This episode of Miss Me contains some very strong language and some adult themes. Bitch. It's that time of the week. The birthday edition. The birthday edition of Lesson Bitch. Bon anniversaire. Well, we just had my birthday. And then it is going to be my birthday. All of our lives, like most people's, our birthdays don't change. And they've been seven days apart since the day Lily was born.
Since that beautiful, magical day when I was one year and six days old and the love of my life was born. Lily. Rose. Hello. Beatrice. Alan. Both Torians, both mental and like home comfort. Yeah. And loyal. Loyal. Loyal to the bone. We haven't always been the most loyal to each other, but, you know. No. We've got there in the end. Don't incite those mumsnet bitches, Lily. I cut a bitch for you now, babe. Thanks, Lil. I know you would.
Let's go to our first question. It's birthdays, obviously. It's birthdays. What are we going to be asked? Hi, Lily and Makita. This is Nathan. I'm calling from Nashville, Tennessee. I have a question about birthdays. I feel like there can be a lot of pressure around a birthday. Sometimes you have really high expectations. Sometimes it doesn't live up to those expectations.
I'm trying to get to the point where a birthday for me is just a nice day that I don't expect anything more than that. Sometimes you can't even... control that, but that's the bar for me. So my question is, have you ever had a birthday where you had really high expectations and it definitely met them or exceeded them. And on the flip side, have you ever had a birthday where you had high expectations and it absolutely did not meet them? Thank you. Huge fan of you both and of the podcast. Bye.
You can't even bloody remember, can you? What? Which one? You don't remember any of your birthdays, so I don't even think you'd remember having high expectations for any of them. I don't know what we did for your 21st. Yeah, I think, didn't we have a thing in my mum's garden? Yeah, maybe. Or was that the Claridge's one? No, Claridge's, your Claridge's was your 24th. Okay. Okay. That was legendary. That was. Spent the whole night with Mark Ronson and...
Have I told this story? I'm going for lunch with him straight after this record. Today. How's he doing? Because he had a kid, didn't he? He's got two babies now. I love his marriage. Yeah, it's very sweet. Very interested in it from the outside. Tell him that. I will. My 21st. Let's talk about the absolute shit show that was my 21st. I decided to do it as a threesome with cousin Phoebe and our best friend Lauren Jones. Yes, yes, Lauren. And it's just such a shit show. Such a disaster.
What happened? Oh please, you were there. I threw so much money at this thing. Because I was mental. Where was it? We did that church in Hackney, on Hackney Road. Oh yes, I remember. But I like hired like coaches to bring like people from... Westworld Studios from Grove.
to hackney because in those days it was still like we're going where hackney i'd only lived there for like a year yeah people would be like i don't know i'm not getting on the tube yeah so you had to like provide transportation to get people to come I had to get some coaches obviously for Charlie Robeson and Crockett and what was the problem no offence my stepdad Garfield hired a really dodgy weird like kind of birthday planner this weird german guy who we never saw again
And he was terrible and didn't know how to throw a party. And I never understood why we got him because my dad throws parties for a living and our family throw parties all the time. So I was like, why do we need this guy? You know, like, what's it called when there's, like, an outline of a Victorian silhouette, like, face? Oh, yeah. Like, what do they call those things? They're called cameos. Cameos, yeah. He put those all over the place.
What is this aesthetic? He sort of tried to make it look like... Was it you? Maybe. Maybe me, Phoebe and Lauren. Cameo form. Yeah, it was just awful. And also he didn't get enough security. This is a big one. He didn't get enough security on the door. So there wasn't enough security to handle the capacity, which is bullshit because obviously we knew we were going to fill the space and the space was for 500 people. but he'd only got a few securities. So there was like 250 people outside.
that couldn't get into our 21st birthday. Like Charlie Robeson didn't get into that bit. And then I had the after party at the church in Bethnal Green that I lived in. And that just got... I just got very serious but wait a second can you just so you had capacity for 500 people. You were there! But you had invited 750 people.
no we'd invited 500 but they only got security to look after 250 and we were like and they were like well we didn't know you'd fill the space it's like but you've seen the guest list and we've invited 500 people he was just like a bad party organizer and because we do so many in the family i could see all the holes in his work And then we think he stole all Lauren's birthday presents. Her 21st birthday. And she's got rich family members who would have got us some nice stuff.
So, yeah, it was an absolute shit show. And Lauren still bitches about it to me now. So yeah. Yeah, that would sting. Yeah. Like a whole pile of presents that you don't even know what they were. For your 21st. Like, come on. That shit would keep me up at night. Yeah, yeah. So I think that will do for answering the question I've been taken back to a really hard time. Hey, next year, your 21st birthday would have been half your life ago.
No, isn't that this year? Because I'm 41 and that was my 21st. No, 21 plus 21 is 42. Okay, yeah. Sorry, my head scrambled by telling that bloody story. Memories in the corner of my mind Let's have another question. Let's keep going down memory lane. Birthday themed. Hi, Lily and Makita. Happy birthday week to you both. I hope you both have a great birthday.
I've just put the kids to bed and we were talking about kids parties because they seem to go to one every other week. They have a far more active social life than I do these days. but kids parties are mental these days I love a kid's birthday party don't get me wrong but But some of the stuff that people do is just incredible, but mad. It's like there's a lot of pressure to have your Instagram corner set up so you can get nice photos and spending 250 quid on a balloon arch.
that you're going to use for three hours. And who wants to stand in a soft play on a Sunday morning at 9am with a slight hangover? Not me, but we do it and it's fun and the kids have a great time. But I was wondering what kids parties were like when you guys were kids. and what your favorite things about them were. And also, what is the best thing you've ever got in a party bag from a party? Mine.
it was a giant god stopper which lasted me about two weeks still famous to this day because my tongue was like a different color than it should be for quite a long time after i finished eating it um anyway have a great birthdays thanks for the podcast i love it let me know what you think Happy birthday week. I love that. It is our birthday week. I forgot about party bags. God, that must get so expensive. Because I used to have quite big kids' birthday parties. The ones I had at Fred.
which was a club in Soho that our family used to do the kids' parties at, which is quite good thinking, I used to think. I guess then you've got to do party rags. I think mine used to be at like Smolenski's Balloon. Remember Smolenski's balloon? No, what is that? It's like this kid's kind of restaurant that I think I used to, I had my birthday party in a couple of times. My favourite birthday parties to go to were McDonald's parties. they weren't that common though actually no no no no no
No, they really were. That was like a port of call for kids' birthday parties. That wouldn't go down now. That would be poo-pooed and frowned upon in like a mum's gang, parent gang now. Yeah, for sure. Right? If you said, we're having a birthday party at McDonald's. I don't think parents would want to come or bring their kids. No, I loved one. I loved a McDonald's birthday party. So exciting. And then that's when you got the crowns. Yes. And, you know, Happy Meal and your little box.
Love that shit. Tootsies as well. Charlie Robeson had a good one at Tootsies. Oh, Tootsies. You know what my mum made the other day, Lil?
Do you remember the deep fried mushrooms from the gate diner? Yes. That came with the sour cream dip. Oh my God. Me and Phoebe just had a memory of it the other day. And my mom was like, I'll make that for you. And it was like, it was like a... traveling back to another time viscerally just from this deep fried mushroom it used to be on like 70s pub lists but anyway
Yeah, birthday parties when we were kids, you know, my mum really puts a lot of emphasis on celebrating a birthday. She would drag hers out and still does for weeks, sometimes months. So I was taught from a very young age that you've got to do something. And when I stopped doing things, it was really freeing. Sort of around 26, things weren't going well and there wasn't much to celebrate. And my mum was like, I don't think...
You need to throw loads of money at some birthday party right now. I think you need to look at your life. And I was like... What? But she was so right. I was in Mexico interviewing Brad Pitt for that film Moneyball. As you do. Yeah. My 20s.
And she called me and said that to me, and it really upset me, but she was so right. There's a time and a place for a party, even when you're a kid. Oh, I wanted to say, have you seen With Love from Meghan? No. Like Meghan Markle's new show on Netflix? Oh, yes, I have, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. When she made the balloon arch, and I love Meghan Markle, I suddenly stopped liking her for a minute. And I think it was suddenly, it was like this.
casual approach to something that seems quite tricky and complicated and I felt like If I didn't know how to make a balloon arch as well as her, I'd probably feel like a bit of a shit mum for that day. Can you make a balloon arch? No, I can't make a balloon arch. Megan wins.
I can buy a fuck ton of balloons and just let them like fly up to the ceiling, which is what I do for my kids' birthdays every year. By the way, just because we're talking about a very famous female person who's, you know, a bit divisive. I would actually like to apologize for being mean about Katy Perry last week. Oh. There was actually no need for me to bring her name into it.
And it was my own internalized misogyny. I've been thinking about it a lot. And it was just completely unnecessary to pile on. with her I did I mean I disagree with with what it was that they did but she wasn't the only person that did it yeah I you know she was possibly the most famous and the one that you know, it divides people the most. And so, I don't know, there was something in me that decided to choose her as the person that should. Well, anyway, I just I'm just sorry. I don't I I I.
I would have been hurt if it had been me and someone in my industry. Used you in your name. Used me in my name. And I saw that and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Katy Perry. I know you don't. Don't listen to the show, but yeah, sorry. I'm really happy you said that. That's the good thing about Miss Me. It's on every bloody week so we can right our wrongs the next week or the next one. I think it's time for us to take a little break. Yeah, I'll have a little break. Break time. Yeah, it's break time.
And we're back. As if by magic. Okay, let's have another question. Let's have a little penalty. Hi, Makita. Hi, Lily. My name's Jess. I'm from Shropshire. Absolutely love the podcast. Listen to it every week. It's my birthday on Sunday. So like you two ladies, I am a Taurus. And I know a common trait for Tauruses is that we love our food and love eating, which might not be the case for all. But for me, that's 100% true. I love my food. I love.
cooking I love eating out I love good food I love dirty takeaway food Anything. So my question for you is, what would be your perfect birthday food? What would be your perfect meal? Or do you prefer like a big buffet at a party? So yeah, what would be your perfect food? Yeah, thank you guys. And I hope you both have lovely birthdays as well. Bye. Thank you. Well, Lily loves to eat out.
to eat out i don't think there's anyone i know that enjoys restaurants as much as you i think i probably prefer like my mom or your mom to cook for my birthday yeah then my cook for myself Or go out to a restaurant. Yeah, you know, nice restaurant with the kids. But what is on the menu if mum and Alison were cooking? Because mum made me, mum did a lot of cooking for me this weekend. She made me a shepherd's pie.
Just a standard chef's pie, but it's my favourite thing to eat. And I was like, happy birthday to me. Your mum's chicken I probably like with rice and avocado salad. My mum... Probably her roast chicken and orzo that she does, which I really like.
I think we just want like cozy food that makes us feel good on our birthday. And for some reason, it does feel good to be cooked by your mum when it's your birthday. I think sometimes we all just want to feel like a bit of a kid that's being looked after for the day. I know I do. I know I do. Do you want to ask for the next question, honey bun, on this birthday special? Can we have another question, please? Hi Lily and Makita, I'm Jessie, I'm from Dublin, but I live in Amsterdam now.
Huge fan of the podcast. It gets me through when I'm missing my girls and I love listening to you guys. So my birthday question for you. I recently turned 30 and I had a vampire themed party. So everyone was very sexy or very silly. And I wanted to know if you had ever had a themed birthday party. Thanks. Love you. Bye. We think we're too cool for them. I don't think I've ever done a fancy dress.
No. Yeah, we're not really like white party kind of people. I don't know if I've ever had a fancy dress party, which is strange because I love fancy dress. You do? I don't know if I've ever had a theme. Let me just think. So I feel like I'm missing some really obvious...
themed birthday party. I mean, the theme was just like, let's get fucked up. So I did that a lot. No, I don't think I ever needed a theme. It's very important to me to have good music. Music that I like. I hate bad music. It kills a party. We were taught early about the things that a good party needs. What do you think that is? I think what I've learned from our family is what a good party needs is a generational mix.
Always. Yeah, that's good. And I think that even works for kids parties. It's a good shout. What did she actually ask us? Have you ever had a bad thing? No, no, the answer's no. Can we have another question, please? Hi, Lily. Hi, Makita. It's Christine here from Cumbria. I'd just like to say that, first of all, before I ask my question, that you're both pure icons.
I am a 1985 baby too, so I've grown up loving you both. It is my big four-oh this year too, as it is yours, Lily. And I feel about 20 in my head. Maybe my thought process has started to change a little bit over the years. But I do not feel 40. I just wondered how you two feel about the ageing process. Do you feel your age? Do you feel like I do, so much younger? I get shocked sometimes when I look in the mirror.
And I also get a shock when I go out in the clubs or pubs and there are these children in there that look. Some of the lads not even old enough to shave. Anyway, I hope that you both feel as youthful as I do inside. Oh, that's a lovely way to end your question. I do feel youthful inside. What about you? Um, do I feel youthful inside?
No, I don't think I do. I've always felt older than I am. You were kind of getting old at like 26. I don't mean like getting old, but like becoming a grown up and doing very grown up things. I feel like I chase. stability and like you know family I think part of that you know, determination to, you know, have that stability matured, was quite a mature sort of fantasy to have, you know. But let's be honest, We didn't think we'd look like this. I thought we'd be...
Old. I thought we'd be, you know, hunchbacks with walking sticks. At 40? Yeah, at 40. You felt very old to me when I was 20. Yeah, I was even remembering living at my friend Dorily's house. Remember Dorily? when I was 31 and she was 43 and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe she's that old. I can't believe she even still leaves the house. And it's like, because she was a dancer and I was like, why does she still look good? She's 43.
So this is like, you know, old rules that we were told by who the fuck knows who, who the fuck knows when about what 40 meant. Wouldn't it be very clever? of the world around us in society to tell women or anyone that turning 40 is the time where you become invisible when actually it's probably when you become your most powerful. Wouldn't that be quite convenient?
And it's all we've got to do is just like not listen to that one particular rule because it's total, total bollocks. It's been quite fun finding that out, actually. I think I feel about 32, which feels, which is pretty good. for 41, but I wouldn't mind doing that test. with you where they tell you what your Physical ages? I did it actually here for a part of a medical thing. I think I'm 36 maybe. Oh, I'm looking for younger than that. I'm hoping for a bit younger than that. I feel young.
I do feel weirdly young. I feel younger at 41 than I did at 40. 40 was very surreal I have to say because we were shooting. Me and Lil were doing a photo shoot opposite on the street that I grew up on. So to be staring at Powers Terrace, staring at the stoop that I was a young child on for so long, that was quite trippy to be turning forward. I was a bit, I found that quite heavy.
and a bit difficult when we were at Clancy's house. Yeah. But it all started getting a bit like, oh my God, this is real. But 41 feels a little bit more freeing. Yeah. I think we answered that one. Yeah, I'd say so for the lovely lady in Cumbria. Yeah, we'll have a final question, please. Hi, guys. It is Melanie from Leicestershire. Loving the podcast. I'm obsessed. Just love it. I am turning the big four zero next year and I feel like I need to Start planning it. I'm a mum of...
Two kids under the age of five, so it's pretty crazy. And I feel like this is a good, valid excuse to ask for a babysitter overnight. So, yeah, what is good to do in London? for a 40th. I love London, but I've not been for a good five years now. And I can imagine it's changed quite a lot in those five years. So, yeah, let me know what's good to do for a big birthday.
Bye-bye. Well, I mean, Leicester Square, obviously. But wait, so she's from Leicester, right? And she's going to bring all her friends. From Leicester to London for a party? I think so. I think she's like, that's where I want to spend it. I'll bring my people up to, you know, she's like coming up to town for the night. What's our little black book?
Just go clubbing. Like we know where to go clubbing. Well, the Notting Hill Arts Club was a good place for your 40th. Thank you. Yeah. That was great. It was great, wasn't it? It was a bloody good party. I have no fucking idea where the club is in London at the moment. I have heard that Uptown Splur is starting up again, though. You know that ragga thing that I used to go to? I'd slip off when... No!
No, no, no. Lily, I found a picture of us leaving that place the other day. Yeah, it's restarting. That was a... There it is. There it is. It was a vibe. I don't know if it's my... What are we wearing? Oh, no. Oh, my God. Am I wearing Uggs? You're quite good. You're in, like, a blue barber. I've got the obligatory indie sleaze leather jacket on. God.
And, and Winkle Pickers, Makita, and Winkle Pickers. I look like a fucking mad person. I'd go there. I'd go there with you. Do you think I'd be in the same place in town? No, that's what I asked Seb. I said, is it at Cameos? And then I don't think Cameos exists anymore, but that was a night. I would find a ragged club and go there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so true. Because that just doesn't really exist until you have a birthday party. So yeah, this is what I'd do.
Fine cameos. I have to say our friend who Lil's talking about, Seb Chu, did this night called Yo-Yo with Leo at Arts Club for years and years and years. And it gave so many people so much fun in their youth. But they came back last year and started doing street parties.
Like block parties, like old school block parties. They had one the other night. They started again. Yeah, I still haven't been to one, but I have to say, like, it looks like an actually good party, which you don't really see much on your phone. You don't see many parties. You think, I want to go to that.
So we'll let you know. Well, supposedly if you were having a good time at a party, you wouldn't be filming it. Yes, quite. Yeah, but this is good actually because Yo-Yo, they're not filming it. It's like Natalia filming it all and everyone's just like in the rave. She's the one just making the edits of the nice films.
No one is on their phones at this rave. Yeah. It's next year, right? So we'll find out what the yo-yo plans are. I think you and your friends would really enjoy a little West London block party. That's my advice. In the middle of the birthday week We can do this. Okay. I'm here. I'm doing it. You can do this. I've just done it. You can do this. You can be celebrated. And I can't wait to see what presents you have in the fanfare that England has. for you waiting for you
Who knows what BBC Sounds have up their sleeve to celebrate Lily Allen turning 40. We expect to see on the front cover of every paper, the icon has landed in the decade of 40. I'll write it. Okay, next week's Listen Bitch theme is something that we've come up with together to mirror today's modern world. Lily, what is next week's Listen Bitch theme? Next week's Listen Bitch is going to be... AI? AI? AI?
And that's all we have to say about that because we're going to talk far too much about it. No, you can send your question through our new AI device. It's all just thoughts. I was thinking sometimes... Sometimes it doesn't have to be a question. It could just be a thought and then we can carry on from those thoughts. That's really nice. Do you know what I mean? That's really nice. And I'd like to add something too. So there's one ad.
If you have a thought that you'd like us to continue with, please do. Send it along. And also, I'd like to know what people do for jobs. I really would. So can you just tell me what your job is when you tell me who you are? Because we really want to get who you are. Let's perk up Listen Bitch for the spring. For the summer even. And yes, and you can send those questions or thoughts or whatever it is that you want to send to us at 080304090. That's 0803040.
90. And that's it from us. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye. Do you ever feel like you're the only one navigating life's ups and downs? It's Anna Richardson here and my podcast, It Can't Just Be Me, helps you realize that you're not the only one. Join me as I sit down with incredible celebrity guests and experts to dive into life's biggest topics and revelations, honest anecdotes and a few laughs about the challenges and