"The Murder Expert" with Liza Treyger

Forever.

Okay, Hello, yes, hello America.

You're kind of hot. Marie, you're on the list.

Maybe you need to turn your volume down in your headphones. Andrew, do I sound okay?

Babe?

I think he's I mean it could probably be further away from her.

This is where I usually have it, so I also I also can't hear myself. So there it is, There is there is Okay.

Oh that's my bad.

Guys, let me hey, all right, we're keeping that in because there's no edits here at no unofficial expert. We keep it all the way one un real, wraw.

Editing, unfiltering, no face to hashtag. Leave it in there.

Hey, baby, how you doings?

I missed you, even though I saw you like an hour ago. I saw Sidney twice today. How lucky you are?

You know?

I was honestly saying that when I was in the cab, I was like, I can't believe I have the bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Did you take it edible to that you asked me about one?

Did you know I saw you a lot this weekend and it did brighten my day or my weekend? I guess, And you knew, you know you cooked for me and well not just me. I don't want anybody think that Murray is trying to date me.

But she might be trying to bag I'm trying to bag my business.

She might do it for the story, right, imagine if you hooked up with me.

To tell a story.

But like, yo, the pussies trash, y'all.

It's both of us just laying on our side, just like neither one of us want to do anything.

Yeah, yeah, honestly, that that's what it would be.

Friend. I mean, I feel like overall sex is too much work for me. If I have to be on top or like if I have to like if I have to do the moving, it's too much work for me. But you know, I'm taking magnesium and I'm trying to like rebuild my muscles, and I'm working out on YouTube. So like maybe this time next year I'm gonna be, you know, captain of being on top.

Well, the thing is that because I was so trash in my last last relationship, I'm really just trying to prove myself in this one. So I'm putting in a lot of you know, backwork, very arching arching more. You know, got the lingerie lingeree going on. I'm really really throwing it back and just trying.

To be.

Your neighbors know that you're putting.

In no, not her neighbors, her booth.

Yeah, that was so long ago, like nobody's even mentioning that anymore.

Andrew, I'm sorry for bringing it up.

Oh no, thank you, thank you Andrew for keeping us humble. Okay, but Andrew, how are you doing?

How are you doing, bab.

I'm doing well. I mean, what do you what are you alluding to.

The neighbors about you?

They never say anything. I have air pods now.

So I'm having sex.

I know I'm talking about like it's exclusively music. And also I'm not that vocal during sex.

You know.

I used to play the music on the stereo and then someone did complain, and so now I have a BODS.

And you please sell us some kind of music. In my mind, I see you putting the CD in the stereo before I do. I do.

I did have like a lot of CDs before, you know, they were.

Like it was like six sex jams.

You know.

The song right now is New New Attitude Patty LaBelle. I have been listening to that on repeat. That has had a resurgence.

That's sex songs.

I said that was the song anti that it does get you in the in a better vibe.

A new attitude.

If you're in a Calistens class. I'm not understanding what you do for you. Okay, you know what, at the end of this episode, insert that song.

As like the out we do that, Andrew.

I can honestly see you waking up playing that song, starting it off and like doing that kind of like Top Gun you only have a shirt on in white sox and like slipping and slide in your apartment.

Yeah. The movie that you're alluding to is Risky Business.

Yeah, the same thing, Tom Cruise, I said, Tom Hank.

He said Tom, she said Top Gun, and I was like, same guys.

That's the same same guy, different movie, you know what I mean.

It's Top Gun, the one that has like the Homer erotic volleyball scenes. It's the top movie where he's like.

Well, are you talking about Tom Hanks or Tom Cruise?

Now, Tom Cruise, you know this is Tom Tom too many Toms, too many time Tom for Okay, so wait, Marie, are we doing expertises this episode?

S yes, absolutely, go ahead and start us off. Mane oh, I got to start it off.

Well, you you bought it up off.

That's something you want to share the energy that you brought to the table, was Marie, are we because I'm ready? No, it didn't sound like that.

It was kind of like, Marie, do you want to because if not, we don't have to.

I don't know why you would bring it up if you didn't have one.

Right, you know, I don't like that you guys are ganging up with me. This is really weird and it's very racist and homophobic.

I'm a black woman and I'm queer a Jason and Andrew is gay, so it was.

Not racially charged my combats.

Sidney. Is there something that you want to share because we can have some share time? You know?

Well, I think I'm an expert in trying to prepare, but I'm always last minute. So even if I try to put in an effort to prepare.

It's not enough.

Like me and Marie are shooting something that stand up related, even though do we even do stand up anymore?

Girl, I have nothing prepared. I don't even know how to craft the joke. Five minutes feels like a lifetime for me. I'm like, you want me to talk.

For five, right, So me, me and Marie are looking through old notebooks and you know, I can't even read my handwriting because it's chicken scratch, and I'm like.

What is this set up and a touchline? Do you have to do both?

So I've been trying. I've been like talking to other people. I actually should have called my the guests. Actually I'm going to talk to the guests afterwards and maybe try to work on some stuff with her if she's available.

But I've called a couple of friends.

And I still went to a show the day before and bomb my ass off on a on a rooftop and it was old shivering shivering.

In my bomb. It hurt.

It was only single people for those six people definitely wanted their money back and it was a free show.

So yeah, I feel like I'm really struggling because like I was a lazy comedian before, Like I wasn't really writing. I would just get on stage and like talk to the audience and like funny stuff would come out of what I was saying when I was on stage. And now I'm not on stage at all, and I'm still.

Wow. Sorry, I hope they miss popular.

I hope the quick time pick that up soon picked up sitting it in the phone hall.

Anyway, I uh, I don't have anything prepared, and uh, I think what's gonna happen is I'm gonna show up to this taping this weekend and I'm gonna be like, I'm not just give you guys your.

Money back, because no, no, Marie, you're one of the funniest people I know in real life, and you're gonna pull me together.

But saying someone's funny in real life and then somebody shooting a.

Video that lives on YouTube forever or until I'm rich enough to get it pulled down is not the same thing. Okay, I'm not Beyonce. It if I bomb, and then they put the set up on YouTube, all of.

The white men that I will never have sex with are gonna be like women aren't funny and this is too black for me, or whatever the hell the guvernment's gonna say from these nerdy as dudes. But you know, I still want to I want to put something that I'm proud of out and.

Right now six is retired, so it's like, do I.

Do how many?

And you I'm still gonna roast you in the streets.

No, you're gonna pull it together. And we we did a workshop today and it was like for an hour and it felt good. I feel like we if we do a couple more of those, maybe.

We'll get our guests.

Maybe we'll work shop some more stuff with our guests. Today, she imagined her coming in thinking she's gonna talk about whatever her expertise, and it's like, hey, sis, so we're gonna go for the first thirty minutes and we're not gonna pay you to punch it up at all, you know, just doing it and you're being an ally.

You know, yes, thank you for helping sisters and me. Yeah, but you'll be fine.

Marie.

I have all of my faith in you, and you're you're wonderful. You know that you're so funny even if you do it right now, you.

Should be like a life coach or something something something along the lines where you're like, did you were you a cheerleader in school?

No, bitch, I just I just see the good in my friend, even when she can't see it. Right now, I've seen you be so funny off the fly and you can tag and tag.

That was like ten years ago, before we discovered electricity.

That was before sput Nick, you haven't seen me be funny in mad Law. But I love the enthusiasm. I love how excited you are.

Well, you know I we're just going to bring in our guests because she definitely speak on behalf of everybody that knows you very well. We're very excited to have her. This is her second go round. This is her redeeming herself because she doesn't feel like the first time she came on she brought anything to the table. So she's gonna come in very hot and actually she's actually going to provide so much tips that you might go out

Hello, I'm excited to be here. Also, fuck those six people. They know we're having a hard time, Like they I just fuck them.

I just don't know why you wouldn't even let out a giggle.

I mean they left at some things, but it honestly, it felt like the show was right near Times Square and they were just waiting for their bus like they They're like, this is the layover.

We just wait here. We got it.

We got an hour and a half to kill and then we got to get on you know, the Peter Pan to go back to fucking Minnesota.

Well, I don't want to get in trouble for saying this, but I did see on Twitter people were saying, like, it's great that the greatest comics ever were kind of bombing on Es and l you know, it's like it gives hope for the rest of us. If they're not slaughtering what you know, what hope is there for the rest of us.

And honestly, truly, I love watching people do bad in public, not necessarily just comedians, but I love watching.

People fail in real time.

That like watching somebody like fumble something, or watching somebody fall, or watching somebody carry too many bags of groceries from the car all that.

Like, I love watching people struggle, so yeah, that makes that makes me feel good. But I myself hate struggling.

But will there be an audience? Yes, I don't even know.

Great, maybe it'll be like eight people there. I have no idea.

Can you go up together?

That would be nice.

Imagine if we did a set together, Marie, then we hate those wars.

I was also gonna say, even if you do so good, the comments are still going to be bad. It's true because people make fun of Like on Twitter, people will write mean things. And then one of my favorite porn stars a hot photo of herself and some dude was like, go to the gym and this is a woman that is paid to fuck on camera, like top girl.

In the world. And I'm like, who's your favorite porn star?

She's one of But Keisha Gray is so Hotsha that sounds promising.

So so, Liza, I am your type.

I am.

Hey, you like girls named Keisha?

Oh well, it's her porn name. Are you gonna be mad?

She isn't black, so I guess it's week's name that's problematic.

Thanks so much for joining us today.

So glad.

I do have some favorite black porn stars. This guy named Mickey Mad.

I mean, she definitely looks like she fucks only black guys.

Yeah, she does a lot of like twelve black guys in her yeah, okay, twelve, Yeah, she does, like giant interrac.

Why now, why is she your favorite porn star?

Because she she's one.

I just beautiful, Okay, So it's not it's not necessarily technique.

It's just you like what she looks.

And the skill, Like you know, you always like a porn star where they look like they're enjoying themselves and they're having a good time, they're getting into it.

And she does follow me on Twitter, and I like that.

Okay, we'll shout out to Keisha Gray. No white Keisha great because there might be a black Keisha Gray out there.

You notice a Keisha Gray. But the way she spells her name there, it's an eye out a y and I'm like, ah, I see it.

Okay. And who was the black man?

Mickey mad He's one of my faves.

Well, I would think that that was a white man, Mickey Maud.

There's actually a couple. There's a few black dudes that are great. Ricky Johnson is really great and Isaiah Maxwell is great.

But what about the black women?

Lisa?

What about the skin?

Uh no, well, skin diamond is one, but Honey Golds is great.

She's mixed skin diamond, all right, skin diamond that sounds like a black girl.

Points Honey Gold. And then Kira Noir is great.

Oh I like Kira. Yeah, she does a lot of anal.

Yeah.

Oh that's why you like her sis because she let butts.

Yeah, she's gotta she's got a clean butthole.

Boy. Oh, well, she would have a clean bootyhole was worn on camera.

That's bare minimum for anal.

But sometimes the butt just it doesn't look like they don't bleach it, like you could see some of the like darkness and bumps.

I don't know. Oh, okay, the bumps can't You can't do nothing about the bumps. But the darkness beach your but it's supposed to be darker than the rest of your body.

But they asshole. Yeah, but that's not good for you. Bleaching Buttleydney doesn't.

Dudes, that's not good for you either. Yes, it is. No, God gave us holes to use.

No, there's well this was I think it's from a book. I don't know if it's real, but I think girls do prolapse in their buttholes and have issues.

Eventually.

I think they do loosen up their buttholes if you're con instantly ramming it.

Like more Snapple facts for me, and Andrew, did you say yes? Is that your expert opinion?

Well, I mean, I know, at least like men's buttholes, if you keep on like doing a lot up there, you know there will be an effect. You know, it will not look natural anymore.

Now, would you get your booty hole bleached?

I don't think so. I mean, like we're saying it's not healthy.

It deteriorates the skin.

I think it weakens it, and then you don't want tearing down there.

No, that's how you get booty.

In such Yeah, I think that's universal wants.

But I will say that the dude that I was banging last used to compliment my butthole all the time. We never did anal, but he was always like, you, such a beautiful butthole.

One fact, Marie has a tight, tight, beautiful little ass.

It looks like a button. It looks like Corduoyd remember Corduoid, the bear in the boot.

Corduroys eyes.

Oh man, the specifics on that.

Thank you.

I do have a secret. I will reveal I actually have a second butthole.

Unfortunately, excuse me, sorry, I have like a little hole on top of my bubble. It's not it doesn't go into it intestines or anything. It's just like a hole that you can like put a cran or a cigarette a little bit into.

That's what you started, Liza, Liza, Liza, Okay, well, now you gotta show it's just.

Between the family.

I will, I will show you later.

But it's because I have an extra tailbone and my skin didn't have time to close or something.

I don't know.

My dad sat me down once and I thought it was going to be a sex talk, and then he explained to me, and I have an extra tailbone and instead of out like shallow hall, it's in wait.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Your tailbone, from what I remember, is connected to your spinal cord.

It's the end of your spine. You got two bags.

I don't have to too.

Hole I have like it goes sideway, like I just have an extra extra tailbomb in a weird way.

So you'd be putting you'd be putting other stuff in there besides crayons and.

Just a cigarette, but you have to clean it, like you know, what is it like an astray?

Why would somebody be putting a cigarette and your when.

You're a teenager, you know, it's like look at what I have, and then it's like can you put you know, like let's see what's up.

And then it's like.

Funny showing when you were a teenager, you were showing people you had two buttholes.

Yeah, like we'd go to a bathroom or like later in my teens it's yeah, Lisa, are.

You still friends with those people?

No, Lisa was voted most likely to do anal in high school.

But I do wonder the people that I had one night stands with or drunken hookups if later they were like I had this girl with an extra hole, like I forgot. I didn't realize that people probably first.

Of all, any guy saying that out loud, other guys be like, where she at?

Where she at? Where the booty at? Okay?

So okay, so where is this extra booty hole? Is it above the original or is it between the two?

No, that would be a problem, that would be really.

You said you were going to redeem yourself. You showed me a girl you we love you? Best episode yet? Yeah, this is top ten best me.

It's like an inch above or something.

Girl, I love this extra booty hole.

Yeah.

Can that be the title extra booty hole for you?

Absolutely?

Okay, that's real? This back in Yeah. So, so Lee's where are you right now?

How you doing? So?

If you can tell, I have a lot of Judaica art behind me and I'm at my sister's husband's parents' house. I would call them my in laws, but it confuses people.

Sisters husband's parents' house, so not blood related, but you like, I need a place to stay.

Well, they went away to see their grandkids for the winter, like they went to California, because I'm in the Chicago suburbs and they I've known them since I was five. My sister and her husband have been together since sophomore year of high school and they're forty three now. So these people have watched me grow up. And so I'm staying here because when I stayed with my parents there were a lot of fights.

Well I mean that other booty hole was definitely go in the way.

So yeah, so.

It's really nice and all this art I grew up with, so it makes me feel nice.

I will say, Liza, you look like you're in a great place, like you're just really happy.

You got a scrunchy and we love Yeah. Wow, yeah, I got huh.

I've had a sore throat. So actually for a week it's been awful. I got a negative COVID test, a negative strap test, no idea what's up? And then today the doctor told me I've puffy tonsils.

So knowing what's wrong with me has made me happy because I was spiraling.

Right now, how does one get puffy tonsils?

Too much? Oral?

They'll talk about that.

I wish I've been like, I think I've crossed over to being celibate. Honestly, it's really I was like not getting it before the pandemic, and now it's like fuck, it's tough.

No, now it's like fuck me, Yeah that's what it is.

Yeah.

Wow, I want to just say that other booty holes got to be extra tight, right.

Since all Lisa, you get regret bothered over here.

I swear, I'm like, I need to go and get a ticket and come see you d.

Take care of you.

You know, I definitely had an ex who would like pretend to talk with it, you know.

That slame you said, talk to it like they would like, no.

Like talk with it, like pretend it was talking. No, they were like moving.

Yeah, I'd be like, honey, don't play with your food, okay, eat it, don't speak to it okay.

So you originally had given us a couple of different things that you wanted to be an expert own.

Yeah, yeah, so I can't I prepared how to be a virgo expert, you know, like how to be a Virgo, how to deal with a Virgo, But then I also can do how to get away with murder? Because I've been researching a lot of crimes and watching I mean, I've always watched a Loan Order SVUE, but I have a new podcast coming out that's sv related, and so I've been researching all these murders, how people get caught and SVU all the dumb things criminals do, and so

But isn't that what isn't that what basic instinct was about? I never saw she wrote I saw it. Oh, she did write a book. And if she wrote a book, and.

It's basically like oh, Jay Simpson's book, like if I did it?

Kind of No, she wrote the book and then a murder happened like in the book.

Oh, and she was like, I'd have to be kind of stupid to write about it before I did it.

And then she crossed her legs and she didn't have no panties on, and the cops were like, oh, she's innocent.

Yeah, And she waxed for that.

It was crazy. She didn't have no strip or nothing. It was just straight up lips.

I mean, that's not crazy. Brazilian waxes have been a thing for a minute, you know.

Yeah, I can't wait to get laser.

That's a post pandemic goal. I'm gonna laser at all.

Oh so you got you got a force down there? What's going on?

No? But like I don't I waxing fucking hurts. I don't.

I'd rather just hurt a little for a laser and then be done with it for a while.

But don't you have to go to multiple visits for the laser to work.

Yeah?

I used to work at a laser plate well salant whatever, but then I had a couple and then I didn't work there anymore, so.

I couldn't finish this. You got fired, I would quit, that's my thing.

I would stay at a salon for a year and a half and then my attitude would become a problem and I have to move on to another salon.

I love that for you.

Now, would you put the real number to the place that you got fired from on your resumes?

I would always quit. I would always quit.

It would like I would just sense that I wasn't beloved anymore.

And once that happens, you just have to move on.

And that should go for even in relationships. When you feel like it's not hating no more, you gotta dash.

Yeah, once they're like okay, so this client said, and I'm out, Like.

I when I tell people I've been fired from every job I've ever had, I sometimes we'll forget jobs that I was fired from that I was at for like a week. I I don't think I've ever had a job for like more than I don't think I've been at a job for a year.

Ever, every job I've ever had has been like for less than that. Because you know, a client said, or.

You're late all the time, usually your lateness, bitch, No, since it was a combination of lateness and attitude.

Honestly so it was.

Or one time to my manager, I asked her a question, and I go, well, you're the manager, so why don't you know this? And I was like, obviously a problem.

Yeah, I definitely don't want to be here if you're saying things like that.

The one time I got fired, I was supposed to clean the floor of the gym and then the owner slipped and he was like, you have to go.

He's like, what did you use tapes?

Did you not put one of those little yellow questions?

That was like, also, if a ground is that slippery, that means you saw it before you walked on it, right, I don't know.

But he sat me down and he was like, you know this is it's gonna work out.

He was like a personal.

Training gym and Natalie and I don't work out, Like, why would you work at a gym if you don't work out?

No, no, no, that don't say that for the gym, for the check oh.

But I just feel because when you work at a hair salon, you have to that's it. I also got tired of having to like put on makeup and represent the hair careens, the products.

Listen sis.

I've been to many a hair salon, and in my experience, the people who do the best hair are the people whose hair usually looks the worst.

Really you get to this when you go to the weak place.

Yes.

Yeah, if they're doing their hair, they don't have any more energy for you because they already did it for the day.

Yeah.

Right, If they're doing their hair, that means that they don't have enough clients during the week they have time to do their hair. I need you to be I need a wrap. I need the weed to be a little bit crooked. I need you to.

Be a little bit of a hot mess for me to be comfort.

Love a loose, messy ponytail, like kind of like what you got going on, Lisa.

That's how you.

I'm sure you can lay my wig down properly.

I still don't fully understand what edges are, and people keep is explaining it and I just don't understand.

That's problematic, pandemic to Google.

I Google, I read about it, I see the picture of the pictures, and I just am like, I just don't get it.

Yeah, I have the same problem because that just constantly gets brought up on this podcast. And I was on the subway the other day and I feel like I saw someone with really bad they look like it's just it was like, okay, so they have like their hair slipped back. But then they had like it was like very like crumbly hair.

We're gonna have to take that off of You're gonna have to edit that out.

Leave it in there, crumbling meaning look like tackle me.

No it wasn't, No, it wasn't. It wasn't.

I want no parts.

It was like a crinkled like bar code. I want to you know, like a bar code. But just like like.

You're talking about baby hairs. Okay, so okay, okay, that's okay, that's not baby hairs is different than edges. But some people they don't have any edges, so they called them into baby hairs. Yes, me and Marie don't have great examples of either.

So I have a messter.

So you speak for yourself, Beach. Look at this. This is my edges, right, you see that. You see this right here, I'm gonna need a magnifying glass.

I can't you need a manify glass for yourself, Beach anyway, anyway, get back to this murder.

But I would like to say I was amazing at scheduling appointments, and if you were a good client, I would move things around, switch a lot, like I would go out of my way to make sure you got your roots done and stuff. But if you were a Mitch, there's no way I'm going out of my way. She's not available.

Sorry, yeah, she's she's booked till February.

But if you were good, I'd be like, don't worry, I'll get you in. And I would.

I'd be like, hey, can you come in fifteen minutes early? And the best part about being a slong reception. And I don't know why I turned into this, but people know you're in charge of their money, so they're.

So good to you. They're like, oh, let me do your makeup before you go out, you know, and that was great.

I love that. I love you know. Before the pandemic, there was a sephore that I would go to and there was a girl who she was like she was mixed, but every time I came in, she was like, you're the same complexion as my mom, and I just want to do your makeup and she would just like play with my face. And then I would go to like dates and stuff after did she do a good job? Miss that girl? She would always do a good job because she, you know, I was basically her mom.

Okay, so four right now, I've waited out in line and you tell them what they you want and they go get it for you, and then you just come in, grab it and pay.

Oh there is four about me.

I went in there to pick up one item and they're like, we don't carry that brand. And I was like, what, It's on the website and.

She was like, that's where you can get and play with the makeup. What Why the fuck would I go into there? Like the whole purpose is to try on stuff. It's I need samples. I'm not buying anything that I can't try on.

I am about you, guys. You may have fun, you may you have fun with your makeup. I'm consistent. I've been using the same products for years.

That's unfortunate, but I love that for you. Wow, it's something that works.

That's the Twitter game. What sounds like a compliment, but isn't that?

Is that?

And truly Sydney is Queen of sounds like a compliment, but it is not. So I know that firsthand. So we don't really have to dwell on that. I know what you mean. Okay, so when is your birthday?

Oh, we're gonna do the verse? Okay, No, just I mean I just want to.

August thirty first and the and I have another virgo born on my day is Richard gear and he, you know, put a Gerbil.

In his butt. Back to butt talks.

What Richard Gerbil in his Richard Gerbil in his butt?

Wait?

Why did he do that?

That's like a rumor that he liked the way it felt.

You know why he did that?

I mean, well, he did that so it could tickle his roth steak like I do that.

You're the one that one wants to see a second buttthole on zoom.

You can't talk about it not show it.

Okay, those are those are two butt things that I want to see on the zume. I want to see a second buttthole and I want to see a gerbil going to something.

Because I think he's ever denied it publicly. I don't think he's ever denied it.

Well, I think it's wild because it's a rumor. Andrew, had you'd heard this.

From before I had heard this? Yeah, I completely forgot about this repressed.

Yes, Sidney, you might have heard about this and forgot that this is something that I heard about. When I want to say, when I was in like second grade. People have just always this thing has always been kind of like a urban, urban legend.

I missed, I missed the mark. I'm sorry, Oh my god, I saw your.

Allegedly he went to the hospital and they had to pull the dribble. Is that what the story is that?

Looking it up? I think he's looking at it looks.

Like, yeah, I'm looking it up.

Yes, I do have a sweet Richard Gear story.

But so my mom when she left Russia to America, her friends were all like, in America, You're going to be around celebrities and movie stars, like, good.

Luck in America.

And then while when I was in high school, we went to the Oprah Show and it was for the movie Shall We Dance? So it is Richard Gear, Susan Strand and Jalo were the guests, and we were standing in line outside and he drove by in a car and waved to us, and my mom was like, finally after all these years, and it meant like a lot to her to see Richard Gere.

It is an urban legend. This stirple uh fiasco with Richard Gere is what a lot of websites the smoke, there's fire exactly, And I'm gonna choose to believe it happened.

How old is Richard Elizabeth?

Oh gosh, let's.

See, I'm gonna guess sixty four.

Yeah, he's he's on the truth. He is seventy he is seventy one.

Wow. Yeah, that was a Price of Bright moment.

That was Yeah, what was the last Big Bob One? If I ever meet Richard gear I'm going to ask him about the dribbling.

I mean, like, how does a rumor like that even start? You know, like that seems way too specific to not be true.

Well, exactly, I met him before, and he he was he's a.

Better look at second but hole scene.

No, when I saw him, he he looked he looked tired or weathered or something. I don't know what was going on, but he definitely looked better on camera, but I'm sure everybody does. He was very nice though. He has he has beautiful eyes. I like that he has like Drew by Lid's.

Oh that's another their insult.

Thanks Trager, thank you for hearing the shade and receiving it looks like he's missing.

Never mind.

Okay, so baby cakes, So wait, have you always been into like murder or murder mysteries or shows with murder.

Yeah.

When I was in junior high I got my dream was to be a forensic pathologist.

No way.

Yeah, like I would get all the books of the psychologists that would be in with the criminals. And I love James Patterson books at the time and detectives. And then I was like, I don't want to be in a jail all day. That's like a sad life. Like I'm too happy for that.

What is a forensic pathologist?

So my favorite one is doctor Michael batt Well, he's more signed. I would be a forensic psychologist, that was the dream. But pathologist what my doctor Michael Baden of HBO's Autopsy always says, it's like the way the dead communicate with the living, and it's like.

You need to watch all the time.

He's amazing. He's still alive. He's in New York.

He's in his eighties, Okay, yeah, and he it's basically like evidence, bones, hair details, fibers, the science of catching killers.

I mean, I love the science.

Of but I also feel like, like when I was little, my mom used to always say, people like psychiatrists and psychologists people who work with crazy people become crazy themselves.

So in my mind. By that logic, people who work with murderers or explore murder also become murderers too, So that was kind of like what my thought process was about that. But I've always been fascinated by like serial killers, Like that is the type of murder that's always been like interesting to me.

Well, yeah, do you guys you know the movie conn Air Steve Buscemi. In the movie, he says, you know, crimes of necessity aren't as fun, like the greats are always the greats and quotes are always like crimes of passion.

Serial killers it's like their hobby. They love it.

I mean, I need to pick up some new hobby. But I was always fascinated by female serial killers.

And they call them black widow.

There's not a lot, but I think women are better at getting away with it, to be honest. I think they use more like plants and herbs and make poisons. Even the women that eventually got caught by poisoning their husbands. Like they changed the way car fluids made. They were killing everyone with the freeze. What is anti anti freeze?

And it's like it's such a slow death. It's like they're slowly they gotta wait around for like you know, one to six months for someone to die.

Yeah, the women don't get caught.

Really, I think the women don't get caught.

I think until their like third husband dies and then somebody's like, wait a minute.

He just disappeared, or or Carol Baskin or.

Well, that's another tip I'd like to say, if you want to if nobody no case, they need to find the body to charge you. And so if they can't tell you the day and time you did it, or if there's nobody, they can't prove anything in court allegedly.

Allegedly that's what they say. And don't take our word for it because we don't know.

Don't kill anybody.

Yeah, it's this podcast.

Well I learned that from I learned that from the case one of the Casey Anthony documentaries, because that's how she got away with it, because everyone knew she killed that baby.

Wait, they never found her daughter.

They found like pieces, but because of the Florida weather, she disintegrated. So it was just like a skull, like there wasn't a full body, and they could never prove the day and time.

They just couldn't hold on. Casey Anthony is the one that did well?

Was it Hillary Duff?

Yes, yes, yes, that's right. In the SVU Hillary Duff player in.

SVU, she was I just wanted to go to Coachella, and it was like it was like meat deli meat spilled in the trunk or something.

And she was like, that's not my baby.

She said, ain't nobody baby gonna stop me from pussy popping on a handstand.

I'm out of here.

Yeah, she was partying.

I mean, that's what all the new Nancy Grace and all of them, that's what they got stuck on, like chir baby's dead and she's dancing.

Well, you gotta you gotta dance the the the right away.

I'm so sad.

And she also what she did well.

And if you have to be a murderer, you have to be a great actor and liar. You have to be able to lie to the cops. You have to act like you're sad. You really have to lay it on thick.

And I will say that white women are really great at that, yes, hands down historically.

Except for the white women that have committed murders that we look at like, who was the one that they said killed her roommate in Italy and she was doing like cartwheels in the streets, Amanda.

They were like, okay, so so give us, give us three tips on how to get away with murder.

Oh gosh, Well, you don't want to have a clear motive and you need an alibi. You definitely need an alibi.

But like what's a good alibi?

Because saying you're having a friend that can say you were here at all, that's not enough.

You want to study group, you want credit card receipts. You want to be at a club, like, you want to be somewhere a bingo tournament. That's great, it lasts for hours, you know, lots of people.

You want a movie ticket.

Yeah, And like they're also if you're gonna make sure there's no cameras everywhere, Like that's what people get caught because like there's a camera at the bank, there's CCTV everywhere, Like you have to make sure that there's no cameras catching you. But also, I don't know how much people actually investigate crime.

That's another thing, because they are lazy as hell.

They know how long it takes to actually get to the bottom of something.

Yeah, because a lot of the cases that I've been researching it's really horrific. It's like the women escape, they go to the cops, and the cops like you're kind of a slug and you're like drugs, We don't believe you, and so all like people keep killing because these cops just don't believe women.

Yeah. Well that's the thing about the stuff that we watch because you know your Door and Olivia Benson, Elliott Stabler, Captain Craigan, you know Toutula.

We love the fantasy.

But right, but in all of the things that we watch about cops, they saw the case every hour or some episodes are to be continued, and you're like, oh it wasn't. Oh I love a good to be continued. Yeah, but if you if you watch, can you hear me?

Yeah? But now your parents, when you watch.

First forty eight, a lot of the things are not getting sawd they show you, especially Florida, Oh Florida, that's little little Haiti, Little Haley, Little Haiti in Miami. Would none of the cases would get solved because they would burn the car, burn the body. They would do everything in broad daylight, and nobody would want to come and say that they say this to anything.

Well, that's the difference and I think you have a joke about this, Lisa that used to do.

But like most of the cops that are actually cops in real life, they're not solving cases.

They don't these detected what No, they're they're eating donuts and planting guns.

They're not like doing the actual to solve this.

And if you watch forensic files, like usually the crimes that get solved are the tiniest towns ever they have all this time, Like I would hate to need I would hate to need an ambulance in New York City. Like when you see cars not moving in the one way streets, it's really New York's busy.

It sucks.

Listen, if I ever hurt myself, don't call an ambulance, call me an uber. Thank you.

I will get there for twenty seven dollars instead of thirty seven thousand, does but I will.

Sorry, No, I'm just saying I don't ever want to be But.

Also with us, I do like that they make they have bad cops on it too, and then like Benson will fight them, like they're always like, oh, I'll get this. The panty police over here, like there's always kind of dick.

Holes, which is nice that are like not believing it.

But it's really crazy how many horrible judges there are that, let like, don't enforce restraining orders, and it's it's a system.

Built by a fucking disgusting man.

The whole thing is corrupt.

But the thing about New York is that you would think that it's so big and it's so high in tech, but a lot of the video doesn't work. The security guard was sleeping, the neighbors were like, I didn't hear anything.

So it's just it's just really hard to get down to the bottom of anything.

It's like, so this man was brutally beating this woman to death and you're saying nobody heard anything. Meanwhile, I'm having lesbian sex in LA and we're getting.

Notes that we're too lat Yeah, but that's nice.

Well that's because she was killing that poo, Okay.

But my thing is like, when you watch those shows and the detectives are questioning neighbors and stuff, they're like, well, what time did you hear that?

And they're like seventy.

I don't know what time it is, right, I don't know what today I'm looking I'm looking at my laptop and don't know what time like a bar time will be like, oh yeah, she ordered a white wine and had four of us, Like yeah, it's like girl, but I actually am someone.

I am guilty of getting myself into business and trying to call the authorities when I see something wrong and they always fail me.

Lisa, why are you being a Karen? What happened?

I saw a man like there was like a limp woman and she was being stuffed into a car in a way that a trunk or a bank a backseat. But it didn't seem like boyfriend my girlfriend's drunk energy. It seemed fucked up. And there was two guys and I was like, hey, what's going on? And he was And if it was a boyfriend, you the boyfriend would have been like, oh god, Stephanie's a fucking latch this again,

So I called.

This was in Grand Rapids and I called the police. I did the license, I give everything. I waited they wouldn't come. I tried chasing the car nothing. I couldn't keep up.

You tried chasing the car, so you got in a cab and you're like, though the car no, I was running.

Cat was like the cat was like I need an adamss man.

I was also with I was with Shang Wang and he was like, I guess I have to watch her do this shit.

Yeah, but it was fucked up and they never came.

And then one time I was driving and I saw a man beating up two women and when I started slowing down, he turned and screamed at me. So I got nervous, so I drove a little and called book.

Okay, what was the ethnicity of this man?

White or Greek? Maybe Latino?

Oh? White?

White?

Yes? The first one word, wait, white or Greek like the same thing. My big bet Greek wedding is thank you for white or Greek or Latino?

Yeah, Lisa, we know if we were going to ask you as a witness, that wouldn't have goat, that wouldn't have went through.

Okay, So you need to have a good alibi, you know.

I think, yeah, you want to make sure people.

But this is what always happens on those shows is there's like always a break in twenty minutes where no one saw them and it's enough time. So I don't really know how to solve that kind of dilemma, but you want to make sure there's cameras of you enjoying things and you know.

And don't be caught in the supermarket buying a shovel and a bag.

I was gonna say, leave town to do those things like a lot of time.

Oh and pay cash, pay cash.

Or they'll go to a pawn shop a block from their house to pawn a necklace. You know, like you have to leave town. You can't be like leaving evidence all over town.

Or they'll hold on to stuff, like they'll take something from the scene and it'll be in their house on their books.

Doctor Michael Baden always says that they always leave something or take something. Yeah, there's it's very rare that they don't because it's it's little things. I mean, those are the best crimes that are solved forensic files. When it's like one fiber of a pant on the body is how they catch the person, or like.

Or the person had a cat and the cat there was in the rug that they rolled the person up in.

Did you watch the one where he got a footprint and a Hamburger bun. No, he was running away, his foot stepped in a Hamburger bun and they had a footprint in the Hamburger bun. And that's how the guy got caught.

Okay, well here's murder, because Marie is just doing so much murder.

I'm so excited that you were.

Oh I love it. But here's my top.

Don't wear your exclusive stuff to kill somebody because people will be like, like the Hamburger footprint guy.

It will be like, well, these only one hundred pairs of these shoes were made.

There was an.

Episode and he was barefoot.

They got he was in it. Yeah, and I guess feetprints are like handprints. They're unique to the body.

Yeah, I know nobody has so Yeah that makes sense.

What was the thing with the finger and the Wendy's chili? What happened there? Do you remember this?

Nuts?

Is that someone if someone went to Wendy's ordered to chili and then they found a finger obviously cut off, not attached to a person, and they're chili, thought that you all would know more if.

It was good and the finger was in it would be like what kind of person.

They put the hand hand.

Yeah, but it's so funny in this story.

I've also never had fast food chili, So no any more tips, Lisa.

Don't have like secret beliefs on the internet, you know, like, don't like kill a bunch of people. Let's say a bunch of Asian people and then have an anti Asian website or something like that, Like you're.

All doing that.

Yeah, wow, Yeah, they'll like suddenly they're killing prostitutes and they're like Bible thumping, prostitute hater, sex worker. I'm sorry Jesus, but you.

Can't say prostitute anymore. Saying the word prostitute is that problematic? It is, I think, so wait why.

I think it's sex worker? Okay, I don't know.

Interesting, maybe not, I don't know. I mean, okay.

I also want to say, don't tell anybody work alone, because you don't want anyone flipping on you. And I remember one time this guy I forgot his murder, but he ended up telling his future wife and then they got divorced, and she went right to the station and told on him she was she.

Couldn't wait to get divorced because when you're married, then there's a clause like you can't.

What is it? You can?

You just don't have to they can.

It's uh, I don't know what it's called, but it's like it's like doctor client privilege, but like mad Right, Okay, here's another murder chist. Don't use your cell phone where you go dump the body, because when we use our phones, the towers that are closest to our phones will tell people exactly where we're at.

You got to get a burner phone. Yeah, And it's like I thought that was something that like people more people would know when people like send text messages and they're like on my way.

King in Vegas, or though even take a picture of the body, it's like, why is that on your phone?

Sir? I don't know. People are crazy.

And then.

Oh, if it's someone you love, don't impede the investigation. You have to be as helpful as possible. Oh yeah, I don't ever be like why are you looking at my house? Because then maloney can be like, well, if your son is missing, usually with you would help us.

Why are you being so defensive?

Yeah?

I watched it.

I fell into this real like hole on YouTube and it was like man kills wife and kids and this is how you can tell in thirty minutes in the interaction with.

The police that he was guilty. What was it? Okay, he what did he do?

So the best friend was like, I haven't heard from her in several hours and she was supposed to like call me. And I was like, okay, well, that happens to me and my friend all the time. I always tell Marie, h call me when you get home. The bitch never does, you know, and.

I and then I could be dead sleepy.

But this woman is like freaking out. She's knocking on the door. She's like, you know, her car is still in the driveway. So she's like, what what's up with my friend? So she calls the cops. The cops come, they're banging.

On the door. She she's like she wasn't feeling well.

I think she's diabetic too, so you know, she's really alarming the people. And then the next door neighbor has a camera, so they're like, let's check the camera to see if she left or she came in or whatever. And then they call the husband and the husband's like, okay, I'm on my way, and so he keeps saying that he's five minutes away, but this man doesn't show up until like forty five minutes to an hour, right, and

He's looking for blood splatter.

He's like, right, right, right. So the cops come in and the best friend is more helpful than the husband. They're like, do you think she could be here? He's like, nah, I don't really think. So it's like, sir, where is your wife and two kids? Are you not concerned?

Do you not care? And then the cop is like, so were you guys having problems?

And once they ask you that whoop, they think you're guilty as fuck?

Wait is this this? This is the documentary that's on Netflix? No, no, no.

This is just like on YouTube. It's like people who show signs that they're guilty.

It's all that's the worst.

When you watch these friends, it's like, why don't you just let get a divorce? It's so fucked up, Like are they that angry narcissist where they always wanting to kill? Like I just don't understand why you can't just separate. What are you doing right?

Okay, we're looking at you, Scott Peterson.

Is he still alive? Well, he's trying. No, he's trying to appeal. He does. He won't admit it, he just won't.

Yes, yes, yes. But there is a series about a guy who and it's like a you know, like a documentary docuseries about this guy who like had like a side chick or like a new girlfriend, and he was like, I gotta get my wife out of the picture. And it's like you could just leave, Yeah, pack pack your Nike bag and go.

I mean, that's what's scary. It's like, what you fall in love with this person and then they fucking kill It's just like it's so scary to me.

But also it's a it's a life policy for me that that really like throws me off.

It's like, oh the life the life insurance.

It's like, oh they took out Oh now, it's like at a it's like at two million dollars all of a sudden, it's like.

Oh, yeah, this sir did it. He did it. Yeah, So how does life insurance work?

I'm paying in, but I'm not I don't have to put a million dollars in, but I'm worth a million dollars.

Yeah if I die.

Yeah, it's usually I think for like, uh, to make sure your family is taken care of. So if you're like a breadwinner of the family or a doctor, you make all this money and then God forbid something happens to you, because of life insurance, your family will be set up.

Okay, But now I heard a couple of years ago or whatever it was, that j Lo insured her butt.

Yeah, I don't know.

So now what happens she falls off her button, she gets like a scratch on it, she gets a million dollars? Like what does that?

I don't know.

People celebs like to like do that with their legs and body parts, and I have no idea how that works.

Interesting, Andrew, any insight on how.

I think that Taylor Swift ensured her legs? I remember exactly why.

Yeah, really no definition in the calves at all, and she's insurance. The legs are giving me asparagus.

Okay, Taylor is in the news today.

What did she do?

You know how Scooter Braun bought the record label that had the rights to all of her music so last year or like within this year, who fucking knows time anymore. Scooter Braun is like Justin Bieber's manager in Ariana Grande's and he's a money thirsty lunatic, I think. And so he bought like this ate the record label that owned all of Taylor Swift's music didn't even give Taylor Swift the option to buy her music and sold it to Scooter Braun. And he owns everything. She can't do anything

And so she has to re record all her.

Music like she owns none of it anymore, okay, which is bullshit.

What record label was she with that they didn't even give her the option to buy her right?

It was called Big Machine something like she signed it when she was so young that and then she went to Universal and they fucking sam her.

I think it's so long.

The more I read about the industry, the sicker it feels to me.

How do you write your songs.

Or you know, write in quotes like sing on, perform, mom, play on the piano, and then you don't own it?

Speaking of Justin Bieber, Yeah, did you hear his about what happened to his pastor the Hillsong the so he was all over the news, like because he got fired from Hillsong like a week.

Whoa, how do you get the church man?

How do you get fired from a cool church? Because he would you.

Know, leather vests, tattoos, do rags in the pocket like cool church. The pastor apparently he cheated on his wife with some girl in like Williamsburg. Just some girl in Williams.

Did she go to the church. At least they're in Domino Park hanging out anyway, So the church fired him. My wife, kids, head pastor of this church got fired for cheating on his way.

Meanwhile, if you go to any other church, I mean the pastor is having sex with everybody, even in the choir, and he still has.

His I don't know, yeah, I don't know if you call that sex per se, that seems a little bit.

Well no, Joselle Bryant's husband, I don't know, you guys watch yeah.

Wait, Joselle Jaelle's husband.

Husband, Jamal Bryant, he is, I guess a big time pastor and he Jaselle's dad on a hot mic was over her going he has six or seven baby mamas, like what is she.

Doing with him? And it was caught.

He's the civil rights leader, so it was all like a sad ending to his story on this.

I think I saw the episode. He like got out to go to the bathroom and he was like, I'm done with this. He's six seven, five baby mamas. I gotta get out of here.

But also I don't want to be with.

A dude who has six or seven women who he's in pregnant, but even.

Can with the guy who is two separate. I don't want any I don't I don't know kids too is a breaker.

Yeah, it is a de bigger for me too, sus I don't want to see your uglyest kids in my face when I come over.

That's too much.

That's too much baggage that talks like no, thank you, I can.

And you know they're going to be mean to you for a long time.

And you know they're gonna have a cell phone and they're gonna be ignoring you, and then when you ask them a question, they're gonna.

Be like, you're not my real mind.

And you could be like, well, I don't want to be your ugly you know, they're going to be blocking you on Instagram and Twitter.

Did Bieber make any statements?

No, but you know my I know somebody who goes to that church and I was with him yesterday and he's the one who told me that it was infidelity.

So it's like Patricia O'Neill's joke, like women will be like, oh, maybe if it's George Clooney, I would cheat on my husband. And then men will see a woman buy a dumpster with a banana peel on her head, and they'll be like, I like the way that banana peel looks just he does.

It the way you said that, Marie, You're like just some girl and Williamsburg.

Risking it all for some girl.

But can you imagine being that that famous? Because like he like people don't really know him, but enough people know him as justin Bieber's pastor or I don't know Lebron James is whoever, because he's like a celebrity pastor, but you're too visible anyway. He the way that he got caught is you know, he's old and he doesn't really know how technology works. And his wife, I guess, opened his laptop and the eye message was synced up and he was just talking to her via text.

I've heard of that before.

I caught.

That's how I caught my ex cheating on me with some girl, with some girl who was in New Jersey. I was like, at least have the balls to get somebody in your own burrow. Sir, you're telling me you crossing a bridge to cheat on me.

Pretty hot?

Yeah, he was a tractor. That's that's what the Williamsburg girl said. It's pretty hot.

He's got no the imassage thing that should be another one, like I know someone that on the computer. That's how they got caught, just like live watching the communications.

That's insane.

Yeah, I mean the iCloud. The iCloud don't lie. It'd be working over time, so right, and you can.

Turn it off.

You can fully unsync it so the messages on your phone are just on your phone, and the ones on.

Your laptop are just on your laptop. But people, I had to figure it out.

Oh.

I did also find what I wrote one more note about getting away with murder. Make sure the gun is not registered in your name, or like, make sure you haven't killed someone before and they have the bullets already, because then they can connect.

You to everything.

Don't use a gun that your mom has in a security deposit box, you know.

I mean that might be the gun to use. My mom also doesn't have a security deposit box, So there's also that.

Whatever you do, just purchase it with cash, you know, which is easy. Or get or get or get some loser who not loser.

That's not nice, but just get someone who's.

Like that's what they are. If they're murdering for you, they're a loser.

We don't have to be nice to them.

Also, I going to hire somebody. I'm an impath, so I feel for the.

You feel for losers, for these losers who are just killing for other people.

Here's what I'm gonna say. If you're going to hire somebody to murder somebody for you, don't just.

Hire somebody that you don't know, Like your boy referred you to this person in a quiz Nos parking lot.

That's how Tiger King got caught.

He was like, oh, yeah, I want to murder Carol Baskin And it was like, you don't know this man in this subway driveway.

And you're mad.

Said he didn't want any money, He just wanted two bags of meth. Yeah, that's you definitely don't want this person murdering for you.

He's so mad.

How mad do you think he was when he found out Carol was on Dancing with the Stars, Like she gets to be famous now it is?

I bet, well, she has all her teeth, you know, like she looks presentable.

Yeah, she's off her rocker, but she you know, she's she's prepped for TV's.

I heard she just I heard she just came out as bisexual.

She probably has bangs too, Carol, so she is Yeah, she probably has bangs now bisexual with Banks?

Is she still Is she still on Dancing with the Stars or has she.

Been voted off?

I thought I was gonna watch this season when they announced the cast, I'm like, this is the year I get into it, and I didn't.

Watch it all entire Banks posting and so sad.

I mean, it's like these people, not all of them, but some of these people was like, Wow, you had a promising career, what brought you to Dancing with the Stars.

Well, that's that's what these shows are, even like a housewife.

Show or any of these like reality TV shows, it's mainly for people who's.

They you have to have time to wash. So right, people who are like truly like a list and booked and busy and doing things, then all have time to door reality TV.

Well, there's no there's two different types of housewives. There's the ones like declining fame and they want to do it, but the other like the first crap, they were successful women on their own.

Who then joined like they were.

You know, Ramona, she's fucking annoying and terrible, but she was a successful businesswoman.

I mean she still is. She's still in that Ramona wine and whatnot. And that's skin her skincare line, a skincare line.

She's bad.

But someone is posting one of the Bravo counts I follow is posting excerpts from her book and her childhood was really sad.

What was that about?

Well, the dad beat the shit out of all of them.

But the mom when she was fourteen, confessed like I had dreams, I got into college, I was going to live and then I got pregnant with you, and.

Don't do that.

Don't do what I did, like get a job, don't depend on a man.

And so of course she feels the guilt, like this man beat the ship out of all of them, and her and the mom pretty much is like the only reason I married him was because I was pregnant with you.

Okay you if that is not a plan, be at right there with.

Yeah, because she's a terrible person.

She is, and but it's like, at what at some point it's like, how old are you, Ramona sixty two? I mean you have time to you had time to fix up your personality better.

I need to confess that I've I've never watched New York House One.

Oh, it's a g I love. I think it's one of it.

I think it's my number one favorite necessary really.

Yes, I do think I'm better than y'all because there are black women in New York and not a single black House One.

I know.

That's why I've never watched the show.

But as tally as fuck, if you want to see black women thriving, you go on Atlanta.

I don't want to see black women throw Atlanta is not thriving. Chateau Charae took seventeen years to love.

She by Charae. She's she was relatable. Okay, She's like spring, summerfall, spring. It'll be available in the spring, the summer spring.

I love her, and it.

Was like I was like, yes, this that's how I feel when I'm doing myself taped. So like, when will you be sending this in you know, spring, summerfall, It's coming.

Probably like early January.

It's like, what, No, I like Eva. I don't think that's a popular opinion, but I liked her.

She could go.

She was like she was pregnant dancing on the exercise ball while eat Like I.

Just like that.

I like Eva. I liked her on Top Model.

Oh, I'll tell My favorite Eva moment on Top Model was remember there was a blind girl?

Did we talk?

I feel like we've talked about this. There was a girl that was blind and she was like this sucks somewhere in these heels, imlind, I'm blind in the dark. I can't see. And then Eva's confessional moment was like okay, and my shoes are too small. We all have problems. Suck it up, and I'm like, she's blind.

Especially on the show, she know what she signed up for. Wait a minute, they was there was a blind girl on the Eva yea, she.

Had the ice eyes.

No, no, no, she had a disease where she was going to get more and more blind and then eventually be full blind. We should see if she's blind now. But she was blind in the dark, and she said she was the glitter from the heather At show to guide her because there was glitter on the ground.

I mean, siss, if you don't have good eyes, I don't know if walking her runway, you don't need to be you know what I mean.

Not just she had sing like she was like doing it for her single mom. But there there's going to be a black housewife on the New York cast this year. But I think I think they're all going to say something fucked up to her.

I'm nervous for her.

Yeah, well, Ramona, all of them, they're all problematic, and we saw I mean one of them.

A few of them voted for Trump. I'm sure, Oh yes, admittedly, yeah.

Son, Well didn't they They just started a new Real Housewives of.

City all.

And they were talking.

So good, so good.

I watch it's the kookiest I will say it's Wendy.

Wendy was talking about there's a woman on it that like she's like, everyone thinks that I'm black. Everyone thinks that I'm black, but I'm not.

That is that she's No, she's tagged along at Hawaiian. But her point was because everyone's so ignorant there. She's like, they just call me black.

But it's like the way she says it, it's like, well, sis, are you proud of their ignorance?

Like what are you promoting it? I don't know, But is there a black girl on the Yes, there's yeah Mary.

And she's married to her step grandfather.

I heard about her. She's married to her step grandfather.

Now, imagine having your grandma married to a man and then she's dying and she says.

Why not go I want you to marry one of my girls, and then you do. I'm gonna make sure she's my word.

No, I don't want. I don't want my grandma's sloppy seconds.

That's dusty. It's fucked up.

And she like she's like, well, we've been together twenty two years, and it's like it's.

Still fucked up. He knew you when you were a kid. I don't know.

I'm it's they've been together for twenty two years. How long was he with her grandma?

I don't know.

Maybe there's like a murder in that, like maybe he killed her to be with.

Yeah, because she's the leader of the Episcopalian church.

Now I think we should look into this.

This death, pastor Mary, you that's nasty.

How much money would someone have to pay you for you to sleep with your step granda.

I've never had grandparents. They were all too old and died, So I'm off the hook.

So let's say let's say a seventy year old that was married to like maybe an uncle, an oldest uncle.

Step Now, Russians are not or I don't want to be with anyone Russian.

Oh, but maybe you're aunt. I'm sorry, I didn't forgot where I was talking to you.

Sidney looks over it.

No, not Sidney. How much money was gonna have tore ppare you for you to sleep with your step aunt? Your step on is not really, it's not related to you. It's not related to But she's a cool seventy she's seventy years old.

I mean, what she wants me to put the strap on on? Like, what exactly does she want from me? What exactly does her heart desire? If she want me to just hang out and like play some bad.

You have to eat her pussy.

You have to eat seventy year old sell by that's not happening.

When I tell you I do it now and I do enjoy it, I still am like, ooh, I don't really feel like doing this right now. So I couldn't have been feeling like doing that to a seventy year old no offense.

Yes, but when you went on the flip side, when you meet somebody that enjoys doing it to you, yoah god bless.

I'm like, is is this your career? Your career is eating pussy beautiful?

You should get promoted. You're You're like, why are you so good?

Yeah? Because I would never eat a boy.

But oh no, a boy.

But well, wow, Mura, that was like, no, I mean I'm going to say that I would never, but I have Wow, we love.

This twenty twenty Marie. It just it just took a pandemic to really open her up. Yeah yeah, for me to open my mouth. M Yeah, I mean I would not eat a boy, but you know, on a first date, yeah, second date, or even a ninth date. But I'm saying, like, you know, maybe if you're in a relationship with somebody and you know they just hopped out the.

Shower, it's different. It's definite, but dudes in general, especially, they don't want to clean their houses, let alone their booty home. So it's also I'm gonna say.

I'm going to say that from personal experience, women know how to clean their ass and don't trust.

Men mcgay man, you can trust gaymen.

That's what That's why I said, I said straight, Yeah, you're right, you guys are I feel like baby wiping, But dang.

No, I've heard from some of my gay men that like some of them the sloppy and messy, and they don't have a clean and they'll eat, they'll eat reckless and then.

Try to have sex after.

Have you ever ever gotten like a poop particle on your tongue? Who Andrew for me?

I guess, I mean, we won't eat nats on here, but we're talking to you, sir.

No, I'm almost like ninety five percent. Uh, usually like the one receiving it, and so I haven't gotten any.

Okay, So he's a pillow prince love it. Yes, thank you, Andrew does a double cleanse Okay.

But I will tell you when when you do do it to someone else, there's something completely like disarming about like doing that to someone you know, like it's like it's like a real like big muscular guy that is like, yeah, I want you to like eat me out. That is so it's like, wow, I'm fully in charge now.

So and it's like, well, I need you to co sign something. That's the time you ask.

Yeah, Andrew, do you have any tips for how to properly eat booty? No?

Because I'm only doing five percent of the time.

I can know. I'm saying, like, you know, tips for like.

Maybe oh for like like oh I do like a face sitting situation. And you know, I when when the tongue is in there, it makes a world of difference. And there's a lot of people that just completely like circle and they're not actually.

Stop being a punk.

Yeah, and I think a lot of I think a lot of guys are afraid to go up up there for obvious reasons. But you know the guys that are are willing to be courageous. It really good.

And we're now trying to do no rim and ship. I want you to Yeah.

The homeless guy. The homeless guy did go and I will tell you.

That he hadn't eaten in several hours. He was famished.

God, that was spank material for months. I will tell you that was.

Very very good advertizer and entreat you right on the literally on this.

At three am. And then he just looked at me and then we just went to the races.

Free Corona, Corona, so Sydney. And I like to call this guy a homeless man. That he.

I mean, he had a backpack on. He just got off the he just got off the bottom. We had sex right behind him on the count homeless.

Yeah, nothing wrong.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Well, you said the homeless guy knew how to eat your ass, and I said he had he missed mad meals.

Yeah, you know this.

It's not allowed to eat at the port authorities.

You don't want to have any saying she doesn't do jokes about homeless people.

I get it.

What no, Yeah, I don't know.

Is there something that you prepared that you wanted to leave us. Yeah, because I know that you wanted to talk about like Virgo things.

Well I can connect.

There's a famous Virgo who was on Law and Order SVU, which is ludicrous, which is exciting, but that's it.

Oh, you know, I'm a libra virgo.

Cuss, that's fun.

What what's so fun about a Libra virgo whatever.

I have no idea. Okay, I liked it.

What did you prepare for virgos only?

Virgo I only? But I'll show you how many not I have.

I can you give us like three quick r We're.

Very very good friends.

We're loyal, and we like to serve and do things for others, and we we like that.

We like to do things be useful.

So yeah, that's that's not.

We are very judgmental. I believe that.

Yeah, we're very we can find something wrong with anything, and ourselves very critical and focus on details of people.

And we're honest. And that's the thing, like if you ask.

I remember I got in trouble once because someone was like, are my nails not perfect? And I was like right before their way and I was like, yeah, I guess you wanted them more pink. And then all the other girls got mad at me. They're like, what the fuck? Her nails look great? I'm like, they do look great, but they are not what she wanted and she asked me. But yeah, so like honest, for sure, loyal.

Let's see.

The one thing I don't. We're clean, but I'm not clean. I'm really messy and I'm not organized at all.

Oh god, yeah, but I think the thing about the signs that people forget is like, not everybody is going to be exactly the same thing.

Yeah, the closest you gotta have You got to have your birth chart. You gotta have what time you were born for it to be like specifically for you.

We're also on Earth's sign, so we don't like to get rid of anything, like we like memories, keeping stuff orders, yeah, or like oh maybe this, I can give this to someone or who wants that. Like, we don't like to waste stuff because we're for the Earth, and then we have much worry and anxiety, m overthinking, overthinking too much.

I hate wasting food. I hate wasting food, but I hate wasting things like I'm not. I got rid of a bunch of clothes recently, and I still have more stuff to get rid of. But I don't.

Are y'all throwing clothes in the garbage. No, nobody does that, right. You will give them to somebody, or you like bring them to your mom's house, and you're like.

Son, well, that's why New York is great, because if you leave stuff outside, people usually take it. I loved getting rid of stuff in New York.

Yeah.

One time I got rid of a suitcase and some guy was taking myself out and he's like, I work at a shelter, and I'm like great, And then I just kept bringing.

Him things out and that was nice. That's I mean.

I like New York so well, you know, Lisa, if you ever want to get rid of that second butthole on over to New York.

Oh, and we like we like crafts, we're artistic, and we like language and talking and stuff.

But you know, I like to make collages, which is nice.

Okay, are you gonna do twenty twenty one Vision four? No?

No goal?

No, we shall never no more.

No, no more lists, no more goals, not for the next year. We can't do it.

I'm only making Simpsons collages right now. That's what I'm finus.

Oh.

I love your thinking.

It's really like a passion and I'm glad people like them. But so I like making those.

If you want to send me a collage for U Kwanza, that'd be amazing.

Wait, did you guys see Robin Shawl's viral video of her goal she read her goals from twenty nineteen.

Yeah, one video.

I was worried I was like, should I message her and say, hey girl, how you doing well?

No, she went viral. She's thrilled.

Yeah, but that only that only makes you feel good for like a day or two.

Nah, you go viral, you feel good as long as the comments keep wroing.

Yeah, and she makes twenty videos. I think hopefully people will stick with her and I won't just be one success. But she's she was cute. She said that she used to make the videos with her grand It's interesting that the one about her grandma got her viral and a goal that she didn't read, but she did show the list was get ten thousand followers, and so from this video air it was exciting.

I'm looking.

I'm looking for her page.

Yeah, I guess, I guess I got to make a list.

Now, even where I'm going to live. Like I don't have a home anymore. It's like there's no point of making goals.

Oh, because you left your place in them.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm just hopping around stuff.

That's the best way to live.

No, I have.

Beautiful art, I want a home. I can't wait to have a permanent residence. And I've had bad luck, like I had my carbon monoxide apartment, Like I just had kind of a string of like, I can't wait for stability. I can't wait to put all my coffee table books out.

So we can have that Halloween party again.

I think about it a lot. I think about it a lot. It was a great party.

That's probably the best Halloween party that I've hardest, hardest.

I laughed such a long time.

And the DJ, I feel like he fucking got it, like he understood. I was like, play me a few cheesy songs that I would like, but then keep everyone happy.

And I think he did a great job, DJ Serene.

I love a good DJ that knows what they're doing. Yeah.

And then when Clark was like, give it up for the DJ, I'm like, that's nice. That's a cool moment. I wouldn't have thought to do that.

Oh well, you know what I did think, thank you Liza for coming back. And I'm like, out doing yourself. I mean, this is the longest episode we've ever done.

Really, Yeah, no, it's nice. That's our sugar Daddy expert, Like a week ago was longer than this.

Who was it? Sugar Daddy?

I think, oh, sis, you have to listen to the episode. Well, she was at Bougie.

Expert and.

She had a contract on a napkin with a man.

Yeah, and he gave her.

A couple thousand dollars a month, not a couple thousand, Wasn't it?

Like, there's definitely a kink where it's they don't even want sex, they just want to give you money to spend it.

Where are they?

I bet you can find them.

You know there's a kink They not on Tinder soon, No, but you got I feel like you guys can do it.

We'll put that down on the list for us.

Put that down.

Because I watched the porn set of like kink dot com does a how to section and like how to do a bunch of stuff for lessons kink University they call it. And one of them is financial domination and it's pretty wild.

I mean, has goals and everything people are and the people who are who are into financial domination, those people are not the people that you want eating your booty. No, you don't have to touch, you don't want to have sexist. He just wants to give you money.

Well, I feel like the only people that I'm meeting are people who are like, oh, I so want to sex with you.

And I have no money. Well it's your fat Marie. Why do you have abs? And why you look so good? What they got to do with what.

They got to do?

What you're giving me money?

If anything, you should only be sending me money, and then you should be like, may I, may I dine with you this evening?

May I? But no, anyway? Whatever? Is there anything that we missed on this fabulous epsod?

No, but I loved the knitting factory photos. I love chatting with you guys all the lights and can't wait to be there soon.

I know I would love to give you a hug. I definitely missed you. And you know things will go back to It won't go back to normal, but.

You know.

We'll be in a better place next year. That's all I know. That's on the list. Be in a better place.

That's a great goal.

Yeah, and I'm glad that you have all this information that you know we're not going to murder and nobody else on this I would never.

I don't think, I I that's not in me.

I know that I'm too lazy to bout her crime crimes of passion are you know it's different.

I get caught, I got caught cheating on my eighth grade constitution test. I've been arrested three times, gone to jail. I mean I am not I'm not a sleuth.

Oh yeah, you're gonna get caught.

I would get caught in a second. I get caught doing everything. I smoked weed one time my parents found my bowl, and to be a bad I was like, I've been smoking a long time, but it was the first time and they caught me.

I'm not secret of You've been arrested three times and it's the first time we're hearing about it.

No, I have that this is not happening. All about it.

Oh okay, so that I will find that on go to that length.

Yes, that's right, Lie's I want you to promote all this stuff you have going up so all the people can follow you.

Please follow Lisa.

She's very, very fun and her stories are very personal. You might even catch a tit because she loves a low cut something.

Yeah.

I don't like clothing in the home I put on. Uh, yeah, I don't like it. Why would you were closing the house?

I hate closing the house. I don't I think it's I want that way.

But I did see a meme that was like, if you're not wearing pants this and that, you can't turn up the heat.

No, I don't want to wear clothes. I need to turn up.

The heat well in the winter time.

Yeah, so I'm just couch starting just upping everyone's heat.

If you want to see Simpson's collages, I'm at Glitter Cheese and then if you like at Lona Restview. I have a podcast with Clara Kara Klink, another Virgo, very organized Virgo. So many spreadsheets, so many like I have so many Google calendar invites from her, and it's called That's Messed Up an SVU podcast. That's a nice tea quote.

I love that, love it.

I love it. Thank you so much for coming back.

Thank you, and also Lisa, please remind Marie how funny she is.

I was gonna say, are we going to stop this and talk? Or am I leaving right away because I'm curious what you're taping and stuff?

Yeah?

We should all right anyway, thanks ray Can described, Yes, lad, I.

Wasn't running into it was.

Extremely I take it.

So so there was no where to go.

Somehow, the water on the tables with.

Turn never knew my hand to listen to the good. From my head and my shoes. Now where I'm going and I know what to do.

I'm turning up my part of you. I'm gotta do attitude. I'm in control.

The one is a f.

I gotta do at.

I'm bury no dress, I do ide have.

A better.

It's my.

Oh my, you.

My n.

Think so.

Somehow the water mon roll the tables.

P turn never know my hand to listen to that. I'm gonna go from my head and my shoes, no how I'm going, and I don't want to do. I'm tie it up my horn a few.

I'm gotta do aitudem in control.

But what is a few? I okay, i gotta do aitude. Do you think.

Somehow the wires on the wrong tables were herds?

You never know my hand to listen to.

I'm feeling gone from the heads of my shoes, know where I'm going, and I know what to do. I'll tie it up to my born abe.

I'm not as you attude. I make control.

My w is abuse.

I gotta do atude.

This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio and Alex Ramsey, Senior Producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Honig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts dot