Breaking the Silence on Infertility, IVF, and Miscarriage with Ali Prato

Well I'm Tara Clark. Hey there, welcome back to another episode of Modern Mom Props. I'm your girl Tara and here on Modern Mom Props. We're trying to solve the world's modern mom problems and if we can't do that, at least we're having fun talking about them. And today we are talking about infertility and and loss and we're talking about working through that and overcoming it. I am joined by Ali Prado. She is the host of the Infertile AF Stories podcast. She's an author

She has several books out, including a new one called You Are a Work of Art. And I I love that so much because it's play on words with assisted reproductive technology. That one The new the newest book is a children's book, that you are a work of art. And I was on Allie's show a few years ago where I shared my story in becoming a parent. And it was such a long Such a long story that I think I started. I spoke for forty five minutes.

I think I barely took a breath the entire conversation. So if you want to hear that story, definitely check out that episode of Infernal AF Stories. I will link it in the show notes so it'll make it easier for you to find. Allie is amazing. She unfortunately had suffered from secondary infertility when she was trying to have a baby after her her daughter uh was born and her daughter was a few years old when she was really trying desperately to have

to have a a second child. We're gonna talk about all of that. We're gonna talk about her books and the pod and all of the things. Allie, welcome to the show. Good to see you. It's so nice to see you too. We're gonna chat about all of the things. But before I jump into it, uh can you do a quick introduction and let people know a little bit about your story? Sure. So my name is Ali Prado. I'm a journalist and now I'm mostly in the fertility world.

I went through a secondary infertility journey, and it was, you know, I do have a son through IVF. He's ten now. So I was going through it a minute ago. Wow, time goes by so fast. Is that crazy? I know. Yeah. But while I was going through it, I was so lonely and I was looking for books and I was looking for community and I was looking for just people to connect to. And, you know, a decade ago a lot has changed, thankfully. But there weren't a lot of

podcasts or Instagram accounts or even books. Like I remember going to the bookstore looking for a book on miscarriage and there was like a two inch wide section of these like very weird books, nothing that I could really relate to, unfortunately. So once I did have my son, it was a r it was like a four year struggle. I had recurrent pregnancy loss and, you know, I had four miscarriages and it was a really dark time. And, you know, secondary infertility, I'll just say really quickly, is such a

tricky, you know, place to be because I did have a daughter that I didn't have through assisted reproductive technology. And my whole thing about trying to explain secondary infertility is like I really loved being a mom so much that I just wanted to do it again. You know, sometimes second dairy infertility, I hate to even compare types of infertility because I feel like they're all hard and everybody's pain and stories are valid.

you know, I did have a few people be like, Well, you already have a kid. Why are you putting yourself through this? And what I always try to explain was that I was coming from a place of love and a place of loving being a mom and I just wanted to do it again. So that's how I always explain it to my daughter. It was like, You were the best thing that ever happened to me and that's why I wanted to have another baby because it was just the greatest joy ever. So And her name is Ever.

I love it. So anyway, that's what I went through. And once I was out on the other side, for lack of a better term, and I had my son and he was a couple of years old, someone approached me and wanted me to write a

article for Health magazine about what I'd gone through with my miscarriages and my infertility. And then I started thinking, yes, of course, I'm happy to do that, but I would also maybe I should write a book or maybe I should do something just to get the story out there because like I said, I felt like

My way of getting through hard times is connecting with people and hearing other people's stories and I wanted to put something out in the world that, you know, would help people coming after me and help it suck less because it was su like I said, such a dark time.

So I thought about writing a book. I was kind of shopping around a memoir and publishers ten years ago were not interested. I guess it was eight about eight years ago. They were just like, this isn't gonna sell. We have one infertility book. Coming out, you know. Thankfully that has changed so much. And there's a lot of books out now, which is awesome. So many doctors.

you know, have been putting out books lately and, you know, kind of sharing, breaking it down like the whole IBF process and infertility, which is so awesome. I feel like the more resources we have, the better. But anyway, the book wasn't gonna happen so I ended up launching my podcast, which is called Infertile AF.

in twenty nineteen and I started by telling my story because I was like, if I want people to get real and like get down and dirty, I'm gonna have to do it first. So I started with podcasts. my story. And, you know, now we've had almost 400 episodes. It's still come out every single week. It's a Almost. Well like th almost three seventy five, I guess, at this point. But uh yeah, it's just been such a great way to, you know, touch on every aspect of

infertility and, you know, just family building through ART, you know, we talk to I try to make it as diverse as possible. You know, I want every episode to be different, but because I want everybody out there who's going through it to find something that they can relate to and to feel seen.

So I started with the podcast and then I can talk about the rally and the books. I don't want to just keep droning on though. No, no, you're not. No. And I I I I asked. I said share your story, right? But I was like talking for ten minutes straight. Oh, it's totally fine. No, it's totally fine. I mean, feel free to talk about the rally and then I'm gonna go back to the podcast for a second. Okay.

So then uh a natural extension of the podcast was starting this community called Fertility Rally, which I co-founded with Blair Nelson, who is another infertility advocate in our space. She and I connected through the podcast. She was on my eighth episode and we just had started talking we originally were going to plan a big event that we were going to call Fertility Rally and we were going to host it in Brooklyn and have speakers and you know kind of like a summit.

But we didn't like that word'cause we thought it sounded stuffy. So that's why we wanted to call it Fertility Rally. So we had the venue and we had speakers starting to get lined up and then COVID hit. So we pivoted to an online version of Fertility Rally. But in the meantime, we were like, you know what? We've been hosting these Zoom

calls for people that we've met in this community and they were getting really big. We you know, we would sometimes have like 40 to 50 people on like a happy hour call, we were calling it where people just kind of share their stories and connect. So we thought, why don't we build this out and make this into an actual membership? So the rally started in June of twenty twenty and we have had more than five thousand members over the years come through our doors.

We always say we don't want people to necessarily stay in Fertility Rally because that means they're still in in the midst of it. So we've had a lot of people come and, you know, use our services and get support from us and then, you know, leave and refer us you know, refer the rally to their friends and it's just it's been such a really wonderful place and I've met the most incredible people. We always say it's the worst club with the best members. And, you know, we

It's just I've met some lifelong friends and now we do Rally IRL. So we do events where we all meet up, you know, once or twice a year. We still do Rally Live and we also host a free support group every months on the first Wednesday of every month for anybody in the community to just come and listen or vent or, you know, get support.

So that's what's going on. That's incredible. And you wrote books. Yeah, so that's you're an author. This was again like just loving being a storyteller. I decided to it came the the title first came to me when I was in like a yoga class or something and I was like, Work of art, like ART, assisted reproductive technology and I was like, I need to write a children's book called Work of Art. So I kind of shelved that for

like a year and then I came back to it and was like, I need to write that book. So I wrote this first book called Work of Art about my son and how he found out he was an IVF baby. And it's basically a celebration of science and, you know people that have gone through any sort of ART struggle. And that was, you know, really well received and it was such a great and like fun, rewarding project to work on. And so I've written two more books since then.

Beautiful Bird, which is my second one, which is about my best friend. It's a true story. Her, she was a she wanted to be a solo mom by choice. So she had a sperm donor who was one of her good friends. He's in a same sex relationship. And then when the baby Jack, who's my godson, was born, they all three just fell in love with him and wanted to raise him.

as a big blended family. So now, you know, Jack is being raised by Helen and Blake and Aaron, these three incredible people. And it's I just thought that's such a cool story. And again, another version of family and how families can look so different but they all start from a place of love.

Yeah. And then the third one really quickly I wrote You Are a Work of Art, which is a board book and that's been cool'cause it become one of the things that a lot of doctors and clinics are giving to their patients as they graduate when they have a baby because it's a more general book and it talks about Donor conception and embryo donation and solo parents by choice, LGBTQ plus, IVF IUI, surrogacy, you know, kind of I wanted to make sure that all of those things were touched on in that book.

You are a busy woman, Al. You're doing a lot of different things. We got a lot going on. I'm just so like passionate about it that it doesn't, you know, I mean, obviously it d it does feel like work sometimes and it's a grind and, you know, I self published all the books so trying to get the word out is you know, it's tricky, but it's just I feel very lucky to be in this space and to be, you know, helping people and sharing people's stories and, you know, I just I love it.

Yeah, no, I your passion for it absolutely comes through in all of your work. So I was on your show. A couple years ago, maybe was it two years ago or so? Yes. I'm gonna have to put that episode out again so that people can listen to it. I was gonna say we're gonna have to like link the episodes because I often refer when people will ask me my story, I say, listen to that episode.

Go to Infertile AF. I said, I talk for 45 minutes straight. I don't know if I even took a breath. It's that long of a story. It is a forty five minute story without interruption. Listen to that story, listen to that episode to to have my whole journey to becoming a parent. And so Absolutely. And again, thank you so much for doing that. You know, the feedback that I'm getting, you know, DMs and emails and all that.

still even, you know, seven years into it, people are kind of just discovering the show. You know, people are new to this community. Sure. Unfortunately, you don't want anybody to really be going through this. But I love the fact that, you know, a lot of the stuff is evergreen and it doesn't

you know, somebody can dive in now and and start from episode one or, you know, search for whatever topic they're interested in and find something to listen to. So again, thank you for being a part of it. Thank you for having me. It's so important because When I was going through that, and now I look back at it, it was over fifteen years ago. It was about fifteen years ago.

why it was wild to think that how quickly time goes, but people were not talking about that. And not only that, I never felt lonelier and darker than I did during that time. There are no two ways o about that. Just as you had mentioned when you were going through your struggles. It is a very hard place to be in and unless you have been there yourself, you don't really know.

what that's like. And I'm so grateful for you to have c created the conversation and to create the community that you have so that people can speak freely about it. It took me years to be able to share my story, years for me to talk publicly about that. And coming on your show was actually one of those things that really helped me.

Okay. Yeah, of course. And so I'm so grateful that you've been doing this now since twenty nineteen. That's amazing. And you're right, it it's evergreen. At at any point people are going to try to become parents and then unfortunately they're they're found that they're part of this club that How you said it's the worst club with the best members. Yeah. No, it's true. You know, I I'm again so appreciative of everybody who

has come on and bared their souls and, you know, cried and laughed and, you know, we it's kind of a roller coaster of emotions always depending on what people are talking about. But you know, it's just nice to know that it's it is out there and, you know Especially just people being so honest and, you know, normalizing the conversation around all this stuff. I think it's it's just so important. And especially as women, we need to support each other and lift each other up and be like,

You're going through that, me too, and it sucks. And let's cry together. We we need each other in these moments. Yeah, yeah, we absolutely do. It was about two weeks ago, somehow it came up in conversation that I had experienced pregnancy loss before my son was born. And I'm saying like I was there with my son and my husband and my son was like, What? What do you mean, Mom? Like he never knew'cause we don't talk about that stuff really. It just never really comes up in conversation.

And then I explained it a little bit and he's like, Oh gosh He's like, I had no idea And I was like, Yeah, that was something that was part of our journey to become parents and so it's an interesting and I I guess I'll sort of broach this to you. It's an interesting question. when and how and if you mention it to your children when they're of an appropriate age. Yeah. I mean I always like to say obviously

to each her own, you know, I think if if people aren't comfortable talking about this with their kids, like I'm totally I would never pressure anybody to do that. I think everybody has their own, you know, path and story and that's, you know, I wanna respect that. But for me, you know, I've always been an open book, probably too open. I'm sure my kids like

if they go back and listen to some of these episodes are gonna be like, Oh my God, mom, you were talking about what? Like it's so cringe. But, you know, I I just again, I feel like we like I have this platform and I feel so lucky to have it that I have to do it the service and like, you know, honor it by like just being so honest about everything. So with the IBF stuff.

You know, my daughter when I was going through the miscarriages and stuff, she was still pretty little. So we weren't talking to her about that at the time. But once my son was born, you know, she knows how he came to be and maybe she didn't s you know, totally understand it at the time. She was six when he was born. But it was never like a secret. It was never

I never wanted it to be stigmatized. You know, I never it was just like, Well, I had you in this way and I was so lucky that that was a thing and with Sunny it's not, you know, the same route, but I wanted you both so badly and it's so we're so lucky that you know, we we have science and we have all these amazing doctors and all this technology and, you know, that I was able to

have your brother. So I think they each have their own story and neither one is better than the other, but you know, that's why I wrote work of art was just to to tell Sonny like there's a part in the story where I'm like, You were created in the lab and he's like, like a superhero? And I'm like, Yeah, kind of. So it's basically it's, you know, making kids feel proud of how they came to be. And, you know, I love the fact that, you know, this is in his school library and

you know, a lot of his friends have come to our like book readings and things like that. And it's just like, yeah, that's like a really cool way to be born. It might not be the same way that you were born, but you know, it's still something to be celebrated. So again, just normalizing it has always been the vibe in our household. Yeah, I I love that. What was the reaction of Sonnies.

friends parents, you know, to know that that book is in the library or that it's something that's common. Like, did you have any other moms that came up to you and said, Me too? That was a similar journey that we had. Totally. People coming out of the woodwork. You know, a lot of people, um, you know, like I said, friends from school or like at the PTA or the librarian I remember from his last school that he went to.

um emailed me and she's like, I just want you to know the book's been getting checked out like crazy'cause I donate it to a lot of libraries and local places and things like that. So if anybody's listening and is a librarian, get in touch with me and I'll send it your way. Happy to share it. Any of these books. It um, you know, she's like, you know, I just wanted you to know it's been getting checked out like crazy. And I was like, That's so cool because even if kids aren't

you know, ART babies, they might see the cover and it's got basketball on it and it's really I have the best illustrator. He's really fun. So they might just see it and, you know, take it home and then maybe their family, you know, learns a new thing that they didn't know about before. So the reaction has, you know, been really positive and, you know, even the other day, you know, this book came out a couple of years ago now.

The first one. And I had this mom be like, I didn't know that you wrote that. I've heard about that book. And she's like, I have a IVF baby, but we'll we've never told him. And I was like, you know, she's like, maybe I should get the book and, you know, share Sonny's story and and I was like, No pressure, but yeah, I mean it's here if you want it. You know, I'm l like I said, I never wanna like force anybody into having that conversation. But

I thought that was kind of cool too. And she's like, Maybe that's a good way in. And I was like, That's exactly what I was trying to do. So that was cool. Yeah. I think that's a very cool way in because without something like the book as the impetus to like start this conversation. It's very tricky to just up and start this conversation with your children. Like I said, it happened with us just the other day sort of by accident. Right. And I didn't even go into

a lot of details in it. And it was one of those things where I was like, Oh gosh, like should I share this information? I don't know, but I feel like if I had the book it probably would be easier to Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I said, for us it was just like I never wanted something to come out later and be like, Why didn't you tell me that? You know, I'm just very open with my kids about everything in general. So that's our vibe, but

You know, I get it. If people don't wanna talk about it, that's their their right as well. You know, there's no right answer here. We're all just trying to get through. True. That that's really true. And especially, you know, being as part of the the infertility club there, like you're just trying to get through, right? You're trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel and whatever that light looks like for you or how to get there I should say is is whatever that looks like. For you.

So many stories and so many different examples. Like I I can't even imagine all of like the different like permutations of stories that you must have heard about the fertility journeys. Yeah. And I don't mean crazy and like a negative. It's just been a wild, you know, yeah.

inter I was interviewing someone the other day and she, you know, mentioned something that had happened. I was like, I've never had someone talk about that on the show. So there's always something new that people are talking about or something I've never heard of or you know, even as the years have gone on, there's new technology and there's new testing and there's new, you know, things that used to be

very common in this space, like uh treatments and things that are like kind of not in favor anymore. So it's been cool to kind of see it. Evolve, you know, IVF is only 40 something years old. It's still like a very new technology in the medical world. So it's it's um it's been interesting to see what's happened over the last decade. I can't even imagine what's gonna happen in the next ten years, you know, with AI and like all this school stuff happening.

Yeah, absolutely. And in even in the last fifteen years since I was dealing with this stuff and my son is thirteen now, right? So I'm trying to like think through the timing'cause it was even it was like fifteen, sixteen years now. I mean, I can't even imagine the technology that must have happened in the last fifteen, sixteen years.

Exactly. Exactly. Can I tell you about the next book though?'Cause it does gr it goes. So I I'll give you an exclusive on your show. We're we're gonna announce this soon, but the fourth work of art book is going to be about Elizabeth Carr. Who is the first IVF baby in the US? And Elizabeth and I are working on it together. So we're gonna tell her story in like children's book illustrated form.

about how her parents were total pioneers, you know, and they were literally the first family in the United States that had a baby through IVF and Elizabeth has been she was like on the cover of Life magazine and Nova did a documentary about her story and you know she's been such a huge advocate in our world. And again, you know, just normalizing the conversation and talking about being an IBF baby, but sh you know, she's in her early forties, so

just goes to show how old or young this technology is and IVF in general. So I'm writing it now. I'm so I'm using my same illustrator that I've used in all three of the books. We have a title that I can't I won't say yet, but if anybody wants to follow me on Instagram, I'll announce it there soon. We're so excited about it. It's gonna be a really, really

beautiful, cool project and she's like all in and she's as pumped as I am. So I think it's it's gonna be a really, really great next, you know, next thing in the in the book series. Congratulations! That is so exciting. How did you get in contact with her with her? How did it come about? So I can't remember how we originally connected, but she has been on my podcast. So she's told her story.

on my show before and it was just, you know, again, one of those things where I was like, what else can I write about? You know, I there's so many different stories and I feel like the series could go on and on and on. But one day I think I was in my garage we have like a gar bar'cause we live in New Jersey and everyone turns their garages into like bars and hangout spaces. So my husband and I I think we were having a drink even and I was like

I should contact Elizabeth Carr and see if she wants to be the subject of my next book. And he's like, You should. And I just like emailed her and was like, I have an idea. And she was like, I'm in, like immediately. So she's really great. She's so smart and so cool. And

you know, again, she wa you know, she wants to tell her story in this this new form and, you know, maybe even bring it to like a new generation that doesn't know all the things that she's done so far. So that's kind of how it happened. It's so exciting. Mom. I've never met Elizabeth in person. We've been talking for a couple of years, but I met her at an event and her mom was there too. So I was like, Oh my God So And that's a big deal because her mom was the first woman to have IVF.

I mean the cool part of their story is that her parents were, you know, having trouble having a baby and getting pregnant or staying pregnant and they went to their doctor's office and the doctor had just been at a convention where they were like, There's this new thing called IVF and they handed her parents like this paper sheet of paper. And we're like, do you wanna try this? You know, they're doing these trials and each family was getting like one shot.

to do it. So they weren't the first people to try it, but they were the first people that it was successful. Carrie. Yeah. But it was like, Oh my God, could you imagine if they didn't the doctor didn't go to that convention or they didn't get handed that piece of paper like Yeah. aligned and like I'm such a nerd. I'm sorry. I love like No, no, that's what we're here for. We're here to nerd out about this kind of stuff. That's you're totally fine on that.

you know, what at the time was like a total like long shot, Hail Mary, like you know, who knows what could happen. But, you know, it's so exciting that it did work and like look where we are now. I know. Forty something years later, here we are. I mean, and there's so many different things too, because there's IVF, there's IUI, there's donors, there's surrogacy. Like it's not just a one size fits all.

solution to this. There are many different ways that one could go about creating a family. Right. Do you have a lot of friends in your circle that have like ART babies? Do you guys ever talk the moms ever talk about it? In my in-person circle? No. In my In my online circle, yes, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. There's something.

Well go Yeah, I was gonna say there's something about the online circle that either people are are sharing the story more or my friends are content creators and then they're talking about that part as being content creators and so that's sort of like part of their narrative. Yeah. But not F with my in person friends. Yeah. No. I really I don't think so. Or maybe they're just not sharing. I mean, that could be part of it too. Yeah, maybe it just it hasn't come up or I wonder if

something were to be said, people would be like, Oh my God, me too. My son too or my daughter too, you know. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah. No, it's very interesting. But definitely with my creator friends, because like I said, I think it's sort of part of the job to t to tell your story and to to remind people that

they're not alone in this journey and in this struggle and and so I definitely think that's that's part of it. I'm gonna ask you a question, Allie, that I ask everybody and I'm super, super curious to see what you're gonna say. Are you ready? Yes.

Okay, what do you think is the biggest modern mom problem today? Ooh, I love this. Such a good one. I think it is The n trying to navigate. Okay, I think the biggest mom, modern mom problem today is trying to navigate Technology. How much do we embrace it? How much do we limit it with our kids? you know, we have a campaign in our town, I'm sure it's not probably national, but wait until eighth where, you know, they want people to not give their kids phones until they're in eighth grade.

We have, you know, on screen events where, you know, people will go and talk about getting your kids off the screen. And I do think all of those things are important. I don't think we will wait until eighth with my son'cause my daughter got a phone in like seventh grade and he's like, That's not fair. So I don't we're not on the wait until eighth train, but I respect it. But I I d I think that there's, you know, trying to figure out how much is too much.

I'm never like a black or white person. Like I'm not gonna be like, you're not allowed to have technology, because I just don't think that's realistic. For me, I do think there's some really great things about, you know, going on to dare I say TikTok.

you know, I've learned some things on TikTok. I we get a lot of recipes and things on TikTok that's kind of fun. So I I would never be one to say like TikTok is the worst or, you know, there's no redeeming qualities, but I I think that that's my struggle is How much do I let my kids, you know, be on their phones or be watching these clips and what is it doing to their brains? And I know it's not good, but it's also like, but is it inevitable?

Oh, I r I wrestle with that. Like I think it's good that they know how to use all this technology as well because I don't it's not going anywhere. Like remember when the internet first came out and people were like, Oh my God, this is like crazy and and now it's just everybody uses it and you can use it for good. So I'm wondering if, you know, screens and things it's just something that They're gonna need to know how to use it. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I completely understand.

I love you. No, I mean that's a good thing. That that's why it's such an open that's why this question is such an open ended question, right?'Cause everyone's going to say something different. Everyone's life experience is is different. And so I have a lot of thoughts about about screen time and As well, I'll start with this one thing. I'm grateful for social media.

to have opened up the opportunity in the platforms for us to have conversations that we have about infertility and pregnancy loss and maternal mental health and all of those things. And so if we weren't where we are today in terms of the social media platform sort of like

opening up these conversations. I don't know where people would be. It would still be where we were fifteen years ago, where it was just hush, hush and you suffered in silence and you feel like you're the only person in the entire world that has ever suffered pregnancy loss. And so I'm grateful to social media to allow us to have these conversations publicly on and on a large scale. So that's one. Right. The other thing is.

Eight times out of ten on this show, when I ask that question, people say social media comparison is drowning us. And I understand that and I see that. And who has a more perfect life and who's doing this and who's doing that? And so People tend to internalize that. And so that is a con, right? So there's like a pro and there are pros and cons to social media. But going back to what you were saying about the middle schoolers and the sev seventh graders and eighth graders.

I have a seventh grader. He has a phone. I am very happy to say that he does not care whether he has it or not. And uh a lot of parents I know are like your sister. That's exact I was just about to say a lot of people keep saying to me, like, how did you do that? Yeah. By setting really great boundaries together in a family. And and I'll give you an example. One is

He does not take his phone in his room overnight. It stays in a common area. It stays in a the kitchen, stays in the living room, whatever. So that would be my number one thing is don't let any devices in the room at night overnight. S and then two, when we're in the car together, no one's scrolling their phones.

In the car. We're listening to music together. We're talking. We're just hanging out. We're staring out the window. We're just being bored. Whatever. So that's the other thing. I love that. And don't you find that sorry to interrupt, but don't you find the best conversations happen in the car too? Like between Yeah. Same for percent. That is absolutely what it is.

The car is sort of a s safe space. The bedrooms are a safe space. He brings his phone to school but they're not allowed to use it during school, so he will only have it if he needs to text me to say, Hey, pick me up or hey, I'm going to Logan's house, pick me up at Logan's house'cause His friend, you know, they they go on to his yeah. Logan. No. No, that like Logan lives like a block away from school, so sometimes they walk there. So that's to

be uh you know, to use the phone as it's d developed is like has like it's for him to call me or to text me, right? So that's that's useful. And those are really how we use the phones at home or how he uses the phones at home. And I also try

to model well where I'm not on the phone in front of him. I'm not scrolling in front of him. Does it happen sometimes? Yes, of course. Sometimes I'm finishing an email. Sometimes I'm doing work. And when that happens and I communicate it saying like, oh, let me just finish this work. email and then we'll hang out and then we'll watch TV together, whatever it is. So we try to be very intentional about our screens at home and like When we do that.

He's not the kid that's just glued on his screen the second he leaves school or like I said in the car or whatever it is. And so I don't worry quite as much About him with the phone usage at this point. And like you said, like it's going to be inevitable, and he's gonna scroll YouTube shorts. That's the thing. He's not on TikTok or Instagram at this point. He is on YouTube Shorts, which is like absolute brain raw. And I I know that and I acknowledge that.

Absolute brain rot. But at least we could try to cut down our consumption as much as possible if we're not, like I said, doing it in the bedroom, doing it in the car, doing it in between. Yeah. Yeah. That's really smart. And I have not set those limits. I mean, I tr I say things, you know, but it's not like a hard and fast thing. So I admire that you did that and I wish that I guess I

Still good, but you could always roll it back. I was telling I was telling my friend just the other day'cause she was asking too and she was like, Oh, it's really hard to get these kids to put their phones down. I said, Yes. I mean, sometimes once the horse is out of the barn, it's much harder to get it back in there. But it's but it's not impossible. You know, it it's not impossible. You could have the conversations of

We're not on our phones when we're in the car together. No phones in the bedroom at night. Cause you don't want it to be the last thing that they put down before they go to sleep and the first thing that they pick up in the morning. You just don't want that to be the case. And so

That's on us as parents to set those boundaries. Yeah. That's so smart. You know, the other thing if I if you don't mind that I would love to add about social media that I think is really interesting is now my daughter is She's a junior in high school and she's, you know, we're starting to look at colleges. And I feel like social media has added another layer of

pressure and like complexity to the whole college search because ever and I have like a love hate with it. Every school now has like her school is Columbia, so it's like CHS commit. where kids, you know, they commit to the seniors will say what school they're going to and it lives on this Instagram feed, which is really cool and interesting. But it's also like

then everybody's like pressure. How hard is it to get into that school? What's the deal with that school? And everybody's judging that post and you know what I mean? And it's just like, oh my God. I do very much know what that's great they like show the range of schools that students are going to and celebrating that, but I also feel like it's opened up not just with my daughter. I think everybody, you know, like

It's not like you just go to school one day wearing your like college sweatshirts like we did, you know, one day. It's like this lives online and it's constantly, you know, subject to possible scrutiny. And I think that that I feel badly for, you know, her that not like this generation, but her friends. Yeah. All the the kids these days that are looking into colleges,'cause I think it's so much more complicated now. There's a lot of judgment and pressure they're putting on themselves.

My husband and I are like, It wasn't this hard when we were, you know, like I took the A C T one time. My parents were like, You can go to college anywhere in state and I lived in Illinois, so I was like, Okay. And that you know, we didn't go on all these tours and you know, there was no social media obviously'cause this was like the eighteen hundreds, but It's just, you know, them. Have you heard that too like talking to other moms on your show and just in your group, like the

Yeah. The pressure is a lot. I mean the moms say that for themselves, but also for the for the kids too. Yeah. It it's a lot. And like you said, like it lives there forever. It's open to comments. It's it's open to the scrutiny. None of that stuff. at least for our generation existed, right? So it's it's a lot. It there are definitely pros and cons when it comes to to social media. It both connects us and divides us. And I think that's a major modern mom problem.

Totally. Good full circle moment there. You are good at that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Allie, tell everyone where we could buy the books, where we could listen to the podcast. Tell us all the stuff. Okay, so the books are on my website. It's infertileafgroup dot com. And we have a like a bundle thing going on right now. So if you want to get all three books and there's a little bundle, but you know, they're really good to like gift or, you know, give as, you know, like I said,

gifts to your friends or if there's like a baby shower coming up and someone's having an IVF baby, they're really cute. I'm on Instagram at In for Laugh Stories. I'm hap my DMs are open. I'm happy to talk to people if anybody's going through something and you know, needs some support, reach out to me please. And Fertility Rally is also on Instagram at Fertility Rally. And like I said, we have that free support group every Wednesday or every month on the first Wednesday.

So again, you know, please come and and let us help you and support you and be there for you. Yeah, that's that's where to find me. And thank you. Book number four coming out about Elizabeth. Um I love that. I'll text you when I c I'm telling what the title is'cause it's Yeah.'Cause then we'll we'll announce it. Yeah. Once I love that. Thank you so much for the work that you do, Allie. It is so it's so, so important. And like I said, if if

past Tara knew what current future Tara would know is like all the work that you've done and the conversations that people have, like we wouldn't I wouldn't have felt so alone. And so that's my hope for people listening and for the people reading your book and for your huge community is that people know that they're not alone in the struggle.

Thank you. And same to you, Tara. Like just talking about all the stuff that you do on your show and on your platform and stuff. Thank you for that too. Because you're one of those women that loves other women and supports other women and you know, the if everybody were like that I feel like the world would be such a better place. Like it's

You know, there's no it doesn't have to be competitive and it doesn't have to be, you know, she's not going through as hard of a time as she is. Like it's like let's just be there for each other. So thank you for doing what you do and thank you for having me. Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks for listening to today's episode of Modern Mom Probs. I hope you enjoyed our deep. Clark. Join me next time when I'll be interviewing another great guest. Tackling another modern If you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a review and a rating. As always, you can head over to Modern MomProps on Instagram and give me a follow up. Or check out my book, Modern Mom Probs, a survival guide for 21st century mothers. Available online wherever books are sold.

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