"The Talkative Expert" with Dulcé Sloan

Forever.

This is the sound of the police, is too fato? Hey, what's up Marie? Hi? Friend?

I was so late today and I was early. This is what is mercury and retrogred again? I don't know, Sis, I'm sorry. I stepped outside to catch the bus and I saw it leave SI, and I was like, well, I'm not chasing this bus down in this gentrified neighborhood. Sis, eyes low, your eyes low? Yeah, friend, I think I'm still high from yesterday. You we have got okay? Fuck everything, forget about my expertise, what about you?

Not about you?

Last night I did what I wasn't feeling good, but I was like, I know Marie's having a good night, but I was. I felt like shit, why because I started the new medication.

So I'm out of it.

I feel nauseous and just trash. Well you look good, friend, Thank you, this mock turtle that you got on, this hair and a pony. This fuck out the compliments, bitch? What was going on last night?

Tell her?

So I went to this weed infused dinner and I'm saying that we're dinner loosely. Well, white people invite you to dinner. It's gonna be past plates. It's gonna be small like tasting things. It's gonna be kale and scallops. It's gonna it's gonna be like is this a peanut sauce?

Anyway?

So yes, yes, why people invite you to dinner? Like when black folks, if I need a dinner, it's gonna be right with the little heat things, right. White folks are like, okay, well this is these are spring rolls, vegan with something sauce, prefern. I want a plate and a fork and knife I eat today, not finger food.

Yeah, but then don't say that it's dinner, is what I'm saying.

For me, That is dinner.

A little well, y'all models or whatever.

I need to get it together because were there to eat.

Anyway? Okay, the dinner? What happened?

Okay, so we're we're all there's a bunch of comedians.

Were there there. I'm there with a dude. But you know, we look good together, so it doesn't matter.

Okay, end of the show. We're sitting We're sitting in the corner of comedians.

No friend, you know they all ugly. Oh wow, on the record before on the record, leave that they'll never invite you again sis, Well, well, I was in performances. I was just there. I have to be nice to be bop.

The drinks were infused, the food was infused, and we were smoking in the room.

We're just laughing the entire time. No, just me and him were smoking. Coronavirus good two of us.

Last comic is on stage performing this lady planks on her face like not the comedians. Somebody in the audience just fell and let it on her face. Passed out, whole show over. That's what we needed shown this bit up.

Did you start stealing?

No, because they started putting stuff away, bitch, And I'm like I should have. I was just about to go to the bar to get another drink and this lady face planted and then and stayed there with their blood.

Somebody was like it did and we high, so we're just like delayed it. Ah, laughing. We're laughing at this lady who let it on her face. Trash.

Someone's like, call an ambulance. I was like, it's y'all would be better off just putting her in an uber. Yeah, that's what a real friend would do, is put you in an uber, not an ambulance.

That's true.

It's gonna cost her twenty three thousand dollars anyway. They don't care about her. They called an ambulance, the cops came.

They made us all leave. Marie. It was the last comic of the night, and I was just starting to feel good. I was like, Oh, this is a cute little high and then record scratch you guys gotta go.

So on the way out, I was like, well, I'm just grabbing drink because it's already done, like it was sitting there.

So I just took it nice, you know, a little road beverage. What kind of drink was I don't know, girl. I think it had alcohol.

I mean it had alcohol, and I think it had a weed in it, So that's why I took it.

Did it get anybody's dick hard? And panties? What what I'm asking? You? Were there on a date? Yeah, but I didn't have panties on last night. I had a skirt on. You are hot?

Oh my god, you fuck like I'm gonna catch pneumonium a pussy tonight. I love it sick, but I had a long what was it coughing? No, it was that coughing, but its nose was running you kiss music. You need some mutes next for that poos for that puls.

So what happened? Did you hook up in the car? A little bit? A little bit, A little bit in the cart, bit on the go on the diicking dash. I love it? So yeah, yeah, yeah, it was what you do in the car. Okay, Sydney, you I forgot. This is not the Patreon somebody anyway, I'm living rightly through you. Fuck you, thank you friend. Oh wow, I know you got fucked.

So okay, we'll talk about this on the Patreon that hopefully we can record soon.

Ah, that's great. I'm happy for you. It was a little bit.

It was a little hook up in the car, and then you know, we had to give somebody a ride, so it was like she found us.

What did you get a ride somebody else?

Don't worry about it, friend, anyway, that was what I was an expert in last night. I was an expert of just being high for twenty four hours?

Was it a friend a mutual friend? Yes, well my friend? So oh wow, okay, yeah, interesting, okay, okay, here we go. Yep, how are you doing? Friend? What are you an expert in? That's absolutely nothing? Wow? That's how you feel.

I mean, oh, you had a lot of questions for Maria.

Yeah I am, and not a single response. Things make sense? Now? What makes sense why I wasn't invited?

You want an invited because you are sober? Why would you go to a weed to watch everybody.

Smoke, watch the girl pass out?

Okay, I wouldnt catch a contact high. I would have. I would have gone live Sidney.

I don't know why you'd be upset that I don't invite you to drug things.

Well, sometimes you just want to get an invite. Girl. You wasn't in the right head space yesterday anyway, that's right. We literally just talked about this.

I would have said, thank you for the invite. Girl, I love an invite Sydney. And I would be like, I can't go Sydney. You're messing with my high right now?

All right? See how big my eyes are getting? Andrew, do you like invites even if you can't go?

Yes, of course exactly.

I'm not wasting an invite for somebody that's not gonna come.

It's rich she was not gonna come.

Yeah, we expect this sort of thing from you.

WHOAHP do we expect this sort of thing from Sydney.

Sydney is a little bit different.

Wow, he's calling me sad?

Okay, fuck you not calling you mean?

He's calling me sad and sensitive. Well look, okay, all right, I don't know where else to go from here.

I'm in a great mood. I'm feeling good. You guys are listening to this, and you can tell that I'm in a great mood. She is, So I'm just leaving it right there. I didn't do anything, Okay, I didn't do anything wrong.

Nope, you didn't do anything, did anything right?

And you you not doing this to me?

Not not during, not during women's history?

Is that what we do today? It is women's history. She wasn't gonna come, No, So why would I invite her, Marie? I invite you to stuff even if I think you can't come. It's a lot. There's plenty stuff that you do not invite me to.

And then you're like, oh, I thought I thought I sent you the information.

Well, let me see if I could add you to the like, if I could, Sydney.

That was actually really good of Sydney, you were bitch.

That does not sound like me at all.

No, like the it doesn't sound like her voice, but like the way that she would talk in that sort of state.

Andrew, I know Sydney, and that's what she does to me. That's not She's like, oh, I mean, i'll see if they have another I'll just see. Or they said that I could invite anybody, otherwise I would have invited you.

I have never said that to me.

You literally said, did I.

Say that you're an expert in lying this? That's a expert in the lying. Wow, that is lies.

Anytime there's like a channel, anytime there's like an invite, saving, I'm not saving it when you're not invited, I'd be like, yo, I'm not saying that you've not invited me the things, but I'm saying there are more things that you do not invite me to than you do.

She's lying, Okay, all right, And you know my memory is trash.

If you look, if you watch Sydney's stories or you go to Sydney's Instagram, and she's like here and she's there and she's moving and she's shaking.

I'm not in all of them photo. That's a fucking lie. That's a fure in everything. Shack Sydney.

We would be like, yeah, you could come, but uh, you want Marie to come to Absolutely she has to. Oh my god, she has to come anyway, Sydney, I didn't invite you to my date yesterday, so that was not gonna happen.

Yep.

But other people were invited to they were also on dates. Well, I guess I gotta just get a date. Maybe our guest is into women. Nah, wow, okay, no home, no homophobia.

Don't do that, you asked me. I told you she should know.

No, mean's no, let's talk about let's bring our guests in because she can weigh in on what she's heard thus far. I don't I don't have This is the first time in unofficial expert history that I don't have an expertise.

Well, Sydney, because I asked if you have not, I really just I don't have one today. So it happens and it's fine. It's good.

Okay, Well tea on te Uh Yeah, our guest today hot like fire Fuego. Speaking of Latina, Yes she is, she's Afro Latina.

I'm not like Sydney.

She's just back, hold on, hold on. She's a correspondent for the Daily Show. Yes, she's one of our dearest friends. She invites us to all the events she does invites from them either oh wow, okay, okay, you know. And on that note, let's give it up for our chatty expert.

D'll say, slow, our talkative expert.

Regardless of what that website said uh in their Instagram.

I am not Afro Latina. I've never said I was Afro Latina.

But your name is Dulce and you speak of the Spanish right, Because my family's from Miami. So my mother had a friend who is a Cuban friend growing up with and she liked the name, so she gave it to me. And then when you go to school in Miami, you start taking Spanish in kindergarten. So when we moved back, I was in the fourth grade, so I started. I took Spanish class every single day, fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade.

So I loved. That's how people should say my name.

No one says that all grew up mostly in Georgia with the name like Doula Sap, So I've never been called.

Like, so you lived in Miami but also Georgia mostly.

Well, I've lived in Georgia, Florida, Oklahoma, and Colorado.

Good God, Colorado. Yeah, so Oklahoma, you're doing a lot. Okay, was your family on the run? I don't know.

My child sponsored by U haul. So I was born in Miami. We moved to Oklahoma. My brother was born in Oklahoma, and then when my parents put up, we moved to Colorado and then we left.

Colorado was a bad divorce. Yeah, they took the state.

We love because like me and my mom are born in Miami. My father, my brother born in Oklahoma City. We moved to Colorado because my mother's home girl was there. So when they left, we went there. And then we moved to Atlanta because my uncle lived there. And then we moved back to Miami after Hurricane Andrew, and then we moved back to Atlanta.

Sounded like she was running from some debtors. Yeah, I mean born the American Girl people, because them fuckers could find me anywhere, that girl the doll people.

Yes, that day a magazine showed up wherever the fuck we live, I'd have told them nothing.

Did you have an American girl dog?

Not till I was twenty four years old, you had you got Addie.

I got Addie for my twenty fourth birthday.

Literally, you you don't say, slow, yeah, got Addie the slave doll for your twenty fourth birthday because my mother said, I'm not buying a nine year old one hundred dollar a dollar? What the fuck do I look like? Do you still have Addie? Yes, she's in her Kinsinnana dress. And you say that you're not like who well Addie is? Because my for my thirtieth birthday, I had a doubler kntiinnana. So I had a kna.

Doubla kin Signeta. It's double fifteen.

Don't say I don't whatever you come, everybody do that come.

That's what you are. That story. My mother hates Gloria Stepan. She won't tell me what.

Oh she won't her and my aunt because I was telling them about one of my friends. Their cousin was in the Gloria Stepan Broadway show, and my aunt was staying with us for a little bit, and I was like, oh, mommy, you know Roley and Sally their colored their cousins in the Gloria Stephan Musical, and both of them, not looking at each other, took a beat and went, man, fuck Gloria Stephan.

I was like, what just happened?

Oh, they're both from they both grew up in Miami. Neither one of me would tell me what the beef is. Well, where's Gloria Stefan from. She's Cuban, so she grew up in Miami. Okay, so maybe she stole somebody. Man, I don't know everybody, let me do that. All I know is she was twenty one when I was born, so I don't know what happened Gloria my mother.

Well, how old was Gloria when you was born? Because I suppose too they know each other.

She said, are you actually I'm sixty two years old.

I'm much amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm eternal. You're beautiful.

I think you're so much friend. Yea, my skin has been sucking up, especially since I came back to Puerto Rico. My skin has been fucking What happened in Puerto Rica? I was filming a movie.

Okay, dropped some credits. Let's talk about it. What film? It's called chick Fight. It's about to be a girl fight. What a fun song. I love that song. I love throwing bows. I need to be on the playlist. It's about to be a girl fight. What a whisper? And then we throw them boats. Little John went about the swag. She really meant that. What happened to broke Valentine?

She was on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood. It was absolute basuda. She was starting all the drama and people kept calling her broke. But then she started calling other people broke. It was a mess.

Well she was broke, that's why she was on the show. Well her broke Valentine. Yes, yes, they were, they were, they were. I love a pun they were.

But I will say her baby hairs were not poor poor, they were very like ripping.

Yeah, okay, so she had I mean, you gotta be laid down. You're talking shit, man.

Your hair should look good if you're an employeed, you know what I mean, Like always be ready for like a job to call.

Justin gaze. What were we just talking about me being in a movie? Ah?

Yes, yes, So I was in Puerto Rico for a month shooting this movie, Chick Fight's independent film.

And I'm like the second lead in the movies.

Okay, number two on the call sheet, number two on the call sheet like three.

Ah, okay, it don't matter. The zero's is cute.

She did, okay, And so yeah, we were down there. So it's like me Malin Ackerman, Bella Thorne, Bella Thorn, Alec Baldwin, Kevin.

Nash, Oh wow, you got names on there, Alec Mapa fortune filmster. So it was a lot of fun, Like Baldwin, is there something Alec Baldwin is not doing right now? Hey, that man is work.

You gotta feed all them days, the kids. He guess like he just had like another baby. Okay, he's the white Eddie Murphy.

They still swimming, they still come on, Michael Phelps.

So that's whady cut my nails down because I had to learn how I had to do all this fight choreograt to fight somebody fight choreography.

But you you seem like you can already. You seem like you already.

I think anybody could throw some hands if you really had to. No, I haven't been, like I feel like my wrist strength is not I don't know words hurt, but my fist they.

Don't very is very loose and game just a very limp, just very what noodle.

No, Because like I just had to because like my nails were too long for my fist to close, So I had to get my nails cut.

There well, usually if you have long now you can't fight nobody.

But they didn't stop anybody from along second generation of suburbs.

Thank you so much. Okay, I get your here, friend, Okay, well I got that. My mother worked very hard for me to speak this way. Okay, but your named is Sloan. Listen, you have a middle name Lazaria.

La when you're Afro Latina stopping.

Why are you denying your roots?

Because my grandmother was from South Georgia and my grandfather is from North Florida. She was born by the river basically, and then my father sided from Oklahoma.

Ain't no Latinos in Oklahoma? They don't they are?

Now somebody had had an affair with Muddy Mighty. They sing that song to me every time I tell them my name is Marie. That's it's like, but I didn't say, but it's not Maria. No, But they're like Maddy, and I'm like, it's Marie. I love that song they played all the time. I was like, please that whine and as on that song, troke mezy.

You know you're my love. Nobody hit him in the mouth. He made me so mad.

You make me so mad telling us that you're not Afro Latin. Well say something is Spanish to us about us?

Yes? What ye say something in Spanish about us? Podcast? Why do I have to come on? Speaking of the Spanish? Did I speak customer service Spanish? Okay? Well that was fine.

Listen, Okay, let's do a little rock say for Spanish President.

I do tell me that when I was working at a job, he was like, because he asked me from specs a little bit.

He was like, we can alway speak Spanish. You just pressed too. And I was like, I don't know what you talk about, but that shit is hilarious. No, it's confusing because it's the thing I can tell you. I can't tell your lights back on. That's why I love Okay, so wait, you gotta do the call. So because I would get that, I would work at the place and the thing would come and think, this is me and sitting at our house, the the lights them color bring gracious, put your mark on it?

Uh so? And the lights on in here? What's up? And we paid the bill? See, we pay the bill and we don't know how much? Is it? Information?

Oh nomenalquentare?

Oh my number nine one seven? What's your name? No, Brey, I thought it was you said number. Got shut up. Sydney Washington nine one seven tele nine one seven.

To two four four four four Okay direction address? Uh huh okay uh one Eddy seven.

Okay, don't give them your real that's not my dress one seven Putnam Avenue.

Okay, Gee, this call, I can't okay, get wold with me, bitch. I just want to put my fucking lights on.

What's good? What the problem is, hope, Let me transfer you to that's it. Let me transfer you. That's it. You're not gonna get loud. I can't get loud. I work here.

I heard that when you're on a customer service call, when you start to curse, they can hang up on you.

Is that true?

When they cursed you, you can hang up on them? No, I thought when the customers started cursing at you. Yeah, you guys can hang up. But it depends on where you work, because some places you can't hang up no matter how they're talking to you.

Oh which places they'd be on the phone with me? Yeah, when they stay like Dick Verizon.

Now, when I Power company, when people would start yelling and cussing, I would put them on hold. Because I couldn't hang up, but I could put them on hold, So I go, one moment, please, ma'am, and i'd put it on hold until they hung up. Sometimes they oh, they're mad enough, they're not gonna hang up. So i'd put them on hold and they're like, why'd you put me on hold? This is one moment please, And I put them on and I put them on hold until they calmed the fuck down.

Because usually if you put somebody on hold, it's like, okay, I'm acting like in an asshole.

Because one lady, I put her on hold and she was like, okay, you were right, thank you so much, and she calmed the fuck down.

But yeah, how long did you have her on hold? A minute?

Oh yeah, but no, but I put her on hold a couple of times too, be listening to that whole.

Music pissed off. As soon as they get back.

I'll be like, I'm gonna say that, Yeah, that's how people just yell. And then, because like we couldn't cause our calls we were calling through, they were calling through a computer, and so it would delegate the calls to everybody, so our supervisor could just tap into your computer and listen to any call of anybody at any time, so they could always monitor us. So they knew how long calls were, how long it took us to answer the call, if we put someone on hold, you.

Were sorry to bother you, Yeah, it was.

It was a call call center, So they always knew how long you were on because they could say because I would.

And then they had like a DM system. So I would be on a call and I would get an instant message from my supervisor saying, you've been on this call too long? Hang up? How long is too long? More than five minutes? What? Oh? Wow? Yeah, I'll be on the phone. And not only did what was I expected? Feed up on the couch just like, well, talk to me about what other opportunities you have available?

Right, So not only would the call have to be less than five minutes, but I also was trying to They also wanted us to sell warranties to people for like their water heater and like their electric system.

Girl, how long did you have this born ass job? Oh? I worked there for a couple of months, but the best way is the way I quit this job. Let's chat. So that job.

So my favorite thing was like people would call into the Spanish line because the weight would be shorter. So one time, I'm this guy called into the Spanish line and my greeting comes in Spanish, so he knows it's a Spanish call.

I know the Spanish call.

And he calls in and he goes, hey, you speak English? And I was like, yes, sir, I do. He's like, yeah, I'm just trying to pay my bill. And this is on Mondays. We have to work a ten hour day and we only got a thirty minute lunch break. What so only on Mondays in Georgia is not did you get two thirty minute breaks just nore.

You to eat at your desk? No?

There, we had a lunch room. But so I had been at work all fucking day and he was my last call. So I was like, fuck, I'm gonna have fun with this fool. So he's like, you speak English. I was like, yes, sir, I do. I say, hey, I try to pay my bill. I make sure I don't turn my lights off. I said, sir, what I do? Apologize? But since you called the Spanish line, I have to conduct this call in Spanish.

He was like, oh, y'all speak English.

I was like, sir, we're currently speaking English. But I'm sorry I could do this. He's like, but I'll speak that ship. I was like, I hear you sing, so then why did.

You press too?

Because he just wants to hurry because he wanted because the wait was so long for the English.

Sure, but you don't speak Spanish and so but the thing is.

The people who speak who use the Spanish line, we have to be able to do both calls.

You can't just do only the.

Spanish line, right, right, so everybody knows that, but now we know life hack hit the Spanish Spanish line.

Right.

So he's like, you are not gonna help me. I said, sir, okay, go ahead and give me your information.

Right. So the way I quit this job is a job I had before called me back and wanted me to come back, and we're gonna give me more money.

This job was at I used to work at a payroll deduction company. Okay, huh, I said, whatever that means. So this is one of those companies where it's say you wanted to buy a refrigerator, but you didn't have the money to buy refrigerator right now, so long what it would be is it was a benefit for your job. So you know how you would get like health and she wance to your job, or some places they give

Like from your salary. Yeah, from your south every week, every week or whatever your pay period. Oh that's what you're like when you buy your phone, when you like do the payment plan for your phone. Yeah exactly. Oh okay, but what was fucked up?

If somebody quit their job, we also couldn't get our stuff back, oh, because then they we just have to send you to collections.

Because it's because we did.

It all over the country, and we did Puerto Rico and Hawaii and Alaska. So if somebody got a washing machine and then they left that job, we can't roll up in your house and take this washing machine back because you live in fucking Montana. So if you got to take a washing machine back to Sears or weed use a collection Sears. Yeah, So it was like, okay, so about how you quit this show? So what happened was so that job called me back.

They wanted to give me more money.

The job that I had at the power company if you didn't give them two weeks notice and.

They would cut your power off. Ha.

But what was fucked up was we were doing customer service for a power company in Florida, but we couldn't tell people we were in Georgia because they weren't because technically they weren't allowed to have an employees outside of the say to Florida.

So okay, every week, know that when we call these places, niggas be in India.

Yeah, okay, no, but that was part of the contract, is that they could only use Americans for their call center. So since we weren't allowed to say that we were in Georgia every day, they would give us the weather for Lakeland, Florida, where the office was at shadiest fuck right, it's wild. I worked so many fucking jobs. So if you don't give them two weeks notice, instead of paying you ten dollars an hour, they would pay you seven to seventy five, which is minimum wage.

Right, So I go to start star. I was talking to my mom. I said, what should I do?

She said, Okay, listen on Monday, tell them your car, like, tell them you can't come in like you're sick or something.

She's like, and go back to that job. If you don't like it, then go back to the power company. Because my mama has pulled all kinds of stuff with these jobs, because people like, quit a job and you go to another job, you don't like that job. I don't even got no job.

So what I did was I went to that job on Monday because I was telling my supervisor all about this, and she was like, looks like the Lord doesn't bless you girl, because Ms Donna didn't give a fuck. We came back one time two hours late for lunch and was very drunk on Margarita's and she was like, y'all gonna do me like this. He was like, we sorry, Miss Donna. She's like, all right, hurry up. So Donna ain't give a fuck. Right, two hour lunch droon called Margarita, came back.

Didn't bring spicy. We couldn't.

We couldn't get a spicy see margarita for Donna in the paper cup, not out of Chili's. They was paying too much attention, so Chili's. I started on Monday. I called them and I say, hey, I'm having car trouble. I'm not gonna be able to come in today. But I've already started the other job. Now, yes, I know that my check hits Wednesday night at midnight. So Tuesday I called in and they're like, don't say where you at. I was like, the mechanics said, he's waiting for a part.

I'm sorry. I near the bus and I was.

Very much near a bus line was very close to my apartment. So I was like, I can't come in. I'm sorry, And so they call him in and so the dude called me back. He's like, listen, we need the mechanic to fax us this paperwork say that you get your car fixed. I said, okay, I got doctor's not right. I said, okay, absolutely, what's the facts number? I take the facts number down. I'm on my phone. Why am I I'm not taking no facts number down because it doesn't Also, this doesn't exist, right, So I

So and I dollar and.

But said me A dollar more an hour is a lot technically and supposed right. But I didn't have to say dollars a week, it's right, And I didn't have to deal with that bullshit of working at the power company on people crying and cussing me off the phone all the time. It's a totally different campaign. These people are calling to get computers, refrigerators and ship I got

I'm sorry. I'll get in touch with him. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Call him and eat this facts right hits on Wednesday night. They call me on Thursday. I don't answer the phone because I checked my count my money's in there. So Thursday, the lady from the temp agency calls me and she leaves me a message. She goes, hey, don't say this is Lauren from Rands. Dad. Oh yeah, I am no longer. I'm flagged. I can no longer work for them ever again.

Oh yeah me neither. I got fired from my job well because the way I left.

So she leaves me just mess she's like, Hey, don't say it's Lauren from Rydstad, just calling to see what's going on, and if the car's okay, if you're going to be coming in, Or you got another job and told us that your car didn't work so you didn't get paid seven dollars an hour. But she had a

Well this was me the old phones. It's I'm also twenty ten. Yes, it's just like a flip. This is a Motorola razor. Yeah.

So they and so they kept calling me and I didn't call back, and so I got a message later it was like, well, you know, you can no longer work for Ranstad And I was like, cool, you look, I don't, I don't, I don't. I know, I know worked for office team.

I fucking careme fucking care.

But can they like look up that where you at and they could just call them and be like, hey, no, no they.

This is before.

They don't know my new job is. You can't search for somebody you anything. She blacklisted from getting the job. Now, in twenty twenty, I had somebody call me about the temp job and a woman would not get off. I said, ma'am, I'm not interested by the customer service job in Georgia. And I was already in La working and she was like, I was like, I'm not interested. She's like, well, you're no longer draw market. I said, no, ma'm I'm no longer a draw market. I don't need this job. Thank you so much.

I'm fun employed right, I'm finding plant, I'm working. And she would not get the fuck off my phone. Is this when you were at the daily show.

No, this is when I was, This is when I was in LA working. It's before I got a daily show. And this bitch was not get off my phone. And she's just like, I just want to make sure, I know, take care of her account to see why you're not available, and I was like, you know what, Google me and I'll tell you why. Tailor moment, I kind of did where were you working?

But because I'd done like comedy knock.

Out a bunch of times and then like I done so much for True TV that she was like okay. And I heard her and she was like what, okay, thank you. And then I heard her type and ship and she was like, thank you so much for your time. We'll take you off O account. But they were she was because she would knocket off the fucking phone.

Couldn't you just hang up?

I love a good hang up, which is why I missed land lines, because you could slam a phone or a flip phone, you could just poop.

But this is different.

I found out when I set up my internet for a Verizon. Those fuckers gave me a landline number and I was like, I don't need this' so you're paying for internet and phone. Well, they're saying, because of the internet, you have to have the phone line. I was like, this is the future. What are you talking about living?

Ring that phone be so loud. They'll say, your such a storyteller. You know that I telling it.

Yeah, when you're when you're at the diner together, you're like, you get this mad hip because we're like, okay, the story is coming.

Listen. But that's like I don't know if it's like a Southern thing.

Maybe that's I think it's a Southern It could be, but like telling it like.

Being able to tell like a good story. Okay, well says tell us a good story.

Maybe maybe about a journey that you took, or maybe about a date gone wrong, or.

I can tell you what happened to me girl.

It was okay because my listeners don't know, but she's got her hand out.

She's like, go go go, literally waving it down. She's letting you know, just gonna be good. Well, it's ridiculous.

So it was after the rap party for the movie that I did in Puerto Rico on us bring it back, making it going. Also, my skin looks so good, my lips were so full. I'm not supposed to be here. I looked gorgeous when I came back. So this is not the climate meant for me. And got gotta got it. And so so we're leaving the rap party because there wasn't any food, and so we're like, okay, we'll go down the street. There's a sushi place. We go down there,

Fun.

Fun.

Black people love fried foods, if you didn't now, and when we loved sushi's because it's usually cooked fish.

That's the afro in you.

The Latin was ordering in Spanish Puerto Rica, o gabe baby.

I left that up to my friends.

So, uh so we get to this restaurant and I walk in and I see that there's a ceiling tile that is bulging with water, like literally just a nipple on the ceiling, because I didn't notice until I walked by to sit next to my friend and the biggest drop of water just just slap me.

In the titta in the titta on my on my right one. The water was a breastman, What do you want?

I mean, I hear you because there was a full nipple on the ceiling. Well, then why sit on your the titty system? I didn't, okay, but I was walking because I didn't notice it because I don't usually look up when i'm walking in restaurants.

That's true, right, So I feel drop of water? What something's amiss? I look up, full sea cup, full beat cup of a nipple on this fucking ceiling tile dripping water. Right, So I come in and my friends with me, and he's like, okay, don't sit there. I'll sit there. So he's near the drip. I'm not. Who is this man?

Oh, the PA's in the movie. More important, he's supposed to sit there? Yes, More importantly, how good was how good was the food that y'all were like? Yeah, under this crumbling seal.

Well, there was nowhere else to say. Could you have gone somewhere else? Yeah? Perhaps, No, you just filmed a movie. It was really late though, because we just left the rat party.

So we did just find places that were like open, okay, because it's like one in the morning. Yes, you could have gone to like a subway with some Nigerian guys.

Shut up. They usually got like taco trucks out there. No they don't. It's Puerto Rico, so they have taco houses. Shut up. It's not a taco vendor like a hut, taco hut, taco hut. This is not a taco place. This is Puerto Rico, Mexico. It's not a sushi place. And then here we are. We are right, So how dare you for us? I'm just giving you the information. We're not the nature.

I'm not saying our culture almost the d audacity in Spanish, Yeah, yo no say I was like, yo no, I was gonna write that down too.

Como a d say you got nerve.

Nerve also yo say so because those those those those slang terms. So there could be a different way to say it in Spanish, and depending on what country you're in, it could be completely different.

Is you got to say with a lisp if you're in Spain? They got that list.

Business, And I'm like, so y'all wanted to make a king feel so good about herself that for generations, you motherfucker's had a lisp. I can still do it, Si, they still do it Coomo fifty fifth?

So what anyway? So so the pa is under the titty.

Oh yes, my friends, it is underneath the ceiling titty. And we walk in and I'm just looking up and I was like, Oh, this ceiling is gonna cave it. And that's all I said. I was like, Oh, this is the problem. Seiling is gonna cave in. I got the giant drop of water on the titties.

You said, I'm not gonna sit there, So I'm fine, right, So I'm not gonna sit there. I'm good. I'm off to the side ceiling titty near Jose.

I should be good, right, Yes, So thirty minutes go by, I get my food and I had all this per deem that they had given us, because you know, it's American money in Puerto Rico. So I was like, you know, like a kid, just living like a k And there was like, like how much was the per diem?

Oh fuck?

We gotten like per diem like every week, so like a bunch of money and number I don't know.

Like six.

A week, no, not per week, and depending on what the working week was, I don't know what the rate was per day.

I don't know.

By the end of the movie, I had like six hundred dollars saved though, because I was I wasn't spending months I think about it, yeah, month, and then for the month, right, and then I would eat on set, and then when we would go out, other people would pay.

Per right right, right right, So I just had I'm like money, So so you're paying for everybody?

Well, I was going to because it was like there was because I was like I got all this per diem yep, and you with the pas, right, get no money?

Okay? And with one PA and then with a wardrobe, makeup.

Hair yeah, all those people not trying to pull their card out. I'm not about wardrobe heads okay, oh okay, thank you, head of wardrobe, head of makeup, head of.

Regulars.

But there was a PA there named Hosey Okay, right, So we're sitting I'm saying I don't think. I was like, okay, I got some for DMS, let me pay for dinner, okay, right, But you didn't say it up top, because when you tell people you're paying for them up top, they order real crazy. They're like, I'm gonna get to lops the dragon roll, I'm gonna get a rainbow.

This you live And I knew. I was like, you know what, let me just get it, but you didn't tell them you were paying.

I didn't even think about it until I sat down got it cause I wouln't pay attention when anybody was ordered, like, you know what, I'm gonna get this. And as I finished this, thought I'm gonna get dinner. I'm gonna pay for dinner's coming, you know, well, last night's here, it'll be fine. Something hits me in my head.

Was it?

It was the ceiling and most of it hit Jose So all of that hit me was literally bouncing off of him. Fuck and then so and my food was delicious, you had already ate it. And I was in the middle of eating my food and now it is covered and ceiling tile. My glass is knocked off the table, it broke, Margarita was gone.

I had a nice different.

The wardrobe ed who was sitting on so like basically like, so Jose was where you are, I'm here, he is here, ceiling sile falls on him and then just comes across the whole table hits Kia. I've got ceiling tied down my shirt and all this other shit just there was no water because all the water went straight down. I just got hit with tile. So yes, like I hit with ceiling like my head. I was like, oh my god. So I'm like what the fuck. And then I stood up and I'm just like, I am now the owner

That's the black. That's the black.

Because then the waiter looked at me like what And I was like, so restaurant. I was like, I'm not yelling. Now, the fucking owner of this restaurant heard you. That's a sentence for us to know I have. I was he was like, well do you? I was like, He's like, well, do you want another? Rolls like I don't want anything else from here. I want to leave. I mean, if the if the dining room looked there's what what did the kitchen ceiling look like?

I don't know. You had a tile and your fucking.

And my afro because thank god that hair icy tunerole girl. It was all the pastos in my nice fried, trimp little role I had going on. So then Omar, who uh did my hair for the movie, he came up to me and I was like, oh, Mar, are you that man?

He's like, oh, Mika, you have all of this in your hair and he's just pulling ceiling tile pieces out of So how what percentage were you through with your food? Fifty sixty percent? Was like, was I still had at least seventy five percent of my food left?

Oh?

That sucks.

I was mad as ship and I was hungry because it's good. It was good, and I had some You know when you're like saving like a last little cheesy piece or the last like flavor of full piece for last and somebody eats it or it falls, you.

Know what that feels like? Yes, now, Maddin, that be the whole plate. The whole plate. Girl.

Wait, were the other people okay they were actually hit No?

Yeah, Jose got a whole bunch of while are you asking real question your hair?

No? No, no, there was like ceiling top down my shirt.

No.

Jose was fine, but he was just so like jarred by the situation. And I was like, because when we got up, I was like, are you okay?

And he was like, you said the ceiling was gonna fall, and then it fell.

I was like, so he's blaming it on you.

No, no, no, he was just surprise he was.

I was like, he said, that's that Centuria, that's that y'allake ship.

And I was like, what are you talking about?

He was just like I was like, yeah, I could look at the ceiling and tell it was gonna cave in.

It's soaking wet.

I just didn't think it would happen while I was sitting at the table thirty minus as after I said it, I would have I would have held my food in my lap.

Listen, my lap wasn't safe either.

We're gonna eat at the bar, I'm gonna have to be But is there anything outside y'all?

Y'all got anything in the back? So I so y'all didn't have to pay right?

Absolutely not, absolutely not, because then I'm standing outside like just trying to get like stealing towel out of my titties and ship.

And somebody's kink. Somebody could have been like an opportunity to I don't know.

All I know Listen, all I know is medicoat and this other nigga didn't give a fuck. So that was that was the messed up because 'all just was like, I just there was no one.

Maybe there was of a woman, I don't know, but that's not happening. Don't say you never been with a woman before.

No, you didn't even let a little makeout happen.

Listen. I love like their arms and warms the back.

I know some have some women from the West Side that got just like but talking, what are you right now?

Do you like basketball? Playing fast? Yeah? That should have been on official thing along. That's well, this is what we do every love. This is what we do. No, I don't know. You've never remember a man. Yeah, of course she has. I don't know if she was a gold star or not. No, you can tell by my shoulders.

I used to say, Dick, I don't know, are these dicks shoulder?

How tiny they are?

You know that's because I was doing it a lot. What sucking dick gives you slim shoulders?

That's not true. That workout, that's not really not true.

No, wait, didn't it make your next strong man when it's more neck than shoulders. Yeah, if your shoulders are involved, I don't know what's.

Said. Breath stretched shape. Let it go on that I'm done. And then one day you're just like no mass all right, they'll say somebody might come ahead and turn you out. I don't appreciate that. I'm just giving you. Don't say what is your type anything, anything that's a live don't do that.

I mean, on the record, just tell people what your type is, because we got people listening. Okay, for the record, my type is one employed. And when I say I mean career, don't you can't just have a job. I have a fucking career also, so you just want him to have a job in the face. So he said, anybody, no, no, not done. That's classes very much.

Classes. I'm not you're not here for the homeless community.

Come on, girl, you know the homeless community feel like a safe space that dasty dick, lay it down.

Not feel break your back. Girl. You have a long day in your career.

You come back with some dusty day career Dick is giving you what it's like.

Well, I've been working all day to nine to five. Dick is lazy.

Yeah, you mean that dusty dick that hasn't been doing ship all day but live in a box. Dick man, literally dick just in you. That's literally literally broke. Dudes, I don't even know that, see sol, right, but I can't yet.

That's good.

You're saying you can't bring him to a work event. I can't marry this motherfucker. I can't marry Braun.

That's true.

No, no, no, you can't marry broke because you can bang broke, but you can't marry bro Okay, so.

Employed career, career, What does he look like?

Rude? Okay, you can suck for if you want to. How about you convert them.

Sydney's a missionary. How about you? You know it's a soup kitchen, sys. I'm here to help.

I'm here to help invert them to the employing mother of the boom Gosh, Princess Diana of the.

I'm neither one of those women needed this. Listen.

They would make a beanie baby of Sydney if they could, and they absolute salute Sydney Bear, Sydney Bear, citing bear, I mean, the skinniest bear anyone should be strong, and pussy would be one of it. It'd be wet, wrong, leaky faucett.

Soaking, wet, soaking, wet like sugar, like a s They yelled that part of that song.

Hey, okay, so they'll say, so you want them employed with a career because.

We've got to be equally yoke because I can't be with the poor. And what do they look like? I did like my ma? This tall because I'm five four.

Okay, Look, if they're a celebrity, who would have celebrity look like?

For them? Give me skin tones?

This?

What's the complexion looking like? I'm very old. I'm very wide with that. So Sydney was right.

Anybody, I'm an equal opportunity employer. But I have been trying to I've been trying to lean to more of the brown, the blacks, trying to lean to them. Yeah brown, so Indian. No, you're not here for Aladdin and them for Aladdin is not Indian. That's Middle Eastern. So when I say Indian, I mean all of them. Okay, that's that's.

Well. She stands in her tooth, standing back.

Now, I'm gonna tell you as fire as them seeks them niggas Okay, you just want to you know, you know who fine is fucked them seeks?

You never heard of that? Never? Wow, that was a seek. Now you know what I'm saying. Oh my god, damn niggas is God be everywhere? And it wasn't Lesson. That's not who you've been saying. I thought it was chiks.

It seems now a chic is something different than a sik. Okay, well, let me seek what a sek is because I thought it was something. I thought it was a chic. Niggas you spelled sek s I k h. You didn't see that wedding video the men coming and dancing and was killing a sh okay, okay, okay, So you like a seek me?

Okay?

Since I said a letter, you could have said, yes, okay, that's a campaign. I feel like a lot of how a little turbine on different campaign. That's not just because the men cover their head, you know how like like Muslim, we heard a here job the men cover their head.

Help her. See what you're saying.

But so you want to seek, you're seeking to seek. I don't know what they prayed to, so I don't know. All I know is is that I wasn't like nice like a brown and like in tan. I don't mind a beard as long to keep your face clean. That coronavirus save that, bitch. Yeah, and a ginger is strong enough to stop that. Uh ginger ol Yo, you're so blad.

That's afrod. That is definitely the afro, which is not a thing. I only have that. But we did do the thing, like you know, a little DNA test. My brother did his. What is it?

So it's black white and just a a Native American. My mother did hers square like it is a distant ancestor well, my mother did wear Sydney just around the river. My mother did hers, and she had black white Native America and then Pakistan, India, Burma area.

And we don't know who fun that is because it was like, you know, far far far far far from Native America in your forehead or what if it's just black, No, I see it.

You and your the skin tone to okay, you got like red undertones right because you know, you got high cheek bones. I got high cheek bones. You got high cheek bones. So we can just leave that is blackness. That's slavery.

But my lips are too small. I can say that.

That's the light you got the bottom list the bottom is, well, that's the astro.

The top is the latina. That's what it is. There's no latina. That's the Puerto Rican. Bottom of lip is Dominican.

I've been cheated. I've been cheated. The bottom lip is Haitian. Top lip is Dominican.

Yeah.

I asked my mother the other day why her lips were bigger than mine, and she's like, well, we got different parents, and.

Well, what's your dad's lips look like? Are the lips smaller in Oklahoma and niggas? So they got full lips niggas. I don't know. We still don't know where your type is. It's seek, I guess listening. Is there any seeks?

Listen like I'm trying to get like in the blacks, Like, do you're like big bodies?

You like slim bodies? I try. I like a fuller man, okay, fluffy man, not fluffy? Okay, we can't both be big Okay, so so they gotta be they have to be in shape with abs.

No, No, I don't like apps because you don't like as. Don't I love as? I say to say that if a man is very muscular, he's very heavy, like if he works out a lot, well, yes.

Because muscle wats more than fat. Yes.

So if the dudes were a muscular you can't breathe because I've been with dudes are in very good shapes.

So you were a missionary bitch.

Oh, I do all of the things. But if it's missionary, you sure you don't. I feel like you want to be on top.

I have.

I feel like you're in charge. You know now, I don't want to be in charge of the show in the bedroom. You're more submissive, then yes, because I don't want to.

I'm not. I'm not trying to run. No, man, I'm trying to take it. Yes, I'm she's a let me hand on something. What is wrong with you?

Stop asking people to do that?

Oh yeah, I had a long day at work. I'm just gonna lay here. I know I am not a Pilo queen. No, you know what I mean? No, No, No, I work. I work. I'm gonna get up like no, I'm gonna like, I'm gonna lay on my side type person.

I do all of the Listen, if you showed up, we're gonna work because I don't know if I obaus see you again in the work.

No, wow, you're one night not with that tween and one night stands. I'm not a queen of one night stands.

But I don't have to catch it very often, so when I do catch it, I got Because you're busy.

You you on planes every day. We're talking to me.

Let me lack about this is what we need to chat about. Okay, you took fifty eight minutes to get ten minutes on the clock, syst Let's get it.

Let's talk about why.

These raggedy s men ain't approaching. Yes, because we're intimidating. Yes, I've heard that what you just had a date last night took him six years to approach.

Well six years, I mean it's basically why did you even listen? You gotta show up in the can Listen.

Your man could be making your sandwich right now. You might be working at the bodega.

Oh no he's not. That's a career. No, he can own aeg that Sydney I got is a sandwich artists.

A sandwich artist owns the building, but he likes to get like from his hands journey.

He owns the building.

I said, you need to see you need to see. I need a least, I need a title, I need a mortgage.

Say that's why these niggas are coming up to you asking.

For you like you know you have for credit, you have for first month securty.

How am I asking for too much? You want to have their hair wrapped? No, I need.

Someone who's at least at my level. Why the do I have to go down? You don't have to go down? Okay, hold on, don't tell the listeners what your love is.

Bitch, am on TV. Come on, that needs to be merch TV. Merch some comic as. You have roommates, pitch them on TV. No, do I look like having someone else live here? Why go to the bathroom.

It's just me in this bitch, shut up but naked? All door open, of course out that's my house. Areola's out on the sink?

Hey, I wear a house dressed, so I'm not out here in stress. I'm very so I love a house stress.

Don't say the neighbors we want to see you walk into the refrigerator.

Just just bear. You won't see any of that.

My curtains, stack clothes, that's my currents are sheer and they don't even boom fun.

Listen, this is why people are in approaching. You're not putting yourself out there.

The window wide open, walk by, see her ass crack every day. Don't open coach open? What Flora do you live on second second floor? I've seen her, I've been by behind a tree. Just look like, get changed.

You let your young Harvey Weinstein live.

This is absolutely this is an attractive Weinstein. The original is ugly, And every time I saw him, I'm like, who let this happen?

Everybody?

You let the dogs out?

But you know what, I didn't have a female comic asked me one time. She was like, so do you deal with like like a guy?

Because I had a girl asked me if like because some dude hit her up and said that she had to sleep with them to be on a show.

I said a show, a bar show. Huh comedy that's what they said, Uh, comedy show in location. I was like, bitch, not a.

Tour, no at venue, sleep with it. So he asked her this and she was like, absolutely not. How bad is his dick that he has to tell women that? Or how desperate are some of these people are?

How are some people that they would have greeted this bullshit? How bad are these sents? This was in Atlanta? But hold on laught in school, right, all right? No? This was this was this is the urban rooms. That wasn't that?

What?

No, listen, I'm performing for a play the food I'm not. I'm not sleep with nobody to do a room with j R crickets.

You're not spreading them. Thanks for women, you're not spreading them.

Gams for wings, No them the limited pepper wings, them hot limon peppers.

Right.

But girls that asked me, you know it's they asked me, do I deal with a lot of the uh, like harassment or like highly sexual malgate is right, And I'm like, no.

I'm not a girl. These people want to so I.

Just got to lie. Don't say you are? You are type people.

I see you work, I see when you talk. You are a stage type. You are I just haven't met them yet. So, yes, nigga, are you always in a car? Bitch? Take public transportation?

But that but if I'm on public transportation with somebody who has to take public transportation, they don't have to though you don't have to either, Yeah, but get on that. Don't have to get on since you need to interact with your community.

Yeah, you know, but you are some understand. The train makes me so anxious and I hate this. Okay, hold on, don't let me let me tell you what you need to do. You need to Okay, you.

Need to get out of the Queen's get on the train, see somebody that you like and be like, hey, you want to get my uber ex and boom, there you go.

Okay, I don't approach man, because I can tell you.

Listen, it's you said, I am some people's type, right, yeah, girl, I can people like you, but I don't know who that is. So I can't be hollering as a random man because how sad is that's about what about your type? Don't run the ball in their cart? You know what I'm saying?

What you want see these niggas?

Hold on, let me say that they start getting the uber axe and he's like, no, I'm good now, I'm just sad and that's about your shore and.

Then get off. You just said you're still in the car. Yeah, and this is what you do just walking. This man chose to walk. You tell the driver to slow just slow down, slow down, pull over, and you say you go on my way, daddy. But you say where you headed and he says, I'm going to work, and then you should have your backs and be like you work on commission. Big mistake, huge, you're pretty woman, that niggas.

But also like, these men are dumb and at least I say this, I say this like with love, but like from the bottom.

Of my stupid heart. These men arepid stupid.

They don't know nothing. Sometimes they don't know what their type is. Sometimes you have to let them know that you they type right. Sometimes you approach that I've done that, I've done the I've done the I'm standing here to get you, but I'm not just like amen.

Let's go.

It just depends on well, don't say amen, let's go like this, he's not a dog.

But then you know, sometimes you just gotta yes.

Sometimes you just gotta talk to them and then they like see you and they're like, oh dudes, and they've been like, oh my god, I would not because I had a dude say like I am not usually, which is so unnecessary.

It's unnecessary.

Keep it in your head, sir, right, But it's like, oh, I'm not usually attracted to women who look like you, but you're and I'm just like, you didn't need any of the beginning of that sentence. You needed send your picture to us so we can post it on the fucking page and if you follow the rules or like her criteria, slide in our dms and then we'll sift.

Through these niggas and we'll we'll send them me away.

We got men on this podcast that had models sliding in their d from and been like, I want to go to day.

Yeah we have. We have premium listeners, premium premium.

Pussy, and I feel like it's gotta be some premium penises where I have premium pussy. But what Marie was saying is that men have said to me to think I'm intimidating by clip but but it's by me being a comic or me being on the Daily Show, So just my job and has nothing to do with me.

That being said.

That being said, every male comic that we know has had a female slide in his DM.

You come up to him after a show to talk to him.

Credit, ain't got no, They got roommates, but that's no credits and some of them some of them missing teeth. Oh No, We've seen plenty of women fuck these comics, and it's always very confusing, Like what I seen one of my fucker get up and I'm like, I'm just in the like I'm in the back on this motherfucker.

Is a girlfriend.

Yeah, you have fifteen roommates and something showing up to be sixteen. You have a sheet as a door, but okay, but some bits you're showing up to get dropped off in. Okay, your mattress looks like a crumbled up piece of paper, look like a yoga matt but somebody got on that. Somebody got on that with you. Mattress on the floor directly direct frame, no frame, no nothing, no box, fring twin, mattress on the floor, no sheet, And I'm like, how pressed are these.

Women in New York?

It's nothing just New York, though, women all over the world, all over they see they see somebody perform, they like it. They go after it.

Press press, breast press, that's what they No.

I've had comics tell me, like out of comics tell me it was like after a show, like because even headline after a show, there was a forty five minute window for him to hook up from with a chick who had come to the show.

Forty five minute window.

If you have to catch a bitch after forty five minutes, he's not fucking anybody that night.

So somebod these dudes have a science to this ship, because I've seen get the mathematics together. Come on, I got my kissing my purse. Well, figure this numbers.

What I can tell you is that single men do not come to comedy shows.

With they boys. A bunch of men. That's not true.

That's not I have toured so much. It'd be singing people at the knitting factory.

No, they're singing. No, that's a different situation. What's the situation.

The knitting factor is more like a bar situation. I'm talking about clubs. I'm usually in clubs. Dragon, Oh yeah, okay, bar barches. We heard you don't say listen and the words of my people, A kick dog will holler.

I said nothing to offend your lifestyles. You said, been talking about I'd be in the clurb club.

I'm saying, when I headline a comedy club, there's a there's no one coming up after to me afterwards.

Since maybe should stop headlining, Maybe you should be in the bar.

Okay, you're trying to get eight out or no, Hello, you want to.

Be happy, if you want to be rich? Pick what? Yeah, you want to your back now, or you just want to have a back.

What do you want a lonely match, yes, a lonely back or a broken back? Listen, I have good health care, so I could get it fixed if it gets broke. Exactly, I've got sagging insurance. Why don't you just y'all are acting like all of us, get out me. I can tell you stop the headlining at the Dead Crow and.

Stop doing movies. You're still doing movies, and get out. Get all those people.

Swore I was gonna pull a nigga Puerto Ricos busy as I Wasn't anybody as busy as I was.

You see the way you're speaking on here, You're you're doing a nigga right now. That's quiver like. Well, I was gonna talk to her, but she's so busy. That's not my problem. It is your problem.

Is it's your problem because he's still having said exactly when somebody has popped that up, pop that thing two weeks ago. You know you want a regular dude, right because this is a dude I had known from Atlanta who this is this is a TBT, right, But you need a good TBT, like in the midd I need.

But I say, you're too busy for what you want. You want consistent dick. But then they see you on the road, they're like, what about me? What about me?

Okay, no, Monday through Thursday. I am in New York, so oh I don't know, that's what the schedule is. So Monday people, you should be getting some I.

Should be beat. Yes, I should be at least Tuesday.

At least you should be with a dude that's just like hitting his tims together, yes, like clapping.

It and they keeping it. They keeping a white white sox on.

They keeping a wife beater on, but they put it in their mouth and they just like hold it.

You know what. I will not. I would not be harassed. I would not be made fun of. We're not making fun of you.

We're not because because no, no, no, because men are intimidated by me too.

But that's because you're mean. Marie. Oh wow, let's talk about that. She's not Yeah, she's not even inviting us to think. You'll say, Marie is what five three and.

She is hurting niggas feelers on a daily basis, and yet people every once in a while will slider my d MS from the ND or whatever. Hey, I have a bit of a crush on you. I like you watched me perform, You saw what I was talking about. Why didn't you just come up to me after the shower? Why did you wait to the DM? I'm not I'm not I'm not responding to the DM. I don't feel sorry for I don't feel that I don't have people's

Sorry, I can't not do this. I can't help you.

Well, I mean the dude in Detroit might be rich. Sis, you only need twelve dollars to buy a house in Detroit. Listen, why don't we all just buy our house because we don't want to live in Detroit. You don't have to live here on the property. Yeah, but who gonna how we're gonna we're not gonna airbnb it. Who's gonna go to.

Detroit to stay that.

Listen, when these white folks come in and try to gentrify ship, they got to pay you because what they do is they find a dilapidy area and then all of a sudden they put a tire restaurant in it, and and then they all show up.

It'sian fusion, right, they.

Put a tire restaurant in it. It's the bad signal of white folks. Right, we got tied. And then they show the fuck up. They're throwing the sprouts and that nobody can afford to live there. Look, this is all that I'm mean. I'm gonna say, I think I agree with Sydney. You should put yourself out there more so people will see you if you're what is put myself out there?

I mean they've heard that before. What does that mean? Okay? So like like if there's stuff.

That and you know, we we fun employed two sis, it's you know we should it's about to it's about to be.

You flew flew out, you flying everybody out. Yeah, Okay, come down, sis, we bar bitches? What we don't have bitches in Miami? And ain't nobody called me like sixty were all on spirit. No, just know we're doing bar Thanks, we're on a bar budget, nigga, you're not head.

Lining and now we flow like Jet Blue or John Blue is nice sh s s sure, but it's miami'sis Miami before, It's very cute.

Miami is cheap. Always came back. That's why my niggas went to Miami all the time.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, but I don't remember what I was saying, but it was you were trying to explain to me what uh oh I say? Put yourself out there like that thing. Because if you're okay, look, if this is where it's.

Stop hanging out with comedian.

If this is what your day is, if it's wake up, jump in a car, go to work, jump in a car, go to a show, jump in a car, go home, the only people you meet is uber drivers and comedians and people you work with. If you're not doing things, if you're not doing things like more social things like oh I took a I took a class at this place where I walked to the muffin place, like you

What does coronavirus I'm supposed to be getting on this disease? Say you want to have.

You you just so you don't want to have no diseases, but you want to be lonely. You think Uber drive has coronavirus and a nigga like uber drivers can't get coronavirus.

I'm fully sure that they can't, Okay, because.

People jumping out of that and they're traveling the world. So you're probably gonna get coronavirus in an uber fast and you get it on there.

I can buy yourself.

You heard that you're gonna be lonely with the sniffles, you.

Know what, I'm buying that up in the name of Jesus. What saying I'm gonna be long.

If you think you're lonely, now wait and wait for the beat, wait until to night girl to be lonely. If you were into girls, because I'm your is it's.

Her and Domo all the time. Sydney. You'll be on this podcast complaining about not being No women don't say what right here? It's so funny.

If you were a man, there would be someone typing an angry email right now.

Dare they trade her?

Like that?

I was like, I wish more people wuld treat me like we're well, well we're having fun.

Let's just run through everybody in the studio where they meet people, where you can meet people that's not on an app Andrew, where you.

Meeting people who doesn't start with me, start with Sydney.

Sydney, where her lips got real world? I go, I meet them on the pod. Oh, but you're on in my hand though.

But I do say, like I like a taller I would I like a taller man educated. When I say educated, I mean you know some good book learning.

You can read and you read read so a little bit gay.

Oh no not that read like read you can read, but you also read books.

Oh like maybe having like books on the sho Oh, that'd be nice. I don't do that. I read subtitles, okay, okay, parasite to watch that? I watch that because I do watch a Korean drama.

We know, Okay, tall can read, has most of his teeth. I'm a tooth part stop listen if you missing those moler I can't say nothing, but you gotta have you gotta have all the show teeth. Yes, yes, yes, the starting five, the starting five. I want a whole lineup.

Got to have an offensive line as well. Let's see.

Okay, so tall with his teeth, employed, has to be nice, has to be intelligent. Okay, he sounds like you want a lot. He needs to be nice and smart. Men can't be both of these those things. They're either smart and mean or they're nice and stupid. And you want him to be You want him to be nice, smart and tall, taller than me? You Okay, so since five six, since you tall, I'm five four with your hair and stuff, and since you five yeah, sis, the citties in this hair, I am. I do, but I have I have a

You're day. She said, you be having your fabletics.

Oh, I would love a fathletic. You got the beant box because you be booked. Yo, honorship, I keep a rainbow. Don't say first of all, when I see you, like tell you dressed the funk up?

I'm like, yo, I know what I'm doing. No, obviously, thank you. Friend. Yeah, like i'd be like yo, d'l say should be married? I think that every day. Okay, cooking, are you cook? It's the story?

Since I see it, let's let's talk about your your building. Is there a roof situation? What's the max capacity at the apartment? And we maybe do a little shin dig everybody bring a friend. There's no roof situation. I do have a good size of part. What's the what's the fire code capacity in the in the unit? You think like twenty people?

Ten I could get I can define get in there. Since with your with your daily show hookup, you we could get to a hotel somewhere. You're trying to have a hotel party.

Yeah, okay, you're trying to be scandalous. I'm trying. I'm trying to strange to me help us. Okay, but I don't want strangers in my house. Okay, So maybe that's why we got to hick them out, take them out the house. Maybe we should have a party. That's why we got to have it.

We should have a party. We get we get a Q, little DJ, tell the job. Listen. You know, y'all can hook us up with a hotel. Let's go.

Well, they do have a party at Hurley's and Harley's is cute? Well Hurley, Yeah, it's Harley's. They have a party upstairs. They just have one on Friday. Is that Uh, it's it's forty eight.

Oh since the Midtown, that's right, Yeah, you can't get in. So something on the Lower east Side. I don't listen.

Some downtown, you know, I don't know all these places make right? Something Downtown says below fourteenth, below.

Fourteen, Andrew will come. You're gonna bring somebody, and we'll bring it Hurleys.

If Andrew brings somebody somebody for Andrew, hand people. You think you don't have straight people in his life, Andrew have some straights.

You're gonna throw down. But like you know, we got gay friends, we got straight friends.

Everybody, bring your friends, kay, kay, people love being around straight people to be like, I'm better than all of these people.

That's why black people like being around white people, vice versa. Everyone thinks they're better than they're better than us.

I don't say we gotta wrap this ship up because we got another episode. So honey, this was a chat we did. We did, we chopped it up. Yeah, I'm glad that we got to talk more because because I got you to hit on me. Honestly, you're coming diner. I always hit on you.

You're coming to the tonight because you know we're gonna go to the diner. So yeah, I'm coming. Wait, you always hit you don't hit on me. Sydney hits on everybody. Well, the thing is hair, Marie, what's where there's my layup. That's the layup. She hits on everybody.

No, you're supposed to be like, Nah, Sydney is Sydney, but you just trod on yourself.

Sidney. You don't even want to bang a comedian. Don't do that. Well, this is not just any of them, and this is a headlining home.

Okay, I'm not just anybody, she said. She says she needs somebody tall and employed who reads books and has a penis.

I have them.

I have several people different colors, small, medium, in a large, what size you want the lord.

I've just been practicing on my strap game.

That's why the shoulders. Her hardness goes to the shoulders. He got suspenders on. Dumb, she got to step on her collar.

Ignorant, it came a glasses. It's trying to wrap it up.

Okay, we'll wrap it up in Okay, don't say tell people where they can find you headlining and getting tiles falling on you.

Yes, I'm not in Puerto Rico. Thank you so much for just blessing. You got a website. I do have a website, those says Loan dot com on myself's at dull Sace Loan.

Yeah. I actually have my own podcast that's coming out soon that you'll have to be on, called that Black Ass Show. It's coming out in March. This is March, right, Yeah, we're in March. Yeah, so it's coming out this month, and it's about like the black TV and movies and media that as like, you know, help shape culture in our lives and such.

Okay, come to plug. We could have talked about all that on the podcast. You're right on this year podcast. But we learned so much about each other.

We learned that Sydney is too much uh, and we confirm that marine.

No, she's mean, which means but I've always known that I was mean. But you what you never say it out? What do you say it all the time?

I think that's when in her bio and Twitter it literally says your mean friend.

It does. I forgot, but I saw you internalized the first second ago, Mr meriend dot com. She does not internalize.

I don't people say they say to me all the time. You are one of your Instagram is my favorite throw.

Because I'm so mean or because I'm so honest.

Oh, because you don't care. Ah, well see that's what that's That's why I don't be very honest. It's very like it's a lot of you laughing at people, which is why people don't be sliding into my d M the same thing.

Don't say, yes you do, but your eyeliner. I loved your eyeliner. I love your makeup video thinks He's like, I gotta figure she's saying that you're pretty SI. Yeah, that's what she said to me, and I'm out here. She's flirting back. She said you pretty. No, I said you're pretty. You're pretty.

I don't say it's hitting on you, Marie, Well, I look more like a man.

Also, don't say thanks, I'm employed. Yeah.

I tell pretty girls that they're pretty because a lot of times pretty girls don't get compliments without someone having on tary your motive. I love telling people they're pretty. Yeah, your skin looks amazing. You're thriving because my skin was just acting a fucking donkey. Okay, don't say Sloan dot com. Don't say Sloan on Instagram, Twitters.

The Facebook's uh not on black planet? Did you know black plans?

So?

Yeah, it came back so long water back. Oh man. Andrew didn't know what it was, but you're not a blackland.

I still don't really know what it is.

It was just black, that's all it was.

Okay, how.

Were you say? You old bitches? No? You all? Okay? Well, Andrew, thank you so much for throwing shot. Very young wed it. We need it because I remember when Facebook started. Keep us humble, Andrew, keep us home, Marie humble. Don't say we gotta go. You talking too much, bitch. That's when I came here. You did, you succeeded? Friend?

Bye, guys, rate comment, subscribe, go on our Patreon. You know there's probably an episode or two up there, gotta be you know, do the review.

Spell our name right. They don't ask for much. Drop a dig picking, so.

Don't say yeah, my whole name solons wow, drop a DM people. I've been sending me dick pic since I did a thing on Comedy Central, but it's a lot.

Of Hey, I don't want to be rude. Are you sure you actually want to want to see this?

I'm like, oh, say, we gotta go. Hi, I'm helping. I'm helping you show us some of these dicks.

Bye, guye bye, you want.

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