You're listening to the Mindset in Action podcast , the place to be to grow and streamline your business . I'm your host , donna Eade . Let's jump into the show . Welcome back to the podcast , everybody . We're here for another mini Mindset Monday with the lovely Vivian Joy . Welcome to the podcast , Viv . Hello , hello , hello . Right .
We are today talking about showing up for ourselves in our lives , in our business , in every way . I think a lot of times we can be a little shy about stepping forward and being present and being seen , um . So there's a whole lot there that I know Viv will love to dive into . So , viv , talk to us about showing up for ourselves a little shy .
I mean understatement of the century , honestly , that's hilarious . A little shy , freaking , terrified . That's probably more accurate . You know a little and I just want to take that phrase , donna . It couldn't be any more accurate and you know , I think you knew because you know I do .
I'm going to say but a little shy is the little shy is the little part of us . So typically when we are scared to show up for ourselves or for anyone , actually it's because there's a smaller , younger part of us that's just a bit scared . You know , think about a six , seven year old version of yourself and if you're listening , you can play along .
You know that version of you wouldn't have known how to show up for themselves . That's not what we learn until we get a bit older , and even then some people never learn it actually . So therefore they never can do it . But actually we didn't know how to stand up for ourselves and we were talking about asking for what you want .
We didn't know how to do that . Then if we were not back , we didn't do that . So that's showing up for ourselves we don't like doing . Think of times when you laid in bed reading because it was nice and safe . That's quite typical for children or playing on their own because they don't ask anybody like .
So we get really scared , like the inner child spends a lot of its time is scared . The inner child is what I'm coaching , typically , and scared business owners or , you know , career people .
Whoever I'm coaching , it's very rarely the adult self that's scared , because the adult is like , well , I want to achieve this and I'm going to do that and I'm going to you know this , how is it going to feel , whereas the inner child is scared scared of being visible . So it's the inner child that's scared of coming on a podcast .
So if you're listening to this , you think , oh , I'd love to be interviewed by Donna . Your inner child will probably go what have you got to say ? You couldn't possibly go on there .
People might laugh at you and that might come back to something that happened in childhood where you stood up and I mean doing the times tables like I don't think they do it in school anymore . But my god , I've got like real problems from doing my seven times table . I freeze after three sevens , I kid you not . I get to 21 , 28 and then I'm not .
I thought , oh no . 35 , I can do it a bit now 42 , oh no , I can , um , but anything . After that I lose the plot because somebody laughed at me and I made that mean that I was no good at maths .
As it was , I went on to go into accounting , which is quite hilarious , but so something we've had somewhere in our past makes us scared to not show up as ourselves , which of course we have to do in business . To show up as our business because we're not confident in what we're doing . Show up at the right price maybe .
So there's a whole load of not showing up for ourselves . It's a massive subject on it , hours on this , um . So yeah , this is our inner self that's scared . It's our inner self .
And now for anybody that doesn't understand in a parent , child , um , and adult states , the inner child typically not always , but most of the time the inner child is scared because , like children are , and then what happens is a slightly older , outer child comes to protect that . So we could have it .
Could be that you're the sort of person that says , oh , I'm not doing , it is their loss , I'm not going to do it . That is typically . That's not an adult state , because an adult state has no emotion in that way . That is typically an outer child state . I don't know about you , mine's about 14 and she was a gutsy .
She well , don't mess with her , let's put that way . She will just rip you down a peg or two , um . So my 14 year old is very feisty , very bombastic , very out outspoken , um , because she's protecting the 12 year old who was really badly bullied through school and that 12 year old is just terrified of everybody and everything .
And still , at 52 , that happens . And I have to talk to both versions of myself like that . I know my 12 year old is scared . Oh , you know that when we're talking about getting to the next level of business , like the inner child goes what ? No , no , no , no , no , I've just got used to this level . This level was hard enough .
Like the adult had to desert me , like he didn't go and do all the stuff you were going to do for the child , like you didn't have the fun and didn't take care of yourself , and like as if you had a real child . It's the same concept . So that poor little inner child is going no , you've deserted've deserted me enough . Don't go to another level .
I'll see less of you , I'll get less of you , you won't give me any attention . And what that is is that level of fear inside you . So that outer child is the one that's saying I'm going to do it anyway . And there's a lady I mention her name and she helps people with video , but her herself , that whole business is being run by her outer child .
I watch her . She's like I'm this and I'm that and I'm like , no , you're not , but your outer child is . You know , that inner child is really hating on this and you're making her do that . It's like I don't know if you had any .
I didn't have any brothers or sisters as I grew up , um , but if you've got an older brother or sister , it'd be like getting the younger sister was really shy and then the older brother who was really , really bombastic , and you're sort of stuck between them as the adult , going blimey , what's going on here ?
Like I've got one that's terrified and one that's making me do things and I'm sitting there going what ? So yeah , it's a bit of a . It's a bit of a mind mess , fair to say , a lot of NLP processes we do . We've got one that is all about getting that inner balance , so working out all these parts of yourself .
So if we've got fear and we've got , you know , excitement going on . Sometimes it's very confusing . We've got an internal battle , so that inner conflict , so we've got a process that very quickly sorts that out , because typically all parts of you want the same thing .
They're just scared of it or they're excited by it , and there's a whole load of stuff going on . So , yeah , big answer to that question , donna . Um , but that's , you know , a little shy is usually . I'm really scared and it will show up like that . One of the best , um , public speaking talks I ever saw was a lady called Kat .
It was years ago and there was a woman . It was a woman's only conference . There's about 400 women in the audience and this girl Kat she was you could tell she was nervous and she got onto the stage and it went silent and I was thinking , oh , blimey .
And at the time I was thinking about me it was long time ago , I don't think I'd ever spoken on a big stage like that and I was thinking , blimey , she must be terrified . But she , just , she just leant forward and went wow , you're all a bit scary . And we all laughed and it broke the energy .
It was almost like she , she gave herself permission , her inner child to say , actually , I'm scared . And every woman in the audience connected with that yeah , you would be , I would be . And that completely changed everything . She got into her adult state and delivered her talk .
So I thought that was really powerful , because we don't allow this , this showing up for self . We don't allow that version of ourselves and even if we do , then we get called a hot mess or you know , we've got all this trauma that we shouldn't show .
Everyone's got it and if they haven't , they're in denial and they're hiding it and they've got it cut , you know , trapped in a box waiting to get in . But you know , anybody that's had a life has had experiences that weren't positive , that you know . It's impossible to go through life where everything's positive . So , yeah , that's why . That's why we're scared .
We're scared . We're scared of judgment , where we were judged at school for having the wrong shoes on or having the wrong hair . If I'd always had curly hair , believe it or not , I straighten it with an inch of its life now and have done since , an experience I had when I was 19 .
Uh , you know , we're scared of being too fat , too slim , too studious , too fun , too rebellious , too uh , tall , too short . I mean , you know , you name it . We have this kind of wanting to fit in because then no one picks on us . So , uh , no good in business we need to be picked on because we need to be picked .
So it's a really tricky one , very , very hard balance in business because we need to stand out instead of blending in .
Yeah , yeah , it's amazing how we take like things that actually other people would like kill for . Like you know , I would love to be like that , and that would be the one thing that a person is actually trying to hide from the world because they think they shouldn't be as out there and my programs and my thrive .
There's a lady there who's really good at expressing her emotions , like she can really cry . She can start crying and finish crying . It's like she's really good at crying and that sounds weird , doesn't it ? But she's really allows it , like there's no oh , shouldn't be crying .
You know , like some people cry and they're trying to wipe their tears away or they won't allow it . She's really good at crying and , of course , I noticed this and I remember a couple of weeks ago , one of the ladies said to her I really value how you're able to cry .
I want to model that behavior which is lovely for me as an nlp , because that's what it's all about , but it's true whereas others just don't even allow it .
They'll just go oh , my god , I'm just gonna cry , I'm near to tears , and they'll sort of go through this , all little kind of looking up and flop in their face like they're trying desperately to avoid that emotion . Yeah , where we , we connect with yeah , I know right , we connect with real emotion , like it's emotional .
We're allowed to be emotional too , and it's really powerful yeah , so that's showing up for ourselves is showing up as ourselves , not for ourselves as ourselves . And also just going to add this on before we go because if we're not showing up as ourselves , doesn't matter how anyone feels about us , we don't believe it .
Because if we show up as someone else and not ourself and someone likes us , we still don't think they like us because they don't know us . That little head will say but if you really knew the real me , you wouldn't like me , in which case you can't win .
That's where loneliness comes from , that's where solitude comes from , because even if we're surrounded by people , if we're not being ourself and showing up as ourselves , no one can ever like us .
Embrace the real . You guys Fabulous real .
You guys , fabulous at the real , everybody else . If we all just embraced each other and understood each other for being different , nobody would have this problem , would they ?
oh gosh , that's a whole another can of worms , isn't it ?
judy , that's what we are . We're all judgy because our brain has to seek where we're not safe . That's why we judge , so it'll always happen . Oh , I don't ever judge people . I'm like , well , your brain doesn't seek safety then , and I don't know a brain that doesn't .
So somebody's lying somewhere yeah , absolutely couldn't agree more brilliant . Okay , thank you so much for that , viv . Um , as always , viv's information is in the show notes . Go connect with her , go join a facebook group , go and get on the free networking . Maybe I'll see you there .
I didn't get a chance to go to the last one , so I'm hoping to get to this one . Um and uh , yeah , we will see you in the next mini mindset , monday , which will be like oh , my goodness , we're like almost in December . Guys , this is crazy .
Um , but yes , we are getting close and we have a couple of uh , special episodes coming up towards Christmas as well , so you don't want to miss those . So make sure you subscribe where you listen and we'll see you soon . Bye for now .