A Show We Love: Forgive Me!

Hey there, Metro listeners. We are so close to our next batch of remixed and remastered Metro Cast album songs. In the meantime, we're excited to introduce you to another great show. Forgive me, a rogue dialogue productions podcast. Forgive me tells the story of Father Ben, a tryhard young Catholic priest who was recently reassigned from Binghamton to St. Patrick's, a new parish in the state of New York under mysterious circumstances.

Season 3, Episode 1. Another disaster at the Donut Festival.

Sorry, Ben. A deal is a deal. You're not backing out of this now.

Listen, it was one thing talking to you about this, but it's another seeing all of them.

Oh, you'd be fine. A passionate man like you, I know you've got the heart.

For now I do.

I handled messes for two weeks while you were off garavanting around mecha friends.

Gallivanting? I was on a silent retreat with the Genesee River monks.

I'm sure you've had plenty of time to meditate on how to get through today.

Father Ben! Hey, Father Ben!

Oh, they actually came! Hi Luke! Stay there, I'll be right down! Don't you go too far. We're doing this in five minutes.

I'll be back. Just making sure they're spelling my name right on the trophy.

Hi, Father Ben. Good to see you, Adam. You two are doing it.

Oh!

Oh!

Got it. Sorry about that, pa, father.

It's alright, it's alright, Andrew. Good to see you.

Well, Father, I'd like a word with you when you have a moment.

Sure, Margaret. I'm going to greet some guests now, but I'll find you later.

Don't leave me waiting for too long now, young man.

I won't, Margaret. Hey, Luke! Oh, and Sydney, so great to see you both. And who is this little one?

Hi, I bet! Good to see you too, Ben. This is Archer. Archie, can you say hi?

Good to meet you too, Archie. He's very cute.

Good job, you two. Thanks, Father. Hope we didn't get you in trouble back there. With who? Margaret?

Oh, no, no. She's fine.

She reminds me of Sister Marianne.

I had the same thought when I first met her. Gosh, it's really great to see you both in person. I couldn't believe it when you called.

We couldn't believe it when we heard you were out here. Imagine our luck.

What brings you over from Binghamton anyway?

This one has always dreamed of starting an apple orchard.

You bought an orchard!

Well we bought a field, but one that Luke is certain can grow apples.

It's gonna be amazing, Ben. The property is gorgeous. Like something out of a storybook. Plus, there's already a beautiful farmhouse on the property. It's a really special place.

The tap water is brown and smells like sulfur, but other than that, I'm excited too.

Who needs water when you can drink cider, right? Seems like a fun adventure. We gotta have you over. I'll give you a full tour of the place.

You've been here, what, two years now, Ben? I think you can believe what a country field looks like, Luke.

I'd love to see it sometime.

Be careful what you say, Ben, or he'll have you with gloves on planting trees within five minutes.

Oh, come on, Sid. I'd wait at least 15.

I'm always open to a hard day's work. The life of a priest can definitely be a bit sedentary at times.

Speaking of, we were so blown away when we called the church to speak to the pastor, and you picked up. The way Father Antonio talked after you left, it sounded like you'd been shipped halfway across the world. What'd he say?

Father Ben has been chosen for an emergency mission on behalf of the church.

That does sound a bit dramatic.

So imagine our surprise finding you as the pastor in our new hometown.

Not quite an emergency mission, but here I am.

There's gotta be an interesting story there.

Oh no, no, no, not not nothing so dramatic, but uh you know, it's just well, the the the priest on the stage there, he was sick and I had to leave. Well, not leave, I I was needed to support, you know, just helping out the church. Look at me, we're rambling on. Let me show you around.

Yes, please. We've been dreaming of coming to the Donut Festival all week since you invited us.

Seriously, nothing like a week of unpacking boxes to make you crave fried dough.

Biggest event of the year. Let's come over to the right here. This is our petting suit, graciously hosted by Tom. Tom, this is Luke and Sydney.

They're gonna be joining the parish. Good to meet you. Great to see some other younger faces around. Most of the community here is pretty stuck in the 1970s. Way to sell it, Tom.

What?

It's the truth.

Don't worry, Father. We both love a good bingo night.

Glad to hear it.

Where's Emily? We left David's sweater in the car, and it's getting a little chilly. She had to take a call, so she ran back to get it for him.

I'll come back around later to say hi. See you in a bit.

Sounds good, Father. Oh, and good luck. You're gonna need it. Nice meeting you all.

Uh, good luck? Heh, you'll see you in a couple minutes. Come over this way. This is our Dunk the Usher booth. Hey Steve. This is Luke and Sidney. They're new to the parish. Nice to meet you. Is that Wade?

Hey there, Father Ben!

Good to see you, Wade.

Are you gonna dunk me?

Maybe in a bit. Hey, Steve? Yeah, one one second, Father. That'll be one dollar. Here you go. It's like 50 degrees out here. Is it safe for us to be dropping people in the dunking booth? What? Oh no, he loves it. Carl Donaldson was in there earlier and did start turning purple, but Wade's young enough to be dunked for hours yet.

Do your worst.

Well.

Yes! Still got it.

Oh, absolutely. What a rush!

Great throw! We need you on the softball team! Seriously? That sounds great.

And that'll pat his ego for the next week. Then can we move along before we sign up for more activities while trying to raise a newborn? Nice to meet you, Steve.

You too. Look forward to seeing you at Mass.

Yeah, you too.

Alright, let's see here.

Oh! Right over here. We'll follow you lead. Well, this is Roger. Supreme Admiral Roger Alito. A pleasure to meet you both. Roger runs St. Patrick's chapter of the Men's Club, The Armada of Americo. But today, he and Supreme Vice Admiral Brett are helping Lisa here with face painting.

And what a big help they've been, Father. Oh, nice to meet you folks.

Well, we were supposed to have a classic guess your age or weight booth. Vice Admiral Brett even brought the scalp from his UPS facility.

But somebody But I said it would be wildly inappropriate for our already somewhat exclusionary church organization to go around guessing people's age and weight.

Exclusionary, ma'am. I'll have you know that just last year Brett's wife founded a nearly equivalent organization for the women of this parish. Isn't that right, Brett? Sure is, Admiral.

Yes. And she named them the seat maidens of Maria. Ha ha ha ha. That is certainly impressive, Admiral.

It certainly is. Lisa, I'm guessing Mitch didn't want to join us today.

Actually, he's around here somewhere.

Oh, really?

Oh, I'm as surprised as you. He was genuinely excited to come. I'm guessing he'd just take any excuse to call out of work on a Saturday, but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

A win is a win with teenagers. Thanks again for taking on our extra volunteers.

In all honesty, they've been fine. The Supreme Admiral isn't happy, but Brett has really taken to the canvas. Isn't that right, Vice Admiral?

Oh! Yes. I'm just about finished with Emma here. And there. We're done. Take a look, Emma. What do you think?

It's just a brown circle?

Sounds like a donut to me, huh? Have a good day now.

Thanks, I guess.

Lisa, do you mind if I rest my hands for a bit? Have to respond to a few moves on my Jess with Buddies app.

Sounds like you're up, Supreme Admiral.

Can I interest anyone in a donut on their face?

I think I'm good for now, Roger. Either of you want something? Baby Archie?

Oh, sure. What do you say, Archie? Want some face pink?

What kind of donut does he like? I can do glaze, frost with sprinkle, Boston cream.

He's a baby, so honestly, whatever is fine.

Please report to the stage. It's time.

That's my cue.

What's happening?

Like I said, you'll see.

And here he is, everyone's second favorite priest.

Father Clem, folks. Well, hello everyone. Thank you for coming to this year's Donut Festival. I'm so excited about all the money we've been able to raise so far to support the St. Patrick's Food Pantry. It really warms my heart to know all the fun being had here today means food on the table for so many in our community. I'm also just so happy that our dear Father Clem, who founded this festival, is back and healthy enough to be both the host and guest of honor this year.

See how happy you are in a few minutes!

That we will, Father Clem. But in all seriousness, I do quickly just want to say that I know it's been a crazy couple of years for all of us, but it means the world to me how welcoming this community has been. We may not always see eye to eye, but I am consistently blown away with just how connected and loving this parish is. With Father Clem back in the fold and faces old and new joining together, I believe we're in for a very special year at St. Patrick's.

Alright, son, that's enough of your rambling. It's time to eat some donuts. As many of you likely know, the last time we had one of these festivals, I went into cardiac arrest during the donut eating competition. Well, after speaking to my doctor, she made it very clear participating in another one would be, in her words, suicide. Luckily for us, the formidable Father Ben has decided to take my place in pursuit of high glory. Can the other two competitors join us on stage?

I may not receive the same respect I once did in this welcoming community. But my wife did fry the donuts, so I figure I could participate in the competition. Given I'm the reigning champion.

You kept eating donuts after Clem Keel's over. They didn't even give you a trophy.

And that's why I'm back. To take what's rightfully mine. Whatever you say, Joe.

Claire, you're already eating? We haven't started yet.

What? It's three donuts. In front of each competitor is a pyramid of 39 donuts. That's right. Three bakers dozen. They will have ten minutes to see who can eat the most donuts!

Clem. Honestly, I don't know if I can do this.

Too late, Ben. Begin eating in five. God, here we go. Three, two, one!

Did you bring a gun?

Dumber everyone is a prop gun. I borrowed it from Clara. Which is a great reminder. The Clara's youth group will be putting on a modern adaptation of the passion of the Christ this year. Looking at our contestants, it looks like Joe Voters is up to an early lead, but you have to wonder if he'll have the endurance to keep up his pace. Clara is right on his tail eating two at a time. Benji, you better start tucking those donuts away. These other two are already a baker's dozen in. I'm fine.

I didn't expect the drink we'd get to be hot coffee.

What else are you supposed to serve me donuts?

What was that?

Sounds like a priest looking for a reason to stop eating donuts.

No, who's that running? Mitchell? Fire.

There's a fire call 911.

Thank you both so much for sticking around.

Oh, of course. I mean, you know Luke wanted to play a volunteer firefighter for the afternoon. Plus, Archie and I got to hang out at the petting zoo, and nothing gets a one-year-old excited quite like a pig in a sweater.

Well, I promise I've been at this parish for over a year, and this is easily the largest fire we've had so far.

Donuts, fire emergency, watching you publicly embarrass yourself on stage. It's clear this place is a heck of a lot more fun than Mother of Mercy back in Bing. You've got yourself a couple new parishioners, I'd say.

I'm glad to hear it.

Benji, there you are. You know, I have to say, on the personal level, this was still a much more enjoyable festival than the last one.

Hey Clem. This is Luke, Sidney, and baby Archie. They're the potential new parishioners I told you about.

Well, can't say you didn't try, Benji. Look, Sidney, I don't think the Lutheran church has had a fire in several months. Might be a good place to look next.

We'd still come here even if the church itself burned down. Father Ben was such a breath of fresh air at our last church.

That pulpit must have been very far from the pews, I promise you. Father Ben's breath is anything but.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, though, I'd rather have our apartment burned down than deal with a hassle this will cause.

Uh yes. Probably would have been better if the whole church burnt down on disrespect.

I'm told you're the fire marshal. I demand answers. Now. Sorry, sir. I can't just share details from an active fire. Admiral, they already said it's likely an oil fire from the doughnuts.

Do you have any idea who I am?

Oh yeah, you're that guy from the van commercials. You think you're a man? Get a conversion van.

Well, yes. And come by the dealership anytime for our special local heroes rate. But I'll have you know that I am the Supreme Admiral of the St. Patrick's chapter of the Armada of Americo.

Look, Supreme Admiral, there's Father Ben. Maybe we can leave the Fire Marshal alone? Especially considering he's my wife's cousin. Sorry, Ted.

All good, Brad. Part of the gig.

Here they come.

Sorry, Benji. You're on your own with this one. Look, Sidney, little baby. Why don't I give you a quick history of St. Patrick's?

Oh, that sounds great.

Sorry, father.

Wait, don't leave me.

And they're gone. Okay. But no, I go to the same country club as the mayor, and he will be hearing about this.

You're welcome for stopping your church from burning down.

Oh, so you think you're so heroic for doing your job.

Please come on, Admiral. He's not worth it, and I have to go to a wedding with him next week.

Fine.

Fine. Father, a word, please. Hi, Roger. I'm so sorry for what happened to the A of A lounge.

And bowling alley?

What?

It's the A of A lounge and bowling alley.

It was the A of A lounge and bowling alley. You've upset him, Father. You know how fragile the Vice Admiral is.

I'm sorry for the oversight, and again, so sorry for what happened. I know how much that space meant to your community.

We appreciate that, Father, and look forward to the rebuilding.

I know you're a resilient bunch and wouldn't expect anything less.

With that in mind, I think it's only appropriate for a redirection of today's fundraising. Wait, what? I'm sure everyone here would agree that this is the most urgent cause facing our ministry now.

You want us to use funds that were raised for our food pantry, which feeds hungry people to repair your lounge.

And bowling alley!

And bowling alley?

I mean it's a drop in the bucket of what we'll need, but it's a start. I know it's a difficult conversation, and you have a tendency for what do you kids call it? Anxiety about this whole thing. But I believe in you, Father.

I don't think you're seeing the point.

Father Benjamin, come on now. We're all in this together. We'll raise funds and use church funding to rebuild. That, in combination with the lawsuit, we'll be slapping on the arsonists who did this, will allow us to create a space greater than what was there before.

And two lanes for the bowling alley.

That's right, Vice Admiral. Two lanes. We're going to have two lanes. But but Admiral, I don't think there's been any evidence of arson. I wouldn't expect you, or these fools in the fire department, to see it, but nothing escapes the eyes of a car salesman. We'll find him or her.

Please tell me you're not about to start interrogating half the church.

Father, I get it. You're scared. This is a scary time. But we'll do what's best.

Roger, I'm not. Look, the church won't condone that kind of thing from you.

Given this is your fault, I expect a bit more cooperation. Are you accusing me of arson? Whoa, whoa, calm down, big hoss. I'm just saying that you've poisoned this church against its more traditionally minded parishioners.

I highly doubt somebody would stoop to that level.

You really don't think there are any left-wing, gay supporting, socialist SJWs in this church who would be willing to go full Antifa on our peaceful lounge.

What the hell are you talking about?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, easy there, Father.

I didn't mean to strike a nerve. You really don't need to get upset, Father.

Look, you cannot harass the members of this church.

We'll find some time to talk next week. Please bring the church financial books to the meeting. We have some reworking to do.

I get that this is shocking, and what happened is terrible, but I'm serious. Your group does not run St. Patrick's.

Oh, yes, that's a good point. We'll talk more next week. Come on, Brett, we have to plan a vigil and an investigation.

What? Wait! Ugh. Here we go again.

Stay tuned for a glimpse into Father Ben's time with the Genesee River monks, but first, the credits. Forgive me is a rogue dialogue. Production. This episode was written and directed by Jack Marone. And Bob Remunda.

Here's our cast in order of appearance. Josh Rabino, Father Kim, Casey Callahan, Father Ben. Zach Valenti, Luke.

Dallas Wheatley, Andrew. Adam Remunda. Adam.

Milo Marone.

Archie.

Lauren Shippen. Sidney. And sweet? Margaret.

Derek Emerson Powell. Tom. Jack Marone. Steve.

Jordan Higgs. Wade. Bob Frame. Roger.

Danielle Elliott. Lisa.

Michael Antico. Brett.

Sam Twardy. Emma.

Michael Larkin. Joe Walters. Crystal Osborne.

Clara. Sawyer Green. Mitchell. Jake Kelka.

Ted.

And coming up in the epilogue.

Jeremy Beasley. Brother Jonathan.

Script editing by Jordan Stillman. Dialogue editing by Bob Ramunda. Sound design, score, and mixing by me, Adam Raymondda. Additional music by John Bartman. All of our graphic design comes from Sam Twardy. This season, we've got a 13-episode Patreon exclusive series called Confessions with Clem. Our patrons will get a glance into the secrets of the St. Patrick's community with everyone's favorite witty nihilistic priest.

Forgive me, Father Farsen.

You're forgiven! Ah, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Father Cloud!

What?

You can't forgive me until I tell you what I've done.

To get access to this Patreon exclusive series as well as an ad-free version of our feed, become a supporting parishioner over at patreon.com slash roguedialog. Are you enjoying the start of our new season? If you are, go follow the show on your favorite podcast player. If you really enjoyed it, rate it and review it on Podchaser or Apple Podcasts. We'll be back in two weeks with episode two. For now, let's flash back to Father Ben's experience with the Genesee River Monks.

Thank you, Brother Jonathan. It's great to be here and commune peacefully. My lips are sealed.

My lips are sealed? Don't joke. What a waste of my last words. Brother Jonathan didn't even crack a smile. Are you allowed to smile here? You have to be, right? Gotta remember to keep an eye out for people smiling. Well, here we are. At peace. This is nice. Fully calm. Such a beautiful quiet. Shoes. What why did I just think the word shoes? Weird word. Shoes. Not that weird. Did I bring more than one pair?

I think I just brought these recent balances. I can't imagine why you'd need a pair of ox herds.

But what if we go on a hike? Do monks hike? I didn't think we'd be leaving the grounds.