¶ Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking
So how do I overcome the fear of public speaking after it went horribly wrong ? So as I typed that out and the day that it happened popped into my mind , I was quickly reminded that I have spoken publicly several times since then and I've done amazing .
So I guess the real question is how do I handle those moments when the past starts to hold me back from what I know I'm capable of doing ? It's time to redefine leadership . Welcome to Modern Leadership , where we see things differently . Our channel is all about empowering entrepreneurs like you to achieve the next level of success in business and life .
We believe that you can create a massive impact in the world without compromising your personal life or family time to do so .
We're committed to providing you with actionable tips and strategies weekly to make that possible . So if you're ready to become a modern leader and make a lasting difference in the world , consider subscribing , turn on notifications and dive into our community . We want to thank you for being here , because the world needs your leadership now more than ever .
Let's go Now . This is came from somebody inside of our inner circle program and so I wanted to actually jump on here and answer this question because I know you were like a master Toastmasters . I remember when I dropped you off and you were like doing some semi-finalists or whatever , like you got to tell a story . That's awesome .
But then I've also had the privilege of like speaking on a lot of people's podcasts , getting on stage , being on with like 2000 Zoom participants and things like that , and I've done exceptionally well on times and sometimes I've like royally sucked .
But I feel like through us going through that experience , that we can offer some of the people here an opportunity to really tap into how they can really get themselves to show up magically as a public speaker . But really anything like she said anything . That's where the past tries to hold you back . So let's have a conversation there . Sound good ?
Yeah , let's do it .
So let's talk about this like related to the things we talk about on our channel , like the mindset , the tactics and the accountability . Right , mindset , like how do we reframe this in our mind in a way that gets us to show up the way that we want to ? What are the tactics Like , what can you physically do ?
And number three is like accountability how do you get yourself for you when it comes to mindset ?
Well , there's , there's a lot of different things that play here , because , you know , people are afraid to speak in public . There's a fear of judgment , there is a fear that you know you're going to mess up , just like how she's saying , and there's a lot of things that that play in our mind .
Some of it has to do with past experiences and sometimes it's just the fear of the what if ?
For me , like you said , I was part of a Toastmasters club and the point of it was for you to not only learn some of the mechanics of how to speak in public , but also , like , the repetition is actually getting up on stage or getting up in front of a group of people and just in talking , right .
So the repetition piece is a practical thing , but it's also a mindset thing , because the more that you do certain things , the better it gets right If you , if you lean into it , if you make that a priority . So so doing it often will help you , especially if you learn from it , right , so you don't beat yourself up about it .
You learn from what happened , right . Like , okay , I went up in front of a group of people and I said , um , a lot , right , that was one of the things that they would point out in Toastmasters were the filler words .
And it's funny because , like we have a podcast , I have my own podcast as well , and I find that I say uh , quite a bit , or um , well , and I find that I say uh , quite a bit , or um , they're , you know , they're filler words , it's a normal conversational thing , but when you're up on stage it's a little bit different , because you don't want people to
focus on that . You want people to focus on your actual story and , you know , be inspired or motivated , whatever that topic is . But and that actually helps you because you can say , okay , well , what went well and what didn't go as well , and you can learn from that .
So , doing it often as much as you can , even if you don't want to , the more that you do it , the easier it's going to get there's actually a lot of learning and making mistakes , reviewing it , looking back at what did I do well and what can I do differently next time .
I mean , these are all like life and performance coaching questions that we kind of like come up with on a consistent basis , but it's really not looking at it as a failure , it's just a all learning experience , right , and when you can tap into that , you're going to learn the lesson and get better .
I remember I used to I , I used to I make fun of you a lot about this one First time you ever did the YouTube video and it was about like some program that we did . I remember like you couldn't see , it was like totally dark .
It looked like you were just like a pair of teeth that were talking and you were like talking and you're like I don't know if this is going to be long and it was like 19 minutes or something like that and it was .
It was like I mean the video that you make fun of me about , like the one where I was just trying to be funny the whole time and it was terrible . But all of that was important in order for us to get to where we are today , which is still . We still partially suck at certain things and are great at other things .
Right , we have different strengths and different weaknesses . Well , we've gotten better and realizing that sometimes that's going to happen and when it happens , you just got to sit back and analyze it and not shame or guilt yourself .
By the way , when you're talking about , like the pain of public speaking , we're reading a set of our book club , the 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication by John Maxwell Incredible book . If people haven't read it , that's definitely a game changer . But we're reading it and we're going to be doing a summary next week .
But one of the things they talked about is Seinfeld says that the number one fear is public speaking . The number two fear is the fear of death . He said so if you're at a funeral , you would most likely want to rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy . And I was like , oh my gosh , that is crazy . Like how fearful we are .
And and I just want to call out to something like use a little bit of logic here .
The reason why we're fearful of like speaking in public is because our brain is wired to keep us safe and back in the day we needed to fit in and blend in with everybody , because if we didn't fit in or blend in , we'd be pushed out of a tribe and we wouldn't be able to survive .
So this is a mechanism that's in our brain that hasn't evolved and because it hasn't evolved , it gets us the feeling of like sweaty palms and we're just nervous , we think we're going to die , because in reality , you used to . You know this used to be that important . It's not as important as much anymore .
You know you can just hit delete on videos , you can hit delete on the podcast , right ? Which , by the way , don't do that because you're going to be so excited when you get , you know , 12 years for us and you can look back at those old ones , and I did the stupid thing of deleting most of them . But yeah , it is a great experience .
So that's the mindset . Let's talk a little bit about the tactics around it , right ?
So I kind of want to hit this one up , because I gave a speech to the American Jail Association recently and it was like a speech around leadership , and whenever I think about public speaking , it's very easy for my brain to make it mean something about me , right , I get into me . What am I going to say what are people going to think of me ?
Like , what is this going to ? Like ? All of these things like , is this going to be an opportunity for me ? And anytime I do that , I realize that I'm getting into , like my subconscious or my head voice right and it's not going to get me to show up the way that I want to .
So whenever I'm speaking , I always make it about the other people Like for this , I actually got together with them and my conversation and my keynote what would you want them to leave the room with that would make you feel like this is the best decision ever to hire me to be here .
And they told me and then I asked them can I actually speak to some of the people on the front line to ask some of them questions , asked them the same questions and I came up with a presentation that was able to .
¶ Effective Public Speaking Strategies
So when you're thinking about speaking in public , not only is the good mindset shift , but it's also a good tactic to go to those people and to figure out what is it that they're wanting and needing the most . What would they want to learn from you ? What are some results they'd like to have ?
And like asking them those questions will help them , show you how best to serve them . And when you lean into that , you don't have to make it mean anything about you , you just make it mean something about them .
Does that make sense ? Yeah , I love that Because , yeah , it takes the pressure off of you to , you know , think inward . It's more of well , how can I deliver , how can I be of service to other people ? And that shifts the focus to others and not , you know , towards you .
Yeah , yeah , I mean we have a lot of people that we work with in Success Paws and one-on-ones where they come to me and they go what should I teach on ? And that is the wrong question to ask . It's like what do the people need you to teach on , right ?
And so you reframe it and it just takes the pressure off of you thinking that you have to come up with the best thing .
And you go to them and I got to tell you , when I start helping my clients do that , the transformation they experience is exponential because they're no longer making it mean something about them , they're making it mean something about the audience and what they can do to help them . Right , and it makes it .
So you stay out of that fear mechanism and instead that feeling in your body , you can just reframe it as being excitement instead of that fear , right , because then you can really show up the way that you want to . Hey , it's Mark . Are you feeling stuck in balancing your business , your family life and your health ? I get it . It can be overwhelming .
That's why I want to offer a free , no-pressure call to help you get to the root of what's actually holding you back . When I discovered what was really holding me back . It helped me create a framework and a map to go out and create the business and life that I truly wanted , and I want to offer that to you for free .
Together , we'll create a personalized plan to help you excel in the areas that are most important to you in life . Apply now for the free call the link is below in the description and let's take the first steps towards transforming your life . Now let's get back into the show . All right . Third piece accountability .
How do you get yourself to show up , especially on game day , like right before you're about to go on stage , right before you're about to hit the live button , right before you're about to set up the podcast ?
Like how do you get yourself to take action ? Yeah , I think one of the things would be to set a time , set a date , set a time and be specific about when you're going to do certain things . Let's say somebody asks you to , you know , give a speech . Of course you already have that built in .
But when you're doing things like , let's say , you have a small business and you want to go online more often and I think that was the case for the person who asked this question is like set a date it will put some pressure on you , but it is accountability as well and tell somebody else about it .
Like , hey , I'm planning to go live on social media and on these two dates or on this date . you know , hold me accountable . So other people know . So you're kind of forced to do the thing that you know you need to do , and that's where that repetition comes in right the more you do it , the better you'll get at it .
Yeah , 100% . I really love that whole idea of not just keeping it to yourself , right , getting other people involved , but especially when it comes to like getting the right people involved .
So , probably , if you're giving a speech , probably talking to your mom is probably not the best way because she's gonna be like , oh honey , you're gonna be okay , everything's , and they're gonna try and keep you safe
¶ Stepping Out of Comfort Zone
. But being in an environment where people are willing to push you and willing to call you forward and or who've been there before such an important strategy , I mean . That's literally why we create our inner circle . It's why we do what we do , because we want to make sure that people who need access to the right rooms have access to those rooms .
It's the reason why we also go out and find coaches and get into rooms , which gets a little bit more expensive as you go .
But it's important to put yourself in that environment because you will be called forward and you will start to think of the things that maybe you were nervous with before , and when everybody else is doing them , it's just a normal part of the equation and you don't even think about it anymore .
So I really do highly encourage people to find a room where they step into , where they feel uncomfortable , because when they feel