"The Immigrant Parent Expert" with Garrick Bernard

Forever.

Oh, hello, hello Marie. Oh wow, the voice and you have every year. Once a year your voice changes very deep.

Oh is that just the season?

Tis the season? Yeah?

Well no, this is this is not seasonal. This is you know. I just I was out the other day screaming at me and it's okay, So me and Sydney went to we outside, okay, we went to a rooftop thing where everybody was very hot. All the men were tall and their beards connected all the way around.

Marie couldn't believe it. I text her at me. I said, Marie, you need to get here right now. She's like, Sis, I'm ten minutes away. I was like, everybody's cute. Every single person was hot.

Right forty eight minutes later I arrived right and everybody was so attractive and like young and the skin. It was like it was like I said to Sydney, I think I'm gonna write my number on the wall and whoever calls me, you just can't call me.

Man, woman or child.

Yes, well no children, but there.

Were some kids on the roof too, and they were cute kids.

But yes, there were kids on the roof, and it was like people really just be bringing their kids with them to stuff.

Me as a as a childless woman, you don't understand.

I don't have to have children to understand that kids don't need to be nowhere. Actually, me being childless, I understand it better. I understand it better.

But sometimes it's sometimes it's hard to get a nanny. Sometimes it's hard to get a babysitter. Sometimes you don't.

Have the Sydney also a childless woman, what's you talking about?

The cats? It's yo. You'd be surprised how many people are like, I'm allergic. I'm not gonna be in town. I can't do it. I could do one cat, I can't do both. So like I feel for the women who have to bring their animals or children to a party.

Mm hmm, Sidney, if you ever pull up to any place that I'm at and you got the cats in a little bass in it, I'm gonna roast you until you go home. I'm gonna roast you until you leave. I was. I just read this thing today. This girl was like, my sister doesn't want my newborn baby at her wedding. Should I be upset? And because her sister's having a no a childless wedding and she was so upset, and it was like, girl, you gonna have a newborn

I mean, what's the return policy on a six month old baby? It's still brand new you. I don't think you. Babies are so unpredictable. Unpredictable, so like people could be doing that vows and everything and then they're just like screaming.

Babies are predictable. They crying, they're sleeping, they're pooping, that's it.

But you don't know when they're gonna cry.

It could be right when she's doing her her vows, she got tears in her eyes and she's like, right, you know, I never and now your baby is teething or whatever. I don't know what babies do with.

Something annoying or or if the pastors, like, does anybody object to them getting there? I mean, I understand when you're saying, Marie, but the kids were fine on the roof. I was too busy looking at everybody's moisturized foreheads and beautiful hairlines. M hm hmm.

It's the summer of the hairline, I think. So if you're listening to this, get them plugs, get them sharpies, get the that brown lip liner pencil. Just do what you need to do to get the edges to look how we want them to look.

Yeah, they and they have lace fronts beards for men, so y'all could try those out as well. Do what you need to do, honey.

If you gotta do that, then make sure you use the gorilla glue to really hold it to the face.

Because imagine, Marie, you take a guy back and if the lights are off and he's like busy taking his beard off and laying it on the.

Side, he's folding it. Oh my god, I got it to pee in the middle of the night and I see it and I think it's a mouse and I step on it.

Yeah, because that's happened with me with my lashes or my wig, so it could definitely happen to a lace front.

You stepped on your wig, Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes it just slides off because I don't have a like a little mannequin head.

So it just Sidney takes her wig off and she folds it and she puts it on the couch and jam Be sitting on it.

Speaking of Jam, our our guest today is my jam One of my favorite, one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. So special all the way on the West West coast, thriving mare, we would say, thriving, living and thriving.

The skin looks good. I see the stainless steel refrigerator in the back. The beard is fully connected all the way around.

Yeah, yeah, he's he's one of my most successful friends. That is very humble, and I think it's because of his background. Give it up for Garrick Bernard and he is child of an immigrant or child of immigrant parents, child.

Of we can just say immigrant parent. Experts Like what word.

Am I writing?

Internet parent? Sorry?

Immigrant parent? Immigrant parent? He Hi, how you doing, Grek?

I'm good? How are you up chilling?

We're good? Your teeth are very white? What what's that this is?

I use baking soda. I use what is that?

Three D white, the cress or Colgate D white.

The strips. You don't use the strips to you, No.

I don't use the strips, just the brush because.

They take off they take off the.

Enamel, the enamel. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, But he really needs, you know what I mean, all of it. Honestly, you need every single like every drop gram, every drop I'm sorry her baking soda, and I was like, oh, let me put in like the Grams drug.

We get it.

He's a very smart guy. He's a very smart guy. Now, Garret, do you have anything to say about like men wearing lace front beards air lines connecting?

All right? Hey, guys, stop it, don't do it, chill out. Don't just just embrace the baldness. Embrace the fact that your beard doesn't connect. I don't have those problems, but I will say, if you know, if my hair goes and all that stuff, I'm gonna get those plugs.

Probably I'm gonna get like ten grand or some shit.

Get that.

You wanna let them go and let them put pubes on your hairline.

It's the back of your head.

It's they take they take hair from the back of your head, put it on the top and you just you're chilling. Why not?

But I feel like you would look good as a bald person because you could look the fact that you have facial hair. You could be completely bald and just get like a red rouse just like yeah, yeah, yeah, James Harden well moisturized moment.

Yeah, I don't want to find out if I'm being honest, I don't want to. I just want to.

Well, Grek, you're also very young, so you're fine, Like you're not even thirty yet.

Right, No, I turned thirty in September. September what fifth?

Okay, happy birthday.

I'm sorry. I apologize.

Birthday is on the twenty third. I don't know why I got so September. Wow, yeah, somebody else that was conceived in January.

Okay at the beginning the beginning.

Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

I was gonna say, so, you guys have never met each other in real life. This is your first time speaking. But I was, like, I told Yerk, like, oh, you and Marie are going to get along very well because you have some of the same uh backgrounds in terms of immigrant parents, except she's Haitian and your Nigerian Timid daddy.

And I was also going to guess Nigerian Sydney night Yearian. Well his name is Bernard, Yeah, Bernard, I guess that's not Nigerian cist. It would have more sorry consonants and vowels.

Yeah. Everybody's like, hey, you Nigeria, you darkest fun like it's it's it all goes there, and I'm like, hey, man, you need to reevaluate your biases or whatever.

I would not have Trinidadian you know, neither. Yeah, I've canceled Trinidadians in my life numerous times.

Oh oh wow, okay, what happened? Well, if you don't mind.

Me as Trinidadian men being Trinidadian men, and that's okay, all right, And that's basically it.

So I can't say I can't say anything specific, but I just know that Caribbean men men from the West Indies there, it's too much ego involved, too much ego, too much cheating. I just I can't be bothered. Also, they're men, so I just also can't be bothered with that as well.

Fair enough, Yeah, fair enough. I think I lucked out a little bit. My dad has been married to my mom for I don't know, thirty years plus, so he was, I guess, quote unquote one of the better ones. I don't know if he's one of the good ones, but he's one of the better ones.

I don't know if they have a side family in Trinida.

He doesn't have a side family. I'm hoping he doesn't have a side family. And if he does, kudos for keeping that a secret.

Yeah, Honestly, you can't be mad at a dad that was able to keep a whole family secret for the whole duration of having a Yes you can. You can.

You have a funeral and you're like, who are these other people? These must be cousins with the same exact faces us. You can fully be mad at a dad that has family on the side.

The only time I would be mad at a dad for not telling you about their other family is if I just so happened to meet, you know, a daughter of his, and I'm like, damn, she find his fuck and we meet up and we link up and now we dating, and now I'm like, wait, that's my stepsister, right, that's doing up?

Since this sounds like the plot line of all the soap operas.

That have ever existed, Yeah, truly with.

The gay twist, with a twist. So Garrick tell us about growing up as Trinidaddian America. Are you first generation?

First generation? Yeah, born and raised in LA.

It was weird because a lot of a lot of them go to New York.

Say Trinidadians are in l a A.

Yeah, I never heard of that when I.

When I lived in LA, I was one of two Haitian people who lived there.

And I was like, wow, yeah, there's no West Indians out here. I think like the only ones we really met were like through church, so you know, big church family LA.

I would never go to.

Congratulations congratulations on that. Don't do it. There's there's not enough praise dancing, you know. But yeah, like it was. It was normal ish. You know, you don't really know anything different, you know, so like I went Seventh day Adventist church. Uh went to church on Saturdays. That was the first like off thing I would. I remember bringing curry go to school and I want to say like third grade and I got destroyed.

You just bought like a plate of curry.

Go a plate a curry goat and they're like, oh what is that? That looks great. I'm like, let's goat and they're like, nigga, you weird, like for the rest of my life because because you know, you go to you go to an A any L A U.

S D.

School and most of them you know, know each other. There's about like, you know, the sixth degrees of separation there. So like that was you know, I was goat boy for years.

No, yeah, boy, So that's why you.

You know, you do stand up and try to become famous so you can be like, who's got boy now, nigga, the gonna be like, oh my.

God, still you?

Still you? Yeah, it's still you.

So you're telling me that they didn't even try the goat.

No, they didn't even try it, because it's excellent. It's fucking incredible, curry goat.

It's delicious. But that has it.

I don't love it. I don't love goat.

That's fair.

Yeah, well, they have to make it, they have to make it right. It's not always if it's made, you.

Know, relax, yeah, and if it's like real hard and whatnot and not. You don't want that. You don't want a tough piece of goat. You want it to be succulent, you know.

And you also don't want it gummy. You don't want to like, you don't want a gummy.

That's one of the worst I go, right, yes, exactly did you?

I was talking to somebody about this the other day. Did you go to school ever? And people would say you smell like your house?

No? So we didn't have that problem, thank got because uh, middle class, that's I think that's it. We errated the home very often.

I just like, sometimes my mom would cook stuff, like she'd like fry fish, or she'd like cook something that was like really and it would be like in my coat, and I'd go to school and people be like, what is that smell? And I'd be like, what smell? Because you don't you smell it. It's all your nose hairs, right.

People would say that I smelled like my home, But my home smelled like larks cigarettes. My mom would smoke a whole pack like a day, So I always smell like cigarettes and hair grease. So I don't know if that's a cultural thing or just I mean, my mom thing. I don't know.

I would just call you sick as fuck honestly smoking already. Damn, that's pretty dope, that's pretty wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But like if you come if you come in the house like smelling like curry, are you coming to school coming smelling like curry? That's you know, that's a big that's a big problem, I think, because that's a very pungent smell, you know. But luckily my family only did that on the weekends. They only cooked like wowd spicy stuff on the weekends or at night to where you know, the smell would dissipate by the time we woke up in the morning.

For scores looking at night and the windows not open. It's in the sheets.

Yes, it's literally in you.

It's in your poor yes, the cloth, it's on the bath man, it's on that little rug that goes on the back of the toilet. In old black.

Homes, it's oh my god, it's.

In the daytime. They like have the cross breeze.

Yeah, mm hmmm.

Here's your personal question. So what did your mom and dad do for a living.

So my mom was a PA, a physician's assistant, and then my dad was a contractor. So, uh, bottom hills were up there, you know.

Yeah.

Oh, for those that are not in the know, that's like black people. That was the hills for black folks.

It was a hills with black black people. Laguna Beach or like that was like their their take on it.

Well, Garret, so it sound like I mean you you you said immigrant parents, but I mean it seems real simply black to me.

I don't know, It's okay. So this is where this is where the explanation must come. Yes, we were still poor for the most part. They got the house they got the house up there because they're just like, oh, well, let's put all of our funds into this thing to

Paying for these days.

I'm not paying for these clothes, you know, we gotta we got a mortgage to the uniform.

Still looks good, and she is she's sewing, she's imming the stuff, making sure all the tattered shorts are still like looking neat what.

Was then a white shirt with a navy bottom.

And in the winter time it was like slacks, and in the summer time it was like little school uniform booty shorts.

No, no, no booty shorts.

It was pretty much la It's the same temperature the whole time, right right, Yeah, yeah, thats a weird thing.

Was there a lot so seasons there wasn't a lot of Trinidadians in your school?

Absolutely not. I was the only one.

You were the only for.

My entire life, probably the entire school career.

What any other ethnicities just.

I mean there were there were a couple of Nigerians, I guess, and like Persian folks, uh.

Pers a couple of Persian folks in l A.

Couple, yeah, mostly yeah, and in high school. Yeah, but honestly, I was the only Caribbean kid in school for sure.

When you came home from your first day of school, would your mom ask you about the kids in your class?

No, she don't give a fuck.

That was my mom, My mother's go to anytime I came home from school, she'd be like, how many black kids in your class? How many? How many that? And I would I would, I would count. I'd be like, it's me Jazz Maine, Like I would count them out, and she'd be like, okay, okay, okay, it's black kids in the class. And it was like, there's always gonna be black kids in the class. This is New York.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so there was.

Yeah, they were very adamant about putting us in black schools up until high school, like all black schools pretty much until ninth grade, when they shipped me out to fucking Palisades to go to school there.

Why did they do that?

College reasons?

College reasons.

Yeah, you get into better colleges and I didn't, so it didn't work. All of my friends that stayed in like black high schools got into better schools than I did. And I was like, why didn't you just keep me with my friends? Kept shifting me around?

You should have stayed at east Side High with Morgan Freeman.

But.

Yeah, yeah, I should have. Marie. What did you did you move schools a lot? Did you like switch? No?

Not really.

And my parents were like, the bus runs right here, You're gonna take that bus to that school?

Okay.

It was like, no, that's it, I'm going to I know they knew the route for the parent teacher conference, that's where they were going, all right. But my parents were big on parent teacher conferences. Like my dad as as an immigrant, you know, everything that he wears is tucked into his pants. Yes, I don't know if you have one of those dads, but like he'll took a sweater into some swim pants and on a.

Dress shoe, put a hard bottom on with the bottom.

But my dad, I home a couple of months ago. He still like buffs and shines his shoes. He is like a brush and a polish and he is shining them to go. It's like you want an errands, like you can't throw a dad new balance on No, because they always.

Want to look good they I think, I don't know, I don't know if it's just like immigrant parents, but it's also just like older parents. They always want to make sure that they're looking their best, even when it's like, is it I think your best? But like I understand the notion of like polishing your shoes, but I don't get that. I don't get that.

This is this is why Monique is coming for you with the hair, with the hair ship. It's just like, yo, chill, Monique, chill. Let me wear my fucking hat. You know. I'm sorry.

It's a bondy.

Same thing. But Monique is from a different time as well.

She's there, you know.

I mean, I don't know how old Onnique is, but she is from a time when people actually cared about what they looked like, and people were tucking in things and ironing.

Things, ironing things such thing as steaming. They were having an ironing board and iron the fucking I mean, they would hit those corners so.

Fucking the pleats on the pants be.

Christy Christy, Yeah, I can iron the fuck out of some clothes, honestly, just from learning from my parents, just from them being like, you're not going outside with the wrinkley shirt. Absolutely not. I remember when I started wearing I started wearing like straighter suits, you know, like more slim fitting suits, and they immediately were just like, what's going on, boss, Like are you okay? The whole they wanted to have a whole conversation just because I was wearing tighter bluffs.

They thought you were gay.

They thought I was gay, Yeah, hundred percent.

They sat you down and though, uh huh yeah, it's just like so your your your clothes are fitting a little bit more nicely snug. It's more snug, yeah, right, And I was like, come on, you guys, can we can do better?

Like it's the European cut. They're like the.

European cut, right, Okay, Okay.

That's the style. It's a truly style. But I have to understand that, like they have been through so much, and so if they want to be really particular about what we're wearing, I'll let it slide. Sometimes. Like me, growing up, my skirts had to be so long, yes, because my arms were long. They're like, no lady should have a skirt. And you know, my family is not immigrants, but they are very like old fashioned and very church going. You know, no lady should have a skirt shorter than

They weren't encounting. They weren't accounting for the reach.

No Sydney, because Sydney can dunk. I've seen it.

Yeah, I believe it.

They had me looking like a Mormon every single day. I was like, why is the skirt? This is not a skirt. You might as well put me in pants. Oh no, no, no, No lady would wear pants. No, no, no, young ladies should wear pants. That's for the men.

So your your great aunts and stuff didn't wear pants.

No, she never wore pants. She always wore skirts. It didn't matter what the weather was, It didn't matter if her like vericose veins were popping and she was wearing her skirts and they she would hit. They would be so fucking long. I'm like auntie gowns and the beautiful girl she would have, she would have a slip underneath the skirt. She would never wear a dress without a.

Slip and you could see the slip.

Yeah. Yeah.

When I was little, my mother wore skirts, and I remember when she shifted back to pants, because I have pictures of her in like Europe in short ash jeans and booty shorts. But when we were young, she only would wear dresses or skirts, and I used to complain about it because she will put me in them for school. Like, my mom's big thing was the first day of school every year, right, So on the first day of school,

You gotta let me fly, let me put these jeans, all that.

But she wasn't picking my clothes out. I think after kindergarten I told her I wanted to dress myself and she let me, but it had to be a skirt on the first day. That was like, yeah, there was no negotiating that. Yeah, And now.

So I will I will say I just started wearing shorts three years ago. Really like, yeah, because of because of like, wearing like that was the move. You gotta have it either longer or under your knees, uh, your shorts under your knees, or just wear pants or whatever, because parents would always be like, well, what's going on here? Your shorts are a little high recently? Yes, yes, it was. It's masculinity. Ship is so toxic, dog, I can't even I can't even lie. I've been I've been hating humidity

Fine, you got shorts?

Really realizing I got short.

Yeah, Garrett, Garrett has good legs, he's got a good vie.

I gotta I gotta high, I gotta high fucking high thigh short on.

Yeah, Grek is solid, Like you know, he's not that tall, but body.

Is not tall at all. You can say I'm not tall.

I didn't want to, you know, I wanted to give you the benefit of the babe. You know I didn't want to sell you under Yeah, that's not it.

You did kind of anyway. You said he's solid, he's not that tall.

You're right right, you didn't even as soon as you bring it up. It's just like, all right, I gotta I gotta mention it.

He's he's a long five eight, that's what he is.

He's a long longer than the skirts we had to wear.

We love Oh god baby. Okay, so let's get into finances. Did you have an allowance? And immigrants immigrant parents are very about saving but also super cheaper, not cheap, not cheap, frugal.

Bogle frugal. Absolutely not absolutely. I didn't get an allowance at all. I didn't know what that meant. I kept on hearing the kids at school saying like, oh, what are you spending your allowance on? And I got that whole like corny conversation about like you want an allowance, I allow you to live under my roof and blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, classic classic, but not never never in life. I think I would get like one hundred dollars to get close at the beginning of the school year in high.

School, Wow, that's actually kind of guess I think. Yeah, yeah, I mean they were giving you the money and you could buy what you wanted.

You can buy it you want it.

Yeah, what can you get with one hundred dollars?

I think you can buy a gene? Like one gene.

No, listen, you go to Pretty Girl, you go to Strawberry, you go to Jimmy Jazz, you go to v IM. These are I don't know if those are in La.

Yeah, none of those places I knew you were in LA.

You can get more than one pair of jeans for one hundred dollars. I mean, you can't get no shoes. You can get a pair of sneakers.

So I'm just I'm just the jeans nigga at this point, you know, just walking around with like three pairs of jeans, I guess.

But they're they're ironed.

They're very ironed, smooth, very very crisp.

You know.

No, I never I never got an allowance. I started working at like sixteen, Yeah, and just went from there.

I was at the pool yesterday and this lady was talking to her kid, and she said she gets her twenty dollars a week in allowance. I said, are y'all rich twenty dollars a week. I didn't even have many dollars a week in college. That is crazy to me. Yeah, but yeah, I think my parents try to give us an allowance, like for like a summer, and it lasted like three weeks or maybe less than that. Probably we were getting five dollars right, and then it was I'm.

Still getting if if I ever gave or if I ever asked mom for money, like once I moved out of the house, she's still hounding me for that, like two hundred dollars that I might have borrowed a couple of years ago.

Give your mother her money back. You're making so much money, Garrett, give her your mother her money back.

I'm never giving it back.

She owed me this two hundred dollars.

What's your mother's name? Don don Right.

Yeah, one strikes fear in a weird way.

She wasn't nice.

Neither of my parents were nice. That's the other course. No, no, no, no, no no.

They just started like, did you get hugs, I love you kisses?

No no no, no, no, I mean I told you this over the phone.

My dad and I just started saying I love you to each other.

Last year. W Why why is that?

Yeah, I don't know. I think I just started saying it in conjunction with when I was saying it to my mom. I would be like, love you guys, and then he would be like he would like or whatever.

He'd be like what. They sat you back there. They were like, we need to talk about this. Your clothes are tight?

You you saying I love gods? What is alright? Alright, Hollywood didn't change immediately that way.

We need to have another intervention here. This is crazy.

Oh my god, Derek, was that so hard for you? Like it's just saying I love you to your friends or your girlfriends, Like because Chrius Marie is who she's a tough cookie, I mean, my god, tough.

I mean, I mean my genuinely my friends, Uh, try to come up with a theory that I was gay because of how hard it was for me to say I love you to my friends. They're like, what's going on there? Why? Why do you? Why do you hesitate in all this stuff? And it was just like a really wild situation. And then I had to like look back and it was like, I don't think I've ever said I love you to my dad before. Which is the first man you should say I love you too.

Since I said to my dad, Poppy, I love you. He would say, all right, all right, close the door.

Yeah, I love you. Turns every immigrant father into Steve Harvey. He's just like, oh right, yeah right, where's your accent?

Okay?

Well, interesting, Well you have no problem now saying I love you. I mean, I think maybe it just rolls off my tongue too much. But I've definitely said I love you before to Gerk and I don't know if you said it back, but I felt I felt that you felt you felt it.

I gave I give you a strong pat on the back. Yeah, that's there, it is. Yeah, it's just.

Now, Sidney. Did people say I love you to you a lot or do you a lot?

No? Not? Not rarely really, Like my Auntie would like late night, like right before we're going to bed, before like she has nodded off reading the Bible and stuff like that. But she said whenever she would feel like I got in trouble and I was internalizing how bad I am. She's like, now you know I love you. You know you know I love you. That that's when she would reassure me that she loves me. But she wasn't just saying I love you, not like not before.

That's foreign to me. You would be eating yourself up, and she would say, now you know, I love you. My mother would just let me sit there, shut.

There in the closet with my arms.

Throng, and I couldn't. I remember one day I got in trouble and I wrote on the wall next to my bed I hate mummy, like I hate my mom, and I forgot about it. I wrote it in pencil. I walked through it like and she found it and she was like, oh what is this? And I was like, I don't even know. Everything's misspelled. It's height level with my pillow. But I'm like I don't Yeah, yeah, damn sis All right, well look.

I said I say it. I say it a lot. I say it a lot because you know, you never know what's gonna happen. But also it's it's okay to say that if that's what you really feel, you know, but what is too much?

Because yeah, what if it loses it's me? What if you don't even know what you're saying, just doing a call and repeat.

It's well, I am thirty six years old, so I know what the fuck love is. I've been in love, I have. I have tons of friends, you know, but I do know that the love that I have, I have abundance of it. I know that I'm good at I'm great at giving. And when I say something, I mean it, you know, unless I'm being shady and talking to Marie about somebody.

But other than that, when you're being shady, you mean that. Two sis, don't do that.

But what do you mean when you say you mean it? Like you're just like, oh, I just mean it, you know, Like can you put that into words?

Can you describe the love in the words?

Yes? If if you needed something, I would try to do what I can to provide. Yeah, somebody that if something happened to you, I would be very affected. Yeah, even though very affected, I would I would absolutely be affected if something happened to geth Right.

Now, yes, exactly.

It would be very affected.

Oh God, like me and Garrick. I met him when I went to when we were at San Francisco for the up Next Comedy Central, and me and Garrick talked at the after party for most of the time and we just like clicked or whatever. And then I always made sure I kept in contact with him, and you know, I felt like, oh man, I'm really good at keeping in contact with people. But he could have been shady and been like, I'm busy. You know, I'm in these writers' rooms.

Yeah, soak, I think Okay, So I think that the barometer for me is if someone were to kill you and I saw them in a courtroom and I didn't go like fucking crazy or buck while like in like those SBU episodes, that means.

That I love you or that means that I don't love you.

If I can just watch them walk past and be like, oh, yeah, that's crazy that they killed my friend. But I mean I got to be a witness, you know.

Well, if you.

Happened in front of you, I think maybe you would be more emotional. But my thing is this. We hung out in San Francisco. We've had ramen together a couple of times. I'm saying I love you.

Wait, yeah, Sidney, did you say I love you after that first meeting at the end of that first no, no, no, no.

This is like years later, that's that's been hours ago.

Yeah.

I probably said I love you, like you know, two years after our friends.

Yeah, it's still it's weird to me, babe. I mean I would watch sid Can Cook and you would say love you to everything.

Everything. You can't do that. It was like, you can't do that.

You brought me, you brought me on for a second for sid Can Cook, and at the end of it, you say I love you and I just left. I was like, and then people in the chat were like, he didn't say it back, and I was like, I don't. I don't know, I don't know what to do, right, But like that's I'm kind of stuck in a bye.

Yeah, but it's very funny.

Pressure on other people to say it back, and it's like, that's not that Andrew. I don't know what your background is, but I feel like you got one of those moms that didn't say it a lot, or she didn't say it yeah right, So like everybody is not as free with saying the words I love you. But it's also different when you say love you as opposed to I love you, right, or sometimes somebody throw back like a love you, and then you be like love you, and you're like love you.

But it's very nice. I don't want to sound unappreciative.

All your niggas about you.

Next next time you say love you, I'm just gonna say why.

I'm going to say, prove it.

Prove it I did right?

Now, would you avenge me? It's a real question.

How much would you set the limit to my goal fundme?

Well, I would want it to be realistic, So I don't want to say, you know, one hundred thousand dollars if I know, if I know, your followers ain't got it like that. But Maria is you know, very verified, and she has people who are obsessed, so I know that she would get the money. And Garrick, I mean, you know nothing but successful people in LA, so they.

Would would still not give one hundred thousand dollars to my.

Let's set at the thirty six thirty six fields so.

Yeah, enough, because it's enough to cover.

The funeral costs. You know, we like that's all I need.

We hold that casket? Is how much? How much is a casket?

I want my friend. I want my friends going home, going away party, dope, Okay. I don't want to skim. I don't want to be cheap. I don't want to get you a regular old box. You know what I'm saying. I want you to get to get you nice flowers. I want to be a good funeral.

Home top shell, embodied fluid.

Yeah, I want that. I want the embombing fluid to have dul Say in it, you know what I mean?

Like I just put put me in the ground raw, like I don't need.

Garbage bags?

Are you serious? No way No.

I think I want to be cremated.

But that's expensive too, isn't they up the.

Car thousands of dollars?

I want to be I want to be cremated, and I want people to be able to follow along with the body's journey like a Domino's pizza. Like I want them to be like they putting they putting the toppings on, the the lashes on, like I want yeah to be like Davante is working on the booty neck, like just that's what I want.

His funeral is a big deal in like like parents who are immigrants.

I'll tell you, I'll tell you what a big deal was for me. Church school, That was it. Church and school, Church, church and school, school, church, family, that's it.

Yeah. Yeah, I've never seen a group of people more upset about the separation of church and state than immigrants, you know, like they want they want church to govern the rest of everybody else's lives.

So like church was the biggest deal.

I feel like you guys went to Sunday school.

No, you went to school on Saturday, Saturday, Saturday school, Saturday school.

Yeah, it sucks, I'm sorry. Like it called it Sabbath school. So we observed the Sabbath like Jewish people do. So Friday nights everything had to be cut off. No secular activity until suns It was secular noun, secular, no fun, nothing, nothing at all until Saturday night. So that period of time sunset to sunset, we were just.

Miserable.

Honestly, y'all were reading what just anything, watching TBN, watching children's uh fucking Christian activity movies or whatever that details. Mister bean, we couldn't even watch mister Bean though. I like, we couldn't do anything.

And when did y'all when were you able to.

Escape Saturday night?

No? I mean, I mean like when you didn't have to do you didn't have to observe any sun down.

I was out, I was gone. I stopped going fucking when I moved out twenty three, So all.

Through high school to go to parties on Friday nights.

No Friday night parties. So like when everybody was like, oh man, I can't wait for the weekend, you know, all that shit, nothing that I was not even excited.

It was just like, well, I got to buy candlelight.

I've gotta be yes exactly, just like reading the Bible and just trying not to get the candle on the page and so just burst into flames.

Derek, how are you so cool now? Like you I'm not. I am not. You've only had a short period to like get your swag together, get close like you have style, you know how. I'm sure you lost your virginity late in the game.

Late in the game. Oh god, I was twenty one, but.

You were so you were still so but you lost your virginity on Thursday because.

I couldn't. Yeah, I couldn't go out right, I couldn't go out, So.

You were losing your virginity like during the working.

It sucks. Yeah. It wasn't even like a party situation. It was like in a park, fucking I was upset.

You were upset?

Was she? She was upset as well.

She didn't have a bed to land. What was this on a park bench?

What this was?

Like?

We're we're both at home, so it was either her place or my place, or her parents place or my parents place.

We were just like, what about this park?

And in a in our car, and it's like, let's make this as special as possible. And she wasn't. She wasn't a virgin.

I was so so a thirty five year old woman? Were you?

I was taking an I was Oh did she know you were a virgin before?

I mean I mean yeah, yeah she did. After she was just like, oh, why are you? Why are you moving like that? Why are you so robotic? What's going on?

Because we're in a Toyota Corolla. That's why I'm moving.

To use the car as an excuse with.

The seat all the way back, so like that's moving weird m.

Hm in their acted.

Please just think there's a backseat of a Pontiac G five. So it was a two door and we both had to like scrunch into the back and just like that sounds try try hard.

You are odd. I'm gonna say that you're odd.

I I'm glad you're I'm glad you're getting to know me.

Every time I like have hung out with you, or like I see the stuff that you post him, Like you know, he's a very reserve person but fun, but like nobody knows your business like that and then they know it now, well that's listen to this. Yeah, but I think that makes you human. I don't like people who are too secretive and make things like such a big deal. And I think that's the problem with like parents. Sometimes they're like they keep things so secretive. So I

Honestly, I don't know. Before you said that, I never even thought about my pregnant.

Yeah. Wow, I just had to sit here and think about what my grandma's first name. Was like, it's like, what is it? Is it?

It's Elaine.

I was like, Oh, it's beautiful and she's Trinidadian. Yeah, do you speak Trinidadian to your it?

The sing the sing song comes out when I'm at home.

Can you give us an example?

Absolutely, Pretend you're talking about the garret to the store.

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do that for my your fucking thousands of followers.

It's not for you. It's actually it's for us.

I'm so sorry, undreds of thousands of followers. I can't do this. I'm so sorry. I can't be that guy. I can't be that person.

I just I don't know any Triadian people. So I just want to know.

I mean, I mean, you can google it.

You gotta know trities. I think, well, they'll let you know if they're also any.

Well you didn't, you didn't, you didn't. This is the first time.

I mean, well, if they're if they're from there, I'm from I'm born Los Angeles, so like, I'm not. I'm not going to come out here and be like, yo, I'm dad. I've been in the fucking bad lands all that ship. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's like you're you're a coon. Do that, you know, say you're from where you're from and then let people have, uh have their origin. You know.

Do you have siblings?

I do.

I'm the youngest of three of an older sister, older brother. Yeah.

Oh and they're proud of you, they have to.

Yeah. Yeah, they're the ones who were like you should probably I dropped out of school. I dropped out a.

Yeah, I know that was a big.

Tim that was trinidaddy, And you dropped a seven day advances.

You Yes, Okay. We're forty seven minutes in the podcast and Garrett just dropped the bomb on us that he did not finish school.

Didn't finish from an.

College, from an immigrant home. Kept it a secret until I moved out.

What happened?

So I was I was going to school for two years doing like mechanical engineering, and that's like you know, the thing that can get your parents love or whatever.

Yes, yes, yes, doctor lawyer, engineer.

That's engineering.

That's it's only the three Yeah.

Doing that.

Went to the Improv and just like sat there at their open mics on Tuesdays and I was just like, maybe I should fucking try doing this and I would just go every Tuesday. And then one time I remember bringing up that maybe I wanted to switch to be a lip major so that I can get like, you know, the pen game down and all that shit, and they were like no, and so I uh, I was like,

Not two or three years. Yeah, yeah, so how long were you in school? For a year?

No, like two years?

It's fine, that's fine. It took me four years to realize, Yeah, this shit ain't for me. I mean, my school kicked me out, but.

It took me four years, fair enough.

And it took me four years, and we're like, you know, maybe this is not really for me at all.

You got a doubt for your last semester.

No, I got kicked out. No, not my last semester. It was the first semester of my senior year. But I don't even know if I had enough credits to be a senior. But I got kicked out for plagiarism.

Oh shit, yeah.

Everybody plagiarizes, but you got caught.

I got caught. I was so bad at it. I had never plagiarized before. This was my first time out the gate, out in the game of plagiarizing, and I immediately got caught. And my professor was furious. He's like, what do you think I'm fucking stupid? Then he said I was like. I was like, I said, I hope I can go to the dean and let them know and maybe this will let me stay here. But no, they were like, it doesn't matter that he cursed at you have you have to get the.

Fun curse because you did something wrong. Yeah, that is so wild. Plagiarizing. You know, you gotta switch some words around. You gotta look up synonyms and antonyms, and then if you google something, you can't go to the first page, first result. You gotta squaw.

First result. Bitch. Just I was desperate. I just needed to turn something in.

You know how many people have turned in that exact paper that you turned in.

That's what he said. He said, I've been doing this for twenty years. You think I don't know about this, I said, sir, I've I was in a really bad place. I was like, I'm depressed. And that was the first time a white person just had no response to depression.

They were like, that is insane. So, Garrett, where were you going for those three years you were leaving the house to pretend to go to school. Where was you going?

Yeah? I was working at j C. Penny trying to get.

Enough money to fucking bove out and wine.

Yeah, so you heeded, but you were still going to You were going to work.

Yeah. I was like, I was like, oh, mom, I'm i'm'a fucking work just to like get enough for the for school and all this stuff and to live and buy clothes and any excuse I could think of. And then I was just doing like hell of shifts at jac Fenny or Cole's or anything that would hire me for like the season or something like that. A seasonal work ac seasonal? Yes, Yes, well, absolutely.

Well, from j C Pennies to shooting a freaking pilot in Atlanta. You're like, you're doing great.

I looked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you working on now?

And how your parents feel about it?

They feel great right now? They're They definitely have brought up that I should have stayed in engineering school. I mean, you would have been great at it, right, And I was like, Mom, I'm I could buy the house right now, like I can, I can finish the more you like, we can't listen, But.

Is that so garys okay?

Well no, no, no, no, no, not at all.

I was.

I was one hundred percent trying to flex on my on my mom and she's like, I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, I don't know why school is so important to our parents. I don't know they from a different time. But like I was talking to my dad about I think Beyonce didn't finish high school and my dad was like, unbelievable, she should go back and finished. And I was like, she's worth half a billion dollars and he was like, she don't know nothing, and I was like, whoa to be high? He's gonna come catch it up.

Yeah, they're coming, and now that they know that, they're coming hard.

But like, good, it's a good thing that she doesn't know anything because she doesn't say much either, So she's fine. Y'all really left me out there to drive.

Y'all about to drive? I mean, lots of people didn't finish school, and they're they're all richer than us. They're richer than most of the population. Actually, they're smarter than most of the population. Because staying in school and taking out unnecessary loans and stuff that you're paying until you're fifty sixty seventy years old is dumb. Which is why that, which is why I do not pay. I ignore them every I got them on the do not call list.

Well, before we get out of here, Garrick, if you have like three things that are like misconceptions about like immigrant parents or children of immigrant parents, I would love to hear misconceptions.

Now, y'all got it right for the most part. You guys got it right. It's fine.

No, I uh, gold is great, it's real good.

Go eat it ship. We're not lame. I guess do y'all cheat?

Do they cheat? Y'all cheat a lot. Stop it.

My niggas cheat. I don't, I don't, he said his nigga.

Well, you know you are the company.

My career be niggas.

Oh, oh, here's I have a question for you before you go. Yeah, as as the child of immigrants, did you get money from the tooth fairy and how much were they giving you because these white kids and some of these black kids are getting like they.

Cannot I cannot believe that that ship is still going on they were immediately or that's just fake. God is the only thing that's real, Santa Claus, all of it. I remember my dad because he's in construction. He made me take a tape measure, go to the chimney, measure the chimney and say do you think a man could fit down there? He put you on the roof and its just no, no, no, no underneath yeah, yeah.

You on the roof.

He's like, nobody could fit in here. So of course that's not.

Too fat to fist.

It was nine. It was nine asking for cookies. So to you know, it's like I bought this ship, you know, I bought all of this.

Yo, that's funny. So you didn't get any money. You didn't get like a quarter under the pillow or nothing like that like that.

I didn't get a quarter. I didn't get any of that. And a lot of my teeth fell out at the same time. So they were going to give you a quarter for anyway.

They said that looked like that, like at least a dollar fifty right there, yeah, right right.

Now, that's going to the mortgage again.

With my tooth under the pillow. And I woke up, the tooth was still.

That's real ship like, that's exactly what yo.

They give me nothing. I was like, ohh and I think they had that move where she looked at my dad and he looked at her. But both of them knew they weren't going to give me money, so nobody went into the room to take the.

Tooth I got. I got money from like my great aunt and uncles, but the quarters were so dingy. It was like it was like it had been in their pockets for years. It was no new money, no new money at all. It's just like if they did give me a dollar, it was something that had written numbers written on it, maybe somebody's address, just real fucked up. They would have like their medication prescription on there. It's just real messy with the with the coinage and the dollars.

So that's very true.

And that's why you're able to live in the lap of luxury now, sis, and you can afford all those cats that live in your house and for that, I'm proud of you. Sis.

Thank you here, thank you, thank you Grek for being such an amazing guess if you have anything a plug plug plug away where people can catch your ass.

Yeah, oh I'm I'm a garb r on Instagram, Twitter, all that whatever, Watch Solar Opposites and Star Trek Lower dex when you ever get a chance. Solar Opposites is on Hulu, Start Lord dex Is on Paramount Plus.

Yes, Sam okay, booked, busy, blessed, blick, Okay. Well, I think it's time for you to go to work, so I guess we'll let you go. What do we say to Garret before he leaves?

Thank you?

No, Andrew, that's the wrong answer.

I love it.

I love you, my guy forever.

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