Navigating Gender Confidence Gaps to Achieve Success with Claire Bartlett | EP262

Welcome to the podcast , claire .

So I like it when we can kind of pull on different aspects and just focus in for like half an hour on one thing and think about that , rather than trying to look at the whole shebang all at once . So , Claire , before we jump into our topic of the day , why don't you tell my listeners a little bit about who you are and what it is that you do Of ?

And if we're lacking in confidence , what are the ramifications of that ?

Um , you know , you can't portray your true self online and in your marketing . And it's so important to show the real , authentic you , but so often we get blindsided by all of these wonderful , amazing , you know , six-figure business lives and this image that people portray on social media . That is not reality and it is not .

You know , perfection does not exist 24 7 . We all have you the odd minute here or there that we're like everything is actually perfect , like , oh my God , and we might take a photo of it and put it on social media , but the rest of the 95% of the time , you know , we're in chaos and it doesn't matter the size of business , it is the same for everybody .

We all have a million things to juggle and if we don't have the faith and the confidence in ourselves that actually we can succeed in juggling all of these elements of business and really pushing ourselves to where we want to be , then we don't stand stand a chance of actually getting there yeah , that's so true .

When you're hanging out with your friends , you know you're completely yourself , you're confident in who you are , you carry on um unless you've got a bad friend group , and then it's like you , need new friends but , generally speaking , we are our authentic selves and we haven't got an issue with it and we're not thinking , oh my God , what are they thinking of me

? Or , you know , did I say that right ? Or any of these things that we suddenly fall victim to when we're advertising our businesses and our services online .

And we need to get that authenticity that we have with our friends and family and bring it to our business , without you know where it's appropriate , because I think sometimes , you know , sometimes our personality is a little bit too much for our business .

So if you hide any areas of your personality , you're , in essence , sort of falsifying to your audience who you are and give , you know , giving off , not authentic messaging . So I know some really crazy people who you know dress incredibly flamboyantly and are really really out there .

But that's why I follow them , because I love that part of their personality and if they had hidden that from me I might not be in their , their world , in their space . And I think we it's exactly as you say when you're with your friends , when you're comfortable , you are so more relaxed to be your true self .

But when you are putting yourself in uncomfortable situations whether it's a networking event or , you know , just putting yourself out on social media we guard ourselves so much because we're so scared of judgment , of what people's opinions and thoughts will be about what we're saying or how we're looking , and I think one of the big things actually is it does come

down to appearance . We see so many perfection , you know images , perfect models on social media and we're . I'm an everyday kind of gal . I don't look that perfect and it did take me a long time in the beginning to have the confidence to put myself out there and really start showing who I was .

And in reality , a huge part of who I am is that I don't put a full face of makeup on every day , and most of the time my hair is in a messy bun , you know , a mum bun , and that's just who I am .

And until I was comfortable enough to show that part of me to the world , it it's very jarring then if I'm always appearing , you know , fully done up and looking glam online and then you meet me in person and I don't look like that at all . There's a disconnect there .

So now , actually , I purposely make a point of when I'm doing a live to my members in my group . I do it without , without makeup on , and I do it in my dressing gown or whatever it might be , and I'm purposely stating in that you are here to listen to the value that I'm giving you in the , the tips and advice and guidance I'm giving you .

You're not here to judge how I look , and you need to keep that in your mind . So when you are putting yourself out there , realize that your audience are not there to judge you , and if they are , they're not the right people in your audience . You don't want them to be there anyway . You want people who do not care about how you look , how you speak .

Superficial , how you look superficial , yeah , superficial , exactly , it's a perfect word . You want people there because they really want to know and learn from you and the skills or the service products , whatever it is that you're offering . That's why you want them there , and they can only genuinely do that if you are genuinely showing yourself .

You know , I do swear at home and I've got no issue with people swearing . But just for me , my personality , I don't put that out in a public forum so much , but she's got no issue with it . That's who she is at her core .

She swears and if you don't like it , don't listen , and that's kind of her attitude about it and and I think it's great when people can really step into that . So , yeah , it's probably a little bit of a mindset shift that I have to make more to what I feel is like professional to put out versus not , because that's the air .

You know , that's the world that I come from . Being , uh , having been in corporate is like this is the professional workspace and this is . Donna in it and , funnily enough , I can't remember which order my podcasts are coming out , but I did an interview with Nikita and she is .

She was talking about Dharma and she was talking about how many different hats we wear , and what we really need to do is just take off all the hats and just be , and I was just like that's brilliant . So if you want to listen to that episode , go and listen to that episode .

So why is it important , then , for us to show up in our businesses and be visible ? What's your take on that one ?

So , if you , you know there's a big hype at the moment about these faceless accounts and how you can make your millions with a faceless account , well , I , personally , I mean , I love them , I love reading the quotes , but I'm never going to put my hand in my pocket and give them money because I don't know who it's going to .

I don't know their morals or their values , and that's hugely important to me . So I will be on someone's world , you know . I will be on their page , I will maybe get their freebie , their download and all of these things getting to know who they are and what they stand for , before I ever consider handing over money .

It used to be , I think , seven touch points that we needed before we would spend money . So you needed a peer in someone's world seven times . Now I actually think it's about 28 , I think I heard and there's so many factors in that . You know , there's the cost of living crisis . We're holding on to our money more . There's more people in the space potentially .

So there's lots of different reasons , but the only way that you can combat any of them is by showing you the face behind the brand , having the confidence to really talk about the passion that you have for what you're doing , that you have for what you're doing and that then you know goes through into your audience and they feel your passion and they want to be

a part of it .

You know the work world , as it were , was a male dominated for many , many generations , and it's almost like it's built into their DNA that they've just got no fear when it comes to this stuff . They just put it out there and they go , and then , as women , it's almost like the generational trauma of having to fight so hard for our rights . We're still like .

We're just like subservient to it and we don't want to shout too loud and what ? What do you think about all that ?

I think there's a lot of talk about the gender pay gap . For me , actually , I believe it's more of a gender confidence gap . Yes , women are less successful getting the pay rises , but a lot less women put themselves forward in the first place because they're not confident they'll be successful .

You know , there's that saying that an overqualified woman would not apply for a job if they missed one thing off the cv , but an underqualified man would apply if they only had half of what they were looking for .

Because they feel , you know and I'm not bashing men at all , but they do feel like they just they just deserve the success in life and it's what they expect from life , whereas women we have so many battles to fight on a constant . You know we have mum guilt .

There's so many phrases that have been coined that are realistically only used for women imposter syndrome . We don't really ever hear that being used about men . Women suffer , suffer imposter syndrome . Women are difficult to work with . If we just want our voice to be heard and we speak up in an office environment , then we're difficult .

There's so many things that we constantly have to battle and it just shouldn't be that way , and that's why I'm so passionate about getting women to see that actually there's so many barriers that , yes , the world put in front of us , but then we allow them to stay there and fester and then we get this fear of failure and just a fear in general of pushing

ourselves forward . But we we should all be at the highest levels of success , we all deserve it and we are all more than capable .

that recently and I've been reading how , like , our DNA carries trauma , so like from our ancestors , so what they've been through . So where we were talking about , you know , women fighting for the right to vote and things like that , all of that trauma trickles down and until it's kind of dealt with , it doesn't go anywhere .

It's still within us and it can still create , you know , spikes in cortisol and things like that . And that fascinated me and I was just like gosh , yeah , and like if you think about 100 , 150 years ago , where was your family , like your mum's line or your dad's line ? Where were they ? What kind of life were they living ? Were they working class ?

Were they middle class ? Were they super poor ? You know , all of that trauma gets carried down and because they say like , when you're , you know , in the world , it's all to do with the , with the eggs ladies , and I'll see if I can find somebody to talk about it .

Women are born with all the eggs they're ever going to have , and all the eggs that I had were in my mum when I was created . So all of that and it's all . It all affects everything and I'm just like wow . So I think that's potentially sort of something that needs to .

There needs to be a stop and like hang on a minute , let's collectively have a trauma healing session for all women .

That's in my lifetime , just just just in my lifetime . Yeah , and that that that really surprised me when I saw that statistic that actually we feel like we've moved on so much but it really actually hasn't been that long since we were really still having to be that submissive housewife and I do often joke domestic violence was accepted and expected .

Yeah , it was crazy there's so a joke so often that we're still just 1950s housewives . We just now have the privilege that we're allowed to go out to work . We do still have all of these elements that we juggle . I mean , I have to say , if he's listening , I'm very lucky and I have a very good husband who supports us and it's a very joint household .

But I , that isn't the normal , still , it just isn't no .

Um , yeah , so you know , when you add all those pressures , you're wanting to be the best mum , you can be in the best wife , you can be in the best school mum and the best friend and all of these elements that we aspire to be , then actually being the best business owner doesn't doesn't matter as much as being the best mum or the wife , you know .

So , yeah , the guilt of having to be that all of those things then forces down our success in our businesses and it's about understanding that they are all as important as each other and we are as important as our husbands and children , and finding a way to keep that happy balance in life without feeling the guilt of it yeah , absolutely .

Everybody is this , but the majority is what we're speaking about here and it really does sit with that that the majority do fall into those two camps , does sit with that that the majority do fall into those two camps .

So , when we're looking at confidence and looking at ways to build our confidence , what are three things we can start to do , implement , take action on , to improve our confidence ?

Yeah , so I mean , there's so many things , but one of the very easiest things that I use with my clients is called a pick me up pack , and it's a really simple thing to do is , if you ever have a client who drops you a message saying thank you so much for this session that we had earlier , or you know , I've just received my new product and I love it .

You know any just nice words of support , take a screenshot of it . You know support . Take a screenshot of it .

If you've done anything that was amazing in your career so far you know you've been invited to speak on stage or be on a podcast like this or any of these out of the normal things then take a , have a photo of them or an image and I keep them all in one folder on my phone and then , if I'm ever lacking a bit of confidence just needing a pick me up

one day , can just scroll through and it it's like a little hug . It just makes you feel so much better and you align again that yes , I'm doing the right thing and I am helping people or , you know , whatever it might be .

So that's a really easy way that everybody can can do it and in the beginning , when you haven't got that client feedback yet , it can just be a message of encouragement from a friend or just anything that is nice and made you feel special and confident in that moment

. Put it all in one place . So it's a big wham of confidence when you look at it .

The reaction of other people when you tell them is I would never do that . So the fact that I have done that instantly gives you that confidence and then that does filter into your business . So , yeah , I have photos of those sorts of things .

And another really important thing to remember when it comes to confidence is your comfort zone is is here , you're happy , you know , you're sitting comfy , you're loving life . But actually what you really dream to have is is all the way over here and it can seem way too daunting and way too big a gap to ever make it there .

But say , your dream is , I don't know , doing a TED Talk or speaking in front of a thousand people , and you've never done any public speaking at all . You're never going to jump from never speaking to speaking in front of a thousand people .

So you have to take tiny little steps , just pushing yourself getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and just pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone each time . And then one day you'll be at where you never thought you would be and you'll look back and the things that really triggered you in the beginning literally don't even make you blink anymore .

Yeah , and you've not even really noticed because you've done it so gradually . And that's a really important factor of growing your confidence is don't try and do things too big too soon , because actually that could be more damaging to your confidence and and push you deeper into your comfort zone .

So it's about breaking it down and into manageable but slightly scary steps yeah , I think that's a really good example .

If , if you've got a Facebook group , because those people this is a smaller group and it's people only going to be people you know so start there , move on to lives on your page or on Instagram , then ask to go and speak in somebody else's group , maybe get on a podcast , maybe look at your first in-person talk at a small like a networking event where they're

smaller , and then gradually make those audiences bigger until you get to that . So it's all those little . So , whatever your goal is , you can apply this to that like what are , what is the first step you can take that is going to lead to that bigger goal ? And each time you do it , your confidence is slowly growing . So I love that .

It's a great great example , great example . Okay , have you got one more for us ?

So the last time I was about to go and speak on stage and it was the biggest audience I'd done and I started getting the wobbles , so just backstage people looked at me like I was crazy . Normally I wouldn't recommend doing it in public , but I didn't have a choice . But , yeah , you it in public , but I didn't have a choice .

Um , but yeah , you know , you just pretend you're super woman and it sort of it lifts the mood because you do laugh at yourself a little bit , but it also genuinely does give you that confidence boost . So that's a really fun one , yeah , to do .

And also , there's things I use a lot is daily affirmations which , again , in the beginning can feel a bit silly if you're not used to it . But they , they work , they . It's all about your mindset and your subconscious yeah and just becoming yeah , but also just becoming aware of what you're saying .

So so often when I'm speaking to a client , in the beginning I'll suggest something and their instant thought would be oh , I could never do that . Yeah , and it's about switching on to the fact that's what you're telling yourself and potentially just start using a really powerful three-letter word , which is yet .

So when you catch yourself saying I can't do that , just put yet on the end , I can't do that yet , and it instantly changes all of your mindset and it opens up the opportunities that around you , because your mind's eye is then looking for opportunities , saying , well , she wasn't ready then , but she might be now , so let's show her .

You know , if you , if you think you want to buy a new brand of car , and suddenly you'll see that car absolutely everywhere because your mind , it's , it's in your conscious mind and you're looking for it . It works exactly the same with opportunities .

So , yeah , be kinder to yourself , use daily affirmations , have a laugh with it , you know , use the power pose yeah , I love that .

When we said power pose , our first thing was to put our hands on our hips and she was just like right now , now , take up more space , take up more space . So we all stood in . I can't remember what is the ? The man , the uh , like the oh . It's a drawing of a man with his arms stretched out and his legs .

That's it , yeah , yeah I know what I'm talking about that one . So now , now other people know what I'm talking about . Now you said that we've got that sort of , you know , stretching everything out and just taking up as much space as you possibly can and just holding that , for you know , 10 , 10 , 20 seconds , and it , just , it does . It changes you .

Like you even just doing what I've just done , which is just stretch my hands out and really stretch my fingers out , I feel tingly and it just gives you a different , it uplifts you and uh , and that's that then leads back to what you were saying with the album of you know great things uplifting you , just these things that can uplift you , that you can do

yourself to improve your confidence , which is amazing . So thank you so much for that . I really appreciate you sharing your confidence tips with us and having this discussion about confidence . I think it's an important one . Discussion about confidence I think it's an important one .

And , before we go on to my quick fire round , I would love it if you would tell people how they can get in touch with you if they want to find out more . I know you've got a podcast . Share a little bit about that .

So that's called the female founders collab and the podcast is also called female founders and that is about demystifying being a woman in business in today's world , basically , and I've had loads of amazing guests on there sharing their personal stories and learning from each other that we all have tough times in business and you're not alone in that , and how we all

manage to move forward and , you know , build that community around ourselves .

And next , what's the book that's made the biggest impact on your life so far ?

So I would basically blurt out the word yes to any opportunity that came my way and then panic and think , okay , I've got to . How am I going to make this work ? And I'd make it happen .

But if I hadn't read that book and hadn't forced my , you know , giving myself just that five seconds , I probably would have said no to a lot more opportunities yeah , I love that one .

It's an interesting question to ask because the answers come back so varied and it's really interesting to see how we seem to be moving away from the snacking kind of and it's a lot of people will say , like a smoothie , or you know , they've got just a protein bar that they grab , or a protein shake or all of these things , or you know , the amount of people

that sort of say , crisps or chocolate is vastly reduced by the people that say , well , I don't really snack , or you know , I will have a protein ball or a banana or all of this really good stuff like that's good . that's good , but you know also , not having anything at all is better than eating at a giant bar , which is what I would do usually .

Yes , and then finally , what is your ultimate me time thing to do ?