Chapter Six: Slam Dunk

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Mercy. Please, Vlad. Never. All right, Jonathan Harker. It's time to end this once and for all. What? You just dunked on me? Did I? You dunked a basketball on a regulation ten-foot hoop. Seemed like the easiest way to get the ball through it. Easiest? Right. Where'd you learn to jump like that? The vertical's mad, man. Is that just... natural? I suppose that depends on your definition of natural. Another game.

Actually, it's getting dark. Oh, you aren't afraid of the dark, are you, Jonathan? What? Nah. No, you know, it's just hard to see the hoop and, you know, you kind of broke it anyway. Suppertime, children! Thanks, Mother. You remember, Jonathan. If you say so, son of mine. Hi, Renfield. Miss Fields. You're coming in, right? Oh, uh... I should probably call home first. You must come inside, Jonathan. We won't take no for an answer. After you. Okay. Nice house.

I'll just call my mom. Oh, man. I have six more missed calls from Mina. Hand it over. I'm sorry? No phones during snack time. I'm actually not very hungry. But I spent all day making soup. What kind of soup, Mother? You'll see. Oh, Mina again? Hand over the phone now. House rules. Okay, okay. Here you go. Good boy. I'll be back with your soup snacks. Soup snacks. Mina Murray calling. Hello? Who's this? Where's Jonathan? How about a little phone soup? Coming right... GZM Shows

presents Mina and Lucy's Guide to Slain Dracula. Based loosely on the classic novel by Bram Stoker. Chapter 6. Slam dunk. Jonathan's at creepy old Renfield's house. Must be where Vlad attacked him. Grandpa, can you drive us? Of course. Grab some wooden stakes and make haste, girls. It's okay, little guy. Can my rat come? I think he's stressed out. I don't want to leave him. Sure? We have to hurry. We're coming, Jonathan! To the hearse!

Reporter's recorder. Entry number 567. Mina's musings. We are outside Renfield's house. Mina. Lucy. Do you have your steaks at the ready? Yeah, but I'm not ready to use it on someone. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Guys, I'm trying to record here. You're mucking up my musings. Rate the situation, Mina. We've got bigger vampires to fry. Dr. VH, can you see Jonathan through the window? Unfortunately, the window is too high, but I can hear that...

Strange lunch lady warbling. My keen sense of smell tells me she's simmering some vile broth. You couldn't pay me to eat that. Shh. Ratty, quiet. Get down. Hello? Are you out there? Master girls girls follow me. Let's try this window. Maybe we can spot Jonathan I Still can't see anything Mina remember when I joined the cheerleading team for a week. I find that difficult to imagine

What's your point, Luce? Human pyramid. Divers on top. Come on, Gramps. Down on all fours. You realize I'm an old man, don't you? Don't talk about yourself like that, Dr. VH. Now give us a base and let me step on your ancient back. Step lightly. Hold still. Do you see anything, Lucy? Well, Jonathan's alive. Good. Can you see Vlad? No. Jonathan's alone. But something's off. He's standing in the living room, stiff as a board, eyes wide open. I am here to serve you and your needs.

Then he's muttering. You can count on Jonathan Harker. Like he's hypnotized. Oh no. What is it? Vlad, he's sneaking up behind Jonathan. I think he's gonna attack him. We have to save him. Mina, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful, Josh. Who dares to ring my doorbell? Hello, Mrs. Fields. Go, girls. Go. I have a very exciting offer for you today. Is this one of those ding-dong ditches? No, no, this is not. I would have to ditch for this to be a ding-dong ditch, and I'm very much...

Still standing here, not ditching. That was too many words already. What do you want? I would like to talk to you about your car's extended warranty. Come in. I have been waiting for your call. Now, please just wipe off your feet and let's keep it going. Reporter's recorder. Entry number 568. Nina's musings. I think we...

technically just committed a crime. Breaking and entering. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be recording this. I should have known Renfield's house would smell like sweaty feet soup. So on brand. Yeah, so much taxidermy. Avert your eyes from the dead animals, my little rat buddy. I won't let that happen to you. Grandpa's distraction better work. I think I hear Jonathan and Vlad. Grab your steak. About that. Mina?

I get the whole vamps or soulless bloodsockers thing, but I don't think I'm ready to slay our new classmate. Are you? This does feel especially gruesome, even for us. It was fine practicing on... cardboard Cullen, but this is a real flesh and blood vampire. We have to save Jonathan, though. Maybe we just use karate moves instead? Right. The goal is to incapacitate and or capture, not to kill. Look, there he is.

And Vlad's right next to him. Is he looking at his neck? What could we do? Can't just let him chomp. We pounce on Vlad. In three... Two... This podcast is brought to you by KT by Nix from the folks at NixTeen.com. That's K-N-I-X-Teen.com. When I was a teenager, I worried about everything. What I was wearing, what my friends were thinking, and then throw my period on top of that.

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Saving you, obviously. From... Vlad, where'd he go? He was just here. Lucy, is that a giant toothpick? Uh, it's a steak. I whittled it myself. Since when do you whittle? Are you okay, Jonathan? You sounded hurt on the phone. On the phone? Oh no. Did I butt dial you again? You said Vlad was killing you? Yeah, killing my pride. Vlad destroyed me in basketball. Jonathan, I have something important to tell you. Okay. Vlad isn't who you think he is. He's dangerous. He's a- He's a what? Whoa!

How'd you get behind us so fast? Mina, quick, do your grandpa's karate chop move. Uh, what are you doing? Ow, my hand. What are you made of, Stone? That should have hurt. I saw her obliterate a punching bag earlier. Oh, oh, yes, yes. Ow, ooh, that did hurt. Ow, ow, ow. Enough with the junky karate moves. What is going on? We saw Vlad about to attack you, Jonathan. He was going to drink your blood because he's an undead, blood-sucking, soulless vampire.

Ugh, here you go again. He already got his fangs into you, didn't he? Let me see your neck. Stop! Do you even hear yourselves? If he didn't drink your blood or hypnotize you, what are you doing here? Vlad volunteered to help me prep for the rally next week. I have to give my class president speech. Remember? Okay. It is quite a good speech. No one asked you, vampire. Rude. But we saw him sneaking up behind you. You guys know pep rallies get chaotic. Anything can happen. So?

I recruited Vlad to try to distract me while I was speaking. By attacking you? You're the only one attacking here, Mina. Only because we stopped you. You realize this sounds wacky. Even for you two. Vampires aren't real. I'm afraid they are. Jonathan. Grandpa. The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him. It allows him to silently infiltrate. Who are you again? Vlad Stapler. It is I.

Professor Grandpa Dr. Abraham Van Helsing. And I have come here to... Yeah, no. Sayonara! Vlad, where are you? Hurry! He's getting away! Follow him! Vamp on the loose! Where are you all running off to? What about my car's extended warranty? Soup's ready. Get it while it's hot! Hi, I'm Suri Marrero. And I'm Jenna Ducanay. And we play Mina and Lucy in Mina and Lucy's Guide to Slaying Dracula. For more great shows, visit gzmshows.com. That was a good one. That was a nice job. The end shows.