"The Dope Baby Daddy Expert" with Nore Davis

Hello, what's up. Oh my goodness, it's the Unofficial Expert Podcast.

We are back after a brief hiatus.

Oh yes, we haven't been here for what a week.

We've been busy.

We have, actually, Sidney, what have you been busy doing?

Oh, you know, just living my best life? Getting terrible wigs at CVS and waiting for.

Checks can terribly.

I feel like you should be buying wigs from CBS.

Poo poo. You know sometimes I got good sales.

I got my coupons and I got that like CBS card girl. You know, if you don't have the cart you can just give your number and you can still get the discount. What really, always give my mom's number? Oh I didn't know that.

Oh yes, I'll be stealing with points at write A too.

Oh shit, I need to get my life together.

Do you have points?

No, I take my mom's point.

Can you give me your mom's member?

Nocuse you're gonna take my points. I've been buying stuff. I'm in there buying shampoo and Moroccan oil and stuff, and they're like, you know, if you use ten thousand points, you get this for free. And I'm like, wow, well, let me use my mother's points. What are you been busy doing.

I've been busy popping pills. In the last week.

I was an expert at waking up with a terrible, terrible backspasm and I.

Was just in my bed trying to mind my own business.

Oh wait, so you have a backspasms.

Is there somebody new in your life?

There's a doctor at urgent Care that's new in my life.

She was like, uh, it's your period.

I was like, my period.

I don't bleed out on my back, so why my back hurt? And she was like that's what it is. Go get some motrin. And I went back because I complained and they were like.

Come back, well, let you see a real doctor.

And when I went back to Urgent Care, it was an Indian dude and I was like, now this is a real doctor. He had the accent and everything. I was like, yes, Also, my laptop's acting up, so rude. But they gave me these pills. They gave me a muscle relaxers. I'm supposed to say to a day those are the generic kinds, so they don't really work. Carolina said, I'm supposed to taken with wine to really feel them. Oh man, she's giving you that that Stepford mom prescription going on.

Well, yeah, I mean I'm gonna do it tonight. I want to get home.

I'm gonna do I'm gonna do one of these pills with a large glass of wine. Okay, So what does muscle relaxes do? Like it relaxes all your muscles or like these are ten milligrams, so they don't do nothing for me. Tailan Hall is like three hundred milligrams. Because I heard if you take a muscle relaxer your rectum opens up just.

A little bit.

I think you're talking about roof fees right now. They didn't give me Roofie City. They give me muscle relaxing. No, there's muscle relaxers that actually relaxes everything, the whole thing. That must relaxes your vagina, your your butt. Okay, are in relaxed to vagina and butt? Because I don't know where this is coming from, Miss Washington, but I'm just trying to put the kids on the kids don't need to know about open ass pills. What's wrong with you?

This is a family podcast.

Okay, Sorry, let me get it more g rated. My mount might be listening to this. Hey, Hey, Tatti, she now listening to this. So that's what you were an expert at this week, Sydney is telling people about how to open their butts up. No, my expert was going to fancy restaurants and acting real ignorant. Yes, I was with you last night and you were who niggardly yo.

When I got that menu. When I got that, I said, oh my god. They got oisters.

They got egg caviar, like that's what caviar is, but it said egg caviar.

That's weird.

Yeah, And then they had what else what was it else?

On?

They had a lot of risotto, and I was like, it's fifty nine dollars. I'm gonna get that they had. They had filet mignon. They had a filet, they had shrimp, they had clams, they had fetaccini with nothing oint. Oh my god. It was just like lemon, salt and pepper.

That's how white people cook.

It was eighty dollars that.

He was eighty dollars.

I think it was fifty dollars.

That's crazy.

But I was in there and I was acting like real, like I'd never been anywhere nice. I was like, Marie ordered the most expensive thing because somebody else is paying. The most expensive thing on the menu I think was a seventy two dollars dish.

I don't remember what it was though.

And then there was some other bitch from Ukraine ordering just a salad.

I said, girl, you what this idiot ordered a pale salad?

I said, from ars Oyen, I said, there's a white man who's missing half his hairline. He's paying for everything. Why not just order the most expensive thing on the list?

You know why? Women stupid?

Anyway, that's all we waded to go with this. Some of y'all are smart, but somebody out pretty dumb. No way, But I'm saying, like, when you go to a really nice restaurant in somebody else's paying, you should get something that's in the middle, Like look at the most expensive thing and then look at the cheapest thing and get something in the middle.

I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with you on that.

Why if you're on a day with somebody that you kind of like and they're paying, then you gotta be conscious of how much of their money you're spending. But if it's some dude that you don't know, I don't even know who the dude who paid for the food was last night. Yeah, I don't know his name. At the end of the night I went to hug him and he was like, nice to meet you. I was like, yes, okay, bye. I think it was his birthday.

I didn't say happy birthday, did you?

I think I did.

I let him spend sixty dollars on the plate that I hated, and then I left.

We should have got two advertisers. That's what we should yo. We ordered.

We ordered an extra plate of the chicken because that was the only thing that was good at this rest. First of all, it was parmesan like bread crusted chicken, and it was outstanding.

Okay, let me tell you what it looked like.

It looked like chicken breasts that they crushed corn flakes on and rolled around like breadcrumbs.

Yes, because it didn't look like regular bread.

No, no, it wasn't and it wasn't regular chicken breast. It looked like this chicken breast like hangs out in the Hampton's on the weekend. It was like a moist, like a supple. I cut it open, I thought juice was gonna squore it. Yeah, like that chicken breast had way more privileged than bothalus. Well, it was alive, you.

Know what I mean?

Yeah, that chicken breast, but to a four year private university. And I was gonna be like, can I get a meal to go?

Yo? The waiters had white coats on.

That's how you know it was fancy. They had on white coats, and the ladies had on a little tiny bow ties.

I was like, you got the.

Ladies in here wearing ties.

Yes, listen.

It was at the Mark Hotel. So if any of y'all are ever in New York City and you at the Mark Hotel and some white man who looks like he's like owns buildings, definitely order the parmesan crusted chicken breasts yep, and get like three advertisers to go. Yeah, and you maybe get a pasta or something. Because the chicken didn't the chicken didn't come.

With nothing, the.

Costa didn't come into it. I'm like, ain't no trumps.

Marie was complaining the whole time. I'm like, you can't complain if you're not paying. I shuld't complain if I'm not paying. I just can't complain loud if I'm not paying. I was like, let me luwer them off board.

This is terrible.

They asked us. They were like, what kind of water would you like?

Would you like still or sparkling?

I was like, bitch, we should just get both. Get both. Yah, I'll take I'll take sparkling and still.

Can you mix them? Can you do an Arnold palma? You do a half and a half. Can I get some still sparkling water? Some smoggling water?

That's not This is why we can't be friends anymore.

I'm done with the Marie. Where we going next week? Who's paying for us next week? Somebody take us somewhere nice. Please, don't take it somewhere terrible.

Yeah, we talk about it.

Yeah. If you try to take us to Applebee's TJFT Friday, it's like, yeah, that's not hard. I'm not too good for apple Bee's. Just take me after ten so that I know.

That your money can stretch twice as far. Yo.

Don't take me during a happy hour when like wings are like three dollars. Don't do that.

What curl?

After ten?

I want the spinach and auto choke dip half price. I want the two for one sangrees. Listen, I'm here for that. I'm here for apple Bee's. Nobody's gonna take you out of the date. And just so you know, we're talking about what kind of date tonight. Who you think of doing these pills with later? And you got them? The muscles are relaxed. My ass is closed anyway, speaking of closed asses. That we're done talking about this.

We're we have a really awesome.

Guest today, one of my things to introduced, one of our faves right now. Oh my god. First of all, this person is outstanding as a person off stage, but on stage beast. Okay, he's a comedian, he is a brother, he is a friend.

He is a son, he is a son, he leave. He does some philanthropic work, yes.

You said, dropic canna work, Philip philanthropic and I think he's friends with CMX. He is our baby, our dope baby daddy.

Dope baby daddy expert.

Today. Yo, Nori Davis, how are you hello? Nori Davis?

Praises queens am I no, you.

Gotta is I think called the little symbol with that the black thing exactly.

He's Jordan's hotel. Niggas do not wear They can't afford him.

They don't want to give to the corporation and they call black peoples. What these nignags complains about right now? Look, the white man don't care nothing about what you do. And then they happen They followed to Hope tech niggas on my Twitter feet and they got too crazy. I had them follow them, but I just followed them just to see what they be talking about. Just creeping Marie, what's your Instagram tag? Ms?

Rizzy?

Right now?

I thought I thought that was a wait, it's our easyasy our e.

Why you're tagging us something?

There we go look at not paying attention and just chat. No, it's a snap they are. They are basically snapchat. Now now they have this thing where I could take a picture and that disappears to you message. They are what they trying to take snapchats out.

I'm going to be in people dms? Is that's what's going on here.

I'm not in people's dms? Are you and somebody in my DM? Okay? Could I reply to my stuff? And that's cool? Baby daddy, I am a dope baby daddy. Yes, I am one of the dopest baby daddy.

This one become a dope baby daddy. Yeah, I know, regular baby daddy. Yeah, I know dead beat baby daddy's I know my father and he is at my house, so I know him, Like his name is Sam. I called the house, he picked up. I'd be like, hey, Poppy, is mommy there? Nope?

All right, well bye, And.

I don't know who my dad is. So we want to know how you get into this dope baby daddy lifestyle.

All right, when did you become a dad? So I became a dad in two thousand and twelve of October twenty fourth. That was me remembering my daughter's birthday back. Yeah. I was like, so that's the one signs of being a father, like my dad to this day. Yesterday was my birthday. And he called me like at seven thirty, No, yeah, oh it's your birthday, asking a question. Yeah, but like he was like pinpoint, like wait, is this it? I

Because you don't want your daughter to call you that nigga exactly, I don't want.

I don't want. Yeah, text my daughter like years from now. She just looks at the text like that, getting it all wrong over twenty first, your dad texted.

My dad texts me everyone a year and it's all my birthdays. Happy birthday, princess. And if you scroll up, it's the same text six years in a row.

Copy and paste. I don't think, you just go he just holds it. You don't even know.

You don't even know copy and paste.

Yeah, that's what saying, little metro PCs smartphone. Nothing that's so that's so sweet.

That's all right. You'll get you one. Then you'll be just like Gus. Listeners.

If you guys know who my dad is, please direct him to the Unofficial Expert Podcast. Don't have to come to our live show on the seventh of May. Please did your plug our show to get my dad. People to bring your dad mister Washington. I don't even think that's his real last name. Probably your mother just pulled that out her books.

Ship.

Wait four years ago, yes, four years tell us how you met the mother of your child?

Okay, so she the mother my child.

You were at ament party in Yonkers. You went to youth group.

And you were like sister drinking, I hop after the after the letout, like she was your waitress.

What all this time?

I thought she was landish?

My baby doesn't right. No, she's rash, she's Jewish. So you met her at a bumbit?

No, you met her at Whole Food keep going.

No, I met her at the comic Strip Lives at the club. She was a hostess. I thought she was a fan.

She was just working on she was working kind of fan, but very like, uh, not a social bug, you know, very hardcore Russian, you know, and her parents are death, so she don't really talk like her parents are death.

Yeah, can't hear her. Both of them can't hear at all. Like they were immigrants from Russia. Language, she's language. Yeah, they were immigrants from Russia. So when they have a child, they use her as the interpreter. So so she been like basically her parents interpreter and manager since she was six. So you're saying that she still lives at home, that's what you're saying. I'm saying that her parents live with her.

She's not like she don't know how they move. They're hearing now they were born.

They were born like that. They didn't lose it. They will.

So they just met each other.

Well, because if you're deaf, like, wouldn't you want to be with somebody else? No, I want to be.

I can't hear.

Tell me what I'm missing. Never get in on podcasts. They can't get on the podcast the parents or just any documentary. I wonder if that's even the thing for them.

I feel like we could get somebody to interpret this terrible ass podcast.

It's great. Maybe they just need some subtitles.

But so so, you saw her signing at the host stand and you were like, I see what them fingers do with their mouth. No, first of all, if I have to interpret all the time, my hands are done, I'm not doing no hand jobs. I'm not touching you. You taking care of me.

I'm not making no food for you.

Just my hands just lotioned in a white glove. I have somebody else holding my hands.

For the day and I've been talking. Don't ask me no goddamn questions. I'm not pulling these gloves off.

I have a question. Does she have a good hand? Like which one is the better? She left or right handed?

She is right handed? Okay, Yeah, she signs her ass off. That's one thing that kind of was cool to see. That was different. You were like, look at me.

She was like, shut up, I love your love story already. Sot at work.

Yeah, at hostess one night, had a couple of a couple of good sets and she was like, basically, this was back in the day before Netflix and chill. It was like bootleg DVD and chill. She would come through after the show. I would have like, I don't know, I am legend on the DVD that I got from.

It at the place that you have now or another My dad's crew she had to walk up after she was doing sign language all day. She had twelve flights.

You had no elevator.

Your dad's story walk she.

Just she just painted that picture. It is false. Got a house, he got a house. Okay, so she walked, but there was steps to walk up to his house. But yeah, then I had my room and mine. You I'm like twenty eight, twenty seven. Yeah, so you're grown. Yeah?

Grown?

Yeah my dad how was she? She was twenty nine, three years four years older than me. Okay, so yeah, so then there.

Was that and you conceived in your father's hall.

Yeah I can't. Baby girl was conceived. Wait, and my daddys awsome like high school ship. Wait, obviously Dobb wasn't down. It was It's not in the family.

It just so happened.

I was made. I just made it. Yeah.

Wow, So you but you didn't pass down a legacy.

You started. I started.

I started this baby, So I want to know what was the threat count of your sheets?

I don't even think thread count was the thing. Then I just had sheets, so you had with no case on it. And it wasn't like a full time bed. It was one of those beds. It was a day bet. It was a pullout. It was a chase.

Is that it's like it's a day bet.

So it's a pullout. Yeah, yeah, but it's a pull out bed where there's nothing to pull out because there's no thing, there's no couch to pull it out.

So it was were pulling out more than you right, yeah, you were like the couch don't pull out, so neither would.

No. I did pull out, I just probably not fast. I remember too.

Man, do you remember which time it was? I think so.

Yeah. It kind of plays in my head where it's like how many wind the condom chill?

Because she had a condom and you said your chill?

You know this is you know, we don't need to use that. I got it, don't worry about it.

How many nutcrackers did you have that night?

Oh? Man? Probably? Then I was drinking gray goose.

I was a great So if you want to be a dope baddy, dope baby, daddy, you have to first start with grey goose and things and pop shelves.

Utmost confidence that I will get out in time after seven shots, since seven gray gooses on the rocks, y, she did that. I had the condom, but she had in her.

Hands and you said your chill.

I see it in my mind so clear, because I feel like we've all been there, tattooed that around your neck chill when your chilled.

To you you had to hit him in the throat and know exactly what.

You ever saw the video Don't Go Chasing Wall TLC where she had the condom and the dude took it out the hand, that one and then he got and then then he got as he died. So it was kind of like that where she had the condom and nobody got just got a baby. Way more better, way more better than a.

Yeah, I feel like it's the same because there's no cures.

I feel like age is less expensive. I feel like true true, But look, I won't die. You can live with it. I mean, you can live with HIV age just like you. People don't really get that anymore. They got pills.

Okay, listen, that's bring it down with this aids talk to figure it out, questions, you found out what you say, you were like, we're gonna go.

Makes me the dope baby dyke she got. I remember she came over a couple of times. We did the same thing over and over, and then she was like, you know, just start crying. Just start crying. Like before she even say anything, I was like, what have whatever? So you know, I had my opinion and come I'm pregnant and I was like, oh word, she had already taken a test. Yep, she's gonna test and all that. So just telling me and I remember like damn, like

It was like, either you have five hundred dollars for this or you got to spend the rest of your life with this whichever.

Well yeah, or you know, we do it together, you know, like relationship.

You know exactly how much an abortion cars five hundred dollars?

It used to be three hundred. What does it go up? Because I had I had two, I had too, and you had You didn't have an abortion food. I mean I didn't have a I went with you know, you went yeah twice with two different girls. Terrible. I know, I know, I really don't learn as I'm hard headed.

So the third time you're like, well I can't kill Yeah, you go, that's what.

I believe in choice three three choices, you out three three stretch. You out got that three three strikes. You were pro life.

God, that is insane.

Same clinic, but you have a little punch card when you come in your tenth It was the same clinic.

Yeah, right there in Greensburg, white playing. They got the waiting room and they always playing like Adam Sandler movies. And this not after the time you get an ice cream.

For three.

Looking at you all where like that, you know, like what happened to the last one? You know, everything's fine, you know, just figuring it out.

So wait, you were living with your dad, did you have some coin saved up.

No, it's just like you know, before my album and everything, just doing jokes and I was probably doing colleges and stuff and shitty colleges.

Did you tell your dad?

No, I ain't tell him until he obviously just saw her big ass keep walking into house.

Like you girl getting.

He was like the white girl so sure in this neighborhood, get real fat, but just like right above the vagina, like she got a fat ass.

But it's in the front, man, you can see that ass on the front because that's where it is. You are scared to tell him.

Hell yeah, man, I'm living in his crib.

I ain't got nowhere to go.

This nigga kicked me out.

You should have thought about all that when you said nai yo to.

Technically y'all could have went to her crib because what's her parents gonna say.

They can't hear y'all.

They lived and she's that ba ain't nobody going over there there.

So you want to have You're like, I'm not gonna live.

You ain't got no money.

But you're like, I can't do that.

You got a lot of fucking nerve. Nor the girls on the bridge come up this ain't got no money, no home.

But he like, I'm not going by that bridge.

She's like, I don't cross that bridge.

So you sitting there looking in her eyes, she's crying.

She's like, if you want this, yeah, I think she stopped crying by this. She was just like, look, you want to do this together, not I'll get rid of it. And then I was like, no, let's do this.

If I was in a situation, I feel like if I was in that situation, and I never have been because I don't do that.

Now you're chill.

Like if I was in that situation, I feel like, if the dude ily won't even tell him it's hard to get the money.

I've been in that situation, Just give me money.

A gift. I've a situation twice, and the first time I told him, he's.

Like, okay, well we're gonna have it.

And I was like, oh damn, I said, nigga, you got a big devote taptured on your neck. We definitely not.

Even you need to go stop going to those ninety parties. I was like, listen, that's why he's still.

Wore corn rolls. I was like, I'm not burrow.

Did he resent the Bronx we.

And I was in college and.

He was.

And do you know he had the nerve.

It was like, well, because you want to do this, that doesn't mean I need to pay.

So he didn't pay. And my mother had Blue Cross insurance and I was on it. So I had a hood Red friend. You know, you could just do it on your mom's insurance.

And I was like, word, yeah, my second girl had that too and went. I was like, what, I only have to pay copro Co pay that figured out.

Insurance paid for abortion.

Throw the two thousand nineties. They paid. They insurance helped it downtil like the old white man got rid of that some congress and niggas.

Yeah.

Yeah, So I went.

And then at the same time, I had another boyfriend on the side, and I was like, I told him in this situation, and he was like, well, here's the money. And so I took that money and bought an iPad, I mean an iPod. Bought an iPod with that monyway, So.

You ain't get the abortion. You just lost it already.

You jumped down stay as with the iPod, chum up, landing on a box of hangers.

Yet can't try out the baby. Oh yeah, baby, you get.

Some hot malta and uh yeah, yeah, I know.

I had it on my mom's.

Insurance and didn't they found her a statement? Like she found out four or five months later. She's like, what is this from five hundred for anesthesiologists?

And I was like, I had to get an eye exam asleep from my eyes?

Yeah it was bad, yo, But did your mom know that that's what it was?

Yeah? She did. She found well she I feel like she knew what the five hundred dollars was for.

Yeah. I was like, I called them up.

I was like, why'd you put anesthesiologist?

Yo?

Why couldn't you just be like an annual checkup or something.

A a D or something abortion? Well, they don't even fannastics co word.

My brother got real drunk in college and they his dumb ass friends took him to the hospital and he had to get his stomach pumped, and he asked for his insurance card and he was like, here it is and it was my mom's insurance.

That he was under.

And when they got the bill, it was like.

When he almost died.

I don't remember what it said, but I don't remember. Yeah, it was like crazy, What was the technical term for kids want to much. You're just gonna get bills with something. Well enough story, I love it.

I love go back to you being a baby daddy.

All right.

So you were like, let's do this.

Yeah, I said, let's do it, just like I did with the Oh No, I said no, let's chill. No. I said this is yeah, let's do this.

That was the time you should I said, yeah, let's do this.

I got you. Don't worry about I got. She said, yeah, yeah, work at the strip and yeah, still working at the Common Strip. But she was just working there just to like get shoe moneies, to get shoe mone But she like she was and ship.

Okay, but now she needs to get baby money.

So she had what was her job then then she was working at she had some corporate job downtown, so she had two jobs.

A nigga, they're in your dad's apartment. You were like, nah, I can't go live with you in your parents But look, I'm the I'm the unique black nigga. That's just like, yo, we're gonna do this.

And I got you. So then I went, you know, I went harder on comedy and and then she she stopped working when she was pregnant and we got an apartment together. Well, she was an apartment in West she's been saving up yo, She's like, forget about it.

Man, So she she got money. You showed them your box full of Jordan's and you're like, where do I put my things?

I showed her with like three boxes because I wasn't like fully gonna ma because it was small. It was a small spot, so like clothes and.

Stuff boxes in a bad of clothes.

Yeah, three box clothes, And I'm like, let's do it. So she's pregnant, I'm taking care of her. While she's pregnant, she's taking care of herself also. And now you gotta remember we just been doing bootlegging and chilling and that's it. We haven't been together for like twenty four forty eight hours, like like in a relationship. Oh yeah.

I realized that after she was seven most pregnant, Like.

Aren't you Yeah? Oh really that's how you cook that chicken? She like, but she's like really know, that's what you're going to buy big ass TV. You're like, yeah, I am on credit, good best buy credit anyway, So we're like starting the nicker and bigger like that but it was all about the baby, that's all it was. So she's pregnant and it has has the baby. I'm living there.

Were you there when the baby was born?

Yeah?

He was there.

I was in the room there, Yes, I was. I was behind I was behind her because I'm remember the doctors like, all right, flip over. Then she had her ass out and the doctor's like, that ain't working. I go back on your back. Layla was stuck in it. So they got the suction cup and then the section cup broke. She's like, all right, I'm just gonna go get it, and so she pulled her hand in there and pulled out the baby and pulled out Layla.

And at first I think, wait, she pulled out the baby.

Yeah, she pulled out the baby because she had the drugs. I remember, Yeah, she pulled out her own baby. How's that? Doctor? I was like, but that's the thing. And ladies, if you listen, be careful with getting drugs because you're just so induced where like you can't even push, you just like you're high, and then puss the baby gets high. But she had to be cause I remember she was in pain, like she was squeezing my fucking hand like

Me?

Come on? God? Really? Like I wasn't like crying. I was just like, really, is that is that what this is like? And then it was like I was like, whoa, all right, cool cool, And then her mother like stopped crying, and but she did. I mean, the death mom, the death mom was crying because she saw like the baby was break but her she was just induced, like you saying the death, the death mom.

Deaf people crying, they just cry. Yeah, cold stopping sucking, stop it right now, cold.

I need the jacket. How cold y'all? If our death listeners are good, y'all won't stop.

Okay, So the baby comes out. I'm still living together.

Okay. The ship hit the fan.

When you stopped, you.

Were like, she was like, it's your turnch these day person, you were like, na ship.

It was after a year. It was after a year, so I stayed for a year where six months she went back to work. So she worked during the day. She got a new job as the head of the parks department, and that parks like parking facility in Connecticut. O good, fancy white people cars. No, I'm sorry, Heartsdale.

So yeah, so you know, making sure that west Chester west Chester.

Yeah, the parking meter she's ahead of all that, to make sure that make fix those meters. Get these niggas called us all day. Right, that's her job. So then me, I'm just a comedian. I'm just a comedian at night, so I'm the mar So yeah, basically I'm doing spots to do open minds. I'm at the strip, I'm doing colleges on the weekends whatever. So I'm the mother during the day and then she's kind of like the dad at night where I go out.

So the bad shift, because that's when the baby's up and crying, and she gotta be up all day at work.

And she's up all work, and then I'm there during the whole day taking care of the baby. I was crying poop and ship and everything, and there's more of a like a connection there, and then she's missing all of that. And then she comes at night where the baby's sleeping her off and she's tired. She's been working and I've been telling jokes and then joke, I got it, and then she's up. You know, she thinks I'm out there telling jokes, getting my dick sucked, have a good time life.

Are you getting your dick sucked at the strip?

No? No, I was not. I was. I was being good. I was faithful. Off the record, off the record, I was fine. I know I'm on record. I got a mic on my hand. It's always on record, Jedi off record, we'll cut them, even though I guess I pressed the button. I pressed the button. Baby, don't worry About's all all right?

So you was being quote unquote faithful, but she knew better I was.

I was fatful. It was just that we had no time to hang out. It was just all about the baby. And is jealous that I'm going out? Said, it's a grind, and also it's a ground. Was she doing it? You know she's jealous or like she's not with the child, with our child.

And then all the money and she's buying enough.

I had some money.

I nor you had twelve dollars.

I had twenty two dollars and that was enough to buy some groceries. I would buy some groceries and fixeduff. Though man shipped around the crib and was there, and she didn't do a maternity leave.

She went right, Yeah, she.

Went maternally so like the first yeah, the first four things like six months like yeah, we're both together, we're both doing it, and it was like some real family ship.

But when she went back to work, that's when it got rough.

I think it was both because I got into a culture shock, like holy shit, I am in some family shit, like yeah, like that's twenty four hours. This is my woman slash quote unquote wife, here's my child. We got to stroll the way out here together talking about nothing. And I'm just like biggas do all day is this is what families do all day. I'm like, I don't know, I'm so I'm looking for the exit. That matching outfit you was looking for the exit.

You guys have matching outfits, Like did you get the baby an outfit to match?

Like, oh no, no, not like that.

Yeah, I feel like that.

I feel like that's the thing though, Like people go into this like uh put out method no condom wearing situation thinking I'm not the baby, and the baby's gonna be just a part of my life.

The baby is your whole life, the whole goddamn lie fucking also the other person, not the girl though, all your husband. They don't have to be your life the whole time. It could just be the child. It does get complicated, like they do.

There are in your life though.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, they're an extension of my life. Extension do the child, but it doesn't have to like enable me to keep going. I don't have to enable her, Like there are those times where I thought of, like if she had the man, how would I feel about that man being around my daughter. I would have to be comfortable with that because I can't control the life. I'm not there. That's not right. So there's that oncount. The same for her where I never told I have

None of the girls that you've been with and met the mother of your child.

No, but wow, because that's serious. Because that then then it get flipped to like, oh, you know what, I don't like her. No, I don't want her around my daughter. You ain't see my daughter. It can go you don't want to go down.

She doesn't want to find out that you have your daughter around, So she probably knew.

But she trusts me, which is good. So which is like we do have that respect for she.

She trusts you. She trusted you to pull out on time.

It was late, nine months late, so you finally you guys, are like, all right, well we're not doing this no more.

We're going our separate ways.

So now you see your house.

It was a Beth. It was a stupid fighter. I remember where she was weird, like she said she doesn't like roses, and I got her roses because I was being petty, and.

Uh, did you get her brodega roses? No, there were roses from the flooring, from what floors?

Uh?

You know what they have in the refrigerator, the flowers you got the cemetery roses out there like that.

You know you don't treat me right.

Blah blah blah.

I don't feel like a girlfriend. And I'm just like, yo, fuck this, alren't no husband, all that ship. I'm out. I took my TV down, sneakers and last sniggers, I put all of my mono and I drove right back to my dad's and your dad's.

You know, I have to take this. I'm going back to my I'm going I'm going to go back to my daddies and your dad.

Did you dad say something that you have.

To door up and shaking his head like look at this nigga. Yeah, I'm sure he was shaking his hand.

He probably said and tell me, but he just looked.

He was probably standing in his kitchen but ass naked when you walked in.

Like I gotta put on draws. Now, wait, did you bring Layla with you? No?

No, because that's the thing about men. You can just take your twelve pairs of Jordan's and then leave. I'm not gonna take the baby because then what that's kidnappened? And now we got a whole situation like, yeah, you know what, child should always be with her mother. They should always be with their mommy. Can you say that again?

The child should always be with their mother.

Can the court understand that the court, the court system should.

Know that ship. I hope they do, Like in New York that the judges do. Definitely side with the women. They should, but the side with the horrible.

You gotta be some type of messed up. You gotta be like mother who loses their.

Crackhead and man head, no job, no legs, no arms, all.

That way saying if I have no legs, I can't take care of my child.

Can't you can't? Can they into the street? It depends that custod thing is you're just.

A bag of potatoes with arms damn legs for my listeners who don't have legs to agree with anything that Marie just said. If you see me in these streets, catch me outside with them legless bodies.

Up, roll up, they're gonna be all right.

They know Now your daughter is for four years old?

Tell me yeah, now she yep, she's four years old?

Damn?

So like what goes into being a dope baby?

Daddy her?

You're with her a lot of fashionable clothes. Are you doing her hair?

Like?

Let's tell me about this.

I'm doing her hair because she's half white, half black, and her mother doesn't know how to do it. She'll just wash it and not dry well, wash it and dry and not put any condition of losh white white.

Do you hear that?

She just puts it sleep, So she wakes up looking like Rosta. She wakes up at looking like god d because she has natural curly hair and it's thick. So when she so she'll have her for like Monday the Friday, and then I'll have her Saturday Monday. And so when she comes to me Saturday, you have to all her like yeah, dreadlocks, and she like I do it soft like pigtails are like four little braids or not Russian

That's bonnets people.

Running away running the rain and then go to sleep, wake up. Their hair is fine, you know.

Okay, So this is for about my interracial interracial couples. Yeah, right now, if the mother is white, the hair won't look right, you know, you know, like that's a real thing because I see a lot of interracial couples and they have kids, and right away when I see the girl and I'm like, they're not doing her hair.

I just said, the man is black. He ain't got a black mom.

To let him know how to do the hair, not even in the in the child's life would sucks. So the child suffers, and then they gotta figure it out.

It's an important thing.

Hair is a big deal.

There is a huge deal. But this is the thing with white women is they see us with our natural hair and they're like, oh, it's beautiful. You should just wear it out like this all the time.

Low. Their hair is like this, all I said. She looked like, goddamn Gokul, what are you talking about? She was like a dragon balls. No, I'll do it. Something that you do.

You don't do that every day. You break it up or you throw it in like four little braids with the little the little bobo's and the little whatever.

And then special occasions let her wear it out, not like all day.

Every day rolling around and the place.

So they don't. I don't. I think her grandmother is starting to learn how to break because she realizes that. And yeah, that is a little struggle. So like I do her hair every time she comes to me. So it's just like calming out, washing it, conditioning it. I say, ponytail. Then I'll do like we gotta be. Are you gonna open up a slunt with myself?

I was like, you, look, I can all I can do babies hairs for one to three, one the four.

After that you gotta go to the salon. I can do all right, we should open up a little little little baby. I know black kids and black people, black women bringing their babies black? How much is this.

Twenty four hours?

Ship? I do it myself? Why do you come to my story. They just want you to do it for free.

Basically, they just want to see what you're doing, what I'm doing doing it here with these mixed babies. And also they just got this little.

Black boy up here, just all of them these children's hair to have a husband's a little article about.

Just block post.

No.

But also like when when like all these white women who adopt black baby bees, they don't know what to do. What I heard they just let like I think it was Angeline and Joe Lee. People are like, you're not gonna do You're not gonna do the baby hair. Holly Berry didn't do her daughter's hair either, But Hilly Barry is also half white, so she also don't know.

No damn do know better and the child's life, so they don't know. So baby should have probably have to deal with that nanny.

You got to get a black nanny.

I forget your baby hair up. Also, come for y'all because I know that your food and I know the season and so you know what I mean, who's.

Time to season? Shout and interracial babies? Because I know you grew up like your hair not getting done out with the right food. And then by the time you're teenager, you don't know if you're white, you know, if you're black, you don't know what the hell's going on. You were white people, they teld about black people, you feel some type of way. Then you with black people, they told my white people, you feel some type of way. You just don't the way the hell you've belonged. You just

So when she comes in, you'll be like, hey, what up, nigga.

She'll say, because my last girlfriend, she had a daughter two, and she was the color as us. She was O, she was black, and Layla's her color. And then she would say like, hey, how Kayleie. Kayleie's black, right, and I'm white. So and I'm like, no, no, you're not white. You black and white. Your daddy's black. See me, I'm dark, right, yeah? You and your mom's white. Yeah, so you're both you're

Like, all right, so you're saying, I want to catch a cup, you have half the privilege, and so you're saying all eyes don't.

Matter, half of lives don't matter, half to do so. Yeah, so there's those conversations of telling her like, yeah, you are half black, and you know your hair is curly and stuff like that. It's just it's just small. It's nothing like it's crazy. But but she you know, again, she was in west Chester. She's with her parents, her mom and all the other private school kids, which is like, there's no dark skinned kids. The only dark skin kid in there is me dropping her off. That's and they're like,

Done, she said, nigga from that nigga from Fresh Direct's dropping brocer.

Yes, he's drop from Fresh wrapping off that produce.

Thank you. I'm sorry you're supposed to use the service.

Dropping about doing the excuse me the back?

Please?

Did you get the regular elevator?

You use the.

Did anybody order pizza? The guy from Domino.

Here, That's that's how I feel. That's how he's supposed to be delivering the mail from the back. Yes, because there ain't number white and Asian kids, you know, in private the little pre k private school, so so yes. And then plus, you know my daughter, she don't probably like you see my forehead and nose on her, but you know her skin, she's not even like cornbreak complex. She's a little bit you know.

Yeah, yeah, Before you came, I was like, Marie, they don't really look like at all. Like when you're holding her, I'm.

Like, so is that a cousin?

Are you and nanny?

I get little people saying I do look alike. Then like you're one of the people that say no, I don't really see nothing in you. Like probably like two other women said that's your child. I think I need to see them together in real life.

I see like, I see your your head, your head is there.

She's saying, your baby got a big head. He does have a big head.

Have a picture.

I feel like I see her eyebrows. You know your eyebrows.

Now, I feel like she's got your forehead. I see. I feel like I got the same forehead. You go, and you know that lighting with that sun hit boy, she gets real.

But yeah, she's so so no flash for her.

No flesh for her, because she's just all. And then I'm gonna be there, brown and toasted. You think she's gonna be an actress or a comedian. She could be like a comedian. If she wants to be that, she should be everything. I just don't want to raise it like my parents. You know, no expectations, just like do what you want, no limitations, just like you got to be this. You gotta go a head, you gotta go that ship. You can drop out of Colls all care. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself.

Start starts kindergarten.

Ship you can. If she go to I would I would rather go to Bones and Noble for four years, read every goudy damn book for four years, and then go pay for constituition off some bullshit you still don't. If she wants that experience, then go ahead and do it again.

It's what you say, go ahead and do it. Are you saving money for her to go? I'm not.

But God has a way. God has a way.

Start. No savings, bonds, no nothing.

Sad No.

I got sneakers right live in one of your know is your school is your shoes teachers?

Now what's going on? No? They hold value? I got I got a couple of dimes in the I got a couple of gems in the closet so I could be gyms. Well, like I got some don't Becker five Those are the sneakers that were made in Portland for Nike for these kids that have autism and cancer and they got able to design the Nike shoe and they actually came out really good.

So people in my mind when you said autism and cancer, I was like, those shoes must be hideous.

Yeah, I know, but they're not. I mean they got they have a hideous disease, but they got good. They got good fashion sens.

I feel that the soul is very thick.

And orthoped, like an old man Steph Curry.

So they're really beautiful. So they're like on They're like you're going they're about like three grand, three grand yeah don't Becker fives. Yeah, they glowing the dog. They got like a little light and stuff. So they got a compass in it. No, I ain't gonna is there. I mean, that's like a couple pair I could just sell off and be like boom, there you go.

That's to some else's how much how much do you think your shoe collection is worth? Like if you're going to sell.

The whole thing, like what's the range? Probably seven or ten grandee. Yeah, I'm saying college.

It could be a Phoenix yeah, online college, yeah, dot com school. Yeah.

I don't have any easies I got. I ain't getting none of those. When they came out, they a lot. Now I didn't get any easy So listeners.

If you're listening, could we please just we need to make sure that Leila goes to college. So if y'all just want to venmo Nori ANYTIMEE.

Just listen to my album Home Game on Spotify. I get a nice little click about. You could just let it. You just play the album and then put on me. Just play your game.

Is the name of the album, and it's on Spotify. Can they listen to it anywhere else?

Yeah? Title they listen to. Title they listen to Apple Music. It's air Where Anything you Got? Amazon, Anything you Got? It's on their Baby Home Game and Away Game. It's the second album following up. It's just a cleaner version of Away Games. Okay, so perfect baby died, so yeah, doing her hair, spending time with her, having a good time, you read to her. No child support but paying money like it's not we have a court, no course is involved. Hell no, the doping, yeah, no, course is just an

Listen. I see some real, like terrible situations on Instagram were like the dad is like posting up with these girls and have like trips and stuff, and they'll be like the baby mom like oh really, but you couldn't give Quisha.

Any dollars when I ask you just for her to get braceist and you want to go to Puerto Ricos all over your graham on a RAM and be on.

Twitter and be on Facebook. And I'm like, listen, why do I feel like I'm involved with y'all messy ass family court bullshit?

But we love ye and then we love watching the train wreck. So it's it's really just but it's really sad actually, And it's sad because then at that point it's just the parents fighting and they're using the child as a weapon. The child becomes a weapon, and you know that that sucks. Like one of my friends is going through that and his baby mom was like coming after his head.

But what's your friend doing?

Though? He just broke, He just he just broke. He won't be there, but he broke, and he got no money.

See ladies listening to this.

First of all, if you lay down with broke dogs, you get broke ass babies.

That's what you gets. Raising her baby exactly.

Don't lay down with broke dogs.

Can we talk about your daughter's name real quick?

Yes?

Who chose the name?

I did? Remember, driving probably back from target or some ship. She's like thinking of a name, and so.

You shoot your name after target. Target gets the creative juice flown because you're running into one day and then you get him four howers.

I love it. So I don't know what other names. I just wanted the name that was sophisticated, sexy but not too sexy. Sophisticated and sexy. That's what you're thinking about. Yeah, I'm thinking.

I'm thinking like something powerful, but I don't make sure, but also professional, you know, something right in the middle, So I don't want to make she gets a job, but she also gets the dick. Okay, cool, I got it. Damn not too.

White, not too black. Everything she's rushing.

What name was she thinking? Like, you know, something with the s K y A or something roco.

I don't know what she's I don't know. I remember the day she was saying. I was just like, no, no, no, no, she didn't.

You didn't want any silent letters in her name, really big silent letters.

The baby's name is bed what.

Bed? My baby name is Norse strum av But the silence just that was that year that naming babies after Burrows and ship Brooklyn clean.

White white folks love naming their children broke They still doing Rox.

I feel like Victoria Beckham has a kid that's called Brooklyn and Bronx.

Yeah, Victoria Beckham ye to Brooklyn in her life. I have one question, do you ever see the grandparents? Do you love me? Have you learned silanguage?

I mean the father your sign language? Okay to people that don't do sign language, death school. So he'd try to teach me, like when I would go over there when we were together and stuff like that, they love me. They were just happy to see you.

Know that.

You know they love you, nigga, They know that they love you. They love you. Can't spread are talking about While in the room, they were like, they like that ship.

They're doing this nigga eight sheet. I hate the blacks go back to white.

Yeah, they don't know. They don't play out a whole spread and a whole bowl of watermelon and chicken and all this other stuff. They would just when you come to the house.

Stypical.

Yes, I know it sounds like that. I would tell her that.

I would tell like, deaf people are racist. No, it's just they got a nerve.

They just love war.

De people don't care colors. I feel like we have a couple of questions. Do you have questions for No, Yes, I have one question. We have a couple of questions for you.

We want to test you to see if you really are the dope baby Daddy expert. Start your questions.

Are we taping this? Should we take this?

I feel like we don't have time.

Okay, well we don't have time to don't.

Have, but pretend he's wearing our expert classes and visualized.

Nori Davis have an extended episode.

We got man, we got somewhere to be episodes. Okay, we haven't posted on Instagram yet because somebody be slackish.

I'm not gonna say no names.

But live on the air, guys, I'm just posted a video.

Yes anyway, Uh Nori Sidney, go ahead, go ahead with your question.

No, you go first, Mari.

I need you to do your question so I can think of a question.

You gotta go first. I can think of a question. Uh.

Oh, you just asked me a question. So is Mari's turn?

Well, feel about that? Actually about the grandmother?

Okay, I have a question. Here's in dope maybe daddy news.

Yes, Nori, for one hundred dollars worth of savings bonds.

When you wash your daughter's hair, what type of shampoo and conditioner? Are you using?

This one?

Melanin Queen's locks?

All right, so at first I was using a generic CVS, but then I got woke on some Carol's daughters. But no, what's the other one before Carol's daughter. It's like it's a black one. God damn it. Uh shade moisture, shade moisture, thank you, shade moisture, and the conditioner also, I use that and then I'll use palmos uh coconut milk for condition for hair lotion to get her curls going. And it's good.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

You know, if you go to Target on the right day, or you go to like Write eight or Oral Walgreens on the right day, they have buy one, get one free shade moistures.

Really yeah, my hair great. Ye that stuff is expensive by itself.

Yes it is.

It's not the right day the marine the way that was good. Let me give you that was six points for that. I was watching.

This is this question is from the show Big Little Lies. So like, if your daughter was at school and she had a bully, what would you do?

Oh yeah, somebody asked me that recently too, So I want to fuck that kid up. I mean, so, does my daughter tell me about it or like do I just see like marks and stuff on her? Then it's like if you just see marks, I just see marks, Okay, And I guess in that show, I remember the senior talking about were those kids her age? Were they or they were a little older.

Were they like they were, they were all they were all like in the same class.

Yeah, so they really don't talk like that. Yeah, I would have to bring it to the door. I would. I would have to go to the principal and be like, look, she coming home with marks and we drop her off with no marks. She comes back home with new marks. So something's happened to here.

What are the principles? Like, well, maybe y'all are giving her the marks.

Okay, now see, then that's when you get the crown. Then that's when you got to hit the principal with the elbow and be like, give me that my tuition money this school. And then then I would see if the going to the class curse everybody out.

Yeah, Like they didn't get the police involved. They didn't get anybody involved. So like what like as a as a father who you don't want to pop off, you gotta pop off. I mean, you want to pop off, but you don't want to. You don't want to hit anybody.

We're not hit but not but like in schools like that, A good person now is like popping up. Yeah, I feel like I to thirty, You're like, I'm not fighting. I don't know if somebody hit some part. It's gonna take a long time for that. I'm not doing that so now. But if you could, if you got a good mouth game like you, give me an example, if you got good cursing out you curs, give.

Me a little of Nori Davis coming up to the school, popping off at the like a teacher or principal.

So what you do is you speak very artic. Here's me, here's me.

I'm the principal, mister Davis. Maybe she got the marks from your.

Him, aren't you from young course, Yes, that is where I'm from. But that has nothing to do with my daughter having marks on her chest. So I just want to know what is going on in her class because I drop it here to you, and it's your responsibility. And I'm very concerned, and I'm not I'm not appreciating that.

I think your daughter's a little clumsy. She ran into a locker today.

I'm not really sure why you're shoe buses in a train to get here. No, these are all false allegations. You're about to give fucked up principal. Stop talking the bulls ship with me, Stop playing games. So but remember I don't even have to do all that because she got a she got a mom. White and Russian don't play that ship. So it's like I'm just I'm just in the background, like I got you. You know, if she get crazy, but she's attacked, like, I'll take care

Even the grandparents will show up.

Anybody else.

Silent up, middle fingers.

Here's my last question for you. It's how do you think you'll handle like your daughter bringing.

Home boys with age.

Sixteen?

Yees sixteen? All right, So the way I want to do it, I want her to tell that the know she has a father in her life and she don't need no man to give it anything. But you can get a man to get you anything you want to. So use that nigga. Get that iPad, you know, I get that dinner like y'all were talking like God and im playing at the table when it's too dry, and leave, you know, get dick when you want it, not when

Give a little bit.

I'm scared about you.

I'm gonna give you minus three points.

What happened?

Give a little bit to get out, Yeah, like a cancer or something. Don't make a niggas feel like he's going give up the as I will not say is gonna be a kids or ag or make a nigga feel like it he's being She's gonna diamond at the Players Club.

Don't know, you don't know what you got to get what you want? All right, I wait, I have one more question. Okay, this is the last question.

The last question.

Okay, So being a dope baby daddy, the baby mother is like, listen, I'm in a jam. I need two thousand dollars by like in two days, would you hustle out there and get that money for her? Yeah, but she didn't tell you with the two thousand dollars, I was good.

I'm glad, what's your toy? Why? She just too good? Too great? Now she'll tell me what.

Because if you went out there doing all these spots for gs and then she's like she's in like a tropical island with another niggayah, basically good, Oh my god.

This was great.

Fans, we hurt you so much.

Please plug your social media for us. Yeah, the Instagram and Twitter at Norridy Davis n O R E D A v I S. And my website for comedy show dates norridavis dot com. And what's next for you?

Do you have anything next?

Right now? I will be on We're filming a v H one show. Had the pleasure of Sidney Marie starring in my stand up special that we're putting together right now. Yeah, fantastic, it's gonna be great. Da were awesome and yeah that's and then they're just working on the new hour hopefully to hit the road in this in the fall.

Okay, and one more time to tell us the name of your comedy album Home Game.

It's on Spotify title Apple Music.

I just want to shout out that Nord Davis has a washer and a dryer, so in his apartment he got a doorman too.

Yeah, it's in his place. That doorman won't let anybody out, sure will. He was out there talking, Yeah, he's coming there with a gun. He'd be like, oh he has a three seven there. He'll call me like, yo, somebody come with a gun, Brad, I ain't down for you, and I'll have a doorman.

So I commend you on that. You're doing real well.

Dope baby daddy, and you also have a dope doormand building. We love it as all the ways. You could catch us on the second Saturday of every month at the warm Up in New York City, Yes, Or you can catch us on May seventh at the Wild Project. We're doing a live version of this here podcast. We don't interview people in your face, and then we're gonna put somebody from the audience and interview them as an expert

Yes.

So that's at the Wild Project on Sunday, May seventh at seven pm.

You catch me online at rez.

R E E E Z Y and you are and mine's is just sid BW So that's j U S T S Y.

D b W.

Thank you so much for listening. We'll catch e'll next week. Nor one more word to do, but any advice for any people who are gonna be new Dad.

No, yeah, just keep it alive.

Thanks guys, you