“The Wedding Expert” with Dave Mizzoni

Forever.

Hi guys, Hello, wing on a girl. Oh my gosh, we're doing it. We're doing We're in the studio feeling.

The heat is working?

Is it? It is? I feel it.

I'm sweating a little bit between my legs betwixt your legs.

That's cause you dirty. I am.

I did not take a shower this morning, so sorry. I ran out the house.

I was like, oh, didn't you shower last night? Yes? I did, okay, because I shower before I go to bed every night.

No, not okay, because I feel like I know you, friend, and that don't sound like your ministry.

Wow, Marie, you just be throwing.

Marie is queen of throw your friend underneath the bus.

I also drive that bus.

Yeah you're you do not Taraji p hens in me at all?

Sis.

If we win, we're at the Golden Globes, I will Taraji the pea out of your headsen, okay, when.

I'll oh about yeah that's my friend.

I took my shoe off and throw it like and then I'll go get it because you know, so three thousand dollars shoe.

But I'll go get it.

But yes, yes, says what you need to Taraji. When me and when I'm at my low too. You can't just wait until the to the top moment. That's not fair. That's not a ride or die.

I mean it's ride, it's not at all.

I text you when you were talking about the stalker. I was like, I'll come through.

Let me know. I said, Hey, what are you gonna do for me? Be loud. You're gonna be a shield sending. Everybody's too thin to stop it.

Go be loud.

I'm gonna tell everybody. I'm gonna go live.

If a stalker is coming at me, I'm gonna have to save you from saving me from the stalker.

I feel like it's gonna go live. The followers will save us.

No, the father's gonna be like, oh no, no, no, are those the shoes that you were to get murdered me?

I don't. I'm not ready. H So, sid, what were you an expert in this week?

I'm an expert, and I think it's time to let some friends go.

Yes, it's time to let them go.

It's so hot, du say goodbye. Listen to I have to pour out a little bit of pelgrino for some of these folks. It's just like you move up like you. It happens like you the separation. You're just like, I feel like we have nothing in comedy anymore. I'm super sober. I'm going out of my way to keep up with these people and their lifestyle, and it's just like it's not conducive.

To me being on the top.

You know, I'm going to be at the top, and I just can't have this refrafh around.

It's just refra First.

Of all, you hit us with conducive and refract all in the same sentence.

Here for it, I am exhausted, mind you You just do that in there because you wanted me to add that word to the list. Yeah, I'm not adding that.

But it's like I had so many friends before I started comedy. I had so many and it's just like everything is dwindling down to the very very last.

Because of comedy, or because of your sobriety, or because you're getting older and you don't have time to waste time.

All three, all three, but especially sobriety.

I think that I wrote a post on Instagram saying that for the month of Novae, if you really want to hang out with me, you can't drink around me.

For the month of November.

And you know, I think I think a lot of people hit me up, but it was also people who don't drink.

Yeah.

I was like Sidney, me and Carolina are down to do that. Sydney was like, you don't really drink around me. I'm like, sis, only if the drinks are free. But like, I'm not somebody. I'm not a big drinker.

No, you'll have one or two drinks and then you'll just hold a drink and make it sw Yeah, You're have.

A long train ride home, okay, because I'm not jumping into uber pool. You're not you duzzling drinks and then getting on the train.

Lane.

You're so good, you always get on the train. It doesn't matter what time of night it is.

In a storm, okay, in a hailstorm, I click my heels together and walk to the train.

Yeah.

So I just have to I just need to let these people go and just realize it's okay. It's okay to not have them in my life anymore. I totally truly miss them, and I miss not having enough friends outside of comedy that I could just like vent to or just listen to their problems.

It's okay, it's okay. I just make new friends. I mean, do you want to listen to people's problems? Yeah, to make me remind myself, like, shit, ain't that bad? I mean it could always be worse. You know, it could always be worse.

It is, but I'm you know, I'm glad with I have this list of like who I'm letting go? Anybody, anybody who don't give me no like black hand emoji claps on my on my answer you.

I only use the black emojis so much so that like when somebody sends me a white one, I'm like, who text to me right now?

If I've ever posted some good news and you haven't wrote, congrats you on that list?

If you text me HBD on my birthday, I'm HBD.

You can't Happy birthday.

Nope, not out, not the whole thing. HBD. That's three words. Happy birthday is two words. It's so lazy. I mean, I deserve more. Okay, Well what about you? Marine? Am I am?

I still gonna be on the list with the Taraji p Henson energy.

Orna by y'all. Well, since Sydney just broke the fourth wall, so sorry, what was I.

An expert in this week? I don't know, oh, just bettering myself.

Okay, okay, you know I.

Started taking another acting class because she's trying to book something for pilot season next year and so that we can go to the Globes and uh, you know, I have this acting class.

I walked in. It was all women in the class, and I.

Was like, look at all of us women.

I was the only black girl, but still it was all women. Uh.

And then this guy came in and I was like, oh, is this somebody's boyfriend. He's an actor, he's in the class.

He's giving me like a young who is the basketball player?

I mean the football player on the Giants that is like kind of Dominican Okay, nobody knows.

He's like he's I feel like his name is Aaron. No, not Aaron. That dude killed himself. Uh my god, Mary, I can't remember what his name is. He was. I feel like he was he's dating Karuchi. Who's Cruci dating right now?

Oh? Vince?

Something? Is it? Is it fence? Somebody googled this? Also, I don't know how to spell Crucci. But anyway, the guy came in.

He kind of looked like that, and I was like, oh, well, welcome and seen.

Victor Cruz cruise. Did you look it up? You know, I know who he was.

Because he ain't ship so I knew. I was like, oh, I know all the ancient.

Yeah, that guy, the guy that came in that into my acting class. He kind of looked like him.

Okay, work. So he's tall, had body, he was tall, hit body. He was darker skin than Victor.

And you know his acting was like like my potential, he has potential for growth.

Yeah, you could be in the.

Gym with him.

You could be shooting in the gym with him.

Yeah, he was tall, he had a nice body. Anyway, I don't remember what I was talking why I bought.

Him up, But he's in my class. Attractive man is in my class. I thought you said it was all women though, right, But he's in the class, and I'm like.

I am So was I an expert in anything this week?

No?

Not really, No better than yourself.

You're paying for an acting class list expensive to do what we do. It is because it's a lot of just investing in ourselves.

Right, because we're not really making money yet. No, we're not spend a lot of money to make money.

Should I strip? Should I join? Like the Players Club.

Well for your birthday, you damn near just past sick. Yeah, there was like a layer of glitter though, sis, because I'm Christian.

Your your outfit was like the outfit they have on before they get on the pole, you know, when they walk around to like see clients, Like yes, when it's like some literal sheer robe situation, it's.

Like, hey, Donald, how's your wife doing that? Yeah, that's what you have my butt.

I'm like ooh, And then you try to like put your clothes together, like, oh, I don't want you to see anything, but it's like.

Bitch, we can see all your nipples.

I mean, honestly, I'm trying to better my body the best way that I can, and that's going to the gym. And uh, do you know what a pistol squad is? No, it's okay, the guest knows. Okay, let's just go ahead and bring the guests in because he knows what.

It's like.

A one legged squad situation. It's very you know, you gotta have a good corner, good good thighs.

So it sounds like a flamingo situation.

Yes, if flamingos had nice legs, you know, they got.

Them like needle legs. Yeah, they do.

It's basically most of the men in New York City they have flamingo legs because they don't do leg day.

They only do upper body. It's trash.

Yeah, tragic moment of silence for all the men who don't do leg day.

All right, But speaking of somebody who does do leg day on a rag our guests, la la, We're so lucky I have blessed this guess.

He's a great comedian, he's a great performer, and he's blonde. Now so blonde.

You're always switching it up and I love that. Keep me on my souls, Daddy, give it up for our wedding expert, Dave Mazzoni.

Hey, guys, I'm thrilled to be here. And you know what a misol squad is. I do know what a pistol squad is. It's hard.

I know, I did them yesterday.

It's like you don't move your you you hold one leg out and you go all the way down and all the way back up on on that other leg, so you are solely using one leg to lift your whole body weight back up.

The city doesn't see what we're talking about. IM gonna do I'm ana demonstrated for you.

Okay, let's see.

This is okay, yeah, this is It's like we've been doing that on a dick too.

I can already tell you'd be doing that on the d.

The dicks. That is certainly a move that you could pull out. It's tough. That's like what people do on Instagram when they're like flexing about how much they work out.

Like all those thoughts and the way down and come all the way back up.

Yeah, they can make they make it happen. Sometimes it's tough.

You did that Instagram.

Those Instagram fitness chicks make money though, Oh absolutely, Like they were in Forbes last year for the City's gonna try to do a No, that's not your leg has to be out, yes, now do.

It now and uh see its real easy. But back up, tough is tough.

Was hell you did healed boot that was traveling back y'all.

It's just for the people in the studio everyone.

I was like, oh, well, you both went for it. I mean, it's the effort that counts trying.

Dave, I feel like I don't really know that much about you. Yeah, so talk to us. Where are you from?

Let's see, I am from Rhode Island.

Oh wow, and you don't give me Rhode Island.

By no, I dropped. I had an accent really bad when I moved to the city. I went to n y U and when I got there, it was like one of the only Yeah, let me just drop that. Casually. I could have bought a house, but I went to theater school instead. I could have put a car in the garage in that house probably as well. Yes, nine dollars, oh yeah, a year, so much. And they didn't give me a dime because of how white I am.

I mean, did you tell them on the application that you were gave No?

You know, at the time, I was still in full denial, which in retrospect was a huge mistake. But also I mean I was going in and auditioning for the theater program, so I don't know they knew.

They definitely knew.

I mean like I graduated from Tissue with a degree in drama, but certainly minored with a degree in dick sucking.

I'm just saying, you put the dick on the table.

It's on the table.

Is there a proper technique to suck a dick?

Is there anything that the listeners maybe are listening to that they don't know that they should be doing.

This is going off the rails real early.

I love it. We're going to go in there. You no, I'm with it. So here's my thing on sucking dick. And my boyfriend and I were talking about this the other night, got his hand on his thigh off.

I mean, he's got some.

Wisdom on the dick sucking.

Teach the children.

I mean, it's just like it depends on whether or not you're dealing with a circumcised dick or an uncircumcised Oh my god.

I don't want to talk about the turtleneck dicks.

Listen, Circumcised dicks are mutilated. I I was circumcised as a child, and you lose sensitivity in your penis, that's what people always say, But it's you. Dick still feels. It still works, it still works. But like when you have foreskin, you're the tip of your penis is only happening when it's happening, But when you're when you're cut, it's like the tip of your penis is constantly touching everything.

So it's because it's it's just it's just rushing against everything.

Fabric your genes, like it's constantly just out there. So these little touches like like you just you don't feel that.

So we need to have more uncircumcised men.

So I'm saying yes, I'm saying so in regards as it pertains to dick sucking. Right, Uh, if the man is circumcised, then I would say the it's about as much time you spend off the dick as you spend on the dick. The contrast between the.

Contrast, you better give us some vocab Second, I mean, this is like one of the only things I feel quality to get academic on.

Yeah, this was part of my miner. Oh my god. Anyway, it's like the temperature change between being hot on the dick and cold off the dick, like increases stimulation. I would say personally for someone who's circumcised, someone who's uncircumcised, just go for just have fun. They are gonna blow.

No, there's no rules.

Yeah, there's no rules with them, there's no don't be afraid, but make sure it's clean, you know, like a man, a man who takes care of himself. I'm all for it, but like, if not, I'm not going down there like I have. I'm absolutely fine to say.

No, ladies, have you some standards. If you see some lint at the tip, girl runs, it ain't the for you.

No, no, no, no, no, no no.

If the dicks start looking like like underneath the couch and whatnot, just dusty and like a skittle from like twenty and fifteen, like, no, that's not the dick for yous.

No it's not the one. I agree, back, get out of there, call the uber. But I would get on the train.

Ready to eat the skittle though, because the more little flavors.

Taste.

What if it was a purple skin, would you eat a purple skin? No?

No, no, but if it was if it was a red skittle, absolutely that's what they want.

It's not really red, though, it's a yellow one that turned red because he's been in there.

So look at you.

You maybe had one of them skittles too, bit science, you're making me want skills.

Let's get back to where we were.

Well, so, anyway, I think we were talking about weddings. Oh no, we were talking.

About Tish, right, because I wanted to get to know you.

Yes, yes, when to Tish, it was really great. I moved from Hode Island. I described Rhode Island to people as like a combination of New Jersey and Boston.

Yes, that's exactly what it is, because it's like, you guys should have more manners, but you don't know.

It's like it's a bunch of Irish people and a bunch of Italians and like everyone has in common that they are over drinkers, but like, I don't know, it's like, uh, Boston, Lenk's in there, And I really, to be honest, the Boston crowds not from me. Everyone in Rhode Island when they're looking for colleges that they're looking to get out of the out of where they grew up, everyone goes to Boston. And I went there once and was like, this is not from me.

It's homogenized.

It's just it's absolutely one. It's homogenizes the perfect word for like it is.

I don't know what that word.

All the same, they say that like New York city of the world and Boston is a city of bost Stonians, and it's like you either you either are Boston or you're not. You're either at Fenway Park with your significant other in Red Sox teas and having genuine fun it seems, it seems or you're in another city. I mean, it's just not doable for me.

Baseball is so boring too.

I can you know I have to care all of a sudden about baseball because my cousin started playing Major League Baseball for the Toronto Blue Jays.

So okay, So I'm like, black girls.

Are Honestly, he's so cute. He's twenty five years old. He's been like hustling for.

This soul, like one year younger than me.

When you're older than me, it's tough for them though, because like being a we often would relate, like at fexsgaming when we would get together, and I'd be like, oh, you know, we're both chasing dreams out here, like what you're trying to do, what I'm trying to do. You know, while they are very different, they're both like one in a million chances and you really got to give your all to it. You know. He didn't go to college.

Wait, so he he just and he just went pro.

Yeah, so he got the call maybe two months ago. So the season has ended, I believe, or it's very close to ending. But he got you know, to be honest, thanksgivings about to happen. Better believe I'm going to get the tea on that report. We might need investors. I got some projects going on. Gave me show right, all of a sudden, I got I've got somebody who might have some serious cash flow. You need to investor, honey,

It is it?

Yeah, especially when you pay for it, That's what I'm saying. I mean they got rice there, they have sushi, they have sushi, they got a sushi state. I did not order it.

I absolutely absolutely poisoning wrapped in seaweed.

I mean it's an for me, but and it's also like for like a California. Role, it's like twenty one dollars. It's a nice trash. It's trash. We're not doing this.

It's for people who never had sushi before, and they're like, they're like, you gotta have this fish.

It's cold, it's I definitely went for like the bucket of chicken fingers.

It was like, there's a bucket.

Of ye at the bottom of tater tots. Yeah, it's it's expensive. It's like for forty nine dollars.

At the bottom of tater tots. Yeah, it's cute.

Honestly, I had that and like a stella the size of a gallon of milk. I just like went and sat down and was like, all right, baseball, here we go.

Here's baseball. Well that's nice.

So you mentioned your boyfriend. Yeah, how long have you guys been together.

We've been together for just over three years. Wow, it's he's my first boyfriend. I waited a long time. I gave everyone the run around.

You're like, I'll get back to you. I'm not sure. I'm not seeing boyfriends right now.

I just came out late later in life, and so like, uh, I would say, nineteen twenty, okay, nineteen I came out twenty I was like, I've accepted this. I'm gonna be a hoe Okay.

I love that.

Yeah. Like, and it's funny because a lot of the people that I actually like start experimenting with, like at a very young age, I'm actually like really close friends with now.

I feel like you could do that in the gay community, like just keep it all in the family and then still keep up. And it's just like straights. It's like if we fu I don't want to see you ever again. You need to just disappear. You should be dead.

Yes, we just get burned. I think it's a little bit more like because n Y you were so like, oh my god, we're all here. It's like going away to camp, but you don't have to find like the gay camper. Everyone's gay, so it's just like who's dorm we going to tonight? How are we gonna pair off?

Here?

But you learn a lot about what you like and what you don't like, and also like it brings you you know, sex is a component of it, but also you just spending time with those people. And a lot of my sisters that I still am very close with, I met just like thinking they were going to be my boyfriend.

When you said sisters, you meant I mean who I hooked up with who are not my romantic interests.

That's what you call them. I don't even know.

Well, I mean SIS is like definitely like y'all thing, thank you, Yeah, meeting on this podcast. I love the the like sister vibe, but also like in the gay community, like SIS is like somebody who you've been through it with, who at least like knows what's up.

We've definitely been through it.

Yeah, Sis.

But anyway, so where did you meet your boyfriend?

We met through friend. We were watching RuPaul's drag Race. I ever heard of it? Yeah, it's a big part of the Gay super Bowl.

Honestly, what were what were y'all watching before drag Race?

Honestly, I don't know, Like.

I can't remember definitely watching The L Word. That shit was tired.

No, I didn't watch The L Word.

I tried to watch an episode of that and I was like, it's so old.

I feel like, but it was.

Old when they were when it was going on, it was like, damn, they can get a young but something.

They're all established gays like that does not How gay were you don't just came out a lawyer, Like, well, I feel like lesbians do it different.

Who knows, Maybe I'll.

Really be waiting for like the true to life slay lesbian sitcom, Like where is it? Well, maybe it was. Was it the Allan Show?

No, because that's not everybody's snared it story?

What about Was she gay on that show?

No?

Actually I don't think so. She was like she came out after she was.

Right, but like, how many seasons into the Allen Show is it? Yeah? It was all for like nine seasons and then she was like, I guess I'm gay.

That was the whole ye I'm gay thing?

Yeah, because she Yeah, it was on she was the cover of Time magazine. See I'll be reading but she's still twenty four. Yeah, but I got Time magazine for kids or is that after your time?

Wow? But yeah, we met. So we were watching drag Race and he had done a show. He was a performer for a while, and he'd done a show with one of my friends who I went to school with, and so we just met that night and kind of like chilled, and then I kept bumping into him at parties. Yeah,

Yeah.

So we just started hanging out more and more and then it's.

Pretty cute to your boyfriend.

He's cute.

Yeah, that's cute.

You know. He he's been through a lot. His mother passed away, he's he's been he's had a whole different set of life experiences, and I have like completely different I'd consider like the way I grew up in Rhode Island comparatively to you know, all the people I've met in my life so far. Pretty nuclear, pretty basic. You know, mom, dad, I have a younger sister.

You had a dog?

What my dad actually breeds dogs? Wow? My dad? So my dad's a firefighter. He was on the fight department for twenty Its.

Sounds so Boston. This sounds so straight.

Yeah, it's my dad's a he's a he's a fireman.

He's a I don't know how to say it. In an accident that wasn't in the dead. You know, you're giving me the family guy vibes right now. Now you're trying to do the pad.

It is very family guy. Family Guy takes place in Rhode Island.

Yeah, I was doing it. I was right on the nose.

You weren't off, you weren't not not correct.

You weren't on, but you weren't off the car.

Yeah, my dad will say I love he goes Dave. I made this chicken this morning, the cast iron frying pan. It was unbelievable, unbelievable, unbelievable with lemon thyme was unbelievable. Mother, and I love it. They're in they're in Florida right now, Florida.

I love the accent. So you lost it in school?

Yeah, oh my god. They wrecked me. Like day one. They were like what they were like say that again, like and I was like I was like what, Like I'd be like park and they'd be like park pack, you know, it's just like wide open. And also the Owes, it'd be like I'd be like in the draw, like, oh yeah, can you get my notebook? It's in the draw. The draw, the draw, And just very quickly I was like, this is not a cute bit. I don't want to keep repeating this myself. I am not a seal, Like no,

Yeah, well you you did like the basics of acting, so it's kind of like these classes is for I don't know, comedians that are also doing acting right and.

Like trying to slagh sides.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just trying to memorize looked for the pilot or whatever. Now, did you go to school with the marvelous Miss Maisel?

Yes? I did.

Was she the same year as you?

Rachel was the same year as us? Yep? She She and I actually didn't cross over too too much at school. It was like when we graduated that she kind of our like friend group started to intersect. She seems so much older.

I feel like then, like you guys.

Yeah, she's She's definitely like I mean, especially on camera too. It might just be like the time period that her show is set and we just like imagine her.

No, because I remember her from what's the Kevin Spacey House of Cards? I remember her from that and I felt like she was old. She felt older to me in that too.

Yeah, I mean she I was with her speaking of learning sides, like she was at our apartment with you. You were telling me about my roommate Carly drilling these sides from marvelous Miss Mazel. I remember the day, like we were like chilling and she was like downstairs and like, look, you were kind of like was she really here to like she gonna drill the sides in the living room? Shore, we go upstairs, Like I guess she's like commander with the space, but.

She took over the space. But yeah, got a downstairs in and upstairs for now me.

So I was like, uh, anyway, I watched her to run her sides, and I was like, Wow, this girl has got it, Like she knows her lines, is drilling them so hard, trying to make choices so nervous, like up till three in the morning.

Oh my god, And she got it and she booked it and she got a golden globe out of it.

Oh my god, am I mean it's unbelievable, like and and she really is like just a regular ass check.

I'm so jealous.

She does not have like parents that gave her any fancy in into this. She's She's not like Lively. She is just she is an inspiration. I think that she. I watched her put the work in and to see it pay off was it made me feel good. It made me feel like, Okay, you can just really go for it and like really really try and do it and do it all right. Well, I'm gonna learn my side.

In the living room, but I got to find it upstairs and downstairs to do it.

We have a duplex in Harlem. It's cute.

We'll be there there.

That's the thing is that we like it up there, but like, well, we'd settle for a one bedroom like in Chelsea.

To be honest, I mean honestly, that's settling with a.

Lot of people. New York. It's totally fine.

And what we do it's fully about settling.

That's our tagline New York City, where you settled.

But let's talk about settling with love.

Because you're our wedding expert, right, So what is a like what's a good wedding that you've been to that you walked in and you were like.

I think a good wedding is money?

Where where?

So, like I said, I'm from Rhode Island. So they're in Newport, which is like one of the things.

First of all, it's the Creme de la creme Okay Island.

I went there. Language there's there's the marina. It's literally just boats. It's it's stunning. It's so much money, and it's people who are just like they don't care that I want to go. I was in a hotel and there was a shuttle and the shuttle was the Mercedes Bins and it was the oldest white man ever who was driving.

That's well, white man, is your server?

That sounds like island. Yeah, that's some old white money down there. I mean those some of those estates, that's where a lot of the weddings happen is. They'll like rent one of the mansions. There's lots of like there. A lot of them are for private events, not like nobody lives there. It's just kind of like people rented out for literally weddings, like like sixty grand to one hundred grand for the space.

Then I gotta send out invites. Then I gotta get the some cute flowers. I gotta buy the damn dress.

Yeah, there was one at It's called I was gonna say Roseland, but that's not right. That was It's called the Rose Cliff. It is just a mansion in Newport and I went there for a wedding recently and it was everything. But it's also like, I think the space sets the tone. But when you blow your money on the space, I mean we can't have like a chicken finger.

So yeah, what I'm eating I want I want steak.

Yeah, I also love that when there's a live band. I think that that's.

Fun, oh for a DJ.

I mean I like when there's a live band that like it's happening while the party's going, and then like as soon as like they have their first dance, then we kind of move into like DJ play songs we know, yes, but like I can't do like Usher and like like Pharrell happy No all night.

I went to a wedding with a live band and the live band was so tired you could tell they were not paid properly fatigue. They were looking at their watches the whole like, bitch, we are not going over.

A minute over there.

So we are leaving exactly at freaking ten o'clock.

I'm not playing no games with.

You, no, And they're always like, we'll be right back, guys, We're going to take a quick five. And then you see them like wipe the smile off their faces, like go find a plate to eat.

Ye were smoking cigarettes by the fountain and then they.

Look at the food and they're like this is what they got you? No, what are they not paying us?

Right? And I will order the seven.

So I think at that I went to a wedding, I was like not at that Rosecliff mansion. It was like, you know a little bit smaller, and there was like a giant sculpture of like bread. It was like, you know, it was actually really funny, like it was a great friend's wedding, but we just like I couldn't believe in the back corner of the thing there was like cheese everywhere, and that's just like a huge statue of like baguettes kind of like like like.

But like sculpture.

Yeah, but it was like baguettes and like different kinds of like rye bread.

So bored, it's like, just put the bread. I don't want to see bread.

And I was like, who's cutting this bread sculpture to? Like you it were supposed to use this for the cheese. Can I use this to eat the cheese? I don't want to destroy your wedding bread sculpture.

Okay, so you're so your weight, you're all about the space. I'm going to walk in and feel like, okay, we add a wedding.

Absolutely. I also like when you come in and there's like a little sort of table with cards where you like, yes, go get your little car. You see where your your seat is? Also, I love assigned seats.

How do you feel about skipping, like people going, well, I guess I'll just sit at your table.

You got an extra check?

No, they set the tables up specifically. They're like, well, this is a family, this is my single friends.

These are the.

Friends that to get married. You know, people always come to a wedding. They didn't RSVP too.

Like there's always like at least I want.

To say three people who at least they're like, didn't rs VP, but they just assumed that you knew they was coming.

No, no, no, no, you can't do that.

First of all, that's number one if you don't r s VP, and they will harass you like are you.

Coming or not? I'm playing for a place. Yeah, this is this is not I've.

Seen it, Like my family members have done that, like, hey, that's a relation ship.

They're not paying for the plates, Like, Poppy, did you r VP? That's why you can't find your name in these cars?

Well you know, And I'm like, yeah, no, there's gonna be a bouncer at my wedding if you didn't r VP. I'm sorry you out. They're not on the list. Honey, you can't do this.

Yeah, this is not like family style. You pick up stuff like there's a sign slates.

I wonder if family style could be cute. We went to a wedding that it couldn't be cute.

It was family style.

It was okay because like you know, some people like because I do see, like do you you go to weddings and like maybe like like a pathetic little salad sits down as the first course and half the people don't eat it now right, and like you know, because they don't like this or they don't like that, and I'm like, it would just be so much better and so much more cost effective.

And also like do even when you do the own personal place that they like checked off what they wanted. People don't always eat everything on the plate. No, you're throwing away more food than people are actually eating.

I hate it.

I hate a really big wedding because the food is not going to come out properly because they're making food for so many people. If you have a small wedding, like seventy people, the food is going to come out warm, and it's just it's going to feel a lot more special. Because I went to a wedding that had like over one hundred and fifty people and the food was so tired. You could tell, like the temperature wasn't right on the steak,

The solad's got to be already kind of be out when I sit down, like, salad should you.

Shouldn't be bringing that out?

I agree, Right, it's always in Rhode Island, it's always rolls. People love like bread. Yeah, bad bread and olive oil. It's like the rolls are out, they're sitting on.

That.

It's all about the ripping debt, ripping deb Yeah.

I went to a wedding that had like a different different type of food for each table. Like they had Chinese food, they had Italian, they had sushi.

Yeah, they they hooked everybody up.

It's like you could get whatever you want, and you felt like, oh, I'm going to get what I like here exactly. I spent all my money to be here about an outfit. I got you a gift, take.

Care of your guess. Don't cut corners with us, dude.

No, we're here to celebrate your love and we hungry. Sorry, I'm not here for a cash bar.

No, and like the beer and wine thing. I guess, like I don't know, but it's a lot though, like some of the places like open bar, they know.

That thousands of dollars.

If you're coming from a bar, they can fuck you. It's I mean, it's like astronomical. And who even knows what people are gonna drink, you know, it's like.

Oh, people are gonna drink. They they the whole day, Our whole year has been about this fucking wedding. I'm getting blasted.

It's true.

I might even do some bumps, like let's go bumps on the brid.

Beautiful wedding. Congratulations.

So like people make weddings such a big deal and they forget like the guests need to have fun, especially if your your friends are single.

It's not about you. It is found love.

No, I found like you know I love.

Then you wouldn't be putting on this whole like ceremony parade. Well, we got money.

I found love and I found some money, so that's why we're playing.

It feels like a big also, like just deployed for an expensive photo shoot. Yeah, don't you notice how they stretch these these girls from like I don't know, in my hometown, like the people that don't really leave that just kind of don't got much going on. This wedding photoshoot is stretched for like months, like.

Yeah, what is that?

How is that a thing?

You have to take photo photo shoot before the wedding?

Yeah, to announce the wedding.

It's like, yeah, they get ones of them in a forest. Yeah, kind of like maybe like hugging each other.

Or getting out of a cat. It's like a vintage New York City cat exactly. You in front of a barn, you fucking on a horse, Like, what.

The hell is going on? I don't know. It's like you guys are from Chicago. I don't know what you guys are doing on this wagon wheel?

Wait? How many weddings have you been to?

Probably like maybe nine?

Nine weddings this year?

No no, no, not this no, no, yeah, no all time. And that's not all. I mean. I have friends who like have have had nine this year.

Yeah, I know, people like my.

Friend Maddie's like had like he was like friends with a bunch of girlfriends in high school and they all were like just those kind of girls that as soon as one got married, it was like boom boom, boom bom boom, and he's like the best gay at every where. Yeah, I don't like that.

I don't like that because then it's like, well, now I'm realizing that you don't have variety in your friends.

Why am I the only gay at this wedding?

Don't you feel?

Why?

You from high school?

Yeah, I feel like in a small place like Rhode Island, like they probably only they only had the one gay.

You know what. To be honest, like we we really did only have like maybe two out gays, but now at this juncture, there's a few more. And it's so funny. This guy Shane that I went to to high school with, I saw him recently in Provincetown in Massachusetts, which is like iconically gay, the tip of Cape. It's like Fire Island to Boston. And I was like Shane and he was like hey, and I was like, you're gay, you know?

And he's like he was he knew.

I hadn't really followed up with him in a long time. So when I saw him, I was like, I was like, we could have had so much sex, we could have had a normal childhood.

And he's like, yeah, yeah, he's never got around to it.

But I do look at people's weddings and I side i them like I'm your only black person that you ever met ever, like you don't have nobody else that you work with, and like I'm the only one.

You should low key being embarrassed.

I've been to so many weddings where I'm the only black person in the picture, and I'm like, don't you feel like shit?

But Sydney, I filter for me, like, yeah, they look crazy, apertures off.

There is literally look like a shadow next to you. Guys like Sidney.

That doesn't surprise me.

About your friend groups, Like you got these like supermodel like exotic friends, and it's like, yes, Sydney's gonna be the only black girl in all these pholks.

Put them on that cut list. Yes, I mean since it's happening, that's the whole list.

Yeah, but yes, Cidny's got all these model friends. I'm not surprised that you like.

They're like, oh, Sydney, you know she's black.

They don't sound like that. They speak English.

She's a blacks Sidney was your black friend.

And you're like, Marie, she ain't got no money for this wedding.

How do we feel about like what what what.

Are your thoughts on wedding dresses or the way that people dress for your wedding, let's talk about it.

I am into a bold choice. I say, like, my favorite weddings are the weddings I leave and I go, that was damn. And I know that sounds so tacky, but like, you know, don't you want to give into it. I mean we're here at like essentially like a live action like ending scene of a romantic comedy, so like let's just go all the way here, and I want to leave the wedding being like that dress was perfect for her, or that suit was so great on him,

Yeah, he took out of the class online.

So it's twenty It's like the same way that you can get like your pet qualified as like a service job twenty five dollars and like an online certificate. Yeah, it's like, truly, there is nothing, there's no reason that there's nothing you need to do in order to become officiated. It's twenty five bucks.

That's it. Yeah, pay twenty five dollars.

And I get as to the Universal Life Church, which is just a fake inution. Ur they sound like they really need money.

I want to get listen.

People listening, I'm going to get ordained to be a minister and officiate weddings.

So if you really like this podcast.

I don't see it at me away. Velvet white tuxedo.

It's a good thing to have because if your friends ever needed, you're out of a gift for the wedding. Because hiring a priest or Inefficient is like eight hundred to one thousand dollars.

Well that's how much you should be getting paid to me.

Yeah, if they if you're hiring your friend, and like, well that's my friend, So you know what are we going to give you?

Like two hundred dollars?

I'm like, no, I need an eight hundred to one thousand dollars going right currently for for black efficient and actually higher than that.

It's so rare.

Do't do this.

It's a whole certificate. It's twenty five dollars.

What do you think about the bride having a dress for the wedding and then they slip into another dress, party dress.

Into a reveal. I mean that's I'm going to do that at my wedding. I'm gonna have like a suit for the ceremony, classic suit, and then like some type of I'm hopefully going to be very rich at this wedding, Yeah, yes, some type of custom Mark Jacob's like crazy sequin expensive extra, yes. Yes, And when we enter something like that, I don't know. I want my boyfriend and I to definitely we have our wedding is gonna need to be at like Radio City,

Mention, invite you, Brandon. We thought you were gonna come.

We used to make wheat edibles in my dorm and I would sautee garlic and make bacon while we were doing it, because it made the halways smell like more like garlic and bacon than it did like straight up cook and weed.

But garlic, bacon and wheed sounds so good.

I mean they pair well with much.

It was definitely lit. I we enjoyed it very much. But like my would come knocking on the door and I would just be like, I'm making bacon and garlic. I was like, I'm cooking in here.

It's like you're always like, what's bacon and gar That's a dish?

Is it a side?

Yes?

We do it in Roade Island, Goodbye.

I think that the two dressed thing is just I don't know, it's just you can't get a wedding dressed as a two in one tear away. Oh.

I would die for a tear away, just like a revealed come in and then just like Pam, it's like it's an instant bride ho garment. Oh yeah right, I love.

I just think people spend way too much money on weddings. It's ridiculous. And what if it doesn't freaking.

Work out, then the whole percent of them will not work out? Yeah, And it's like is.

That really the is that really?

Yeah?

I believe that. Yeah, I don't know. I mean I'm not in a hurry to get married by any means. I'll certainly go to go to weddings and enjoy it.

I like weddings. I have thought going to them.

I had a friend who I went to high school when she got married like two years ago.

They have no money, like none, But she's like, these are the floral arrangements I want. They're nine thousand dollars. Got a lot of nerves.

You ain't got no money. She wanted two dresses. I said, you still don't have any.

Money, and she was like, and why are the flowers so damn expensive. They're from out of town.

They're like off the coast, like fresh cut off the coast of Costa Rica or something like that.

No one cares about the flowers, except like the old black moms that like make you take them on the way out, like.

You can get me another one of those.

My moms take the flowers.

Everybody takes the flowers.

Moms take them, even people who don't.

Fucking like flowers and are allergic too flowers are like, well, I could use this for yeah.

I mean this glass vase is nice. It's a square. They got pebbles in the bottle. We can use it.

We have put it in the bathroom. It's like I gave them a nice gift. I'm going to take all these flowers.

We'll put it in the bathroom. It's so real. I mean, there has to be in my mom's bat them at least two center pieces from weddings.

No, that's how it is up Mama.

This house too, She's like this one here, there's one in the liveryom just want in the kitchen. Like, why do the flower when you get married? Are you going to do like crazy expensive floral arrangements you think?

Uh, you know my parents did for their wedding. They just did it was like Cali lilies, which is a very specific flower that kind of like they almost look like an upside down bell. Sound cheap, Yeah, well it wasn't like that. It necessarily was cheap, but my dad was like, we're going to do one kind of flower, and the arrangements are going to be like elegant arrangements

For cowboy head on a nail.

I don't know what. Yeah, it had a veil on Charlie. It was like Bobby pinned in on the side and had like kind of a fluffy tool. Oh, it was so eighties. The bridesmaids dresses were like this color green, like the door green, like that sort of like like a thrill up green, doctor's office green, like the fabric of the table that he makes you sit on before it like wiggles yours, the bench table, bench table.

How do you feel about the bridesmaids situation.

To less than five?

Oh, I've been to ones that had like chant like junior bridesmaids, and it was like, all these bitches have been there from the beginning.

They don't they barely know your man. Why are they in the wedding party?

But I don't get why they have Like if I'm getting married to a dude and he has a sister, she's one of my bridesmaids. Now no, no, no, I don't know you, Colleen, No, no, thank you.

Although I'd like to say that, like by the time you marry your spouse, you should probably be close to their siblings. Do you have to be close though? We talk about that, but well, you know, I don't know. Everyone's siblings are different.

Yeah.

I never put that on on my boyfriend. I'm like, I feel like he likes my sister, so it's never really come up. But he has an older sister or younger sister, he has another brother. Like big family. Yeah, I mean I see some of them more than others.

Yeah, well, you're family oriented, so I could see you like falling for his family too.

Yeah. I also think that they were like really ready for him to find somebody, so like when they met me and like everything was cool. And then also I had them all over for Christmas Eve and cooked Christmas Eve dinner for his whole family. They were like, oh yeah, I got I got right in there through their stomachs.

Now, how do you be a better guess at a wedding?

M I would say, because I need help with that, because don't talk shit loud.

That's a tough one.

You can't.

That's a tough one.

It's easy to talk bad about the wedding that you're at if it starts an hour late.

Yes, if it's a Lauren Hill wedding, it's like, oh dare.

It could all be so simple, but they'd rather make it hard. No, I went to a wedding.

I've never been to a wedding that started on time ever, But the longest I waited was like over an hour, and there was a lady at the church playing the harp.

I had never seen a harp in real life before.

It's an ancient instrument, beautiful, so done it, but it sounds like a piano.

I want to I want to fuck to a harp. That's some that's some sexy.

That's luxury, Oh my god, just like mounted above the bed, just like and then let me hit it.

While I'm getting hit. It's like absolutely, there's grape somewhere, obviously absolutely where. I'm like, we're in a Zeus's like palace.

Yeah, everything's all white and gold and really well lit. But she was playing the harp and she kept having to stop because her fingers were hurting.

She was playing it.

For an hour waiting for the and we don't we still to this day don't know why it took so damn long for them. I think she maybe got cold feet.

How do you learn the harp?

I don't know.

I feel like there's like the guitar, it's like, but is it. I think there's like a handful of people that are like, Okay, I'm going to teach you how to do this, then yeah, this is reserved for God.

I feel like only like three people left on earth know how to play the harp.

I feel like they're rare, Like when you see one, it's like wow. Every now and then there's one on the subway or something, and it's.

Just like, I've never seen a harp on the on the subway as.

No one once and the Bedford stop at the l and people don't but everyone was transfixed. We were all gathered around this woman playing the harp, just like it's you.

It sounds like the piano, that's why, because it looks like it should sound like something else, but it sounds like something we've heard before.

The weirdest instrument I've seen on a train is a cello. It's fucking huge.

It is enormous.

It's taking up the whole train. Yeah, get your uber.

X, yes, your uber exhale on.

But got what really?

Yeah, I don't know what.

They got to wheel it. They got to wheel it on the train, like the.

One wheel at the bottom.

Yeah, excuse me, excuse me, so sorry. And it's like, dude, no, not not on this train, not today.

I just had on my way here some guy was gambling on the train and he had this thing where he had three caps of like from like pepsicmam. He was putting a thing under there and likes wheeling them around.

I've never seen that in real life.

Okay, so he's doing, he said, I got. He pulls out his wallet. He's got like five hundred dollars bills in there. He's like, somebody put up one hundred. I'll bet you one hundred. You tell me where the ball is here watched, We'll do a fake one. He like does This guy from across the train goes, I'll put one hundred on right now. It's right there. That's his friend. He pops. See, that's why I didn't know friend. He opened the thing and I was like, that's a scam.

I did not have cash, I'd be like, I have seven wrinkled single.

Ship who has one whole hundred dollar bill just ready to go. Nobody not, I said, nobody taking the train during the week like maybe the weekend.

They're like, well, I'm about to go meet my dealer. So I got a couple hundreds of them. But that's that's how you get them to have a friend, two friends.

That's when I said, I left, and I went, you know what, fuck that guy for almost trying to get me but also smart.

Yeah, props, but I've never seen like I've seen that in like cartoons.

I feel like in Aladdin they had.

That or something. Yeah, it's definitely like the oldest trick in the book. To like follow it, Well.

There's a movie called Mo Money and it's about uh, the guy who does tricks like that and he got caught or no, maybe it's something Stacy dash was in the movie.

So you know Stacey Trash. Didn't she run for like governor of Compton or something. I'm so tired of her.

She needs She dropped out because she was like, they're not going to vote for me, and it was like, yes, it's they're black.

I'm glad you.

Pieces.

It's gonna be pretty pretty embarrassing girl. You definitely drop out, go to calabasses.

How do you feel about your friends getting married and you're like, you don't you don't believe in their love? Like I like, I've had a couple of friends that bit. Y'all know you cheated like left and right?

Why but did you check your friends?

No, girl, that's your business. You want to waste you want to waste your time, Go right ahead. I didn't go to the wedding.

Another you didn't go to the wedding. I didn't.

I got I don't have money like that to be wasting three years down the line, y'all break.

Yeah, I know, y'all were whatever.

You're wasting money if you show up in something you already own and you didn't buy.

A gift, that's not how it goes, dude. Like for the most times you're getting something a little bit new, you gotta give a gift. You gotta go to all these fucking parties. If it's a woman, Oh my god, the girls do so much, too much.

It's too much. It's like and also like even with babies too, this whole like sex reveal and that like the baby shower christening way.

That they're doing the gender reveals. Now one I saw one the lady popped a balloon. Nothing came out. The camera pans over her mom rips her wig off I saw had a blue wiggle.

Yes, Mom made it mom fully common deer. The whole moment the.

Mom ripped her wig off had a blue wig on.

Underneath the wig, I'm like, I'm tiedy oh my god.

Yeah, No, it's so dumb, and the girls especially, And I was just thinking about that, like, you know, I I reuse my suit, like I don't.

Really have to spend that much easier for me.

I get a different shirt underneath, maybe I put a different color handkerchief in my lapel, like maybe I'll wear a different pair of shoes. But other than that, like you guys gotta trust every.

Even the groom can go to somebody else wedding.

Were in the fucking suit he got married, And like, bro, you were in a tuxio to my wedding.

Yes, I am, yes, because I really respect you.

I love yeah, But it's just like, how do you feel about that?

I feel like about them getting married. I mean it's I've never had a situation where I did not believe in the love that I was witnessing. I have a wedding on the horizon that I got to save the date for that. You're like, I've met this dude and he's like one of these guys that wreck really slaps you on the back when he's when he says hi to you, Like he really is just so physical. Yeah, and my friend is you know, she's kind of a pushover.

Like, so you're saying your friend getting beat okay, cool. I look at them and I go, this energy does not match. I'm nervous at all times.

Absolutely, It's just it's not great. I don't know what to say though, because she's got the rock on her finger and she's all excited, but she also is like dart and eye contact all the time when she.

Talks about it, like Bred Kavanaugh's wife. Yeah, I mean that's like a little sad eyes.

Yeah exactly, just like peering down in a way, and like also changing the conversation to me in New York City at any time that I bring up her relationship. This doesn't sound good, I say.

Something, yes, matter of fact, send her the podcast. Yeah, when does it come on here? We'll help her out right on out.

She lives in Boston, so she's like, well, what am.

I going to do? We're not together?

Oh girl, you got sis, you got a fun apartment. I mean, I can't help you on that.

Can't stay with us, but you should leave him.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think that some people just get they're so obsessed with the idea of marriage that they're like, oh ah, my friends have done it and my family did it. They expect me to do it. I have to do it now.

And it's like, no, it's twenty eighteen.

You don't have to get married. Do you think it's for vanity? Like do you think it's about like the like I want to be the most beautiful I am at my wedding, so it's got to be now while I have a two in front of my age.

Some people some people, but it's also just like, well, I don't want to meet somebody when I'm like too in my ways. I feel like in order to be with somebody, you have to be able to grow and be open and like understanding. And I feel like when you get thirty five forty, you said you're like, I wish a nigga would ask me to do some shit. No, you cannot do anal not for just any old day.

It's not in my forties.

Yeah eight, You're like, oh yeah, my asshole, bit open, let's go do it in my ear, let's do it like Sidney, how did we get here?

Since nobody's supposed to be here.

It's a big component. You got to you gotta make appointments for anal Sacks. It's not you can't just be flying in it and out. It just doesn't make sense.

You can't just be like please in your but please.

But if you see everybody around you getting married having babies, you're just like, well, what am I doing?

You know?

And it's a lot of pressure. Certain people are like that because not everybody can. Like I see people having babies and I'm like, oh girl, you didn't have no plan bes you like you had the baby.

Like that's like it's high school again.

It's what you're gonna do? Yeah, what you gonna do? What you're gonna do?

We're pregnant, Oh my god? So do you need me to call somebody? I mean, I got an extra pair of sweatpants if you need them. I got a lot of stairs.

Yeah, no, I I have with you on that. It's like for me that would be an absolute no, I'll have as many kids as I can pay for, which right now is zero.

And then the thing about living in New York is like when you try to get your kids to school, it's like college. To get them into kindergarten, they gotta have interviews and then you got to interview, but they also interview your four year old to be like.

What word is this?

And your baby's like yahya yeah, and they're like, oh, your child can't come here, she's dumb, and it's like she's four, she don't know worse.

It's just all about like maintaining a price tag.

To be honest, I'm not spending I'm not paying for college for you to be in first grade.

Nope, no, And then I got and there's twelve grades.

Everything is all showing off. It's all for everybody else to think that, like your life is great, and it's just like who is this? This person barely has heat and a building? Why are you trying to stump for them?

Totally? You just living and stunting for them.

So have y'all ever been to a wedding that you guys were like, oh yeah, dang, got no money?

Oh absolutely, but they but they spent a lot.

Yeah, yes, people who have destination weddings.

How fucking dare you? It's a vacation. It's not a vacation.

If you your cousin, your mother's that's not I don't want to see your people on my vacation.

You're me.

I just did that. I went to Cabo. It was it was actually the Cobo's a beautiful place. You said it was cool, It was cool. We had a good time. The girl who I went there for I would go for on a destination wedding for and she's like one of the few a handful. Yeah, but it was a whole thing. I watched her go through like it was very stressful, but she did it right. Like where the

Triple sick alcohol, triple sick.

Right. So you know what killed me about that that resort was that the bathrooms were nowhere near the pool. There was not one bathroom near any.

Of the pool.

Every time I got into the water, I was like this water's first of all, very hot, and everyone was like, it's Cabo. It's Cabo like bakes in the sun all day. I was like, no, no, no.

No, no, I feel like it's ninety.

This is luke warm water. But she I think she did it right in that like she made it that we could afford it, we could all go. It was a huge ask, and then when it came down to the actual event, took us to like the bougie spot. You know, she didn't skimp on the actual literal wedding. I mean. And also this is one of those girls who's like so extra with all the photos. There were drones flying over this wedding. No drones, they have cameras, aerials. Get some aerial shots on my drunk ass with a

I've went to two destination weddings. Where were they both in Mexico. I guess that's the spot. One one was like really expensive and the other one's like it was very doable, and both of them I was like, Oh, this is cool. I could see how this is done. But when you have destination weddings, people are getting fucked up because they're like, oh, I'm getting all of my money's worth all inclusive, We're drinking all day, all day.

The concepts flawed for all inclusives. I feel like it's they got to figure out a better system because there's so much waste.

Yes, it is, but I think the mother of the bride of one of the weddings passed out before the rehearsal.

So she she missed the rehearsal.

Freaking Brenda.

She was wasted by two. I was like, oh, she's deaf, not making this rehearsal. Then we had a friend that fell asleep during the rehearsal.

It was just it was a.

Lot, and then fell asleep standing up. I feel like rehearsal, any rehearsal.

I've ever been to.

We've been standing for hours.

No, they fell asleep before the rehearsal, so they passed out, and then they missed her missed the rehearsal, and then the speeches that were given were a mess because people were.

So out of it.

It's like you should designate two people to do a speech and DEAs it not.

Everybody could just come up and I don't need to hear all these speeches. It's all long winded. Yeah, and it's like they're trying to be funny. It's like, does somebody give him the light? Tell them to wrap it up?

Give him the light?

Is it, sir?

They absolutely need the light. It's like the kind of speeches that you would get when like somebody in ninth grade was running for student council president, Just like long winded and like shaky mic, shaky paper.

I've always really liked Brian, and I'm super happy for him finding love with someone else.

Growing up, I never thought that you and I would be here.

Yeah, just stupid.

We used to play so many times we played, and now you're getting married or.

It'll just be too real girl, Imber, You've been through a lot, remember that.

Yeah, I was with you when you had hpv H, when you had H.

It's crazy.

It's like, that's not we're not doing this, yeah, or world be somebody's dad. It's always a dad that's going off the rail, just going ham and it's like we don't want to cut him off because he's in a wheelchair and he's paying for this and oh my god, the wheelchair.

Oh my god, the dad, and I.

Can't you just push him out of the room, just like, thank so much, dad, Oh my god. And then they and then they bring in the grandparents and just the last his grandfather.

Yeah, they got to bring a chair from one of the tables for him.

What's your family like with you being gang Like your grandma going to be at the wedding and be lit.

My grandma diad everybody who have a program. I did, and it's like, oh man, I came out at the right time.

Just gone.

Who's going to have a problem is gone. And it's just you know, you know how light my shoulders are. They do not have to worry because like like religious black people that are from the South, they don't want to hear no gay ship at all, and so they're gone and like I'm blessed and my God always anybody who has a problem in my family like won't speak to them, speak to them like that. So it's like and I'm about to have some real money, so they are everybody.

I don't have a family. I'm an orphan.

Okay, well, Sydney, So then what is your dream wedding? Like like if money was not an option?

Like where would you be? What kind of dress would you wear? Would you maybe wear? Suit's? What's the loop? I mean? And I want to ask you the same thing.

I want to know. I see you, I see you thinking about it.

Vera Wang always has the nicest dresses and it's actually David's Bridles.

Also has a line of cold dress, bar dress box bar dress.

On from Rainbow.

She's wearing fashion no.

Factory.

That's very wis.

A million books. She looked like twenty one dollars. Shut up.

I would definitely do a little Vera Wang dress or I would like to do like like a little pants situation too.

I feel like it's like Sydney. I feel like you have a body com dress on.

It's gonna be short and your legs are gonna be out.

I get married, you don't know, sis, your legs will look like they can't look fine.

I think, yeah, you, I don't think you have any signs of slowing down.

Guys, I would definitely have it in New York. I would most likely have it outside of the city, though, because it's like I don't need all this congestion and ways and like, I don't want that during my day totally. I definitely would want to like a little like a back somebody who got a nicest state.

I would want it on in a state so Westchester.

Westchester, Scarsdale, you know, real real nice, like where I want to in a place where black people aren't really supposed to be there, but we here and we're gonna be.

Real loud.

This is nice.

Yeah, Like it's like yes, yes, And if I don't have enough friends, who I will hire some friends to do that.

Actors get some.

Nice plates like like I want it so nice that the people might even steal some of the silverware, Like.

Yeah, that sounds like a kete wedding system. Will there be two outfits? No, it's not like that. I'm not going to get like a crazy like a reception.

I mean, Sydney, it's gonna be two fashion over a dresses. You better you're buy one, get one by one.

Get water is free. I mean you go order from a for y'all.

It's actually Zara black label.

Okay, wait, what's Sara black label?

You don't even have that.

I even had black she's pulling that out but no conscious brand Yeah, oh my god.

Wait, conscious meaning like they don't use like like children to.

Make the corner and I want to stuff is like linen.

Oh okay, okay, fabric, Yeah, Zara is whack. I'm dumb with Zarah. Wait what happened that?

Well?

First of all, I read a ton about all that. Literally they are like the biggest abuser of child labor.

I that was forever twenty one I read.

I mean it's like Zara, and then the other ones are obviously H and M and then yeah, I think that like old Navy is a part of it too.

Oh definitely.

You could tell in the commercials that this fucking child.

Labor and the kids are so sad. Yeah, it's not that it's like trendy on a dime, but like it's you wash it once in the colors fade, the shape is gone.

Yeah, why are you washing it? You don't steam it, Sydney. Shut shut your dirty don't hang it on your shower, just let the hot water. Let's steam and poor people drag clean.

Wait are you saying you you wash your clothes by hanging them in the shower and just letting the steam do that thing? You know, you're washing an ironing, so kind of at.

The same time, that is clean, Like she said.

It's not not dry cleaning SIDS. We also do alterations. That is a sketch, right that I hit.

It with a little downy in the downs.

Sydney, a little shout a shower.

Yeah, now you make me want to shower.

Yeah, SIDS is popping, yo, yo. We can get a business going.

Is it. I think that's hilarious.

SIDS sounds like a disease. Dude.

You know you know what I got? I got SIDS.

No, that's why you gotta say SIDS cleaning. You're thinking, said an infant destiny.

Yes, but that's what's.

More.

Something that had happened.

Well, put the baby down and I came back.

And it's no, whatvercas what had happened?

What had happened? No, no, what had happened? What's your dream wedding?

Oh gosh, I don't know. I think it's definitely like in my future for sure, no time soon. I think it's with all the people that I love, and I'm not stressing about it because there's a lot of my boyfriend. I have a ton of friends, a lot in common, and a lot from our past that I would want to include. I think it's fun. I think i'd rather use. The wedding is not so much like about us, like the unity of our love, as it is about like the celebration of the family that the two of us

So how many people? How many guests?

Well, I know, you know. To be honest, it's like we're invited. Obviously you'reted. We are not. You guys are going to host the thing YouTube tight ten up top guys. I think we would get the wedding pop. No, it would be absolutely we would the fun out of it. Some weddings, I have fantasies about my bachelor party being me and ten of my best days getting into full drag for all of our best girlfriends and having full blown competition. They vote, they rank us, like do it

You really thought about this? This is great, well thought out.

I mean, you got a man.

They making money.

We're trying.

What about you, hinge bitch over here?

What's your wedding?

Don't look like hing.

And get into it?

Thank you so much.

I do get into it, and they get into it. I feel like I don't need a lot of people at my wedding because I don't really like people, and I'm not paying to feed all these people that I don't like.

This is all fact, Thank you so much.

But I feel like I wanted to be somewhere that's like big, but likes so big.

And so empty that.

I'm like walking for like a cool couple of minutes before I get to the group.

You know what I mean, everything gonna sound like an echo extra.

I wanted to everything to be extra, Like I want the we belong together Mariah Carrey train, like you remember the train that was like it was like behind her in the in the drop top.

Like on the street, and.

I want the veil to be like, oh my, well, where is it?

Just like.

Trying together while you're talking about just the instrumental Yeah, but yeah, I just I mean, you know, I just want like spend somebody else's money and then be like, yeah, we're in love.

Sis. You know, I thought it wasn't gonna happen for me.

But Richard, he's lived a long time. I'm an Anna Nicole Smith. It it's gonna be somebody old and dying, and.

He's gonna have the word rich in his name.

Yeah, Richard, rich Richie, Rich, I mean rich Richard and.

His kids are all gonna be older than me.

He's going to be in a wheel chair. Oh yeah, he's not gonna have no legs. The plants are going to be like folded on. You just acts like he was a war vet.

Yeah, They're like, well, what war I'm gonna be like, Sis, No, I don't know. I don't know how old he is. Uh, the war, the War on drugs.

He lost his legs and the war war on drugs. Honestly, so many have fallen.

He's a veteran god.

That's it.

That's what I want.

Weddings are crazy, man like and ultimately I think that everyone's is unique and like to each his own. But mine's going to be expensive and not paid for or by me. Boom's goals. Boom. That's it.

That's all that I want.

Dave, this has been outstanding. I really enjoyed this conversation.

I had a blast.

They feel like we dug into it. We kept it real.

Absolutely.

Can you give us, like maybe like three tips on just like wedding etiquette, wedding party etiquette.

Wedding party etiquette. Okay, I'll say, when everybody has to get on the dance floor after they finished their first dance and it's like time, just go okay, just go and dance to happy Okay, just give it to them because.

They need this.

They need this. They paid a lot of money do this DJ, and they're all wondering, are my friends, the kind of friends that dance or maybe or maybe they're not my friends will not be that situation. But get on the floor and dance, especially if you're gay. They're literally banking on it, begging you. They're literally banging on you getting up there. Get a photo of the bride in the groom eating their food. It is the rarest

They never eat.

They never eat, they pay for all this money, they get a plate. I always it's my bit to go over to the bride and groom when they're like eating and like away from everyone, and be like, I'm just so happy that you guys took some time to eat. All right, I'm gonna go now. Yeah, that always seems to go over well. And then my last is don't drive get an uber.

Oh yeah, because they're driving out when you're leaving.

Is like so much, it's a nightmare.

I'll give you my three. Make sure the cake is good.

You're doing cake chestins and I'm sitting here eating this just ish, beautiful dry cake fond.

Yeah.

The ice, yeah, I don't need that, Like it doesn't need to be that like that skin you can don't skin? Yeah, okay, soll up proper icing on it.

Maybe do a cheesecake, you.

Know, you know I love a cheesecake.

Do what cheesecake? We don't eat that.

My second thing is what's that weird thing where like the bride has like her garter and the dude has to take it off.

With his cheek.

Here, ye here, your head is under my skirt and y'all taken it off with your tears. Yeah, we don't need that. That's not for anybody here.

And then you almost my other thing. What's my other thing?

Sis?

I don't know what my third thing is, but those two things are very important. Those are so good, needs to be cute, and that guardle thing is stressed.

It's over my three things.

Bitch, bring an extra pair of shoes while y'all all on the dance floor when the fuck is wrong with y'all.

Are nasty, Like why have some ballet flats?

Have some Chinese chunk with us whatever? Do whatever you need to do.

Have another pair of shoes because you're, first of all, you're the bride, you're supposed to we're the you're leading the pack. I should not see your toenails.

I feel like most of the weddings that I've been to, the bride's dress is so long that you can't see her feet.

But still have a shoe.

She probably has a seconi on.

I hate when when like they are on the dance floor and like like all of a sudden, they're they're like mopping the floor with their gown. That's wow. I think that the second dress is a smart idea to get that your wedding dress off the ground. Aunt Carol's dropping her martinis and a realistic.

She and all of it about them.

Of a dress, there should be a limited amount of or like a limited of what kind of drinks people can drink. No long Island iced teath, no Amorta sours, no Hennessy neat like nothing but it's never no fireballs like, no no sex on the beach, no tachy ass fucking drinks where it's just gonna get.

The ratchet out of everybody. I've seen too.

Many people get a drink that really, we're gonna do this here, Tea, You're a grown up.

Dave, that's what we're doing here. Like, have you never been to a wedding before?

Like what are we doing? And people who have the balls to order it anywhere. I'm always like, good for loud.

Like write a note, slide it to the bartender and be like, let me get that. And the bartend is like a long island.

I see.

Yeah, he's crazy.

And make sure you have gifts for your guests. They leave with little trinkets that's special. Like that means something like, don't just like throw any like a ball that has your face on it.

Like I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want something I could actually use, like a coaster or something. No, I don't even want.

That movie, Lateral movie.

You know what I want. I want.

I went to a wedding. They gave us little MIC's hot honey yeah, and I was like, this is amazing love their love.

Yeah, we all use those a candle things of that sort. So cute.

Oh I know what my third thing is when you see them getting ready to throw the bouquet, some people need that.

Let them win. I'm not about to fight you for this book.

Some of them be running, they're.

Taking shoes off and throwing elbows. No, no, no, I'm good here.

I think they should take that all out because you're may have done everything for you and now they have to turn into quarterbacks to fucking.

Get this flower. Like they don't have some respect. They really think it means they gonna get married.

No, but that's why I'm like, just cut it out. It's not right, Like I don't want to see they look good the whole wedding and now you got them like trampling over fucking.

People, knocking down babies for lilies.

Those lilies were probably like one hundred and forty dollars, so I mean probably resell them tomorrow for maybe around eighty.

You're gonna get you gonna catch the flowers. You're gonna be single for seven years. Bitch, don't get them here?

Fine, because you broke your arm when you dove for them flowers.

Nobody wants to be like clicking on the chicken hinge with the broken arm.

You just put out Ashley's eye trying to get them flowers.

You're wrong, It's tragic.

Dave.

Tell people listening where they can catch yes, please, all.

Right, Well I do a couple running shows. We have a show called The List that happens at public hotel. Our next one's gonna likely be in January, so keep an eye out for that.

I'll tell you.

We also do a show called Game Show where we take two straight guys, put them head to head and a challenge to find out which one is honorarily gay as fuck. Yes, yeah, we give them the title of Queen of the Straits. We do it every third Friday at Caveat in the Lower East Side. I host with Matt Rodgers, play a guest of your show. Yes, Hollywood experts, amazing Hollywood expert. Yeah, so that's where you can see me right now. Also just doing stand around the city.

Sidney. Will you marry me? You know what?

Marie?

Ill you won't?

You know what?

Marie?

If I was on my dying leg yeah, I guess maybe if you only had one miss, I wouldn't marry anyway. Thanks guys, Bye Forever.

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