¶ Redefining Leadership Through Consistency
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Hey everyone , welcome back to Modern Leadership . I have a special guest here today . We're actually doing another live coaching session and we have Shelly here with us . Welcome , shelly .
Well , thank you , I'm glad to be here , yeah , and I am so happy that you're here with us because , you know , we've known Shelly for a really long time and she is amazing at what she does , and sometimes we just need help working through certain issues or struggles that are kind of keeping us from moving forward .
So ask Shelly to come on here so we can , you know , help her through whatever it is that she wants to work through and see if it relates with all of you . So , shelly , what is something that you want to work through today ?
I'm going to have to say it's my consistency and actually it's my business . But in my health as well , I can just kind of all over the place right now and my consistency in my habits and routines has kind of gone out the window .
Okay , so tell me a little bit more about that . Describe that to me .
Well , we do have a lot going on . We're selling our house and we're moving and such . So I've been getting to bed later so I'm not getting up and doing my morning routine . So I haven't worked out in probably I'm going to say three weeks , maybe longer . I'm kind of sporadic working on my business as well and I have very big goals for both .
So trying to get back into habits and routines is something I'm struggling with right now . Okay , and when was the last time you had this thought of ? I'm having trouble with my consistency here .
I'm going to say probably this morning , because I did not set my alarm early enough to get up and work out .
Okay , so you didn't set your alarm to get up and work out .
Okay , I nearly give myself enough time to do that . I didn't even . Actually , I didn't give myself enough time to even , like I normally do , a social media post every morning , and I didn't do that either because I set my alarm such that I had just enough time to get ready for work okay .
so this morning you didn't give yourself enough time set your alarm to be able to work out and work on your business . Is that right ? Yeah , okay . So what's the problem with that ?
I am not getting any closer to my goals if I'm not doing the actions .
Okay , tell me a little bit more about that .
Well , I have a fairly big goal with my business . I work full-time and I want to be able to retire in probably the three to five year range to be able to help people full-time . I'm not actually retiring , I'm just hiring for my full-time job and I want to be able to help people in the capacity of their health , wellness and mental health full-time .
And if I'm not working on my business , I'm not getting any closer to the goal , and same with my health and wellness . I have a pretty big weight loss goal right now and if I'm not doing the actions , it's not going to happen .
Okay , and are your personal goals and your business goals related ?
They are , because I am a health and wellness coach , I'm a nutritionist , and if I am not following the things that I want my clients to follow that kind of has a bit of a trust issue there Then I need to be able to show that I'm doing the same actions that I'm asking my clients to do .
Okay , so there's a couple of things here , because you kind of started off with you know you're . You kind of have a story about you're not getting closer to your goals because having some problems with consistency .
But the other thing and why I asked you if your health goals were related to your business goals was because , because you're having inconsistency or issues with consistency with both , I wanted to see how those were related and really kind of showing others like giving them a little bit more context .
So you did mention something about you know being able to basically model the behavior right . Right , so if you're not able to be consistent with your personal and your business goals personal and your business goals what do you feel that is showing your followers ?
your clients , potential clients , that if I'm not willing to do the work , why would they be willing and they would like ? If it was me , I would go to someone that was being very consistent and then I could work and learn from them . So it's not getting me any clients by not modeling that behavior .
¶ Overcoming Inconsistency for Family Travel
Okay .
So just typing this up so I can have you know , show you what what is happening here , so you know , this morning you didn't give yourself enough time to you know , work out and focus on your health and wellness business .
And the story that you're telling yourself is if I'm not willing to do the work , I'm not going to get clients because I'm not modeling the behavior . So how does that make you feel ?
It actually makes me feel frustrated with myself .
Okay , and when you felt frustrated this morning , what did you do ?
And when you felt frustrated this morning , what did you do ? I , well , I didn't work on my business , I didn't work on my health . I went to the kitchen and had , I had a shower and I've had my coffee and played some games and I went to work . I didn't even . I was kind of beating myself up a little bit .
I had a conversation with my husband about it and just went on my day . I didn't try , even attempt to do any of the work that I knew I should be doing .
Okay , and what did you keep yourself from doing ?
I did not do a social media post that I normally try and do in the morning . I didn't try and do even 15 minutes of workout .
Okay , and what were some of the thoughts that you ? You said you were kind of beating yourself up like bribe that to me . What were some of the thoughts that were going on ?
I was telling myself I know better because I have been in the health and wellness industry for a really long time and I know that in order to reach my goals , I should be doing the action . But I just I'm not and I'm trying to figure out why I'm not . I feel like I'm kind of either a rat race like a circle , an engine a kind of thing .
Yeah , because I am , I'm not working out , so I'm tired , kind of they all with the fatigue . I'm not um , making myself keep telling myself okay , well , you need rest . That's why I set my alarm differently , but then I'm still not , even later on in the day , trying to make attempts to do it . My morning's messed up , it seems it's messing up my whole day .
And then I beat myself up because I know better . Okay .
So let me bring you back to the top , just so I can describe kind of how this thought process is happening , and then focus on yourself , like working out , and the thought that was going through your mind was I'm not getting closer or I'm sorry , I'm not willing to do the work .
If I'm not willing to do the work , I'm not getting I'm not going to get any clients Right . And you felt frustrated and the actions that you took were you didn't work on your business , you didn't work on your health .
You said you played games and then kind of went to work , you started beating yourself up and that kind of looked like you know , telling yourself that I know better and I should be doing action , these actions . And you kind of had this internal battle going on of I know what I need to be doing , but I don't know why I'm not doing it .
And then you didn't attempt to do work afterwards or even do a social media post or or even 15 minutes of a workout . So you kind of knew that maybe there was a little bit you can do at least , but you didn't do that . So what do you think you're manifesting with these ?
I am manifesting that I'm not getting any closer to my goals .
Yeah , and that was another story you had , right , because we will have multiple stories that kind of funnel into this . But I wanted to pinpoint kind of like a particular story because that can kind of lead us in different directions . It's still kind of in head voice space , right , like you're , like man , I'm not going to get closer to my goals .
And then you're thinking like , well , I should be modeling the behavior , I'm not willing to do the work , like how am I going to help my clients ? How am I going to find clients ? Right , so it keeps you in this cycle of , you know , not moving forward , like not getting closer to your goals . So they're different stories .
However , this kind of seems to be related to you know , you feeling like you know , maybe this is a busy season , you're moving , there's things going on , and even though you feel like , well , maybe there's a little bit I can do , you still can't get yourself to do that , because you are focusing on the story of , well , I , you know , if I'm not willing to
do the work , I'm not getting clients . And it's kind of like we go with an all or nothing mentality in this case , because even you had some thoughts about , well , maybe I can do 15 minutes of a workout or maybe I could do a little bit of this , right .
So there's always kind of like this , these thoughts that pop up , that kind of give you a little bit of grace where it's like , well , maybe it can do this , but then you know there's , there's a pushback , right . That's that internal battle that's going on and like keeping you in the rat race , right , right .
So , in order for you to be able to even work on like the consistency piece , right , because there is some inconsistency here and we all have those moments where you know we're not , we're not perfect , we're not always going to be like these superstars of you know , like habits and sticking with our habits .
But you know , there are still those moments where , like , it peaks a little bit , where you're like , well , maybe I can do just a little bit , because sometimes it's really like the small actions that really add up , right . But so , so kind of getting out of this like all or nothing mentality might be the way to go for you .
So what I want to do is I want to see what , why it is that it's important for you to be able to not only work on your business but work on your personal health . Why is that important to you ?
They both actually relate to my family and , like for my health , I want to be around for my children . They're 14 and 16 , so they've got a ways to go in their life and I want to , you know , meet my grandchildren and 16 . So they've got a ways to go in their life and I want to , you know , meet my grandchildren and such .
And then for my business goals , they're also related to my family and that I want to give them a good life and have trips and things like that covered and paid for and have me kind of more available because I'm working full time and have the business on the side .
So I want to be able to have a flexible job to be able to do things with them in such a summertime , especially when they're off school .
Yeah , so there there are things that you want to do . You know you want to be around for your kids , right , when they get older . You know you want to do . You know you want to be around for your kids , right , when they get older .
You know you want to have , like a you know good health in order to achieve that , and then you want to give your family a good life .
What is a thought that you can have that can remind you of this , that will then actually drive you to take the actions that you want to take , and I know I can make a better life for us by by both reaching my health goals and my business goals and being able to do the things that we want to do .
What's one particular thing you would want to do ?
we as a family want to travel to someplace once a year , like an all-inclusive destination , something like that , or Europe and in order to be able to do these things , I need to be in good health . It's a lot of walking and such in the places that we want to go and I want to be able to afford it .
So travel is definitely something that is on our radar .
So travel is definitely something that is on our radar , okay . So what I wrote here , you can tell me what you think and try it on for size . Okay , because sometimes you know the thoughts that we want to elevate .
We really , truly want it to come from ourselves right , to come from ourselves right , and we want to truly believe it because when we truly believe it then we can take the actions that align with that belief . If we don't really believe it , then it's going to be really hard to be able to align that right .
It's going to be more of forced action or misaligned action . So I wrote here I know I can make a better life by reaching my health and business goals to be able to travel with my family . How does that make you feel ?
That actually brings me some excitement that I'm able to provide that and have the kids look forward to a trip every year . We took them on a trip a few years ago and they were . They still talk about it to this day like having those experiences with them . It just brings me a lot of joy .
Yeah , so you already have this , this experience , where you know what it's like and you know how it feels to be able to provide that .
So you know , the next time this happens , where you know we won't change the facts , there's going to be a day where you don't give yourself enough time to be able to do some of your health , health and fitness activities or work on your business .
Yeah , but I want you to think about this particular story that you have now , and this will be a reminder of what you can do when these moments happen again . So , like you know , like we said , I know I can make a better life by reaching my health and business goals to be able to travel with my family , and that makes you feel excited .
So , when you're feeling excited , what are some of the actions that you take , given that the facts haven't changed ?
When I'm coming from a place of excitement and joy . I look forward to working on my business and I actually look forward to working out and things like that , because I know that I can get to my end result by taking those actions and it makes me excited to know that at the end I'm going to be able to take the kids on a really good trip .
And what else would you be doing ? So you'll be thinking , ok , I'm going to be looking forward to actually doing the work and the exercise , even if there's not a lot of time , right ?
So what is some specific things that you can do , which you kind of talked about when we were going through the initial story , right , the initial like head of voices , where you're like , oh , I can at least do 15 minutes of exercise , right ? So do you think that would be part of the activities that you do ?
Yeah , like when I get up in the morning , no matter what time it is , there's specific activities that I was doing and I will be getting back to that . Like I'll make sure my social media posts .
It doesn't have to be a long one , if I don't have a lot of time , it can be a short one Going down to my gym and at least doing some stretching if I'm short on time , but really coming up with what I'm going to be doing and when I do my weekly planning , making sure that I'm incorporating those activities into my week .
Yeah , I think that's going to be super important .
¶ Overcoming Self-Doubt for Growth
Okay , so what do you think you're going to stop yourself from doing when you're feeling excited ?
I will not beat myself up when I'm excited . Yeah , move forward with the activities that I need to do , like connecting with people and , just you know , coming up with better energy when I'm on social media and things like that .
Yeah , you'll be showing up with different energy and and attracting people , because that energy , um energy , is really important . What are some of the thoughts that you might have with this kind of different thought process ?
I will actually believe what I write down every morning when I say I can make a difference in mine and others' lives . I write that down every morning and I will actually believe that I can .
Believe your affirmations , right , yeah , okay , all right , so let's walk through this . So the facts haven't changed right .
We'll still have those moments where you know you won't have enough time to do some of the things that you need to do for your business and for your health , but your new story will be I know I can make a better life by reaching my health and business goals to be able to travel with my family , and that makes you feel excited , and when you're feeling
excited , you look forward to actually working on your business and exercising . You'll make sure you have some type of social media posts . You'll do at least some stretching for your health . You'll do weekly planning so that things come up like this you actually have something that you won't have to scramble , right ? You're not going to beat yourself up .
You'll be in better headspace and you also want to connect with people and actually believe your affirmations that you do every day . So , with all of that , what do you think you'll be manifesting ?
I think I'm going to manifest growth in my business and getting closer to my health goals .
Yeah , because , like we said at the very beginning , they're related . Yeah , so a growth in your business and improvement in your health is that what you said ? Yeah , yeah . So with all of this , how do you feel now ?
Talking through it just kind of gives me that excitement that I can do this and I just need to plan out and take action . So good that I talked about it .
Yeah , and it is . It is really helpful to say things out loud because most of the time we're just talking in our head , right , and we're trying to kind of do two things at once . First , we're trying to figure out how to find a solution for our problem , and also we're kind of beating ourselves up and kind of talking ourselves out of doing things .
So it's kind of like like that saying goes where you can't , you know you can't find a solution for your problems when you know your actual mind is what created the problem . So it .
This is why it's so important to have some someone else or you , to be able to say things out loud , but to have a different perspective , right , yeah , cause I I am not Shelly , so I'm looking from a bird's eye view of what I , yeah , what I see going on .
So you know you do this for your clients as well , right , um , you know you not only help with , um , you know you do this for your clients as well , right , you know you not only help with , you know health and nutrition , but you're also a life coach , yeah , an advanced life coach . So you can provide this to other people as well .
So you understand how our minds work and how it plays games with us . Not it . You know it's there to protect us , right ? Because you know this . The the things that you're doing and the frustration that you're feeling is just because you know there's .
There's different things that maybe we fear , or you know it's it's too hard and our mind just really wants to make things easier and sometimes it thinks that not doing things and keeping yourself from going outside of your comfort zone is easier and safer . Right , but we're not doing any of that . Like we want to reach big goals , you know .
Yeah , having a better life for your family and being able to travel with them is big , but it's all scary because there's work to be done .
Yeah .
So yeah , so I . I hope that was helpful for you .
Even as a life coach , knowing how the brain works and stuff , we still beat each other or beat ourselves up , and that's sometimes I think it's even worse because that voice was saying you know better . But I felt kind of stuck still .
Yeah , and , and you know , what do you think is the benefit ? To say , well , I should do this or I know better , I should be doing this . Right , there really isn't a benefit . No , there really isn't . And you're right , we can sometimes be our worst enemies and even though we know what's going on , we're human . Yeah , so it's going to happen anyways .
¶ Choosing a New Path to Success
It's just about how long are you going to stay in that ? Right , because you mentioned , you know , there's like this internal batter , it's like a rat race . Well , how long do you want to stay in that ? Yeah , right , it's like it's about becoming aware of what we're doing and then choosing not to continue to go down that path .
Right , choosing to focus on , you know , a goal and a desire to be able to provide this for your family . And then we just have to figure out like , okay , well , what's the best way to do that ? Focus on that story , but also like , what is that story going to manifest in ?
And it'll manifest into what it is that you want , instead of your old story of questioning whether you can do things and , you know , down and beating yourself up about it Right , yeah for sure .
Okay , Well , I'm glad that was helpful , Shelly , and I , you know I look forward to seeing all of the great stuff that you're you're doing and you know I'm super excited for you to be able to hold on to this story and , you know , get back on track , but then also give yourself grace when you know that doesn't happen right , Because we're humans .
So , thank you so much , Shelly , Thank you . So thank you , guys for joining us again , and I would love to hear what you guys thought . If you related to this particular struggle or if there's something else that you feel like you're struggling with as far as your health , your family or your business . I'd love to hear it in the comments below .
But thank you so much for being here , Shelly . Again , thank you , and I hope everyone has a great day .