Very Professional

Forever. Hi, Good evening, Sydney, Washington.

Oh well, you know this comes out in a morning, So I'm gonna say good morning, Andrew, afternoon.

Good afternoon, good afternoon.

Or good morning afternoon. How about that.

What I'm trying to hit every time of the day. And you just okay, good evening, good night.

Good night.

I was gonna say, well, good night Marie, good night, good night moon, thank you.

Okay. Well, this is gonna be a slower paced episode than the last one.

Sure is, bitch, sure motherfucking is. Ain't no food coming, I don't have no I lock my door. There's not gonna be any interruptions. Phone over there, It's not over there, not even gonna be looking.

At the phone. I'm I'm going to be all the way tuned in, all the way.

You know what this says, ladies and gentlemen, A breakthrough, Wow, right through? Yeah, Sidney, What did you eat today? Let's just get into that because people were really into the Cementaryaki saga of last week, and you know, people want to know what did you eat today?

Leftovers from sid can cook? Had a salad again? Did some fried chicken, macaroni and cheese? Had some of the cobbler, all delicious. Then you know, snapped on some grapes, had some blueberries, drank some water.

Wow, yeah, and blueberries and water. This is this feel like the most you've eaten since the pandem started.

Shut up, that's not true.

There was a time where I was having three meals in a day, and now it's now we do too.

You know. There was like a there was a little like a maybe a two week period of the pandemic. I was eating three meals a day too.

Yeah, three meals a day.

What were we going through?

We were trying to readjust.

Three meals a day. Yeah, I remember. It was breakfast, it was a lunch. It was classically classic, famously famously the nails. And how many meals a day do you usually eat?

It's usually two, and like the second really doesn't even count. I feel it's like usually like a little easy mac in the microwave. It's not good.

Cook yesterday. We have a macaroni and cheek. Well, we have a mac and cheese recipe that you could use.

It worked out in the end. There are some haters along the way.

Well, because apparently a rule is white people mac and cheese and black people don't do that.

I'm just glad that I wasn't the one that provided the recipe. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Yeah, I mean listen, mac and cheese at the end of the day can be made all different types of ways and has so many different type of recipes, and not one is the end all be all.

So people just need to calm down.

And when you look at a recipe and it doesn't look like yours, that's okay, that's okay, it's fine.

I think people need to calm down in general.

Mm hm, you know.

I think emotions are real high m and people don't really have anything else to do. So sick can Cook is real interactive. That's sometimes those people that are watching that haven't talked to anybody all day, so they're all sick and cook going crazy in the comments because that's what they have.

Yeah.

Somebody was messaging me like a few weeks ago and they were like, pandemic anger is a real thing. So it's like they it's anger from the pandemic, but it's displaced because it's it's in the You're directing it to the wrong person. So you're mad about everything that's going on in the world. But and then when you finally get a chance to let off, you're firing at the wrong target. And I feel like sometimes that happens, that happens to me, you know, And but it's fine.

We are going to get through it.

Marie, it's Sydney. You're real calming today. Okay, do you have a good day? Then, I guess yeah.

I mean, listen, we talked last night. You know.

I realize that when I'm having a hard week or a bad time, it's it's okay to just cancel.

Just just cancel, just move to.

I love a sorry for the inconvenience, but I can't make it. I love that.

Do you ever send a sorry for the inconvenience? I feel like you're just straight up like, no, I'm not coming.

No, that's not necessarily true. Sometimes I do that, like if I know it's something that like like when we were outside, for example, if I was like late to a show and I was like, ultimately, this is not gonna I'm not gonna get anything out of this, I would say sorry for the inconvenience. And I always say sorry when I'm running late. But like sometimes like if they were like, oh, we have you closing out the

Not wrong anymore.

Yeah, and do you think I just no show, no call, no show.

There have been times recording this podcast where you're simply like no and simply sorry for the inconvenience. Would have you know, went a little bit further.

But it's okay, who am I convenience? And who am I open? Open forum solo episode? Who am I inconvenience? In me.

In Sydney? Potentially if if she thought we were going to be recording at this time, m hmm, okay, well I guess we'll put it.

I don't I don't with HR.

I don't want to get into it simply just making uh you know, blackest.

We want this over, they said. He was real quiet last episode. He said it is time, It's Andrew's time.

He said.

There, he said, those paper plates are clapping right now.

Sorry inconvenience that I've inconvenienced you with.

Thank you, it's all forgiven. I'm sorry for having you on as the first guest last night on sid Can Cook. I really thought that would be a good idea, but clearly you were not well.

Walk us through why you thought that was a good idea, walk us through what process.

Of course, I figured that you would ask, And essentially what I was thinking was, obviously, you and Sydney have this dynamic together that people really love and they they love to see you together and playing off of each other. And so I'm thinking, hey, if Sydney's going live and Marie, they get the notification Sydney Washington is going live with Rezy, right, then they they tune in because they're like, I love them together, let me check this out, and they stay

You know why I didn't necessary. I see what you're saying, I'll received dead, okay, And I see how logically for you that made sense. But I feel like yesterday when I log on, first of all, the energy was already off for me.

And then why was it off?

Well, because it was like you were like, you have to update the app, and oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Get on and that is, and I'm in the comments like talking, and Sydney's like, well I don't see Marine Marie. He's not here. Of course she's late. And I'm in the comments. And then I was like, all right, well I guess I'll I'll leave and come back, leave and come back. Still can't get in.

No, sorry for the inconvenience.

Yeah, well I.

Didn't make the Instagram was making everybody up there last night.

It was it was I don't know what that was about.

And it was like, well when did this new update come out Instagram? And what is it?

Like?

You know, but also I.

Also like accidentally updated my phone recently, so I think maybe that's why I have to update my Instagram.

Oh is that what it is?

Yeah, you know, it'd be like update now tonight, try tomorrow, like I always hit try tomorrow. And then it just you hit a point where they're like, we did it while you were sleeping. You took an app page, Yes, well here you go new emojis, so anyway, but yeah, and then I mean, Sidney, I didn't even I don't know if you've talked about it at the very very top about like how you were feeling feeling last week. But I feel like I feel like maybe that wasn't in the beginning of Sick and Cooks I did.

I actually told them that this this is the next month is the last episode.

I said that up top, I said, thank you for your services, guys, But you know, I've this is you know, it's the show is a lot and you know, I gotta go.

And everybody was like, no, wait, hold us, hold on.

They're like, Sydney says this every third episode.

You do say that often, you do say it often.

Yeah, but like it's it started out as something that was like fun and like has something to do on a Sunday night that like you were talking to what your friends about, like you bring your.

Friends on and you have a key key, But it doesn't feel like that's what it is anymore. So you know, maybe a hard reset and come back, maybe restore the factory settings.

Yeah, I think, well, I mean it's it's it was. It is a fun show. But I mean you also have to be a certain type of person to take that much one criticism, that much chaos and also be in control. So it's it's not it's not crazy for me to feel the way I feel because I put a lot of energy into it. Like people can pop in and come in and you know, make a comment, but like I'm the one trying to get the recipes, going to the store, getting every chopping everything up, setting

We're not calling you crazy. I realized last night after I got off Sick and Cook, I was like, that show gives me anxiety too. I never feel funny on it. I feel like you always stressed when I talk to you, and then when I come, as soon as my face pops up, you already be like yes, Marie. And it's like, I mean, I don't even say my god, Andrew am I That's just that's how it feels to me.

I mean, it's a it's a stressful show. I think that's the appeal though, right, but it is hard. I imagine as a guest, Yes.

Listen, my friend is dressed. She said, I'm the worst person, the worst guest on the show. Let's bring it back in.

And it's like, I didn't say that you were the worst guests, and you.

Said the meanest or the you were like, it's it's Marie first, and then Langston and I was like, well, and then you're like, come on, bitch, And then I get in and you're like, You're like, well, why are you yelling at me? And I'm like, well, I'm a girl. Like I was like, I don't like the way I feel like I always look ugly on sid Can Cook. I'm not Damn, I'm not doing sid Can Cook no more. This is my That's that was my That was my farewell tour last night.

Who what Marie? Are you serious?

I'm being so serious every time I do that show. If I've done the show how many times you think I've done that show, like ten times?

So many times?

If I've done it ten times, then eight of those times I get off the live and I'm like, oh man, I could have said this. I could have said that. I could have talked about it, like I'm thinking about all the stuff that I didn't say.

And you're but then you replay it back, and Andrew, you're one of the funniest people.

People are, like, Marie has to come in, You're the funniest. I say, I.

Didn't feel funny yesterday.

Sis, I'm saying, well, I think it's because you had to worry about the recipe but whenever you come in, you never have to worry about the recipe because you're always at the end when things already done. You're just roasting like the whole situation. You're like, girl, when y'all first started, like you give us the playback?

Right? But yes, I was like, Oh, I was like, I gotta pray about this. I said, Lord, I said, Lord, should I still be friends with Sydney after this?

Oh? My god? Are you serious?

And my god, my god, this got to be episode of the podcast too.

I said Langston was mean?

But Langston again the funny he what I said, you were first, and then him by far the funniest.

Yes, mean in a good way. You your your bio in Twitter is the mean friend.

Like It's like when I say mean, I'm not saying like you're really mean.

Yes yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes, but I'm saying when I do it, it makes me anxious. It makes me feel a way I think because like I'm not I don't know, I'm in the moment and I'm trying to like I don't I don't know, I don't know what I'm trying to do, but I feel like whatever I get on sick and cook. I don't do it. So it's like you're.

A grand You're great in the comments too.

Well that you know what. That's where I'm lived in since me and Alex English in the comments.

Alex English every fifteen seconds.

Yeah, and Larry Owens.

But Larry Owens loves a poppin. He'd be like, yeah, I just wanted to say hi, And Sidney'd be like, well you have to go. Yeah, and he's like, well, Patty Mannings is in the comments, and.

She said, and here's Larry with the comments. Yeah.

He's like, I trust Patty Mayo. And I'm like, okay, all right, well should I just bring Patty in?

Then?

I don't know. I have no idea, but I.

Marie I said last night, I said, it just we need a we need a sid can cook with Jess, Marie, Marie and Sydney.

Oh my god.

Andrew said he doesn't like that.

He doesn't like that idea.

Why.

I just think that would be I mean your two segments last night, Murray. I was watching them with someone else and we were both just really taken back. You're very critical. It is it is. It would be a very hard, like three hours of cooking.

It wouldn't be a three hour it wouldn't been three I think if.

Me and Sydney did an All Sid Can Cook episode together, we would both have to be making the same thing, or we would have to be making something real simple.

Yeah, we would do something simple. Yeah, we would do something simple. We wouldn't because, like the first time I did it, it was just.

With Marie.

And men.

It was there.

Oh yeah, she came in when the stuff was on fire, But for the most part it was you and you didn't have the recipe at all, And that's why it was even funnier because it was me trying to listen.

I'm telling y'all right now that I am on a hiatus from Sid Can Cook.

Like breaking up families.

It's split level. We are in splitsville right now. I'm just gonna I'm mind my business in front of my blue couch and sit in the dark.

I just how are you on hiatus? If there's only one episode.

Left, that's exactly I'm on Hya.

You've already made your your final appearance.

Yes, that was it. That was me at Madison Square Garden last night. That was one night only I did it. That was me at the wind that was me at Palm's Hotel that I didn't anyway, whatever, I feel like we talked and I feel better today, but like I didn't feel good yesterday, So you know that's me. I don't think that I'm being I don't. I'm not trying to be critical. I feel like I'm recapping things and my tone sounds critical, but like, yeah, so it sounds to critique.

I know it sounds I'm not critiquing, but you know my tone is oh my god, hilarity. And you know, speaking of tone or not bad, I love it. I mean people were like, you guys cannot fight on the podcast anymore. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. It's no someone said I won't be called. I won't be listening again.

I hated it.

Y'all had a good run.

Yeah, you had a good run though. Thanks. I mean, that's fine. I mean it's not like we have in full blowouts on here. Any argument I think that we've ever had on the podcast has been about food.

Low Ki Marie, Yeah, the cereal. Yes, that was crazy. Never forget never fucking that was That was the conversation of the decade.

And what's the cereal around this time?

It was earlier. It was earlier. It was like like January or February. Yeah, it was January because me and Carolina didn't speak for a month.

And look at you guys now butt buddies.

I mean, she won't allow me not to be butt buddies with her.

You guys are the twins that? What's that? What was the Sweet Valley High? Do you know what I'm talking about? Whatever? You guys are Tea and Tamara Sidney. You say that she won't allow you to not be bud buddies with her, But y'all do, and y'all do a lot of the same things and have a lot of the same taste. The only difference is she's aver Latina and married and straight and you are black and lesbian.

And she would not stop mentioning.

That me and Hommiday Matt oh my god, I mean Chloe and out dumn no that this person was there when Hamiday had his traditional African garboring.

She would not And then she got on there with Marie.

Marie, did you know that Hommiday was like, girl, you gotta get on your own life to talk about Hammaday I was like.

Let's see if I can get her to tell this story again, and she told me again. Yeah.

I was like, Marie, no, ma'am.

Was on twelve last night.

You were killing me last night, Marie with the comments every time she brought up this story, this story again.

Carolena said, I'm gonna tell our origin story.

And I said, sis we. I was like, I don't know, when have we not spoken about how we've given you many, many highlights of hammaday And she said, y'all are gonna get this story tonight.

Carolina was in rare form yesterday like it was peak Carolina last night. Her sid can.

Cook Carolina going Carolina, like you said, Carolina, show up, show up late, and then towards the end, it's like the food needs to get cooked. So I you know, fuck fuck, fuck the.

Guests, Fuck the guests.

We are frying chicken. Ain't nobody on right now? We gotta do it, yo.

The fried chicken. No one helped you with it? Like the who was who was the last.

Person on Langston?

Langston didn't even cook yesterday.

He just no, he just dragged the fuck out of me.

He's like, this is this show is a sad show about a woman who dresses up in euphoria makeup and watches another woman cook.

He dragged the fuck so good. I was like, good God, I.

Can't believe he popped up and everybody was like, oh, he is sexy.

I was like, guess, like they've never seen somebody look good before ever, And I was like sex See. I couldn't believe it. I was like, so, y'all just haven't seen anybody attractive.

Well, even in the comments when we posted him last week on our page, people were like.

Oh, he's fine, he's fine.

Yeah. I was like, what y'all got to get a grip.

He is very cute, though, so there is that, but you know, he's also famously light skinned, and I'm not doing it.

Famously famously, I said, also is just as fine.

Yeah, but you know he ne Marie, Oh my.

God, you had to be there. Any who? Any who, Me and Marie.

I mean, first of all, we've been friends for six seven years now, and we in the beginning, we rarely got in arguments or TIFs or anything like that. So if you've been listening for I don't know, four years, I mean, yeah, this is four years in bitch, Like, what do you expect.

What do you want? Sisters fight or have disagreements, what do you want?

I know. But it's also very clear, like people will draw lines in the sand and they pick their side. And it's always interesting to see who people said with in the comments.

Well it's always you, Marie. They sided with you.

That's not true.

They were team Karaoke. In the comments for the Langston actually team Langston and then team Karaoke.

They said we felt you know, the people were like, I feel sorry for Marine, she's so professional.

I didn't I saw that, you know, I know nowhere I saw it.

I know. I was like, okay, yeah.

I think they put it in the iTunes review.

Actually I feel sorry said they.

Said, cis do better. That's what they wrote, and I Sydney do better.

Yes, and the iTunes jecket I got to lie, mean, I ain't got to lie, Craig. You know, they were like Langston was de escalating and then escalating.

Yeah, somebody did. Somebody somebody did write that on Friday. I really support this podcast, but it has to be more professional. I feel bad for Marie because she's so professional. Sydney sis do better. But then the next comment after that is you feel, you feel like Marie said, Marie and Sid are your best friends. They and Andrew not afraid for call each other, to call each other out for being dummies. Refreshing, real, hilarious.

Okay, you know you take one good one bad from your palse Cindy, We love Cindy, your palth Cindy.

Nice, Indy, Sydney, Cindy, Sydney. So Sydney. What you got planned for the weeks is you know, we're trying to turn this around.

Mm hmm.

You know, got on the phone with my psychiatrist topped top tops. You know, a new load of meds are coming tomorrow. Excited about that. She said, I'm probably vitamin deficient.

Deficient.

Yeah, she's like, she told me what vitamins to get. She's like, you gotta leave your house every day for twenty minutes. I told her I got a stepper. She's like, that's perfect. Amina was making fun of me that I got a stepper. But you know it's real, James Fonda, of you, sis, James Fond. James Fonda is clutch and an icon. So I'm not mad at that.

So you're gonna leave your house for twenty minutes a day, or you just gonna jump on a stamper.

No, I gotta get out.

She's like, even if you like get out and like sit outside, she's like, you have to go outside and get some air. I was reading online that cat litter like cat pe and litter can drive people crazy too, but that could have just been in a blog. But you know I am, I am cooped up in here with this cat litter.

So are there ever any windows open over there?

Oh? All the time?

You know the project he is blasting in this bitch shout out to my super Carolina.

Wow, I don't.

Know everything that you're a psychiatrist. Psychologist, psychiatrist who the lady said sounds like stuff that I've been saying to you for the last year. But you don't hear.

Me though, so mm hmmmm.

I tell you to go outside once a day sid you don't want to walk, But she said you could just sit. So you got a little stool, a little that little brick wall. Yeah, sit and scroll on your phone twenty minutes and then get up and go back inside and scroll on your phone in that poisonous cat air. I feel like it's doable.

Yeah, it's yeah, I got I just gotta get out, and it I do be in my house a lot, like just period, I'm here and it's cold outside, so it's like, why why go outside?

Andrew? Do you get out?

I haven't been getting out recently, and just because I'm like, well, if I stay inside, I can get more work done, you know. So it's just like I have no reason, like if we're not traveling to work. We haven't been traveling to work for a year, so it's like my mind, I'm not outside.

So when you do leave your apartment to go outside, Andrew, yes, do you feel like when you come back and you're refreshed and ready to do more work or do you would you?

So? Yeah, yeah, it's just I need to make time for that, like I either need to like wake up earlier, go do that already. And then but it's been it's it's warming up recently, but especially the center. I was just like, there's no reason to be outside. It's too cold and I can get worked on inside. So m hm yeah. Yeah.

But even before the pandemic, it was hard for me to do work in my house. I would go to like a hotel lobby where me and Sydney would share a shark coopery board.

Oh remember those days? Wow at the A's hotel, right, Or there's.

One downtown in Soho that we were Did you go with me that day? Maybe it was my sister. There was one downtown and Soho that's like not that far from Molly's house that we would go to. Or I would pop into a coffee shop and like steal their Wi Fi for a couple of hours. But I'm not doing those things now.

I'm just no, ma'am.

I'm in my house, ignoring all work.

Ignoring the emails, letting them pile the fuck up.

Ignoring letters from the I R S. I'm just being a terrible, garbage human being. But last week I felt good, and I'm just trying to carry that same energy into this week. But add some work on let's sprinkle some work on top. That's it. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do. No, I'm gonna do it.

You are gonna do it'na do it. It's gonna happen.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. But I had a good weekend. I went on a date. I was outside, I took a long walk through the streets of New.

York and it was just get into this date. Let's get into this date, let's talk, let's chat, what's good. He was very nice.

He was very nice. I didn't really like, you know, what the what the pants were doing? You know, it was like a weird cut pant. Also, I was like, what is this? Is this raincoat material? I wasn't really sure. He was very nice, very cute. You know, it was like a six to one situation.

Tall tall. We love tall, but.

His sixth one didn't look that. Maybe six one is not tall to me anymore because it feels too close to my face.

I'm just like, hurry, that's coming from somebody who's five to four five three and a half.

Bab you got delusion?

Is this an even five four? No half? Here? Sis, it's no partial sizes. But then and things are going really well. We're like laughing, we're having a good time. And then he said my roommate. And then I got blanked.

I blanked.

I said, oh, I said, well, let me see what time my train is coming back because I gotta go. But you know, he was nice.

He texted me today the guy mm hmm, okay, what he said, who are.

Some comedians that you admire?

Oh, girl, bitch, No, this might not work for.

This might not work for us, friend.

But you still seem like sort on board with him.

No, ma'am, I said, I don't know. I don't. I haven't I haven't even clicked it. You know. You get the little preview on your screen and then you're like, girl, I'm not gonna click it because I want to still respond.

But mm hmmmm, girl, my face is like what Maybe he just thinks that's what he should be saying.

That's what That's what I mean.

He sent me first, he sent me a song that I haven't listened to yet, but it's Free Nationals and I like them. And then he asked me about comedians and I was like, ohm hmm, let me ponder that and get back to him on that pond replay. Yeah. Yeah, but you know, I just I feel like, uh, it was like a nice It was a walking date, I guess, because what we wanted to do was closed, so.

And then you walked and then you got you got something to eat.

Yeah, we got some ramen Ah.

That's I love because you could just slurp.

See what city, see how they work?

Yeah, Sydney exactly. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, see what that tongue is about.

So are you gonna go on more dates or no.

With this person or just in general?

In general? In general?

You know, I just it. It took a lot for me to message somebody on an app and then respond when they responded. So I'm I'm beat. I think that's it this month.

It, I will say, all of it just feels like a lot, like and then you gotta meet them, and then you gotta go wait.

But before you meet them, you gotta figure out what to wear. Yeah, it's like I'm probably gonna be outside, so I gotta be warm, but you want to be cute. And then you're like, should I put on a comfortable shoe to walk? Or should I put on a shoe to strut?

And it's like, what shoes did you wear?

Uh?

My, Doc Martin's okay, I like those.

It was raining outside yesterday and I feel like those they give me like a little what's the little bully from Recess? They give me that.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about, like the little.

Bully from Recess. And I said, he's gonna know that I'm up. But maybe that's why he seems short to me because I had the biggest boots on.

That could be because those do make you look big, not big, but taller.

I feel like they're giving me five six.

Yeah, five to seven actually because.

Wow huge James. James and the giant Peach.

She's a model, A mydel.

You want to be on tap it's different, like going on a date now is different, and going on a date is different if you take the train versus when you're taking a car, versus they're picking you up versus. You know what I mean.

That's right, you did get on the train. I mean, Marie, who the fuck are you? This is twenty twenty one different.

I put my mask on. I said, I guess I will take the train and I can pay what you can pay with your phone now, so I don't have to touch the dirty metro card machine.

How do you do that?

I have a card saved on my My debit card is saved on my phone. So we love to don't tap to do. People in the UK know what I'm talking about. They do it in London to get on them ugly buses.

I mean, I couldn't. I couldn't imagine me having to go on dates right now. I just I don't think I would be good at it. I wasn't good at it before the pandemics, so I'm definitely I'm gonna be trash.

But Sidney, what is being good at a date mean to?

You'm good at flirting, not taking yourself too seriously, just being like at ease.

You know that ain't me.

When I met you, you were flirting with everybody male, female, cat dog hmm. I'm at Sydney and I was like, oh, she okay, she's fun. Okay, Sydney would be at the shows that her little top shop dress sitting on some comedians lab.

Wow, Marie.

I be like, is she gay her? Sydney, you are good at flirting. I don't know why you think that you're.

Not in person.

And when it comes to the to the like writing stuff, I mean, that's why i'd be bombing on Twitter and like, I just I can't. I'm not witty in that sense.

I got.

I'm good talk talking on the phone, but it's the texting that kills me.

You know what I feel like For me, flirting is just saying exactly what you think. And if you feel like it's too much, then it's probably really high when you type it, does that make sense? Yeah?

I hear you, sis, But I'm like, wow, I could not. I'm like, the stuff that I think is so.

Well, give us an example of this kind of what are the things that you're thinking?

Remember I said, the person asked, so, what are you looking at? Mutual physicality? And then and then I looked up mutual physicality and it meant nothing from what I thought. It did embarrassing. And then I was like sad. I was like, wow, she hasn't hit me up yet, and it's like, because, bitch, she thinks you're dumb.

Well, what were you trying to say? Because we bring this up every once in a while, what once a season? What were you trying to say?

With that sex? I was looking for sex and said.

You should have said multiple orgasms. That's what you should have said. When she said what are you looking for? You should have said, you know, hot, sweaty, magical sex. You should have said multiple organs. You should have said sex some version of like hot sex. Mutual physicality.

I think that you maybe you should have looked up mutual physical.

No, no, mutual physicality. Thinks it sounds like mutual physical energy.

Just I agree, but I guess not to everybody. I will say, Sydney that like, obviously you love a FaceTime and so I think that maybe that that is your that is your form of communication.

Yeah, that that's I nail that because you know, I'm going to be cute. You know, I'm going to have the look together and then I'm going to be able to flirt and not think about it. It's just going to come out of my mouth when it comes to writing.

I'm overthinking, right.

So, I mean you thrive in that area, and I think that you should be proud of that.

Yeah you do.

You are queen of the face times.

Yeah that's unprompted out of nowhere to face time, Sydney.

So so Andrew, so Andrew. So you don't want me to FaceTime?

You know more?

Is that what you want? You want to call you?

Because I just like I feel like, I mean, because I'm thinking in my head now my face is taking up all of Sydney's screen and I'm like, I don't know if I'm ready for that.

You know, how do you get ready? You're you're I.

Would I understand?

Are you drawing an eyebrows for the face time?

I know, I will say. I just want my voice to be my representation, not everything else.

Andrew, I was shocked when you jumped on sid and Cookie of the Day.

I did not.

That was my last thing.

He declined it twice, he declined it.

And you just kept calling him Sydney DEAs bullying.

The people kept asking for him.

That's bullying. You should have said, fucking people. At the way that you be ignoring the people in the comments, you could have just ignored them about that. But you know, Andrew, I was surprised that you picked up.

I really, I fully did not. There are so many comments saying that we do not want any beige guests on this on this Black History Month, and of course I was the only beige guy. I'm proud of that.

No, and I kept telling I was like, you guys, say sorry to him right now.

And Marie was like, but it's black history mon.

She's like, why are we saying to him.

No, I didn't say, don't say sorry to him.

You did. You said it's black You were like, but it's black history, mom.

I said that regarding him being on the show.

Oh okay, okay.

They were like, Andrew, baby pick up, and he did get on and I was like, but it's bloodstreamm mmm. Anyway, it was fine. I did. I also in the comments while you were on the screen, and I said, you looked very cute.

I don't know if you do.

Oh, thank you. For some reason, you can't see comments while you're.

A guest when it when it's really I shouldn't be seeing I shouldn't see comments.

I shouldn't see comments.

They need to to block the comments from the actual person, like no, because I get flustered from the comments. That's what it is.

Yeah, and they move really fast.

But all you see you see.

Fast like no, no trash, noil.

Yeah, yeah, it's okay. We're fine. I'm doing great.

You know, it is what it is. Andrew, what do you where do you think you thrive flirting wise via text via person?

I love an in person moment. I do. I do miss that to some regard just being like a bar sitting on like a disgusting couch or something, and just like talking with people. Hate texting as well. I think that is it is a full time job to be texting someone that you're interested in. But yeah, yeah, I like I like a date. I think that's fun.

I don't know, Andrew. I can't even I can't even see you physically. I can't see the physical mutuality or whatever.

Shut up.

Like when I think, when I think about flirting in person, I think like you touch somebody's.

Knee, you know.

Oh, I like like a nagging moment, you know what I mean? Like just like like light bullying as a form of flirting, do you do that? I feel like, Marie, you would be a master at this.

Andrew you said you like light bullying, So that's no.

I like being the bully and not the bully.

No, I feel like bullying.

Yeah, it's like it's it's like I don't want to be like I don't want to come off as too interested, you know, and I need to bring them down a few pegs.

I feel like I don't.

Remember that about you well because not one never, because we've never been on a date. Mm hmm, I'm gonna go here.

Okay, this is a perfect time for ad just.

Okay, AnyWho, Marie, you have any goals coming up?

Goals for us, goals for you. My goal mm hm is.

To learn how to swim. This week, I'm gonna put my I'm gonna put my whole body in the water and I'm gonna kick to the wall.

You're just you want to do it in one day, I think doesn't take Swimming takes time.

No, yeah, but like so I started lessons last week and they were like put your face in and kick to that wall, and I was like, no, Like how I'm supposed to breathe, Like, I don't know why. When I'm in the water, all I want to do is inhale. So it was just a bunch of dirty pool water in my brain. I think it might still be there. Maybe that's why I was confused this weekend, but I

But yeah, I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm thirty six. You throw me in the pool unexpectedly, I will die. You will have to get something. Somebody has to come in there and save me because I'm just going all the way.

My whole mouth is going.

No.

I don't think it's smart.

One hundred percent. But you know, my swim teacher's name is Jonah, like the dude from the Bible, and he is in the water with me the entire time, so it's not like I'm gonna drown. So it's four feet six inches of pool mm hm, so I can just stand up. But there's something about being in the water. You can't see, you can't breathe, you can't hear all of your All you can do is feel and snort chlorine water. And I'm just like, I don't know, I

That feels like.

You go to the beach, don't you.

Person.

We're not beach bitches. First of all. Like I don't like sand in between my toes. I don't like that.

I get real ashy. You go in the water, you come out, you're dry, Like I need to have lotion while I'm there.

It's just like there's jellyfish, the lackness monster is out there.

I like the pool. We could do the pool.

The pool is cute, I guess it's just like me and Scutiny that remember your beach vacation of Mexico.

Oh no, that was a fantastic time.

And we went to the beach. Once we were at the we were by the pool most of the time.

Yeah, we went to Scutiny Hey, Scootney. No, we went to the beach and we were on mushrooms and we were I was rolling in the sand and I don't go that far into the water. If I can't stand anymore, I'm going back to the lake.

I mean, listen.

I think it would benefit we, It would benefit us if we could swim, like just in general, because then as soon as we swim, maybe we could go snorkeling.

Friend, Oh, you got some swim classes schedule on the calendar.

I gotta learn how to swim too. I want to learn how to swim. And I want to learn how to drive. I need to do the driving thing.

Oh my god, yes, to drive.

What if we what if we have someone teach What if Andrew knows how to drive? What if we go and use his car in a parking lot?

Why don't we do that?

It would be my car, Andrew Andrew cousin Andrew, Oh no, why he's not going to let you use his car, but like, no, he like he would teach both of us.

But I know how to drive, m since I haven't seen it.

So you say, but I have a driver's license, so the state of New York says that I can drive often drive.

The last time was like it was like nine years ago.

Thank you, thank you for the prominent questions in this baby. It was fully.

During Obama's first term.

I think even Marie, I think it would be so funny thing to the polls.

Yeah, driving to the polls.

I would think that was so funny if we did like a little video of us trying to learn how to draw life, like maybe for the Patreon or something like that.

So I think that sound like we got to get some goal. Pross, that's what That's what you're saying.

Well, no, you'll you'll like he'll we'll take turns. I'll be in the back.

I'll be in the back doing the cinematography and you'll be driving, or you'll be in the back and I'll you'll be doing the cinematography.

Okay, but let's talk about where we're going to learn how to drive? What what parking lot?

Ikea parking lot.

Hmm, there's still like light posts and stuff.

And no, it's actually it's it's I've done it before.

Okay, so you know how to drive?

No no, no, no, no, wait a minute, wait a minute, guys call it reeling back. The person let me in their car and they were trying to show me how to do it. And it was very slow. I was not being fast at all.

It was like little I was making little roundabouts in this area and it was fun it was I mean.

I couldn't it. I was screaming the whole time. And it's funny.

Oh that I need to see on video. But the camera shouldn't be in the backseat. It should be in the front face in your face.

Oh okay, So we could do a little We could get it done. We could.

I think we can make it happen. I could order a little thing that we put in where the air comes out. What do you call those little vents? I get one of those things that we could put you know what the fuck I'm talking about.

We get one of those. I think it would be funny.

It would be funny and terrifying.

Yeah, and then I come to your swim class and just video that too. Oh my god, so much content.

That sounds swim. Swim is sacred for me. Swim is a sacred space. People keep asking me where I'm taking classes. I'm not telling anybody. I don't need witnesses. I think the less people there watching me learn, the faster it'll be the easiest going to be for me to learn.

So you don't want me to see, is that what you're saying. No, even though I can't swim either.

Yeah, I remember in Toulom trying to learn how to swim, and you were in you were in the on the side of the pool screaming about anal and butt stuff.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was I was cheering. I was like, yeah, like I was screen cheering you on. Yes, I was a cheerleader.

And but what were you saying about butt stuff?

I don't remember. Oh that was so long ago. I just know that I was your number one supporter.

Mm hmm, it's distracted.

If I could tattoo Marie on my like arm or something like that, I would. I would.

I would tattoo Marie right like I would get a tramp. I would get a tramp. I would get a tramp.

Stamp on with Marie's name on it?

And how is about that?

Wow, you're just gonna say her name?

You posted her on your Instagram.

Onto another podcast and talked about Jojo.

I was like, I was like, we're being secreted. I was like, no, okay, I don't know. I would I'll ask.

She knows how much how much I love you, So I don't think she would mind.

I think she would mind.

I don't think so. I don't think she would mind. I think she would be like, is Marie getting your name? I was like, no, it's just I know, it's just me. And she's like, so, why do you want to do that? Oh, you know, just my appreciation for her, I'll do. I want to do it on her birthday. See what she said?

We could do something else, but we don't have to get or you know what.

I might get an M. How about I get an M like right behind my ear?

Yeah?

But if I do that? What if I get a little M?

People don't ask you what the means Marie?

And then and if anybody asks who's Marie, I'm like, and you don't fucking know me?

Well, I'm not getting I'll get the word. Cis we can get match and Sissys. We can both get this because we say it and we mean it when we say it.

Marie, I mean, listen, the funniest first and on Earth.

I don't know how you could ever not feel funny because when you say something, I'm my mouth is all the way open.

I'm screaming laughing.

Yeah, but I see I feel like you see me through like a haze. It's different you see a land.

Do you agree?

I think that Marie is naturally one of the funniest people that I could think of. You like command, like you're so just like naturally funny. You command an audience. It's just so much fun. We see how so many other comedians like the heart that hell out of their bits, you know, but you just go up there and do it. It's fun. You do this every week, and you do it unprepared, unprepared.

No the most professional person.

Oh yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes yes hashtag never forget that. M all right, Well, you know I'm gonna work on it. And uh, I mean, everything doesn't have to be funny all of the time. Sometimes there's nothing to laugh at. But that being said, I have laughed at people's funerals before.

So, well, why were you doing that?

Because it was funny.

We'll give me an example. What was so funny about?

People were singing really badly.

Oh, yes, the funeral, and so that made us laugh.

People should up late to the funeral. I feel like somebody was eating a tweaks or like a butter finger or something something loud and crunchy that shouldn't be at a funeral. I feel like somebody is for like gummies and gum.

I saw I was at a family funeral and they let somebody do like a praise dance in front of the casket, and I.

Had to close my eyes.

I was like, who's calling? Oh, nope, sorry about that? Nop the most unaprofessional. You're right, yeah, I uh. I was like, I don't care if she is our cousin.

This is not good. This is bad.

What was bad about the dance? Did she hit the coffin and it fell?

No, it just didn't look it was It didn't make sense.

It just.

The energy. It just felt like it should be at it. You could do it at church, just not at this funeral.

Why do people perform at funerals?

Honey?

None of it made sense. It didn't make sense. It was Unfortunately on the record, I'm gonna say it was dumb.

Yeah, well because my Andrew. Have you been to a funeral where people perform?

No, No, not at all.

This is unknown to me.

Yeah. How was at my grandmother's funeral a couple of years ago somebody sang a song.

I think singing is fine if the person can sing, but if if they can't, then it's like then we're at a talent show.

Did they sing it? They sing at Aretha's funeral?

Mm hm, Yes, they sang at Kobe's. They sing at Kobe's memorial, but that's different.

A memorial is like, you know, I don't know. Also, if you're famous and I'm showing up to an arena to say my goodbyes, then I'm expecting to see some type of show. But at Ebenezer's first Baptist church, I'm not expecting to see a show.

It was a smaller church, and I mean it just the thing is is that I understand everybody should have a platform to do what they do. I just don't think it should be at a funeral. Like, not everybody should be giving a eulogy. Certain people are just made to do that. Like, some people have a good voice, some people are good with their words.

Some people right, but like what are you saying?

Like I feel like the family of the of the deceased?

You know, sometimes people just be dragging it on and it's like, okay, all right, we got it. And then there's some people who are just they're two worked up and so it's a lot of it's a lot of crying and less talking.

It's a funeral.

Yeah, but then that got me worked up.

Now I'm crying more than I normally would cry because you're you're putting.

On Sidney this this this funeral slender. You really don't let these funeral critiques.

I mean, I just for mine, I want it to be a comedy show. But everybody has to be funny, like I can. I don't want it to be sad.

That's yeah, you want your funeral to be a comedy show.

Yes, I do.

And obviously you would be the host. No, obviously you would be hosting. You do ten minutes up.

Top, ten minutes.

Ten minutes up top.

Yeah, I'll go there and be like, look at this dead beach.

Exactly. That's how you do it.

This is the week they buried my friend in hilarious. Let me get the set together.

Yeah, I couldn't.

I couldn't host one. I would be terrible. I would I would be crying my eyes out. I would throw myself in the casket and I'd like, take me, Lord, take me with her.

You know who had a good funeral, Whitney Houston. She did.

She did. Wasn't it like three days? No, it was like a day.

It was like a very long day though. It was like an entire day, and it was on like all the channels.

Because I remember I was at my mom's house and I was like, well, let me see what was happening on ABC Whitney's funeral. I said, okay, well let me see whats happening on Fox. Actually Fox might not have played it, but but yeah, you know, Kevin Costner gave a speech because they were in the Bodyguard together, and it was like, okay, I guess they're friends. And then Bobby Brown showed up with like more people than he had tickets. Remember that.

They said, no, man, we don't have no seats for you. Broh.

He was like, I got my ent garage New Whitney, and they were like mm hmm. You have two tickets. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired.

I'm always tired. I mean I explained that to my psychiatry. She said, you know what, you're probably dehydrated.

Wow.

She's like, she said, you're dehydrated and you so I said, you're probably white. While she was saying talking, I was like, I was drinking the Lacroix and like, yeah, that's not water. I was like, in New York, it is.

In New York, it is.

Though, since it's not water in New York either.

Yeah.

She was like, she's like, well, you know, I've said this to all my patients. First of all, if you made it through twenty and twenty, you're a warrior. Okay, you survived, so you can make it through anything. Is this Christina, what did you say your Kristin Kristin?

No, I haven't.

I haven't spoken with her yet. That's that's tomorrow, thank you. But this is my psychiatrist who's uh. I can't pronounce her name.

Her first name you're looking at.

I can't. That's why I love.

I was like, I love a doctor who's I can't pronounce a first or last name, because then I know I know it's good.

Yeah, but she's awesome. And she was just like, listen, you're still here, so we can we can still do the work.

If I'm glad she's telling you what it is, how it is, very matter of factly like that too. Sometimes I think that that's but that's why I think therapy is good because sometimes your friends are not equipped to tell you that or you. We like, we hear our friends say things and we just like, they don't know what you're talking about. But doctor in front of.

It, It's like okay, yeah.

That's why I'm kind of frustrated that I didn't become a doctor. My friends would respect me more. I would say, I would say things and they're like, okay, Sydney, Sydney has entered a chat, you know. But any but anytime I say anything, everybody's rolling their eyes. They're like, girl, girl, you didn't even drink water. And it's like, okay, hold on, I did go to college.

Like geez, what, I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what's happening. Andrew, do you have any questions about what happened this episode? Because I'm.

Not sure if I'm making the connection between I do drink water, and yes I did go to like what all these disconnected thoughts. I do believe that you could be a doctor. I'm curious what kind of doctor you would be.

That's a good question, Marie. You first, what kind of doctor do I think you would be?

No? You, oh, I don't want to be a doctor.

Sis, Yeah, neither. You're the only person doctor.

At the time, Doctor Washington.

Think that's a good one, Doctor Washington, this sounds great.

I feel like Sidney would make like a good and bad plastic surgeon.

That I was just gonna say, Marie, this is the things that I was like, Yo, we are soulmates, you know, like I knew. I was like, watch, she knows what I'm thinking, and you were Marie. It's crazy. I mean, the cotton cold that we have going on here, it's it's it's beautiful.

It's like oil and vinegar or whatever. The hell.

No, we're not oil and vinegar. We're oil and oil. You're just like, you know, a like a different flavored oil. And I'm just regular basic oil.

Okay, So I'm extra virgin and you're you're just oliveoid.

Yeah, virgin.

No, you're virgin.

You're extra virgin, extra, You're extra.

But I feel like you would be a good slash bad plastic surgeon because people will come in and you be like, oh my god, you're so cute. You don't need to be in here, girl.

I know I wouldn't make no money.

Yeah, but I feel like you would give people boobs. Yeah.

I mean for me, I think that.

In order to give somebody good boobs, you gotta be good with your hands. And so I'm gonna say no that I'm not good at that. I'm not good at my hands, but I would be able to. I think I would be good at the consultations. What they had me in the room.

Okay, Sydney, Yeah, I need to be in the room. Let's go to medical school. We're gonna be it's gonna be nip tuck. Yes, we're going to redo the show from the early two thousands.

You and me, babe three, we would be hilarious because you would be like perfectly critical. But they were like, wow, she's she's really giving me more advice than I asked. And then I would come in be good cop and then be like, well, she's highly recommended all over the nation. So yeah, five five stars. Five stars, five stars across.

The board, tens across the board.

And then I'd be like, you know, she did my tits and show her my boobs. I'd show I would show all the patients my boobs. I'm like Marie her hands, they've been here, hilarious, hilarious.

Wow, Andrew, if you were a doctor, what kind of doctor would you be?

Oh, I don't I would want to be like a a therapist or something. I don't know. I don't want to do anything with blood. I can't do it. I'm afraid to even get the vaccine because of that reason, because I just I hate shots.

So, yeah, it sounds like you have really bad veins.

Yeah I do know I have really I have really good veins, but they're just not on the right body. I don't think you know, someone just these veins. They're good veins, I don't know.

But time to get a shot, they compliment your veins.

No, they luckily like they never have to stab more than once, but like once is enough for me to freak out, Like I've I've passed out getting my blood pressure taken before. It's it's so bad, this is.

A bad joke.

But it's like andrew all the dick that you be taken and you're like, ah, I can't do needles, it's crazy.

Well he's not taking needle Dixis.

Let's just say that.

Juicy grown up dick.

Mm hmm, okay, thank you. Murray is my lawyer.

Marie would be a good lawyer too, to be I'd be.

A malpractice attorney. Yes, the client left with the scalpel inside their body, but look how good the body looks now mm hmmm, jacobean Byrus, I mean Selino and Barnes. All right, well, I think I need to cook some food and maybe watch Drag Drag Race.

Okay, I just want to, you know, put this out here. You know I I've said it all all last year, but truly love you, Marie. I'm so happy to work with you. You know, you put up with all of my shenanigans, and I don't know who else I would want to do this with.

So yeah, you light up my life.

Wow, Sydney, there was such a beautiful poem.

And I'm going to get your name tattooed on my labya.

Oh my God, moved all over the body.

They your finger behind my behind my neck, your.

Neck in your back. If you get my name tattooed on your laby was it you said, Labia mm hmm, then you have to show me. I want to say it. Otherwise you're just saying it happened. You got to show it to me.

Andrew, there it is people.

That's how Sydney. You see how Sidney trying to get people to look at her vagina.

No, I've said it, yeah, I mean, you know it's nice. It's cute when there's no when there's no gray hair there, it looks good.

Not the gray hairs, oh, the gray hair. Not the Krouella Deville coach.

Honey, one hundred and one Dalmatians.

Right there, is anybody gonna see the new Corilla Deville movie because the trailer is giving birds of prey? What was that movie with the Margot Robbie.

Yeah, I don't know. If it's free on Disney Plus, we have to if we have to pay like the extra fee.

Then no, I was gonna be on Disney Plus.

Oh, I don't know. I just assumed that would be on Disney Plus, but maybe not.

I don't know. I liked Glenn Close as Corilla Deville, and I don't never even seen that whole movie.

I just think it's perfect. Yeah, Glen Close, she deserves everything.

Yeah, you saw her bangs at the Golden Globes. O.

Her her bangs were like they basically represented twenty twenty.

We've we've been, we've been through it, but we made it.

Yo. The celebrities were struggling to stay awake on that Zoom yesterday they around the gold like this, oh yes, yes, speech.

Because it's hard to be in front of a laptop.

M hmm.

It's hard, like, look at us right, I mean, we're very alive right now. But I'm just saying, I don't know, man.

I'm feeling.

Mhmm.

What are you eating, Sidney, I'm feeling blueberries or grapes.

No, I had a starburst.

Sorry.

Yeah, there was no way that I was gonna not be a little bit unprofessional.

Episode talking about how it's hard to be on Zoom as you're smacking this star, you.

Know, it's hard to be on Its hard.

The good thing is that for most of the conversation I've been present, we've been having you know, great dialogue. There's been jokes. I gave you guys a lot of praise, lucky and happy to be here.

You know.

I did. I did what needed to be done. This episode your present need Andrew, you don't agree.

I think that you you give us so much constantly. I'm constantly grateful for you.

I love you.

Guys.

Make sure ooh Marie, we're gonna do another Patreon episode. It's gonna be fucking good. It's gonna be juicy, and I'm ready.

I'm also we'll.

Give me a sneak peek. What we got to talk about for the Patriot.

I don't want to say it out loud, but you know what it is, and it happened last week.

It happened last week.

Okay, give me to me to you.

Mm hmmm. I think I called you and I was like about to cry about it.

What? No, what you gotta give me a hint? What's the sign language? Oh you were definitely crying. Okay, bag shout out to everybody who's listening to us on Patreon because live out loud.

They can't can't stop, won't stop live laugh love mm hmmm.

See not want this the rest of his rice cake? Okay, the microphone away from my face.

Make sure you guys, leave us more reviews, leave us more comments.

To.

I really love engagement. It just really it's the vitamins that I'm like deficient of.

So please, yes, yes, engagement gets me.

Also, I am, did you go outside today for sunshine? I did for twenty minutes.

No, but like I went outside for five minutes. So that's a step. That's a step towards stepping.

What were you doing outside? You took a walk?

No, I just said I said on the you know, on the steps. All right, I got that. I got that brisk, dirty air in my face. It was beautiful.

Well, it's supposed to be nice this week, I think for some of the week. So we should do something else. We can do something else.

We should do something, friend, we gotta do something because we also need to record this Patreon because you, I mean, people are gonna not be available.

So thank you, friend for respecting my privacy. Think this different movie.

Yes I did. I did respect your privacy yourself. I'm getting I'm getting better.

Marie Hey scooting me.

Goodbye, guys, love you, bye friends, Bye guys.

Forever.

This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey, Senior Producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Foreverdog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts dot com