Conquest Commentary 11: Thicker Than Blood

In each of us there burns the soul of a podcast. In every generation, a few are chosen to prove it. Long ago, that fake compelled to friends to watch a discus every piece of Mortal Kombat and media they can find.

Corey and Neal must join forces to rewatch every episode of Mortal Kombat conquest in a new way. Commentary,

yes, what I found,

what did you find?

I went to a store the other day? No, because for the time being, we're still allowed to do that. I think, you know, the day is coming, where I think stores will just kind of stop existing, and like human society will just stop existing. And we'll have to like maybe go to space, and try to find some stuff there to maybe fix our Earth problems, but I don't want to get into that. What I want to get to is that I think the store is selling some stuff that maybe we found there.

space, space stuff, cursed space objects.

So I'm holding in my hand a regular bottle. Uh huh. In very few ways. It's a pretty weird bottle.

Actually. Bait and Switch Jesus.

It's 710 milliliters. Do the math.

Regular bottle psych not regular at all. Well,

it says limited edition on it. So how could it be a regular bottle because I'm holding condescension, condescension condensation. A very condescending bottle of everyone's favorite sports drink. dripping with condensation. Oh, no. But something looks a little wrong with this one. What's wrong? This is a bottle of Gatorade. Yeah, the athletes. sweet milk. That is a limited edition All Black Label. Black ice. Black ice pitch black liquid needs

Corey don't do not drink this. Don't drink this.

That's never stopped us before.

Sure. Have you seen a little movie called? I don't know. Prometheus.

Yes, but not recently. So I don't remember. I know that there was black stuff in it. But I don't remember what happened. I'm sure it went fine. Right. Maybe

maybe a little film called Alien Covenant.

I haven't that one. I got it level with you. I skipped out on that one.

Have you have you have you not heard of chemical? A zero dash 395 9x point nine one dash one five.

Did you have that in your head to say it?

No, I did not. I had to look at

oh my god, that would have been awesome. No, I haven't heard of that. Ever. I've never heard of that series of letters and numbers in my life,

bro. That's the pathogen. That's the that's the fire of Prometheus right there. That's the engineer goo. Do not drink that.

But the caps already open.

Don't know. Don't. Don't come in contact with it's gonna swim around in your eyeball and mutate you from the inside. Practice was a condescending cautionary tale. I

just drank it. Fuck. I was joking. He told me not to drink it. I was drinking. Good. Now I'm trying to figure out what it's supposed to taste like. It's like death. They say steaks

spaceless

I think we have a bit of an Iron Brew situation. Oh, in that. I can't know. Bear with me. In that. I can't tell what it's supposed to taste like. It doesn't taste bad. per se. Um, it doesn't taste great. I would drink it. I will drink it. I would drink it. But if I was in a store or space really? And I had this or like, either blue Gatorade. Sure, yeah, blues, which presumably we're also sending to space like pale blue or regular blue. Uh huh. I would rather I would sooner drink

Gatorade, frost maybe maybe some monster hydro. Blue. Cool.

I will say G two can go fuck itself. fucking sucks. Is it? No, G two. No, it's not all G two.

Or is what is G two? Like the like the watered down version?

It's like Diet Coke. Gatorade.

Sure. Yeah,

it's bad. I don't like it. All right. Um, it's not good. I had some other joke. I was like, halfway through saying I don't remember what it was. It doesn't matter. It's fine. Anyway, so I'm drinking black Gatorade, which really sounds like a sentence you shouldn't legally be allowed to say sure. But yet, she persisted.

Somebody on Reddit asked Reddit said, What flavor is black ice Gatorade?

That's not what that subreddit is for

the top top. Answer. Black

tastes like black. Uh huh. Um, now

it's possible that someone hit enter a little too quick because somebody else followed up with black currant.

Isn't that what an Iron Brew supposed to taste like? I think so. Hey on.

Yeah. And then someone says grape someone says Blackberry. So want to say says certainly not grape fierce grape should never have left. So good. So now we're getting

quite sweet and has a deep flavor of black currant.

Uh huh. Yeah,

so maybe looking drinks tastes the same.

Maybe they do. Well, they don't. Exactly they don't but they're supposed to. Why are they so drastically different colors if they're both black curls? Like, like iron urn brood? Did some

maybe black currant is like a stage name and it's actually an orange Berry.

My boyfriend said it tastes like watered down original monster but without the grossness

what does that mean? What does that what does that mean for so many reasons not the least of which not carbonated

but but she or they would describe it as unique as a unique strawberry but their boyfriend says originally I don't think we're gonna get to the bottom of this. That someone else just thrown out concept BlackBerry maybe question mark like they've clearly never had this drink. But they just want to wait yeah, what it could taste like get out of here. This underscore performance underscore for 2612 days ago. Why does that have an upvote? You know what? Taking that up, vote away.

Anyway. Dumb drinks are back

down. Drinks are back, baby. So what are we doing today, Cory?

Oh, I don't know. We're watching. Mortal Kombat conquest. I know that Mortal Kombat

conquest episode 11. thicker than blood. Should we find out who our combatant of the week is? Cory? Yeah. Combatants of the week. Eva Mendes. Kasara. Scorpion. It's Eva Mendes. It's Eva Mendez. Dude, this is the Eva Mendes episode.

Finally,

I also Kisara and Scorpion are here. But come on. It's the Eva Mendes. She's She's the combatant of the week.

Yeah, it's not going to be the other guy.

It's not going to EcoStar No. Just to recap, as far as I have been keeping track, we have something like 23 fatalities. And I believe one Hora Kiri. 13 confirmed apples. I think we're gonna get another one in this maybe two because there's like a big eaten scene in this one. And we've got we've definitely got more than two broken tables, but I have at least two broken tables on the list. So that's where we're at going into this episode. Cory Are you ready to just dive right into this one?

Not quite yet. Actually. No. Okay, I'm gonna need a second because I had the wrong thing open. Today good live podcasting for everybody. I just closed audition and then opened it again as if that was going to be with fucking episode was for the second time in a row.

Ban that said pathogens really getting to you? Do I get the not good. Got the alien vapors. Hey, question. Do you remember the Gatorade commercials? Where it was like athletes like sweating? Yeah. And the sweat was the color of the Gatorade. They were drinking

weight. They were sweating the color of the Gatorade. They were drinking. Yes. Yeah, I might vaguely remember that. Okay,

because I'm just thinking about this. This ink colored Midnight Black Gatorade in one of those commercials would be kind of terrifying and feel like a scene straight out of Prometheus.

What a lot of people don't know is that Prometheus was guerilla marketing for black ice Gatorade.

It might have been actually might have been I bet they did because it was this. This is a the black ice was originally made for the Spanish markets,

I believe. So I don't know. What do you think I did research?

Maybe there was like a local Prometheus tie in? Yeah, initially made in 1988 for the Spanish market. Okay, that predates Prometheus a little bit. Okay. 1988 1988 do you think you're drinking like an official like a vintage 1988 bottle of black Gatorade right? No,

no because the bottle wasn't the shape. They could have re bottled it but that's not original because it wouldn't be the same mold fucked up plastic open up the old plastic poured then it would be this there's no BPA in it all right, but there would be

are you ready? Yeah. Okay just as a reminder to everyone we're gonna count down we're gonna say round 11 321 fight and you hit play on fight all right, round 11 321 Fight reuse sets footage from the Mortal Kombat 95 movie.

Well, that's what I meant when I said reused sets but I guess it also is a reused set, but I meant the footage.

But this part of it's new we're watching Scorpion just kicked some dudes ass is one of them we know is bizarre, because we've seen this before. Right? In his little like hell dimension here. Yeah, I really liked this set. This is cool.

Yeah, it's nice to see something new in the grand scheme of things because it does get a little bit samey

right too much too much fusion market and the courtyard outside the trading post. In the trading post, the combat club we haven't really been called the combat club lately. On this run through so obviously Chris Cassamassa is back as Scorpion in this episode. The man the myth, the legend. And we got Dean Cochran has Khazar

the country music stars name

he was in he was a production manager on Ad Astra and the Assassin's Creed movie. And he plays Rocky Balboa and Rambo in Meet the Spartans. So he's like a does he

look? That's unfortunate.

Does he look like Sylvester Stallone to you?

I'd love to see his face again. Well, you're gonna see plenty in this episode. Yeah, we just need to wait for the close up.

Keep it on your mind. That wasn't lack of motion close up. He was also in a short called cats on a plane. That sounds delightful. Does it? I don't know. Anyway, motorcycle gang member in Batman and Robin and Tobias high did an episode of silk stockings called Exit the dragon. He doesn't. He doesn't. He does not currently. No, no.

It also probably didn't at the time and frankly, I doubt they cared all that much.

I don't Yeah, for me the Spartans. They probably didn't care. We need a guy to maybe in 2008 He looked exactly like God this Scorpion voice. It's not the best. Yeah. It's better than it wasn't the pilot. If in Warrior eternal part two. You remember that? Yeah, like that was that was Scorpion is no more. Or Takeda is no more I am Scorpion. Like it was real robotic. Darkness. What else was the sky in Days of Our Lives? Over the hills? 90210 Amityville 1992 It's about time. Cory.

th why me?

Yeah, it's a it's about haunted spices.

It's about time. Hey, yo,

hold on. There you go. Given out pity rim shots. Yeah. Yeah,

just a funny sentence.

Mortal Kombat. You know, we don't know who does the announcer voice for the thing. I feel like that's an oversight on our part. Like the voiceover Yeah,

I was drinking like Gatorade.

I couldn't answer. You just miss Kung Lao sort of breaking a dude's arm?

I didn't miss nothing. I'm eyes on

that Matt Damon. I don't know. damn cool. I'll go a little hard. You're trying to get warriors on your side. Not cripple the entire Earth room force.

I've never seen that move. Where you hit me. You dick.

This guy sucks. Yeah, just big. This might be James Barthez var te es who's crazy young Matt Damon. Credited as young man in this episode of conquest only

young man Matt Dave

but he already had his Jason Bourne body.

Well, thank you for turning post is mine now. I'm going to open up. Why don't you give me a hand

Kyle watt as mob leader again, we've got weird people credited in this that aren't showing up in episodes or whatever. I love the the storyline that, that people are like they're trying to recruit there's room fighters and

they're only coming in to teach Kung Lao or get cool moves. And then do what with them use them aware. What do you

mean? On the streets, dude? And

why do they live on the fucking Streets of Rage?

Yes. You've seen Zhu Zin. You know, there's fights break out of the bowling ball games all the time. Hey, it's it's Eva Mendes.

It's so jarring. And I don't mean anything by this to the people that that are on this show, because I like them a lot. But you'll know what I mean in a second. It's outrageously jarring seeing a real celebrity just

someone who transcended like, I mean, yeah, this is a don't get me wrong. I know what you mean.

I now care deeply about everybody on this show. But I was not like culturally aware of any of them. Except for vaguely Paolo Montalban. Before watching this show. I knew who Eva Mendes

right and I think the what what feels the most odd to me is that she feels miscast in this right.

Oh, yeah. Like should that will become apparent. Not

like she's the one who's not fitting into the fantasy environment. No, they

put somebody who works to famous. And I mean that. No, you know what I mean? Like, you get what my point is?

Yeah, I do. I just like I don't think she's got a lot of like fantasy credits under her belt. Right? Like I'm looking at her

Children of the Corn five.

There's that she deals with terror but that was but even that was setting like wasn't that set in like modern day? Yeah, well as I was just fucking around, because I've seen that movie. Yeah, she's well that she was in that with Greg Vaughan Of course. From a friend of the show. How can I forget? From poison ivy the new seduction and also the black dragon episode. Yeah, VIP. Urban Legends Final Cut. too fast, too furious once upon a time in Mexico. Not a lot of like,

Or at least I don't think so. You don't think he is? He's missing?

We need to talk. I don't want to have this talk with you. Okay, I guess we'll just talk here in front of Tasha.

Let's just talk in front of Tasha.

We're Tajik he convinced me this is a good idea. I do like how nosy Tasha is in this episode. Is this nosiness or is this just like earnest concern for a missing person?

I think it's nosiness. Honestly, I don't think she's particularly concerned. I mean, I guess Taj it probably would be, but I think that

okay, no, she clearly is not concerned. I remember her saying just when it was getting good.

Yeah, it's nosing this I love this. I love that shot of old footage. Yeah, it because you can tell they just like barely, like cropped out. Like Lukang and Johnny Wong like Did you see it? Was there a boom mic? No, I'm just kidding. I'm just telling jokes. I missed the joke. Yeah. It wasn't funny. gonna mention one more time how awesome Shao Kahn is thrown is it looks like it was designed oft. It looks like it was designed by HR Gieger. A little bit. I think it's probably hard

This Scorpion voice sucks, man.

I know. I'm not. I know. I feel like the less it's it is hard when they when they make Scorpion talk because at this point, he didn't really say anything except get over here and come here. Right? So they just didn't know what to do for a voice for

the guy that has to say toasty. 800 times so sure.

And then smokes classic line toasty and Sub-Zero is classic line. Hey, everybody, chill, right? Or whatever he says. And then Johnny Cage is classic line. Lights Camera traction.

That's what you say when you race cars. Start a race you just say Lights Camera traction? Sure. Yeah. Lights Camera power steering.

Do you know Jackie Bryant? From Virtua Fighter I think is an f1 driver canonically in the world of virtual fighter.

No, I didn't know that was just for you to say I thought you were asking me Hey, do you know What is a real living person? Jackie Bryan is

certainly not famous f1 racecar driver Jackie project

does have a good point that he does a lot of favors. And there is something funny about leaving Kung Lao to just be like, Hey, can you do customer service for the next six hours? Right?

And Kung Lao was like, no, no, no, until like, the hot chick shows up. And he's like, Yeah, boy. Because he didn't talk, let

me go to Eugene Appleby

because Kung Lao is a little fuck machine in this show.

Do you get 1000 miles and like whenever this is that would have taken a fucking while.

That was yeah, that was half his life probably probably like I'm sure he travelled by like wagon right this is awkward. Dude.

It looks the way they're doing this like shot reverse shot is so clearly like these shots are all from different dates.

Oh, yeah. Clearly, you can tell they may not even again maybe two bodies they might not have been talking to each other. Yes, not once. I don't I think I think I think

given the shooting schedule I suspect this had they probably needed to shoot talking to each other. Probably but it's time do you think they have

I don't know. Maybe like they had like Eva Mendes shooting her Kisara scenes. Like we gotta get we'll put the second the second unit on Siro and I don't know dude. It looks filmed differently to like, does it look like it's filmed differently?

This does really, it's hard to do. This actually kind of sucks. Yeah. If you have family members that you don't like you are obligated to be nice to them is she's making toxic relationships

with your family. Too bad go help them. I mean, Qatar is not I mean, I guess Qatar did sort of get radicalized by like, a Scorpion. Like the the Asian version of Jordan Peterson. Wait.

I need you to justify what what like he's got he's got like his like little men's

rights like yeah, in this.

I don't think it's men's rights. It's an army.

Okay, all right. I'm just saying.

Well, I just I didn't I don't get it. I don't.

I'm saying like He's like, he's like preying on like, like dudes with like, low self esteem like bizarre because of the way he was raised with in conflict with his brother and his dad and forced to compete and then

yeah, and he's like, he talks like a fucking idiot. Yeah, so he's like the most the most relatable thing would be to Jordan Peterson is about sound stupid.

But like so like he like fell into this cold, right of like, No, we're gonna teach you how to be like, cool, tough man. Man warriors. Our path is not for the weak or whatever. He says 14,000 times and he like gets radicalized into this like,

yeah, army. I'm just petting an orange.

And like, he's like, super possessive. Yeah, commercial Paul. He's like super possessive over women

versus over. All right. God, that's the opening in that shot was literally just her chest that's zoomed out

from this this woman's breasts. It has been shopping with Kung Lao for hours at this point it seemed and bought nothing and then she just fucking leaves like an advocate This is none of your business. I'm just saying like.

Score means at least at least trying to teach these people valuable skills.

I think you're given Scorpion a little too much credit in this.

I think you're giving Jordan Peters too much.

No, I'm not. I'm saying they're both shitty.

No, it's funnier to say that Scorpion is better because that's a joke because he's a literal demon.

All right. All right. Fair. got me scared for saying that. I was like, sound like I was defending Jordan Peterson.

No, but it's also funny to say that Jordan Peterson's word is then a dude who was a sculptor of faith that beats fire out of his mouth.

It's fair. You're right. You're

and it is more valuable to learn how to fight than it is toward anything about cleaning your fucking room for

cleaning your room. It's what he talks about.

At some point. He's like, Yeah, clean your room. Because like, it'll save Western society. I don't know. I didn't watch it. But like it'll

save Western society.

He's a fucking idiot. It doesn't matter what he say.

I'm thinking Scorpion is definitely on some. Some MRA shit. That's my whole point.

MRA men's rights

activism.

Didn't know it had an acronym. We're gonna Pirates of the Caribbean.

How do you we talked about this last time. How do you get to this weird hell dimension?

You got to answer Jordan Peterson's riddles.

You have to name six kinds of serial while people beat the shit out of you or whatever the proud boys do.

What are you Why do you know so much about this? What are you talking nobody knows anything that you say anyway I don't know what any of this

but how does he like seriously like where is this place? Is it just like underground and looks cool or probably between realms?

No they have those Phillips special fancy bulbs that you use your phone had they just turned those red

Philips Hue got you an extraordinary spirit. Yeah I just well because it like they obviously tried to make it look like whatever world Johnny Cage and Scorpion fought in in the movie on Shang Tsung island. But that was like in our world at that point. So is this like a weird little pocket dimension is my question. And no, I don't think it's that deep. Okay, they just don't it's just a place because he also didn't explain it in the movie. So it could be anywhere. Really? I guess. I'm gonna

read sharpen my blood knife. Is that a knife? Kung Lao gave him I can't believe I said it was okay to use Jen's old room.

Right and just wild I guess for Hannah. It's okay. But for Siro when he's drunk, it's not okay.

Then help me. Let me hear it from you. You've never told me anything about your family, where you're from nothing to tell.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. Tasha, you can't just hear about 15 seconds ago. No to say that she said up in the room. She's like, I can't sleep.

It's been zero minutes. It's been no time at all. Like she hasn't even tried. But to her credit, like she's worried about Kisara right. And then this is where the episode fails the Bechtel test. Because all they're gonna do is talk about Siro and bizarre starring Tom Cruise and what's her name Cameron DS.

I don't know what that joke means.

It was a movie night and day.

Event Siro and Kasara possibly have to do with Tom Cruise and the other name that you said. Cameron

Siro is clearly Tom Cruise right and Kisara is absolutely the Cameron Diaz of Mortal Kombat conquest.

Eva Mendez is famously the Eva Mendes of

Eva Mendes is the Lucy Liu of this and then I don't know something Charlie's Angels.

And then something Charlie's Angels.

Yeah. This the I'm tired, do

ya? What are we really firing on? What I would describe is all cylinders. Dear listener, you be the judge.

We seem to be a little off. It's all right. We're releasing this anyway. Because why not? We gotta release something. I just put like a header. Like, I'd be like, warning. This is not a good one.

I don't think that's maybe our finest decision. Really. We got to save that admission for 17 minutes into the episode of television. So then people don't realize it's a black Gatorade.

It's a five but it has Eva Mendes in it.

He's attend but he does a podcast about Mortal Kombat. That is itself a fun show, but he let Kung Lao break his arm in one place

he's attend but he doesn't get along with his brother or his dad and 1000 miles to get away from him. them whatever

she's attended but she shouldn't be here

she's attend but she's in a codependent relationship with Khazar

he's attend but he's kiss

as real to energy do I mean, there's this is just a very long

exposition. This is this is one of the largest dialogue seats they've ever had absolutely insane.

All of this to say Siro and cathartic. We're always having to compete with each other because of their shitty dad. And then

I am feeling very tired. We have been talking for five minutes after you put me to bed six minutes ago,

Eva Mendes. She fell in love with Kozar because kasar made it known that he needed her and Siro didn't make it known that he needed her. And that's some codependent shit. It's unhealthy. It's toxic relationship and Wonder dude ran off and join a cult? Yeah, it's bad news bears dude. And now he and his boy are gonna kidnap her.

She's attended but she's easily kidnapped by

he's attend but he's trying to kidnap his girlfriend to join a cult

he's attended what he's been doing the same joke for three minutes

Yeah, this is I mean, this is just toxic relationship all over the

place. Just not a lot to comment on here.

It's just kind of depressing, right? Like it's just kind of sad. I don't know.

Would you like to join scorpions death army and also get married.

Let's make it clear. Kisara went missing. went missing. Eva Mendes traveled all the way to fusion to like get serious help in finding this man who went missing because our went missing to join a warrior cult and is now back in secret trying to kidnap her after he stalked her through the city. Right. Was he eating an apple? Or did I imagine that

it looks more like an orange to me, but I'm willing to write it down as an apple by virtue of Apple meaning fruit.

We're gonna say 14 confirmed apples for that one. And then like his dude, just like knocks her out. Hey, I

was talking to her. This is just like red flags.

All over the place, man. I like this when they bam. The double dose kicks the kicks. Yeah, dude, it's good. Because they I mean, they go to try to like hold the door close. And he just like kicks through that motherfucker. This is a badass Kung Lao in this episode. I'm not gonna lie. Like this is good Kung Lao on this one that I'm remembering it I mean, the episode started with him breaking dudes are so like, dude, just like not holding back anymore. Obviously.

location and maybe Kung Lao should treat it with a little bit more tact.

Maybe you think every time they break stuff in here he like replaces it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like he's had to fix that window like seven times. And he's gonna have to fix it again because then he kick I can't believe

Siro stopping the fighting now now he's like, oh, right now I now I care about what's happening. Fuck the window again.

We got to fix the window again. God dammit I know it's my brother. bump bump. Ah You're right. Did he hit again, red flags all over the place, dude. He does. Oh shit. It's the torture time one episode where they just torture czars return forcing them to meet Arizona Sora has got a better Scorpion voice than Scorpion does. I'm not gonna lie.

Yes, Scorpion voice is bad. Right? And I know it's boring to keep saying hey, the Scorpion was bad. But uh it ain't good.

But listen to those Kasara pipes though. Like they should have dubbed them or something. Did I lose or just gotten Ed Boon to do all the Scorpion lines in that yelling voice? That would have been fun. Right? Yeah. Just screamed to every line. Commercial he's attend but he yells all the time.

Versus over pa

Oh, there's a fun establishing shot. Where's Alright, so now Siro is just gonna torture this Scorpion ninja. Right. Knife to his throat. He was like tied to a column. Jesus Christ. You said he wanted you to join Scorpion. scorpions dead forgot scorpions dead I saw him fall into a lava pit that when the earth cracked open he fell in and then the earth sealed back up over top of him that's how I know he's dead fucking burn on the linkway do Jesus Christ

it is Scorpion. He's recruiting fighters here on earth realm Sora is an army something like that I couldn't follow it all talked about brotherhood and movement point is

see dude it's like a cold

I mean I did not think it was a call it's pretty clearly a cult.

And I'm just you know, it's just saying this is this is just this is just this is a cautionary tale of an episode like the whole thing like there's just too much going on here dude like there's family drama relationship drama, political drama it's all it's just so much this is a heavy episode. Yeah. For for Mortal Kombat conquest to tackle all of these major issues you know

think he's lost Siro? So are you do care but I can't save

Is it is it serious job to save him? Oh, no, no,

no, I don't think so. Why would it be i They're just saying that because they're like family. Right? Right. But like I don't know. I don't really I don't feel that way.

If a man is is like in a few years, I will start in too fast too furious. And if that franchise has taught us anything, it's the importance of family

if that franchise has taught us anything It's Monica go Oh, god, that's like one of the funniest things you could yell I think

I can shall rule but the thing about the they were about shows in family but yeah, so I guess this is kind of what Sora is like been sucked into a cult thing and he's chosen the family. This is all just complicated. Also really realizing how much the Scorpion mask looks like a face hugger if you're successful expendable.net strong enough like the cheap pranks she pranks to get through this

she and cola would probably get along on account of the whole bait and switch

probably feet I think kills him anyway Scorpion because as he will remind us now here he reminded us their path is only open to the strong or something like that. Where their path is not open to the week I don't remember he just said so I'm just hanging out in the in the woods bizarre and Eva Mendez. What's your real name, Hannah?

Yes, well, I mean other way around, but yeah. Or a character's

name? Sorry. character's name is Hannah. Yeah. So I don't know I'm obsessed with how to get to the Scorpion place it must be in the woods right Oh shit. Oh no. I can Bugs Bunny style captured in that joke

I just made came true immediately. She is using her bait and switch skills.

With the help of Kung Lao and everyone though

he did to get out his classic torturing saw quite a bit worried

his pendulum was just so consumed with jealousy Jesus Christ

jealousy I don't know is that anything?

No. Stop Have you stopped me from finally doing something for myself? By swallowing some line of crap Scorpion fed you topical

finally, something topical. These are these important subjects more fucking 1995 or whatever.

Like to 9999 I

think by now. Yeah. The good news.

Sure just shows how much things have not changed. Right?

The first two years of my life and this sort of have just sort of continued half a day from there and a cycle

1998

I'm so mad I need to untie you to fucking throw you into all

this episode of air December 98

You're a pussy fight me? Right? I'm afraid I wouldn't stop this is toxic masculinity in action. Yeah, it

is dude. And it gives Scorpion power in this universe. Right like he's like, I'm not gonna fight you. You can fight my boy Kung Lao champion of Mortal Kombat. Right. We can go to try to recruit them into their cold. See, that's how you get people out of cold. So you convince them to join other cults.

It just stops being a call at a certain point.

My help and timing can be great. Or you have a trainer. What does he offer? What do you offer is all in place, a job support to carry out His plan and do the same?

Much the same way you want it to breathe sulfur all day long.

Right? Yeah, you do like sweaty? Yeah. Kassar,

we have a breeze up here. Fresh air. Apples. Lots all the apples you can eat dude,

you don't have to keep watching the movie drive. Which Scorpion won't stop watching and quoting.

You can also dress however you want. Dude. He's just like me. I also love the Scorpion absolutely watch his drive.

Oh, yeah. He watched his drive and to try to mimic that he bought the jacket off of like a bootleg website and has been working on a Mazda Miata

working on a Mazda Miata.

The recent course.

Commercial, Paul they're easy to overstuffing

he's not an expert. He's good at fucking throwing snake chains. Right? Yeah, he doesn't know cars like that.

It's a starter car first Scorpion.

Yeah, he's He's good. He got like,

did he get it in like the Scorpion yellow?

Yeah, and he's gonna He's gonna put a turbo on it. I don't think they come turbo if they do somebody's gonna know I'm a fraud and talking about this.

His license please get renew wheels like it's made out of chain. It's one of those you know, it can

shoot bullets. You can take the uniform off now.

It says only close. So just remember we're gonna see him later. He's gonna be wearing Ciro's clothes.

Scorpion knows I'm cool. What if I am going to fucking give a shit?

Yeah, and this is now they're just going to talk about how much they hate their dad. Right? Competition story of all of our lives where you realize that Siro and Taja Siro and Taja Siro and Kisara are the the Tavan and Dagon of this universe dude, absolutely they are. proved me wrong.

Seeing you after all these years, forced me to face the truth. That did this to us. He drove us apart. It wasn't us.

See, this is an artist shit, dude.

We make our lives now. Like you made yours. That didn't make you leave. And it did. And now she's here. She's mine. Siro Yes, she

became Do you um, do you believe these two men as brothers?

Um, yeah. Enough

even though one has an accent and the other doesn't I guess after 1000 miles, maybe there's some regional differences right?

If you don't be safe this I promise

be nice to fight with you for as long as he got through to him, so that's good. Be nice to have a brother after all this time. Nice to see something like wrap up nicely. You know Happy Ending the brothers getting along. We're gonna have a nice meal together and the episode is gonna end and everyone's gonna have you know, they're gonna have a new ally right

should we prepare to bring him back? No, I will do it alone. No one leaves us

well, it's kind of a weird scene, but I got a good feeling about the rest of this episode. I think we're gonna have a nice happy ending look good. They both

love so leader at women in the street. These two crosses the roads and posing Hey, Go home to your wife, your wife.

Go home to your wife. He's like, of course my wife.

Don't worry. I took half of my call it fit off. Now I've just dressed like I'm doing community theater.

Kisara is kind of a white guy, isn't he? No,

he was just clearing it with it in the street life guys don't do that. He's a 10. But he's leering at women in the street.

He's a white guy, but he's a 10. Wait. How awesome. Whatever. I was waiting for another Kung Lao likes to meditate by the lake. I think we only see the lake once and it's when it's next episode. I think when when Tasha is mourning her dead boyfriend who got melted by reptile acids. Spoiler alert for next episode.

This episode feels cattle alone.

It does. This one's crazy

because it's one of the ones of this show where it's setting up a bunch of things that won't pay off.

It's mostly a lot of exposition.

Where does he go up a lot of stuff and then I'll just say a few things don't break exactly how you would help for some of these core characters.

Are you seeing any apples on the table? We've had a lot of changes in this series eating an apple. Yes me.

We've had a lot of outfit changes in this one. He's changed twice. Taj has changed once. Eva Mendez has changed twice. Yes, like this one's fashion forward

15 confirmed apples also Siro is wearing his sleeveless shirt and Kisara is wearing his sleeved shirt.

His Church shirt.

I love that. Yeah. And they're in there each wearing one of the two pairs of pants Siro has the brown ones and the blue one

I think they should each get half of the church shirt and half of the other shirt.

Yeah one sleeve each and then like one brown pant leg and one blue pant leg. Like like fucking to face right. But this is something kind of grim about this. We will see Siro wear that church shirt again so he is going to wear the shirt that his brother died in in the future. Yeah, yeah. Kind of kind of wild and I hate dad. I don't want to go back

to good place God I just want you to hate my dad. I do buy them as brothers now that I'm thinking about it not just because they're in basically the same shirt. No, my dad is

here. FUCK IT'S OUR it's the standard for our dad.

Dad just walked in on

Scorpion, the guy who we have placed all of our daddy issues on

we're projecting it is funny that the shirts a little too big.

Yeah, it's a nice talk because Daniel Bernhardt I think it's like add some believability

it makes it work and I liked it. They kicked the table in half and I liked it the boys are gonna go fucking kick that demons as he fucking does gymnastics away.

Oh, yeah, this is good. This is a fun fight this good fight.

This episode has been fight light. Anyway, on account of the long opening fight, and then this

and that was kind of Yeah, it was just kind of the long opening fight the Kung Lao fighting Kasara that was good, though. But brief. And now we get this this is gonna be like it's like a five minute long fight I think to

get kicked in the back of the head of my Daniel Bernhardt.

God not many who have have lived

if you ask you'll do it but you will.

Chris Cassamassa is you know we're talking shit about the Scorpion voice.

Hey, God, stop stop what you're saying with discovery of voice because we have to talk about that. The Flying punch. So rarely do they do wire work is Still Yeah, but they're so good every time. They should be doing those constantly. That's so much fun to watch him fly across the fucking town square. And this is shit. Why are we doing this all the goddamn time?

This is good the Scorpion the Scorpion snake spear like lifting Kasara

This is Oh much entertainment.

Yes do

the flying punch the uppercut murder the snake chain rope. Arm.

The girthy snake rope.

I don't know about that. I don't know if we have to do that.

We do it every time I do it every time I like to remind people how girthy it is. Okay, it's good. It's good Raisa D directed this episode. And he's, he's like, directed, like, as far as I can tell, since television was invented. He's directed television. Like as far back as TV shows in the 60s. And then he's also doing Mortal Kombat conquest episodes. Yeah. Yeah. As I was saying, I think like we talked about the Scorpion voice, Chris Cassamassa still like a good fighter a good

Yeah, course Bob Yeah.

Yes, commercial Paul.

I like this is that was the bumper has no say no, that if it was well, this episode ends very unceremoniously quickly. Given the amount of time it spends building up the the encounter and the context in the family everything. Then you have a relatively quick fight with Scorpion, which was mostly with Siro anyway. Because our unceremoniously dies and Eva Mendes is like, well, I guess I should leave. was just like,

not just I guess I should leave but I also can't stand to look at you because you remind me of Kozar

You look too hot like you're dead brother.

Right? Yeah. I have to go be in in hitch.

I have to go out with my husband who was in Drive, right. All right. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes married.

Are they they might be I think they are. Eva Mendes.

It's up to you Google Eva Mendes. I could go to Ryan Gosling. Yeah,

they are still married. What a beautiful couple Jesus Christ. She's like, I have to go be in Ghost Writer.

Dude, that's awesome. You Yeah. Dude, if Ryan Gosling was on one of these fucking episodes, shit, holy

could you imagine? But wasn't he busy on are you afraid of the dark or something? I guess Ryan God,

I don't know what the fuck he was doing. Live in the fucking GTA or wherever he's from

the Grand Theft Auto right? God they're gonna do a new IMDb redesign and I already they're letting you preview it now. I already fucking hate it.

screenshotted I haven't seen it. I want to be disappointed too.

You can just go do it.

I like how we've already decided this episodes over which is why we're just talking about IMDB.

Yeah, Ryan Gosling. Are you afraid of the dark? 1995 The tale of station one Oh 9.1 Was this first one

Oh 9.1 Though beast and they play like rock music

and of the episode also, it's great. It's also Greg banks in the Say cheese and die episode of goose bombs. That was his second credit. Hercules, young Hercules Lars and the real girl. No, no, no VIP or Baywatch. And Ryan Gosling's IMDB. I think it's a good episode. What do you think?

Um, we weren't that invested in it. But I don't think it's necessarily a bad one. Its biggest problem is that it has absolutely no bearing on what became one season of television. So as we said, it's a whole lot of exposition. For Yeah, essentially nothing. Which is this definitely frustrating.

Well, this was the episode. So like, obviously, we learned all about Kung Lao in the pilot, right. And we learned a lot about Tasha in the undying dream. This episode right is undying dream, I believe the one wishes in the Cobalt Mines.

Yes.

Yeah, whichever one that one was. So this was this was now ciros Episode LET'S GET TO KNOW Siro Siro is backstory in history right where we meet his brother and his loved ones and stuff but it is yeah, it's but we're halfway This was also the middle of the like we are now we have no watched half of the series at this point.

And knowing that we don't have more, it does feel like not a waste that's far too short order but it's frustrating to be like we're at the midpoint and what we got out of this like the thing that effectively is part of what's teeing up the future is something that becomes effectively moot. Which is a bit of a drag. But I think

this does kick off a little Yeah, cuz next episode, shadow of a doubt. That's the one where Okay, that's the next episode. That's the Molina episode. Oh boy, that's gonna suck. So that's kind of but that's kind of like the so like, this thicker than blood. This was like the Siro relationship episode right. And then shadow of a doubt the Molina Kitana Little Mix up that's gonna be like the Kung Lao like diving into like, the Kung Lao relationship of it all. And then

we could wait. Yeah, like I think there's good stuff in this episode. But I think with the context of knowing like what we have coming up. I don't know if it stands up to the scrutiny of like the best episodes of this show at all.

No, I don't think I'd put it in the best way. Like, it's you know, they brought back a main Mortal Kombat character in Scorpion. Maybe he just because he used a little bit more Scorpion. A probably could have used a little bit more Scorpion and a little. A little less Khazar a little b maybe

a little more Scorpion a little less. Action please

add a little bit of Monica in my life

Monica say it like the beginning of crazy train that was fake laughter turning into real laughter really quickly

that's a fun game. Like that game? Yeah, yeah yeah, I don't know. Pretty good episode. It's middle of the road is better than a lot of episodes that we we will see.

Yeah, it's better than the worst ones by by a margin. I think

calling it now it's going to be better than the Molina episode we're going to have to endure next time but I'm I'm done. Are you done? I'm good.

I'm still drinking his black Gatorade

right and you haven't died yet? So that's a good sign every

fucking day now.

You haven't mutated into like a crab like Monster.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Oh good good timing actually yeah, get checked out so

just I'm gonna be like Hey, I know that this is like you know our first time having like a follow on appointment new doctor. I'm gonna lead I think with the black Gatorade as my biggest immediate health concern

right speech like Listen sir I had a little bit of chemical a zero dash 395 9x point nine one dash 15 And he's gonna humble

own face and gasp and go like ah, because you're not supposed to do that

Did you just make a joke and then get proud of yourself for

not proud it's just kind of funny. It's it's funny to say Home Alone face everybody knows what that is. Fucking nail my homologue faces a face of rage because the new home alone movie was bad. There's a new home alone movie Home Sweet Home on baby starring a horrible child and Rob Delaney.

Oh shit. Rob Delaney.

Yeah, Rob Delaney and a girl whose name I can't remember. But she was on the Office

Suite.

I think she was on the office. Anyway, the movies bad you shouldn't watch it. None of the things I'm saying should draw you into watch

Ellie Kemper Yeah, she was on the office and she one of those rival podcast ladies. No, but she was recently on an episode of there's also How could she do that to us? Right Ellie Kemper go on MK podcast we'll talk about the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt which is funny and good.

Yeah powerful would be to be unbreakable and Mortal Kombat. Holy shit. The unmemorable Kimmy Schmidt

playing with a Game Genie

good Genie

got that Game Genie code. Yeah, she was also in bridesmaids, Cory What do you got going on?

Um, wow, I almost lost my mic over sorry

listen, I'm gonna say look, I'm gonna say right now the commentary we did. I'm gonna give us like a cinnamon All right. If you bailed before getting to this you fucked up.

We say don't a good ship, right. That's good podcasting. You want to keep them wanting more? There's no way they're doing a show. That's this fucking bad. Right? Is your right listener? We weren't we were saving all the good stuff for right now.

This is a test to see who makes it through

Yeah. If you listened to the end of this episode, tweet at any related Twitter account to us. Monica parentheses extreme Crazy Train voice and we will know

that you made it to the well no, you're a real one.

Well, no, you're a real one and you don't like when anything for that but we'll appreciate it does that count for anything? It should we'll put your dad peelers No, I have a good relationship with my dad It's everybody's everybody everybody be cool everybody be cool. Must be nice everybody be cool guys deals talking about his relationship problems dad every one of you cool

must be nice to have a nice cool supportive relationship with your dad. Did you just file your fucking chair again?

I was surely Jesus Christ clicked something started playing audio really the worst possible time because you were making like an actual statement. Oh

doesn't matter. Okay, people. Cory What are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the guy from the Storage Wars. You good? Is that guy probably canceled maybe we'll see.

I'm pretty sure all everyone on storyboards is or will be pretty safe. Like if you're if you have like a canceled betting pool. You're putting data from storage was just anyone on Storage Wars easy money, but Jiminy

Cricket from Storage Wars. You laughed. It wasn't funny, but you laughed.

I was loving it. I was laughing at the concept. Yeah.

Because he was just like a little boy. He's a little man wow, who? This Mario now? Jiminy Cricket Mario?

They made another one. Dammit.

Yeah, it's good stuff. We're having good time. Um, okay. Well, actually, there was an f1 race this morning. If you want to hear me talk more about f1 You can listen to strat two. We don't have like a weekly release schedule. My friend kalmunai But we get we get them done when we can so soon, you'll be able to hear us talking about all of the most baffling forett Fuck, you'll be able to hear us talking about all of the

It's mutating Oh,

and we just had our yesterday our end of the season wrap up episode will be out. It's long. I don't know how long it is yet. The answer is nearly three hours. Holy shit, give or take whatever it gets taken out in the edit and And it's a really good time. I think we had a lot of fun and it's a good place to sort of get situated like what did we watch in the last year? What are we teeing up for the start of August? It's a

You can have one more sip of that. That black goo and you're really good. I'm gonna

drink do you want me to drink the rest of it right now?

Home sweet overload is good. Actually. Jim, I

want to drink the rest of it right now. If I ever say that, by the way, you can kill me you know it's not me anymore. Chuck it I would never say that. So if I ever say hose we humble on was good. Actually. You can fucking kill me on the spot.

You got it? What? You just said it. Oh

no. I don't like I shouldn't have done that. Do you want to play

and if you want to learn more about chemical a zero dash 395 9x point nine one dash one five. You can check out my other podcast crew expendable all about the Alien franchise crew expendable.net. Dan that was available crew expendable dotnet Yeah, but the.com wasn't at crew expend a pod on Twitter. And in your podcast app as crew expendable. You can find me on Twitter at final Neal and Instagram at final Neal retro.