Hello folks, this is Princess. You are listening to the Millennial Mustard Seed podcast. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to share with your friends. That's tough. We're in a very tough spot. I think that what we're doing right now is a great benefit and virtue because it's an end around between this whole corrupt informational system, media system.
We claim to believe in a God who spoke the universe into existence and literally raised himself from the dead, and yet we're not going to believe that anything else exists in the spirit realm, even though His word tells us that they do. Their bodies weren't permitted to go to sleep like humans do, and they weren't permitted to go to heaven, so they wander the earth. You know, I've seen the eyes turn black to unknown tongues being spoken.
These giants would love way up in the island, the young Braves. The young men would hide up in the trees and wait for one of these 12 footers to come walking down the path and they would jump on them and kill them, drag them back to the village, and the village would feast on the body freedom. Then people start to get weapons, they start to get armor, they start to build cities, they start to fortify their cities. Now God looks down and there's
violence everywhere. The battle, this war that we are at, is not against each other. It's against these principalities and these rulers and these archons in the high places. It's really worthwhile to read the Bible yourself. Fear is one of the primary drivers of mind control because we have to take every thought captive and resist fear. You're going to have a testimony that is a justice case against the Kingdom of darkness.
Well, this week on the Millennial Muster Seed podcast, I'm interviewing Rod, which is such an honor and a blessing. And he comes on today just to talk about his testimony. He talks about how when he was younger, just he was in this experience having to testify in a court and how that impacted his life, how it showed him that maybe sometimes the outside world isn't safe and but his inside world always is.
And he journeys farther into his life and has a paranormal experience where he finds himself outside of his body looking at himself. But it wasn't even scary. He felt the warmth and the love of Christ without even recognizing it, you know? And there's so many times in his life where things were really hard and painful. And because he knew so many stories about people going through hard times, it just didn't seem like a big deal.
He didn't maybe even recognize that it was Christ in the midst of the storm. But as he grew up, he had to face a massive pivotal moment where he had a near death experience. And that was such a massive shift in his life. Not only did it make things harder, but it almost forced him to make a choice for Christ. Forced him to take a look inside of himself and see if what he
had now in his life was enough. And as he journeyed through the effects of post traumatic stress Disorder, he found himself, like so many of us who have experienced PTSD, thinking that maybe another place would make the change inside of him that he needed. But when he got there, he just found that the change was not to be found outside of him, but inside of him. And in a moment of honesty and just the realness that Christ comes in, he cried out.
And everything from that point changed in such a magnificent way. And time and time again as he moved forward from that point, he found the grace, the mercy, the favour, the love of fellowship and brothers in Christ and it transformed his life to the rod that we know and love today. And even though I'm sure the journey right now isn't perfect because it never is on the side of heaven, but he finds Christ in his day-to-day life. He didn't just arrive there on some magical carpet.
He got there because of the faithfulness of God, the trials of life that the Lord held him up through even when he didn't know the name of Christ. So stick around and enjoy this episode where Rod gets real Rod and shares his heart after part one of his story. This is Rod from millennial mustard seed pot. No, no, this is not Rod. This is Carly and I'm interviewing Rod. So the tables have turned and we are glad for it.
So today you're joining us to hear Rod's story as he tells it from his heart, the testimony of the Lord overcoming in his life. And it's truly an honor to have been asked to to play this role in the Millennial Mustard Seed podcast ministry, home of awesomeness and Excellency for all the world to partake. So I am so glad to have Rod here with me today. So welcome, Rod. It's an honor to be here with you, Carly. It's interesting being on the other side of the pressure seed, if I can say that.
Pressure seed. We're here to hear your story, Rod. So wherever you want to start, however you want to tell it, we are here to just be along for the ride, as you like to say. I think about just everything God has done through this podcast, the reflecting process of going back and digging all these times, Carly, where it would be like trauma would be triggered about stuff that was way on the back burner and it's like, oh, let's not go there.
Forget about that. But then hearing all this other stuff, it just compounds and compounds to the point where a lot of this I've been working out behind the scenes. And as much as that has helped me in my personal life to realize, man, when we go down this journey and we're trusting in the Lord, it looks crazy. It looks different. It's hard to put words to sometimes.
There's emotional roller coasters, all this stuff going on. Maybe not extreme for everybody, but everybody has a testimony who's in Yeshua. And as I realized that, you know, the fuel to just keep going was like one more person get unlocked, one more person out there needs to hear this. One more person needs to be comforted and, and, and to know that they're not alone. And then here I am, this whole time doing everything I can do and and and I'm that one person also it's.
True. No difference at all between where I sit and what I do versus people who listen. And I say that in humility because the way that God worked this out and showed me stuff over all this time, it's just that's the facts. That's what it is. So just to dive into my story a little bit, you know, there's a lot of things that happened. You know, obviously you're interviewing me. So you dig in, pry, ask questions, do whatever you feel led to do as well.
But one of the big things that I've noticed with the enemy is he's always tried to take my voice away from me, always tried to get me to white knuckle and just be quiet and and hide in the background. And I always felt I was important and I had something important to say even as a kid. But there would be these times where I just completely choke and freeze up. And that was a common theme.
So five years old is this first thing of trauma where, you know, we have this event that happens where a male in the family who was older, he was not blood, but married into the family, tried to take advantage of one of the women. And as a 5 year old kid, I so I have to testify now I'm being asked to come forward and testify in the courtroom at five years old. And I'll never forget like there's like prosecutors, there's like people there.
My, you know, my mom and dad are there trying to be like, it's OK, Just tell them what you, you know what everything. But while they're asking me all these questions and just choke up, just just choke up. There's so much pressure because that was like a whole different world for me.
I was really animated and a big thinker and just had like tons of heart and just tons of my head in the clouds, my feet running through the field as I'm growing up to be thrown into that situation and and then learning like how wrong these things are. Because when you're a kid, you know stuff's wrong. You see it become a big deal. It becomes this badge of I'm walking around with something on my chest that everybody knows this. It's like it's, it's all these emotions.
So really it's this first thing, a trauma at five years old that never left me, you know, always looking back on that and just being like, man, nobody should ever feel like that. It's been a lot of the driving force to just contest for other kids, you know, other people who don't have a voice or don't or that need protection just to be like, listen, nobody should go through that at a young age. So it sounds like, Rod, you felt kind of marked by that experience in some ways.
I mean, not just trauma wise, but almost like you felt like people were then looking at you and they knew. Is that what you were trying to describe? Yeah, absolutely. The enemy's trying to take my voice away, and then everyone's watching me to make sure I don't talk. It's like this weird feeling. I didn't really know at the time that God was going to use my voice, but clearly it's, it's 2020. Looking back, I'm like, so much makes sense as I go on, but be quiet. You're not good enough.
All these feelings were being pressed on all this other stuff in life. And then this trauma comes up. I feel like I'm being watched by a crowd. Don't talk, but we're going to ask you questions like that. Like that's just this feeling. It was this mark to me with this upset. So it was just a big upset and confusion at that young of an age. Really. It just compounded and and kept rolling into other things that happened over the course of my life. But that's really the the first
one that I can remember. Carly, that's the first ticket, if you will. So what was the kind of belief system that was birthed in you from that moment? Oh, like I'm not worthy. The world is crazy. It's only OK and fun when I'm living in my world because who I don't know what these people are doing, what they're about, You know, this flailing of arms, there's yelling, there's there's
all this chaos. But in my little thing like I love dinosaurs and I'm checking through a field and I'm like going to go on this great exploration into the woods and my stick now just became, you know, this sniper rifle so I can kill a velociraptor. I was a big dinosaur nerd when I was a kid in Jurassic Park definitely did not help. It kept me occupied was dinosaurs and just let you know. People said I had over imagination when I was a kid and
I had a heavy stutter too. Somebody asks you a question and you're like like stuttering over and over again is be quiet. We really, we didn't want to ask you that anymore. I was content with me, myself and I growing up that like I just remember being even my mom would say, or my dad, like you would just sit there and play contently with your little toys on the floor. I wasn't over emotional or over dramatic as a kid. I was pretty mellow for the most part, but I was always a watcher.
I always observed because I had reasons to, because I, I, I wouldn't, I would realize life in a split second can change to weeping or tragedy. So for me, I'm like always kind of looking around like, well, and then you get a little comfortable and then something happens again and then you get, so I was an observer growing up. Yeah, Yeah. It sounds like what you're describing is it almost birthed, this isolation and hyper vigilance because it's safe
inside your world, right? It's when the outside world invades your world that problems come in. So you're like, let me make my inside world as amusing as possible, right? Because then I'll have all my needs met. Woo Hoo in here with myself. And the dinosaurs. Yeah, it's safe here. Like I'm not trying to hurt myself, you know? Yeah, that's a really good way of putting it together. That's a real good observation of what it looked like at 5, at 7 years old. I've talked about this quite a
bit. The interest of people asking me the supernatural end of things that have happened is when I had this out of body experience or I guess like whatever, I don't even know what to call it. I've literally listened to all the fringe people and tried to like compartmentalize and find what was what happened. But the language doesn't matter because I'm still dealing with the the reality of it.
There was really only one person in my family on my dad's side that was Bible, and it was my aunt Condi. And she would real surface, glance, talk about the Scriptures. I remember she was on fire for God. But everybody else in my life was like really a Easter, Christmas Christian. They were all smoking and drinking. They used to say work hard, party hard.
So that's kind of how I grew up. But my aunt is talking with somebody on the telephone, sharing, just talking about God, his brilliance, He's never ending, He's love, He's like this language. And I'm sitting there on the floor playing with my Batman toy, and I'm listening to what she's saying. And I have no idea. You know, I think it has something to do with some of the discomforts that came along with growing up in like this old
historical haunted house. I'm hearing my aunt talk about, oh, there's going to be no discomfort. Like all this language. I'm sitting there and like, that's real. Really, what's what she's talking about is reality and it's accessible. When I grow up, I'll serve a God like that. And then I'm up in the corner of the room and I'm just watching myself play with the toy and I don't remember anything that I heard or experienced up in the corner. I just knew it was warm. I knew it was comfort.
And that, that's a hard one for me because I'm like, I know something. I knew something in that place. I wasn't allowed to know it coming back, but I was filled with comfort and. That's the first time that you ever had anything like that happen, even in. Dreams, Yeah, yeah, like dreams like really picked up from like 10 to 14. I had some crazy dreams all, I mean, even up until now, that was like the first supernatural experience that I was involved in.
Now, the house I grew up in was really old. It was in our family for my dad's mother. She had gotten it and then she had died when my dad was seven. And the house kind of like went and it kind of like fell apart a little bit and needed some restoration. When my dad gets older, he, he gets, he buys the place from my grandfather. So it was left abandoned for like quite some time. But then all of a sudden my dad's like, oh, I'm going to move my family in here.
I'm starting a family. And he was a hard worker. So he, he spent years and years getting this place fixed up. So but this house was terribly haunted. There was some major problems with this place, man, just unique experiences. It's funny, like even my buddy Lindy Luciano that I grew up with, shout out to him because I know him and his wife. Listen, we're riding the other week and I'm like, what was your experience? Every every one of my friend has an experience in my house.
So he has this creepy one where I'm outside and he thinks that it's me walking around downstairs and he's like, upstairs. He went upstairs to use the bathroom. So like, as I get older, like I'm 36 now, I talk with other friends intermittently, like, over the years. And sometimes it'll come up and they'll always be like, yeah, that one time this happens. So everybody has this thing or scenario, but I live there. Like, I couldn't leave that place, you know?
It was like, even worse, like. What were some of the things that you remember happening and how did that impact you? It, it definitely contributed to the isolation. The, the world is crazy and I don't know why it is the way it is. Because one of the scenarios that was difficult is and we had one bathroom at the time when I'm growing up. So I must have been maybe eight or nine years old. And my parents would watch Sopranos on Sunday nights. And I'm the youngest, so I have
to get ready for bed first. So I have to go up and get ready for bed. And then 1/2 an hour later, Stephanie would have to come up and then Amber. And it was just that's what the way my parents did it. So I was terrified to be like, oh, I don't want to go upstairs and brush my teeth and wash my face and get ready for bed. In the upstairs bathroom. There's this picture that my
parents had. I don't know where this thing came from, but it it's an old picture of a lady advertising bath soap that look like it's from the late 1800s or early 1900s, real European distinct look. And it was like bath soap in it. In in the picture, it had a foot claw bathtub in the background. We're talking old advertisement from like who knows where this thing's from, but for some reason, old historical house, they liked old historical
paintings, I guess. Well, this thing would freak me out. I feel like this thing was watching me every single time I go to the bathroom, which is very uncomfortable way to live. Do not live like that in my house. We don't do no such thing. No creepy pictures on the wall. And, and I just remember going up and just feeling it. It was like something extra was
in the air. And when I get into the bathroom and I flip the light on, I'm like, don't look at that picture, don't look at that picture. Just my eyes jump and I look at the picture and the eyes move and watch me. That stuff didn't happen all the time, but that stuff did happen throughout the course of my life growing up. The way that I feel about it before it would happen. It's real to me. Like I know that something's terribly wrong.
I know it's not my imagination because in my when I have control, it's my imagination. It's like I'm creating like I love this place, you know, it's the outside influences that we're that were horrific, if you will, for my young mind. And just, you know, Carly, as the years go on, more ghost stories, you know, we had like cereal box that flew off the top of the fridge, just like weird random stuff like that. My parents, once again, they believed in what was called work
hard and party hard. So they worked both of them full time. My dad, you know, did body work at the house and ran a concrete facility. My mom, you know, she did waitressing stuff and then she worked at ACA, so Alternative Counseling Association and she was like assistant director there. So they're, they're working a lot. We had a lot of free and alone time to run and gun when I was growing up. And the parties that they would throw, there's always a story that will come out of it.
Like somebody would, you know, and obviously they're drinking and smoking and playing cards and all this stuff, but all the kids would have to like everybody's kids would be in one room all hanging out. We used to get in trouble because we would, we have bunk beds and we would take sheets and create hammocks underneath the bunk beds. But we would sit in it and hang for so long you couldn't undo
the sheet then create hammocks. Just, you know, there's like 15 kids in a room and all the parents are partying. The whole, the whole rule was everybody stay upstairs and the kids stay upstairs. Well, the parents will walk up to go past the bathroom and there was stories that came out of all their parties, a little ghost girl just like stuff over
the years. And then some of the conversations I remember, you know, I talked about this a little bit when I was on rallying show, the the Business Christian Podcast where she was asking me about my testimony and. I was not a stranger at that age to hearing about astral projection, to hearing about aliens stuff in the outskirts in the Philadelphia area. This was a big topic of conversation. We had the nuclear power plant there.
There was tons of people all over the place from all Montgomery County that would see weird lights in the sky near the power plant. So I'm growing up and all of this is like serious topic of conversation, but I started to realize when people would talk about it and when people wouldn't, I didn't go to church enough to like understand what
church culture was like. And I did, I was not aware of denominations, but as an observer, you start to realize, oh, well, none of this stuff gets talked about a church ever. Oh, it only gets talked about in these certain environments with like the average people, you know, whatever the haunts of this house were just were kind of unreal. Now that I'm older and like my house is not haunted.
It is anointed. Like there's a whole different spiritual environment here, but when I reflect and look back, I'm just like, man, I could literally probably fill a couple hours with just minor stories, like just weird stuff that happened to me and people, what's up? If you roll those stories up and reflect on them, yeah, like we know that that kind of made your outer world feel unsafe and your
inner world world feel safe. And you talked about how when you were alone with your imaginations, they were positive, but when something would influence you from the outside, it was consistently negative. So it's interesting. I'm curious about if you roll up all of those paranormal experiences, and you said there's a lot of minor ones, so maybe diving into all of them isn't what you want to do. But how did that affect your belief system, especially when you started to really look at
Christ as as God and king? When you talk about people in the church didn't talk about this, but it was people in the back rooms or the house parties did, Like can you kind of dive into that space and talk about how that formed you? Yeah, I mean, that's a really great question. And when these two worlds collide, it's funny because, you know, you're kind of asking how did that develop my belief system? What did that look like? And then and coming to Christ like it, like what does this all
look like? But it was messy and long and drawn out. I have this this idea of the time slot that it really started to become clearer. But I had some really terrible experiences with what quote UN quote, women and men of God look like and in the church. So this one lady was a good friend of the I'm not going to say the name. Don't worry, don't if if you're out there listening, I'm not going to blow you up like that.
I think I'm 1314 years old and I'm literally getting weed for this lady, but she's involved in the church so she's taking me to youth groups on Wednesday. So I'm just thinking, well, church is like I would go and all these kids are there and they being this kid activities. I mean, I got my first tattoo when I was like 15. Like I was like a grown man about 15. So 13 or 14.
Like I'm like, I'm getting dime bags and quarters and eights for people, you know, I'm, I'm getting weed for, for older way people way older than me, 30-40 years old even. I was like a little plug in the neighborhood, like I just had access. It's just, it was just the way I grew up. I didn't think it was wrong. It's just what we did. I knew what I was taught. I knew what the environment that I was in, but I didn't know how different it was in, in other people's lives.
So my introduction to church is like, Oh, it's cool. Like you can get weed for somebody who goes to church. You just don't smoke weed at church. You don't talk about weed at church and you keep mince, you know, to pop and like, you don't you don't smoke weed on the way to church, but you can smoke weed on the way home. So it was just like that was even coming into like young manhood. I'm just like, Oh yeah, these
church people are just whatever. Like, I mean, I knew spirituality, but I'm like, OK, whatever. I would go because they did pizza and there's like, you know, 25 kids that would show up on a Wednesday. So I'm like, yeah, I'll go with this lady would pick me up, but most of the time it was just get weak. But she's taking me to church. So like, this is a really bad. This is like when I say my story is long and drawn out. I had to figure out so much stuff the hard way, Carly.
Like, there was no manual. There was no Dandeval. There was no Brother Klaus or nobody to come knocking on my door and say let me pray with you and help you figure this out. I was lost and blown in the wind for most of it. And it was just just really living life to the point where I, I seen Churchianity and then I knew there was so much bad intention out there. I literally just tried to, I partied a lot. And I was never into heavy drugs or heavy drinking.
That's the strangest thing for me. I always had a bag of weed and I was like the smoke guy, you know, And I was never into the other stuff. I had friends that were dying at 18 years old from overdoses and of all kinds of stuff, drinking and driving. But the Lord kind of always told me like you need to have control. You can't be so altered in your mind because of how unsafe it can be in in these environments. So the Lord spoke to you and said to to maintain control.
What did did you recognize at that point that it was the Lord or or is that retrospective? Still, small voice. That's dangerous territory. If you blackout or if you lose control like that lights is really bad. You always want to be able to move or just be alert. So I was always a guy. I'm the youngest. I had two beautiful and super popular older sisters.
So you know, big parties, you know, I was the cool brother who would go go to all these different parties around the area and I remember just they're in their 20s. I'm a young teen and it would be 5:00 in the morning and I would just be grabbing their marbles or Newports and just smoking them and watching everybody passed out and like seeing crazy stuff. And I'm just like, I'm, I'm
good. Like I didn't drink at all, you know, And so a lot of that was my, my upbringing And so, but I didn't know how bad that was for my young mind. And for like, oh Lord, by the time I had gotten jumped Carly, I went right from the world just living, doing whatever I wanted to do, no restrictions to having my near death encounter like 19 or 20 years old. That shocked me. It, it was such a culture shock. These guys tried to kill me.
I didn't get a black guy. I got stomped into the ground, like brutally stomped into the ground. Like swollen from here all the way out to the tip of my nose, my eyes swollen shut, my, my jaws locked up, my ribs, my back. That's what it took. And in some weird way, like because I forgive these guys and I pray for them. I know a couple of them are dead, but God was even moving me on this recently where I'm like, man, if I see them, I'm going to preach the gospel to them.
I'm going to tell them the truth because there's an eternal place where if you don't get this, there's a separation from God. And I'm like, I'm not the same creature I was when, when that happened. And if I seen these guys, I literally would hug them and be like, you can get changed, you can get powered. God is chasing all of us, his
wills that none of us perish. But at the time, oh, when they did this to me, no, that was not, that was not, that was not where I was at. That's not who I was. But that was the shift where PTSD crept in and just rode on all the other disturbing things in my life. Just rode on all these other, what do you call this traumas and just weirdness of life. I almost died. I started to sit up out of my body. I got questions and what would have happened if I really would
have left my vessel? Where would I be? What really just happened? And I would take these questions to people that are supposed to be somebody like a pastor or, you know, a counselor. And it's like the language they're using was so foreign to me. I got to hold this one in again. I got to bite the bullet on this and, and, and, and hold it down and somehow keep, keep me from at suicidal ideations. All kinds of stuff came out of that, 'cause I'm like, well, I just want to figure it out and
just leave. Like there was, there was such a crazy time in my life, man. See, I didn't know. I didn't know then what kind of stealing and how gracious he is and how much love he was showing me and how much mercy he was showing me because I should be dead, like so many times over.
But I'm curious how it felt, comparably speaking, when you were seven and you found yourself up in the corner and then when you got jumped and you found yourself rising out of your body is can you like compare and contrast those two? Yeah, because they're so different. There's like no similarity to them, The best way to describe it, What I can remember when I was seven is warmth and comfort, light, super bright light. And like, I wasn't questioning
why I was looking at myself. It wasn't like there was a wrestling match taking place. It was warmth, comfort and light. When I was 7, all that I was left with is being able to watch myself from 15, whatever, 20 feet away and having that memory. But when I got jumped, it's a wrestling match. I don't want to come out of my body. Come to find out, my brain was swelling up and tapping the
inside of my skull. So I'm having the first stages of what you would call like anaphylactic shock or death or whatever. That was a stubborn feeling of I don't want to come out. Now to contrast them is I was fighting not to come out of my body when I got jumped, but when I was seven, I just was there. I didn't like float and like get up like no, it was just I, I exactly like I said.
And my aunt is talking. She's on the long curly cord on the phone and she's talking about this God of love, this God of never ending peace. Wipe away every tear, like just all this language and I'm listening. And I'm like, if that's real when I grow up, I serve a God like that. And then boom, I'm just looking at myself engulfed. There's no transition. I don't remember going back. I don't remember coming out it.
It was just like that quick. Now the whole wrestling match where it felt like a long time, but it was a small window. When I had gotten jumped, I was like aware of that. Didn't come all the way to my body. It was, I was sitting up and like my hips to my knees and, and like the rest of my legs didn't come out. So it was like I'm doing a sit up, but your body's your, your, your flesh is on the, the floor. And that's kind of the feeling I
got. But it was like, I'm just trying to roll and get out of the way 'cause I'm still being hit. I'm like, oh man, I'm dying. But like it's silent. I don't hear anything when it's happening. And then it was like, no, I'm not coming out of my body. I want to stay in my body 'cause I'm like, I'm dying, I'm going to die. I mean, that's that's how it happened. So when did you realize what Mercia was that you didn't depart? At that time, you had started to talk about mercy.
Yeah, this this is when I find the Lord. So I leave the Philadelphia area and I, I moved to Jacksonville, FL 1000 miles from home. We say I jump in my 95 Acura Integra and I hit Interstate 95 and did 95 the whole way down. And we're like, we're so me and my, my twin, the mother and my twins were like, let's, let's start fresh palm trees, different people, different location. Let's see if that works because I'm, I'm, I'm in a slump and we get down there and it's not working out.
We're young, we're mature. I'm PTSDI can't hold a job. I can't really, I just want to like try to understand what happened to me, but there's like nowhere to go, no one to talk about it. And then everything's just like, babe, be quiet. Like if you bring it up, almost everybody gets beat up or this guy got shot or this or somebody always has this story or I was in a car accident. So you're you got beat up. It doesn't matter. But for me it was like a big deal.
But like everybody goes through something, right? Like, oh, I broke my leg and lost my job. Like it was so everybody has a sad story. So keep yours to yourself. But like, I need somebody. So we did the Florida thing thinking maybe reset the environment, just reinvent myself in that way. That doesn't work. Now the mercy comes in where I start to see it slowly start to come in. There's a big storm that blows through.
I'm home alone at the time and I just God, if you are who you say or if you're real, you got, you got to show up, you got to do something. My life is riddled with sin, uncertainty, lack of confidence, just the lingering question of, like, death is real and you got a handshake from it, and someday it's going to body hug you and, like, all of that. Yeah. So like, all this stuff is in my mind, and I start beating the ground and crying out to God.
And I'll never forget my front door is open and the banana trees are blown sideways and the wind is whipping and it's raining and I'm just beating the ground. And I remember thinking, I can scream like a crazy person now and the neighbors won't call the cops because it's storming and it's so loud. So I'm like, this is the opportunity. I'm I'm crying out to God like a crazy person. Everything I have crying veins popping out. Just my hands hurt.
The next I'm beating the ground. If you're real, show up. I can't do this. I don't want to be alone. Nothing makes sense. Just spilling my heart to them, raw and just crazy and as real as I possibly could. Is that the first time you really showed him that vulnerable side of yourself? Yeah, it's a pivotal moment. He uses my daughter to answer me, but within a window. After this experience, my daughter Sienna, she's like 2 1/2 or three years old and she has an angelic encounter.
And this is where I started to understand, like God, your mercy has kept me here because I shouldn't be here. I'm a walk in case of grace because I wrecked it. This is bad. My daughter when she spoke to me about this angelic encounter, one of the first things she said is, is God heard your prayer? Then it's going to be OK.
And that like punched me in the gut and I fall down to my knees and look at her because I I've told this story before and I know I might be jumping around as it's not as thorough as it's kind of difficult. You're doing great. She has this angelic encounter. She comes to me in the middle of the night. She's lit up like a light bulb. They're route my son Riley and Sienna's room, that which are fraternal twins that look nothing alike. It's it's miraculous what got to there.
They're they're down the hallway. So she comes and wakes me up and my first thing is, why do you look like you're wide awake? What happened? She said, dad, they're beautiful, Dad, they're beautiful. I'm like, what's going on? They're so bright. She's saying she wants to twirl around and dance. And I'm like, what is going on, kid? Like, why do you look like you're wide awake? And then she says, dad, it's going to be OK, God heard your prayer.
And now I'm like, because I, I was in the mood prior to her saying that. Check the doors, check the windows. What is going on? We were living in Duval County, north side of Jacksonville, FL. Not the best neighborhood. It wasn't a bad, bad neighborhood. But it's like, yeah, you know, yeah, let's check the doors. So she hits me with it. And now, and now I'm like this, this is you can't make this up. We're not going to church. She's like 2 1/2 or three years
old. I mean, I was reading the Bible a little bit because I'd call back home the pastor in Norristown or to my mom and they'd be like, you need to get into the Bible. You need God's word in your life. And I'm like, This is why not right? All this craziness. But my daughter is how God showed me, listen, you came to me correct? You came honestly, you poured your heart out. You cried to me. It it wasn't a 12 magic this, that or the third.
It was just, I need to know if you love me and if you have a plan for me and if you are who you say you were. Because I don't want to do it unless there's something so pure and something so worth fighting for if it does. If you don't exist. God, I don't, I don't. This is mundane, This is nonsense. This is torment. This nonsense. This whole life is just, it's nonsense.
My daughter's the one. So that's because if somebody would have came up to me on the street and so and told me something or somebody in the church, I would have been like, I bought weed for people like you on the way to church before, like I don't trust you. So God like uses the babe. And this wrecked me because now I'm like, I don't want to die. I want to live. God, you, you can't make this up. She's too little.
We don't go to church. It's not like she's been brainwashed in church to be able to just recite some Bible stories here. All this stuff is going through my mind to justify God is answering me and and he's real. And now I'm like look flooding back in the rest of my life. You protected me so many times, but I still felt the pain. I still went through dark and shadowy places. I still went through things that are hard to explain. I still felt like I was being ripped open at times.
Stabbed in the back, lied to, cheated on, just everything that you could possibly go through. Bottles, throwing bottles in, throwing weed in the party lifestyle, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, trying to copycat other people. Maybe I should go into the military. I go and take the ASVAT past and then I can't make my decision what I want to do, you know, because they're like, oh, you got a good score.
You can go do anything you want and and all this stuff I'm like always trying to fill in this pocket of is that going to make sense? Is that going to give me value? Where do I belong? What is my purpose? But but God uses this sweet little child and all of my frustration and all of my trauma and all of my tears to to get me in correct thinking. Said something so important there when you said, I realized he's been protecting me the whole time, but I still felt the pain.
And that is something that at times when people look back over their lives and they found their fists on the ground and they say, God, where were you? And the answer is always, I was right there. We think because we still experience the pain that he's absent. But your testimony is that I felt the pain and he was right there in the pain with me, keeping me alive, keeping me going, keeping me from judgement.
And using the one voice you could actually hear, which was the innocent, pure, perfect voice of your daughter who was completely uncorrupted, who had no association with hypocrisy in the church. No, go to church sober, but leave stoned. Like how beautiful was that? That she was the body that Jesus walked in your bedroom in and said it's going to be OK because the word truly became flesh in that moment. He walked in your room in her body. That's so powerful and so
beautiful. And your family was telling you pick up the word, read the word and the Lord was like, I got something better for you. I'm going to come in your room in the middle of the night and speak through the one person you can trust is real and that's his love. That is his love through and through. I love that rod that is so you know, you've said a couple times like everybody's gone through trauma, everybody that it is minimizing what you experience like it's of no substance.
But but he was in all of it and his breakthrough moment was perfect, perfectly executed one wise God, Lord Jesus, only you. It's beautiful. Yeah, that's how God worked out my my life until I was about 23 or 24 years old. That's kind of what it was looking like. I left a lot out, but you know, I included in this part one just some of the climaxes and, and we can unpack more of it too, as we, as we go along. However many parts of this needs
to be 1-2 or three, whatever. I was trying to figure like the bigger things because there's a lot of smaller stuff that happened along the way. It's so funny when God speaks to you, the enemy comes right side by side to try to try to Jack it up, try to mix it up, try to steal it from you, try to take that feeling away from you almost as quick as you can. Because I remember called to tell my mom about Sienna's Angelica encounter, her experience with these three
beings. My mom's like, you know, six police officer. They came to the house at 5:30 in the morning, surrounded the house. They're here. You got a warrant for your arrest. Oh, man, I'm excited to try to tell you something. And now I'm like, Yup, can't get out of this one. This is not good. And it's just so funny how the enemy tries to do that too, like he wants to steal your joy and and steal the basking of that.
Because I I have a now I have a very peculiar thought as to a lot of how this stuff goes Carly, where this manifested world that we're living in this shadow of a large reality, the the the eternal things that can't be seen or actually what what stays forever. This this temporary stuff is we're in the voting booth right now.
But but I have a interesting thought as to and when we really start serving God and and acknowledging God in our ways, he can make stuff look however he wants to somebody else. But it still looks simple and like whatever to you, like he, he, you know, he can make it look like you have angels there with you when you're alone. You're just walking down the road, Nick, And so he he can do whatever he wants.
Literally. I was talking with your husband, Prince, I don't know, two weeks ago and he said something that knocked me out the park. He's like, did you know that God is powerful enough just to erase a name in a person right off the face of the earth and and nobody else could even remember that
they existed. I'm like, oh Lord, with fear and troubling, we work our selfish and I'm like, that is the that's the God who I'm talking about now, like he doesn't do that because his will is that none of us perish and he's the suffering servant that he's possible of doing that at the end of the age when he says death, where's your sting?
All that stuff was swallowed up. All those evil participants who rejected God and said, Nope, we're not choosing that they get swallowed up that that the whole library of their existence is
gone. So the reason I bring all that up is because this is the enemy who is chasing my tails my whole life, you know, he's been chasing through our generations, each one of us. It's like a target on your back and nobody ever tells you that it's there, you know, because because they're not looking out for you, they're looking out for themselves. Everybody's walking around with a target on their back, but nobody can stop and say, hey, be
careful, look out for this. And so I realize this enemy is not going to play nice. He's not going to play fair. God gives me a breakthrough, innocent lips of a babe making declaration to me. I'm crying and now I'm reading the Bible. Now I'm feeling like I don't want to die, but I don't know what to do with myself. And now it's like, oh, well, you have. You have to literally come 1000 miles from where you're living and turn yourself in. So they're like, we're going to
give you an amnesty period. Do you want to turn yourself in at the time? Coolest guy ever, Corey Peterson, I'm giving a shout out. He's a big musician now. He really took off still talk with him, but he was my boss at the time and this guy like loved me. He not even a Christian, but he was just like man, whatever you need, like I got your back. I'm I'm a row with you. I tell him what's going on. He's like, well, let's take a road trip.
If you go back to the amnesty, you won't go to jail. We jump in his what did he have? I think it was a minivan that we used for word. I was working at ADT at the time, American District Telegraph security, fire and medical stuff, right. And, and he's the, what do you call this? Like the team leader and just took a liking to me. It was, it was good to have a friend during this. He, he stepped in and was like,
man, I'm going to drive. So we drive literally all the way from Jacksonville, FL to Norristown, PA. And I got caught during the week. So it takes us like 20 hours, 21 hours to get there. We grab a hotel in Norristown. I got court the next morning. We get there in the evening. I'm able to meet up with some of my family members. They they order pizzas and stuff. We go to the church, right, Norristown where we're, we're fellowshipping and hanging out there like you're going to be fine.
It's all going to work out. God is working it together. Go to court. It's on an amnesty. So it's a guarantee. I don't go to jail, but I have to abide by what the court says. So the courts like, listen, your license is frozen. We drained your bank account. Until you pay us this much money, you actually can't leave the state of Pennsylvania. You got a child support case, you got traffic violations, you have all this stuff.
So you have you have to now be in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. You're not actually allowed to live outside of the county because my address was Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. So all these cases are open against my my Pennsylvania address and they make these stipulations. They want this payment and I'm supposed to be back in two weeks. Well, I leave and Corey's like everything good, everything. I'm like, Yep, everything's fine.
Let's go back to Florida. That's fine because I have no place to live. I have my two kids being babysat in Florida and then I have my at the time I think it was my broken street bike. And I'm like, I can't just leave. I'm like, Nope, we're staying in Florida. I'm not going to be homeless up here for this. And, and honestly, I can't. I couldn't afford to pay all their fines if I would have stayed because I would have lost my job.
So I'm like, I'm going to jail if I stay here, I'm going back to Florida. So I do that. That lasted a little while. I finally get to come to the conclusion the only way I'm going to be a normal person. Because now I'm trying to really think this through. How do I become normal? What does a normal person look like? How do I model my game after them? Like, how do I get a decent job? Like all the stuff's going through my mind, you know, I
don't want to be on the run. I don't want to be nervous if I'm driving in Florida. And what if they expedite me? You know, that's like super expensive. So I realized I have to come back and I have to just face, I just got to face it all like everything, the old neighborhood, like the people that tried to kill me, court, like just betrayals. I just got to come back and I got to stake myself in God's word, plant myself in the region that is my home and not back down and not bow down.
That's just what I got to do. And it took me, it took me like 8 months to get to that point to muster up like, like, like Canada wasn't like super confident. It was kind of like people have died for less, but here I am. And you know what? And God taught me so much through that, you know, brought me back to southeastern Pennsylvania. I get locked up, I get a purge
release agreement. I find just enough favor with the judge the second time around where she says I'm not going to lock you up. I see that you're really trying. You know, you're moving across halfway across the country. You're trying to get established and we're trying to do the right thing. So I found some favor in places where it was like before, no black look like, you know, you're just a statistic. I got a little bit of favor. God would show me. I'd be up praying all night
long. Like God, I can't do anything if if I'm in a cell, you know, I can't do anything. And he was like, well, what if I tell you, I want you to preach the people in prison? I'm like, God have mercy on me. I don't want that for my life. I'm like, nobody can argue with you. You know everything. But I go in the judge, she's looking at me and say, Mr. Smith, something has changed with you, hasn't it? And I said, yes, ma'am. And she says, I feel like you're
going to do the right thing. This judge locked up like eight people in front of me and the other eleven people behind me. So I would notice. I would look up and like, God. So I came down garlic. I came down the steps to the courthouse in Norristown, PA. And anybody from my area, you guys know, it's like, it's like the steps that Rocky Balboa runs up in Philadelphia. I came running down, yes, Lord, like, what is next? What, what are we doing?
God, if I'm a friend of the King and you can Get Me Out of this, we can do anything. You know, I'm like, I'm happy now. It still was long and gruesome and drawn out because I still was learning so much along the way. It was like all the stuff I should have learned as a young man.
I'm getting boot camp. I'm getting God's boot camp, you know, spiritually, like dealing with demonic stuff and you know, and weird stuff like people, especially people that a new world heavy on drugs because I would, I would live it like in I've, I've lived everywhere. I've lived in nice houses, I've lived in like the hood. I've just everywhere in between.
But there would be people that I knew were like, like had demonic stuff going on with them and they were on drugs and they would, they would look at me different. I would feel it when they looked at me. And then in just the way that they would communicate with me was different. And I'd be like, what do you? And I'm like, this reminds me of when I'm a kid with the whole courtroom thing where it's like, I feel like everyone's watching me and it's like I'm being evaluated.
But but there was stuff that would follow up that I'm like, it's not just in my head. There's something going on. Well, a lot of that. What did it, what it turned out to end up being Carly's people will come to me, you know, this development and tell me they're supernatural stuff that they've been through. And then I'm like, OK, but I
didn't really know. I'm a pray or I'm going to cast it out or we're going to go to Dan Deval's prayer portal and bride ministries and we're going to lock some stuff down. I didn't know it, you know, any of that at the time. So I'm like, but I would listen and then I would start to realize, like, man, there's trauma out here in this world.
People are hurt. I don't care if it's a soccer mom, it looks like her life is fine or if it's somebody who's standing on the corner with one pant leg rolled up. Everybody's going through something. And so, you know, I'm wrestling through like how to even express and, and live and I'm going to the word.
I'm just finding myself in this situation, Carly, where I'm up till 3:00 in the morning, waking up at 3:00 in the morning, just praying and reading the word and the word just washing over me and just washing over me. And this season of just like complete celibacy, because now I'm separated from the my kids mom, who, you know, put me through a lot. And I'm finally back in Pennsylvania.
I faced all these giants. But now I'm like, I need to think, right, I'm getting the Bible, I'm getting in the word. I trusted pastors. There's some men of God I respect, but there was also like places I couldn't go because I would test the boundaries, ask questions or like, how do we deal with this? Why don't we actually minister outside of the church? Like why did why do we just kind
of come here? And a lot of this stuff was like softly kind of dismissed and it's like, oh, well, you know, you're a new believer, just focus on this right now. So a lot of my things were kind of thrown to the wayside that kind of bothered me. But I'm like, I respect these guys. They're men of God. They've opened up the building. A lot of these people were
helping me in certain ways. And I'm like, I know, I know love, but there's all this other cyclone of experience and questions that are reflected in the world around me that I need to know about. But that kind of launched me into discovering Canary Cry in 2017. And when I heard them talking about like the the personal stuff going on in my life, but they're having like this public discussion about it and they're Christians. I'm like, OK, there you go, somebody else is out there.
Well, I'm already doing that in person because people are coming to me and telling me stuff. And I'm kind of like undertoning and challenging the narrative of churches, respecting them, not stepping on toes. You were completely genuine and you're not asking me to think. You're kind of trying to get me to recite what you recite and to act the way you act. But I'm like, that's not really going to work with me.
So Canary Cry, I find LA Marzulli, Dr. Chuck Messer, all these different people and I find out there's a whole world outside of the Bermuda Triangle of, of Pennsylvania that I live in that literally they're, they talk about this and not only that, but they do ancient Semitic language deep dives.
They're there's biblical scholars, there's armchair researchers that can spin your head on the facts that you can just go into all these heights and details and start to learn all the, and I'm like, this is crazy. OK, now Lord, do I fit in here? Will they be my friend? Yeah, yeah. It's like this is my tribe. Jesus, will they accept me? Well, yeah, I mean, still a long journey. OK, so I started this first podcast. It was actually this wild event
I had. I had given up all of my friends and the music and all this different stuff. Like through this transition of coming to the Lord Yeshua, there was one friend who who came into my life. I won't get into the whole details of it because he's actually going to come on, we're going to testify about some stuff. But Nick Long, he, he actually was on some of the symposiums we did. He's been on over the years. He's holistic nutritionist and he's a personal trainer for like 15 years.
He's a real deal. I minister with him in and out all the time. He lives like 7 minutes from miles. Well, he shows up in my life. So I finally get one friend. Eventually everyone wants me to go to church because I'm glowing like a light bulb, but I'm not like churchified. So it's like weird. I'm going all the places that like the church won't go. And then bringing people to the church, pastors like you line
them up, I'll knock them down. I remember they said that to me, like you bring people in and we'll get them saved, you know? And I'm like, oh, this is interesting, right? So I'm just being me going about this new chapter, trust in God and all the storm and all the pain and blah, blah, blah. And I find Nick, we're talking in this church up here. We're close to where I live now in Berks County.
We want to do this Men of Iron program or something where we're going to pair up you young radical men with an older man who's a little more disciplined. And you guys are going to do a study for like 4 weeks where like you, they come to your house, you go to their house, you do like this hour long. I wrecked it in the first like week and a half. They paired me with some old guy.
He was like you were 3 minutes late when the first time I went to his house is like 3 minutes late for the study. This is not going to work. So I just sat down. Why are you in this? You don't know anything about me, so I just hammer this out with this guy and it becomes this big old fence. So like I crashed this like men and Nick sides with me. Bro, you're legit like I spend time with you like I know your heart. I know what you're about. I'm rocking with you.
Nobody needs a cardboard cut out accusation while you were 3 minutes late because you're so strict and sit up straight when you're reading, you know, reading like what is going. So I'm like, I don't want them to do it.
But out of this, me and Nick get birthed into this relationship where we start talking more, he comes over, we start doing outdoor church is what we called it, which is we would take a Bible, we go for a hike and we would just read scriptures and and just hammer ideas back and forth and sharpen and just talk real raw conversations about what we're going through. I start bringing up some stuff and Nick says to me, he's like, it sounded like something that that guy.
Have you ever heard of Steve Quayle that he talks about? And I'm like, yeah, I know who he is. I was afraid to bring it up because I thought if you knew I was weird and fringe because, you know, he was like, we're talking like really deep weird, like stuff that we've kind of have been figuring out by the grace of God now. But back then it was a brand new, like, are people truly programmed to not be able to understand what's going on around them? But at the time, we're like
testing the waters. Whether Steve's quayle and what's his name the other guy from Sky Watch TV. Yeah. Tom Horn. There you go. They're they're talking about stuff that me and Nick find out we're about to hammer out these conversations in persons. Now I got Canary cry on and I got one friend who's willing to be like you're not nuts. And I'll I'll talk with you about anything.
We can pray through anything. And that developed into Nick was the inspiration for me to start not of this world because we go to a men's retreat in Allentown, PA. This men's retreat, it's like a one day thing is they have all these men coming out. This is masculinity. This is really the gospel. So we're like, oh, let's go because we're in the fitness. I was big in the bodybuilding, Nick's big in the bodybuilding and fitness.
We go into a just push up challenge and Nick does like 114 push ups in the time frame and everybody else there did like 60 or 70 at best, like the elites. So he was like super encouraged. He goes home, we go home, we're talking on the phone after the event. He's like, man, I feel like I can do anything if God is for us. Well, this is how crazy Nick is. He wakes up then at 3:00 AM and decides to do what's called a Jacob ladder challenge.
So it's the the height of Mount Everest on this literally like wooden stair piece of equipment that's on this like sharp angle that you like, hands and feet are kind of like monkey crawling up. I'm going to do this Jacob's Ladder challenge. I don't know. It was 8000, some feet, whatever the distance, and I'm not going to stop until till it's done. I'm not taking a break. Well, he goes and does this and ends up like getting on the
news. He's getting interviewed by people's hands are all bloody and ripped up. He's on there for like 8 1/2 hours and he has this shirt on. Yeah, like the owner of the gym, All these people come out because they realize like people show up at like 5:00 AM to start working out. He's already there coming up on like 12-1, you know, in the afternoon. He's still there. People are like, he's doing
something amazing. It's like turns into this local thing where everybody's talking about his hands are all bloody. He gets off, he has his shirt on that says give God the glory. And he goes, I'm giving God the glory in my insanity. I have a opportunity now to declare His Majesty because all of you are around me asking me what I'm doing. And so we laughed so hard about that. And we're like, this is so radical. Let's start, let's start not of this world.
And just because me and him would do like missions together, we wouldn't even realize. We'd just go out to do something and encounter a situation. Oh yeah, I'm dealing with somebody's attacking me, an astral projection. And at the time we're like learning the language and we're like, we can bind it in Jesus name. So we're always going through like finding crazy stuff to get
ourselves into. So we're like, let's start a podcast and talk about it. So I remember I ordered this like $10 microphone on Amazon and it plugged into my cell phone and not in this world. Episode one, we called it Jacob's Ladder. And like no introduction, just like terrible audio. Just me and Nick talking for like 2 hours about the craziness of our lives and how we're not going to be boxed in by these weird religious people that are mad because you're 2 minutes late at that.
And, and so that's, that started the podcasting journey for me. And I mean, I don't know if you have any questions, Carly, but that that kind of lands us into this last like 5 1/2 year window in a nutshell. That's it's so amazing to hear this story because I'm just like watching the threads go by. It's like, you know how the the priests, Ephad or Ephod or however you call it, it's described as being sewn together
with this red thread, right? It's like as I'm listening to you talk, it's like I feel like I'm watching in the spirit, this red thread of the Lord just weaving all these beautiful pieces together, but in the moments you can't see them as beautiful. And it's, it's just so profound because especially the parts about how you were poised at a young age to question if what's outside of you is safe or not. And and what does it mean when people watch you and return?
And like how then after you got saved, you are still asking that same question of the church, which is a really hard question to ask the church. It's like I understand you want me to recite these things. These whatever proclamations of the Lord, and you want me to be this person, but is the person you want me to be who I am? And is it working in reality?
Right. And then there's the whole part about when you had that breakdown and you cried out to the Lord, and you were so real, you faced it like you faced what was inside of you instead of running away from it. And then immediately on the back of that, you described it as the enemy coming to steal from you. But when you said that, I thought to myself, this was the Lord making you walk out that moment. Because when you had to face that judge, you had to get real with your choices, right?
So it was almost like a mirror of what you just did in the spirit and in your soul and in your heart, right. And it's another opportunity to choose the right path. Like when you get really real with God, things change and, and that's what he wants from us. And so you had to do that in the spirit and then you had to do that. And you, you did that runaway for a minute to recalibrate. And I think you said you were gone for eight months or whatever and you went back and then you had favor.
But in that time you were like facing stuff and, and setting yourself up to even though you didn't even know the word or was really having the right counsel or whatever, he was just with you. I mean, it's so profound how he just gets in there and makes the path and you don't even see it happening. You're just following it right
along. And then there's that whole question again that comes up where you start seeing Canary cry and you start listening to Steve Quayle and you're like, Oh my gosh, what is outside of me can be safe and it can be. I do fit, right. So then there's that kind of plugging in like you had said to yourself before, but like, how do I plug myself in to the external world? And and you found it and like it's just this epic journey and
you could just see his hand. And I'm sorry to go on so long because this is your interview, but it's just so it's so beautiful and how often in those pivotal moments in life we see we we can see it as a problem, right. But he's like, I'm in the problem, OK, I am in the problem you. I don't I don't come as a shiny something all the time. Sometimes I'm the one in the darkness with you, right? Exactly.
And you found it over and over again in these weird places, which is where he is and where he loves to be. Jesus is a weirdo. I mean, think about his, the testimony in the Bible. Like his life. He was a weirdo. He bucked the system, he asked the hard questions, he was in the places nobody wanted to be, and right when you got saved there you were being just like him in the places that nobody thought a Christian should be, talking to the people nobody wanted to talk to and
questioning authority. Like dude. Amen. This is so awesome, wow. Wow. I mean, I love hearing what you're getting from this because like, you're even highlighting stuff that I haven't even thought about quite like that. And I know the scriptures say God works all things together
for his good. But the reality of it is, is when you're in those situations, it feels so distant and it feels so heavy and it's such a burden that there is no connection to like, oh, for the glory of God, I suffer and go through. No, you're just like, I need to make it through this. I won't be destroyed. God, are you really there? These people are not going to take me down. Like you're just like in survival mode.
And it's like, not until later. It was kind of weirded out by being interviewed, but but it's a little uncomfortable. But I've been the shifts just don't stop happening. Whatever. We could just go there and talk about it. I don't even care. Amen. Because I get to reflect and see the beauty. Nobody can take your testimony
away from you. And when you spend time to go back and look at it and be like, man, all the times that I should have been taken out, all the bad choices, all the times where I never, I was living like I wouldn't be alive next week, the whole time he's like watching and he's there and he's present. And that's what's wild to think about because it's like, Jesus, you've really been through some stuff. Like the cross wasn't enough, man. Like seriously, you had to. You had to.
Because now I hear other people's testimonies, Carly and I hear other things the satanic ritual abuse people go through. Some of them can't even understand that that's what they went through, yet they're still wrestling like, whoa, no. Well, I kind of am wrestling with that too. So I got Grace and Mercy for you because we're kind of all finding this out together. Yeah. You, you sure was been there the whole time.
Yeah, and what's so beautiful about it is now it's like you're letting your inside world out, you know, and. And that's where the that's where the gold is, right, Because that's where he finds us and that's where he abides. So all those years you question, is it safe to let the outside
world in? He's like, no, but it's real good for you to let the inside world out, especially when he's abiding in you, right, Because people can start to learn as you're talking about is in the moments it's hard to understand that he's in the chaos. It's he's in the chaos. And I think that's a discipline to learn right There is in the day-to-day when there's chaos. Lord, you're with me. I know you're with me. Look at my heart.
And the reality that that that I'm learning with all of this and it's not everybody, I guess has this much of bad things that like there's some people that their life is like really pretty good. Like everything just seems to work out and they don't really understand why, why I am the way I am, although they seem to be fascinated with it. The people who really go through this stuff and they really live this stuff out when we preach the gospel to him.
I think there should be some really serious you have been fighting. You can't give up. The fight is about to change in the long term of your favor because God wants to restore and bring you out of this. Because a lot of times I feel like it's presented as come and get baptized and come to church and then all of a sudden your life is going to be butterflies and and flower fields.
That's not reality. Almost all the time when I see somebody who's like a a true soldier in the Lord, people who live this life like I, I just was with 20 people that are from the gutter and we are out here and 20 people get baptized and you know, things are being broken off with love in the streets. We're doing this and each person will tell you when you sit and build relationship with him and
you talk with him. Man, I came to the Lord, my whole life fell apart for the people that really want it and really fight for it. And I'm not saying this is for everybody. So don't try to act like what I'm saying is, is, is for the entire body of Christ. This is localized to the level of trauma that people have not dealt with that is now on the table because God is here to heal it and he's here to do a new thing. So we have to get real with each other.
But a lot of the times people will get told it's flower fields and butterflies when you come to the Lord. But that's not accurate. So we need actually real soldiers who got those scars, who's been through it to say, listen, you've been fighting your whole life, but now you're about to fight with the backup of heaven on your side. He's about to work it together for good. And yes, you got to keep fighting.
You don't get to lay back and just relax now all of a sudden, because you came to the Lord and actually give him the identity of who they are fighting in this eternal war. It having this position, all of it, all of it. Like, so I start to make sense of it now seeing a little bits, but like there's so much I'm still missing and probably still a lot that I have wrong. But there's certain things that I know that I know that I know God has allowed me to go through
this. God has allowed me to literally go along, collect these experiences, collect these locations and collect all this different stuff in the library of who I am as as a testimony to, to speak on behalf of the glory of how he did not let me die. He didn't leave me there. And now he's sending me back into those places. That's. Right. This is for somebody out there right now. Who?
Who is on the teeter totter? Listen, you're going to have to keep fighting whether you're with the Lord or not with the Lord. But the difference of coming to the Lord is is he starts to take the brunt of it. He actually keeps you together through the whole thing. You may feel it, but the Bible says these light and momentary afflictions that we feel now are nothing compared to what is coming. And that's hope. That's something I cling on to. And then I hold on to this
choice. I want you guys to know that when you make it that you're not alone. There's real ones out here who will do life with you. We will cry with you, laugh with you and go through this with you. You're not alone. Somebody needed to hear that because that was me. I was just some guy didn't know how all this stuff works out. So hopefully that can plant the seed for you just to to rise up on the wings of the Almighty and speak life, the power of life
and death is in our tongues. That's that's what I felt to say, being moved here by the Spirit. It's a beautiful way to wrap up part one of your testimony with that word. I didn't even have to prompt you to leave the word with the people. It's right there on your lip. Amen. That's so good. Oh yes, that's so good. It's like you're going to fight either way. So you're the going to fight with the army of heaven at your back or you're not. Life is hard.
So you're either going to go through it and get to the good and get to the glory, or you're going to go through it and you're not. So, so choose right, choose this day whom you will serve. And that's that's a beautiful. And you know, there are seasons of loneliness. You lived it. I've lived it and now you're here. And so these seasons are exactly that. They're seasons. They don't last forever. And that's the enemy. That's like, this is never going to end.
And you're like, you know what? Shut up, fool. Seriously. Yeah, because it doesn't, it changes. It always changes. He's the constant. Everything else is changing. So really great. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your thoughts and your feelings, your experiences and those vulnerable moments of of honesty. And and there's something really beautiful about honesty. Even when it's painful, It it's moves mountains. I I hand chose you to be the interviewer because you led in
vulnerability being a weapon. Appreciate that so much. It's it's been a blessing just following the Lord in these epic adventures. So I'm glad to reunite with you on this side of heaven. Well, that's it. That's the interview part one today with Rod Smith. Dunk, dunk Dern. Like share, subscribe, share with your friends. You know you got friends out there that need this. Stop lying. Look, stop what you're doing right now and hit share.
Don't pretend like you're going to remember later because you're not you're not. Do it now. Pause me and do it now. So coming to you from Minnesota, the middle of the Arctic N cheers to all of you and love and abundance and blessings. Bye, bye, Ciao. I've heard you do interviews with other people, so I have a gist of the story as you've told it thus far. And so I'm just hoping that when you go to tell your story this time, you tear down your walls a bit.
Because I think it's the parts that you're guarding against that are the parts that really touch people's hearts. And that was the word of the Lord about this interview today. I was on my dead bed. On my dead bed. I was really stressing. I was stressing all alone. Where would I be if I didn't? Have you thought I was on my dead end? On my dead end. I was really stressing. I was stressing all that stressing needed to depression thought the Lord don't want me like you.
Gonna learn this lesson now. I'm on my way up. Holy Ghost fire filling me down to smoking. If you want it, you can get a year. I'm overflowing. Got that power inside of me and you're really potent. Every captain will be free. Every devil got a flee, and not because of me, but they got inside of me. Sometimes I think about. Sometimes I think about. Without you, what would I be about? Where would I be if I didn't
have you? Sometimes I think about, sometimes I think I better live without you. What would I be about? What would I be if I didn't have you? Who thought I was on my dead bed or my dead bed? I was really stressing. I was stressing all that stressing. It didn't turn depression, thought. The Lord don't want me like you gonna learn this lesson.