Two Oprahs, One Cup w/ Kareem Rahma

Oh you're listening to mess ah wow.

Wow another day, another dollar, another mess.

Yeah.

I mean today was one of those days where I was like, I am, I'm gonna be late again.

But you know, I love when you're late because it's like one takes a little pressure off my back.

Yeah, but do you care even if I am one time, You're like whatever, they know what time?

I'm no, no, no, no, I do care.

Today I was literally like trying to figure out should I take a car to Atlantic, Should I take a car to Brow with Lafayette.

Should I take a car to Fulton Street.

I was trying to like jigsaw it so that I wouldn't be as late as I ended up being. But that's only because you said I'll be there at this time, and I said.

I'm right behind her. So I'm gonna take the regular train.

But I will say my medication is working. Because I was less anxious about it. I was like, I'm gonna get there. When I get there, that's it.

And so I was like, you know what, this is why you have to do the work. And by the way, you mean the.

Drugs, yes, the drug the drug pro drugs here?

Oh always I think dare taught me free drugs is the way to be.

Yeah, but no one told me that prescription drugs were going to be so difficult.

I thought it was going to be more fun. Really, Yeah, all.

The white ladies have been doing it since the sixties and the forties.

Seem like they're having a pretty good time.

Well they're taking prescription prescription drugs, but they're not supposed to.

I'm actually taking it the prescribed way.

Oh okay, the only person in the world taking it the right way, I think I am. I mean the way people be throwing addies at everybody there never they never throw it at me.

I was just about to say, no one's ever thrown any adderable at me, because you actually need it.

I do need.

You need to get it prescribed. Friend, you will take it and you're be like, oh is that yo? I'm honestly, it'll be like the limitless pill.

This is gonna be getting stuff done and I'm gonna look like a brand new person.

Wow. It's sometimes I think do I need an assistant? But maybe I don't need an assistant. I need at all prescription prescription prescription.

Wait, remember when I this is when I was in LA and I was trying to get addies and the guy was like, well, well, let's just work on your like depression first, and I was like, I need them addies. He was like, uh yeah, will not be getting you that prescription today, and I was I was like, Marie, I tried to get us some. I'm sorry, girl, I failed.

Do you want to be focused and depressed? Well? Do you want to be not depressed and unfocused?

Hold on?

I ooh, that's a hard question.

I'm gonna because I feel like sometimes when you're depressed, you're in the pocket, like you're doing things unhinged, you're unwell, and sometimes unwell hits in the algorithm.

But when you're doing it was hitting the algorithm.

Yes, but we're doing good and you're like just being quotation normal.

Then it's just it's just kind of boring. You're just there.

So what's up?

I'm not sure. I don't remember what I had asked. I can't. I mean either, I think it might be the ADHD friend, Thank you so much. Did you have a mess this week?

I mean the mess is that my life is I think going well. And when I see people and they ask me how I'm doing, I'm like, yeah, you know, the universe wants me to win. Like I'm doing great, and I think, I know I sound crazy when people ask me how I'm doing.

But that's I think what you sound like when you're doing well. No, no, that you don't sound crazy.

You only sound crazy if you don't look like you're doing well. If you're wearing a really short bang in the eyeline or a smudge, you're.

Like, I'm doing great. You're like, this bitch is lying.

Yeah, that the blunch tiny Beyonce mid bang is a of stress.

Yes, when jay Z cheated her that bang. Yeah.

No, if you are saying, but you look good, your everything's doing well, You're doing well on the internets, like it's crazy.

I don't know the algorithm. God's are on my side, there on your side. I just have to keep going. That's all it's about. Yeah, but I did.

I bumped into somebody the other day, Like I was like scrambling to a show and I was trying to you know, you try to figure out your set. Some people do it days in advance. I like to do it on the way to the show. So I'm like, oh, if I start here, where am I going in? And somebody was like Marie and whatever, somebody recognizes me when I'm.

Trying to work. I'd be like what, but I was like yes, and she's like hi, you know, and she's talking to me and.

I'm just trying to be like like I'm trying to like work on my stuff still, and she was like I'm just I'm really I'm so happy for the way things are going for you.

How do you do it?

And I could tell that she was stressed, and I was like drugs and she was like drugs and I was like, I'm kidding, I just none of this matters. And she was like none of this, Matt. Like the more I talk, the more unhean. I could see her being like, oh she this lady is crazy. She dresses well, but she's crazy.

No.

But I was like, I was like, anyway, how are you? When she was like, my dad's not doing well, and I was.

Like, oh, okay, yeah, well sending love and light. Yeah, you know, it's hard when someone's like how are you to be like good and mean it because everybody is not doing good?

Yeah, but that's I here's a mess. This is my week's mess.

We got a sandwich, okay, we gotta start with something good, then trauma dump, then we got it in with something good. I cannot start nothing with the boom. Yeah, my neighbor just died. Hey, babe, I'm gonna I need you to be like, your hair looks good. You know, your teeth are white. Hey my mom died that and then and then dump everything and then hit me with the you know I saw something on Instagram.

You looked great. So not bad good bad, but good bad good. Yes, yes, because you have to.

You gotta get me repped up to get excited for the conversation. You can't already drop me off with the end of the world shit.

But don't you don't you hate when someone calls you and they're talking and you could tell they're beating around the bush.

Don't you wanted to just get to the point. No, let's beat around the bush.

That's bullshit, red like it's it's the.

You know when we're what is it when you call?

When you're like before you hook up, like the kiss in the the dating caressing, No before you four play you got a floor, play me into the trauma dumping. Do not hit me up top with the oh my god, I just lost my job bitch, No, I can't have this energy.

My my mad's just hit it. Just maybe you're supposed to find the good in it. Well, I just lost my job. Well, girl, you hated that place anyway, that's the good.

You know what the good for me is? You know what, girl, my managers call me. I'm gonna call you right back.

Click that.

That is the good for me because I can't because you're still in ployed.

Exactly.

Well, I love that for you. Let's bring our guests into.

Are very well employed, booked, busy, blessed guest.

Wow, kareem, you're here.

What's up? You guys are glowing. I mean, we're not the lighting we're doing.

Let the record show that this is what we look like.

You look great.

The studio doesn't actually really careful.

I'm always I'm always captivated, truly.

Well, I would say I was like, maybe it's the glowing for Marie is bouncing and permonating around the whole.

I like this vibe of that Marie has right now. Yes, this is like a new thing I feel I just I feel.

Like you know how everyone's like people always like this is gonna be my years.

I know that it's mine.

You have toxic positivity, toxic. I love that I have that. I've had that for a long time.

You have to be see it and it works out for you.

You know what I say? You know what I say every day. Now I'm gonna win an enemy's but you are.

Knows it's going to happen.

I tell people when I when I see them, I say, I'll see what that means. That's my new goodbye. I love that.

That's the way it's supposed to be. I'll see.

That's what I say. I swear to God to Kate yesterday gave.

Her a famously was nominated for me, So you were, Yeah, it's always that's what I'm talking about.

Got a w G A award.

I mean, I don't even I don't even talk about my wins the way I'm actually white girl that.

This might be my year.

Why isn't it in the bio this might.

Be my year? You know what? Because I'm like I said LinkedIn, Yeah.

Listen, it's for me right like Marie is like toxic h me. When I'm a work in progress, you're gonna see the grind. But then when I really hit my stride, it's I'm gonna be disgusting about it. But this is the putting the puzzle together with the I kind of squinting. So it's just not as it's not as fun.

But you hope to be one of those people when when people see you after the oscar that you got, they go, man, you really changed.

Oh no, no, no, before that. Don't let me get one hundred k on Instagram.

Bit nobody, that's so funny.

Are you gonna celebrate the hundred k?

You know what?

I might be those weird YouTubers like I just got a hundred can.

No no, I celebrated one hundred k offline, though.

I didn't celebrate one hundred k.

Well, you didn't celebrate the hundred k. I went out to dinner seafood Towers the follows, and everyone kept saying, oh, are you guys celebrating anything? I go, I just hit one hundred can I was shameless. There's like as a birthday anniversary. I was like, now I hit one hundred k, that's.

You know, when I hit three hundred k, I'll celebrate and that I will be there.

That literally is coming in a week.

It's it's crazy how quick the numbers are changing.

Positivity. I'll invite me to the celebration. I got people, I got spots, seafood towers. It's not on me. It's not It's never on me.

I'm gonna say, if I can get a sponsored yea, three hundred K cannot have.

I bet you can a sponsored dinner for sure.

And I and you know what, I'm gonna do it for one hundred K for sure.

I celebrate the small win.

You have to because it's like a lot of times we forget that the stuff that we have now is stuff that we used to really really want.

Of course, because once.

You hit that, it's like you're thinking about the next thing.

The next thing. The next thing is right now. But that but that's also good. I think. I think it's good to be aspirational because then you become complacent if you're not, and then you're just kind of laying there, just laying anymore.

Kareem, you're famously the host of Subway Takes and Keep the Meter Run in two shows that once you started doing them, they took off real quick. Is this stuff that you've been thinking about for a long time? Is it like did it come to you in a dream?

Like you know?

I mean, it's it's it's a mixture of right place, right time where it was like the moment I think it was the right moment to like launch I make this joke. But vertical unscripted short form video series. That's like when people are like, what do you do for a living? I say, I make I produce. I produced vertical. Wait what is an unscripted short form vertical video series? But yeah, you got to get an act. It's funny to say the whole thing vertical.

Yeah you sound annoying, but.

No, no, no, no, no no, I laugh at it.

But because of your hair and your mustache, I'm like, it's the arts. Yeah, vertical. I'munscripted Emmy nominated for videos.

If I could get an Emmy for a vertical short form scripted vide happening vertical short form unscripted videos and yeah, that's no actually hosted vertical unscripted short form video series. Keep the Meter Running was in my notes app for a long time. How long, like at least two years?

Isn't it crazy?

Yeah? And then and then I was and I was I was like, that's a good idea, but I don't know how I'm going to make it. But then I was given the opportunity. Somebody said, do you have any ideas? We want to make one of your ideas? And I pulled out the notes app I had like five ideas. Give the meter running was the last idea. They go, that's the one. I go, great, and then and then I didn't ask any questions. In my mind, I was like, how are we going to make this?

Yeah?

But then I just I mean we literally went outside and hailed a.

Cab, asked less questions, Just do just do it, you do it well.

I got frustrated because I was trying to bring some of my friends in on it, and I would be like, yo, do you want to like direct this thing? I have a great idea. And the first question was how are you going to light it? I said, bitch, the sun, we are outside.

Nobody cares about that. Was this a black friend or.

Poc I was a very white person.

Oh yeah, okay, so.

He was logistically challenged by the fact that we were going to be shooting outside, but where there is nownatural light. I was like bro if Terrence Malick, who famously makes all his movies using natural light, that we can make an unscripted short form vertical video series using.

Listen and you know what, when it's your time to do something, there's there's not any questions.

We're just doing it.

And it's crazy because I was listening to this girl and she was like, I just want to hit y'all. You don't have to be great to get started, but you got to get started to be great.

And that's what it is.

I like this. I like this version of you guys.

It's a great start. We're just tired.

To Oprah's Positive.

No, this is Oprah's one cup. We're going to go with that title. It's just my my mess is hidden.

It's really wrapped up.

Toxic positivity, artificial positivity.

It's crazy as long as it's positive.

But but also like I agree, like as a perfectionist, as a creative, as an artist, ask somebody living in the time of like a million people can see your stuff on social media and be like, this sucks. It's really hard to take something from the notes app or something from your brain and do it. You're for me anyway, Like Solo in the City is something that I've been thinking.

About for however long are you single? It's something I had been thinking.

About for years before I started doing it, and I'm so mad. I waited so long to start it, but you know, once you start, you just got like you just have to do it. Because we all watch things on social media that were like this sucks, but the person is doing it.

Yeah, and also cringe embrace it because you might think in your head like this is such a cringey idea, or like this is the way that you're going to be perceived. I think you think that you're going to be perceived one way, but then the audience perceives it another way. So you are your toughest critic, you know what I Meanways, So, but other people are like, oh, this is really cool. Honestly. There's a couple of examples of this one. I will like done something with a

Yeah, brand stuff is really crazy.

No, no, no, But then the comments are like, yo, congrats on Mountain Dew.

I'm like, why would somebody not like if you you see somebody doing like free content all the time, right, Like people people were mad at me during the Barbie movie. They were like, bitch, that was the time for you to cash out, why did you stop? And I was like, I was going, there's something, but they're like, they want you to do the brands. They want you to do collabs because they're like, hey, you've been doing all this stuff for free for a long time for years.

Get your coin.

Yeah yeah.

I mean a hater would be like, oh, you're doing spon con. You're selling out. Yeah, well you're not paying me, so the fuck.

I think the world has just changed, where like it used to be one of those things where like that was selling out. You know, like there was a time where it was like, oh, brands blah blah. But brands are the only people with money. Now Hollywood doesn't have money, you know what I mean, there's no money. The only people with money I call them people are brands. That's a mess. Embrace your embrace your patron. I treat them as patrons.

The only people with money are brands. We're havingy for you. You look great.

Did you do something with your bank? Patrons of the arts. The brands are the patrons of the arts.

And you know that's that's where everybody.

We're all on our phones on social media all day anyway at work, so at least let's this is our work.

I think it's fine.

Yes, it's little boots.

You know you get these free shoes.

I love they look good. I mean that Rocky Joe who wants to pay.

I think it's mess having to pay for things that pull out your fucking card or to do that tap tivioty tap every time.

I'm like this, Why am I doing this?

It's embarrassing.

This is the get to I do. I do really not like spending my own money. But it also is so easy to tap.

It's really easy. Cheap though, So you you're not hitting the tip button. No, I'm tipping, but I'm not tapping. You tipping but not happening. I'm tipping, but I'm not tapping.

Tipping but not tapping.

Also title of the episode, But wait, is it because you're frugal or you just because cheap?

I think when I hear cheap.

Is like, oh, you have a lot of money, but like you don't want to use it at all.

I don't want to part with it.

But frugal is like I have the money, but I don't want to be too frivolous, Like I want to, you know, make better decisions.

I feel like I have very dad energy, not daddy, not daddy, not to be confused with daddy. I'm dad energy. Where I'm like, do we really need like imagine your father, do you really need that? I do that to myself, explain father.

I didn't. I didn't have one of.

It's kind of a guy that's around. Sometimes sometimes they go off for a pack of cigarettes.

They never come back and they don't know any of the information about their kids.

Sometimes are they definitely don't. They should know birthday. I know the birthday of my daughter.

And your daughter was born. But she's like, how old?

Exactly what she's brand? It's February twenty eighth.

I know because it just has the tag on it. Why you know her? You know?

No, I will forget. I mean my wife, who's actually my girlfriend, but I call her my wife. She I don't know her birthday.

And she asked me all the time, ask miss my wife, who is actually my girlfriend, but I'll call her my wife. Why don't you stop calling her your girlfriend and.

Just call her your wife because she's my girlfriend.

Well, Mary, why don't you make her your wife.

We're in transitionary period. We had the baby, and so it's a lot of like it's like, oh do we you know, how do you get married? So we got religiously married so that the baby wouldn't be borne on paper, well in some sort of text, you know, like not necessarily not not on paper. Yeah, paper, No, it's actually the opposite of paper. We're married with the man above. The man above has sanctioned its thea. So you're saying the government hasn't sanctioned.

It's not the government, no, right, but.

Off the off the record.

So you went to wait. So you went to a mosque and I got a guy. Okay, you got it.

I got a guy that came to the crib. You know how people you.

Know that you had a moss.

Dry by, Yeah, I had a guy had the imam come to the crib. You know how people do that? Now they're like, oh, I have a groomer for my dog or my cat, or like I'm gonna get the liquid IV drip in my body and my house or get your hair done her.

The year of the liquid.

In my life, I've never done it.

I've never done I want it. Can we all hello brand to IVY drip?

We need it? Can we do it?

Get that on the pot is mad.

I wanted on the pron we are we need it first of all, energy and.

We need to I mean just to do it. I just want to see how I feel.

It's so funny to do it on a podcast. You do, I've never done that, no people. I've seen people do it at bachelor and bachelorette parties.

Because they go hard.

But I'm like, and then I remember I went to a bachelor. No, I went to a wedding, and the next day I went to like the groom and the wife.

I need you to get these titles together.

You said wife girlfriend, not wife, but like groom.

That's so fun. You don't know what the lady is called. Man man who has a wife, but we don't know what to call him.

I walked into their room and they were both hooked up to the ivy and they.

They was probably on May they married.

I was like, that is really interesting because I.

Get really antsy with needles, so just the just the going in.

With the needle part is already going to be a thing.

I don't like needles, noodles, noodle, I don't like needles, but I watched them.

I'd be like, oh, I don't want no, I don't want to watch.

I need to do the trick like I need them to be like, oh the like they have to like, how's your day? And then you know they need to distract me.

Do you guys get the vein compliments? You've got great veins?

You can't see my veins.

I don't know I got veins.

They almost come in with Somebody says that to you.

Anytime I get army hammer, it's always a little black.

Strong veins. They go, oh, you've got great veins, and.

Oh, you're saying the nurse.

Yeah.

I thought it was like you were standing in line for a coffee and somebody is like, you have great veins.

If someone said that, I would be like, unless you're a nurse or doctor, that's or he's gonna murder you.

You got great veins.

Just you got veins. You know, I used mind. I got a nice clean needle for them veins. Okay, you know I'm you know, I left my veins and coat check. Can I know they always the veins?

I don't know. I don't think I've never had that compliment. I think I got bad veins. They're hidden.

You got harry arms.

Come on, be racist, bro, racist you wait exactly damn racist ass podcast really leaning in and what we need you to lean out?

Of?

What you got it? You got a whole bunch of hair on top of your head. You and your neck.

My neck has no hair, neither does all you wax. No, I'm just us your chest.

Of course I did on mess chest on mass that.

You got a lot of You got a lot of that. No, okay, I'm not. I'm like regular no.

Arms.

You you are women with not hairy arms. I'm for a man, for a compliment, just for a brown man.

Women without hair on your arms and head. You're blessing my hand.

Listen.

When I was in do you remember the first time you shaved Sydney.

Ever the body? Are we talking? Well?

The first time I ever shaved. I shaved my arms. I was in like like second or third grade. Hair on your arms, and I went home and I shaved my arms.

I don't know what's customary in our culture.

Well, I had I had a really long hair coming out of a mole I have, so I instead of shaving, I did the plucking just one hair, one hair, I think, you know what, I think.

I just pulled it out with my teeth the other.

Day your teeth.

Yeah, that you see the mall their hair coming out of it.

Dream were the same, miss, Okay, let's get back on track.

I don't know.

Dream. You came here with mess?

What is it? I have a couple of messages, Okay, I don't know. Fatherhood is a mess because you're balancing your life, the child's life, your girlfriend and wife's life, your work life, your friend life. I mean, it throws a real wrench.

Can you still have friends as a new parent?

No? Not really. You have to combine things. I'm I'm thankfully employed in a position where I can. This is French to me. This is friends. Yes we're productive, but we're friending. We are friends, but we're associates at the moment, we're business associates, which is actually messy colleagues.

It's messy because sometimes right when you blend that, there is no it's real gray like it's murky, so stuff that I would say to my friend, hey, bitch, your ass is back like you can't if we business partner friends, we can't.

You can't.

Really, I can't touch your elbow like this because HR should get involved.

But there's no HR and standing there.

It's so hard.

This is the only work where you could say hey, bitch and the person whoever you're talking to. That is the title of the.

Featuring, why thank you yours as do yours? I don't know. I think that that's good though, Like I would rather have my work be my life and my life be my work. Yeah, because it's always fun. Yeah, I think it's a good time at all times.

It's like a it's like a, really, you don't agree, you want to be in a cubicle?

No, you don't know.

Well, it's the same feeling how I feel from the work from home. I got it in the beginning, but now it's like, no, you got to go to your work and then your home be your home.

The blending of the two is just how do I where's my safe space?

My couch where I used to lay now is in the background of where I'm fucking working. And now if I'm having a bad meeting, I don't want to go to my couch because I'm like, you got that bad meeting energy on this ship. Yeah, So it's like, go to work, go home, separate the two.

I've been wanting to do that ever since I had a kid. I'll get out of the house. Is not my entire home. Yeah, there's there's Yeah, I gotta get an office or something.

I got to get a house.

I got the old ball and chain at home.

You got you got to sponsor somebody. No, somebody needs to sponsor you to have your own work.

On Instagram the other day I said, somebody, please give me a free office. I got a lot of dms, but they were not good. And then I was at the coffee shop in my neighborhood the other day and I saw the most unhinged, messiest ship I've ever seen in my life. It was a flyer that said, Hi, I'm like a freelance creative person looking for any room to rent. If you have a spare room in your home, I will rent it as my office. Like this person was looking to move in.

What's the budget? They won't. They won't. Now that would have been messy.

If a I give you four hundred dollars if you let me use this as an office.

Would you let someone rent the spare room in your apartment as their office where they come in from nine to five.

They gotta go to one of those members only places. There's so many in the city.

I think.

I imagine that this person wants to be alone. They don't want to be in the co working. They don't want to co work.

What are you doing that you don't want to co work?

I'm talking me about the guy in the coffee shop.

Not maybe it might be cheaper to just get a hotel for the day.

I don't think so.

You don't think so.

Actually, if you divide your rent by thirty days, don't do it. Don't do it. I'm don't do it because you may as well live in the hotel.

Well I had to do it because my because I moved into my apartment at the end of the month, so they had to pro rate my rent the next the next month, and I was like, wait, that's how much I'm spending a day.

They're so cheap. Those bastards are so cheap. They wouldn't let you move in early.

Later.

No, no, no, it was me. I found the place late. And then they were like, oh, you got.

I'm still paid a whole month, and that's what I'm saying.

Next month they were like, JK, now you pay what you would have to pay.

Next, but like, last month, did you do the division?

You don't want to tell us.

You being cool with your it's the devil's numbers.

That's not bad than what I said. Okay, there's a lot of sixes. Yeah, I don't want to look at I don't want to look at mine.

Okay, So okay, So so being a dad is messy.

Being a dad is very messy. I think being a mom is messy here obviously.

Yeah, because I was going to say, she's doing most of the work. You're ripping, running, trying to make the bake. Well, not the bacon for you, the bread, the bread we make the bread, bacon, beef, beef bake, nest turkey baking.

I didn't know beef bacon was a thing. It's a thing.

They have it in the they have it in the Yes, is that like slim gym?

Is that.

It is giving thin?

It spelt it's slim, Jimmy, I just don't get bacon. I get read.

Yeah. So you're making you're making a lot of money for your family.

Yeah, I'm a provider. But that's why I don't spend the money for myself. That's what I'm saying. So I'm like, do I really need this? Like I should have the office, I should be able to afford the office.

Somebody's gonna comp it. Yeah, don't skip on the things that is most important.

Like I feel like that's the thing about being a dad, but also being a man is like I don't think y'all know how to compartmentalize things. It's just like it's either like all or nothing. And it's like, well, if I have to, if I have to work and provide and be a man, then like, how what other things can I fit in there? You can't, but you can because you hire an intern or assistant.

You want an assistant.

I don't have an acessance.

That's madness. As much work as you're doing.

I don't need an assis.

Who keeps your books?

Who keeps you? I have a lot of people. I keep my own calendar, which is which is absolutely messy. It's very bad, very very bad. Depressing me.

Your calendar has like posted stick.

You're going to be really upset.

Let me see your color coded.

I'll show you today today. Let me see today was fucked up? Yes, I was still on time. Dragon, I'm not dragon. This is today? Yes?

Wow? Why is it not color coded? It's all the same blue because it's all work. Yeah, but is it? I break it down like fun, work, travel, okay, yep, yep, Oh no cancel girl. Something was canceled at five, so it looks like you got the evening.

No.

I canceled because I was like, look at this day. That's a bad day. So I can't. I said, I'm out. I don't want to do this. What's a good day? It was photo shoots said I don't want to do photoshop.

You don't want to get America's next time model.

I said, I'll send you photos.

You don't want to get your hair like coiled and like most what.

I'm not doing it?

Everything else? I went to the photo shoot. What the photo?

Right? No, I'm doing face all day. I was on the phone from nine am until one thirty pm, and then I took the train directly here and now I'm on closing deal. Now I have to close deals. I love deals. I actually love being on the phone. I'm I'm the equivalent of a cab driver. I'm on the phone all the time.

Now, are you holding a phone to your ear? Are you speakerphone out?

Speakerphone out?

Speakerphone allowed? You know he's a speakerphone allow? You could just tell because you're very chaotic.

That's so, that's a great chaotic.

When I first met you, I was like, I don't know what you're going to do, but whatever you're going to do, it's going to happen.

But it's going to be like pas Manian devil.

You know, you were one of the first people I ever met in the comedy sphere, and you were so supportive and I was like, you know what, I feel good.

How did you guys meet Taylor Taylor, Garrett Taylor Taylor, Yeah, yeah, and then but then I think we got lunch or dinner.

Yes, And I was like, I'm just starting out because I was just starting out.

How people been doing comedy? This is I need to know the story now.

Yeah, it's about six years.

I'm using the first people to go to pick your can I pick your brain?

I'm always the sure bitch.

Oh wait, I said, I'll buy you did say a good good, good like manner.

So there y'all are at Chipotle. Ow there you.

Big Hannah, Yeah, the other place that makes you.

If I don't get the garlic butter, I'm not saying nothing, he said.

She can't mentor you or the youth without the garlic on me.

It was.

It was a very positive and aspiring conversation. I was like, all right, I think I can do this because I had a whole other life. I was thirty three transitioning into comedy, which that's mess. No, the worst thing.

Why is it mess?

If I met a dude and he was like, I'm thirty three and I'm dis nested, I'd be like.

Yeah, exactly, hold on, but Kareem is divorced, divorced.

I didn't. I was going to say say hot, Oh are you divorced?

Yes, she left you, but Marie will not hot.

So you know where that goes.

Girl, I'm trying to get to about Okay, can we picked that up later?

Though, I do want to.

I do want to confirm he wants a sandwich, he wants to.

I want to confirm hot. Actually, before we move on, I'd like to confirm firm that you're with Sydney on us.

Oh, that you're cute.

Hot.

She's not giving it to you, babe, specifically, I'm gonna take it up.

You're hot.

Yeah, that's so nice of you. I never thought that in my life.

Behind the keys said you hot, I said hot, re said cute.

Okay, so you're still winning.

No, it's great. I have never felt like this moment.

We usually don't say this is straight man that comes they have straight man on the pot, and I know why is it's captain is bitch.

Actually it means a lot to me because I've had ugly inside syndrome, you know. And when you think you're ugly for a long time, kid, yeah, because I was. That's that's true. I wasn't. I was an awkward stage for a long time. I think actually I actually just look like a guy now. Yeah, but I used to look like a little pudgy boy.

But I feel like for.

Men, we are going to need a baby picture for the dump means out. But I think for men, most of y'all get better with age, you know. I think you get you know, man like, you know, manly face and salt and pepper and the beard is full and.

It's just like which is a nice treat because after thirty three years or thirty four years of being kind of ugly, you're like, oh, all right, great now, I'm all right.

You in your ugly duckling Swan era.

Back to the other thing.

Divorce, Yes, because you wanted to do comedy at thirty three.

No, no, because she was white.

And now this is not mess. This is this is not mess.

This is great.

That's the perfect reason to be like, you gotta go here on mess, that's not mess.

It wasn't mess at all. It was like you gotta go. And then and then I was.

At it because of religion.

No, no, no, that's crazy. Do I give that energy? I said, I accidentally married a white woman. Four years later I just realized, oh she's not Muslim.

You know what? And you heard it here first on mess baby.

But no, it is so true that that coming out of divorce and then I'm like, oh, thirty three year old divorced aspiring comedian is literally the worst thing you can possibly hear.

No, I never heard, hold on, hold on.

It is worse for ladies like us, ladies who lunch. But for the average girlie on a corner street corner, all they see.

Is like, oh, there's potential.

You know, like when I when I saw you, you, I will say, right now, you know you work in a lot, so you know you got that like I'm ripping and running. But when I met you, you had this like I'm like driven, I'm.

Ready to go.

So if a woman can sense that you are trying to reach something that's kind of hot.

I mean, listen, women, the standards this women will a woman will be like, well he's trying not all women, but there is a woman somewhere.

But it's that's but I don't know if that's what I'm I don't know if that's what I'm trying to try.

It's not well at that time.

At that time, at the time, you didn't all you were very focused. You were like, I just want to get to where I need to be.

I need to not be embarrassed. When I opened my mouth.

And you were embarrassed.

Of course, are you kidding me? What do you do for a living? I just started comedy. It's the worst. It's literally worth it's imagine what you do for a living. I want to be an actor. All of those things are bad. Yeah, if you want to be one and you haven't and you're just starting like you're like, I'm in UCB improv one on one.

Oh that's gross.

But for Kareems, we were in open mics and there were people who had just started, like I'm a comedian.

You know what they look like?

You know, you know what those guys look, they did not have no qualms about being like, oh yeah, I'm I'm a comedian. I perform at Calma Lounge on Wednesdays. It's like, you mean the open mic that's five dollars, yeah, five minutes.

Yeah. Yeah.

They get on stage to not be funny and be like, well my wife and I and.

You said thirty three, they would be fifty five.

But here's the difference. Are they hobbyists? Are they doing it as a hobby because I was like, I am going to make money and make this a career.

I think a lot.

Waneople who start stand up think they're going to be sending out Madison Square Garden at some point.

You think. I think the men.

I think all the men that are like, I'm gonna be a comic, it's because they watched other comedians say crazy stuff and get big laughs and make a lot of money, and they're like, I could do that.

Well, people don't realize how much work it takes, Like it takes so much work every day, years upon years upon years of failures, and then something hits.

What's your failures? Well, you have so many years.

There's so many failures. Yeah, but I feel fast. I feeled really fast. I spent two years failing and then the first little which is not a long time. I'm no, no, I'm very aware. But I had this whole other life that I could draw lessons from. Right Like I had like worked at the New York Times, I had worked advice.

I had like, yes, get into my mom.

Had a daycare in the basement of My dad died when I was twenty one. There's no nepida. And he was a criminal. And he was a criminal your nepo.

No I am.

I am my own daddy. Yes, I am my.

Own rich is all the title of the episode own daddy.

That's murdh. That is you gotta get you. I want to get a tie. I have my own daddy.

I want to get the jacket, the leather jacket with the back.

I mean, it's all a mess, but it works out in the end. What else did you want to?

What else was the something that you Oh, the bachelor party, but you didn't have a bachelor party.

It's not for me. Oh that's for a good friend. Tear. It's tearing apart. The group chat.

Let's talk about it.

The group chat, which is called deep Down in John's as I just put them all on blasts.

Come on, now I need Josh John's. But now, first of all, that's too long. It's too long, like it's not showing up when like when we have our group chat, like we have one little thing and then I like, I know it's my group.

What's the name of the group chat?

None of your business? Come on, Marie, shut out, shout out to ten percent.

How many people are in it? Like four five five? That's so sick.

Then we have another group chat. Is it sisters?

Odd girls?

It might be hot.

Girls, but you know what sisters is. That's like in a badly written film about two black friends and it's like, oh, name the group chat, sisters. It's very close. Now the group chat. I think naming the group chat is really fun, is it? Yeah? Pious Pipers, that's one of them. Safe space space, keep down in Johnnas three ass cheeks of the Apocalypse, a lot of butt stuff.

Y'all are goofy fun. That's what malets are called.

Huh oh.

Yeah.

The male group chats are are I think the most unhinged and also the same.

I would say that kids, are you guys waking up in good mornings each other are you just starting just.

Now out the gate. It's just battle battle times, meme battles, just ball busting. I got in trouble for taking the joke too far and Deep John and John Zanas because the bachelor.

Party every time he says it, take a shot.

So in Deep Down, Deep Down on John Zanas, there is a there's a bachelor party being planned for John. No, oops, it's actually for Deep he is the Indian guy getting married. Uh. And there there there is a reluctance. The bachelor does not want to have a bachelor party. But as an Arab man, I had to explain to him that bachelor parties are not for the bachelor. They're for the friends. In my culture, which is made up. I was like, no, no, no, it's I kept saying, in my culture, the bachelor party

And you just picked it just to Pigot.

It's six hours away. I did a little research. It's the same. It's the equivalent of going to l A.

But it's not warm, and then may it will be warm. It'll be warm, and it's it's also beautiful.

I don't know if you google it.

Maybe I've never been to Oh, yes I did. Sorry, I forgot.

Went to double last year. Were unimpressed. You you go.

The way you forgot quick. It took a while to find food that I like. Yeah, the food it was scarce for for for a moment.

But we're eating fish and chips like that's Britain. But porridge, Yeah they eat weird.

Yeah it's not. I was like, okay, so I lost five pounds. Here we went and got sushi.

Right, yeah, this here.

So you wanted to go to Ireland.

The phitched something out of the ordinary, and then somehow the top choice became Denver, Colorado. Worse. It is way worse. Denver is the is the like Ireland.

I feel like it's very Maybe your group is weed heavy, because that's the only reason why I would I suggest Denver because skiing no weed.

They smoked, don't don't you keep saying it Sidney. He heard your dad with a criminal.

She said.

They they don't smoke weed. No one nobody smokes. We what the is to do?

I'm like, I don't think they got this.

This is this is my white group. This is my.

Say you should.

Have with the name deep down in John's and I thought you guys would know.

Of dudes that were gross, But now that makes it. You said Denver, And it's like, why dudes that are grossing?

But now it's tearing the group apart because there so there are there's a Jewish guy and Armenian guys. So they're not that they're kind of white, they're not fully white. I'm the brownest on the spectrum in this group. And they have now aligned themselves with me. Refugees band together, semites band together, so we're we're pro Ireland. But now the whites in the group are really pushing on Denver and there's a battle.

Now, Now what would the activities be in both cities? That's what we need to know.

Well, Ireland, in my opinion, we drive.

Around already already losing me for a bachelor party.

Yes, well bothis or something.

Somebody just stay home and bring them, like, stay with the kids and the wive, girlfriends or whatever.

It's not gonna go to do in Denver. Go to Red Rock is somebody performing?

Literally, someone requested that today said they said, we can see a concert at Red Rocks. I said, I would rather go to Cincinnati.

Oh damn, y'all a wash.

Nobody has anything like exciting to put down listen.

I yeah, we're trying to chill out. It's like a chill trip.

So why don't you go to Thailand?

That's crazy?

Why is it crazy?

It's twenty four hours away. Yes, we got seventy two hours for the trip.

Oh you only have to you want to. I don't want to be be like, oh what can we do for the week? Bitch, let's go. If that's the last.

Hurrah we out, that's crazy.

A Google Bachelor party destinations Vegas.

They all go to Vegas. I know they all goa you guys are better.

Than that, better than Vegas. And also the group is made up of I think four out of seven half kids.

What about what.

About like like Arizona, Sedona, like something like that. You go to a wellness retreat spot.

That's too much in that direction, that's too much. I feel like Ireland is both like, we got Dublin, we can take a walking tour.

Oh walk and see whom on Sydney. I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm gonna stop you right there.

Why.

Sydney and I were in Dublin. She was like, let's let's go to this What did you say? It was like a field or a hill and I was like, oh, we'll take a bunch of pictures. I'll be in a poppy field. Sydney had me on a full blown hike in Dublin. I had on a platform, boots and a Maxi search. Girl, I didn't I told you a hike?

What you thought?

She said, We're gonna go take pictures on this hill. We had a good time.

Spell to my death, sir. We had a blast the photos. Ate it up, babe. You know what are you guys? Drinkers? Drink? Somebody say fully drinking.

But here's when I said walking tour. I mean like, get an Irish guy to show us around.

This is where the.

People blew up the IRA where we start. Yeah, I love a walking tour. You don't do walking tours sometime I go to a city. First thing I do go on a walking door, get a lay of the land.

It's it's important to do it early so you can be like, oh, we gonna come back here.

We did it. They want, you know, you know where to go? Yeah, yeah, I like the walking tour. You know, they get the funny accents.

So why is it tearing everything? Is it really tearing everybody apart?

What are you say?

Not reprimanded?

What did they say?

Because I kept using chat GPT to generate messages and emails that were anti Denver, I had to stop.

We have to stop with the chat GBT. We have no First of all, we're feeding chat GBT.

I was feeding it, giving it liquid ivs. Use your brain, I use my brain. I use my words, and then I say, rewrite this to make it more intense or more eloquent, or to sound more white. So that I stopped it.

So I said, chat GBT, wipe this up.

Yeah yeah, I have a code switched for me so I don't have to worry about it.

Uh huh.

So so Chad I was. I kept doubling down. So people were like, We're going to Denver, and I'd be like, I would rather go to fucking Cincinnati. They have beers there too, why do you want to go to Denver? Blah blah blah blah blah. Here's if we want attractive women, then of course we should go to No. If we want unattractive women, we should definitely go to Denver so we can look at some of the nastiest people on earth. Like really getting it GPG wrote shut.

Throwing chat GBT underneath it.

But I will read one of the messages that got me in. And then yesterday I got reprimanded. They said that I'm making the bachelor who doesn't even want to go on the trip in the first place, uncomfortable, And I said, he's my friend. I can make him feel uncomfortable. I can break his balls. That's what friends do. Like, what are you guys talking about?

It's not during intense moments time and a place to break a ball.

Okay, listen to this March seventh. Oh wow, Denver is just so amazing. How could we ever consider anywhere else? I mean, where else can we find such a perfect combination of insufferable frat bros, depressing architecture, and fat ugly women. Ooh, but hey, maybe Brainerd, Minnesota is actually the real gem here. It's got all the same incredible features, uninspired buildings, a social scene that makes you want to claw your eyeballs out, and the added bonus that we've already been there, so

Dress day, eat them up session.

I know that's why it's tearing the group chat apart.

I would have reprimanded you seventy two hours, Reddit said go to go public golf courses in Denver or paintball uh Larimer Lounge for live.

Look at look at the group chat. This is what's happening in that's the chart that says this is the percentage of people that want to go to Ireland.

Versus show the show the cameras so they could see the percentage that's the vote, move it down if they could actually So what's all.

The other colors?

Well, there was other options outside aside from Ireland. Okay, there was Denver, Lake Tahoe.

Lake Tahos. That's dope.

They said no you at Utah Zion parentheses, Zion Berlin oh, it's a party. Berlin only got thirteen point five percent.

They must think the wall is still there. Yeah, they said, we don't want to go to half of Berlin.

Waiting about deep in and they don't want to go to Berlin.

There's so much aus.

Thing they don't want to go. Greetings Team, that's crazy. See this is like how the email everyone's now using chat. Greetings Team, I hope your week is off to a great start. Following the updated input from x y Z, we have a shift in the destination preferences. Tahoe is now the leading choice, with Ireland and second place and Utah in third, not even the Denver in sight. And then there was a coup a coup a coop, there was a there was a cup. There was there was

I hope your whole group chat light show ass up in the comments I'm gonna get I think they come.

They're very private people.

And how many weeks away is the bachelor party?

Well, then the dates got fucked, so now we have now we're in now we're in date now there's so now there's deep down on Johnson and it's there's the email thread, which by the way, started with a massive error in that one of the guys was not C Seed. Oh his email from ten years ago, his old work email was was C Seed. And then I discovered that it was the old email. I said, guys, he's not answering because he's not fucking on the email thread. So

Yeah, he said, y'all talk you too much. He knew a job Hi alerts.

First of all, if you were doing an email chain, then we should not really be doing too much in a group chat because everything should be going to email. Hey, did you guys see the email? That should all that should that would be the only thing discussed when you're doing the email and you're doing the group chat. Now we leave in everything, bah bah because email is too long, Like, that's too much for me to read.

Put in a group chat? What you put in the email?

You want to know who's part of the problem.

Woo me.

I wanted to say that, but I was like, I.

Created the new group chat because I'm having so much fun. Every look, they're still going.

Didn't you say he was chaotic? Didn't I say that.

I'm advocating for anywhere that does not require significant travel. And then somebody goes advocate lmfao, who are you? And then again another guy said, let's just do Manhattan. And then another guy said, I'm voting for July August. Another guy said, sorry, man, the date is no longer up for negotiations. Please prayer hands ah.

When you're get you with the brand that is intoise.

Oh.

And then right before we started potting, I suggested a new space. I said, let's go to Iran, and I sent to Google maps of Iran.

Well, now we know you're very unseerious and you just wanted to start a fight.

No, I'm having a good time.

I don't know how.

I don't know what advice I could give for them, because for me, I'd be like, cancel the whole thing.

Well, he doesn't even want to cancer the whole thing.

You don't even want a bachelor party.

It is a bat report.

By the time the thing is about a bachelor party or a bachelor report, we're supposed to be so looking forward to. But the way this is going, by the time y'all get there, somebody, a.

Real brawl is going to happen.

I think it's probably true, a real braw definitely gonna get probably kidnapped.

It's too much build up.

They're going to be mean to me, I think, or you're gonna be mean to them. I sent a heartfelt message yesterday fromt no I sent. I wrote it myself. I said, I apologize for making the threat uncomfortable. I will do better in the future. I am available. I'm available for many of the days. Please let me know what you all decide. And I will also send Bachelor a basking Robin's gift card for the emotional damage I have caused him. I guess I technically owe all of

Yeah, I'm blocking you. I would definitely block you on there because you got to get up off my line with this bullshit. Now saream.

Nobody is going to really hit you because you are the famous person out of the group. I do think you should bring everybody from the group to subway takes and every vision has beyond they don't look.

At this, say so, my nickname is Jumbo Jumbo fucked everything. Rick's already sensitive and feels like he's burdening everyone by taking their time. And then another guy goes, I'm out, and then another guy goes lame ass non communicating white fox.

Loo Lol, that might be the title.

And then another guy who's one percent Egyptian goes, I'm Egyptian. This is crazy. Don't call me white.

One percent of Egyptian is why.

He took ancestry dot com and he discovered he was.

One percent the wrist, I think it might be one percent Egyptian.

You're more than one percent for are you kidding me? I mean Beyonce. I tried to take the whole thing. They made that documentary about never t t No Cleopatra that was.

In the group chat as well.

No No, that was in a different group chat that was in people of color Kareem.

I think, oh, you know what, why didn't y'all get Cowboy Carter tickets?

That would be a great batcher ladies, that's how you did all it is.

You should say why don't we just go to Beyonce and then everybody will leave the group.

That's a good idea, but then I won't get to go on a bachelor party. The bachelor party is my doing.

It's not going to be a party, friend the puppetmaster.

If you get married to your girlfriend wife, then you could have your own bachelor show.

Them exactly how it's done. So when you do that, I already threatened that. That's been. That's been. I threatened it, el said, I said, you guys don't understand. You'll see what happens when it's my turn.

I think when people are planning stuff for a group, they need to think about the group and not put their own things, like project what they actually.

Want to agree. That's rude.

I agree the way the way you get down is not how everybody else gets down.

Wait, are you saying I'm the problem? You are?

No?

I look, I also am the ball buster. I'm funny. No, you don't think one thing you.

Said made me go ha hapy. Everything you said in that man, I said, are we even friends?

Put? Are we put me in? Fucking wait?

I mean it would leave?

I mean it, okay, don't put in ten percent?

Yes, she is, she is.

I'm making you one, Kareem.

I want to know, how do you would you consider you guys friends because you've actually had experiences of friends, because you have been together for a long time. Because that long time, I think men equate like time with friendship and not actual things.

It's both. Okay, we're longtime friends, and this is probably the most intense it's ever been. Really, here's the thing. I'm also I keep thinking it's a bit, but apparently it seems as if no one else thinks it's a bit. I'm I'm just having fun. I'm like, I'm not actually gonna send basket robins gift cards. I don't even know where basket not one. So that's what I'm saying. I'm just having a good I'm like, let's keep it. Look, if they want to go to Denver, I'll go to Denver.

And when you get there, I think that's when you should pass out all the basket robbin cards.

No, when I get there, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm already transitioning into excitement. So I've already found a really great great pancakes establishment. I found a great a great place for fish tacos.

Everyone explain what is actually fun anymore?

Because I feel like you don't.

It's fine.

I think eating it depends. I think if we like do tap us like we're sharing, that's fun.

That's not fun. Breakfast smell you don't, Well, they get so create said.

We have to share pancakes, share soup with you.

That's discussion.

Yeah, that's from some slurpers. Again.

The hair like, I can't because it will fall into the ha falling in little salt and peppers are going to get in there.

That's good flavor seasoning.

Okay, But because you work a lot and you have your kid and your your girlfriend, wife and your friend, what is actually fun for you?

For me, yeah, this is fun. Maybe I'll start a podcast. Never bring all the.

Equipment, you know.

You know what I hate when there is a trip and someone is like doing work on the trip. Would I wouldn't work if you pull out your motherfucking laptop, your MacBook Pro Wi while we're in that. Actually I've done that. I remember I had to take a zoom. I had to take a zoom while we were in Miami. I took I did a zoom, I did.

I was like, why did I bring?

Did I just I don't.

I don't even really like to leave my it's a it's a house.

It used to be not for the house. It used to be the mobile. But now we have a mobile.

Right that Because people had desktops.

Now I've got this laptop that I and it's not fair by the windows.

Your desk just st the window.

No, I was watching something last night and I just had to watch.

Film and television on your laptop.

It was what was I watching? I was watching like The.

Family Guys or something. You're like a foreigner.

Why like I mean? And when I say last night, I mean it.

Was like a study abroad. I wish watching Family Guy on your phone at five thirty in the morning.

It's my allowed you to know that's my mess. My mess is the college that I picked. I wish I would have went to n y U.

Is the college as well that my credit is in shambles.

And if I win to n y U, I definitely would be further along in comedy.

You would absolutely you would have a little bit of nepotism, a sprinkle of this because if you go to n YU, they're all in cahoots. They're all in cahoots. Back to the group conversation.

Yes, keeping keep us in line.

If you want to feature me, like, let me get a feature for one day.

Everybody's gonna leave.

No, I can.

I can attest that you would be one annoying Do.

You can you write your paragraphs or do you do the individual text? I'm an individual text. So it looks like so when you lots of life.

I'm sorry, it's not for me.

Yeah, I'm like a mix send a thing, Lord, just hold me. I'm also all of my group chats are muted. Like this morning, I woke up and I said, yeah, damn, they've been texting since five am. And I just liked a couple of things and then I said something and then and I left it on me.

We have to so there's no harmon. Light me in for a little bit, like I think you present to the group chat. Hey, guys, we have a guest for the next day.

Oh that might give me the new show. The new show is, uh, you know, be my guest. You have one day to ipress the group chat to see if you can get in.

Yeah, let them know. No, No, I don't want to stand that.

You don't want to stand.

I want to do a set. I want to do. I want to I want to spot.

I want to spot.

It sounds like a nightmare. You would love me in there, I'm going to say no, I would have your support?

Correct, really don't have.

We're fully against you, got it right now?

What kind of audience capacity like on the spot? Is anyone? Is anyone gonna be support?

It's it's it's it's copperrolls, it's hot game generally speaking.

And support.

It's people at work, people who drive, it's London loding.

Can you people that wear glasses.

I'm an everyman. I'm a man of the people. I think people will support me. I hope so, but really I don't care. I don't even care.

Hear moose.

You're taking people on a journey right now because they were with you then.

Now we're against you. Now they were Now they're like to get them off.

Now I'm winning them back. I'm trying to win the back.

How did you get your wife girlfriend? How did you persuade her?

She said, it wasn't your personality and.

What was your opening line? Well?

Here, So we met on the internet on a dating dating app, that I will not name. No free advertising were sponsor the show. Dating apps. See this is I'm winning the audience by helping you guys. So it was on and I had don't contact me or something like that. You know, they had that. They had these prompts. It was like, send me a message if you like, and I put breakfast for dinner. Mm hmmm, which I like

Hey, don't you have a wife, girlfriend, Look don't.

I'm simply platonically engaging in a discussion about breakfast for dinner. She likes it.

Oh, gaslight, it's very intelligence.

This is not nice. This is not nice.

You in the good chat.

Yes, it feels good. I like it. It feels good. So I had that in the thing she tapped. She gave me the like oh. And then I said, hey, let's do it sometime, and then she ignored me, and then I said, hey, are you available? And then she said no, I just moved back to New York. I'm getting my life together. And I said okay. I waited some more and then said hey, and she said I'm really busy right now. And I said, fuck it. And then I said the next time, I said, hey, I'm

Was, so, you was gonna get to this place sweaty as hill.

I was okay with that. You were I can make up an excuse.

My mouth is wide open.

But here's the thing. On the way there, I got stopped by someone. They pulled a kareem. How are you? And I said, I gotta go.

I thought you were going to say, but then I got pulled of it.

No, I was on. I was like, no, that would be crazy, that would be crazy. I no, I got stopped. I got stopped. I saw like three acquaintances and I had to at least you know, give them minute two minutes each. And then I was running, running, running, and I made it. She was already there, and you are and I'm a liar. I'm literally you're a liar.

So you run into the thing exactly and she's she's there smelling.

Looking great, smelling good, exactly as the pictures had shown. And I was like, and then she was in there arguing with the barista about having her dog.

She had dog that was the cod block dogs.

No longer with us, the.

Way to bring where's the sandwich.

She's not dead, he's he's no longer with us, as in in my own.

He's not dead. It's crazy, sandwich.

Take it back, take it back, he's no longer with us. Bring the house. But so then they were arguing, and I was like, I was like, look you go outside. I'm going to diffuse the diffuse. Diffuse the diffuse. I'm gonna bring it down. Use this situation. What can I get? You also get a bonus cookie for her, not the dog dogs They're not for me. And so then you know, then we sit then we have like a nice pleasant She said that the minute she saw me, she was like hard.

Now, sweaty, your hair probably mashed to your forehead and you grill breathing hard.

Can I bring Can I bring her on the pot?

Because I want to ask her what's worse a liar or somebody who's sweaty or both.

Or a guy or a thirty three year old aspiring.

To me, that's the that's the that's that's.

Wearing a grill and blue velure corduroy pants. Now the orange shirt. The whole thing was crazy orange, like orange bright orange shirt.

And she sat there and entertained it.

Yes, the well for the first ten to fifteen minutes, she was like, this guy's awful, and then slowly she was like, oh, he's not so bad, because she had the same she has the same. Uh. The first impression, now, the first impression of like this guy's chaotic and crazy and unhinged and like insane, which is really not true, Like, of course I'm saying things that are a little more exaggerated, you know, like I'm not truly unhinged. I'm just are

That's all the time we have for you ship.

Damn.

Well, you know what I feel the riz and obviously she likes the madness, so that's why.

Yeah.

And also you like women who I feel like, say no.

I like it.

I like to you like a challenge, like the pursuit.

Well, she said, honestly, the first date and then and then and then she was into me right away. Actually that's a lie.

I don't believe it. Believe it.

Well, she said, fifteen times were standing.

She persisted. Nevertheless, he persisted, that's.

What we learned here today. You gotta keep going, you know, keep keep going.

And ladies, sometimes you're not really I mean, we know this sometimes I know unless it's.

No, I'm doing it.

You didn't have to do it.

They don't know, these people, not y'all. But some people knew listeners. Hey, they could be done.

She also, I will say, she didn't say no, she just said I'm busy. She gave she was curving me. That's that's no.

I'm busy.

Hey, I can't tell me it's.

Busy, and I'm outside your way. E Marie, I'm downstairs.

You throw something at me. You got it there.

It's an invitation. It was an invitation.

You know.

I'm glad it worked out for you because you did.

Truly, first impressions are everything, and you sound like you had the worst first impression you could possibly.

Let's not forget that. There was then, you know, the first impression, but then there was a year of turmoil, no tumultuous.

You said, if you want to be with me, if you want to live with me, you have to get rid of your dog.

Is that what?

No? No, No, I didn't do that. Yeah, that's what I did.

That's not that's not I'm projecting.

So I was actually taking care of her dog, taking it on walks and training it. It was untrained, which is one of my biggest pet peeves.

In a smoothie place.

That dog was rude. It was digging holes. Our first date, I was the one that was turned off. It was digging holes, and she was like, letting it dig holes. I was a like in your house in the park, like we were sitting in a park. It was digging the hole the size of the stable, and I wanted to say, like, lady, your dog is digging a humongous hole. People are looking at the hole. This is uncouth. Uncouth.

I like uncous for the first year because it was an on and off again because we had both just been divorced.

Did she put that in a profile.

No.

We discovered that on maybe the third day. Because because women are like, you need to know my business.

That's something you should put in a profile. I think it's meant, yes, don't lead with divorce. No, you gotta leave a divorce.

Let me know. I don't want to show up right.

Thinking you you you know you fresh, no baggage? What divorce different type of energy, but everybody has different types of baggage. I think putting divorced on the.

Profile will make people who might actually work out with you not even want to try.

I think you gotta you gotta say it.

Early in the dating we did mutual third date revealed I said, I got to tell you something and she said, so do I exactly.

Hey, let me tell you. I showed up right away. I said, hey, I'm a lesbian. And the men were like, so what, and there it was there.

It's like we started, Hey.

I am into women. I'm here one with a man. Hey, I'm a lesbian.

So I swear to you.

They were one guy was like upset, like visibly, like, so why are you here?

Well, you said, did you know you were a lesbian before you went on the date?

I didn't.

I did, because that's not giving lesbian energy to be on.

A day with a man, it's giving unemployed because I was. I was very I was fresh back from l A. And I said, I got all the time. Maybe let's go to brunch, lunch, dinner, Let's have dinner for brunch, let's go to the after hours.

Whatever you want. I'm available.

That's insane, is crazy. Yeah, that's like me going on a date with a gay guy.

And being like, I'm straight and like you would do that, but yeah, I feel like you would do it.

For the content.

I'm not baiting. I'm not baiting anyone.

We have.

We have a message we want to read. We do have a mester a listener. Yes, we want you to tell us if it's messy.

Or just you want me to be involved in us.

I want to read it out.

This is your test to see if you can you can cut it in the group chat. Is it worth possibly putting honey in my bathroom towel? So my twenty nine she's twenty nine female husband thirty learns to get his own and stop using mine. Okay, my husband is thirty and I have been married for eight years. He has little quirks that drive me nuts, but I love him dearly. However, one of these quarks is starting to

That's nasty.

After numerous times getting out of the shower only to find no towel on the rack, I finally and kindly asked him to stop using my towel.

He got super defensive.

I told him I was getting tired of having to trop through the carpet and into the hallway naked.

And cold to grab a towel after my shower.

He told me I was being unreasonable and that the answer to my concern is for me to check that my towel is there before I shower. That totally pissed me off. I thought he'd see the fair solution to be that he should check for his own towel and go and get one for himself, But instead he just thinks I'm nagging and getting upset over nothing. It honestly seems childish, and thanks to my overdeveloped sense of justice, I'm debating resorting to the level of his immaturity to teach him a lesson.

My solution is to prank my husband. He hates being sticky, and.

I planned on putting honey all on the inside of my towel and hanging it up to hide the stickiness from him. When he goes to dry himself, all instantly gets sticky.

However, this could obviously backfire.

And make me look like I'm overreacting. So what do we think, Fight fire with fire or just start getting a new towel every shower. I don't think he's going to stop using.

Mind divorce divorce. I mean, look, this is exactly that this is. This is similar to my experience in the Bachelor party, fire with fire. I think, put the honey in there, Yeah, and report it.

I'm here for that.

Yeah, put the honey in there. It's harmless prank.

She said, My husband hates being sticky.

That's hilarious, she said, I I have to go out outside in the hallway, cold and naked.

Yeah, babe, I think you need to get a bathrobe for the shower.

Yeah that's a good wait, this is a good point.

Yeahthe but also sticky towel for him.

I agree, Yeah, sticky towel. I'm also on. I feel like the honey is not even it's not bad. I mean, I know, I know he hates being sticky, But is there something else that she could do that's worse?

Put period on it? I would, I would.

I would period on the on the towel and you put it is.

A little sticky.

No, not this.

I know.

Mike's hot, honey on the yes, or he is hot, he will not.

Go in his pep hole business. Yeah, honey might be better because this definitely sounds like a white couple. By the way, so he's his.

The first of all, when I heard who is my wet towel nasty?

Wait? I want to know. So he's using her wet towel like he's a dog, and then he's putting the towel on the floor like he's a dog, and then he hangs it back.

Up on the floor.

I think she needs to leave him, because what if you can't understand how using my wet towel is like where's the boundaries too?

And then you leave it on the floor? Are you a child?

Like?

None of this would get me.

Damn as a woman like I would look at every time he would want to cook up. I would be like, wet towel on the floor that you use, that's mine nasty?

But also you.

Don't like being sticky. But he's okay with using a wet towel.

Period on the towel. I'm telling you it's gonna be amazing. I'm just you said, honey, I say, period.

How many towels do you think this family house?

Not enough?

Sounds like it.

Sounds like they have a towel for the family one literally want to send them towels.

Like, yeah, get the sponsors.

Maybe you ought to put more towels in the bathroom.

I think so.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no. First of all, they're too young. Why are they married.

They've been together for eight years. That's breakup. You gotta meet somebody else, meet.

Somebody else that understands that to get their own time.

Wait, I have another question. Why aren't there just two towels? That's what I'm saying, like like on separate sides, like his towels howl left her towels on the right.

It sounds like he just do they live in a studio apartment? What's going on? Tow must they must have no closet space or nothing.

This sounds crazy unless he's being like intentionally uh ob to.

This is driving me wild, and they again, I'm leaving the group chat because it's not really making any sense.

No.

My fear about the honey and the towel, though, is he's going to use the side that don't have no honey on it and then put the sticky side down and now they got honey on your floor.

Yeah, that's what you were worried about.

I was worried that he was gonna use it on his face and get in his eye and then he has to go to the hospital.

That's his business. That's funny. I think that's quite funny. You don't have to go to the hospital for that.

You never know.

The little kids put honey on their face all the time, hot though, fuck it.

Listen. This podcast is sponsored by Mike's Honey.

I hope so and the towel brand. Is there any towel brands out there?

Parachute, Brooklyn they make towels too, They got towels.

I think I have some Brooklyn on towels. How many towles do you guys have.

In my home? Yeah? Maybe like five.

That's nice for one person, but I don't.

Really use the towels. I have two bathrooms, and I'll put a different bathroom every.

Time I get off the get out of the shower, so I.

Could lotion my BODYO. That's smart.

But you're like a slow Oh yeah, you're like a slow get ready sort of person.

Oh, I'm a slow I'm a slow until already late.

And then from the tent towels, yes, you know the number.

I know how many I ordered because it's a new apartment.

So I just want to have enough towel for me my guests, you know, like I want to do it I don't.

I I come from a I was living with a friend.

And I would constantly have to get new towels because I'd be like, where the the towels?

Am I?

You know?

Do they have my towels?

Do I have my towel? I don't know who has the towels? So now abundant mindset.

Yeah, I'm bringing from a place of black being here. Thank you great, I've learned so much.

You're a chaotic uh, you know, controlled charming, chaos, charming chaoses and that yes, and the fact that you are able to show up sweaty, late, lying divorced in corduroys and an orange top uh and and aspiring wife girlfriend, baby mother.

Wow, you should give the ten talk. Help them help the other men's out.

Honestly, they don't need any more help because I'm sure there's so many other stories just like you, And I bet you these guys don't even look half as good as you do.

That is a very nice there, it is. Thank you guys so much.

Periods.

Please just group on the towel.

That's not one hour?

One hour?

Is you already out? I'll pay you pay, all right? You want to get in what the.

Sponsored by Kareem.

Yes, where where can the people listening catch you? Tell them where you're at.

There's a new podcast called Suboy Takes Uncut, which is on Spotify and Apple and YouTube and such. Kareem on Instagram, somebody takes on Instagram and TikTok and I'm just around. I don't know.

You snagged the Kareem handle.

And when I was poor, I tried to sell it to Kareem abdul Jabbar and shut up. Yeah, and how much were you trying to sell it? For? Five K? And what did he say? He ignored me.

Yeah, but now I have because the real Karem.

This was inspiring comedian. I was like, I'm poor, I need I need five thousand dollars. I DMed every famous Kareem and I said, I'll sell you my name for five K.

How many other famous Kareems are there?

There's like five. There's a skateboarder, a photographer, a basketball player.

And now you you're on that list? Are you on Forbes?

I'm not on Forbes.

Forty sweaty undersweat Forbes sweaty undersweaty another title.

Love this so fun? Thank you, Thank you, miss you. Moore No I'm here.

Now we're here. This is friendship and now you're mister again.

See you when Denver may.

Hey, guys, wait, remember that we need.

People to send messages, and that the people send messages. What you said, no, you're like you already questioned Mike. You said no, no, no, no, yeah, tell them the number. Yeah. Please send your mess to mess the podcast at gmail dot com.

Also, we want to hear your voices.

What's up?

What's the number?

Seven six three two eight zero six five eight eight, Sydney say it?

Yes, I had already forgotten. I was like seven six three two eight zero six five hey eight. Please again, that's not like you've never said a phone number, and.

Please call us with your mess at seven six three to eight zero six five.

Eight eight bye.

Mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Foston is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcasts. Created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Foston. Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Hans Sonny, super produced by Becca Ramos, edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries.

If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or call for your messages to be played at seven six three two eight zero six five eight eight