"The Complaining Expert" with Jared Goldstein

Forever.

Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow.

We're here, We're here.

I want to just I want to say up top that the energy is amazingly. I have never been more excited to see your beautiful, wonderful face. I'm I'm so happy to hear your.

Voice, Sydney.

Oh and there's a fire truck going behind me. Were the devil is always always working? Of course I said something positive and the Satan.

Was like.

The devil was like, oh you want some positive energy? Yeah, okay, burned the whole blockdown. Yeah, Sydney, I like, I like, what's happening here? I think you're you're giving me multiple orgasm glow. That's what I feel like I'm getting from your friend.

No not, I'm just here trying to be good to a great sis of mine. I'm right right, I'm just looking at you and it's love, light and lusciousness.

You're luscious, Sidney. I feel like you want this episode to be called Live Love Last. Yeah, I will I refuse.

I'm just I you know, I just love being positive to you because I don't think I did enough. I don't think that I let the people know how much you are appreciated here.

Wow city, did you so we today? It's even high energy as well? Is the energy marijuana?

No, but where I am the marijuana is plentiful.

Oh okay, I like, I feel like it just come out and say it at this point, but I guess.

Okay, Well, I'm at an undisclosed location right now, Andrew, and I can't. I can't say where I am, but just know that I'm somewhere that's not dusty as New York City. I'm in better I'm in better places. The grass is greener over here. I wish Marie was here to be my third.

I'm gonna go ahead and tap tap tap tap.

Out, Marie.

What were you an expert in this week? I want to know. I didn't know we were doing this today.

I was somebody complained on the on the in the comments and said that we don't we don't do expertises anymore.

But we have a whole episode that is around in expertise today, I know, complaining that we don't talk about what we're experts in.

Uh huh for the week. We used to do that religiously.

Well, I guess we're experts in not being prepared.

Well, that's the overall theme of the podcast SYS.

Well, sure, I guess I heard you. I heard you had y'all had a crazy ass day. I don't know if it was a crazy daysis, but we had a nice Sunday.

Okay, you want you want to tell us.

It was.

First of all, Wow, my teeth look amazing, so beautiful. Yeah, wow, I wish I had my scarf for my good scarf. Oh here here you go, here you go. I'm gonna drape it over my head. But and then we'll figure it out after. But it was nice in New York this weekend, and I didn't really have anything to do because I was up all night, literally all night.

You were all all night. We did we did sid Can cook and it was like I was like, Marie's here, she's here for the for the night.

She spent the night. Yeah, and that's why city is in such a good mood today because I spent the night at her house. It's true.

Wait, we didn't say up top that we got our coaches waxed.

Oh we did not.

We didn't say that.

And okay, so let's talk about that being our expertise. Then this week against Sydney are experts and having smooth ass yes, very sweet. Shout out to my mom who's listening to the episode today. Hey Mom, Yeah, we went and got Brazilian Did you get a Brazilian wax?

Friend? Yeah, at the front in the back gone.

Yeah, Me and Sydney got Brazilian waxes. And Sydney was late to the appointment. M not to point that out, but she was messaging me like better, you better not be late, beach. And then I got there and how good sister was late.

Let me tell you I will be I will be late for my own death.

Just letting y'all know. So you're gonna live to be one hundred and nine.

I'm gonna I'm gonna miss my death and keep on living.

Shout out to Soul. I think that's what I'm.

It's about bating death.

It's about being late. This is about a black man cheating death. Yeah. So Sidney, how late were you?

Friend?

What time did you get done? Like twenty I think I was twenty minutes. Yeah. Yeah, by the time you got there, I was already half bald and I could see one of my lips completely. For the listeners who had never gotten a Brazilian wax, they just put hot wax on your First of all, they show you the room and then they say, let me know when you're ready, and then they leave and you're in the room, like, am I supposed to take off all my clothes? Like you don't even know? Like I wasn't sure what to do.

It was insane. That was my first time getting it done and I I.

Was screaming, screaming.

Screaming, and I apologize to everybody who could hear. I was like, I'm so sorry. And a man was like, don't apologize, we understand, Like they just he understood. He was a great ally. He knows that wax on the couch it hurts.

But when it's done, it it's not that it looks awesome. It feels awesome. You feel more aer dynamic when you walk down the street. It just feels. It feels nice. I was floating, how long does it take for it to go back? Let me check? I don't have it.

I don't have anything there now, so not quick. I sometimes when I shave, literally, I'll be like, what is this?

Why is this? A long?

Like a long hair starts growing out immediately the next day.

Yo, Have you ever pulled a long hair out of your booty crack? Yes? Yes, it's like satisfying in some word.

It feels like I'm flossing, which I need sometime.

I'm your cheeks. Yeah, but wait.

Me and Marie were supposed to show each other our snatches and she did not, and I would love to see it.

Now, Sidney, I'm sorry, did you show me yours? Well? I sid can cook, and you did not want to show me. I don't like an audience interesting you and Chris a comedian.

I only want to do a solo show for one and that's you.

How does the fire beach?

But you know, I think Marie had on like some real, real thin leggings so through her you know, you know she has her beautiful camel too. I could tell that they did a great job.

First of all, I was wearing sweatpants. Second of all, you know that God is the one who did a good job. And the lady just hooked it up a little bit. But now I'm just like, I just want people to see it. I just want to go.

Show us, to show us on the chat.

The guest wants to see it. You see, the light is not that good in here.

Just put on the sex lamp.

I gotta put the ring light on. Yes, please angle the camera a little bit. Can't you see it? It's just black? Is that a tampon stream? No Sydney sit down? I cannot believe you just met to these people and for that I too.

Yo, y'all are so y'all are missing a good ass show this morning.

This We can't even put this on the Patreon. You know what, we should start doing live podcasts, not live, but you know what I mean, like, we should start shooting them so people can see what. Yeah, people miss that. That's wow, incredible? All right?

Speaking speaking of shows, we did a phenomenal moment for our guest today, who's pretty damn.

Famous basically yes, famous poppin' I.

Mean infamously known for being in Nikki Fresh with Nicole Richie.

Nicole Richie's best friend, The New Simple Life, The New Simple Life, that's what you are. I don't I don't even know, Marie, just just bring him in. He is our complaining expert, and that's something that Sydney claims we're experts in already, but he is the unofficial expert. Give it up for Jared Goldstein.

Hi, okay, I I have zero complaints so far. I'm in heaven.

But you got to see Sydney's cool.

This is incredible.

I just I'm sorry. The crazy thing is that it's kind of like, you know, what just happened. It's like when a guy puts his dick inside of you and you're like, is it in you? Guys just was like, is it there?

What?

Where is it? You were squinting. It was very it was very blick. It was blick. It was black. But the lightning also famously not good where you are, famously great weed bad lights.

Why right now, right now, I'm I'm on bush, I'm all natural, but last year for the first time and second time, and hopefully soon when I'm finished being vaxed third time, I am waxing my hole and I love it.

You've been waxing your hole? Well, Sidney, you waxed your hole. You that Brazilian? No, But but I didn't know.

No, I didn't know that, Like guys are waxing holes.

Now, you didn't know?

M M.

Get Andrew Andrew with his squeaky clean bootyhole. No I have not.

I did sign off on the the Have you ever pulled a string out of or a hair out of your ass?

A long hair? You'd be like, whose hair is there?

Where did that come from? I signed up on that part, not the squeaky clean.

Yeah, it's so great. It does.

Do you want do you watch everything including the booty hole?

No?

You know, everything else in the front stays, stays nice and trimmed, but you know, I want to see the visual of the lands in the back. I want squeaky clean. And it's so it's so it's fun for you know, for fun stuff, but it's also just like when you wipe, it's like there's nothing there. There is nothing there, and people, you know, people that they're going to get in your head and they're going to try to drag you down and they're going to tell you, oh wait, just you wait,

Yes, wow wait what can I can't thin booty hairs? Okay? Yes, my hair is going to be like moss.

Peach fuzz, you know, just a little pixie here are there?

Are there people who just model their bunghole?

Is that is that a thing? Bunghole? Yeah?

Well it's like porn, you know, like you see porn and you see these buttholes and they just look so like bright and smooth.

But people bleach their buttholes too, they do, which is interesting.

Okay, here's the thing I used to not. I used to not wax, so no judgment because some people were very judged about me waxing.

Uh and wait, where's the where's the judgment? Sorry, where's the judgment coming from? Like? What is like why are they judging.

From hateful homessy?

Like why what is the root m.

Take over?

Take over?

Just like game manic game in? I want to know, like why are they getting mad?

Yeah? I think it's like it's probably like a kin to like bottom shaming, and it's like waxing is and it's also your butthole, so you have to say whole. Even if you tell someone you did it, you have to say I waxed my whole. And that's not you know, that's not the easiest sentence today. But I am very grave.

Thank you, Jared.

So here i am. I'm basically the breeding expert, which, by the way, I have listened to this show every week for years. I couldn't be more excited to be here. I feel like I've won a Sweet Steaks and and they're like you know where, They're like you get can win a walk on roll on your favorite show.

I feel like this is I'm sorry it took us so long that I just want to say that up top, I'm sorry it took us so long. I think we've had every fabulous gay in the industry beyond the show, and we've missed it.

Yeah, I think so.

Well, yeahs worth the way.

And look at you sharing right up top, up top, not even you sharing proper butthole waxing information that the community needs.

Honestly, well, look Sydney shared with us.

Don't forget who did it first. Don't forget.

Jared. First of all, how the hell are you doing I know you're very busy. I see you on primetime TV things. I see you working out there. You working.

Mmm, yeah, yeah. We're doing the best that we can, and it's been pretty good. Honestly, it's like it's been better than then then before. When it was it used to be easier to avoid trying to be on TV, you know, because you could just do stand up, you could just like do all these other things. And then when everything went away, it was like, well, fuck, now I really really really really really have to try to be.

Now I have to.

So I started taking Yeah, yeah, so I started taking fucking zoom acting classes. Who I actually just before here, I had a zoom acting rehearsal. It was a nightmare. My teacher gave me a scene from Call Me by Your Name.

Yes, the most What was the scene? Can you give us a little clue? Yes?

I don't even I have three lines?

Okay, Well give us your best three lines, babe.

Okay, okay, hold they are and we want.

You to get into it though, right into it. Okay, So one two.

Action I think he did. Yeah, Oliver was Oliver. Oliver may be very intelligent. And then this is when I start crying.

I think he was better for me. And then my last line is does my thing? Wow?

Wow? I see it. It was moving. I moved. I felt the tear.

Yeah, you felt it, and that is what zoom acting teaching.

Can you wait? Can you give us the link? Should we sign up? Should we sign up? Maries come to the class.

I would love to take this acting class because I need to learn how to book things as well.

Honestly, it's it sounds really bad, but it's like, could it be any worse than a regular acting class? No, it can't. And it's better because you don't have to go anywhere, and when you're watching, like the scene you hate, you can just walk away.

Plus plus it's like regular acting class, but you have all your favorite snacks in your house already. It's like regular acting class, but.

Not.

It's not like you're regular because you are comfortable in your home. Sometimes when I go to these like classes, which I've only been to one, if you're in front of all these people and it's feels very like stressful, but yeah, when you're in your own home, it's just is something. It's a lot more lax.

Yeah, you don't even have to have own pens.

The zoom auditions too. I mean it's like you're in charge. You know, how nervous can you be? It's like I'm at home.

I still got nervous before like a zoo a zoom callback or something.

Yeah. Notice I said call back, not get like butterflies.

Here you go.

That's a flex. She's close to booking, baby, close, she's books.

Like, she's like five steps from booking.

It's already. She's No, you're one step. All you gotta do is hop in there, Babe. You're there, yes, yes, yes? Is you gotta hop in there? Plus you notice there's a there's a chemistry test.

It's a lot. We don't want to bore the people with the acting details.

Well, we love the Smeirnoff there.

The voiceovers are fun because I don't have to I'm sitting literally right here, and I'm like America.

And you just did that from your And Marie has one of the best voices, one of the best voices in.

Iconic fun fact, I just recorded an ad for Skinny Pop too. Look at that skinny.

Yes, making money, Marie?

Can I tell you before? Right before Pandemic last year, I got a voiceover agent and I was like I have done voiceover jobs here and there throughout my life since I.

Was a kid.

But my like ratio of voiceover audition to booking is so much higher than the ratio for like, you know, like acting. So I got an agent and I was so excited and I was like, we're gonna We're gonna hit this and I'm gonna make so much money. And then the pandemic started and it was like, great, we can. I can keep doing this from home and it's not going to stop me. I auditioned for so many things. I have not booked one voiceover job. I have for a year, like sixty a year. Nothing.

Yeah, but there they come.

There's so much more voiceover auditions, I think than regular auditions.

To those, it is just more.

And also it's like you and then Keiki Palmer, so they're gonna go with Keky Palmer.

Nosa Ray, I think is the new voice of Google. So you know, it's also Issa okay and other people who they're like sound like this. And also Oprah Winfrey is still booking voice things, so don't do that, Okay.

Well it's it's black women thriving and I love to see it. So I'll never be mad at that, but you know what, I will be mad at everything else.

I'm everything else.

I'm fucking tired. I'm tired, Jared. Let's get into complaining, bitch, let's.

Go, please please.

Complaining gets such a bad rap. It is good, It is a good thing to do. It is an it is it is an. If I didn't complain every day, I would be lying to you by omission. And look, I've got a big, gorgeous brain, and I am capable of having many thoughts and feelings at one time, and at one time I can feel very grateful to be where I am, and at that same time, I can also be so fucking annoyed by everything around me, and those are not mutually exclusive. So I want to see

So what are some things that you're complaining about recently? Oh? Sorry, Sydney, what was you going?

I said, there is the difference between venting and complaining. They're really venting if you're getting something off your chest complaining, I feel like I feel like venting. You're like, hey, can I can I talk to you about something for a moment, Like I gotta get something off my chest. Like you, you have that prelude to whatever you're about to say. That's negative complaining. You just off the dome,

The song? Them complaining or them venting? Because can I talk to you for a moment?

It's venting that she excuse me, let me talk to you for a moment.

That's venting.

She's approaching, she's approaching you, and she's like, yeah, I gotta say. When somebody says can I talk to you for a moment, they're about to hit you with a wham bam, thank you, ma'am. They're about to knock you out.

Yeah, let me talk to you for a minute. Yeah, they're about to say something that you're that you're not gonna like.

It's never good.

No, Yeah, Sidney, you bring up a very good point. There is a very important clause in going and that is you need to find the right person you need to. Like, It's like when you're on the group thread, maybe that's not the place to complain, but then you break off into the subgroup thread with just two other people, that's

Smile, right, because you do want to do it in a small with like a smaller audience. You want to do it with one person. I feel like you're either on the.

Phone not in the comments that or you're on the phone complaining about something to your manager or your mom or your best friend. And then you come back out and you're like, but I like complaining. Oh that's not true.

I don't love complaining, Yeah, Marie, I don't.

I don't think.

But when you talk, it doesn't sound like you're complaining. It really does feel like you're getting something off your chest. Okay, maybe I'm maybe I'm biased because when I hear you talk, all I hear is like little birds chirping, and like you know, Beauty and the Beast music playing in the background.

Thank you, Sidney, Beauty and the Beast was playing. Yeah, Sidney, do you think you complain a lot to my friends?

Yes, Like Jared, you're saying it should be like very limited exclusive, you should like tone it down in front of like strangers or the masses. But yeah, when I get one on ones, I could I could go off on a rip, which just like this is not going well. I'm upset at this and not talking about my blessings enough.

Not talking about your blessings enough. Okay.

Yeah, do you ever feel like complaining helps you, Like, once you get it out, then you can start talking about your blessings, Like it helps you get back to your blessings because you just get the thing that's in front of you that's just irritating you. You embrace it, you acknowledge it, you release it.

Yeah, it's almost like you have to talk yourself into a circle about how you hate everything.

It's not going well, your life is crap. The thing is not going to get enough likes, and they're like, but.

At least I have a job. What an amazing opportunity? Like you complain yourself into.

Like No, that's venting. That's venting because when you vent to a friend, they are the person to check you and be like, no, bitch, this is like you're doing great, don't what about this?

What about you?

But you just got that, or like, don't worry about this, something else is coming. But when you complain, I think you kind of sound like a broken record. And usually people don't stop you. Eventually, they just stop answering your calls, they stop texting.

You, they mute you, they block you.

People's steak.

My mom always picks up okay, Sidney, my mom always.

What's your mom's name?

Sharon Sharon, Sharon.

Sharon, Sharon's picking up the phone. I love it. I love that for Sharon. I like that for you guys. Yeah, Sharon, Jared.

We do it for each other. We do it for each other.

Yeah, because I feel like the older you get, the more you complain. The older you get, the more you complain. It's about stuff that like you're like, wait, that's that doesn't matter, Like, well, I want to the supermarket, and let me tell you what this dumb ass cashier did. She tries me, She tried me for the organic kale, but I had the regular kale right, and I'm looking at this bitch and it's like the story is dumb, the story is terrible. Like that's what all people do.

Having How are our bodies feeling? Are we like our joints are like? Lower back? Are we feeling good?

Marie? You know as you said that my backstor my body was like, you know what, yeah, beach, we hurt? Why is my backstore? I don't know. Actually, I think it's.

Hard because we're home a lot and we're on a couch a lot. So the lower back is the first thing, but.

It's it's my shoulders, my upper back. This background is cute. Do you got a little tree in the back for us?

What is this?

Where do you live?

Is?

Are you in a den? Are you in a sunken living room? What's this?

This is?

This is my living this is my living room. Let me show you.

I see you have a white couch.

Okay, so oh wow, that's where the do you live?

Dude?

I'm yeah, I know where.

I know you're in LA. It's clear that you're in a home. It doesn't look like a random apartment.

Okay, little accent wall.

Yeah, a little accent wall.

I love that.

Okay, wow, got a cute little setup. Yeah, I've been here as long as I've lived in LA.

I feel like you.

Why would you complain if you look at you? You got an upstairs and downstairs, the nerve of you, the nerve of you having anything, and you.

Have all your hair. So let's talk what you got to complain about you?

Yeah, you have abs. Didn't even know that until you were on Alex's English Live. Didn't even know you had a body like that.

Yeah, it's new.

It's about the new ABS smell. So is my hair my hair? Yeah, Sydney's new hair, my new hair. My new hair still has the tag on it. Thank you.

I find little things to complain about.

Let's come, let's complain.

My ankle hurts, my lower back hurts.

What else?

The zoom acting rehearsal was annoying, boring, Keep going, keep going, people.

You complain about people.

I do less, so because I'm around less people now, Generally I would say you're lying.

No, no, no, you're on You're on social media enough that I know there's people in there. That's fucking getting on your nerves. I know you're complaining about some people that you that you follow. Look at your look at your face. Come on you now, if you've listened to this podcast, you know it's messy. Don't come over here talking about Oh I don't games, blah blah blah, like we want I want that, like sirloin cut, Like come on, now,

We want to complain with your friend.

Okay, I'm gonna complain here. I'm not going to say the name of this show. But there's a show. There's a show that all they do is book their friends. It's a it's a it's a great show. I think it's amazing, but they only book their friends. And I think the people on there are amazing, but it's a it's a very white show. It's a very white show.

For a second.

No no, no, no, no, no no.

The book.

Our friends are very our friends very diverse. We have all types of friends here. We've hit We've hit like every angle, every corner of the fucking room. The show, it's a great show. Critically acclaim amazing show. The show is on a great network now, but they only book their friends of the Beige Persuasion. And I mean, I think I got I have not even got an audition

It's like, what that's right?

I heard you called me a nigga. What do you mean what do you mean it's not a fit?

Okay, Sydney, Yes, I'm gonna do. I'm gonna complain to, Okay, complain on something. This is just trying to I'm trying to warm you know. Okay, make this a safe space. I hate those tiny flies that be in your house. You don't know where they come from. They're like tiny, naw and they just and all they do is like.

Fly right by your eyes or right by your ears, and it's like, look, how much space is in here that you can do your dumb ass fly things.

You could rub your dumb ass fly hands together. Why are you disclose to my face? That's what they're called gnats.

Yeah, with gnats with a G. The G is silence, thank your friend.

Good nets.

That's the Sydney fact of the day.

The worst when they fly by your ear and then you suddenly just.

And you're like, Murray, I love you. I was dragging a show that our friends are on and I was talking about the low key racism and you hit us with NAT's all right.

Well, I think I think racism. I think racism is real heavy right now. Okay, you're right, NATS is very relatable because we've all had show right, this is the range. If your thing is the is the Mariah Carey whistle? Note mine is you know the this is the Tony Braxton. Okay, you know.

So I'm giving Jared hit us somewhere in the middle now.

Mm hmm.

I can. I will second the audacity of these all white lineups. I'm seeing a lot of them in inst stories.

Me feel bad.

It makes me feel bad because sometimes I'll I'll have I'll be like, oh, we booked like I don't know, like three black people in a row on Unofficial Expert and I'm just like, oh, do we need to reach out and get more? And it's just like, well, why why am I feeling bad considering We've done this show for years and we've we've hit so many people up right, But I will feel bad if I'm like, oh, I'm thinking that we only had we booked three black people in a row.

This is not good. Really, three black people in a row is not good. That's news to me, I know.

I know.

Then I'll hit you with a name and you're like really, and it's like, yeah, I think we got to switch it up. I'll be like I'd be like, oh, no, that's a problematic, fave.

But here's something a friend of mine their birth past and they had like a gathering for it and it was one of those like low pressure but like low KEI not like you should be there. And at the time, I didn't have a car, and I I've since gotten a twenty eleven with one hundred and fourteen thousand miles.

I don't know, is that a lot of miles.

I've no idea that's a lot.

I'm like, you're speaking another language.

I don't get it right. I'm like, I'm like, great as two thousand and eleven.

I know it's a language I just learned. I've been in La for ten years and I've never had a car until truly.

Like, oh wow, congratulations.

I was like thank you. This was like about like a month or so ago. And I was like kind of like hemming and hawing over like God, like should I go? I should go? But if I don't go, they're gonna disappointed and like they're they're just like they're such like they're they're just doing so well as like a Caucasian family. God forbid, I should get a boyfriend and ask my friends to pay.

For Is the event like inside or outside or is that.

It's it's outside? It's outside? But this was still like peak second Wave and I'd have to take.

An uber and I was like doing that, like I did, they make you feel bad.

So basically, well, here's what I was like, you know what, I'm not going to be able to make it, but I would love to send something, send like a little dessert. And then my friend was like, what are you going to send? And I was like, I was thinking donuts from this like great donut place. And then and then they were like, no, that's not good for the kids. And I was like and they were like and then I was like, well then what what do you think

He does, so you they want you to get him a Joma loan, a job alone candle.

Are you pulling these fucking kids? No, that was not for me.

I spent seventy dollars getting a fancy candle, one candle driven to their place.

Driven so you paid for the candle, then had to put it in an uber.

There's like an app. There's like an app for.

Like reason no, Jared, you can get that's insane.

And I just I sucked it up and I did it. And then also when the candle got there, it was not it was like I let them know, like the candle's there. I didn't hear back for like maybe half an hour, and then it was like a like a little message that wasn't like Okay, I'm gonna go get it or something. And then it was like two hours later that I get a message that was like I don't see the candle. It's not here, and I'm like, wait, I just sent seventy dollars on this candle, like go,

I feel like the best that you can do is like a lot, like seventy dollars candle. No, that is like, wait, how big is the candle? How long does it burn? For?

Thank you Andrew? Real question.

It's like it wasn't a boy smells, but it basically was like a boys It was like that kind.

Of like that contain.

It was called like Paris or something, so it probably would last.

That candle was not for them. It was for the fucking adults.

You know that, right, you should have No, you should have got a you should have got a Marshall's candle. No can is asking for a candle? Yeah, you could have went to Home Goods for it.

Yeah, are these Lisa but Lisa Bon Lisa b babies?

Like who are these kids? Right? Was it Britney's kids?

It was not.

It was not, but maybe you know, like you know, maybe in ten years that might be the situation.

You know, I'm here for that. I'm here.

No, not here for that, but I'm like, yes, complain about the people who have families.

It's a lot.

It's especially in a pandemic, like I can't I can't do your kids all the time. I can't do the birthdays, I can't do these holidays. It's it's I'm a single person. Okay, yeah, just because I'm single.

I have relinquished, are you sing? I have relinquished responsibility to learn and remember everyone's kids' names, because at this point there are so many of them, and I'm just like, we're giving it to God. I'm not going to remember all your kids' names. I'm not gonna remember other birthdays. I'm not a bad person that Those are three true sentences. I'm not gonna remember your kids' names. I'm not gonna remember their birthday.

That's a good little affirmation right there. Yeah, let's talk about people with happy families. Happy people with families, because that's that we can complain about them right now, because especially the families that they all wear the same outfit in different sizes, and then they line up in a high order, and then they're like, look at me and my family and then the baby girl. It's too much Like you can be happy and do your family pinterest

I'm like, these people gotta get gotta get offenced to. There's people who you have a regular main page where you post like random odds and ends, maybe your dog, maybe like maybe a nice outfit, but just like every picture is you and this brand new baby. No, I don't why do you have your baby out every single day? Out in your bandmate? The baby is out in the elements. There's homeless homeless man's particles all over in the sky.

Not even that before that when they're pregnant, they're showing us the stomach and they're like, it's a fun for the caption is the baby's the size of the peanut, and then the baby's the size of the kiwi. And then when the baby is here, every month there's a new picture and the baby's next to the month.

On the chalkboard.

Yeah on the ruckboard.

You you didn't warn me out when the baby. The baby hasn't even gotten here, and I'm already fucking tired of your baby.

I feel like there are people who are listening that do that with their kids, and we are talking about juicues.

Yes, you wait, Jared, what are you doing for the birthday next year? Do you have a plan for like a gift or.

What there better? The gift is not going to be there, you know.

The plan is I'm going to do my best because I've had it hasn't I've it hasn't worked. Like I'll be in situations with friends who are like getting married, and it always starts with like, oh, it's so, it's not a wedding. It's like low key, it's low key, and then by the time you get to it, it's a full blown wedding. And like I was, I was traveling, I was I was performing a college in Maryland and a friend of mine was getting.

Married in the pandemic.

I was like, I'm not going to be able to know this week, like maybe two years ago, and I was like, I'm not going.

To make it.

I'm not going to be able to make it. I'm so sorry, but it's not really a wedding, so that should be okay. I didn't say that, but that's what I was thinking. And then that was a text message and then I get a phone call from I was texting with my friend. I get a phone call from her husband and he's like, this isn't this isn't okay, you got to get to the wedding. I was like, I have a job. I have a job, and I have a flight and I can't and and he was like,

Are not the complaining expert. You are folding like a leaf expert. This is why you are the clean ex tracing paper expert. I was just I was just there, you're the foolish expert.

When I got there, they complained about what I was wearing, no suitcase from the airport at city Hall.

Now at city Hall. City Hall, you got on a red eye for city Hall.

For a city hall.

They could have done. We could have seen that on FaceTime.

City Hall.

I thought, I thought it was only supposed to be like five people at city Hall. They can't.

I thought it was it was supposed to be And then by the time it happened, it was like forty.

People outside of city Hall. Where is the did they rent an extra room in city Hall?

They have a City Hall has a has like a like a wedding.

I've never been a city hall.

First of all, if you're getting in a wedding room, I don't want to be at your wedding. Okay, if it's not at a reception hall or a space, then I don't want to be there. But a wedding room sounds like I could hear the toilet flushing in the hallway. What were you wearing? Denim?

Yeah, that's what you should be wearing at city hall. Denims.

No, he's at leisure. He had Ivy park.

I had on a dress shirt and and like khaki pants.

Okay, well I'm dragging. I'm dragging you khaki pants.

This is not a golf course.

This is city this is city Hall, Jared, have some respected guys. You had cat eyes on, cat guys, the hacks.

But the dress shirt was Armani with orange pin.

I don't care about the It's clear the shirt made it and they were okay with that. We're talking about the cat guys. Jared, You're wrong, You're dead wrong. Have some respect.

It's a wedding at city Hall.

They had a whole wedding room, Babe, cat guys, cat guys. But I mean, honestly, get married however you want to get married, just don't guilt me out of missing it.

Yeah.

That, and then here's the thing. Of course I want to go. I want to be there for all of it.

I don't.

But if I can't, don't you know.

Let me tell you every every wedding I've been to, I don't see those people no more. They don't even text me. I don't even know what they are doing. I went today wedding that I spent that money, I gave them a gift, I did all.

I laid down my.

Life for these holes in the bachelor utes, in the bacherettes.

Do you do I see them? Do they see me?

Do we text?

Are we are we? Are we on a group chat? Nope? I don't know those holes. They don't know.

They don't even know if I changed my last name. They haven't checked in, they haven't asked about a show. They got their gift and they ran. Now they happily ever after, and I'm not in the picture.

So fuck them.

No, I don't want to go.

No, but what about the people who who have these big, extravagant weddings and they make you feel bad about not I don't know buying the right color nail polish for them as well, and then no, but then it's so weird, and then they get a divorce.

Fuck you give me my money back, get the nerve to get married again.

It's like, I'm not.

Coming to that all so embarrassing. It's like it's like not, it's the same thing, like you're they're not doing that checklist that everyone else is doing, and you're going.

You're okay with that, right, you got another registry.

You're not embarrassed, you're not worried, you're not thinking about like X Y, Like this.

Is so listen, girl, you can get it. You can get married as many times as you want, but you get one wedding from me. I'm coming from one one.

That's it.

Figure out which wedding you want me to go to. If you think you can get married three times, let me know if you want me to come to the middle or to the end. Right, but don't waste me on the first. How about that?

Yeah about it. But the people anybody that gets married, doesn't think they're gonna get married again. Yes, they do. For the main part.

If you if you are currently cheating on the person you're about to get married. It's going to end.

It's going to end.

Okay, so well so more than half of these end. So if you're getting married, you have to know it's the odds are against you.

Right, right, which is why you should just not get married.

I had a friend who her man was cheating on her, cheating on her. They're getting a divorce, Like he was cheated on her before they got married.

Did she know or did you know?

There were talks. There were always talks like, oh my god, he gets so drunk.

Oh what is he?

He's drinking bullet bourbon on a Monday. He's cheating on you. He's gonna he's gonna cheat.

What is this madman?

Yeah, bullet bourbon on a Monday.

No, ma'am, that's a lot.

That's aggressive. It's aggressive.

And aspirational too. You know, it could have been like Jack Daniels or Jamison, but he went for bullet. He was like, I deserve more.

He's in the rye, the rye whiskey mm hmm. Andrew, did you have something that you wanted to complain about? Oh?

Yes I did, Thank you for asking. I'm going to complain about the people in my building. I am moving out next month. Okay, I don't like a single person in this building. The person below me with the backyard is gay, and I have reason to believe that he was on the ship that's sunk in.

Mexico and because the gaze over cooked.

He was posting about it up until that happened, and then he didn't post at all, and so he's been He came back last week and now he's cleaning up his backyard. He made a green house to put all of his plants in in the backyard, but then like left the door open, so they all died. And so I was just looking at dead plants and a greenhouse.

For the past week.

So I'm just like.

The girl that lives next door to me constantly complains that like I'm making too much noise, But I'm like, no, I do you know me? Like I do not make that much noise?

Do you know me?

Like if you think I make too much noise? There's a woman at the end of the hallway that has this is so set. She's so old, but like she's constantly like screaming in pain, and she has a nurse and like complain about her. I'm so sorry, but do not complain about me.

Well, well, she's in pain, darling.

You are able bodied when I am constantly over there, Hello, Shila, I'm here, like do you need any hand?

Do you need a hand?

And she's like, she's like, do not, hello, Sheila, do you need a hand. And then she's like, do not come in here? I am naked. I like she has like the life alart, like the ambulance is constantly at our building. I am moving out. I will never look back.

She has a life alert. The life alert is to the is nine one one.

I think they show up. They're constantly in here. They stroll in and I'm like, the apartment's right there, so yeah, I am just completely complaining.

Yo, you don't give no damns about this woman is about to die and you're complaining. She's got hospice coming through her house and you upset.

She is the nicest old one like. But I think the stem is from Kara next door who the name names name Jared?

Jared?

How was Andrew out shining? You were right now with the complaining.

Well, Andrew a star comments check your comments and this will be tract. Andrew is a beloved American form.

By Kara and but and sometimes by Sila.

But yeah, not looking back.

I mean, Jerry, you don't have like a you don't have like a server at Apple.

No, you don't have a server at Applebee's that you can complain about.

Come on, now, you got something.

No, I was the server at Okay, so you can complain. Have plenty of tables.

You can complain about those tables.

Sure, my least I was a brunch.

Server for brun You really didn't love yourself brunch.

Brun Well, here's the thing, brunch you made the most money, and then you could do comedy at night.

I don't like comedy that much.

It is, But what's what was annoying about brunches. You'd walk up to your table, maybe have like ten people, and the first person you'd be like, can I get you something to drink? And they'd be like, I'll have a coffee, a water, a juice, a mimosa, and a round of waters for the table. And I'm like, you just ordered fourteen drinks? Do you just ordered fourteen drinks?

Do you know that.

I used to think that coffee I would go right, tea water that's fourteen drinks? You just fourteen and you're.

The first person Arret Jared water is included, so that like you should have the waters should have been at the table before you even came to the order.

What are you You're complained about the waters?

They write me up, Write me up a coward.

Tell the GM, I am the GM.

That's what I'm telling you. The water should have already been at the table, should have been No.

But here's the thing. La is in a drought, so we're not allowed. It was against the law, Like we used to have the water at the table. But then if you if if there's like a city official in the restaurant, you'd get fined like thousands of dollars. Like you're not allowed to. Uh, people have to ask for water. It's in La.

La.

People don't drink water. Interesting, but they all need water, they do.

No, everyone drinks water. But because it doesn't rain here, we're constantly like in a drought like kind of like right near a drought. So we can't just be like given out free water.

But the pools are always full.

Huh. But they tell you not to water your yards either, or they say to take shorter showers in La too because of the drought. I mean, we don't listen to them, but they do now.

Now it makes sense because I was complaining about somebody who's always.

Like, turn the water off, turn the water off.

Don't just have the water running like they were like going off on me because I let the I like the water to get hot, and like the bathroom steaming. It's like you turn the water on, you get in there. You turn it on, you get in there, don't don't run the water. And I was like, what's the what's the problem y'all? Y'all stingy on the water and now you are they are stingy because there's a draft.

Yeah, it's the culture here learning stuff.

Oh oh, Jared complaining, do you have anything to complain about? Maybe the new Instagram update?

What's the new Instagram?

Is it?

Well?

So far, I know that you can now group live and I have no complaints about that.

I like that, Like, no shop is not good? What's the shop? They just really push it now they want you to buy.

I think it's like it's in the place where like it was like notifications was or something, so you naturally go there messy, messy.

They know what they're doing.

That's crazy because I'm like, I keep buying things from Instagram, So I'm like, what's the update?

Its crazy? You know what's crazy? I have never bought anything from Instagram. No, that's not crazy.

You actually are very good with your money, Marie, and I could not ever see you buying anything on Instagram. And if you were wellness check coming over to check on you, friend worried about you.

Meanwhile you're buying yeah, and I'm just like, I don't I don't need it. What, No, that's nice? How much is it eighty four dollars? And then I'm like no, yea, because I feel like I'm afraid that I'm gonna order something from online and it's gonna look completely different when it gets here.

It always does. It never looks good. The sunset lamp. It's cool in theory, but then you get it. It took three months to come, and you're like, this was not worth.

It and it broke? Did it break?

It broke?

It's broken.

Did you guys see those squishy slides sandals? They're like they're really like puffy, They're like the easy ones. Yeah, and they're really bendy and mashi and comfy looking. I ordered them in yellow. Three months later they came in brown. And they are hard as rocks. No they are not.

Where are they?

Did you throw them away?

They're upstairs I have I'm trying to pawn them off on.

Someone send them to us so we can take Send us a picture so we can see. Maybe maybe we could, Maybe we could sell it through Instagram.

Maybe maybe go.

Do a swipe up link and deep.

What size do you wear?

I wear a ten, but I think they're too small, so they're probably like a nine.

Damn and the sizing is wrong. They're hard and brown.

It couldn't have been worse. Although I got a watch and it was really good. It came like on time and it's.

We'll kind of watch that hashtag your watch.

It's a clear watch, it's a I forgure what the brand is, but it's just like, really I like, it's basically like an elevated Cassio. You got it on your It's not on my wrist right now.

It's upstairs.

Do you want to see it?

No?

No, no, don't get off. Okay, send us a picture of that. Well, well maybe we can.

It's really good.

Maybe we can sell that on Instagram as well.

Uh wait, Nicky Fresh as Jared Goldstein's plastic wash.

Somebody will buy it. Oh you know what I want? I want to complain about one more thing before you know whatever we might, we might, we might make this an hour and a half.

I'm feeling good right now. I want to.

Complain about hot people. Hot people are annoying, Sydney.

You want to complain about hot hot people suck? Okay, so that means you sucks?

Is no?

No, no, no, no no girl.

I'm You're not I got I got spaces in my teeth, my boobs are not real, hair is not real. I'm I'm hot adjacent.

I'm not understanding what words you're saying right now. Nobody understand hot. No, you know, I want to complain about hot people who say they're not hot? How about that? It's almost like they want you to give them compliments, to tell them that they're hot, as if they don't know that they're hot, you know, especially hot people who like if you read their Instagram. It's like, how do

As Jared takes off his shirt while he's on the pod to show us hot. Yeah, Jared Jared in the video, Jared, would you classify yourself as hot?

I mean I would agree with you. I feel hot adjacent, but on the record, it's very important to own your hotness.

I can't fucking stand.

Jason, why oh, because you think I'm hot?

Your hair is real, your eyebrows are perfect.

You do have a good brow, giving a Kara Delaving brow? Really?

Yes?

Is it named Cara Clara Kara Kara Delavine Andrew, do you agree.

That Jared's hot?

Mm hmm yeah.

I feel like this is we all knew this. Very a very kind face too, I will say kind kind, like a very approachable nice Okay.

So not not a Regina george face, but like a Gretchen Wiener's face, because she looked like the more approachable.

She looks a little bit more approachable, but like a man of Siphrid like Karen has like the most like aesthetically like approachable face.

Yeah, yes, well, because her eyes were always.

Like yeah, like do I like, yeah, they are Bambie.

Do you do you do well in the dating department? Jared? You got a man, right?

No?

No, I.

In my life, you've never had a boyfriend. Never excuse me.

It used to it used to be like a big old mess, but it's not anymore. But then it was just like I got really busy and then the world shut down, and now we're here.

So you haven't been dating during the pandem at all.

I Oh, last summer I was, I was seeing this guy, a game magician.

Girl by I not.

Now I have to hang up on you because it's clear that you don't love yourself.

Why I wasn't gonna say this, but he is also a writer for The Mandalorian.

But a game magician is what's at the top of his resume?

No, no, no, writer for the Mandalorian is what is at the top of his resume.

The magician part.

Yeah, I mean why would you want to.

I mean you started up top with that, So this is your friend, this is you.

Yeah. Well I'm glad. I'm glad he got that that writing job because I mean, honestly that that could be an idea for a new children's cartoon. It's a game magician but like but thinks SpongeBob. But like, oh.

Okay, here's another thing I'm gonna complain about my friends. That don't date up. They need to date Everybody needs a date up.

It's hard to date up, don't you think, Sidney, You've had like awful complaints.

I'm so sing your complaints of well, I mean not the White Show.

Yeah, okay, but I am not aging.

Why what's the problem?

It's hard?

I want everybody needs to date up. Everybody is tends across the border.

On this call, Sidney, you're saying everybody needs to date up, but some people gotta date down so that the people down can date up.

Well, I need everybody who's dating down to not be my The people who are dating up, come on over to my side so we can. I want to hear your conversations, because me hearing the conversations that you know they're not hitting it right, or you're not going to.

The places you need to go to. I don't want.

I want to hear my friends are going on a boat. We got they got the PJ, were going on the PJ that I want to go with. I want to I need my friends a day up so I can go on the streamers.

Okay, so what's dating down for you? They're not as or they have less money. I don't know because sometimes sometimes sometimes ugly dick is good dick.

I have heard, Yes, sometimes I have, I too have heard as well, and sometimes broke dick and it's like an attest to broke dick is good dick.

So it's like what is down?

But as somebody who's had, you know, a dick attached to a man, a dick that's been attached to you know, a wall, dick is dick. So you need to subtract the dick and find the good person.

You need to attract the dick and add a good person.

Yeah, just gid, just just get worry about the person. Okay, stop stop putting it on the penis girl, It's just it's just an object.

City. You gotta be high. It's the last sixty two minutes have been so much for me.

Why Jared don't you agree?

I do one.

I've never been like a penis guy. I don't care as long as I have when it's fine. I I you know, I hear all the time about like his penis was this small. I've never once in my life seen a penis that was too small. They're always humongous, and I'm like, where the fuck is that supposed to.

Go, Jared, I heard I heard that you was slanging that that thing is thanging. That's what I heard.

That thing is thinking.

Did you hear that?

That's what I heard. That's what the streets are saying. That's what the streets are saying.

All right, I'll neither confirm or deny.

What come on now?

Oh no, I mean I feel good. I feel good.

Okay.

I mean here's a thing you did. You did share at the very top, So I guess it's only fair for me to say that, yeah, things are good.

That thing is that thang we dang.

What's cool about my dick is that it looks like a dildo. Like it's like it's like devoid of character, Like there's no surprises, like when you think of a dildo, whatever you just thought of, that's what it looks like.

It's just like.

It's very vainy.

Yeah, Like there's no like there's no like weird shapes or angles or norks. Yeah, there's just nothing that.

It's just like, So you've got a pretty peen good for you.

I really can I tell One time, Okay, one time, I was like I was like dming with this guy who lives in New York for like months, but I was here in LA and then finally like I'm in New York. We meet up. He's really cute. We start hooking up. He before he takes his dick out, he tells me people tell me I have a really pretty dick. And I was like, okay, let's see. And he takes it out and I go, that looks like mine.

Wow, twins what and he goes, take your dick.

So I take my dick out and he goes, oh my god, it.

Oh my god. It's like a parent trap moment and.

Looked so similar. His was bigger, but almost exactly a lie. And it was very weird because he was bragging about himself, going my dick is pretty. And then I said, wait, my dick looks like your dick, and he goes, well, let's see, and then he agreed. He goes, your dick does look like my dick.

So come on, Jess, Jared, I love it.

By the transitive property, I have a beautiful dick.

Wow.

Well, if you want to drop that in the chat over here, that'll be nice.

Honestly, I don't think you could drop it anywhere. You could just drop your pants. So we can see because Sydney has dropped hers.

Okay, that was like an hour ago. Guys, that's literally just let the past be the past. I did that to reset the room. I reset in the room and the vibe of the pod.

You didn't reset anything, says you said the tone with.

Jared.

I don't know if you, you know, cleared the name of people who complain a lot, because I just I just feel like you didn't do You didn't really complain, you know, like you were you were kind of cool with it.

That was my plan all along.

M I'm not doing that.

Why did andrew complaint seem to blow everyone out the water.

Because Andrew had a valid complaint.

He was upset at this lady that's dying.

Now.

If that's not white privilege, you're mad.

Because I can already hear the comments that are like, why why is he like talking about Hila?

No, he wasn't talking about he was talking about Clara.

Validate.

But Sheila is verbally abusive to her nurse.

So I.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is her nurse black or white?

She is hispanic?

Oh well then we don't like Sheila. She's problematic.

Yeah, she's problematic.

She got it. That's wrong.

Yeah, okay, that's.

Wrong, unless unless the nurse voted for Trump. No, n you think it's Latinos for trum, Yeah, it's Latino's for Trump. Then she's Clara, she's coing.

She came to cry to me one time and I felt so bad after it. It was a very y I need to get out of this building.

I hate it.

It is haunted.

Well, thank god she's dying.

Well, it's haunted. That's all the plants died.

It is a graveyard.

It's an elephant graveyard.

Yeah, Jared, wait, I know there's Hey.

Is there Sidney really want to get a complaint of it? Is there? Is there a sixty second complaint from you?

Is there anything in comedy that you want to complain about? Or TikTokers people on Twitter? An's just stories people?

Anybody here is a comedian.

Who is stealing bits?

Yes? Who is it?

Okay, this is even worse. This comedian is recording fake videos of himself doing stand up in front of a green screen and making it look like these are like his his his stand up clips on TikTok But you can so tell that it's it's a it's a laugh track. It's a green screen behind him, the whole thing. He's just presenting it as if it's stand out.

Well, that's a lot of people's specials. Just hands up, just you know, there's laugh tracks on it. So I just saying, maybe maybe he's onto something.

Maybe it's maybe lean.

Yeah, that's my that's my comedy complaint. I can't believe that that's happening.

Yeah, that I mean, is he blowing up?

Is he viral or he is like super viral, like super super.

Dropped, the name dropped, the name dropped, the name in the chat, I will wait, I gotta, I gotta you don't you don't have.

It by him or any of the comments like we know this is a green screen, or like how are you the only person that's in the No.

I'm not. He was brought to my attention from another commediant. It okay, So I think it's like comedians know. And also he's kind of like a broie guy, so it's like he's not really someone that like we really think about or care about. It is crazy to see it because you watch it and you go, this is fake and he has millions of you know, all the TikTok oh.

No, we don't like that. But people are on TikTok. They're not the brightest in the bunch. We've seen them dance, that's a fact. Yeah, they're not intelligent, inteligent. I feel like I wanted to complain about something else, but I'm trying to complain less really, you know, I feel like that. I feel like when you complain, it's like, uh, I don't know, I don't know. I'm trying to do different things this.

I like to.

I think it's good to complain and get it out when you need to get it out, but I don't like to, like do well on that stuff too much out loud anyway. Like that's what my brain is for, you know, complaining, screaming about everything that is terrible. But I don't know. Yes, no, just me.

I complain. I complain about all the time, all the.

Magician, Wizard, the game, the gay wizard.

Yes, okay, okay, the one that kept walking while you were visibly having a podcast.

He's a lovely, lovely person now I could talk shit about.

For the rest of my life.

Is the person a non comedian, non comedian talks to.

Me every day about what I could never tell you. I'm sweetest, sweetest guy. Wow, if I never saw him again, I love to say more.

Moment we're having. Should we do a whole episode like this one day?

Yeah?

Why why is he your? I was trying. It was so I was really trying.

I'm sorry.

She's like, is he still here?

We met on Greg's list.

Oh, it's your fault.

It's an arranged marriage of swords.

Okay, well this is what you get. Well, who lived there first?

I'm in charge castle.

Well, if it's your apartment, then I would be loud. I wouldn't even care.

Yeah, because one time, okay, this is something to complain about. This one time the fire alarm went off. The smoke alarm so loud. You know how loud they are four in the morning. They never go off at four pm. They only go off at four am. It is screaming for half an hour right next to his bedroom. Never came out me one and you know he's away. Yeah, there's no way. I'm on the phone with my mom and dad. I'm screaming at them.

They're screaming at me.

I'm screaming at the thing is Mayhem at four am until four.

And thirty am, And he never came up, not.

Never, And from that day I said, I will podcast at any hour, at any time.

Why didn't you lead it with this? Yeah, this is great, this is great.

You should have just led to get there. Okay, okay, it has to be authentic, No, we have That's another clause of the complaining. We has to come from God.

We had to put so much lube on this pod for you to get this comfortable. That is I'm upset.

I'm honestly, I do want to complain about you being the complaining expert. You when I said, Jared, what do you want to be the expert? And you were like complaining, I do that all day long.

Yeah, okay, what would you What would you say, I'm the expert in uh.

I don't know, making us wait for an hour and twelve minutes.

I would say, Jared, you are the expert in making friends. You're very friendly in the community. Like when I when I'm fine, I think it's between me and you. When there's a post that goes up, it's either I'm going to have a comment first, or you'll have a comment. But most times, most times we both have a comment on some one's posts.

Yeah, I'm always looking to see your comments.

I always see yours. It's almost like Instagram lets me know that you made a comment, and I have to see it first.

The algorithm is bringing us together.

Yeah, that's another reason why I had to bring you on the pod, because I just kept seeing your name and I was like, well, wait, Jared hasn't been on.

I can't believe you hadn't been on the podcast before.

Yeah, that's that's a that's our bad. We're trash. Look, you made me wait and I made Yeah, that's the team that this is you getting back at us for waiting for the payback.

Yeah that's fine, Jared.

People we're gonna post your picture and it doesn't matter because everyone's gonna slide on your dms and they're like, wait, you're single, but you're so attractive and funny and smart.

They're gonna ask questions about the Magician Wizard.

Yeah you made so they're gonna for those questions, and then they're gonna ask can we see it? And you already know what they want to see, and when they want to see it, it's you better send them a picture of the shoe. The shoe, the shoes. Yeah, oh no, that's not what we were talking about were talking about the no no no, but I'm saying they were gonna be like, can we see it?

And you send them a picture of the shoe. That's the key.

Key. I only said, I've only sent one Dick pic and it was like ten years ago.

Yeah you're famous now, babe.

You can't be doing another stunts.

I know.

But you have a perfect do you have a perfect pretty penis and you've only sent one dig pic? Is that what you still send it?

Now?

Look, here's the thing. This is the thing. You know they say the camera adds ten pounds not to Dick pics. Whenever you're looking at the picture, I'm like, this can't be right. Like I've never taken a picture of it that that felt like this is doing me justice.

You gotta get a ring light. You gotta put the penis on the ring light. Don't get it. Don't do it with fluorescent lighting. It's gonna make it.

Look no fluorescentesce. I've never taken a picture in a fluorescent lighting and be like, yeah, my tits look good.

Now. It's too harsh for the for the body, for the for the female.

I'll put it next to a lava l get some sex, lights, get some sex. Could you imagine that? Would that would be a curse?

Marie, you look like myka.

You don't have a Baska Sydney. Don't do that.

He looks like girl.

She's in heaven. Yes, Jared, Oh what you called? You called your grandma your NANAA.

I did?

Okay and she called you.

Stress Jared? Before we leave, Okay, since you did like subpar in this complaining department, do you have like any tips? Three tips on like how to be a fabulous, fabulous complainer, a better complainer than you than me?

Yeah?

Okay, yes. First tip is be kind to yourself and let yourself complain. You're not a monster. You're just having a day.

Oh.

Second tip a day, Fine, you're just having a day. Find a find a safe space, find the right people for which you can complain. Maybe find some people who will support your complaining and not say that you're complaining with subpar. Maybe find some people who will uplift you. Know, if your complaining is kind of small, that's that's not you know, doesn't mean weak. It means like a little baby, like, oh,

You're mate can hear. And then you want to whisper right up on the mic, just like.

This out when the alarm, the fire alarm stopped ringing, you opened his door and chucked it into his room.

Can you actually believe that you should?

You should actually try. You should actually put fire underneath the fire alarm so it could go off, and then just let it and just let it rock.

Sit in a chair right underneath it.

And see what he does, smoking a capri like a long.

I dare you?

And in the rocking chair, you're just like, well, you long enough.

And it's hilarious because it's so funny that we're mentioning this because our next guest on the podcast is your roommate.

That's insane. We'll be back to back.

Don't believe anything she says.

I love this anyway. I'm actually kind of tired. Yeah me too.

Yeah I'm not, but you know what I mean, Like, it's time, it's time to wrap it up, because this is we went long.

Oh my god, we're almost going.

An hour and a half with Jared Goldstein. We're making up for lost time.

Sydney.

Oh my god, wait, can I say your last episode where it was just the two of you together at like four in the morning and you were trying to fill the time. That was cinematic. That's a movie. I want to watch that as a movie.

That was so we were trying to fill the time. I don't even remember what we were talking about.

I loved that episode. Andrew I wasn't there.

Yeah, that was That was one one of the reviews says I loved this episode. Andrew wasn't there.

Where's that review?

I think I think it was like on a comment or something. Yeah, like he wasn't like like he was like naming like Marie did this, Sydney did this. Andrew wasn't there, And I was like.

You're talking, you're talking about funeral. Yeah, that was such a good episode.

It was good. It was good.

You were singing. You kept singing the whole episode.

Said well whole milk for your whole lass.

Yeah, we had a good time. You know what, let me repost that tomorrow so people because I didn't post that, thanks Jarrett Art. You know what, we might have to do a part two, and just have you come back as another expert because this one. You're not a complainer friend. You're a good You're a good guy.

I accept that. I do, except that and if I have to come back.

But okay, do you gossip? I do? Yeah, but you didn't give me no gossip and.

Just a podcast that's not safe.

I feel that's crazy. If you were being too politically correct you were, Yeah, we got you. You are like close friends, complainer clo gossip like you're on this. I see it.

Me and Marie have been doing this for years and we talk shit. Okay, people hate us, but they asked to be on the podcast, but they hate us.

All right, I have something to look up to.

Okay, Jared plug plug yourself?

Where you at?

Where can we find you? Your socials and whatnot?

Yeah? Find me online at Hey Jared Hey.

Hay, Jared Hey, Hey, Jared Hey. And if you love Jared and you want to see, you know, beautiful things from him, I need you to put some palm trees under his last photo. That'd be cute, m oh, I would love that. Please do it the last photo or or the photo where you think that you can maybe see a print.

And ooh, actually stay tuned this week because the print is coming.

Okay, okay, I would love to see your pretty ricky ricky ricky.

What I call it?

All Right, Well we again, we've outdid ourselves, Marie. No fights.

This was a smooth one, Sidney. I don't fight with you. I don't understand where you coming up, why you want to build that.

False It's not a false narrative that the people have put it in the comments that we fight, Jarreed, do you agree?

He does?

I mean there was a Seminaryoki, but I think this is like that happens between friends.

That happens like that happens a lot over.

Okay, we'll talk about we'll talk about comedy. There's a lot of comedy duos that seem to be like perfect friends who are only in love and always obsessed with each other. And it's exhausting because it makes me feel bad because I go, well, I don't my friends and I don't get along that well always. So when I see your friendship being multifaceted like mine are, I go, oh, thank god, this is authentic fun.

Fact, a lot of those comedy duos not even friends in real life.

And that's the problem, Marie, we're fucking real friends. Let's hate each other so we could make this money.

Okay, oh my god, wait.

That actually would work if you did that for like a couple months. You like a like an animosity narrative just to get like more clicks.

Oh okay, The producer expert.

Oh well, well I'm a method actress, so I can't. I can't exude that unless it's real.

So listen, I get exuded. Just give me the number of the figure it out.

Okay, well you heard it here first, me and Marie are gonna We're gonna fight and make millions of dollars.

I love this.

I love this for us. Okay, guys, you you love us, you hate us?

And now you can go? Bye? No, no, no, Before you go, did you leave a review? Did you rate us?

Are you subscribing?

Hello? Now you can go? Okay, okay.

Forhever Dog, this has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer Tracy Soren. Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast, ad free sign up for Foreverdog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts