"The Gullible Expert" with Casey Balsham

Hi.

Yeah, yeah, yah, yai, hi yi, what's going on?

It's Marie and it's Sydney. You know who it is. You know who it is. Well, actually we don't sound like raspy men tonight are today?

Thank you so much? Yeah, we sound good. I mean I don't know your voice is coming back. Thank you. I was a little worried. I was like, is she getting sick?

She something's on her on her palpits or what do you call it?

You say palpits? I don't think that.

What is it called nudes nodes? Yeah, it's something on that or vocal cords. Yeah, something was going on with your vocal cords. I was getting worried.

It happens every year, dude.

Also, I feel like it's still I still kind of hear it, Like, is this how I sound all the time?

No, it sounds a lot clearer today.

Oh okay, well you sound a lot clearer today too, Thank you, Thank you. I'm trying, guys, I am. I'm excited for this episode. I feel like, just you know, I feel like we haven't sat and talked for a moment.

We haven't it really, it's honestly, you've been so busy, you've been shading me.

You won't write me back? What what are you talking about?

Did I not right to back?

I'm like, did it happen?

I know Marie has me on do not disturb? I don't, Yes, you do, Marie. Look I'll show you right now. Look ready, look, hold on, let me let me get to it. See there's no moon next to your name. Only people with the moon are on.

Do not disturb? Well, just another group chat that you happen to be. Okay.

Well, I do feel like you see my message and you're like, I'll look at this later.

I mean sometimes you'd be saying things and I'm.

Like, like that didn't need to be a text. Why, Marie? You know how I am. I tell you how I feel. I text you just to text.

This is what's let's talk about yesterday when I was like I saw your text and was like, I'm not gonna say anything.

Okay, you're gonna read it outloud?

Yes, okay, Sidney at one thirty three pm just finished. I'm headed to seventeenth Street to see Adrian. She wants to grab something to eat. Do you want to meet at Crossroads? Which is where I buy my second hand clothes? I said I'm at crossroads now. Sidney said, yeah, question Mark. I didn't respond to that. I didn't even I didn't even click it. I just was like, oh, yeah, question Mark. What is the proper response to yeah, question Mark? I told you where I was.

Yeah.

You could have just been like cool, yeah, question Mark.

And I was gonna say yes, and you're gonna say okay, and I was gonna say cool.

Like that what and then you wrote me back hours later? Would you write I.

Didn't find anything. I'm going back to Brooklyn to go grocery shopping now, and and you were like really, just like this way and then you called me because you were like, oh.

She's not responding. Yeah, Well, you know what it is.

Me and Marie's relationship is I'm the big bubble and she's like the one line.

I'm always the one line. I'm the fucking bubble on bubble.

And then like another follow up, and then another follow up and then like yes, like dude, I don't have time to You could have just sent this in a.

Power and it makes Marie so frustrated. But I'm this, I do. This is what I've been doing.

Honestly, truly speaking, You're not that annoying, like I have I have another friend who every bubble is a different thought and it'll be in the same minute.

And I'm like, I don't have I don't have time.

Yeah, Like my phone just keeps vibrating and I hate that when it vibrates, vibrates, vibrates, Vibratey.

How would I describe Marie through text? She is a concise, shady person.

Thank you so much. I mean, I sent you a little paragraph.

There no if Marie writes me a paragraph, she's pissed off about something, and she got an attitude thank you.

And now she does these little voice memos. Are you guys on this? She's send me a little voice thing.

You hold the little microphone and you record what you're saying, and then you send it and then it goes away and she's like, girl, I don't have time. Da da da da da, And then that's the end of the voice mad. I was like, well, you could have text that, mm.

Yeah, But I just like holding the button and saying what I need to say.

I just want to let y'all know that when I text Marie, it's almost like I'm texting sood I like, and I'm just scared to write the wrong thing.

Yes, yes, what it is you think about what you're saying? Oh hard?

Yes, Sometimes I'm like, yo, I don't know how Marie's gonna interpret this, or she's gonna think it's corny.

Like girl stopped texting me, like I'm busy. You never said girl stop texting me. Yeah, but I've never said I'm busy. I just won't respond because I'm busy, right, whatever that is crazy you are.

You're making me sound like a psycho. You're not.

No, I'm the psycho because I'm obviously I'm so tired of much about what I text.

Of course you don't because you're writing the one line, bitch. Somebody can write you.

Oh.

There's been so many nights where I've like poured my heart to Murray and she's like, yeah, girl, okay, see you tomorrow by or she'll just put an emoji.

I love an emoji, one with the little the monocle. And he's like he's thinking, yeah, that's me judging you. Yes, I'll said.

They were like I never had a little sister, my sister, I love you, your your best, You're so inspiring.

Trying to go to bed and we're like, I'll send a cat that's laughing with tears.

Yes, so fucking rude, dude. So are you gonna try to be better at texting?

Like?

What does that mean? I think this is just who I am.

I'm at a certain age where you know this is what it is and I just gotta take it in.

So then why are you thinking about it so hard? If this is who you are and I've known you.

For four cool last years, then your anniversary is coming up? Do you know what good day is? It's a aniversary.

When is our anniversary? Because I don't know the date, I'm gonna look on Facebook. Wow, Facebook's like you.

Guys have been friends for this long?

Yeah, and there'll be one dusty ass picture of me and my wig is all slanted and I'm like.

That's the picture you pick? Facebook, You shady ass horror. When were you an expert in this week? This week?

I was an expert at just taking care of my body.

Okay, I got up early. I've been trying to dick.

Early on any dick this week today Wednesday, It's been aendicless week.

Really, You've been so good. Thank you so much.

I'm so proud of you Honestly, I am I really.

Really not getting dick. You're proud of me getting.

No, I'm proud of you getting it because it was so long where you were like, yeah, your va was like.

We need water.

Yeah, was the old lady in Titana dropping ruby Ruby.

That's how delusion of that bitch was. That's that's what my my my pussy was.

Yeah, so no, I got I'm trying to get to bed earlier so I.

Can get up early to run. And I did that. I got a power for a run. I did some push ups.

Okay, I did some squats because I want my butt to just you guys can't see what I'm doing, but I'm making it seem like it's sitting up. And then I went to dinner with this guy yesterday at like a three or four dollars signed restaurant because you know, I googled it and it was good. I have the fish he think I was. The waiter was like, it's similar to like a prens you know texture. I was like, that's what I want. I want the thing that's kind of.

Like and they had a little garnish and a lemon on the side. It was so good. If you get the limon and the garnish. That place is the list there was great. It was like a salad that.

Was like I don't even know what what the whole type of salad it was.

It's like a little vinegrette. It was a different type of grass. It was not it was not type of lettuce. It was a different type of lettuce.

Okay, it was like, are these are hearts?

I didn't even know what it was? Okay, okay, is this mint? It was very good? And then like some little like pasta ball you deserve. And then we had two desserts because we had nochi he had.

I knew it's niggas yo yo you with the right type of dude. Man, I like him already one more time, Naoki niggas. I think it's just yok No, you're not. I can't do it. That's why I'm too poor. That's why exactly I can't even pronounce it. I mean, I'm poor too, Okay. And then we had two desserts. Wow, two desserts. He's definitely trying to do anal or suck your toes. I mean he could, he could suck my toes. But I feel like if he's gonna suck my toes. You gotta pay for me to get them done first.

Yeah yeah, yeah that's what she did. Yeah, you deserve it. That is he cute? Where's he from? How tall is he? Okay? So he's tall.

Also, I feel like he listens to the podcast.

Does he got a nice body for me? That's fine? Listen listening to the podcast.

That's what they like to do. Listen, it's fine. They have to they need tall. He was like six three or something like, oh wow, woa wow wow. What the face look like?

The face look like? Who would play him in a movie? Channing Tatum if he lost it all? Yeah? Maybe okay, like a less rugged, squishier Channing. I'm not gonna bring him to no shows.

Okay, So you're not gonna see him all right because it soups cash.

But we are going to the opera this week. You know what. I like what you're doing. Man, you heard that the opera? Listen girls.

Listen, girls, don't don't live through me, live through Marie.

Let's get you a nigga. Yeah, Sidney, what were you an expert in this week?

Oh? Man, I was an expert in thinking my ass was a model.

Yo.

People have been hitting me up to do stuff, and I'm just like, dude, I'm not a fucking model because I go and set and I see real models that ain't got no personality, who dead inside, who literally this is all their life. And they come in and they.

Got that face like they got that face like this is paying my rent face, you know what I mean?

Like everything from their nails, they fucking skin. You just know they take care of themselves because this is their money maker.

Bitch.

You know, I will drink water twice a week, but you use like toner and moisturized. That's the stuff on the outside. You gotta take your ship within. Like these models. You know that they like eat a certain type of grass. Models also don't really eat. They like split a pea and they get like a certain type of ab but

She here to you hair? Who is she?

Is she supposed to be on st I'm like, yeah, no, I'm here. No, yes, I'm telling you I'm.

Not model models like for real models or they like.

No for real for real models like tall, like their body is on point. They ain't got no backfat like they models.

You don't have any backfat sucking in a lot, but yeah, what sucking your back dude? You can literally only suck the front end.

Dude.

It's so fucking frustrating because you see them in every fucking shot, not one of them is off.

They look good and everything in the city is photo jak af.

And she's like everything looks good. No, shut up.

Every time I take a picture, I'm like, yo, that that one year when where I did meth, you could see a little bit that.

Now it was a year afore.

You didn't met for a year now, but it was one time by the side.

Wow, we start out hot, Oh my god, we started out fucking hot.

Man, you're starting hot? Shit? Why did I say that? See this? Why I don't write you this?

Why I don't text you because I say certain things that i'm I'm like, I know you judging me.

Shit. Everyone listening is like Sidney did meth for.

A year, not a year, guys. It was like it was meth adjacent. It wasn't even like real myth. So you did diet myth, synthetic mess cologne meth? Yeah? No, really break it down, how many how long?

Anyway? I was in this.

I was at this photo shoot and everybody was so well put together, and everybody had their moves, and I was just like there and I was like, I don't want to smile.

I don't want to do I.

Want to smile. The photographer asked me, can you flip your hair? And I said, no, sir, this is not the type of hair that flips. It has one lips. If it flips, it's flipping off. So I will not be doing any flips. You like, can you do like something with your hair? I said, no, this is what it looks like. It's not the flip. This don't move.

This stays the way it is. You got a brush on site? What's up? It was a mess? Can you flip your hair?

No?

I was like, this is what my white photographers, Can you just like, you know, act like the wind is hitting it. No, dude, when the wind hits it in real life, the whole thing is coming off.

No dude. It was rough.

I remember when I would wear wigs and one day it was really winny and I just tied two pieces of the wig under my chin, like literally just like little Jewish curls.

Yeah, because I didn't want the wig to come off. It didn't have any combes in it.

Anyway. It did nothing for my confidence.

I was like, I don't think I want to do this again, but I may five hundred thous so you will do it again. I mean, there's no way you're not. If they if they call me back and say, yeah, we will have you.

I'll do it. Where are these photos going to appear? They don't.

It's just a whole bunch of photographers come and it's kind of like like a test shoot, things that teach them how to do different lightings and stuff like that. They had me in a JC Pinnings evening gown. I looked crazy.

It was fine. It was I'm not showing nobody. How long were you there for?

I was there for a couple hours. The makeup was trash, it was fine whatever, but you looked great. Speaking of something that's not trash, speaking of something that's outstanding, speaking of myth our guest today, guest today, would never would not even will never never been in a town that has meth at all.

Shan't ever. I mean she in Brooklyn. Now, I feel like, no, they don't do math here. They don't, but it's the new Brooklyn.

It's white people here now, so they might do meth here.

Now.

She's a comic that has done our show before, she's done my radio.

She's great. She's a writer, she's a.

She's a lover, she's a homie, she's a sister, she's a friend.

Yes, she's a philanthropist. She's a world traveler because she travels a lot. Okay, and she got the hat to prove it. Okay, she's wearing a Panama today.

She is our global expert expert giving up for Casey.

By s waved just so everybody at home knows, nice voice, Casey.

Case you've been sitting here for a couple of minutes. I feel about the things that you've heard today.

I mean, we've covered a lot. Math is fun.

Have you no no, no, no, no, no. I mean I just think learning secrets is fun.

So Sydney is good her secret, she's so good.

So like I didn't know that there was a meth adjacent I didn't know that that was a thing.

Yeah, well, actually adderall is like another type of meth amphetamine.

I did hear that. Yeah it is.

Don't tell half the comics like that.

It's it's like, yeah, it's like myth. That's why it keeps you up. That's why you stay focused. So I say the same thing, same thing, but no, but that's what you crush up the adderall and you sniff.

It and then like, why is the coke orange? Some people do that.

Why is the coke orange? I don't know, no idea. I've never taken adderall. I just stay up.

It's trash. I don't do it.

I had to do it when I like was like in high school when I was like diagnosed with age.

Kids stay in school and don't do drugs because there's kids listening.

Guys, thank you and mother, you did you had.

Had like I was prescribed had like I had like ADHD, which really only meant like I had I could take unto untimed tests. Which was the best because there's just a bunch of us that would be like just running around the gym like not.

But you don't anymore. No, no, no, I don't do any of that stuff anymore. You grown.

But you know what, here's the thing I really wish I like, I like, I really wish I got into pills more.

No, dude, No, you don't spoken like a true quite. First of all, pills are mad expensive. I know it has a lot of money. Seems like oxy cotton. You gotta have good health care.

I would never My sister's a nurse and she's just like she basically is like that. The company like they could give two fucks. There was all this stuff out in America. They basically now they're selling it in Europe with without any of the warnings. But they're yeah, they're they're dealing heroin to people can't.

Yeah, it's terrible, and that oxy in anything if you like hurt your knee, if you like have a surgery, they just throwing that ship. What happens on my west right, Opio waitsoids because he.

Was like I got light bob suction for y'all, and I was like, you're so fat.

Also, there was not one single person that was like nobody. I have never had any conversations with anybody that are like Kanye should you know, need get a couple of squish out?

Just just press on those squish you know when you put a pimple and you like squeeze it in some of the stuff out.

No, think I'm not respecting a man who gets light bo.

I just feel like you're a man.

You should You should work out because you change your diets easier for you to lose weight.

It's proven like a guy goes on a diet for a week and he's like a new person. A woman goes on a diet for two years and is like, I mean, I guess I feel okay, I.

Guess I guess I lost a pound of water weight.

Crazy because listen, we get these guys such a hard time because they were like, oh, you don't put any time into looking good. You're just throwing that dusty sneaker and a terrible shirt and you got no abs.

That's what the West is.

Yes, So now if they want to get lightpo what you gotta do. Man, if you're gonna take that hairline while you're at it, No, if you're.

Gonna but if you're gonna get liposuction, as a man, I don't want to hear about it.

Just quietly you be like I'm going on a retreat. Yeah, I'm going on a work tree.

Tell us you're in rehab. Don't tell me you're getting plastic shirt, plastic surgery.

Tell us about it on TMZ. Wow, a man's really got to be a man. It's like, don't speak about your life boat, especially because it.

Was on TMZ, which is like the trashiest one. Like yeah, it's like going to give this whole interview and be like and be like I was this was hard for me, Like I'd have some but the fact that he busted into the TMZ office in then a sweatsuit, yes, and it's like problem. His nipples were like pointy under their shirt.

It was like, do what kind of fabric you want? Is that not a cotton blend?

Anyways, you're he's also a millionaire, like he can afford to pay like a chef and a trainer, and like he could have lost that weight.

You could have invited TMZ to his house.

He's he's just no need to bust in anyways, busting into la offices.

Yes, you travel a lot.

I have.

I have traveled. I did get this hat on the street in New York just so, but it doesn't like it though. It doesn't look like a street at all. This was like a hungover hat. Where I was walking to work. I was like, I need to cover more of my face.

It looks so good. It's a really cute panic hat. Thanks very much, short what you paid for ten bucks? That's good. T J Crew was selling them last year for like six Remember when you when I went to go check it out for.

You got to do all the hats from those street guys hats and sunglasses. I feel, oh, yes, then you can at least like play around and have.

Like fun ones. But then they look like, you know, the designer ones look cool. It's fun to play with.

Also, you can't play with you can't pay what they tell you to pay, like Sydney does.

Oh you okay, So let's get into this gullible thing. So are you so? Are you somebody who haggles at all when you pay for things?

I go I always go into things being like I'm gonna get them, and then they're just like like literally even yesterday, no, two days ago. There's a record guy, a guy selling records on the corner of like records like full on like classic, like he had all this. I got caught there was I saw Dirty Dancing and I was like, I know all those songs. It's like

How much is a record?

Yeah, this guy was sold. I bought two records and he I like it was embarrass sam, like forty dollars for two records on the street on the.

Way street records that probably has lice, How dare you?

They were dusty?

They were dusty, and because the thing is like I was kind of going in there being like, no, no, I'll give this guy twenty five dollars at the most, and he literally said forty and I was like, here you go, like I have seen every intention of trying to stand up for myself and like walk away. But then he says it, and it's like I almost feel like I don't know what I feel. I feel like I can't I don't know. I'm like I just like I I honestly am just like this was the price they must be.

Don't just hand them my cash. Don't be sad. Don't be sad for them. They're hustling people I know. And this guy was clearly like, no, no to spell. Those records are not his records. He found them.

He probably also bought the record. Like No, these were like they were actually like good like the other plasks. They didn't look like, they didn't smell like they had been sitting in like somebody's dead basement for a while. Like they were like had the plastic and all this stuff. But I was also like, this guy seemed to touch autistic. Like I heard him try to sell this children's record to a man for one hundred dollars and that man, well, that's a great man.

Autism. I want that selling autism selling.

Yeah, yeah, that man walked away. That man walked away with one record that he whittled down to like fifteen. And then here I am like, how much did you like fifteen? You get a different one? And I paid forty dollars for uh for two records? Do you have a record player?

Even I have a record for dollars?

Case this couch on a Monday? No, no, no, hold on, hold on forty dollars on a Monday. Actually, to do the podcast, the guests have to pay us fifty dollars each.

So that'll be you.

Guys were like, you pay your own your own way here and then for the exposure.

I will imagine if you charged guests to be on a podcasts, they wouldn't do it.

Crazy. I feel like we could have charged Casey. I would have been like, you, guys, lunch, what's happening? I wasn't running late. I would have stopped with the Brenzino. Oh yeah wait wait, how did you say it the first time? Oki? That's how I want to say it now, Skyk, I mean, g in there. It sounds like a nail lady.

Yeah, can you get the corner of my thumb because it looks like you missed this? So are you usually bad with money?

Then? Like when yes, okay, so I it's so hard.

I literally I have pet I mean the one good thing I'll say that I have going for me. Is that I never got a credit card because I know how impulsive I am, and I knew that I would be.

I knew that I would fuck myself for life.

So it's like I never I had myself for life, myself alive, myself alive.

I like that.

That'll be my theme song when I when I was in college, I got a gap card because I was on supervised one day and.

I used it.

Was like instead of doing laundry, I was like, guess I've got some cakes, you know, like, and I would just fucking run that ship up. I had a five hundred dollars balance on that for about three years until one year for my birthday, my parents paid it off for me because I was literally I wasn't like that was like they came together and were like, this has gotta be But I literally left the balance on there for years and then does it go up?

Yes, yes, I had an Angel's card, bitch.

They were oh the Victorias secrets or they don't play no games, No they don't, and that's and then that's on your credit toun and you're like, how like I can't buy a house because of.

Panties, Like it's two hundred dollars, literally just two hundred dollars.

Yeah, it's terrible. I've never gotten a store card insane, I know, I know, and it was literally got us. Yeah. I was just I was like, I have to be supervised.

If I had a credit card, I would need like somebody to be sewn to me to be like, don't spend that.

Well, what made you get the Gap card?

I was just in coll and I was like, I think I was there somebody on camp like I was about to buy like a T shirt, and they're like, why don't you just sign up for the car to get twenty percent off everything today? And I was like yeah, and then just grabbed more everything, grabbed pants and everything.

To be in a certain place to let somebody scam you in fucking the gap especially for like coolotte pants, like for like yellow like capri pants, some pants, for stuff that you don't even wear it.

I couldn't even tell you. I don't even think I wore it that much then, like I used to Gap wasn't even cool though, No it was, but I was like, yeah, I was like I didn't know. I was just like a couple of like it just felt like it was free, like I just felt like I was kind of felt.

Like being a grown up. Like I was like, charge it, you know, and I was like, I see people do this, My mom do this cigarette.

I had my own water bottle full of cop and like I had the reusable like giant Starbucks, saying though, I just I thought it was a grown up thing to do.

So I got it and then yeah, it was miserable. But so I've never got a credit.

Card because I've always always been impulsive with money, because I'm always I'm very much like, gratify me now, you know, do.

You Is that how you are in the bedroom too, Gratify me now.

I'm like closing my eyes and let's just all get there gratifying gratify me now.

Yeah, So does that mean you carry just cash now?

No?

I When I have cash, though, it's dangerous because like I said, it's like even showtime, showtime, and even if I'm like I'm not paying attention today, they start flipping and they catch that dirty hat in their mouth, and I'm.

Like, this deserves at least a dollar. You know.

Every time someone gets on the train and starts dancing or asks for money.

I at least give them. I at least try to give them my attention if I don't have a dollar. But I mean I've given them money and not even taken the fruits. Next too, like I've given them and I've taken the fruits necks, and I've given them money and not taken the fruits.

I'm telling you, when I have cash, it's it's it's bad.

It's like I like, like I told you on the radio, like I've gone to the bank to pull out cash to give money to a homeless per So that guy that I saw that was crying and then once I got closer, you got got with the homeless tears. I got got with the homeless tears. Like the I walk wind, He's like, please, somebody help me, Please, somebody help me.

I was like, it's not gonna help this man. So I walked into a bank that wasn't even my own, so I had to pay a fifty.

He was just when I got closer, he was yellow like he was a legit alcoholic. I told you his face, No, no, his face was like he was like yellow color. No, he was like this old white man and he was crying and he felt bad.

White man. I felt bad because he was asking for help.

This is the thing, is like, I can't make eye contact or listen to your story because I will like I'm like, okay.

You know we're quite poor contact keep her right contact. If you guys were on the train, how much money did you give you this this dirty drunk we I.

Gave him ten dollars And when I got close, do you have that you could get tens out of?

No?

I got a in the hood.

No, no, no.

I went to a teller.

I got twenty out of the ATM waited in line to break it into ten.

Kasey, how do you have the time? This is New York City, We're busy. How do you have time to do that?

I don't know where I was going. Girl, you had your whole day was free. I must have been never give homeless people money. And when I was in college, I was legit, like a homeless magnet. And I remember my friend dropped me off at the train station and this guy was like asking for money. And she called me and was like, Marie, here's X amount of dollars,

And he was like.

I don't really see anything here that I want. I was like, we're at McDonald's and you're not hungry. Yeah, you're trying to me that your body is a temple.

Yeah.

He was exactly like a dusty brown temple.

He was like, my family's up the road, and like, I feel like if you gave me the cash, I can get something to eat with them up the road.

Yeah, up the road. I was like, oh, so they're home. It's yeah, they're home. Yeah, they So you have a place to stay. I know I had.

There are times when I'll be like, use my use my better judgment. Because there was this guy that was standing outside of like a dollar pizza slice and I was going in to get a pizza and he was like, just a dollar for some food, please, like just like he was on this loop. And I was like, this guy's just a dollar food please, And I was like, I'll buy you a slice of pizza, and he like it like he was too fucked up that they couldn't even compute, Like he was like just a dollar for

I think you just like you can't have a conversation with them. You have to just bring them the slice. Yeah, And then if they.

Try to reason with these people, you can't reason with them because to them, listen, they are at rock bottom. They'll say anything, they'll do anything to get the fucking cash money. At the point, you don't know how any dix he'll suck for for a dollar.

He honestly you don't even know it was, yeah, because he didn't even seem to compute anything. So I'm sure that there's just been things they just know that that's on. It's on rotation, like it's on rotation.

Dollar?

Can I have a dollar? Yeah? What's the most money you've ever given somebody?

You mean you don't know, I mean the ten was Oh, the guy, the baby formula guy gave him thirty six, thirty five or thirty six dollars.

Baby formulas tell tell the people's yes.

So this is which then I heard is a racket because you guys told me that it's this whole thing where these guys they have you buy baby formula.

They say that they This guy told me he had an AIDS baby and he needed hit you with the AIDS baby. With AIDS baby, he told me.

He told me.

He told me that he was displaced from the Florida to hurricanes, which didn't even really displace people, and that they brought him to New York. And Robbie was like, do you know how many places in the middle of Florida are dirt cheap? There was no way they would be like, oh, you lost your home in Miami, let's send you the expensive place.

You your wife and your aid's baby, let's go.

So he So I was walking from New York Comedy Club and it was like minute and I told her I was like listening to a murder podcast anyway.

So with somebody that approached it, I was like, I was like, I don't know listening. I can't listen to a murder podcast, I know by myself. And so he was just kind of like she wanted down. Yeah, unless you're like he's ready. She seems like she's ready. Seems like she's rid.

My key the keys thing. I just have a bag full of change and just checking them. So comes up and he's like, hey, I'm not gonna ask you for money. He's like, I just He's like, this is my story. He's like, you know, I'm a I'm a bricklayer by trade. Which then Robbie's like he's like Game of Thrones. He's like, I'm a brick layer by trade. He's like, I make seventy five dollars an hour in Florida. He's like, we got displace here. They moved us from Brookly, Like, I

He's like, you know I've paid into social screen my whole life. I don't know where it is.

He even showed me this is where then I'm an idiot. He showed me his New York state I deep like or Medicaid card or something like that, and I was like, I was able to pay for that, but that's why I was like. But also in my head now I'm like, you mean you've been here long enough to apply for medicaid, because like I have medica. I know how long that shit takes in yourself a minute and I'm like, yeah, it takes a while.

And see his address? What was that adress?

He kept telling me the addresses like you can go visit me. I'm in sweet and I should have written down because at first I was kind.

Of like, you was gonna go, well, I was gonna maybe check on baby Casey. You were probably like, hey, Marie in city, you want to hang out for a little bit.

And then you take us to this place like yeah, I just needed back up, like they got at me get.

So yeah, So he takes me, He walks me, He tells me, uh, he goes, I need this special formula. He has me look it up on my phone, all that stuff, and I don't know what he just has the name of the formula all this stuff, and I'm like, okay, I can buy you some food.

He's like, you don't have any Wi Fi and you're looking up stuff for somebody else and for some stranger.

I'm just I just was looking up. So we eventually walked to from New York to the Daine read.

How many did you and this dirty man walk together? Three? An't like the three of the long block chatting with me by yourself? Yes.

We ran into Nico White on the way because they were going to New York and I'm like, and yeah, I probably did.

He look at you like hell? He told me no.

When I told him what happened, He's like, don't do that, and I was like, I'm sorry. I just like I want to believe that people if people are in like you know, because he's like, I hate having to do this because I'm.

Like, the story was so I usually don't do this. I hate you're lying they do joice.

Bud was like, did you just get here? She's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? We walked the thing because he tells me that he has a problem. He's like, no, they have a problem with me. At the other one, which I should have been like, but at this point, now I've walked. So now we've walked into Dwayne and read together. And when I walked in, he goes, oh, it's that one there that's missing, but you see the price. And then afterwards I was like, I'm sorry. I was like, we can go to the

And I was like, okay.

He's like, did you ask why, Casey? You guys have walked for three avenues. He's basically your best friend.

Now.

I know he did hug me, but sometimes you don't want.

To say why because you're just like, I just want to get this fucking over with it.

I just that's when you just go home.

It's kind of like but at this point, like I'm like, now that we've done this, if I walk away, like I don't know if I just run or if I just I don't know what happened. No, No, it was winter, so they were they were they could have been. They were close Toedyce.

Did you have those are terrible running?

No?

No, I've heard you can and New York you can't roll. You can roll in ankle you know angle.

Yeah, ugs are now just my like house like the ones that I wear. I'm going, Yeah, if I'm just going to the.

There are one hundred and fifty dollars house shoes got because I've had them for ten years now.

Yeah, I have the same one. That means they look oh yeah, that's why I don't wear that. They're literally just for if I'm walking to like to get coffee in the morning.

No, those are I'm taking the trash out. Yeah you when I lived in La I know, how is that possible? That means they smell like gin because they literally have like you can say that water spots. I don't know.

I thought, you know, because I would be I thought they look you know, you're wearing like your ugs are your like shorts to bartend because it's running outside.

What are you, Jessica? I was going through things. You're still going through that. I'm still going through things. And she like me, wait, let me just lets up up.

This form of the situation because people who are listening that don't know because we have a lot of international listeners, Okay.

Don't talk to these people. So so we go in and it's missing.

So I walk out and I was like I'm really sorry, and he's like, I mean, is there because I remember he started off as saying, I won't ask you for money, bless you, and then I was like listen, I and I literally this was also at a point where I think I told you.

I was like so close, I had like just paid it. I literally probably I got you. We had no dollars.

I had paid got fifty dollars first bot, and I probably only had like seventy eight dollars in my bank account, like I was not.

That's what I'm saying. So all hashtag why women doing bad?

Of all?

How much was the formula thirty six, thirty five or thirty six? Why is formula so damn expensive? I mean because the baby had AIDS?

Yeah, because that's just this is they find the most expensive thing in there so they can return it.

So I so I go, I hold twenty five dollars. I have a question.

Okay, so this is special formula for AIDS baby. I think it was just I think he was.

I think he's just it's like, because you shouldn't be allowed to just go into CVS and get AIDS baby.

I think because he was like, it's this special pharmacy.

Yeah, I should have been able to pick any of those formulas up, but he's like, it's this one that's missing it up.

And I was like some pedia shore and called it a day. I should have just fucking given him a bag of almonds, and they're like some almond million health.

I don't even No, No, we need to find this guy and write a pilot with his nigga because that is well thought out story, complicated, story was detailed because he's been telling it over it he probably had to add things like each person he meets, he's like, okay, so now I got to ask him.

Yeah, he's like she looks like he's mother.

Based on questions and he at the end of it like basically, I go, I have twenty five dollars. This is all I can give you. And he's like, you can break that fifty, and so I go, you let him see the fifty, okay, Okay, So I walk back in, I go back to where I know, I go back to where the formula was, just to look and he goes and I go and I break the fifty and I come back out. He goes, were you checking to

And he's like, thank you, guy ble and he hugged me. And then I was like he didn't smell. He wasn't a smelly man like so.

He also, You're like, if all you needed was him to smell like shit for you be like no, no, no, to be like something's a miss.

But the things yes.

But here's the thing also that was like such a such a thing where I was like this wasn't this wasn't right. Then I go, I go, okay, I hope you can get it. He's like, yeah, they sell it by my hostel. I'm like, the why the fuck didn't we just go there? You know, like if they sell it right by the way he said, he said it was right around the area. All of it was dumb anyway,

So again I'm like, I can't. I've taken a taxi. Like you're just money, all your money, That's what I'm saying. I found forty dollars in the cab.

Casey you needed, you could have had forty dollars plus thirty plus another thirty six. Yeah, okay, I have a question. I'm winded, exhausted for you. I'm laying down while you were telling this because I was like I needed late down.

I know.

So your family is your family like a giving type of people, Like maybe that's in your blood that you just want to help out.

This is yeah, I coming from like I remember Christmas always know San Francisco is a huge homeless population.

Yeah, I remember Francis from San Francisco.

But I remember we would always go downtown like for Christmas around Christmas to go see Santa on the roof of Macy's and all that stuff.

You know, San Francisco be.

On the roof. It is.

Coast, you know, and they had like the little like train track they had kind of like a mini little like winter we.

Have a ground level Santa.

There was also many of those, but you know, my parents told me the real one was on the roof, and I was like, yeah, he's there these closer to his deer and stuff like that. I believe in Santa until I was in eighth grade. By the way, talk about gullible. Eighth fucking grade. I was in double digit ages.

You were like a cool. I was like, I was like twelve or thirteen, and you were on your period, still believing. I got my period in fifth grade and I was still like, there's a man that my presence.

I think I realized that you were like the red in my panties looks like the red on Santa's cat.

It was like, like I was so young when I got my period, I thought it was a flower in my panties. And then yeah, believed in Santa Tel eighth grade until finally my mom literally parked at the top of our block was like, I gotta tell you, because yeah, it's gone on too long.

I realized that Santa wasn't real because I didn't live with my mom.

I didn't live with my mom, and my mom would always ask me what I wanted, and she was in New York and I was in California. So I was like is she gonna email? No, is she gonna write Santa a letter for me? She was just buying it and then sending it and sending it to California.

Yeah.

I even found a bike in my grandma's house one time, and I was like, what is this And my dad was like, Santa sent it early so we could put it together for yourself.

Your parents been lying, Wow, maybe that's what it is. You've been listening to the lies of your life. I mean, my parents were liars too, but I knew Santa wasn't real because they were all so loud. So I woke up and they were like wrapping the gifts and they're like you know what and it was like, okay, well this is and I're like, and on the word.

I know. Also, my parents are too broke to let me think that some fat white dude is paying.

They're like, we got this.

They're like, well, what do you want that I can afford? Like okay, well right, that's what happened.

Now. My mom was splurgeon because I wasn't with her, so I was like, there is some pros to living with your parents.

Yeah, they want to buy your love, so they do they really do? If they mess up at all. So you so your mom tells you that Santa is not real in.

Early eighth grade, Yeah, I'm I'm obviously like I mean because people kids at school it told me. They're like, it's the same wrapping paper that your parents use. I was like, oh, you went in school telling people that's in it was still real?

Quinn, Oh yeah, oh my god.

I played Barbie till I was eighteen, Like I've been living in a dream world my whole life.

You played Barbie till you were eighteen?

Yeah.

At that point, I was just playing my I was like, you know, I would tape songs off the radio and at that point, I was just playing mixtapes, having them dance and make out.

Like were you playing with or I was a senior in high school.

No, no, no, I just played in my room like and it would be small spurts, you know, fifteen minutes and I like what am I doing? And then I tied them again. So but like so in San Francisco, so lots of homeless people. So I remember like always feeling like terrible, like I still to like, I still just hope that there's going to see people. I hope that like at one point they've like felt there's something was wrong, you know. I always felt like story, but

Yeah, we all.

Like an.

I literally do. I'm a jail, I know.

But my dad used to by like he'd beend like one hundred bucks at like a McDonald's and get a bunch of like the cheeseburgers and we you know, you walk a family. Yeah, they're not they're they're they're pretty nice. I mean, my dad was always my coach. But then I told you the story about my mom. This is a funny story. My mom's an alcoholic, not anymore. She's sober now, but when she was like drunk, she for one Christmas that my sister was home, got tanked, invited

Yeah almost, that's how you do it.

So she's like, now these teenagers, teenage boys are walking around with like my sweaters like crazy ship.

So like, what is your mom's name? Barb? Barb would do I know, I have this whole joke about it. I'm like, woman named Barb. She can't she can't figure it out. Was she drinking merlow? No, Barb had like Bartini mg D, what the g D? Genuine draft beer?

She was well, she would drink beer, but she'd also I would find the mini wine bottles in her bath.

So there was like there was a little bit of both, like Barb and J. Would she ever drink and J? No, Barb never really did hard liquor. It was always beer and wine. My mother was ian J. Really yeah, Harvey's Bristol cream, Like what is that c Bristol cream? Yeah, I don't know.

It sounds like a white it looks like a white Russian. It's just like what you like, yeah, core, Yeah, yeah. All the baileieses are like my mom does not drink.

My mother will like drink wine with us, still drink you know, some like Manishiwitz or something like that.

She'll drink like, yeah, mom is not I think my mom also was like undiagnosed bipolar for many years.

Ol.

That's probably what it was so Yeah.

So sometimes when she drinks, she'd feel better, and some days when she drinks, she'd be like whoa, like crazy, So she.

Never knew what her broken. Yeah, yeah somebody, and you know what, you couldn't. I think we should be invited to Christmas now, I know.

I feel like now she's she's sober, she's sober, but you know what, she still is very like my mom still has always been a very giving person, like even when like she didn't have like you know because obviously like then then through disability, like through the bipolar. Also like she was going through a job and like then had to like eventually stop working on something, she would still give If she had three hundred dollars and I needed something, she would give.

Me your bloody I guess really is guess. So there's a thin line between being giving and being dumb.

So ah, thank you. I tap it on both sides though, because you're straggling.

Yeah, there's times were like because also it's like sometimes somebody I was like, there's just too much, I feel too bad about everything, and so it's like, well I go volunteer. Then, so then it's like if somebody asked me for money. I used to do the Souper Kitchen in Harlem, the food bank, and then I work for a special Olympic so I do like other things, but it's also like it's still like there's just time and I just feel like I'm like, this is just a dog like I don't.

But it's do you feel like this is white guilt? It sounds like a little white guilt. Gir No, I think I just gives money to really giving us.

No, no, no, no, because it's just it's it's because I also like I I I don't know. I just I feel like there's so many I feel like there's a lot of mental illness that just gets yes. Because my aunt is schizophrenic and she's been in a home in San Diego four years. And I'm just like if we weren't, if like my mom and my grandma didn't do that, like she would be the lady in the subway that was like with the.

My cousin outdoor, My cousin out door, she definitely was bipolar. Yeah, and an will just give up. But the thing is, I feel like I don't want to say just black and Spanish, but there's some home we overlook it we were like, oh, you know, that's that's crazy as cousin over there.

You know she's a little far away. Yeah, she's a little touch off.

When like people need to be raped, people they need medication, and they need supervision, they need guidance, and.

I think that there's they can't do it by themselves.

No, And there's people running around the streets that have either been kicked out of these homes because like my aunt has literally lost her health insurance.

She loses it about twice a year, and my mom why does she keep moving to get it? Because because they don't care, because the government doesn't help. Well, we know that they don't care.

But if you're given a dollar to everybody that you see every day, you're probably spending like a cool sixty dollars.

Just give it to you.

I know, I probably, I know I shouldn't ye every time I think I know I shouldn't. If you guys should just send my an really like a dollar. But seriously, But yeah, but that part makes me sad to because you can tell that there's people that have fucked up their lives, and you can tell there's people that didn't

But you might have helped him for the day or for that ever. You help them get today a drug dealer to get more.

Yeah, and they don't remember me. They don't because don't I want to do it?

Well?

Like there's a guy that was outside of my my badea the other day and he had a veteran card, so I gave him five dollars and he's still there every day and every day I'm like not today, you know. But I don't think he ever remembers the five dollars.

I know. I have Gus that stands at my like somebody who's up to something. No, Gus is the soul man.

He's got no teeth and he wears snow jackets even the summer, and sotimes I go buy him.

He eats liver worst with mayonnaise, sanwich. You can't get cold.

He's he's like one hundred years old. He to sell me a heart monitor where he's like he like has them, like he.

Stole that, Yeah, he stole that and he try to sell it to you for twelve Casey, do you write this ship off when your taxes? You?

I feel like you should and you could you have a donation. This is a nonprofit.

I know.

You're the Salvation Army?

Are you gullible in like relationships too?

Like do men lie to you or say things to you?

And you're like, oh, I've had I've had terrible I mean besides Robbie, Robbie's the you know, the nicest person that I could try everything. Ever, He's just trustworthy And yeah, I think that is probably why I'm so attracted to him, because because.

We're like, would he would never hurt?

He would never like he just also thinks that it's dumb, like he'd be like why would I like if I were ever to do that, I you know, I just tell you or something like that. But No, I've definitely had boyfriends that were like told me that they weren't like that, said that things weren't like lie to my Like I had this guy that I dated.

In Maui and he would literally like Mawie.

Oh yeah.

What he would literally.

Facebook was just like I was just getting on Facebook and he would write all these things like beautiful day, sunset by Like he acted like he was.

Like this bachelor.

He'd like take a picture of food that I cooked and be like great day at home by myself eating dinner.

I was like, find myself. Yeah, like he would literally he acted like he was out of selfie bachelor.

And I would see these like these all these women from like because he was gross from like Utah, like he was just nat like, but all these women like and he was a little bit older than me, but all these like gross nasty women would always comment like looking good Matt, like all this stuff at him. I was like, does anybody know that we're like you're gross?

Well, how the hell did you end up in MAUI? I got you would surfing and then just stay.

Oh I wasn't even good at surfing. I just would paddle out and kind of lie there to tan my back.

You live, You definitely lived. Do you know what I have? Barely? I have like barely a savings account, but like my life has did you don't have the savings account? All the thing that you're doing. Yeah, all the homeless people are giving, I know, and all the then and getting for doors on the street U MAUI was just like I got out of college. I was working.

I was a theater mate. You know, nobody knows what the fuck did you do with the theater degree. I wasn't in SAG I wasn't auditioning.

No.

I still had like baby fat on me, Like I mean, like my face was literally like if you look at my I mean okane right now, but like my I like looked like a little like chubby kid, you know.

And I was like I didn't know what I was doing. I was working at a restaurant.

I was like pissing my life away and I was and my friend was like, do you want to go to Hawaii for like a month? And I was like, I was working seven days a week. I was working at a dating service, a video online dating service, and then bartending on the weekend. So I was working seven days a week but still not making any money, you know, and just like burning that's all the days, dud. It's all like football Sundays, Saturday nights and then working Monday

But He's like yo.

I was also like in La, do you give me some money? No, I actually took out a loan. I took out a line credit.

You're garbage with your money.

I have money, I know, but I took out this is but you know what the crazy thing is is that then I've gotten these weird lump sums that I've been able to pay off stuff like I sued accutane and I won a little bit of money.

Let's talk about that what happened, because it's that did you do act? What is accutane? It's a pimple medicine that that like makes kids crazy and suicide.

It makes you out your brain. Yeah, like I tried, like I I was one of the only living clients in the case. If that tells you what's going on, Oh my god.

So we sued. The guy did a pro boat.

It wasn't that much money, but I was able to Basically I had taken out this line of credit fifteen grand. Okay, I had a line of I know, but I had a line of credit. I had racked up this line of credit for like eight thousand dollars, so I paid that off.

I went to.

Thailand, of course, because every time I get money, I fucking I'm out of here. This is when I was like twenty five twenty six. I went to Thailand for a month.

But also stay when you go to these please bounce, man. You just bounce around like.

Thailand is good because there's so many transient people that we just met this group of guys from Finland and they were like we're going here.

We're like, well with you, like so we just we ended up dead that Halloway Halloway, Like my god, Thailand.

I don't know these people we met, these Dutch dudes, I was they were They were very nice people. But there was three of us and my friend Hallie is way smart, my friend Halley and Jamie like I'm.

The one don't sound smart. It don't sound so much to me.

Halle, Halley and Jamy were like, they're like we all balanced, like I'm the fun one and Hallie's like the one that booked all of our travel, made sure that none of us does.

Yeah, no she will. Yes, she had a car. You did you pay Hallie bag? Yeah? Yeah, because I had money from the ID. I didn't know why I paid Halle. I paid for Halle. Halle was the want.

Like Hollie actually taught me how to save money when we lived together in Hawaii, Like we had an envelope system because we worked at restaurants. So every time I put money in an envelope and save it. But it was the first time only that I could see things. And then I used to do the five dollars system, where anytime I had five dollars, I like a five dollar bill, I would put it away when I moved one, yes,

Like a five dollars about Wiley. That's usually all that I have, and break the ton you know. Yeah, yeah, I got a baby at home. You tell me to break my time?

I know, go break the fifty okay sir?

Wait, So you se accutaine to accutin fifteen made you crazy? Made me crazy, yeah, because it came out of nowhere. And then my dad years later heard this thing because the side effects were already out in Europe but.

Not in America because they don't look things. I never really had bad acne.

I just was like comfortable with like a little bit and I had a little bit of like back acne, and I was.

Like, I'm uncomfortable, like I want to look.

No.

Acutane is for like cystic acne.

Yeah, And I never had like you should supposed to be having like oozing pimples from them.

My dermatologists have just had this new thing that you know, I probably they probably also wanted to see how it works. I'm telling my face had never looked face looked like my face was.

Like like beautiful, like smooth, like even and I never yeah, but who wants nice skin when you're ready to jump off a bridge.

I'm sill addicted to chapstick because of it because it drives out your brain. So and I was like playing soccer at the time in the sun, like I was like, I think the health when I think about it now, I'm like, this is why I always felt like so like crazy and dehydrated. Because I would tell my mom, I was like, do you know what hydrant? You feel like you can hear the whin you're like your ears, you feel like it goes like you're like, oh fuck, I need to drink a gatorade or something like that.

I thought, I don't even know that. I don't know, and I stayed dehydrat.

I used to well, this is why I must have liked my brain was like accutane. Acutane killed everybody except of you. Agutan is killed. So now we're still using acute because it's super you.

It's super regulated, like they tell you straight off, like if you feel any different, stop fixed, like all this stuff. So my dad had heard this radio thing that was like do you or somebody you know took agitation from the ears of this and this you could be part of it, like you know, something like that, because they were he.

Was your dad was listening to Selina and Barnes. He was here.

I don't even think they had that in San Francisco, but a version and he was listening to it and they was listening all the side effects. He's like, well, that's what happened to you, because because with me, he's like it came out of nowhere, like all of a sudden,

And soundway I oh, I jumped out my window because I was on the bottom floor. I went out.

I went out my window a couple of times, and like stayed at my friend's house just to be dramatic as fun.

Jamie's no, because Marrie, they were Maui friends. Okay, these are these are my Catholic schools? Where are they now?

Halle and Jamie Hallie still a Maui. She got married, has two kids. They own a business, Samiett man a big samoan mayn no no, no, no, no, like a little man. Yeah, it's like a regular like a regular sized man boring. And Jamie is in Chicago with her with two kids.

Oh so they settled? Do they so settled? And here I am guys still living living on the air? Yeah, club, yes exactly, I think that.

Okay, that's what I'm saying. So I took out a line of credit though, but was able to pay it off. Okay, time, let's just let's listen. Let's just wrap up this this Maui situation.

So you going crazy.

You get your fifteen grand, You're like, let's go to Maui.

Wan here later.

I mean the fifteen grand came at least like like ten years after this whole thing, Like it was a long situation.

Okay, okay, yeah, so go to Thailand. You go to go to Thailand, blow it all up. Okay, then go to for a month, No to Mali first.

So yeah, I went to Maui for a month, and when we got there, we signed at least for seven months, and then I stayed for three years, and and and Hallie still lives there.

That's the girl I moved with, so she just lives there.

I swear to you you should write a book because I'm all over. It's all over. You literally have so many layers, and you're an onion. It's you're a messy ass onion.

Who's yeah, living in San Francisco and LA and Maui and Nework like there, it's just any place.

Expense like it's it's crazy, you're an onion blossom. Were you giving away money in Maui?

They now have sob stories that you were like, oh no, yeah, there's no like it's so chill to lose all your money.

There's no, that's not yeah, that's not a thing there.

It's like, cause you can live on the beach if you have a fishing pole, so you can like live in a tent.

But there was there wasn't that much. There's nothing. Everything down there is super expensive. But I've never heard.

Once you're there you get discounts, like if you have a Hawaii d you get almost like fifteen to twenty five percent off anything.

And then like you work at a restaurant, people give you free shit. They come to yours.

You give them free shit like we all we all say it was like the same fifty dollars tip that just.

Moved around the island. Okay, that's great, you know what I mean?

Like my dad literally goes, can we go somewhere where the bill is just regular? I don't know how much money I'm supposed to give these people, because everywhere we went it was like we gave you this free and here's your discount all that stuff.

And he's like, I don't get it.

Okay, Well tell how helly helly that I'm coming to Hawaii Okay and I'm gonna go for a month.

Yeah, okay, both of us. They got around. Tell the kids they got to go to another place. How the kids? The kids are like young? Ace is new? Ace is like new.

Five months you're on the new. I'm on the Ace ya ace Ason? And then CC is like two and a half. No, I guess that's too young there, little babies. Cassey, are you how are you with friends?

All right?

Friends able to scam you out of some coins?

Are they selling you those cutcoat what Clark Jones said, the cutcoat the way knives.

No, no pyramid schemes have you ever been roped into one of those.

Because I will say I did sit down just yesterday morning with a girl who was going through the whole like Arbond skincarepel with me.

What's that?

It's like one of those like rod In and Fields type things where they're like, is that the news they want? They try to get you to sell it because then everybody makes it. It's just she actually almost like said like it's kind of a pyramid scheme, Like she didn't say it like that. She's like, you know, you share it with one person, they share it, and they share

To talk about it.

Casey, you out here just wasting time. You're too grown, You got you got too much going on.

That's the thing that Robbie gets mad about. You gotta say no, like he goes you say yes to Because I told you I said yes to that weird Halloween gig on Philly that I ended up canceling for one hundred dollars. They asked me to come host a queen cover band in Philly on Halloween.

No no, no, no no for ae hundred dollars. For one hundred dollars, I don't even have a license. Like I couldn't even get out. You had to get on a bus. I can't get the day of. And then I felt bad. He's like, you just have to stop saying yes right away. Sit back and I'll be like, what's the address? Will there be food? Yeah?

And then I'll google map. It didn't be like it's too far for me. I'm not crossing state line to do this. When I've started, Marie asked a lot of questions. Yeah, like I wish I volunteered for this.

These people asked me they were doing like a career day for these young girls, and they wanted to include comedy, comedy, which I thought was sweet. So they asked me to come and I said yes without knowing and then it was in Syracuse and then it was at nine am.

So I was like, oh, I need to go there the night before.

You want to do comedy for a bunch of girls at nine am?

I had to.

It was a career day, career day between four and eight year olds about being a comic as a profession, so I had but I had to go the night before, buy a hotel, sleep the night in Syracuse.

Can do it?

Then take another greyhound six hours for how much money? It was free, but they reimburse.

Me for what I paid.

Yeah, but that's the new scam. That's the new scam. Like this, and it's a fundraiser, so it's unpaid. But we'll have open bar and like you're like, that's it just drinks.

Like I can't pay.

What if I don't drink, I can't pay my landlord with open Yeah, we're gonna need you from six to midnight.

You get on that. We need you from six to next year. Yeah, I know I'm trying. The kids would love you. I should never open my email. He has somebody read it for it. I made a handler. All right.

Well, I feel like we need to wrap this up with like a nicer story about you being scammed, because I feel like, you know, we've been chatting for a little while, but like I feel like maybe some of the people who are listening are.

Like they see themselves in you, Like is there I see myself on you?

I definitely want to say yes, and I definitely want to help as much as I as much as possible, but I've also been in situations where I see people who help as well. Like there was a bartender at my old job.

He ended up.

I think he gave somebody else maybe eight thousand dollars. It was a lot of money. It was a lot of money for boobs.

I don't know. Guy was in a hole or whatever.

Boot And then the guy gets a TV gig and doesn't repay him like on time, and I was like, this guy shit. But then I was like, man, I've been in that situation where you get that TV money.

You're like I want it all a lot, and you get the increments.

Of it and you got your love and then it's like at the end of it, you're like, oh wow, I will have two dollars left, Like I get it. But this guy gave him the money, And at the whole time, I was like, like, why would you give somebody who's not your closest friend like that that much money? And then if you do, your friendship is over pretty much if they don't pay you back. I think it was a black man, like he knew something about him and he no, no, because I owe this.

Man eight hundred dollars, so I know that he just has it. And so did he ever get this eight thousand dollars back?

I think he finally got paid off, but it was like after years of this guy giving him dropping off, like one hundred dollar here, three hundred dollar.

In an ideal world, I would have an extra eight thousand dollars laid around too. But I feel like if Casey just had eight thousand dollars, she'd just give away.

I feel like if I ever got a lot of money, I don't know if I would give it away.

I would probably want to.

Like donate something to good costs, but I would just like want to just fucking party with all my Like I would want to just have experience.

I want to have fun. I would like want to do a trip with my friends. That that would be dope. I ever had money, like, yeah, let's just do it all together.

Loaning money, you need to know that you're actually giving the money. You're not going to get it back, And.

It's tricky between friends. Have you ever been in a situation like that?

I had, Well, yeah, even when I moved out here, I owed Amy money, like because she covered your roommates yeah, and so it's like I had to, like I think I got something, not like a lot, but I had to pay her back because it doesn't feel good.

I mean, oh, I actually owe Robbie a cup a little bit of money right now, So you don't really owe him anything. Yes, I'm like, we both flip here money.

That's y'all's money exactly, the money that makes trying to tell him keep them.

Like if you give him head on a random night, that's that's money, like Thursday.

Afternoon head, I'll be like that knocks off like five hundred. But oh absolutely, how's just funny. Do you think you owe your boyfriend? I think I owe him like sixteen hundred dollars right now. That's nothing.

When I was like in between jobs, he like comes up the rent for of us. Oh no, he's got to stay there anyway, you know, but he's gonna work. I know he's gotta be there anyway.

He's going to sleep.

Yeah, I was just gone, he's a place too. Like I decided I'm not paying because you were going to sleep anyway.

Your financial advisors.

Imagine a TV show financially advising people.

That'd be perfect. That'd be a great show.

I'd watch it for you, for you guys, like rationalizing why you actually don't have to get how you can pay somebody off without actually paying them money write the treatment.

Marie is very Haitian, so she would find a way to be like, no, no money, we're not paying paying.

I'd be like, every time I've scrubbed the toilet, does he clean the bathroom? Sometimes?

But for the most part, I'm the I'm the one that's like lifting. I'm like, you're the only one that's lifting up the seat. Just wipe the fucking rim once.

And you're an Amy and Amy. How much money you thought you owed her? Oh, I think when we were moving here, she covered a lot of things.

So I think I owed her like eight hundred and something bucks, like and so I paid off for the first couple couple of months because she was Yeah, she covered a lot of things in our move.

Here's a question for you. Have you ever been like tricked at work? Like somebody was like, can you please work my shift? I can't. My mom died, And then you see pictures of them on Instagram like all the time.

Oh yeah, that's there's that's universal. Everybody got like that. Yeah, everybody has gotten got like that. Oh yeah, but I'm the type of person I will ship and send it to you be like, bitch word Okay when you really need me, I'm like, nah, I don't even try to text me.

No, Nah, not them. Absolutely. There's there's people that have gotten their shift covered and then they come into the restaurant to eat. Yes, and I've written to them, and I'd be like, I hope it was worth it. I hope that steak was working. No favorite tartar. It's because you're not getting it out of me. They call out of work and then come to work for the discount, the discount. I've seen it happen.

You're like, how I can't because I have a birthday party and then oh, forgot to let you know the birthday party was actually at the fucking job.

That's me. Are you serious to do something else like that? Carly? Are you for real right now? That's me?

Yeah.

Well, I mean I am out of work and we're gonna get a discount, so let's just.

Go to work. Yeah, we're gonna stay at the bar.

So what's your plans for twenty eighteen? Are you working on trying to just stop the show. You got to do a no exercise? What I have to do?

Yeah, I have to things I can't make up. I need to stop making I gotta just live like I'm in New York. I gotta put my head down.

How long have you been here? About four years?

That's long enough to know better. I know that's not like ye is like graduating from college. Yeah, I yeah, I.

Have to you know what I should do?

Like I said, I should get back in and start doing more volunteer work at the soup kitchen so that I'm like, you know, if somebody's like to you have money, I'm like, no, but here's a card that you can.

Go get a fucking female.

But even those people stop carrying cute count But also you're going to go to the banks.

You're going to go to the bank. I can't believe you, Casey, I can absolutely can.

You are an attractive white woman, you have a man, You're funny, you do comedy regularly, you travel a lot.

Like what how I can tell by the I can tell by those cheekbones that this is this is how it's going down. Man, You're gonna be like this for the rest of your life. All you're gonna be like this until you die. Yeah, it's okay, it's not okay.

Some people are like that.

Some people are just really nice, giving, gullible people, and you have a special place in heaven.

It's the part with all the fools that they're good fool. You know, Marle the King is there.

You know, I talk enough because I feel like I talked shit about I mean, I feel like there's also the part of it, like talk shit about everyone.

So I'm like, maybe this is my girl talk about my friend. I'm talking and I'm not paying she I'm talking shit in your face.

I know.

Listen.

The way that we do it in my family is we'll just switch languages and we'll be looking at you, like and then a word randomly will be in English that that shouldn't be in English, but you know, we're talking like you.

That's the type of family.

Like my mom and dad are from a third world country, right, so, like they don't play with money, Like they're not just giving money to people. But my mom is super generous, Like if she has food or what like, if you need it, she will get it to you.

But she's not gonna give you money, right, she will not that's what I need to get better of, like just not the money. Like if you yeah, let me tell you better with my greens.

Maybe time, Like I mean, you walked with that man, but you should have just been walking in the direction of your train, and then you should have jumped on the train.

I think I've told the story in uh on the pipe. You can tell laurances.

But I remember I would go out and I knew a lot of bartenders, and I was getting fucked up, and so I wouldn't have a wallet on me because I've lost my wallet too many times. I would just put my shit on my socks and put my money in my socks, like a like water money in my socks, and I'd be dancing or drinking or whatever. And there was a lot of times I would get paranoid and be like, yo, I lost I think I lost the money. One night, I go home, I wake up the next day,

And I was like, bitch, can you believe I lost three hundred dollars? And she's like, no, girl, you gave us three hundred dollars, and I.

Said what, She's like, yeah, you kept tipping us twenty dollars every time you had a drink.

Oh my god.

She was like, there was one drink you gave like fifty dollars. I was like, my god, and you let me. She was like, listen, we told you a couple of times. I was like, after the third time, girl, you keep giving it, we're gonna take it. Honestly, it's the service industry. We're all tired.

I said, I gave y'all thirty I gave you three hundred dollars. How much did I drink?

She was like, listen, we was ready to cut you off, but you but you kept tipping us, but you can't.

You seem fine, Yeah, you seem fine, right, But you were like I was not.

I was not.

And then did you go back to that place the next week? Because I don't feel like you just stopped going?

No.

I was like, well, girl, you know you're not getting tipped from me for a minute now, right, for a while.

That's gonna be. Yeah, they need to find me out there and just bring me drinks. Since you actually need to bring a bacon, egg and cheese into work for me.

Yeah, past not three hundred dollars worth of there's there's not enough bacon in the world for me to get my three hundred dollars. Well, that's so dumb, though, I know, I know, I feel like you, ladies, because I'm doing the Year Yes, Like I'm trying to say yes to things that I don't currently say yes to, and I'm like, I still say no to stuff, but I feel like y'all need to.

Do a year of the note, or like a week of the note. I need a week of the no.

Yeah, just say no to things that are inconvenient to y'all and things that don't pay, and things that you're not going it's not gonna add anything to you don't pay. It's hard because we comedians and there's tons of shit that you just don't get paid for it.

But you're like, now that stuff is inconvenient, I gotta jump on a train and go to Queens from here.

I mean, you live in Queens, but I'm not.

Like to go out of my way and then walk X amount of blocks to perform for six people.

I know, like I almost didn't cancel, Like I got the spot and I just got offered a show that day that pays one to fifty and I was like, yeah, but I like waited a while for the spot. But it's like you have to take the one fifty as opposed to some UCB show that's not going to pay.

No, and you got to tell you to be Yeah, I got a paid gig, so they know.

I tell them I got coins so cause it's like because somebody I was talking to something today, I was like, it just makes me feel.

Bad, and they're like that they don't feel bad not paying you.

Yeah, And also like, honestly, the feeling of guilt does nothing for you, Like feeling bad like that's it's a waste of your energy.

And it's just some people have canceled on us last minute, maybe an hour before the show.

That's how you have to think about it. And if I don't get rebooked, it's one fucking show. It's one show. And this is New York City.

They're literally tons of shows, dozens of shows in a night, all the time. All right, casey Well, I hope people who are listening to this podcast episode learned that it's okay to say no.

Year of no.

Also, if someone stops you to get baby formula like, No, Ron, that's a scam game.

They don't have an AIDS baby. They don't have a baby. They don't have a baby. I don't have Everybody from the hurricane in Florida is okay. They get her hurricanes every year. Fine, it's a season down there. They're not displaced in New York. It's too expensive. They'd be in freaking They'd still be in Florida, be in Orlando.

They'd be in New Orleans, like dancing in a parade, drinking outside, and then then our hurricane would hit. Then they're fine, and then they just slat to t xs off where he had a free gun when they arrived.

Yeah, just handed. So Casey, where can people find you?

Like?

Where where can they find you?

For money?

Do you have a monthly show?

And you guys can follow me on venmo if you feel bad? Literally they start ending my shows like that, Casey, follow me on demo?

You do do that?

They they don't have no shame either. No, I wanted to start it as a joke, and then I kept forgetting to do it. It's it's on a see it's an ongoing joke that a lot of comedians have, all right, but they're not joking original.

And for you, I'm a Twitter at casey Balsham b A L s h A M and Instagram at case space b case.

That's what I chose.

Spell your spell case c A s E y and b A L s h A M A M case just honestly truly, What are your goals for the for the summer?

Well?

What we do?

What are my goals?

While not saying no, not to spend my entire tax return in less than a month, and we're gonna go around.

We're gonna go around. Just give me like three quick.

Goals, okay, saying now, having fun, trying to get healthy. Okay, Okay, that's solid. I like, okay, thank you, Sidney. Do you have thanks for the summer?

Do my website?

Hell?

Yeah? Uh travel yah, and uh work on my depression, work on your depression. Those are three other goals too, Yes, what are my goals for the summer?

To uh start working out again, like continually work out to uh just live.

To get on a boat. That's one of my boals to get on It doesn't even matter whose boat it is. I have a thing. Okay, you got you got a boat. We gotta we gotta know. We've just there's a group on.

We've got a group of groupon boat we needed, No, no, an nigga boat.

That's what we need.

We are going to do just like a sunset booze cruise at some point in June. It's like twenty bucks.

If that's a sweet do, I could give you a starter boat, like a beginner boat.

That's that's pretty much the ferry to fucking Staten Island.

But okay, they do donuts in front of the satur Liberty. It's kind of fun.

Is that included it at twenty dollars? I think, so case hur you better than that. You're getting your body right for that. But for that boat, No, it's a time thing.

It's not a bathing sea. Oh you want a bathing suit boat?

Yeah?

Girls, I want to stand on the ground in my eye for the summers to get a sequined highwaist bikini, like a high waisted Bikinia's governed sequence.

That's my their goal. So Bob's body, get on a boat, get a sequence. You can change my goals to sequence. They have them. I was looking I was looking on they have them.

I've I was like, oh, I want like a little triangle one that's like barely covers your titty.

You just want like a little bay watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well.

They have what is it?

There's there's this one, but it's expensive. My friend has it.

It's real nice that changes color and when you touch it you to like it's called beach bunny beach bunny swim sequence just like they change direction, but it's perfect. You go down, it's a color and then if you come up, it's a different color.

Yeah, and the sequence is real like mut together. Yeah no, no, no, it's a really nice bikini.

But made for me, meaning that like I can't swim, so it would just be like a dry ass dope at bikini.

Yeah.

Also gold for the podcast sitting and not going to be fake bloggers. We're going to be bloggers this summer.

That's why we need to get this boat and these sequent fucking bathing suits. Yes, so I can't be glogging up. We're gonna be fake bloggers. We're going, but we're gonna make fun of bloggers. So we went writing posts that are gonna like fun of the blockshtag ad and sponsored. But no, the posts are actually gonna be sponsored.

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm just gonna fake it like we're absolutely you know what I mean. Parody block goals by guys.

Love you guys, comment, rate, subscribe and make sure you follow case s face.

Casey, please and send her money so she can give it away. I guess your your ve buy what you say is your is your Venmo? Casey Balsham, It's Casey dash Bolsham. Send her some money, guys. She's a good person. She's doing great. Bye Bye,