Forever, Hello about I'm loving it. You know, I learned recently that justin Timberlake and Push a Tea came up with that little jingle for McDonald's. Wait, really, yes, but now it makes me like it less.
But hold on bout feels like like they've been doing it for centuries.
No, before that, McDonald's was we love to see you smile.
We love to see you smile. I feel ancient, ancient.
H Yeah, and then I don't know what it was before that.
No, it doesn't matter.
All we know is that justin Timberlake was a part of the he came up with, said I love loving it.
I said, well, when did they cross paths? And how does one write a jingle for McDonald's because I feel like every time the commercials come off.
Yeah, Marie, I'm kind of kind of confused that how come we haven't made a jingle. We haven't even made a jingle for our own fucking pod. Okay, don't okay, I'm coming over stuff regularly.
It's me too.
I'm coming up with vernacular regularly, the same that is in people's like every day. I mean, yes, that's what it do exists. We're gonna be in the Websters.
Yeah, I mean I came out the womb dehydrated. So there we go.
M just the dry, ashy baby.
And here I am moisturized as fuck. Did you have hair when you were born?
Sorry, I feel like since we're talking about it, people want to see the visual.
Okay, So I was supposed to be born on Valentine's Day, but I was born a little early, obviously on Groundhog's Day, because I ate some of my mother's placenta coming and I got really, really sick. So I was stuck in the hospital. They had to shave all my hair off. They had to shave shave the baby with a soft spot.
How do you do that? Wait?
What kind of clippers do you use?
That?
They cut all my hair off because they had to do like tests and whatnot, and my mother was crying. She said I looked like a lizard, my sister. My sister said I look like Grace Jones, which I mean, she's iconic. I'm here for that, but at the time, Grace Jones wasn't seen as like the hottest thing.
I can see Grace Jones, you know, cause playing as a lizard too.
Though I see it.
I see the brain Oh man, you ate your mother's placenter. How lesbian of you?
Oh man, I mean out the womb gay a fat gay a fack you know. Born early, That's I say, Marie, I stay on brand, Okay, I'm about this life early early. Yeah, I come early, I come early, I show late, I show up late, come early.
I love that for us.
How's how's my sweet sweet baby Marie.
I'm fine? Thank you for checking out me, Sydney. I was supposed to be born in October, I think, and I came in September. I was early too. That's the last time I was early too.
You have never showed up on time anywhere. So I'm really glad for your birth.
Literally September twenty third, two thousand. Last time I was early because the day I was born.
Put that in a Guinness World Record.
Yeah.
I'm good though. My good siss Sidney messaged me last night and was like, what's going on? And I was like, I'm sitting on the couch feeling sad, and she was like, I'm available. Do you want to talk? And I was like no, And of course she called me immediately and she made me feel better. So you know, I woke up I feel good, or as good as one can feel on whatever day of the week it is morning,
and I'm not trying to be cute about it. I legit don't know what day of the week it is, So shout out to you if you know the date and if you know what time it is. I love that for you. You know, you know the date, end the day of the week.
Whoo.
That sounds like you're real responsible, sounds like you have a daily planner. Yeah, this sounds like you are, you know, mentally stable and that's not I so, or or.
Maybe you're you know, one of those people you know, like a beautiful mind types. If you know the date and the day like that means you got it written all over the walls of your house.
Oh so you're mentally unstable but genius.
Genius, but also whatever the other word is that you said.
Yeah, tik tiki boom, that's what you said.
Tiki tiki boom, Yes what you said. You're Britney Spears.
Shout out to mental health Mental Health Awareness Month. I think that's this month or last month or whatever. I feel like there's always.
No This month is Pride date. I feel like you should know that.
Oh, well, honestly, they those things are so close to me, mental health and pride, that it's just messed into.
I think mental health was last month, or Asian Awareness Month.
But I think there's always, you know what the tea is, There's always something to be aware of, you know.
M mm hmmm.
When is Awareness Awareness Month? When is that?
I don't know, friend, I don't even know the date. I don't even know the date. Were you an expert in anything this week?
Friend?
I mean, honestly, I was an expert on being a little bit difficult on set, But like it was like good Trouble, Who is the who is the congressman who just died? Good Trouble? He like marched with Martin Luther King the black Eye, he's bald.
Sis John Lewis, I know nothing, I know nothing.
Damn Sitny, you don't know John Lewis.
You better ask Siri. Siri asked Siri, as Alexa, I ain't got me.
This close to you met a white man? Answer that question?
You know, and that and that is the work that needed to be done. He's doing the work. He's knowing the work and doing the work.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you Andrew for being an ally, uh huh, of course, thank you for that good trouble. I was legit sitting here like who was it, John, John Adams, John Snow.
I could not remember her last name, John snow.
Right, but he uh. Anyway, So I was on set this week and the day before I got there, the hair person was like, her name is yeah.
You can't say no, you can't say that, you can't.
All I'm gonna say is when I saw her name, I thought it was a black woman. And then I got there and I saw it was a white lady, and I was like, oh, the white lady's gonna mess up my hair. And then the makeup artist was a black woman, and I was like, I've been burned too many times by makeup artists of all colors, so that I didn't know what she would or wouldn't be able to do.
Equal opportunity to fuck that face up girl, Thank you.
I mean I wish this was a solo so that could have been the title, but just put it on some dope bags. But anyway, I just I got there and the makeup artist was the hair person blew me away. She was prepared, she did what she needed to do. The makeup artist, not so much. She came out with like the Fisher Price Crayola brushes. It felt like she didn't read her syllabus. It just felt like everything she was doing was wrong. And when I bought out my supplies, she tried to tell me that I was wearing the
wrong colors. Like She's like, oh, that's not the right foundation for you. That's not your shade. And I was like, Sis, this is what I wear. And she tried to anyway, all that to say, she did my face and it was she tried to like, I looked like you as a baby. It was it was all bad.
She she tried to paint with all the colors of the wind on your face.
Yeah, but except she was using like, you know, the darkest brown and the lightest brown at the same time. It was a lot of like ashy pastel pink colors one set that we both know, like not with these undertones. No. Anyway, I basically I didn't yell at her, but I told her I didn't like it in the most stern, most calm voice that I could, And she tried to throw a little bit of a fit, and I stood my ground. Sis, I said, I don't like this and do you need to change it?
I love that that is, and I want everybody listening. When you don't like something, it's okay to stand up for yourself and say no, I don't want that, no, thank you.
I mean, especially when you're sitting in a chair, Like how many times have you been to like a hair appointment and you hated it or you didn't like it, or you thought it was it didn't look how you wanted it to look, And then you leave, you don't say anything, and you still tip mm hmm. And then you get home and you're like crying, You're sending pictures to your mother, who's laughing. The group chat is lying
to you. Maybe your boyfriend is rubbing your back, but like you say something in the chair, Yeah, in the chair.
You gotta you gotta say something. And uh you know, I will. I'm gonna cut my expertise short because we got to get our guests in here. But I also stood up for myself this week. I was at a comedy show and uh, you know, I had a great set, but I saw this beautiful couple at the at the end of the you know room or whatever, and I was like, you know, if you guys are looking for a third I am available and I was joking, but I was I was kidding, But the girl ended up
was like, you are so funny. I would love to see your comedy again, so.
Said comedy, which for the first time that I would love to see your comedy. I thought you was gonna say, I want to see a kuchie. No, you're so funny, I would love to see your kuchie.
No, she's coming to the net.
So will she be coming at the net?
No?
I am I'm taking And the only person that's coming is the person who is dating me.
So there's that sis.
As long as you're making her come, that's really all that matters.
Speaking of not making someone come, I love.
This guest that we're about to have today.
I it was weird. You think she don't make people come.
No, no, I no, I've never made her come. That's what that's the intro, Sidney.
It's giving you need to watch the sexual harassment.
No wait, no, I'm saying.
Given you got to watch the sexual harassment.
No, you're saying this also, like you make most of the most of the guests come.
The guests have you made comes? The people want to know.
I loving it.
Okay, now, now hold on this guest. World renowned, world renowned comedian writer. I mean voice has been all over the place. I mean you could have seen her in Shrill.
You'll see her.
Literally anywhere, because I'll be watching some random things on TV or Hulu TV or Hulu Hulu or Netflix, and I'll be like, oh, like it's her or Michelle Buteu. Those are the yes I see in everything and anything that I watched, Booked.
Busy Blonde.
Give it up, Yes, give it up for our spiraling expert Joe Firestone.
Joe Firestone, Joe, thank you so much. Wait, okay, so you know how I I? Okay, so spiraling? Sure, but you know I did a panic. I had a big panic moment during the pandemic and I was like, I can't do comedy anymore. I have to apply to acupuncture school.
Oh did I tell you this?
No?
Okay, So this was like I'd never had accup. Sure, and so just like putting that out there. But now I'm like taking these classes. And there's this one therapy called Nikon therapy. It's like a Japanese therapy, but it's like psychotherapy. What you're supposed to do is you're supposed to be at the end of the day write down everything that you gave and everything that you received, and then what trouble you caused people. But the trouble doesn't
have to be bad. But that reminded me of Marie what you were saying that, like you think about like sometimes it's not bad that you tell people what's wrong with what they're doing, but it's just you just keep note of it. And this therapy when prisoners did it in Japan, they didn't go back to prison as much.
Ah, they give prisoners in Japan therapy amazing. That's a cute place to get locked up abroad. Write that down, So you write down what you gave, what you received, and trouble that you caused.
Yeah, and like it's not like it's not like I gave like a like a feeling to It's like all stuff that other people could observe. So you're like, oh, I gave money to this store and then they gave me a sandwich for you know, it's like that kind of thing.
Oh, Joe, can you text this to me?
Because yeah, I mean, Joe, the Snapple facts that you got going on up top of the pot.
I mean, brave, very brave.
I was like, I don't know, I don't know where she's going with this, but I was on for the ride, the journey.
I popped, I popped open the snapple. They changed, they changed the jar of a snapple.
Okay, I mean the bottom they did. It's plastic. Yeah, it's a jar.
Now, Joe talked to us about acupuncture school. How many years you got to go to school for that?
Six It's a huge mistake. It was a huge mistake. So, yeah, have you got have you gotten acu But I just got it for the first time.
No, no, we're not. I'm spending my money on hair and like clothes from pretty little things.
I'm not getting acupuncture. Not at the moment. Friend.
Yeah, well I found out that in the one time I went. I found out that it's all because my spleen. That's a big problem.
Does a spleen do? And where is a spleen?
Not sure?
Not sure? But I do you know it's it's means that you're anxious, you got stomach problems, and you're always craving sugar.
That's me, that's me too.
Oh interesting, I mean I think I got like two out of the three. They always graving sugar. Thing that's only once a month.
You only crave sugar once a month.
The closer I am to my period, the more I want desserts. I'm like, I crave sweet things, but like I'm not eating candy and stuff she doesn't for like cheesecake and banana pudding and like like treats like things like that. Interesting.
Now, now, Joe, Now, when you were listening to us talk, did you did you have any anxiety coming into the pod?
No? I didn't. I really felt like I'm just kind of I don't need to do much, you know.
What I mean. Now, I can interpret that two different ways. Yeah, you don't need to do much because we're doing all the heavy lifting. Or you don't need to do much because we're not doing anything.
No, no, no, okay. It's like a terrarium, you know what I mean. It's already functioning though it's growing, and you just put in like a little little stone, you know what I mean. The stone's not taking away, but it's not you know, I just figured this will be you know what I mean. I feel pretty good about this. I was pretty I was feeling I was enjoying myself.
Okay, now, now that is uh, that's a compliment coming from Joe because I don't I'm not saying that I don't think you enjoy yourself often. But I also don't think that you're just like hanging out and having fun with anybody.
You're not all willy nilly with your good time, you know.
Yeah, I'm trying. I'm trying, but no, Yeah, that's a big that's a big problem. You have to be a fun person, you know what I mean. It's really it helps. I would say both of both of you are considered fun people by and large.
Yeah, yeah, I think we are. But you don't have to be a fun person. Sometimes you like that. And I've never said this word before, so I don't know if i'm saying it right. Melancholy. You know, sometimes you've got that friend that's like, you know, life is terrible and things are sad, and then the people in the room are like, it's so funny. He's so dark, he's so melancholy. That's okay, Saturday twice now in my life, isn't that Wait, isn't that egor.
From where I'm from, Yeah, you're sorry, you've been rushing of the person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's mean, he's melancholy or no, he's just depressed.
What okay, you could also be considered in some circles melancholy. He's definitely the melancholy friend.
Yeah, and they still hang out with eyre right.
Well, I think he was considered the like, the black friend, so they had to hang out with him.
Oh. I thought Tigger was the black friend.
Oh. I thought Tigger was the crackhead.
In some circles, also considered the black friend. Tiger was like the you know, like you know the kid we all went to school with that one kid that had way too much energy and they put him in that special class and it was only four chairs in that class. Tigger is that friend they didn't let they didn't let him switch classes.
Now, Joe, where are you in the spectrum?
Are you, you know, uh, the black friend or the black friend?
Where are you between between the black friend and the black friend. It's a great question. I actually got it. I kind of I don't want to even say this, I know.
It, No say it.
I think I'm more of a rabbit.
Oh, I know it's not good.
I'm just you know, paying attention to the carrots, same kind of getting pissed off where people eat the carrots.
M hm, you know I was gonna say carrots rabbits have a lot of sex. Are you saying that that you identify as a very morning friend?
I would, actually, I guess i'd revise it to piglet then, Joe, Joe, do you want to know something though, here's another Snapple fact? You ready? Yes, you know how they get little piglets to run around you know when then you race piglets little oreos?
Wait, they race piglets.
Yeah, I mean some places where there's not at entertainment.
Joe, you you will.
I feel like there's never a dull moment in a conversation with you, because you're gonna just start saying ship that like all the information that you have is a diary of the mouth. You're gonna You're gonna spill it. You're gonna spill it, and we love that. Now, Now, how does that tie into.
You spiraling though? Is it?
Is it a thing where you don't want there to be, you know, silence, so you start just saying anything or maybe I'm not asking this, well probably yeah? Can we spire?
Yeah?
First, for the people who are like spiraling. Thank your backing from the video game back in the day, and it's like, no, that was spiral.
And it's like how you make you know, zucchini into noodles? What if that was my expertise? No, I I do. I think that maybe spiraling is when you like have start to like have some anxiety and then you just kind of add on to it really fast to make it worse and worse. Like for example, like if you send an email to someone and you think it's you realize that maybe it's a bad email or somebody's not getting back to you, and then you're like, oh, I
know I should text them. And then you text them and then they're like what uh and they don't respond, and then you call them. And so it's like these kinds of things that elevate the conversation. Are the situation not not in your favor?
You know what I mean?
Oh, Sidney, I feel like you've been doing that, like not not not really all the way that, but I feel.
Like, drag me, drag me, bitch, drag me.
This is an open forum and this is a safe space. Joe is here, our rabbit. I'm sorry, I piglet and we the three of us, me, you and Andrew are the OREO for Joe. So. I I mean like the other day we were in the car together and you were like, is so and so mad at me? Mad at me? Should we call them? And I was like no, And you were like, let's call them now? And I was like no, We're on a way to do something, like, let's enjoy the day and if they are mad, we
can do with that later. And you were like I could see you literally in my brain, yes, like biting your nails.
Yeah.
I was like, girl, I'm not I'm not doing this.
I do I do today? Yeah? No, I do that.
I am in a constant state of like stepping over my feelings so much that I'm like I'm stumbling. I'm just like falling into the bullshit. And I set myself up for failure a lot because I'm so worked up that when I finally talked to whoever, They're like, bitch, what isn't too much coming at me?
Why? What is the deal? What's the real issue?
You're in a constant state of are they mad at me? And oh yeah, I can't live there. You live on that block.
It's really important to have somebody that doesn't live there. That's really important, to have a neighbor that lives a few a few blocks away, because it is It's like, the thing is, it's like you think someone's mad at you, and then you think everyone's mad at you, and then you think it's because of something intrinsic to you, and you think that you can never get over it and it will be and then it's like what we're at six Flags. Calm down, you know, we're at six Flags.
But it's I think the key is comparmentalizing, or having somebody that I Sometimes it is like about like having someone uh like shoot it down. But I also think comparmentalizing is huge.
Okay, but but I'm all, there's us, Joe, and then there's Marie. Marie's on the other end of the spectrum where she's never thinking what somebody else is thinking about her.
She's never worth I do think about what people think of me. I'm one person with feelings. I don't know when I can't think of it right now.
Okay, yeah, yeah I might when Marie, but I do.
I do have moments of ooh, did I say the wrong thing at that place? Or was I talking too much or damn, I really am funny. I should have let other people shine for a moment, you know what I mean?
Like, think, Marie, when do you when have you ever thought that? In the seven eight years of me knowing, when have you ever been like.
When I come home, when I come late at night, slee thing that that's when I that's when I sit And I'm like.
Okay, so you're but when you spiral, I think you you kind of keep it to yourself.
Joe.
I don't know if you do this, but when I'm spiraling, I'm calling everybody. I'm calling everybody until I get out of the spiral.
Mm hmm, yeah, it does. I find that the worst situation for that because yeah, you can call people and sometimes they help, but it usually doesn't help. But the worst is when you it doesn't even make sense, like why you're upset, and you have to spend so much time explaining why you started spirally in the first place that it's like it's just exhausting. That's the worst kiss scenario.
Do you have an example, like a recent example of you spiraling?
You know, I I think I spiraled a lot during uh during the during our quarantine time but like, for example, like if I that was everybody, Yeah, that was everybody. But like, for example, this is a classic example, is that I if I did really bad at a show, if I bombed, if I got heckled or something, and I couldn't talk back to them, I would be like, I am the worst. I am the worst comedian I've out of everyone I know. And then I'd like, there's
no way I can go back on stage. It's actually it's something about me that's weak and bad and unfunny. And then I'll be like I'll call someone and be like.
Hey, I just really did it.
I did really bad and I'm bad at this and they'd be like no, and then and then from there I would just kind of like I would like try to move on, but then like I'd have like tears strolling like down my face. I'd like, Yo, okay, let's just let's go to dinner or something. But it was like I couldn't get over it, and it was like, really I could tell it. It was like hard on my friends too, like it was just like they didn't want to deal with this because it was like I got really stubborn about it.
Well do you do it? A lot. Are you always spiraling?
And that somebody has to come and kind of like clean clean up on all seven and just like mop up all the mess.
Well, I found that I've kind of exhausted my resources, like the spiraling usually happens at like you're pointing.
To you and myself.
Oh yeah yeah, and it's like I feel like at this point what you usually helps me now because I can't do that in morge people in my life. So what I'm doing now is I'm just I'm smoking a cigarette and then I will and then I feel a lot better.
Cigarettes.
It's really bad. It's really bad.
I like, I like how you whispered it into the microphone.
Yeah, I thought you were gonna be like, so I just do a bump of coke like you.
I bread nothing.
I thought you were going to say weed. I've been smoking weed. You said cigarettes, like you know, it does feel kind of like they're illegal though, like for some reason it seems like worse. Okay, do you have it because they don't even yeah, or something nearby. I want to see your smoking technique. Are you holding it between the finger or you holding it so stupid? This is in sexy Capri.
This is like, this is really what I'm doing. I'm like, it's like it's not even it's not cute. It's like it's not cute, it's okay wow. But I find that it's like the the more. Yeah, I just kind of I don't know, Sidney, if you're stubborn like this as well, But I get really stubborn about how bad I am, and then it's like this story it cannot be broken. And that's why the spirally kind of stays low, which.
Is crazy, Joe, because you have a Comedy Central half hour, You're constantly getting booked, you're working, You're like Joe Paris Show, You're doing everything.
You're always you're in a room or you're on screen.
So like, I've never seen you bomb on stage.
Yeah yeah, Joe, Yeah.
I know. I guess it's like it's the kind of thing where like, okay, so one time, this is kind of a funny, little, you know, a little fun experience. Okay, So I did. I did just for laughs a couple of years ago, and I was pretty sure I bombed that set. Like I was like, like, you know, when nobody talks to you after a set, Oh yeah, I don't know if you've ever experienced. But then you're just like, oh, this is what it Oh shit, And so then I was like, I think I bombed. I think I bombed
just for laughs. And then like a lot of people had to talk me down and it was like, you know, you didn't find you didn't find a more about it, and then uh, I kind of forgot about it. Eventually. I just kind of was like, you can't talk about it anymore. Nobody wants to hear about this. And so then a year later, I got a call from a number I didn't note and I let it go to voice bail, and it was another comedian saying, I heard you bombed it just for laughs.
I just want to know if it's gonna be okay, And I was like, I did bomb. And then I was like I was kind of like validating in that regard.
I was like, well, I'm not crazy, I'm just bad comedy, okay.
Cause she like a voicemail and said that she.
But imagine you minded your motherfucking business.
You's a year, You're you're done, You're done, You've booked other things, You're you got new management and everything, you've started over. You even have a new name like it was Joanna, it was Joanna Firestone, and now it's Joe because you had to switch it because you had bombs just for laugh And now this bitch is calling you on a fucking Saturday, like, hey, wondering is your is your career okay?
Because I heard you bomb just for last a year of it is?
It is just like I completely understand. I completely understand why she did it, and I also think that somebody was She was probably how to someone being like I bombed, I bombed, and someone else was like, you know who you should call? You know, it probably wasn't her idea. She wasn't there.
I know somebody probably mentioned your name, like, well, Joe didn't have an amazing set, she decided to call you, been gone, messed up Joe's day.
Joe's beautiful Thursday. Imagine it is it is. Imagine you do the work, you went to therapy, you got the closure, you put it behind you, and now this person is calling you asking you about this. Did you call her back? That people want to know?
I did, Yes, I did, and I left him for voicemail. But I did just I was like the kind of thing where it was like what there's nothing you can say to make it the situation feel better because you weren't there and you're not in their head. But it's like it is the truth that, like time, the only solution to spiraling is maybe smoky cigarettes and also time. Yeah, it's just kind of being like I'm not going to care about this in two weeks.
How how but like that's the thing, Like you're not going to care in two weeks, but the feeling is so overwhelming. It's the only thing that you can think about. It's the only thing that you can focus on.
But literally, time is what makes it better because in two weeks you're gonna be spiraling about something else. Yeah. I think when when something like that, like a bad show or a bomb happens, you go to bed thinking about it. You wake up the next day still thinking about it. You're brushing your teeth, like I gotta get a real job. I'm not a comedian. This is terrible. After a couple of days, it's not the thing that you're thinking about, not the first thing you're thinking about,
not the last thing you're thinking about. You're thinking about other things and maybe like you gotta, you gotta, what's what's the thing when you're hungover, you have to drink water like hair of the Dog, right, hair of the Dog. With comedy, you gotta get back on stage and have another good set. And I feel like that kind of cleanses the mind a little bit.
Yeah, but Joe, the thing is is that, like you know.
What, Okay, okay, the dog is spiraling.
Yeah, yeah, the dog is spiraling. This is not the time.
Please your dog off.
Your dog is named Loaf. I'm crying. Joe.
You're like very like niche comedy, like it's your like nuance, And I feel like you might think that you had a bad set, but people are just like listening to get on board with like your type of comedy, which I love.
Which I love.
Yeah, if I feel like if somebody is killing in like middle of America, their jokes are probably like, so this is mean, this is rude, but like it'll say it though, right, it's a little it's gotta be a little hacky, just a little you know, like like Kevin Hart, I'm saying it on the record, I don't know, he's not pushing any buttons.
In the like he plays it safe. He plays it safe all the time. So like I don't know.
I think sometimes you have to not get laughs to remind yourself like, oh I'm different, Like it's not that I'm not funny, it's just that they've never experienced somebody like me before.
You know, you disagree.
Listen every time, I don't say I'm just trying to get laughs. You don't have to understand me. But you don't think I'm funny, that's it. And if you don't think I'm funny, then I don't think I'm funny. And I'm like, well maybe that if I'm not getting laughs, then I'm not gonna be happy when I go home.
And what do you think?
I mean?
I think that everyone in the zoom calls funny first and foremost. I think that what is your what is your question that you're asking Sydney.
Like, have you been at a show maybe that somebody wasn't getting a lot of lass, but you were like, no, I see where they were going.
I thought they were funny.
I mean yeah, like you can see, like you see people in different crowds like I think that, yeah, it's unfortunate when like the crowd is like the person hosting is like not a good time, and then it's just like they go into like Marie or whatever, and it affects Maurice. But I think, like Marie, you're always funny because like it's always like it's always something like you're
always interacting with the crowd. So it's it's never like, Okay, I'm watching this person, you know, regurgitate the set after set, right, So it's like, Okay, this is a it's a new thing.
Because so what you're saying about man, Joe, I'm.
Saying I mean, Mara is the one. Marie is the one talking about not having a good night.
Here, right. But also when you see me doing crowd work a lot talking to the audience, is because I don't have anything prepared. So they see me up there talking to people and not doing a set that you've seen before, it's because I didn't prepare anything for this show.
Yeah, it's still works.
It's still works.
It is it is. I do feel like it's the kind of thing where it's it takes a lot of I think that the like, I really agree with what you're saying, Marie, that you just need a good set to get back on track. But I think that I think the fear, like the fear is that you won't have another good set, you know, and then you're like, how many bad sets in a row? I don't know. I guess at that point you change things up. You have to make a change.
But yeah, I mean I understand that. But but everyone, everybody who is a comedian is going to have a night where that where they're off, their jokes are off, the crowd is off, something is off. But Joe, everybody in this zoom is freaking hilarious. I can't see you bombing more than once. I can't even see you bombing once. So to say like you would do it multiple nights in a row, I don't. I don't first like that. My brain is like, huh whah, I don't see that.
Okay, well what about what about the art? Is someone mad at me or if they don't like you? That that's the biggest spiral that I have because I constant I'm in a constant state of not that I want to be liked, but I don't. I don't like when there's confrontation. I want to I want to fix it right away. Even if you don't like me anymore, that's fine. I just want to not worry about what the fuck the possibilities of you being upset at me at you go through.
The same thing.
Yeah, Sidney, I got to tell you something. This is really this is dark. But are you ready for this?
No, I'm ready.
In high school, I used to think people were so mad at me all the time, people that I didn't even wasn't even friends with. After school, I would go through the buzz book, Remember the buzz book where you have people's home phone numbers the phone book. Yeah, and I would call them on your family's phone, the family's phone, and I would the landline and no one would pick up, and I would leave message being like I'm so sorry for what I did today. Okay, that is truly unhinged.
Okay, yeah, because that is untimes. There's multiple last names that are the same. So you were everybody in the phone book leaving voicemails on the wrong person's machine.
Doing they weren't home. They had no idea, but I believe these and like, can you imagine having a son or daughter or whoever, and then like checking the answering machine and just being like this, like this sad, sad girl, being like I'm so sorry to Tommy. I didn't mean to hurt him, and it's like what did this woman do?
Like what did you do? And then Tommy's like, I don't who is Yeah?
But that just so you know, Cindy, if you start to spiral in that way, just know that you're not calling their home phone. Okay. It's just like there is a level that people are taking it that you didn't. You did not take it.
The problem is is that when you said that, you're like, you exhaust are your resources?
That's what I have done.
Like, if I think someone's mad at me, I will talk to everybody about it and they're like, bitch, I don't know what you want me to do.
Do you just talk to the person like or figure it out?
But I don't want to hear it anymore because it's ruining my life, it's ruining my energy. I'm in a bad mood because well, you know what the problem is is that people are not fucking honest. So if maybe if people would like, if they're being shady or being weird, don't gaslight me and make me think that, oh no, everything is fine.
It's not. You're mad at me. You're upset about something.
You see. This is why I'm honest, No, truly like with ever. I'm saying this with like every fiber of my being. It's so much easier to just be honest. Someone asks you if you're mad, if you're mad, tell them you're mad, and then tell them why. If someone asks you if you're okay, if you're not okay, tell them you're not okay, and then tell them why. It's so much easier to be honest because when you're honest with people, they're honest with you. And we don't have
to play these guessing games adults. This is not you know, sixth grade recess. We're not you know, we're grown ups.
Yeah.
Yes, I think that I'm a good friend because I check the guests work out.
Well, that's probably why you two are such good friends. And I think that also. The one thing I keep thinking about, Sidney is like, how if these people are kind of like even in this imaginary world where these people are turning on a dime and just being like, I'm mad because of like some small slight like those people are not pleasant to be friends with. And that's the thing I keep reminding myself, where it's like if I think someone's mad at me all the time, Like what am I getting out of this.
Friendship Joe, here we go, Here We're gonna this is an unpopular opinion. We kind of like that shit if it puts fire under our ass, like we're like, it helps us spiral and worry because that's all we fucking do.
Interesting, what do you think?
I also really hate it when people are mad at me, But I I, I don't know, I think that me. I actually I think I might have uh cut the people out that get mad at me a lot.
Okay, So you're saying people would be mad at.
You, there was like a few people that would get mad at me a lot, like like expectations that were unrealistic.
Example, give us some give us some example, like uh.
Like dropping everything to do whatever they need at any given moment, and like that. That is okay if it's if it's mutual, or if it's like if it's not every day, but I think if it's.
Like your child, but yeah, dropping everything to do something that you need me to do because you're spiraling, this is what it is.
If it's mutual.
If it's mutual, you need me to drop everything that I'm doing because you're spiraling. And and then when I don't do it I spiral. Y'all are an abusive relationships? You guys. Yeah, Joe, I'm glad you're dumping these friends, but like this, y'all gotta be tired.
Yeah it was, it was.
Yeah, I think that it was. I think also, yeah, I think that there is a secret space of being honest but also not not making it about confrontation, you know what I mean, where it's like, uh, you know, I'm not saying that, you know, introduce the LOL after
you make a text, you know what I mean? But like something like that where it's like figuring it out a way, like to be either funny about it or lighthearted about it or something where it's like, yeah, you get your point across, but it doesn't have to be this whole moment of like what you betrayed me the other day, you know, it's like.
You stabbed me in the back.
Well, so.
Is texting the way to see somebody's mad?
No, you have to call, we have to never texts ever emails even worse.
Well, Joe, who may concerns are you mad at me? Period?
L do you bet BCC everybody You're like, are you mad at me? And send out a mass email of people that'd be funny.
One hundred names per.
Recipients.
I think, Joe, I think I've worried more about if people are mad at me spiraling in a sense in comedy than like outside. I think like normis or you know, pedestrians, civilians, whatever we calls pedestrians, they I think are just more easy in terms of you can tell if they're mad at you. Also, they can't hold their tongue, so they just tell you like, hey, yeah, I didn't like that you didn't show up to my birthday, Like that was rude,
you know those people. But in comedy everyone is so you know, underhanded and like, well, I'm gonna have to work with you, so I can't tell you that I fucking hate your guts. So everybody is like bullshitting each other and not being honest because they're like, well I might I might want to get a gig from them, or I want a spot. So it's just it's it's more stress in the industry.
That's why we spiral.
What I am really, I'm really confused on where you're standing on this. If I'm gonna be honest, because you're saying that like you're you're saying that it's exhausting and everything, but then you also said earlier that you love it.
She did.
I'm like what she did.
But this is what I'm saying. When Sydney starts the spiral, I'm like, Okay, girl, if that's what you're going to do this afternoon, do that. I'm not doing that with you. I'm not I'm not wasting the day doing this with you. Like grow up. I'm trying my drugs in the sun. I don't have time, like.
Well, I think it I okay, Sorry, sorry to bring in another lesson from my acupuncture class. So this is other Japanese therapist named hold On. Let me get the name right. It's I think it's hold On. It's meant. I love that, Maria.
I love that Joe is naming names.
Okay, immes on the pod we love Okay. He's a psychologist, like around the same time as Freid. Okay. But he basically had all this anxiety and this like and he had all his body pain and stuff, and then when he stopped paying attention to it, it went away. Okay.
So he like created this whole system where basically you like you like when you're really stressed out or when you're like really panicking and stuff, you go to this out this inpatient system where you like rest for a couple of days, and then when you get so bored, you start to do light housework, and then when you get so bored, you start to do heavy housework, and then when you get that bored, you end up going
to do chores outside, like errands. But it's like this thing where it's like if you don't focus on your own anxiety and you focus on like physical tasks, he says that that is a way to cure anxiety.
Well, if I did that, then I would be cleaning my own apartment and not having a cleaning person. So but my anxiety is so bad that I can't fucking clean my own place.
So that I was gonna say, I mean, I live there. I live too anxious to do anything.
Yeah, so I hear what you're saying, our good sister, Joe. But yeah, I don't know.
No, I'm not saying this will work for Kay, But I'm just saying that, like there is some thing there where it's like, uh, you know, I'm really trying to get as much as I can out of this investment in school here, but basically, it's like if you I think there is something where it's like sometimes when I don't talk about the spiral, it does kind of feel like it's festering in me. But then I think when I don't bring too much attention to it and I really try my best to get over it, it does.
It does go away quicker.
It'll always go away.
But like, yo, that feeling that you have in your throat, like not being able to sleep, the like feeling like your brain is going in circles.
It's it is a nightmare. I know that. I said that.
Sometimes I like it because you know, sometimes yeah, I want a little drama. It's a little boring and everything is going right and I need to like make up a problem.
But for the most.
Part, it just it's not me like it truly just like happens and it sucks.
Marie is looking at me crazy, What's what's the deal?
You're saying it's not you, it is you. No, it's not that's not who that's who you are.
No, no, no, not entirely, no.
Not entirely. Le Didney cares. Sidney's a very compassionate person. She cares about how what she does affects people. She cares about how people feel. You're always going to care about how people feel, or I was going to care
about how what you do affects folks. That being said, you're very critical of yourself and if someone doesn't talk to you, like I mean, Sidney was talking to us, and she was like, I think so and so muted me on Sidney, so and so muted me on Instagram and I was like, so and she was like, I don't I don't know why they would mute me. And I was like, well, why do you think that they muted you? And she was like, because I'm not seeing their stories. And I was like, so, I mean you muted them, Sydney.
No, no, no, no, it was like.
They're not they're not engaging with your Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, okay, she.
Was she couldn't see their content or they could.
They definitely restricted me. They definitely restricted me, which is fine.
It's fine. I mean, it's fine now, but it wasn't fine at the time.
No, it wasn't.
But I I had to let go. I had to let go, let god in and let go. And I said, you know whatever, Sidney, you need to live love laugh baby, that it's.
That whole compassionate thing. You got to make it about. You got to be compassionate towards yourself, which is really impossible to do. But it's oh and she left. Okay, so yeah, Well anyway, that's kind of the that's kind of the gist of what I was going for, Sydney. If you're still out there, I just want you to, you know, be compassionate towards yourself.
Sidney, she went to pee or I don't know, brush brush her cats or something. Joe, have you ever spiral in a relationship or spiraled at a job? I feel like maybe people want to hear a little bit about something like that going down.
Let's see spiraled it. I think that, you know, I once had this, Oh she's back. I once had I was working at a job and they we weren't allowed to talk to this the this Well okay, so we went in to talk to this celebrity to talk about a bit they were doing on the show. And I could tell as I was talking to this celebrity that she was physically disgusted with me, Like she was just like doing this face like it was like like like
it was hurting her. Yeah, it was like hurting her to be around me, and I was like, I was like kind of just like going harder because I was like, I don't really know what to do here because like I have to communicate this information, and like I know she doesn't like this, but I don't.
I don't know.
And then afterwards I was like, that went really bad, but it was probably not It's probably not me. It's probably not me, it's probably something else. It's probably just she's confused and or frustrated or something about something else. And then afterwards a superior was like, listen, writers are no longer allowed to talk to celebrities, and I was like, it is me, It is me, Oh my god. And I like started to like be like what could I have done to make this better situation? What could I
have done to make her like more comfortable? Did I fuck it up for everybody? And now that I have some perspective, it's like she this was a bad bit. It was a bad bit. It was a bad situation. She was late, she's she's really hot, she's really busy. I'm not going to be the one to tell her anything, even if I if I was also really hot and really busy, it's just not going to affect anything. So it's like kind of just getting some perspective on it. Was a little bit.
Was it Megan Fox?
I wish it was it was another person who who's dating Ben Affleck.
Oh, Jennifer? Yeah, look at that.
Well, I mean listen, certain level celebrities, after you reach a certain point, they're not that nice and they're also not grounded. They're not real people anymore.
She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, but I couldn't say. She doesn't drink, she doesn't go in the sun.
Apparently she puts olive oil or something. I know, it's not the j Lo beauty.
It's never the product. It's absolutely never the product.
It's botox and olive oil apparently something like that.
Yeah, she's not the greatest person of all. But also people are fucking annoying. They don't have any boundaries. And you know, fans are we love fans, but they also do the most and do too much sometimes.
And in this situation, is that what you're saying.
Not you, not Hugo, I'm saying, how were you standing to j Lo.
Her knees?
Yeah?
I had both hands on both her knees, and I was like, you are going to make so many people laugh.
Yeah, oh my god, fans are annoying.
No talking.
What I'm saying, she is she is the way she is because like, yeah, fans, people are annoying, so like it's a built up of things.
It's not. It wasn't just you. It was just like in general, Well whatever, Marie, see this.
Is that was funny, Sidney that us end on a high note after all this spiral chat.
Either record, just for the record, I did want to talk about soup, but you said no.
No, Yeah, we didn't want you to think anything like Joe. We needed you to know that we were definitely like nah on that.
Joe said she wanted to be our soup expert. Okay, since look we have literally two minutes left, what would you have told us about soup? Well, what you tell us about soup?
Yeah?
The picture, Well, I just was gonna say that, you know what, a lot of soups it's kind of the same formula. It's kind of easy to master, and I just think it's a really it's a good skill. Can't do salad, but can't do soup.
You can't make salads, that's why Jaylo don't like you because you don't make salad.
Salads and Ben's ass and she's a yeah, she's a salad girl.
Okay, the only soup she she eats is Ben Affleck's ass. Yeah, you think she's listening to the unofficial expert? What is it?
Benifer?
You know Joe has such a like extensive network. When when we repost this, you know, it might get to Gin, It might get to Gin, it might the girl that touched my knees.
Yeah, since then, we've gotten really close, so it's actually all good. That's why stop spiraling. Yeah, we're pretty close now we're friends. The kiss on the lips pretty good?
Oh wow?
Yeah, before we before we head out, Joe, do you have any like last words for people who spiral like myself? Last words for spiralers? And maybe you know a good thing about us?
You know?
Two things?
Yeah, two things.
Yes, whenever you start a spiral, think about how great time travel would be, because you think right now sucks. Three weeks from now, actually I'm gonna think about something else, and so you think, why don't they event try and travel? Wouldn't it be wonderful?
You know what?
Joe? I agree with you on that. When I have a bad I'm having a bad time or a bad moment, I think about time travel too, but I do differently. I'm like, oh, I wish I could just fast forward like two years from now where I was successful and living in a mansion with a pool.
And I've been saying that for every two years.
Like two years ago, I was like, I wish I could fastward to like this year and this year.
I'm like, damn, Okay, So if I keep saying, you know.
Two years from now, I'm always like a year behind.
You know what I'm saying.
I don't know what the mathematics on this is, but yeah, twenty seventeen. In eighteen, did you say what you could fast forward two years?
Yeah?
Yeah, So you wanted to get to twenty twenty and then you got there and.
Then it was fuck.
I imagine being in twenty seventeen or eighteen and being like, yeah, I will fast forward to twenty twenty, and it's like, oh, wow, I really asked for the wrong thing, exactly. I should have been a little bit more specific in my years exactly.
Anyway, Joe, this was awesome.
Thanks for having me. Sorry, this guy really emotional, but I'm no, I gotta talk to you.
Nobody cried.
Nobody cried, and I and so I cry. So it's no this was great. I really do enjoy you, Joe. I think you're so funny, and you definitely are different, like in the sense that no comedians always they do too much. They be trying so hard in conversation, and you're just yourself and you always have like a good time. And that's why I can go to the movies with you and now send you emojis via ten.
The feelings are mutual. The feelings are mutual.
Well, that was a beautiful episode. Let's end, Andrew, do you have a message for j Low before we go?
Oh wait, wait, no, no, no, Joe, can you tell everybody where they can catch you and find you?
And Andrew will put a pin in it, Andrew, hold on a second, I gotta do some plugs.
Yeah.
I would say you could follow me on Instagram, but I don't really do that much. You could go to my website. I guess I put shows up there Joe Firestone dot.
Com and Joe's doing the knit soon, So.
I am okay, Wait you why.
Are you saying like you didn't know. Are you not in there? Did we not have a conversation about this?
I don't think so, Joe.
I feel like I put you in there. Maybe I didn't tink about it.
Let me look, it looked like we didn't.
Okay, little, all right, soon you want to do it on July eleventh or July eighteenth.
This is pretty contact.
This is well, This is so the listeners know that they can come see Joe Firestone at the.
Nitty July eleventh.
Amazing, you're in there, friend, Joe Fireston. Ladies and gentlemen, you can see at the Dining Factory on July eleventh.
Yeah, bring bring a dead.
Ass, bring that ass now again. Let's end now. Andrew a word for jay Loo or about jay Loo?
A word for Jail. I guess I'm excited for her and her new blossoming relationship with an Ax. I think it seems topeaking.
Well, all right, that's where and you wanted to leave it. Ladies and gentlemen, So.
I have nothing to say to j Lo.
Okay, okay.
Maybe she'll be at the net as well.
Oh yeah, yeah, on July eighteenth.
Yeah, she also will. She also will be performing comedy at she's.
Coming with her good friend Joe on the eleventh. All Right, guys, thank you so much. Stop spiraling. None of this actually matters. We're living in a simulation. Live your life and know that time travel will be possible soon, and one day you'll be able to go back to the thing that's bothering you, fix it, and go back to reality where no one cares.
Okay.
Yeah, And the person that you think is mad at you most likely has herpies, so they're dealing with their own issues, you know.
Wow, Sidney a Sydney fact.
I'm just saying that they're not mad at you. They're mad. They're mad at something else.
It's not their burning crouch.
Yeah.
Wow. Word to live by anyway.
Amen, Amen, Bye Forever.
This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert Is Executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe ccilio and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts dot com slash plus. Check out video clips of our podcasts on YouTube at YouTube dot com slash Forever
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