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$45.00 for three months plus taxes and fees. Promoting for new customers for limited time. And the minimum for them for the gigabyte per month. So, full turns at midmobile.com. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This episode of Listen Bitch contains strong language and adult themes and nastiness. I mean obviously it's Listen Bitch. Welcome to Listen Bitch. I love Listen Bitch. It's my favourite time of the week with you. Is it? Yeah. You prefer Listen Bitch to the meaty drop.
No, I prefer... Oh, God, that's tricky. No, I think they're both important. But I prefer Listen Bitch to like some of our more boring facetimes. There you go. Wow. Wow. The theme for this week is a particularly on-brand for me. Music, radio, podcasts. Ruben! Not to be confused with sabotage. Because obviously we did sabotage a few weeks ago. I was like, oh, God, is it the same thing? No, it's not the same. Everyone ready for the new history segment of Listen Bitch?
I have some great stories of revenge through the ages. What do you want to hear? Boudica? Why don't we wait until somebody asks the question? And then you can... No. I want to get us into a place where we really remember just how crazy revenge can be. Let me get my notes. So basically they rape her children. And whip her after killing her dad. This is the Romans. And this is a time where they were murdering women to the point of beheading them.
And sticking their torsos on stakes around the city. This is a time of great violence and danger for women. Nice. And within this environment and this culture, Boudica goes and gets a fucking army and comes in and comes for them. Doesn't win, but comes for them. And I think that's how we're going to start revenge. This week, don't test a bitch. Let's learn bitch. So we have our first question. Yeah, gone. So it seems to be a poo theme running through your family's ways of revenge.
If you're a family, it's always a box of shit or a toothbrush. It's a disgusting revenge. Can we talk other people's stories? You can't come up with your own. I guess you have to. I thought it was going to be a pretty boring show. Sorry, friends and family. I might have started out and you know this girl didn't she kill some birds? Oh my god, that was fucking amazing. Bring them to Milo's house and dog shit and smear the blood of the birds. No, I lived there at the house at the time.
Me, my friend Robbie and Rob and Milo, I think Milo lived there. He must have sex otherwise why would she have done it? He was in and out. Anyway, he parked his car on the terrace, which was outside the house. And he'd broken up with this girl. And she came over in the middle of the night. His car was unlocked or she had a key. It was kind of like a pretty amazing.
She like got all of the rubbish from like all of the houses on the street and like filled up his whole car so that you couldn't see through one side to the other like the whole thing was full of rubbish. And I think she'd like you know, pissed and shot on the two front seats. And then put some dead pigeons in there as well. It was a sight to behold. You had to get it done. That is the stupidest thing. Hate the girl.
That's terrible human being, but creating a fucking genius when it comes to MacAvellian acts of revenge. And actually, I've never done anything that crazy. So sorry. I just don't know. So doubt someone else. Do we have to say it allegedly or will we get sued? I don't think that it can be liable if it's true. There you go. What you in? Nice question, please. Hi, Lily McEater. I'm a podcast and both of you on the topic of revenge. I left a really toxic relationship earlier last year.
And my ex who now has a new partner, continues to reach out to me every couple of weeks, tries to engage and is definitely not doing the right thing by his new partner. But on the idea of revenge, would you think it was a good idea to maybe let the new boyfriend know what's happening? Or to just let the past stay in the past and let them figure it out for themselves? Always curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks. The tricky, tricky line between revenge and karma. Tricky, dicky. This is so tricky.
Because there is, of course, the saying, revenge is a dish best served cold. I thought that meant that if your intent is about intent, if your intent with the revenge is to feel really good and like you got something back and that they got theirs, usually I don't think you'll get what you want. I think if your intent is, oh, I don't really care, but they happened to find out that he was cheating. Maybe I spoke about it in a little too loudly at a party where the friend might hear about it.
And then you get on with your life and then you find out that he found out that it's like if all your heart's in it, then it's not really good revenge. Does that make sense? Kind of. Okay, let me just say it really more succinctly. The reason they say revenge is a dish best served cold is because before you decide on your revenge, you should cool down first. Okay. Am I okay? Yeah, that makes more sense. So like in the heat at the moment, your revenge might not be so exact and executed so well.
So take a step back because he's contacting you every three weeks, right? Take a step back and then in six months, if you want to out that fucker, do it. Do it. Liddy, you would just tell, wouldn't you? Would I just... Oh, fucking big mouth over here would just tell. Listen, I don't know who you're calling big mouth, okay? First of all. Actually, I am a kind of keep myself to myself kind of a person. You on the other hand, motor mouth. Radio Makita over there. This is our twenties, by the way.
Everything's different. Would you tell him, Lil? Just don't get involved as messy. It's a mess. Yeah, actually let it go. And it's not even that satisfying. Exactly. What satisfying is knowing that he's still the same toxic bastard in his next relationship and you didn't lose anything. Yeah. I actually feel like Dr. Ruth now. That was really good advice. Oh, Prins just coming for you. Okay, next question. Highly, Liam Makita. This is Stephen from Tamworth just outside Birmingham.
Princess Diana famously wore her black Christina Stambolian revenge dress to get back at Prince Charles after he admitted cheating on her. Have you guys ever dressed for revenge to get back at somebody that wronged you? Love you. Bye-bye. No, what are you talking about? Who told you? I've got such a good one, but I just don't even know if I can say it. Why? Because the revenge was so good you don't want to like beat yourself up by being revenge in the first place.
Yeah. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'm going to tell you. A long time ago, I was like pretty strong out. This is when I was managed by Elton John's company. And I'd been sent to his house in the south of France to like dry out for a couple of weeks. And while I was there, I got a phone call from somebody very famous at the time, asking me if I could perform at a charity event that they were involved in. She was asking me to sing a song with her boyfriend who was a musician at the time.
And I said, I'd love to, but it's next week and I haven't got any time to rehearse because I'm in the south of France. And she was like, don't worry, we'll come out there and roll rehearse with you. I was like, oh, good. Okay. Anyway, they come to the south of France, they arrive. And she's like, late afternoon. And she's like, I think you guys should sing the sound of silence. Who is this? And I was like, oh, I don't know about that. I really don't want to. That's out of my comfort zone.
I really don't feel like doing that. And she got the right hump. And I was like, I think maybe we'd be better suited to doing something like something stupid. You know, the Nancy Sinatra, Frank Sinatra song. Yeah. So I was like, let's do this. Anyway, I said, look, I'll go downstairs with your boyfriend and we'll practice the song and then we'll come up and we'll sing it for you. And see how you feel about it. And she grabbed my arm.
And she said, if you think I'm leaving you alone with my fucking boyfriend, you've got another thing coming. No, no, no. And I was like, in the middle of nowhere, I was on my own in this house and it was the two of them and just me. And she was quite a lot older than me and a lot more famous and more successful. And I just thought, I'm stranded and like, you've got me snookered like that. But I was just like, I'm banking this feeling.
Like, I will remember it and I will, I will get you back one day. Oh, right. Anyway, right, right. Although, can I just say that was your MO in those days when you want to get with someone? We'll just go in this room. Her boyfriend was not someone I found remotely attractive and she was incredibly beautiful still is. And so she'd not have found me remotely a threat. I was definitely in my like, puffy, like strong out face. Strong out face. Anyway, so I digress.
And now to the revenge part of the story. We get to London, we do the event, make loads of money for the charity. She never said thank you to, you know, my involvement with this whole thing. Don't worry about it. Anyway, a couple of weeks later, I got asked by an award ceremony if I would be the recipient of a very like prestigious award. I said, yes, thank you so much. That's very nice. And then they said, is there anybody that you would like to present you with a said award?
And I was like, at what point in the proceedings does this award get awarded? And they're like, it's the penultimate award. And I was like, there is no way this person will be able to hold themselves together for that long. And if I can stay sober, then she'll have to present me with the award. I'm looking pristine and brilliant and she looks completely fine. Oh my god. And it fucking worked. She jumped up the mess. The mess.
Run cover of the papers the next day was like so and so as a complete mess. And then pictures of me with my award. Lily. Lily, that's some cold shit. Do you know what I mean though? Revenge is a dish best self-called. You waited. You waited. Oh, it's fucking cold. And you asked if you'd like to say, remember forever bitch, banked. Or never fuck you over. Do you know who it is? Let's just say they rhyme with.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER OK. And I'd maybe just like caveat and just say that that person, I actually really like them now. Yeah. And we're just particularly bad phase that both of us were going through at the time. Yeah, yeah. And all is forgiven on my part anyway, but she's probably just finding out. So if you are listening and you recognise yourself in this story, I'm sorry. LAUGHTER It was particularly petty. Sometimes revenge is got to be.
We will see you after the break for more stories about the art of revenge. MUSIC MUSIC When you use SAP concur solutions to automate your business finances, you'll be ready for anything. MUSIC Accept the new office dog running off with your lunch. MUSIC With SAP concur, you can be ready for... MUSIC Almost anything. Take control of your business finances today at concur.com. This podcast is brought to you by eHarmony. The dating app to find someone you can be yourself with.
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We're going to have another history segment now to keep this revenge energy fiery. Well, I can learn about Genghis Khan quickly. So he was in a tribe and the rival tribe poisoned his father when he was young. And then that plummeted his family into poverty. They were banished from the tribe that his father had been the chief of. He had to hunt to survive. And then when he was 14, oh my god, Lily, when he was 14, he killed his older brother in a dispute over food.
So kind of getting that kind of air in him. And then most of his life uniting the Mongol tribes and conquering large parts of China and Central Asia. So that's quite a good revenge story. Good for Genghis. So anyone got any Khan energy in their revenge questions? I'd love to know if anyone's conquered some sort of entire country. With their revenge plots, let's see. I expect nothing less from the Listen Bitch audience. Let's have another question. Hi, Lily and the Keter.
My ex has been trying to ruin me financially by dragging me through court for eight years. So I married a multi-millionaire and now I live in a big mansion and he does not. Has anyone ever tried to cross you guys and did it backfire on them? Don't know what you're talking about. What a great story, by the way, good for you. Fucking asshole dragging her through court for eight years to take everything. And then you married a multi-millionaire. Has anyone ever crossed me?
Yeah, yeah. But I don't think I've exacted revenge upon them. But because I've stopped giving shit about most things that I felt were an attack on me in the past. Most people have got theirs and I didn't even have to do anything. I didn't even have to lift my finger. So I think karma is a big part of revenge. They definitely hang out on the same pub karma and revenge. They definitely cousins, aren't they? Yeah, let me just tell a little Christmas story.
There was once a little girl, thank Makita, who was working on a TV show. And anyway, someone knew joined the team and I found her very difficult to work with. And on my last day, which was a very difficult time for me, but really had no plans. And no idea what I was going to do next. And said new member told me all day that I had lipstick on my teeth when I didn't. And I was trying to like, this was the sort of end of 10 years of working in the same sort of team and family.
And I was having a really hard day and I thought, wow, not only can you not be kind to me, you're trying to rattle me and head fuck me. And I thought, banged. And she turned out to be such a maniac nightmare that I've never had to do anything to exact my revenge upon her because just pure existence. Been doing it to herself. Yeah, you know what I mean? Some people will hang themselves. That's what my grandma always told me. You don't even need to make the noose.
Let them hang themselves. But yeah, when people cross me, I don't come for them, but it is banked. Oh, I got a new foot fan on my website. My foot fan alert wicked on my foot content sharing platform. Oh, did you say it on my website? To my web page. How dedicated have you become even take that building a web page for this site, Ossle? Yeah. You could have to fit this in the schedule. Record, miss me, make foot content. Like really? It's like one post every other day, I think.
I did some soul action today. What like the soul of your foot? Wow. Yes. This is insanity to me. What did he say? Please do some toes spreading. Just busted in my pants hands free watching this. Very suckable toes. Nice video. I don't really, I genuinely don't eat. I don't even know what to say. Could I come tribute on one of your picks? All right. Okay. Now I think you should keep this to yourself. Nice question, please. I'm Annaly Star. I'm from Hitchin in Hot Vature.
My question is, have you ever been a victim of revenge porn or are you ever worried? In case this will ever happen to you. Thanks. Love to show. No, I've never ever, I mean, I might still be. Someone might have some videos of me knocking around, but I've never ever let anyone film me when I've been in a sexual act. No, me neither, but I've sent some boobs. Yeah, maybe I've sent boobs. Does that count if someone's got their boobs on your phone? They could get you there.
I don't think anyone's gonna blackmail you with like your boobs. Okay, so revenge porn is usually someone having filmed you in the act of sex. Yeah, and then they post it with humiliation sort of like it's core. It's like I want to shame that person. Interesting, because if anyone said, should we film this? I mean, like red flag? Yeah. I think I'd be like, what angle? I only forget some lighting in. Yeah, but only from the left. Yeah, but only from the side.
Yeah, I feel like Kim trusted Ray J. Hang on. Hang on. No, no, no. That's very different. No, no, no. You are conflating something here. Marketing with... ...prevenge porn. Incredible marketing campaign. You've not been revenge porn. You fucking joking. I would never let anyone film me having sex ever. I think that I've sent two boobs to someone. I just don't even let... with the kids, I'm like, don't even send a text message to anyone. Anything that you think that can ever be used against you.
Just do not put it into the ether, especially when you're that age. That is just awful. You imagine like having people from when we were teenagers having that kind of power over us. Well, do you know what? There was versions of it for us, but without the internet. I remember when we were all kissing the skateboarders under the Westway. There was a new skate park that opened up and we thought fucking heaven had arrived at our gates. Woohoo! And we were like, yes!
It was just this world of fit boys and they all skated and they were in between my house and Phoebe's house in Portabella. And we started dating. No, not dating. Not dating. Something like that. I was dating. I came them off. No. And then what happened is we were all virgins. We were, I think maybe one of us wasn't. And they started, they would talk about every time someone went back to one of their houses and actually like had sex.
And then they all discussed it in real detail and would humiliate us. And then I finally got with one of them that I love, that bend guy. And he did it to me. And it was, I've never felt so humiliated. And you know, just talking about your body parts or the way you were or whatever, you know the kind of shit boys would say. And it was absolutely, I mean I still see it as a moment of trauma actually. So I can't imagine what it's like if there's... They're ever dating.
Yeah, if there's video to accompany in it. Now thanks. So everyone look after yourselves and each other. Hmm. Not a question please. Hi, Makita. Hi, let me. Have you guys ever felt that sort of like take prevention and then feel really bad about it afterwards and confess to it? No, don't tell. Don't tell. Give it to yourself. The best revenge you don't discuss as we've just found like it's, ladies telling me about an incredible moment 15 years ago.
I think if you're gonna, that's part of the revenge. Keep your mouth shut. I'm just told everyone. So... well, yeah, he waited a while. I would say, even though I was such a big mouth in the old days, I probably clumsy a few of my brilliant revenges up by saying too much. Now I know to keep my mouth shut. Let the revenge play out on its own. Keep your own the prize. Eyes on the prize. Okay, next question. Last question. My name's Hayley and I can't leave me Sydney.
I saw your thing on revenge and I just had to call in. I often play fantasy scenarios in my mind of things I would do as acts of revenge. And I just wanted to ask you both, what is the worst thing you have dreamt of doing that you never did and never will do? But you just fantasize about doing this one thing to someone to get your revenge. Thank you. Well, the planes. The planes! I was going to say the planes. Oh my god.
I think we can do what it's because it's not like we did it, but yeah, we did. Or what? It was a real fantasy. I guess it was just two planes that were going to ultimately plummet. No, it was going to a part, so specifically we were going to throw a massive party somewhere. And there were going to be two planes worth of people that came to the party. And one of the planes would make it to the party and the other one did not.
And for about 20 years, me and Makita, if we like someone did something to annoy us and we were like in a public place or something, like we'd be sitting around a campfire at Glastonbury and some bitch should come up to us and do something, we'd be like, plane. No, even there's some kind of plane. Sometimes she's on the plane. Sometimes it was just plane. Yeah, yeah. If you were on that plane, you were fucking dead to us. On the plane. There was really quite famous people on that plane.
We could have really shook off the industry. Mainly not. It was mainly just like people that we knew from the ends and stuff. Yeah. It was on that plane for sure. I think she was flying the plane. Oh yeah, absolutely. That was like the higher level. It was like they're flying the planes. Yes, but we would have this, you know, we were at 22. But we did do it from our 50 years. So yeah, I wouldn't put that into action. That was just a revenge fantasy that we played around with a little bit.
Well, it was lovely to talk about revenge today. It was good. Wasn't it just? Yeah, I'm bowled over by you, Lil' Today. Bowled over by all that you are. Why? Because of my award story. Just the way your mind works. It's just incredible. I've never met a mind quite like it. I really haven't. Oh my God. People are going to hate me even though I'm not there. No, no. I'll protect you because everyone thinks like this. You just actually execute it, A, execute it well and talk about it.
So that's the only difference. Okay, that is the only difference. So anyone feeling that you're just looking at me? Mirror. Before you come for Lily, remember that might be a reflection. There you go, saved. All right, it's my theme. I'm trying to figure out between two things. They're both a bit like, and I feel like you're going to be like, oh my que to. I'm actually to know what I've been thinking about it this week.
I'm willing to concede that you are actually better at choosing themes for listen bitch than I am. Well, I'm going to blow some shit out of the water right now and say that Lily names, I think every episode of Miss Me. Listen bitch episodes and the meaty drop. We know our strengths. Why don't we just assign ourselves like you choose the listen bitch categories and I just name the shows. No, because if I do a thought up, if I do that they'll all just be a bit like, we need your edge venom.
Otherwise we just be sitting here. For instance, today I'm going between dirt and dirt and we, I think we'll go with this one. Yeah, fuck it. It's summer. It's hot. And everyone's feeling a bit sexy. The theme for next week's listen bitch is Flirty. Oh, a little fluff. Oh, 8,030,490. Oh, 8,030,490. That's if you want to contact us and let us know your questions related to flirting. Oh, I love a fluff. I mean, I hope I'm still good at it. I hope I've still got it, Lille. You tell me.
You've still got it? It's a good one. I'm flirting right now. You've got, you and your feet have a job to do and it's basically feet flirting. No, you are quite a good fluff. Oh, am I a good fluff? It's not that you're good or bad. I just know exactly when you're starting to flirt with someone. I know the exact moment. Really? I don't think I even know. I probably wouldn't. I'm observing you. You're in it. I'll tell you about it next week. I'll tell you about yourself next week. You ready?
Okay, what do I do? No, I do what I do. No, I have to wait a whole week. Now go. Flirty, flirty, flirty. Flirty around Italy. Enjoy your holiday. Go flirt with your husband. Go have a flirty lunch. Mmm, cute, dokey. You've given all you can give today. You and the feet. Me and my flirty feet. Be gone. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and a Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneica production for BBC Sounds. Penny, we've managed to rinse all of my contacts now for this podcast.
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