Father Malone's Weekly Roundup - Jurassic World Rebirth (2025), Miracle Mile (1988)

American city had seen since the Civil War. It's this same bit of happenstance fate that caused Henry Buttle to get snatched up by government thugs and not Henry Tuttle. In Terry Gilliam's dystopian masterpiece, of Brazil, the same bit of twisted cosmic humor that allowed every system to fail on Jurassic Park's inaugural weekends some thirty years ago. They recreate that situation here, but they make it even more random,

which would be lovely if it wasn't a fucking commercial Jurassic World the Confectionery Age. I lost count of the number of product placements in this very cynical follow up to the endlessly creaking along Jurassic series of films. Studios realize that if we get a movie every couple of years, that we can't be nostalgic for it. Right The bit of business at the film start that pulled a fucking

grown out of me. In the theater, a technician in an environmental suit walking through a giant clean room of a facility approaches an air lock door, but before he goes through, he scarfs down a Snickers and lets the wrapper fall to the floor, which then gets sucked into a door mechanism, and the next thing you know, some gigantic, unseen dinosaur is chowing down on the candy enthusiast and potentially everyone else in that facility. Which facility, oh, is

it the one on Eastla New Bar. No, it's the other one East La Sorna, no Isla de Moerde. No, how about wherever the fuck that giant theme park they built was. Nope, this is a yet another facility we've never heard of until now. Boy, oh boy, let's get into it. This is Jurassic World Rises or something. I don't know. It's bullshit.

they're trying to get blood samples from these three particular species for a pharmaceutical company who is then going to use that dino blood to turn it into I don't know, it doesn't make any goddamn sense. And notice the script's super fucking obvious structure. One dinosaur is in the water, another is on the land, and another flies Act one, Act two, Act three. I'm being generous that this in any way resembles drama. This is a fetch quest extravaganza

where the cut scenes never fucking end. It is not sweet, certainly not sweet as a delicious bag of EM and m's. I know they're eating M and ms because not only do they feature the bag, but there are half a dozen reaction shots that involve characters popping em and ms into their mouths. I'm surprised they didn't remake the Mister DNA cartoon with JK. Simmons voicing his green eminem so candy commercial. That's one way you can view this film.

Another is bargain basement knockoff. Yes, it has two genuine stars in the cast, Scarlett Johansson and Mhersla Ali as two mercenaries hire to lead the team. But then it's not quite Noah Wiley as the sensitive paleontologist, and not quite Cliff Curtis as a dad whose family gets caught up in the mayhem while they're trying to sail across the Atlantic don't ask. Then there's not quite Emmy Rossam as one of the potentially most annoying characters in the

entire film series. And then, most disconcertingly is not quite Julian McMahon as the pharma company's evil represent Jillian McMahon, of course, from Niptok and Fantastic Four, died just a few days ago, so this actor's resemblance to him resulted in this thought. Literally every time he came on screen, man Jillian McMahon was only fifty six and he was in shape. I'm fifty two and I'm not. That's not

the filmmaker's fault. But then maybe they should count it as a bonus, because during those times I wasn't thinking how fucking boneheaded this entire film was. We meet not quite Noah Wiley, while the museum he works at is dismantling their dinosaur exhibit from lack of interest. Though we're told five years ago there were lines around the block. Five years ago there were lines around the block to see fossils when there were dinosaurs randomly showing up and

causing traffic jams in major American cities. That makes sense, But at least we get to see that when dinosaurs ruled the earth banner one more time. Ah, remember when that came down and the t rex roared. This movie isn't counting on you to remember the other films fondly.

It's holding you down and drawing on you. It's so desperate to rekindle those old memories, down to mirror image sequences like when the not quite velociraptor is trapped in the ceiling above a young girl and snapping at her, or when the heroes are huddled in a pantry and not quite Velociraptor is stalking around, Which isn't to say there isn't anything new. There's a water dinosaur. We haven't had those before, right except half a dozen times now,

or flying dinosaurs, except we have. You're getting the idea. This is all mashed up from other films, where the first act is actually a really long take on Jaws, and the finale is basically Aliens, right down to the newest dinosaur menace. Wait, and once you see him, you'll know, because the newest and latest secret facility is a genetic lab where they've been breeding entirely new species of dinosaurs to combat waning public interest. That's new, except it's not.

That's Jurassic World. That was the first film, and then again in the sequel when they had cloned children, and shit, they dropped that plotline fast, didn't They kind of felt like they were drifting into dinosaur human hybrid territory, which which could have been interesting, certainly more interesting than what we got here, because it's just more dinosaurs. They're a

little bit different. They've been genetically changed. We're told they have a new Tatanosaurus, which is like a brachiosaur, only it's fucking huge, which is the game here, Bigger baby. Then there's the Ketsiquatalis. I mean, I couldn't tell the difference between those and an old terradon, but it's supposed to be scarier. And to be fair, the Ketsiuatalis sequence

is the best in the movie. It's actually harrowing. The rest isn't, even though the movie spins itself in fucking circles trying to make us care about these characters, tragic grief soaked backstories for the ones we know who won't die, and then straight up annoying end or bad characters just primed for lunch. You know, it occurred to me during the t rex attack. Of course there's a t rex attack sequence. It's in his contract. It was during the t rex attack sequence. Then I suddenly had a feeling

I haven't had watching a movie in forty years. I was sitting in a Theater in Revere, Massachusetts, watching Friday the Thirteenth, Part six, when it finally clicked, Jason is the hero. I want those people to get machetied. Once that happened, I found myself enjoying Jurassic World Revival ten to a great deal more. Instead of near misses, I considered the attacks near hits. Oh almost, you'll get him

next time, Dinosaur. I know you can do it. The disparity and likable characters between the first film and this is stark. You just looked at Alan Grant or Ellie Sadler and you were like, I'm on board wherever they're going. Here. They just pour on all this useless backstory and you don't give a fuck. They don't even really get going for half an hour. That's the cut scene. I'm talking

about the first cut scene. There are many more to come, along with speeches on morality and everyone oohing and eyeing some natural beauty five minutes after one of their friends was eaten in front of them. Ah yeah, yeah, Okay. Here's where I ranked the Jurassic movies. Jurassic Park Masterpiece, The Lost World. You should watch Jurassic Park again. Jurassic Park three Allen. Jurassic World high heels. Huh, Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom. You should watch the Lost World again. I

never thought I would say that. Jurassic World dominion. We're still doing these huh. And now Jurassic World Rebirth melts in your mouth, not in your hand. You should save your money, do not support this film. Instead, you should support the fine folks at Mars.

gen X brain is absolutely firing with thoughts of an earlier age of panic. Back in the early eighties, when we all assumed a nuclear firestorm was imminent. I lived in almost permanent terror as a young man. I saw that Quanti documentary The Man Who Saw Tomorrow about Nostradamus, and it really put the whamie on my head. But like most things in life, there was a to a problem,

and that solution could be found at the movies. One of the best decisions I've ever made was sneaking into Boston to see a screening of Steve Dejarnett's unsung classic Miracle Mile. You know, the nineteen fifties were America's golden age. They were an age of prosperity. It's no wonder so many people are trying to get back there, what with the communist witch hunts and the institutionalized racism, and the rampant sexism, and the crippling terror of all out nuclear war.

You know, in his novel Lullaby, Chuck Pollinik positive that every generation wants to be the last, And thanks to the fine people of the greatest generation, that became not only a possibility, but in the minds of many, a certainty. As the Cold War slammed in the high gear over the next few decades, Hollywood attempted to varying degrees of success to illuminate and or alleviate the fear of this fresh technological nightmare. These films would fall into two distinct categories.

The first would dramatize the events leading up to armageddon and the efforts by military and government officials to stave off such an incident. Movies like Fails in War Games and No Doubt the best of them. Stanley Kubrick's Doctor Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. The second category was all about the aftermath, which itself would split into two diverse types, realistic as in The Day After or Threads and fantasy, best exemplified

by The Terminator in The Road Warrior. Few, if any, of the films managed to capture the levels of personal paranoia and creeping menace that the nuclear threat managed to inflict on everyday life. For that film, moviegoers had to wait till nearly the end of the Cold War. The Air was nineteen eighty eight. In the film was the most nihilistic and simultaneously optimistic of the genre. Miracle Mile Love can true spin your head around?

It's for real, Dad, there's no drill. We shoot our wad in fifteen minutes. They're gonna pick us up in five or ten, and you can get it back in an hour and ten, maybe seventy five minutes.

going back to sleep now. The actual Miracle Mile is a stretch of the Wilsher Corridor in Los Angeles. It was developed in the twenties and thirties by A. W. Ross, who made the precient decision to design the area to be seen while driving rather than walking. This became known as the linear downtown model and would be adopted by virtually every major metropolitan city worldwide. The street itself is aligned with shops, restaurants, museums, and, most importantly, for the

sake of the film, the LaBrea tar pits. The tar pits are a naturally occurring phenomenon with tar Technically asphalt bubbling up from the earth. It's been at it for tens of thousands of years, and during that time snared an untold number of animals, not to mention everything from plants to insects to grains of pollen. The boiling asphalt preserves the specimens with some of the oldest fossils dating

back thirty eight thousand years. Harry, a trombone player with a traveling big band combo, is in town for a gig and killing time at the tarpits. He meets local girl Julie, and the attraction is instant and mutual. They spend a near perfect day together, culminating at a concert at the old Pan Pacific Auditorium, where if you listen close you can here at Livia Newton.

owe her a collective tip. Robocomp's boss Robert Dewey, security chief Tasha Yarn, Denise Crosby, and Earl Bowen. You'll probably remember him as Doctor Silverman and the Terminator films. If you like the Terminator movies, you're in luck because we have Jeanette Goldstein and the always awesome Brian Thompson. Whether or not the calm was authentic, it's enough to spook the Diners Denizens into a hasty trip to Lax, where a plane has been chartered to fly them to the

Southern Hemisphere. Harry remains behind with a promise that if you can make it to the top of the Mutual Benefit Life Building, a helicopter will be ready to transport

him in several others to the airport. At this point, the film becomes virtually real time, as Harry navigates the empty landscapes of early morning Los Angeles in an attempt to reunite with Julie and whisk her away from danger, which proves easier said than done, forcing Harry to enlist the help of Wilson a car stereo thief played by Michael T. Williamson, who was Bubba, the shrimp loving Vietnam Pallo Forest Gump. It's kind of weird that he played

Bubba and a character named Wilson. With the clock ticking relentlessly on, they run up against overzellist cops and armed citizens, one of them played by mister Blue himself novelist Eddie Bunker, before Harry is finally reconnected with Julie. Though released just prior to the Soviet collapse, Miracle Mile was written a

decade earlier by Steve Dejarnett. The script was immediately optioned by Warner Brothers, who baulked the idea of entrusting a neophyte filmmaker with directing, and with Dejarnet unwilling to change the script, it sat unproduced for years. At one point it almost became the Twilight Zone movie. It eventually landed on the first ever Best Unproduced screenplaylist, currently known as the Blacklist. De Jarnet made an unprecedented move at this point.

He took his salary for writing the first draft of Strange Brew the Bob and Doug McKenzie movie, and used it to buy back his screenplay. His rewrite garnered even more interest, and Dejarnett turned down an offer of nearly half a million dollars to sell it out right, convinced that he was the best filmmaker to tell the story.

And what a story, Because the call isn't a prank. The world begins to awake to a living nightmare, and we end where we begin, at the libre at tart Pits. It's a horrifying ending. It's brutal and frustrating and heartbreaking, but also beautiful and amazing and hopeful. Because nothing is permanent. Life is a mad scramble, full of missed opportunity, bad luck, and misfortune and dread, but it's all worthwhile when you

find someone to love and be loved by. It manages to put all the goddamn troubles of the world in perspective and maybe the only true permanence we're apt to find. Everyone on the planet is going to die with or without nuclear annihilation, but to do it together in a place with the proof of that level will survive thousands of years. You can't do much better than that. Fuck. I hope I didn't bum you out too much. Midnight viewers, I've had Apocalypse on the brain lately, so it'd be

wrong not to share. Speaking of, if you look in the show notes, you'll find a link to a Spotify playlist I made. It's an End Times mixtape. Pop it in and keep watching the Skies. Tune into this Friday if you would. Mister HP is rejoining us to take care of that listener chosen music episode. That's right, we are taking a look at Little Shump of Horrors. Say where did you get such an unusual plant? If you want to hit me up, go to father blone seven to one at a gmail dot com for letters and

inquiries and such, and hit us up on Instagram. Midnight Viewing has its own account. I'll link that as well, and the Patreon. You guys know this call to action business. We'll leave you with a bit from Jurassic World. Now I'm kidding, Get the fuck out of here. Here's more from Miracle Mile.