is is that if we think if we were to just say like if we lean into it right to some degree by leaning into it you also eliminate a competitor

if you want to hear my ugly side because if I just affirm the fact that they think it happened over an hour that it was genetic or whatever it makes it more out of reach right yeah I've thought I do I've thought about this so this is such a good point such a good point that

somebody telling you going David Goggins mode and somebody saying this is how hard I had to work to achieve this thing look at how hard I had to go through and look at all of the setbacks I had and look at just how in the red I was before I got to the black before I got to the green just look at

all of these things people see that as a threat people see that as a humble brag but what it is is a treasure map this is where I was and this is where I went and me with all of my inefficiencies and deficiencies and setbacks got from there to here

you want even as far into the red as I was so all of the talk I understand why hustle porn kind of gets a cringe push back from the world but what it actually should be is an unbelievably empowering message that anybody can get from wherever they are to wherever you are

the much more disempowering one was yeah man it you know it just comes to me easily so yeah if you really want to fuck somebody up tell them that it's ineffable tell them that it's ethereal and you can't get here one of my favorite ways to help someone overcome an excuse or limiting belief

is to tell them I believe them and so if I'm like hey why don't you double your prices and then they give four reasons why they can't double their prices and then I'll say then you'll feel forever and then they're like well no because X, Y and Z and it's like great glad we got there that's like your

thing about only one person can be in the angry boat one person can only be in the negative boat yeah it's unbelievable how powerful that is what's interesting about a lot of the discontent that we have around how people judge our success or achievement

is that we have this unspoken demand that they have a visceral understanding of everything that we went through without having been there and the problem with that is that if they understood everything then they would have a complete understanding of how to do it themselves

and so it's making an impossible demand of strangers to somehow be successful already so that they can appreciate our success also removing your competitive advantage and so it's interesting this is just for everyone who's listening is that Chris you can probably attest to this is that

of the people that I've met in my life who've been extremely successful at any endeavor there's this kind of and I want to make a video about this but it's what people say in the back room and there are these common things that we say to one another that other people

believe so we're like they just don't get how much actual work it is to do a podcast like this people like you don't actually get that what 100 hours of preparation for one one hour event looks like you can understand it conceptually but when you actually set a timer

and you only use that timer and you pause it when you stop working and you do 100 hours of work all of a sudden by the end of that 100 hours you have a very different understanding to the very granular level of what it takes to be great

at anything and that's 100 hours not 10,000 hours but 100 hours with feedback and so everyone's like in the back room they want this magic pill they want that they want to know the secret but there is no secret it's just hard work but I think the thing that everyone who's who's listening

on text on how hard hard work is not in that it's complex but just in that it's a continuous and unending focus on one thing and noticing the details that separate mediocrity from greatness and if you're like I don't know what the difference between those two things is

that is the opportunity that hard work reveals is that it takes watching 10 hours of you presenting and then taking notes at every time that you say um or that a transition between slides is unclean or that the audience kind of gets lost there because I can see that there's no reactions to that

I should probably add a visual there and then when you go slide by slide realizing that okay I can put a thousand slides together for 90 minutes of presenting if I really put one thought with one visual per slide and every one of them and I love this description it's like a coat of paint

you just put another coat of paint on the skill set or the achievement that you're working towards and most people expect that the pencil wireframe that they do on their first shot is hard work because that's the hardest they've worked

not the amount of hard work that is required in order to get the level of outcome that they say they want or that they expect and so there's a divorce in reality because they don't have the context from which to make a judgment because they've never been created anything and until you get great

because as soon as you get created one thing you realize just the tremendous amount of hours and work that it takes to be great at one thing and then there's this oh shit moment that I can express personally which is you realize that there's so few things that you can be great at

and then the discipline comes down to saying what are the two or three things that I can be really good at in my life because it will take me five to seven years to be exceptional at this one thing and so even like making content a lot of people see my stuff now

but I just had a friend send me a video that he interviewed me before I made any other videos and I said it to my team and he was like dude I watched it and he was like and it was you but then I covered the face and he was like I mean it's your voice

but it's like your clarity of thinking wasn't there in the way that you articulated and the thing is it's a if to the untrained eye to a beginner they look at that video and they look at my current videos and say I don't get why he blew up because it's the same dude

but the master or the expert level can say I'll can give you a hundred different things that could have been better about his now or his old videos compared to his now videos and it's the granularity of that feedback that allows you to see the discrepancy between your current and your desired

and I think that once you actually give yourself the reality glasses not the woe is me glasses but think no really if I had to do this what are all of the things that I would have to improve then you see how incredibly long that list is

and then you take this deep breath and that list is the hard work it's starting at the top and then wanting to cross the first one off after your first day but then realizing you still haven't done it well enough to cross it off and you're like wait I have to do another day and I still haven't

quote made dent in this list and then you do it another day and a third day and a fifth day and a fifth week and then all of a sudden you're like okay I think I've got the first one done and then you still look at this list but along the way of doing that first

when you realize 20 other things that you could add to that list for every one that you cross off you create ten more because you start to win in the weeds you start to look at a higher resolution and that's the never ending cycle of excellence

it makes great things seem closer than you thought and further than you thought at the same time 100% there's no perfect way to live your 20s you either live them up and become an under-skilled 30 year old or you work them up and become an under-lived 30 year old

you just have to figure out which you'd rather be accept the trade-offs and know that there are no do-overs indoor three if you consider work, life, then you get to do both that one ruffled a lot of feathers well it's because people look back on the 20s and realize that they are one or the other

I'm gonna lean into this I am okay I had a conversation with my team about this and I said I am okay being a beacon of relentless hard work I'm okay being the guy who says fuck your mental health I'm okay with it because I've given it a lot of thought I think that there is the other side is wildly overrepresented and I'm willing to sit on the logical extreme because I think it will help more people and there are more people that I have met in my life who are dissatisfied by their live it up 20s

then dissatisfied by their work it up 20s because most of the time in your 20s you have no idea what you want but knowing what you need to do to work and move ahead is fairly straightforward and so you can take the known and make progress on the one that you have high confidence

that you can make progress on and then along the way gain perspective on what are the things that are actually important to in your life and you may find out often that there are far fewer of those things than you really originally thought because what you thought live them up in your 20s was

was actually your mom and your two homies who are both mediocre and you don't care about their opinion now when you're 30 anyways but what a waste of a life it would have been to quote live up your mom's dream or your friends dreams to then only get to your 30s and realize you didn't live it up

and you also didn't work it up and now you have neither I think a lot about you know the first day that I sat down at university my first ever seminar I sat next to my what would be future business partner for 15 years so I'm skint I say to him I'd spent all of my money partying during fresh as week

the first week I'd spent my entire maintenance loan which was supposed to be food and everything else for the rest of the term until fucking Christmas and it's September the 29 it was a big week it was a good week which I could not survive now and I think back to sort of the time that I spent

and the endless hours I'm not kidding and I don't reflect that much on the club promo stuff maybe to my detriment I should do it more I've spent between 5 and 10,000 hours stood on the front door of nightclubs I've spent at least 3,000 hours stood on the front door of the same nightclub only on Saturdays right?

I didn't miss 202 Saturdays in a row I took four day holidays from Sunday to Thursday so that I could come back to come and do this thing and I look back at my 20s and I think you know was that how much was living, how much was accumulating skills and the grass is always greener with this because in hindsight you think well you know you imagine that you could have gone back and still accumulated all of the insights and the skills that you really value in yourself that would have still happened

but that you would have got to maybe have more variety or you would have maybe the fun or the whatever the thing and when I look for me with my constitution at what I value most in myself almost all of those things have been accumulated by having a 20s and now a 30s that has been dedicated to work it up not to live it up to four day holidays in between those things now remembering that now is not forever I think is really important again you're on the outlier right hand end of the distribution

for work most people are going to pull themselves back across in terms of balance between work and play but you can periodize what you're doing right now you can accumulate all of that work all of that experience all of that explore time to work out actually I don't like doing admin stuff

it turns out really great creative or I really don't like traveling it turns out really great at routine all of those things there's like a buy-in you remember CrossFit you do a buy-in thing it's a one mile run and then it's this workout you have to do that buy-in doing that buy-in when you're 25

is way easier than doing that buy-in when you're 40 right I finally work out who I am in the world because you start to accumulate all of these better directional assistances you're moving in a more direction the accurate way earlier which means that you make more progress over the long term

so in retrospect I'm glad that I did work it up 20s and I'm glad that I did work it up 30s as well so I'll say two things that are might be helpful one is you are actually you know my stance if you're listening to this on work-life balance but maybe as a as a concession for you

your work-life balance obsession may just be too narrowly focused on the present and not extended into seasons and so you can have work-life balance where I work for three years and then I have a more chill year and I think that most people think about work-life in terms of

their split of the day rather than their split of the year or the decade so I think that you can have a much better outcome on both sides if you were to split it up on a longer time horizon so good I mean everybody knows what it's like to go through it every January intense period of diet I fucked it at Christmas again too much chocolate too much and I'm just gonna and you go okay well what are you going to do?

I'm going to work hard I'm going to focus on my diet and my training for a while and then I'm going to hold those gains for a period or I'm going to build a business okay my health is probably going to take a hit for a little while or I just got out of a relationship I need to go dating

all right well I'm probably not going to be able to spend so much time at work or maybe I'm going to be sleeping later yeah remembering that now isn't forever is and that's such a great frame like a hyperbolic discounting and inability

to be able to imagine that this is not the way that it's always going to be and that's good for good things and for bad things this isn't the way it's always going to be so I better enjoy this win this isn't the way it's always going to be so I better not get too disheartened by this loss

you will come but that's the beautiful thing about the sort of hedonic re-normalizing you go good things aren't as good as you think they are bad things aren't as bad as you think they are so if you if you use that extended frame

as a way to approach different types of goals so I'll break a very standard one which is that people measure the amount of calories that they need to eat per day the very few people measure the amount of calories they need to eat per week and so people will blow the day and say

we'll screw it I messed up today I might as well have a pizza on top of it because I had chocolate on my diet or whatever but if you have a weekly outlook even then all of a sudden you're like oh well I can have a pizza tonight I'll just like skip most of my food to more besides protein

or I'll have a wedding weekend and know that this whole week I'm going to be light and so I have you know 13,000 calories for the next seven days that I can work my way through which gives me a tremendous amount of flexibility and the thing is that the further you extend the time rise

and the more flexible you can be with your achievement of it as long as you only get the few things that matter most and so it allows you to focus and prioritize on those few things that move the needle rather than be overly obsessive on such a small narrow window of time that is irrelevant anyways

so there's a there's a coordination problem that happens when you try to balance too quickly when you try to have a little bit of fun and a little bit of play and a little bit of fun and a little bit of play whether it's task switching

whether it's just sort of the cognitive effort of your personality like your identity is I'm Jim Guy for three months hooray I'm work guy for three months hooray but when it's I'm Jim Guy this morning I'm work guy this afternoon it's tough it's tough to do that so yeah kind of the same as you get

this economies of scale as a business grows because there's more interconnectedness and communication between each person the more use there are going on inside so this is an argument for sort of aggressive periodizing I'm a hyper proponent of one single narrow focus

I'll define two more terms since the audience didn't ask for it sadness is a perceived lack of options it's why it feels like hopelessness because you don't know what to do you don't know what options are available you seeing none which is why it feels like there's no way out

anxiety is many options but no priorities which is why you feel scattered but you can't decide they feel very different but fundamentally those are the difference in the conditions that make people feel like they're anxious or they feel like they're sad

and so when we're working through what you were just talking about with okay I want to be Jim Guy and I also want to be work guy we have many options but a lack of priorities and so we have anxiety over the fact that we're not making progress on any of them

because we have not been able to say this comes first and so we think about what priority means it comes before everything else and what I think a lot of people have a hard time doing is being okay with saying no and saying okay I will allow myself to just not get fatter

rather than get fitter during this period and what's interesting about most skills is that the amount of effort that it takes to maintain a skill first is the amount of effort it takes to grow a skill is like one-tenth the amount of effort

and so this is where the effort arbitrage is so important in terms of allocation and so if you do a four out of ten on ten things you will may progress on none you will make the same amount of progress that you could have made if you just did one out of ten which is none

you just don't regress but the extra three points that you save on the nine you could put on one other item and have a ten out of ten or a thirteen out of ten in effort and then after every periodized chunk of time have a big W or win that you can look back on and say I did that and therefore I am

and so I think that that's how you step up the mountain of progress when you're trying to work on many different skills quote at the same time it's just that the at the same time is over a year not over a day George told me tell me that's why we were on mushrooms and

Nashville and fucking brilliant so I'm there watching let's hook got to get people in the door and there fourth of July at George turned to me and he said general ambition gives you anxiety specific ambition gives you direction there is nothing more anxiety inducing than

I want to be better and I don't know what that and I don't know how like just think about that for a second sort of embodied that it's sort of a chasing it's a lean-in and it's tight and sort of your shoulders are up and there's a ringing in your ears and you have no idea it's like a threat you've heard the noise in the forest you have no idea where it's come from specific ambition gives you direction and I think the concept of specific versus general ambition ladders up to bundle terms

I want this big thing but I haven't broken that thing down into what I can actually do once you get specific into the actions you don't have a lot of anxiety because you can see what is required in order to get it and so to circle the loop back on sadness which is because some people who are

listening to this maybe sad so this is for you to get out of sadness and I've been sad many times in my life the thing that's helped me get out of it is realizing that a perceived lack of options is what causes sadness not a lack of options a perceived lack of options

which means that all I have to do is figure out what I need to do and figuring it out becomes the option and so then I have clarity on the one thing that I need to do to pull myself out of this moment of sadness which is oh I just have to figure out what to do

and that is how I get at least for me have gotten out of my satire periods Controversial take you really can solve a lot of male problems by getting in shape and making money you still have problems that are just smaller and you have more resources to handle them

the world is there for the taking for anyone who can learn from their mistakes do what they say they were going to do and stick with it even if it's not sexy what you used to make a man acceptable now makes you extraordinary the bar for winning has never been so low

show me two groups of men that need to learn a new skill or achieve anything where the men that are in shape and have learned to make money do worse than an identical group of those men who are out of shape and have not learned to make money and it's a skewed purposefully test

because the skill of getting in shape requires many other skills the skill of making money has many other sub skills and so the real question is give me a group of more skilled men and less skilled men and I promise you the more skilled men will do better

and so for anyone who gets offended by that you're more on and so the idea is all men and women benefit from learning more skills there's no world where being more skilled hurts you what about the Bofa winning has never been so low if you think back to college when you were a freshman

you think wow this is so hard or whatever and then by the time you're senior like men these kids are so soft and so we remember things as harder than they were but I also think that there is a threat of reality the younger generation is softer and I think we are softer than the generation above us

when I think about the guys who were storming Normandy and I think about the people who would be attempting to do that now as a class I think that we are softer and so the thing is that if you can barely decide to take any action at all and peel your eyes away from your phone for just a moment

it's so much easier to beat everyone else because most people are overweight they're distracted, they're poor they have so few skills because it has never been easier to start a business to make money, to get in shape it just also never been easier to do nothing

and so in a world where it's never been easier to do nothing doing something becomes extraordinary the bar genuinely never has been so low which is it really does blow my mind sort of the self-defeating cynicism mindset and I think also that's why the idea of the lonely chapter

resonates so much with people because it literally is like taking the red pill if you see this version of the world where you go I can impact my outcomes I can learn a thing, apply a thing and then I change as a byproduct of doing that as soon as you take those steps

you realize almost all of the people around you who have parts of their life that they're not happy about are kind of making a choice for it to be that way now it may be an uninformed or an ignorant choice because they haven't taken said pill and then you go oh fuck

that means that all of the things I don't like about me and I don't like about my life and my responsibility because I can change it but given that you've got generalized cynicism everywhere as opposed to thinking I'm despondent this sucks I wish that the world was more hopeful

you can still think that and also go that means that my competition has never been weaker more vulnerable, more fragile the ability to set myself out from the bank has never been easier I think people struggle a lot with the concept that something can be both painful and empowering

it's this hurts therefore it's bad when taking full accountability for life with all of the deficiencies that you have may be the most painful thing that you do when you look at yourself in the mirror say this is my fault but in saying this is my fault those are also the first two steps of progress

because it's my fault not anyone else's which means it's my responsibility and my action that can change that and I think that marrying short-term pain with long-term progress is one of the first connections that most people who are on that path have to make

this is the lead indicator of what will be the lag indicator that I want people get frustrated not achieving what they want because they assume that they're going to jump across a cavern in one leap but if you picture your goals like you're trying to build a bridge across that crevice

and every brick that you put on that bridge is progress and each one of those bricks represents a skill that you need to learn along the way it just takes all the way until you get to the other side that you can actually walk across and so the walking across is the outcome

it's the external perceived achievement but if you can reframe your progress as what are the hundred things on this checklist what are the hundred skills that I need the micro skills that I need then you can have much faster feedback cycles of wins that you're achieving along the way

and I think if you can define it that way then you can feel like you are winning A more often but B with higher intensity because as you win skills stack on top of each other and so I give this example a lot but I like it is that if you are you learn how to do math that's a skill great

if you then learn how to do accounting that's a leveled up version of that skill but you require you have to know how to do math before you can do accounting once you learn how to do accounting you can learn how to do transactions and structure deals and then all of a sudden you can become a CFO

and if you learn how taxes work and insurance work then all of a sudden you become and you learn how to raise money all of a sudden you can be a rainmaker but the thing is that the gap between rainmaker and I know how to do math feels very big but if you look at all of the micro things along the way

you might not get your first major deal done which is what everyone in the man he did that deal and made twenty million dollars on one signature must be nice right and it is but if you break those things down into the into the requisite skills

then you can make significantly more progress along the way and I think that is more positively reinforcing and I'm just I'm sharing this because this has been a perspective that has served me so well in my life because the goals that I have now take many years to come to fruition

like I'm working in a goal that in the next probably eighteen months I will have been working on for thirteen years and it will it will probably come do and the crazy thing is that the bigger your goal the bigger timeline has to be but the even crazier thing is that the bigger your timeline

the easier it is if I said you just have to learn French and you don't speak French and you have to do it by tomorrow it's impossible there's no way that you're going to be able to do it but if I said you have to learn in a decade you're like I could easily do it

you could probably learn ten languages in a decade and so all of a sudden the goals that you have can be significantly more achievable and you can feel like consistently making progress by moving out your time but because people are so short term-minded

because they can't just stop scrolling over and over again they actually make it harder for them to achieve their goals because the only goals that they deem acceptable are ones that are on an unrealistic timeline and so they doom themselves from the beginning how to avoid tons of problems in life

go to bed on time so I love these I want to find single behaviors that have been created many more positive outcomes so if you think about leverage as what you get for the effort you put in if you have lots of leverage then it means you can do one thing and get many big outcomes

or one very big outcome that's high leverage if you need to put a lot of work in and get a very low leverage so the highest form of leverage i think of is what's one behavior or one skill that I can learn that then has many many downstream impacts and so 4 and this is specifically

specifically, I'll say for the 20-ish year old, so 20 to 30, 20 to 35, if you can simply go to bed on time, you avoid drinking and getting into DUI, you avoid early pregnancies, you avoid messing up your work because you don't sleep well, because you show up hung over the next day

and then you don't get the career advancement that you want or you get the judgments from your coworkers from the fact that you're responsible, because you drink, and though it might have been a responsible drink, but you still smell like booze because it's in your system.

If you go to bed on time, it's less likely that you'll get mugged, it's less likely you'll be in a car accident, like there's all of these downstream impacts from one single behavior, and you also have better quality sleep in general,

if you go to sleep at the same time every day over and over again, so that means that you have life extension, things that happen, you look younger, and so now five years, 10 years later, people are like, wow, you look so good for your age, there's all of these things from one central behavior, which is just fucking go to bed on time. And so if you want the action for this, you set your alarm for when you go to bed, not for when you wake up.

If you set your alarm for when you go to bed, you will always be able to wake up, naturally it would every time you wake up, and it's very difficult to over sleep when you go to bed at nine, because you can get eight hours of sleep and still be up by five. What are some of the other behaviors that fit in that category? Do you think, oh, the mega bang behaviors? Maybe one that a friend gave me one, I think, buying a dog with his.

So externalizing your sense of self, having something which gives you unconditional love, your step count has just quadrupled and leased. There is a sort of degree of responsibility, it's sort of early onset of furry child rearing that makes you a better parent in future, just downstream from this one decision. And essentially infinite number of good things happen. Are you grinning at me for? My team's smiling because they know that there's probably like one thing that I tell everyone not to do.

Get a dog? Yeah. Why don't you want them get a dog? So I think that getting a dog for the reasons that you outlined makes sense for living life satisfaction. Like if you don't walk, walking a dog is a good thing. If I already walk, I don't get that benefit. If I have interpersonal relationships and an outside version of awareness of self, then I don't necessarily get the benefit.

But there are significant costs to having a dog, which for me, from a making money perspective, because that is the game that I like to play, it costs a lot. Dogs cost a tremendous amount. And so they cost you not being able to go to events, they cost you having to break up in the middle of the day to go home to let the dog out. They cost actual money. The amount of total time that you spend walking the dog, if you already work out, is most of the time just wasted.

Now you could say, hey, I'm listening to a podcast to find. But if it will interrupt a deep work for the most part. And so to give you context on how extreme I am about this, Laila bought a dog, and then I got her to give it away. The dog was a King Charles, Spaniel the Little, a nice strong British. Yeah, yeah, super nice dog, nothing wrong with the dog. Good dude. Racist decision. Yes. And so we just gave it to somebody else in a good home, and it's very happy.

And you know what, it probably forgot about me instantly. What else? What do some of these are the big things? I mean, there's obviously the exercise, because like if you think about the, what are the big things that, because the dog one was downstream from, I mean, for me a big one there is exercise. Like if you walk one or two times, it's like physical and psychological health, basically. Yeah, so it has multiple there. I would say eating your body weight and grabs a protein per day.

So if we think about lean body mass is one of the big predictors for long term health and things like that. There are only three things that are anabolic hormones, resistance training and protein. Like if someone doesn't eat protein and they start eating protein, they have more muscle. Like you don't have to exercise. If you just eat more protein, you gain muscle. Because you lose less muscle because more of it comes from your diet than eating away the muscle you have. That's it.

Like those are the three things. And so like you can do one of them. And the nice thing is, for most people who want to operationalize this, there's this big idea, and I'm not going to get into food and fitness stuff because dear God. But people think I have to eat healthy and it's this big amorphous thing. But if we chunk it down, it means that you need to pick two things that you like to eat in the morning that have the macros that you need to hit.

And you can try as many times as you want because you only need one or two that you actually like and then you can stick with it. This is one of the best insights that you had about diet, which is people overcomplicate trying to deconstruct what a diet consists of. But you've actually looked at what you eat across a year. It's probably five meals on rotation, maybe less. I think I've probably got three good meals in my locker.

You know, my Gordon Ramsay would be fucking ashamed of his coming from the same country. So okay, we'll just optimize those three meals or those five meals. And that's it. And the thing is that a lot of personal development things, business things, or a lot like that, where they feel like an elephant when you are trying to break down this mat. Like I have to learn nutrition. I have to, there's five meals, 10 meals max, that you eat 90% of the time.

You just need to shift the dynamic of those meals. Even the restaurants that you go to, even the way that you order your food in the restaurants. That's it. And so that would be one that I would say is a super high leverage. One thing you can do is just change the three to five meals that you eat most commonly to be the ones that are more aligned with what you want. And go to bed on time. And go to bed on time. I mean, shoot, if you go to bed on time, and you do that, King of the world.

King of the world. This is one for me. Having a clue is overrated. There's this funny myth that people actually know what they're doing. I've spent time around some of the richest, smartest, highest-stated people on the planet. And let me tell you, it's idiots all the way up. Normalize saying, I don't have a clue. I'm going to work out how to do it anyway. Having a clue is overrated. One of my green flags for intellect is someone being able to say that they don't know.

Like, it's almost inverted at this point. Because I think at some point during school, if a teacher calls on you and you say, you don't know, you're punished for that. And so we have such a repetitive cycle of both having it happen to us and watching people like us have a punishing experience that it's very, very hardcore taught to us to never say that we don't know. But that most basic lie trains us over and over again to never say what we actually think.

And if we don't know, then that may be one of the easiest ways to start telling the truth. It's kind of the same as the, if I can't trust you, I know, I can't trust you, yes. I love it, yeah. It's the exact same energy. Not knowing is really powerful because then learning becomes the only clear directive. And so if we know what learning is, which is same condition of behavior, then it's like, what do I need to change about what I do in order to learn this thing?

It also allows us to say many things are not worth learning because they probably won't affect my life in any way. Well, think how much you pity the person who, it is literally the worst if you imagine a quadrant of knowing and not knowing and thinking you know and thinking you don't know. The worst quadrant to be in is thinking you know whilst not knowing, right? And that is every single person who isn't prepared to say I don't know. Yeah. And internally doesn't believe it.

I've already got the answer for that. They are unable to transition across into white belt or begin a mentality that always in the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about that. I think Mark Twain said, it's not the things we know that kill us but the things that we think we know but just ain't so. A lot of self work can be summarized into thoughts aren't true. Feelings don't require actions. Things aren't good or bad they just are.

Our greatest enemy is ignorance. To change your life, change your surroundings. Our actions not our past define who we are. I think that's pretty much probably 95% of self work. A stand by my statement. Thoughts aren't true. Feelings don't require action. Things aren't good or bad they just are. Our greatest enemy is ignorance. To change your life, change your surroundings. Our actions not our past define who we are. Man, I could impact all of those. So let's start with ignorance.

So let's start with ignorance. So I am not a moralist but if I were a moralist then I would say that ignorance is the only evil and therefore knowledge is the only good. And so most atrocities if we define them that way that humans inflict on one another comes from ignorance. We don't know something about the other person or the other party.

And if we had absolute context on why someone does what they do, if we lived their life then we would have absolute knowledge on it and then we would be them. And so then we probably wouldn't try to hurt them because we would be them. And so I see the pursuit of knowledge and it's corollary how I like it. The pursuit of learning, changing our behavior to be my ultimate purpose in life.

Because if I think about myself as going through life then I want to learn as much as I can which is changing my behavior, ideally suited to the direction that I want to go in. As for the if you want to change your life, change your surroundings. If we want to behave a certain way then we want to increase the likelihood that a behavior occurs. And so B.F. Skinner said this and I just love this. It's like my most savage quote of his.

He says, people say you can lead a horse to water but you can't make a drink. False. Said if I dehydrate the horse, I salt its mouth, I put it in the heat and I put its face one inch away from water, I can readily guarantee that it will drink. And I think about that visual all the time when I think about myself as the horse.

And I think to myself, what is the behavior that I want drinking water and what is the salt in my mouth and what is the dehydration, the motivation for this behavior that I can create. And so I am not a believer in free will. I believe that we respond to the conditions that we've had and then we learn behaviors as a result of those things. And so for example, I could get everyone in here the entire crew to get naked, guarantee you I could do it.

All I would do is I just crank up the temperature and I'd wait and eventually everyone would get naked. It would happen. And so everyone has this idea that they have this free will. But that's what would happen eventually. And so if that's true, then we have significantly less control and at the same time more control of our behavior if we can stack the deck in our favor.

And so part of the reason going to bed at 9 p.m. is so powerful is because we're changing the conditions so that we can change our behavior. If all of your friends are poor, Harvard did that long study and said that the number one correlate was your reference script, which is who you compare yourself to. Also note, not who you spend the most time with it's who you compare yourself to. And so if you want to change your life, change your compare yourself to number one.

But part of who you compare yourself to is who you spend your time with or who at least you consume the most of. So if you're doing this then maybe that's a good thing or maybe it's a terrible thing as you compare the wrong people. But either way, if you want to get fit, if you get around fitter people, you will be deprived of fitness because you'll be the least in a person and then all of a sudden you'll be more motivated.

If you are poor, but you're the richest of your friends or the same level of wealth as your friends, then get around people who make more money. And then of course people say, but I can't get around people who make more money. Okay. No one else has ever done it. No one who has had it worse than you has ever figured out how to do it. You're right. Right. Of course you're not right. So shut the fuck up. Thoughts on true. Oh, I mean, how many things do we think every day that are just false?

One, they can be factually false, but also from the reactionary perspective. I'll give you an example. So someone miscommunicates and wrongs me in some way. I get angry and think I should wrong them back. Now that's my first thought. If I then say, what does that behavior increase the likelihood of occurring as a result? What do I want to have happen as a result of my behavior? Well, I want them to apologize or I want them to just not do that again.

Well, then me reacting back to them increases the likelihood that they will retaliate. And so in doing what my first thought was, I increased the likelihood of the negative occurrence that I'm trying to avoid. And so thinking through what happens after that thing in interpersonal dynamics and also from a business decision's perspective has helped me so much. Like I've had, I'll give you an example of one that happened not that long ago.

Somebody reached out to me, relatively big account, and says, hey, I'm not going to have to do that. And then he says, hey, can you read my book? It would mean the world to me if you left me an endorsement. And I said, out of respect for you, I won't just ghost this message or give you a half-hearted answer and then just hope that you forget that I said yes. I'm not going to endorse your book, but you're welcome to send it to me.

I will probably just flip through it because I have a lot of other books that I need to read that are more closely related to my goal. But I appreciate the flattery that's implied and you asking me to do that. Before I wrote that message, I was like, okay, what do I want to have happen after I send this message? Now, if I just ghost him, then I will probably have a null outcome and he'll probably have a slight negative because he'll remember, but he'll be like, okay, fine.

That was his way of saying no. But if I say, if I compliment him, thank him for the compliment with me and also tell the truth, I'll probably get somebody who in the future will know that my yes means something when I choose to do it. And so it's thinking like two steps ahead of what happens after I say this thing back and how do I increase the likelihood of that second move, not the first move?

And it sounds silly to say because people are like, oh, of course, but I don't think most people do that. And it has helped me so much. And even with interpersonal dynamics, with my marriage with Leila, if I want Leila to talk to me a certain way, then if I punish her when she doesn't talk to me that way, what she'll really do is she'll avoid talking to me in general.

And so it's like, I have to find a time when she does that thing so that I can immediately reward her so that I can increase the likelihood that it occurs. And so I think about this all the time with most of the dynamics that we have. And so anyways, I'll just stop on that tangent. But I think this is something, especially over the last year that I've, as a rehabilitating people pleaser, big people pleaser, being able to make your needs known, being able to make demands is a real skill.

And it's so strange, given that pursuing your needs is maybe one of the most fundamental human things that there is, but I kind of realized that, especially people that you respect in a sort of social dynamics way, people don't want to hear what they want to hear. They want to hear what you actually think about a thing. So so many times someone will ask you a opinion, what do you think of the Oppenheimer movie?

What you think they want to hear is whatever they think, which is, oh, wasn't it great? Did you watch it? No, I'm actually, I did. Did you get sour patch kids? Yeah, I did. But what they actually want to hear, if you were to say, do you know what it is, man? I don't know, it was just a little sort of drawn out for me and all of the visual effects felt a little bit more I haven't seen it, I don't fucking know.

But what you think people want to hear is not what they actually want to hear, they want to hear what you think and that requires you to tell the truth. And oddly enough, that means that telling someone what they don't want to hear ends up with a bigger net positive for you than actually giving them the thing that they wanted. For the business owners or for the advertisers in the room, or the people who make content, by the way, this is the ultimate hack is just tell the truth.

Because when you do that, you will buy definition make very unique content because everyone else is so afraid of thinking or saying what they actually think. And so you can stand out without trying to stand out. The problem is that the vast majority of people who make content or try to quote add value just regurgitate what they think adds value rather than just saying what they really think. Also the benefit of experience, right?

Because it's the only way that you can stress test whether or not this thing that you're trying to talk about is an actual thing. And you also get an extra perspective on that too when you know that this is what most of the people say about a thing and I have tried it and this is my perspective on not only the thing but why other people think that this thing is a thing given that I know that it doesn't work. Feelings don't require action, very similar.

I think this one is super powerful for, we'll relate all phases but especially the beginner. So if you're a beginner, you have to separate you feeling something and you acting on that feeling because you may feel hopeless many, many times but you need to continue to do the activities that are aligned with your goal. You may feel hungry but you need to not eat the cookie to stay aligned with your goal. You may feel angry but know that retaliating at your coworker has no likely positive outcome.

You may hit your boss but undermining them in front of the team may make you feel good in the moment but again, destroy your long-term career prospects. And so I think creating a gap. And so I was talking to one of our CEOs who was having a little bit of stress issue and I said, I want you to think that you're a Yeti can. I want you to think you're one of these cans that has a vacuum between both walls.

I was like, you got your feelings on one side, you've got your internal temperature and you've got your external temperature. And I was like, I just want you to do this. Just create space and space within the context of behavior is time, which is when I feel something and I have the desire to act on it, you can at that moment you have the lowest action threshold, which means that you're the highest likelihood of behaving or doing something is when you have this feeling.

And so I want to make as logical of decisions as I possibly can, hopefully we're all aligned on the fact that we're all aligned. And so if we make logical decisions on a regular basis, then we'll have longer term outcomes. If we want to increase the likelihood that our decisions in general are logical, then we want to create space between when we feel and when we do. And encapsulated in one sentence, it's just because you feel something doesn't mean you need to act on it.

And if you have an idea that you want to act on because of the feeling, if it still feels good and you want to act on it, then we're going to have a little bit of a problem of feeling if it still feels good in the morning, then do it. But I've never regretted taking time before acting when I was angry. But I sure as hell have regretted almost everything that I've done immediately the moment I felt angry. Things aren't good or bad, they just don't. Ah, this is the essence of Mozie.

I'm not the only one. So I think what makes life more difficult for people is the judgment they have on themselves about what they believe they're supposed to do or supposed to have achieved, or that this condition or this thing that happened is good or bad or it should have been good or it should have been better. And the story of the boy with the horse in the village, I'll tell it in 30 seconds, which is dad gets kid a horse and everything in the village says that's amazing.

The old man says we'll see. And then the kid is riding the horse and he breaks his leg and everyone in the town says, oh, that's so horrible and the old man says we'll see. And then the army comes to town to take all of the young men to war and the kid can't go because his leg is broken and everyone says that's amazing and the old man says we'll see.

And the thing is that as we continue to play out the timeline of life, we can't know if anything is good or bad until the day we die and the day we die, it won't matter because we'll be dead. And so it means that at the end of the day, all of the things that occur simply occur. And for me, reminding myself of that, that I think this is bad or I think this is good, it limits the peaks and it also limits the valleys and saying this just is.

And I think it's, in my opinion, absolute acceptance of the world without casting judgment on it. And it's difficult to do because we all want to make judgments and we have to make judgments in order to live. We have to approximate this is a good decision, bad decision. This is a decision that will increase the likelihood that what I want to have happen will happen. But most of the good bads that we have that are coming up are not for our own benefit, are not aligned with our goals.

They're aligned with one person that told us something when we were seven years old and then we incorporated that and we say, oh, this is bad because someone else when we were a kid, like, you hit your head and then you look at the adult and the adult says, that's bad and you say, oh, it's bad, I'm gonna cry now. Right? And so there are so many thousands and millions of those tiny judgments that are passed onto us that do not serve us.

And so for me, it has been more beneficial to whitewash everything and then actively rebuild what I believe to be good or bad based on those things. But with a baseline reality that none of it is. It is kind of narcissistic or solipsistic to believe that you know whether a thing is good or bad. Means you know the future. You know what the outcome of this is going to be, right? There's this story that I couldn't believe it was about September 11th.

So I didn't realize this, but the night before September 11th actually had quite bad weather, I think. And it meant that people getting home from baseball games got home way later. And then you'll remember the morning of September 11th, it's beautiful, blue, clear skies. So had that storm been only 12 hours later, the whole world would have been different, but it wasn't.

Does this story of a guy who was going for a meeting and I think it was his birthday, the lady that he worked with had got him one of these illustration ties, you know, sort of gaudy hideous thing with drawings all over it. And he was wearing a shirt that clashed with it. And she gifted him this as they had coffee on the morning of September 11th early, down how the man hadn't. And she says, look, your shirt's wrinkled and it really doesn't go with this tie.

Where the tie will make you full confidence, a nice present for you. So he goes back to the hotel, she goes to the North Tower. She dies, he's alive. How on earth are you supposed to say giving that tie was good or bad? You have no idea what's going to happen downstream from the things that are cut. So I know this guy who has a podcast and years ago, he like snapped his Achilles and could barely walk.

And so the crazy thing is is that many people in that time would have been like, this is the worst than it could have possibly happened. But because he had snapped his Achilles, he was like, well, I have to make the best of us. I have to do something. I might as well stick with that podcast that I said I was going to start. And then years later, he began with top 50 podcasts in the world. And I think an amazing frame is you can make anything that feels circumstantially negative in the moment.

If you ask the question, what would make this thing the best thing ever? And so I would argue maybe you would agree that you snapping your Achilles was probably the best thing that ever happened to you because it got you here. And right now, you probably have your version of the snap to Achilles that's going on in your life. But there's also the version of the top 50 in the world podcast that is waiting for you to take action as a result of your snap to Achilles.

I always had this problem with people who said it was meant to be, right? Because retrospectively, you're kind of taking your agency out of the situation. So for instance, me saying, I'm so glad that COVID happened and shut all of the night clubs down which forced my business to close so that I could focus on the podcast so that I would restart playing cricket so that I would snap my Achilles so that I would then move to America and then blah, blah, blah, blah.

But I actually think that that's quite a disempowering frame to put around things because it totally takes away the difficulty that you have to overcome.

You know, if you're in a car accident and you break your femur and you say, it was meant to be because I met my partner who was the nurse that looked after me while I was being rehabbed back to health, he go, okay, or on the flip side of that, you managed to be sufficiently charming to get a partner while you had a snapped femur in the hospital. That wasn't meant to be, that was your agency.

So retrospectively, you want it all to be on you unknown and in advance, you want it all to be completely up in the air and unknown. I think the high-atency frame allows you to break your Achilles and say, what will I do to make this amazing? And I think that's where the magic happens because then everything serves you. Our actions not our past define who we are. Victims see their past as their fate. Champions see their past as their origin story.

And so a lot of people are living through their origin story right now or they're living through the very reason that they'll never be successful, but it could be the exact same situation. And the only difference between either character is the actions they choose to take, which means that if you're using Joe Rogan's frame, waking up in your main player character today in this moment, as weird of a contract as this is, the past doesn't exist. Just gone, it's not anywhere.

And so the only thing that we absolutely have control over is the actions that we take right now. And it's a weird eraser of time to when you really start thinking that like, it's only existing chemicals in my brain, but it doesn't exist right now to think about the past that way. But in some ways, it's also very freeing because it means that I get to start with no baggage. And in some ways for me, it makes the present feel light. Because you're not carrying anything into it.

Have you seen that Tim Urban illustration of the tree of time, these sort of branches? So it starts off with life and there's only one black branch that is the particular path that you took. And there's all of these green ones that you haven't taken. And then it gets to now, there's a line where it's now, and then it turns to every branch is potential. So you had lots that could have been only one that was and now you have lots that could be and an unlimited number that may be altogether.

And that's, it is. You're right, it's light. When you think about that frame, it makes the present moment feel, well, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday. It doesn't matter what happened when I was a kid. It doesn't matter. It only matters if you make it matter. So, Jean-Paul Sartre, someone's screenshot of this from a book. I have no idea what the book is, but it's a motherfucker. I have led a toothless life. A toothless life. I have never bitten into anything.

I was waiting. I was reserving myself a later on and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone. A lot of people wait for perfect conditions to start, but don't realize that starting is the perfect condition. And the part of that quote that I like a lot from Sartre, a little French, a little Sartre. I like it a lot.

Is your teeth can get sharper and stronger too, so that he's saving himself to use his teeth, but he could have had all of his teeth at the end if he had been using them the whole time.

And so, we have this idea, I call it the fallacy of the perfect pick, but thinking that you're gonna have this one shot, this one pick of this one opportunity, this one podcast, this one whatever, that's going to take you all the way, but it's the habit of biting that takes you all the way, not where you choose to bite the first time.

And I obviously now have a huge history of this and you do too, which is we have learned to just bite and know that our teeth will get stronger and we will learn how to chomp down along the way. And... Waiting to begin never got anyone anywhere. Yeah, I kind of became obsessed with this belief that one day lights duties will be out of the way and then you can finally start doing the thing that you want to do or you're meant to do.

Marie Louise von France says, she calls it the provisional life, she'll love, there is this strange feeling that one is not yet in real life, for the time being, one is doing this or that. But there is always the fantasy that sometime in the future, the real thing will come about.

It's also known as deferred happiness syndrome, the common feeling that your life has not yet begun, that your present reality is a mere prelude to some idyllic future, this idyll is a mirage that'll fade as you approach revealing that the prelude you rushed through was in fact the one to your death. There really isn't any other time. And the more... You know, like this is one of the, I guess, melancholy realizations of getting older that you actually think, but you know what it is?

There are things that I can't do now that I could have done before. It is going for both of us, it is going to get linearly harder to build muscle. For the rest of time, it's never going to be as easy as it was 10 years ago to build muscle. And you go, okay, well, that's an argument for starting sooner.

And the same thing goes for becoming more psychologically healthy, for becoming more balanced, for becoming more wealthy, for investing in good habits, friends, oh, God, Christopher Hitchens, it is a melancholy lesson of older life that you can no longer make old friends. Hmm. Like, find your people. Now, find your people. Right now, and become friends with them. Find your habits right now and start doing them. It's never been easier to get in muscle than it was 10 years ago.

It's never been easier to make money than it was 10 years ago, but it'll also never be easier than it is right now. It'll only get harder. And so that's actually like a pretty strong impetus to do it now. It'll literally never get easier. Alex Homozi, ladies and gentlemen, dude. Yeah. I appreciate you, man. I have these few state episodes of fun. Why should people go? They want to keep up to date with what you've got going on or what have you got any cool stuff coming up?

Yeah, I mean, I've got my next book coming out that's in, you will know about it, but it's within the next six months or so. It'll be coming out. So very excited about that and working on that one for six years. So it's finally, finally ready. Have you finished writing that? Yeah, cool. Because the last one was a little closer to the wire. Yeah, this one I said, fine, I'll tell you the story. So I wrote this book first. And so I'll tell you the sub headline, which is how to make money.

And after finishing that book and being like, this is my masterpiece, I then was like, oh no. They won't be able to use this unless they know how to advertise because you can't use all of these things about making money until you get someone to know who you are. And then I was like, oh shoot. They won't be able to advertise unless they have something to advertise, which is an offer.

So I ended up writing this book first and then realizing that I had to write offers to books away and actually release that first, even though I had written this other book. And then I had to write leads to bridge the gap between offers and this book. But this is the book that I've been waiting for everyone to read and consume because I think it will make the most people the most money bar none.

Did you have a problem given that your writing ability will have probably improved over the other two books? Have you had to go back and sort of catch it up a little bit? Oh, I rewrote it nine times in the last year. Fantastic. But the first draft was done. And so the ninth draft, which is now in publication, or not in publication, but is a finished product, is now done. Heck yeah. What else, anything else? I mean, we're just, we're continuing to invest in portfolio companies.

If you're a company that's looking to scale, you can go to acquisition.com. And if you were a beginner, just learning, figuring out how to make your first dollar, I'm a co-enter of school.com, sk-o-o-l.com. You can start for free. It's a cool setup that we have to help people do it. And right now, 54.1% of people who start a paid community on school make money.

So we have put a tremendous amount of effort, Sam and I, into trying to remove all barriers and all friction for people who are getting started so that they have literally no excuses. So way better strike rate than only funds.

I don't know what their, what their strike rate is, but we've worked really hard to, if you saw the amount of detail, I mean, maybe you heard some of this from the podcast, but the amount of detail that went into like, where buttons go and what things we remove was actually a big one was how can we so pair this down so that people don't get overwhelmed because the number one reason people cancel or decide not to do something is overwhelmed.

And so we're like, okay, how can we funnel action into the clearest possible steps that people go step one, step two, step three and then all of a sudden they're like, oh, this actually worked. And so it's been really cool to see the thousands of people who have made their first dollar, which is what I make all my content about it, to begin with. And so it's been, it's been the ride of my life. It's been awesome. Like I appreciate you man. Thank you. Thank you a lot.