Hey, Hello, welcome to the visuals with that guess with Marie and her friend Sydney. Yo, my voice is yo, me and you. We got matching voices. I don't think mine is that deep? Is it? I don't know? Is it, sir? How deep your love? Me? Tell me what it's going to be. Yo, I'm getting so congested. I don't know what the fuck is going on right now. Ew, I got the sniffles. I put vix all over my neck and nose everything. Wow, to put it everywhere? I sniffed it. I like vix Why it's I don't like it at all.
It makes me feel old, but I used to. My mom used to put it on me when I was a kid, so I feel like it makes me feel young. It makes you feel old. Maybe you're using something like wrong. Maybe you're using like ben gate. No, imagine, not be using the right fixture. Yay, using like a hemorrhoid cream says you're using the wrong. Let me see a picture of the box. Like I'm cutting corners. I'm just spost have been gay on my chest right on top of
my upper lip. Gross, it's got a strong smell. It'll cut, you'll cut the mucus A gross cut the mucus. I need musin X. That's what I need. You want to do? You dropping names? We're not sponsored by. Don't go by that. We'll get some ben game sis. This is how you get sponsored. You gotta do the plugs. You gotta do the free work. Yes, because somebody over at Marketing and Musinx is like them two dudes that do that podcast,
you know, the ones with the raspy voices. They real funny yo, that we can do a little group the Raspby voices quad Stone, the quid stone about raspby, Raspby and Raspby, raspy and raspy and Raspby from B two K. Here's the one with the juicy lips. Yeah, he's the one who said he got touched. But that's why his lips look like that. Oh come on, Marie, so fucking deepitch, this is why we can't. Rasby probably work at like a foot locker now, or that's how they got that
short and bump bump bump. You know he work out like a planet fitness now. You know when you think of like one hit wonders, like you think that they'd be at their jobs and like their song will randomly come on the radio sometimes remember j Kwan, everybody in the club getting too and that's a good song. Okay. The problem is when I hear that song at the nightclub, I'm like, it's time to go. Well, yeah, it comes on right before Candy Rain, yes, or they play it
at the top because nobody's there. And if you're there when they're playing it, then you're there too early. Yeah you got there at like ten thirty. Yeah, doors didn't even really open, the janitors. But you see, you're saying ten thirty. But we live in New York, where things stay open till six o'clock in the morning. In like Jersey and places like that, stuff shuts down at like midnight. So we're leaving our house when they're leaving the club.
But you know why they should shut down early because y'all animals, y'all don't know how to act after fucking two am, three am. Savages, savages. That's why I shut the shit down. They're like, you know what, I think, I'm done with all my songs for the night, and they just New Jersey people turned into grimlins after midnight. They turned to Ferby's. Yeah, this is hilarious because our guest is from New Jerseys. Yes, we're not gonna give
him any time to defend him. Yes, Ferbie Tellertovy Teller Ferby, what were you an expert in this week? What was that excerpt in this week? Oh? Are you not prepared? You know, you ain't do You ain't do the work. You ain't do the homework. Honestly, I feel like we've been doing a lot of them, and I've been running out and expertise. I feel like, okay, so I don't know when we're gonna post this, but you know, so I'm getting ready to go to LA and we're recording
legit thirty eight episodes in a week. So y'all are just getting some old, old old things from us. Definitely. Well, I'll tell you what I was an expert in. I was an expert in dodgy dodging stuff and hurting feelings. Let me tell you what happened. So you know, I'm on this little dating app and I went out with this dude. Uh he's Italian and but from Italy, like in New York working on his pH d. He was like, let's meat for tea, but he hit me up. It
was brunch time, right. I was like, cool, cool, cool, I'm gonna eat. I get to this place. It's in my ex boyfriend's neighborhood, so I'm already apprehensive. That's the food. But if you want to make a nigga mad, another white man. But this was not an attractive white man. So I was like, Oh, he's not gonna be mad about this. This is there's nothing happening here. So I so I get there. The dude is already there. He's waiting for me outside. I was like, you don't look
like your picture. That what photos were? He looked like he was. He was like six foot something. That right, right, But when when you think of Italian man, what in your mind, what does he look like like? From Italy? He got like dark hair, he probably got like a like like green eyes or something. My tale which he maybe got like some hair popping out the turtle neck, you know what I mean. But this guy was like he looked real young, but like old at the same time.
He's been through something. He's been through things, right, So we get in. It's brunch. Everybody's in there with their friends, eating and having a good time. He's like, do you want to have some tea. I'm like, cool, we're gonna do the tea and then we're gonna do the food. They give us a menu. He was like, I might do like a pastry or something pastry. That's the you know, bitch, you're getting it even to day Sis, we're not eating today,
old snack. I was like, wow, because I could tell that he was one of those When the check came, he's gonna be like, you owe eighteen dollars in the thirties. He was like, a snack for my snack, that's it. So I'm sitting there drinking my tea real fast, just burning my thoat because I'm ready to go right I'm like already, I'm like no, I'm not here for this. But he was also really boring, like real he was talking about Donald Trump, like god know, the Dreamers. On
the first day. I was like, niggas is drinking Mimosa's around us and you're talking about this And did he look at your face? Did you have your face on? Since we were sitting No, I didn't have a face. He said, can you get her a stick of gum? I went up there with my with my with my regular face, and did you have a head wrap one? Did you have a No, I don't think I might. You don't megap one for brunch?
Wait?
Wait, did you go look like you were doing the laundry. You're like, I'm just making it stop. And you know, when I do laundry, I'll be real free because it's in my building, so I don't even have own pants. Sometimes I'd be like, I'd be like, what up, Jenny, how you doing just washing some panties because I'm all out anyway, So, uh, I finished the tea. They came. The bartender came several times to be like, did y'all
need anything? And he was like he was like, and I was like, so I go to the bathroom, come back and start putting my coat on immediately, right, He's like, what are you up to for the rest of the day. I was like, I'm about to go get some food because I'm hungry. He was like, oh okay. I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go get some food after this because I'm famished. Right, So we go outside. He's like, let me walk you to the train. We're going the same direction. I'm already
trying to say goodbye at the door. We're going the same way right. We crossed the street together. He I hug him, He hugged me. He tried to kiss me. When I tell you I matrixed cis when I tell you the dip in my back, when I dip you dip, we dip. I dipped so hard in the middle of the street. Just see Ara style. Just no, you can't kiss me. You can't kiss me. You didn't feed me. You can't kiss me anyway, but you definitely can't if
you got me, what what did he get you? A no sense didn't get you didn't my mouth was he got your biscuits. Try he got your little bescott a biscotti in the middle of the street, curved him. Cars are driving by, just just driving by. And I crossed the street, went right into the bodega and got a sausagegak and cheese Italian niggas is bold, okay, because I told you I went out with one several several several
years ago. He bought me a Zar dress and he thought he was gonna get anal from a Zara dress, a Zara dress that was on sale. He tried to act like you got your clearances and then went I was like, wait, it's the same dress. So I let him put it in my butt. And I was like, say, let him put it in your butt? Did you have the dress on the wind? Did you like the dress
up for him to get to your butt? Since for nine ninety nine it was off the shoulder, sis for eighty percent off, you let him get one hundred percent of the ass off? Should wow? Listen? He gave me half a Creed bottle. You're saying it was off the shoulder, so he slid the dick from the top. The dress was of the Please tell me what Italian dudes are bold? They shoot, they shot, okay, they don't care if they played for the Knicks. They shoot it, they drop it everything,
they don't care. So my core is real strong. So sorry for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Honestly, you shouldn't be going outside if you're not getting no food to stay home. Dude, I got milk and cereal at the house. Okay, you got old packs of rond com in here. Okay, old packs. You know they don't expire, all right? They that MSG keeps them fresh. What was our expert in what was our expert in tricking dominoes? Oh you were able to trick them into getting Oh. Yes,
I put in another address. I put in another name, but I put in my number. Them niggas banned me. I said, for real, not really, I put in another for real, not really. I put in another address, like four blocks down, no, no, four doors down, and then I just had them call me and then like we're downstairs. And then he's like all the way up the block and I'm like air ure ay ya ya, yeah, yeah yeah. I was like yeah yeah. I was yelling at all this ship to Dominoes, and he was like, oh the addresses.
I was like, you know what, I got, fat finger, little typos. I don't really know how to type little typos ten nineteen twenty one to who knows you know? Here it is, thank you, and I got my wings and I got my pizza, So fuck you Dominoes. I get mine run of applause for you for thank you gaming. You're not gonna stop me. Who gonna stop me? Who gonna check me boo? Not domino Dominoes. Okay, okay, speaking
of check me boo? Uh, speaking of Dominoes, speaking of Dominoes, speaking of Doe, No, just get it, get it, so sorry, what is wrong with you? I don't know, it's the tea. I'm so rude. Actually, ain't no drugs. And this is one of my favorite comedians. Okay, get into it. He's from Newark, so that says a lot. It does because if you're from Newark and I like you, like you have to be funny. Oh okay, yeah, I'll see what you're saying. Yeah, well, go ahead and do the introduction. Nigga,
damn Okay. He's a comedian, he's a writer, he has a podcast. He'd be dicking people down on the regular on Thursday. Thursday. He got a dick appointment. After this, he told us give it for Garden Baker Bone. Gordon baker Bone is our to the dom people. You you got to listen to the last couple of episodes. Yeah, she said, I said it too many times. But I got banned and I ran up. I pulled up on Dominoes and I tried to curse them out. Pulled up on foot though, Yeah, on foot, so I didn't have
another car to get into like you. Yeah, but they banned me, but it was for like three four weeks. But I got mine. I got mine. Nigga what kind of what kind of dipping sauces you got for the winch? I have some blue cheese. I put it in an extra one for me. I was like, treat yourself, bitch, treat yourself, bitch. Actually I forgot to say your expertise, Gordon, it's cookouts, yep, sort cookouts expert. I my own cookouts, and I scamed my way in on other people's cookouts,
white barbecues. I don't like white barbecue. Well let's talk. What's the white people. White people have barbecues. Black people have cookouts. Yes, so when you go to white person barbecue, what do they have? Hot dogs? Hamburgers? Right?
Hot dogs hamburgers unless they try to get fancy and they try to do like wings on the grill and it's not great at all and they'd be dry. There's no sauce on it. And just like I but like, barbecues are more for drinking. You go there just to drink, and.
These are like an alcoholic You mean you sound like an alcoholic. Yeah, well maybe all my white friends they drink. So I go to cookouts for food. That's what you go to cookouts for food. You go to barbecues with white people. We went to a barbecue once and the white people, right, remember it was like the grill. They was flipping things with their fingers. Yeah, white people let me. They were petting the dog and then giving the dogs. Yeah.
I went to a Memorial Day barbecue and the dude was on the grill and then he was like letting the dog lick his fingers, but flipping the meat with them same dog tongue fingers. And I was eating a burger at the time. I threw the burger off the roof. I was like, this is why I don't like eating your food, Barbara. Just's just for games and drinking.
They don't really partaking like the good deliciousness to make quality burgers.
Like I go all out for mine. But what do you look like? I could tell by your headline. Yeah, yeah, I'm turning into my grandfather. And my grandfather used to be in front of the I just thought it was goofy how much pride he took it. Okay, So tell me what you're doing to your burgers that make your burgers special. I do it like a bacon brisket burger. Your brisk wait wait wait wait, I'm count jump on the train.
To New Jersey for that brown beef brisket makes one. I'm a little bit of fat pork belly and uh.
Yeah okay Rachel Rad right, Rachel Rad Yeah, do that? What else I do? I do brons because like some dudes like rots, that's a that's a link. Yeah, brought worst real ba do bros? Bro? Do you even brought bro? Yeah? I got a couple of brons. The truck Sheryl's coming just bringing the kids. Uh yeah, like just my cookouts because I do. I do my own now and I
in whte my friends. You got a yard. I used to do it in my parents yard, but now I'll run out to the park at Nork and wait, hold on, can you tell the listeners about where you're from, because I feel like they don't know how terrible it is. You're like, oh, I do it. I do it at the park. White people listening in York, New Jersey get a bad rap. It's just Google Newerk. Yeah you said it's a bad It has a bad rap. It has a bad rap. No, no, no, what's a movie from Newark?
New Jersey drives? Okay, I don't know that New Jersey drive.
Terrible movie New Jersey was a number one car theft capital in the world for like ten years, so they decided to make a movie.
Heavy d was in it, Queen Latifa was in it.
And they didn't actually have directors go around shooting people pretending to steal cars. They just took stolen car footage, yes, that cops had from their DADH camp. Yes, that movie sounded real, Little Bud. It was that movie sound like a home video. It was very newer.
Donald was in it from a scrubs. Uh, well, I know him from Clueless. Yeah, he was Stacey Dash, his boyfriend and he embracest. Yeah, he was in it.
And like the best word about New Jersey drive is like, well, for me, it was like where I lived, so I knew all those streets and I knew like.
So you were happy to see it, you know how it was getting depicted right het us on the big screen? We do it well, dude.
I got the pressed one time because I found out, like I used to watch Acon's ghetto video. So as long as just that, I just sang, it's a song ghetto about like just how living in pocket, how poverty is, and I'm watching the video, I was like, man, this town looks terrible.
Man. I watched like five times and then they drove by your car. That's my that's my parents house. There. I am on the drill in the park. I was like, damn he living bad out there. And I was like, and then he were on the screen. You're like, oh my god, waving at a coon body rolling man, Like Jersey, we get a bath, right, Yeah, we close at two o'clock, but like our strip club stay open till five and
got strip clubs over there. Yeah, most of our strip clubs is BYO big, so people just coming with YO big. If I have to bring my drinks to the strip club, I'm not coming to the strip club. How is the strip club making any money if they're not selling out?
Charge the cover and they charge your flight. Say if you need a cup or like you want to sew the charge of the cups?
Yeah, well if you b yob and you're not bringing cups, then you deserve to get charged with im. Like I brought the liquor. Who got the cups? Exactly? Can't bring the liquor inside. You gotta leave the liquer in your trunk. You can bring any beer, champagne, wine, all that stuff. You can bring a champagne to the strip club, not bringing my own champagne? Were doing? What are we celebrating? The strip club is by your own stripper too, probably,
it's like, what are we celebrated. I'm dropping off my sister, like I just started CVS. Now she's up there torking, okay, and she didn't take it. She didn't give me all our change.
Me and my friends we do this thing called Epic Brunch in Jersey, Like we go to this place.
It's a strip club. You'll go to go to trip club back because it's free on Sunday. I was like, I thought the brunch was a strip cl I was not. What the fun is all? You can eat asses at the strip club, but you gotta bring yours, asked Benedict. Yeah.
Yeah, we were going Sundays because it's free before if we get there about like three.
So we like the strip club that early on a Sunday. You have no family, no family, you don't love yourself? Should it be backed there? Oh my god? What is it? Is it full nude so you can see? Yeah? Yeah, it gets pretty raunchy on Sunday and the Lord's Day. Yeah, probably across the street from the church, like a big ass church with bills, and my friends were going look real quick. We played cards while there and watch football,
play spades at the Strip Club. Yes, we play. Listen if you could see my phallopian tubes and you playing, you know, everybody getting shot up and everybody getting draw for everything, everybody getting draws the game. She just took off for bra.
No, she just took off a broad to the side and just laid down for two songs and got back up and then left after she was done.
I just laid the funk down. I'm like, hey, do what you want. This ain't even my full time gig. I'm just here trying to exactly I'm just here trying to send my kids to private school.
Dope, But you just got to go to the right parts. Everybody think it's that white part. We got some dope parts in Urbanton. No, if the hitginess are there, that means it's dangerous.
I have I have a terrible story about going to Newark. I met a dude. I already hate the story. I met a dude at one of those like expensive boutiques like Intermix or whatever something like that. I met him. I thought he worked there. He actually was just a delivery guy. You didn't see the brown shorts. Just like he looked real. He matches really well. I had no fucking idea. He jumped into his car. I'm about to give me some new Jay brand jeans. I'm gonna get
some Citizen and Humanity jeans. I was like, oh, I'm about to eat a plug a plug. So he was like, oh, you know, come through and I was like, okay. Cool. Where you live He's like New Jersey. I was like, okay. He was like Newark. I had never been to Newark before. What the name sounds hood to me? People people in Australia here Newark and they're like, oh, that sounds like I'm not.
Saycause when it sounds like New York and that's not don't don't act like that's where you're.
Going York Newark nor people in New York nigga that don't try to don't you cherry on top put an accent? Take you believe you? He said. He said, okay, So when you get off the train, I had to walk from the path to his place. He's like, all right, So it's it's a little rough, is he didn't come pick you up, no, because he was scared. He was he don't really He was like, no, I don't really come out after a certain time, I can't really come out. I was like, man, the dick better be great. So
I go there. He don't even have his own place. He's got a room he's renting. He's renting a room. And yeah, it looked like when I got off the train, it looked like a grand theft auto, like somebody somebody hit you with their car and stole purse. They're like ten points. You just laying on the street, Yes, yes, yes left you. How long was the walk because in my mind it was way too many? But walk it was Dinny walks alow too. I had a heal on. It wasn't. He was trying to look cute for his
jersey dick. It was like five blocks or whatever. So he can't know. But he came and he met me at the bus stop near his place because we went to go get We got some You got you got some drinks. I'm both y'all split an Amaretta sour. He got Arizona iced tea and raspberry is four loco. You had two straus Hey, that that dollar. Can you got a lot for a dollar for Arizona iced tea? Yeah, you get diabetes and you lose your leg, you can actually split it with somebody else. You lose half the leg,
you lose half it. So I'm there. He's got a room, so he's got other roommates. But they are like, they're like bangers. They're legit in a gang. So there's the guns, like there's full guns on the on the mantle, and you walked in here like these the corn here is very hunters and gathering everywhere. That's militious everywhere. But he had a cat, so I was like that that cat was Queen Bee. That cat is the one that told him who around, dude, what gang was this? Did you ask?
Did you ask if he was affiliated? Did you have the right colors? He's like, I just rent a room. I don't really know these niggas as well. You don't worry again, he's no way, you just got guns. That was his mother's house. Those were his brothers, and that was his dad. No. One of the dudes that came out definitely didn't look anything like it. Since you were at a halfway house, you were at a half way house. When I tell you, we was on that tween bed,
tween beaned. I was on the day base sheets, caper mache, curtains, barely there. I was like, wow, he had the he had the Venetian blinds, but like somebody was missing. Some of them are like broken. Yeah, when I tell you, I gave it up. And I was thinking the whole time, like, yo, how bad is this? Is it that bad? Well? How good was the the penis was there? He had a penish My god, it was present, was paying attention, it
was present, but it was passing notes. Are we are we ever going to get to get I mean, I want this dude in New York? And I was like, I'm never going back. And then did he walking to the bus stop or he made you me? He walked me. He walked me back to the train. The next day he watched me, he walked. He's like, I can come out with you. Well he had to go he could have. Well, he got to take the train to the delivery truck.
So he sounds like he can. He sound like he had the delivery truck at the at there when you were having sex with him, did you see an ankle bracelet, no nony tattoos, no, no, the low key tell me why years later? This person is a comedian that we know. No, you don't know him, but I'll show you a picture of him. Actually probably they probably went to school together. Yo, you actually might fucking know him. Let me pull it this, Oh man, Okay, listen, just turn into something you're like, please,
don't let it be somebody else. Don't know who it is. He got a cliff lip. He might. He's really big, he's tall mm hm. And he's asked me to be on the warm up, and I was like, I'm not letting nobody who've been up in me up on the show. It's one of those it's one of those comedians that got a lot of hood flyers. It's graund Look at Gordon's face. It's not it's not let me he knew. Let me see my god, my, oh my god, oh lord lord wow, look niggas man. I'll tell you, yo.
I want to tell you I was a I was a cool twenty two so it was nowhere near Oh man, it's not. Wait, I want to see who it is. Everybody, Marie. I don't want to show you that. Why you showed it. You know what, I just I'll just text Gordon later. Oh Sis, that is a strong forehead. That's a strong dome, sais. Since I'm a lesbian, so all my dick resume has been deleted. Yeah, the cookies have been cleared yet the cookie cash.
Yeah, Gordon, he wasn't know if you're okay, I'm not er man talk about cookouts.
What are y'all doing? Let's get what I'm doing, not y'all. I'm talking about the new Well, at least I got walked back to the path. Okay, the least. But since you were on the Jersey side, you were on the New York side of the path. You were on the New Jersey side. He was on the New Jersey side. Get live down there, Get live? Did he pour Hennessy on your naked body? Heat himself? I feel like they don't do hennessy and Newer No we do. Yeah, y'all
make y'all homemade drinks. They make they make bath bruise over y'all got moonshine v s O p is like top shelf. Andy started to come back now but no, no, like all right, let's get back and so what what what? What drinks would you have at a cookout?
Yeah, drinks. I usually I tell people like to bring their own. But if I do have something, do you trust that? Do you trust people to bring their own? Like if they made the drink, you're not afraid. No, no, don't bring any something that you made a bottle? What I bought some jungle juice? Where you want me to sit it.
Thereofing everybody at my cookout that everyone passed out, not at the park that he rented. The park rented. I didn't know that people paid to rent the parkist for the day. Everybody got to put in two dollars. I feel like in Brooklyn people just pull a grill out. Yeah, no one pays for anything. He cops rolling up and you're like, oh yeah, we're your permit. You got a permit and your papers at you throw the grill at the cop and then you run to the bar.
That's my spare grill. That's that's my good grill. Like that is one thing that made me about New York. Y'all can just pull up anywhere with a grill and start cooking.
I mean, but you can't have a grill in certain sections, no apartments like you can't have it on your roof. Some some places, like some condos, they like you can't have a key order That sentences is condo condo in an apartment complex, you can do whatever you want. In a condo, there's a housing board, there's a co op board. Then yeah, but that doesn't make sense. I'm if I'm paying for this place, why can't I have my grill out? But are you paink sis? I'm asking real questions.
God, Like, yeah, so like we can have we have liquor and ship like that. But like I tell people to bring that because if I'm a ply of food, at least you could bring your own drink.
I have juice and stuff, got mixers? What kind of beverages you got? You got RC? No? I do? I go grab my mom's Costco card and go over there. And I try to like because I.
Even like the one thing I can't stand. I do people to go to people cook out in the van? God, so they gonna talk about you. Yeah, I talked about everybody. But what the condiments looking like?
Oh? Uh, ketch up a one mustard? I just want to let you know, A one is really disrespectful to steak like a good sta put on my burger and I'm like, I don't know you'd be making brisket.
Yeah, dude, I go fancy with my burgers. Man, I get like boards, head cheese and whatnot.
That's from the deli. Nigga Like, that's from the that's fancy to me. Do you have a good I got a good Chipotle good every now and then. Leg spicy goodness. I like spicy food. Tell by your neck you like you like to eat your dad's guy in me? So what you be having? Like? Do you West Indian? It up a little bit like plantons and stuff. We don't do plantons.
We do other stuff like snacks, like pine tarts and stuff like that pine tart. It's it's like a pastry.
You'll be in the chef making paste. Don't make pastries. I have somebody else do that. Okay, that's gay. Bake. I don't know how to bake. Let me look what is it called? Pine? Okay? So are you doing like a salad? What what you're doing?
You're doing like a rice. I don't do salads. If you want a salad, you gotta bring a salad.
Bro Why you don't make a salad? Salads are good. I know, like I have other stuff.
I have fruits and pineapples and all that type of stuff, like a fruit salad, potato salad.
But what else do you have besides these burgers? Uh? Sometimes I might do steak.
Sometimes I might do like some little shrimps and whatnot on the ground.
Let me tell you, because I feel like, hold on, these pine tarts are the yummiest I'm here for. I'm here for what else? Like little apple pie? Yeah? Is it? Is it? Apple? Know? It's I don't even know what's in it. It's some type of preservative that my mom and my aunt's some gams preserved. When my mom does her cookouts, she makes she'll make rice and beans, she'll make chicken, she'll do she does right what my mother you gotta have. She'll make pasta with shrimp in it.
My mother makes she like when all West Indian cookies that I go to in Brooklyn. That's how the food is. It's like food food. And then like the burgers are like I might have a burger, Yeah, there's no burgers are hot dogs at these types of the don't care about damn hot dogs like they.
Have like for like my aunt's like my guy in the inside the family if they do a cookout, it's stuff like that.
Me like, I'm more like my mom's or something. Yeah, like my mom's like we hood with like down South. That's a basic black cook I'm talking about like West Indian, just like someone cooked the ode and brought it outside. You could get. That's exactly what a cookout is for us. I went to my Haitian friends cookout and they had four different types of rice. It was it was rice, a black rice and yellow rice. And a cookout that's
just someone cooked that's eating outside. But then the grill be ont they'll do the meat on the grill, the ribs and stuff. Yeah, all right, you have like a little jerk chicken going on there. I don't do jerk chicken. Why I don't want to cookout is this? You don't want cook You're not having a cookout. You having a barbecue, ye, black man, because I got jerk chicken and like cook up rice and all that, cook up cook up. What's the music situation? The situation now is the iPod. Somebody
the iPod, your phone. He'll get up to the Bluetooth speaker. You have a DJ. Dude, dude, you got to have a real DJ at a cookout. You need people to have a good time sphere. Yeah, I mean exactly. The DJ money is for the venues. That's what it is. A little bit he had a good and then I got a big Sony speaker that there out there. You just got the car people his car up and turns us. You put the Beats pill and a cup, so then
then you can echoes and you can hear. But only a cup that other people bought because they got to provide don't know, cups or I bring my cups. I have cups up the utensils. But like other than that, like are you buying the cheap paper plates that like you got a double stack, or you're buying like the stock at the white ones. No, I hate that that because you can't even take it to go plate with that, like just so you believe in it to go because some people get real like weird about that to go
They're like, well, what did you bring? What's the situation? Well if you if you didn't bring nothing, you can't leave with three to go plates. I'll give you one. Yeah, I mean I said, well, what you're gonna do with all this food though, I'm gonna eat for the rest of the year. That's what I'm gonna do. I'letna eat for the rest of the here. We do that and then we play some spades, play some dominoes. That's musk. Anybody ever gotten shot at one of your cookouts?
Not shot, but got into a fight, Like cookout don't ended a fighting you they wanted to throw hands with each other, like want some real ship, like somebody did some goofy ship or brought somebody in think should have been there.
Ah, you have a specific story about somebody that was brought that wasn't supposed to be there. I showed up. So, but it's a cookout, it's in a public plate. You're not eating my food. If we're not together, if you're not eating my ass, you're not eating my food. Lowery, did you can you could rent that? Plots strict rules at the cookout. Like some exes they just show up. They say you having the cookout. They're like, oh, I'm coming through. No, don't do that. So then, okay, so
your ex came, did you speak to her? Now I speak to her. My girl girl spoke to her and actually get out of there. Yeah, girl, Yeah, the girl I was dating at the time. Oh okay, So how she pulled up? What happened? She just came She was like, what the fuck you doing here? Got kind of animated. So the girls were fighting. Yeah, it was men and then they were fighting. It was fighting over the food. Nothing like that.
Most of the dudes that come to my cookout, they cool ship. Most nobody really calls problems like that.
And the newer we don't believe everybody know they're lifting their shirts up. They'd be like, well, what you gonna do that? What you're gonna do it? You know, we don't with each other trunk right now, we don't do it or just change. I don't think y'all know this, and that orgous changing. The Booker came through, started jogging, got his all cardio Booker and now you're a good job. Well, isn't he dating friend of her friend? He's dad a
friend of a friend. But what you know about Corey Booker and newarksis I mean, I know that he's dating in front of him, so it's got to be doing good work friend. Yeah, a friend of our friend.
Mm hmmm.
They'd be going to Costa Rica and stuff. They be living their best their best lives.
She's not like, oh see, that was the key part. There's a big rumor in that Corey Booker's guy.
Oh not on our podcast. Not on our motherfucking podcast. You better not. I mean, we don't know how to be strapping up for him. We know that she is with him, we don't know speak of any The podcast is over. Shut it down if you want to do the podcast and an experts need anybody shutting down anofficial expert with Haikus. No, we can't have it my fault. But the rumor in Nork because like he changed North
because the whole city let him talk. He was just so different from what was used to because I'm not used to educate. Came to North. It was like we're gonna change some stuff, and we're like, oh, he must be he jogging the Whole Foods? My god? Is the Whole Foods in Newark? Yeah? Don't you have a Twitter? Twitter? There's a Whole Foods in Newark? Yes, I live eight blocks away from the Whole Foods. Now, I'm boo. Can you love that's? Leave? Gett all that for you? What's
the macaroni and cheese? Situation. Are y'all making a mac and cheese? Cheesus? What's the cheeses in the mac and cheese?
I would make it my mom and she bakes it. I don't like anybody that don't bake their mac.
Can't have mac and cheese without baking. Don't tell people that because people will come up to you and like, no, you just put it in the pot. Which people which people are saying that these the white Yeah, the people that are having barbecues.
Barbecue, like some people do some wild ship, like with their fucking mac and cheese. Did y'all go to the creaky Cave when they had the mac and cheese contest?
Absolutely not? Who the fuck did that? What was going on?
Sausage and mac and cheese contest? And like people put wild ship? They mac and cheese loopy? Some of it was yeah, some of us on point. Somebody baked macaroni cheese. I had bacon and lobster in.
And I was like, all right, okay, they had money to black, I'm have money and lobster. Someone had like a halopeno mac and cheese. It was some other ship that I didn't touch. And then there was some boxed mac and cheese. It's like just like just weird noodles. I would just want to let y'all know. Uh. In college, I was like, Velveta is like the best in college? You said that, or as an adult you're saying that to now? I said at college. In college, I was
the last time, no, no, no cheese. I have regular no good mac and cheese as an adult. But in college it was like Velveda that is. But what was the last time you had velveto college? I have not had a since college. Was it the microwave? You know, in the microwave, a hard boiled to screen Thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner from the microwave out potato, miwave I do. That's crazy, That's what I do. Y' y'all got radiation all in your pores. That's why rouse it a couple of times.
You gotta put it in the in the in the oven for eight days, stab it, and I'm gonna got time to bake a potato that long. We got ship to do. We New Yorkers. Come on, quick listeners. How do you do your mac? How do you do your baked potatoes? How do you do it? That's crazy? I had somebody you ever had a microwave. I had a microwave, but I don't microwave my potatoes because I bake them. Wrap the foil, wrap them. I lead a house, come back, it's almost ready, building me on fire, Like, is it me?
My potato still in there? The way baked potato works is you gotta You gotta make it when you're not hungry, because they will be finished. You gotta make it for when you will be hungry. Exactly. You gotta plant ahead. You gotta wake up and be like, I'm a bush my teeth. No, no, no, I'm a baked potato. It'll be ready in time. Then run my errands. It'll be
ready by dusk. Listen, you take it, you, you wash it, You put some olive oil on it, you put some like salt on the on the outside, Stab it a couple of times, throw it and oil and throw it in. No wait now, cookouts, and when you go to other people's cookouts, do you trust everybody's food? Because you don't know if people are using gloves or washing their hands. You don't know if they re My favorite question that people ask when they go to the cookouts, is yo,
who made this? Who thish is this who is so you? So people gotta label they gotta label this is or you just asked and then people just passed the word. Oh, Susan made that. She cool, Susan made it, And I'm not gonna eat it. I don't know. I don't know. No black Susans know a couple of black Susans. I need a Pam. Pam is gonna throw the fuck down or whatever. I need somebody with a crooked wig to
do it. Short crooked wig. Oh my god. If someone's sweating and it's not they didn't even start talking yet. That person they got like the neck rolls in the front, Do you know the food is gonna be get? That's what I need. If they got underarmed meat, yes, If they got the socks like those black people's. Those black people are sandals, you know, the thick African ones with the strap on the side. Yes, and they maybe have a little sock one, that's what the food is gonna
be get. If they got vericose veins, the mac and cheese, it's lit. It's delicious, every every single one of my uncles. Yeah. Yeah. If it's somebody who's like, well, there's a keen white burger. I'm not my sister trying to pull that ship. Now she got she got a vegan. How do you feel about that? How I feel like they desecrating the cookout? Which is this vegan ship. It's blast, it is very blasting.
She's usually eat chicken all the time. She ate everything, and all of a sudden she got this new Jamaican husband. Now she uses all vegan and trying to tell me to change my life.
And okay, when her husband comes to the cookouts, does he bring weed for you? No? Well then he can't come. Got we all get mad him because it goes there's nothing for me to eat. You don't have any like rice or anything like. Right, yo, let me tell you. Let me tell you what happened. Somebody threw tofu on the fucking grill and I was like, shut it down, shut it down. They feel like tofu is gonna melt into the grill.
The somebody brought a uh but they is it boca or boot something like that. But it was a spicy bean burger and they tried to slip it on the grill and someone ate it and got real pissed off and threw the whole box out.
Was like, niggah, what are you doing? What kind of cheeses are you providing for these burgers? Oh? What dude? I do it all American cheese provo, Like I have a how dare you American people that's attacking cheese? After twenty one? Nobody should be eating American cheese. The niggas, I know them, niggas is from New York, so we wasn't gonna talk to it. At me to grab that goddamn plastic cheese and just rip that foil off. Man, have one of them come to my house and I'll
give I'll give them some monster cheese. And how they feel about that monster? They like, she must be gay. It's real. Corey Booker, Well, I am as cheese. So so how do you do your Do you prep your burger meat the night before.
Or are you getting the night before? I do my ribs the night before. Like, let's talk about ribs, pork pork. Traditional beef ribs takes a little bit too long. Like, guys, I don't know the difference between beef. Oh you know the difference. You can taste the difference. Beef ribs taste like steak. Uh, Pork ribs is that like the is that the default rib pork is the usual? Okay, well the night and I do my rap minds and foil when I cool them the grill cooking for at least.
How you gonna come here without no food? Nothing?
What's the backpack? Just condoms? Not just other stuff? Condoms? Uh, you fucking raw man, So you raw dogg in it on a Thursday. You don't care about your life. I don't care about my life. I mean he live in Newark, says you don't care about his life. Oh man, I come down to Nork man like a gonna You're gonna invite us to a cookout this summer? You know what? Yeah, you should come out the chop festt is the is a big ass festival they have downtown Nork. It's for
the Portuguese whatever. Everybody show up from the town of Geese.
We get through these big ass vats of uh fucking San Gria for like seven bucks. So everybody get saying grea drunk eat it's real chicken, and like it's just a whole bunch of.
Great What what month of the years? This this is in June, first week in June. It's really hot. Newark and people do know how long enough, I feel like it's the beginning of beginning June. Yeah, yeah, it still was springish.
Yeah, okay, so everyone's out there having a good time, like everybody like people give nor a bad rap, like I all right, because I'd bite comics all the time to come to Nork like ha ha, No, I've only had one incident.
Yeah, I've had that. Oh my man, you was being serious. I'm not crossing the bridge. I had two comics come in. I was like, all right, I'm gonna pick you up from Penn Station. Oh see Sydney, he picks his people up. Your dude, lets you walk.
Like I'm gonna pick you up in Penn Station and like we won't go and I'm driving down to come pick him up. They hopping the car, nervous and ship and I was like, what happened?
Some dude just got stabbed in the neck. I was like, you're like that not like that's just tuesdays, that's fucking nothing for you. You don't care, like all right, that should happened, And just you're like, well, what did he what was he wearing? It was probably his fault. I guess I think we should do like some field work, some field investigating work. You should have a day in Newark, you like proved to us. No, no, no, no, not a day. I'll do like a couple of hours afternoon. When I say, I mean.
Like it is, it's amazing, because the people come over and they can't believe that's amazing.
You You lucky to be outside and be alive. That's what that's amazing. You walk outside, you another day I lived. You're just happy to be here. You just nped out some people your mom like gunpowder. I don't even know what gun powder smell. It was like fireworks, like the fact that you know that telling us everything that we need to have, no idea, it smells like fireworks. It smells like mattress. You don't like let off a fire cracking before No, I like my fingers. Oh yea, So
I feel like they're illegal here New Work. Y'all just be amazing. Fireworks.
I go like like goted to it. I go over the Pennsylvania line, Like at the border of Pennsylvania Jersey, there's nothing but fireworks and a dirt ass cheap.
So we go over, buy a ship, hang out in Pa. So the cops won't just follow us back and take him out of trunk and then come back and we just let him off. We get like mortars and ship. You do you cross state lines to go pick up some fireworks and that ain't some gas ship. I don't know what else sounds real. Corey Booker, No, Cory Booker. Honestly, I don't want no parts Cory Booker, Harry Brooker. I would never be a part of anything that they're saying, Like Booker is not shaming for your ass. He got
a girlfriend already. No, I just friends. You don't know Corey Booker. He's not your friend, Senator Corey Booker now Senator Booker, No mayor, he's senator anyway, Uh party with us, man, we got fireworks, we got I'm coming to Pennsylvania to get fireworks as soon as I leave. As soon as I leave, I'm leaving too, and will drive me off on your way. I'm not walking. I'm downtown north now, so it's gonna be even better. Man. What's the difference between downtown Newark and Central.
Ork and like Ivy Well, I'm saying all these streets like Avon is like where like my mom teaching I grew up in like little bricks and stuff like that.
Nobody can little bricks sound like a project. I grew up in little bricks, Like that's a smaller project. That's exactly what it is. You're not all the way for you're on your way into house. Wait, I went before. I wanted to ask you about how's like dating or hooking up or trying to talk to people at the cookouts? How does that that goes? That? It gets weird sometimes because it bes too many cousins, be too many dudes, and the girls are like I was gonna come and
it was too many guys. They line up at the entrance of the park, so you can't girls be like, like I got food at home. Cousins like hit on cousins.
Because that get weird because like it's two different sizes of my family comeing to meet at one time.
They're not related. That's weird though, roll with both, y'all. Now y'all want to try to bang? That's that is girl. We went. We were invited to a cookout over the summer and it was I got the address, we show up. I was like, is this the projects? Oh yeah? We day like damn, but the food was cute and they had like it was and they had like gift bags for the kids and the mad candy. They had a did they have a bouncy They had a bouncy house in the middle in the front of the projects.
Yeah.
I was like, and we were real cash. It was the cops pulled up and parked across the street. We were like, did y'all want some water? It was like a block party. It was the projects. The project had a cookout. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's a black party, but I mean, I couldn't believe we were there, but we were there. Honestly, they don't be the best parties. Everybody all the outside having a good time. It was all family. It was all fa and us. They're like, hey, cousin.
I was like, hey cousin. Judging everybody. We were like, you live here, issue, you live in one of these units. The cops came up. I was like, I know y'all hungry, but this we're throwing burgers on the ground in front of them. And they had they had two different types of rice. I love when people have like having these ricest do you not have, like, so, what does the plate look like at your house like potato salad. Okay, what's on the what's the what's the it's meat pepper meats.
It sounds like a lot of meat onions, maybe like some shrimp, depending on which ones. Okay, do you pull the vein out the shrimps, but get them. I have to a lot of people don't do that. Why people don't even know that there's veins that you got to take out. Those people should die. That's disgusted. You never meant to like a cookout and somebody people just a
dark flyne in your shrimps. Ass. They're people listening to this podcast right now that we love who don't now then eat them, just like all right, this is my so wait, I cannot be honest. Potatoes alt cancel it. I don't get it. That's canceling. I'm not here. People talk about potato salad like it's the end all be all. It's not all that potato potatoes and I steal. I'm like, no, I'm not here for warm mayonnaise, especially if you did the potatoes in the microwave for the mayonnaise potatoes. Give
us what the give us your potato salad recipe. I don't have like, that's my mom exactly. I still don't want it. Okay, So potato sad over grill. I'm a grill guy, okay, but but I'm not done with the plates. So so potato salad that sounds cute, and then whatever the hot dogs, burgers all that ship. How about the fruits? And okay, what kind of fruits? With kind of fruits you got on in mango? I didn't know you were the rap salad? But why is that something that you
want to eat? It goes well in like a smoothie or something, but it's not a yellow Papa is also another it's a smoothie fruit. I feel like when you eat a pie like regular, it's not that good.
Everybody like, I don't like getting a watermelon, but I get it because you don't.
Like. That's the one thing I feel selfconscious about. But you got chicken on the grill. I got chicken. Don't when I go to pick up the water but I'm like, god damn it, watermelon is fucking delicious. White people like watermelon. They love it. So cut up a watermelon for everybody, and everybody comes through, all the white You cut it up, you cut it out long, slices. Okay, do you do you invite white people to the cookout in Newark? Yes?
And do they show up? Some do What kind of white person shows up to a newer like the fake Timski Mookie shows up? All of them, all my like hood white friends. They show up like some of my new white friends. Was like, he invited me. I don't want to look racist, so they show up. I don't want to look racey show up. That was my first cookout. I didn't know what to bring. Dear white people, they bring like a keg. Dear white people. Don't do things
to not look racist. Just continue to save yourself. I'm not going to Newark because a black dude invited me there. I don't want to look racist. It's good. I'm gonna stay home and be racist and alive. I agree with that. Everyone comes in, everyone goes home.
I'm yet like beside that one little squabble with the axis that was that was about it.
But everybody else have a good time. People might talk ship, get some side off, but nobody. But that's what a cookout is is people talking. Yes, you have to get in on the talking ship. You got to understand it's a part of the part of the chemistry. The meat.
Yeah, yeah, you grab something to eat, you walk over, you talk about what you're eating and who made it.
And you talked about the people who are there. Exactly. What what the hell was she doing here? I didn't even know he got out? She drunk. She drunk already, look at she want to fall. She stay drunk while you drunk, Like it's great talk about the person you're with exactly, like literally, look she took her dress into her pants and the ass freaking loved joe An. Yeah, I'm a fucking later. I'm a fucking later. My parents had a cookout and my brother bought a white girl.
When I told you, my mother curved her while she was bringing the rice out. My mother was like, my mother was like, this is a Stephanie. My mother was like, my mother just kept bringing out rice. God, Stephanie was like, nice to meet you. My mother was like, and then my dad was like, you know the Bible said. My dad took her to church. I was like, she's just here for the vegan options you'll have. No, I don't know even know what a vegan is. My doesn't know
what a vegan is. What is that. I think. My mom thinks that's a car. My mom thinks a vegan. She goes, she got a handsa hairstyff vegan, you get a new hat, it's called vegan. My mom thinks that's a school. I feel like we learned a lot about We did a cookout situation.
Cookout situation, like because like I feel like that's the pivotal one. Like you go to other people, they try to be fancy, and they try to be upscale, and they.
Have all this stuff. What should you not have at a cookout? What should you not have? A cook the name three things you shouldn't have it a cookout. I'm gonna start the list. Potato salad, what I agree, that's disagree? I agree coleslaw, don't bring stupid and like a macaroni salad. I don't. I'm not here for anything. Who like magari, I'm not here for anything. Yeah, y'all love high cholesterol, love it. We do it. We really to love it. It's like there's so much mayonnaise on his table and
then you have Mannai's and a burger. It's like, what the fuck, we don't need all this ship. It depends on that.
You don't do You don't show up to someone's cookout with like fried chicken from like a food chain because I gave people out some ship like that.
I can't break Popeyes. You can't bring I can't bring that. Churches chicken? You want some church chicken? Yeah, I also don't understand why you would do that. You would do that? No, I've never done that. People try that like, oh oh, but I did go to one cookout where we were there late and there was no more food left and
someone brought they just so happened to bring. If there's door bot fried chicken, if there's no more food left, that means you either didn't plan properly or the food was so good that people took all the to go plates and dipped. But you got there late. But you should never run out of food. That's like pivotal. That's ridiculous. I'm not trying to feed the whole community. You should community somebody what you got nothing left? But how long we've been how long we've been in this park? Yeah,
we've been here several hours. Got the fireworks and you like you get like if you're early, you get the brisket burgers. But if you late. You get the Costco Costco patties. I just thow the grill came, damn. My mother gets the ground beef and then she like puts onions in it, and she puts seat and she like makes this the patties for the people.
That show up early and on time for the cookout. Everybody else that come after that, you getting just bears Burger.
The people who get there laid they're they're at a barbecue, not a cookout. They're at a barbecue. What you do is you go to a barbecue and then you go to a cookout. Well, we have a friend that he'll have really cute little barbecues on his on his roof. Yeah, the crab pat crab cakes, the crab cakes. Oh my god, god, there were barbecues be and then you said the rib. I didn't even get this, and I was getting ready
to leave the house. I was like, well, I th guess I'm done, and he brought out the crab cakes. I was like, I got some time coming there for another hour and a half. And then the crazy thing is is that it was the meat, the type of rib that he had. It wasn't like a regular rib that probably be it was a It was a different it was it was likestino. It was like a human baby rib. It was like quail rib or crazy ribs. It was. It wasn't like the baby back ribs, the
small short ones. It was longer ones. It was just everything was just so good. He think he he think he a little em Lagasi. He think he saw me. He'd be like bam, and I'm just like. He had a lobster pasta thing going on. It was it was pasta. He got real lobster. I think he's from Brooklyn, right, Yeah, yes, he lives in the city now, Yes, and he's doing lobster pasta because he because he got money. No, he got model bitches coming to his place. Yeah. They just
ain't gonna come through and just get some rib. They would not come to Newark. Why I'm bringing everybody down? Where's security security? You mean the copsbody one one? That's it. That's okay. We'll come out to a cookout in Jersey. Okay, Well not if your hood cousin's gonna be there. Anybody can you introduce to my friend Marie? You don't have anybody for Murray. I got people. I don't know if you're gonna want him, and this is two thousand already. No,
I probably don't know, Marie. This is your year to hoe it up, how it out and you need a rough net dude. That's like the game. She needs the game. She said, he's trying to hook me up with the Jason Jayson j j On. You got a j c On or Sean? Okay? Sean's okay. I would just go with a kid named day Sean and we called them dirty day Sean because he was he was a special lead and he used to fight the teacher. And I feel like he had like black gums and like and
the lines on his teeth. You know, I'm trying to get with a hood. I want him to have like a what do you call it? Do rag? I wanted to have a du outside with the cape out. Yeah, no, I don't want date a dude who is a do rag outside with the cape cape. I want to do you want to roll it up and then it say I want a dude in a.
Foo boo sweat pet just a thread? Are you trying to hook me a dude that you went to New Jersey Iceberg?
I'm done some pole shirt and a Joe Boxer, Boxer. I'm not here for none of this. This has been great to where where can the people catch you? Plug all your social.
Media at Baker Bone on Instagram and Twitter.
Baker Phone, Baker Bone a k R b O E. Uh Bad Advice show on SoundCloud and iTunes and uh, I'm all around the city with the comics. Yeah, comics sense and you guys go on tour like regularly, we're going to a regularly. Were supposed to be going on tour this year.
I don't know what's going to happen because some of us got writing jobs now, so we're trying.
Okay, shout him out. He was like some of us got right. Mike Brown got another writing job. Mike Brown was our Mama's boy expert. So you got to listen to the episode is great. You can't. He never talked to you about living in Nork. No, you didn't even mention he knew better about Harlem and the Brown knew better. He was like Mike, but isn't he from New York. He's from New York, but he used to live in North but then he slipped a little bit. The devil.
He lost it all. He started doing crack. He started doing crack and then his mom got him back into New York. That's why he was our Mama's boy expert. As always, you can find bonus episodes The Messy Ones on Patreon. If you follow the link, you can listen to more of this. Subscribe to that. Comment rate everything that you're hearing today. Make sure that you message us if you feel like you know there an expert that's
something too. Yeah, messages you know, comment if you have any uh, if you have any replies to Gordon and his uh what is it? Potato salad? Tato salad? I guarantee you everyone listening like, yeah, he's right, got a potato salad? You guys are wrong and invite us to your cookouts. You're having rights at your at your cookouts. So you're like my West Indian side of the family, that's the West Indian. If you've not give been to
a West Indian barbecue, then you are living wrong. If you don't know any West Indian people, then what are you doing with their life? Exactly? You got to have some in your life inside. If you don't know any West Indians, they're definitely doing customer service. If you don't know any West Indians and your life is very quiet. Gordon Jordan, Ladies and gentlemen,