“The Therapy Expert” with John Early

Forever.

Hello, Oh my god, honnun, we're doing some hime, Marie. I love you in the summertime because you're just so free, which that's so rude to say, considering we're we've been free.

But I'm just saying, are we really free?

Cis I still got these chains on that imagine we just like we took a hard left shackles.

Shackles on my feet.

No, I'm just saying, you're like so bouncy and happy and no makeup.

And makeup at the time. Yeah, but you're just I don't know, it's something else.

And you can't bounce in a snow boots this, you can't bounce in a heavy ass Doc Martin.

So yeah, well you look light.

You look light, and you'll look tell me that I look blessed, like I'm losing weight.

I didn't say you're.

No, your muscles are popping out. Did you look aggressive?

Oh?

Thank you?

Wow?

I look like myself. Yeah, you look like it. We dated you would low ki hit me. It's fine, it's fine, you're good.

Like maybe I choke you.

Yeah, oh yeah, not like that room though outside and like a like a taco bell wore.

And they're like that's just what we do at Taco Bell. They're like, what kind of sauce do y'all want with this? Just mild? Yeah, So well, thank you for that compliment. That was nice. I'm trying. Did you give me a compliment because I said that you were mean?

You did?

You did? Is that why you gave me a complment?

I see what you posted on the instagram for the Unofficial Expert and was.

Like, who is saying something mean in this picture? Everybody said Marie, but they one person. But they love mean. They love when Marie is mean. They love it.

I'm just like, well, what am I? But Sydney, you're also mean. I feel like you trying to act like you're this, like I'm an angel that you guys love to hate. And it's like, no, s you mean too. This we bonded over meanness. This is mean, pretty girl bs that this podcast. That's the foundation of our friendship is the meanness.

We bonded because you were pretty. And I was like, oh, she looked mean, And I was like, I'm gonna talk to Regina. George. He's like, that's so nice, that's fine, quiet shade.

Okay, So last episode I felt like I was saying too much, and so I want to work on just being more selective with my words and information. Then the nerve you have, the nerve, the audacity selective. Since I did a whole episode I made fun of a dude in a wheelchair, I talked about squirting, what was I wasn't selective on that episode. I need you to be as candid and as messy as you used to be.

Sis.

I just don't want to get from episode one want to get in trouble. I don't want to get in trouble.

I was a comment on yesterday's post that they knew who you were talking.

I know, and then I talked to them in the DMS and I was like, if you fucking say anything, I will come and find you in LA and cut you up.

I didn't say that, but there's that sweet as there's that Christian day.

I will butterfly filay you if you say anything. And He's like, you were being I mean, you're saying everything you said her social on the podcast.

I did not you said her social, You said her mother's maiden name, everything, all the information that we needed, first pet's name, the street that she grew up on.

You gave us a lot of information.

Well, I'm gonna stop any hu Marie, what you're an expert in this.

Week because I'm not prepared to go first this so I'm gonna go ahead and deflect to you.

Is that though, is the word deflect?

Yeah?

Sure, so sure? What were you an expert in for? I don't know.

I was on the apps this week? Yes, And this is strange. This is really I shouldn't be on the apps because one, I'm gorgeous and I.

Mean, sweety sweety honey baby, none of us should be should be on the apps, but we are.

I'm fine as fuck, and it's just it's weird. And now I'm seeing why people are not.

Talking to you.

Now they're not going to me though. Yo, I'm getting curved left and right. I'm just not saying the right thing. Well, Sidney, I've seen some of the conversations and it's like, girl, girl, I'll be a little more flirty, I'd be a little more nasty.

I'd be a little dirtier, you know what i mean. So I'm like, so where do you work?

Now?

No?

The question you should be asking is how long can you hold your breath? Because I'm gonna sit on your face these things. And whenever Sidney's greenshot something and sends it to me, I'm like, that's what you should how you should respond, And it's always something trash.

But I don't think you're listening to me.

So what do you like? The comments like, so, what are you here for? And I was like, for mutual physicality? And and Devin Walker was like.

Are you an attorney?

Like?

Who the fuck talks like that? Mutual mutual physicality is a thing. I don't even know what the hell physicality means. It's like us getting active, we're sex.

Okay, ask me that question, and then I'm gonna answer it the way that I've been answering that question.

Hey, so what are you here for?

Multiple orgasms? That's how I've been answering that question. Multiple or yes physicalitymutual physicality, multiple orgasms, it's synonymous.

Yea, well, that's why you're living your life and you're popping that thing, popping that thigh, popping that.

Thing like it's your profession.

Now, I mean says you know, I'm unemployed, so yeah, you know, this is what happens when shows get canceled.

People morph into horse.

Oh my God, I imagine it, just remembering like Para Rangers, they'd like morph into like into.

Their swords or whatever. I remember sorts anyway. Whatever.

Imagine if we see you underneath the bridge, just a second, indict like it's because of Usler.

I would never I don't even know where.

If you don't even know how you get under a bridge in New York, it would be like Central Park, like a londou like rape bridge.

Anyway, shut up, Sydney.

Yeah, but you know, I'm on here and I'm trying, And a lot of people sent me references like other apps to go on.

One of them is called called Gush. One is called no. I think that's a party that might be a party ooh so lesbian party called Gush.

Yeah, we're gonna go. We're gonna go to that. And then I'm on another app called her.

And it's weird because all these apps just want you to pay more money to unlock this other level.

I'm not paying for someone to talk to me. Are you fucking serious? What do I look like a rich dude?

No?

Absolutely not. I am not that I am.

Either you're gonna talk to me or I'm not gonna find everybody sliding my dms. I feel like the people are not sliding my DEMI. Here's here's what we're gonna do, upsetting.

We're gonna how much is the thing We're gonna We're gonna slide some of the Patreon money to you so you can get your stella got her groove back on for the summer. I'm your WHOOPI Goldberg says, you are my Angela Bassett.

So you're dying of cancer.

Probably I am shaving my head, shaving my head so I will look like I'm done of cancer in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, Marie, Uh, what were you an expert in? Ya? What was I an expert in this week? I don't know.

I really I don't even know how to to that question. I don't even know what I did this week. So she's unprepared.

You didn't hook up with anybody, not this week? I did not, So you're closing the gap? You know, mind the gaps? Is I stankally are the closing doors? I no, I don't know.

I'm I was supposed to see one of the dudes and he was like, oh, I'm going to Williamsburg to pick something up. He just kept saying pick something up, and I was like, what is he picking up?

Is he a drug child? Drugs? Like a suitcase full of money? What are you picking up? And he wouldn't tell me, And.

You should have wrote the problem with this, you not picking me up? So okay because she was at home.

Yeah, but I also didn't want I didn't want to host that night, like I had just done laundry. I hate changing my sheet after I just changed my sheet, so like I can't.

Is there a way to have somebody come to your house to hook up? And you'd be like, can we just do it on the rug? Like is that a thing that people.

Are Well somebody who hasn't been on the pod yet, Cola Scola was telling me about us sex blanket where you just throw.

He did say your sex tarps. Yeah, like you throw it down and then you're like you do whatever, you throw it down, and then you throw it down, Yeah, got it, and then you just fold it up and then yeah, oh no, it's like reversible. No, you're an idiot.

But also I just I feel like you gotta clean. I'm still doing laundry. You must have maybe two sex blankets.

Well, you can get multiple sex blank your sex blankets. But I just feel like Marie, we were going so high because.

We can still we got time. Since it's only been only a week. It's passed of me not getting my eat, prey ho on.

But you know, I'm still out here. What does it feel like? Is it closing up? What is yours? Closed up? Sis? It is? It's been a moment for you. It is closed up? Okay, send the troops.

How many troops you need?

How many people are you looking for? I need a whole football team? Wow?

Speaking of football team, Yeah, our guess today could have been a football player.

Maybe absolutely.

Honestly, like we are fans, we're friends, friends and fans of this next guest, I mean literally doing everything and anything that's like next Netflix, Comedy Central affiliated. Right now, you're overseeing Jacqueline Novak's one woman show, Get on your knees.

Get on your knees for that mutual physicality.

Yes, and I watched it and I was like, Wow, I'm inspired to low key give head right now.

Wait what, No, We'll get into this. Yes, it's so good, so yeah.

Okay, yeah, but we're not going to talk about all of that right now. We're going to talk about therapy because he's our therapy expert.

Yes, give it up.

Hey for genrely, Hi guys, it always takes me a little bit to get comfortable with just the drink and the dwink. You know what I mean, the head of my own.

You can sit back in the chair. You see, we're talking about, Uh, what the hell? We've talked about football team football.

Team six getting rammed by twelve people. Rammed, you said, rammed, Wow, sitting.

Oh, the sex blanket is huge. I can I can attest you haven't have one? Oh, I have one. It's amazing, it really is. I never like whenever I when my boyfriend have sex. Yeah we're not and we're not married. Whenever whenever live.

Wow, what kind of Christian day are you?

I always my instinct right is to I wonder if you really pull off the douvet and do it on top of the sheets, you know what I mean, like like you're in bed. But then but then I know when and when we you know, when we got together, like he he would always like.

What he wanted to do it.

He's protect like to him, it's so common sense, like protect the sheets, like because those of the sheets are going to be sleeping in Like you don't want to have to clean them constantly, you might as well do it. To me, It's like the douvet is the thing you don't want. You want to watch the douvet once a year.

Max, Yeah, well I'll watch. I put a dove cover on, so I wash my do covers. I mean, because you gotta put it on. You got to figure out how it's all.

But in the summertime, I don't even have any of that. I don't have that comforter. We just have one sheet we have.

It's hard.

We don't have an I don't have an a C either.

I have a fan and I I'll be tucked into the douvet.

No, you must be rolled in it. You must be drink that's I'm just dropping pounds sweat. No, I'm not.

You're sleeping in a puddle when I sleep with the fan on medium.

I don't have a sweaty body. You know it's good. Are you sweaty? You're sweaty.

You're sweaty as hell. And I've always been sweaty.

When you sleep though, you're just like, yeah, Sydney, you too, I'm a sweater.

I stink too, Like all the toxins, everything that's getting else she's Oh, it's like, am I going?

Am I going through a detox?

I got to balance that beauty.

Yeah, yeah, she's pretty, but she smells smell, And I didn't realize that until I started.

I can't even say it. I can't even say it.

But I smell now, No, I can't contractually cannot say it. I got physicality, I cannot, but I smell and it's it's fine, I'm gorgeous.

But anyway, jump something ready to body. Yeah, there we go.

We got it, John, I just want to can I just swoon just for a little bit, like I'll take it, like everything about you, Like I remember when I met you and you had that turtleneck on.

It was like love at first turtleneck.

We really we have a turtle net connection.

We do crazy y'all just said, you're sweaty and you smell and you are like sausaging your bodies into some turtlenecks.

It's I love the look. I really do.

It's so weird to see you without one.

Yeah, no, I know. And as I was, as I was saying off mic, it's I'm trying to stop desexually myself, desexualizing myself at every turn. I have hangover brain right now, so I'm literally the words are not the brain Jacque whine. I got so drunk after the show.

What do you drink?

We drink this fucking cocktail that Scott sound like poisons. It was like tequila. It's very like it feels so light, it goes down so easy with like five of them. That's how they and I don't remember paying.

You don't remember drinking dish.

You're one of those here's the life of the party and you're like, oh, I don't know.

It's like uber here later.

Got a dash okay, Sharon it so you right bye, like I'll get the next wrap.

Every time I confirmed via Texas Morning that I did pay, okay, but I don't remember paying or getting home.

That's a good night or a bad night, but that's a good knight.

It was fun.

When you wear a turtle neck do you wear the necklace outside or do you wear it in?

And had it like leak over.

The well, I would say like wearing a necklace at all is a step closer to not desexualizing myself. So I haven't been wearing a necklace over the turtle neck. But I'm going when I do turtlenecks, I'm going to add a necklace because that's hot to me.

Okay, wait, but there's a thing that's saying like turtlenecks are not sexy.

But no, I think turtlenecks are sexy. But I think there is there's an irony in it when I wear them, not when you wear them. You, I've never I never got caught a whiff of irony in your.

Turtle because because there's different types of turtlenecks.

Right, Sydney's wearing a fitted like a sheer Yes moment Plush City is gonna it's basically a bodysuit.

Yeah right, it's nasty. She's not putting on got sick.

Exactly.

Cash Okay, he's rich. Okay, but Unicolor has cashmere turtlenecks. No, is that branded? Are they sponsoring? You?

To his website, John Early slash experts, I.

Do love unic cloth, though I am wearing uniclose shorts.

Okay, let's.

Have the shirt that I got in high school and I literally just foun out today has a toothpaste from the Drunk Goodness Toothpaste stand, which is impossible to get out.

When you came in, I thought that was Prince. But that's why it's.

Aggressive. Look what he's doing.

And then guests magic with the statue of Liberty. He's making it disappear. So it's like Freddie.

Mercury, David Copperfield.

I was going to say, I was going to say David Blaine's father.

But well, essentially, I mean, yeah, this is a shirt I got, you know, in one of those little bins, like five dollars bins and Adventuance during high school.

And then I was like, oh, you were doing vintage in high school.

So aggressively, like so performatively, like oh it's vintage.

That's how you knew he was going to be a star. You know, just like when you're a kid and you're.

Like, oh no, no, no, I don't do labels. It's like what gross?

I didn't do labels as a kid, But that's because my parents were poor, Like Marie, what's that? And it was like, well, the only designer stuff I had was from Marshalls and it was like, you know, too big for me.

Yeah, yeah, I couldn't have labels.

I wanted a pair of Nikes so bad, and my auntie and uncle took me to j C. Pennies and got me a pair of bikeys. It said bikey's, not nikes, And I wore them to school the next day. And when I tell you, I cried.

From start to finish. Was like, is that a big I'm saying? Was it a sloper?

Was anttle curl? Oh?

No, No, it was just a hard It was a sharp chick.

It was just a line. It was a line. There was no check, there was just the line. And there is that a bet?

Is that a beat? Bikeys? Like they're screaming and lipped.

I mean, knowing what we know now, you should have been You should have been able to flip it, you know what I mean, Like it's actually pronounced bike and these are from a Korean brand that olah blah blah blah blah blah started, you know what I mean. Like now, as an adult, you'd be like, no, they're not called bikes.

They're bikes. Yeah, you don't know bikes.

But I wish I was that witty when I was a kid. None of us, none of us were, except for maybe John.

I wasn't. I was silly, but I was not witty.

Were you like a class clown?

I was actually pretty like shy, you know, until it was on stage, when it was like ice crossed like you know.

And when did you get on stage?

Just like literally trying like literally after school, like doing sketches like that kind of stuff, and then like and then started, you know, in the theater like musicals and stuff theater.

And wait were you in high school and you started theater middle school? Middle school?

Wow?

You started to his eyes so hard ear least the child's even fairly cocaine.

No, wait, you know what I mean school plays though, not so what professional theater.

No, but it starts there, right, I mean literally it's a.

Stepping stools, so seriously, yeah, tell well your bang is right now that you took it serious of course, like he was up there like I have to go over my size.

I don't have time for this science project, miss Cunningham. Right, you had f's on everything except theater.

I remember, well, oh absolutely well I didn't have f's, but I remember well geometry, I had a forty A forty forty the crucible.

First of all, it's like it's hard, is it passing sixty?

Yeah? Oh yeah, I was like fully and I had to quit the Crucible. That's sorry, that's what the story iseometry.

Okay, what is the Crucible about?

It sounds like it's like Salem Witch Trials.

You did a play literally in middle school.

Well that was high school, but it's still that's such a like complicated thing that's not fun. High schoolers should not be doing that play. It is I mean, our

Just like getting stone, getting yes, getting high kids. See, I don't think that I want to have children either, but you saying that makes.

Me wants even really about the kid. It's really it's more about the experience with the partner.

Just like holding in a laugh, like look, how terrible these other kids are compared to our our Angelina.

Yeah, but that's.

What you hope, you hope and pray that you have a kid that's super talented. I mean imagine being that parent that it's like, oh man, troubled.

Yeah, yeah, but this But in.

The same way that I ask, do parents know when their children are ugly? Do parents know when their kids are bad at acting or bad at the thing that they because? Or are they in denial? Like whoa, look how good she is at her dance recital and she's the worst one up there.

It's probably case by case, but either way, it's sensitive.

It is sensitive, but it's it's just also that you don't want to be honest with the fact because they're just like they're kids.

They're going to grow into something else. This is not the end.

My mother told me when I was trashing my clarinet recital. She was like, I don't make me. No, I didn't even really play, just like you would like finger it, finger it and then just like never blow.

Which is kind of my brand. You didn't even know. I was like, you didn't even try marine. No, I didn't.

And but you know I had the little case I would like wet the red, moisten, the reed. You're all about the prep, you're all about the builds up. I was like I was like third chair, third like last like back back, back row.

It was bad.

My mother was like, why did I she told you?

Oh yeah, she was like mm hmm, that's what you've been doing with that clarinet that we paid for.

That Those are expensive. It was percussion in band, So you for drunk.

What did you not do? John? Where did you go to school?

Felt and now music? Yeah? Well no, but this is more just like you were required to do some sort of performing art like band class, you know what I mean.

Or choir or something, or orchestra orchestra.

Yeah.

Yeah, when you guys are not in LA or New York, you have to get a skill.

You know, you have to in New York. I had to do that in New York. You didn't have to play an instrument in school.

Wait where did you grow up?

Okay, you know I'm split.

Yeah.

I was in Oakland, California, and then I was in New York and they.

Don't have band teachers. I had.

I had a viola when I was I did. I did that in elementary school.

But then when I came to New York, it was about like, yes, very was.

That you being like I'm different the obvious girls put the violin. I'm the.

I was late to picking up and they only had a viola left, and they were like, well that's.

A chat like he's a coat hanger and tiny guitar, and I wait, I kept calling it a violin and someone was like, no, no, no, well what's the difference.

It's it's smaller, isn't it like deeper? Yeah, a sexier. It's definitely sexier.

It's not a cellos. It could have been worse. You could have got there late and had to play that gas cello.

I would have.

Actually, I would be better at the stuff that I need to do with women if I had a.

Cello, because yeah, yeah, hey dudes, if you'all fucking failing at you know, sex, get you a cello.

It's good.

Write up the book, Google how to make her come. I feel like that's the thing. Go to a go to a man magazine and read that article. Oh they don't do that, seventy nine ways to make hard gush. They would never.

Isn't that funny? It's kind of Jacqueline Show, Like it's like girls are always like from like age five, are getting like how to please your man? But is it? There's nothing the other.

Word literally nothing.

It's like it's like gay. It's like, want to please you a woman? You know what I mean?

Well, I think you trying to please you, trying to make your girl happy.

That's scared. Say no, it's.

Gay, dude.

It's gay to talk about like sex, the communication before sex.

That's gay.

But that's why when I find a man that's good at sex, I'm like, oh, he read something, he made a search.

You actually feel it's not just some like intuitive thing. It's actually like he's doing He's like.

Yeah, it's like can you do that? That made you wet? Sitney, he's twisting.

He's sorry that it was great.

Teach me. I want to learn. She'd be like, get off of me, get like like playing a boppit.

Remember those things it was like boppit, flick it, knock it, suck it like that. They should make those for boys to learn how to police women.

That's what a bop it should be.

It should be stroke it, ask it how it's doing, flip it, get her a sandwich, flick it, be rich Like that's yeah, don't be poor.

What do How do you feel like? I'm not shaming the people who clearly like learn something or mimicking something important because we've all been there. Okay, but there is a difference between like the sex that's like where you feel where it's just like you feel connected, and then the sex where like you feel like they have tricks. And I'm not saying one is better, but it is. There is something always to me in my head when I feel.

One is usually better though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, But if.

You have a connection with somebody, it's less about what they know and it's more about y'all together totally you mesh. It just works like great, I said, I have to have a connection with somebody, open up, your heart is closed.

You have a fucking i U D in your feelings. That's what it is. Yes, you do.

That's major. Did that just fly out? Yeah?

It flew out.

Okay, mark this part in the recording. We have a major, major iconic moment right here.

I U D on your feelings.

We're gonna make some i u ds and write hashtag on official expert on them.

Yeah, go ahead, guys, it's merched. That's what it is on the website.

Now, she doesn't want to get pregnant with emotions. It's fucking I don't want to get pregnant periods yes, I'm not.

I want to that child's recital and I'm not paying for no clarinet.

John.

I feel like you're very open, like you're you're definitely vocal about how you feel and what you want and you and your partner.

I feel like you would be great in a relationship ship.

You're gonna make me cry?

Is it true?

Well, you know what it is. I do desire intimacy, like sometimes to the point of suffocation. Though that's that's also part of the problem. It's not like you know, it's it's a two way street, like it's it's I think it's important to like want intimacy, you know, to then get it. But then also if you if, if you're if I'm constantly stated like hello, like it's not like sometimes to let intimacy happen, you have to like kind of back off the.

Gas like me and oh, I'm just be pressed.

I'm so pressed. I'm like annoying with it.

Me too, me too, I'm like intimacy, intimacy into macy.

John, did you learn that in therapy?

Wow?

I know some team here something like it is my dad here.

Okay, wait wait wait before you even answer that, And I want to finish giving everybody the visual which David Copperfield vintage chee redbear.

Right.

But I love a T shirt that is like that, like that summer.

Yes, he's wearing a white okay, not a cream, not an eggshell, a white short.

It's very summer home.

It's like either I have a summer home or I'm on my way to my friends Nancy Myers.

Yes, it's not kind of white. But it's this the I have to tell you my boyfriend he oh wait, no, he didn't ship. I was gonna say he tailored through shorts. He tailored a lot of my clothes recently. He can sew. Bitch, what are some things I need to be work?

Does he work with or not?

He saw you at the fund raiser that we did a million years ago, and he was in love with you.

Yes, wait, is that what we got these tattoos?

No, No, isn't.

And I hosted a fundraiser for some mothers against.

Yeah, generally wasn't.

They were doing tattoos in the back and they were charity men, Sydney mestoos. That's forty dollars in the back of a tattoos for charity.

There's a lot of pressures for tops, like it's for charity, that's scario.

They actually were not that nice, but it's fine. I was like, it's it's crooked, it's it's a crown.

I feel like mine is in most of my posts, but I hardly ever see Boop Sydney's.

So we know.

So we know your boyfriend and he is great at tailoring things.

Yes, yes, but what what else were you going to say?

Oh? I was gonna I thought I I was going to say that he too the shorts. He didn't. I sent the bell House show. I was like, I want them shorter, you know. I was like, I was like, I need like performing in like short shorts because it feels like there's something kind of like prancy about it, you know.

Yeah, and people will be like, oh, you're not supposed to perform comedy in shorts.

I love being a stage shorts and or a dress and you can really well you are you move, you move on stage, you use the hole. He does choreo, choreo. Yes, I was gonna say choreography.

And ride pants and it's like and I have literally split pants from like the movement. Wow, So I had to I need shorts. I can hike up and so I can really.

Need to see John right now.

I'm gonna get that. I'm gonna catch a video of you, like so the people can see.

Yes, and then and I'm wearing rubber burk and stocks, rubber berks.

Rubber these are these are not rubber berks. I'm wearing the art teacher lesbian classic burk.

But is she a gay?

I got these at Buffalo Exchange for thirty dollars. Okay, so my birks are thrifted.

My eyes are burning watching both of your feet being the bottle.

I have Converse and they are white.

Yeah, you just got the no, honey, I've had them for weeks on weeks.

Yes, but you don't really wear sneakers. It's basically Brandon News.

I don't.

It's just weird to see you guys in those because it's just like, is that really your brand?

This is my brand. My brand is comfort. It is sweety comfort.

Sweetie has become more and more of my brand.

I feel like I could see you like in like a sandal that's like couture, like.

A Jesus John Galliano.

Yeah, I've never done like first. I rarely do sandals and when I do like, I'm scared of kind of a statement sandal, but I need to move past that.

You're scared of a statement sandal, make a statement with just sandals.

John. For you, it's like a water park shoot and John has Q feet.

Just to give you the.

Nail beds very very classy.

You come from a two parent home, you do classic nail yes.

But I'll tell you what. I didn't learn how to clip my nails until all this relationship shut you away.

You know what, you were just scratching people in the bed, which when you were spooning.

And now I do it truly just to avoid that moment.

That is, the nails were just like hanging off the shoe.

They weren't. I wasn't like Curl.

I was like, are you getting book?

Curl?

Yeah, I remember that. I was like, John, that's not That's.

Not what it is. The thing is this is gross. But I don't care. The way that I keep my toenail's fingernails down, it's literally just nervously picking them.

Yeah, me too. I thought you want to say, you bite them. I was gonna say, but.

There is something just like gross up shredding them, but especially tonails like absent, Like.

I saw a dude.

I saw a dude in public picking at his toes two days ago.

I would never get it was like, shoot, I'm.

Not better than that up at his I was like sick.

In New y.

Yeah, anyway, tost tikto Okay, we do want to talk about therapy because that's the name of this episode, so we touch on it a little bit and then we can go back to not talking about therapy. Yeah, so I have never been to therapy, but you guys have both been to therapy.

When did you start going.

I started going when I was like literally like twenty four, so that was two years ago, fifty two, so I'm thirty one.

Were wow, so brave.

I mean, there's been plenty of time off, but that was the first time I went when I because I was like, I I just I had always, of course, like been interested in the idea, but it seemed kind of it's just like it's hard to start anything, you know, It's hard to do something for the first time period, so like I don't know, I just didn't do it. And then and then I literally got to a point where I was just like I can't keep it up.

Why don't we go to therapy? You said that?

And I got like a yeah no. I literally just was like I'm exhausting myself. I can't do it anymore, like whatever I'm you know.

Yeah, okay, So you decided because it was like.

Some southern shit. It was like some southern like kind of people pleasing shit that I you know, you know, learned as a kid, and like it just it's like every friendship, every relationship, everything was just like a kind of repetition of that and like where none of my own like feelings were involved. And I was like and so and it can really get you into some fucking toxic relationships. Yeah, I died relationships, yep.

Yeah.

And so I was just like I felt like I was like kind of walking around balancing these like eight toxic relationships.

At all times, and at twenty four.

At twenty four, just like all my friendships, like deeply on.

Twenty four, isn't everything a little bit toxic?

Totally?

We eat bad, we drink bad, like everything's true.

And you're like you're like, yeah, that's true.

You're like, I'm fine, I'm fine, But you're twenty four. You're supposed to be living your life.

You're not supposed to be having the weight of like everything on your shoulders.

No, I wasn't saying that. I'm saying at twenty four, you don't.

We don't really know anything at twenty four, you're still pretty stupid. Yeah you know, yeah, but it sounds like you were pretty smart.

Well who knows, but I mean, I I was just like, I really just felt like I was kind of freaking out.

But then how do you find a therapist? Like is there an ask jeeves or something.

Like where do you use the best thing to do?

He's twenty four though, when you were still in my parents. Yeah, so that was different.

For like for two years. So that was fucking incredible.

All of our young folks that are listening to the podcast, use your parents and surance.

Shout out to Star She twenty four. Yeah, get that blue Cross blue shield, bitch, what's wrong with you?

Do?

Who listen to the podcastn't hold bad?

I love you. Star She's twenty four.

Yeah, use that blue cross blue shield. I'm miss it.

So Maud, I have blue Cross blue shield right now. No, I had it.

Yeah, they have the best of the best. Yeah.

So yeah, so I oh so this is the best thing that I feel like you can do is it's like who is your smartest, most like insightful friend, Like who is the friend that you go to for like the long fucking dinners, like the late night like talks, talks talks. They have a therapist, sky Yeah, if they have a therapist, like you couldn't and they like their therapists,

Six years, six years relationship, you crazy beach?

Did you send her cards on the holidays? Like, did y'all go out and get snack?

I tell you what it is. It does kind of get weird because you do you do feel very close to the Minnesota point.

But they know everything about you, but you don't really know anything about it.

And I have gotten little snippets, yeah, like every I'm like, it took me a while to she was lesbian because she like slipped she said something about like she's like, yeah, there is kind of a there's a type of woman who like like you know, you'll date them, you know, and then and then like I mean it wasn't even that explicit, but she's like a type of woman who you date like that like is experimenting with homosexuality, but they're not really homosexuals.

Talk about herself truth and you were like I'm gay. She was like mm hmm, I meant a man.

There's a type of man.

Yes, man.

Yeah, But I think that is truly a perfect relationship in terms of when you need to get something you don't know that much about them.

When the boundaries are so clear.

Yes, And I think that's how I feel when it comes to like crushes too. It's like, soon as I know too much about you, I don't fucking like you anymore. I love the moment, Yeah, I love when it's mysterious. So that's the great thing about therapist. You know you don't know anything about that.

Yeah, But if I'm gonna be telling somebody all of my business, I need to know your business too.

Well. Sometimes I do want to know something like because because it's also like it is my preferred conversational style, Like if I'm like talking about something I'm struggling with in my life, I like when someone uses their own life, like, you know, as an example. You know. And so at a certain point, I was like, can you disclose anything like at all?

You asked her that.

Well, no, because something it's something good, but it's at all.

It taints things when they say, well, from my personal experience, because they're supposed to be impartial.

Yes, they're supposed to tank it for you, but it sounds like it doesn't.

I kind of wanted it, But I think that just because.

You want it. It's as a therapist, it's like you have to have those boundaries, yes.

Yeah, and those boundaries are really important and I haven't and so so this therapist, God, she fucking helped me through that moment, Like I she has. She changed my life, She really really did. She changed my life for six years.

How much of this therapist calls?

Because I need to know, like, well nothing. At first it was like literally fully covered by.

My parents, right, and I want to kiss your parents on the mouth.

It was funny, God damn. And then it was like it was like I would I would go for a bunch like like like burn money and then like do a little super bill, send it to the insurance. And then it was like literally like at a certain like twenty five dollars after my SAG insurance.

We're somebody's sad. Some of us are SAG eligible. Yeah, I'm SAG eligible as well.

I just don't want to join because I don't want to pay them. I don't want to play those baby, it's not time. Three thousands. How much does it cost?

In my mind, it's like nine thousand start SAG. It's literally like three thousands, yes, maybe more.

Yeah, we have the Patreon money when we have three do we have six thousand dollars for SAG.

I thought we were spending on Sydney's.

We're spending it on Sydney's dating app exactly.

I went on SAG yesterday yesterday.

Well, the benefits are whatevs. But the health insurance is the health insurance for therapy.

So I gotta pay three thousand dollars for insurance, is what you're telling me. I'd rather just keep living my life just hoping I don't get hit by a bike.

Like That's how I've been living.

For the less. Well, there's of course, great sliding scale some of the like I've I have dear friends who've seen like fucking sliding scale therapists for like twenty bucks.

Ah, sometimes they're not good because listen, I went to a slightest scale therapist. Bitch had Tom's on, didn't even have her whole foot in the shoe, and.

It's just like she was walking on the back. It's like, boo boo.

This you're you're wearing slippers pretty much, that's rude.

Yeah, I'm telling you, what's bothering me?

And I can't stop looking at the heel of your foot, was it dry?

Was a dry hill? It just felt like, you're not taking this seriously. She had what Tom's is.

But sometimes those students are taking it more seriously than a professional therapist, you know, because they're like they're actually like they're invested in a different way. Like sometimes it's really good.

Okay, but people who walk on the back of their shoe, it says something about you.

It's a it's a sense of laziness, okay, but also.

It's like, oh, you had a long day, but your whole day was sitting.

So it's like, what what are we working with?

This is a sooth dude. Here's the revolutionary thing about therapy for me. Okay, I never knew. I never knew this, Like because so this first therapist I had, Susan, who.

Love Susan is a good therapist?

Name my therapist Susan, Susan Cheryl something like that, Like someone is.

This my therapist, Susan Miller who also does astrology?

You know? But yeah, but she, like we immediately developed this thing that I just assumed was the therapeutic relationship, which was more just kind of me reporting and her listening. And so after a while, it kind of became a little like mom, are you proud.

You know what I mean, like, because you want to get a reaction out.

Yes, I'm like coming in and be like this is going great, and this is going great, and well he said he loves me too, you know, and like and she was like, you know, like and so and then and then I started seeing this new therapist like literally she will literally never hear this, like she doesn't even know what a podcast is. But I'm like terrified changed my life. You changed my life, Susan.

Sorry Susan.

But but then this new therapist I saw, he's more in this thing. And this is why even if she if you do have therapists with heels out of the shoes, He's kind of taught me this thing that it's like, it's not He's like, it's more about like using the relationship with the therapist as like a kind of model for like the problems in your real life. So it's like my fear of you know, my fear of like confrontation or whatever. It's like he's like, you can this

You know, just called her on them heels to open mic.

Huh yeah, we just open mic, in with my fucking emotions and.

Lying my money, okay, Karen, Yeah, cool sounds fun.

But that's why I'm like if they're bad, like if you if you can only afford sliding scale and you happen to like land on a bad one, like sometimes like it is still useful even if you like I don't go them just to be like, well, I'm gonna like say what I feel. I'm gonna tell them and maybe they'll have something. Maybe something really constructive can come out of it.

And that's my time and that time back to the room. That's perfect. I believe in that. That's great.

But I'm also like, they say that therapists are supposed to be unbiased and they're not supposed to be judgmental.

I don't fucking believe that.

Yeah, they're telling people my business when they I haven't met a therapist yet, like a therapist that was my friend.

So I have nothing should go off of. But I just don't believe as a human being, I don't care. If it is your job to be unbiased, you are gonna judge a little bit.

Well, that's another brilliant thing that this guy said. He was like, this, it's an it's an ideal. He was like, the kind of like totally unbiased therapist. He's like, it's an ideal, Like it is imperfect. He's like, I'm a human being. He was like, so I will fuck up. And he was like, and we can acknowledge it, you know, which I was like shaking. I was like, what do you mean? You know? But like it scared me so much.

How do you go from one person for six years? Yeah, Susan, glorious, Susan. I'm assuming his name is something like Kyle.

Or Bob or something, Robert Jason.

It's more than you expect.

It's his name, Davante.

His name is.

Davante.

It's Ray.

Ray.

No, that a hang, that's a that's a pal.

Yeah, but that's what Ray sounds like. Ray's like, if you want to do something to get off you just say it to me, baby, I'm here for It's imperfect.

Yeah.

He's like smoking a cigarette. It's imperfect.

You know it's not gonna be.

You know race. He's playing cards on the side. He's like, what are you want?

Yeah, Jack, you want me to do you in? He's playing online poker while you're talking to him. He's like, hey, dover Nick Nick. He like, just know that it's imperfect. Ah damn, I thought I one, like that's Ray. I feel like I've never met a man named Ray in real life.

It's it's Ray.

You're rare, rare, rare.

You can cut that.

We keep everything in maybe no and it's no take back, no Ray. Okay.

So the goal is to meet a man named because in my mind, rais or sexy or is he Saddy the dad from Sister Sister, right?

I know he's he's kind of hot, yeah, Ray.

Yeah.

But I think there's this thing about therapists that's, even if they're not that hot, there's something about them that you're like, oh, I'm spending this hour with you. You start looking at ship that you weren't looking at before, and you're like, well, the hairline is inteme.

Yeah, you know, like, wow, look at the ear loves is they look soft? Yeah, And it's like, oh he's forty five.

Yeah, what else the good ad? Well, you know, well there's a moment too. Also, it's like where you google them?

Oh never, I've never you googled. Yeah, you gotta google read the reviews.

Noe, well that too, but you can find shit.

I think that is where you're breaking.

No, it's fucking bridge. You're not supposed to do. Now. I feel like I have I have now the secret in the room that I actually like need to acknowledge, like a recording to.

You gotta you have to bring something up that you found in his LinkedIn at the next time, like next time you're there, you know, oh you know, I know you know it because you went to brown but so and he's like what.

Yeah, well, I'm so scared I'm gonna slip up and say like a detail of his life, like how did you know that?

It's like you found his Facebook or so he found his Instagram.

You're like, Ray, that caption is very problematic, but it's fine. I guess it was funny. You're like, how was your weekend in the Catskills with the dog and stuff like I say, I say, bring all that to Ray.

Ray sounds like he's gonna be cool open Exactly.

It's twenty nineteen.

Everyone's googling, Hey, Ray CBA is just like not the filter for you, just saying, you know, I would go with a lark.

Lark yes, or in the stories a rio Dejanira.

Yeah, I didn't know you could filter story.

Yeah.

Really, I'm so behind on stories. You've noticed, I'm sure.

But stories are I think what saved Instagram.

Oh exactly, I love stories, but I'm not like I still do the fucking like the mark of texts, Like how do people do like where it pops up in the middle you want to?

I feel like that's because it's a different like a different dad.

Well, then what about the thing where it moves with.

Are you fifty five somebody? You don't say that.

I have such I'm so bad with my story.

You do it from the computer.

But but John, we have to be honest with the listeners that you are pretty famous, Like you're.

You're out here, You're a pretty big deal. You're a big deal, and you're like modest about it.

But that's why you're not on Instagram as much because you're like busy, you.

Know, well, you know it's the numbers. Here's what I'll say, the number. The reason why my Instagram numbers are high is because I think.

You bought them.

I knew it, you bought them.

Heelena Gomez.

Selena Gomez, I think has some sort of gay like publicist because one day I obviously do not know her. There's no way she knows me. One day after like an ars nova show, she followed me my friend who was on the show and ars Nova in the same like minute, Selena Selena Gomez. I was like, did not just genuinely follow ars Nova?

Maybe she was at the show, dude, she might have been there since you know, she got that little round babyface, so and she's very like forgettable looking in real life.

I'm sure, well she don't have the last.

Such a good point, Okay, so normal.

But maybe her assistant went live at the show.

Yeah maybe and was like you're you got and she was just home laughing and following what was that?

John Guy Joan followed the numbers shocked.

She was the most followed account for the longest time until Kylie, like a few.

Months ago, until Kylie bought her shut up.

Yeah, Selena Gum was the most followed account.

Wow, I didn't know that. Well there you go.

And how many followers did you get from that?

Like literally from that, like seventy thousand, like shut the fuck up, like just every day. Well that's true when when someone.

Someone with a with a big following follows you, you'll get a little bump yeah and follows. But she had she was the most followed on Instagram.

So yeah, seventy I get dms all the time from like twelve year olds or like, please show her this sign I made thinking that I'm friends with her because show So wait.

How does someone realize that somebody famous is following you?

Like because they get notificed. They get notification, right, because it'll be like so and so like this image like that image, and I guess it says who you follow when you follow someone new.

That's dumb, okay, but I'm glad. I'm glad for your new I'm just saying follow.

Yeah, she's only following sixty one accounts she's on.

I want to count well, Andrew, Andrew, please please confirm that John.

Is one of the sixteen. Not Johnny's stressed out, He's.

Let's see well what he says, no user, Oh my god.

Devastated, devastated.

I'm gonna slide in Selena Gomez DMS and be like, hey, oh my god, this is John. Do you need a moment? Selena Gomez is the devil.

It was honestly plateau.

The follow Okay, this is what John's face. John's face after realizing it is so flush.

I know, I am blushing. I like, I'm gonna be.

Like, Selena Gomez, why you're not following my friend? No more? You're not following my friend no more?

What? What was the What did did you post something that she was like, oh, this doesn't have the.

Right fil on it.

She was like to stories, Yeah, she.

Saw you walking. You posted a story leaving Rays and she's like, is he had Ray? And she was like, oh no, oh my god, wow wow wow wow wow wow wow.

Well okay, wait, followers come in gust you and with therapy you who needs when you have ray?

Selena? When you have read?

Wait?

So how did you find ray in l A?

Same thing where I moved to l A And I was like, who is my And I have this one friend who just like literally her advice that makes me cry like I love her, like.

He's emotional friends. Yeah, I'm talking to you, and I'm like, you know, I'm having a grade. Yeah, you look great on those shorts.

And you're like sobbing at Trader Joe's and it's just like, come on, we can't do this body of I'm gonna get some croissants. I'm gonnaive you a minute to get yourself together.

You're coming to the store with you, Marie. That's fully me. I go deep in in proper settings. But I asked her. I just asked her, and she was like, I saw this fucking amazing therapist. He's the best, and she was just telling me about him and he sounded great.

Okay, so what Okay, so attract your Both of your therapists have been attractive.

Okay, Well, Susan, I'm gonna kill myself Like Susan wasn't. She wasn't a baddie, but you know, I wasn't like you weren't like voiced, Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Wait how old is Susan Susan.

Yeah, Susan's probably in her like late sixties. Wow.

Okay, well, Susan, I feel like that's that's what I want in a therapist though with somebody with like Asian still experience, and I want them to not be too sexy, but I don't want them to be ugly. And I need them to have good teeth because I can't take no advice from somebody who has bad teeth.

So that's what I'm looking for.

If I no, let me tell you the people with the with the worst like teeth in weird hands they live.

What's a weird hand?

They fucking know people would I don't trust people with nice hands?

What's the weird? Like soft?

Like let me feel your hands. I know you've been through some work. His hands are soft though in a while. Also, your lifeline is very short, you're going to.

I have no idea.

I'm just okay.

You know what.

John has soft reasonable, nice hands for New Yorker, but he's like living in New York. The fact that I could touch the palm and it's like not rough, but it's.

Something about him like it's been She's like I could call me now, but three payments.

Have what happened? Cleo?

She died? She died and confirmed and or deny and like didn't she die like disgraced?

Yeah, like didn't she get in trouble.

Yeah, I mean she wasn't a real thing. I mean, well, but like so she wasn't even a real Jamaica. It wasn't even really Jamaica is what it is.

Oh yeah, let's talk about that, John. I feel like there's like people who are fraudulent. But what about like impostor what is it called syndrome?

Yeah? What about that? What you mean what does that mean?

I feel like it's an imposter syndrome, like you're feeling about yourself.

Yes, when you feel like you're a fraud, like you don't you don't deserve the things that you're getting.

Yeah, I think it's like, well, I mean this is very related to therapy. Yes, I think it's impossible. Like the why being a person is so hard is because you can't see yourself, like you cannot you don't know. As much as you try to control it, you know, as much as you try to like understand what you you know, you can't. You You are not privy to the conversations that your friends are having about you behind your back.

This is true. I've had moments recently where I'm like, oh, they're definitely talking about me. Oh, like they definitely.

Something at me, like because I just I feel like I agree with you're saying.

We don't see how people see us.

Have you ever seen a picture of yourself and then flipped it, like flipped it so you can see what you.

Actually look like? You know what? Mushrooms?

Now we're not talking about there's a picture of yourself, but you flip because we've only ever seen mirror reflections of ourselves or ourselves and photographs.

But like when you flip your face, it's like this, how do you do that? It's weird. I don't know, it's weird. How do you do that? You don't like you don't look like yourself? Is what I'm saying.

I'm like, this is what I look like. It's like this eye is my good? Like, it's it's weird.

I need to see this. Where is is this an app?

I feel like it's something doing picture? Just flip the picture?

Okay?

The anger?

Okay, thank you, angry gay sexy tall producer.

I mean I think that's where I feel like imposter syndrome like comes from. Is like you literally like, I mean, it's been really interesting. I've been working with Jack on the show. I'm not trying to plug. But it's like Jacqueline's like she's getting up there every single fucking night doing it's an hour and a half.

Show, Like hour and a half, she's doing it.

Show.

It's it's phenomenal because not only is she actually doing but all of the words, it's so much.

Where was the show? How long does it run?

Till August eighteenth? And there's a room on the streets that it's going to be a transferring to a different.

Theater ours Nova'lena Gomez, But no, but she's been doing it every night and like this is the imposter cy inter thing.

It's like it's like she literally it's like she's I know, she feels a love from the audience, you know, like on some level, but she's still it's like she's inside her own body, like she can't see just the obvious greatness that like we're all seeing, right, the objective just greatness.

But that's part of being a performer, right, Like, especially if you're doing a show regularly, Yeah, you know what it feels like to absolutely kill it, crush it, standing ovation. If you get that once, the next time you don't get that, you're like, oh, the show was sad time right to that to that's the time that you felt like you truly killed it. But as a comedian, like that's that's what my whole week was was oh wow, I need to quit everything I needed.

But we realized that audiences are so fickle and like they're walking in and you don't know what their day was, and so you don't know all these people like I went on the opening night, and those are people who genuinely love everything about there was Sometimes she was saying something and she couldn't even finish because they were already about to laugh because they're that intuitive to like comedy.

This is my show.

Yeah, I do believe in like like I am not into this idea like you should be able to perform anywhere like do the heart and so and mic it's like, no, no, curate your audiences, Like yeah, I've always felt like I feel like the open mic thing is so like male, it's so like you gotta.

Fucking suffer man, and the people who are suffering, the people who are suffering.

Most of them are.

Trash exactly.

With people and be successful exactly.

That's a skill. It's not cheap. It's not like like I don't know.

It's called self care, okay, And I think.

More performers need to go to therapy for that because I think that's what drives us crazy just every day thinking like okay, am I good enough?

Like what is this?

Like?

How great is that?

Like?

Am I as amazing as they're saying?

Oh?

Are people liars?

I've seen people say something is good and then tell me that it's bad.

It's like I can't.

Trust it right. Well, that's and that's what I think. That's what therapy provides. It. It provides this like place to like actually start to and it takes a while, but you kind of start to see yourself more clearly. You like come in with the same kind of bullshit every week and it's just like it's the same thing that kind of like it is like like gnawing at you.

John, you are an advocate for therapy because everything you say and I'm like, WHOA, give me Susan's number before you get out of here, honestly if you can, because because I'm not somebody who's ever been like like therapy, Like, yeah, it's normal because it's normal now, but it's not normal in my culture, is not normal in my family.

If I told my mother I was seing a therapy she'd be like, why for what?

Yeah, it's very it's very trendy now and it's I almost am like not saying that we should not be pushing therapy, but there's a lot of people who make it so that it's like is this like a child latte?

Now?

Like why are you unicorn FRAPs?

Like why are you turning it into like ug boots? Like this is not this is something serious. This is like people's livelihood. We need it, Like don't tell me what's going on in your therapy session and make it like a thing.

It should be separate.

I think, yeah, well them like the weird like marketing around therapy. Yeah, so like sinister Marund just like the unicorn it's like it's like it's like it's.

Like, hey, therapy, everyone should go, but maybe everybody should go.

But everyone should and it does especially like their needs, like with men, like there men need to go to.

Men need therapy.

Get Black men also need to go to therapy, and they're the ones that are least likely to go.

I feel like, well, there needs to be models for it. Like I feel like, well that was I mean remember those like Michael Phelps ads that were going around there was like for headspace on posters being like therapy helped me a lot for headspace.

Is that the app?

I think it's for headspace? He was doing ads for him. That's a therapy app.

That's like meditation and uh therapy, right, I'm not for sure.

Somebody somebody said an app that you gotta pay for, so I don't know, you had to buy it, and then you had to buy things in the app, like you want to hear what your therapist has to say seven dollars.

Yeah, so you're.

Saying that we have to market it better. So you're saying somebody like Beyonce and I go, I go to.

Susan everybore you kind of like, I love this sh symbol.

I love I love jay Z, I love Susan, I love my cuts, I love you.

Imagine if Halo was really just about therapy, well.

She does say, remember those walls I built, baby, they're tumbling down.

That's therapy, exactly exactly. I hope to god she had a therapist.

She wouldn't say anything. I feel like she's one of these people that everything is so you know what I mean.

The idea of like rawness, of like vulnerability is so funny.

It's funny, like anytime she does a documentary and it's like her in front of her mac Book pro camera and she's wearing like light makeup and she's like, you know, so it's hall you know, to be Beyonce it and it's like, yes, it's you know, you're surrounded by people who say yes.

I wonder if she says dumb stuff just so people can agree with her. That would be Terris, that would be amazing.

Catch exactly there where she's like in a group of her like her like team yes, and.

She's like, she said, the sky looks green today, and everyone's like, yes, it does, Beyonce, and she's like, and then can you guys give me a cheeseburger with whooped cream on.

It, and they're like, we already have six of them, right, what kind of cream you want to hand hand with?

Whip? Like like cool cool whip. I think Blue Aby, we don't need her anymore.

And they're like absolutely, just start kicking her ivy in the ass. They just like get out of here, SCRAMed, and Beyonce is like, look at these idiots.

Like start incorporating their children their videos.

I don't know how I feel about that was in all the videos now, but we haven't seen the twins in any videos yet because there's still babies. Yeah, she doesn't want to be that person. She wanted to be that person. She is that person because Blue is all up and through the video that sidebar, she stole all the visual visual so Lunge from so Lunch, from this like South African duo.

It was like the thing the new Yeah, it's like there we go that tea Marie piping hot baby.

It was like trending.

I mean it wasn't really trending because people were like, Beyonce has been giving us these exact visuals, but it's side for side, the colors, the outfits, the formations like completely copied from this other video, like same exact People are like Beyonce inspired them, so technically she did this herself.

And it's like, wow, so Beyonce is your god. Okay, got it? She is to her fans, I got it.

Kind of a solonge vibe visually from from that news maybe.

So long and then was like, SI, let me direct your videos.

Maybe someone pulled up, but somebody in the elevator was like, give me the visual beat.

Somebody's ass.

I mean, but I think that a lot of a lot of like bigger name artists will do that. They'll steal from people who are who are not as famous. It's okay, but they're more avative. That pushes me to be more famous.

There.

I have to work towards it, Like eventually somebody is going to steal from you. It's gonna steal for me, and I'm gonna steal from someone else and it's fine.

It's a circle of life. John, You literally pushed Marie.

Into therapy and this is what growth around. This is a breakthrough, This is this is the this episode of the year. Wait, but how much Susan costs? Because we need to talk about because.

I honestly, like she was discounting me by the end there, I would be scared to know what.

John give us our promo code come on Now promo cards, early bird promo code John Burley slash early Bird.

Okay, so you're not going to say she costs three hundred dollars.

No, no, no, she by the end off insurance pre SAG, I was paying one hundred dollars per session, which is brutal.

That's too that's too much.

Just get early side that was discounted that. But then I submitted, you know, retroactively submitted to insurance, and like I got like seventy five percent.

Off twenty five Okay, Marie, work on that.

You know there are ways, There really are ways around it, Okay. But and also I feel like that there is something Am I going to therapy at this age? I don't want to assume we're the same age.

I mean, you said thirty one, that's not what Ilse said. Okay, Marie's ageless.

But you're a grown woman, and I feel like you can make therapy what you want it to be. Like I went like kind of like unformed clay, you know, just but I feel like if I went now like I'm doing with Ray, I feel like I'm so much more like I'm getting what I need out of it. I feel like you can do that.

Wow.

Now with therapy, do I you have to go the same day at the same time every time.

I cannot talk? Is the hangover rains? He knows that my schedule is really inconsistent and crazy because you're busy, busy, and so I do change the time literally every week. And it's fine.

You're like, hey, can I come now?

I'm outside on downstairs and Ray's like, what, how did you get to my house?

Yeah, I'm here and raise already.

Guy.

He's got a notebook with a whole bunch of notes and it's like, wait, we didn't even.

Meet up yet. He's like, yeah, I've been. I've been doing extra credit for you. Yea extra work. We gotta talk. What if you go to therapy and the therapist has like a Lisa Frank binder.

Then you you you pull a rain and you bring.

It up and you leave because I think it's rude.

Are you're supposed to be Everything is supposed to be plain, Like, you're not supposed to have loud colors on, Like I want the room to be you know, neutral.

I don't need to know their style.

Oh yeah, no, I wanted to be calming and something that I'm like, I feel safe in here. But it's like, oh, you come in with a lecture, green shoe today.

Susan, dude, you feel like expressed myself?

Yeah?

Oh bit you you shop it fashion nova now? Oh I can't.

Can my therapist have lashes on or no? She can't have no falset, no eyelin or no nothing.

No eyeline there. Some people need it because then their eyes be real. Sunky, shut up. I need a blake, a blank slate. That's what I need you to look cute and clean.

John, this has been fantastic. I've learned so much.

I have both your numbers. Text my ass if you want to talk more about therapy.

Oh, that's why you have my phone number. Can you give Selena Gomez.

More?

I can't believe County County.

I can't believe that happened. And you couldn't wait to tell you that she didn't follow you no more?

He was like, actually in their place.

John, are you gonna texted him like, can you take that out? Can you take that out? I just it's not my brand.

The only thing I might ask you to take out is me encouraging you to join SAGH.

Is there anything you want to leave the listeners on before we go about anything that we talked about or anything that.

You feel like, Okay, well, I will say that this I have a really good metaphor that I didn't make up. That is, we can explain the thing I was talking about more clearly this okay, So I'm obsessed with this metaphor. I'm like, I'm bad with metaphor, And like, if.

You say there could be one hundred people in the room and all of them like you if one if you say, I don't know what that is, it's Gaga on the.

Tour for a Star.

Every single interview, everything she did, she would they were like, John Early, I'm disappointed. What do you notice There could be a hundred people in a room and.

If people don't believe in you and only one dozen for.

Me that there's like there's a video on YouTube of somebody that put like a compilation of all that together.

Bradley.

Every time she says that, Bradley Cooper acts like he's hearing it for the first time.

And Bradley sucks a mean clit. You know what I mean for me to repeat that mean clean clip.

Put that in your hinge, Bradley sucks a mean clip. No, we're putting that on a clutch. It's gonna be a tiny clutch with a lot of words on it.

John, give me that matter.

My version of that is okay. So imagine a bird circling a tree. So like they're like at the bottom of the tree and they're circling the edge of the tree, and they don't they don't know, like all they're seeing is like just this, like these like fucking branches and what they're seeing. They're at bottom of the tree, at

You're where the bird.

We're the bird the tree.

No, our problems is the tree worries.

They're actually both the tree and the bird. Actually, I feel like because you're circling yourself through therapy.

Okay, I think the tree is your issues, right, because you're going through your issues. You're like I don't know how I get through.

This or I don't even really know what they are. Yeah. But and then but that I feel like is such a like healthy way to go through life with all problems, and especially with therapy. It's like instead of this kind of need for direct understanding immediate like linear.

Likeeah, because I'm like, if that was a bird that was smart, I would just flash straight way right, we're spiraling.

But yeah, and it's I feel like it's actually kind of like really beautiful to be like that's how we that's actually how we kind of work as people. We don't like immediately understand ourselves. We can't like you actually have to kind of like keep looking at yourself from different angles.

Wow, and therapy never.

A therapist will never give you the answer and you have to figure it out on your own.

They never tell you what to do. They give you little pebbles to figure it out.

I'm paying you one hundred dollars an hour for some pebbles.

If I'm coming in, I'm like, cis, Yeah, I don't know if I like comedy no more.

I'm going need for you to be like, but you're funny, Marie. You should do it until you die.

Well, they both my therapists have been like pretty damn encouraging when they can tell that I need it.

You know, they can give you encouragement, but they're not gonna be like, so this is what's going on with me and my boyfriend.

What do you think.

They're like, I think we should say that again out loud and then break it down. Yeah, and then I'm gonna tell you a few things where you're like, oh but this, I'm gonna point out a.

Few things and then you have to figure it on your Yeah. So it's basically your scale.

Yeah, you're paying for a friend to not give you all of the advice.

They give you partial advice. I sting like that.

I could just say the friends that I have now, then that's what they give me, partial advice.

They helped me through things.

And I don't have to pay that. Yeah, well that's I mean, that's what friends.

A mad time.

Tell people where they can find you, they'll follow you, and they give us your instagrams.

Tell people listening.

B E j O H N C E but John say the Instagram and Twitter generally dot tumblr dot com. And also come see Jacko Novak's Get on Your Knees.

It's a masterpiece at the Cherry I directed chan char Lane Theater until August.

Eighteenth, eighteen.

And where what you have coming up in La?

What shows on television are coming out that people should be on a look?

Have a monthly show that Sydney did so fine?

Fun talk to Ray, Hey, Ray Ray, come to your shows?

Imagine he cannot.

Jacqueline saw her therapist in the audience, her old therapist from her twenties, who literally fell asleep during her session.

That's so rude but also hilarious. Was just sleeping during her show?

A wait, and I'm gonna need the listeners to do us a favor. I saw, did y'all do that for Jack Jack Knight, I need you all to go to Selena Gomez page and put palm trees underneath one of her photos for the shadiness.

The most recent one that she posted.

When you hear this episode, go to Selena Gomez this page the most recent photo she posted, drown it with the palm trees shady and then hashtag anofficial expert because we need.

We NEEDHAG Official expert and then just trees B John C.

John We stand with Bejon, Yeah, we stand with I'm with her, I'm with.

Her, I'm with Ray. Thanks guy, Ray.

I'm a subscribe and high at us on the patreoon and see us every Sunday at the Nitty Factory.

Yes, plea.

Bye. Forever.

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