Chapter Seven: Vampire 101

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Why couldn't this high-speed chase lead somewhere cool, like the cemetery or the woods? But school at night? Seriously? Yuck. Vlad led us here for a reason, Luce. We've got to find him. I'm sure Vlad has an innocent, logical explanation. If he's innocent, why did he run? At lightning speed, no less. Because you're chasing him. Looks like he went in through the cafeteria. Follow my lead. No.

I want no part of this. You already are part of this. He's basically your BFF, best fanged friend. Come on, let's get inside. This way. Follow me. Stay close and alert. This is way too stressful for my little buddy here. I refuse to put his cute life in danger. Who brings a rat to a vampire fight? I didn't know this is where our night was going. Why don't you stash him in Miss Wells' classroom? She still has that empty guinea pig cage. R.I.P. Snowflake.

Good call. Be right back. What was that? Uh, when did Whippy Metal become haunted? I don't remember any mention at the last PTA meeting. Go see. And, vampires, we hit the monster jackpot tonight. I should record this. Vlad, where's his voice coming from? Sounds like everywhere. What do you want, vampire? Room 413, prepare for the education of your life.

Admit your bestie is creepy, Jonathan. So is yours. Thank you very much for that compliment. Room 411. 412. He's in here. We're literally doing what every scary movie teaches us not. to do. I'll open the door, have your stakes ready, and stay low. Onward. See? No one's even in here. Where'd he go?

Welcome to Vampire 101. GZM Shows presents Mina and Lucy's Guide to Slaying Dracula. Based loosely on the classic novel by Bram Stoker. Chapter 7. Vampire 101. Please have a seat. I will explain everything. No, we will not bend to your will. Bloodsucker. Take your seats. And I'm sitting. Okay, I'll sit. What the? How did you do that? So this is what hypnosis feels like. Please, save your questions for the end. Of what? Our lives.

The end of my lecture. Now settle in. We have centuries of material to cover. It all started back in the early 1800s. I was just a happy Transylvanian teenager. And thus began my nautical sojourn to America. Whitby, of all places, to find the blue flame treasure. That was actually interesting.

It's like no time passed at all. Well, anyone can be interesting if they have superpowers and hypnosis at their disposal. Aw, Gramps, your presentation was good, too. Still not commenced. In that case, I will now allow questions. Ooh, ooh. Yes, you. Yes, Mina Murray. Whippy Middle Tribune. Why lead us to a dark school and act all spooky? Suspense. I've been living for 150 years, give or take. I get bored. And I, uh, couldn't find the light switch.

I've been alive nearly that long, and I've never been bored a day in my life, thanks to books. If you're from Transylvania, why don't you have an accent? I hypnotized you not to hear it. This is actually my normal voice. What do you think? Kind of cringe, to be honest. Fine. Why not fly here, Whippy? Airline travel seems like a headache. Lost baggage, hidden fees, ugh. I think she meant, like, fly, fly.

Ah, good question. I cannot fly over bodies of water. Because you're scared. Because of vampire rules. So, on the ship that night... You saw me in my bat form. You're the bat that got stuck in my hair? Sorry about that. Nice shampoo, by the way. Wait, what about the wolf on the ship? Wolf? I don't know about any wolf. Maybe it got on board after I crashed? They're known to be curious creatures.

Where'd the boat go? Super speed and strength, remember? It's not hard to get rid of a ship. Do you admit to robbing the blood bank? Okay, this is starting to feel like an interrogation. Answer the question. Okay, okay, yes.

Stealing from the blood drive wasn't my proudest moment, but I found it's the only way to acquire blood that doesn't involve, you know, murder. What do you want with the blue flame treasure? Ah, the blue flame treasure. How it eludes me. Legend tells of a midnight sapphire and its deep well of magic, rumored to have the ability to grant its possessor their deepest desires. And yours are? Simple.

Dr. Von Helsing, I have but one desire. To be human again. Did he just say he wanted to be human again? Welcome to Vampire 101, son. Did you just tune in? Grandpa. Vlad, you don't want to be a vampire anymore? I never asked for this life. I was turned against my will by the foulest and most evil coven the world has ever known. I'm so very old, and yet I'm eternally 13, never knowing what it's like to age, to fully live. I long to really feel the sun, to taste, to quench my thirst.

To feel my heart beat again. Wow. Aging isn't all it's cracked up to be. But everyone deserves to grow old. Why didn't you just hypnotize the entire town to help you find the treasure? The blue flame treasure contains a powerful and mysterious magic. The Dory Stone. I want to come by it honorably. It wasn't so honorable of you to turn into a spooky moonlight mist and break into my room.

Or fog up the gym while Lucy was slow dancing with her boy toy. That wasn't me. I'm quite good at hypnosis and wall crawling, but the mist thing has alluded to me. If it wasn't you. What's that? Sounds like... Creepy children singing Creeple? And that's definitely something we need to investigate. Obviously. Come on. Hello? Thomas Triplets. Didn't see you there. Tegan, Ty, Tripp, Lucy, Mina, Jonathan, Vlad, Old Man. That's Dr. Professor Grandpa Abraham Van Helsing, Ph.D. to you.

Were you guys spying on us? No, that would be weird. Our parents work weekends. We spend our Sunday evenings skipping around the school. And singing. Totally normal activity. Howdy, doodle-doo kiddos. Dr. Van Helsing, hello, hello. It's your friendly neighborhood quinceable here to kindly, but firmly, kick you all the heck out of school on a Sunday night. Of course you are.

What in tarnation y'all doing here? I can't get you rascals here during the week, and I can't get you out on the weekends. Uh, Principal? Principal. Principal, what are you doing here? Hey, what I do with my weekend private time is between me and my fellow members of Seed Spatters Anonymous, who will be here any minute now. So scatter, folks. Thomas Triplett, as you were. Get out, you lunatics! If you want, I can hypnotize. No! Okay. I'll go grab Ratty. Now that I've shared, well...

Everything with you all? Do I have your word that you won't repeat any of this? Or do I need to hypnotize you all into staying silent? No hypnosis necessary. We'll keep your secret. We don't want to start a panic. It would make for a great profile in the paper, but yeah, no, you're right. We'll keep mum. I appreciate that. You're the first good-intentioned vampire I've encountered. Wish there were more like me. Let's not get carried away now. Need a ride home, Vlad?

No, thank you. Are you sure? We have plenty of room. You can lay flat in the back of the hearse if you want. You're on our way. Truthfully, Lucy, I find your rat somewhat unnerving, and I would rather not ride with him. So how will you... He's a bat! Vlad's a bat! I'll never get used to that. Thanks for noticing. So weird. See you later, bloodbats! Whoa, there he goes. He's... flying away. Jonathan, are you okay? Guys, I think Vlad's a vampire.

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Morning. Hey, Means. Dr. VH. Is Vlad on his way? No sign of him yet. Are you two positive that giving him the treasure is a good idea? Grandpa, we stayed up way too late going over this. All he wants is to be human again. If the Dory Stone can do that for him, I say we go for it.

I want to trust him, but he is a vampire, after all. It violates my every instinct. He seems fine to me, and I pretty much hate everyone. But you see, I've spent my life distrusting the undead. And now you're going to help make one an undead. If he wanted to do something bad, he would have done it by now. As far as I can tell, there's been no pillaging or murdering in Whitby. He just wants a chance to grow up. To live. Alright.

I trust your judgment, girls. That incoming. What? Good morning, everyone. Hey, we weren't talking about you. Yes, we were. Luce, he was honest with us. You're late, Mr. Stapler. Apologies. Before I decided to fly, I thought I'd try walking to your house. I forgot how long that can take. Could we step inside where there's less sun? Good idea. I can't wait to destroy all those awful sun hats, Vlad. You won't need them anymore.

I was told they enhance my modern style. You were lied to. Okay, you're probably wondering why we called you here. Is that... The Blue Flame treasure. Yes. A sight for weary eyes. You possess the treasure? Huzzah! And the girls have decided... We have decided to give it to you. So that you can be human once more.

I cannot begin to tell you how much your generosity means to me. This isn't one of those fools of April pranks, is it? It's November. And this is not a prank. Oh, happy day! The blue flame treasure! I get to be a human again. Yeah, well, we can't get the chest open, so... May I? Good luck. He... First, a matter of human business teaching you how to run a vacuum to clean up business.

Sorry about that. Soon I'll be as weak as you. No offense. You see, even he does the no offense thing. Look, there's the sapphire. Shiny. Doorstone. The most powerful blue flame stone. After all this time, it's an amulet. Its wearer will have their deepest wish granted. Go ahead, Vlad. Put it on. You've waited long enough. I wish... I wish to be human once more. Well, feeling any different? Not really. I'll fetch my stethoscope.

to monitor your vitals. Maybe ancient magic is slow. Like that dial-up internet thing Grandpa told me about. Wait, wait. I'm sensing something. What? There's movement in my veins. I can feel it. A building. Attention! Gross. Sorry. Been holding that in for over a century. What did I miss? A hundred-year-old burp. A burp? Fascinating. Well, I mean...

I stay humble. Come on! Come on! Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? No, no, I can't go out there. Vitamin D! The sunshine! It feels magnificent. Vlad, the sun isn't burning you. Yes. Yes, yes. I can feel the sun's rays on my face without the searing pain. The dory stone. It's working. Let's check for a heartbeat. Well, anything? It's faint, but it's there. Could I listen? I can hear my heartbeat! I'm alive!

is the best day ever. We need to get some sunscreen on you. And we'd better head off to school. School? And sunscreen? Normal people things. I'm... I'm... I'm human! Bye. Hi, I'm Suri Marrero. And I'm Jenna Ducanay. And we play Mina and Lucy in Mina and Lucy's Guide to Slaying Dracula. For more great shows, visit gzmshows.com. That was a good one. That was a nice job. Imagination.