Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
I don't know about you, but I wish I left sooner too, because then there would have been less fights, less affairs, less all those things. But I for me, and people was asked me like, well, how'd you know when it was time to leave? I had a million people telling me it was time to leave. I told you it's time to leave. You know what I mean, like it's time and blah blah. You have to go through it as much to the point where you get to that one point where it's like, Okay, I can't
actually go another day. And then I had no regrets once I left, because I'd also don't like to live with regrets. So I knew I tried everything. I'd tried, every therapy, I tried every you know thing to stay with him, and it still wouldn't work. Worse to stay than to leave. So that's when I was like, I'm
out and I was able to walk away. Of course, I would have loved for it to been sooner, but I need that long process to really realize that I tried everything I possibly could, which was trying to keep my family together. I didn't want to be divorced at all. So again, yes, of course we would have thought and would have loved it to be sooner, but we also know that we tried everything we could do and we exhausted all options. Yeah, truly, and then you realized it
wasn't changing and you got out. That also shows your children's strength, and I think that's a beautiful thing for children to see. And then you're going to never allow something like that. And that's what I'm saying, Like, you know, and Alan and I haven't had those you know, we'll have disagreements and stuff, but I'll be like, you know, he knows that we don't discuss like that, Like we would have arguments, you know, little things like that, but nothing,
I mean it would. I don't think anything would ever get that volatile because he's not disrespectful like my ex was. But you know now what you will not allow your children to see. And you'll do that for the next one when you're ready to, not when your kids are ready, but when you're ready to.
If my picker's on point right, well.
That's why I'm like, girl, I'll go to on site first because it'll help you, like be able to realize, you know, you're you're worth and all that. If that's what you're that's what I suffered from.
Definitely, I feel completely unlovable. It's just it's so hard. I mean, you're younger than me, but not by much. Yeah, I never it's just you never think. You never think you're going to be starting over. Nope, no one does when they get married.
Okay, but friend, it's so okay, I need you to just energy shift this because we're going into to a new year. It is some I get so excited for people that when they DM me and they're like, I'm so sad, I'm depressed. I just got divorced, I'm like, I get it, I've been there. But like we got
to flip this. How freaking cool that you you get to rewrite a whole new story that is like the most empowering, the most uplifting, the most hopeful, Like you get to make the right choices, like and what you thought was the right choice the last time and end up not okay, all right, but you.
Get to do it.
You get a do over, Like how cool is that?
Not many people get to have a do over? Like this is so exciting and you, not your kids, not your like you have already have your kids, so you're not like having to you know, just find a guy to have babies or whatever, like I did, like you know, I was running out of time, you know with with my ex husband where it was like, oh god, I'm in my thirties and I need a baby and okay, like yeah you cheated, but like you're you're hot and like whatever, you know, like yeah it is, you said
you're sorry. But like with this, it's like you truly get to like you get to recreate the life you want for you and not settle for anything or anyone. Like this is exciting, Tori. I'm so excited for you, Like you should be so frickin' pumped that you get to write your next chapter. Sorry that was my book. You Like, you get to write your next like your next story.
I am excited.
It can be scary, it can be all those things, but I need you to put the hand on there. It's scary and it's gonna be awesome. I'm lonely and I get to choose the right person. I'm like like add the end, Like that's the most powerful tool tool I ever learned, is that you can feel both things. But I need you to add in the frickin Like this is exciting. This is so you get to you get to have first kisses all over again.
Like that's exciting. It's like so fun. Tears, this is so exciting.
I just put so much, so much energy. I'm tired. I put so much energy into writing that first chapter, that first story, and so much energy and keeping it intact. It was.
It's exhausting, it's too much. So go have find your joy. I find to join it.
I don't get weighed down.
Yes you do.
That first date.
Oh they're so fun, tory, they're so fun.
Oh my gosh, Like I replay like meeting Alan for the Like I had a bunch of bad first dates when I was dating. But then then you just then you see the magical one, you know, and then you're like, that's the spark. And then it's like, Okay, maybe the spark died, but it ignited something in you again. Like you get to feel that. That's exciting, and yeah, you feel drained, but you go you have to release it.
You know.
One of the best things I'm gonna I'm going to give you an I'm going to give you an assignment. It was the best thing I did on site. But I took rocks, okay, And I want you to take like rocks, like about this big, and you write on the rock every belief that you think of yourself, so like mine was, I deserve abuse, I'm unlovable, I'm not enough, you know, I'm I'm the problem everything I've ever heard and believed. That's a negative thing. But the truly like
I thought was my thing. And then I want you to put the rocks in a backpack. And then I want you to walk like five miles and I want you to feel how heavy okay, four three or two? Like at least three miles with a heavy ass backpack with all the negative beliefs about yourself.
Can we do one and a half of call it a day, one and a half and we'll call it a day.
Great.
I want you to walk with every heavy message and think about all the things that like people have told you, that that person told you when they were raging drunk and it wasn't true, or when you know whatever, or if anyone was abusive to you or you know whatever. Area, walk with it, feel it, feel how heavy the backpack is, how your body's starting to hurt. And then I want
you to find in that walk. We're going to find it a mile and a half walk, and then you're going to get to a stream or some kind of lake or something, and then you're going to take every single one of those rocks out. You're going to say the opposite. You're going to chuck that motherfucking rock into the stream, and then you're gonna you're gonna release all those negative energies and then you're gonna walk back.
You're gonna feel how light it is.
You're gonna take in all the new the new words that you are enough, that you do deserve love, you know, you do deserve a happy ending, all the things, and you're gonna walk back and feel so light and it's going to be such a good exercise for you.
And it was one that really helps me. Can you do it?
I can do that. I'm really worried though, because there's some coyotes, deep worse paparazzi, Like what if someone goes and digs that up.
Ain't nobody digging up rocks in a like.
You have no idea what it'll be written on these rocks.
You don't have to tell anybody you can't even your kids. You're just saying, Mom's going for a walk with the backpack and some rocks.
Okay, so it'll be really healing for you. And if not, piety on.
Some streets, cut up some turn and find a little area.
Yeah, it would be good.
Okay, I can do that. Hold me accountable with all your fifty million things you have going on in your life.
But I just it's a good New Year's thing to do.
No, that's a good one. You always hear people are like, you have to cut the cord, envision it, and I have to physically do the act, okay, And maybe that's what's missing because I tried to do the manifestation and envision all the chords that are still attached to me from my whole life, that are cutting them and letting them go and freeing them, not a it's not working. So physically I need to do something physical. Yep, fuck
those rocks, chuck them. I know one main rock I'm gonna chuck Yeah, got it.
I mean my I deserve abuse rock. I held on to for like five minutes, and I like, the therapist was like, you can let it go when you're ready, and I was like but I just so whullheartedly believe in my heart that's what I deserve. And she's like, then we're going to sit here until you don't. It was like Jenny throwing rocks at the house and Forrest Gump, where I just like screamed, like throwing it. But it's like it's so cathartic. I know it sounds so weird, but no, it'll be great.
I'm weird. Nothing sounds weird. Here's the thing. I'm really up for trying anything. I really do want this second chapter. Second chapter is a weird terminology, right.
Well, I wrote a book called The Next Chapter, so you can just you know, and I talk all about that. And there were some things in there too from on site that I talk about. So I know, I'm not going to say, like, read my book because I know you like who did that's weird? But like for anyone that's listening, I wrote a book called The Next Chapter. It's all about the year post divorce and the highs and the lows and everything in between.
Can I listen to it on audio?
Sure?
Can? I got to say your song the story is my anthem. M. It's interesting. When I went on dancing with the stars. They want it. What are your anthems? And they really want it? You know. They were like j Loo, Katy Berry and I was like, and I'm like, one of my anthems, my friend Jana Kramer's the story because that is the song and I listened to it all the time and I just connect to it so much.
Yeah, that song was That was the first song I wrote post divorce, and I'm like, I got I just I needed. My babies are my everything. So you know, I was like, I just want to write a song like how do I describe? How do I how do I even have this conversation with them? And so my dear friend Sarah Bryce, who's Lee Bryce's amazing wife and she's a great songwriter and I just trust her with everything, and so she, you know, we sat down and we wrote this and is Yeah, I'm glad you resonate with
that one because it's it's so hard. But there will be a time where your story changes.
Will you do a follow up to that song?
I did.
I wrote a song called silver Lining, which I haven't put out yet, but it's it's about that. Yeah, It's just it's about kind of that. It welcomes in Roman, and it's like the silver lining of why that bad things happen.
And our stories just keep going on and on. I remember in one of my books, I wrote, rewrite your story, you know, write your happy ending. I wrote this to other people while I wasn't living the truth, but I believed it wholeheartedly. I wanted others to do it. I just couldn't do it myself. But sometimes the words you say to others, sometimes you're the one that needs to hear it the most. And that's a hard, hard thing. Wait, so you met Alan because he slid into your dms.
How did you even get like? You must get a million dance? How do you?
I mean, I look for my dam in case that could happen with me. That was kind of how I met a few people. Was I either saw them on Riya and then we would both be like, oh, hey, saw you on Riya but I didn't see Alan wasn't on Riya, but he did. Yeah, he just DMed me
and it was a very respectful message. But I he was living in London, and I kind of I responded like, oh, hey, you know, thanks for say and hi, But he kept dming and then we exchanged numbers, but we were communicating over WhatsApp, but I don't really use WhatsApp, and so he would text me. But I was so in the mind I didn't really want a relationship at the time.
I was so happy being single and it was about to be the holidays and I was just like I'm good, Like I just kind of got to a place where I was just happy alone and just with my kiddos, and I'm like, I just don't even want to entertain some dude from London. Then I was talking to a girlfriend and it was probably like a month or so later, and she was like, are you talking to anyone?
I was like no.
It was like there was this soccer coach dude that was like dming me. Then what's happening? But honestly, I didn't I never even like looked him up or I don't even know like what his things about, because I'm like, he lives in London, so what's the point. And I googled him. She's like, well google him, let me let me see, and then I was like, oh, he's really cute. I was like damn. I was like, well, like maybe I could just have like a winner fling, like that's fine.
You know, I never been to London, you know, for more than twenty four hours, so maybe like that could be fun. So then I what's apped him back and I was like, hey, sorry, you know, I'm just I'm never on this like this, this messaging thing, and then we just started talking and then he flew to Asheville to see me, and the rest was history.
How long between the gap of when he had what's appt you last and then you responded when you said hey sorry?
The last time I spoke with him was like October and then it was November twelfth that I reached back out.
It was like a month.
That's impressive because to anybody, male or female, it could be like, oh, take it the wrong way, like never mind, oh oh okay, this is very helpful.
You got this.
It's helpful and it's topefal.
I'm excited for you. I'm just I'm going to just keep the positive energy and it's it's exciting.
I don't want these chunters, though.
Right down everything and write down what you want, because it's you no, but write down what you want. Like, my girlfriend's divorced right now, and she's she's dating this one guy and he's a little older.
She's like, I just can't do it. He's too old.
Like he's just like I'm in my forties, he's almost in his sixties. She's like, I just can't do it.
And I'm like, then don't, like, you don't need too you know. She's a QUI enjoys company.
And I'm like, but like, you don't need to force anything if it's not your person. Next, thank you you learned something. And then that's what I did with the you know, the post of war dating. I was like, all right, I always learned something about either what I wanted, what I didn't want, or I learned something about myself.
And then next like what is okay for.
A fifty one year old woman?
Whatever, whatever you think is okay. A lot of girls are going younger, you know. I mean, I would just write down what you want as a as a person, as a whole, like the qualities that you're wanting, and go after that. I think, you know, and then.
See so many friends have been like okay, you know dated the actor, Like you know, that's not a sustainable life. It's inconsistent, you know, on both our parts, meanting like it's not stable. Always, but they're like, so no more actors like the next person. And I have friends that are like, you're going to find someone who's so financially set and it's going to turn everything around. And I've always provided for myself. It's been nice when I've been
with a man that you know contributes, it's great. You know it'd be great, but it's never been my thing. And I still am like thinking in my head, Okay, you know what would I want to, you know, be so financially set and my kids, I don't have to struggle all the time and I can spend more time with them. Never been able to do that, or do I want? Just like true love and whoever he is, he is and I don't know to this day, I choose.
That always true love.
I promise you'll find you, but you have to clear out some of the soul stuff first.
M Yeah, my soul's heavy and it's true and I'm tired of carrying that around.
You shouldn't anymore. It's not it's not serving you, you know, that's not I'm excited for you, though, thank you. I have an and like a literally and symbol on the literally that's my healing a literal and symbol. It's for always to remember that you can hold space for both. I love that matching tattoos.
I have to ask you about Massinger. I was on season one and Massinger, so I was super sift. You're on the season. Did you love every second of it? Was that mask really heavy?
The ponytail made it like my head like fall back every time. So I was just like, but they were so I I what was your costume?
Unicorn?
Unicorn have fun? But I had the best time on that show. Everyone's so nice and so fun. Like it was just I'm always pretty insecure when I sing, and something about having that mask on. I was like, I get, like it was so much fun.
Did you choose your costume?
They kind of gave me an idea because of just everything that I've been through there, like you know a night and I'm like, well, Alan calls me his warrior, so this is very like fitting. So it was so they once they gave me that option, I was like, hands down, one hundred percent got it.
Yeah for sure. When I saw the costume, I was like, she must've come up with this, Like I just thought for sure when I did it first season, they hadn't completely worked out the heaviness of the mask. I was like in a unicorn mask, so it was like the horse like and it was I couldn't see a thing.
Oh yeah, it's like looking through coffee filters, is what I tell people.
Yes, yeah, that's exactly it. And because it was first season, they were like, I spent all this time learning all this choreography and then once I got into it, into the mask and the huge dress that I was wearing, I got on stage, I was like, but all this like crazy choreography not an option, No, but yeah, I loved seeing you on that. Did your kids know?
My kids knew, yeah, because they loved the show, so I told them. But that was it, Like mine, I still had family texting me being like, when were you going to let us know you hadnt like this alter ego And I was like, oh, I was like, we were sworn to secrecy, so I'm like, but yeah, it was awesome. I had the best time.
It's so and you're a singer, but you just said you're insecure about you're singing. But I'm not a singer, so for me, it was like crazy hard but freeing like that was less scary doing that than Dancing with the Stars, only because my face was concealed and I.
Was like one thousand percent. Yeah, Dancing with the Stars is the most I mean that that made me so self conscious and just made me feel like I suck at everything when I did that show, because it's like you're doing something you don't know how to do, you know, and then you're trying to be good at it, and it's just it's hard. But yeah, the MASD Singer is just like you can just go out there and have so much fun and nobody knows who you are, and like, yeah,
the mask element is fantastic. Like I didn't get nervous, it was so fun.
I got nervous. I was just like, I'm so glad no one knows it's Tory spelling, so they can't just see my face and be like, okay, we're gonna judge you right from jump or a right? Wait? Sorry, when did you get eliminated on Dancing with the Stars?
Upper I always semifinals, that's right, you should have stayed longer.
I was bummed for you. I was so bummed.
I was so happy you were on the show, and then I was so bummed that you got voted off that early.
I was like, no, that's wrong.
I was robbed right, Yeah, I feel like it's a little rigged where they need that.
Like oh moment.
It definitely was great.
Yeah, yeah, it wasn't your time that was, but.
It was my time, right sure, because that was part of the journey. It's another one of my things though in life, where I'm like, Okay, I try so hard to turn things around. Jenny Garth used to call me Pollyanna because she'd be like, Okay. Anytime she'd be like, oh no, one bummed about something, I'd be like, but there's this this, And it's always like Dodd do you? And I always have that like like everything's it's gonna work out and that fire is dimmed a little bit,
but it's coming back. So it was just another one of those things that I'm like, Okay, everyone's like, this is it. This is gonna be just a whole new element for you, and everyone's gonna see you in a different light, and this is gonna propel so many other things that are gonna manifest and come your way and then to go through. And I threw myself into it completely because when we're the types that when we go we go full on or we don't at all, you know.
So I commit it one thousand percent and I worked really hard and it did change my life. I found such joy and emotional freedom in that experience that I'm grateful. But it was a little bit of like the two two train, like, oh, just climbed up that hill. Here I am, and then eliminate it first, you know, first go around. It's like, okay, so I'm like, where are the what's this message here? Like these signs? Like every time I think I make it, it's like and nope,
start over again. And it's like, I'm fifty one. I don't want to keep starting over again. I want to do things that are working and keep working, not going back down.
Well, this is the start of it. I mean, I think again, like the start of the new year. You're going into the new year. And this is what's so great is you're leaving the divorce in twenty twenty four and you're starting the new year in twenty twenty five with the mindset of you.
You're going up, you know, and you're staying up.
Do you believe your own personal mindset can physically keep you held behind work wise, Let's say.
Yeah, I do, but you know, I think again, it's like I believe in all the positive manifestations, but I also think you have to couple that with you know work and or with you know therapy, and then yeah, I mean, I try to be as positive as I can, but it's hard when I when I get slumpy, like I'm like, oh, I'm never going to book another TV show again because I'm real down on myself about that
right now. So I get so close, I'm like, I'll test, I'll be like one of three girls for big shows, and then I don't get it, and it's like I'm just never gonna I'm never gonna get it. Well, if I continue saying I'm never going to get it, I'm never going to get it. So I'm trying to like shift like no, I'm going to get it. It's just not my time yet.
Thank you for all of this.
I love you. I'm so I love you.
I really do want to come to Nashville please. I know we've talked about it for a while. We talked about it when we well, you were single and I was should have been single. I should have done it than.
But you really should have. It would have been fun. But we can still have fun.
Okay, I'm going to go kick some rocks.
Yes, no, throw throw rocks.
Throw some rocks. Okay,