"The Travel Expert" with Bowen Yang

No, we were we didn't start.

But what's that in that row?

Yes, I love to chocky, Marie. I love to make you think that it's I don't like that you can control the garage band.

Well, you can take over. Shout out your garage band. If you want to sit over here, you can boo. This is your caro so I can see you, guys. I like to see you guys.

You like to be at the head of the table at this at the foot of the table is at the head of the table.

I think it's a window seat. Whatever.

I like to be there.

Sidney, how you doing. You got braids?

I got braids? Now you look in real Nubian goddess.

I'm bringing back the brandy.

You look like you wear an uncle chain. Yeah, like you say, like the black Israelites. You look like you hang out with those guys. As soon as I got them, I was like incense everywhere, natural deodorant, no.

Bra, coconut oil everywhere. It's a thin sheer shirt.

Oh, I don't even wear a bra. It was all the way out. Just really it's Zoe Kravitz. My nipples like have spoken word at night. Yes, you feel a snap?

Yes, they too.

That's how that's some chafing in my bro's.

There's butters for that. They're creams. Yeah, they're oils.

You look like you use essential oils.

Yeah, I know. What about you, Marie?

You look very exfoliated, was like shining. Well, you know, your eyebrows look great?

Do that? Thank you so much.

Well you allegedly, naturally your eyebrows are shaped like that, and I don't. They don't grow. I don't know why you said allegedly these are facts. Every time I asked Marie about something about her. Oh yeah, honey, these are natural.

What do you say?

Look, look, I'm looking at my finger and then I'm wiping.

It on my brain.

I know you don't draw them in, but I'm like, you don't tweeze or nothing.

They don't grow.

They The last time I got my eyebrows done was for my high school prompt.

So legit three.

Years ago, class of twenty fifteen.

Here we go, allegedly, here we go, Here we go again. We were just listening to that song that's Kelly Rowland and Trina and it's a great ratchet love song.

Or no, it's not a love song. It's like it's like a breakup anthem.

Yeah, it's like, fuck you, dude, no not, We're not doing this again. Here we go with your bullshit lies talking about that's just a friend, but it's not. She's calling you a three o'clock in the morning. I miss a song like that.

I do too. I like a song that tells a story.

Yeah, and I hate well, No, I missed the bridge of a song. They don't do bridges anymore. I feel like songs still have bridges really, the way songs are structured.

But I'm not a musician.

The way the migos Migos and Nicki Minas, they don't have none of that.

They just like, go straight.

It's migos, dude, but they don't even know what a verb is or a pronoun or a bridge. Those taco friends whatever they are, I mean it's three of them, plus you feature in somebody else, Like there's no space for a bridge.

Wait, does migos mean taco friends in Spanish? I thought migos just meant friends.

Oh well, I thought there was a migos. They're missing an eggs a tacos friend. Well, I was just was like migos that I'm foolish. Wow, what a only we've been through and it's only been like two minutes, and the people are already like one of them is pretty dumb, shut out.

The other sounds like she's got beautiful eyebrows.

Oh my gosh, I have braids now, so there's no way I could be.

You should be more woke than this. I'm super woke.

My eyes are all the way open, a little blazed, they're a little yellow, they're heavy. Oh that's that Johndice sickle cell, which is not funny. It's not funny at all, because I have the trade. I have the sickle cell trade. So like if I have children with a man that also has the trade, my kids will be tea bas Well. We already know you're gonna be with a white man, so you definitely you know.

You're gonna be with a European man. So no, not a vintage way.

No, you're gonna get those uncut dudes, sands with the hoodies and the sleep the sleep dick, a little turtleneck dick. Yeah, the Steve Jobs, the Steve Jobs. Yeah, I think that's in your cars.

I see it.

Thank you so much, Sidney. What were you an expert in this week?

Oh?

Expert in mismanaging money. Taxes get into it just because remember last year I owed the IRIS twenty one hundred.

Dollars twenty one hundred dollars, yeah, right, and it was not a lot well because I didn't claim like some.

Of the money, yeah I didn't, you know, which you shouldn't even have to claim any They were like, it's due tomorrow, and I'm like, damn, oh, you know what, my mom let me the money, and that's whow now is my mom? It's so good to have a mom, right, And I can't do that, Ramona, if I'd be like, hey, mom should hang up.

So that can't that's not my truth.

So I allegedly owe them sixty five hundred dollars from twenty twelve, six.

Thousand, five hundred American dollars.

Yes, I was like, oh, that's nothing, that's nothing to like be pressed about y'all the government, y'all got coins.

Exactly.

That's how I fold about my two thousand. That's what I thought.

Since I was like it's in twenty twelve, like it's already been so long, like we just call it even called. So you owed them two thousand dollars in twenty twelve.

Yes, and the interests built.

Yes, sis, Yes, that's what really happened. So long story short, they put a hold on my account so I can't get into my You are Will Smith in the pursuit of happiness, because that's what you can to him. No, I'm Wesley Snipe because I'm fleeing today. I'm fleeing to Thailand. I'm gonna have corn rolls and I'm gonna be selling opioids. There's no way they're not getting this money, dude. They they put like, so you can't use any plan, you account none of my money. And I feel like that's

I know you did message me yesterday.

So I was like, oh, well then, so I was like, it's just that place, it's not Yeah, it's bad. So ain't no swiping for you. There will be no swipeing Marie. When does the hole get removed?

Oh?

When everything is paid off?

Sorry?

Are they gonna just take the money from the account or they're just holding it so you can't get it and they can't get it.

Gag.

I haven't done my taxes since to the twelve so I have to do my taxes from twenty to twelve to two thousand and seven. That's like six years of Texas. Yes, so until all of that is squared away, I can't use my city bank.

I guess you just I'm.

Gonna be hanging out with the guests because I know the guests got coin.

The guest is gaggy. Yeah, well I'm gonna be with the guess I'm gonna be a dependent boot.

Speaking of dependence, this week, I was an expert at basically being like an Instagram like model.

Oh basically, what was that?

So? You know, I did some some different something different with my with my natural hair recently, and I posted a video and people are like, your hair looks amazing, and this like company hit me up and they're like, hey, sis, we want to send you some of our products so you can like maintain your natural hair. And they sent me a box, like a crate of stuff.

Okay, so you passing her on.

No, I'm not, because they didn't send it to you. You know, it's it's me. I want to wear it. I'm gonna try it for like ninety days and then hopefully my hair will be nine inches longer well, what I say, it's like hair vitamins, it's leaving conditioner, like treating stuff, shampoo, scalp stuff based on me, like thirteen or fourteen things. What about how many like vitamins I can do? You don't even take vitamins. You don't even do that to me right now in front of the guests.

Were you shady?

Could give me at least two vitamins?

Doesn't Adrian have vitamins at the house that you can probably take.

You don't need them. Your nails are healthy, your hairs and braids.

You don't need my vitamins. Look at my nubs to the loops. Yeah, you're right, speaking of nubs, guess.

Today is not that? Not a nub at all?

Not a nub he's I was gonna think of something else that rhymes with the nub, But what rhymes with the nub?

Rub dub? I want to rub them. A hub is a hub. He is a hub. He's a hub of wealth and uh and humor.

Or he's just a hubby.

He should be married, he should be I would marry you, you would marry him?

Or what your wedding song be Trina.

Our guest today is our travel expert, but we feel like that might change while we're talking to him.

It's the beautiful hilarious.

Yeah, oh h what a thrill. I mean I could watch this go on for hours. Are you trying to say that our top was long? No, it was a little rambling. No, no, no, no, no, this is what I this is what I crave And I'm sorry, Oh my god, as level was like, he's hell, I'm sorry, it was I'm right down the axis. I'm coaxial with the fucking microphone. I love it.

Well, let's talk about who you are. And you know you came to the house.

In a short and a outdoor voices, double layered short. I'm still too loud. I'm sorry, it's fine.

We like how good your voice. Thank you city for some reason had it on like ten. Yeah, so everybody's what.

Am I on it? Now? What a four six six?

Ye?

You're good fitting.

But when you're at least the seven point.

I am a sex I'm gonna and that that's like me like being generous with myself. No, your skin is.

Good, your browser arched, your glasses are always cute.

Glasses.

Are these these are not Warby Parker, are they? No?

They're Bruno Oh French design.

I couldn't talk that was French or Spanish, Brun Japanese, but I could be wrong.

Okay, no, that would have been Bruno's.

So yes, I thought the I thought the glasses coming with a hot towel, wm nuts, hot Hottalan, warm nuts and warm nuts, orange slices.

Orange slices. I'm dating it. I'm dating like a ten right now though no I'm not. We talk about where are we dating? Who are we dating? Around?

It's coming out on Friday because.

We record right before right right right. I mean you don't have to tell casually.

But no, this is the thing and this is this is the summer of me. Okay.

Oh.

When I came in Sydney was like what are we doing? Like how are you? What are you doing this summer? What's your plan for the summer? And no, but now my plan for the summer, My EMO is to date outside of my like, out of my league. And I think I'm doing I think a.

Lot of people do that.

For me, do that it's new for me? Well, I don't want to be like I don't want to be listen A it's a bit that I'm wealthy. Everyone should know that. Marie and Sidney joke about how rich I am. But I have a movie. You have a movie. The parents have a movie theater.

So which will be in the will for you?

Will?

I'm sure they'll sell the house before they pass away. I'm sure they will just own me in some way financially. They they've emotionally disowned.

So can you give me their email accounts?

Email them if we actually got married, like they would be a static really, Oh yeah.

Can make that happen for a cool fifty purple.

Sixty five hundred dollars? How much money do I owe? Sixty five hundred dollars? And then I'd bring you home, to bring you home and bring you back to China, and then all of my extended family would just want to take photos of the Wait, what did you guys say, because you you twoer came on whilst culture stues? Would you guys say if we if we all went to Japan together? What would everyone say? Oh? No, Marisa, it wasn't snow.

That's where you are, No God on paper, she's a West listener.

I was this night.

Yeah, I mean, we can make it happen, and if happy to, like, well, you already live in the country.

I was like, if you're trying to get a car, I'm going already a fucking citizen. That's why I know. But like what, But the transaction is that we both get like, well, no, I get I get it. I get something like what are you getting out.

Of this that I honestly says, what are you getting on money? I'm like, she's just trying to get like a little spousal support. I think that's what it is. He's sure, I just need a stipend. I need I just need like a little.

One thousand a week to survive.

That's a stipend. Because a stipend, I feel like, is like twelve dollars in a bagel. No, like an intern gets a stipend. No, it depends on the program. If you're an adult, a stipend should be over one thousand dollars a week. Yeah, there's no way you can like you dollars in a bagel, bitch, are you serious? So fifty two thousand dollars a year, Yeah, that is a stipend.

That's a salary.

That's not that's barely a living wage in New York. It's not well.

I guess I must be dead.

Time of death.

As soon as she graduated from college, which was last month, thank you so much.

Like you finished college in three years, I did well.

I was an accelerated program.

Graduate high school twenty fifteen and then graduated.

It's like a lot of AP courses in high school.

I was like, how did you do the math?

There?

Quickly?

And then I was like bo and yeah, yeah, y oh my.

God, I come on here and Ben. First of all, I just want everyone to know that the vetting process for this podcast is rigorous because I came up with at least four different topics. Which one is the first thing. First thing I came up with was Japanese are what was you talking about? I was gonna talk about like video gate, Like Japanese video we don't about that.

I was like, who do you play those games with? Myself exactly, YE would be listening to this just you. It's just I would listen to this episode. I'm like, this is great, and everybody's like, what is he talking about?

Who is this? Lady? Okay?

There?

What else? And then I and then I this morning I pitched to Sydney.

Graphic design, which like is cute.

Okay, let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. So what does graphic design even.

Everyone out there? The thing? The only reason I am marginally successful right now in our lowly like load tier comedy community because I can make a goddamn poster that doesn't look like ship and everything else out.

Here posters, And you're making websites.

And making websites, So why don't you do our show? What's up? How much? How much you guys can hire me? How much you already? Higher? Yeah? Higher? Oh that word. It's a service. It's a service. Yeah, it should just be you know what I mean? How much you charge? How much you charge? Honestly, Like Josh Sharp the other day was like, hey, can you make a poster for the show? How much it's like flat rate?

Eighty bucks flat rate one flyer?

Then I'm gonna use for one show or no, no, no, and then I can like swap out the copy and then like change the lineup, change to give you eighty dollars again, no, eighty dollars flat for one like a franchise.

Honey, okay, wait wait wait, so what if it's a flyer for Save Friends, our show the hot Box. But then we're like, oh, we're doing a live show, so you gotta swim first.

The photo and the date and the location title. Oh my god, performer, you gotta do the whole flyer over.

The whole fly over. We already gave you first of all. The Okay, no, and I don't mean it salts anyone in this room is promotional stuff. Hotbox. Hotbox has a great has a cute little poster.

Oh, we had to do We had to remix it because it was like our faces weren't on it and it's.

Like the first one, but the one, the one you guys posted today, it was cute, was cute.

That's why I had to revise. If you can help us on like a good poster. What do you need for a poster to be pappened?

Okay, if if you guys can't provide it with you, If you guys can't provide your own photography, that's fine. We'll make it just graphic and text and have it to interesting another way. Can you draw the cartoon version of it? I can't. I can draw sort of. I'm not like, I'm no, I'm no mateoan, I'm no.

Illustrating, okay, because I would want you to draw us with like sailor moon legs would do that.

Mattea would literally put your face on a sailor moon and then like keep your keep the body white. Okay.

And how much would it cost for somebody to draw us?

I think so for someone else, I don't know, for someone that's their own rate, But like it's usually like a lot because it's it's it's involved. It's like.

Saying, yeah, we're going to keep the flyer that we have, that's what we got.

Okay, we don't have to talk about graphic design, you guys. Sidney shot that down. She said, let's keep brain storming, and I was.

Like, fun, yeah, but you travel a lot, so traveling. So it's the I called you where in the world is Kramel San Diego? Because world I can't keep.

On Sandy, I'll draw you.

Or I'll text you, and you'll already be somewhere else. You on a coala.

You just got back, just got back from somewhere.

Where were you? Well, we went to the three of us went to San Francisco, Yes we did. It was cute, Yes, I think I just really really got to hang out.

No, but when you were all over well, you had many shows. You did show Busy and Bliss were busy, Joe Kim Booster. Wait, so you have La culture ristas I Don't Think So Honey live live and.

In San Francisco, and then we went to l A for a couple of weeks too.

Well, let's don't be glazing over it. Alasta Thunderfunk was.

There, Alaska was there. She loved both of you. I love you guys. You both made it to the final round.

We did, but we did not win.

That honor went to Rachel Peagram.

Yes, but I also was like, is this wait? How do we all three of us get in this final round?

You two and Molly? Yeah? Yeah. I was like, damn, this was meant for the guy. It was me. They was such a good show.

You have something wait, please tell the listeners about like I don't Think so hard?

Okay, what is it? So I don't Think so Honey? Is a segment we do on my podcast that I co hosted with Matt Rogers, former guest of this show. Yes, and then we have a segment called I Don't Think So Honey. You take one minute to go off and rant about something that's getting your goat and culture or in life. And so then we've like made this liveshot of it, which is really fun.

It's a movement though it really is a like, honestly, I'll be thinking in my head about things that I don't think so because it's so we deal with it in New York City. All I have to say that my friend Carolina is the one who even introduced me to that part of podcast.

She was like, it's so good.

And then we were on the street in Bushwick walking to a show and she was like, ready, I want to time you sixty seconds and and I didn't. I was like, I don't think it's the white people in Brooklyn.

Yeah, white people is like a great not too Carolina fucking slated slated one of the live shows shows so great, so fucking good.

Jabuki Jibuki did Lettuce and I was like Lettuce.

He's like, you ashy, you're and he said spinach spinach is the real spinach crossing. It does wraps, it does Smoothie was like, spinach is crossed.

She was like, you're right, Jabuki, I've never even thought about that.

She didn't talk about Kale though he did it, I don't think he touched kale because kale is not really our green.

No, you know, we're more a collared crowd.

We're a collar Also, when I think of salads, I don't like a kale salad to me is like two.

It's not supposed to be in a salad. It's rough it. It's like swallowing daggers.

Yeah, I feel like the soil, like it tastes of soil. That was like, it's real grainy. I don't know, it's not for us. It's minerally.

It's minerally. But then you but then so then we did the version in San Francisco Cluster five. It was great. Man, it was fun where it was like competitive, but we'd done competitive before where we did head to head matchups and that felt gross because everyone would leave feeling bad.

No, they just don't know what competition is. Well, yeah, but petition, bitch, what do you win?

You win? Do you win money? You don't win money? Okay, so what's just to get the title because the title yet ultimately doesn't matter. But for that for performers, it's like, oh I lost a chance to perform on stage, which for them is like capital.

It's only a loss if there's money involved, exactly right. If you're not bringing out a big ass chick Price water Cooper chick, then I didn't lose anything.

No, you're right, You're right, even though I.

Did lose, and I was like, I feel like I.

Won the losing though it's the losing. Like Joel Kimbostra is like I was robbed and when we were I was like, yeah, maybe.

I mean, I saw the comments on Instagram and people are like, I loved Joels, and I was like, I mean, he did.

Go in, he went in, He he did. I don't think so, honey. That bit of colm that comes out the day after you bought them for someone.

Oh my god, like on a Sunday.

It wasn't even Sunday. It wasn't even Sunday. This is so specific. And it was four pm on a seven in the front round.

My parents was there, and Aquafina did the show.

Did the show.

You had a lot of celebrities on your show.

Dude. It was fun. It was fun. And then you came down from that and you had to go to l A and l A you did. I don't think so, honey, we did it. There and that was fun too. Where did you guys do it in l A? I Coplex, which is just like like Lizzo does her concerts there. I love Liz. It's like a fun, big like concert venue. We think would have had her on there. Oh my god, can you imagine get your people to get in touch with Lizzo? She did drag Race. She likes the gays,

Well, what do you like to do when you're in LA? I'm here for the tackle trucks and the two ubers.

Didn't go to A. Yeah. I love the fucking I mean, but I did end up paying like three hundred dollars in lists because I because we didn't want a car, but yeah, because you're like, oh, it's only two dolls. And then and you're like, you know, I still got to settle everything and like give them out of Vemo to be like, hey, you won't listen, honey.

If you didn't give the vimo a week after it's gone.

Say no, no, no, I'm going through my receipts.

Receipts, go through our receipts. Let's go through our receipts. Yeah, sorry, says, can't have you there.

If you went, you went through your receipts, you would pay off that six grand and like she would.

Ciny is like one of these people that like buys things for people regularly.

I do meet you, but that's what I do too, and then I let things slip away.

Yeah, it sucks, but I just put it in the universe. I was like, it's gonna go come back another way. You know sure that you have to do that. You have to think about. Okay, you didn't get it from this person, but before you know it, something a gig is going to come up and you'd be like, oh, that's the exact amount that this motherfucker old me. I was talking to my mom today about a gig that I did in a book, and she was like, it's because it's because you don't pray.

And I was like, I was like what. She was like, you haven't been a church.

You not tithing? She was like you do not? Yeah, she was like, your brother used to go to church all She's like he goes every day. He's in La now a wait, Okay is this how do you navigate that? Because this sounds like sort of familiar.

I put my mother on speaker and I just was rolling my eyes on a boomerang and I was trying to post it on Instagram, just talking to my mom about not booking things because I don't pray. But she's my mother is really generous. She gives things to people like she's always given. Like, if you go to my mother's house, you're not leaving empty handed, me with food or towels or brown sugar package.

I need towels? Do you need Canada dry?

Like? She she won't let you leave without taking something. And she says she gives things to people and it comes back to her.

Later in what ways.

That's what I was wondering. Okay, you're stealing out no money? Wait, let me tell you. I when I first started waitressing, I had gotten all my money or whatever from a week and it was like two thousand and something dollars, so my rent was in there. And then I had extra money because I was going to Miami. I go to a party, go to after hours.

Some money went in my.

Purse took all the money, all of it.

It was like.

Twenty six hundred dollars. It was a lot of money, and I was why.

Did you have what it? Was it in rubber banks? Was it?

It was in an envelope? And it was at that It was at the bottom of my dusty ass bag. Are you sure somebody went in there or you were like you were swinging your bag.

Like this side.

No. I hit no. I hit my purse in a car. And then when we went to the after hours, I was like, Okay, I guess I'm gonna take my purse because I need to go to the store.

They stole the money, so I'm freaking out.

I was like, did they take anything else? No?

And I had a camera, I had other things of value. You had a little, I had a little I had. I had an iPod. I had a whole bunch of stuff. Was it a nano?

Let me live?

I want to paint them photo for the listener.

Anyway, long story short, I work that week and I made all the money back and more. Okay, just before I went to it is Miami trip. So people kept tipping me over tipping me, and I was like, see this is because I lost all that money, but.

You could have had double the money.

Yes, if I'm thinking about the cup being half full or half empty or whatever, full back it comes back.

I don't know if I believe them is not real. You don't believe. Do you have religion? I don't have religion. I just don't think the universe cares about us? Do you know what I'm saying?

I do feel like that, But I do also at the same time feel like everything happens exactly the way it's.

Yes, okay, in some way I believe that. Yeah, and like maybe I have a tough time reconcidly list but it's like, how I don't believe in astrology. It's like, okay, why I don't believe in that? None of us do think? Well, here's the thing, like, why do we think that stars hundreds of billions of light years away have any effect on my behavior? Do you know what I'm saying? Like the gravitational pull of a fucking star that is so fucking but believe it?

And shout out to David Gilbert because I know he's listening and he's reading, and.

He's like, oh, yeah, well, David knows how I feel about he turned off the podcast right now.

It's like the time that you were born on the day of the week, mix like mixed perhold now and it's like what lots of people were born on the same day at the same time.

But I do believe that.

Things happen for a reason.

Okay, yes, I believe they do.

And I do believe in karma as well. I I do believe in like, whatever you put out in the universe is going to come back. So it doesn't mean like a necessary thing, that a specific thing that I did to you is going to come back to me.

I just think it's like overall, it goes into some lump, yes, some, and then it comes back.

When all of my money was taken, I was like, oh, that's because I have fucked my friend's ex boyfriend. That's why, that's why, that's why, that's when the money and when the money came back, I was like, oh see, that's the karma come back in the person who stole the money from me, got it?

You banged your friends X.

Yes, he broke out and I was she didn't know broke out with her, So how do you feel about that?

But that's that situation devastating devastating.

It was devastating because it was it was not okay, it was right because the person who told her told her at it after hours.

So this girl had already dropped a pill, probably did some just ruined her whole, ruined her whole, and it was in front of everybody.

So it was wait, who snitched my friend was like, Sydney's banging such and such.

Sydney's banging Kyle.

It's okay because you got robbed.

Yeah, my God always provides a balance.

But you would never do that now. No, Well, first of all, I'm not banging no dude. So that's that's one, you know.

And also, I don't want anybody that my friends have been with you've been. I don't want nobody I know you don't want. I don't even want that person to pour me a glass of water.

Come on in a desert. Oh my god, everyone drink from a white man's Is this is Marie? Is this still your? Is this summer of home or you're the year of home?

And I'm doing such a bad job of being a hole. I just I feel like I'm not meeting enough people. Okay, I think it's because you're in New York.

Though New York is hard, I'm I'm like going through. I'm going through like I'm going through like when it rains at porous situation, as you just got dis all over your face right now in your neck. No no, no, I just I've been working with like a three year dry spell and now I'm just like, oh, okay, this is what like dating is. Like I had to be reminded of like what the ritual was because it had just been song what's the ritual for you? For me, it's just like, oh, like you know, I take them

Way, Yeah, yeah, that's the way your ankles are set up.

Oh my god, No, my ankles are too hot. My calves are yours are? My calves are too blow My legs are short and stubby? Five eight. It's not great. Oh she doesn't present us five age, she doesn't present usiba what did she present us?

Like a five six marine?

Sure? I'm a short, yes, but you know what it is.

I have a really big sense of self, so I think I'm the same height as assholes.

No, nobody's five four.

Okay, but see Marie, like, don't tell me your height yet, you present as like six foot even I know that's not your height. Yeah, but that's all hair. Say that to me.

Like people who follow me on Instagram or watch my videos when they meet me, they're like, oh, I thought you were bigger, and I'm like, no, just my mouth.

But they're like, put yourself scared. It seems same to you, Sydney like you present as like I'm like, oh, Sydney, like, well, that's because I wear heels to everything you do.

Throw I will wear a five inch heel at a show that's like has twelve people in it, not.

In a basement, not in a dandass bar.

And I wear heels a lot, and it's just it's because of working for so long you had to wear so and I just feel like heels elongates you.

It makes you feel like better both of you. And people have said this to you so many times before and it sounds so shallow, but like both of you really like show up to look.

I mean, I mean every once in a while, to take a day off every one in while I went.

I went to the knitting factory on Sunday.

I had I left my clipping bang at the house. I just the photographer is trying to take pictures.

So I was like this, this ain't it. I was like, don't tag me in any of these things. Oh my god.

Photographer was cute.

It was a dude.

And I couldn't tell if he was gay.

Or if he was straight.

But I was like, I was like, it's pride and you're here, so you already had a nose ring.

And I was like, you thought he was cute, Marie. He was cute. Oh and let's get on this. Let's figure out who this.

Guy is I mean, he slid in my DMS to send me a photo that you had taken to me, and I was like, you can delete that.

Okay, YouTube probably know this, but like dms.

My dms are dry, so dry I which is crazy Marie because people will come in my d MS asking about you.

Whoa They were like, Oh, what's what's your friends deal?

Something about who I am and how I present myself, Like just on the train out and about, like I'll see people who are attractive, they won't come talk to me. But and then I'm like, but do you see how mean I am? Why are you coming to me about Marie? Because I'll be like, because I'm because I'm meaner than you.

You know, if people into your DMS about you know.

About Marie, if I'll look at their profile, I'm like, this is not even worse me sinning this to her?

Why would I do that? That's a waste. Well, aren't you like that? Yeah? Yeah, who's sliding in your dms? Well? The thing is the people I just like, I never took that. I didn't. I didn't know what that meant. For the longest time, I was like, what does that mean? Yeah, someone's dming. You great, But I was like, people are fucking up through DMS.

Yeah, got it.

And then then now like this is the way that I'm like meeting people, This is the way that I'm meeting people now, And I'm like, oh, that's crazy. First of all, like Grinder is like dad, Everyone's like like the official proclamation out of like West Hollywood is that like Grinder's dad, Everyone's people are only fucking through DMS, Grinder's lane, Grinders for the normal, for the normals. Okay, I'm like, oh fuck, I got here. I'm still like

So wait, so we already did the New York thing.

When you when you go somewhere else, like you've been to Australia, how do you meet people over there?

The apps?

Because apps, the apps work. The Wi Fi works there.

Too, works there too. You don't just convert, you don't have to convert. But the thing is when you're in other places like New York is so fucked up because when you go to other places, when you go to Australia where there's a big Asian population, it's it's both better and worse where it's like because like Asians to people in Australia, there's if you watch Australian comedy, like a punchline is like, oh, the fucking Asians. It's like because it's like they they see them as some as

And you're like, ah, yeah, that's like a thing right, It's like no fatties and no something, no fish.

How could somebody write no Asians?

I can't. It's it's like people aren't doing it as much now. But like when Grinder first came out, that was like the tagline and the fact that that is like that that was normal for so long is like yes, never know it and we've never been on ground exactly crazy. It's like yeah, it's like mainstream to somewhere, so how so what does that mean?

Like if somebody says that, like have you ever been interested in somebody and they were like no, yeah, yeah, and then you like change their mind are you?

Like? I don't want to change their minds at that point, Like like I've had conversations with people and like with other engage in people, and like we're all like, oh no, when someone says that, it's actually a relief because then you know not to fuck with that right as a person. As a person, like why no, I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to do nothing right now.

That's like the you're really pretty for a black girl, and it's like what no, the the fact that you fixed your no lips to tell me your SpongeBob SquarePants not existent top and bottom lip, you're your back finger lip, yeah, your horizontal Yeah, stop talking to your slits.

I'm talking about your slip. That's funny, super pretty for I don't usually like black girls, but right, it's that thing. It's that thing. But then know when you go to Australia, it's cue when you go to candidates like Montreal, it was fun for me.

Okay, let's talk about that, like like poutine, like.

Poutine Montreal, Well, I grew up I grew up there, and then he went from from like I moved on. It's like nine Okay, I spoke French, ixpect English, and I forgot all of my French within like sixpences moving to the US. I mean you said, what's the glasses? Bruno? Can you talk at about it French? Well, my mom and dad speak French right, well, but then did they? Did you ever learn it? I did learn it's very.

Pretty crabby.

It's pretty crappy.

No reason why you don't have dick all up and through your body should be.

No reason you should be impaled.

Okay, I should be a stewer, dish dick Cobb.

I gotta I gotta get We all have to get spit roasted at one point in our lives. Have you ever been I've never been spit roasted? What's that? That's when you're getting it from both uns? Oh?

Never, fucking never, spinning spinning over and take over over, Casper mattress, Oh my god.

Which but you have to get on both ends.

I have not at the same time, not at the same time, but I definitely I can't. It feels like a lot of I'm out of it choreography. I'm out of the it feels like five six, seven eight if my girlfriend, if Adrian left me, I think I just wouldn't date ever again.

Really, what I genuinely believe you don't You don't think there's a ton amount of time for you not to date and then you.

Get back in No, I think that I genuinely just don't have the patience to do whatever y'all are. The way y'all talk about it, I'm like, and Marie's I feel like Marie has more fun than most people. Didn't talk about dating because I don't say anything serious. And then I got a massage and then we ate again, and then we went to the opera.

That's how you keep bringing the opera. And I'm like, dang.

I went yeah because I had like a day date with this dude and he was like, how do you feel about massages?

And I was like, you want to give me a massage?

And he was like, I booked massages this afternoon and I was like, yes, I love a massage and a casual like three pm appointment.

That's how you do it, dude.

Like I couldn't be single and I have to because I'll just be thinking about well, Marie went to.

The opera massage.

I don't look like I could get massages an opera, isn't that?

What did you an Adrian do that when you first started dating?

I like, I went on like bike ride.

Yeah, we just coming to my shows, just being there, like what's up? You know, I was playing hard to get to me. I was waring hard to get you know, I remember because I was there.

We were both like.

You dare say that on the podcast, and then it was like something shifted and it was like I was still saying and City was like love.

You, babe, and I was like we didn't.

I don't even know what real dates are anymore, really, you know, I just feel like hanging out, getting something to eat, watch a movie like whatever.

That's the normal. I mean, I'm just hanging and banging, hanging, hanging. See Okay. I was just on a date where we went to a bar and then he was like, okay, let's go. We're going to drag Bingo And I was like, what, Like you have this play it like meditated? Yeah, like you had a part two like ready to go like.

That thought, guys, I love that, not playing anything.

Because but then I don't know, I don't I don't. I never have the force that it.

I was like, I never know where anything is. I don't know when time things starts, so like a nightcap?

Is that what you No, they went to drag Bingo to drag Bingo, and then I want, and then I want, and then we want. I want like a vintage porn DVD and then there was like the perfect thing and we both giggled about it.

I was like, this is great, this is recent. That's pretty recent. Yeah, that's great. I mean I just feel like, what else is rock climbing.

Throwing?

Like what are we doing?

I can't? Yeah, you're right, are we? Laser tag? I like laser tag? Laser tag?

I would do that on a date with a group with a group that he's saying, like a date, like if.

You want to do a day like it' very it's two ten things I hate about you. But the same guy also when one day was like hey you should come over, he goes, hey Sunday, if you don't have plans, we should take a boxing class and then you should come to my place. I'll kick you eggs and babblah, And I was like, who are you eggs? Is he like an event right now. He events for his magazine. He's a fucking whatever. If he's listening whatever, he's a

He's a ten to me. Whatever, wait, hold on to you. What's your tim He's he's just like in the in the in the movie of your Life, who would be your meet?

Cute? Like who? What's celebrity? Celebrity? Okay, well I can't like, I'll just describe him. Okay. He's just like perfectly like chiseled, like ethnic dude. Okay, he's brown, he's tall, he's short, tall, like so smart, so fun. It's like such a good listener and like I message one of his friends, I like DM one of his friends he's with I. Oh I DM, I love her. I was like, what's his deal? She was like, honestly, his deal is that he's an

And Marie, I don't have any of that for you. You're like you will never know. I'll have nobody for you. Like yeah, read like let me figure out his deal. He's just a good listener. I was like, I'm like, yo, he ain't ship, but dick is crazy?

Is crazy?

Go in a spiral. I heard he's gonna get you wings. His dick has a hook. It curves and it has a hook cross like, well, somebody did a friend of ours, Robin Robin Cloud, who did our podcast. She was our lesbian expert. She was like, my friend so and So thinks you're super attractive. Interested, Yeah, talking to me? And So I went to his paint and his paid was private and I was like, yeah, what was his deal? You know?

How tall is he? Where does he work?

You know? Is he nice?

And she was like he in Brooklyn? And then she was like no, Harlem and I was like there was a catch.

That catch.

She's like, he's really nice.

She's like blah blah blah.

He works at this place, and it was like, you guys need to stop being so lazy, though, like you can't. That's the longestance relationship from Brooklyn. Okay, Well that's what happened to a friend of mine. She was like, Oh, I was talking to this dude.

He lives in Tribeca. I live in Harlem and she's not commute to.

Tribeca from anywhere.

Yeah, but she's tired.

She's like, if you want to hang out with me, you're gonna come to Harlem too, Like why do I need to come to Tribeca all the time? Because he had a loft and art but she has a nice apartment too, Like, you you have the money, so get in a car and come to Harlem.

Yeah, but see, I don't want people to come to my house.

You what is that? I don't want to.

I don't want to. What is its? Host? She doesn't have a roommate, so she might as well just technically don't.

So I mean she's moving out in like four days, but she hasn't been here almost.

I'm I'm this guy, I'm like I've been seeing him tonight and then I'm like, I'll probably like, you'll probably come hanging out of my place and I'm doing like a fucking deep clean hot oil. I'm just a hot old treatment. It's cute. Where's its like? It's like pipe barclays me over by like where we did his podcast. Well, I'm sure it looks nice.

I'm sure well that I'm hanging and banging with lives across the street from where we were.

Yeah, so I was like that, so maybe you should go like, well, he.

Goes, Okay, I'm not dating you know what. I'm not even dating this. I guess I'm hanging and banging.

Hanging and banging, hanging. I just like how it rolls right.

Off the town, hanging and banging and we're dropping the G.

We're dropping the G hanging like a pasta view over there.

Yeah, hanging, bang, hang back.

And I think you would be I think you shouldn't. I mean, like know you and Adrea are like the best cop YouTube, but don't don't say don't like I don't think that she would keep herself, she would not not date.

Well. Before I had met Adrian, I hadn't had sex with anybody in a year, but sis there had been some recent developments where it just was like, Sydney, are you flirting with this person? And you were like, no, we're well, because you just gotta you gotta know how to you got to turn the flirt on. You can't forget how to flirt, and you're good at flirting. But I just feel like you're someone somewhere eventually would like you'd be like, oh, I'm intrigued by this by this

That's too much work. I don't want to do that.

That's true.

People will come to you that, like both of you like people at some point, well yeah, this.

Dude was like, we don't always have to come to my house, like I'll come to your house, and I was like, you dont.

Want Why do you want to go to my house? You don't want that. Meanwhile, we're I mean, like, you're hosting people every fucking week to record this I am.

They're not laying in my bed with their street clothes.

Fine, there's that, you know, Audrey and building I do. So, then then what's the I don't know.

I was talking to this this guy, and he was like, you got to have a sex blanket, like a blanket that you only use for what you put it on the bed for six.

The sex blanket. Oh my god, I gotta go buy. I gotta go stop by Target.

But yeah, it's like you just flip it, you know, No, you gotta wash it, but you don't.

Don't rewatch the whole dirty duvet is also dirty. And I gotta wash my mattress chopper.

Oh yeah, I do the mattress toppers. I'm just gonna it's a lot. It's a lot to get hosted.

Speaking of duvet, when you went to China, if you get any good fabrics there?

Yeah, what do you do if you gotta talk about travel? Okay?

Yeah, yeah, Well when I think China, I think of hair, hair, and I think of.

Food, yes, and I think hair, communism and communism, abolishing term liaments for a prime minister. Sure, China's China's fine, China go.

Sounds like you had an exciting time, but no, I love China.

I loved, but now it's this thing where every time I go back, my relatives are like your mandarin sucks, and I'm like.

I know, well, anytime you go back to the homeland, anyone is, and you've been in the United States, are going be like, you sound American, but.

It makes me anxious, Like, but I'm speaking French with you, guys. Can you say a little Mandarin? Like ye, what I said? You guys? Give me something I'm gonna say, or ask me a question and I'll respond. But when are you wearing a Lady Gaga T shirt? Well? Since I said two Lady Gaga, uh tencent? What does that? What does that sound like to you guys? It's like full gebbrush.

No, it seems like I was like, it sounds like the beginning of a sentence, but not the whole sentence.

No.

The Mandarin it's known for the it's efficiency because it's one character when one character, when syllable per characters say the thing that you said one more time since I died twin Lady Gaga tencent? And you just said I'm wearing a Lady Gaga T shirt, which is a simple like ask me, okay, oh you were asked me are you wearing a your question, are you a top or bottom? Yes? Shoes?

He's like, well, well the sex blanket is there bottom, but.

Then when you but then when you flip it, my house on the bottle. But you know what I was saying is okay, you guys will find this funny. So you have we have tops and bottoms here and then versatiles. Right, what's versatile? It means like you can do so in China on the absolutelyast the way you communicate that as people ask you, are you a one or a zero? So if you're top, you're a one. If you're a bottom, you're the whole. Damn a zero. That's so rude. You're

They don't really like math over there.

So fucking much.

And it's just so important because I'm not going to use this for anything, but it's just great to know it's Snapple facts.

It's Snapple facts.

Well, where's your favorite place that you've been been?

It's fucking cliche as hell, and you guys can make fun of me. Yeah.

I love Paris.

Have you been? No, I gotta go. You and Adrien have to go.

Yeah, just go do gay lesbian things.

It's for love, you know, it's just for love and just I mean everyone in Paris is not in love with everybody in Paris. They they're busy and they're running to work and they're eating bread and buying board.

Like it's it's like New York. It's New York. Yea. Yeah, there's this great book that it's like Paris and New York. And it's like it compares one pages of the New York excited pages Paris sit and so they do, but they just do like it's it's cute. It's like a coffee table book. But anyway, New York.

I like that.

I'm gonna find that. Yeah, we'll find that. I I love it there and I've only been once and that was with my family. I didn't get to exit.

Yes, I went with my mom like two years ago, and I want to go back for and spend a month in Paris.

We go, we should go, we should go. We've we talked about this, talk about this.

I would do a fucking trip because you said we we wanted to do a big ass, like cute trip.

I might go at the end of the fucking summer. I don't care, Like I don't have a job anymore.

I want to go, like, well, when I pay off this ir but it's going to be paid off. I'm not even that worried. I'm putting in a universe.

I talked to the.

Universe that that Bowen thinks does not exist. He's like, the universe don't care about it exists.

It does not care. It's afraid.

I'm all listen, you prayed, you spoke to my mom. I'm always praying, Marie.

After you took me to a hill song, I was like, well, I took city house, hills city cool church, a.

House, cool church. I'm always curious, but is it always at highline? Where is it? We went to New Year's Eve, didn't we wo?

Yeah, we went to the New Year's Eve service, but it wasn't on New Year's Eve.

It was like the day before, the day before. It was on a Friday or something.

It's at Highland or it's like it'll be at this place on Broadway, Okay, like where the lan King is. Sure, but it's cool because it's it almost feels like a ted talk because it doesn't feel like they're preaching at you. No, no, no, it just feels like you're like listening to somebody that's like, well, if you do want to do this in your life, you got to do this.

This thing.

Plaster was funny. He was doing it, they were doing they were great.

I mean, they're hosting. It's but it's entertaining.

Yeah, yeah, and people have on like body contresses and you're like, oh, sis, you just came back from the club.

Like everyone looks snatched.

I went with Marie and Christicello and they were like doing that like religious way, and I was like, oh, this is a cult.

I gotta get the fuck out of it. I mean, And so as an outsider, it seems like that, and like it does justin Bieber's fucking pastor.

Yeah, he's great though, he's really funny.

I'm sure like the main pastor of Song the Black you know, it's some white dude that has like sleeve tattoos and like he's like the pastor for like the New York Knicks or something like Justin Bieber will.

Call him to be like can you pray for me? Like really? And he did.

He sat with Oprah and did like a talk with Oprah.

He this guy up. His name is Carl.

His name is Carl car Carl Winslow was a black man. But every time I hear Carl, I think of like a white guy or carls.

I think it's a Carl Rove.

But I.

When was your.

What was your favorite thing about? Give us the top three.

Things that you loved about Paris? This is this is the cliche thing. Okay, we go up. My sister gets his tickets to go up to the top of No, no, no, we did that, which is fine. Okay, we did and we went to the top of okay, and it was at night and then sun sat and then right as it gets dark, you see the Eiffel Tower like across from you. And then that's when they light up the Eiffel Tower and it's just sparkling lights and it's like the most beautiful thing. Did you faint?

Did you have?

I was like, I was like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Honestly, I just want to go to Paris and and see that the Eiffel title light up and I want to do like usher, it's seven.

O'clock on the dot. I'm in my jopp. Why that in Paris? He was in Paris in the music video I don't remember.

And slow he was in Paris, so.

Me, I just want to do you want to get free?

And they kidnapped his girl.

Oh my god, this was freaking freaking out.

The video doesn't match the song, but listen back in the day didn't make any sense.

It's it's like a hype will you video drama?

You know.

It makes I do miss an old music video.

I miss because it's the videos you're they're all in at like the club now or.

Yeah, or it's just it's it's just everything's just like two first thought.

Yeah.

But I love Paris because it just it feels like it feels like magic. It feels like it's like and then the way New York sometimes feels magical, like only in the summer, really, but like you're going to Paris and you're like, hmm, like something.

I feel like New York kind of also feels magical in the winter too. Like right after it's snows, right after its like before it gets like dog peon and ship prints and it's like it's magic and I'm staying in the house.

In times like Pride Pride, it's messy and Pride's like mostly like kind of crazy.

Wait can we just talk about that for a little bit. I just don't like, I love a celebration.

I want to have fun, but I just feel like Pride isn't taken seriously because it's just too many damn parties and people being But I thought that's what Pride was, was the parties. No, but that's where I'm getting That's where I think everything is misconstrued. It's like, yeah, I want to hop on Pride because there's parties and people got their titties out. Yeah, but it's like Pride is

A whole You don't think they were talking at the Millionamire.

You don't think somebody you don't think Kreta dropped into a split.

No, sure hit a full split. No rose up, Parks took a seat on a.

You are going to go to hell and your mother's right. She was the king was at Yeah, it was all on the podcast.

I am not following.

Okay, was a hoe.

He was a cheap you know he's worse. Yeah, he's worse than hoo. He's a cheater, right, that's that's what you're saying. No pride, Yeah, I agree with you. The reason I the way I try to celebrate it is to like honor honor, like our four Queers, like the Four Queers, like honor. Like I'm sorry that I'm using the order as an Asian, but like honor that because it's like, oh yeah, like fucking like Marsha P. Johnson should be like a fucking national hero.

You know.

It's like she is like a Rosa Parks type person started like a move, like literally absolutely, And so that's why I tried like so I'm not like so yeah, Like after the Prede, I just went home and I went to two parties. I went to one on Saturday that was crazy. It was just like a circuit thing. All these fucking men shirtless making out on a dance flor and I was like, this is a lot, but I guess this is what this is a lot, a lot. It's a lot, but it's not. Also, it's also not

They were proud.

Ye're proud.

That's pride.

That's pride.

But but then there's a discussion, is like, well, that's why everyone thinks like gay men are fucking all the time because you go to these parties and yeah, they're just.

Making out, are just banging. It's the patriarchy folding in on itself.

I mean, I'll message a gay friend and he'll be like, oh, I have trade coming, So I'll message you in three hours and I'll.

Be like, trading. We were going to see a movie.

Trade comes first, Trade before everything, Trade before Blade, you guys blade, I don't know, we're going to trade before.

The Incredibles too.

It's like, man, I get it.

I wanted to see a matinee and he's like, no, not today.

I mean, also, I feel like that's I think that's when I did meth heavily was during Pride.

Man, My god, while we're being meth back.

How many times every time you've heard my math story? Right? No, No, we'll turn the microphones off. Everything. Everyone knows off records everywhere, off the record. Everyone knows my math story except for the people listening to Go said the scene, I told us a John show, But I this is a couple of years ago. I was at the show at u CPS.

This is recent, honey, I was talking about ten years ago. But whatever, No, but I got I got like tricked into that's the.

Story I told too.

But gaggy is Sidney bought the man. Sidney Sidney cooked.

Then she don't cook nothing else, but she cooked the breaking.

Bad they had. They had a link cuisine. Actually my meth was dying. It was farmer table, guilt free. I like, so, I was like at that point, it was like a two year dry spell, right, I was like, I hadn't had sex and so long. It was just so horny. And then this guy messages me on an on an app. This is an app called Jacked, which is predominantly black and Asian.

Jack is like the scary one who was telling super scary get somebody from Jack followed him home or something.

That's that Alex English. Yes he did. Yeah, Alex is on Jacked. Alex and I say hi to each other. Yeah, it's for it's for people who like okay jack for a blacks and Asians bloccination. It's or just like all like blacks, browns, yellows. Yeah. And so this Taiwanese guy messages me on Jacked and he's in town on business. He had he had a good body, but like his profile said, he was like thirty two, but his face was like forty eight. Yes, And I was like that's interesting,

Yeah?

Who was talking about property?

Joel? No, we did, haven't had Joel on. Somebody came on and was David probably David's probably very We've had so many gays in this last the last three have been game.

I feel like our fours this whole month, well it has been pride.

So actually we're doing a great job. Shut out to us, but don't center it on gay cis men. I. So then he was like, you have conference. I was like, no, I don't do you and he goes, no, but I have something else that will make you feel good. Oh my gosh, you bam. He bamboozled you. Okay. So yeah, so I was like, I was like, okay, And so he goes into the suitcase. He takes out a DPT kit.

Okay, wait, what if that in a suitcase. I've never seen if it's coming out of it? Oh yeah, he came out of his ass. But he then put it in the suitcase.

Right. He pulls out a glass pipe and then he pulls out a little little diamond bag with like a little flaky some flaky stuff crystals, they look like crystal. And I was and so this is like an after school special moment. I did not know what that was. I did not know what matheuse looked.

Like first of all a glass pipe, not but like a pipe, a pipe, and I was like, hmm, what is that?

Like I h it was like it's interesting. I thought it was like an interestingly shaped bowl. I was like, oh, that's cool. But then you saw the crystals and you were like and I was like, what is this? And he goes here, pure smoke this and then I was like, and You're like, I guess.

This is crystal No, no, no, I was like, crystal lights, crystal weed.

I was so I was such a fucking little Pollyanna or whatever. I was like, what is that? And he's like, I don't know what this is called an English and I was there and I was like, is it opium? And he said what's that? And then I felt racist for assuming that.

I'm gonna smoke it?

And then so then like out of guilt, I was like, I guess I'll smoke it. And so then he like lights it up. I take one hit, he lights it up again. I take another hit, and then we have like amazing aerobic sex for like seven hours and then like and we're like moving furniture and ship and then post coitus, I was like, so, yeah, I'm still hung up on what that was. I'm like, yeah, so what was that again? Like what was that? You really don't know what what it's called? And he's English is perfect

I learned that from when I went to Pride. They call it it Tina.

And I was like, I don't know what that means. And he goes. He was like, what else is it called? He goes Christina and I was like, crystal moment, I feel you got to be quicker than But then I asked him what was it math? And then he has like the most terrifying Eureka moment. He goes, oh, man, the entire yeah, And so then I was like, oh fuck, And I's lets the be a lesson. If you sleep within your own ethnicity, you will do that, yeah you are? Or give me man. No, not at all. I've never

Yeah, an Asian man gave me the man.

That real is that? Really he was an Asian woman. I'm getting you. Wow, dude.

So you were there and then you found out and you were like, well, I guess so there's you guys one more time.

And then I laughed in it. I might as well hit did you take an uberpool on myth? Oh my god?

No.

So then I took the fucking g train of math and then I went home. And then that night was when Greece Live aired, and Matallan came over and we watched it together and I was like, I took Math.

I'm crying. I am crying. It was like what yeah, yeah, I mean listen, when you were you in New York City.

He was a queen. He traveled to queens to do more that. I'm a travel all the way to queen. You were Expedia dot com travel. What's the lord That's the dumbest thing that I've ever This was three weeks ago. Three weeks ago, which is whatever Greece Live era. I'll track it back to that. What's the scariest place you've ever been? As somebody who travels? As somebody who travels scariest place area Richmond, Virginia, because it was all trump shed.

It's like because well I heard it's their Times Square. I heard it's not worse than Naples though Naples she got her path for her camera. Everything like I was like, but also, you were wasted, so you could have just given it away.

Yeah, can I have a lemon drop shot?

Ye?

Car, we're lying like a smart yeah Snell.

When she was telling me the story, I was like, girl, you definitely gave this away. No. Actually, And then the like the most like Darrel looked place I've been to, Daryl, like, we don't even know that we're here. Like, the poorest place I've been to is my dad's from this rural area in China. It's called in Mongoli, but it's not in Mongolia. It's just borders Mongolia. But it's like dry, arid, fucking farmland. And everyone's like missing teeth and like they're

I'm like, and they're so red. You're like, no, this is mac ruby Wood.

I just went.

To Ricky's and I've had a couple of sample.

He's a little glitter.

Give us the top five just because we're going to talk about travel now the last minute of the top five places you think people should should visit, and just give us like a quick line.

Wine Paris. Absolutely, Paris is. The wine is cheap.

You can go to the bakery and get like freshly red and stuff every day.

Yeah.

But I feel like when you when you convert your the money though. Yeah, but the whine is still cheap.

Wine is still it's still cheap.

It's like Poland spring.

Bottles totally honestly. Vancouver, Vancouver, Canada, And then and then I'm gonna say Montreal without the racists. French Canadians are fucking white trash motherfuckers. Read them. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey. Me growing up in Quebec and thinking and like having kids, like having adults come up to you and say shit and do like Chang chong ching stuff as like a fucking six year old

Is it expensive? It's not that expensive Shanghai.

We're not talking to you.

You got a movie theater, dude, Shut up, you're the richest person in the room.

No I have, I can. I cannot pay off fucking six grand to the I r S today. You can do a payment plan though. Guys, I just quit my day job. I don't look at your your data. You got sandals today. Quit. We just get fired, laid off.

We tell we tell me, but we got leg up.

I was about to get let goo. That's how bad. That's why I was like, I might as well just like I could have just been fired and lived off on him. What happened to do that? I was just like, I'm going to San Francisco in LA for two weeks. I might as well not ask for the time off. I might as well to squat just quit. Oh that's what happened. I guess you were pushed against the wall.

You were like, you could have gotten the unemployment.

My roommate, my the guy that I stayed with when I lived in LA, that my roommate, he just got laid off.

And he's like, well, just wait for the unemployment to cook. I mean, and that's pretty cute. Okay, wait wait.

Four years in l A. Yeah, I know he's been at this job.

I was at this place for five I should have just gotten the unemployment whatever. We didn't talk to our black asses had life to tell you, like oh no, no, no no. And then you know, give us like fifty dollars each for you know, for advising advising me of course. So what's the Paris, Vancouver, Montreal? And then I'm gonna say last one Amsterdam. That's a cliche. These are all cliche places.

My friend is in Amsterdam for the month and he went to the On the Run tour and he's he was on the floor, floor seats. Oh my god, so beance for one hundred dollars. He was like these things would have been seven hundred dollars in the States. Wow, more than around one hundred bucks. And he was he was close, like he was like like so much, he's her uterus pretty much basically.

Basically one one hundred dollars. That's crazy, damn. I was like, I guess I got a Europe And they promote those tours so hard in Europe too, Like those posters are fucking everywhere you go, are they like for like the last time I went. Last time I was an Amsterdam was like twenty twelve, and that's been Madonna had an all the mountain like her face. Her poster was plastered on every.

Single thing, the face everywhere. I photoshopped the funk out of that. Huh okay, just shoes with.

The skin anyway, travel expert.

I mean we barely, but we weren't honestly, just wanted to get to know you, because you know we've been on your podcast. I love lost Lost cultures, and you know, if you want to do it, I don't think so, honey, for us right now?

If you have something, I don't have something. What there's not one thing that you're like. You put me on the spot, like that's what even though you.

Knew going in, but I forgot.

No, we didn't because you wasn't in the email. He said it was an email. I was like, do we read the email?

Shore?

Do we read?

No?

We saw the address room like okay, we'll be there.

We were like, what time?

Wait?

Can then? Can you guys do? And I don't think so, honey, Well we're not ready. I can't have there go. I'm unprepared, I guess, so I'll do have one. Do you have one, synay, because I don't have one. I have one, okay, so then we have one. So then we will go first, and then you go, okay, go ahead, so you have time to prepare. Are you starting the time?

Yeah? This is the this is the uh the classic.

I don't think so, honey, bit the segment that they do on lacul Teresa's podcasts.

So I don't think so honey, time is now. I don't think so honey. Fucking tattoos a bit. You're gonna put that on your body forever. You're out of your goddamn mind. Your body is a temple. You're putting fucking graffiti all over it, you stupid motherfuck cress. Why the hell would you pay someone to stab your skin with poison to draw a fucking little heart shape on your on your fucking zygomatic arch. I don't think so, honey. Tattoos You're busted. Don't ever ever getting near a fucking

When we're like, yeah, we had tattoos the whole time, the whole time.

Whatever looks a hot take, that's just me Like, no, I loved it, you got through it.

Who made it?

Sorry? Are you ready time for Yes? Okay, you're gonna time. I'm timing you. This is Sydney, Washington. I don't think so. How your time starts now? I don't think so.

Honey, weddings. I don't want to come to your wedding. I don't care if it's in the same town as mine. I don't care if it only takes me thirty I don't want to see your love officiated.

I don't know.

I just feel like it's a lot of time. It's the whole damn day, and then when you get engaged, it's not just that one day. We have to follow up every single day. Oh, how do you feel about being engaged? How do you feel about your love? Do you love him forever?

Oh? My god? I can't wait to go his your wedding. Oh my god.

I have to get an outfit? How many outfits do I have to get for this fucking wedding? I got him get for the day, and then there's a party after, and then I gotta give you a gift. Bitch, your love is the gift. Why do I have to bring a gift to your fucking wedding? I've already taken off work. Who cares if it's on a Saturday and I ain't got a job I had to take off. I have to go.

I feel like I'm doing a lot of work for your love.

Why are y'all getting married? Y'all go only get divorced anyway. Y'all gonna get divorced because I see the way he look at other people.

Bro, y'all gonna be together forever.

You want me to be excited about y'all, I'm not because y'all straight, Okay, I'm not happy about straight, straight marriage anyway.

I don't think so honey wed and that's man. I'm like, god, you guys. Joseph Jackson just died. Jackson Michael Jackson's dad. Sorry, I just had breaking news.

Some people would be happy about that, but just the Jacksons are happy about that.

Wedding, so can cancel them. Oh my god, I gotta doing that. Hold on, let me figure out.

Just hold on, Okay, Okay, what am I talking about?

I don't think, so, honey, let me think about man one real quick.

I was already, Sidney.

We didn't prep I know. I just was like, let's put it on a spot. Oh, here we go, let's do this.

You're so good at it, so I already just knew that you were going to do it.

Well, no, I'm not, but I think I'm ready. Okay, this is Marie Faustons. I don't think how your time starts now. I don't think so.

Auditioning for stuff that I feel like I should already begin, I don't.

I don't know why.

I gotta memorize lines, I gotta put on a look. I have to go in and I have to talk to somebody who's not interested in me anyway. I don't think, so, honey, auditioning for white people for a black row who So, honey, interviews Va Skype.

I want to download it.

It's gonna make my computer slower than it is, and then I gotta talk to you on Skype and y'all like recording it to watch it later. I think, so, honey, that I got to make sure that I'm well lit in the window or else, or else I look too black. You could just look at my reel and you know she's not that good an actor. Go, you know what you're gonna get when you have me come in to eat yourself.

I don't think so, honey.

Being on time for Beth Melskie casting, so honey, for people who are not performing themselves.

Wow, nervous.

I'm giving you, you know, personality, I'm giving you.

Look you see me, you hear me. I don't have to audition for this.

I don't think so.

And that's one minute that I was right.

The heart from the heart, A deep little very recent like this morning, yes something listen, you wiped for something that she was honestly supposed to go because I'm mad about it now because I'm.

Like, nigga, really really, they're very they're very disorganized.

Whoever it is, we're not going to shutow. No meeting ever goes well anyway, No, it's not good.

Well, if it is.

If it does go well and they're like, oh, we'll fly you out, it's like, okay, how much time do I have?

I have no let fly you out in three hours?

No, I have ship to do. What's wrong with you?

And you're not paying?

On top of that?

Oh, then I have to have my card working when I get to the hotel. Wait, if I get to the hotel, do I got to put your card down? Hold car, I'm gonna have to write for incidentals. I'm gonna have to write them and be like, I don't have my card.

I don't think I don't think so, honey.

My taxes fucked my life. Actually, you missed anywhere? Probably that tin you were doing.

Shut up? I told them.

I told They were like, so, why didn't you find your taxes?

I was like drugs. I was on drugs.

They're like, people on drugs still got to fid their tax No, but when where can people listening catch you?

Do you have a trip coming up? Oh my god?

No, this is out Friday today today, Friday, the twenty night.

I'm gonna be in Montreal for JFL for a glass culture stuff, not not for anything else, so that I know of you what do you mean that's great though, Yeah, yeah, we're doing that. And then and then I'll be in Philly on July seventeen. No, no, no no, on July fourteenth, first show for a show that Matre Jahari is putting up. She's great. Yeah, then that's it. And then the podcast is the podcast culture is us.

Think about your I don't think so, honey, you know at him tell them what you which you don't think so about.

It's such a great podcast and fans you tour stars are.

On one of the best episodes.

Well, we will catch you guys in Shanghai. Yeah, we're going Bowen and I are going to Paris. I'm coming to the taking house, the house where she got took with the French doors on the house. I'm gonna go like a bunch of people to come. It's gonna be cute.

If my card works, I'm there.

My past word actually just expired last week, so I have to renew my.

Past I got the form right here. I literally just got the form.

You need proof of travel, isn't the stupidest part of it. I need proof that I'm traveling. Well, if you wanted to, I don't expedite. I don't need want to, I need to expeditem Okay, okay, boom for Canada. Thank you, Thank you guys for listening. Make sure you you know, review, comment on iTunes and whatnot.

Tell your friends shared it and then slide over to the Patreon.

But also more importantly, the thing that we learned is don't go to a hotel in Queen's and then smoke crystals. If you see a pipe, just know it's like hard drugs, like what an interesting bong?

No, it's a crup pipe or a crystal meth. But you might end up getting a movie theater in your house. That's your parents, that's your life. Bye, guys, just