“The Problematic Expert” with Jak Knight

Forever.

We're gonna get right into it. Hey Marie, what's going on?

How are you doing? You're wearing your favorite shirt with your face on it, and I like, yes, you.

Know, just self care, self love, feeling myself.

This is a natural me on my face. You ain't got no makeup on in that photograph? What you say?

No?

I have some massk on, maybe a little bit.

Of concealer to da have a foundation loss? Yeah?

Clear mascara?

How you doing?

Real?

It seems like you have a hoodie on this. It is Vicen.

Let's talk about it.

It's going on with that?

Well, you know, the show got canceled, Like I said, it was gonna you did? You kept putting that in it. But the show was really, really really bad.

Can you say that? Did?

You did?

You said it while I was there. They knew the show was bad.

So I got canceled, and you know, I thought I was gonna have at least five more paychecks comeing, So.

Trying to figure out what that is.

Because everybody thought we was gonna work till like I thought. I was like, oh, they might not bring it back, but we'll finish in a couple of weeks, right, And I'm like, oh, I'm taking this trip. I'm going to that place. I'm going to this place. And then they were like, actually, that's it, And how do we feel when you got that?

We had the lowest rated show on the lowest rated network.

So I feel like I should be in the Guinness Book, a World Records or something, right.

Yeah, probably possibly?

What could you have.

Done for it to be better?

What? What could I.

Since I did all that I could and it was bad. You attended the taping. You you saw that I was putting in like a little baby effort, but like you know, it's like it's like you need surgery, and you tell me what band aid I could have put on it?

Like since you got shot, it's like, well, you know, I put more band aids. No, it was just.

You know, no, I saw you, and I was like I saw a couple of episodes and I was like, Marie's a star.

I's a couple of episodes. I didn't even watch it.

I watched a couple of episodes because I was just like, you know, let me see what my friend is up to. Let me see what what's she doing over there? And I was like, ah, she don't look like she want to be there.

It's all right.

So it's all right though she getting the money.

Yeah, and I also I got to tell you I stole these pants from Vice. Good for you, you know here I am, you know out here. Just back to my myself, my old self, old poor stealing self.

No, first of all, set it off self.

You're not poor, and I'm sure people are in your dms. You're gonna get booked.

I'm not worried about it. I'm in a good place right now.

Like i feel like the show was bad, but the show the money was cute, and I'm in a I'm in a good place.

Yeah.

How are you doing? You at a job? Now?

I lose a job and then you get a job, Like, what's happened is this? Remember when I had a man and you were single and then I left him and then you went into a five year relationship.

I know that, But this is not gonna be That's not gonna happen here.

But yeah, I have a job, and it's weird getting up every day and you know, being there and not falling asleep.

It's just strange. I'm glad that I have a job. I'm really happy. I'm very grateful, are you, cause you'll be complaining on the ground.

Oh fuck, come on, now, do I complain. I complain about being on time because I feel like that's the hardest thing about being in New York is getting somewhere. I mean, our guest was very late, but he's also black, so duh.

Yeah, he doesn't care.

He was he thought we were going to do our podcast in a bodega, so he was like, oh, I don't need to show up.

He came in here looking for the cat.

Yeah, he was like, what y'all got ramen noodles here? He didn't even respect us. So it's fine. Yeah, I'm glad you have a job.

Is that my introduction or I'm gonna go back to sit here quietly?

I'm glad I have a job.

I thought that having a job would fix some of the problems that I have.

What problems for?

Yeah, I need to do better in my relationship. And I was just like the money coming, and she just like, I don't give a fuck about the money. I do care about the money, but it's like, you still need to contribute more.

Oh, sis, you're not You're not paying a light bill. No, I'm not carrying all the groceries in the house.

Like what she said, I don't use the Instacart, that I don't take care of the cats, that I don't car.

Oh, so she's saying that you don't be buying no grocery.

But if I'm working a day job, you.

Want this job for like three days, you can't since you can order the instacart on your phone on the trade on the way to work.

No, I'm posting content.

I don't have wow for Instacart.

You need to be off Instagram and on the insta carts. Okay, come through, Luther.

Okay, look sis you how do you think the food in your house gets there?

I know how it gets there, Adrian, instacarts instacarts it.

Oh, but you the card that is if I inser.

Car, y'all can't trust me with food because if I.

Ordered the food, you're just gonna get Lucky charms, yes, and like cut whole milk.

You're gonna get like home alone food.

Yes, Dorito's.

I'm gonna just get all. I'm gonna have Hawaiian punch. I brought a Wian punch in the house and she told me to get out.

Okay, Yeah, I want to put you out to this.

That is some waiting to exhale level, like betrayal.

Right there.

Yeah. She she bought cum quats and I asked her what side this is? One more time she bought cum quats and I said, what what is a kum quat?

There?

There's the They are the devil's fruit, that's what they are. They look they look like a little itty bitty orange, but then when you put it in your mouth, it tastes like a lemon head. It's so sour.

It's not handy.

No no, no, it's fruit, okay, but it just it's not good.

Let me see, I don't know what where does she get these?

Uh?

A kum quat? Actually it looks like a tomato.

It's weird.

That's weird, y'all doing weird gay things.

She got a come, she got kumquats, and she got us a bidet, and I was like, babe, we live in Bushwick, like Washwick bidet.

It's like a Craigslist washer dryer.

Like, I said, why are we doing this the most we're we're here, we're off the jay train, Babe, Let's wait until we get into our new place.

Is clean, but your fridge is empty.

I don't use it.

You don't use the bidet. No, I don't want my butt the wetness.

That's gross.

Oh so you just got a crunchy butt, just the dry crunchy. But you got like like you know, peanut butter that has the nuts in it, still like the chunks.

But shut the fuck up, Marie.

Do you don't know what my butt is?

Said?

You want to see it? Actually, I feel like for the listeners, I need to come on, whoop it.

Out Haitian homophobic Marie, Just tell.

This is full of this is content. You talking about kump quats. You're being grossed, So like, let's strow with your butt.

I didn't take a shower this month, so I can't what does that mean?

Don't look at me like that like a shower this one of you pooped in your dreams. You're trying to say, what, so you showered last night? I did and didn't shower this morning, right, so in there you feel like you needed to wash your butt?

Yes, yes, because you you know you swam in.

Your butt because you need to stop being the cum quats.

Anyway, I feel like this is a great way to speaking of kum quat. Yeah, intro our guests in this evening. He is a little kum quat actually.

Perfect comes a little bit of quat. Yes, he is our problematic expert today. Give it up for Jack Knight. Jack, what's up, bitch?

Yeah, that's exactly how he would start.

Have you ever had a come?

I haven't.

When you're saying that it was really funny. You guys are good talking to each other.

Well, we're actually friends.

Yeah, but wait, let me tell the listeners about Jack Knight. He's an incredible writer. He writes on big Mouth. You know, he did a little Netflix quarter hour whatever the fun what was it?

Quarter water?

It was just like it was like eight minutes. Yeah, nigga, it was like it was just two late nights sets put together.

Yeah, that's exactly what it was. It was good to see you on Netflix. I was like looking a friend.

It was good.

It was a fucking fun time. All the comics were a lot of my friends, a lot of niggas bombed.

It was funny.

So what like, so you've been doing comedy for how long?

About six years? Now?

Wait, you've been doing six years?

I'm six years?

Sure, Wow, you're really further than I would like to be since you want.

A bedan but you're doing welfare.

Yeah, they were both in the same garbage ass room.

Wow did you say that?

And Forever Forever Dog.

I don't know. I don't know nothing about the podcasting universe. I might be just wrong on it.

Forever Dog, you're on.

By the way. By the way, I want to say this about the Vice Land show.

I did watch one episode and one episode I watched it when you guys had Charlemagne on. Yeah, And I was watching it and I was texting Quentin about it. Quentin Bean, We're both watching it at the same time. And it was Charlotte was obviously in his autopilot I'm trying to make sure I sell my book mode and I was kind of like looking down on my phone that I looked up and Charlatmae was like obviously going through his rehears ship. Yeah, and you go, you go, I don't give a fuck about no therapy.

That is Marie.

The best thing.

I didn't use those words, but I did say and then I thought we cut the commercial and we were still.

I didn't know what to say to you. You just said that, Like I said, I didn't do that ship. I said, I don't believe in therapy. I said, I have church. I'm ignorant, and then they were like, do you go to church?

And I was like no, but like, you know, for the reason I'm here. That's like I funk with that type of ship. Like, if problematic is done right, is it's the best version of comedy.

Problematic can be entertaining.

But too many people do it poorly and it sullies it up for the people who are good at it.

Can you explain to our listeners what is being problematic?

Are you I don't know, just saying taboo things to get a rise out of people, Like is.

That rn PC?

Yeah?

I mean I think there's like, you know, I like scary movies. It's like that type of same feeling. We're just like a pop in your stomach that makes you laugh and you feel like you're you're a knotty boy.

For laughing at it, and you like scary movies.

Yeah, Like the same feeling you get from a scary movie with some pops and you like enjoy that, Like yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's how I feel about.

Kodak.

Black looks, he sounds, how he looks, and he thinks how problematic?

Like everything about him. He looks wrong and he sounds.

Wrong, but like, bro, all of his friends are locked up or dead, So what do you think He's acting the way he's acting.

Because he can't read and his mother don't give a damn about him.

This is why why be problematic? Because because once you give everyone that what's what? What's wrong with Kodak, they're like him. All his friends are dead.

Always okay, his friends are dead, so he's still gonna be a trash person and say no he's.

Said and he's acting out because he's fucking said.

But the reason why I don't like him is because he's not talented.

Wow, you just don't know what you're talking about when he's don't you don't even know.

He's literally just mumbling yes.

But like to me, there are better people at making music that we should be listening to, But kodaks on everybody's song like he's not everybody who can speak. I feel like you think is a better rapper?

Is better?

The stallion, your ages, everybody, Yes.

They don't know what these kids is out here listening to this hippity hop.

I mean, Jack, even though you are like, are you trying to defend, like, see, that's problematic.

Why he's the.

One who was like Lauren London, she got a year to be all crying and ship and then.

I'm a hollow.

It's like he said, exactly, like I wouldn't be raising in the sun after she won't let him use her service.

Exactly.

Okay, he said.

He said he wants to be as good as a man as Nipsy so he can one day get him a wife like Lauren London.

That's what he said.

We both just said, you don't know what he's saying. And now you're telling me what he's saying.

No, you're telling me, Yeah, you're telling me you watched the video, the.

Whole video, not the snippet, the whole video.

I'm getting a one yame down. It's like, what that's what he sounds like. That's not what cod Black said.

That's the that's what he said it You only watched the snippet of the clip before.

We saw the part where he says she got a year before he tried to put his dick.

In our butt.

That's funny, Marie.

He did not say that.

I mean it's funny.

It's funny. Literally takes that to Zach the day.

Of Well, that's because y'all both problematic, y'all, Yeah they are.

Yeah, we're not stupid enough to just put it on live. He just does. He just doesn't. He just he puts it out there.

How do you record somebody's live?

He know? What he does is like most rappers do. They just put live on and they just live their life.

That's how you maintain it. But I'm saying, how.

You just go live and literally be like if she put her phone right there and you just had your whole day.

We should we should start going live for the podcast when we're recording in here?

Should we?

Yeah?

I agree with that, y'all. Skin is to be just sound.

Now wait did you did you hear that? Guys? He said our skin too good to just be you know, on sound. So I feel like that's myr. What do we need?

My microphone is acting up today? How I make this tight?

Well, Marie, knowing you, I feel like everything else is tight, So it's super mic is not tight? You're okay?

But you know I got all this time since I'm unemployed now to be a hoe, So this might you just this is I'm saying this might be the year that happened.

I feel like Jack's gotta be now. Jack is on his way to say something problematic to you.

Oh go ahead, Jack, let me go ahead and go live so I could Andrew, can you have me tighten this?

Jack?

What's over under Marie sucking dick?

Well, I'm gonna say bad to think it's bad.

I think you played too much. And pictures who play too much can't like this. She'll pull your dick out of hold, be like, what is this thing? She'll pull it out and be like on the whole of the dick?

Where am I putting my phone? Listen, I laughed during sex.

That's how you know the fact that somebody has like fucking d d from Dexter Oh my god, you know I freaking love dex Fel's laboratory.

Wait, I can't get.

You on it, but I think it's about you though.

I mean it's about us. It's about us. It's about you.

And do you have any like words of advice for Maris of advice?

Okay, yeah, I really just want you to do it.

Just go yeah, because like fully, because now you have this platform, with this and with NNU factor, you could be getting dick every single Sunday on the Lord's Day.

Only want to get good.

No, that's not how works.

Yes, but but see that's why it's it's hard.

You need I don't want Dick makes women great, you know. I mean she Dick's been in Laura London before she found Nipsey.

Oh my god, that is problematic. I don't just say that.

And then this is this is why I frustrated. That's why I frustrated.

Thank you.

Wait, say what you just said down here with her is up put on. She's been with little Wayne, which is which is thin.

It was molested ki king of Dicks.

I'm just saying like, there's a lot of women who only want good shade butter niggas, and then they don't know how to suck dick or take dick because they take they fucking shade butter niggas. You want to ashy niggas to be able to be good at fucking No.

I only want butter penis. I don't want Ashley Dick.

Now, I'm a grown up, and that's why you give head terribly.

Okay, Now I'll be like Marie, you got to show them that you're.

Not mad at you.

Gotta ass.

But me being a whole, I don't have to eat.

I don't Sidney, Yeah, that is weird. You don't use your beday she has a day.

I don't need to. I don't need to.

But Jack, I feel like you would be terrible to have sex with as well.

Phenomenal Zack Jack, Zach Jack.

You seem like the type of person that when you have sex, you like do like wrestling moves and like legit be like you put a bitch in a and ahead and like and you tap your elbow and then you like land on, like you'll break somebody's bed and leave. Yes, I feel like yes that No, I don't think you're not not breaking it from like actual, I think you'll just break somebody's bed and then be like your bed fell when you was in the shower and then you.

Gotta turn this off. You can't always be on antics. I know there's like a sensual sexual side to you, Marie.

Wow, he's trying to get you open, Marie. This is this is how people put the gyms on, Marie.

They'll be like, hold on, but I see something good in your mind and then they slide in your DMS and be like I want to just take you out one night, one night.

They're not sliding in my dms like this all I dare you to go on one day? She gets the job done. That's because you got an Ashy did bro ash did makes presence, Marie, I dare you go on a date with with Jack Knight.

That's what's not gonna happen. To find out, this is.

What the date we'd be slap boxes ability outside of a red lobster nigga talk about the biscuits.

We got seven, we got four three that's stupid.

I didn't bring my card. Neither we would. We would try to dine and.

As we got two people who yell on the mic this is gonna be allowed, and.

Then you yell on the mic also actually no voice you go next to y'all.

Wow, that's that's because you guys are trying to get me to date Ashy dick dudes, not date, just hook up with Uh, I'm taking Jack.

When you have sex with women, how do you turn off? This? This and who?

Women are very excited when I turned off because they think they have something special.

That's true.

So what I do is like I just I'm all antics and crazy, and I do all this ship and then when I'm one of one, I'm.

Like, yeah, you know, I just do that for the people before you.

Man, I seen the ship you're making your instant pont nigga, Like, that's not you turn it off. What he's He makes food in the instant pot, and I feel like he does the instant pot like a crockpot.

Yeah yeah sometimes, Wow, you be crockpott.

Yeah you don't seem like the type that would crock pot.

What is the appropriate way that you want me to put the ship in different pots and pants and wash all that ship?

Yeah?

No, you niggas are weird. My boss Nick Crole uses the insta pot. I use the insta pot. Rich niggas do, rich nigga.

Sh it sounds like the thing that all the white people put in front of their toilets so they can poop with their knees up.

Insta pot, That's what that sounds like.

I feel like you don't know what anything is. Wow, this is beautiful. I really am a good first date.

Yeah, this is this is exactly is here? Okay, So instapot, I don't know what the hell that is? Uh, crackpot.

Yeah, you can take rise, you can take vegetables, you can take anything. Pot So do you go cook your little meat on it in the grill, lit fry?

Whatever? What's going on? It's going on?

This is this is Jack Knight. Do you think guys that Maurice should go.

On a date again.

I'm taking Yes, I also Sidney, I t him taken by my unemployment.

No one's here to date Marie. We're here to get Marie.

Dick's a queen as okay, So as somebody who's out here just slaying the vagina, I'm not again taking yeah, taking care of business as somebody who's getting pussy regularly.

What can I do to up my chance of getting more dick? How about that?

You get dick? Though?

What is this?

What is this conversation?

Why?

Why are we let's having a mature adult conversation conversation? You get dick and you're really mad about the fact about the dick that you get. Maybe you need to work in yourself.

I'm trying to I'm trying to be a hoe more dicks.

Of dicks, Just be a ho.

Yes, but we're talking about okay, you.

Know what we don't understand. I'm missing something I feel.

Like y'all are just oil and oil and water.

Y'all are just the same with our chairs because we can't.

He said, stop fighting niggas. Yes, I'm not fighting anybody. I'm that you're abusing men. That's why you're not getting dick.

You hit them too much for them to be like inside of you whatever.

Like the type you bag her cup and she socks you the chest. It says, good game, had a good time.

Let's reel this back in and back to problematic.

Problematic, jack I feel like you say a lot of things in your stand up that I'd be like, you can put off because you are you, and you you are great in stand up. But there's some things that I've I've heard you say that I'm like, have you got any pushback from anything that?

What?

What's one this thing you think you've ever said on stage?

Yeah? The other night at PD show, Yes, I.

Was there, Okay, Sidney, the listeners wasn't there.

I said, I said, it's really unfair to compare the talents of Michael Jackson and Beyonce because one of them had to deal with the looming fact that they liked to fuck children and a whole table of Pete's family, and I don't I think they're like Dominican, what are they Haitian?

They're all black and older.

And I wanted this long thing about how the most talented people ever usually were pedophiles, and how white booty hole does a lot for black men like Tyler Creator funks a lot of white boys, and Frank Ocean fucks white boys and Michael Jackson white boys.

Is what I'm saying.

There's something special within the white boy rectum, black men unlocked within themselves, and nobody enjoyed that.

There's something special within the white and black men.

You said, need to access it.

And our producer gay hot intern Andrews.

Like Farlane, what do you think, black dress? What is he doing now? What is he doing?

Okay? Wow?

Wait you fuck the black dude name calling?

Right?

And what is he doing professionally now? Software?

That still feels like a good job.

Man, that's a good job. You see what his boodio does for the black community.

You body holding that, Andrew?

Wow, I'm just saying, bro, it's a lot of a lot of our favorite black artists who have sex with men, Marlon Brando, Richard Pryor.

So I'm not understand what you're saying. You're saying that in order for black men to be successful, they got to bang.

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying it's statistically proving that black men who fuck white boys end up being great.

Statistically, where are your statistics.

Michael Jackson, uh tyl the creator, Richard pryor Steve Lacy.

I don't know all the game, niggas.

It's other black dudes banging like it's Ashley white dudes too, it's actually white dude.

Yeah, what what we're talking about? Booty hole? I talk about.

God, booty hole is not gay.

No, that's access.

This This episode is definitely off the rails, and I love it.

And I'm just saying, you, guys, okay, let me think of another I'm we're trying to get other problematic jokes out of you, but you're trying to like explain to us why this joke is true.

It's not a joke. I think it's true.

See, that's why you're really problematic.

Everybody said, mm, like, we don't even want to dig a barre hole than it is the white hole that you're actually talking about. I don't want to dig it.

When is uh, when is this coming out?

Probably this week?

This week?

Okay, so well Friday, Friday, okay, Wednesday. They're doing like the little Comedy Central thing. We're like letting us do like seven minutes and put on there whatever, and they make you like send in your jokes.

Yes.

And one of the jokes I sent in was the squirt joke. Yes, and they said yes.

They said yes to your score.

They said yes to the scort joke.

So at one point on television, they're gonna let me say, have you ever eaten pussy in a bit?

Squirt in your face? And you feel like you want a Nickelodeon Award?

And that's it's a good try to say that. Very problematic. It's a great joke, very problematic. Problematic, it's problematic either. Problematic is like things that you say that people.

I love. Award you got fly, Yeah, the problem is that's good. You did well. Your little green don't get out of my house? You won get get out of Yeah?

Wow?

Then crazy kid?

Yeah you haven't you have another joke?

That's uh? Was there one that bothered you? Even if it's off stage? Just some ship. I don't know, because you guys as much as.

You guys like to pretend you're not problematic. Off off the you guys are maniacs. Me yes, I think the maniac City.

I don't even know how we're friends.

Well no, Sidney said, I'm a maniac. She don't know why we're friends. Means merch right there, guys, maniac whodies come in spring twenty twenty.

What what what have we said Jack that.

You've been like, well, it's like it's the reason why you guys work like you're a psychopath and she's a sociopath, and so you just are just out loud like I don't think anybody should read. And then you're just you'll call me a face on me at two in the morning, being like she's insane.

Social path. Yes, I think she's terrifyingly crazy.

Pick up every time she face times you with t A Gonna says.

Some funny crazy shit. I think the most part.

Jack picks up well one he won. He's like, are you okay?

Yeah?

Are you all right?

You will start with okay, Yeah, I told you she's in an emergency situation.

She facetimes show if need be. I'm first I know.

Jack got got the money on lock so I know that that big mouth money if I was big mouth net fax money jack a a any like two grand real quick vemo. No, I feel like you would help me out. Man.

I got a light skinned mama and light skinned girl. Dog. I'm broke.

You are like skin mom.

He's on the record, he's like, I ain't got no money. I can't help you.

But off the record, I was like, off the record, he'll slide it to you and take your time with paying back.

Yeah, like no rush on paying it back.

Yeah.

I love that.

Yeah.

Okay, So have you ever said something problematic that like got you uh dumped or you got into a fight because of it?

Because I feel like.

I think I perfected problematic in like high school in middle school, because I've never been suspended yet, never been expelled, really never gotten attention before, never got detention, never got attention before, never got attention.

I mean even I've.

Gotten I was always tardy, always skipped class.

No, I would just like I would always get everyone to the line and then be able to back pedal.

Back right before.

It was like, Okay, I don't like this, nigga, But every time, every single time, I feel like you're somebody that like every day, will like push that line a little bit.

Right, making the line further.

Fuck you never got detention. I don't believe it.

I don't believe it as my mom, you liing dead ass. You lie to your mom and now you lie, you lie to.

Your light skinned behove and now you lie into our brown skin asses.

But you're saying you okay, so forget about school. Seriously, recently, you haven't said anything that has gotten you in trouble with maybe a close friend.

Or work being serious or being like playing no serious, like I mean you. I've definitely seriously cuss niggers out and they didn't like me. But I've never like jokingly gotten in trouble.

Now, somebody said that I have. Somebody said at work that you work at you will say some stuff and I'm like, now, my brother, Jack, now you all right now, I want to be on your side, but you you're talking crazy.

He said that I won't say, wait, this is that big mo Yes, oh man, that's funny.

Somebody said that. They say that a big mouth.

No, no, no, there's so yeah. I can see that.

You said, sure the room is like seventy like gay diggers are white it's they'll we'll be like on a roll and I'll be like and I'll blurt out something and they'll be like.

Yeah, but I feel like, I'm sure you've said something jokingly, and because people get offended by jokes, Like sometimes you're just going back and forth and y'all are joking on each other and then someone says something and you're like, legit, get upset about it. You're saying that that's never happened to you. You've never made a joke that somebody was like, too soon.

But I know, get in trouble for it. It's more just like, oh, but that's him, Like I get to just get it. I'm like Stuart little nigga. No one cares what I'm doing.

I've never seen Stuart little.

Yeah.

Really better than a white mouse in a card again, No thank you.

I'm not the demo for the He has a little car.

He'll be with people here.

He was chopping shallots and washing his dirty ass rad hands out the fucking shallo.

It's a funny word.

It's a good word. It comes out of Marie's mouth.

Shallots, shallots.

Marie says every word with an explamation point after each letter.

Really shallots. No, you may sound like a cartoon. Yes, you think I'm a Carson.

Hey, you got to connect your big mouth.

Yeah, it's not no black girls in that cartoons. Oh yeah, but she she got a white mom, don't she. Yeah, she'd be wearing like, you know, birken stocks and stuff to the.

School, Marie, you wear God, why are you lying?

I love birkenstocks you have.

You don't stay solid on anything.

I love her.

You just bounce around.

I just forgot you heard it. There's not like a bottom question.

Jack.

You're very loose with sexuality. You talk about it a lot.

Stand that you're fluid, like you make jokes insinuating that you you would be gay, but you're not because.

I'm just not try shit.

Okay, okay, well let's.

Let's talk about what you try. Because you're having a great career.

So if by your standards, you've been touching a lot of white boy boody, because you said that, like they ave they a lot of stuff for black men's.

Career, we're real cute right now.

Jealous, I'm like jealous, the niggas would be fucking white boy booty.

I'd like I see that that what you just said.

I'm like, I can't believe he said that.

No, but I'm so fucking straight and it's so gay, Like, I hate how straight I am. I wish I could do all that gay ship because they be having fun. You've been to gay people's stuff, gay.

People still you don't even know people style it.

Bro having fun, Bro, they'd be doing a whole bunch of ship straight straight niggas. But you exact nigga gay too.

Yeah, you guys are both pretty nigga kiss.

A man on TV.

The checks were cute. Checks are really nice. Also show nobody was watching the show.

But also like a lot of That's why a lot of our fluidity comes from the fact that it's problematic and like it, like we are making fun of like homophobia in the black community by doing gay ship.

Oh so now you're a crusader for the gays.

I'm the Harvey Milk of this generation.

I'm not gonna agree and stand my ally.

I am the har I disagree.

Harvey Milk, Kurt Cobain, Jack knag Zack Fox Absolutely.

Jack Knight Zack Foxes. Wow, Andrew, do you you agree?

No?

He said that you guys are allies.

Andrew thinks you're cute.

That's what that is.

If you were ugly and missing her tooth, he'd be like that nigga kill him, now.

Kill that. That's exactly what Andrew would say. Kill that nigga. Now that's March. Kill that nigga.

Now, hoodie's available for the fall season coming out. If we don't have zip ups and we're gonna have.

Short I need a crew neck of that motherfucker right now. I need a crew neck of kill that motherfucker. But just with his face, just like kind of with the headphones on, disgruntle.

Yeah, we need to do little emojis of him being upset in the in the studio.

H Well, let's talk a little bit of who you are, why you're this rude? Like are you an only child? Were you a latchkey kid?

Yep? Wow, you're kind of reading me for Phil.

I mean, did you have a relationship with your dad?

Nope?

Nope, okay, okay, wow. And you're from Wood State, Seattle, Seattle.

I was gonna guess that. Wow, it's almost like we know each other.

No, but he doesn't seem like a Seattle guy though, because he seems like the black friend in Seattle.

No, it's a lot of black people in Seattle.

Yeah, really, we just don't go outside it between white people out there.

Okay, So like I don't understand.

How y'all find from Seattle.

Oh wow, but it was a different time.

Yeah. And Jimmy Hendricks was also looking like he didn't use conditioner in his friend didn't that miss?

Yeah, well he lived in London. There's no conditioner in London.

And they barely have to.

Yeah.

You, it's like from Seattle, really, but I cannot make sense.

Rachel Dole is from near Seattle.

Yeah that makes sense though, that checks out. Yeah, Now black people, she's saying, now with black people like you, and she was like, I too, am black.

It's always so corny when like black people were like, there's no black people in Seattle or Portland.

It's like, nigga, just go other places.

It's where it's not.

It's not saying that there's none, it's a saying we don't see it's niggas in Seattle, not black folks, but niggas.

Yeah, the niggas everywhere, right.

But it's fascinating you. I think we're from nigga.

Drake is from Canada.

Okay, Canada.

That's way harder to understand than like Seattle or Portland.

Has a bunch of Haitians. You know, it's Toronto.

How did get there?

What are you talking about?

How did the Haitians get to Canada?

They speak French up there, so the Haitians went up there. I don't know why there's black people in Seattle, sire.

That was that was one of the say boyle boy, bayle boy. I see why it was canceled.

God, it's canceled because we don't understand.

I'm saying that if there's people in Canada and they went all the way from Haiti all the way to Canada, don't think biggas stopped in Seattle.

You don't think niggas stopped.

At is not on the way. That's why I'm away from where my people come from.

Yes, Seattle is not on the way.

No, not directly, Marie. I'm gonna go do my show, Jesus show, Yeah, show how the.

Nerve of you have a show and be here late and be here late, the audacity, negocity, the.

Negocity of you.

This is some Seattle nigga behavior right here.

You don't even know what Seattle niggas are.

Like, they're like this, I will say and I will say one thing, turn my chair, I will say this, and uh that you surround yourself around people who challenge you but also accept you. Yeah, you know you hang out with Langston Kerman.

Mister non problematically self, the king of light skins. I love.

He was on this podcast and he really tried to go toe for to with us. I mean we were trying to roast him and he was trying to come a light skin expert.

Yeah, well he's a light skin expert. Yeah, because he, I mean hateskin people.

WHOA.

That's why he hates his girlfriend light skin.

He loves, he loves her. You don't like her.

His fiance.

Yeah, they don't be kicking it like that. Wow, work with me. I don't know.

I don't know how she allows him to be with you half the time.

She loves me, she loves problematic shit.

Really, you know what it is.

I think you get away with it.

I think you get away with it so well because you're like you like have a cute face, that's all it is.

But you got like a cubo boy face, That's all it is. Remember when you said you went to Montreal.

You were a jfl and and Jack and Kevin Iso were West.

If you want to ask expert, bring on.

That thing.

You were roasting some guy who looked like the KFC Colonel No.

It was the sixth flags Man, the old.

Sam and Clayton, everybody, everybody that was crazy. He was the owner of like one of the biggest comedy clubs in Boston. Now he won't let me do the club.

Oh see the problematic No, no.

No, no, I just had to talk to him.

He wants me to apologize because of that.

Well, like everybody was shooting. But then I said that, I said, wow, that was long ago. I said, he looked like a slave bastard for a bunch of silly slaves.

Oh my god, that's the stuff that you say that. I'm like, Jack, what's wrong with you?

But niggas doing cartwheels?

It was they went for so long. They roasted him first, and they were like running with their laughter.

They were like.

Like they were It was hilarious. And he stood there in a white suit with his white hair, just Colonel Sanders dad. He did have a stupid I don't know if there was a hat, but in my mind I feel like it was.

But it was like one of those roads. You know, he had nothing, and he just like he stopped. He didn't even understand what we're saying anymore.

Because you guys were probably screaming.

That's the beginning of Like if his his life was a show, it'd be like it would start at that moment it was.

It will pause and it'd be like record scratch, Hey that's me.

I bet you're asking how I got how I got here? And then he like takes the camera and puts it on. He's like because of that nigga over there.

Yeah, and it's just so.

Wait, but I have a question.

His teeth just came out the concrete.

Bro.

Yeah, wait till he get his Veneers money together. I don't think he is.

I think he's going to keep his teeth.

Daniel Caesar, Yeah, he's like.

I don't need good teeth.

I'm funny. It's like, yeah, you don't need good teeth to be funny, but you need some proper teeth to get some mask.

Yeah, they say that. I think it got a collage of teeth.

It's like they just placed them where they fit.

They got it took a whole bunch of teeth from a whole bunch of people.

Plays well, the teeth actually look like he's saying, you got a ransom.

Note about.

Nigga, there's about fifteen people looking for their tooth and they all like Kevin's mouth.

Oh my gosh, put solutions on the skin this nigga. Kevin got a whole bunch of bodies under these.

Jack How do you How do you feel about roasts? I feel like roasts are problematic.

I don't like I don't like like set up roasts, like like I come there.

I mean, I support everybody in rose body, all my friends, but it's like I don't like doing it because it feels too like formulaic and kind of corny and mean, Like it's like it's against what roasten really kind of is. It's more just like jabbing at your friends, like wrote like set up roads, like your mom died in oh six and that's why you're dumb. And it's like Jesus fucking Christ.

Bro, somebody said, change the whole game. Wow, sideways, Well let me see if we get sitting in it sideways.

All right, But more important, you guys are both beautiful and amazing and at the end of the Broad City episode where you both walked out.

I genuinely cried, Really, she was fucking fire.

I enjoyed that a lot. I'm glad that you didn't. I didn't know what was happening. No one told me what was happening. I didn't even like it was one of those things. I was just watching the episode, like I just I didn't look at Twitter guys post about it.

So I was just like watching the episode and I saw you.

I was like, what the that's great? Yeah.

Jordan Temple hit.

Me up and will my fucking mind and they were like this is so cool. But it was also like perfect.

It was also like the right decision to make it would it was like, you know, you guys getting it and then also being on broads he was like, oh, yeah, this is yes, exactly perfect.

You know what's another great decision? On time you talking to Nick Kroll and uh, you know, helping helping the community out.

He said, you gotta put your finger in nikkerels.

But oh, y'all better hurry up than paying fifteen girls is running a monk?

Are you really leaving right now? Wow? Are please get him on the ground. I can't believe he just left.

Honestly, this is the weirdest podcast episode we've ever recorded.

That was really rude and also on brand of Jack Knight.

Problematic.

I'm switching microphones because this one is they got lipnig syndrome.

Yeah, well, now that he left, I guess we could just keep it going and just chat some more.

Do we need to close this door? I don't think that we should. We still need to be on this live. Do we know it's like twelve people watching.

Yeah, my friends, we love you.

No, we don't really love them though. Yes, I need to charge my phone. Okay, Well that was a problematic ass episode.

Real sure, Jack gave us everything and then nothing at all.

He gave nothing, but it was still very on brand for him. I don't believe that he's never gotten in trouble for the stuff that he says.

I think that people like Jack don't know that they fuck up stuff or that they're getting in trouble because people are too scared to let them know.

Hey man, that wasn't cool.

Uh huh.

You gotta tell people.

You have to tell people when they do something wrong regularly, Like someone like Jack, you can tell him that he did something wrong, he's strong.

He's gonna fake apologize or maybe he will. Do you think that he apologizes to people? Yeah?

And yeah, no, I mean I've seen him do some stuff and I was like, hey man, that's I don't think that was really smart or cool. Okay, but I'm also a nigga that's not really working that much, so he's probably not listening to you. You take uber pools. I'm I don't care about what the hell you're saying.

This is weird, friend, I don't.

I Yeah, I mean I see him doing that also, but like, still, you should be telling people when they mess.

Up, Marie. Are you that type of person that tells people when they mess up?

Yeah?

I feel like you should. Like I don't think you.

Gotta be weird about it, Like you don't have to be mean about it. Like, Okay, I was on the train today on the way here. There was a lady with a baby or like a toddler. The toddler was sleeping on her and I heard her go, Michelle, we're gonna we're gonna get off the train and the next stop. Time to wake up. And I was like, my mother would never wake me up like that. She'd be like, yeah, but she would like shake me up and then I'd have to like wake up and go. But like, maybe

Somebody that they messed up or that they're trash or that they're problematic. I feel like you're you're working on that, Murray.

I feel like you are.

I mean, I mean, it just happened on a train, sis and I just, you know, I just had the epiphanies. You come a long way. I feel like you you tell people when they they need to be told.

But I also feel like you don't feel like telling people about themselves sometimes, because sometimes that's true.

Yeah, sometimes you just you can't be bothered because you're like you gonna tell them that they did something and they're not gonna change.

Do you feel like that with me? Sometimes?

Uh, we've been adding we have a commercial for this. We got some what cent bird or something to talk about.

Rick, I'm don't remember the question the question is I forgot the question? Okay, see I don't remember that. I don't Andrew, and.

Oh I didn't ask that. But are you gonna be nice?

Probably not.

It's probably gonna be the same. Yeah, it's gonna be the same. I mean, it's just gonna be like a slower to be mean. I think maybe I'm gonna take my time with it.

I have time now.

You don't realize today.

Know the way that the woman woke this little girl up, I was like, oh wow, she like eased her.

Out of waking up, waking up like, you know, instead of being the brother, instead of being like, girl, we gotta go, come.

On, like and I was like, wow, yeah, there's different ways.

Do you feel like you're the person that come on, girl, let's go.

Yeah for sure. But also I was the kid that was come on, girl, let's go. You know yeah, So like we know, people do stuff different. So maybe Marie, therapy might be therapy since I could just keep taking the train. What do you mean therapy. I could just keep taking the train and learning life's lessons.

I mean, you're the you said that you're the girl that you're the kid that would be like, come on, let's go, you gotta get up and abruptly wake you up. And maybe that's why you're so abrupt right now. Wow, So maybe you need to work through this wow. Maybe, but like I feel like.

I'm fine, right are you?

Marie City.

Don't don't putting that Uh, I don't even know what what you putting in my head. Don't don't be putting this wishing this on me. I feel like I'm I'm in a good.

Place right now. I feel like you are.

I'm in a good place.

You're not gonna steal my joy? Friend?

Can you explain to those listeners while are in a good place? Uh?

Yeah, Well, I'm a little bit high.

And I had this job that lasted for I don't know, two and a half months, and it was a bad show, but like I got paid for it, and I got paid well for it, and you know, I feel like I'm in this place where it's like, well, I've booked a show. It was not a good show, but like I'll book another one. Yes, I don't know how soon or how far away that is.

Yes, But once you open that doors to be like, oh I can get I could get a fucking show, then it doesn't feel as much pressure.

Right, I'm gonna be like a tone bell. Oh wow, I'm just that's the name that comes to mind.

Wow.

Because he's been on a lot of TV shows and they just keep getting canceled. But I'm like, if they're on for long enough and he's making a decent amount of money, then like he's probably fine with all his shows getting canceled. He's in a movie now, yeah, yes, he's in a little and Regina Hall and we're tone Bell adjacent.

If you guys don't know Jason a degree of separation from I.

Mean, I was on a show him and I bombed, So honestly, I'm closer to tone than you think. Honestly, since like right there, it was literally right after Little premiered, I saw him on the show I bombed.

Wow, And you know what he.

Said, it was like it was good seeing.

The bomb was silent, it was good seeing it was good to see you.

I was like, wow, yeah, it was really bad. He's in but he's in a good He's in a good place. Would he got to be mad or like bitter or like ha ha? He had people for like, he's making money and he likes skin and he has all his teeth.

He's fine.

Yeah, so you know that.

That's why I'm talking the way I'm talking.

And if we see our friend Jack Knight, who's problematic as if and he's bucking all these things and he's funny.

I mean, when you're what you do, you're you know, people are gonna look for you, people looking for you, people looking for him. What are you? People will look for me too.

Wait, we are looking at y'all.

Hear check your other inbox on Facebook?

Yeah, you know what I was. I will say this that in the We've been doing it for two years now, the podcast. Yeah two years yo. We used to do this in a fucking somebody else's apartment. Yeah, that's how messy and the sound.

Was fucked up. Yeah we were.

We wouldn't We would like not have the microphones turned on. We would just be shouting at my laptop.

Yes, we did. And we've come so far, but I feel like kind of the same.

Our guests just left.

Literally, I said, wow, we are so relatable, We're so real. This is why people listen to us. And I was live for you know, most of that episode. Yeah, and it's just like, wow, Marie, we're really doing this, this podcast and stuff.

This is who we are now, booking things, canceling things, getting.

Fired, getting hired.

I mean, honestly, Sidney, I don't know when it's gonna happen.

But we're going to reach a point where we like laugh about this stuff, you know, like we're kind of like fake laughing about it now. But like what like Phoebe was overseas interviewing Michelle Obama from Michelle's book, like I started with a podcast, is.

Yeah, okay?

And so coming back to that, it really starts with you guys. It starts with the listeners.

If you guys want us to interview Michelle Obama, it's really about y'all.

It is up to y'all.

So, and I want to talk to Michelle while she's wearing a nine thousand dollars Balenciaga boot. So if y'all want to, you know, like it's helped me see much, and you know I'm unemployed, so let me this.

Tally about the engagement. And uh, you know, I don't really know how many of you guys are listening, but I feel like I need to hear more. I need to see it. You know, I see y'all in the DMS, but it's not the DMS.

I want to sis, you know, make it a real post, yes, make an official put.

It on the page, tweet about it.

I need y'all to go to that Patreon. I need you to pay that five dollars.

We need you to sign up, I need you to review, I need you to I need.

You to go out hit the streets with your clipboard and sign people up for dot com mailing list, you know, and.

Also also listen now that we're you know, just opening the door right now, what's what what you like to hear more of?

What?

What can make us a better podcast?

How can we thrive?

Yes, so that we can promote the ship more?

You know.

No, I don't think if that's the right question. I think the right question is what you said first, like, what do you guys want to hear from us?

Who do you want to talk to?

I mean, we have been getting some feedback and somebody was like, I feel like I had to take a break from the podcast because it wasn't as funny, and it's.

Like, SIUs, you tweeted that to us, that could have been a d M.

You got any negative things, please don't put it out for other people to see, because that's just wrong.

You're slid in that quietly. You could have just.

Yeah, you could have told us.

You could have sent it in invisible inksis you're messed up. But we want that. We need that feedback. Slide in our inboxes and tell us what you like and don't just be like, you know, I just like how funny you guys are. Just tell us what you like.

We need some specificss.

Baby.

You tagging us and saying yes queens is not really helping.

You know you're saying yes queen antagonists means we know that you saw the broad City episode.

Okay, yes that is true.

But I would like you know some of the lines that we say. If you want to make it merch, you really need to.

We really need merch.

May naked merch, the maniac cities they no, no mayiac, kunt gaunt maniac and make it merch.

That's literally we've been.

That's merch.

Yeah, oh what Jack say?

Our skin? Our skin is looks too good for it to just be audio or something like that. The skin is too good for it to just be audio.

Skin is creat great at this hour.

I mean, you know, I'm more at dusk. At dusk, the skin looks great. The sun is just like touching the top of the trees.

We look great. This is I mean, with more money we get, the better we will look and it's less about what we look like those it's like, what how do you feel? Okay?

Wow?

I feel?

Do you hear Marie Simuelle Foston? Guys, if you if you would have asked Marie this two years ago, I don't think I would have got this response. It's how do you feel inside? That's somebody who got money.

It's not about how you look, it's how you feel. No, it's that's something who has got a corporate card on them.

Okay, and you know I got fired and I'm still using his corporate card. I'm still using the cod I don't know what you.

Just should mean?

What?

Oh?

Yeah, I gotta go.

I can't believe we had to piece this little Frankenstein episode together like this.

It really was a Frankenstein but I feel like, you know, things happen. You should follow Jack on Instagram.

Now, don't follow him, just like go to his page and like leave a comment. Just just leave the words unofficial expert and then go don't follow him. Just under his most recent photo, just comment unofficial expert and.

Then go, oh, like like the hive or something like that, like the leave the unofficial expert hive.

Yeah, can you do that, Yeah, just hashtag you.

Well, which emoji should be ours?

Because Beyonce has the bee, Azalea Banks has like the Mermaid?

Or we should have palm trees because we're shady. No, we should we should do that. We're pretty shady.

Yeah, but is there another I want to use, like an emoji that like maybe like people don't use as much, Like what's a you know what I mean? Like, what's one that like you maybe never even touched. Let's look, let's look, they got a squid.

We could be that. They have a spider web. You could maybe beat that. I see a peacock, really the peacock? Anybody? Everybody? They've got a snowman, it's broccoli. There's McDonald's fries.

I really think we should be palm trees.

Because bento box.

Okay, well maybe we should be.

I see a canoe. Okay, now there's a there's a palm tree. That's the island emoji. Yeah.

I think that's that's us. We're easy, breezy, shady, easy breezy, beautiful and shady shady queens. Shady queens. That's what we are. That's gonna be our our our baby podcasts Shady Queens Now.

Our baby podcast. Yeah, girl, I don't know what you're saying.

I don't know. It's it's been it's been a long day. I went to work and uh I came Well, no, I did another podcast before I came here.

We literally we are working even though we're not working right girl, And then I'm on the way to another podcast.

Yeah, you got the time. So it's just like stop in. You gotta be cool.

You got what I mean?

Just promote?

Who is there? Uh, Sydney. I hope you have a fabulous the rest of your weekend. I hope you have a good week.

Oh yes, there's something that I would like to promote. Yes, go ahead, friends, I would like to promote that we do the knitting factory. Every Sunday at nine pm. We have a birthday show for our favorite Amina. Amani's going to be in the back room.

Baby.

It will be five dollars. We will be charging.

There will be tickets, So please come to Yeah, please come to that on the nineteenth of May.

Wow.

May Sunday, nineteen nineteenth, nine pm. Yeah, wow, You guys are so blessed.

And again, honestly, our friend is unemployed, but we love her. Marie's doing fine, She's okay.

You don't have to hit her up and be like you good, sis.

Please don't hit me with you good. I know what a you good means and I don't need it. I don't need that type of negativity in my DMS.

You good.

I know what you I know what that means.

Yeah, it's shady. You don't really you don't really care if you just feel like you're like, oh you ha heard you got fired? Yeah, share your sadness with me. That's what you good means. Yeah, and it's like, no, I'm good. Actually you good?

You good is the equivalent to sending somebody, uh come when you get home, text.

Marie, we never had that party?

What party?

You got a job party?

Well?

I don't have a job. There was no more friend.

Can we still go to Nobuo?

Wow?

Oh my god, Sydney wants to go to Noboo? You need we need to check the Patreon balance. I'm gonna talk to the treasurer of the uncert expert, which is me.

It's true, Marie has all the fucking Patreon money.

I'm like, mister Burns, excellent, Sydney, that.

You are.

Smithers was a little bit gay? Souse you in love with me? I was like, mister Burns, please sick. Excellent Andrew, you don't think that Smithers was gay? Oh they were.

Absolutely he was gay, full on.

I love him and that's me Smithers. And if if I have to flirt to get money with you, I'll do it.

He was.

Uh yeah, we saw him without a shirt I had. Yeah.

You know what, if you can find an emoji that looks like Smithers the Unofficial Expert matter of fact, should we should be emo? You should be cats because cats give.

It no dails. Yeah, that's true, the one that's walking with his tail up in your face.

Yeah.

So if you guys, can one tell us what emoji we should be for the Unofficial Expert? Right? And then uh to tell us would you like to hear more of what would you like to hear on the podcast?

Yeah?

And uh three, you know you and comment and subscribe and do all those shit.

Okay, so you have four things to do. Okay, first go to Jack's page. Yes, and uh, well, first tell us what emoji we should be as and then whatever that is, leave it on. Leave a bunch of them under Zach's most recent post Jack Fox Jack Nick Knight, Jack Knight.

Do we need to get his name right considering yeah he left, so yeah, go do that.

And then under this post for this episode, tell us what you want to hear more of, tell us what our emoji should be, yes, and then rate, comment, subscribe And if you see Sydney on the street three dollars, Yeah, that would be nice.

It's Sydney dashtroging.

But they like since you got a job now, yeah, They're like, Hennessey. We'll send it to Marie. Thank you so much.

We'll hear you guys on the Patreon when we name more names. Yes, bye guys, Forever.

This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Bret Baum Joke and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify.

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