Kai, Adam, and Zoe are walking through the mall when they spot Santa Claus. But this particular Chris is very strangely crinkled. It's an eight-foot tall fluffy yellow bird wearing Santa's signature hat and red coat. You're not the real Santa! Shut the f*** up and get in my lap! Okay. Adam, you're too old for that. No fair, Adam! I want to sit in Santa's lap! Come on, not you too. Not to worry. These dummy thicc thighs are ample enough to hold the both of you.
One of you can sit on the left, and the other on the right. Yay! I call left. I call right. Sorry, Kai. Guys... This is so embarrassing. Now, what would you like for Christmas, little girl? Go ahead and ask for anything that your heart desires. Then, with my Santa beam, I shall make it appear before your very eyes. I want a giraffe! Done. Whoa! A real giraffe! Suddenly transferred to unfamiliar territory, the animal panics. Ayo, what the hell?! Did you guys see that giraffe? Yes, obviously.
Let's get out of here. This guy's insane. No way. Zoe got her gift, and I want mine. You've got to be joking. Kai, he can literally make anything out of thin air. I mean, how do you do that? My gift beam is fueled by Santa chemicals. It's peer-reviewed science. In what universe? Oh boy, I definitely know what I want for Christmas. I want a mech suit. You idiot! That's going to be way too big to fit in here. Here you go.
The bird shoots another gift beam, but instead of a giant mech, a cardboard box appears in Adam's hands. What's this? Open it. Inside is filled to the brim with discarded, cracked open egg shells. This isn't what I asked for! That's because you're on the naughty list. You were misbehaving all year, Adam! So you knew about that, huh? Oh my god. You were naughty, Adam? I have no idea what's going on anymore.
It's true. I've been nothing but naughty this year, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. You make me sick. Away with you! Adam! Thank you, Santa, for protecting me from that dirty rat. You're welcome. Holy crap, no way he survived that. Okay, Kai. Now it's your turn to get a gift. Hell no! I'm not going anywhere near that psycho. Hey! Come on, don't be such a baby! Stop it! He'll be fine. Stop worrying. I don't even want anything.
Suddenly there's a presence that burrows into Kai's mind, and then he hears Santa's voice echo within. That isn't true, Kai. There is something you want. What is this? Who is...? It is me, Santa. I am speaking to you telepathically. You're in my mind? Yes, and I scanned your entire subconscious. Is that even legal? It's better than legal. It's awesome. And now I know the perfect gift for you, Kai. No! Go away! I don't even want anything! We both know that isn't true, Kai.
Shut up! Get out of my head! Just let go of your stubborn pride. Just say the word, Kai, and what you want most in this world will be yours. I... I... Say yes. Yes. Kai gives in to his deepest desire. Zoe stares in awe as he is engulfed in an orb of light that shimmers in swirling colors. Kai begins to change, but the intense aura makes it impossible to get a clearer view of his form... ...until it fades away, revealing the transformation. Kai? Yes. It's me, Zoe. I'm a mermaid now.
Kai's legs have been replaced by a large fishtail, and his neck is striped with gills. Zoe's jaw drops at the sheer majesty of his sight. Adam limps up to them. Huh... You're so beautiful. I know, but I must leave this world of men, for the ocean calls to me. Will you two help me with this task? You grab his arm, Zoe. I'll grab his, uh... dorsal trout. Hup... hup... And so they carry him through the blizzard, all the way to the shore of the ocean. I guess this is goodbye. Forever.
Do not cry for me. Sadness is a human concept that is alien to me now. We're gonna miss you, Kai. Kai is my former name. My mermaid name shall be... Galtash. We're gonna miss you, Galtash. The storm clears, and the night sky is clear as crystal. All is silent in the world, aside from the gentle lapping of the shore. So long. Galtash leaps several meters into the air above the ocean. The moonlight gleaming off of his scales like a stroke of silver. It's okay. He's in a better place now.
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!