Deborah, with her thirty years of being an entrepreneur and creating over seven companies, knows exactly what it means to accept the mission. When you make that decision, when you accept the mission to become a solopreneur, to take yourself and your talents to market, then you embrace a life of not only unlimited possibilities, but also the unknown. It's an elixir of fear and bravery that only someone who's
taken the leap really understands. On our show, deb digs deep with her guests to highlight what you the listener wants to know the stories, the whys, and the hows to navigate the journey to success. Get ready to hear from some of the most incredible mission takers from Generation Z to boomers. So sit up, perk up, and get ready to be blown away. Now Here is your host, Deborah Drummond's.
A low and fulcoment of fact, if you accepted five past me would have just heard what the show's all about about people that take a mission. And predominantly I know that my audience because I get to talk to you and meet you often, especially when I show up live in places, and there's no better I'm sure that Bill's going to agree with me when we start chatting.
There's no better when you get to meet people in person that you're being inspired by or they're being inspired by you, and you get to have that you know, that handshake, that meeting, that hello, that conversation, getting to know people better, which is really one of the topics that we're going to talk about, is about making people better today. Feeling better, living better, having access to betterment is so important.
And as an audience, you.
Know what, my audience today, you that are listening, you are just the most caring audience. How's that you're like, Okay, I know what we're talking about today. If you would hang around long enough, you know, you too get to get leaned in on on what we're going to share today. So I had the pleasure of meeting mister Bill Cohen on line as many of us were doing, and we were meeting new people from all over the world, and we kind of came together on the beliefs that we
had around health and wellness and making people better. And look at a lot of you, I know are entrepreneurs and you're doing things, and you're on mission, and you're caring for yourself and your care for your business, and your care for people in your life. And there's a whole game around caring on self and others and the balance of that and what you do when when you
do it. But I always see people in the health and wellness sector as kind of like servant leaders, because predominantly when you're teaching someone to take care of themselves or you're giving advice that makes their life better, there is what we call the domino effect, the ripple effect, the whatever it is that you're doing, and other people benefit.
And that's that whole philosophy around betterment.
So me and Bill were chatting, and as you've heard me talk before, I kind of have this. You know, there's a couple of organs in the body, one being you know, the lymphatic system, the skin, and the brain that I absolutely love. And he was sharing some really incredible statistics and sharing a story about his life and how he learned more about the brain and what that
was all about. And then, like most I don't know, how do you want to call it, I'm not even going to brave courageous entrepreneurs, But they had a personal experience and they turned it into their mission, and so that's what I just love about this man. And we get to meet him in person soon enough as he comes over to is a Canadian, so the world of Canada. So with no further ado, let me give you a title that you may not have heard before. It's not my title, it's his title. But I'm loving this.
We just shared earlier.
And I know that he is a caregiving support consultant and that's something that I've known Bill to do. But I loved this and I love to see when people's businesses start to merge and grow with the needs of community. And he is also a trained elder mediator, and we're going to dig a little bit into that.
So Bill, welcome to mission.
Accepted today, Thanks for having me. It's an houtor be here.
Yeah, oh my gosh. I love that French.
I call it when I when I get to meet someone like yourself, and it's not some when I met in business that's turned into a biz ship, you know, friendship. Bishop put it together all.
Right, Never mind my little my little fun part.
So look, I mean, go ahead, that's what makes you you as it makes me me. I just introduced you as a caregiver mediator, elder, what do you do and how did this come into your life?
So interestingly? Tomorrow is the anniversary of a date that changed my life, my family's life. My mother was living in Biloxi, Mississippi, of all places, I'm not from there. I live in the Portland, Oregon area. I'm originally from New England. And she was showing signs of concern and we thought, was she just getting tired, was she getting older, stressed out taking care of my late stepfather. But what happened nineteen years ago tomorrow on the Gulf Coast Hurricane Katrina.
Their home was completely swept away in the storm surge. It was that bad. Fortunately they had evacuated safely, but she came back to that house expecting it to be there, and the trauma just exacerbated accelerated whatever is going on with her. Make a long story short, she was on the East Coach with other family members. I started attending a support group, getting counselate, talking to a care community. I moved her out here to Portland after a bit,
and I was her primary caregiver. But she was in a very wonderful care community, faith based nonprofit for about five years. Four of which were memory care, and she passed away eleven years ago this past February at age eighty three. Now that support group I kept going for a little bit. I became the facilitator. I got involved with fundraising the walked into Alzheimer's and going to the Capitol and raising funds to get more research funds to
find a cure, which were still working on. But as I was working a completely unrelated government job, and I thought, as I approached retirement that oh, I'll just do more volunteer work. But I came across this concept of caregiving support consultant, and the really short version of all that is I turned my pain, my loss into my passion and what some people refer to as a noncore career.
What you really want to do, what's fulfilling, what's gratifying to you, And it's all in my mom's memory and honor. So what I do is I provide advice, support resources, referrals to family caregivers so they can not only take care of their loved one, manage the care. But we'll talk about this in a moment, self care prevention, right, that's very important. And I put together the care team and the care plan so the caregiver doesn't feel so alone, overwhelmed, isolated,
stressed out, losing sleep. I tried to help them sleep better night.
Yeah.
No, And that's a lot, right. That's not only are you dealing with family, a member by nature which has its own you know, beg of marbles. I would say, there's dynamics, there's relationships. You're not just dealing with someone who's a client or you know, there's or there isn't history with which can be beneficial. And I would imagine sometimes challenging.
Right.
I've heard over and over again how the parent doesn't want to take advice from their child when that role is now starting to be reversed.
Right, Can you tell us.
Some of those some of those nuances that happen that are maybe unexpected or make people feel like, Am I the only person that has a mother or father that doesn't want to take some good advice?
You know what I mean?
It happens a lot because in most cases they've been independent, they've been taking care of themselves. The rest of the family goes about their own lives, and they may be spread out all over. Part of the problem is that you may not realize that until maybe you visit them for the holidays and suddenly you see reasons for concern and oh, mom, dad, we need to take some steps, we need to do this. I'm going to come and take over. Well, they're going to get resistant. Oh we're fine,
We're okay, We don't need any help. And they may not be able to see the forest for the trees. They may be in denial themselves because of their declining help. So what I try to do is help family members start talking about it, come together. They may not all agree on every little nuance, but at least get on the same page as far as taking care of your family member is aging and may not be able to take care of themselves let alone make their own decisions.
Now I have to say, is that where the mediator part of your.
Your services come into play?
Are you mediating for one side or are you meeting within the family?
What does that mean?
Well, since you brought up a legal aspect, I'll use a legal term. Depends And actually I'm going to use the line that you told me a while back. Some families can't decide on ordering pizza for dinner, let alone, How where why et cetera? To take care of their loved one. So the problem is that not everybody is always on the same page, and they may be spread out, and they'll have excuses, I'm too far away, I'm too busy, i can't deal with it, I have a bad relationship
with mom, dad, whoever. But everybody can help in some way, and if they do, even if it's a small piece of the puzzle, they're a carrier. They're part of the carry giving team. But what I try to do is communicate and talk about the various issues as an elder mediator. Not everybody's going to get what they want, but to get to an agreement they all can live with, right, and it keeps it out of the courts, keeps it
away for the lawyers. It's private, and the big key is making sure everybody keeps talking so they can come to an agreement that's in the best interest of their loved one.
Wow, as you say that, so, I'm sure lots of bills and whistles, and I think that's very much the case right where some people are going to take on more responsibility than others, or some can participate financially, some can't, and all that I love how you say, no matter at what degree people participate and they are still part
of the caregiving team. I'm sure that's very relieving for most And so they go through that process, and I would imagine that they would need support through the whole process, you know. I imagine that maybe things change or things change in people's lives and just having that kind of support. Also, I imagine it would be quite beneficial to have someone who's not attached emotionally to you know, when they you know, to the issues that may happen emotionally in a family dynamic.
An objective, neutral third party, right, and you'll make the decision for them, right, they come to it themselves. And the other aspect that I mentioned to I'm not a therapist, although I kind of act like one. Sometimes I can't fix your family problems. I can't fix your family dynamics. Now I can give you a quick example where my family.
Even though I kind of played the peacemaker role at times in my family, Yeah, I was fortunate that my especially two aunts had a lot of opinions, but they always had my mom's best interest at heart, and they also knew my name was on the paper on the power of durable power of attorney, and I also had Mom's best interest at heart. I would listen and say, okay, I'm going to take that in and then I will decide which I think what I think was the best for my mother.
Mm hmm yeah, yeah, very good, No, very good. I'm sure. I'm sure it gets interesting. I'm sure it gets interesting. So there's more.
I mean you said it earlier when you said a lot of times people don't realize that there might be a problem until there's a family visit or an extended conversation, or they're noticing that on each time that they talk there's a little bit something different, or there's a continued conversation that's not going in a direction like well, I thought maybe she was forgetting things because she was stressed, or I thought.
You know, the whole birth.
I mean, who remembers phone numbers anymore. We're all attached to these phones that have our so you know what's what's the line and what's not. But I would ask you is there a movement? Is it just us in the health and wellness field that are hearing more and more about Alzheimer's or dementia, or like what's going on in your industry?
That's a really good question, because I think there is an increasing awareness the general public, not just people in the healthcare profession. But I don't like to get obsessed about celebrities. But we can think about many people we've
heard in recent years, Glenn Campbell, Tony Bennett. I mean, if people saw that concert with Lady Gaga that he did when he was had Alzheimer's, he didn't remember what he had for breakfast, but that piano player started playing it was Tony Bennet from thirty years ago.
It was not.
But that raises awareness. Or movies like Still Alice or The Father with Anthony Hopkins, I think that helps people realize, oh, this is something to be concerned about. I'm wondering about so and so in the family. So it's a matter. And that's what I try to do. It's not just
actually helping individuals. I think you know from my social media, my blog, et being on podcasts like this is to raise that awareness about the things you should be doing first, like make sure there's safe, to make sure the legal documents are in place, have those conversations about how are we going to take care of and have a plan.
A, B C.
Because there's a lot of what IF's in there, so every case is a little bit different.
Yeah, I was going to ask you if there was kind of some advice that you can have. Whether it's because, as in the world of health and wellness, preventative is better than corrective. And at what point do you start having those conversations and are people having those conversations with people in their life before there's ever even any signs like, look,
this is a possibility. You know, there's a percentage of the world that comes up against this challenge like when and where are those conversations to be had?
Well as soon as possible. You see some signs and it could be as simple as the place is messy. Mom's not making recipes the way she used to. They're not taking care of the finances properly. They're repeating questions. They come into a room and don't know why they came in there. Now, the difference is that they may know, We may remember why we went in there, but remember what the room is for. Okay, it's like your cell phone, or your glasses, or your or your keys to your car, right,
we remember what they are for. We all lose things because we're also busy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, good point, good point.
But it's it's a matter of if you have a family history that's going to be a factor. Just that somebody is getting into their seventies and eighties, the risk levels of higher. But I should mention that. And my mom was like the post a child that it's not just genetics in age. Those definitely are risk factors, but it's also your environment and your behavior, your lifestyle choices. And I could and I could talk about those.
Yeah, let's talk about a bit, you know, because if it's not an issue, it may be.
And here's the other thing. I don't think it's ever too late to change your lifestyle choices.
Right because if you if you take steps right away when there's some concern or there are some symptoms, some behaviors that are changing, the sooner that you take action on getting enough sleep, good nutrition, keeping physically active, socially active, mentally active, doing puzzles and things like that, it's going to help slow the progression and maintain a good quality
of life as soon as possible. And they didn't even mention eating crap, which is an acronym for like the carbonated soda is the added sugar is the process and artificial foods or I don't know. If you've heard this being up Europe and Canada, you may have the acronym SAD Standard American diet, yes, right, yeah, oh, standard North
American diagonal. Right. So people eating like that, if they start eating more healthy something like a Mediterranean style regimen or diet, it is in their best interests and that will help you long term. Again, my mom wasn't that old. Nobody else in the family has Alzheimer's. Maybe a little mild cognitive impairment, m like eighty nine and ninety that type of thing. But Mom was living out of that
Gulf coast with all the toxin pollutions and chemicals. She used to smoke, She didn't exercise, She was socially isolated. She was in the Carreger role. And as you know, she was an entaglio printmaker and artist, etching into metal plates and putting it into an acid bath for about thirty years. Which thing, if any, or commination, we don't know, but we know she had Alzheimer's. There was no question. All the signs were there.
Well, and I think that's and I think when we talk about that there's become more observation around neuronal differences or neronal deficiencies or Alzheimer's or the whole gamut that can happen in that arena that people are starting to look at their lifestyle. And I think that if I've heard you before many times and when you just said, we don't know what percentage of every of her activity that she was doing, that played factor. But you know when it comes to having a healthy brain that those
percentages line up as well. So if it's like if you're not exercising, you don't have to go to the gym every day, but you're doing something. If you're eating a lot of packaged foods, you know that their package with preservatives decrease your packaging you or what where you're eating out of a package by half.
It's not difficult to do.
It's not difficult to do, or making different choices when you're at a restaurant. So I was, I've just come off the road I travel for work, and people say to me all the time, oh my gosh, it must be so difficult with the way you eat because I have certain allergies, And I said, absolutely never, like absolutely never. Now I always have, you know, sugar free granola bars where I go, because if I need to shove something in my face and a plane, that's fine, but.
You know, you take responsibility for it.
But I've never been at a restaurant that I couldn't put a meal together with the sides, Like I'll have roasted potatoes and I'll have these vegetables and I'll have this or whatever I'm eating, you can put it together. And everybody has been very accommodating in every country I've gone to. I'm like, please don't put butter there, you know,
use oil instead or whatever. So I think people's mind ship ship has to change because I know when I travel with people, they're like, yeah, well I'm just traveling. I'm like, you're traveling for two weeks, you know what I mean, So you don't have to move off an unhealthy diet. And I think people do that. And you hear people I don't want to go on a cruise because I come back ten pounds or eight pounds or five pounds more because there's food everywhere, and I'm.
Like, well, you don't have to eat it, you don't have to go and eat it.
So I think that it does come down to those small choices over a continued manner of time that starts to bank the odds in your favor right exactly exactly.
And by the way, why I talk about that a lot. I'm involved with a health and wellness team here in my chamber of commerce, and I talked about a lot because even though I'm not a practitioner, we have to talk about self care and preventive care. So I call myself wellness tangential.
Oh what is that?
Did you say? Wellness tangential?
Oh? Tangential? Never heard of them? Does that mean that you have other people that you really like? What is I've done on?
Yeah? Yeah, I work with them. I'm on the of the healthcare practitioners, but I do talk about it a lot so that people will take care not just for a loved one but themselves.
Wow. That there you go. I learned a new word today. I have learned a new word.
Today along those beans. You talked about your mom. Is there a situation either with a family that you've mediated with or someone who was starting to show signs that you were able to kind of come in and can you give an example, because I think one of the things that happens.
In your industry.
Is that when you are that child or that niece or that caregiver or whatever. I think you get succumbed a little bit with this is only happening to you. You might know statistically that's not going to be accurate, but it is an isolated experience, right, You're going to work with worries of this other person. Is there a story a success story? Hey, this kind of made a different story that you can share with us.
Sure, And it's actually when it's almost a combination of caregiving, consulting, and elder mediation. And it's a good example that you can't do it alone, you can't do it all at once. Do you need to build a support team, need to see God help, And too many people try to do it and that's just a recipe for burnout, getting sick
or worse. Because many caregivers predecease the person they're caring for, which is yes, especially once you get over seventy years old with dementia, it's like about two thirds predeceased because they're not taking care of their own health. They're stressed out,
they're exhausted, they're isolated, which is really sad. But it's it's preventable because if they do get go to a support group, they do, go yoga and meditation, go to their own doctor, have somebody watch their loved one, or set up a respite, or have a caregiver commanded to watch them. Then you can at least take care of your own health. Hey, what about just getting your haircut? Right?
Yeah? Exactly how to do those things?
Yeah, the dentist right. So what I'd had was a case where woman is from originally from here in Portland, Oreon, but she's been living in the UK, in London for thirty years. Her mom and her stepfather were living in a one of these big buy in beautiful building care communities. They had all levels but it was mostly independent living. And fortunately the daughter got my name from the Alzheimer's Association.
Of course it's called Alzheimer's Society elsewhere. And the big problem was that the mom was being neglected, not only by the care community. They stuck her into memory care, which she had no business being it at that point, she was being neglected by the step family, by even her own doctor. A simple thing like she needed be twelve shots. He didn't believe in it. Oh, Wow. Yeah, So she was manifesting like she had some cognitive issues, I mean more severe than she should be at that time.
So she gets a hold of me. We put together a care conference and a mediation of sorts with the care community, Adult Protective Services, which was called by the care community. They're the ones that were neglectful, crazy elder law attorney, home care, a house called geriatrician. I think I'm missing one other element as well as the family, and get everybody together, keep them talking, and come to
an agreement that got the mom back on track. She got her be twelve shots from the house called physician. Mom gets back out of there, back up to independent living with her husband. Things progressed over time. I've been actually working with his daughter for close to two years now. Actually there have been falls, there have been hip fractures, there has been progression of the mom's dementia are but
I've continued to support her. But we got that team together to take care of the mom so that she's God knows where she would have been if she had been stuck in that memory care, that care community, And imagine the stress for the daughter in UK making all these trips, but having a team to keep her eyes and ears on her mom so she didn't have to make even more trips and more phone calls and zoom calls.
So great, that's a wonderful story that you're sharing, because well, first of all, it's not a story, it's real, a life story, because I think it does take a team. You know, they always say, you know when you have a new baby, you know it's a village. You know, a village raises children.
But also I.
Think on when you start to become at a place where you're not as capable, right, so children not as capable, and if you get to that place where you're not as capable for whatever reason, you know, for whatever reason, how wonderful it is to have a team or someone who's facilitating a team to see things that you don't see.
I mean, that's that's kind of how it works, right, And with this world being so global and parents and children living and relatives living in different or you know, people that didn't have children and they're relying on other family members, just how vast the world is, and we're not living on the same street anymore, we're not necessarily in the same community, and we don't all go to the same school, right, so that we can see the importance of that.
And long distance caregiving isn't necessarily easier harder than in the same town. It's just a different emphasis. And I did both making those cross country trips and travel and long and taking care of our affairs from the distance that I did it here in person. Yeah, right, in the same community. And no matter what, it's still hard, it's stressful. Had a lot of my plate and basically you have to go into triage mode. Are going to
take care of this that's the most important. Then this everything else will have to wait, like er or the battlefield.
Right, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, Well, look, I love listening to you because not only do I think it's important to put real things on the real table, right and just talk about things that are happening, but also very solution based and to give people an inspiration and idea and also how people start having those conversations and having those conversations with themselves.
You know, I think that I mean as morbid as my.
Son was experiencing it, like, so, you know, I do my will every couple of years because life changes, and you know, I'm at the stage where my daughter had a baby and she had another baby, and you know, now my son has a business and there's these things that change your life financially, and you're having that conversation. And I was sitting with my kids, and you know that, I'm like, okay, who's going to take these things and who's.
Going to do this?
And my son looks at my daughter, whose there's ten half years apart, and he's like, this is a little strange. She goes, Oh, just get used to it. You know, this is what she does, right, because I live in it. You know, I live in a world of having friends and colleagues like you where you know, you like, hey, this is this is something that you need to make sure that you take care of and having that conversation. And I remember sitting there having a conversation and I might sound more of it, but.
You got to talk about these things. And I said, Okay, here's the deal.
If I'm in this, if I'm in this condition, and we and you know, the decision needs to be made.
I said, I've designated this person. And my daughter's like, why isn't it going to be me?
And I said, because you want it to be someone that emotionally could handle. If the if the cure for the disease I had shows up forties after this decision, you know, those really in depth conversations she's like, no, I'm going to do it, you know, like, okay, yeah, I doubt you will. But having those conversations, and it's interesting because generationally, I mean, it's not like I might have this conversation with my children, but it sure was not a conversation that my mother was having with us
at the age of my daughter's thirty and my son's twenty. Like, oh hey, so if I do, it's I'm not saying it's new information. It certainly should be talked about as much as possible. But I still think there's a bit of.
We don't talk about these things because I think I'm the exception to the rule, and that if my friends are like really.
Especially some generations, some cultures exactly right. Some are more open about it. Some you know, we don't talk about it. We don't air our laundry in public, and blah blah and so forth.
So, yeah, do you have any advice as we wrap up for someone who is conscious, who you know, conscious of this world and possibility and they're up against a parent that doesn't want to talk about it, that doesn't want to have a conversation, that may not say I have a will. I don't know, Like, do you have any advice for someone who's up against the unknowingness?
I think we alluded to at the beginning that you're not going to come in and just take over. That's not gonna work. There's gonna be resistance. I like to use the example that, well, hopefully he won't hear this. My brother was a musician and the only thing that he played better than the piano was mom. Right, okay now, And it's better that he didn't become power of attorney in my case, I learned to play mom a little
bit but her best interest. For instance, when this is before the hurricane, she used to do her finances, She used to do her taxes, and the taxes were sitting there on the table, they weren't moving. Mom, how much you like it if I come down there and help you with the taxes? She says, Oh, that's a great idea. I'm glad I thought about it. It was how I framed it, right, or think she thought about? Or who's going to or reject help? Right?
Yeah, it's the same thing.
Like, Mom, there's something I'd like to work on with you. Can you help me with this, not say we're going to do this, And it might be here's the paperwork, this will help you. I want to know your decisions. I don't want to have to try to read your mind. And that might be the power of attorney. It might be the living will, advanced directive, making your wishes know.
If my mom had not made her wishes known to me, my job would have been a lot harder, such as taking extraordinary measures to you know, artificial eating and tubes and antibiotics. There was a famous case in Florida, and I said, Mom, do you want to end up like Terry Shivo woman end up on it for years, a persistent vegetative state, and everybody's fighting over. Mom responded very clearly absolutely not. That was a gift.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
We have those conversations and talk about it among yourselves and with your your aging family members. And it might take somebody who has the best relationship, somebody they listen to. It might take again, a neutral third party. Yeah, you know, missus Smith, this is something you should be taken care of. It your your family will really appreciate. It's a gift to them.
Absolutely look as as as.
Always a real pleasure. And I know that in the show notes are all of your information. But just in case someone is driving right now in a direct woo, I almost said to Sneeze.
You got to do and we don't edit, so you're going to hear that people. That's our thing. We don't add it.
We are real.
So someone may be able to raise something down and they want to not wait for the show to come out and what have you. Can you please tell people your website or whatever point of interest that you can have them contact you now, and then I have one special question for you.
Okay, So first my website and this hopefully this is simple enough. Cohencaregiving Support dot com. That's co h and Caregiving Support dot com.
Go ahead, perfect, Okay, So we are you are on your way to a desert island and you have one suitcase. I know you're coming to Canada soon. It's not a desert island.
You're on your way.
Yeah, you're on your way to Paradise. You and you, just you and you and you have this suitcase. And in the suitcase you've got room for one album. What album are you taking that you could not imagine not listening to for the rest of your days.
I'm gonna date myself.
We should all date ourselves.
Right, I'm an old Rolling Stones fan Hill Silver Hair to prove it. And going back to the late sixties after they went through their psychedelic period, Beggar's Banquet, which had like Sympathy for the Devil and jump Jack Flash, those kind of songs. It was great. It was the Stones were back the way we knew them and we've been hearing those songs ever since.
Oh my goodness, that's.
To probably be right after that or yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And of course they just finished Storing. So thank you so much
for being on the show today, audience. Thank you for being you, listening, sharing, always asking if you want to be here, if you have a mission, or you have a passion, or there's something that's going on with you, or you've written a book or anything like that that you want to share that falls in the category of accepting the mission, because it's one thing to accept it, right, So you heard Bill accept the mission and taking care of his mom and now who now look at how
far extent that the mission has happened. So if you've fit in that category and you want to come spend some time chatting with me.
I want to hear from you, super easy. You know what to do with this point. It's dev at dev gruman dot com.
We're just go to devruman dot com little contact page, tell me.
To reach out to you. You reach out to me and we'll make that happen.
So until we meet, be well and see grouping and we will see you all next week