"The Light Skinned Expert" with Langston Kerman

Hello, hey, hey, oh your voice, Marie, Oh, thank you?

Very deep? What are we doing? Very white tonight?

No?

I just you know, I think the older I get just the sexier everything about me becomes.

Anyway, this is an unofficial expert podcast with Sydney and Marie.

Oh my goodness.

We're having such a great morning or day or whatever whatever time it is, whatever time.

You're listening to this evening, it's a great The moon is out. It's a red moon tonight.

Can you see the moon in Brooklyn? Shut up? I'm sick. I'm having a rough time. I'm very congested. Yeah, you sound awful. Well.

I feel like I can do some phone sex with this voice right now, not with all that coughing that you're doing.

Absolutely not what you Yeah? What are you wearing?

Some people find bronchita is sexy, so I mean, remember when I had bronchitis for like two years. So you were bagging everybody left and right. They were like, hey, yo, maya, Angela, what's good?

They were like, sir a work yes. I was like, no, thank you, Oh my god, I'm struggling right now. How did you get sick? Well?

I wear a lot of h and m jackets that don't have no lining yet it is, so it's just a paper mache and it's it's like hot.

And cold, and I'm going back in between.

You know, it's going to places that have AC and then going into my friend's apartment that got like hood heat. It's hood heat.

Where are you going that has AC? It's been warm, but it hasn't been that warm in New.

York, h and M.

That's where I'm That's where AC is always blasted. It don't matter, dude, you need to get on that unique low heat tick.

I feel like you get.

I mean, I don't own anything from there, but I see you don't know. I see the adspoiling on the train. I damn you in any of your wardrobe.

Absolutely not. If I can't find it at the trip shop, I'm not wearing it.

So exactly, I've never seen unique love at the thrift shop. Yeah, I need to get better jackets, but it's about to be hot and I'm about to have like ten tops and nipples out.

So it's no, that's not what we're doing this year. This wait, wait, what are we doing?

We're doing long silk kimonos this year. We're doing booty shorts and kimonos. Okay, I'll do that, and then I'll also have like some nipple tassels underneath the kimona.

Okay, all right, I'm trying to get my burlesque game up.

Okay, all right, we'll do what you need to do. Live your best sluttie light. Shut up, Marie. Were you an expert in anything this week? Let me tell you what I'm an expert in this week. I don't know if you guys can hear my loud ass fridge in the background. Let's take a minute to listen. Yep, that's my fridge. So you know how my electricity keeps getting cut off?

Right?

It's the man downstairs who's cutting my He just goes downstairs and flips the switch.

So wait, how'd you Jessica Fletcher this?

How'd you find out? Well, let me tell you how I did it. Okay, let me tell you how I Nancy drew this mess.

So let him know. Let him know. So my power keeps getting cut off around like three, four, five, six o'clock in the morning hours that your ass should be asleep right right, But.

He was complaining to my super or the dude who like cleans the building. He was like, some in that apartment keeps vibrating at like three four o'clock in the morning, and it keeps wagging me up.

I don't know what it is.

It's like a phone or like a vibrate whatever.

He doesn't know what it is, but something keeps waking him up at the same time that our power keeps getting cut off.

Will you be using a vibrator at three o'clock in the morning.

I'll be minding my business sometimes I'll just be coming in the house.

Will you be putting the lavender oil on the pillow case? And rat let me tell you what happened.

So he changed the super, changed the breakers or whatever down there, and it's still happening. So he snitched on himself when he was like, they keep waking me up at three four, five, six o'clock in the mo Ma using the hastachi, Yeah, I believe it's pronoun he touching, He thought she magic, yes, using the mission boushie, missie, boushie. Sidney, you need to stop buying these generic vibrators.

That's why you sit.

You're a whole vagina about to fall off.

Shut up. So that's the Honda Court of vibrators at five am.

Huh, No, nobody is doing anything at that time. My sister gets up at three o'clock in the morning to go to the gym. Oh so it's probably your fucking sister making all that, damn you know, because she didn't go to the gym today. She woke up, She woke up, and then like half an hour later the power cut off, and you know, my roommate dumb, she just goes downstairs

Like I need to live there. This is where the this is where the So let me tell you what.

I was an expert. I'm an expert at I'm at war with him.

So like I wear heels in my house now and just I roll the rug up and just start throwing things at the ground. Because if you thought we were being loud before, when we weren't, I'm gonna definitely be loud now, yo, do.

You behatta in it?

But shata.

As soon as we finished through the podcast, I'm turning all the music up and we just gonna start dropping bodies.

We just start. We're gonna start throwing our expert on the ground.

We're gonna drop down and get your egle on.

I mean, but we gotta make sure we record this first because we need electricity to record the podcast.

But like, what's wrong with this this neighbor of yours that he couldn't just come up here and say, hey, y'all be making mad noise at three four, five six seven in the morning.

No one is making noise. Don't nobody be awake.

I don't know, but we need to figure it out because you need the electricity.

Yes, I do, and my fridge is still trying to warm up. You hear it?

What if you're your neighbor would be like, I don't care if it's faur five, six seven and ay in the morning, but your better come in when you think it.

Get in. Know that song?

No, nobody, nobody in the room knows that song.

That's what the that that?

Uh?

What's her name is? Sole Sola Solunge?

And was it trick Daddy? I don't know that song, Sidney. We don't listen to ratchet trill music. Oh my god, that's this guy is crazy, I know, But how terrible is your life that you're gonna get up in the middle of the night and actually go downstairs exactly exactly exactly, Well, at least he's determined.

He's got determination.

He's a painis and we're gonna deal with this like the West Indians that we are.

Because I'm not big enough.

Like if I was a big as to if I was John, if I was my cousin John, I would just go down there and cut his power off and wait for him to come.

Down and be like, doing got a problem, my man?

But I'm not.

We have, sir, Is there an issue that we need to resolve?

Like I'm a lazy troublemaker, so that any I'm not only doing trouble that's.

Convenient for me. I'm not going put in my shoes. I got put shoes on going the way downstairs. They do see and.

You know, there's a fucking draft in the in the basement.

Na listen, what if the other to get stuck and we just both down there hanging out with the trash and the washing machines, you know what I mean?

Like that's I can't.

What is the nationality of this man?

Uh?

He Spanish, some type of Spanish, but I feel like he's more like a Spaniard, like from Spain.

No, not that he's not that, he's like like Puerto Rican or.

Something like that.

I don't know any heroin all the way down to the basement and cutting off people's like Puerto.

Ricans in Flatbush. That's what they do.

He's so terrible, and he's come up here to yell before. And my roommate called the cops on him once, so he hates us.

Oh so that's why he couldn't you bitch.

Na cut called the cops on him after I told her not to. And then I was like, well, if you gonna call him, don't say our room number. And then I heard her go Apartment three A.

And I was like, niagga, Well, I couldn't list any other letters. Listen, snitches, get the electricity.

Smitch ass bitch.

I mean this was like last year what she called the cops.

He's holding the grudge on that he mad.

Well, I don't know what is in her room that's keeping him up, but there's nothing in my room.

She got the Hishi Hashi brand.

I don't know, but listen, I will keep you guys updated on the War The War with two A.

Oh my god, we're on the case. We're on the case.

Got you so much? Sidney? What is were you an expertius?

Besides coughing all over my kel being cold and sexy. Having a cold and being sexy, it's really hard to have mucus all up and through your nose and still like have a low cut dress on and cocktail waitress.

You know, because I was at work on Friday. I mean the word mucus is ugly, you know what I mean.

I feel like there's some group of people out there that think mucus is hot. You know, sperm is mucus.

I'm sorry one more time.

Sperm is mucus.

So you got sperm in your nose right now, that's why you sick?

Shut up, no secretions. Music is mucus as well.

Okay, Sydney, I feel like you.

I don't know what morgan forman narrated documentary you watch before you got here, but anyway, bitch, So yeah, I was at work with my cold, sneezing and whatnot, and I was like, listen, I'm gonna do this the natural way.

I'm just gonna like sweat it out.

I'm gonna work.

The cold is gonna go away the right way.

I'm not going to take any night quill or day quill or anything like that. So I'm what you're trying to say is you ain't got no money for night will or day quill. Yes, them them checks didn't come through yet. I'm on the I'm on a budget, so I'm there. You know. I got my dress on, I got my new big just killing it at work, and

I don't.

I wouldn't call in front of people. I cough on the side. So I go down and I get to the table and I'm coughing and I look crazy, and I wiped my hands off before that's disgusting.

I wiped my hands off.

I start pouring drinks and I cough again, and then the guy is like, listen, I think you're real nice, but I need another waitress. Yeah, you can't be wiping your hands, your mucncy hands in the vap that's discussed. He gave me eighty dollars so he didn't think I was racist. So he didn't think he was racist or whatever. He was like, listen, let me give you eighty dollars for your trouble.

He was like, here's money, so you don't touch me or my bottles for the rest.

That's exactly what happened. And then so I still got paid.

Still had a.

Cold all night, and I made money and I still look good.

So you were an expert at.

Having asked to go away, shut up, bitch, and get paid for it. No, that's not.

One of that.

I had a cold, but I still remained sexy and I made money.

Not sexy enough to stay at that dude's table, though, is what I'm trying to say.

So listen, nobody wants a titties that got a cold.

That's what That's what I've been told.

Yeah, keep your secretions and your seamen those to yourself. Bring that to the regular bar and the people who ain't got no money.

Speaking of secretions, Oh my goodness, this guests that we have.

He keeps the panties moist, damp, damp, very damp, very white damp.

I mean people have to wear panty liners whenever they're around him.

It's crazy. It depends, that depends.

It's ridiculous. I mean, this guess is a comedian also an actor who's on HBO's Insecure. He is our light skindiate expert. Give it up for Langston Kermanist.

I'm gonna call it them moist. You don't like that word? Why? I think it's good.

I don't know why people don't like the word moist. It has an eminent and like a bunch of vowel.

Doesn't Betty Crocker have a moist devil, super moist, supermo there's something.

Wrong with anything wrong with it? I usually get in an argument. I had an ex girlfriend who refused to allow that word around her type ship.

She was white. No, I never dated a white woman. Really?

Wait, can we have just a moment of silence for that, because that is just.

Or something? Oh yeah, hold on, hold on, wait, hold.

On, And the cloud grows wild and the black women wild and the white women dying.

Really, you've never dated a white girl? Been on date? You didn't got a hand from where did you? Where did you? How we go from?

Now? Well, I've penetrated several girls.

That that was such a light skin comment.

I've never I've never taken one to meet my mom. I've never like introduced them to my group of friends.

I mean, to be fair, I never took my white boyfriend to meet my mom.

I never had a girl that made it so far as a boyfriend.

I think I've only either had like first dates or one night stands with white women.

I mean, I think white women like one night's stance. I feel like, if you're listening and you feel like I'm wrong, then tweet me.

My Twitter is just said, y.

Listen my white friends listen to this. And I have no relation to this woman named Marie Boston. I know, really I don't.

I don't even know who that is.

Uh so, but so what type of women are you attracted to? Like what I feel like because you have a girlfriend now, but like.

What's your Yeah, I mean I like black women.

I think that's I mean you said that, like, I mean, but she's pretty.

Your girlfriend's pretty light, she's quite like you guys could be cousins.

All right, First of all, watch them mount. You guys can be related. She's quite fair.

Skin is very fair, and that ain't her fault. That's God's mess up. Don't don't.

She's right. Hair like wool, Okay, right, nice wool. Not that.

Had hair like Marley hair.

It was wool hair like quality wool. Wow, l you know what I mean? He said, not that foxy brown wolf. His hair was like rainbow. You know they put people in the field.

Had hair like rainbow wool.

Whatever you want to know.

I think I've dated a pretty wide range of mostly black women, okay in some Spanish?

Have any of them been dark skin? Like? How dark? How dark? Probably your skin color is as dark.

As Okay, okay, that thank you.

That wasn't It wasn't like a cutoff.

It wasn't like I won't go no darker. You were like, don't keep a bag? Test or whatever? Who was who?

What celebrity said that? It was like method man or something.

Was like, you know, if you money stupid like flavor flavs.

Okay, somebody who looked like.

He looked like what your poop looks like if you eat a lot of green.

Talk about my fellow dark skinned brother.

You and Flavor not the same shape. That's two different crowds.

And I'm not opposed to that level of black, but he's not maintaining.

Don't you talk about my brother like that skin is cracked. I feel like you're supposed to like lotion.

More to use like a shade and the cocoa butter at the same time.

Uh so LinkedIn how long have you been light skin? What do you recall that? That's what? That's what's your earliest your earliest light skinned memory. You all know most of us come out white. So I started off white. I was brown.

I found I found my voice about like six weeks in.

I would say, your light skin voice, Oh yeah, what.

Did it sound like?

It's just it was just a baby going yes. Oh my god.

I feel like light skin dudes are always whining or crying about something.

See and I think that's an ugly dark skin probably Lambert Wow.

Ugly Okay, so that you all have proliferated wow for the sake of attacking our grace and beauty. No, that's an ugly thing that people are like light skin people are always in their feelings.

There's nothing we can do that y'all wouldn't say we're in our feelings about it.

If I was like, nah, I don't I don't eat Cimento's crunch light skin.

Here we go, here we go. I think you better than me. Now I just don't want fucking goofy ass centnamon.

Well we started the podcast at eleven Well, we told you to get here eleven What time did you get here?

Eleven oh two?

That was so light skin like? If you were dark skin, you would have came in at eleven thirty. We were expecting you at eleven forty two. We were why, because that's what time a bad person would hear.

Something about the light skin taste buds that I noticed just this morning, is we all? I had three hard boiled eggs, and we all ate them sitting and I put Laurie's miss dash little Dobo.

On top of an salts and so lengthton ate.

His egg with nothing on it, he ate the shell.

You had a bear boiled hard boiled egg. It was bear, It was delicious. It was no, it was not made that we gotta fix it.

No GMOs made that seriously.

Gotten science came together to make a delightful product that I don't have to I don't mean to fix it.

Here's a question about you as a child.

Did you were you born with like baby hair is like very can.

Can you remove your hat?

We just want to see. I'm having to grow my hair for a part. So look at that book. Plug that plug it you like? So I've been working. I'm a working actress, so I'm getting money. Now I see your hair is giving me.

Bobby Valentino snoda.

I just want to get to annoy you.

Now he's not light skin, but he gives me light skin.

Man.

I had I had a teacher. He was he was a poetry teacher.

Of course, if you look like you do spoken words, I see it spoken.

Again, I'm the expert. It's my brandy. If it ain't light, it ain't right. I am not just the owner. I am also a subscriber.

Okay, I uh Now, I had a poetry teacher, so he was a mentor.

I guess more poetry.

Mahysical me, Randy DeBarge, I look like one of the members that nobody's heard of the Barge Company.

I feel like that.

The way that your hairline is like laid right.

Now, well that's just because I need a haircut. Oh, it's very like, let's not draw attention to my No.

I'm not saying it's good. I'm not saying that that's bad. Your hair is your worst.

Part right now? Yeah?

Wow, If that's the worst part, I don't even want.

To see the rest. I am most my feet are fucked up now. I feel like light skin.

Dudes got like nice, like you could tell their toenails are not dark.

Oh no, I got I got a couple of weird dark toenails. Really is the pinky, No.

It's the the one right next to it, the one next.

I don't know what we call that. Is that the the one get engaged like a skin problem? No?

What it is is, uh is I play a lot of sports, so my my feet have taken damage.

You look like a ros Do you like soccer? Lacrosse? Really? Basketball? Okay?

What position you play?

Guard? Playing guard?

Very?

Okay? Here's this This actually will probably help prove your point.

I was a practice player for the girls basketball team in college and I went to a D one school. They were good ladies.

They were ladies. Here's my follow up.

Questions you that you should have cut that to yourself.

Listen, I got a free gear and everything.

Here's a way to test your knowledge as a light skin man. What kind of shoes are you wearing to play basketball? And what kind of you you're wearing?

A Van I do not wear? Or a Chuck tailor do not wear Vans? Or a Charles Taylor? What are you wearing to play? I have some all red kds that I like to wear.

Okay, Kevin Durant.

My face.

I was like, like, no, I know what the case? Because I got the kids in my building, I know.

I was like, is that the new case? Swiss?

Wear case Swiss two thousand?

I hate you shut up anyway?

Yeah, okay, Kevin Durant.

Not a New Balance.

Sometimes I feel like on your off days you'd wear wear a Balance. I've never worn a New Balance.

Wow, and plus now new Balances align themselves with the devil.

I can't do that.

I feel like people who wear New Balance also drink pepsi.

So that's out. That's out. You drink pepsi. You get slapped on United flights and you like it. I deserve that, sir.

Please take my seat. I'll stand for six hours, Okay.

I feel yeah, y'all are really trying to pull my black card?

No no, no, no, no no no no, I want you to take us through your like childhood. Can you tell us about your family? Are you the lightest in your family? Is your light dead light?

Well?

My father's white, that's how this okay?

Yeah, so we didn't even need to go to like ancestry dot com.

No, no, no, he's a Jewish man.

Dad is Jewish.

Get the f out of here.

Here? Are you serious? Very much?

So? Wow, But that doesn't make you.

Your mom has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish.

Well, I think it's more of just if that's what you're raised with and practicing.

My dad's an atheist, like.

Religiously, he's not wearing like a little Jewish fitted No, yes, that's what they prefer to be Frisbee Frisby.

They also like that frisbee fitted the saucer. And he didn't want a little I didn't.

I wasn't raised with much religious background, although most of my family practices, like my extended family and so like I would go to lie like family events and may be singing like Hanikah's songs and I'm just like sitting in the back, are you No? I believe in in a higher power, white lights, a light skinned god listen.

Dark. Okay, your your god is dark.

My god would get stopping frisky.

I don't want that for my god. I don't know why you would want that for your guy.

He's everywhere and nowhere. Let me tell you what my god would be doing. He's summering in the Hamptons.

That's what.

Well, your your god is white, Your god summers.

Okay, black people don't summer.

You're only proving me right.

Yeah, I don't know what. She don't speak for the podcast. She don't speak for s n M. I'm a little sick, so so she she confused.

So your father was Jewish? You have siblings? I do. I'm the oldest of five. Wow, your mom and dad was getting it in they weren't.

My my I have a very messy family.

As you got a side family, do tell? No, not so much side family.

Both my parents have been married three times them.

Yeah, since you've been alive or the.

Only one of my my dad's spouses was pre me.

Okay, then the rest of them pre you.

I was like a pre MEI why are you telling me?

A malnourished baby life support.

And thank god she made it.

No, Yeah, he was married once before me. And then he married my mom.

Okay, so let's let's break down the parental units because they led to the beigeness that.

You are your dad. What does he do? Is he good looking?

Dude? He used to have his day? Okay, yeah, I never wanted to.

Well listen because they say like the mixed people are like the better looking.

I'm not here, I listen. I'm not here to make that judgment.

Yes, Sidney, I'm also not here to sign today.

I know that I'm just saying what.

Well, I think I think the reason people get excited about mixed people was because we we blend uh into something that people don't necessarily see in the the standard races.

But it's not always a good mix.

You get, No, it's just like you get best of the both worlds. Yeah, lives in the light.

Skin right, Well, I don't know.

I'm not here for construct people are like light skin equals beauty.

No, just listen, I don't date light skin man. I'm just I'm just protecting. You're not even on my radar lengths. And Okay, if I was to go back to Dick, you would not be this start here, but as something that you would consider.

If Sydney had old panties right now. They would be dry, they would be light skin Thigg's sham wow, my pussy all the time. Okay, sham wow. I mean.

Aside from it.

So your father good looking at Jewish man, he must have some money that he not spend it.

I'm sorry, Actually, well he comes from money, okay, but he is. My dad's a socialist. Like he bailed on his family and like moved to California to like to be with your mom, no, to study like the worst, not the worst, but the most absurd version of politics at the time, which was socialism, and like committed to that and like rejected, like my dad was. My grandfather talks about it all the time. But he said my dad was.

Like the smartest of his kids, that had the most potential every one of his kids.

Besides, my father is a doctor. My dad like went on to like just work on like you know, socialism, and like.

He out there smoking weeds. He's smoking weed and.

Fixing anymore, but he probably was at a time you doing mushrooms out there.

Wait, I want to know how your dad bagged your mom. Then socialist doesn't sound sexy to me.

He then moved to uh, to Detroit. That your dad was Detroit. Your dad was like, you know what, let me take you out of this bad place with me. Come with me Detroit. They got it. Where did you meet your mother in Detroit? At a mom was also interested in socialism?

That's such a.

It's beautiful for her, not for him.

And they made a baby and was you? That was me And I'm the only of uh that pair. I'm the only kid from that pair. So then you know I had two sisters later that my mom from my mom's second marriage.

Uh.

And then my mom got divorced from that dude. And in that meantime, my father and his third wife adopted a son. Who is my my brother, who's below my two sisters?

Is he white? Black? Asian?

Uh?

He We don't know exactly what he is, just like some version of black and okay, not good looking?

Ugly? Wait wait, I don't know. No, do you have a photo? Do you have a photos? But I don't want you because then you're gonna be like, didn't they ugly?

No?

I did you know that?

Now?

Okay, So, so you've got some sisters in your lives.

How they look didn't look like the very dark skin, like, okay.

So they're all they're full black. Yeah, I'm the only So they're better looking than you. You're mistake photos. You have photos of them, those two queens. I like that. You thought I was gonna be like, yeah, yeah, they're way more beautiful than Okay.

So your brother is not ugly?

Come on, well for you, you know who he looks like. He's not ugly like William looks like you. You had a lot of nerves.

He looks like Julian Williams Neil and his hair is all full due.

Did you want to see?

She don't see. He's not ugly. He's not ugly at all. He gonna grow into his face and watch he.

Gonna he's gonna take your girl.

He gonna grow into his face and beat your light skin ass, and you're gonna be legit black and blue. She said, he's attractive.

He ain't on insecure like you, nigga. I don't mean that. He can't will be that. That's what I'm saying. What are you talking about? Say no, thank you listening?

Can you send us that photo because we're gonna post that on the unofficial experts. He's seventeen he's a good looking grown No, he looks like he's seventeen. He looks that looks like he's at a high school before practice.

Listen, he doesn't play sports, but he was, he'd just be hanging out there.

Get your coat.

He's like in the middle of figuring out. Uh, he like got into a few schools and it's like around what he's going to do. Literally can't make a decision because he has no motivation.

You're trying to say that that's your.

Hold on one minute, You're trying to say that he's like that because his skin is darker than yours.

No, although I think you need to do reflection. Question, right, that's what you're saying.

But you were like, no, so well, it sounds like you want to be a mentor to your brother in law.

Don't. We've literally not spoken in years. Why what happened? My family is messy and uh yeah, but the kids don't need to be involved in.

All that, right, Well, that's the problem is that the adults and involved oftentimes make decisions for kids that make it a lot more difficult for the kids to maintain relationships.

But that's the one that was adapted.

Yeah, so my my father's third wife.

His current wife is his mother, and she and I never got along when she worked very hard to keep us like separate.

You know what I mean. It's separate but equal. Yeah, obviously a light skin drama. This is very light skin telling.

Where did you go?

Again?

This was my argument from the beginning that y'all were going to turn this into some life in fact, when in fact, this is just a black ass story of like a bunch of people with relations.

Right.

I agree with you, you're like different than it's different. It sounds like light skins trauma. It's just me talking and you're like your voice.

It might just because your voice is so bige, you know what I mean?

Like your voice sounds light, but.

I feel like you let me break out and a spoken word like the night I probably wait, So you didn't spoken word in college?

Do you have?

I did poetry, poetry.

Where did you go to college?

University of Michigan, And then I went and got a master's degree in poetry at Boston University.

Because you were like, you know what, I'm so confident in my light skintedness that I will get a job with his master's degree in word tree, Like what wait, okay, you went to school with my girlfriend actually Michigan.

Yeah, that's crazy.

When she first when she saw you, immediately she was like yeah, she was like, uh, doesn't he do poetry?

I was like, you know, he's a comedian. That's how said she was going to get fought in front of you and all your friends. You're going to hit a one. You're gonna snitch on me. I gotta do what I gotta do. I was very dark skinned you. But now was it snitching?

I mean you doubled down and went to school for poetry twice, so like that's what you went, That's what you were passionate about at some point.

You But I was at a comedy show, shut the fuck up and enjoyed the last Do you remember any of the poems that you did in college or high school? Off the top of my for convenience sake, absolutely not. You can't.

You can't hit us with a couple of stamps.

Who am I to give? Of course? Can you give me?

I would love ah, give me five words. What kind of poetry did you do?

It was a lot of I actually don't think it's that different than my comedy. It just was sad so it's like a lot of like you know, based in like true stories and experiences.

It was like Drake exactly sitting much.

His hype songs, the ones that we play in the club, and he's got his Marvin's Rooms room was what I was writing poetry for.

You were writing a lot of If you're reading this too late, yeah you get it.

Yeah. No, I wasn't into some of that last night.

Okay, So what made you decide poetry for you wanted to be?

Uh?

I had a teacher in high school who was a like poetry instructor, and he just he made me feel for the first time in school like any of this ship mattered.

You know what I mean? Like I was always a good student, but I didn't give a fuck. This is so deep.

Do you have Do you remember any of your teachers from high school?

No, I don't. I think I had a missus Chang. I had a missus Chang. She was mad science. She was science.

I said more science that she was one of the things that I said. I had a Miss Vega and she was Jim.

You remember your gym teacher. You remember remember the gym teacher. That's where I was thriving that's that's where I was a star. Mister led better. He was cool. That's crazy. He was cool.

He was a baseball coach, and you could tell he just smoked weed every day and chilled.

So wait, you said you were a good you were a good kid, but you just didn't give a fuck. I just didn't.

I mean, I think we all go through that where we're not motivated for any particular re in poetry, I played ball through high school.

I'm still having trouble seeing that.

Yeah you.

Photo.

I can't even see you in a jersey moment. I feel like your jersey had a collar, your jersey had a pocket square.

Okay, I don't want to be on this podcast. So yall, y'all don't respect me.

No, we do.

No.

Honestly, you said like you were like a good guy but a bad guy. Were you were you popular? Also? Didn't hear you saying that stuff?

Were you a popular kid in school?

I was well liked.

If that makes them like everybody knew me, everybody liked me. I wouldn't say I was.

I wasn't like the dude you hit up to go out necessarily, but you were when we were like if something was happening. I was there, you were there.

I feel like you're the type of dude that nobody knows he's getting hose, but you were getting.

Those I wasn't. I had a girlfriend, and I've always been like a serial monogamist. I guess we're going back to them?

And what do you want me to do? I am?

I am who?

And what?

D M City City He's not dm X. His dark skin, that's not what this is speaks.

English. Can you give me a light skin?

D m X, though, like you, I feel like you'll understand who light skin men are. Tell us how we move move Drake at his Drake is right, is doing foul.

Ship He's he's but he's a diva about it. He's not DMN.

What is foul strippers and strip club.

Saving and what Drake sings about saving them?

But in reality he just fucked them one time and made them feel like they were special.

You don't think that Drake is an emotional ass.

Duke absolutely, but he's emotional in retrospect, not in action. I don't think that he's actually like cuddling with these women. I think he I think I think that I think he's I think he's absolutely cuddling. I don't think that he's cuddling and believing this is forever. I think he cuddles.

He was dating Malia forever Melia Malia who like still twerks on Instagram because like Tummy years ago.

Okay, I don't know Drake's dating history.

I just feel like if I ever met Drake, he would probably weep like Drake don't seem like somebody.

He seems like somebody who weeps like his shoulders shaking.

Drake is out here smashing, grabbing, and then making sad love songs.

No, I think that Drake does. I think Drake cries at least twice a day.

Drake is like, uh, if Casey and JoJo's song became a person, No, but then we're gonna go do some cocaine.

Drake don't do no drugs in my mind.

About smoking, and yes is a liar.

He's the one that pays for the weed for everybody he doesn't.

And then he's like a time again, dark skin, dark skin, propagand would you guys take some refreshments. He's all propaganda.

The man literally tells us what he does, and all y'all can do is reimagination.

People say whatever they want. No, people can say whatever they want. But the Drake that I see with the with the Jewish mother that he got, he's not who you think he is. Listen, his sweat, his sweatpants, his sweatpants and sweatshirt outfits his lines bummy, they're not bummy. No, Like he's got a cashmere blend and some of them great sweat. Drake is pretty dummy. Drake dress is pretty terrible. That's the white man in him. Where How do you feel about that? Absolutely?

Okay, thank you. I won't fight that at all. Okay, thank you. He's comfortable though, yes he's.

If he's comfortable, but he seems like the type of us, and that when he goes out, he's like, everyone's looking at me.

That again, you don't get it.

You're know how you're selling your own ship out. You're selling magic beans and the nigga already got plants.

This's already got a tree growing in that.

Drake is the type of dude that have sex with you, and he'll say sorry when he comes.

Apologize. I'm so sorry. Drake. Definitely a pro Jesus Christ. You want a hotel, don't bring out tea after he fuck you on a tray though on a tray in bed listen.

Speaking of absurd, let's talk about something that I feel like it affects black folks in general.

This is some I pulled up some statistics.

Statistically, thank you statistics.

Statistically, dark skinned actors are eighty percent more more likely to play a criminal.

Nice it's been a light skin actor. How do you feel about that?

How do I feel about it?

How do you think that that's a real stat or something I might have just made up your here's.

A good way to, uh, to approach this conversation. I recently was put in an audition for a drug dealer, and I didn't.

Believe it's not happened. So I don't even see you with a That's my point.

I was like, they were like, so you're gonna play like this dude's brother who's a drug dealer, real like hardcore guy in the streets.

Everybody knows and respects them. Like, no, I'm not.

With them, lashes, Okay, agreed, Sydney, Wait City, do you or do you not want to know?

I'm back?

I will not and I hope that all your white podcast listeners you're such a brute, brute Lanxon. I can't imagine you in a do rag either, though I used to.

I used to have braids, braids multiple times where you let in for no, No, I didn't have a braid wig.

You had a corner roll lace front had lace corner. I had actual braids. How long were your braids? Oh? They went down to here.

Wow, he pointed to his chest. Ladies and gentlemen, that his chip.

Just a bunch of the It was a different so you looked like a lunch lady. It was a different time in America. We were we were in the middle of the tall Terror and Baggy k was very hot.

So he looked like Queen's little brother sisters.

So I see it.

Did you have the facial hair with the braids?

No, I couldn't grow facial hair at the time.

I will strive it, castor oil on your face right now.

What's happening? This this is real? This is this is real. I just you know you prayed on it. At some point you become a man and your body changes. Wouldn't want to, but you said that.

I want to fuck Da Sinney. We don't have enough time in the podcast to talk to you. About your vachina right now. But my question for you is, so you did this audition, what roles do you normally go out for? Because I feel like you play like the love interest.

I get a lot of the love interest, right I've had to push back against the because of Insecure. I've had to push back against the like ambiguously gay guy. Once you give them the green light to be like, I might be able to play this, and they're like, okay, anytime, the kind of a little bit.

On the.

Backtrack a little bit and tell people what you're talking about.

Yes, because not ever we watched the show just in case everybody don't watch everybody.

If you don't watch Insecure, I played a character who named Jared, named Jared, who had a sexual experience with a man in his.

Past one time, one.

Time, one time.

Time.

People were asking three times, yes, wait, okay, explain like just the setup.

What happened? Like you guys were hooking up.

He was hanging out with a girl. They were fucking and sucking, yep, having a good time. And at one point he admits that what she prefaces it by saying that she had a sexual experience with a woman, and then he's like, oh, yeah, I've had an experience like that too.

One time my boy gave me head and I didn't like it. But that's that yeah linkin in real life.

Do you think a lot of guys go through that, like in an early age where getting far.

More than I, I you or I know. Yeah, there's plenty of that. We know that probably have had that experience and never felt comfortable talking. You know, what is it not a show?

Is like, well, I was going to tell this girl that I got my dick seck once.

But but I'm never doing that because I don't want to be chared from enterprise. It's losing out.

I think it's interesting is how many people reach out to me and are just like, yo, your character is mad relatable. I don't necessarily even like pen point like because of the sexual stuff, but a part of me believes that that's like a big portion of it, because like that's you know, that's a real thing that happens that people go through, And especially in the black community, we're so like sheltered and closed off.

We're like cat and sometimes it's just that are gay or we're not in this in our world, and it's like there's middle listen.

If honestly, if that was me and my boyfriend was like my friend gave me had one time.

I don't think that I could overlook that either.

I feel like black women I making.

I feel like that's something you just you keep that to yourself. Don't tell me that. Just hold it, hold it in your head.

I've only met like two of people that like, I've had this conversation with that were like, no, I you know, I.

See the things that guys do to get they dig suck.

So if yeah, the they ran out of options and a guy to they dick, I guess you're cool with that. I mean, it's just a dig suck, that's it. It's just one. There's a couple of times that I've done it and I was like, I wasn't even do that.

I didn't.

Don't count. Yeah what I mean, it didn't count. That was the first time I did it. I was like, so this was just a prelude. This wasn't the real thing.

Yeah, it was like fake.

Yeah, So how has being that character then like changed your like acting life, for your your life as a performer.

Then, oh it's improved it. I mean, you know, I have to a certain extent of fan base. Now, yes, you do.

You did our show and then you had the fans, they were there you you said I'm for Brooklyn and Witch was like where where like an exact address?

Yeah, I have like real uh supporters and that didn't exist before. And you know, I now have to make like other choices as far as like what I am and am not willing to do.

But it was beautiful, Yeah, and it was God. And when I saw you on the show, it was like, look at Lenggston light skin ass on this show doing well.

You were great. I was like, you were great.

And then you took off your shirt and I was like, I didn't even care about your shirt. I honestly I didn't care about your body. I did see your nipples and I was yeah, I was like, whoa, what's not I'm very surprised, Sidney is.

I told you that. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying we are going to fuck. I'm just saying she's down to funk. That's my only thing is she's trying to pretend that if like your skin discussed translucent skin bag and I saw your areolas and I was like, wow, they're bigger than mine. I don't even remember seeing your nipples. I work out. I work out a lot and try to work on it. There's no way to fix your nipples. There's not like a Corol machine. There's no machine at

Is there anything about being a lady skin dude that you feel like is a misconception that you would.

Like to like fight?

Uh?

Well, I think I think our challenge as a light skin community is making peace with the the awful propaganda that's been spread about us.

Can you stop throwing that propaganda? Are again a little bit?

Here's the challenge.

This is where it becomes difficult is because light skinned men tend to make two choices.

Okay.

They either lean into it hard as I have done, and just accept that like it's gonna be some dumb shiit said about you being sensitive even if you're not being sensitive, that just is what it is. Or they do the opposite and you take like a Matt Barnes approach and you just turn into a goddamn like man, violent, like aggressive person to overcome the perception of I don't know what Matt Barnes did what man do, choked out Derek Fisher for when he was coaching.

In the NBA. Yeah, okay, yes, yes, yes, but he's that dude on the court, he's that dude off the court. He's like, he's like heavily tattooed.

He's very crisp, brownish, but he's also light skin and angry.

But he also has the beautiful greasy hair that you every light skinned man.

It looks very oily and curly.

I wish. I don't like it. It looks like oil, oil spill. I like it. No, no oil. All of them don't even look like olive O. Yeah, we are.

We're all fighting against or or accepting the position that society has offered us.

I'm comfortable with where I am in society. This is it, okay. So when when the revolution starts, what side you're gonna fight for? The wind inside which one of y'all wins is.

Gonna be the darken folks, because we've got more rage than y'all.

Statistically, there's not that many of y'all. Y'all gotta y'all better rethink your alignments. Come on, man, come on, even dark skin Indian people turn on y'all, that's not gonna work.

Well, that's because a lot of people who are black, if they're like a little bit light, they're like, well, we're not really black, like uh like Dominicans, and your value is.

Based on color in a lot of those other countries over the world.

But you travel all over the world.

Now, right, you're doing shows kind of like you are.

I mean, you were out and about, you got your shredded jeans on knees outlet.

I feel like we haven't even we haven't even critiqued the outfit that our lights can outfit expert put on.

He is wearing a denim shirt, which is cute. It's a black v neck.

Is that a regular?

He's wearing a black fitted jean. Both these out well, both both these out.

Are you going to cross across your legs now? Yeah, we're across through and these are these are vans? Actually likes?

I like, no, I don't like if I feel no, you're giving me like white man that might own a boat vibe.

I deserve their own a boat. And see that's your problem. You don't believe in yourself enough to own them.

But I believe I have that opportunity on boats. I get boat, yeah, but you don't own that. I don't need that boat. I don't want to boat. Okay, told you need to own your product. Now you out here, I'm own a house on I'm an house. I'm a horse.

I'm gonna get a house in a horse. Currently, let's just run through what.

We own just for fun. Go ahead, what do you own? What do you own? Ten thousand dollars worth of titties? Do those go up?

And because I think you are over estimating, that's what you paid for.

Know that they're like bonds, you know, like they each year? Sure they created.

I feel like titties are like a car, unless unless you using them to get on these.

Yachts that you listen.

Sorry, I didn't get my car from enterprise, so my titties are just fine.

You know, a Lamborghini loses the value too as soon as it's off the lot.

But this is not a car, all right, This is like a very international moped, like a moped.

Sure yo, Okay.

Anyway, we got questions for your light skin ask.

We want to see if you truly are the light skin expert.

Okay, Marie, what's your first question?

Can you name three light skin actors.

Killing the game right now?

Yeah, because you can't just name a couple of beage people.

Who I'm doing question. Uh, we got my girl, Candy Tandy Newton. She's killing it. The brother in Pursuit of Happiness. Uh, class stop. She's like white, very light. Yeah, she light, and she's very good and very town.

She plays a terrible mother all the time though.

Yeah, she's really like sophisticated crackhead down.

She plays it quite well. Uh, let's go Tracy ellis wrong? Yes well, yes, yes, big fan. She's outstanding.

She's great still with smash and uh it was another fun one. I mean you got your classic Jamar Moore. We talked about that.

He is not killing any kind of game.

Is w squared whatever? Please? I mean no one is, no one is chicking for nobody.

But he is still working.

He's still working.

But and he gave us two women. So I'm here about like airbrush as was on, I can't brush.

I'm not.

Working so hard to start eating. He's like, I can start putting. So on, get you some tummy d's in your life, gets you away from want to be one of those girls advertising.

You can get you your life, right, Okay, We're gonna give you four points for that because we have this three names. Okay, so I'm gonna hit you with some lyrics. You gotta figure out which light skin rapper it is, and it can either be You're gonna give him the name options. Yeah, just see if he's not gonna know them first and then no, there, these are from random. They're not from like, uh, popular songs. It's either Ja Cole,

You gotta face it.

Are you guarding your heart from a nigga that always breaks it? Oh?

Okay, that's the whole thing. Yeah, that ain't Drake, that's not him.

You're well versed in the Drake frizzy. It feels basic, which is Jake Cole for sure, Like he's a basic dude who says some woke ship that makes sense. I hear what you're saying, so that it has j Cole vibes, but I don't.

I don't really funk with buttons, so I'm tempted to say buttons in protection buttons.

Yes, that's a beautiful Now.

Did you see that?

Break it down? I got another one for you.

Okay, well you're so good and I hate you. Oh that's your dream car, nigga, that's my old whip. Oh that's your dream girl nigga. That's my old bitch.

Oh that's that's j Cole.

It is.

But then he said some ship where you're like, oh, you're like you're a good father figure.

I think exactly, you.

Know that's you see says something you're like, Let me sit down.

And under that.

Really?

Okay, wait, wait, we're more more. Nah, I don't do the pick up lines. I give her the number to the chauffeur with a pickup time.

M that was a good last.

Listen.

I was over here researching.

Okay that that feels like it could be Swaggy Drake, but not. I feel like that would be to h to on the nose.

If you will, we will, we will. I'm gonna go ahead and say, Buttons again, what you are such a.

Yes?

I just know these artists, all of them, dude, you fucking nailed this.

Thank you. Wow. Wait, let me get Marie.

Can I give you a lyric and see if you can pick yes, just give it to me because I'm I'm probably not she ain't light skin woke, He says, I'm basic, and then I sometimes say some wolf stuff.

I heard you got a man, but who in the right mind letting you out of the house alone?

Oh oh, well that sounds mean one right, because like, I'm in my feelings, I didn't address what the lyrics spoken.

But I'm a woman.

Do with me being a dark skin I'm a female. I'm like, why would want to say that? Can I hear the lyrics one more time? What part of the song is that?

The churus? It's the bridge, it's the bridge.

I heard you got a man, but who in the right mind letting you out the house alone?

I'm just gonna gets Drake because it hasn't been Drake yet.

No, that's not Cole.

Well that you know it's not Drake. It's because Drake would just tell you he's gonna steal your girl. He ain't gonna talk to you about stealing you.

That's okay, okay. Drake talks to men.

He says, I'm a I'm gonna steal your girl, and I'm gonna continue to smile and sing about it.

He talks the man talks to girls. This is a Drake line. God knows it. Your mind im pure soul. I possessed, He knows it, annointed and protected. I was chosen.

My heart is a way too frozen to get broken.

But that sounds like a ain't talking about stealing, He's just talking about praising. Yes ship Wow Draak and Kirk Franklin in the family.

I see it say that sounds like a Chance lyric because the Chance loves some Jesus music.

Interesting, Wow.

The lights? Can you really crush it? Oh man, let's let's it up. It's larger.

Wait wait, wait, we gotta snap for him because that's the poetry.

Lexon Uh before we go? Do you have anything coming out? Where can people see you all your stuff? You're going to be out in the sun this summer or not? Because I don't want to keep that glue.

I like it. I like a little crisp.

Oh wait, wait, when speaking about glow, what's your SPF?

Do you use?

Asking SBF question to you don't use SPF?

No, not really? As a light skin man, you have the knees out and just you just I mean, I also don't just chill on the beach.

So you got your boat hat on, so like that's what you'd be wearing the dad has.

It's going to be a father hand.

It's a soccer dad hands.

Come on, Connor, get that ball boy.

Uh.

You just find me on Instagram and Twitter at Langston Carrman and uh every Tuesday at UH Dizzy's on fifth at the Fancy show.

Great show. This is one show.

Yeah, but what what bomb asked, what's your what's your dream role as an actor?

As a light skin actor. Oh, I want to be funny. I just want to be funny. You want to be the funny friend, the funny lead, funny lead. I like funny lead.

You don't want to be Kevin Hart lead, though, I don't ever want to get as big as Kevin.

No, that seems scary. That's a lot of work.

There's a lot of work, and I think you lose control of your brand, Like he's he's in full control of his brand, but he's lost control of what he can and cannot focus on to a certain extent because he's always branding.

Yeah, and that doesn't seem he's always on too.

Like, have like a moment where I could just be like I'm taking like it doesn't ruin your life kind of.

Yeah, he's on Instagram and he literally is on it all day because he's probably getting paid for it.

He's on Snapchat.

He's like he's going on vacations with his wife and kids.

And he's on it the whole time. He gets paid a lot of money for Twitter and yeah Snapchat. Yeah that totes get it to get it so funny. Lead So you so you want to be more? That's what you Yeah, he's hilarious. You want to be I get it. Put those braids back on, Just do that wig back on. That was hilarious.

The biggest comedy ever did he ever did was a diary of a mad black.

And squinted. Didn't he did?

He beat some lady up or he was saved, he was the savior while having a Drew Hill bandana on sell me what you like?

And just as like a bonus question, can you name all four members of Drew Hill?

There were five members?

Okay, what can you name all five of them? Because I thought it was four?

It was four. I don't think I can't. I know there's uh, there's no Kio Andie Martinez his baby daddy. I didn't even know that.

How did you get that in? Because I used to listen to her when she was talking about it.

Damn, I don't think I can it is Cisco Jazzy.

I thought it was four members.

All the photos is four of them. No, maybe there was a new it's four members of drew Hill.

Yes, it's a fat one and then the two skinny ones and then one with blondet.

Wasn't there a new member too?

Yeah?

I thought they added somebody. They added somebody. Well, that don't count. I know why it's called drew Hill.

Why because it's named after a park in Baltimore that that you saying out at.

Wow, that's really.

Thing to that, like Lincoln Park. So what's up with the parent names?

It's Cisco, Nocchio, tag Tao te Yes, I would jazz jazz. I knew Jazz, I knew Nokio. We didn't know. So how did they get into all this? Like unleashed to Dragon, Well, they didn't do that. That was the dragon. They let the shortest nigger with the blondest hair. But like, let me pick the name. It was beyond.

There were no body hotter than Cisco at the time in seventh grade for me. But the thing is is that that red leather suit he was he had his belly button out and I't even cares he had.

A star tattooed on the belly, but kids thought he was cool.

We had the noles pierced jokes were like, yo.

My mom was bumping away from all. We were all listening Unleashed the Dragon. Still that one wasn't even the first record. Cisco's real name is k Andrew's Oh so basic. We gotta go listen.

You can catch me in Sydney live at the Unofficial Expert at the Wild Project.

On May seventh at seven pm.

Seven pm is gonna be all the way lit We're gonna have Maybe Lenston might be there. I mean he might be out thriving as a light skin person, so we don't know. And you can catch me at Reez on Instagram are e e e z y and then Sydney.

You can getch me at just sid BW so this j ust.

S y d BW we in these streets, baby, Make sure you tune into Insecure on HBO go and just watch all of Langston's scenes. Yes, and also go on iTunes to make sure you write a review, rate like share, like do all that shit so people know who we are.

So we out here, okay, and share this podcast with your dark skin and your light skin friends, but probably not your white friends this episode, this is a podcast for everybody except for Langston's a younger brother. Anyway, Thank you, so thank you so much for listening. Can you say one nice thing about your brother before we go.

He's got he's got a solid teeth, an ass, solid ass, a rut. They're not going anywhere, and I just want to let you know that I'm not dt F.

Okay, sid.

You got the free ones. By God,