"The Reformed Hoe Expert" with Devon Walker

Forever.

Hello, Hello, hey friend, we hear woop woop belover that ass too fat, wool, that ass too fat.

And my ass is getting fat.

Whoop whoop it is And it's crazy because I'm not really eating. Okay, that's a weird brag. I'm not.

I mean my appetite has been strange.

Oh what that means? I don't know.

I with child, I am not.

You know that I would have to do so much extra legwork just to get something like that inside you.

Maybe you do no legworks. You could lay on your back, baby.

No, honey, I gotta get that turkey based would you do that?

Would you get if you wanted to have a baby, Would you go to like a friend to do it? Or would you go to like a bank.

I don't have any male friends, And I'm like, I need that background track. I need to know what's going on because you don't tell me everything it's true. And then and then I'm going to see the consistency of your your stuff and it's like I don't trust you know, And then I'm like, like a.

Little dish, it's not gonna be like in your fingers.

See, you can tell a lot by a man by the way his jiz comes out.

Okay, so what so what are we grinding on the wateriness of it?

It got to be thick to be good or thick me's bad. Like what are we saying whenever I've gotten pregnant, Every time that I've ever been pregnant, the chis has been thin, middle a something in the middle.

I mean, Sydney, I don't even know what.

But whenever it's been like, you know, thicker, we start dyet is terrible.

Nigga ain't got no job.

It's just like there's a lack of fiber, yeah, and a lack of finance.

The sperms just coming out like oh we just.

Hole some ashy, just crusty. Then anybody got a dollar to borrow.

That's how the sperms didn't come out.

But like, excuse me, ladies and jail, they're doing showtime, Ye showtime on my back ale air mattress.

Dick. Okay, I see it gross yeah discussed speaking of Dick.

That's kind of what I was an expert in this week, is just knowing when it was enough.

You know, I had a male, a gentleman caller.

I had a lover come see me because I was like right around the time I was ready to change my sheet.

So I was like, oh, he can come over. Yeah, And this guy came over and it was fun.

You know, we have a good time.

But he's one of these people that's all about rounds, you know, Like I thought we both finished, you know, we had a good time. Hours had passed, you know, like think a montage of like a camera, I'm a clock going really fast, think about that.

And he was like, all right, you ready. I was like ready to go to sleep and he.

Was because I literally had napped for maybe fifteen twenty minutes. And he was like you ready, And I was like four and he was like round three. And I was like, ah, you have to go home.

You have to leave, you have to go.

And he was like what And he's like what do you mean? And I was like, he was like, what time is it. I was like, Alexa, what time is it? She said four thirty.

I said, you have to leave.

I'm not doing this with you into the morning. It's already the morning.

Yeah.

And he still didn't leave my house until six o'clock in the morning because left he got another round in. I mean, you know, he was ready to Yeah, yeah, did he change it up for like the I mean it was listen, it was a lot was happening in all the rounds, you know, just to know that I was fulfilled, you know, and.

Change why she gets it? So, yeah, it's fine. But made him leave.

He had to leave good because.

I was done.

I got what I needed. He don't pay your rent to be doing rounds, right, hear that? He was like, well, let me tell you. If you want to get rounds in, I'm gonna need you to put some money on this rent, at least electricity.

You sound crazy right now. You sound like an old blacky. You're a fuck.

You sound like a pimp. Let me tell you every on I know, the bills is paid, the water is.

On, Sydney. My bills are paid and the water is on.

Yeah, yeah, but you know I do that. You know what, you would have no problem doing more rounds if Nigga was at least bringing in a sandwich and whatnot.

Well, I was like, well, what are you about to do? He was like, oh im probably gonna go home and make some breakfast. I was like, you can make me breakfast.

He was like, you just kick me out and I was like yeah, Also, I had a roommate. You can't be butt naggad in my kitchen making pancakes. She also gonna want to eat. He should have brought the food with him. He should have had some groceries over. He should have hit up Trader Joe's, got them little thin pizzas with a little ham and cheese on it. It's the delivery service that sends groceries to you Instacart. He should have instacarted some food. Yeah, absolutely for rounds. Absolutely,

And food. There you go. What were you an expert in this week? Friend?

Ah, mine's just not as exciting as yours. It's about telling Uber drivers about themselves. She's letting them know like I'm sorry, sorry, I know this is a service and you think that you're doing me a favor, but your car literally smells like du.

Yeah, but when what happens. I rolled the window down.

I rolled the way.

I had my head out of the fucking car like a dog. That's how bad it was. And I was like, sir, I don't know who was here before me. I don't know if it's you, but this is just unbearable. What did it smelled like feet. Did it smell like No, it smelled like open ass, like you, like an ass that's been in a summer day and a pair of a pair of tight denims shorts. Just it thanks so bad and my nose, the hares literally lit my nostrils. And it was like, girl, you can get home, but

So do you think it was him?

I don't know, but I was just like, sir, you don't have that little tree.

With the scent or anything like that, Like what is this? Listen?

A good uber driver has like six of them little trees in their car, right, a bunch of them on the little rear.

View thing and then they have the twisty top renews it or whatever. You know what I'm talking about.

I feel like they're overcompensating at that point.

Yeah, no, I need all of that, okay, because I don't want to I don't want to smell butt for twelve dollars.

No it was. It was more than twelve dollars this ride. And it just was like, sir, how are you sitting in it? And when I got in the car, the windows was rolled all the way up. Every single window was up and there was no ac on. He was trying a hot box. Oh my god, you sist. You step into his office and the funk it's just his that's his studio, syst that's his office.

It was funk defune. It was too funky in there.

And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm not asking for a lot.

I'm asking for this.

To be a pleasant ride, a ride that it's just manageable, and it was not. And the guy was just like, I don't know what you're talking about. And it was like, sir, does your.

Nose not work?

Well?

That's you know how scent works.

Once you get you used to a scent, you don't smell it anymore, no matter how bad the smell is. But if you try to fight smell it it, you're always gonna smell it, isn't that That's how set work.

It was a twenty minute ride. The funk did not leave well, kept trying. I took my clothes off and burn them. That's how bad it's. I knew that the smell was seeping into my fucking scalp.

That's how it bridis.

And I told him, I said, you're getting one star. I just want you to know this. This is not sanitary. I don't know if there's buns underneath your your seats, buns, buns, ass just straight up ass s, pork buns, buns, buns, assholes.

People's bodies was underneath his head?

Yeah, what kind of girl?

If somebody took a ship. I don't know.

It was gross when I told him, because usually I just hold it in and I'm like, oh, you know, maybe he's having a crazy day.

But I said, sir, this is gross. I was like, do you not smell that?

He's like what he's been in that funky car all day? Of course he doesn't smell it.

And the person next to me was like, do you smell what the rock is cook?

I was like, this is not funny, this is sad. It was the person sitting next to you smell that. No, They're like, do you smell the body's in my duffel bag? That's what they were saying.

I'm tired of you natural deodorant people.

I'm tired of you people who don't feel like taking a shower, like only every other three days. You're fucking disgusting.

Every other three days, every other three days on three days off.

Yeah, it's gotta be. It's like, oh, you you ran around in the streets. You smell like the fucking streets, and now you're in an uberpool fucking our car up, it's our car. And then if the if the driver smells on top of that, and then you got nerves a lot of angry heir to have, like what is that a beef patty with cheese that you have on you.

Lunch?

Since I'm on lunch, I do lift uber Villa and Juno, I don't have time to step out and eat something. A sizzling Faeta latter would be nice, But the time for is this big bat who wants to eat with that type of smell all up and through the smells what makes the food taste? But speaking of food tasting better, speaking of somebody smelling delicious, our guest today smells like he worked a nine to five. Okay, maybe perhaps I hope so he was late to the podcast, Yeah, I.

Hope it was work related. I was a little bit late.

I was like a tiny bit, don't speak until too. Let us let's let's int come on, let's let's let us don't slide it in.

You got your corduroy jacket.

All you're feeling fresh, We are unprepared for you. How you look it all cute and whatnot. But hold your horses, bring them on.

And he's in a mood today. Man, he's a super funny comedian. We freaking love him. He's dressed impeccably for the podcast today. I mean, our finest dressed straight man that we've had in a while.

Yeah, the last one, I think. I don't what shorts. You can catch him on Comedy Central.

He's got a monthly show called Dad's at the Jane Hotel. Absolutely give it up for our reformed ho expert expert Devin Walker.

Hey, Devin, Oh, don't come in here all coy? Now before what was good? Y'all was acting like I was extra late? I was a little bit late.

You were that way because I gotta leave like I got.

A heart out.

You gotta okay?

It was?

I feel like that's like a good comedian late.

I'm not here, not a podcast.

I'm sorry.

You usually do podcasts at people's dusty studios apartments.

This is a real studio. We gotta pay for time.

Actually don't even know how this works.

I could get my little chick and be like, is this how much we worked?

Yeah?

Wait, who is your who is your other best dressed straight mail comedian?

Oh no, I said you are the best straight mail comedian dress that we've had.

On the podcast so far. Wow, you don't usually have on the podcast. Yeah, we don't really do that. That's not really our brand.

So I'm doubly well, I guess no, I'm honored, Thank you apprecition.

We would have printed our certificates, but I don't have a printer. So yeah, and this one they got no ink. So let's give everybody listening the visual of you head to toe you're giving us.

Let me see your shoes, your sneakers.

Devin is wearing sneakers that a black man that dates white women wear.

That's what he's got on.

No, yes, no, you've nominated a white woman.

Of course I have. But that's not that's not what these sneakers. What are the sneakers? Are these sneakers? These are just these everybody got. These are the city sneakers. These are air Max ninety seven's okay, but they're very dirty.

So they dirty right now, you know, But it's like it's been I had them for a minute, you know.

They and he said they vintaged this. Hush. Now are you wearing a dress pant? Very nice pants. He's wearing an.

It's like a yes, like a unique clothes right, like an athleisurey, like a cropped trouser, a cropped trouser. That's go on up to the top. Now, your hair looks so good. It's very moisturized.

That's not what I thought, y'all was about to roast. As soon as you got up there, I was like, Okay.

She's because she skipped the corduroy jackets, which is really the biggest it's a quarteruroyd.

But I just want the people to know without the jacket, you are still a man, a hot one. Thank you for saying that.

Yeah, how to you?

I'm six foot three.

Okay, and that's how.

Babe.

Okay, So Devin, you are a reformed hoe expert.

Tell people what a hope it means to you. Oh, because it's a different definition for most people. For me, I have like real like whole phases.

For me, it's like it's like a let's say, like a three month stretch while I like really really be out there.

So it's like three months I mean, I feel like you want to know a whole period right now?

How long don't talk about her business? Were talking about you into it? Yeah?

He said, you call me on an off month, right, chilling right now?

Yeah.

But I'm just saying to you, what is the word home means?

Because some people think this this, this means being a hoe, but other people think, no, that's just you know, I'm just out here.

I think to me, being a whole means having let's say at least three people that you're sleeping with, like on a regular basis.

Ah, okay, so that I'm not a hoe. I only have two you were only one when you were abroad.

Yes, yeah, right yeah, And I've had a couple like real hope phases.

Like in my life.

It's like two main ones and one of them like I just came out of like earlier this year.

Okay, So, so can you just talk to us a little bit about like your dating history because you're cute and tall. Now, but were you attractive as a kid? Did you have a lot of girlfriends?

Well, he used to live in You're from Texas rights and I saw your pictures you know, when you were there, and you know you're there what.

You're I feel like you lost weight, right, you.

Were probably you were bigger. Probably Sney said you big. No, I'm a big I'm a thick man.

Because it's still Lostaita.

Was pulling it at a smooth you know, six three, two thirty to thirty, big thirty.

Andrew, how you weigh I made like one hundred and forty.

Weigh one hundred and thirty. What do you say?

What do you Where is the one hundred and twenty five pounds that it's must'ad.

You talk about it?

One thirteen.

Well, that's not what I am. I'm one twenty so okay.

Well, and Sydney has bigger butt than me. Yeah, but muscle said, yeah, talk about it, Andrew. One hundred and forty pounds.

I know we're in the same height almost yeah, yeah two you're six.

Three, Yeah, you still got like one hundred pounds on you. Being emostally unavailable weighs more so that's heavy.

I don't know, that's a big I think that's a big part of my weight. I think that's probably what differentiates me Andrew. It's just it's just being emostally unavailable.

I love that.

It really doesn't because I feel like you're like you're like a John B type.

What is it?

I don't think about what people say.

They don't know about about you and me.

I'm trying to figure it out.

I feel like since moving here, I've been I've been on do I need to be closer like that?

Yeah?

People want to hear your your power after hour?

That is I am trying.

This is not how I usually I'm doing a smooth voice and how I see you putting it on prop stop. Yeah, he trying to be in the hoteltion. No, I don't died comedians. Yeah, I don't you hear that? She said she doesn't date comedians, but he's a comedian. She was, but she could have been like, I don't date ugly people. I mean attractive to me.

So you know, you know what like during my peak, like during my New York Fes. I remember remember we did that show with romy at Union Hall and one time it was a bunch of us. Gary was over there, like it was a bunch of us chilling, and I asked about you twice.

I haven't you asked about me? I did? What did you say?

I did?

I asked about you? I sked about you?

To two different people. I was gonna bring this other part up.

Yeah, bring it up now.

This is okay, thank you.

This is messy. I love it. That's not messy. I'm so curious. What did you say? Basically we were talking about. I think we were talking.

About like like like like if.

We have like a type that we like gravitate.

Yeah, it was mean, is Marie here?

And I think Marie is Syney brought Marie's name up?

No?

No, no, no, no, was it? Did I just do it?

Okay? Yeah?

Then in that case, in that case, Marie, I didn't remember.

This was like this like January February. And at this point I was like, I was like, I was like, what about Marie? She got a type and Senny goes not comedians, I was.

I was like, not comedians, that's my friend, nigga, that's I'm aggressive.

But that is true. No, that's true.

I haven't. I haven't hooked up any comedians here in New York. But you have before?

Is that your final answer? It is no, that's that's true. Well we haven't. We have a transaction from somebody. Somebody slid these screens.

You were going to be on the pod telling your business, and they were like, well, I rebuked that. No, I've not I've not had sex with one comedian in New York City. I'm proud of you want to have sex with a comedian at all. People do it all the time because they don't care about their career. It's not about me.

I mean most of the people that that were okay, well.

I'm just yeah, well have you you've never done it? You ever done it? I will not do it.

I mean it's for the best. You Also, you started here too, which I feel like that's the move.

It's like taking a dump at work. Well, well, your girl didn't ship all over the place.

It's on the walls.

I didn't ship. I didn't ship and then had a poop platter. Right, you got to you gotta put up.

You gotta put that maintenance sign on, you know, like you know, sometimes when somebody do a real bad ship, they just got to put a sign up in front of just being like toilet.

You gotta cut this off. It's clocked her up. She's with women now. Yeah, thanks Marie, You're such a great friend.

Thanks. So wait, you were in you were in Texas, Austin. Were you in Texas dating a lot of people different times, So like I was real. So you asked, like what I was like when I was young? Yeah, yeah, when I was young. Nothing.

Apparently, according to Sydney, you were kind of fat.

Apparently apparently. I mean that is right, Andrew.

She's also not backing off it either. She's also she's not like, oh no, Devin like you. She's like you, she said, She's like, not go ahead on that. Look look at her face right now.

I gave you so many compliments. You did?

You did?

I basically threw myself at you. I mean you should have seen what she did with you.

Who she thought herself had more? Me or you do?

I mean, she tried to kiss your door. Yet she had tried to kiss you. You tried to kiss you.

I was in a relapse. I was blackout. I didn't even know what country years ago?

Is this.

Two years ago?

Oh okay, so that was not that long. I thought it was like like back back, but.

I just found out about it like a month ago. So that's why I'm bringing it up. Do Yeah, I can see it. I get a heat tall. I have standards, you know, I mean, that's your standard. No, it's actually not. I don't know.

I was going through some I.

Don't know what your male standard is. I know about the kind of women you like, really know about the kind of women. We just like what you look like.

Oh, that's what we're gonna do. I didn't. That's fine. We can talk about my background.

Yeah, okay, so yes, when did you Okay, so when did you lose your virginity? Let's just do that.

Yeah, let's talk about that.

I was.

I was eighteen. Wow, Okay, yeah, I was eighteen. I was real.

I are you saying? Wow?

I feel like that's normal. Nos. Mine on my eighteenth birthday.

I like, yeah, I like just turned eighteen. Yeah, eighteen for like a few weeks.

That's what people who got their parents in their life.

Yeah, that's that's a mother and father house. Okay, they're still together. Yeah, no, mine are still together.

Actually, my parents went up when I was like sixteen. Okay, so you know, but I got, like, you know, I got the important years out there, the childhood.

They both came to graduation exactly. You used to go to the parenting conferences to.

Get together, you know, even out today's split anyway, Yeah, anyway, Yeah, I was.

I was scared of I was scared of girls. Like growing up, I was very like I was nervous about rejection. I was very like worried about.

Like what I mean, is it Meghan the Stallion from Texas.

She's from Houston.

I mean, is that where you're from? From Austin.

What's the difference between Austin and Houston.

Houston's way better, sit way bigger city.

I feel Houston is where all the attractive bearded black folks are and the mean the Stallions. And then I feel like Austin is where like the white people who like music live.

You're not wrong, You're not You're not wrong about that.

But it's like Austin, Austin has a lot of like black and brown people.

But they all got pushed out, they all put like that because that's the new Williamsburg.

Exactly, exactly, exactly exactly, Austin is like Williamsburg. Austin right now is like Williamsburg what I imagine it was like ten years ago, right, Like that's what that's what Austin.

Just start the beginnings of exactly.

But like when I was a kid, like so I grew up in the suburb and whenever I was like eight or nine. My dad was worried. He was like, it ain't that many black people in the neighborhood. I'm concerned. So then he put me like in like the like the east Side used to be like all the black and brown people. So every summer I would go to summer camp on the east Side.

Look at your dad.

Yeah, Reggie sound thick. Uh my dad skinny?

I feel like a skinny. Yeah, we only know chubby.

Shout out to Reggie Conquest, Baby, I'm here for you.

Thomas also a little chubby man y.

Yeah, my dad, my dad skinny is health. I get my mom that thicks out of the family.

Okay, but your dad can like grill like meats and stuff.

You know it.

You can't be named Reggie and I'll be able to grill as you from Texas exactly, and you can't grill. Yeah, come on, you got to get the big grill. You gotta put the ribs on. You got to have your own special secret thing that's not even really that secret. You gotta do it, man. You got that from the local store we all got access to.

It's a Costco blend, but also through miss Dash exactly.

Is that how you lost your virginity talking about your dad's sauce, Like, how did that happen?

Let's real that back in.

Okay, yeah, okay, me me losing my virginity story was this girl. So my best friend growing up had had a girlfriend and she had a twin sister, and so I lost my virginity to this girl. And so like over the course, like over the course of like two years, we used to like kick it for a little bit and then she would ghost me.

She did it like multiple times. You guys were the same age, Yeah, yeah, we're.

In the same grade.

But she went to like it was like three high schools in the area. She went to one of the other ones, and she.

Would ghost you and you would just see her like randomly at the park.

Yeah, we just like bump into each other.

She just act like nothing happened, and it was left that it was like my it's like my best friend's girlfriend's sister.

So it's like hot, like so many degrees and separation. Yeah, so we like be at the same stuff a lot.

Yeah. Yeah, Like that's a modern woman right there.

Yeah, she would.

Ghost me and then just pretend like nothing happened. She's an actress.

This girl she had, Uh, this girl she had like a full time job even though we were in high school.

Wait what Yeah, she like she was trying to make it out.

She she she had the eve pawprint tattoos.

Na did her twin sister have the same tattoo?

She was a good sister, the one that he blew his back out.

Yeah, I.

Fucked the bad news system. Yes, that's what we like.

I love that other one had like a scholarship, she like went to school. She was like playing sports and all that.

I was fun. I was with the fuck up.

That's not who you want to lose your virginity too, That's true.

Yeah, No, she's gonna be judging the technique.

Yeah, that's not the move.

She's gonna want somebody with a paw print who could make herself come.

Okay, you don't even really need to beat it.

Yeah.

I wasn't ready your eyes.

One ready, bro. She had been in the game for a minute. She was in a game for a good little minute. Like my best friends, like my homies a lost virginity when they're like like fourteen fifteen. So I was like, I was way behind the pack, and she was kind of she's leading.

She was leading it.

She was she was leading the trut your friends. Yeah, she was out in the front of the hu. I love her, we love her. What's her name, Megan? He said, you're not about to get me. He said, like.

People, people from a hometown go listen to this.

They know, well, we love her, we love that. She ghosted you. That's a modern woman.

Hashtat goal.

But damn way that happened? Okay, how I actually lost it? She had ghost me a couple of times, and then she was like my girlfriend for like a cool little minute, for like two months, which is like a long time in high school. He's my girlfriend, and then she she did she ghosted again. It was like we had like done a little Valentine's.

Day day thing and everything. What did you do for Valentine's do We went to like a little Italian spot.

Yeah, a little olived exactly exactly, little local Italian spot.

We cruise over there. We like, I like watched a movie like her dad's.

Like her dad's apart, her dad's apartment, Yeah, because you know.

In Austin her parents was divorced. Yeah, I was like an apartment in Austin.

That sounds well, remember Zach t did our podcast and it's the Divorce Expert.

His dad had an apartment in Texas.

All that's right because he was going through a divorce.

They got apartments in Texas when I.

Not getting a home home right on a ranch.

Yeah, like when I was when I was growing up, I thought, like I remember when I was little, like I found out this girl I was in school with like lives in an apartment.

I was like, oh, y'all struggling.

Right in New York.

If you have an apartment, that's a norm everybody the right, That's that's how we live. But I think when I think the suburbs and other places in the in the country, I think you should have a house with a yard and a mailbox that you got to walk to.

Yeah.

That was pretty much. Yeah, that was pretty that's pretty much.

Very great. You got an apartment, y'all struggling. Yeah, we're laughing at poor people. Hilarious.

Back, I mean, I feel like that's a big part of the podcast. Yeah, I mean that's what we do here. Okay, So just like the apartment.

So then no, no, no, we we had done like a Valentine's dayDay thing whatever whatever. Uh my birthday is the day before Valentine's Day, so like it's like, yeah.

It's a lot. I would give you a two for one for sure. I wouldn't.

It happens all the time, and I'm cool with I don't care about Valentine Day like that. Just give me, you know, give me some of my birthday anyway, he.

Said, giving some.

Yeah, it's shaped in a hard shaped box. Were good, good, you get it.

I get it.

And then she ghosted me. We was like together a couple of weeks after Valentine's Day. She just disappeared, like she just stopped her of my text calls.

Whatever.

It's busy working.

She had seven jobs and you were calling her before nine then before the hours kicked in before before them three minutes exactly.

And then I seen on my Space she was dating this other dude named Tremaine that I went to high school with.

Sounds like he might be cooler than you. Yeah, I would live. Nah he was. He was short, he had a neck tattoo, and he like.

A military dude. Now, but he was like he was like sure, he's like five six, you know. He was He's like a little dude, but he was. He was cool. I'm cooler to you know today, you know, like modern day, but like as an eighteen year old, like he had he.

Was cooler than he had a car.

Uh, I guess you got to have a car when you live in Texas. No, he didn't have a car. Yes I did. It was a bucket, but we were moving around at her it was a nineteen ninety three.

You're giving me bike energy, So sorry.

You can't have Yeah, you are giving by energy.

Like messenger, I've been had I got a car and I was sixteen. It was a bucket. It was I was, I was doing good. Should have sen my wife. I was thriving in Austin. Yeah, he's like, I didn't live in apartment bro I was.

I didn't know I was living that I was. Anyway, it's fine, you don't have to prove anything anyway. Yeah. So then she goes to me. I found out she was Tremaine on my Space.

He was on the time.

Yeah, I seen that.

She like posted a picture. How did you used to post pictures on? I think it was a wall, Like, yeah, it was a wall.

I don't know.

I know you had albums.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

I saw that And then like and then like like a month or two later, she like popped back up in the picture because she used to always just text me and be like, hey, what's up stranger, like like she ain't never goest me.

Yeah, like a like a grown ass man. She was in high school, like a grown ass man.

Sure what's going on?

You?

And and so then and you were like, yes, yes, this I'm around.

I mean basically I was like, okay, I'm gonna get you know, this is gonna go well for me. So I was like, okay, like we're gonna hook up. And then we hooked up, and then I go to her after that.

That's my virginity for you.

But how was it for you? I mean it was I was you know, it's bad. Yeah, I'm sure if you asked her it was it was.

You came fast, no forever, I like did, because I was like looking at the that was like a big thing. When you eighteen, you're like, okay, I'm gonna make this stretch and you like your twelve minutes.

Think.

I feel like it was like a cool twenty first, like I was, well, I.

Took him ten minutes to get it in, yeah, and then you know ten minutes.

Yeah, we was we was fumbling, we was fumbling around. But I was like, I was like watching.

You know, she sucked it right, shut up, you know she was.

Devin.

Well you know what it SoundCloud rappers now she is. Oh no, he was a my Space wrapper. Well my cass is back apparently just no way weird.

Yea.

I get back on there. Timber, he like bought it. He like put money.

Let's get back on my space. Guys listening, We'll get on. It's a move on right now. We all want to make my space page. I'm here for it.

Make sure you add us to your topic.

Absolutely it's de activated, is gone.

I had too many like hooker horror photos up there, hooker horn hooker horror photos. Just me remember what my no brawn, Me and my panties in front of a fireplace.

Just swinging the weave over the Yes.

Yeah, somebody looked at them and they're.

Like, have you googled yourself?

Have you seen they were popping up when you googled yourself.

I had like I had a rope in my mouth. It was a lot.

I seen those phone.

From come on, yeah, no, it was a whip.

I had a whip in my mouth. That better different, that's a different. Now it's still terrible because it's I don't even know where to find.

A rope wor store or Michael's maybe. Okay, Okay, I see, I see, I see bald Marie, she got hardware facts. Now, I see I see you Tim to man Taylor over here. Okay, you see Okay, so you want eighteen? Okay, now talk to us about whole faces?

Right, So, like, I'm kind of going through my thing now, but I'm going through it because I've never gone through a whole face. Really, this is my first one. I didn't go through a whole face in college. I didn't kiss no girls so exactly. So he's like, yeah, but you're so bald now, but you look like lead away.

Shut up, Devin.

So I'm just doing it because I can, and I started, and I like it, and I think it's great to be like get out of my house or go to their house and eat their food and then be like call me a car.

They call you a car.

Yeah, sometimes it's Marie. Why would they not call her a car? Bully them into getting a.

Car, my damn car.

A man is in therapy right now because yeah, probably get you're getting people cars home.

If if Devin is not, if I like you, if we like, if we.

Don't believe it, you don't believe it. Now I feel like.

You've maybe have gotten all car but I don't think you out here getting cars. Your eyes are so brown, Like they're so brown that you can almost have light eyes.

You're definitely not getting them around.

You feel like if I had, if I had the dark ones.

Yeah, you're like, I'm just so thankful you're here, and then you would get a car. Yeah, you got the like the junior Michael Ely yeahs him up.

Baby.

Wait, but I have to say e A l y because people keep typing and then lee and then they're like Marie, that person is hideous.

Okay, see I'll been reference to Michael before. Yes, Michael, he's that's the dude in barbershop.

Yeah you know who Michael Ely is? Michael Eely. Oh yeah, and I'll name seven movies when I was a movie with that.

Are you watching? Yeah, so you're not getting cars.

How do you meet women? You'redating them on apps, you're meeting them in real life? Most you sliding in people's show show. I'm not really show I'm not really, I'm not in the dms. But you know what, since I moved, Since I moved here, the girls in the DMS has been like, it's really like escalating ladies.

That's what is that?

Why it's not no dudes in my DMS. I gotta slide it to their d MS.

I don't really.

Oh, I'm not doing that because again, yeah, I'm not really trying to be out here like that. You're a liar. Put you out here though, I did it fucking out here. I did it already.

That's what he's Okay, so let's get into it. So let's get into it.

So my most recent he fase was like into last year beginning of this year.

Okay, so you were doing and during the winter time.

You know how hard it is to hold when it's fucking I think season. He's in and out.

Yeah, I feel like that's the easiest time.

Yeah, you see you once every two weeks. But then he got a couple of people in the rotation.

But we're trying to.

Get my schedule together. You know, I gotta get a whole daily plannet. Yeah, and a the book uh huh, one of those big ass desk calendars and I could just write tremain on Thursday. Anyway, So some wintertime, Yeah, how are you meeting these people?

The ones that you just the face that you just completed.

It was combination of like shows like girls, I meeting parties and stuff like that, and she'll be going to And I was also like like fresh out, like I was, I was dating somebody, like when I moved here.

And then we she sucked up with that long distance.

Now she moved here for you. No no, no, no, she's gonna move here regardless.

That's what she told you she was going. She was. She moved back after y'all broke up.

She saw here.

Oh okay, so trying to get her money together. She said, she's not moving back. She likes it up here.

She always wanted to move to New York. Okay.

But anyway, basically got out of that, and I was like, all right, I'm trying to get active because I.

Was, because I did.

I'm trying to I'm trying to get I'm trying to make some moves.

Baby, Okay.

Because she was stifling you a little take, you could just I was, you know, we're together for like two years.

That's a long time a lot.

Time's the longest relationship three years? Okay?

What yeah?

What fans in your life? Was this right before the five years.

That I didn't have a man before you started comedy, like right right when I yeah.

And then comedy broke out up.

You know, I broke us up obviously because I'm terrible, but you know that's my brand. And then he and then she made friends with a very mean person, so that that helped as well.

Here we are, but you're you're the sweet one time. Like, I'm not I'm not saying you're not mean.

What I'm saying, you're saying of the two of us, she's slightly sweeter.

Yeah, yeah, I'm saying comparatively because he's got calling us sour patch kids.

First they're sweet and then they're sour.

Yeah, but it's mainly you've never been sweet to me.

I don't think.

You got it been sweet. I'm not saying you've been mean, but I'm but you don't. We don't.

She's like, she sees past you sweet is the wrong you. She seas you can't be guessing these six three two thirty niggas up.

Wait, you can't, you really can't wait. So that's something I really want to promote on the podcast. If you want a gas A six three nigga up to do it, it's perfectly okay.

I've never been.

Get his.

Regular elated. I got you baby.

Jacket's cute corn jacket cutter.

Is the face cute? Andrew, have you been to shell before? Shell gas station?

Have you been to it?

Shell gas station?

Okay?

Andrew said it's a He said, what you're going to do about it? The ducks is covering.

Clean up on out seven seven is Andrew's trousers.

I listened to the Jay Jordon episode you are doing him? I was like, y'all leave.

Andrew because Andrew was looking at J like, I mean reciprocated.

Yeah, that's true. J J was flirting.

But Jay the flood that he's a professional flood and I'll.

Be seeing I'll be seeing them pictures. He was like, Jay is like a real thought. Yeah, he would have boys. Some does it. He does what he does when he does it, he does what he does. Cut up the Agelo Dickie. You know, if your body was like that, you would be having you would have no shirtle I'd be disgraceful. A lot a body like that.

If I would be a disgracefuls and no, Jack, I would not be a good person if I have I have multiple babies.

That's why.

If I was Kevin, you could get like that. You know, you could just go to this.

Hear Marie talking, don't say that. Everybody talk baby, get the man. You bringing him down, and I'm trying you can make it happy. Do a couple of crunches.

I mean maybe like three hundred a day.

But bring it down and bring you down, huh.

I'm just trying to help you be a hotter hope. Yeah, it's what kind of women are you dating?

Here's the thing.

I knew this question was coming and you were not prepared for No. No, no, I'm very prepared for it. But before I answer that question, he's going to say something that's not problematic so that he can win on all.

Well, let him say what he says.

And then we'll see if he's not even I'm not before I addressed me, before I addressed me and my dating, I want to.

I want to.

I asked about Marie two times.

Right, this is something, this is something I acknowledged. The other is your type great? Somebody that's not in your reach. Okay, good, got it. Okay, well says you got to reach for the stars.

Okay, you know verified.

I'm a star. Okay, So we bring him, we bring me up, and we tear me down. That's what we're doing. That's what the podcast mean to the people we really like.

Honestly, if you're mean to you, we don't really like you, though, Yeah, surely not facts.

Andrew, Oh yeah, it's absolutely Yeah.

Okay, I asked bout Marie twice. When was the time, right then?

Yea, one was the time I asked another homie and I was like, I was like, hey, what's what's Marie Fosson's deal? Like, what's her like, what's her situation? And he was like.

He was like bruh.

I bumped into Marie in La and she had a dude with her, and I was like, okay, it was like a like, like, what was his situation she was? He was like it was some white dude. He looked lame as fuck and he was like a cartoonist or something like that.

I don't even remember. I'm leaving all of my clothes on. Okay, who what are we talking about? Who's who is this man?

Yeah? I don't know.

I don't know who that man was.

Well, I don't know who that man was. Somebody that was feeding Marie. You were a cartoon, wasn't the nigga you went to a date with and then you had him drive you to the show and then he stayed. I bet you that was him.

Wait, who did I take it? Take me to a show?

Somebody? Somebody? Somebody?

You had a date with him and you were like, oh, can I have It?

Might have been my old roommate.

He's basically a cartoon character.

He was tall.

I mean, I haven't seen this man in person. This is this is second it's a second hand account. You've met him when you lived were lived in LA.

For two years. No, this was when you were there for a month.

I stayed with my roommate, my ownment. Okay, yeah, so it was him. It was him, because I was like, is this.

A new development that because that I was banging in La was a black dude? Okay?

What about like a one like a single date, you know, just like a one?

No, when I was in La. Ah No, I didn't go all some days when I was out there.

Because you know, this was hungry. But you did say that somebody came to a show, they took you to the date, and then they ended up driving you there and stayed.

Oh yeah, who is that man?

Some dude that I went on a date with and then I asked for a ride to my show and he stayed at the show.

He didn't want to leave?

Was it?

Did he match this description?

No? I think cartoon means my old roommate. I'm telling y'all, why are you looking at me?

I was there?

Who was the person that you were talking to that said that they saw me? Because then maybe I can it'll refresh my memory?

And why are you bringing this up? Why are you trying to drag Marie?

Y'all was trying to drag me first, because I see, I seen what I see what.

I've been doing. I listened to the Zach Fox episode. I see how y'all did. Yeah, but Zach is a professional, Yeah he is. I've seen how y'all did. A fat Tony he brought the heat with Tony the Ugli. How dare you talk to us? And I love me some fat Tony. We love Tony.

Tony is like he's like he's famous, He's like a Texas legend. Yeah, like it's like if you if you're like creative, if you like do creative stuff, especially if you're black and creative, like you know somebody who knows who's like homies with fat Tony.

Yes, do reflect what we're talking about you wait wait wait wait.

Wait, So.

But you were talking about me?

Huh?

Because I was?

Because I was, because I was because I see what y'all. I see what y'all try to do. What hurt.

I see what y'all try to do the young black man who coming on the show, see when you when it's when it's a straight black dude. I see what y'all try to do. Y'all try to be like, oh so, so who you're seeing? And then every answer is the wrong.

So the answer that the.

Long answer, short answer. What you're trying to say is you day white women.

You've seen me with one girl?

Oh yeah, at the karaoke at karaoke for Amena's birthday.

I'm sorry she was black.

Yes, but that doesn't say anything. Who are these people?

You did that on purpose? You're like, I know I'm gonna be a karaoke. You probably met somebody at Dallas BBQ. You were like, hey, you want to do with some black girls that I want some loud, mean girls. This mean girl that dates cartoon car.

You look like, yes Marie pulled up with a Garfield Yes, yes, yes, John from Garfield. But yeah, I mean what's yeah, of course, I mean. Have I tell us what your type is? That's all we want to know.

I like, I like, I like mostly girls who are like creative fields.

Like I like, man, I'm throwing stuff off the table. What does she look like? What does she look like?

You're told she playing a movie?

She could she could look like anything.

You just want somebody alive. That's stupid.

I'm just saying.

It's like, that's like, okay, so you have like a specific like you have like a type. It's like a type that you're interested in. Yes, you know, and like you, I feel like she don't have a take, and I feel kind of the same way.

It's like I don't know.

I see what he's doing there. He's like, I'm trying to be relatable marine.

Okay, but it's not. Everybody just has like a type.

That's true. This is true, like certain people like you like certain things about people.

But like I can say, I can say I have I.

Know that I don't like people who are fat, like I'm not attracted to big guys.

Damn, that's hurtful, that's problematic.

Actually, and I don't stand by any of the things that Marie just said.

I like people like I take care of my body, I work. I want you to also be somebody who gets into the gym at least, you know, four times a week.

I'm not Reggie Conquest goes to the gym every week.

Well, some people don't really do nothing when they go to the gym, you know. Some people go to plant finish and get pizza on Thursdays. You know, Like we're not doing the same thing at the gym. I'm doing my cardio, I'm doing my legs.

G I see the work that you're doing.

I appreciate you, like Reggie were we appreciate your chubby ass, but that's not what we're talking about.

I don't date fluffy dudes. That's not my.

Tight never no, not one, not one max O cream in your life, sure, but not no more.

I'm a grown up now, Okay.

Will we will we?

Category body don't want it on top of me. I feel like Devin is squishy. I'm not.

I'm like let me let me touch No, don't touch me, but no, stop the podcast while make those commercials in and watch next January. This nigga wuna be so ripped, he's gonna look like you're gonna be looking like Michael B. Joring Black Panther.

I'm telling y'all, bro, when you look like, are we gonna shake on that?

I mean, she's like looks like the most impossible nigga.

Like he's not impossible, but it's like, it's how many niggas you know look like that? Three? Yeah? I mean don't know nobody looked like that. They don't they don't hang out. They're not comedians. No, no comedians look like that.

Absolutely except for Jay, I mean Jay, but it's and he not like Creed was like, did y'all watch a movie anyway? I feel like we're talking about types. Yes, you haven't answered.

Here's here's what.

You haven't told me about your history. I want to know more about you, babe, But that's it.

Here's here's what I'm saying, Babe.

Babe.

I feel like I got like different types of like different different types of types, different.

Types of different. So you like an urban outfitters, white woman. Then you go to Trader Joe's God another white woman like that. Then you woman, see how you're trying to put me out, but Banana Republic black, see how you're trying to put me out? Mons about that's I feel like his hispanic work?

Yes?

Is that? Yeah?

Okay? Go ahead? Tell us? So wait, when did you know that?

You were like, yeah, tell me about tell me what you mean? When did you realize you were like, Okay, I gotta put up, I gotta hang up my whole cloak and do the right thing, because you really haven't told us when you were hoeing or how you were hoeing, Like did you give anybody an st D? Did somebody get pregnant? Like stuff like that. You're going half on the Plan B or you put paying the whole forty eight down.

Have you ever gotten Plan B?

Of course? Okay, yeah, okay, good, good, good, because if you've never done that, then I couldn't believe you're not really if you have not had a pregnancy scare ever, you're a good guy and that's nasty.

No, no, yeah, you're a good.

Shame on you for wearing the condom or pulling out and pulling out Yeah, what's wrong with you?

Hilarious?

Let's see hope I got one? I got one STD store. Whoa, that's what I know, that's what I want for.

You didn't tell what your type was. But we'll get back to that.

Because I tried to tell you what my type was, and you're like, oh, Urban Outfitters White.

Oh okay, well Warren Polo White.

Look you see this. I'm sealing my lips. I'm zipping them shut. And I threw away the key.

Do you want to hear the do you want to hear the I want to hear your the STD story s TD Okay, I don't come back to it's anyway.

STD story. It is a girl that I used to have a crush on a high school. I thought she was real cool.

Don't be the nastiest ones, the ones that you've had a crush on for years and years.

That's that's where I mean. Don't you do that. Don't blame it on her.

You had the st D, he was a virgin.

It doesn't no, no, no, no no no. Can I tell the story? Yes, okay, yes I know, Andrew, and I can't even anyway.

It was a girl as a girl went to high school with I just got a big crush on her. Yes, but we was always like she always had a boyfriend. She had a boyfriend, and then she would not have a boyfriend, and then I'd have a girl.

It was like always like that, back and forth, back you're hot.

Than your cold?

Yes, then no, yes, he everet the story.

Shut up, Andrew, you're interrupting. I like, now that gave Andrew because Andrew mic I don't tell him that. I don't tell no.

I like it.

He turned a read. He's like, oh my god, I feel seen. He's likely.

Uh and so and so then cut to we go to uh like we we both single. We both single as far as I know, and we we go we go to a show together. We go like we go see, uh the.

Movie doesn't matter.

No, no, no, we went together to play you see Harry Potter and Where's Go See Where's Go see Childish Cambino.

Oh, that's a that's a good one.

So we go, we go to Childish, We go to childishant it was a good show.

It was a good show.

This is also like it's like twenty fourteen, so that's like before he like really really okay, So this is when he was doing that like he's doing like the lame ship.

Yeah yeah yeah, relatable, yeah yeah yeah yeah. And so we we go to the show. After the show, we like pretty drunk, we hook up and then you know, I'm happy. I'm like, okay, you know I feel when you finally, you know, you finally get somebody that like you've been you know, was good.

Yeah, I mean I was too. Honestly, I was too drunk. I really don't. I mean, I don't think I'm not. I'm not claiming no, no bad.

You know, I know when I you know, you you know when you lay off the good dick. You know, you know when you drop off the good dick? Do you know?

Do you know do men know when they drop off good dick? I won't say ever.

I'm sure some men are delusional about it, but it's like I feel like I have a good idea, and I know I know when I dropped the ball. You know, you know, you know when you just not really you just don't really bring it like that. You know, sometimes I deserve to get ghosted. If I drop off a C plus dick, you know, then you don't have to talk to me again.

You heard it her first you did. That's plus dick. That means you can ghost him. You can go yeah, you don't have to ever talk to him anyway. So on the record, go ahead, it's for.

Anybody who's listening. And yeah.

So we So we hook up a couple of days ago. By I'm at my job. This is like my first job I got out of college. I'm at my job, get a text from her. She was like, hey, are you free?

And You're like, oh, she's ready right now. She's I don't even had.

She was like, are you free right now? And I was like, yeah, what's up. She was like, I'm gonna call you. So she calls me. I step out into the stair like the little stairwell at my job. She was like, Hey, I gotta tell you something. She was like, so, my boyfriend just told me that he has chlamydia.

Oh my gosh, what if you're going to get an STD Clymi isod, You're right, that's the Yeah, it's the best, it's the best, it's the.

Best of all. It's the best of the Yeah. But you were the side of fries, so like.

But the thing about like it's one thing, if one thing, it's one thing if you decided, it is the one thing. It's one thing, if you decide, Nigga, and you know you decided Nigga. I thought she was single, you know, like as far as far as I knew, like she had told me, like they broke up. They had broke up like maybe like a month ago, and then I guess they got back together or maybe they was just like still. I don't know what the situation was, but you was the sweet potato fries. I guess so sweet.

So then you do what you drop everything while you're at work. You throw the files in the air, and you're like, I gotta go.

I told I told my homegirl, like this girl I worked with, I was like, I told her the whole story. She laughed, She laughed a lot. She also class exactly exactly.

I've never had the clasp, but she laughs.

Last do you take the shot or something?

It was okay, so we all so we all been there. I don't know, Sidney, what what s city did you have? Because you had some tricks that sounds worst.

I never even heard of that parasite that's that's on the secret meaning otist.

You know that was a slave.

It was fucking a jet throw playing.

A man with a shackle on. Ye, yes, thank you, thank you so much.

I appreciate your supports us free during this hard times. But they never really never heard of them. Yeah, they made you drink something or was that a pill? Or I had to take into antibiotics. My your coach does not smell good and your stomach is in pain. It's a parasite. You have a parasite inside, so you're basically pregnant. Yeah, yes, you called kids parasite, Yes I did.

I mean there's something to it, okay, absolutely, okay, because the.

Worst things this episode.

Yeah, what you said about fat man, Yeah that was.

All my fat man and women out there, I'll support you. Yeah, big women, ill support you. I'll support a big woman.

Okay.

Wow do we talk about being a hoe at all?

I don't know, Devin, what do you I mean?

I feel like one s t D? Sorry one?

Yeah? And how many? And to think about it, baby, you got I got tested today.

I wanted to say, you don't find out media how many STDs have?

Which STDs have you had?

Okay that you can remember you're gonna lose dick off this and no, not no, not no, like how honesty is.

Don't do that.

Yeah, okay, so I haven't tested positive for chlamydia orgonaria ever, But it's the guys that will text you after the fact and be like, hey, I am you know showing the symptoms.

For Okay, well yes, but tell us what you've had.

Yeah, okay, this is like truly like I had crabs on that was wow.

Andrew, you you got to be thirty five in nineteen seventy six have phased out.

My film was all went cracks. That's what Bill gave you.

Crab.

He is the father of crad got it, Andrew crabs? What else?

Okay? So HPV everyone has HPV. However, these symptoms for hpv H differs for every person, and so in some cases it will show up as warts. Uh, and so I needed to get them surgically removed.

My butthole.

Dick off.

Absolutely, I don't care. I don't listening.

You're proud old trash.

For a This is real, Andrew, like upstage you on this fucking.

Pop That mean he was more because you're the reformed hoe.

Andrew still being a He's still bleeding poop.

Yep, bleeding poop for this day.

Devin Can you tell me how you're reformed?

Can you just at least give me some tidbits on that?

So, okay, we ended up happening, how much we got, how much time we got?

We ain't no time?

We have no time?

So ten minutes Yeah, because I got it. Should have left now.

Yeah, honestly, you're gonna be laid.

Yeah.

Everything anyway to what ended up happening, it was. But I was, I was. I was really, I was out here moving around. I was.

I was being an extra messy you know, I was sleeping coworkers girl that lived in my building.

I was really like, you know, like like friends of friends.

So how did you the girl that in your building? How did that start? You guys shared an elevator ride and made eye contact. Nah, we like knew each other already.

Uh, yeah, we we had met before. We were at the same we're at the same party.

She listened to the pod. I see the way you're acting.

Like you're popular, But I don't know your knuckles.

I don't know who listened to this pod.

Everybody, you want to hear the story that really convinced me to stop being Yes, all right, so it was this was, Yeah, it was like the Homies friend. It was like the Homies friend. We all bump into actually, oh.

Yes, you got a tiptoe around this.

Careful, but also again, if there's something that just give us the cliff note today.

Long, long story short. We were at one point we were all in like a group chat.

We're in a group chat together, and then we were all talking like having a good time. She texts me outside the group chat and it's like she's like hey, She's like, hey, what's up. She was like, how come we're all talking about it was like a season of Queer Eye come out. She was like, oh, why why are we not watching a new Queer Eye like together right now?

If we all just.

Texting about it.

But she texts you that alone outside the group chat. He was on a group chat.

Queer I doing so much for the straight community.

I mean truly, she appreciate you all boys for giving back. You know, you know, haller at me, Karama's from Texas. Ten Frans haller at me. Okay, not Anthony, I don't funk with him.

Okay, you're not here for the guack with the thing exactly exactly.

So first he walk in there, he'd be like, oh, so you're eating cheese whizz hello story.

All the time.

That's so rude.

He live in rural Georgia, of course eating she's with.

Yo and uh, Devin tell us the story so I can leave trying to get these bits off anyway, it's clear.

Anyway.

Uh.

She texted me outside the group chat.

I was like, not really feeling it at first because it's like the homies friend. And then one night I had a show to show that I thought it was gonna be trash.

And then ended up being real good and she was there. No, no, she wasn't there, but I was riding off that high. I was riding off of that that feeling, and I was like, I was like, you know, I'm a Texas girl. I'm gonna see what's up.

End up texting her.

We go out one day, we hook up and in whose house because y'all live in the same building.

No, no, no, this is not the neighbor girl. This girl hop period. We you know, we were.

Moving, we're moving around. We go offer a drink. She's saying some red flag stuff. You know, She's saying some stuff that I'm like, like, this don't seem right. She's just talking She's talking a lot, like in a very angry way about how these like these past dudes that like wronged her.

Okay, you know, which is like on a first day, so she was ready to give women.

Yeah, she really. She come up with a lot of anger frustration.

We we and against my better judgment, we hook up, and then I see that she leaves.

She leaves her ear rings, right, she do the whole Yeah.

I mean, I've been leaving my necklaces at dude's houses, but that's because I don't like wearing it when.

I exactly I feel hers. This felt, this felt very intentional. As soon as I saw it.

She she like, why would she take her earrings off? Were they big?

No? They were like little studs.

Yeah, they were like they're like some little star.

They were like little hoops some Claire.

They're from Zara costume jewelry, silver plated. Anyway that happens. I see that, and I'm already like feeling hesitant. She sends me a text the next day talking about, like, I gotta get these earrings back. I got these are my favorite earrings. I wear them every day. I gotta get him back. And I'm trying to play it off because I realize what's happening. And I'm like, okay, you know, we'll meet up. We'll meet up later, you know, see each other, you know whatever.

She said to come to your house now basically.

And I was like nah. She was like, oh, then, like, why don't you come up with my spot. I'm in Williamsburg. And I was like, well, I'm be over there tomorrow. I'll drop them off, but I can't hang out and get out.

Or not said that already?

You said, why would you tell her that?

I would have just dropped them off? And Okay, I gotta go.

Right, and you saved the can't hang out for when you get there because you're.

Giving her because she's like, well, why would he say that?

Yeah?

Like what like yeah, anyway, So.

Because I'm trying to you know, I'm trying to like create that separation, I'm like, oh, no, do.

With somebody who's giving you red flags? Why would you do that? Exactly? And I learned my lesson. Here's what happened.

She she goes, she goes, that's that's too bad because us it just came out and she was like, oh, it's too bad. You can't kick it because I just bought two tickets to us, and it like it was like the opening weekend. She was like, And she was like, and I was hoping you.

Like, can't be a comedian because they ain't got money for two tickets an opening weekend.

I told you, I'm not had sex with one comedian.

Just making sure, but double checking the math, make sure the figures are all comm hmm. But some of these comedians, you know, these comedians like you got money out here, some of them do exactly, but not us, not the ones that you go fuck yeah anything.

You even know what his type is. So what you're talking about, you hear it, We know what.

Your type is.

You'll better quit playing me anyway. Yo.

He's about to throw his dick on the table. He's like, you're gonna.

Keep talking and ship and I'm gonna hit you with my I'm gonna put my my flebby dick on the table. He said, I'm gonna hit you with this Austin Austin's powers. Jesus, that fell flat, like your story. Okay, there we go, Okay, can you finish it?

I do okay, Okay. So she told me that, and I was like, but I wanted to see the movies. I was like, all right, we could go see You're a Boy. I was like, we could go see us. But then I was like, I was like, as soon as a movie get out, I gotta.

Really no, no, no.

Look in text, I didn't no, no, I'm not saying this in text. I'm like, okay, bet we can go see the movie. I need to give you these earrings. I want to see the movie. Anyway, I sent her a vemo for the ticket. Though I send it a vemo, pay pay for the ticket. That way, it's like I'm not on the hook for you.

Know, eighteen dollars exactly. He said, no, I pay for my ticket, he said, he would have been off the hook if you bought both. You would have been a dumb ass dude. If you you get the fact that you've I would have been like, I'll FMO you when I get there. Then I wouldn't have said no money.

No, because it's like and no, because it's like I didn't want her to be able to say like, oh, like he played me for these tickets.

She's gonna say it anyway exactly. Well, yeah, okay, so I know her. Anyway. What ends up happening is like after the movie end. She's like like, I'm walking her back because it's late. We want to go see a late movie. I'll take her back.

I can't hang out and then you spend all evening or whatever. We lost like a two hour movie exactly.

But we didn't.

We didn't do nothing before. We just met at the movie and then just went that don't matter. Yeah, but you finished the story. You're gonna let me finish the story. Y'll keep being like, oh, you never finished the story. Why won't you finish?

Because you told her you couldn't hang out and then you hung out.

We went to a movie, Yes, but that's hanging out.

She's gonna talk trash about you regardless of how.

This story is. Oh she did, how does it end?

Uh?

I go back to her apartment. She's like, she's like, hey, like you like you want to come up? And I was like, nah, like I kind of think were in different places. I like, break that down, break down. She starts sobbing, like just like sobbing, big, big crying.

Well ahead and put your dick on the table so we can see why she cried.

Anyway, is it was? She starts big crying. I'm basically I'm apologizing on being like, hey, like you know, we were on a different page.

I went on one two dates.

I'm I'm also saying that I'm also basically only one. She goes, she's like, she's like, all right, fuck you. She goes upstairs. I call a car car. While I'm waiting for the cars like six minutes away. She comes back downstairs, she's like, and another thing hits me with like extra, extra, extra, all kinds of shit. Then he hits me with a big text on my way back, and then like probably like two weeks later, she hits

That's that's how you got out of the whole game, bro, now that you was ready to get out, that you were tired, you wanted to hang your whole exactly. You're exhausted, exactly, And I've already been messy and ended up in some kind of messy situations, so which you didn't talk about on the pod. We had time, we had time. You skated around this ship. Y'all.

The interviewers, y'all supposed to direct it.

No, you caught up Michael and Barbarachet.

You've talked about all the black men we've had on the podcast in the last year, Jeff, and you talked about me in a cartoon character.

I feel like, all right, bring me back, bring me back. We can continue.

I'll tell you, I'll tell you all the rest of the stories. Andrew, can I come back, of course?

Oh don't you try to do a part two. Nigga, We don't do that. We don't come back. Let me your story now. Let me come back for the Patreon episode. Let me come back to the Patriot. Let me get let me get the bonus feature real quick.

We can make that happens.

More stories.

I feel like I got more went on the Patreon. Yeah, we can get some stories on and you could be as messy as you want.

To be on that because and then I really let people yet then then then I really put it out.

Devin.

I Devin, I see what you talked to A publicist, like, so, how do I milk this up on this outside attorney's work.

He's like me, why would I tell them all my business. Leave a cliffhanger on this one. Yeah, honestly one.

STD Devin, you literally just came here to flirt. That's all you did. You came to tell me that you asked about me.

Is it working?

Love?

Your shirt? Up? It back?

We want to see what you're working. I can't do it.

I can't do it.

I can't do it for the all.

Right, Well you did, you did some, you did lay down some cute stuff tonight, thank you today or whatever.

Sounds like City wants to know. If I was.

Straight and I was going through a relapse, I'm too trying to kiss you.

I was having the most difficult time. Who would you trying.

To take your corneray jacket off and be like with her teeth, like lift up that trunk if.

You were if you were in a moment of crisis, if you're having a relapse, who would you try to kiss?

First? Me or you doing I thought you were say me or Marie obviously, but yes him or your do?

My hair is moisturized.

Uh Ya has more money than you.

He would pay for a cap for me to get back to wherever I need to go. I could pay for a cap if you asked me to pay for a cap I would.

I got to ask. I just kissed you. That should be enough.

Kid.

Yeah, a cab after a cat.

Yes, you're gonna be grabbing his dick while you Yes, I'm.

Gonna throw you up against some gates, some gates.

I'm gonna lick your face. Okay, up gate. We in Minnesota.

Dates, Set the scene, I'm.

Throw you into a cornfield. Set the scene. Friend.

Okay, you know what, I really would love to stay here for another twenty minutes.

No you can't.

I gotta go to these.

Terrible comedy Yeah, we'll get you on a person Okay, I'll be back. Den. Please tell everybody your social media please where they can find you, where they can find you.

I'm on I'm on Twitter and Instagram, y'all, followed one on Instagram at Internet, Devin on both Instagram and Twitter, and y'all look out. I'm I'm a tape a set for Comedy Central soon, y'all go check that out.

Yeah that's fantastic. I'm proud of you.

Won't use that money to get a trainer?

Yeah, you know, you know, you know how you know?

Don't you talk about my job like that? They made me quite well, all the money goes to Sydney. He She's like, let them eat cakes.

Yes, and you.

Have a monthly show at the Jane Hotel.

Hotel, Yeah, the next one is September.

We don't do dates here, but just say, what what is it on Monday?

Yes, it's on a Monday.

Y'all follow me or Alex English or don't follow Gary, don't post.

Okay, don't be shouting out the whole.

What day of the month is the show? It's on Monday, but the date move around, you know, no, he don't. It's up in the air, right right, right, Oh, they got you on those it's a good show. It's a good show.

They should be giving you whatever day you want.

Right, Sometimes they got events. You know, people be rented out right, people who have money, right, Okay, they pay us for the show, so it's like they losing money.

Okay, Well, stop bragging. Thank you so much for being here. They pay us at the Living Factory.

Don't try. I'm taking off my headphones. Thank you so much.

Have a good night, good day, great day.

That chlamydia juice and uh shout out to anybody who's ever.

Had triconomis trickonometry triconomist trickonometry.

I mean, listen, shut up, listen.

If you have any host stories that you want to hit us with, you know, put them in the comments, send us d ms.

We're here for that.

We might send them to Devin maybe he can uh interview you on that. Out of no make sure that you give us reviews on iTunes as well.

Make sure you slide in Devin's DMS.

Yeah, send a whole bunch of palm trees underneath his last posts for us. The sexiest picture that he's posted, the one where he looks the sexiest, That palm trees. I'm here for that, all right, all right, bye, bye bye Forever.

This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Scilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook