HP Hates Me - Corey Haim: Me, Myself and I

Guess what. Corey Haym and Corey Feldman are giving out their personal numbers. If you call one nine hundred nine oh nine thirty seven hundreds, you can listen to their private phone messages and get their personal number, where you can leave them a message of your own. Two dollars of first minute, forty five cents each additional minute. Ask your parents before you call one nine hundred nine oh nine thirty seven hundred.

If you call me right now, I'll give you my private number.

You call that number and you'll hear a recording, and I'll give you my personal number if you call that, and we'll wrap.

Welcome back. I don't know if I can welcome you back. I mean, here we are again. I can say that. I guess midnight viewers, welcome to HP Hates Me. You know when I named the show then I thought, oh, that's funny. It rhymes, it's kind of clever, and it's a fun little thing to call the show. It's true, HP Hates Me. Proof is in the pudding HP the Man who Hates Me? How are you my friend? Question Mark?

You know what I'd have to say the way I'm feeling nowadays would probably be intense, powerful.

Have you got that new Jack swing?

That's an exact quote from the entertainment We're about to die say.

HP, I struggled. I really struggled with this one. This one almost broke me. So I'm I think the rest of this series is going to be smooth sailing.

Would you could be any worse than this? Could you?

Please tell our listeners what we watched? And first of all, as always, anything we discussed on any of the shows we except for Tales of the Dark Side, you gotta really search for that one. But any of the shows that we discussed here on this show, you can get on YouTube. So go seek this out immediately and fucking suffer through it because I did. Oh my god, No don't. Oh no, I want you to suffer with me. Misery Loves Company, Spend the night with Stephen King.

It is. This is readily available on YouTube. This is called Corey Hame, Me, Myself and I. This is from nineteen eighty nine. Now it's no secret to or maybe

Very generous.

I am Verite's high falutin word to describe what's going on here. But it's a day in the life of Corey Haynes. He's playing tennis, he's playing hockey, he's going for a drive in his Alpha Romeo convertible he's modeled.

This whole thing is completely insidious. The idea here is that they're selling stuff, basically to his fan club. This is a video of a day in the life of Corey. He's good again all as well, But really it is just an attempt to let the industry know I'm ready to work. It is so boneheaded. Please continue, we'll get into it.

As I said, this was from nineteen eighty nine, and the thing of it is ultimately aside from dream a Little Dream, which I think actually was filmed before this. Yes, it's worth noting that Corey Hame never really acted in a true big budget movie ever again after this, unless you count. He had a Don't Blink you Know miss a cameo in Dicky Roberts Former Child Star, and also a brief cameo in Crank High Voltage, that Jason Statham sequel. Do you remember that movie?

I remember it, but I don't remember him in it.

He's a mulleted boyfriend of Amy Smart who gets his ass kicked. It's literally a five minute scene. He's not in it very much. But my point is the gambit didn't work. In the least, people understood the problems that this guy had and they were manifold. He never really He did a lot of low budget direct to video movies. He famously tried. He think it's got so dire that he tried to sell a tooth and clumps of hair on eBay because he was for a while, he was homeless.

Making this movie, which was your Corey, my Corey.

If we're talking Lost Boys, which auld e zenith.

Of you, and I am talking overall overall for time at the time, let's say, well around so yeah, let's say let's say license to drive. At that point, who are you favor.

Look, if I'm being perfectly honest, it was Corey Feldman, because look at he was in the Goonies.

Mouth. He was Mouth, He's in Gremlins.

He was in.

Gremlins, he was in Stand by Me, and he, truth be told, he is great in all of these, Wasn't He was also in the Burbs, Wasn't he?

He sure was. He's not as great in that. He is great in all of these though.

So look, if I say that at the time I was would have been on the Feldin's side. That people don't remember that. They only see the nutcase that is playing these awful guitar solos with this terrible band, somebody who fancies himself a pop star for the new millennium, and he's awful. He's a whack job. He's got that group the was it like Feldman's Angels or Cory's Angels. This weird cult that he has of these beautiful women that he keeps in his house and he monitors what

I liked Feldman, but I as an actor, I think I appreciated Haym more because he was the star of Silver Bullet, which is a Stephen King adaptation of his novel or his novelette cycle of the were Wolf. I loved him in that. I loved Lucas, thought that was great. He was great in that. What's the thing he did right before Lost Boys? One other thing?

Oh?

Firstborn?

Oh my god, he's the little brother in First Born too. Yeah.

I have a great anecdote about Firstborn. I don't have ever heard this story about what happened that This will make you sympathize with him a little bit.

So it was Peter Weller like just smacking him around all over the set.

Yes, how did you know?

I didn't.

I just figured.

The story goes that this was Hames's first feature. Firstborn nineteen eighty four, he was thirteen years old. After a good take, he went to congratulate. Peter Weller responded by throwing Hame against the wall and shouting at him never to talk to him. After a take, he had to

That's beyond the pale. But actually not without the realm of possibility with that guy. I know somebody who used to see mister Weller. That's all romantic. I mean, like you can, I guess call it romantically. Okay, yeah, there's yeah anyway, okay, And what she said was God forbid, you were talking when Peter Weller sponts Peter Weller on a television because he's like, shut up and turns it on and turns the volume up and then stares in rapt attention watching himself.

And the best actors actually hate seeing themselves, like they refuse to watch their own performances.

That made the viewers. If you want that actual story, you can write to me. I'll tell you. I'll tell you the whole thing.

Did you know he had a cameo and Batman and Robin I didn't know that.

I didn't know that he was a biker gang man. I was gonna say he must have been one of the gang members. Yeah, Yeah, Joel Schumacher throwing him some work.

He went from Lucas to a TV show called Roomies. This is Bert Young Paulie from Rocky. A forty two year old marine sergeant and a fourteen year old fish obsessed genius strike a perfect and reciprocal balance as college freshman roommates.

He's a forty two year old EGS marine, He's a fourteen year old boy genius.

Together, they'll trash the freshman class in Rubies premiering Friday.

Hey, he's an old guy, he's a young guy. They're in college together. How wacky is that?

God, the eighties are just rife with He's a garbage man, she's he's germaphobe, that's right.

How will they ever get along? But I think you and I can agree that The Lost Boys was the highlight of his career bar none.

Absolutely, My God, was there a bigger picture? I don't think so, it's definitive.

I mean we obviously it's one of our favorites.

Everyone listening to this has seen Lost Boys, but they might not have seen Lucas.

In fact, if memory serves, you're the one who introduced me to Lost Boys because I wasn't much of a horror fan in high school, and I remember you showing me a double feature of Lost Boys and Near Dark to prove to me that Near Dark was the superior vampire film. And of course you were right, as always, so.

Not always, but in that case, definitely, Near Dark is a superior vampire movie. Came out the same year it was a Revelation, So as I was a senior Dark, I got to see Near Dark completely cold. Okay. I had a friend, Brian McMahon, whose father was police officer, who used to get us into movies for free. He would just flash his badge at the box office and would take it. There you go. So every Saturday he would take Brian and I to the movies and we

In fact, I'm gonna insist people who haven't seen Near Dark pause this podcast. Go watch Near Dark. It's got nothing to do with Corey ham or what we're discussing here, but do yourself a favor and see it. It is. It transcends horror. It's just a great fucking movie.

Yeah, you're gonna need it. You're gonna need it as a palate cleanser after you watch the YouTube version of Corey ham Me myself and kill me already you will.

So this was actually a released video. This had a box It had an inscription from Corey on the back saying dear fans, thanks for your support. I hope you enjoy this as much as we enjoyed making it. Love Corey Hame. This wasn't just some industry like I always had this image in my mind that this was just something that was passed around in the industry. Somebody got

Now?

Who is Brook macarter? Tell everybody Brooke.

Mcarter is one of the Lost Boys. He is the death by stereo lost boy kill Marcoys.

Yeah.

Yeah, And he also showed up in a new Twilight Zone episode. He was quite good in I mean, he was a good actor. Actually he's passed away since then. He died of liver cancer.

Who that's sad.

Now many years ago. One of my earlier podcasts is called Dark Destinations. It is a radio drama basically, and it takes place Each episode takes place in a different fictional environment, and one of them takes place in Santa Carla.

Wow.

Yeah, I got a voice message on Facebook from this lunatic because evidently Brooke Macarter. I had known this at the time. Brook Macarter had already passed away from liver cancer. But they were just like, how dare you His family could see this? They're on here and blah blah blah, And I like took it down because there was such vitriol. But then the same person then sent it to Brooke

What a lunatic. Yeah, that's the definition of a social justice warrior right there.

Insanity anyway, Brook macart.

Wow, Now the thing is like, I never read that Corey Feldman memoir. I think it's called choreography.

God almighty, how could anyway?

But he may be an unreliable narrator in this case, but according to him, it's my understanding that he didn't have a very high opinion of Brooke McCarter. I think because at the time that this video was made, Brooke McCarter was living with Ham, and he was acting as a kind of manager slash life coach, and I think in Feldman's way of thinking, he was a hanger on somebody who was not good for Corey Ham and an enabler in some way.

I wonder how much as writer director of this video he received for a fee.

How much he received for as payment. Yeah, I don't know, because I don't have any idea of how much this thing actually sold or how popular it was in its day.

I'm just saying, was the motivation here to rehabilitate Corey's career or was it to make a buck on Corey when you still could, because if he actually got rehabilitated and started starring in movies, that was the last time you were going to see him.

It's look, I've seen this probably more than any one person should have watched it, and I can't answer that question. It's still there's mysteries around this thing that will never be solved, and the direction is definitely a big one. But so he's interesting that one of his co stars and the Lost Boys directed this thing. Directing is an odd word to use because just to describe this, I'll get into the nuts and bolts, but this thing could

I guess in that regard, it is a breakthrough. While you're watching the final product.

And throughout, by the way, there is this incessant new Jack swing groove playing.

I don't know, and I mentioned it it was interminable.

It's so weird. It's like somebody got themselves in an eight o eight drum machine and it's just like the swing beat with the with a bass playing and there's no vocals. It's just it's like you're on and you're in an elevator circle nineteen eighty nine and it's that version of Musaic playing over the elevator. It's very it's grating, there's no other word for it. It just gets so annoying.

But maybe when we wear a too long coat.

Start doing the Roger Rabbit dance.

Move, and any a too like a zoot suit, pocket.

Chain, like parachute pants, and vanilla ice because he has a vanilla ice look to him at times. He's got like the sort.

Of Africa medallion fashioned in leather.

So we start out there's a sequence. If we're going to break this up into chunks, the first chunk of this movie is footage of Corey playing a lot of sports. He plays hockey. He's wearing a custom Bruins jersey Amster. It Saysmesister Hamster twenty two on the back. It's like his own personal Bruins jersey. And by by playing, I mean he's mainly skating around and taking one on one shots at the goal. There's an Elvis vibe to some of this, Father Malone, because it's like Elvis.

That's the way it is.

It's people whose job it is to make him look good, whether he's playing tennis or like I said, he's playing hockey. There's a goalie who's missing every shot that he's shooting at him. There's a bit where he's playing baseball and they're just shagging grounders and whatever else. But it's all of these people who are there in service to Corey Haim. But I can't imagine any of them weren't aware of his serious substance abuse problems, because it's on full display here.

I had a hard time watching this scene.

It was hard because he's getting They're giving him questions like at one point, I have some of this written down here. He there's one of them. He fidgets, He makes odd facial expressions. He's getting these rambling kind of adult responses, which if your goal is to convey health and well being, this is conveying the exact opposite message. Because at one point he says, this is a direct couit. He says, so as far as my fans up there

I thought he was a cokehead. He's clearly on fucking depressants here. He's half liitted, he's he's forcing every word out. He really has to think about everything he's saying.

I do think that there are parts that he is on cocaine, because there's a sequence where he's in front of a bank of keyboards.

Oh and we'll get there, we'll.

Talk about that. That's another one of these and yettes is him playing music and giving his thoughts on music. For example, this is an infamous quote from this he said. The interview asks what current music he likes, and he says inexplicably, he says, I'm into that Japanese funk, that funky hip jam thing.

Now.

Years later, in two thousand and four, Hame was interviewed for Vice magazine. The person there was doing a They were going to make a movie about Alfie's. Have you ever heard of Alfie's? The club Alfie's from back then? Father Malone. No, there is an interesting story here. Apparently there was a club run by a guy named Alfi that catered specifically to child stars.

Oh, in the Roosevelt Hotel.

Yes, like Scott, they had their own version of kind of the brat pack. It was Corey Ham, Corey Feldman, Alissa Milano, Scott Grimes was in the group. And I don't know if she was in it, But so this person was.

About that girl from Small Wonder? Was she allowed the robot?

I don't know.

It all sounds very dark.

Alf to me?

Was alf running around them?

There?

Who is the guy who was on? Who's addicted to heroin?

Max?

Something? The star of alf Was it?

Not the star? It was one of the writers?

No, No, the one of the writers was. But that guy Max what's his name? He had a drug problem too.

So hit a night for young teens? Was Danny Pintaro allowed in?

No? I don't know.

You didn't have an Alissa Milano hook up? Come on?

No?

I think Alissa Milano dated Corey Ham for a time. So anyway, this writer, this person from Vice was interviewing Corey ham for this thing about Alfie's that apparently never really manifested itself. But he asks him, he says, he asks Corey Hame up front. He says, what's Japanese funk and replies, Oh, I was just messing around at the time.

Yeah, okay, speaking back now to the direction that you mentioned, the direction quote unquote going on in this how could this not be just a quick cash grab or was Brooke McCarter also completely blitzed because anyone can see how fucking high he is in every fucking scene in this movie. It's let's get your rehabilitated, we'll put out this fucking thing and then the industry will know. Meanwhile, everyone had to be stoned because I don't understand how this got out.

It's really remarkable because the more it's like he doff protests too much. The more he tries to convey an image of stability and health, the more or he's doing the exact opposite, because, like you said, he's giving these very heavily lided interviews. He's manic at some points, he's giving weird answers to some of these interview questions. It just doesn't make any sense why you would want this to come out.

He shows he's a menace. And when he gets behind the wheel of a car with the fucking camera rig strap to it so he's driving around, he can't even see.

That's so great because this is half behind the scenes. There's an extended sequence where you see them trying to attach the.

Camera onto the car to dummies.

There are a bunch of.

Dummies, and as he's driving, he's just driving for no real reason. He's just talking as he's driving. How much he loves La. The camera, I swear is shaking so much. If you've ever tried to drive, I did this once when I first had a camera phone. I tried to prop a cat in my phone on my dashboard as I drove, just to see like a steady camshot. No, it just vibrates all to hell and you can't make

This is an insane piece of entertainment.

HV.

It's dangerous. I wrote here, Now, like I said, I've seen this many times. I wrote. At one point, I said, we're only fourteen minutes into this video, and it feels like three hours because east because not a lot happens. I maybe over selling what transpires, but it's like they'll be the thesis of a segment, will be like I said, sports, or it'll be cars, and it will be a good I don't know, eight minutes ten minutes devoted to that.

I don't know and written what was written. Shouldn't one actor have recognized another actor and needs a fucking script or all actors just like I'll just wing it.

Well, my guess is this was written in a manner not unlike how they wrote the movie Head. Remember the famous story about how the monkeys wrote Head.

They went up to Joshua Tree and they locked themselves in a cabin and they all took acid.

Yeah, like Bob Raefelson was there, Jack Nicholson was there, and they just went, Hey, wouldn't it be funny if we were dandriff in some guy's head? Wouldn't that be hilarious? Now it will? As a side note, I fucking love Head. I think it's brilliant. So in that case, they captured

We'll have a sequence where you're like, you're playing hockey and you look great and you're hitting shots into the goal, and then you're talking about how much it's a team sport, and the fact that it's a team sport means that, hey, filmmaking is a team sport too, So read between the lines.

I'm a team player. And then we'll have you like modeling because you show how good you That is what I think happened the two of them Cabana, just hashing this out while under the influence, that's my guess.

Like Quentin Tarantino and Paul Thomas Anderson on coke in that room thing. You ever hear that story?

No?

What is it?

Fiona Apple, who is dead. Paul Thomas Anderson at the time says said something to the effect of, you don't know what hell is unless you've been in a room with Quinton Tarantino and balth Thamas Anderson, like both high on cocaine and talking about themselves.

Seriously. I mean that now, Quentin Tarantino is such a cuddly guy. He's an elder Statesman for that type of filmmaking. But yeah, I can imagine him talking your air off, chattering, even not on cocaine. He's probably a lot to take in. But I digress. So, like I said, there's a sports thing. There's a whole sequence where he's just floating in his pool.

We didn't really talk about that. Tell us, how would you describe his musical stylings.

You know what, here's the thing. You might be surprised by this.

He's actually a pretty good player.

Yes, that's what I was going to say. He I was all prepared to say, Oh, he's just hitting random keys on the thing and letting the sampler dude, the heavy lifting. That's that may be true for part of this, but there is a part of this musical sequence, this interlude, where you can actually see that he actually is playing

I guess that was my question, what do you think of that music?

And maybe the music's terrible, Make no mistake, it's incessantly repeating and looping. It's literally it's like he had a bar of music and he just keeps the drum machine just keeps looping back, and the melody just keeps looping back, and the bass keeps looping back. And again there's this elevis element where there's guys behind him, ay, oh yeah, right, you're cool, like they're, if not pretending to groove, at least trying to appreciate what he's doing. But again, there's nothing.

Jammin On the one rest in Peace, Malcolm Jamal Warner.

I actually not only that, I did actually make a joke here. I wrote this down. There's at one point during his fashion shoot, he's wearing a leather jacket with skeletons painted on the back, and he takes it off to reveal what I can only describe as a Gordon Gartrell type shirt. I love using Gordon Gartrell as a reference Father Malone, because it may be not that I was a big Cosby show nerd, but that between the Stevie wonder Jamin on the One and the Gordon Gartrell episode,

I absolutely remember that with that designer shirt.

Yeah, Denise was supposed to. She said I can make you because they were the shirts were super expensive. They were like hundreds of dollars, and Denise said, I can make you one of those for thirty bucks. And he's like, done, do it and he puts it on and it's so over the top ridiculous. One sleeve is too long, one sleeve is too short, the buttons and the collar don't line up. They're all and it's this great reveal where he comes out and he's screaming at Denise about this

No joke, not accusing you of joking. And I agree with that sentiment.

One.

If you watched most recently on Key and Peel, he keeps showing up as this like black Republican and like jeans and one of those those stupid leather jackets. And I'm pissed, royally pissed.

It's so good he was he It's funny because there's an interesting dichotomy here. We bring up Malcolm Jamal Warner and we're talking about Corey Haim. They both are child actors.

Who do you think the Cosby kids were in that nightclub?

Probably not, because I don't think mister Cosby, which is what they all had to call him, Like even now, these kids quote unquote are like in their fifties and they still call him mister Cosby, which I think is interesting. But no, I don't think any of them could be in those clubs. Remember Lisa Bney did Angel Heart and she was kicked off of like a different world, like she that ruined her standing with Cosby.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but then she showed back up on the Cosby Show.

She did she married that naval nerd. What was that guy's name?

Who cares? He was terrible. I just remember that. At one point as a joke, all of the characters came in and they were wearing shirts that's a PG or R or something like that, and then she came in wearing an X because angel Hart had been rated X initially because of the sex scene between her and Mickey Rourke.

Yeah.

Did I tell you when I met Lisa Bonet one time?

You never told me the story.

So this is I was working at the New Wilshire Theater in Cinta, Monica between fourteenth and Nuclid Street, and it was a matinee on a Sunday, and it was so early in the morning and I had just cut the movie had just ended, and I had come downstairs and Lisa Bonet came out and said, can you help me find my glasses? And it was like a goddess. Man. There are very few people I've met who people described

Yeah, yeah, you have the sunshine shining down on you.

Oh my god, this is like nineteen ninety two, ninety three, by the way, like Lisa Bonett just oh my short hair, just gorgeous, that her skin was so man.

She was beautiful. She was beautiful. She would not I know she went back to Cosby eventually, but but she did her own thing. Remember she she did Playboy. She married Lenny Kravitz. Remember that they did Beautiful.

Performer, And Zoe Kravitz is their child, beautiful.

And fucking talented as hell.

Fucking ay Man Jason Momo is a fucking idiot.

I know, huh blew it, he blew it. But I

And I don't know, I.

Guess it's up for debate whether any of this could have been avoided or if he maybe he had just that type of addictive personality and he couldn't maybe he was faded to be to end up like this. It's sad, but this kind of nakedly ambitious means of upping his standing in Hollywood. It's it is sad that he had to resort to that. But it's a little bit I don't know, there's a what's the word I'm looking for.

It's one person. This is my point. This isn't It wasn't done in a vacuum. This isn't like a video that escaped onto the internet. There was no internet. This is something they crafted. So it's not only this group of idiots. At a certain point, they have to hand it to somebody else who's going to master the tape, and there had to be an executive at some company somewhere.

Yeah, there no movie. The thing is like you, if you watch the crappiest midnight movie that you can possibly imagine something that looks like it was who made this? The fact is actually fuck Wim. I blanking on his name. I'm married to Meredith. Soalnger now patnallsas he has a great bit he talks about deathbed, the bed that eats people.

Well, nobody says to make a bad movie.

But my point is that we're watching this the quality is really it's like having it's like a camcorder from nineteen eighty nine. It just doesn't look very good. It looks like somebody did this as a home movie. But when you watch it, there's no denying that there are photographers. There are tons of cameramen. Yeah, this is a big artist.

They had to like call ahead to the sports facility and say Corey Haym's going to be coming over beyond the ice and we're going to be filming. Like permits were probably worked out like christ this.

There are vehicles that have to be rented. There's costuming that has to because there's a whole sequence where he just models a bunch of costumes, including this Gordon Guard Trail type shirt.

So to hire a makeup artist to come make him up while he rambles on hairstylist.

There's even there's even this weird shot of somebody pumping air into the alligator float that he then floats on on the pool. It's like, why would you film that someone literally with one of those little things to fill it up there. It's insane, But you're right. At no point that anybody or maybe someone didn't they were overruleed. But it doesn't. It seems like nobody was the adult on a set saying what the fuck are we doing here? Look at him. He can barely speak without falling asleep

Yeah, this isn't Let's just get him through the gig. This is let's rehabilitate his career.

Or probably more likely, Hey, maybe there's money to be made. He has a big fan base. Girls love him. Let's put this out under the guys that it's a day in the life of this guy, and we'll kill two birds with one stone. We'll restore his standing in Hollywood and make a few bucks in the bargain. I don't have I couldn't find any sales figures for this thing. I somehow I doubt that it made a lot of money. Look, I saw this thing for years. I didn't even know

Yeah, I didn't know it was either. I saw it in Los Angeles, like at a party. Somebody was like, you've never seen that, and they like popped it in. So I assumed, like you did, that this was just something being passed around.

Yeah, just some like the Trogs tape, something that like they.

Cast the Spirit of Christmas. That was the same era that videotape was actually being passed around. That was actual viral video.

Yeah, yeah, and that made the South Park guys right, that was what lit the flame.

Oh my god. And you know what I did what everyone did. As soon as that tamp got into my hand, somebody let me borrow it, I duped it and handed it back, and then somebody passed it on and on. Yeah.

Yeah, that's that was That's the very definition of viral. But this, I just don't know anyone who could watch this and not just see through all of the ridiculousness of it and say This is really sad video. There's no there's nothing funny about it, especially now knowing that he never regained any sort of standing. He just he never got back to Hollywood. I know, like I said, he'd done a few cameos and things here and there. But the way, have you ever seen him in Dicky Roberts former child actor?

No?

I is he in the poker scene?

No?

I think he's only at the end, so the wrap up the end.

I don't think I got to the end. So sorry, David spaed I love you, but I couldn't get through that.

This is in its own way, this is every bit is sad as what we're talking about here, the ending of Dicky Roberts is as the credits are rolling, it's basically we are the World Style sing along featuring oh.

Yeah yeah, Eithan Barry Williams hamming it up.

Yeah, there's the Brady Boys are there, Gary Coleman of course, is there. Todd Bridges, Adam Rich from Ada is enough who looked really bad. Laife Garrett is there and they're all it's the conceit is. They're singing this We Are the World Style Ballad. But it's all about how if you come up to me and you call me by my character's name, I will knock you the fuck out. That's literally, and that's I guess there's something funny about seeing Roge from What's Happening say something like that. That's

Cory Feldman's naked attempt to make money off of his ailing friend Oof. That's by the way, let's talk about

Don't know what sympathy sympathy, Yeah, I agree, I look the problem one of the problems with Corey Feldman is that the guy just can't get out of his own fucking way.

For everything that he does that seems to be sympathetic, and maybe you give him kind of a break, he does something that just makes you go, I don't I have no sympathy for you.

Hello, I'm Corey Felman. Did you know that crack cocaine has become a national concern. This drug is an epidemic sweeping across the country. Crack cocaine is knocking on the doors of many communities, and I'm concerned about the effect it's having in our society, Please lend a helping hand by joining me and others in the fight to get crack cocaine off the streets. Be a KHJ TV Starr don't use drugs.

I don't know if he does it anymore, But he used to actually have his compound was run as Corey's Angels, where he would get these beautiful blonde women off the street who wanted to make something of themselves in Hollywood. He would take them in, but then he would control what they ate. It was a fucking cult, is what it was. And that alone is enough for me to say, you know what, you don't get the benefit of the doubt anymore. I get it, you were abused and the

It's just not his response to being not blacklisted. I don't think there's anything any such thing anymore. But his response to no longer being hired because he had been treated like a joke, one of the Corey's, the teeny bopper guy from the eighties. His response was to become even bigger. His response was to become an even bigger joke. Yeah, he weave her hair, stopped dancing like Michael Jackson, takes some acting classes. It's been a while, and get back in the game, Corey.

But Michael Jackson thing just kills me. As I was diving down the rabbit hole for this. In preparation, I told you that I rewatched the Dream a Little Dream that the dance sequence that he does in the gym, he dances for Meridith Salinger's character. And I know that he has said he's claimed that I'm not dancing like Michael Jackson. It's just that we both learned at the same time. And no, he's doing Michael Jackson every time

You ever listen to that Goonies commentary with the cast. Yes, Josh Brolin, Josh Brolin always a hero, Cory, are you still dancing around like Michael Jackson?

God bless Brolin. That's awesome.

I've always been a fan of that guyn.

Corey Feldman is, So he didn't it didn't have to end this way with him, because as we already had talked about, he's good in stand By Me, he's really good and I like him. And Lost Boys he's actually funny, and Lost Boys he's sort of proto. Yeah, he's good. At some point he went from doing that to doing like Meatballs for and snow Boarding Academy or whatever other fuck movies that I.

Mean, high school forever, right, how dare you?

It's just he had he could have done it. I know he had his own battle to substance abuse and all that kind of stuff, but he's The fact is he's still here and Corey ham isn't. And there's value in that. That's something actually to be admired when you think about it, somebody who survived. But at the same time, he just seems like such an asshole that I don't know. I guess I'll give him a hand for surviving, but not much more than.

That he's a bigger tragedy and that he actually had promise.

We had talked briefly about the Lifetime movie. There was a two Corey's Lifetime movie, one of these bad, badly casted sort of a Matthew Bright, very surface level, lurid movies. You saw it, didn't you.

I've seen enough of it.

Yeah, And what was your assessment of Corey Feldman in that it was.

The catalyst for my theory that he is drafting on the actual torment and grief and brutalization of his friend and treating it as his own and playing the victim when he's just a guy who was a bit of a dickhead who had a substance abuse problem for a while,

There was this thing with Corey Feldman and he was getting a he was he was crying, and he was going like, I'm just I'm just so worried about everything that's going on with me right now, and you know it happened, and I'm really worried. And I can hear the producer of Camera go that was great, Corey. Can you just say this weekend because that's when the he goes what yeah, go problem.

I think your exact words to me were Feldman is actually the villain of this whole thing. He's really the villain of this and the guys of him trying to be or on the surface being the friend, the brother, if you will, to Corey Hame, He's actually the one who maybe wasn't always looking out for his best interests.

How about tank all of the money that you're going to make on your Cory's series and put him in fucking rehab.

He needed it. I know the official word on what he died of was. I think they said he died of pneumonia.

He died of heart he I don't know that he ever.

Conquered his substance abuses.

Sir, not He's overdosed on something or other.

Yeah, sad, sad, but we will always have this time

That's really difficult. That's awful, Yeah, seriously.

And the way that this ends the way that this Vanity project, if you hear lim it limps over the finish line, it's a darkly lit PSA style bit where Hame is going over the resume of movies that he's made, and he it ends with basically him doing a stay in school type PSA. He's look, I know it's very glamorous. It looks like it's glamorous to be an actor, but stay in school, do your thing. It was very out

It should have been a video of him working at McDonald's. He went out with his hanging out with his mom and dad.

I will say this speaking of that there's.

Way with a dog doing something normal and not just coked up, fucking lunacy.

The one sort of truly sad bit that sad in and of the moment and not something that requires some retrospect is the off screen interviewer at one point asks Hame if he could relive one day, what would it be. His response, father, Malone, do you remember this? Do you remember this part of the video. He talks about this little stuffed animal that his mother got him before he was born. That's a dog that he had since he was before he was born, and there was a security blanket.

Did that happen while he was filming Lost Boys, because it's just three years prior.

He was It was in eighty five. It was two years before Lost.

Boys, Okay, but he's recording this in nineteen eighty eight now at least. Yeah, I came out in eighty nine.

He was seventeen when he made.

This, so it's only three years ago. He's saying, I want to go back to that time three years ago when I lost animal. But if I asked, I actually tuned out during this part HP because as soon as he's as soon as he brought up a stuff down line, I went, this is for teeny boppers. Okay.

I guess you could look at it that way, but I'm choosing to look at it. If I asked you, like, hey, is there a day like to relive this? Probably something like hey, this was a sliding doors moment that I know would have changed my life for one way or another. I know I would have said that, But this is

Yeah, but he's also high. That's it.

That's true too. I guess you can't overlook that.

I don't really take anything he said in this video as any sort of concrete proof of anything.

He's apparently the most unreliable of narrators. Yeah, I guess that's what we're looking at here. Interesting other side note, this is another story that has nothing to do with anything this interview that he did with with Vice magazine. Do you remember father belone New York Seltzer when we were kids.

Of course, it was delicious.

It was delicious. They don't make it anymore. I don't think there was a commercial.

Haym have something to do with it. Was he busted drinking? New York Seltzer and that child nightclub was Tina you others allowed into the child nightclub? She was Actually she was part of this group of kids child Steine Bateman there No. I think she was charging us about the terrors of AI way back then.

So, but Haines does figure into this. I thought this was interesting in the context of this interview. Randy Miller was the president of New York Seltzer. The commercial Do you remember the commercial for New York Seltzer. It was a guy jumping off of the roof of a hotel with a New York Seltzer in his hand. Do you remember this?

No, you don't remember this.

It was David Coverdale from White Snake saying the theme to this, it's like a hair metal theme. There's nothing in the world like New York Seltzer. And while this is all happening, you see this guy, Randy Miller. He has They show him with Tiger on a chain. He's like, hey, I'm a badass dude. And he jumps off of this hotel with a New York Seltzer and he was like, hey, cheers.

I have no objection to seeing Corey Ham again in the future. I just can't ever bear to see him like this again.

It is look all things, all kidding aside, all jokes aside, It is a sad look at a star who's completely lost his way. It's just no way around it, and even sadder to know that he never found his way. That's really the ultimate wrenching aspect this whole thing is if he went back, if he mounted a comeback and was bigger and better than ever, we could look at this and laugh about it and say, all right, that was just a blip in the radar.

Yeah, remember that time he tried to convince everyone not that you were clean when you were clearly fucked up. Yeah, Charlie Sheen.

Winning It would have been because people Charlie Sheen, although he's not necessarily considered the most stable of individuals. People don't talk about that when he went off the deep end and he was talking about tiger blood and all that kind of stuff. But he made it through. But Corey Hame never made it through. That's sad.

No, he needed a friend, like a really good friend, like somebody else named Corey to fucking put out a steadying hand instead of trying to recruit blondes to be his personal army. Gross really gross, Okay, so gross Feldman.

Oh, yeah, he's completely He just seems greasy and not unsavory. He's a very unsavory character, that's my impression.

I bet his tongue is out of his mouth a lot of times, Like, I bet that's like a sexy move for him.

I showed you. I forwarded you that at a video from The Two Cory's there's a moment in the two Corey TV Show that he's giving his wife a Valentine's Day present and it's not a ring, it's not jewelry, it's not flowers. The wife comes home and outside is Cory with a ten piece band singing the worst song ever because he believes he's a good singer and he's not. Corey Feldman, I'm here to tell you cannot sing. He's terrible.

I want a divorce from Corey Feldman now too.

I think I think the world wants to divorce Corey Feldman and has so for a long time. Everyone everyone dislikes him, except for that guy from lymp Biscuit Fred Durst.

Yeah, are they buddies?

They are buddies. He brought him, fred Durst brought him on tour with Limp Biscuit in their most recent tour. He was like one of the opening acts.

Did it all for the nookie?

Did it for something? See Fred Durst bugs me too.

Remember Wes Borland and his creepy gulishness out of a completely out of place in that band, like he's in the wrong band.

The thing about it is when Limp Biscuit was popular in the nineties, there was no wink and a smile at the audience. They believed in every bullshit song they sang. They took it seriously. So for them now, like now, if you look at footage of them performing, it's, oh, here's Fred Durst. He's wearing another wacky wig and he's singing. He's singing like a lounge singer. You don't get to be part of that. You don't get to say that you're part of the joke. Now, you don't get to do that.

I felt that way about Shatner. Yeah, like everyone loves Shatner now, like curmudgeon le old Shatner because everyone at certain point, we're going to love you because you're just old and haven't died yet. But when Shatner's reframed himself as that sort of I'm completely in love with myself narcissistic actor, I was like, no, you are that. Fuck you. You seemed like a nightmare. Your entire career. You don't get to coast on being the nightmare now, you don't get to continue your popularity.

You're not wrong. I will say. He did an album with Ben Folds called has Been. This was before he really let that part of his persona take over. It's have you ever heard it?

Father?

B Alone? Has no No, It's Ben Folds or William Shatner.

It's a very good album, and the reason for that is because it actually was kind of a peek behind what everybody thought they knew about him. There's a song on there he found his wife drowned in the pool she had I don't know she led herself.

I unfortunately heard the nine one one tape.

There's a song on there where he's actually basically singing a song to her. It's called what have You Done? It's heavy stuff, it's him grappling with This was two thousand and four, so this was already twenty one years ago. So even then he was like grappling with the idea that I'm old, I don't have very much longer to go. What have I done with myself? Who am I? And what do I have to say for myself? I thought?

Nope, here's what I want to know. How does his blues album stack up against Steven Sigalla's blues album.

It's worse. It's much, much worse. We've talked about this on a Noise Junkies album episode. Stephen Sigal is terrible, objectively terrible, but at least there's still an element with Shatner of I'm trying this, but there's still a wink and a smile, like, hey, this is definitely William Shatner the character doing a blues album and what that entails. And plus he has all these like guest performers come in like Slash or whoever else like stuff like that.

Yeah, I'll say again, the music on that on his album is good. He's just surrounded himself with a really good musicians. We're gonna say that's a bad album. How could you?

He's just he's so hard to take seriously. At least Shatner, you know what you're getting, which is this is a guy who's he's dined out on his persona for decades and that'll never change. Whereas Segal is just predominantly known as an asshole who gave up his US citizenship to go to Russia. Just a weird guy.

Fuck that guy. Yeah, he should have been killed by a predator.

He wouldn't let it happen. It would be in his contract that he had to beat the predator with his hopketo. That's it, the sticky hands, the martial art that he practiced.

Steven Sage's best movie executive order.

Is that the one with Kurt Russell.

Yeah it it is, because he dies twenty minutes into the movie. He gets sucked out of the plane's Yeah, oh my God, this movie's great.

So let's let's try to wrap this up. There's not much more to say about this that it's very look if you can sit through it, it is very interesting to see the lengths that he would go to to try and rescue his career, and as a cautionary tale alone, it's worth visiting. But at the end of the day, if we're gonna if the conceit of this series is that I hate you because I'm giving you this entertainment that can't possibly be entertaining, I guess mission accomplished.

Then huh, oh my god, such a mission accomplished. And listen, listeners. If you consider me your friend and then you go watch this based on my recommendation, then you know what it's like to have HB hate you.

Two.

It can only go up from here, though, father alone, it can only get better. I can't imagine it's much worse.

Than this can't get much like.

In comparison, the Billy Crystal Show that we reviewed last time was like a walk in the park compared to.

This wildly popular. That episode was Oh yeah, people like you hating me? I guess nice.

They just it's such an interesting idea. The thing is ultimately, when you and I do shows like Yaucha FESTP Series is like that, we want things to be good, we want to be entertained, and we want to pass on those good pieces of entertainment to you the listener. So it's a unique spin on that to present you with things that I'm pretty certain you're going to hate.

It's odd you fucking knocked it out of the park with this one. Mat not only because of the subject matter, not only because it was interminable and because I've just hated my life, but this one was also so melancholic in a way that like it's going to be hard to beat. So please, whatever the next thing is, can it not involve ultimate tragicy I'll do my best, all right? Until then, where can people find you, mister HP?

All right, on the lighter side of the entertainment spectrum. You can can hear me on the Night Mister Walters Taxi Podcast, which I co host with Father Malone. Here of course, I'm an occasional guest on the Culture Cast with Christashu. I host the Noise Junkies music podcast, and I have a band campsite hpmusicplace dot bandcamp dot.

Com as for me. If you're listening on the Patreon page, thank you so much. It's probably where you're hearing this first. Come on, suckers, get on that Patreon page. You can hear this thing weeks early. Check in. Tune in every Monday, that's Father Malone's weekly round up where I reviewed the latest in streaming and theatrical releases. And every Friday. It

All of those.

And I'm gonna leave you with a bit of music here. Who's the singer what I want to be?

Can you wrap?

Yeah?

What's that going about?

Put me one time?

You know?

And won't you say?

At the party?

Jamming on the one can and jamming on the one Yemen on.

The baby cannon on the one baby baby Lady lay be