"The Weed Expert" with Dewayne Perkins

Forever.

Hey, oh my goodness, it's going on.

We're back. Yeah, what's up?

What's up?

We hear?

How you doing?

Oh?

You know?

What is it?

What's today?

Who knows?

You know? Making it?

Yeah?

Just like you know, scrambled eggs. That's how I feel right now.

Scrambled with cheese, like a light scramble. You know what. Cheese would make it better, But that's not how you feel.

That's not how I feel.

I like my scrambled eggs a little bit burned, like a little bit like like not scramble so hard, but like a little bit burn on.

That's how old people make That's how old people make eggs like that.

Oh I can't make mine like that. I just like when they're done. Okay, okay, that's how my mom makes them.

You know, my great aunt used to like basically burn them.

I don't like runny eggs. Dude, run eggs mistry.

I love it. It's so yummy.

It's like a sauce. The yolk is a sauce. Delicious. That's somemonilla chicken.

You can get somemonella from eggs as.

Well, exactly. See look at us teaching teaching the fans and followers. I'm not here for like an eggs benedict or any of the like. I love that too, like a poached egg, a soft boiled eggs.

Oh my god, it just sounds like porn right now.

Porn. Yeah, yuck. Anyway, so happy to be here, you know, just doing what we do. We're having a good week. I mean we're having the podcast is having a good week. Yes, yes, yes, individually you are. Week's been a trick. How you doing, Marie? I'm okay. I needed to sip some water up.

Yeah.

I was like, you're giving me real may Angelo today.

Oh likes you? So I feel like you should give me Harlem renaissance.

Yes, I feel like you should give me a poem real quick.

Okay, I'll give you a poem. How about this, I'll give you my expertise for the week.

Right, So this week I was an expert at checking myself. Okay, I had to check myself before I before I wrecked.

A home sis.

This guy that I used to I don't want to say date, because like it was one of these situations where he liked me more than I liked him, and we know all of them, Thank you so much, But he he was annoying, right, Like, he was like not a fun person to be around.

So that's all of them, Thank you so much.

But how do I say this in like the most Christian way? So we never slept together, but like let's just say his face made a very comfortable chair, right, wow, thank.

You so much.

And so like top ten, is this a tvt A TV what a TBT? Like yeah, this is old this I was in college, right, Oh wow, thank you so much.

See when the podcast doing well, the niggas from the woodwork started coming out, just crawling under and underneath rocks and whatnot.

Listen, Sis, he's not the one that's crawling. Let me tell you what happened. So he posted on Facebook a picture of him and this woman at a baby shower, and he was like, we're having a girl.

And I was like, should I message here privately?

He's a say congratulations, like I just started thinking about college.

And I was like, why did I never bang him? But I was like, he's having a baby. Let me check myself. I just said congratulations on Facebook and I left it like.

I'm not you know what I mean. I remember him being annoying. I think that's why I didn't have sex with him.

Good for you.

Thank you so glad that you didn't become a homewrecker. Because it's the end of the year and this is like family time. This is not the summertime. Is when you when you wreckon, when you reckon, just in case somebody get thrown out.

You know, it's like.

Hot outside you sleep under a bridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is a real bad time to get kicked out.

It's like forty nine degrees outside, I mean, and they looked happier whatever. So I remember him like he would had just started growing his dreads out, and I was like, when when guys first start to grow their dreads at they look like trash, but you know, it's like a good shoulder length.

Now.

I was like, wow, look he looks like he's feeling out. His body looks great. So stupid he's driving an ambulance now, oh my god.

And you need that you need a little ride. That's his minivan.

I mean anyway, so that was what I was an expert at this week. It's just like, all right, well let me not good for Like, why why would I send him a private message me?

Yeah, because that starts up ship that you honestly, you're not even trying to do anyway.

No, yeah, I'm not.

I just want to sit down.

Yeah, wow, might sit down and get pregnant though, So.

No, no, what did you? Did you hear what I said? Yes, face was the chair, not his dixis.

But sometimes you've never been like, yo, I'm just coming over to get now, and then all of a sudden you're like, why is it in my ass?

No?

Literally, with this man, anytime I went over there, it was just to sit down.

Yeah, but you're older now, so right. But if I was as a child like nah, as an adult, I feel like my core is strong. Anyway, Sidney, what were you an expert in this?

Get your But that's the opposite of what I'm getting.

What am I expert in?

Uh?

Going with my gut instinct?

Boom?

I was this happened?

Actually yesterday I was going to an audition and I was in Times Square and I saw this woman with this double wide stroller and I fucking hate double You can't disrespectful. It's like, you know, nobody cares about you and your two kids. Leave one baby at home, yeah, or get one of them like little knapsacks. Put your put the other baby in a fucking backpack, like why do.

A front baby baby? Yes?

Or or the stroller that has like like it's stacked, that's stacked the horizontal like don't do the wide chick, or.

It's two babies, put them in the same little compartment.

Or literally like have one walking and then put the other one down the stairs.

Yeah, like you know when you're carrying something and you like push a box with your foot that, yes, exactly, or like steal a supermarket like basket and just put each baby.

There's so many options you got. Double wide is like just respect. You're so privileged and you think that you're not gonna take up the whole Stairwell, have you ever.

Seen those stubble whte strollers on the train, but they take up to little doors.

I see them in the street, I see them in the stairs. I'm just like, how could you? And then they'll have the nerd to be on the bus. It's like you're taking a bus. Why do you have two kids? Like why you obviously don't have enough money right.

For these two children because you ain't got no car.

Let me calm down anyway.

So I see this woman, she's Latina she's got like mad bags.

I just felt bad.

I'm like, fuck, I want to help her, and so I stop and I'm just like all right, I'm about. Let me just let me dip a little bit, let me just work my back out because I'm about. I was just like, yo, I'm gonna help her, like fuck it. But then some other dude comes swoosh. I said, oh see, my god.

Is on time.

He knew that I couldn't do it.

So she takes the kids out because she just really needs help with the stroller. Tell me why this man is trying.

To take the stroller.

He falls down the fucking stairs with the stroller.

Everything is stumble. See why you can't help you.

I was so late for the audition because I was like, oh, I got to see how this pans own. The dude just went all the way down the stairs with this double at the Time Square train station. This is Times Square, dude, and you know them stairs is long.

It's like just when you think the staircase ended, it's landing and then more.

Yes, everybody everybody was wailing, screaming, like everybody, you mean you. It wasn't just me, It was the old people, young people, handicaped. Everybody was crying, and so the woman starts cursing him out.

At the end, She's like, I just got that store. I'm like, bitch, he tried to help. That could be you at the bottom of with the babies inside. Wait, so, Sidney, you were gearing up to help carry the stroller down the steps. You who ain't got no shirt?

Yes, I felt so she had mad bags, mad bag You know how to go shopping if you got two babies with you? Oh, you know how signs and stores say no shirt, no shoes, no service, and should also say no babies.

Yeah.

So, like.

The guy tries to get up and like some dude came over to help him, they both fall back down.

I'm like, dude, this is a mess.

The bags are everywhere, the stroller is a mess, stroller will came off. It was so much that I was like, oh, I'm here now, but.

Now let's get back to this audition. Did you book it?

Who knows? But like I was in a good mood after that.

I was like, you got to see people fall down the stairs to just reevaluate your life.

You're like, it.

Could be worse.

You could be at the bottom of the stairs with some lady's shroler that you bang right like I hope she showed him like a titiom.

No.

She yelled at him.

She yelled at he should have thrown the stroller back up the stairs and made her carry it.

He should have, he but he couldn't. He looked hurt.

He was so mad because he's like I should.

Have been the bum nigga that I was gonna be that I am that I am. But I hear him trying to be a good Samaritan as I was, as I was about to yo.

As soon as I put.

My foot down, the almost like tapper, he came out of nowhere.

I said, oh my god, this is oh my god, this was meant for me not to do this.

Listen how much you want to bet? He asked her for her phone number. When he got he listen, I gotta shoot my shot or your sister's kids. I think he probably was like, so who I head up your insurance?

Because he looked hurt. He looked like he needed some assistance.

That lady didn't have no damn insurance. What what a bag? It was like one sorrow bag twelve h and m bag. Oh my gosh, gosh, god. There was a pretty girl. There was a rain It was a rainbow bag, a ten spot Jimmy Jack. There was an old Gucci bag that was like gifted to her that she still uses for stuff.

Now.

There was a Victoria's Secret bag that was like a little ripped on the side Forever twenty one bag.

You know.

It was a diff like a big Forever twenty one. Yeah, that had Tupper wearing it. Mac's big brown bag. Whatever.

Anyway, speaking of a big brown bag, Ye, I'm super excited about the episode today.

Our guest is.

A writer, he's a comedian, he is a philanthropist. He's a lover and a friend. Not a lover of mine, but a friend, and uh, you guys gonna love him. He is our did we decide what it was?

Weed? He's our weed expert expert?

N Hello, Hi, Yeah, how do you feel about what we talked about today? It was really funny. I also think sometimes you shouldn't do good deeds because you have to leave room for other people to do good deeds. So that's like a supportive role in the.

Circle of you're giving the layup for somebody else to do.

Yes, this is like a yes, and yes and improv you put a brick, they put a brick in the world now has a house.

But but like, not in New York, though, When do you meet people who are really looking out for others? Not that much, like not that many, like there's not that many people, especially in the train station.

Yeah, I mean, I was waiting to get out of the train station once and all these people were standing around, and I'm I'm impatient.

I don't do lines. I went around to see what the problem was.

It was a woman with a stroller trying to go up the stairs, and there were a bunch of men behind her, just waiting for her to go, and I had to walk around them and help carry this raggedy ass baby.

Up the stairs. Oh my god.

The whole time I'm walking up, I'm yelling at the men behind me because I'm like, y'all, this is what y'all are here for.

But here's a take. If that never happened, you would never be telling this story. So I.

Went and made it to my thing one time. God, I'm so glad that you didn't d M that that guy that was.

Just oh yes, you can have ruined a.

Happy home before the baby was born, because you know, he would slide out for you for a little bit, for a little bit.

He never got it exactly.

I mean, he got curiosity, but he didn't killed that cat a wordsmith.

Duane, let's talk about let's talk about weed.

Okay, would you would?

When did you start smoking weed?

On?

Hold on the listeners don't know what's going on with this man's foot.

Right, but I would? But the foot is connected to the weeds.

Is it?

Oh?

I don't know the story.

I don't know the ma I don't know the connected Okay.

When I started smoking weed, when I was working in Chicago at an improv theater for the white people, and my friend was like, Yo, you should smoke weed because you anxious all the time because you're around a lot of white people and uh. And I was like okay, So I tried it and I was like, oh, this isn't for me. And then I had a panic attack

The doctor recommended weed.

Yes, like once all the doctors went out. No, he was like a Middle Eastern person.

That's strange.

He knows that you ain't got insurance because we'd be like just take like anxiety pills.

Yeah, he was just like.

Smoking. And I was like, Okay, did you sell you weed at the hospital.

No, I wish She's like I know a guy.

No.

But then I just I started smoking it. But now I smoke weed specifically for like different things, like I have different strengths weed for different things, Like right now I'm on like a sativa because I have to be like creative and talk to people. But last night I was I smoked a indica, like an indica dominant, like the most dominant, so I can just go to sleep because you know, I have a boot on my foot.

Well let's talk about this boot.

Okay. I don't live here no more in New York. So I came back to visit and I went to my friend's house who lives in green Point. I don't know his house like that?

There is a wait, is a house spacious?

Yes, it's real long, but like narrow.

Okay, a railroad style so like a long home.

Yeah, it is like a long home. It's like a.

Four year he's got a four year as a as a place. Is it like a railroad style house? So you have to walk?

You guys are saying a bunch of things. I do not know.

You got to walk through all the rooms next?

Yes? Yeah, So like last night when I came home really late, I couldn't go into the living room because I would have to walk through his bedroom to get to the living room.

Right right, I feel like the bedroom would be at the end. I got to walk through the bedroom to get to the living room.

It's in the middle.

Yeah, that's but a railroad is supposed to you supposed to walk past the rooms first and then a living room.

Why also, how you know it? Are you making this hunt? He could have set it up so that his room was the living room and then just made yeah, the living room the bedroom. He could have because he picked the rooms. No, when he moved in.

No, because the living rooms has a door to the outside.

Well, this sounds complicated. That's why we don't live in Greenpoint.

And this is why I shouldn't have gotten really high in the middle of the night. And I was like, yo, I just Nika Gatta has snacks. So I was just searching through his house for snats and ran into a wall and it fractured my ring pinky ring toe on my left foot. You got a ring toe, yeah, you know that, like the toe that's next to the pinky toe, not.

The big toe and the pinky toe, but the ringtoe.

But you don't have a real ring on it.

Though ish.

I like that.

I wouldn't follow you immediately.

That would be such a statement.

It's so tacky. It goes along with French manicures. It goes hand in hand.

Like I feel like a ring toe goes with an anklet. Cis and you wear a charmed anklet.

Are you a child or a dying spirit.

Or are you Jessica Biel.

It's just my feet a really wide and long and I'm like, oh, I feel like a little anklet would make my foot look daintier.

That's what it is. Just the position just makes your foot look bigger.

No, no, bitch, it really makes my ankles look cute.

Shut up.

Also, I feel like ring toe like toe rings usually go on like the second toe, Yes, they do, the longer one.

Right, Yeah, my second toe is not long it is. My toes are perfectly diagonals.

Sure, I toast you too.

Yeah.

What's the saying?

Like, isn't there something like if your second toe is big, longer than your big toe, what is the thing that people say you have.

I was going to say something terrible.

Say everything's terrible, say cancer, but like, oh my god, the way that is terrible was going to be terrible if you're a second No, it's something. It's like, if your second toe is longer than your big toe, then I don't know.

When I was in elementary school, they said if you had hair on your knuckles, that mean you jacked off a lot.

That's I did hear that. Never heard that. Yes, the devil is right there. I don't really have hairy knuckles.

So wait, So I'm proud of you that you were looking for snacks and and ntel it fractured your foot.

Yeah, and then the next day I just stayed at home. Well, I I limped. I was like, oh, it's fine. I would just go to sleep. I hit my toe and then in the morning it didn't hurt as much because I wasn't moving. And then I decided to go to a Taco Bell KFC.

That was like, well, I love those combos. Nobody love those.

Sometimes the chicken that they use for freaking Taco Bell is the KFC chicken get out.

That's nasty world.

That sometimes sometimes when Taco Bell runs out of grease, they use KFC grease.

No, yo, so you never.

Had barbecue sauce on your tacos, bitch, I don't eat Taco Bell anymore.

I'm not in high school.

Oh do you hear it? Like the elitist out of respectability? I mean.

On like bread, like you're eating.

You don't know what happened to that dog because dogs don't live long.

The SPCA was like, I don't like what you guys are doing.

I used to work for them in college, a s p c A and I got fired at the two days.

Why so you kick a cat?

No?

You know?

So when you're like a canvasser, I was a canaser for the sp Yeah, and you're.

Like, hey, do you have a minute to talk about? And people are like shut up.

Yeah. So in Chicago, which is very segregated where I'm from. Uh, they put me in like a very rich suburb, and the cops got called on me multiple times. So I made no money. And then the next day I got put.

Oh, you can make money at the SPC. I thought that was like pro bona war.

Oh no, like that's like you have to get people to donate money. And they had a rule that if after two days you didn't raise one hundred dollars, you got fired.

And everybody who does that job must get fired because I've never seen anybody stop and give money to those people.

You never wanted to give money to me.

Now you will be surprised how many white women can get money from anyone. That's what it was. It was me and a bunch of white women. And then I got fired from a guy who tried to convince me to join Scientology when I was in New York.

What a story.

He was the boss, so he was here also, he was the boss.

That's full circle.

I'm glad you're doing better now.

Thank you.

Did you consider joining Scientology?

I did? I was like, what y'all got to offer? What's the pros and cons?

You gotta have money.

Though.

You have to have money if you want to do Scientology right, you have to have coins.

How you do it right, it's wrong either way, however you slice it up.

Well, I was told if you go to the like Celebrity Center in West Hollywood, yes, that they have a really good brunch and it's free.

Next time we should go to the brunch because that's how they're trying to get you though, like, and you know, we like free.

Food, so that's how they're like, Oh, but I just feel like.

If you have free food, then you're not gonna get the right type of people anyway.

Right.

Scientology is not out here trying to recruit niggas like free.

Food, which is why you can go get the free food, and then they would be like, goddamn.

Cruise didn't enjoin Scientology because he was hungry and needed an egg benedict.

Like, so next time we're in LA, we should go to the Scientology Celebrity Center to get free food.

I'm scared though, because what if, like what if your week and you're like, damn, maybe I should like.

Sydney, and I feel like you're talking about you.

Because I'm strong, are meant to be let them do that to you.

I don't like this game.

This is one of your weeks, is Ain't nobody say the week?

I mean only one of us does wear an anklet, though, so that probably would be the least Lincoln.

I mean, the only thing I'm weak about is a good brunch.

How dare you know what the menu is? Is it a crunchy brunch?

I hear it is just a buffet of delectable.

Well, I don't like a buffet brunch. I don't like a buffet brunch.

I think it's because sometimes people put their hands and stuff and it's it.

Just doesn't feel right.

It's not sanitary.

I saw a video sanitary.

I saw a video on Instagram of this guy at a buffet and you know how they have like the spoons putting it back in the thing.

With the ladle and if you're high, I feel like that's a stunt you would pull.

Oh it for you? Okay, okay, let's talk about it.

I've seen I've seen how people do so reckless ship that it's like, come on, dude, you're gonna put your whole hand.

But is it is it hot like weed high? Or is it something else high?

Yeah, because I mean people who do math.

If you're doing math or heroin, you're not hungry. You're doing nothing with food.

It's really I've never done that. I have.

Yeah, that's not really I'm telling y'all.

I wasn't.

I mean you don't. We don't eat. I mean they don't eat.

No.

But I've been I've I've had like weed cake before and I've eaten too much of the cake. Yeah, And I'm just like taking slices at first, and then I was like, you know what, let me just put my hand in this, like you know, you know, like the little crumbs that come at the bottom, like from and you can't do that when you're high, because you'll just go You'll keep slicing just to get those crumbs.

It's the dumb ship that you do.

Honestly, the crumbs that are at the bottom of the cake or the fries that are at the bottom of the bag.

We do we even know what's.

Better, Yeah, is at the bottom of the bag bottom.

Of a bi Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

So you write a lot, and you're very creative, Like how do you do you like you were going to work zoo every day?

Well, writing in late night it's just the saddest ship talk about it, and this is gonna be a good opinion, But I do feel like late night as a genre, it's just a bunch of privileged people speaking of things that don't truly affect them. But being a black homosexual man from impovers South side of Chicago, everything was a personal bullet to my soul. And I was like niggas, giants, children in cages, whole shit.

So in order were like, let me make this funny, though.

I was like, oh, trauma, but funny, yea. And in order for me to like get past the first layer of jokes would just be like fuck these people. Uh. I truly had to be high, and I think everybody in that space was like, yeah, you create the best work from this place, so like we don't care, just go write the goddamn jokes. And I was like, thank you for allowing me to thrive in the way that I know best.

What kind of weed were you smoking to get through work?

It was purely a sativa, just because I needed my brain to like move quickly.

Now, for the people who don't smoke or don't know, can you tell us what the difference between Indica and sativa. Okay.

Yeah, So on the spectrum from sativa to indica, Sativa is the most head high. It uh gets the like creative juice flowing. It makes you think more, okay, whereas Indica is the downer, is the one that puts you in the couch, one where you don't want you move.

Like your body feels heavy.

Yeah.

I smoked that once.

I was like, I'm gonna go to Trader Jokes and I was like, let me get high first, and I got up and put my coat on, and I was like.

It's impossible.

On the ground.

But how do you know, Like you have to ask the dealer specifically, Hey, I get a sativa because I feel like, like when I was smoking weed, it was just.

Whatever, I don't know what. It was, like a chicken pot pie of.

Weed, like different types at the ends of ship, Like what's going on?

I have to say, to be able to smoke weed in this fashion is a privilege, because you have to either be able to go to a dispensary or have a weed connect that's that advance. Like here, I have a delivery service that has a menu that's like this is ridiculous, seamless a menu that has like graphics that's really nice. I mean I wish I could leave it yet, but it's illegal. They have a menu and they send it to you and has like truly like the milligrams.

Compairs with and like what goes well with?

Like your your sign is. There's like a specific weed like I should do that.

I love a scorpio weed.

Oh.

I feel like that's like a new business right there.

I mean I don't have the knowledge, but somebody.

So we got a growth weed?

What we could do what white people do? Hire a bunch of people and then we just be the faces of it.

I don't know. We can't be the faces of anything.

Berg has a weed line?

What poopy go breag looks like? She has a weed line?

What's her weedline?

Clause? It's like I forget, but it's like very it's like weed like bath bombs and like.

Oh so topical stuff. Go ahead, missu. I was gonna say Winfree, but that's not her last name.

Okaybert Well, my friend who lives in Rhode Island.

She has she grows like for real for real weed and she.

Has like a whole room for Why have I never met this friend all the years that we've been friends and I know you, why don't you introduce me to your friends? I just reconnected with her and when I first of all, her place is beautiful, gorgeous, and I was like, oh, y'all for this? And then I saw this, Oh okay, cool, cool, cool, and so I was like, can I take a picture of this.

She's like, no, I'm surprised you asked sneaking.

Photos of people regularly.

Well, I asked because I wouldn't want her to go off on me if I did that was it was so beautiful the way it was set up. She's like, if I lived in l A, this wouldn't be an issue.

But I'm in round.

All the drug game is that strong in Rhode Island that the apartment is cute, the house.

It was, it was stunning, and the smell of it, it was like it was a different type of weed. It was like weed that comes from a two parent home. We that went to private school.

We didn't get free lunch. Yeah yeah, yeah.

It was just really really good stuff. And you didn't like break a branch off or I grab a leaf. I wasn't even you know, just like what you could just pinch you with. I didn't even think about that because that would make me a thief. You made I don't win you were stolen anything. I'm stolen before, but like not as of late. Okay, all right, so now okay.

You know what we call that breakthrough growth.

Not as great, not as a sober person, but I feel like.

If you're high on instantly only ever stole sober.

I stole from old Navy one time. I just like put on multiple pairs of pants and just walked out.

So they were all different sizes then the one they were just very very.

The ones on the als I had to be bigger than the ones on the inside.

Yeah, I like wore like small, tiny pants and then I put on some jeans and I was like, oh, I'm gonna put some like some cargoes.

My friends.

My friends used to do that at Bloomingdale's. They were going there and they would layer up.

But how do you take the security tag? Yeah, because Bloomingdale's is if I feel like that's.

A no no.

But throw back Bloomingdale's they didn't have like security tags like that.

And Navy was like, it was like we're bringing things back to old Navy.

Yes, I saw a video on Instagram mistake, because so you know, this is where I get all of my learning done. If you wrap a condom around those security censors, they'll pop off.

I was watching these videos.

Of people that were showing them the things that like have the ink in them, and somebody commented, Oh, I work in retail, and now I understand what all these condoms in the fitting room are.

I thought people were just having sex.

Oh my god, me too.

That doesn't make it. I've never seen just seeing.

Dress Okay, I thought you had a dressing room sex. Never No, Dwyane, where.

Where then was I? That's when I was still banging girls and it was easier you were.

I don't know the listeners that you've dated.

I don't know if the listeners can hear the games.

Dwayne is a homosexual, is a professional.

I'm wearing a for hoodie.

He's a fur hoodie.

Okay, what wait? But wait?

He just got sweatpants on gray, like gray sweatpants, trying to tapered.

But you're giving me like hood gategga. I love it.

Thank you so much.

Potray.

I mean, I would say that's the one thing I miss about having sex with girls is how convenient it was.

How long were you women? You talk about it? Are you begging women while wearing like an anklet?

No?

Because in my mind, that's why were you hooking up with girls? Dude?

I had girlfriends up till I was seventeen, and.

You started dating women win when I was well.

I had my first kiss in third grade. It was so fast. Yeah, and then I remember the first time I got jerked off was in the back of a bus. I think I was in fourth children.

Yeah, I don't know.

I know I went. I grew up in the yo.

That is, people were fucking in school clasic ghetto, you know, having sexy school closets. That's why r Kelly can't read.

He's from Chicago and he was banging people.

Well, I mean it's a party. I mean it's it's a problem truly. And then I started having no but I started you need a hug.

Where on the school bus were you sitting when you got dripped on the seat?

Baby?

You always got to do the back. I feel like it's Chicago.

They do it in the front, like the third one back with the seat belt one.

We have no couth. Uh yeah. And then I got like a serious girlfriend for like a couple of years in high school and I lost my virginity with her, and that's who I was just like having sex with all over the place.

Did you like it?

I mean yeah, I mean it felt good. There was just like no emotional attachment.

But I feel like that's most men. Okay, Like, so are you even really gay?

Yeah?

I've been thinking about it because oh.

My god, this is a gay. It's like, we don't really feel like.

You're gay, mars something else?

Can you just be like psych?

I'm like maybe.

So we pulled up your files and it seems like you've been liking sex with women.

I mean I enjoyed like physical touches that they that feels good no matter what. But whenever I would do it, I'd be like, oh, I wish you'd had a dick, Like I would just think, yeah, I would be like, oh I wish you were like someone else, like.

I wish your hands had more cash.

But like a penis inside something warm will still feel good no.

Matter what, because you guys are animals.

Yeah, it's just the thoughts, like what you have to think of to get there you'd be like.

You were in her room.

You were in her room and you're like, wow, I wish you just didn't have any pillowcases on your and he was.

In her room, like can we just do this thing? Your brothers a lot of posters in here.

What kind of weed is good to have sex on?

Beautiful?

Oh my god. I had sex a couple of days ago and it was true, holy shit, Like it had a different experience. It's great, it is. I would recommend it.

But what we do you recommend for high sex?

A hybrid like a sativa into a hybrid, so like you're going up and down at the same time. So like because the thing is like the sex was like where the like sativa park was in. So I was like, I am able to my penis touching your inside Like it felt like it's like a different thing.

When you were straight.

This was like three days agree years.

Ago, touching your inside. Okay, so you're a top.

Yeah, wow, I'm asking real questions. Listeners want to I mean listeners know because they hurt. Also.

Yeah, but then like once it was over, like we could not move, so we just like had to go to sleep in the filth, which was like kind of gross, but also like we're in this together.

But that's also like not even a weed thing. That's just like if you haven't good sex, you just gonna lay it.

Yeah, but that added and clean up.

You're like, oh, man, I feel ashamed. You're supposed to pee right a few have sex or else you're gonna get like a easter.

Oh that's one of those heterosexual problems. You never have to do that. Sorry for you.

Okay, So what's kind of weed that you if you want to if you just want to hang out with friends and like get to another level with them, and says that smoke weed and they have these crazy conversations.

The deepest conversation.

Yeah, what are we talking about?

How have we never Well, we smoked together last night and it had it was like weed with like shards in it or whatever, like a little orange things.

What's that meth? I don't know?

You know, like when they like roll it in like the like the weed dust Keith, and you're like higher.

This this is what I would recommend if you really want to do get high. So you roll a blunt okay, cover it and weed infuse honey, and then you sprinkle it with Keith and it.

Where does one get weed infused honey.

From this menu place that I order from, They have to get MESI.

It's not price like.

A small jar of honey. Probably be like the.

Jar weed in a jar dollar doesn't feel good.

I could kid honey from Trader Joe's for like eight dollars, but.

You can't get high. Putting it on your toes like it's very is a different experience. Well, I dip cookies in it.

Friend of mine, a friend of mine uses the volcano and the weed from the volcano. She makes like weed butter that she could do anything with it, So we could literally do that at home.

Yeah. I plan on having a week cake at my wedding. Like two options of being like, this is a cake, we're weeding it. This is a non cake. I'm gonna.

Yes for your love.

No, but then if you have a wee cake, then you can't drink at all.

Yeah, but that's at the end of day.

I don't drink alcoholic. I'm just gonna make everybody do exactly what I do because it's my wedding.

I don't know that you didn't drink.

It's nasty, you miss. That's the only reason, Oh.

You have sex in fitting rooms. You gross.

That's when I was seventeen. Okay, thank you for everyone.

Three days ago when you got high and had sex and laid in it afterwards. Also, that was this person? Was it a piece? Are you single? Like?

Are y'all?

No?

I'm with the person.

Really thinks so single in these streets.

I just don't like people in my business.

In New York though.

No, but she was days ago. Somebody I wasn't here. Yes, you were, dude, days ago.

I was like, don't let me check, three years ago. You were here.

Yeah, it was on my it was on my birthday, but I was. I spent the first half of my birthday in Chicago.

In Chicago. That's stupid. That's a long distance. It's terrible. Actually, maybe it's not that bad.

I mean, long distance is perfect for me because I can go somewhere fuck a bunch, and then go and do my work. And that's why I'm thriving.

Okay, I mean, sis, he's doing pretty well.

I don't need people like and people don't even know like where I live. Most of the time. I just hate people.

Your vagabond, I'm like, very he's a hobo with a stick tied to his clothes.

You're homeless, but make it fashion.

I don't have a job. Okay, so much week because unemployed.

Yeah, but you had to pay for this weed. You got thirty dollars honeys.

I mean I have a savings account that you're using to buy weed. No, I have a lot of money in my checkings account.

So do you even try to act like your eyete?

But I don't unemployed people that are like, oh my god, that is really unemployed.

Though you just know how to say I'm unemployed. I'm not poor.

I mean I'm not broke though, yeah, I ain't got no money to.

Like extra money, but like you got to learn how to save your coin.

Yeah, and while you're making like I feel like a lot of people equate weed to like alcohol, where I equate weed to coffee, where like I smoke weed to like do stuff. So I don't feel like we just like an extra purgage. Like it's like a part of my day being like, oh yeah, I have to write a thing. I mean, hit this really quick. Have some juices flowing.

Now here's a question. When you wake up in the morning, are you waking in baking or are you brushing your teeth and then getting high.

It depends on the day. Like I don't have like a wheat schedule. It's so I'm like, oh I I I.

Nice with your weed.

Huh, it's it's not.

It's strategic. So like, if I have nothing to do, I'll smoke. We have something to do. I'd be like, WHOA is this situation good for me to be high? In most situations, I've just practiced being high. In those situations you practice, I mean you do drills.

You do drills at house.

In Chicago, I was working at a really terrible uh improv theater called Second City and drag them.

Why were they terrible?

They were? They were the worst kind of liberal white people. They were the kind of people who would be like, we want diversity, come to us, but you have to tell us if we're doing something wrong so that we can fix it. And then the people of color would be like, yo, all of this is racist, and they'd be like, why are you so hard to work with? And I'd be like, you told me to come to you.

So it was just you have a specific situation that happened that you were like.

Sydney get the TC Oh my god. Yes, this was one of the worst things ever. So a group of black people that were working there wanted to put together a Black Lives Matter show and they said, sure, but only if you give half of the proceeds to the cops. And we were like, are you why.

Yeah, yes, Second cities sound like they Oh my god.

They also sent all their black actors to speech therapy at one time, because they know.

They did not Some of them can't speak that well either.

I mean, none of them could. I was like, what are you saying?

Are they still taking people I need a speech therapist? I mean.

That they would be like, yes, black lesbian woman, we can use you on our pamphlets.

And you know, I'll do the pamphlet right.

I mean, I was definitely one of the pat.

Sit on a chair backwards, just like cool, I'm here.

But I was on the show. And then I would try to get as high as pot and see if I can still do it, and I would like really test myself. And there were days where I would like get up to talk and be like, oh, somebody else got to do this. And then there were days where I was like, oh, this is good, like and I found that line. So now I'm a pretty functioning no you and.

I feel like you, Becca O'Neill. There's a couple of people who, like I know, smoke a lot, And when I see.

Your tweets, I'm like, damn, I need this weed.

Like it's so well thought out and it's just like I know you're you're train of thought because you're going from here to like there, all all in a couple of minutes. Love it, and you use all of the characters every last.

Time do I talk?

So two hundred all of them. You don't hold back.

I mean, Chicago really ruined me as a person. So weed has found places of my personality that I didn't need, that I didn't know I have.

What are the worst people to get high with?

Yeah, people that you don't trust, because then you can get very panics. So today, before I came here, I smoked and I got on the train and because I don't feel completely comfortable about it bunching around the white people. There was a lot of white people on that train. What if someone starts shooting? Like it was like, oh, who's been killing people in the news? White man since the beginning been like oh shit. So I did get like a little bit paranoid, and in those situations I

You know, what works for me when I am too high, or if I start to feel anxious and I'm high, or I take an edible and I'm on the train.

If I listen to like Spanish music, it relaxes me.

That's like in the uber that I was in yesterday, I was so high, but the driver was this like Latino woman and she was playing like Batshata music and I was sitting in the front seat and I was like.

This is crossing.

I couldn't even keep my eyes like they were crossed. And I was on the bridge like that's what.

A good night?

Just like I don't know if that if that's something that maybe you want to try when you're anxious surrounded by white people on the train.

I'm just I'm just I'm putting it out there.

I did put on music. I was listening to girl groups though, like a British girl group like s Club seven, Little Mix. Yeah, I was listening to them this morning too.

I was listening to them this morning.

Is a British girl group Little Yeah. It's like four you.

Know we when there was a video that we did for Vidiots and it was the.

Shout out to my ex. Oh yeah girls that look like the bred Dolls.

Yeah.

Yeah. I was listening to them because pop music has like, uh like simple beats that are just like easy to cling to. So my brain was like, yeah, think about this, I'm thinking about getting shot.

Yeah. But that's why I like the because it's like one, two three.

I never got I can.

I just never really got into weed like that because I just feel like I'm already off the walls and I don't need to be paranoid and I don't need to be down because I'm already a down person. So it's just like the fact that there's so many different types of weed out there. Now I'm a little annoyed because I'm like, oh, I had variety. But when I was like doing edibles and whatnot, I didn't feel like there was a lot of options.

I mean, in the hood, there really is not, and you really are just taking a chance.

You said, girl, you were in the ghetto.

Yeah, because you don't know what they're you're smoking.

No, they just trying to make some money.

They're like, this is a with a little bit of a Satifa in it.

Yeah, and people are trying to like forget that they in the hood, so they like no matter what, Yeah, it's true.

Well one time we took an edible and it was for Halloween. Well, I'm always the one that takes too much. I'm like, oh, I'll take half and then I'm like I don't feel it.

That's not even what She'll be like Marie, should I take more? Should we do some more?

And I've already like I know that it hits you in like waves. And so Sydney took this more of this edible.

Did you take more? Yeah?

I did. We went to a we went to a party. It didn't hit us until after the party was over.

Like the party was we were like damn, it's like yeah.

It was like two hours in We're like what this is garbage? And then as soon as the lights came on, we were like, oh, well, we can't go home.

So we went to a deli, got a bacon, egg and cheese, ate like devoured that.

When I tell you, we laughed for like an hour and.

Sat in the bodega and eight the sandwiches and like, I don't they had a sitting area.

It was like a restaurant.

It was me, Sydney and the bodega cat. And then Sydney was like, should I get another?

And I got another one cheese and she devoured that to.

Bang that out, and I was like, dude, I have a video of us just like cackling so hard and we're like, why are we laughing?

We didn't even know why.

Yeah, just wearing wigs and looking.

Such a beautiful moment.

It was actually, that's like a milestone in our friendship. It was hilarious.

I laughed like I was in La like a couple weeks ago, and I have never laughed this hard in my life. I was watching I got so high with my friends. We like cooked. We were like we're grown ups. First dinner I cooked, Uh, I cooked mac and cheese for the first time. I creating a root.

What kind of cheese is?

Yeah, is like a cheese sauce that you make with butter and flour and cheese and season and you like pour it over the noods.

So that on Rachel Ray because I don't know.

You didn't baked macaroni and cheese though, no, you didn't make Thanksgiving.

I'm not there yet.

I'm you're making it a cream based like what I mean, Oh my god.

My grandmother would rolling her grave hearing this.

Sydney, do you make mac and cheese?

I've done it before, and I've realized that it's like I feel like you have to have like orthopedic socks on, Like you need to be an older black woman and make mac and cheese with the amount of like sol in history for it to like.

Yeah, I mean a dialysis course.

I was not good. It was mediocre. I'm truly I can't cook, but I'm really trying. Then we got really high and we watched blacks.

All y'all made was this macaroni and cheese.

And chicken like fried chicken?

You fried chicken?

Well I didn't, my friend did.

How was your friend's chicken?

It was like she knows how to cook better than me.

We need to be honest about our friends who and then we had Then we need to stop the friends giving.

I hate it.

I'm like at the point I.

Don't hate a friends giving. I hate people saying friends giving.

I don't like friends giving. Shut up, none of y'all can cook. It ain't no salt here friends Yet.

I have a problem with friends giving because it's always people who there's never like a Google Google doc to tell you, like who made what, so we know that we haven't been so we'll have like one thing and that you're like, but where the fucking sides at? Or we'll have like too many, too many biscuits, but it's like, where's the rest of the food?

Yah, you went to a crappy friends giving? Sis.

I went to one and it was like organized by white people, and the Google doc came out with the invitations and it was like this what we need. Put your name next to what you're bringing, and if you're bringing something extra, put it in the in the Google doc.

And it was It was good. It was great.

I don't think I ever did it friends given because my family won't let me. H.

They're like, you gotta come here.

Yeah, you don't see it because I don't see them.

Friends giving is before Thanksgiving.

No.

No friendsgiving is like for people I thought, don't go home right, no, right, and they do Thanksgiving with their friends.

Every friends giving I've had has always been before Thanksgiving. It's like you want to have Thanksgiving with your friends, like before you still want to celebrate with them.

I thought I was for the orphans that don't go safe.

That sounds like a better plan, I should ye, So.

You're gonna have three things.

I'm mad. I wasn't on that.

Yes, I wasn't in that Google doc. Yeah it didn't at me.

I mean, but you didn't want that anyway. It was a whole bunch of like waitresses who were like.

Okay, so we're gonna order this sweep of data.

But what you're ordering potato pie? But then I'll have a friend who makes premieer, So that's great.

I don't know.

It's pork shoulders, so delicious.

Our friend Carolina does it like ethnic Spanish Spanish?

Well wait, don't you hate when you go to somebody's house and they cook but the house is dirty.

It's like I shouldn't really be eating.

Oh my god, I feel like we've probably didn't we've done that.

But this person with the dirty house can really cook. So this person has lived in three dirty houses. Cheap eating a dirty home, that cat hair, a little dander, A.

Little turkeys Adventure.

Was did you clean chicken before you cook this? It tastes disgusting, yes, disgustingly good.

What's the worst time you've been on weed? Like a terrible experience.

It was the first time I ever heard a bong.

Uh.

So my friend had like a six foot bond because she's a weed enthusiast, and I was like.

Oh, extra, that means she's just too much.

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, so I uh And this was like when I first started smoking, so I probably had smoked maybe ten times, just like literally like one hitters, right, So I was like, oh, I am, I am, I am advanced. So I hit it once and I was like, I don't feel anything. So I hit it a second time and I coughed for twelve hours.

That means the weed is in your man.

I called for so long and then I was sitting.

There and you get higher that way, yeah.

And it was fucking terrible. And like I started and I kept getting higher and higher, and I was like, will this stop? And she was like, you just got to like ride it out. And then I remember thinking that I was in a dollhouse and it was like the Truman Show and somebody's going to take off the roof and be like, none of this is real. Also, I convinced myself that I was mentally handicapped, that I

My legs you need to call the cops on that drug dealer because that's it was.

It was. It's just because like at that point at the bond, No, it's just your mind because I've never been that high, so my brain was trying to rationalize something about I felt that way.

Something about bongs just makes you higher, I know, and I don't know.

And white people love a bomb. They're doing bong rips and you're like, okay, whatever, I'm gonna do it. And then you're like, oh no, no, I'm too high, and you're like, oh no, I'm way too high.

I was high for like till the next morning. Well, I felt it coming out of my eyes driving and I was like, yo, this is crazy. And I stopped smoking for like a little bit after that. But now when I smoke, I just can now register like okay, I gotta go to sleep now.

I can't register when I'm like, when i'm smoking if I'm going to be too high until after I've smoked.

Too much already, and then you're just gone.

But then it's just like, all right, well this is a great Thursday. I'm having a good I'm just I'm gonna sleep on your couch if that's cool.

This is yeah. I love that when you're like, well this is my day now.

Yeah, all right, well this is what we're doing today, Wade. If you could smoke with anybody, who would it be?

Oh my god, Jesus Christ.

Shut up, shut up, Jesus Christ.

Super Star. Now Jesus Christ, the magic One. Wait why because I want to be like, hey, you had Hella magic. Why ain't you do more? Because there's like so many parts. Okay. So I went to a Catholic college and they made me take this class called the Historical Jesus, about Jesus as a person versus him as a religious figure. So just like talk about him being like you had a nigga, had like a bunch of friends. He was very popular.

It's just like a picture of Jesus in like jeans.

Yeah, Like there's just there's just like one story about peach and was like relatable Chelsea.

Yeah.

And there was a story about him as like a little kid about how Mary and was Joseph nigga? Yeah Joseph uh Mary, Mary and Joseph will go to these cities and then the kids would pick on Jesus because Jesus was like, I'm the son of guy, and they were like, shut the fuck up, we don't care. And then he'd kill them like he likes he killed Yeah, he like smite them, like how uses Jesus powers to

I don't what chapter of the Book of the Bible is dead.

It's they don't include it because they were like this doesn't create the narrative that we want, So where.

Are these extra pages located? I don't know.

Some old people got them at their house, Like.

What does some scrolls that Bible is underneath the yellow pages.

There's a bunch of books.

Like this new one.

There's different like editions of the Bible, like somebody published, like they take out parts of it that they don't think.

Like these stories sound cool though.

I know, but they was like, yeah, we can't let people know Jesus out here killings, being like that's crazy. I'm the son of guy Jesus Christ.

I mean, I'm obsessed with Jesus Christ, Regina George, but.

Like as like a fun character. Yeah, in my head, he was gay. That's blasphemous, but he was. His hair was long, not because he had a bunch of gay friends. They ain't never had sex with no women.

I mean they was hanging out with a hoe though.

There was exactly. And all my friends are host All my friends were hostsday doane Ye Yeah, either they were or they still hold.

Okay, Well everybody has been a hole, that's true.

Not me.

Rebranding host Centennial twenty eighteen to be hosting Tennial twenty nineteen.

Oh yeah, because you failed at it, because I failed so bad.

Yes, miserably failed at being a hoe this year.

Yeah, Jesus didn't get his hair wet. He he died on the cross very dramatically. He came back very dramatically.

Yeah, Nick's gay drama. Oh my god, drama. Will you be killing it at Easter Home? This nigga gay. I'm sorry the fact that you're still alive saying all this ship. Who don't kill me Jesus?

Yeah, now we want because the niggas gay. We talked all the time.

I'm gonna slive my chair further from you. I gotta go to Hillsong.

Do you think I'd be thriving if Jesus was mad at me? No, because he is my gay nigga.

We are close. We should put that on some shirts. Jesus is my gay nigga.

Every day that.

Hurts, Okay for the for the listeners who can't say the N word. So the three of y'all.

I really don't think Jesus gave. But I do think he's pan sexual.

So he's attracted to trees.

To everyone, to life, to anyone that's.

Somebody on cocaine, pant sexuals.

Mm HM is on a lot of cocaine.

Yes, cocaine will have you like touching a bookshelf, You're like, oh, should I read something?

Yeah? But you know what's sober? I like a pop up book? Remember those? You open it and it like hits you in the face. Oh my god. I love a pop up book. Do they still make those? They do they do?

Because I went to my friends her son just turned one and they got him a pop up book.

He was going crazy. He was so cute. I was like, damn, this is the this is the new way right here. Listen, this is what I want.

So people who are listening, if y'all are trying to like figure out what you want to get the Undifficial Expert for Christmas, I'm just gonna put at the top of the list a pop up book for me. Sidney, do you have anything that you want to add?

Maybe some weed, honey. Also, I'm putting that on the list for Christmas. I would like, Man, that's a tough one. You're gonna say something hard.

No, no, no, no no.

I like face mass I feel like face masks is something.

That that's something easy.

You guys can do that.

Get her some face mask. Yeah. I feel like a pop up book is is basic. You see how thick the pa up book basic? Can I get a pop up book that's waterproof that I can like read if.

You don't be in the shower reading sits. You don't even read on dry Land. We don't believe get her the face.

Mask, Marie.

I'll say this on the podcast because you can you stop saying that I don't read.

You're gonna read in the bathtubsit When was the last time you read on land? I brought Marie?

Can you stop that I don't like it that I don't read. I do read, I just don't read in front of you. Okay, what's the last book you read? The listeners?

I read the Fourth Amendment is a book? Yes, I don't know.

Okay, do you recommend it?

In my head, I realized that that was the title of a book. But my first I was like this just read the fourth just by itself. I was like, what why?

What is the Fourth Amendment? It's like it's like like the hours within you. No, the real fourth Amendment?

What is it? Oh?

I've told you were talking about the book. I don't know. When is the fourth Yeah? I don't nobody in here, No, Okay, let's talk about it and these shall not stand. Is it a commandment?

My father and mother, it's a commandment?

What is it? Can't take your house? The four amendment is the government can't take your house. Well, I ain't got no house, so I mean I mean at homes.

Well at that time white men. So they were like, oh, we can't turn on ourselves.

Those amendments written.

That's a good one, yeah, because like we couldn't get no house.

We were in the back outside in the house of us. None of the people were in the house. We were outside waiting in the water.

I was like, I'm so high everything about like if you were a slave, like right now.

No, I don't want to have this conversation. I'll have it. I'll have it.

I've thought about it, and I think that if I was a slave, I would die like that on my first day.

There's no way that i'd be a because there's a lot of conversations on Twitter of like people being like, well, if I was there, I would have did this. And I was like really thinking about it recently and I was like, I not as the person I am now, I would like I broke my I almost broke my toe because I was looking for snacks.

Like I.

Would die, literally die. But I think it's crazy that people think that they have the balls to be like, well I would have did this differently, and I'm like, they lie.

Well.

I've read the autobiography of Frederick Douglas and it was a really hard book to read because it was like this is and I feel like everybody in school should have to read this book, like it's just just to read the things that he's gone through. But this thing that they used to do to the slaves is people would like they would test them to see how loyal they were.

To the people who owned them, and so they'd be like, how's your master treating you? And people would be my master is trash.

And then they'd come back and they'd be like, well, we were testing you, and that person would die or get whipped or whatever.

Oh my god.

So when people asked slaves how their masters were treating them, they'd be like, my master treats me great, because they didn't want to get and I.

Feel like it was somebody recently.

I feel like it was like Donald Trump's wife or something that was like, well, the slaves were happy, and they said that they were happy because we used to ask them or.

Somebody got see that walked, so that like work reviews can run. So like when you like are at like work, like teachers and they're like tell us, how we did you? Then don't want to be that person that like says bad things, right, But.

If it's anonymous, I'm always honest. I'm like, you guys were terrible. My teacher can't read.

But remember get out. Like there are scenes where like you look at her eyes and like she is gone.

You talking about the Black Lady, Yes.

Georgia because she just said her sorry, sorry. I'm thinking like she she seem like she was okay, and she was like no, no, no, no, no no no.

That was a good movie.

Yeah it was. It was.

What's the good movie to watch? Oh yeah, that's a good question. Great, because I do like Pixar things.

What is a movie that I watched? The Craft?

Yes, yeah, a horror movie. It's like the.

Women that do like Witchcraft, but they in high school, so it's like high school drama.

Yeah, and it's it's cool. It's light as a feather, stiff as a board. That's not evil, sound, Demelana, it's not though negative.

Yeah, I agree with you on that.

I don't want to watch anything that's like too witchy, but this is like this is like if you're just getting into witchery, that's.

Like I'm not getting into I had never seen Dancer, but married was trying to go at the after party. That's the turn up.

After hours after the waffle house, I saw There's Something about Mary for the first time, real high, and I thoroughly enjoyed them.

The beginning of it was I've watched it twice, like when I was younger, but watching as an adult, there was so many things I was like, Damn, this was so well written people.

It was all funny.

Yeah, it was above it, like beyond its time, Like when he gets the dick stuck.

In the US is insane.

But that scene is the funniest thing I had ever seen. Was when he's going into the ambulance and like his challenge little brother. Oh what was he saying that? I remember when the dad was coming in looking at it. The dude came into the window. It was nuts. That's a great scene.

Everybody watched for him. That's our Yeah, your homemark for the weekend, get high and watch that.

I also would recommend black Panther. I watched it on Netflix and I was very high, and it's really like visually simulating, simulating, but that's a lot like the like music like in the background.

Yeah that's what you did, you major Runny Macaroni and yeah you.

Watched Yeah, And there's a scene where was the yeah yeah, yeah, he goes to see his dead daddy and that dream world. Yeah, and it's like a purple and ship. But if you notice that guy has a fake eye and if and when you're high, and I like brought it up to my friends and then the next scene we saw it and it was it stood out so hard and guy was like coming out yeah, because it was like looking one way and then the other. I was looking another way and it was just such an obvious shot and

Like remember me, remember you never leave me.

I feel like you wants me on, mondays me trying to figure it out, get through the day.

I'm here for this is beautiful, so fune. I'm glad you didn't bring any weed to the podcast. Yeah, that's like you're obviously not a super guest.

Honestly, I mean I don't live here, so I don't have any on me.

You're alive. I smoked weed yesterday.

From my friend's house because he has a lot of money, so he just has like jars of weed.

You could have brought a jar of weed to the podcast, is what I'm saying.

I can't have that on the train.

Yes you can, you can.

I am a black man winger for her.

I can't.

Yes you can, Yes you can.

And you took the train here. I did at that boot, I took the g Oh child, It's close though, right there, oh child.

To get this boot. I really wanted to be on this podcast because I like supporting black women.

Oh look at you. No. Also, you had nothing to do, so I mean you did tell us you unemployed you okay, I mean you you said that at the top of the pods. You're right, Okay, so we're listening. We'll tell people listening.

Uh if you have any words of advice, like maybe three weed tips, okay, things they should do or shouldn't do, or we they should smoke or shouldn't smoke.

I would say clean your smoking apparatusus as often as possible, because people do not, and that ship is disgusting. If you see if you see the inside of your bowl and it's like caked with black shit, so is your lungs. So don't do that. You tag your bit, you tag a bit. It's nasty to bring us on. Now buy in bulk because it's nothing. Is worse than when you have a when you invite people and you're like, oh, we're finna get fucked up, and then you ain't got

Wait, hold on, So I'm supposed to supply all the weed for all your motherfuckers, y'all not bringing nothing to the table.

If you're rolling paper.

If it's your idea, if you if you high, then the expectation is that you're going to provide it. But you should hang around with people that are like, oh well, I'll put some in too. So the expectation is that like I will have it, but like y'all should also chip in if y'all not shitty exactly, like if you.

Don't have it, Yes, I just show up and I'm like, well, I'm here with my lungs, so where where do I don't even.

Bring a lighter? I might steal a lighter. Actually, thank you, this is really this is mine.

Yeah.

I feel like a lot of fights have happened when like you're at somebody's house and we're all supposed to be smoking, and like people are not putting enough money in or we're waiting forever for the dealer, and it's like, well, why why didn't you get this set up before.

We got here?

Exactly, So just to avoid all of that, you know, I have a little planning. And then third, I would say, don't let anyone shame you for for enjoying weed, because I do think that like there is a place that.

Like we really don't the same cocaine.

Cocaine is a hell of a dress, like don't do like just stick to we don't like, don't go past it. Wait, it's fine. There's so much exploration that you can do with weed. Uh, And it's organic for the most part, right firm the table. The most they could do is make you go to fuck to sleep, Like, just really take your time to really explore weed, Like, don't do like the other skipping steps.

Don't don't let them lie to you and tell you that it's a gateway drug.

You can stay here overdelse on weed. That's not a thing that happens.

But there are people who've been so high that they've called the cops on that's just a person like, oh my god, I'm I can't have you guys heard these calls.

And I'm pretty sure if you like the deeper that person was unstable from jump from.

Yes, they started off shaky hand and ship.

The weed just amplifies who you already are.

That's why I can't do it.

You become a supermans.

Oh yeah, Like did you hear him.

Talking about me?

It's like and it's like there's nobody here, but they're talking about me right now.

You talk about I feel like my neighbors. I feel them, I hear them in events.

It's like what see? I feel like the way is like the opposite where where I'm like no one's talking about me. The world is silent. I can think I can see everything.

What weed are you smoking the best?

Honestly, you gave me this person's number if they're here in New York, I'll send you the menu. Send me the menu please, so I can see Marie.

I feel like you're gonna look at the prices, like, but that's why I need to see the men, you say, so I can see what how much everything calls?

And then you're gonna go to somebody's house, like, oh, do you want to look at the ioa get my roommate to order it.

She was asking me if I know anybody that delivers weed, and it's like, nah, not really.

But send me smart just send me an updated when they text you and like, hey we have some new things.

How long does it take for them to come?

Like they have one in each borough, so.

It's a business professional.

So it's usually like no more than like forty five minutes.

Oh okay, so before we get to the crib, you got call. Yeah, you got a place to order some body the time you get there.

But if if you like order too quickly and they come before you get there, they would be like, oh this is scam. No like block you because because they're still is not legal? Yeah right right, yeah, yeah.

I feel like we delivery in New York is so fascinating to me because they be on like bicycles or like they be in uber pools.

Yeah they do.

It's not legal here, but they they crossed the bridge.

Just it's it's like and the people that come to me are always people that I'm like, yeah, it looks like you would have a bag full of drugs. So I'm like, you'ren't even like it's I get that it's not legal, but most people are like they're not even there's bigger problems, like people dying do that.

Okay?

Wait, last thing, what's the best snacks to eat while you're high?

Okay, so this is a snack that I came upon that I really really. These are two things. They're like different variations of each other, but the bass is always a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and you take cookies and you crunch them up and you put them on the sandwich for like texture, uh yeah, and then you you grill it.

So like it's it's just a lot of work. You are.

But see but that's like there, like when you're really trying to like feel fancy, we light some candles.

Yeah, Like.

It is such an experience, no like because then you I feel like being high. It makes you ultra focus on one thing. You become like very like, Okay, I'm doing this, now, I'm doing this, now I'm doing this. But if that's too much, buy a pack of uncrustables and you take a pack of reces and you cut the encruscibles and you stick the reces in the uncrustable and you just eat it.

What's uncrustable.

It's like a sandwich, It's like a it's like a pree made baby. It's like a lunchable for.

Salage.

I've never heard of this. It's for white children that have moms. Exactly did you come upon uncrustables? They were on crab services Crab Services services, and.

I had one and then I was like, this is super convenient. They come in a little pouch. You can just open it up. You already got a PBNJ. You buy it, make a hole for your recestick goes in and then you drink some milk.

I feel like when I'm high, I like savory snacks. I don't really like sweet things when I'm high.

You knew. You know what's good.

Trader Joe's pizza, the one that has like the has little ham It's thin crust three.

That's what.

Oh, we gotta go to Trader Joe's.

This one around the corner. We go listen listeners for an additional item for the Christmas list for the official.

Expert is we also want Trader Joe's gift cards. Yes, and we need at least four because it's four people in.

The studio right now. We gotta This was great, This was so fun. Let's go ahead.

Yeah, thank you so much, Danne for coming plug your social media dude, because your your Twitter's great, your Instagram is great.

People need to know.

You can find me at Twitter at Dwayne Perkins. That's d E w A y n E. Perkins. There's another nigga named Dayne perkinsferent, I'm not that nigga. I'm not nigga the game one. And then on Instagram it's at Dwayne K. Perkins. Uh, Duwayne Perkins on there is like some old man who wouldn't give me the name. So it's as I asked them multiple times I tried to like buy it poor. I have tried so hard some rappers, some rapper dude try to.

Like buy my myz off me with the three e's and I looked at his pain and he had like twelve followers, and I was like, I'm not giving up my name for your will.

Followers. People know me as this. Also Duyne is verified, so.

Yeah, oh yeah, I have a blue check mark on Instagram. For some reason, Twitter refuses and I think it's because I'm gay.

No, that's Jesus, Jesus.

Literally all our gays are verified.

I know it's because you're black.

I know, yeah, I'm black and not light skinned. They were like yeah, they were like, Y's cancer, nigga, you don't get.

I mean that's true. Okay, Well this has been so fantastic. Thank you for being here.

Please you know, subscribe, review comment. Being our d MS, I really appreciate the the reposting that people are doing.

You guys are really fucking going out there listening and they're coming to live shows.

They are.

The next Unofficial Expert Live is going to be for the Brooklyn Podcast Festival on January eleventh at Union Hall. So you got time to like book a flight and like get your money together and we'll accept gifts up until Christmas gifts up until January twelve.

I think that's the way to do it.

I know.

Yeah, you see what I did there?

Yeah, oh yeah, By my Forever.

This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe ccilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.