"The Newlywed Expert" with Rosebud Baker

Forever, Hi high high Hi. Okay, wow, wow, what an episode. Whoa, whoa whoa, Okay, we're starting. I mean, probably this is as hot as when uh Andrew tried to come in and drag us about not saying thank you. This is hot.

I don't know, I was.

I was pretty hot that day.

You did come like you was angry, you was horny. You was upset with us. Yes, you had like if we could do it, if we could draw your eyebrows they were like squiggly, they were like absolutely, very very upset. You were giving Helga brown. Yes, wrong, angry bird brow.

Angry bird brow.

Lerie. Hi, Sydney, you look beautiful. Thank you so much? Yeah you look you look nice. Oh bitch. Okay, well, you know I can't be every day. It can't be a beautiful nasis. You gotta I let somebody else have it. Okay. I receive your compliment, and I'm giving you a little bit of shade, but you know, thank you, thank you

I'm curious. What is on the receipt?

Oh you already yesterday? The most expensive thing that you think Sydney paid for at the supermarket. Guess what it is? Oh my god, something something with me. Yeah, it's no, no, no, it's produce. Oh mm hmm. The most expensive thing on the on the receipt coming in at eight dollars and thirty eight sets seedless green grapes. Yo, you're spending too much money on grapes. They but when I tell you them bitches was bomb. It was like somebody was coming

We always yeah, you always start with the negative.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, okay, So here's here's a negative review. Somebody said, yo, listen up, it's three stars. Please don't have Mary Beth on against I love y'all, but that episode is unlistenable. Thank you. Everything else about the show was actually incredible. Don't let yourself be brought down by the Alabaster guests. And that is from I'm not I don't know what the name is, but that was posted on Sunday. It's just a just a random fella. Now that was mean, just a random fella. And the fact

Constantly on Okay, Marie and Andrew are excellent host and will probably see the show by themselves five stars.

Uh was offended about this, and I was like, facts were spoken? He was spilt there, Sidney, what what here? Is not true that I'm disinterested in the podcast? Absolutely not. There's been so many moments where I'm I'm giving giving. All I do is give to the podcast. And how dare somebody say I'm disinterested in a podcast during your fucking pandemic. Yeah, I'm stuck in the house not doing anything. So we are all in the same pandemic and we are all in our homes. And they did not say

Hobby.

Whoever wrote this you can suck a They still stars. It's okay, yeah, because they said that you two can probably just host it without me. The wait, they say, you are never spilling tea on this podcast, so they why I really want to know more about you.

I do think it's interesting that they're also without it being a video medium, they're picking up the fact that you're on the phone as well.

No, because you guys are always because Marie is always is a rat. Oh my god, he is a rat. You're trying to say that the problem here is that I'm snitching on you being on the phone. Yes, the fact that you are always on the phone. No, bitch, you snitched. Be supposed to stay together, we twigt No bitch twigs you're not interested in podcast. You on your phone, and no I am interested in I'm finding things for

Beige, okay, And I cannot wait to bring you guys down. I am just honored to be here.

Give it up for our newlywed expert. She's the host of Find Your Beach, the podcast It's the Funny, the married, the blonde rosemud Baker.

Hi, guys used to be blonde.

It's it's more of a dishwater brown at this point, six months into quarantine married, don't.

I don't have to try.

It's the blonde has faded.

You know.

I just I just assume that all white people are natural blondes. I do too. Their hair grows out.

You know what, You're not totally wrong.

I feel like a lot of us are born blonde, and then our enthusiasm for life goes as the blonde goes.

Do you understand a lot of people are blonde because of the Holocaust?

So history, Yes, the Holocaust made us blonde.

No, because of the genocide. Hitler wanted everybody to be blue eyes and blonde, and that's true. So I don't do that to me.

But I will say, but I will say, if Hitler looked at me and my husband together, he would be like, that's a little on the nose.

You know, he'd be like, that's too much. These they look like twins.

Get them out, get them out of here.

Yeah, I have to say, I know you guys brought me in and introed me to get away from the reviews. But I was. I was mesmerized. I was really into that whole section. I had to mute myself. I was laughing so hard.

Okay, well, what do you feel? How did it affect your spirit? This is a space first of all, I mean, you strang.

Anybody, anybody who has ever been on a FaceTime call with Sydney knows how that reviewer feels. Okay, because I have been on FaceTime call with Sydney, I've been spilling my guts, just sharing my deepest innermost secrets and all of a sudden, I'll hear her go uh huh, that's crazy, and I'm like, what the fuck?

Or or you white bitch, you drag me like this. But also Sidney Queen of Queen of facetiming you at any any hour, twenty four hours in a day, she'll call you at any point.

Yeah, but I'm into that.

I'm into But most of the call of the FaceTime is her screen is on pause and it's just you looking at the.

Word yes, yeah, yeah, Just you could have.

Just called me so you could ignore me. You don't have to have me looking at your ceiling or But.

But there is there's value in that kind of friendship where your friend will hang out with you, uh you know, and and be on their phone like they would in person, but they're doing it over the phone, you know what I mean. There's like comfort in that kind of friendship where like I don't want to necessarily be on a phone call with somebody that I have to talk.

To the whole time.

Oh okay, Rosebud. You know you're you're spelling your guts and she's saying that's graz that you feel. It's almost like she's in a marriage. I sound like a straight man.

Yeah exactly, He's yes, she's my husband. On the side, I'm like, when my husband's not listening, I'll call Sydney just to have her not listen, you know what I mean. And it's like, uh, it's like having a therapist. It's like having a low income therapist.

You know. Oh, she called you a sliding scale Section eight therapists.

Yeah, anybody that's had a sliding scale therapist knows that that is what it's like. You're like, you're sharing your shit. They're not checked in.

But I'm just everybody on this podcast right now. Wow, Wow, you're gonna talk about us on Hobby Hunters. Yeah, I had the experts in dragging the FU.

We just switched it.

We switched it from Newlyweds.

To dragging Sydney. Sidney. We're not even dragging you, but like we're telling you what it is like if if we were like if when we go outside, like in public back again, and it's like I've read people are like when we go out to dinner, everybody puts their phone in the middle of the table and the first person to pick up their phone has to pay the deb that's what we're gonna do with juices. We're gonna put all our phones in the middle of the table and the.

Hold on a second, what what group of friends does that?

I don't know. I've read this on something somewhere that fucked up.

You gotta get a new group of friends. That's not even fair, wow.

I mean, because you think that you would have to pay the tab or yes, you have your phone in your hand to take pictures of the food.

I'm gonna end up paying that tab either way. It doesn't matter if I'm taking pictures of the food. If I'm the second the conversation stops being interesting, I'm going right to the phone.

Yeah, but sometimes the conversation stab is being interesting because everyone is on their phone. I don't know.

I feel like that's like a chicken it or the egg argument, you know, like what what happens first?

Sometimes?

Yeah, sometimes you reach for the phone, the conversation dies. Other times, you know, the conversation dies and you're like, well, you guys aren't keeping me engaged, so let's go somewhere else.

Let me tell you one motherfucking thing. The best friend all of y'all have ever had, So you could go on here and say that I'd be on my phone, But I show up when I need to. I'm there when you need me to be there, and I fucking listen, and I have solutions.

So Sydney has wrapped herself. She's wrapped herself up like a boxer in the corner of the ring. She has dabbed her forehead. She's back. She's back for a second round. Yeah, ready to fight.

I gotta get a picture of this, Sydney. I am Wow. We're gonna have a talk off air. We're talking what do we what do we need to talk about, Sydney. I feel like this is the place people say you're not sharing how you feel? Share it now. Yeah.

I was gonna say, they've done a great job of getting you to share how you feel today on this podcast.

Well let's just be honest here. Okay, we've been doing the pod for what four years? Right, ninety six years? Four years. Let's when we were shooting in the gym, honey, boo boo. When we were at Marie's house, I was giving up all the everything I would. I had tea every single episode, every because not only was I going through sobriety, I was not fucking my ex girlfriend. We were having money problems. We're going on, I was in

So wait, so by that logic, you're saying that because you did this certain thing in the past where you expressed a lot, that you shouldn't be doing it anymore just because you No, no.

No, no, it's here's the thing. You who these people who leave negative reviews, Let them leave a different review and make it interesting every single week for the last four years, and see how see how engaging their reviews are. You know that.

I think that's what she said.

It's like she's had to be interesting this long, so anybody who's criticizing her should have to be interesting once a week for an hour talking to the same person.

Oh okay, that sounds like a little bit of a dragon on me.

No, no, no, no, it's not a sneak disc. That's not a sneak dist I'm just saying it's harder to stay interesting that then people think it is.

Marie didn't start spilling real tea until I pray Hoe. That was the inaugura inauguration of Marie telling her business, because she was not one of the people to be like I'm gonna say everything, yeah, but in my life. But this is what I said to Sidney last night when the review popped up, and we laughed and cried about it. The opposite, spilling tea is not necessarily all

Are y'all just gonna let this listen?

I say people like that, I think this is all go off on me. Fucking blow dry your banks and let's go. I can't.

First of all, it's not my podcast. I will blow dry my banks for my own podcast. I will not blow dry my banks for a podcast that I'm not.

On every week.

It's not my responsibility. All right, will drive my bangs is for one. I'll do it once a week when I'm about to get laid. That's it, all right, week.

Long?

We need to talk, That's what I'm saying.

Okay, okay, get into it. Let's get into it. When did you get married? Yeah?

Okay, so I got married in September. I got married in the park in Washington Square Park, which is where they shot the movie Kids. Okay, yes, that is the only reference that matters. And it was during COVID times, so it was like where they shot the movie Kids.

It was really it was during that time.

We finished getting married and a homeless man came up and gave us a painting.

Okay, so he peed on the on the canvas, or he pooped on the canvas.

He painted it was like it looked like what it looked like an angry bird's sort of painting, and handed it to us and I held it because I forgot for a second about COVID. I had just gotten married. I was so excited, so I so I held it for a second and then I dropped it in front of him and I went and uh, there's a photo of me taking it from him, realizing what time it is and dropping the thing on the ground. But it

It was yeah, and it was very quick.

It was well, y'all showed up late. I mean, y'all gave us the time and then y'all came whenever y'all wanted to. It was you know, it was I felt very at home, you know.

Yeah, it was late to my own wedding I was like, I felt like some nigga.

But I've also never been to a wedding that started on time, No I have. I have, Really it started on the time that it's set on the car. There's it. They'll say, this is the time that people get there, and then this is the time for the wedding.

They put two, they put yeah, but they what they should say is like, you know, when they say what time the wedding starts, it should just say whenever the bride gets there, because that's really you know. So I was, I was in the car when I was supposed to be in the car, but then the car in very New York style fashion, like we rented this like old New York City taxi, and just like an old New York City taxi, it took me to the wrong place first, so this man took me. I got ready at my

So like he took me there and he was like, Okay, here we are.

And I was like, no, do you see a do you see a groom?

Here?

This is a this is a dirty stoop with like broken glass on it.

And he said, hey, some of my best weddings have been on a stupid broken glass talk about it.

So then we my mom was in the car. She was like, no, my mom's panicking, you know, mom's and like so and the whole way we're driving down, my mom is like so excited. She was like putting the window down and telling people like she's getting married. She's like yelling at people outside of the cab. And I was like, I was, I've never been so embarrassed, Like

You know, it's just like it is.

It feels like you are playing a part that is not If you are a woman who is honest with herself, you know what you've done and you know that you should not be wearing white, be cream or sh I was. I was wearing an eggshell. I was wearing an eggshell white. But it's still sort of felt like with the veil and everything, it sort of felt a little bit like, Okay, come on.

No, no, it was that was That's not what you should be embarrassed about. It was just a park. City said you should be embarrassed that it was in the park. It was listen, hold on, it was. It was a cold wedding, so we excuse everything like it's okay, it's okay, And we realized that people have been spending so much money on the actual event that it's done.

You're stupid.

You didn't spend that much money in the park because the park is free.

Yeah, the park is free. And not only that, the park is the only thing I didn't feel stupid about because I was like, this is the kind of wedding I would end up having, whether COVID was around or not, cause I'm not spending that much money on a wedding, you know, Okay, I'm.

Just no floral arrangements, No.

I mean I got I mean doesn't what's the thing that you carry?

Oh the bouquet?

Like I should know this, but I spent money on that? Right?

How much was your wedding.

All in all? I think I spent two thousand?

What BP, You didn't even spend twenty twenty, You didn't even spend a dollar for the like the dollar a month of the year.

I think overall I spent two thousand. Well, hold on, so it was like five hundred for the actual wedding like getting the woman to marry us, and the and the and the whole like service with the photographers.

How much was the dress? The dress? Did you have it already? Got it from Buffalo Exchange?

The dress was the most expensive part. I think the dress was like fifteen hundred, and then the rest of it was just like nothing because I was.

Like, oh, that's a lie, Rose, But you you paid for that car too.

The car was the car was only two hundred dollars.

I thought it was three hundred.

No, two hundred, okay, two hundred.

Well, the city said, well I have a.

He's like, hold on a second. I don't think I even mentioned that to Sydney.

You did, girl, We talked, did I?

You know?

Yeah, when I'm on my phone not paying attention to you, I hear numbers.

Though, Okay, okay, I didn't realize I was speaking to a secret accountant.

Oh yeah, Cpa Jesus Christ.

Yeah, no, I she really is my second husband. She's fucking keep a track of what I spend.

Yeah, for all those frames above your.

Oh shit, don't mention that that.

Was That was more than my wedding.

That.

Let me tell you something about framing, which is a that's a very married person thing to do is get your stuff professionally framed. Framing costs cash. That is serious money. That like, if you want your stuff professionally framed, you buy a poster for twenty dollars, all of a sudden, the value of that poster goes.

Up by about one thousand dollars.

It is like, is that an origional?

Yeah? Okay, yeah, Roath buddy.

It has framing money. You heard it here first, folks framing money, or I did so talk to us about being married, Like, how long were y'all together before you guys got married? Let's talk about that.

Oh okay, so we were married or we were together for nine months when we got engaged. Wait, we were not not long we got together I'm estimating. So we got together in October of twenty nineteen.

Yes, yeah, y'all got engaged at the top of the fucking quarantine with March March.

March of twenty twenty.

So so I get together for like six months?

Yes, yeah, yes, yeah, six months?

Shit yeah no. When you when you got engaged, I was like, oh, I was like, people are falling apart right now. This is crazy. When you got engaged, I was like, oh, she about to have triplets because.

What yeah that or Andy got a really dude it was My manager called me up and was like, what's the rush. He was like worried I was pregnant, like he was scared, and I just had to tell him no, no, no, we're just two recovering addicts. And you know, recovering addicts they're the only people that move faster than lesbians.

That's Rosebud I'm I'm gonna agree on that.

That's just facts.

Yeah, because me and you, I feel like, yeah, we we would go as quickly as we could into a relationship to get away from yourself the struggles that we Yeah.

Yeah, so and you know it's like we both if you have two addicts, we both have impulse problems. Okay, we cannot control our impulses. We get carried away with our feelings. We go you know, this is how I'm gonna feel forever. This is how it is, the rest of my life is going to be so easy. And you just you just fly right into it like you are, like you've never been hurt. And then then it's like right before you get married that you both start freaking out. That's exactly that's what two addicts do.

Okay, so walk us through these freakouts. What did it feel like the closer you got to do it?

Yeah, so it feels like, and maybe this is universal, but before I got married, right before I got married, I actually didn't. I think I put all that away, Like I wasn't that freaked out. Uh, I was just like, I'm getting married, this is exciting, it's happening. I can't really believe it's happening. But I just started planning it, and that's all I really thought about. And then right after we got married, when we went on the honeymoon,

Now, Wait, you didn't feel like that when y'all got an apartment together, when y'all got that, when y'all got that the adultless scraggly dog y'all feel like. You don't feel like any of that until you were butt naked into loom doing anal. That's when you were like, oh my god, I can't believe we're masd. You did anal in the sand?

Wow, I just shit pearls Later, No, I uh yeah, because all the.

Other stuff I had done before.

Everybody's moved in with somebody by the time they're thirty, right, I mean everybody's gotten a pet with somebody by the time they're thirty.

No never friend, well me me, yes, But I'm a lesbian somm Well.

Put it this way. I had done all that stuff, so I was like, this is the rest of that stuff is. It doesn't mean anything. You can walk away from all that, you know, And technically, technically, I married another comic, so it's not like we're breaking up assets if we do divorce. It's not it's like, okay, you take you take the Ikea desk.

And I'll take the Creighton barrel chair, right, Yeah, you know, it's not like we have stocks we need to be breaking up.

But I, uh yeah, I kind of freaked out when we were in Too Loom And But the best part about it is I married somebody.

And this is the key.

You got to marry somebody that you can freak out in front of and talk to and be like, oh I whoops, Like is any part of you kind of freaking out about this?

Yeah?

They got to be able to hear that and not take it personally and go okay, yeah, I get it.

This is normal.

Honestly, rose Bot, I think that's good dating advice. You you should only date somebody that you're okay with freaking out in front of or like yeah, looking dumb in front of because like I've dated people before that I was like they were almost like too hot or too cool, and it was like you don't want them to see you sweat, and those relationships can't last because I need to know that I'm better than you at all time if I break down. No, but but but but I

No, you have to marry somebody that is if you can't be your fullest self, like the parts of you that you are, like that even you are uncomfortable with. I've had fights with my husband where I was I said stuff that I didn't even realize about myself until I said it out loud, and then I was like, oh, whoa, that was so true that that's like how I feel that I didn't I didn't even know I've felt like that until I said it, you know, so he's like somebody that I once I was there in Uh, I

I said. I was like, oh, you're on the verge of a relapse. I said, what is going on? I think I didn't think you were going to be with one a white man and a comic. I you were going to go back well dating people in the community. Your ex was a comic. It was a black dude, but he was a comedian, so I wasn't surprised about the comic part. Yeah, what is the type of person you thought you were going to marry? Describe him for us and then we'll compare control.

So I thought I was going to find somebody with like a four oh one, k o.

Him poor? All right?

Cool?

No, he's not.

He's not poor, Like he's got good credit, he's got like his ship together. But but he's a comic. So I assumed that none of that was coming with him, you know what I mean, Like I just assumed that all of that was in shambles. And I was like, he probably lives in a storage unit, you know. I just I was gonna find some find something out about him that I was gonna be like, oh please God no. But the more I got to know him, the war I was like, Oh, he's he's like a normal person

Go he must at sounds like money.

Yeah yeah, I'm like, okay, he's like he's doing pretty well. And uh he's worked in advertise and he has a portfolio. And I was like, okay, this is like all.

This feels stable.

You know, I didn't know any of that about Andy. Now how old is he is? He forty five? That feels like he's thirty eight. Okay, we rounded it up to the that's fifty in white man years.

Yeah, yeah, I mean you should see his neck skin. It's oh, it's at least forty five.

Rose, But this is a family podcast. Don't talk about his next key that is that is that the shaft of his dick said, Hey, hey, Andy, hope you listening. You know we're sitting on this.

Just call him earthworm gym.

Wait, no, Rose, but I wanted to. I want to get back to you saying that you were marry somebody that you're most comfortable with. But I think there's a point where you can get too comfortable, like too comfortable and too content, and you you're showing your ass too much, you know, like when you feel like you're okay and you're not growing. I don't think that's that's good either. Yeah.

I think the point is I don't think that you can get too comfortable. I think that you can assume that you know everything there is to know about that person, and then you just forget about it. You just forget about trying to ask them how they're doing or what they think, and then you're just like, I already know about them, so I'm gonna stop asking them for their opinion or what they think or how they're.

Feeling yecause when get stale.

That's when they get stale, because you go, what is there to discover about this person? But it's like, I mean, I've known myself my whole life and I still don't know everything there is to know about me. So why would I assume after two years with one with this person that I've already figured it all out with them?

You know? I mean, but some people are very predictable, like you know what they gonna do. You know, they move, they they don't live on the edge very like.

Well, those those are the people that refuse to keep growing, you know, and those people there really is like a limit to where to how long you can last with those people because if they're gonna refuse to grow, what are you gonna like stop growing for them? No one?

And that's but that's the difference I think Sydney is like that's why some people you sometimes you outgrow the person that you're with because you keep trying to do things. But also you should want to be with somebody who's ambitious and like has goals and has things that they're working toward. But you pick up on that stuff. In the beginning, you might you might dismiss those red flags. But like if I'm looking at you and every and I know every day Monday, you do this from this

See that's where we get into the whole dating losers, because it's interesting this is.

We can't we can't be going there.

That's not we just got a story, Rosebud, I'm not saying it's not worth it in your twenties, all right, but once you've reached thirty, you gotta it's this is and cute anymore. All right. We got to get away from the guys that, uh who need our help to pay their rent.

Yeah, that's true. Hey, hey, hey, I just I'm gonna say this. In a year, I just become that person that doesn't need somebody to help me with the rent. So you know, don't don't don't judge.

Okay, Well you're on the other side now, so you get to you get to pretend that you're above that.

You get it's above you now.

Yeah, you get to say, okay, yeah, get get those people out of our lives.

Yeah, yes, yes, and no, like yes, I agree, but also I I've you wouldn't know just looking at me that I was one of those people. So that's fair.

That's fair.

Yeah, I know how it is. Look at Marie Judging. Why do you say, look at Marie, look at Andrew Judge.

Andrew's in a full post.

He is, He's like, you just started to paying rent this year.

Andrew is reclining.

What what's what are you? How are you feeling?

Oh well when you were talking about people being predictable, Sydney. I mean I was definitely brought up. You know, you're a little predictable sometimes on the podcast with pulling.

Out the phone. Andrew, you bought it back, honey, just because you got everything in your schedule and it's you're doing the same thing every day. Don't be triggered by that comment. Why why you got come for me? I didn't for you, sir.

I'm just I'm just talking.

I am not predictable, Honey. You never know, did you just? Wow? He just called me a nigger. You getting a bit too comfortable here, Andrew, I'm.

Sorry, and you face is red if you take a white person and you say something like okay, if I you say something totally whatever, and then Sidney calls it the N word, and any white person will just bury themselves like alive.

If that's all she has to do, We'll just be.

Like, kill me give us his two weeks two weeks ago, Shirley fucking Day. He was like, I don't want to be this is too predictable for me.

I think this whole episode has been about like relationships if you think about it, because we started off with Sydney coming on the podcast, and we talked about Sidney being on her phone and that's and you gotta be engaged. You gotta be involved, you know, to keep it interesting.

You gotta keep it.

You gotta be you gotta ask questions, you gotta look alive.

You know. Funly, nobody wants wants to marry me on this podcast, so I could be whoever the funk I want to be true, But the person who wants to marry you could be listening to this episode right now. Hey, babe, So you think that you you showed yourself as like a bride to be in this episode. Apps fucking lot. If you want to marry me, you listen to this episode. You are obsessed. I'm on the money.

You're definitely the most booked. I mean, you have a lot of things going on.

It's great. Wow, she got at least she got at least two.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm just I'm just trying to get food for my family, for my two cats, for Marie. I do this. I do this for Marie. You do not. You do not do this for me, But I do this for you. You do this for Sydney, Jelly Jam, and you do it for the way, you're my emergency contact. If Marie wanted to, like, if she wanted to do what is it a partnership. That's not where you say you're married, but it's like that's what they do.

To the gate domestic, the domestic partnership.

Yeah, yeah, partnership. I would do that with Marie.

That's how I knew I had to leave my axes. He wanted he we were talking about domestic partnerships and I was like, this is over.

He bought it up or you bought it up?

Well, it was it was something where we were I don't remember who brought it up, but I remember the conversation had gone in that direction where it was like, oh, well instead of getting married, we'll do a domestic partnership. And I was like, yeah, no, we're not.

He never wanted to get married at all.

Uh. He would talk about wanting to get married and then nothing would happen. So that's like another that's like a way that men keep women on the hook.

Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't call it even that. It was like I don't think he never meant it, but I think he if he really dug deep down inside and got honest with himself and me. He would have been like, you know what, I don't want to do this, Like, but I don't think he I think he cared about me, so he couldn't really say that, like he was.

Like, no, I want to stay in this for as long as he did.

How long were y'all together?

Five years?

Yes, Sidney Elizabeth Washington stunts right there. Yeah, but I think that some men. I think for some men, they say that because they think that they want it, but also they're very comfortable where they already are. It's like, well why they get married. I live with you. We got these six dogs together, like you take my toenails.

Sydney is coming with a history today.

The everybody that's white is blonde because.

Hitler designed blonde.

Like.

Sydney has been on Reddit a couple of days. She has learned some theories.

Where is the lie people? I need people to write in and be like Sydney actually that has a pointed.

Sydney is gonna come on next week and be like Shonda Rhymes is in charge of the flatter And well.

That's what Einstein was talking about. What he said, Actually, Sydney, this this is the city that I that I know and love, you know, the one that spits fact that is like this, this might be right, it sounds true. I love this. Sydney facts, Sydney facts, they're fun, they're fun. Yeah, the podcast is that was time for Sydney's facts and yeah, just a new segment that we're gonna bring to the podcast and Sydney give us like a fact that is like.

You know what, I think that that doubles as merch. That could double as merch for sure. For sure that.

Reviewer would wear that every single day.

Yeah, you get the hoodie, you get a hoodie where you lift the hood up and there's a Sydney fact underneath.

Oh my god, what a picture, what a pictures.

But I'm just saying, shark Tan, I'm just here for you guys to make money. You know, I'm trying to support Jelly and Jam.

Wait, Marie, did you want to do the segment in between or you want to wait till the end?

Yeah?

I mean, Sidney, that's a beautiful transition that you just offer me the opportunity to throw in there. So we are coming up. We've come up with some segments for the podcast that we are going to start doing. Let's say next week, last first week of Black History Month, We're going to start these new segments. The first part. I think Sydney's facts should be one. I really do like that. How random and like fake they all are. They're real about Hitler. I know that's all right. All

I don't feel like people want to be blonde anymore.

I feel well, I think it's because people can't get to the hair dresser no more. Because right now, during the pandemic.

Yes, I'll tell you, I honestly, my therapist, my therapist, my hairdresser. I went slash therapist. I went to her and I'm sorry, I just interrupted your segment thing, your segment announcement.

Should I bring I can come back the story?

You say, yeah, okay. Well, so I.

Took time off from seeing her when all this started, and then I went back to her right before my wedding.

She had been gone for four months. I come back. This bitch is in.

QAnon like she was. She was like a normal person. No, she was like a normal person before It's beautiful. Lived in Brooklyn, moved to Jersey right before covid uh, spent four months in her house. Comes out of her house

That's what that is.

I just I just sit there and agree with her while I'm in her chair.

She did a great jobs bangs. Yeah, it is very It was very storm the Capitol bangs. First of all, they.

Don't even have bangs, all right, they have not cut their bangs. They do theirs with a knife. Mine aren't even let's not drag my bangs. My bangs are probably the most put together part of me. Wow, Okay, that's We're just gonna just so these people know because they can't see.

Me, and now they think.

Now they think I look like Amanda from Knoxville, Tennessee.

I think so. I feel it.

She was wet, you know, for no reason, Like her whole face was wet. Uh, you know who I'm talking about?

Right, she was holding the onion right in the towel. Was she like when she was crying?

Are you talking about no, the one who got mace?

Yes, she said I got maze And she was like telling that she got mazed. But then if you zoom in on the towel she hold she was holding an onion to make it like herself cry.

Yes what yes method actress method. Yes, Oh, I didn't even see the onion at all.

Right, you're talking about like, yeah, you look at the videos.

I feel like this bitch was probably just eating an onion, Like that's how gross.

She was like like an apple, yes, like an apple? Yeah.

I feel like she just eats onions anyway. Yeah, no, my hairdressers lost her goddamn mind. She's fully crazy and she's like Juliani makes good points. Is like what she was?

Oh you girl, so did you tip her? Like talk to us about what? Yeah?

No, Actually she charged me less, and I think it's because she could tell that I was freaked out, and she was like, you know, it's twenty dollars instead of like sixty.

So I was like, okay, well.

I was like, twenty dollars you go to super cuts? What the fuck is going on?

No? Normally, I mean I'm spending a lot of money at that place. And she was like taking whatever from me. So I don't know if it's like she's got to lower her prices so she can speak her mind now or what Rosebud.

It sounds like you're going to a sliding scale hairstylist and you was dragging therapists before. That's say I'll do what based on income? That's what you get your hair? Good babe.

Yeah, but but she's not doing a terrible job.

Okay, girl, scale therapist. Yeah, some of them are doing good work for thirty thirty to sixty dollars.

I mean maybe not if you judge the people, but anyway, it doesn't matter.

Yes, yeah, so thank you, thank you for telling us about your q Andon hairstylists while you know we were gonna do a segment that was sorry. I really appreciate that. I'm sorry, You're right came in, you came in right on time.

I thought, I you know what, I fucking I thought I was gonna get out of this episode without a bad review. And I feel like, I just I feel like next week there's gonna I'm gonna check your reviews every day this week. I'm gonna be obsessed with that.

Ooh, bach I love this for us and realistically, Rosebud, we did talk about newlywed things, but is there something that you want to leave the listeners with before we go about how to survive being a newlywed or being one during a pandem you know?

Yeah, yeah, So I think here's the thing.

If you are a newlywed in a pandemic, it's gonna feel like the newlywed period is about a month, whereas normally it lasts about six months that gets shortened to about a month when you are a newlywed so in a pandemic, because you're spending a lot of time in the same space, you don't get to get away from them. You gotta, like, you gotta deal with all the annoyances that come along with being an pandemic together and all of the you know, the uncertainty that goes along with

I see Simmy, come on, Sydney, Okay, it all comes back to me.

Yeah.

Really, while you were talking, Sidney, what were you typing? And we could hear you typing onto your.

Comput cities typing. She's texting on her laptop because people keep calling me. They keep calling me, and I'm like, I'm on the pod. I'm on the pot, nigger Washington. That is exactly what who you are and how you treat us as we the people who are calling you. You can just tell you were doing the podcast and you couldn't talk when they called you. AnyWho, Rosebud, Yeah, you gotta listen. You put your phone down. You I'd be less like Sydney and more like Andrew.

Yes, yes, and uh, Andrew is also my husband's name, so that was a double meaning.

Wait, you didn't even talk about sex, yo, what are you? What are you getting it in?

Here's the thing?

So, like she said, once a week, So I've noticed that when we don't talk, no, I am. When we don't talk, though, our sex drops to like once a week. Like if we're not talking to each other, if we're not like connecting with each other, it happens like once a week. And that's how we know something's fucked up.

Hear that, fellas, you gotta spend time with with with who you're with, you gotta like you gotta pay attention to them for them to want to fuck you.

But you're in a pandemic if y'all are shacked up together, it's like you see them every fucking day. What you talking?

Yeah, but that's that's what I'm saying.

Being in a pandemic your partner feels like the perfect way to just have sex all day long.

You would think that, But after a while, if you're not like talking to them or or anything, you just start to think of them as like I've already fucked you. And it's like, I know that sounds really brutal, but it's true. You just start to think of them as like I already know everything about you. So that's why it's so connected. Like communication and sex are so connected,

Are y'all listening to these gyms? The conversation is the four play. You can't have sex with me if you don't know how I'm doing today? Yeah, go to the supermarket. How am I did I stick to my mom today? You want to know these things? Yeah, you can have sex with me and it'll be wop wop wop. And that's why I will say as lesbian, I'm having the best sex of my life because all we fucking do is talk. We're talking while we have sex. You know they're talking right now. Yeah, yeah, my pussy is ripping

So that's where she got that cup of water before.

Jam said always sound wet over here. Let me sit right on the laptop.

Jam just brought a bucket and a mop.

Okay, it's macaroni in a pot. Go ahead, no, no you oh, I was gonna wrap it up something you okay.

I love that you put your hat on to wrap it up.

Well, I didn't like the way the top of my head was looking. This is my shut it down hat. Fun fact, this is a I got this hat in Paris at a thrift shop. It's German and somebody told me that this is a like a Nazi officer hat. So what this hat is why Rosebud is a blonde.

Now and practically it actually perfectly would cover my roots. Maybe that's why they made those hats.

They're like, I'm gonna need you to go on and uber eats that hat to Rosebud. Please. It's very necessary door dash. I'm gonna put it in the bag that you sent me with the receipt that you sent me as well. But thank you so much for sharing your newlywed life with us people who are listening where they can catch you. Friend.

Yeah, I have a podcast that I started on the first day of Quarantine with my husband called Bind Your Beach. Yeah, and we were engaged by the third episode, so it has basically covered our entire marriage throughout the pandemic.

It's very silly. It's just like it's just two.

Comedians having fun in a house by themselves.

Did he propose on the podcast?

No, Oh my god, disgusting.

But I will say Rosebud and Andy are disgusting together because they're very they're very punchy up. They punch up as if they're in a writer's room. So it's not just like it's not like regular people just joking. It's like, no, but then they're doing this, and then they're doing another tag, and then another tag. It's three tags on each joke. It's very it's very structured. We we're there together.

Yeah, you can see. You can basically watch the clips from it on my Instagram at rosebud Baker. There's clips from our podcast all over there, so you can enjoy that. And if you love a couple that roasts each other, that we are right up your alley.

A couple that roast together stays together, okay, And that's why that's why me and Marie are still going strong. I mean trying to break up with me today, but just like a man, you ain't going nowhere you try to bring up with me when you try to bring up with me, when you started that Michael's podcast without me, what I'll say about this podcast and now she's acting like it came out of nowhere. I said about it,

Like?

Are you fucking your best friends? Man? Tell us that? Send Okay, you forgot your panties where? Tell us? We want to know why you got fired from you know, the ups job that you had. So are you claiming unemployment but you are fully employed? Let it? Well, maybe don't tell it, but yeah, no, tell us.

That us anonymous.

Yeah, yeah, it should be anonymous. We don't know how to read the names that y'all.

Have, So tell them how how you pulled that off, because that's like a scam that some people I want to get.

In on right, and tell us how you managed to graduate from college on tom would appoint six GPA. What did you do? They was fucking they was professors, That's what they were doing. But that's what we want to know. So that's the first new segment. Tell me something good. Is this tea hot? We send it to us and then will decide, you know, oh this tea is good. So the mess here it is or the juice here it is, the more we'll enjoy it. And in Sydney

If so, you can send I guess both of this information to unofficial expertise at gmail dot com. That's an official expert with I s at gmail dot com. I will figure out how to do like the actual like you can call on but for right now, if you can figure out how to send a voice memo over Gmail, that would be great.

Yeah. I mean if you have an iPhone, it's real easy. You just go to your extras, you click voice memos, you record for sixty seconds, you send it to the not the but unofficial expertise dot com. Oh, I'm so excited about all the tea that we gonna get next week. This feels fun. And you know, also, if you want to cheat on the pod just a little bit, I

I love that she just did not that was beautiful.

This was not discussed in the morning meeting. This has been an incredible episode, And thank you guys for sending that bad review, because now I'm gonna be on my ass and I'm gonna work harder to prove to y'all and Marie and Andrew that I do want to be here. Thank you, thank you for that review, because it did make Sidney. She was googling Wikipedia facts about history to share with us.

Yeah, that's your angle.

In history, Rosebud. Thank you for being just an excellent Alabaster guest. You you're not going to be reviewed negatively. That was great. Sha your hairdress it though, but you were fantastic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's she deserves it. That's fine, you guys, thank you so much. I love doing this podcast. I love both of you.

This was great.

Anyway, Go go have a cammversation with your husband.

Yeah, everyone, talk to your husband. Talk to my husband. Actually for me, talk to your husband.

And while you're at it, gone over to iTunes in comment review, do all those good things, tell a friend that the podcast is amazing, repost us. Do all things that you do for Ariana Grande. I need y'all to do that for us. More people need to listen to the POI.

This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe ccilio, and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts dot