TRESemmé Wig

Forever. Wow.

This is the fourth time we've recorded this intro for this exact episode.

Hi, guys, Wow, the things that happened to us, the things, the things, the things.

I mean, we recorded a whole Christmas episode. First of all, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanukah.

And if you don't believe in any of those holidays, you know, good for you too. Shout out to Jehovah's witnesses, uh and them being anti holiday and pro not paying for gifts that you don't feel like paying for. I love that for you, guys. And you know I'm not Jehovah's witness, but I just I hate the holidays. So you know, But why do you hate the holidays? Friend? Because I'm not close with my family, and it's the only time that I'm like, damn, I need some trees,

You had a lot of friends with cool moms. I know, mom, Mom's in Connecticut. That can make you like a butternut squash castle. Role you got Mom's Carolina's mom is in Queen's You you have surrogates.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you. I know I was so nice talking to your mom for Thanksgiving. I saw her. I talked to her like a couple of days after Thanksgiving and that was sweet. That wass Yeah you get classic my mom. Yo. The older my mom gets, the more she's turning into a crazy church lady. And me and my sister are looking at my mom like, why can't you get older and just be cool? Think? I think the pandemic is turning my mind into like like like a real crazy church lee. What do you mean

It's mad chapters anyway, So she's always been one of those people. But instead of going to zoom church during the pandemic, she goes to on the phone church like with like this like Haitian pastor and like Haitian people join in and they don't be muting their phones and oh so it's like clubhouse.

I don't know what clubhouse is on the phone. It's an app. Yeah, it's an app where it's like it's like a video, not video, it's an audio chat. Uh yeah, should I go on clubhouse?

What?

So? How did people know when Kevin Hart was on a clubhouse? I mean I think it's like a notification or I'm sure people friends were texting yo, Kevin Hart's in here. Yeah. Okay, so let's flash back to that. Apparently there was there's an app called Clubhouse. A bunch of people were talking about how Kevin Hart is not funny, and then Kevin Hart showed up to that clubhouse and was defending himself. Yeah. It was a sad night, was it. If somebody's saying that I'm not funny, trust and believe

Yeah, But Kevin Hart has like a teen Choice Award and he was like, ah, I'm confident.

Also, never underestimate the confidence.

Of a rich man. Okay, you tell them that they can't do something or they do something badly. They have nothing but time to prove you wrong, right Like they in their minds.

They're you know, Jesus or whoever somebody Jesus with abs. So I yeah, I don't know if I would pop up, but I'm I'm also like a rich man.

How many people are in that meeting?

It was it was a lot of people. I don't know how many people, but it was a lot, like over three k or something like that. Oh what it was three That's how many people can be in a clubhouse. Yeah, it's silly, but yeah, I wouldn't be defending myself. And if I did come in, I was like, look at y'all not doing shit? What y'all didn't need to doing? What y'all are y'all making movies? Are you what you're doing? Are y'all setting up pictures?

No?

Or you're just talking about me laughing. The thing about that, though, is.

Everyone has time to to see who's saying something about them or who's who doesn't you know what I mean? Everyone has We have nothing but time to be like, oh, someone's talking bad about me.

I guess I'll go check it. Out. But also Kevin Hart understands that when.

And you're famous enough or rich enough that people will say, there are some people who will say anything to suck up to you. And you know that's demonstrated by the fact that all these like famous dudes have like side hoes and side pieces and full families that people know about, but like women still want to sleep with somebody and don't care if he's married, and it's like, this is shameful, you're taller than him. But I don't know people like

Remember when he cheated on his pregnant girlfriend with his wait, remember when he cheated on the girl that he cheated on his wife with. Yeah, with that scandal. Yeah, and then he cheated on his wife on her birthday weekend with some other girl. It's I don't know how we fell into this, this hole, this Kevin Hart whole Kevin Hart ho ho ho. But let's wait. Let's get back

I was, I was praying for you so you wouldn't die.

And she's like, well, man, Marie, she said, well you know I need this anyway. Whatever.

So the other day, me and my sister and my mom were all on the phone and me and my sister were like roasting one of like the church hymn songs my mom that my mom be singing.

And she was like, you don't make fun of God.

And me and my sister were like, I was like, you make fun of people, You make fun of people that God created, Mummy.

And my mom was like, I don't make fun of anybody. And I was like, you call the girl fat in church once? No, she would never.

My mom full on called this this little girl fat at church. And when I say little, the girl was probably like fourteen. And she was like, she goes to our old high school. And she was like, I'm on the track team. And my mom turned around and was like, you run track.

You fought Oh my God, Mom, Mommy and Ummy.

To this day, if you ask my mom about that, she says no, it never happened, but me and my sister were both there in the House of the Lord, and my mom called this poor chubby girl fat.

So you know that's wow. Hashtag, hashtag no body shame, Oh my god, run trap you fought Wow. Anyway, so that's a There's a whole bunch of people that were listening to I Love Marie's Mom and they're like, oh, Marie's mom, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, but my mom didn't call the people listening fat, so you should still love her or at least like her as a friend. Oh, speaking of large and in charge, you know, did you hear. I'm sure you guys all had an opinion or you

It's not just Lizzo's business. It's black folks business. Sometimes white folks who try to be allies. You guys get upset about stuff that were not upset.

About, and it's like, how are you telling a black person how they should feel about what's happening right now.

Also, what I read was that Lizzo said she was on a cleanse. This was like, I'm gonna drink some smooth for a couple of days. I spoke to my nutritionists. This is what we came up with. And people were like, she's setting a bad example for the children. But she's supposed to be fat and black.

And it's like what she's like, my skin is better, my overhaul, mental health is better, you know, blah blah blah, blah blah. And people could not stand how could you promote this? And it's like, wait, first of all, you were saying that she's overweight and she's unhealthy and she could barely get up a flight of stairs, and now she's talking about I'm changing my life. I want to have greens in the morning and greens at night. And y'all are highly You got your boxers in a bunch.

But sometimes the comments we like the comments, friend. I mean, there's a lot to hate about comments too.

But turn the comments off. Turn the comments off. That's the title of the episode. Turn the comments off. Because it's just like there's too many people who just because they have Wi Fi, they feel like they have the need or they have the access. And it's like, you don't. You have access to your Wi Fi and dad is all you have access to my life, So please don't feel the need to drop your opinions on my page. If you are following me, you must like something that

Like being left in the dust. Do you think that like even when Adele did it, people were like.

She looks sick. No, no, no, they were supporting. They were supporting a way more than they were Lizzo. Everybody was everybody was not supporting. Yes, but everybody was not supporting Adele.

No, I'm gonna, I'm an adult stand I have my adel Russian nesting dolls. I was.

I was there for the skinny Adele on the inside.

Skinny Adele is in the inside, yes, but yeah, no, I agree that it's like it's a completely different thing because like the same thing happened with Rebel Wilson this past year as well, what they say about her she lost a bunch of weight, and it wasn't the same reaction as like when you know Lizzo, you know, started that conversation and started Yeah.

But I think I think because people have made Lizzo an ambassador for being big, because she's like big and unapologetic. She's like, I look good. You know, this is what my body is. You got you skinny bitch is just gonna have to deal with it. Adele wasn't saying I look good.

Yes, who I am? Yeah? Her big was not part of Adele's public personality. Right, big was kind of like like like Rebel was doing kind of like tugging cheek jokes about being kind of big, but she's not. She doesn't have like fat Girl anthems Lizzo does.

So all of those fans, not all of them, because only the ones that are stupid foolish, Only.

The foolish ones were like, well, like, how dare you?

You said you should be proud to be big, now you're trying to be small honest, Like ten day a ten days smoothie diet is not gonna She's not gonna lose two hundred pounds.

Truly not. Y'all have to have a seat, like please just read up on it. Like she literally said she just feels better with this like smoothie cleanse. She didn't say that she gonna stop. Like in the next series of her instant stories she had she had all these videos of food like people people are like, people are like, she's talking about a cleanse and a detox on social media and those are typically made of laxatives, which is

What I do? I think it's it's really it makes sense, but it's still bizarre the way that white people like responded to Lizzo as a celebrity. You know, like she she comes out on the scene, and she is a larger black woman, and she's singing these songs that all these skinny white women can like really get behind and dance to, and you know, while not supporting black people

Yes, oh honey, that is their brand. Yeah, that's exactly what that is. Take take an own Hello, it's history repeating itself. Just everybody, every black body is not yours to embrace and say, oh, that's my spirit animal, right, Oh, like that is not your conversation. When Lizzo first started to like.

Pop on the scene, that was the number one thing that white people would say to.

Me about her. She's my spirit.

Animal, your animal? What's that exactly?

And it's like you a big black woman from where's she from?

I don't know, friend, But it's just it's so strange because I feel like the people that were like, hey, I like Lizzo, suddenly I'm not racist. You know. It's like sort of like that sort of thing where it's like Lizzo sort of fits into this like white narrative in a lot of ways, where I feel as though other musical artists don't black musical artists.

I don't know.

It's just very very strange and interesting to see how particularly white women respond.

Also, like, if you if Lizzo stands for body positivity, her losing weight turns you into somebody who is not body positive, like your people are not being anyway whatever. But also I read that people are saying Adele didn't get this much hate because Adele didn't talk about going on a diet. She just posted some skinnier photos and didn't even invite people to have a conversation with her about what she was doing.

She just need it.

I also do think it's worth noting that Adele's body size is not the same, it was never the same as Lizzo's.

Adele. That's the title of the episode right there. Cydey Adele was big, honey.

Up.

I don't think.

Adele Andrew Adele was big, honey. She was Adele. Adele. Has Adele and Lizzle ever met, because maybe that's what we need to see them together for scale.

I still think that she was still like a healthy I don't know she.

Was not healthy. Nah, they were, they were both big, but I don't know. Adele maybe was wearing spanks in them dresses. She's not in a crop top in a thong, so you can.

She was in gowns at twenty one.

Beautiful gowns and she stayed in like an andre Leon Talley like drapery robe thing as well.

But I ain't When I say big, I'm not saying it in like a derogatory And she was just like no, she just carry her way different than Lizzo. But she was definitely not no you know, size six, size eight, she's was she? I'm sure she was in the you know, fourteen's, sixteens. I don't know, I don't know how sizes work, but yeah, I'm looking at them now. They might not.

The shape is different, but but you know, it doesn't matter whatever these women want to do with their bodies is their.

Business, sure, and I ain't got nothing to do with it. That ain't got nothing to do with me because that's not my business. But whatever. You know, at the end of.

The day, they can afford to hire people to help them with their diets or their cleanses or whatever.

So like, you know, what they do shouldn't have anything to do with you. They're doing it the right way. So for people to be like it's laxatives and blah blah blah whatever, they both won't have abs by the spring. So yeah, let them let them be great. Speaking of greatness, let's get back and get on back down to uh eason, down back to the holiday road. Marie, Wow, Sydney, you're really uh you really made it through that transition right there.

I did.

I was struggling, but you know, Jehovah got me through. It was like, don't speak on it, and I was like, I want to push through. King Gifts, what did you all give this year? Did people have enough money for gifts? What we're doing?

I don't know gifts, Like, honestly, the last thing I thought about this year was gifts. I thought about getting a Christmas tree this year, which I never do, and even went down to the place to look at Christmas trees and then was like, ah, it's too much money the trees did How much were the trees?

Well?

I wanted to get like a little baby tree, which would have been like, I don't know, like three feet tall.

It was going to be forty five dollars.

And I was like, none of the plants that are alive in my apartment, I've never paid forty five dollars for any of them and they live here.

So and you got to decorate it and everything. It's just it's the whole thing.

Then when the after the holiday is over, I got to bring it down the stairs and I'm gonna be picking pine needles out of my coochie hairs, like those needles, those little pine needles get everywhere. So yeah, I think I'm gonna buy a fake tree.

But see, that was the thing. The thing about the trees that I like is the smell. So the fake ones don't smell like anything. So that was one of the reasons why I said no to a fake tree. But also every time I move, I gotta move with this fake tree. I gotta store it new. Yeah that too, it's hard.

It's hard. To do it. But you know we out here, We are out here for space. You have more space than me, Sydney. You could get one. Yeah, I'm gonna get one because I mean, obviously it's coming out on Christmas, but I'm gonna get a I gotta go get a tree this week because my girlfriend's coming and I wanted to be a little holiday ish in here. So ho ho holes in this house. Yeah, Becker Roney in a pot for Christmas. Okay, yes, my baby. I love this

You do not love how you tried to deflect when I talked about sex and jumped right into Savage fenty.

Yeah. The hilarity, it's comedy, friend.

The transitions, Sydney, these are beautiful to that.

This is who I am. Beautiful transition, This is who I am. Don't be mad, Sis on the line.

You're fully. Also, where are you? Why is only your eye?

I'm laying on my couch. I'm laying down. Get you a podcast host who could do both, you know? Okay, so tell us describe to us what this savage fenty lingerie looks like. The whole ass is out, Honey, Where would you wear something like this? What character would wear this in a movie? Mmm? Kind of like in the movie Boomerang when uh, what's her name? I forgot her name?

Fuck?

Wow, I'm so old. Yeah, you said Boomerang and I was like that half of the people listening don't even know what that is. I'm going to lie. I know that's a lie. Don't you do that? They know? Andrew, do you know what Boomerang is? Yeah?

Yes, Robin Givens, Andrew don't even know who that is. Also, he does not Sydney. Look, he said, Robin Givens, I.

Know who she was. She said, that's with I just have a bad brain. Stop it. Don't do that. Also, I saw Boomerang for the first time this year, in twenty twenty. So that's why I'm when I say half the people listening don't know what that movie is, it's because I just learned what that movie? Marie. You claim that you never watched TV, so that's why you don't know a lot of these movies.

Okay, so that doesn't that don't take away from the fact that I didn't whatever anyway, So who.

Would wear this lingerie in a movie? Sidney? Can you pick another movie that more people know or no? Just know that it's on a Savage fenty site and the hose is out and they wearing them and it's in my bedroom now too gorgeous. And because I'm a VIP member, I didn't have to pay. I only paid like two dollars. That was the difference, right, But how much do you have to pay for Savage fenty to be a VIP

I'm not doing lingerie for nobody no more. Okay, Damn, Marie, dude, there are there straight men listening to this. Do y'all care about lingerie? Because it's been my experience that you wear this nice stuff and then they just want to take it off your body, and it's.

Like, can we leave it on? I spent forty two dollars on it, and it's like as a lesbian, they don't care either. They don't care, like maybe I get to keep it on tops four minutes tops. And that's why I'm starting to get stuff that's like crotchless and assless and it's like no, no, no, no, no, babe. It's got the area where you can just insert it and nothing's there, and then everything else I could keep on.

Wait, Sydney, do you appreciate lingree on your fuck?

Yeah? I'm like, yeah, my buddy, look good. Damn I ass fat No, I don't. I don't think. Oh, come on, damn the pussy lips the title, that's the title. That's the title, damn lips. Wait. But I don't think that's the question that Angie was asking you.

No, that I was just asking because like you're saying that lesbians don't care, and you are a lesbian, and so I was just.

Asking, right, But that's not what that's not what my baby wears. So okay, yeah, she's she's pulling up in a white tea wife beater and what's the bottoms look like? Though? What bottoms are she wearing?

Just just you know, just.

Some Jill boxers, some Sean John's, some baby fat briefs. Okay, interesting, mm hmm, okay, yeah, I just it. It feels good to have it on. Yeah, for for you mentally, but like especially if like you're if it's like a late night thing and you're like, ooh, I'm going to pick you up or I'm sending you a car, and it's like, oh, let me get in a shower and then put my

But I feel like when it comes to La Pearla or Agent Provocateur or any of these like expensive designer like labels, that's lingerie that somebody buys for you.

Yeah, you don't buy it for yourself. I'm buying there's some girls that buy it for themselves. Sure, and those girls are named Rihanna or whatever.

But like, I just think that if you want me in La Perla, then you are buying me Laperla.

You are calling ahead to the store and saying, uh.

You know, it's an attractive black goddess is coming in now in two minutes, you know, make sure she gets everything that she wants.

Yeah, And that's how That's how I'm buying that. I'm not going on the website to get that. Got to go in the store. I want the champagne, I want the spot water. I want you want the experience, Yes, I want the pretty woman moment you work on commission. I want that, yeah you know, yeah, but those prices are a highway robbery and I'm sorry, no sexual experience that I'm going to have in the future would permit me to want to spend just five hundred dollars on

That's just hawf that my millionaire pussy will be in twenty five hundred dollars. Coach Crotch list Lapelas think think y'ao good.

Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I'm trying.

I'm just i just went on the Lapelo website. I'm trying to see, like what they're talking about. Well, let's they have they're having a sale. If anybody's notested forty percent off of a bra, that's two hundred and eighty dollars dumb dum. And it's the most basic of black Let me see on wired bras.

Let me see.

I don't know how to send this to you, Sidney, but it's a black lever's lace push up bra.

Okay, borring giving, it's giving asos, it's giving asos. Okay.

Uh So, Sidney, when you are a millionaire, you are skipping.

That's not true, Sidney. I don't I don't believe you.

Right, nobody nobody listening believes that you're not gonna spend your money on expensive things to put on your body.

Expensive things, but not where I don't care. Okay, that's real. So rainbow for life. I stand by me some rainbow panties, I mean, and I've had some rainbow panties that are still with me, and I've had them for four years. So well, how long is underwear supposed to last? Because my last for a long time?

Yeah, Andrew, oldest pair of underwear that you own is from when how.

Many I would say, twenty sixteen?

Work twenty sixteen?

That's for you, Honestly, I don't think so like still, I still had underwear I'm not gonna lie from when I was in college, so which was honestly not that long ago.

And you watched them after every time, at least I do. I watch them after every time.

You know, are you hand washing in the sink and then draping them in the bathroom?

Oh no, no, no, I'm not doing all that. But they are fresh and clean, I can guarantee.

Speaking of fresh and clean, Sasha oh bom okay, Sasha Obama body, She's there's photos of her on Instagram floating around. There's videos of her doing TikTok with her secret service, uh bodyguards, and.

Uh you know is there's a controversy. People are like, she looks like a whore or whatever the hell they're calling her. But she's young and she has a flat stomach, So what's the problem. What's the problem. She's living her life. She's a young and she's a young gal. Just because you know, her dad is Obama and her mom is Michelle, doesn't mean she can't do what she do does with any young girl who has cloud does well.

They didn't like care about it from the like the beginning. I mean there were children at the beginning, but like octually, like the Trump children were like very onboard with every single aspect, whereas like the Obama girls, they were just like I think they just wanted a normal life the entire time.

Yeah, she's nineteen y years old. That's like peak, you know, sot it up thet the thistle, that's what we do. Your thought. The thistle goes on when you're nineteen, when you're nineteen, that's what you're trying to show. Side bull.

When I was nineteen, I was wearing shirts as dresses. I would just pull them down dead.

Yo.

I was up in wet seal. I was like, ah, I look like a broad T shirt dressed. Let's go.

Yo.

I used to go to Charlotte Ruse and I would buy those shoes that hurt your feet and you're like, well, this is gonna look hot tonight, and yeah it's like no. The shoes that you would go out once and then the heel would break down and it's the metal part tapping. I love that. Yeah. Yo. When I was in college, I got these like yellow peep toe wedge shoes. Oh they're so ugly. Were their patent leather too? The shoes the yellow was patent leather, but it was like quilted.

And then like I know what shoe you're talking And then the wedge was a plexiglass.

Yeah. Yes. I was like, oh, I bet you couldn't tell them host nothing. You were like, I want all my drinks, red girl, all my drinks, read all my biggers black. I said, you got strawberry Zachary's back there. I thought I am Redda Sours. I thought I was Elton Elizabeth John. It was like give me extra Marchiano cherries.

Yes, yeah, No, I never really liked Amaretta sours, but my my best oh you classy okay her?

Yeah, yeah yeah. I would eat the cherries though. My my friend in school used to love those. I'm gonna get an almeretda sour. What do you want, I'm gonna get two. I'm Retta sours. And it was like those are the drinks that the girls when you when you go to the club and it was like free before eleven. They would love Amaretta sours, Amereta sours or Long Island

That was the first drink I learned how to make mix was a Long Island iced tea, and I.

Would get everything. It's every you put everything in there, I know, and it was like splash coke.

Either how to make Hawaiian Long Island iced teas or no, they're called Hawaiian iced teas because they're blue and there's like Tokyo iced teas. They have madorian them, so they're green and there's another one. It's like a New Jersey iced tea or something like that. So it had like a little bit of garbage in it.

But yeah, I would make these drinks and I would drink them behind the bar, and then I would not put the money in the register, and I will put it in my tip jar. And it was like, let's go thief, motherfucking Peter Pan at the bars, bitch, I love you. Steal from the poor, give to the poor. Okay, that's my my robbing Robin with like three whys Robin Given's hood. Actually I love that best. But do you remember the club?

Do you remember that used to be the thing that you wanted to do on the weekends with your friends.

Honey, you couldn't tell me anything. I was like, yo, I know everybody at the door. I know I know the bartender, the security guards. I would go in, walk in, feel like I was a celebrity. Everybody knew me at the table. But I was like, that's because we just we'd be at this table every fucking weekend and there would be somebody new at the table. Was like, uh, she won't last for next week, Like she's gonna show her ass and throw up and then look like a fool and we won't see her for the rest of

I think the last time I heard that song in a club is the last time I ever had a red bull.

I had a red bull and a red bull and something round. It was like we would mix. It was like a red bull and I don't know, a crown. It was like a run and rail. It was like a run and red bull or something like that, a whiskey red bull. It was something nasty, yuck, but that is I remember. I was like, I used to like to go to these clubs and like like get up on stage or like speaker or stand on the couch and get go see me dance. Oh they can't see this outfit. This this is all that I paid thirteen

Yes, so also that that's when the college kids because nobody was going to school on Friday. But yeah, she said, Bridge and Tunnel. It used to be one of my favorite hobbies to like watch people struggling, to like walk in and out of Penn Station and like drunk people from like you know, Long Island and New Jersey, like holding their shoes.

In their hands and walking down the street with no their foot Oh my god, say listen, I'll say one thing.

No matter how cheap my shoes were in the past, I never ver walked barefoot through the streets of New York City.

That's never that. I don't let me tell you. I have done all the coke, all the kenemine, all the molly, I've done all of that, and you will never catch my bare feet on the ground of these streets. Never. No, never. And in the club either. Not in the club, I would sit down somewhere, take my shoes off, put my feet on top of my shoes. But I was not not my feet put your feeling out like somebody's auntie es.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's nasty. Andrew, you've seen these people before, Yeah, I.

Remember, like they I think that it's sort of like transferred over because I was in high school and like they took off their shoes as like as soon as they got into like the gymnasium at homecoming, I'm like, why are you doing this?

Because they've been dancing around and pregaming in their shoes four hours. Yeah, and by the time they get to the dance, it's like, my feet already hurt.

It's like, baby, you didn't, yeah, because they were wearing them. Steve Madden's some hard ass shoes. Steve Madden. The fabric just is straight brick like there's not there's no there's no fucking given that shoe. No sis, the Steve Maddens, the Jessica Simpsons, you know, you will have bunions everything. Jessica Simpsons were later on, but it was like either Steve Madden or if we really really like pressed for some shoes, we go to nine West and you're like,

For me, it was I was going to Steve Madden, I was getting some Jessica Simpsons.

Or we were going to bb because we were like, okay, well we all a little bit of money to spend on some nice show. Phoebe was overprized. I know it was, but that didn't make too much money. That didn't stop us from being like, oh, this is gonna sail for sixty or whatever the hell. Yeah, but cheap shoes. Cheap shoes was a way of life. Yeah, cheap shoes pairs well with a really strong drink, because like, if you real fucked up, your feet hurt, but you won't know

Nah.

I had a falseating.

I had a friend. The drunker she got, the better she walked in heels, and the better she danced in them, and it was like, Okay, well, Alex is drunk, So I guess this is what we're doing today, is you know, swinging from the rafters of this club.

I loved when it was to let out, you get out the club and you're like, yo, who taking us to breakfast? Yes? Who are we getting fucking eggs with? And it's like, oh, I was so broke. We had no fucking money. When we used to go to the club. I would I would leave the house and maybe have forty dollars maybe possibly. I would pray and hope. I was like, hope we're going to breakfast, and hope dropping us off too.

We don't know nothing. There was nothing better than a ride to your house. They would have an escalade.

They would have when they escalate, Oh, these are drug dealers or rappers. I felt so cool. Girl. He got a car. He said he's gonna take us the cafeteria. Oh my god, we were going to cafeteria. We would be so toe up. And every time I would go there, I would ask for those like the mac and cheese. No, the mac and cheese was trash, but I was so drunk that I couldn't tell the difference.

It is good, don't do that.

Maybe it's a new chef in there. It was bad when I was there.

I feel like when I the last time I went to cafeteria, however many years.

Ago, that was. I remember the mac in my mind. I remember it being good.

It's good, and they offer like a few different like variations. I think they'd be like Guda and bacon, which I always go for. It's so good.

Oh you know what. I have Guda here and I bought bacon for the first time in like ten years.

It's so good, yo.

But also, you know the depressing part of like the letout and like going to dinner with like going to get food after the club, Like I just was never really that girl that people were like, we're gonna get her breakfast, Like I would get breakfast because my friend was the one that the dude wanted. But I always was like the friend, Like I wasn't the one they was trying to bag, and so I couldn't order too much.

Yeah? No?

I yeah, I'm with you there since I was also the friend that would be there with my friends, and it was like I was but I was like the loudest one.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so and I was the one that was like cracking the most jokes. So they are, oh she your girls crazy? Yeah, how old is she?

And for whatever reason, I've always looked a lot younger than my friends because my jeans are very good. But like I'm saying, like my friends had like big booze and big butts, and I was like, I have nothing, girl.

I'm bringing shoulders to the table, all shoulders and sas. And it was like, okay, well you can sit with us, but don't talk too loud. Yeah. I would always go and I would make fun of the person who was paying it. Just I just had no etiquette, like you girl, you the plus one, like you need to stay in a plus one lane. But I was always like, I'm actually the bouncer of this. So y'all gonna figure it out, But yeah I will.

I will never forget the time that because we never club, we never partied together, no at any fortunes. Because I met Sydney, you know, at the end of you know her her journey an error, right, Honestly, Sidney, I think that I think that we would have been friends better in the day.

But I don't think we would still be friends. Now if that was the case, Oh no, girl, you would hate me. You would be you would be like, she is so fun, but she we're gonna get killed together. She's gonna get me killed. You would you would turn into a Jehovah witness hanging out with me. I was doing some dare devilish things. Oh I would just leave you. Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't turn into a Jehovah's witness. I would just leave. I'd be like, yeah, and my mom

Listen, prayer list. But I do remember there was a time, it was a couple of years ago. We were hanging out at a Crown Royal event.

Oh yes, bitch, I do remember that.

And there was a guy there that was stock Grass with Sydney, in love with Sydney, and she was like, he's taking us to get food, He's taking us to.

Breakfast, and uh we went to the Waverley in or wait, no Waverley and uh yo, that was we have been I think I had been to that diner before, but I had never had waffles there. When I tell you, the waffles was the best thing that we ever had in our fucking mouth. It was like it was crispy and it melted at the same time, but.

Like also like the butter there is like different and the syrup hit it nicely. It was like warmed up and I had some whim cream on it.

We ordered. We ordered eggs to bacon, we had, we had the works. We was doing it up. I don't even know if that guy ate, but I don't know. That wasn't our issue. We had nothing to do with us. We were like, we're both gonna get waffles and we're gonna share eggs, and he was like okay. And then after and then Marie's taking pictures of me. She's good. She's like, look at my dumb ass friend and putting her life one. I'm like, Sidney, put your face on

Because like I am like I feel as that How old were you when you did this? Oh?

That was like two years ago.

Okay, I feel as though I feel as though I'm like missing out, like peak, like time to be doing these things right now, you.

Are missing out. I mean I am also missing out on these things.

Friend, Yeah, but like I mean, you had all of I don't know. I just feel as though, Yeah, I just missed out on so much. I was finally finding my place out there, and it's like I'm just gonna be just back to awkward awkwardness when everything comes back.

I grew up in a beautiful time. It was so freaking fun, like when I love that for like kids. Now I'm like, y'all don't even know what fun is like people like I don't know, Like two thousand and twelve, maybe fourteen, as soon as like Instagram really started popping, people were not having fun anymore because they were too busy on their phones. Like when I was going to the club phone I wouldn't I would go in and

No? Not in London.

Why why are you what? No, they would have phone booths in New York. Good Bye, Marie.

I feel like at like the train stations or something, it was like you get in and you're like anyway, Speaking of stalkers, I had to block somebody on Instagram the other day.

What happened.

My friend called me and was like, I'm having a conversation with this guy who is obsessed with you and he is definitely a stalker. And I feel like, you don't want to get blocked from my page.

I don't block.

Anybody, like I'm if I don't talk to somebody no more, or I break up with somebody or blah blah blah. I'm not blocking them because I need them to see me thriving without them on my page.

Yeah, I don't do that blocking.

Yes, So I don't believe in blocking. I believe in just thriving and existing without somebody. So the fact that I have to block you means you did something wrong.

Like I'm afraid that and it's a white man.

I'm afraid that I'm gonna step out of my house one day and he's just gonna be there, or you know, I'm gonna be reaching for a milk and he's gonna be like you know that video you posted seventy two weeks to.

Go really.

Wonder. Yeah, it's like.

You don't be creepy, you know, just being normal Sydney.

Do you remember when I had that stalker that was trying to come to my comedy show and I had to like block him.

Yeah? Remember that guy who like he brought you you miid a fire. He would come to our shows. He gave me like a sephur a gift card. He started getting he was by he was like on the Patreon too, and then yes, he was getting out of hand, and they took me to like get something to eat. Yeah, we got food together. I mean he made a share a burger together. So I was like, you ain't really You're nobody's type. Yeah, and then I had to block him.

I said, don't ever come to my shows ever gain if you come to a show that I'm performing at, I will have you escort it out because.

He was like it was too much.

It was like, dude, like I don't like you, and he just it was like he was on the Patreon, he's listening to the regular episodes, he's showing up at.

All the shows. He's sitting in the dark. It's like yeah. Then I was like, well, now I'm back to being just a friend. Like, why niggas stalking me? Sydney. You could have all of these beige stalkers that I have had.

Let the record show that all the people that had to be blocked from my live shows are white men.

So that is true. That's not to say that black men don't stalk, but they don't stalk me. Knock on wood or maybe let's not knock on wood, New Year knew me. Okay, they can't stock you if you're in the house, friend, that's not true.

No. You you do those videos of like the Street, so like I like outside of your apartment, So I feel as though they could deduct They can't.

You've never seen a landmark in the background of one of my videos.

I've seen like you're like the steps going up to your building the street.

You haven't.

There's no steps leading up to my buildings. That's how I know you haven't.

Really, I don't post, No, I don't post things where you know where I lived. You might know what neighborhood I'm walking through.

When you when you moved into the apartment that you're in now, didn't you post like a video of like all the boxes coming in and they dropped him?

Remember this that was my old building?

Oh okay, okay, yeah, I was leaving.

I said, if you if you can find this on Google Images, then you no. No, friend.

I love that you're looking out for me, but I am. That's something that I'm hyper aware of when I'm posting.

Is like like I was at the this place, like looking at plants, and somebody was like, oh, I know where you are. Are you at Natty Gardens? And I was like no, I was. But people, you know, they like to look for things in the background. I don't know.

I mean I watched this girl's closet renovation series on YouTube and I was like, I know where everything in her house is now.

Yeah, I mean, people do get out of hand with showing too much. I'm like, the good thing about me is that I live so far. Ain't nobody coming over here? That part. I live very far in Brooklyn, And like by the time you try to get over here, you so tire. Halfway. You like, I'm just gonna go back. You're like, well, I'm not gonna murder her.

I'm just gonna I'm just gonna smell her hair when I get there. Sometimes that's all they want is to smell your hair.

Well, unfortunately this is not mine, so you're not really smelling my hair. Well, let me products go to go to Duane Read and get the trust it's the same thing.

Oh, this is tresta may weave. Okay, Savage twenty body trust Wig. That's the episode is that's that's the title right there.

That's like the sixth one tress.

Some may Wig, Savage twenty body, trusting a Wig.

Wait, okay, okay, I okay, let's go through them. Yes, okay, you said this at the beginning. You didn't say that you want to make this the title of the episode, But I liked it, Okay. Kevin Hart ho ho hole turned the comments off. Adele is big, honey.

That's the funniest one, but we cannot use that one, but that is funny. It has to be that one. No, Marie, we can't. But that is still three more. None of them are going to be funnier than Adele is big honey.

You have ho ho hoes in this house. Damn these pussy lips and trust may wig.

Like for me, it's trusted a wig or Adele is big honey.

So that is good wig.

Okay, that's like in the description, can you make sure you write in parentheses?

Of course?

Yeah, I mean that could mean she's a big deal. That could mean she's a big deal. Is a big deal. And there was a couple of times that somebody had slid in my d MS and was like, you guys are kind of like fat phobic. There's a lot of things that you guys say that's problematic to your bigger audience. And I was like, oh, are you talking about Marie? Yeah, I mean nobody, Sydney. You you comment on your appearance on this podcast more than I comment on mine.

So that is not what Sidney is saying.

Sidney be like, I'm gorgeous, I'm I got this great body. Look at how fat my ass is?

What I understood. Sidney just said. Sidney is saying that the listeners are saying that you're talking about others.

Yeah, okay, well this person, this person that's lid in Sidney's DMS to say that didn't slide in mind, So she not talking to me, talking scared of you, Marie. Okay, friend, friend, friend, who might be slightly larger than us. This is a safe space. If you think that we have said problematic things in the past about people who might be bigger than us. Well, I didn't know what I wanted to say. I was just running my lips, sliding my DMS.

Too, babe, uh, because I want to know what I said. I think that for me, I don't think that I've ever said anything that's phobic on here because everything that I.

Say across the board is like the same.

Level of mean for everybody who looks and is a different thing. So that's why for me, I think I'm you know, they're not mad at me, they mad at you.

Okay, they're mad at they're mad at you people.

Because I'm consistent in my phobia, I guess across the board.

Right, heard you friend? Okay, Well, I love that for us. Before we go so Marie, you didn't get any gifts. We're doing we're doing a secret Sanna in the crew and uh, you know the crew, the four before the four Reindeers. It just it kept feeling like every day I was like, oh, I should order something, and then I was like, well, I'm gonna just look and then it was like, hmmm, I guess I'll do it tomorrow.

So you know, I waited so long that most of the things now are like it'll get there on February third. And so you know, I don't know what my secret Sanna is gonna get, but she's she might get a hug from me.

Sis that what makes me believe that I am your person? That I think that makes me feel like that was me that I shot you. Why that's the stunt that you would pull with me? Why do you think that because you think I want to hug you? No, No, I just think that you would wait till the last minute to get me something.

No, it's not about who my person is. It's just that this is like Sidney.

This just the season. The whole year has felt like I'm gonna do it later.

If I could sum up twenty twenty in one sentence, it would be I'm gonna do it later, and.

Then it's me not doing it.

So I guess I'm gonna wrap up this PlayStation three for my Secret Santah because they gonna get something that is in my house already.

Crazy Sidney, you did all of your Christmas shopping and it's done. No, I have my girlfriend. I already got my Secret Santa. I got their gift like days ago. Oh yeah, what you get I'm not telling you. Oh do you have me? No? But I always I always get Marie. I always get Marie during the Secret Sanna. And it's just not fair. It is true, not fair. You walk into Marie's house, who got a SID gift?

Also, yes, but I think sometimes you get me two gears because you hashtag never forget those gloves that you got me.

Oh bitch, we gotta let them gloves go Marie, we got we have got to move on sis, and I have redeemed myself.

I remember the gloves. What are the gloves?

Damn it, you don't remember the gloves. I've redeemed myself, Marie, don't do that.

Wait what happened with it? When was the gloves? What happened there?

I thought that this was something that you knew about, which is why I asked you if you knew about it. Sidney got me some gloves as a secret Sanda gift. But yes, Cinny, you'd have redeemed yourself. But the listeners know what gloves we talking about.

Girl, listen. I went to Kmart and got her some O. J. Simpson gloves that were just too big, the leather was too cheap. And then we were in the circle of our Secret Sanna and it was it was this time. It was with beige people. It wasn't with Carolena and.

White people's secret Sanna is different than black people's secrets.

Yeah, because they're going over budget and they judging. And Marie I did it and her face just completely changed.

Like Sydney got me these gloves from Kmart on the way to the Secret Sanna gift.

Exchange.

Okay, she stopped picked them up and then came to my house, I mean came to the house and was like, the receipt was in the bag.

Still I feel like, yeah.

And how if you had to guess how much of their price that what would you say?

Eight ninety nine Yeah, eight ninety nine. But it was like slashed half priced everything.

She had a club member discount.

Yeah, fucking lying the shop lifted these O. J. Simpson gloves and then she was like, then I ordered her two pairs of gloves after that that were six eight times more than the target ones. To redeem myself and we've moved on.

Yes, yes, yes, but you know, just the season to bring it back up since you know I hashtag never forget.

You know, crazy crazy that you people can't even get over it. It's just wild. It's like, Andrew, what do you think is Marie hasn't gotten me Secret Santa ever? No, and I've gotten legit everybody else, everybody except me.

Well, Sidney, why do you want me to get you so bad? Because I give good gifts? I mean I do give good gifts actually, so there is that you just want me to get you so that I can give you some prisons.

Mm hmm.

Yeah, Sidney, what do you want for Christmas this year?

Yeah?

What's your only Christmas wish this year? If Santa, If Santa could hear.

Your Santa is a listener.

Yeah, yes, I want some more art or a plant.

That's easy, so easy.

M hm plan. Art can get expensive, but yeah, no, not that expensive, not the art that we go online. Like, Yeah, I have some expensive stuff in here, but for the most part, aren't.

Like, aren't people like extending you art?

Mm hmm. Well I'm also paying for it.

M h m hmm.

Marie, I'm looking on the page for the gloves and I can't find them. I thought we put it on the page. Which page, the unofficial expert page? Uh no, I think we talked about them on the Patreon but we never. Oh well, maybe that's something that we should do, friend, is put them on the page. Oh girl, I delete those. I burned that fucking thing. That is we'll never We're never doing that again.

Yes, well, we'll always have the memory of what happened. But I think since you were going through a relapse at the time, so.

I was actually going through a relapse there, it is. That's why I wasn't a good friend.

Yes, yes, yes, but you I mean you had more than enough time to pick up a gift that was good.

You just to get No. I was worried about getting drinks. That's why I couldn't get you what you deserved. They sell drinks at kmart. Wow. The thing you learn on this podcast is qraze. You got to end everything. It's done. Thank you. I don't know what I want for Christmas. I don't. I didn't really, I don't know. I want somebody to I want somebody to pop my tops. That's what I would like. A pop top. She wants another,

Also, the OG triple OG listeners have seen the gloves. They know what we're talking about.

No, but the new listeners. And we have tons of new listeners now because that happened ages ago, Marie, three years ago, it happened eight years ago ago. Yes, yes, yes, never forget. What do you want, Andrew? Yes? What do you want for Christmas?

I just want you to be happy?

Rolling my eyes we are, Oh.

My god, paintings and artwork and plants. Really does sound nice now that you mention it. Okay, but yeah, you know I was thinking about I feel as though like Marie must be like the hardest person to buy a gift for.

I would why do you think that? No, she's actually the easiest person.

I don't think that. I don't know from an outside perspective, I literally don't know what.

Okay, So, Andrew, if you were gonna give me and Sydney Christmas presents and money was not an issue, what would you give us money?

Would?

I love that?

Honestly, that's the best kind of gift. But you'd think that I'm a hard person to shove for.

I don't. I don't want that.

I don't even know where I would even like begin because I feel as though, like whatever I got Sydney, even though even if it was like a really shitty gift, I feel as though like Sydney would give me a really good reaction at least, and she would just be like, she would be gracious and maybe talk about it behind my back.

But I think I think that that is the most wrong thing that you could have said ever on this podcast.

Really Sidney a crappy gift, She's not gonna act like she likes it.

I don't. I don't know. I feel a way in am I really off base here, Sydney.

No, I'm here. Marie is lying. I like, don't even listen to her. Oh god, whoa wow? Hold on, Marie's a liar. I don't believe.

I'm not I'm not lying. I'm not saying anything that's not true. I think that if you gave Sydney a gift that was that was horrible or something that she didn't.

Like, it does not like a horrible gift. It's not like like a disgusting sweater or something like that. It would just be like, I don't I don't even know, like a picture frame or something like that, something.

Like, oh, what what Amina got me?

Last year?

She got me a picture for with pictures of the group. I still have it.

If you get Sidney a gift that she doesn't like or doesn't feel like she is a use for, she's not gonna pretend that she likes the gift.

On the flip side of that, Marie, when have I acted like that? I just don't think.

I just don't think that you'd pretend to like something that you don't like. That's that's what I think. On the flip side, when Sidney gave me those gloves, I was like, oh, thank you.

I said thank you. I said, oh, thank you. The face was everyone everyone knew that it was. It was wrong, and they were like Sidney. Molly looked at me, like, Sidney, you have to fix this immediately. Yeah.

But anyway, let's just hope that everybody gets something that they want or something that they appreciate this year, because the way that shipping is set up, it's gonna be a lot of people just getting the lopes.

Anyway. So Andrew, you would give us money, that's a good that's a good friend to have.

Yeah, I gave you money in the past, so I mean, like, let's just continue. It didn't it didn't steer me wrong before.

So absolutely not. Thank you. I'm gonna wrap my cat up and send it Marie's away. Wow.

Oh yeah, the one that is going to use the least amount of wrapping paper, and that's the skinny cat.

So that's jelly And that's not the flat phobic with my animals either.

Exactly, it's actually cat phobic. So it was a missed opportunity for you to use that pun.

Okay, Well, I hope everybody listening had a fabulous holiday. We try to make this episode as festive as we could by talking about everything that was not Christmas.

Great job. And also, we do not have an episode coming out next week, right, we do not want to record another one for New Year's Day. We're taking away.

We lost that, so yeah, we were going to, but we lost it.

So we lost it, and you know, yeah, we recorded an episode that you know, it was my fault that I lost it. Guys, I think it was still a great opportunity that we had to just talk to each other in power. At least, that's the gift thousands of people, you know.

That's a gift. Friend that was that was.

A gift to me at least.

Yep. Yeah, oh, you know what we talked about on the other episode, the other episode, the lost one that we shouted you out on the Instagram page and the followers were very gracious. Again, they were very happy and nice, left you good comments.

And they're all beautiful. I mean, I know we've said it before, it's really a beautiful.

Everybody that listens to this podcast is hot. Everyone is attractive. I've never anyone who sent me a message or that I've bumped into on the street or blah blah blah who we who we've seen at live shows is always attractive. All of you are sexy and I love that for us. That means we attract beauty. And they're saying sexy things to Andrew. Sexy thing.

They are saying very very sexy thing.

Yep. So keep keep adding Andrew making sure his follower account goes up, and that that is our gift. That's our gift for Christmas.

There you go, Frandy, you're getting extra payment this year.

Thank Santa. That's my only wishness you Yeah. Now, if we could just get Andrew a blue check, that'd be nice.

A blue check, so I'm not the only person in this sume that does not have a blue check. Would be really great.

God damn, Andrew, you're not verified. I gotta go. I gotta lug out for me, sweetie, lugout. Really embarrassing, that is how ghost.

But I one thing that I really wanted to do next year with the show, if I know we've talked about a lot in the past, is have a listeners call in and like send in like voice memos that you could respond to. I think that'd be really fun. We're implementing on other shows that I'm working on to get them more involved. I think it'd be really fun.

All right, Well, then we got to talk about how that's gonna work, because you know, I.

Can literally set that up for you and all you just need to do is listen.

And say thank you, yes, yes, I'm ready for it. Okay. So you would set up a phone number and they just got a call in.

Or it's a it's email and also phone it's like a voicemail sort of situation where they just leave a voicemail and then I can share my computer audio and you guys can listen to it live and respond if it's advice or fabulous.

You know what, let's set that up next week when we're not doing a new episode.

Let's do that.

Yep, so we can start the top of the year with like a beach. I love you guys, and I have a question. I just wanted to say hi.

And that's a segment Hey beach, hey beach, and you know, for commentary and for counseling. Yeah, I think that's it.

Fun.

Yeah, any way, that's it for me. That's it for me, baby les Nay Dick. Yeah, that's that was going to be our title of the lost episode. I'm sorry, Yeah, it's okay. We love you. Like, are you talking about it? It don't seem like it's all the way fine, it's fine.

Yeah, I take back what I said about earlier about giving you gifts and.

No, it's fine, it's fine. What are you talking about? You hear how high her voice is going. I'm appreciative. It's fine. Okay, goodbye, everybody, love you. Don't forget to rate, subscribe, comment do all that stuff for us. That is your gift to us, and go to our Patreon as well.

Yes, and then you know, of course, think about what you need advice for or you need counseling one, and we will have this voice memo thing set up for twenty twenty one.

Okay, okay, all right, bye bye bye, guys, Forever Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert Is Executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Foreverdog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts dot com