"The Blonde Expert" with Selena Coppock

Forever.

Hey guys, Hey Marie Sidney, you look like you just got your braid to be done.

I did not. There are the topic so fresh?

No, they're ratty tatty. Honestly, it's because the headphones is over.

The new growth.

No. I saw a picture of you on the gramp the other day, the gramps, the gramps, Yeah, and they looked fresh.

Honey.

I only post stuff that I'm looking flawlesson.

Y'all need to stop.

Y'all need to stop tagging me in pictures that don't look better than the pictures that I post. If it don't look better, keep it to yourself, keep it for yourself, keep it for the records.

You know how on Facebook you can be like tag yourself or not me, not me?

Yep, No, I don't know her.

I got in a fucking Facebook battle with somebody. They kept tagging me and I kept untagging myself and I had to message him like, bro, no, I don't want this photo. I don't want to be connected to this. It was a It was at a comedy show. It was just bad angles and just I looked fucking crazy and they always catch you with your mouth open and then the mic next to it, and it's like low key, looks like anybody could just draw a dick next to my mouth, and I don't appreciate it.

See, That's why I opened my mouth real small when I'm on stage, even when I'm yelling at people.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I can go through our photos and be like, oh, there goes Marie reading somebody with their mouth.

Why man love it?

List We did a show together on Sunday and this guy with dreads was there and I and I called him Quevo and everybody was laughing and he was like, I don't even look like Quavo, you know from the Migos. Yeah, And I was like, well, everybody's laughing. And then you try to insult me by calling me a young Aretha Franklin and I was like, Aretha hasn't had never been this skinny.

What a fail.

Even when she was skinny, she wasn't this skinny. And I had to call him a young woopie Godberg. Anyway, he was unprepared, he was unprepared to pay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, she gets paid for this, So why don't you just you know, be quiet or don't sit in the front.

I know. But also if you're gonna be in the front, I'll be getting up and sitting, you know what I mean. Like he was, like he went to the bathroom, came back checking his phone. Sit your fucking ass down, your dusty ass down.

Well not he was. He was not dusty, but I mean he was.

I'm the nice one's diet dusty. He's dusty adjacent, maybe on the cusp of dusty and like just dirty.

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Sure, how you doing, Marie? You look good, look like you've been working, working, working me. Uh, you're working me a.

I don't know that song.

It's a good song. I'm gonna play it for y'all another day.

Somebody said that we should get a unofficial expert playlist popping on Spotify.

We could do that soon. Can help us out with that.

We just add songs that like we were listening to it currently for the.

Week h obsessed.

You know, I look like I could do it, like the Insecure playlist. I can't wait for it to come back because I'm really just missing you know.

Is this the last season?

Who knows? I feel like it should be. Oh man, Marie, Damn, I don't.

Like any of the characters on the show. They're so dumb.

TV is hard, guys, just sudden, you.

Know, mmmm hm, Cause there are shows that we like the characters we care, you know.

Yeah.

But I was talking to somebody this week about likability and it's like, just because you like someone doesn't mean it's necessarily good.

I rather hate a character, but like the actual show.

But you don't hate any of the characters, and you like the show. I hate all the characters and don't like the show.

Shout out to Asa Ray, paving the way for all of the blacks, said, I would definitely go in.

Can read some.

Read something terrible?

You know, wow, college friend, babysitter, you know, receptionist at the office.

You know I'm available. She's a veil.

Yeah, weekends though it's Fridays and Saturdays.

It's cool.

Mm hmm.

Cidy, what were you an expert in this week?

Ah? What was that expert in?

I don't know, getting curved, like just unexpectedly being curved. I was in this uberpool and you know that's what I do.

That's like my brand diet Wills uh huh.

And you know I used to write stories all the time, and I'm over it.

So now I'll just keep my headphones on and I don't give a fuck.

So but I got in the I got in the car and there was this guy, like probably the best looking dude I've ever seen in a pool ever.

I was just like, in a pool, though, that's looking dude you'd ever seen in a pool?

No, no, no, no.

Outside of the pool, he definitely would have been still really good like New York City standards. I'm not talking about wichital I'm not talking about Wisconsin. I'm talking about New York City point. And he smelled good and he had like a nice shape up, and I was a nice cult. I was just like, what the fuck are you doing in this car? I mean, I look great too, but I'm just saying, what are you doing here? And

And he didn't, and I was mad.

I was livid.

I was I told the driver, I said, let's go back.

But you're a whole lesbian. It don't matter, You're an entire I felt like one hundred and.

Two percent, like it's a vibe going on in the pool.

Yes, it's a gay vibe. Y'all were y'all were both gay? What happened? Yeah, he was on the way to his boyfriend's house and you were leaving your girlfriend's house.

Yeah, that's probably what it was. A bitch was yo, the fumes was coming. I was like, yo, he's definitely gonna ask me, like, Yo, what's your email? Like your He didn't even asked the Instagram handle? No, nothing, right, that's I mean, that's the.

That's the new.

I have a boyfriend, what's your Instagram? Or someone asked you for your number and you're like, you can follow me.

He didn't ask me that, He asked me nothing.

I like, was like, wow, I look really good right now, Like I have a latsh on?

How dare you? Right then? You looked in the mind you had lettuce in your.

Teeth, No bitch, because I hadn't eaten yet, so you're like in real down guant, very gaunt.

It was.

It was like a I was like, yo, you gonna come to a show or something. In my head, I was all this stuff was just the wheels were turning. I was like, Oh, we might get a coffee or something, not.

Like why what is wrong with you? We might get a coffee or something for why?

For my friends?

I'm trying to.

Help my friends out.

No, you and this man, you in this beautiful gay man, We're gonna get a coffee for why.

I'm here trying to help out my friends.

But it wouldn't be you and and friends getting coffee with this man.

It would just be trying to help out a mina.

Okay, I'm sculping out people for my friends in an operpool smells all good.

I was like, are you using a simpbird? What fragrance? Is that?

Shut out the cinbird for little racking bone on time?

I said, is that Narciso Rodriguez for him? For him? For him? For him? You're so dumb?

Yes, I am thinking.

I didn't give you his phone. It was like he was like what's happening?

No, bitch, I was cracking jokes and everything. It was like it was like a one woman show.

God. He was like, oh, I can't date her. She talked to damn but he was laughing. He was like, I have he said a single word. He was like, what do you do?

I was like, clearly a comedian.

He was like, oh, the driver was The driver was laughing too.

He was like, this bitch is a mess.

It was early.

It was early, like like ten o'clock in the morning. That's not early early ten o'clock in the morning.

You were like early. It was like seven am is early.

He looked like a better looking young Carl Thomas.

He had a turn up. I got a Google.

Call Thomas right now emotion no, and I can't go. I'm just trying to hold on to you.

Exactly. Carl Thomas looks like somebody's dad.

Shut up, bitch, I said a younger Carl Thomas. You said a younger more attractive.

You could have literally said anybody else, a younger more attractive.

That's not Carl Thomas.

He looked like a tall Bobby Valentino if he didn't have an overbitte.

No down, I just want to get to know you.

Yeah, Sydney a tall. Bobby Valentino is not Bobby Valentino. But two of them don't look anything a lot.

You're a hater?

Can you also look at Bobby Valentino?

Yeah?

No, I don't have y'all know I don't have Lasik. I can't see Sydney kind of no girl, Damn Andrews, shut up, shut up, chip, shut up?

Producer intern tall gay producer In turn, Hey Marie, where were you an expert? In? Honestly, I was in a lot of ubers this week also, and I had a simular situation.

I guess.

I got in the car and the driver was fine. I was like, and the music he was playing was good? Like what mixes this? And he was like, it's a playlist that I'll make, you know, for the car, you know, for the when I'm riving.

It was soon that was like, Wow, we're talking.

And then we were, and you know, I was I kept trying to put my headphones in, but I was like, let me leave these out until he's done talking to me. We talked the whole way and I couldn't tell, like if he was tall, is there a way to tell how taller man is when he's sitting by, like, well, his shoulders are doing.

No because the seat is adjusted to how the legs right.

But I was like, I was right, But I was like, can I like by the shoulders? Is there a way that should have acted?

Like you thought you had a suitcase in the trunk? Like cold, you just get out.

He saw me, he saw me walk, He saw me walk to the car from my uh my house, and there was no suitcase. Friend, but I have my good coat on that I stole from work that I had to give back, so I looked like money you gave me back. Yeah. I was only supposed to use that coach for like I was supposed to use that code for the weekend, and I had it for two weeks.

Well, what are they gonna do.

They're gonna return it. They can't return it.

No, they can't return it. They bought, they paid for the coach exactly. You know, I'm just waiting for the season to end.

They're gonna give it to you.

And by the season, I mean winter, waiting for winter to end, so I can be like.

They're gonna give it to you.

Yeah, I'm just gonna hold on to this Cruela deville coade because y'all, I don't need.

This, so they didn't give it. So wait, no, so you didn't get his number.

Oh so we're talking and we're laughing, and I was like, I can't date this man. He's a taxi driver, Like, I can't date him. What am I gonna Where are we gonna go? Also, he said some words wrong, like he pronounced them wrong, and I was like, oh, he might be dumb, he might be a little bit illiterate. I don't remember what we were talking about, the R Kelly. We were talking about the R Kelly and I can't set up a fight, put a feeling. He was like,

It was like, okay, but pronouncing words, I mean, that is also my brand.

If you can't if you can't say them, then you can't spell them.

That's also my brand.

You can't spell.

You be saying a lot of voice memos.

Speaking of bitch ass tricks, our guest is not one imagine. We've actually brought in somebody like that. Yes, this our next guest is quite divine.

Divine.

I truly enjoy her, enjoy her on and off the stage. She's written a book before. Yes, her Twitter popping ping, and she's just a pillar in the comedy community. Par Okay, wow, give it up for our blonde expert.

Salna Coplic.

Okay, wow, I.

Am the I am the uber driver.

He was like, yeah, is there an Ellen there?

Yeah, it's copy copy today.

Certainly. I Do you have anything to add to what you heard just now?

They were Uberpool stories, you know.

I do.

Oh, Sydney, I miss your Uperpool tales because, oh my god, it.

Was so good.

Yeah, you still doing them when you're in LA again.

I know, But I know you mean, I think it's important to be like, you know, when you're just not feeling it anymore. Yeah, I think it's so easy to off, like to just keep doing the same thing because people wanted you to do it.

But like, yeah, I could move on from this, you know, if I'm not inspired.

No, it's not that I'm not inspired.

It's just that, like, the actual work that I had to do in the pool to get these stories is a lot.

Yeah, yeah, I remember one time there were like people a couple trying to go to the airport, and I was like, are they.

Gonna make their fun?

Everybody was involved and every time like me, and when me and Marie are in a pool, like we obviously went instigate everything everything for it.

To be we'd be like, damn says he puts you in a pool? Yeah, hates you.

I gotta be that hype man, gass it up.

You know, have you ever dated a cab driver or somebody who drives in thet.

I used to day a truck driver.

What yeah, you get into that?

Okay?

Is it the ross country truck driver?

Short?

Short term but or like short range but that's still within like New England, New Jersey, New York.

I heard Davey doing myth is that true?

Ryan did not?

But he was Ryan.

But Ryan was definitely at the truck stock.

Yeah, man, Yeah, it was a sweet dude we met because it's sort of my type of dude.

I always liked dudes who were kind of.

Like tough guys or like fighters or boxers. And he was a former yeah.

And like tattooed, you know, like dudes dudes.

But he'd been a hockey gooned, which is just like a fighter in hockey, like they can skate gooned goon geo And yeah, it's basically just like if you can kind of skate, but you're mostly like a boxer on ice. So he was a hockey gooon for years, and then he became a truck driver because like, hockey is really bad for your brain.

You know, they get that's white, you know, the white people football exactly truly.

Yeah, and then he became a truck driver. What's the what's the application to become a truck driver?

You just got to not have no friends.

I want to stop getting punched in the face. For money, I'll drive this.

Truck Selena that's a pilot. Yeah, play.

And his dutiful weirdo wife it h.

And then turned into a serial killer.

Yes, come on, then you got to be this stenographer producer and turns stenographer take these notes.

That is crazy. So where did y'all meet?

We met at a concert. It was this group called BlackBerry Smoke. It's sort of like country Americana.

Seems like somebody that wears like a cowboy boot with a skirt, I know, like a young Swift.

I know, I know, Yeah, I hope to think more like a Casey Musgraves.

Now I don't know. I don't know any of her songs either, but you know.

She has this album, Golden Hour. It's her third album and it's fucking solid.

Is that?

What did she win the Grammy? Before we see the Golden Hour, which is her like newest album.

But what was the category?

Oh?

She won.

I think she won like Best Artist, which she was like blown away by.

Have you seen the memes of her being like what why? And Yang Casey?

No, she's not.

She's married to Rustin Kelly. Okay, Brandy Carlyle.

Brandy Carlyle is a country singer who's gay, who like blew it out.

But they said, but they were talking about Casey like she was like this weird, this gay icon.

She's very very like pro LGBTQ stuff. She's a song called Rainbow. She's been always been very involved with.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, you could have been.

You could have been you could have been our country music against. Yeah, she's married named of course, like they started to call him Justin and they were like something whiter water Rusting rust In Peace.

Was his last name.

Pierce Kelly.

Okay, pe.

R, I P that's crazy.

Yeah. Okay, So Casey, what's a song that she has that we should listen to. One of my favorites that was ruined by my summer relationship. It's called slow Burn. It's the first song on her album.

It's Got to the Spot slow Burn.

I love her burn in my mind. Yes, yeah, you're not far from.

It or Supburning?

No slow burns, slow birds, slow burn, slowed it.

Yeah.

Okay, So you met at a concert. You're like, oh my god, he drives drucks, he looks like he might choke me.

Let's do it.

Yeah, well he that was when he was a He's like, we met at a concert and I sort of he made fun of how I danced, which I was like, oh, gentle nagging, I'll dig it.

And then but then we kind of hit it off.

And he was wearing one of those shirts that's called it's called real tree pattern. It's like, if you're more than camo, if you're like a hunter in the woods, you wear this pattern called a real tree and it literally you look like a tree, Like it's absurd.

That okay, which I can dig that look, you know, I know.

I know, I'm not surprised, but also like a little bit surprised. I'm not so white, I'm saying it. I'm not surprised by any of this.

I'm not surprised. It's very blonde of you.

Yeah, well I will stay I'm half Wasp, half red Neck by heritage, so which I feel like, And those are the two sides of blondness, to be honest, Like in the blonde community, there's like ashy blonde, which is a light white blonde, very Upper east Side, you know, and then there's a brassy blonde, which is the yellow blonde like Baywatch, Pam Anderson.

And I feel like I'm sort of both of these things, you know. Yeah, like you're a red Like you're a red neck that wears pearls exactly.

Yeah here, like you you might put a little mountain dew in your white wine.

Yeah exactly.

Okay, so good, yes, And I really I feel like I really toe that line because usually, especially when I go to different colorists, usually they're like, which do you want? Do you want like the cool blonde, the ashy blonde, or you want the warm blonde? And I usually they always think that I.

Want to mix them both.

I know I'm but usually I want the yellow, the warm blonde, but in New York, the ashy light blonde is more popular because it's really Yeah. I mean that's what colorists will tell me, just because it's sort of like Upper East Side.

But is it more money? Okay?

Which is more expense?

More good? That's what it is. It's sell, bitch.

You're right.

Always when I was.

A waitress, I've been like, people order Moet and I'm like, but don't you want dumb?

Not much? Is a dope? Whatever?

Yeah, upsell it is not that's additional dollars.

Like I get. When I get my hair highlighted.

You could either do full head or half head, and I've gotten lazy lately, so I just do half head and then I do brown underneath because I kind of like two tone, even though I know it's very like mid nineties.

Two I think you. When I saw you downstairs, I was like, your hair looks great, thank you.

I got my hair colored recently and the colorist or I just got it cut. The guy was like making fun of me to my face, and I knew he was like and he was like, you know, what are we doing down here?

And I was like, oh.

Yeah, I'm like I just leave that be like we're not giving you a chip, that's what we're doing.

Yeah, And I was like I'm leaving that. I was like I kind of like two tone.

I was like, I don't care if it looks trashy and he goes, yeah, when did you get that done? Like fifteen years ago?

And went hold on, you need yep this place?

What place is this between us?

Let's drag them exactly doesn't leave this room but off the record, cover the mics.

Yeah, I will say I don't want to bash this lot.

I think it was a guy who was just like doing his like rented seat for like a week or something, but.

He was rented a bit.

And I'm like, I'm doing to tone and I know what I'm doing. Okay, I know what I look like, and that is harashing.

It wasn't good.

Yeah.

So I find that a lot of a lot of times the style.

Of hair looks like trash.

Yeah, because it's just like.

They're showing up and they're like, well, you know, I can actually you know, do you?

It's not about me? And it is that actually I want to see.

You and exactly show me what you do so. Have you guys ever experimented with blonde hair coloring.

When somebody else a piece? Do you like things that you clip in and clip out?

You know what? Actually in high school when I for prom.

I I had like a little peroxided it, Yes, a little highlights. I had highlights fun and broke the fun out of my hand. Oh it was so short, it was like brows. Like it was so short it looked like eyebrows.

It was.

It took it all out.

So but when the hair was there, what did it look like?

It was cute? I was like, oh, shoot, I want to do this.

Yeah, and then the Lord was actually the Lord giveth and he takes.

Yeah.

I feel like dyeing your hair excessively is just I don't know how people do it.

Yeah, it can be so damaging, and I feel like I've learned that the hard way. Like I have sort of layers by Like I used to get layers on purpose and now it's just breakage, and so like I'll have sort of shorter layers.

There's special shampoo you're supposed to use. Oh, I mean I use like a purple shampoo.

Yea purple shampoo keeps the color from getting too brassy and like brings it back to be sort of cooler, because I think some people think that brassy blonde seems like trashy looking, which I get.

What's up with this trash because it's it's I think it's weird that you can connect a hair color to someone's status.

You know, that's strange.

Yeah, I mean yes, but you could see like box color. Yes, like you can see they did that by themselves in the bathroom of of a right age, okay.

Versus oh, somebody like they spent money on this.

Yeah.

That's That's one thing I find fascinating about hair is I think there's so many tiny indicators and like when you're really in it and you know you can see these things, you know, it's like, I mean, I have this silly Twitter install where I talk about the New York Times Wedding section and I just joke around about snobbery and judgment, and I often talk about like class indicators and yeah, it's like if you can tell that someone had their hair professionally done at a salon, like

Yeah, I was like for Kai.

I mean, yeah, but I don't need to shut up. I'm allowed to make fun of the man.

In the uber, But you know, you could tell, like who Sometimes you can tell, like if it's too brassy, that looks like you did it at home and you didn't leave it on long enough.

No, I could tell if they did it at home. If like their their hair, their temples are the same color and their ears are like a little bit a little bite.

I didn't even notice any of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scalp is red and it's like, which you did well, I could tell if it's if you did it at home, Like the actual texture of your hair, like it looks either like really limp and fraw.

Yeah, it's supposed to like have more bounce, especially if you go to the salon. If you get a blowout and your shit is still stringy, like they didn't rob you.

Yeah, throw the whole head away, get a new wig.

Cis, So what made you go blonde?

I was blonde when I was a kid, and I really liked it.

I gotta say, like I've been blonde, red and brown, and I do think that it's true, like blondes have more fun and maybe it's just because like that's how I grew up and then as I got older, the blonde started to turn darker, which is very normal.

Have you ever been like a dark brown?

Yes, junior year in college it was.

I was like, I want to try this, and oh god, I like, I wish i'd just like I remember my mom's colorist was like, Selena, I don't think you're gonna like this, like so much of your for your identity is wrapped up in being blonde.

And I was like, that's change it up.

And so he dyed me like light brown, and I was like, I hate it. I was so because I wanted to go like dark.

Yeah, it was.

Do you remember when Cameron Diaz dyed her hair dark brown?

Girl, you don't have the face for that. It's the first of all, the face and the eye color. Yeah, one color has to go.

Too, I know. I mean, but I feel like dark hair with blue eyes can either look very like striking because it's so unexpected.

But I can't really wash out your.

Skin unless you're Megan Fox. Yeah, like if she can work like anything.

I like Beyonce better with dark hair. Mm hmmmm I do. I like Beyonce better with dark brown hair. Yeah, like it just looks well. Yeah, they do some bronzer on Cameron Diaz.

I know she ended up looking very pasty because her skin was so dark or her hair was so dark.

But I stupidly was like, if she could do it, I could do it.

So I feel like you got a little Cameron Diaz vibe a little bit.

Thank you.

I'm squint yeah, And the photo hasn't fully loaded yet, Diaz.

Cameron Diaz was approachable.

I don't hate her with the dark hair.

I know, I remember looking at it.

I remember looking at it and being like, you know what, I like that, and and I, you know what, I'm proud of myself because I I was willing to try something very different that I don't even know if i'd be willing to do that. But you didn't go that dark. I went very let me see, I went very very dark. It makes yes, it made her look really I went that dark, and I remember I was like so excited.

I went out that night.

I was home from from college junior year at Christmas time, and so I went to a bar that night and like saw some friends and literally people.

Like looked at me, Yes, she looks good.

People like looked at me, made eye contact and didn't even recognize me, Like it was the strangest thing, just like people weren't expecting me to have dark brown hair, so they like didn't friends didn't even see me. And I was like, it's Selena change like that. People don't even recognize.

As an African American woman. This happens. It happens all the time. We'll change our hair, either like drastically or just slightly and.

It'll go from curly to straight and people are like, oh my god, I didn't even recognize yeah, and it's like, you know this bomb ass body.

When I was when I was waitressing and I had a weave like the whole time. I finally wore my hair natural and there were two managers. They kept circling around. They were off duty managers. They were just in the bar and they kept looking like looking at me. And then they asked one of the waitresses, like, who's this new hire that no one told us about what They didn't run it by us at all, And they were like, it's Sydney.

Oh my god, that's hilarious.

It's insane.

It's so funny that they were looking for you to waiting for you to do something wrong Meanwhile, you've been working at that job for.

Wrong.

Even if I took my hair up in a bun that people won't recognize me.

And I'm like, does my hair have to be down right around my face for you to see who I am?

You know, it's so strange, Like I've ever seen your hair up.

I wear it up occasionally, but I feel like when I'm out like doing and when I'm on stage doing comedy, usually it's always down.

Really, yeah, you can't do comedy, No, I can't.

The dual language, I know, Yeah.

The two tone sometimes I do.

But I feel like if people are going to photograph me on stage similarly, like I prefer to have something around my face.

You know.

Why is that?

I just think it sort of frames it more nicely. And I think some of my jokes are about being blonde or about being a sorority girl, and I feel like they hit harder if I have that look, you know what I mean?

I agree when I talk about like just being gay and then I'm wearing sweats, so like, yeah.

Yeah, I'll believe it.

We could tell sir.

Exactly, It's true.

I have a joke that I do about being I had a tiny role on that TV show red Oaks It's on Amazon. Takes plaice in the eighties, and I have a joke that I do on stage about like being cast in it and how like the description of the character was like it was like blousey bottle blonde done some hard, live and seen better days. Like the age was ten years older than I was at the time, and I remember reading it and I was like, oh man, I got this, but it's breaking my heart.

You got it.

I'm like that's me.

I was like, it's a trash back ten years old than me. Nailed it. Yeah, like but it you know.

But I feel like whatever I tell that joke on stage, I can't tell it with my hair up, Like I have to tell it with like the hair down.

Being like I know what I look like, Yeah yeah, because up almost is like youthful, like look at my bouncy little kid pony chain.

Yeah, I know.

I do a joke on stage where I'm like I'm stunning and if I don't have any makeup on, which I never.

Do, sometimes people are just like.

Are you and I'm like, yes, that's not really my light. Yeah, just blame it on the light, I assure you. I brought a slideshow of me looking good. I'm like, look, you can go on my Instagram. I'm atrribly stunning and they're.

Like, mmm, yeah, I do it.

I do a joke usually, I go I was in a sorority in college, and I go, you know, don't you don't. I was like, you, you don't have hair like this and not get a bid And like then I make fun of my hair color, being like very.

Fake and very blonde.

And I fucked it up the other night and I go, you don't look like this and not get a bid and the audience is like and I was like, I'm vain, but not that, you know, Like I just felt like I got a lot. But I think when you deliver it just strong, then they're on board.

I wasn't.

Yeah, like I wasn't expecting for me to say that, you know, And I was just like, oh God, normally I don't deliver it that way.

You know, it's okay.

You can't apologize after I say something like that. Yeah, Like, I just kept going.

And you're a.

Blonde and I feel like blondes are more confident than brunettes, and it's just gonna throw it out there it should be not right, But I think blondes are more confident. Yeah, but that's because society like uplifts them exactly.

Yeah, I think brunettes yeah, And I think it's good to like play that role on stage, you know. I do think too, Like for commercial casting, I feel like, if they want a female who seems friendly and accessible and non threatening, it's always going to be a brunette or a red head. It's never going to be a block.

Really.

I feel like when the Disney when the Disney Channel kids go through their like rebellious phase, they dye their hair darker, like that's their like their rockstar like day black dudes now.

Right, Well, I.

Mean I think that's true.

I feel like if you have just a random like if you're casting a random commercial of like a family or like you know, you want someone to be the face of a brand, I just feel like often it's going to be a brunett or a red head.

Because like that's so crazy that you think that, because I feel like blondes are everywhere.

Really, yes, maybe I'm just trying to justify why I never get work.

That's what's.

It's just the hair color of God.

I guess it's not that I have no talent, And it was.

The hair color bit you would diet, okay right now, and I.

Go back to that dark brown.

Yea god.

I remember the morning so I died my hair dark brown. I went to this bar, no one recognized me, and I remember the next morning I woke up and you know, my hair was like in my face, and you know that what beat when you're sort of disoriented and you're like where am I. I remember looking at my hair on my pillow and I was like, oh gross, there's a brunette in my bad And then I was like I was like and I immediately knew I'd made a mistake, but like it was like I didn't I'd gone to

Months how long I think I had it? Like that was ripe. That was like Christmas time, and that's a terrible.

Time to die. I feel like die.

Like wintertime is when you go dark though summertimes springtime is when you like lighten it back.

Yeah, but because the winter is so like cold and dry, it drives out your hair, and I feel like that's just a terrible time.

I know, and like that's when I'm pasty as hell and so like brown hair wasn't.

Doing any favors, you know.

Nay, in the winter, I go red, usually not this winter, but usually go red in the winter because I like that it's fun, it's.

A little softer.

Although red is the quickest, it's the diet fades the quickest of any dye.

Yeah, like a redhead, though red hair, like Amy Adams red.

They give red heads a hard time, but every redhead that I've like encountered or been friends with a one stunning and just like they photograph really well.

Yeah, and it's just a sort of an unexpected look, you know. I feel like you really do stand out. For as much as like I think blondes get a lot of glory, I feel like redheads that's sort of the sleeper cell, you know of just like you stand out.

It's a different look, and.

I feel like it goes with any eye color, yeah, green eyes or.

Gray eyes or and don't have some red hair with some freckles, bitch.

I will marry you.

Yeah, okay, Yeah, just a light not like a light, smattering, smattering. God man, I'm a blonde who has a lot of.

Mold hot stuff.

So, Lena, how's your dating life as a blonde? How's it doing it?

Does?

I did pretty well? I like to think work.

You see.

She didn't hold back on that, bitch, I'm doing dig down, No problem me, dig down.

Are you dating somebody right now?

No, I'm like, okay, I'm exploring.

I don't know. I've been like casually seeing some people.

People I love it.

Yes, none of them drive trucks right now?

Yeah?

No, no, no, yeah, I'm no, not no more truck drivers. That was sort of a strange, strange thing, and like, yeah, it was odd, but yeah, I was dating a dude over the summer that was pretty serious and that didn't work out. So now I'm just kind of like, you know, as i'd love to say, easy come.

Easy, go easy.

Well, yes, it just it was one of those relationships where it was like so intense, so fat, yeah, which like the notebook, Yeah, it's always just an indicator like ye, this is never gonna work.

And it was like and then I think we both.

Tried to like take our foot off the gas, and I was like we should break up, and he was like, no it stay together. But like you know, when it just it just was too much, too.

Soon, that pompcash good girl, Yeah that's what it is.

Yeah, gosh, you're.

Doing great now. Wait does it matches your top matches?

Does a carpet match today?

No, of course not. What does it look like a blonde up top junk down?

Blosso showed me a picture, not anybody.

God, the record between us downs.

Don't you feel bad for redheads for that reason? Firecrotch?

Probably not. Yeah.

I've also never slept with somebody who was a ginger, so I don't know what their pubes look like.

Me neither, I've never.

I've never just like nestled in some fiery Andrew, have you ever dated somebody who had run here? Received clay an't do it his knees.

The Claymates are proud. Remember his fan base was the Claymates.

Oh my god, oh my god, Clay Achin has a big dick.

Wow, I'm thoroughly surprised.

But you know what I feel like, that's often how it goes. The dudes who seem like they would have a big dick never do. And the dudes who were low key. It's like wealth too. I feel like the more showy people are with their wealth, the more they're like barely getting by.

And the real rich people drive frigging shitty cats like cars.

Yeah, or Volvos.

Rich people love an old Volva a classic?

Yes, Oh my god, wow, have we verified that this is klay Akin's dick? Was like, yourses, no, he did not, and you're a liar. I need to see her seats wi Clay Achin sent you a picture of his dick?

Let me see, let me see.

You're a millennial.

You could have photoshopped at Oh wow, yeah, you have face tune on your bitch.

Don't you do that? And it went over episode?

When did When did klay a Can send you a picture of his dick?

S I girl.

Wow, yus, Oh my god, Joseph. He's in Joseph in the Magic Technically dream Coat.

Right. My roommate went to see that. She said it was awful. Oh my god, it was so bad that it was good.

Should I tell Clay aching In this, I think, and then we'll have him on the podcast to see if it's all true.

Yeah, did you send him your dick?

Yeah?

Show us that two way street, and.

It's it's just all in the office. It's fine, it's between us.

Yea space spaces all the time.

Do you get a lot of dick pics?

I've gotten a fair number. I got one from like a dude who is like of like, I hardly know this guy. He's more of a family friend.

Wow, that's rude.

It was so crazy, and it was like I just remember so vividly I had I'd moved to New York only a few years prior, and like I woke up on a Friday morning and he sent me just like like no context, we weren't even messaging, just a picture of his dick at like five am on a Thursday, Like what are you doing?

How did you respond? Because maybe he's trying to send it to somebody else.

I don't even I didn't even respond.

I'm trying to send it to somebody else.

That's says definitely, it hasn't happened to me, but I know it's happened to other people. And then I don't know if I've sent messages by accident.

I know I could have sent a picture.

I know I've sent messages by accident for sure.

If I'm like in the thick of messaging with someone and then someone sort of pops in.

The thing that I'll do is our screenshot, so or I will copy and paste, or like I'll screenshot something and then just send it to like Sydney or somebody else and accidentally send the screenshot to the person And then they'd be like what And I'd be like, I want to make sure you saw just in case you could just you can't see what you just said, be like, oh, yeah.

It was that crazy.

It was a great exponage, like trying to make sure that you see how you look to other.

People, right right.

But they'd be like, look at this dumbest Oh my god, that's amazing.

Wait, so have you guys ever like how much I'm always curious because blonde costs so much money?

Do you like?

But I always wonder if it lots more money than your average hair color? Like I mean, I feel like you guys died my well, I mean just as far as like money you spend on hair.

Like I do to a salon like that, how much does it cost to like to color your hair?

Well?

If you do, I used to go to this one guy I had the same color ass for like seven years.

Colorist.

Sounds like such a wealthy thing to have my coloriss my therapist.

Also, I know it does.

Yeah, yeah he's colorless.

Yeah, I know he's classes and colors and colorists. Yeah yeah, yeah.

He used to do.

This was back when I would do full like full head of highlights and a haircut. It would take me like three hours on a Saturday, like all that around like four hundred four to fifty.

And then the touch up is how much like to just get the like the roots touched up?

I mean it depends on the salon.

Now I'm smarter about it and I'll do like half head and that and like one fifty. But that's like mostly with a discount girl.

You couldn't real close to.

Yeah, it's a lot, but like how much the braids cost?

Well, shutout to Mina and money giving me a pricess that works for me.

It's a sliding sale like my therapy.

Yeah, it's it's expensive. I just looked online and some girls spent like eight hundred dollars on her braids.

Eight hundred dollars and it looked beautiful.

But no, I've never paid more than one hundred dollars to get my hair braided.

Really yeah, but.

I don't that's not a Mina Amani's price.

Point though those are braids.

Well, I so I'm getting my hair. I'm getting a wash and a blowout and a trim tomorrow. And they were like, uh, it's a it's ninety dollars for a junior stylist. And I was like, a junior stylist and how much is the and they were like and then it's more like for a senior stylist, So one hundred and thirty dollars to start, and then you know you

Exactly, so I feel but also it's the New York expense.

Like when I first moved to New York, I would take a bus back to Boston to go to the old rest.

No, that don't sound right.

I took a bus to get to my color Yes, yeah, I'm wrong with you, Coloriss.

You can afford to not take a bus.

Hold on, wait, no, you know what I'm wrong Because when I went to school in western Massachusetts, I would go home to get my hair done, see, and then I would go to Long Island to.

Get my hair done. Wow.

I would go to the city, go to Long Island to get my hair wow.

So I get some of it.

It's not even I mean, some of it's about price, but some of it is when someone does it righty, Like I've gone. I've gone so many colorists, and I've been like, I like a yellow blonde. I know you think I'm trash. This is what I want. Listen to me, and then they'll do like a whitish blonde. So this woman in the in Boston, she like would listen to me,

Get him at the stop.

I'm not a car, he's a I just love said so much.

I like it because it's funny. Yeah, oh, I agree, it's hilarious to me. Why do you not have that accent?

Okay, real talk, because the Boston accent is like socioeconomic kind of you know, and so like I I grew up in a town called Weston, where like no one has the accent. Next door is a town called Waltham that's like a little more built up, like it has like high rise buildings, you know, more stuff, and people have the Boston accent there.

So it's like, really it's sort of based on where you grew up.

But then after college, I lived in South Boston for three years, and like Southie natives have the accent. But there's also two Boston accents. There's like the Kennedy one, which is like you know, Joe ask not what you all control for your follow mom, which like my parents generation, my parents generation have it. Yeah, it's like the older Bostonians.

Give me your wallet.

Can people at how crime? Yeah?

I would just if somebody said that to me in that accent, I would laugh until they walked away.

I'd be like, are you related to Mark Wahlberg?

Macky Mac? So what happened something? There was a robbery or something?

Well yeah, yeah, yes, speaking of Boston robberies, Yeah, I had years ago.

I was living in New York at the time, but I did. I did get.

Robbed on Newberry Street in Boston, which is insane.

Do you has know Newberry Street?

It's like very nice, all the shops, It's like that's the place. That's a lot of time in Boston. And wait, you went to college in school and I had to like escape on the weekend to go to Boston.

With the prop proper folks who were very racist.

But what yeah, that's got troublesome history with troublesome is that what we call it trouble?

Trouble is the new problematic.

Troublesome?

God, wait, where'd you go to school in Worcester?

Yeah?

Yeah, okay, I feel like we've talked about this probably that's so crazy. I forgot that Boston was in Massachusetts. I was like, why are we talking about where they went to school? Were talking about Boston right now? Yeah, I got it.

But yeah I got mugged on Newberry Street, which is in saying because it is the nicest street. But it was the night before Thanksgiving and it's like it's all shops, so it's really a daytime street. It's like for daytime shopping, daytime walking around.

But it is beautiful to go at nights. They have like heads and everything. Yeah, exactly.

It's like right near the near like Boston Common, which has the public garden. Like it's just a beautiful area, really nicely like built out. It's like the one area of Boston that like makes sense because it was built

And Suzanne my best friend from.

Georgia and find his Boston clothes on exact Yeah, We're all like hey, like cute tight jeans, high heels, and Susanne and I look very similar. People used to think we were twins, which I think is just because we're like two white women who are blonde, you know, in.

My mind as twins Barricade and Ashley.

So we're like two blonde heads Bob and and and we're walking down the street and this kid's coming bat us on a bike or this like teenage guy, and so we go single file so he can bike by us, and as he comes by me, he just scoops my purse out of my hand.

Now what kind of purse was it?

It was? It was like a Kate Spade.

Purse.

Yeah.

I was like, do I look like I have money? Because I don't, Like I don't.

I mean, but it was one of those persons where it's like a circle, like a metal circle, and then the bag hangs below.

It wasn't a strap.

In your hand, not like the crook of your arm exactly. And now it's I'm showing back person, how are you? I think because normally I would wear it like usually. Yeah, but I think I just because I think when I tucked behind Suzanne so he could go by, I was like, oh, let me get out of the way. And but yeah, I mean talk about like looking you know, like just

All the way.

I need my twelve dollars and I need you know, I got my passport and said I don't have my actual idea, so no, no, no, we gonna need.

You to come up my bag.

I know.

I remember I was about to start a new job in New York and I needed my ID to get on the bus back and like all these things, I was like wait, no, yeah, and so I turned and I'm wearing high heels. So I turned on my heel and I tried to chasing.

A sturdy Steve Madden, a sturdy Jessica Simpson se.

Lena, you look like the type to run after your attacker. Thank you. Yeah.

It's so funny because I think that he maybe saw these two blonde chicks and was like easy target.

But I was like, uh, you don't know who I am.

I've been in a number of number of scrapes in a bar like I will come there, I would get my freaking bag. So I turned and I start chasing this guy and he's on a bike, and then Suzanne Bless her heart, is right behind me. She's calling nine one one as we run.

Yeah, you need Suzanne, you need a good white woman in a back calling. I'm not running in a heel, though I would have taken a heel off and head.

But so I started screaming, I'm like help, help, And then I truly remembered the episode of Oprah where she says, don't ever scream help because no one will help you.

You scream fire because Oprah taught us that. Yes, it's like, don't go to a second location and scream fire.

Well, I'm gonna let you have that. Yes out to Oprah help swinfree. But I remember, like vividly thinking of that. I was like, no, think about what Oprah said. So then I started, what would Oprah do?

W didn't.

Wait, you scream fire?

I started screaming fire.

And I'm really drunk because Susanna and I just had a bunch of like dirty martinis and wine because we're gonna go to o high school union.

And gives you the energy.

Yeah, I was like, like, I can't believe how much I just like turned on. So I'm like far, like I sounded like a shaty doors car bad and it was just like so I finally because I used to be like I love running, I love working out. I'm able to catch up, and I.

Do love a jobs we do a late night jug or an early morning job.

I know, all alone.

Oh my god, So I'm able to catch up. To the way before the bike he was on a unicycle. It was a bike.

It seemed like a stolen bike because it did not fit him, like it was a small children's dirt bike, and he was like a large teenager.

So I think that he was just his knees were hitting the Yeah, exactly, why.

Did you let him pass you? Like, I wouldn't even let anyway.

Like that go buy me.

Also, like my manners are what got me in trouble, you know what I mean. I should have been like I don't care to get out of the way.

I know how many times I've yelled people for riding their bike on the sidewalking.

Was supposed to be on the side.

There's that bike, and I know, but so yeah.

So I finally catch up to him and I was like what now, Selena, Like you know, like, what was the big idea?

Grab your purse?

So he is biking here onto the left of me. I'm running here. We're still on a pretty tight sidewalk, but I'm like, like, right next to him.

You're in heel. Yes, I even believe it was the proudest night of my life. I was like, oh, you thought you could fuck because I'm in he's nip so i I'm woulda just put my arm out and let him like close.

I know, well that's sort of what I did. I just took my fist and I just punched him in the chest. Yeah, And he got knocked off balance and he was like whoa. And so he starts like his bike is like going side to side to side, and he's like and at this point, I'm like, oh, he's about to eat shit into my running lane. So he does he like his bike. He just goes down and the bike just bust into my running lane like and it all happened so quickly, but thankfully I used to

So I shut it. I do not I stick the land it has to go in. The pilot's know, this sound like cocaine.

This a whole thing.

Sounds like you did a line and you was read insane.

Was practice.

She was just curse.

The only times was when I was high.

When I was a limitsar limousine a jar into cocaine like yo, let's just she was chasing her gap purse because it had cocaine in. It's not an id for the job or to protect the family, Okay, And the family is the cocaine falls off, you tell me to stick the.

Landing, exactly, stick the landing, and then we continue on foot, and I.

Was like what and so yeah, I was just like what do you want? Like I would have just I would have just jumped on the bikes. It was all like happening so quickly. And then meanwhile this like couple saw it all go down, so they like joined in the crime parade behind us. Like it was like these people were sort.

Of like, I mean, there were they're like a marathon, you know, marathons real late this year, and there were somebody at the end passing that water.

Do you he has of any orange smiles, gatorade things?

But so so then we continue on foot and at this point I was just like so angry and amped up that I was like.

It's a fucking gap purse, you idiot. I was like, I work in publishing by day. There's nothing in there.

And he we run a couple more, a couple of blocks, and then I think this guy is like, my bike is back there and that's worth more than this gap purse. So he takes my purse, he throws it into a bush, and he then crosses over in Newbury Street to go back to get his bike, and so I am able to Sarah's now on.

Chance, like hey it is.

It's like I'm in pop will Is.

So I go.

I grab my purse and thankfully it's this purse that I loved.

But the the.

Zipper always stuck.

It was really hard to get open because as you're running, I was wondering if he was going to be undoing the zipper to try to just get my wallet to toss the bag, you know, like, so I assume that all my stuff wouldn't be in there. Thankfully, the zipper sucks, so he couldn't even get it open, so everything is still in there.

Oh my god.

Yes, I like, I like have a quick cigarette because I was like.

You had that one stove. You had a stogy.

Quick because Suzan's like Boston p D's on the way and.

I'm like, oh, She's like donate them.

I was like, take care of bins on my own. Oh my god.

So in the purse you had like a tampon without a wrapper on it.

Sure cigarette, yeah, some like cover girl makeup cigarettes, some.

Girl makeup, a wold mascara.

It was all like shit, that really like all easily, you know, and some Claire's accessories.

Absolutely, yeah, it was like a choker.

Yes, it was like such tacky stuff. And I think I had like twelve dollars cash like nothing, you know what I mean. Like and at this point, I think my credit card was maxed out.

You know.

It's just like.

Felicia, she did him a favorite right now.

I think it was one of those things where like you just if an adjustice happens to you, you want to fight, you know, and you're like, oh hey, Universe gave me an excuse to get.

And Marie are like, I'm going home. I'll figure out listen. Yeah, I don't have any money in that person that one bit. Okay.

Yeah, I still I can't wear that purse because it just feels like it's bad juju.

You know I still haven't you still I'm kind of a pack rap.

Yeah, I still have.

Like when I mean when all the nineties like clutches are chokers, chokers came back, I was like, I still got my high school ones and I still wear them and they are from Claire's. But yeah, so Boston p D showed up and they were like so frigging Boston, Like I mean, it was almost like hilarious, like they just they it was a lot of unmarked Crown Victorias, which, like unmarked Crown Vics are so obviously cop cars, Like I always wonder, I'm like, who thinks there are not

Ass cop cars, yeah exactly.

And they were like and I get like they thought the whole thing was just kind of crazy, you know, and they were like so frigging boss, and you could like smell the ductadnus on their breath, like they're like, miss, I'm trying to ascertain what happened here?

Uh, A perpetrator approached, You took your pocket balk.

They only call it pocket walk in Boston, and he's like, you gave chase, Uh, you got back your pocket book.

Perpetrated fled on foot and then got his bicycle.

Is that right?

And I was like, yeah, that's pretty much what happened. And it was so cute.

They're like, you got a bunch of brothers at home because you've got a lot of hustle in you. And I was like, no, no, brothers at home.

Just get I wouldn't think that you did.

I know.

No, I'm the youngest of three girls, after the youngest.

That's the Boston to Toiola right there, you got a lot of brothers.

I was like, oh my god, but yeah, and it like it was the strangest thing. And then we were supposed to go to my high school reunion, but I was like, I can't go to high school reunion, right, you.

Know, I just felt so like keyed up. So we just like left and went back to our like where we go.

You know, you looked crazy.

Care was the mess.

You didn't broke the hill and that's why you couldn't go to her Express Blazer.

Yeah, and like that would just be so like if I walked into my high school you and be like, I just.

Got my dad wants exactly like she hasn't changed at all, you know, for a change of pace, I'm gonna not be loud and I'm gonna go home.

I would have went to the reunion, Yeah, bitch, we would celebrate. I would have had the cops drop me off at the reunion. Yeah, drop me up in a cruiser place than absolutely, don't even stop.

We'll roll right out, like, bitch, I got my bag and I'm skinnier than all yours.

That's what I row. I know, it was nuts.

And then that Boston p D followed up a couple of days later and they were like, you know, we're very we're glad that nothing happened to you, but don't ever fucking do that again.

And they're like, if he had a gun.

You would be dead right now, yeah, you know, which is true. Like, and that's what I think is so tricky about. I think it's so important for women or like to be able to fight back and defend yourself. But like, if there's a gun, all bets are off, you know, and you never know who's crazy. It sounds like it happened so fast too, like and he it is.

It doesn't sound like he was that he had the biking control at all, because oh yeah, I mean, in my mind, if he had a gun and he was on the bike and he had the purse, he would have dropped one of those exactly.

Yeah.

And it seemed like a high school or maybe just trying to impress his friends or you know, like it wasn't like this like crime operation that was well thought out. You know, like he seemed like kind of a dumb dumb How many.

Block did you run because it sounds like you ran a marathon at.

The end of the day. I think it was like six or seven blocks.

Like it was all so quest Selena.

I just want to shout out your blonde endurance. Okay, thank you.

You had the salmina to keep running no red lights. Yeah, you just kept running for seven blocks. You had the walk sign the entire time. Well, it was pretty empty.

I remember it just being very eerily dead on Newbury Street because Newbury Street's more of a daytime street and like for whatever. Yeah, I mean that's one thing it's sort of remarkable to me, is like, how were we just going going going?

You guys were just going in a circle. He just kept turning lift.

I felt like I just had blinders on.

I was like, ah, you know, it was say crazy.

I honestly believe it's because you're blonde that I feel like the stunt happened because it was all Oh, if it would have been me and Marie, first of all, my wig would have flew off, okay, And I'm like, oh, I gotta go get that. That's worth more than whatever priority priority, and then it was like, I'm not running, but I probably would have one a flat sneaker could.

Yeah.

Also I didn't take tumble and a figure skating that we all getting trapped in that absolutely trying into.

Like a like a rocky and bowling hole and just rolling down the street. Yeah, just rolling down the street.

But I do think, yeah, I think we looked like two blonde dummies from the suburbs. Yeah, you know, And that's one thing I sort of love about Suzanne, my best friend from childhood, Like we have a lot of stories like that, if like just like random ship going down, and I think it's because people don't expect us to be tough or be able to defend ourselves and that we'll be dormats, and I like that I'm not.

You know, I love that. I'm so glad that you got your gap person.

It was the greatest man.

You can you just take a picture of a bag and it will we can put.

It's a cute bag and it also has a lining inside that's like star pattern on it, which I love.

A star pattern lining.

Can you tell me like some things that are very connected to being blonde, Like you said you're into candles.

Yeah, that's what she wanted to talk about for I'm glad you guys talked to me out of it.

Yeah.

Marie's like, Marie's like.

We do not have an hour on candle Yeah, and.

I didn't even say anything.

I was like, y'all gonna figure it up.

I realize that's dumb, but I'm not.

But yeah, I talk about it.

I love I call myself a candle head. I love candles, and I do have a podcast, but our episodes are only thirty minutes. Okay, but it's called two wik minimum and it's just candle talk. We talk about candle controversies. Different set is.

What's an example of a candle controversy?

Oh, Reddy, I'm curious to see where you guys weigh in on this. The scent of vanilla. I love it, okay, interesting, A lot of people hate it.

What do you think, Sidney Well, I grew up on vanilla candles, uh bathom yeah secret?

Yeah, I know, like my fragrances with a hint of vanilla like in them.

Yeah, like a like a warm musky kind of yeah, oh hear that.

I like it, but not sweet. I don't like sweet perfume. Like I'm not like I can't wear like a juicy catoure or like the like sweet like bath and body work perfumes. But like I like, you know, like a Dior with like a hint of vanilla sent bird come on bird.

Recurring the sandal would kind of scent, right, sandal Wood is sort of like like a nice mature musky I do.

I also do like a little musk.

Yeah, Like is this a unisex fragrance?

I like that, but I'm just gonna do it out here. I'm not proud of it, but I got it. Elizabeth Arden, Oh White Tea.

Oh Sydney spread into her braids in the studio. That is all the way close.

I like it.

M I don't know, I don't really like it's nice.

It's like it's nice, but then the at the tail end of it, like it smells good at the top, and then after it's like it fades into something that I don't know.

But vanilla is a controversial candle scent because no thank you, no thanks. But it's because I think like like some of my sorority sisters in college would burn one that was like vanilla icing.

It was like like sweet, like sugar smell like diabetes exactly.

And that is like, you know, like the Henry Bendela has this candle called vanilla Bean. That's nice because it's like a high class vanilla bean. It's not like, yeah, like vanilla cookie or something. It's like, you know, more of a not as sweet.

Yeah, you're doing well.

But now I walk in there and they immediately look at me like are you dropping something off?

They'd be like are you a carrier? They'd be like the freight entrances.

That is.

Yeah.

Now the scene is this In January fifteenth, the entire like their brick and mortar stores, everything, they just closed up shop. So that's the only way I was able to get Henry Bendel candles because they had him on super duper sale.

We missed the same I know.

I was trying to alert people online on social media. I was like everyone candleheads stuck up.

Brugal blonde, I love it.

Yeah, I try.

I know.

I'm like, I'm not a dumb blonde. I try to get bargains and the handsome.

You should write another book called a Blonde on a Budget.

Ooh, that's a good ideas in pilot and book.

Are you trying to be an agent.

Seriously, I appreciate I'm trying. I appreciate it.

I help my friend blonde on a budget and I am. Last year I got into a dead consolidation program. So you guys, have you guys ever.

Done something like that?

No?

So does that make like the interest rate go up?

Down?

Are you pay answer less?

Yeah, Well, because I had four credit cards and like debt on four like it was just out of control, and so they consolidate your debt. You basically give your debt to a company that like, this is what they do, and they consolidate your debt and they negotiate down the interest rates and all that, and then you just.

Pay that monthly. It sounds like talking about blood on a budget.

Man.

When all that was going down, I was just like lots of cans of tune and harbald eggs all day every day.

You know, like gross on a budget. Got to get you a rich man, not a guy that wears vists. You got to get somebody with money that will like pay for stuff.

I know, have you ever had one of those mister burns on the Simpsons situation?

Years ago?

I did a guy who was like, had a lot of money. I suspect though he was like recently out of jail, like.

Crime or No.

It seemed to like mafia, which was kind of fun.

I don't know, you know, like those dudes it was, but it was strange, like you took me to a lot of really expensive restaurants.

Pay cash, yes, always everything was cash.

Yeah, everything was let me get some money for my uber come on care yea.

And he had he and his family had a vending machine business, like, oh, drugs yes. So I was like to me, I was like, vending machines on the Lower East Side. To me, that's mafia.

That's money laundering right there, Yes, exactly, dig money.

Yeah.

And he didn't know anything about what had happened in the world the past five years.

He lives underneath the rock.

No, he had just gotten out of jail.

I was like, how do you not know these things? And he's liked and I just don't really pay attention to the news. I was like, oh, because you're we were in jail. Yeah, because Wi Fi.

They got Wi Fi in jail, they got internets, Yeah, internets.

It was weird, but he was in just like really good shape too. I don't know, everything about it.

Yeah, so what happened?

We got some good get this. We dated for a while and it was like it was I was sort of like, this is.

Just silly and fun, but I don't mind just going on to some nice restaurants, Like Okay, I'll get dressed up and.

Go to the Writs.

You know you were going to the Ritz Calton.

Yeah, that went all the way down the Financial District.

Dreams Drugs.

Yeah, what did you wear?

Did you wear like one of the bondage dresses?

I never had one of those.

But you love a tube top.

I feel like you have.

A tube top and like a.

Halter altertop with a corkwidge.

Yes, corkw Yeah, I love cork wedge.

When wedge season arrives, oh I get so excited. You Selena loves a Peepto witch.

Oh my god.

You love the Jitney like you just get in the Jitney just for the travel, Like that's your thing.

You a very Bradley bag.

That's one thing I love about hot weather. When it gets hot enough where I'm like, I guess I have to wear this tubetop. I know, and I feel you'd be wearing like a white tube top o some white bikinis are my joint. I know when I die, I want my ashes. I want, you know, to be cremated, and then I want my ashes to be placed into a white bikini that it will be used as a slingshot to be shot into the sunset a Coney Island and Motley crework On and Roses will play thank you.

This is your last will and testament on this podcast. Just so you know, they're going to carry the ashes in that gap. Person we get to Cody Island, the Sipers gonna get stupp.

Selena.

We are writing your show for you, verbally doing the work.

I appreciate it.

Imaginative. Before we go, I need to know what happened to this mobster?

Yeah, get this, he just ghosted me.

No, he says he got locked up.

I hope he's back, he's dead or I had a moment of wondering if he had been like everything had been a lie and he was actually married, nut kids a Long Island or something.

No, no, no, niggas don't ghost you for that.

Then you find out you get caught, They get caught, and then you stop talking to them.

They don't just ghost you. Dudes, won't stop if are cheating until they get caught.

Yeah, that's true.

There's no reason his wife caught him and Selena didn't. What is this Halter doing in my closet?

Where?

What is this vanilla ala?

It was for the best, definitely.

I mean I'm sorry that you you're not getting those fancy meals anymore.

Now, Oh well, I know I need to get back to that kind of that kind of living you do.

Let people listening where they can, you know, get your book where they can follow you on social media?

Yes, yes, ever all my social media is my full name, so it's s E l E n A c O P p O c K. And that's my website, Twitter Insta. And then I have my Silly n y t vows, which is my Twitter instad where I pretend to be in the New York Times wadding section.

Love it.

My book, The New Roll for Blonds. It's from HarperCollins, so they can buy.

Okay, Harper great, Oh thank you.

You're doing great.

But you're doing bad. Yeah, I'm very bad.

And then my Candle podcast it's on. Uh we did season one. Now I'm taking a break and I'm strategizing for season two.

You're trying to figure out more candling about it.

But it's called two I Commit him and that's on iTunes and all that jazz. Yeah, and I have you know what away was running around the city. So all my dates are on selenacoppic dot com. And thank you guys so much for having me.

This so much fun, fun Selena, And honestly, I didn't even think about any of this, like, I didn't think this is the way the conversation was going.

I know, I'm a professional.

Thank you so much and.

Shout out to Clay Aikins.

Dude.

Listen to you know more bonus episodes on our Patreon.

Thank you guys for listening.

Bye Sydney, be best, Bye Forever.

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