"The Cool Mom Expert" with Sandi Marx

Forever. Ah, look at us. Oh, we're here. We have not been kicked out of the studio yet. We have not. We haven't got any hate mail yet. I mean we know.

I don't know why we would get that. No, no, no, death people know better.

But have you checked your spam folder?

We don't have a spam folder also, we didn't. Yes, yes, yes, she's just excited to be she's enthusiastic. Yeah.

I love it.

I love it it. That's what I love it. I'm here for it. Holl Marie, how are you doing? I'm doing really well, Sydney. How you do it? I haven't seen you in a while. When was last week? Did podcast? Oh you see your listeners? I don't know. Me and Marie, we used to see each other like every.

Day, every day, all day, literally every day. I remember how much my ex boyfriend hated you. Okay, first of all, that was like four years ago, bitch. But that's when we would see each other every day.

No, I saw you a lot last year, did you, Yes? And even even this year.

It's just as of late we haven't been seeing each other because you've been getting some duke.

I didn't get anything between actually exactly you know.

When my friend is getting Uh, I'm not having sex every day. You've been traveling. That's what you should That's what you should have said. We haven't seen each other because you've been booked, busy and blessed.

No, Maurice's been going their brunch. Falling downstairs. I did fall downstairs getting their back blown out. I fell downstairs but naked.

On my birthday, no way.

Because my phone was bringing you know, people love me, and I was like, and I was like, bru, and I bounced and rolled and then I falling in public in front of people is the most embarrassing thing to me.

It was so I popped up real fast in private.

And he was like, oh my god, I thought you fell down the stairs, and I was like, I did, but I'm smooth.

Yes, I knocked a bunch of plants down.

I would have paid money to see that me falling down the stairs but naked. Yeah, so actually, good twenty five dollars. That's not enough money you gotta spend on the run ticket to see me bust my ass, literally bust my bare ass. Thank you so much. Sydney bought me an edible today and it's tiny. It looks like the head of a gummy bear.

So I know that if I take this, I'm gonna die. What is this? This is this myth?

It's called on the edge, dude. That means I'm gonna be on the edge of the I'm gonna save this. I'm gonna save I'm gonna take it as soon as the episode is done, and then to be high for several hours. Oh my god, ten milligrams or something that's not a lot. Yeah, I gotta have three of these.

Okay, let me sit this down, put it, put it over there, Sidney, what were you?

Uh?

An expert in this week? Man?

Just so much? I guess traveling. I've been traveling. I went to passport traveling. Yeah, not very local. I've been using my passport though, because you don't. Yeah, And the person on Amtrak was like, you could just get a regular ID, and it's like, actually, no.

I like my password. You're you.

You are living on the edge. If you lose your passport, it's like one hundred and ten dollars to replace it. Oh really, Oh you didn't know this.

No, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, I know you place it, replace it. Who's replacing? When's your passport. That's it. When does it expire? Twenty and twenty three? Damn sit, are you old? Damn you old?

Twenty twenty three. That's the year that has never even crossed my mind. I started writing twenty thirteen on things recently because I for some reason, my fingers can't do the eight.

I'm like, is it thirteen?

No, this bit would just be lying. She's really fifty seven years old. She's just gonna lie.

Can I look amazing? Yeah? I actually just turned to a dy eight. Thank you so much. I'm proud of you. Thank you, You're great. Yeah.

So I've been traveling and it's good getting out of New York City because New York City ain't shit.

You know, people are rude. They don't get up for pregnant women on the train. Who has time?

You know, nobody smiles, nobody says hello, nobody has manners. So when you get out, you see people who are just fucking happy to be around.

People in New York have manors.

I've seen people say thank you when somebody doesn't hold the door for them.

It's like, no, that's that's not how I want to be treated. Excuse me. I want like gazebo energy.

I want people who have fucking addicts and backyards and pantries.

Okay, that's what with addicts are serial killers?

Yes they are, but they say good morning and good afternoon. I feel like Ted Bundy s cititarverybody that he kills, and listen before you kill me, if you tell me a good morning, that.

What a gentleman.

How about you let me live and don't talk to me? Okay, okay, how about that? Anyway, So I went to Atlanta this weekend for festival.

He was cool. You know, did you go to waffle House?

I did not go to waffle House, but I went to the place called Homegrown and they had these comfy chicken biscuits. Fucking bomb comfy comfy, like comfortable chicken. Yes, Like like you just fucked and y'all you got this. You still got the club on your chest.

That's like my mom is here.

You got it's just and you just lay there. You know, you're like, I get it, I'll get it off. Borrow is what's you wake up? Just just crunch It's like a frosted flake and you're like, oh, this is an exfoliant now, No, just on your chest is not a pummice stone.

That's disgusting.

So you're the expert on things that are gross. Anyway, So I had a run in with somebody on my show. I was last and uh okay, the headliner and you got there later.

Actually it was first.

Anyway, this guy, I'm like on stage, living my best life, doing my jokes, having a good time, and he interrupts me because I was talking about these strippers that were at this lounge I had winter the night before, and he's like, I don't like those.

I don't like them titties there.

And I was like what. I was like, sir, you're wearing flip flops. Nobody cares what you want or you can't have a preference. Your whole toes is out like nobody cares, and so he starts mumbling. He's like, well, I want to see your titties. And I was like, oh, oh, oh oh. This was a grown ass man. This is a grown ass man in a football jersey. I was like, are you retired? Are you just upset?

You didn't get your You didn't get your money this month? You didn't get.

Tell them about it, Raymond, tell you, tell him why are you mad? Because he was just like, you would not stop like interrupting me. And then eventually, you know, I'm going back and forth. You know, I'm roasting him. It's great, but he's getting mad, so he's like, just be funny.

I was like, that's what.

I've been doing, dude, and get the fuck yes.

Be funny. It's like, y'all, dudes don't know what y'all want.

Do you want to see some titties or you want to see some common You're not gonna get both, no.

I mean, not for free. If Sydney has the right outfit on, you go see them. Sidney will throw a sheer blouse on, a turtleneck would have cut out on the cleavage. Anyway, they threw him out later and I was just like, later, but you were the last comedy.

Yeah, I was like, why am I doing comedy? But you know I made it through.

It was good. I'm proud of you. Yeah, And they were gonna fight him after. Who's gonna fight him?

The ghosts, the ghosts, the ghosts of Harriet Tubman. Anyway, Marie, were you an expert in this week? Ah? My goodness, everything that I'm saying is gonna be alleged you're not gonna be able to person no charges. Just pretend that, no, don't pretend. Just allegedly. So I got a bed in a box a few weeks ago.

That's a fact. Yes, yes, yes, that is a fact.

Allegedly, And you know it's like a Casper, but you know, like not that.

Not Casper was like fifteen hundred dollars for a queen size mattress.

And so I ordered this mattress on Amazon. I went to the website, the mattress company's website, and then I went on Amazon because they also delivered it. It was gonna be available faster. But in the review, somebody was like, look, the bed didn't work for me. I called this number. Amazon gave me a refund and I didn't have to send the bed back.

And I was like, wait, they put that in their reviews. That's what somebody said. Or is that a friend?

No?

No, no, no no, that was one of the reviews. A friend of mine did get a mattress.

Allegedly. Allegedly, a friend that I know I got a mattress. He said it wasn't working for him. He called them.

They were like, what if we give you fifty percent refund? And he was like, no, just couldn't get the bed. And they were like, what if we give you all your money back and you just keep the bed, And he was like okay, and so he kept the bed and he got his money back. So I said, I'm gonna do the same thing. So I went allegedly allegedly, and so I went on, but I ordered a different bed. But when I was reading the reviews for somebody was like, it wasn't working for us. The Amazon will not come

And I was like, oh my god, let me do that right now.

This scam continues allegedly, so I'm getting the mattress tapper. On Monday, I was like, you know what I should do with this money that I got back. I should get like some new like really nice like linens, like some cute sheets, right, and they are like two hundred and fifty dollars some linen for some lin I'm like, you know, I'm gonna just go to TJ.

Math yeah, or Macy some of these they got good sales.

Math and Beyond also has really good sheets, yes, and coupons. Check the coupons allegedly anyway. So that's what I was an expert in this week, is just getting like a good night sleep on a freeest bit allegedly.

Scared the scam man.

So if anybody wants the number to call Slider my DM, I'm gonna tell you what to call, since you can't tell everybody because then everybody's going to be doing it and they're like, I wonder what the tie that back to me? Allegedly anyway, I've been sleeping like a baby. Okay, wait Marie, when you got it, you were like, I know how this is gonna end. Well, my friend who said that he got a full refund and got to keep the mattress. Everyone that he told that story to

On a spring spring mattress.

People telling me that they want to see my tits, and I'm like, damn if I just had a free mattress.

Honestly, change your life better. I'm having a great week. Phenomenal.

Speaking of phenomenal, our guest today phenomenal woman. Is she phenomenally phenomenally? Is she?

This guest?

Our guest today is one of our favorite performers here in New York. And we say that every time we have a guest, but that we only book people that we like. True, I mean me with a fact, with the hard facts, a capitol dot real news. She is a funny storyteller that performs literally everywhere.

You guys are gonna love her. She's our cool mom expert.

And this is this, these are I mean, that's why Sidney was talking so crassley before.

She don't respect my mom. She's cool though, ye yah, yeah yeah, it's the very funny, the very lovely. It's Sandy send them.

Yeah, you just wanted to shock me and see if I would really react. No, Sandy, I've heard to your crusty chest. Sandy.

I know listen, I know you, I know how you get down. You're kind of the cool mom that you could also call you by your first name, Sande trash mom, Yeah.

Trash mom.

You have two Cardia bracelets on? Yes, yes, okay, forever bracelet.

Yes.

When I go through the airport, it takes a long time because you have to like basically do a body cavity search. Now they put me through the X ray of that machine, like yeah, yeah, they're doing it, and then it's like the wand everywhere. And I always make the same stupid joke. I always say you have to buy me a cocktail first, or some bullshit, and they always look at me like you're the two hundredth person who said that to me today. So yes, give a ship.

But do they check your hair?

Well, they couldn't get there's like a meat loafing hereripes the Lindbergh babies, a lot of hair.

Sandy.

Let's talk about who you are and where you're from. Like, first of all, I met you a couple of years ago. You were on we were doing a show together.

That's correct. We were doing a show together and I saw you and I thought, I'm madly in love. I want to take you home and tuck you in somewhere and then give you like Parge in the morning, like poor, yeah, granola, a bowl of granola, mac and cheese, Mac and cheese.

In the morning. Wow, how do you make it? How do you make your mac and cheese? I make it.

I buy everything is gluten free in my house.

You're not a cool mom. Mom.

No, I was raising my kids. I gave them Kraft twenty six cent box of Kraft mac and cheese. That's what it used to cost, twenty six cents when my kids were little. I'm old. My kids are old, so now I make the same age as us. Well, my twins are going to be thirty this year, a little older than us, and my son's twenty five.

I met your son.

Yes, he's cute.

Sandy had a show in Brooklyn and she her your husband and your son were both there that her husband is like super supportive of you.

He was so supportive.

But you was there at that show too, the stuff that as Sandy talks about, I was like.

Your son is he yeah?

You talking about this with your son? Girl five years old?

Five?

Well five.

I did a show last week and my daughter was in the audience. This was in la and it was all about how I left her father nice. It was really classic origin story, super classic. I kept saying, referring to her in the audience, saying, Lindsay, I'm sorry, but it's true. And everybody started laughing because I was being so horrifying. But Lindsay's used to it. I'm her mother. She knows, she knows, she's brought today.

Yeah, she likes Well, is this story embarrassing? But how you loved her dead story? It's not.

It doesn't make him look great, and you're not supposed to do that in front of your kids. No. Oh, he's a man, but she's a grown up man. Terrible Okay, Yeah, it's all right. You know, it's like she's a grown up woman now, she can hear about it.

A woman in her thirties knows if she has crabby parents that's true.

Yeah, and it doesn't parent. Yeah, she doesn't need you to tell tell her how bad he is or whatever. But he was.

I mean, her dad is amazing as his dad. He was just a shitty husband. So I kept saying.

No, you a man who could do both, dad? Yeah, right, that's my dad.

Yeah, So how long are you guys together?

I think I know the story.

So my first husband I was with for like fourteen years, and my second husband I've now been for almost twenty years. So I've been basically, you've.

Got that long term coochie Yo, long term. I put in commitment, coach.

I've been, you know, doing hospital corners with another dude in the house for like thirty five.

Forty hospital corners. Yeah, you know you like.

In after everybody leaves in the morning. For forty years. I've been making a bed for somebody, is what I'm saying.

Oh, okay, okay, So you're married and you every morning make the bed.

I make it because he leave. My husband leaves for work.

You can't just throw it at the school.

It's old school. Well I'm home. What am I doing. I'm I'm watching.

You got to do what the kids are doing. Just leave. I'm get into this twelve hours from now. To make the bed. I don't put I don't put no duvet or nothing over it.

I make the bed. I watch the prices, right, and I make the bed.

Love the prices, not to carry prices, right. I like Barker creepy man.

Yeah, Cheryl.

Look like he does people's elbows, and like the smaller their back that's the that's the Prices.

Wasn't there a rumor that he was stopping one of the models, probably stopping that a cool mom turn. Yeah she was, Yeah, getting down with one of the models stooping.

Well, him and Hugh Hefner were really good friends.

So a lot of those girls were like playmates, the Prices, right girls, they were playmates.

He because, yeah, sany what you sleep on a queen for a queen? Sandy?

I went to your house and what I She had a comedy show there.

Did you steal anything? It took everything for me not to take something. I was like, you just had.

Everything out and I was like, wait, you have all these people in your place and you're not locking it up.

Girl, you didn't take like I wanted to hear her bathroom.

She has every wonderful beauty product ever and I still look like this.

No, sendy, you look incredible for your age. You're killing it.

You're sweet.

Yeah, you always have like a designer. Like I saw her at a show. She had a Chanel boot on, said Sandy. I know that those boots were like thirty dollars, And honestly, I wanted to take everything in your place and I could have.

You could have, no, because you probably have insurance on ship. That's what it is, why she says, coming to taste.

Yeah, we have cameras everywhere. I was rubbing my butt on everything good, good, like.

A dog that needed to wipe his butt. It was market market my spot, you know.

Yeah.

But Tandy, you live in like Westchester, like I'm making the rits Carlton bitch.

Yeah, yeah, I'm like Eloise, old Eloise living at the hotel. But it's a condo. It's not a hotel. But it's nice. I have to admit I like it. I do. I really like it. I'm proud that I get to live there.

You got art, like real art, Yeah, I have real art, like fun art. Yes, you have fun art at your place. That's how good all that you are?

Cool? He's lived.

Yeah, now I've lived. I've got the track marks.

So let's talk about it. Let's talk about how you got to be so cool? Like, were you a cool kid in school?

No?

I was such a loser. I mean everybody, total loser. Oh, I was a loser. I had like I was really ugly and I had a lazy eye. No, I had one eye that robe.

Sandy I had a low key. I have a wandering eye as well, who wandered.

I had to work with these prisms for like six months and they retrained my eye. It looked like Superman ship like up there.

So I had a surgery. You have to like no.

Retra doctor Lockdrman made me retrain my eye. And I also had a horrible like buck teeth face mouth because I sucked my thumb. So I was a hot mess. I really was not until I got to high school, and then I only became more like acceptable because I was in all the school plays theater. I was the class clown.

So you had talent to your tent.

Well, it wasn't necessarily talented. I was just loud.

I mean, I mean I've been told.

It just shout ship. People think you're funny.

Louder than everybody loud.

So then things kind of worked out after that, and then I fixed everything. You're too like, I don't remember what color my hair was, my teeth, you know, braces that I got fixed, fixed my nose, I believe, you know, yeah, oh yeah I had Yeah you know you used to look like it's cute now well yeah, because it it was doctor Klein or whatever his name is, fixed it. But no, it was a mess. I was a mad little a little too. It wasn't too candy, but it wasn't It wasn't pretty believing.

That I believe gotta have your You gotta be ugly as a kid, so you don't like the predators don't want you.

And I get beautiful when you get older.

And I also have a theory that children that are really exceptionally good looking when they're really little turn out to be cows.

Yeah, it's so true.

Everybody in high school that was banging, oh my god, trash chillowcases and they all have like four kids.

Yeah, and it's like since we just graduated.

But I like to say, is they look road hard, put away wet.

That's my expection. Wait hard, road hard, put them away wet.

It's like a horse. You ride them hard and then you put them away wet.

Horses, horses. Everybody that's though the podcast is poor.

But I don't have a horse. Actually, I'm afraid of horses because I'm sure I've told you this. My sweet husband he lost his her first wife in a horseback riding accident. She fell, Yeah, she fell off a horse and she died.

Was she equestrian?

Yes, she was a jumper.

She was a professional horse and she died.

When I tell the story where we go to Mohawk Mountain Resort and they had like horses there and he's telling me to get up on a fucking horse.

He's trying to kill you. Did you see the staircase he killed?

Unbelievable anyway, But he would never know it was an accident.

You said he would never but he has.

Actually, I think that it was the year.

It's a good year. It's a good year. So you were not a cool kid. I wasn't a cool kid, but you were in theater.

Yes, So then I became when I found out that I could use comedy as a way to save myself. Was when I was in high school. There were these really awful, mean, bitchy girls. They were in the bathroom smoking and I was in a stall and they were like bruising to like cut somebody.

Okay, like cut somebody cut somebody.

And I came out of the stall and I could see there were somebody was gonna hurt me because I had already once been beaten up in school, and so one of them like pulled on my sweater like to wallat me. And then the other one said, oh no, she was that funny bird in this in sing the school show, leave her alone. And I thought, okay, I'm not gonna get killed.

That's your street cred. That was she's funny, She's funny.

Well, you know, that's the same I was a gleek. I used to like run around singing the hills are alive, you know.

And that's kind of similar to Tiffany Had's story. She was in like foster care and these kids were going to beat her up, and she.

Just kept telling me jokes. Yeah, and that's why she is who she is now.

Yeah, if you can. And I find that if you use comedy now in the most mundane situations, like if you're arguing with the American Express, I'm sorry, okay, master Card, if it makes you feel like I'm less elite, if you're going to check Blue anybody, I just want to tell you you're funny.

If you do American Express, they always give the customers so nice, they're always the customer is always right with Americas Express, they are.

But if you make you're the person on the phone, the customer service person laugh, you'd be shocked at all the things.

I'm not laughing when i'm managed representative, I'm leaning on the zero.

I'm supervisor. Let me speak to your supervisor.

But as soon as you can disarm them and make them laugh, they'll give you whatever you want.

That's true. They'll be like, I don't usually do this, and you'll be like, wow, my first.

My mood is angry when I'm on the phone with them, except for when I got this free mattress. So Sandy, you didn't get beat up because you're funny, And then would happened? Did you go to school? So then yeah, I went to I was at first.

I went to University of South Florida, Party City, party City, which I did not like because what I was there this is a long time ago. I was there like a month and one of the dudes in one of my classes, I swear, he asked if he could see my horns because he said, are you a Jew?

Oh my god?

I said, yeah, he goes, can I see your horns? He wasn't kidding. He thought I had horns. So I transferred out and I went to NYJ was a much better Jew. It was much more appropriate, and I was in their drama department. But I had to drop out because I couldn't afford to stay. I had no money.

How much was a tuition back in?

It was so cheap. It was one hundred and twenty five dollars a credit.

That's all it was. How did you need?

You need like twelve every semester?

Yeah, I could never hear it. I had no money still like a lot of money.

Nothing. Also, I might add that back in the early eighties, anyone, if you could breathe, you could get into NYU. Because I wasn't very smart, but you know they just if they wanted your money, they would.

Take you so different. Now after you dropped out, what happened?

So then I started, you know, trying to act and I was also a dancer. Ah, so you started strip stripping stripping. I had worked the pull. No, I didn't work.

I was like really, I know, I was a little body, but I did.

I was a professional cheerleader for the New York Cosmo Soccer team.

A soccer team. They had cheerleaders and.

They paid fifteen dollars a game.

Can you imagine how many games did you do?

It was too a week? And then public personal appearances. Yeah, but that's still was all the week.

Thought one hundred and twenty dollars was not a lot, but then you think, thirty dollars you have to.

Get to met Life Stadium, which was Giants Stadium at the time, and it.

Was really stupid.

Yes, But then after I did that for a while, I realized this isn't very good.

Where were you living, Like, were you like staying at your parents?

Well, I still lived at home, and then eventually well also, rent was really cheap back in the early eighties, so I lived on the Upper East Side for like three hundred dollars a month. Wow, in like a walk out all day.

That's what I would be so well off. You could do it.

You could do that.

I wouldn't even speak to anybody. I wouldn't be on this podcast.

Excuse me, sorry, I'm going back to my upper I would have a monocle, that's right.

I would have been the banker. But then I met I was taking a dance class with an actor, Peter Weller, who was the original RoboCop.

If you've ever seen that movie, he was the one in the robot costume.

Yes, And he told me he was the original one, and in an aluminum foil, and he told me to meet his agent. And I thought he was telling me that because I was like packing the heat or something right, like I was going to be a star. But he told me that because he said, you have a good personality, should be an agent. So I went there, and before I knew it, I was an assistant at a talent agency. And I stayed making the stars. Yes, And I thought I was.

Trying to hook you up with somebody.

I thought he was going to hook me up to because he thought I was adorable, But no, he just thought I had you got to go personality.

You should behind the camera. You should be like in an office, in the room, in.

The back room, in a cubicle. But it's like the kiss of death. Like if you're described by a guy to another guy, Oh she's a good personality, it means she's a dog.

But well that's when women are described basic dating and nice.

Yeah, but he might have.

Some money, Yeah, he's yes, nice, he's got health insurance, and he's a really nice guy.

He's a good guy. Like his mom looks like a troll. He looks like Shrek.

So I wound up doing that, and then eventually I went with partners and we opened up our own agency and then I was called it was called Shiftman Ekman Marson and Marx C M and M.

It was pretty big Jewish, Jewish, Jewish, Jewish and Jewish.

No, actually only two out of four Jewis Jewish Jewish. But it was good. It was really good, and it was fun and I got to represent lots of really cool people. And who did you rep. Let's talk about James Earl Jones.

Oh yeah, legendary James Earl jer.

Yeah, welcome to me.

And we had Dane Cook. I like him, he's actually James. And then we had oh my gosh, I had so many interesting people like Jane Curtin from Third Rock, from the Sun and Kate Alley and the regional.

Saturday Left Wesley Snipe, Wesley Sny like a young Wesley. He didn't know the government millions of dollars before he started making money.

When I met Wesley, he was working for Bell New York telephone company as like a repair man, and he was making extra money by massaging the agency.

Wow knives was doing couch calls.

I'm not we're not trying to get sued here. Yeah, no, she she knows.

It was legit. He had one of those chairs you see.

Let you put dirt on my Wesley's knife's name. How dare you sad?

You take it back? Wesley taking?

He was wow, he really wanted to be an actor.

I no, no, he was just the backgroud like airport styles.

So you said the Wesley nips ball rubbing balls. I mean it worked. He got love. Yeah, he is great, Thank you for that.

He was good. He's good a massage. No, I wouldn't let him because I was.

No, no, no, don't you thank you black man, because I was too nervous.

He was too attractive.

You're livesh You definitely got.

You got, you got, you got your ages moisturized.

Shut up, sand He oiled your scalp. Yeah, he hit your temples.

He was too cute, too cute.

He was fine.

He's definitely a young and he had liked like muscles, but not as big as they became.

He used to have like normal.

When you have like a lean basketball nineteen eight, you got a trainer and ship, then that's when you get real muscles.

Like I also represented a comedian named Joe Piscopo, who was like an old s n L and he used to be really cute and then he was massage but he got he got too musclely. He got like so musclely he was terrible.

You don't like muscles at all, not big.

Ones like that. You look, he was blown up in the morning with helium.

Oh my god, would you like in a man, because you know you've had.

I like them slim, slim, smart, cute, not too good looking, because then the waiters only pay attention to them. I don't like that. I've dated those guys where the waitress looks at you like, oh you want something to I don't know.

Where are you all going where the waitresses could see like that?

Fancy places, yeah it's fair, you know, places with like cloth napkins. Yeah, you got to go to the places where they look down and they're like, I don't even I can't even look you in that.

I can't look at you in the eye because I have to work like a t I have to wear those buttons on my vest to I'm not no, she's.

Getting like real Italian food. It's like Italian women back there cooking.

I just like a nice sweet face, and I like a guy who's willing to listen so I can carry on the way I do. I'm mad at someone who's willing to listen to all my bullshit.

I feel like good.

I feel like most men are there, they'll pretend to listen. Well, they'll sit there while you're talking and they're like, well, let me see what we're not going to do for fantasy football this week. Yeah, and then you asked them to run back. You said they won't be able to what.

I'm listening your job.

Yes, that's true.

They're like not listening. So okay.

So in all this, after with these nipe gave you a massage. In all this, you ended up having some kids. Yes, three of them.

You twins, Tress kids, twins.

I had Trey kids. Yes, I had that set of twins with my first Actually, I had all my kids with my first husband. Why am I can work sea session sea secsion? See each time I have like velcro strip in their now snap. Well, I had my twins ten weeks early.

That's a lot of week.

They look like little gerbils when they were born. They were so tiny. Yeah, they were in for seven weeks shit. Yeah, but they're fine now.

I mean there were ten weeks early so seven weeks is like they.

Had a cook they stuck them in the cooker, they put them under that light. They were in the slow Yeah, in the cock pot.

Do twins running your family?

Nope, identical twins, I think are just a freak of fat.

Oh you didn't take any drugs or anything.

I figured I was just so aggressive about wanting a baby. God said, okay, we'll show.

You the one that take two.

Yeah, we're going to give you two. So yeah, we had two girls, and then four years later I had my son, and then when he was four, I decided I wanted to get out of my difficult marriage. So that was tough.

When he was four, my son was four.

I had three kids under the age of eight when I decided to get a divorce. Good Lord, Yeah that took balls.

That definitely did.

But that took especially since my husband had told me that nobody would ever date a woman with three kids in the suburbs.

I mean, that's kind like I feel like that's true.

It's not, it's not. It was raining men, I said, yo, see the work.

They were like, let me help you carry those bags to your car.

It was no, it was not a problem. Well, if you work in this I worked in the city. I had a business, so I was working and I met a lot of interesting people and I put it out there after I got divorced, like introduced me to a guy who's like worthy of running a small democratic country, not like a specific like some guy who could like like a Justin Trudeau, you know like that, you know, like a Canadian, a Canadian. Yeah, man, And I started

So what date do you tell a man that you got three kids?

Right away? Because I don't want them to leave the check with me on that first day check. But also remember, because I'm older, we didn't have the websites that you guys have now. We weren't swiping or anything. You will go out with one person a month, like some of you had to put it out to your friends and like that they had as much like options as they did.

So yeah, they took around a little bit more.

Yeah, and men like to have a relationship more than women. Like if men leave women, it's usually for another woman. Women leave men because they're miserable. It's different. Men can.

Hit them with the cool mom merch.

Men need someone to be there when they get home from work to complain about their jobs or make them their meals or what. I don't know. I mean, I don't want to grossly generalize.

But.

We do is generalize. That's our brand, that's my that's my experience. So you know. But women were more independent, and we're willing to really.

We are independently.

Wa That's hilarious because every time I see a chick she would four other bitches.

I'm like, what can I just hang out with you? Why are you go girl with you?

But I was also I was lucky because I was able to go out and get my own house. You know, I didn't have to depend on a man.

You got your Where was your house, Sandy?

It was in Scarsdale, Scarsdale, I don't know.

It sounds like bread like.

That's wow, that's where that diet doctor got murdered. Doctor Tanner, do you remember that the die doctor murder in Scarsdale? Super fancy murder.

I'll talk about this to talk about murder on this podcast.

There was this woman named Jean Harris who was like a like the head mistress at some girls school.

Doesn't sound like a mistress name though.

Oh. She was like a fancy like a secretary like. And Jean had an affair with this diet doctor, a diet doctor, and he was in Scarsdale, and she in a fit of rage and a peak went and shot him and killed him, and in a rage. She was in a fit. He was cheating on her.

But was he married? Was she married?

I don't know those details, but I do know that this finishing school chick had to go to that prison where Martha Stewart went, the fancy prison, not real jail, yeah, like potholder making.

Jail, the jail that had like the little sandwiches with the crest cut off.

Little watercress jail.

The jail.

So that's where we lived. So yeah, the fancy crime location.

That's nice.

So anyway, but I was able to be on my own and we had joint custody of our kids. So the kids, unfortunately for them, they had to go back and forth every Friday from one house to the other. Yes, I.

Was a woman at work, Okay. I just wanted to let the listeners know. They know they could tell yeah anyway.

But it worked out because I was so sure this was going to fuck up my kids for life, because because who wants to live in two houses? Actually that sounds.

I thinks that's two Christmases. Yeah, Christmas.

And if you tired of one person, you just go out onto the I'm going back to dance.

That's true.

That's you could threaten with that the screen door. But it seemed to work out somehow, and the kids were cool. I mean it was hard to the beginning because we were also I was the first Heathenist woman in our neighborhood to leave a husband. These women were not Avenue Well. I had like a scarlet d on me because the women, I think were threatened by the fact that I was like that. I made me think they thought maybe I was going to try.

To stand and don't say that. You tell us the truth. You were watering your lawn.

It's short and you were coming out check the mail with like your shirt tied under your boots and you were like.

Hegi and they were like, look at this husky.

And the guys were afraid to talk to me because they thought that I might be infectious, like like if I get involved in their lives, their wives were going to leave leave. So it was a funny time. But it all worked out. It's fine.

So they didn't invite you to none of the like Neighborhood Watch.

Wasn't a lot of potlucking going on.

A lot of pot looking. They didn't invite you to charades.

Well, I did have a few good friends, but actually my very good they they threw me. They threw me a divorce party. They're almost Yeah, all my friends who are probably all of them are now divorced.

And they knew they did the future. What's the divorce party like snacks?

Well it's more like no, it's more like a housewarming where they brought me like pots and pants and.

Shiite, Like you don't need this extra pot now, yeah, yeah, you don't need this plant.

Bitch, because you know you lonely. Yeah, so how were you dating when you had three kids?

Because every other week I was a say I worked.

Six schedule right every other weekend, she was having sex because the kids weren't it.

But the staff in my office always knew my week off because chove to work wearing like, I don't know, like tighter clothes, my hair got we can wearing those f MPs you know, yeah, total remember those.

Yeah, So you're going to work dressed up for one day, so you were going you were in your date clothes to work.

I would have different shoes, perhaps in the Bounces, yuppy new Bounces, but I always had the f MPs in my drawer. So then I would just bring my makeup to work. And because I would go on a date right after work, I would get like picked up at my office or i'd meet them.

Vincent, you heard that Pittures, this is before.

Well, that's why you're so cool, you know, because you like lived your life you as a mom. I feel like moms become a little uncool when they just it's all about the kids, don't do anything for yourself.

One of the first reasons I knew that I needed to leave my first marriage was because we had nothing in common. We didn't get along, and I knew kids One day would eventually grow up, and then when they did, I was going to be stuck living with someone that I really didn't know. We didn't have a great relationship, so I thought I better get out now. I want to get over my fourteen years.

Yeah, that's a long time and I have nothing in common with somebody.

Well, we had our kids in common that, yeah, but the kids were four and five, five and eight eight.

No, I've never.

Listen. This is my biggest piece of expert advice. Let me let me never ever have a joint account.

I wasn't gonna do that anymore. Never.

I always had my own card. My bank account was always my own. Always I could you were making money well, because I just thought I don't want someone looking over my shoulder asking me why I bought that moisturizer. It's mine. I don't you know what I mean. And I'm not in a situation like that anymore. Because my husband would give me the world, but it's my. It's like, I don't do that. I just you do your thing. I do my thing.

So wait, well, when you want to use his money, you just have his card, yes, but does he have your card?

Why? I already need my car why this is my car.

I mean we do everything, like we bought a home together, We do anything together. And obviously he could have anything he wants, of mind, but I like to have my own accounts. I want to behold myself accountable for my shit. That's all. It's like a psychological thing. Yeah, yeah, hold yourself accountable, have.

Own accounts always. Cool mom, right here?

Cool mom?

Okay, So then your kids are older, you're married. Now, talk about like how you were raising your kids. Were you spanking them, were you like slapping them in the face, were you twisting their ears in public?

That was my mom's move.

Yeah, I never never, ever, This sounds really unrealistic, but I never had a time out or punish or yell or anything. So your kids is spoiled, No, no, no, they're not really. They're very like they were sort of genetically predisposed to being.

Like you had a nanny too, though nanny was hitting them kids, actually West Indian.

Yeah she was.

They did have a couple of tough nanny.

Is that what you got? But I wanted.

I had a Grenadian nanny when they were little, and but the one that was the meanest was the French danny. People. She was mean, she was tough on them. But anyway, but they were good kids.

So no.

But I was the mom who went to pick up my son from camp because he wasn't having fun, and all the other moms told me I was an asshole for doing that, but I said, I'm sorry, he's not happy, I'm bringing him home. And the camp director is looking at me like you know, I'm Satan, like I can't.

Believe what kind of car were you picking your kids up in? I feel like it was a BMW no mersades. Yeah, that's why.

They were like you come, You came and picked them up in a ben and what were you playing?

Some Rick Ross.

At the time, it was probably no, no, no, no, I'm more of like a Whitney or.

She's like you fornt got anywhere? Oh my god.

That reminds me once I went to pick up my school my son at middle school, and I was blasting some rap song where they were like motherfucker something ra other and my son's like, mom, because my windows were rolled down. Of course we had a partial and everyone's like motherfucker. It was Jenner. It was j Love singing with like.

Gyrol. That's it.

It was joy.

Yeah, Andy's got some celene sheets.

Oh wait, And what made it worse is I swear I had a T shirt. I always like to wear T shirts that said ship I still do and it said skinny bitch on it.

And I got to go through.

I know, it's crazy and my son was like, oh, Mom, you've got to get back in the car.

You get out of the car. She had cool shoes and that's why she had them slides.

But we did have the house that all the kids came to because you would have you would have that was like, I would rather you drink here, drink outside. Yeah, I was the cool mom. What do you guys?

Like Jim Bean, are you doing? Martiniz Today's show?

But like when it was prom season, we did all the makeup for all the girls in our house.

But the kids were partying. Had a strong eyebrow, be they had a strong yea.

They had a dusky lid. Yeah yeah, I don't know, but they there was a lot of loopliner going around.

You're hilarious.

I can't so when the kids, because of our house was right near the high school and we also.

They would cut school and come to your house.

Yes, but this is subnoxious. But we had a swimming pool, so the kids would come like between classes for a swim and then go back to school and ship. And I always loved to door open and.

Nobody robbed you unlocked.

Yeah, and the keys were sitting in our car in our driveway. Yes, I just figured the world will provide. Nobody ever ever took the fucking thing.

We're not doing well because we're worried about you know whatever, But the world will provide.

Provide world.

Can we put that on her shirt? Should get that some jack? Can we get some merch?

And that's an example of here's my car example. Once I gave my husband when he turned fifty, I gave him a Vespa, a little motorbike, which was so cool. And once somebody tried to steal it from our front driveway. They stole it. They went half a block and they left it because they didn't have had to like started again or something. It might have stalled out. So nobody could even try to steal something because karma, because the universe was the universe said no, you do not take your shoes.

I got you.

This white woman needs this. Meanwhile, I fell down the stairs. The universe was like.

Well, I mean you deserve itthday? Yeah, Oops let her fall down the stairs.

Oops.

Now wait, Sandy, I have a question, like, how do you talk to your kids like they're they're older now, but growing up, did you talk to them like they were already going to be adults, like they already understood?

But I was trying to be a good listener, which I might not necessarily always had been a good listener, but I did respect them enough to talk to them in a way where I wanted them to be honest with me. And we were always really close, so they would always tell me a lot of stuff that I don't think other mothers would hear from their.

Kids, or what.

Gets so small that I never wanted to know. Wait, somebody asked questions you want to answer, Sandy, how did you get a period talk?

Let's talk about that sex talk, you know, period first, because I.

Don't think I ever had to. I think they do it at school. They were doing nine years old.

At the period talk in school. I got the period talk at home and like, once you get that, you could have babies, and that was it. I've never gotten a sex talk from my parents.

I think the only sex talk I ever gave was to my kids was I'm not raising your children, so I don't want any like MTV like teenage girl pregnancy. But I didn't have to worry. They weren't. They just weren't those kind of kids.

What the hell that mean?

They were like when they were young, they were kind of ten. That means they weren't like like roused about and they weren't like I was.

I guess I was roused about that.

Roused about it because you didn't get to talk that your mother was not raising your teeth.

When they went to college, all bets were off. But I didn't want to know about it.

But you had the party.

House your kids, like your kids talk to you about guys that they like or girls that they're dating. They come to you for like advice on things like that, like dating. Definitely made out with some money in front of the in front of the house.

Oh yeah, absolutely, yeah.

People.

Sandy was like she stayed up. She was sitting on the couch just like waiting for them to come home.

They're pretty good. But once we had once I took our son down in Times Square for New Year's Eve, and I said to me, you don't care about your it's so stupid. It was so stupid. I said to the girls, they said, don't have a lot of people over you because I knew they were gonna have a party. I just knew it. And we get home at like one thirty and there is a dude peeing in my driveway, not even in the bathroom, flowers, like on the flowers.

That's not wild.

I don't know what was going on in the house. I just know what was I mean, who knows what was going on if.

They were cooking? No, wild is like they were having sex in your bed.

They weren't.

No, you don't know. Sanny. Have a voicemail from your daughter. She says, what do you call it? Like like that side that side bed side like a cot. No, not like a cot. It's like a day bed.

David Divon in old school Divonne, that's right. Women used to have the smelling salts and they would like faint, faint, the fainting bed. The fainting bed. No, so, you know whatever, but they seem to be they went off to college, they all seem to do fine.

So and your your daughter just got married recently, Yes.

My daughter, thank god, onnes Day one of the twins got married.

Is that pressure for the other twin.

No, she has a wonderful boyfriend that she lives with in La and she's cool.

An't nobody gay, Sandy, No, I.

Was kind of hoping. I was kind of hoping that my son would, but know, he's straight.

Were kind of hoping that your kind of a little bit.

When he was really little, he was so cute and my daughters used to dress him up like Britney Spears.

That's what girls.

He was so pretty. But no, he's totally straight. Oh, my kids straight.

It's terrible mainstream, very mainstream, one in four five.

Yeah, well kids, Yeah, I know you'd.

Have a gay baby.

Yeah, too late. I've already closed down that belt prose stream.

But you have where your baby. That's right, I'm gay.

Yeah, you're my perfect gay daughter.

Yeah. Yeah, problematic work.

Your daughter, you got dental honestly, weren't trying to get this root canal like tomorrow?

Well you should meet. My husband is a dentist.

He's a dentist work, but he do pro bono work. What's gonna go community?

But they used to do pro bone work it anyway, but he doesn't do it anymore. But he would give you a very good deal.

What the hell is the deal? The deal is zero yea. The dealer is bring me a coffee and I'll do your teeth for free.

He would definitely try to work with you.

But well, I'm gonna have to get a tooth, so I'll give my I'll get my room, my root canal at n y U and then come to you want them just to give you a tooth like somebody else's.

That's like sitting in a bin or refurbished tois No, No, he would build you a too.

He told me a tooth. You got to pay for that, dude, Yeah much that I don't know.

She don't she don't work work for him. But he would definitely make you a very you come up with a good dental plan for you.

Okay, see you could.

Pay it off really slowly. Shut up. That's exactly like a Laywaight Rainbow shops to.

Brand, yeah away shop.

I used to love the Rainbow shop.

Sydney loves Rainbow. Now, I was just there yesterday. I didn't have anything in myself. Love lovedy. You're not shopping at Rainbow.

I used to. I was once robbed in a Rainbow stop.

Yeah, because they were this rich pearls on you at the person on the arm. They were like, she got money. You know, it was a lot bins in front of Rainbow. They were like definitely robbing her.

Now, this is like thirty five years ago. I was broke. Now it was bad.

I don't believe you're broke thirty five years ago. I don't believe.

Well, yeah, I didn't start doing born thirty five years ago. Years ago, Sydney was only okay.

I don't even know what that means.

Thirty five. You'll find out one day when you're thirty five.

Now, Sydney, well, how does thirty five few?

I don't know.

She was going to ask you. You just fell down the stairs.

That's some thirty five ship. No, that's some young twenty.

Now when she has If she were my agent she fell on the stairs, she would have broken her hips. Yes, she's still good. You're resilient.

Yeah, I've been. I've been working out. I feel like your kids text you and call you all the time.

They do, they do. They call me. Everyone either text or calls at least once a day. And my daughter will just send me a picture of a rash and say, what's this?

Or you know you?

We now do?

I what? Sorry? You web hm d Now.

Yes, I've always been I call myself the corner doctor shop that grow the pharmacy. You can send pictures of any rash and I will have an explanation.

Sidney, go ahead and pull your picture.

Whatever it is, I got it.

I'm gay and clean of rashes. No, I feel like that's a lie. So clean.

No suspicious moldage, No, no, I have lit. That's a good one.

That's standing the booms.

Yeah, I know all this stuff, but they also like they they'll ask me about like how to deal with bosses or you know, boyfriends or whatever.

Okay, we'll give us a mother if I if I okay, I what would you tell I'm having a doma with my boss. He's he's really on my he's really being mean. Yes, I'm late every day, but like my boss's business.

Well, basically, I tell all of my kids that when I was you know, a young person starting out, I would jump. If they said jump, I'd say how high? You do whatever they tell you to do with a smile, and you pay your dues and you just eat it until you can't eat it anymore. And if it's a kind of career job that you really want to stay in, then just as we say, bend over and bear down the old expression have you heard that all expression said before road hard? Or the other expression I always say

Well.

My daughter works at Lighthouse Management out in La Talent Management and my son is working for a real estate hedge fund in Brooklyn, and my other daughter and then my my other daughter is a special ed school teacher at Stephen Gainer on the Upper West Side.

Oh, you got some good kid.

She's got a sweet though. They're good kids, so anyway, But you know, but I'm also like, I just went to la last week to visit Kira, and you know, we go. I've made her take me shopping for weed at the med med Store.

Like so cool.

That's you know, not a lot of moms. I just thought that would be fun. I wanted to have the adventure you.

Smoke weed, Yeah, Sandy Blaze after the podcast you take Edibles? Yep, So your daughter took you to get some weed in l A and you're there just like it.

Was so much fun. It was like going into the Apple store. Yeah, it was super fancy.

When you have coins, it does feel like the half a dozen of those.

Shiny organic they had, like gum drops and all kinds of stuff.

Yeah, damn, m should have brought you so fun.

But the only thing was I was really nervous because I had to get it back to New York and I was afraid to bring all my drugs like some crime scene. I would be like accostant.

How much? How many? How much drugs did you at?

So little?

So little? Roller blunt?

No a Dutch that's what husbands are for now.

Your husband rolls the weed for you for.

Himself too, Yeah he does.

He used Dutch masters rolling papers. He's like gold foil rolling papers. Oh yeah he does anyway.

But we had fun. It was great and uh when we went to see I took my daughter and I went to see Beyonce when we were in.

L A, which is bullshit because you know us, we should.

Have been there too, so good.

How much were the tickets too much?

But she said she was in the front row. She said she could see Beyonce's laby. There's no thanks for spanks.

No, no, it wasn't expensive because my daughter knows people being She got hooked up.

She got hooked city.

We got we got to quit this comedy making some money. You got all these connection.

Well, you'll have to go see my husband and get your tooth.

I'm going to fix this. Get your tooth, get in good with the fair we.

Have that you have, you know evidence, because I'm recording this, I'm telling you I'll be there for Hanukkah, don't Yeah, yeah, you'll come.

Can you tooth be one of my gifts?

In other words, we're going to be your tooth fair?

Yeah.

Yeah, don't put a little bit of CBD oil on that fucking tooth.

Yes, I feel like I want to go back to on the run you went.

So, what's the craziest thing that you've done with your kids or something that's normal to you?

But people are like, wait, what, like other people can't.

Well, I think every day that's where it happens, because I really do feel like they Like when my kids go out at night when they're all in town together at the same time, they'll call me and ask me to meet them at a bar, which I don't do because it's just hard, it's late, I'm tired, But they axsume that I want to go meet them in some are at you.

Know, let me how cool you are standing that they're like, my mom mad to be here right now. You never call mom and be like, I'm at a bar until I want you to come join me.

Did they do that?

Not even in the daytime, the nighttime especially, no, Oh my god.

Yeah, So you know, I think it's just like a general vibe that they they don't think. I mean, I'm certainly not their friend. I am their mother, but I'm the kind of mom, the cool mom. I'm the kind of mom where they don't feel like they have to hide ship for me, and they think I will enjoy whatever is they're enjoying.

Which when you go out, what's your drink? What are you drinking at the bar?

Tequila and lime juice?

Oh you get letty, you got coming, it's coming to pick you up. If you got tequila, I like to killo. Tequila makes me aggressive. Doesn't make you aggressive, It.

Just makes me away.

Yeah. It gives you energy.

It gives you a lot of energy. Yeah, it's like a good healthy alcohol.

And I did it.

It's very healthy alcohol.

I did a tequila on the Run tour as well back in the day, and let me tell you, I had all the energy.

I never want to sleep. That's doing coke. But whatever, you know, you combo.

But yeah, so I'm not like I don't feel inhibited around my kids to drink with them or do whatever. You know, we have fun. So oh we also this is so obnoxious, but we're kind of the same size so my kids will give me their clothes if they think there's.

No way wearing crap tops, in wearing crop tops, but Mandy's white pants, little J brand jeans or whatever.

Yeah, Sandy, you are cute. You're the cutest, You're sweet.

You're definitely like I'm embarrassing. Now you think I'm some like rich bitch, but I'm not.

But we always thought that went to your place. Okay, I saw your floors.

I know that you're doing.

Well, and I've seen them Chanel boots on your feet at a comedy show. I said she weren't Chanell for comedy's she's a Rockefeller.

Yeah.

Also, I was in your car. I feel like you dropped me off at the train.

Sandy, you're a rough child.

Well, now I drive an electric car because I'm trying to help the environment.

No, no, no, because you can afford the electric car to care about the electric it's electric. So, Sandy, was like five tips that you would give to like moms out there.

It was a huge number.

But yeah, back all right. So one the most basic, love your children all the time, no matter what, no matter what, no matter what. You want them to feel safe so they can actually tell you ship that they don't think you're going to be comfortable with.

I'm not telling my mom.

So love them all the time too, you don't spoil them, meaning that they have to understand that there's value in money. Money. I hold money is something very important and if you want it, you better work for it.

So I had to.

I help them, but not so much that they could relax. I also got them out of the house after college because I didn't want to do their laundry. Not interested.

Get out, take your skid marks and go.

And I really think it's super important that my children as siblings be really kind and good to each other because I had a sibling who died when I was young, so I'm an only child and they're so fucking lucky to have each other. So I want the three of them to love and support each other all the time, and be really good to their bonus dad, which they are. They love him so well.

They've been with his dad for most of their lives, yeah, twenty years.

And just be honest people that I can respect. And I always tell them, don't do anything that you don't want to appear on the first page of the daily news. Nothing good happens after two in the morning. Nothing nothing.

Glove morning. So my best friends are from after two.

So your kids have never done anything crazy, Like they've never gotten arrested?

Oh yeah, actually all the time.

Yeah.

Well, one of my kids was arrested because she had a chalk license. They were arresting people for them, Yes, they and they it was a racket. They go around these like small towns and if they find you have a fake ID. Oh they were bored, they send you. They they put her in jail. I had to go pick her up. They took out her shoelaces out of her shoes. I swear she was crying like she had like Tammy fay Baker at them. Her eyes were all running and the poor kid was like traumatized. How to

Was she when her license was drock like nineteen or twenty instead? Oh she was.

She wasn't even in a liquor store. She was in Dunkin Donuts?

What yes? Why was she putting out her ideas.

Because next door was a liquor store where her friend.

Was tell the truth?

Like shock, like an Irish coffee.

So her friend was next door buying probably wine or booze or whatever. And then the cop said are you here with friends? And her friend gave her up and said, they're next door bitches, bitches.

So and then the bitches who drink Bailey's. I'd be like, I'm sorry, I don't know you. I'm using here to get donuts for my mom. She's outside.

And then my son got picked up once.

For two arrests.

Yes, but he no his was that his was mild. I don't think we had to go to court. But I think he had join in his pocket. Oh and they had Oh, I had joined his pocket and they had like a case of beer in the backseat of the car nothing not open, open but not open. But anyways, keg in the car and cocaine in his pocket. So two police records out of three, but not all three, just two out of three.

Not bad.

I mean, that's mostly your kids, that's all of your kids.

Because the twins is one, yes, so one had a chunk idea, you.

Know, the other one was using the same You have other identical twins of course they were.

So yeah, so but it still doesn't what you say your.

Kids get arrested and you're like, this is bullshit? Or are you like this is what you get for doing what you like you did something wrong?

No, because it's bullshit, bullshits just like it was bullshit. It was like, first of all, she was in Duncan fucking donuts or she told her she wasn't dunt It was bullshit. It was like after nine to eleven, they were very careful about everybody's idea. It's like such bullshit.

Now.

No, I never for a minute thought that it was bad. I would have done the same thing when I was young. Shit, I did worse, probably, I don't know.

Well we got a couple, We got a couple of Ministela.

Is the worst thing that you've ever done for the listeners, you know, people listening in Botswana.

Well, actually I do have a new habit which is really bad, which I shouldn't tell. But I have this thing to say allegedly, well, okay, allegedly, when I go into grocery stores, I'm very annoyed that they don't have checkout girls that you have to scan it yourself.

So you'd be stealing. Oh we all take from that self checkout bitch. Tay dumb. Why would you let me.

I've been making check out myself, like this.

Is a this is more bananas, It's just like juice.

But I do no, I do things that seem really reckless, like I'll I'll say something's not organic, like the fruits, but you know, twice the price. Or I'll steal like the most expensive small thing, like a little liquid thing of vanilla or something. And I feel like Bonnie and fucking Clyde when I walk out of the store.

So she's like, we got a one on a writer right here.

Yeah, no small time crime, but there's something bad that I, like, I don't know, gives me power. I'm taking the power back from the man. If they can't afford to have check out cashiers, then they can't afford to lose. They're gonna have to some organic apples. You're gonna have to lose.

I'm getting an extra allegedly, and allegedly. I don't feel anymore. I'm a Christian now I still steal Sanny.

Thank you so much for being This has been fantastic. We had such a blast.

I hope I hope I didn't seem like a real asshole.

What do you mean we want assholes on the assholes, don't worry about don't worry about speaking yourself.

Well, I do love you both, And if you could come live with me, I would say, come live with me.

I mean you won't give us car? Yeah, I mean a cab to your house is a lot.

So I first got to have like one hundred dollars just to get to Scarsdale.

But once I get there, actually.

North, yes, Metro North.

I know you don't have some proper snacks.

Yeah, we have snacks.

You gonna have crushed ice for me.

So like crushed and then also cube cue options.

You know she got the ice that comes out the fridge door. No, no, no, no, she's old school for me. You don't have sandy. You're doing man? You got a regular fridge.

Yeah, I have an ice bin. But if they don't crush them, they just cube them up, cube them up.

Okay, Well, let's let's schedule some time to hang out. Let's grab a drink or you know, at a time. I'm a cool mom, I know you're a cool We'll go as soon as med met opens in New York, will go.

What the fuck is that?

That's the place you go to? Place to meet the tenders to buy your weed. It's gonna open in New York as soon as it gets legal.

Okay, how big Sandy's ring is on her finger? Let me see that's like that's reality storm.

Oh my god, my eye is just blind.

If you were if there was real Housewives of Scarsdale, you'd be like the wife that like threw a glass in somebody's face.

Drink is someone's face.

Now I'm the one. I'm the be the one keeper.

Sandy, You're the one flipping tables over like Teresa Judice, the fun one.

The one with like a glass of peanut.

Like, what are you guys yelling about? I want to be that one who's the royal what's your name? The the countess Loot, the countess I want to be you want.

To be her?

She did? I mean, none of them, all the cool ones. I guess.

I guess I want to be like Bethany then so I could own my own skinny tequila company. That would be the look, that would be, that would be the look.

I go.

She has good toned arms.

I like that. Yeah she's toned. I mean she's miserable as a person, but yeah she's Yeah, she's rich. She's rich. You're allowed to be rich and sad.

But you know what, there are a lot of very unhappy rich people.

You would know, you would know what you know. Sydney and I are like flogging up the window with our poor boys.

A lot of fucked up rich people, a lot of fucked up poor people.

Do well.

Tell people listening where they can catch more of your cool mom ness.

Well, my website is Sandy J Marx, M A, r X, S A and D I with a smile. Sign over at J Marx dot com and listen all my gigs. I'll be at the I don't know how when this airs, but I'm on the I'm on the Ladies. Uh what is it called?

She Makes Me?

She Makes Me Laugh Festival next week at the Pit. I'll be all over town houring myself. Oh and I'm mostly the subject of a documentary. Yeah, so who knows when they will get released? Is still being edited. But where's gonna be what platform? Well, he's going to submit it to all the festivals. It's a short doc and yeah, it might turn out to be like a very bad story.

I know.

Well hope, I'm hoping. I'm hoping it doesn't come out like the Jinx or something incredible.

Sandy murdering. Yes, well, thank you so much for being here. You are my second favorite mom.

Yeah. We love you so thank you and thanks for our gifts.

Hello yeah oh yes, and everybody, make sure you like, comment and subscribe.

You know, tag us on Instagram. Let's know we listening.

And know that we're doing a show for New York Comedy Festival on November fifth, hosting it here in forclin So come to that seven pm.

Oh I'm November fifth, bring your ass yes. Bye Forever.

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