Chapter Nine: Pocket Cheese

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Porter's Recorder, entry number 570, Mina's Musics. Before school this morning, Grandpa called an emergency session to order. I hereby call this emergency session to order. The emergency? Making sure Lucy doesn't turn into a vampire. Yeah, the fangs are a bad sign. No duh. If we... Don't stop her vampiric transition before the sun sets. It could become permanent. How Grandpa knows so much about vampires is a little suspicious.

And he is skilled at skirting my questions. I've seen sharper, but we do need to be careful. How sharp are they? In the meantime, here are the experiments we tried. First, we attempted to expose Lucy to direct sunlight. But... Yeah, that's not gonna work. No, son. Next, Grandpa took his electric sander to Lucy's fangs. Hold still, Lucy! Easy! Easy! We can grind down these pointy canines. Perhaps they won't grow back. Is that either her teeth?

Then, Grandpa made his breakfast. Heavy on the garlic. Garlic smoothies? Ugh, you're twisted. Quit crying, Lucy. Drink up. Down the hatch. Ugh, but it's so gross. Ah! Brain freeze. After we finished our garlicky breakfast, Lucy and I put on our bathing suits and Grandpa Van Helsing filled the kiddie pool with holy water. Almost full. Nice.

Not sure how he got gallons of the stuff. Holy water. Bless it myself. But we didn't fully think this through, considering it's November in Whitby. Can we bathe in warm holy water? I'm... They're frozen. All the way under, Lucy. Under. But the question remained. Down. How did Lucy get turned into a vampire in the first place?

You're not going to tell anyone at school about my whole vampire situation, right? Of course not. But you might want to talk to your mom. She's going to be so disappointed. She's always been so invested in me being, you know, human. She loves you. She'll accept you. Fangs and all. Your grandpa sanded the down, remember? Yes, and you should really brush those stumps before school. You smell like a garlic factory. Luz, how did this happen? Don't ask me. I was asleep.

I mean, we only know one person, um, vampire, who could have done this. But when did he do it? And why? If Vlad hates being a vampire so much, why would he turn me into one? And I thought he's a human now. Lucy, you okay? I guess. I mean, part of me is kind of pumped to fly like a bat and crawl up walls and rock fangs, but the rest of me is scared. I know, but we'll fix this.

You don't have to go through it alone. Right. I thought Vlad was our friend. Or like, almost our friend. I guess vampires don't have friends. But you'll still be mine, right? No matter what? No matter what! Even if you're a zombie, ghost ghoul, goblin, or giant bulb of garlic. You didn't say vampire. Especially if you become a vampire. Girl, it's time to head out to school. I'll start the hearse. Coming, Grandpa.

Chewie is missing and I'm turning into a vampire. How am I supposed to focus on school at a time like this? Uh, Lucy, not to add any more to your plate, but you might want to look in the mirror. Don't tell me my eyeliner's messed up. No. My reflection. It's gone. presents Nina and Lucy's Guide to Slaying Dracula, based loosely on the classic novel by Bram Stoker, Chapter 9, Pocket Time. Cheers.

Lucy, you look tired. Thanks, Jonathan. No, I mean, are you feeling okay? I'm glowing. Can't you tell? Vlad turned Lucy into a vampire. Hey, you promised you weren't going to tell anyone. Jonathan's not anyone. He's Jonathan. Thanks. I think. Jonathan, you might have to hold me back, because when I see Vlad... Vlad wouldn't do this. He couldn't have done this. But he must have. Dr. Van Helsing had to stand down my fangs this morning. You haven't... drunk blood, have you?

Ew, no, she hasn't. Not yet, but you are looking like a snack, Jonathan. That's a joke, right? Because it's not funny. Hey, I'm the one turning into a blood-sucking vampire. I'm allowed to have fun with it so I don't totally freak out. Fine. But keep your fangs to yourself. Well, good morning, class. Looks like we're all in our seat. Oh, wait, Vlad. Vlad Stapler? Vlad!

Is Vlad here? Uh, no, he's not here, Miss Wells. The coward didn't even have the courage to show himself. Right, Luce? Luce? Lucy West? Are you asleep already? Lucy, wake up. Class is starting. Wait, where am I? I think you're becoming nocturnal. Nocturnal? End of the chatter, folks. Get your pencils ready. I've got good news. After attendance, it's time for a pop quiz. Yes.

Oh, pop quizzes. This is the last thing I need today. I love it. It sounds like popcorn. Maybe you can hypnotize her to cancel the quiz. Genius. Here's your quiz, Lucy. Oh, um, let's see. Miss Wells, you will cancel the pop quiz. You will forget you ever had the idea to give us a pop quiz. Well, did it work? Oh, that was a scary voice. Good luck with the quiz. Guess my hypnosis powers haven't come in yet. Worth a shot. And hey, maybe that means some of Grandpa's experiments worked. Loose?

Luce, wake up! That quiz was brutal. Pretty sure I fell asleep halfway through. Also a quarter of the way through. Six-fourteenths of the way through. At least your fraction game is on point. Chin up, Luce. So you have to study hall? Yep, just not in mirrors. Hey, Lucy. Need some help getting your locker open? Oh, hey, Art.

No, it just sticks and... Whoa! There it goes. Whoa! Okay, muscles. You just ripped the door off your locker. Oh, uh, it does that sometimes. Here, let me help you pick up all these papers. Thanks. I just printed those out. Missing rat. Oh, no. What happened to... Edward? Robert? Chewy now. You know, because he bit me. And he's, um, missing?

Right. Like your flyers, say. Well, I can help you look for them. You don't have to do that. I want to. Really? That's how you want to spend your free period? Yeah! Let's put these posters up and catch a rat. Do you have any pocket cheese? That would help lure him in. No, sadly, I forgot my pocket cheese today. That's okay. I have some.

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Forgot to pack one? Kind of a hectic morning. I was a little busy trying to make sure my best friend doesn't become a full-blown vampire. Well, I'll wait in line with you if you want company. Sure. Still no sign of Vlad? He's probably halfway across the continent by now, with the treasure. I can't believe we trusted him. We all believed in him. I wish my parents were here. They'd know what to do. Well, your grandpa's on it, right? Yeah.

I just miss them in moments like this. Moments like when your bestie is turning into a vampire? Yeah, those. I just don't understand why Vlad would... Run Fields! Even her singing is weird, huh? No! I mean, maybe she knows where Vlad went. Man, she's really working that grill. Hope she's ready to get grilled. Nice. Come on. Renfield, I need some answers.

Students aren't allowed in the kitchen unless they want to be served up in a stew or as a kid kebab. Um, are you threatening to cook children? Maybe. Where's Vlad? Sorry, don't know any Vlads. Now, get out of my kitchen. Shoo! Okay, okay, get your spatula out of my face. We're going. Wow, she's even meaner than usual. Why does she act like she doesn't know Vlad? I don't know. Holy ratatouille! Is that Lucy's rat on Renfield's shoulder? Ugh, that is so not sanitary.

Pass me the tape, Lucy. I want to put a flyer up over here by the water fountain. Yep, here you go. Thanks. Oh, wow. Sorry. Your hand, it's so cold. You feeling okay? Yeah, I'm fine. You look a little pale, too. Maybe you should go to the nurse... your mom's office. No! I don't want her to worry. But it's her job. If you think you're not feeling well... I'm fine.

Let's just get the rest of these up. If you say so. Hey, Halloween's over, goth girl. Yeah, lose the fangs, Lucy. What? Hey, don't you two have some brain cells to grow? Keep walking. Oh no, the fangs are back. Ignore them. I like you the way you are. Fangs and all. Where'd you get those, by the way? A Halloween store? Oh, uh, yep. Cool. I can hear his heart beating. Blood rushing through veins. I'm salivating. So thirsty. What is happening?

Lucy? Lucy? Lucy? Oh, uh, yeah? Are you sure you're alright? Yeah, just... hungry? Hi, I'm Suri Marrero. And I'm Jenna Ducanay. And we play Mina and Lucy in Mina and Lucy's Guide to Slaying Dracula. For more great shows, visit gzmshows.com. That was a good one. That was a nice job.