Sugar Daddy's & White Ladies

We're bad.

Hello, Hello, Hello, Welcome to the Loud Ratchet Hour with Marie Monster and Sydney Washing, Sydney, Elizabeth Washington, Walla, Walla Washington, Sidney.

Bang yes or Uchi Uchi bang bang?

Yes, that's that's Uci Wally Washing, Sydney Uchi Wally bang bang.

What's up? Sydney is a whore. Let's get into it.

So we just got back from a pool on the roof in Manhattan, and Sydney changed clothes when she got here and her whole butt is out.

Yes it is. It's a pink and green. I want to say, it's like a beach cover up that she wore on the train.

It's discussing the way I sat on the train, because that was spare ass was on the train. I was like, I'm going to get all the bum bunts on my butt, and that's what it's gonna be. They're gonna be like little freckles on my butt.

Bum bumps, bum bumps. I'm okay with it? Are you? I mean, obviously you are. I mean you had.

No qualms about qualmsunt gaunt and gaunt and qualms. You had no qualms about putting your bare ass on a dirty new York City train. Just think about all the dirt that has touched us, our hands, our face. But I wash my hands regularly. I don't put my face on the bum bumps. I just think that, you know, just be free. If the disease is gonna come, it's gonna come. Okay, your medicaid just came through. Because you're talking to somebody who can go to urgent care today.

I ain't got much anyway. It's like a.

Weird cut, a weird butt DNT. Yeah, just take the butts, take that chunk the butt out. I don't want a butt dant. I think it will give me character. I think that's what I need in my life. Character. Yeah, you don't think that you need pants in your life, or a towel to put down when you're republic or shirt tied around your waist. You don't think you need none of those things. No, you think you need a sliced butt. I don't want that, you know. It's just we wanted to be on out and about and be

The sun is for your skin? It's awful. Why do white.

People and this is I'm asking this. This is not a rhetorical question. This is for the people who listen to the podcast that are white.

Why do white people like the sun so much?

Because the sundough Like, y'all, you guys peel the sun like anybody. You can get skin cancer if you're brown as well.

Yeah, yeah, but black people aren't.

Laying out in the sun like a white person, like white people will be.

Like putting oil on baking criscal oil.

They were like, well, I like my bacon CRUNCHF eight eight.

Eight. That's nothing.

That's literally you should You could literally just not even use SPF at all. SPF eight means you can only be outside in direct sunight for eight minutes. I think that the number means that how much time you can spend in the sun before you have to reapply.

That's what I'm saying. Eight. It is nothing. Eight ain't nothing but number.

The one that we had today was fifty. Yeah, but I was under the umbrella. We could not even be in the sun. I felt like my scalp was cooking.

You know how in a summertime, if you leave your phone in direct sunlight, the.

Phone will overheat, like it'll be like cooling down. I don't know if you guys know this, but that's what happens with iPhones. I feel like with galaxies, they probably just disaggreate, but with the iPhone, it'll say come back when your phone cools down. And that's what happened to ours, and ours was in the shade. It's just like, you know, at first, I was like, Oh, I'm gonna stunt this summer. I'm gonna be on the sun, I'm be in a bikini, I'm gonna have abs.

That's not happening, dude. The abs is.

Definitely not happening for your friends, it's not happening. But you did have one a thong today.

I did do the thong, I said, and I said, let's do it me singing.

We don't support our Kelly here, we don't, but I will sing that song for.

The wonderful song? Should that be our theme song? No?

Actually, very racist and it's messy. What do you mean it's racist. Well, it's supposed to be like like Asian inspired.

Was a about the thong? No, I thought it was the thong someone. No, I don't know what it is.

But anyway, yeah, I said, you know what all this body positivity is going on, Let me have my cheeks out, Let me do it. Let me see what it's all about, just being accepting your body. But let's talk about what how else you accepted your body. Her titties were also out. Yes, her titties were also think J lo Versachi dress. That's what Sydney's boobs are giving in this Robert today. If you go to my id stories or if you went to my stories when I posted it, her butt was out.

And even though I.

Think this, the whole thing is backwards because if like you have a bigger body, then it's like, yes, love your body. But then if it's your skinny anything, it's, oh, fuck you bitch, Like of course you're gonna love your body.

But it's like, that's not how it works all the time.

No, but that is true though, Like I feel like bigger women and plus size women are like there's.

A movement of like body positivity.

If I'm thin and I'm like, io, look at my collar bones, people are like, ell you cunty, yes, gauant ho, and it's like, yeah, actually, I'm just cunt.

Gaunt is over there. It's true.

And so you know, I usually will wear I cover up, dude, do you I cover up? I am very modest. I'm modest because I actually don't like how thin my arms are. Okay, so your arms be covered, but your boobs be out well, because I spent.

Money on them and they should be out. But I cover those up too. You should have had something, You should have had somebody to pay for your boobs.

I mean I should have when you were in the bottle, waitress game X amount of years ago. When you got your boobs done, you should have just had somebody to pay for them.

Definitely, that was another regret that I had just paying for them yourself.

Yes, paying for them myself, ketamine, meth, not doing my taxes, all those things in that order. Yeah, paying for your boo is number one, and then and then methis third.

Dude, paying taxes this for I had to go to the irs.

You know why I didn't go to them. They came to me and they were like, we're gonna.

Garnish your wages and shit. The guy.

I w on the phone with the guy and he's like, I'm trying to figure out why you didn't do your taxes for so long, And I said drugs, And he said, people on drugs still have to file their taxes. Then I said, wow, he sounds like a really fun guy at parties.

Thank you, Robert.

Robert was giving me real answers, a little bail, real advice. But yeah, you know, so what's going on with your taxes? Well, they're filing it. They're filing my taxes right now for all five years five years, okay, And I'm trying to get that whole off my account, dude. That hold, guys, you can't vemo me no more because I can't even deposit that money in my account. Speaking of money, we've decided that I'm going to join sugar daddy dot com.

That's what we're doing today, what we're doing on the podcast today.

I'm gonna I'm going to sugar and I'm like, I don't want to join it because what if I bump into somebody that I know is gonna be like just browsing it, just just for kicks and be like, ah, is that Marie being a hole on here?

So we waited.

That's our new segment though, what what are we gonna do new today? Marie's starting a sugar daddy dot com account. Okay, so I'm on the website right now. I'm going to join it for a cool let's just say for the summer.

Should joined it for the summers?

I do like you should do it for as long as you feel safe. I feel like I don't feel safe right now. I haven't even joined it yet. As long as you feel comfortable.

Keep it.

So, if you're all caught up to the podcast, we had a sugar Daddy expert. Come on, and she met this dude on sugar daddy dot com and she's she has a handsome face.

Let's just say, and uh, you know what, I feel like, I'm cute.

People should be slotting in my Sugar Daddy mailbox to be like, hey, you wanna get some lobster? When decided, dude, and then I'm gonna be like, well, how much money are gonna give me for the lobster and the dick?

Three?

I think that you should live your best life? And what does that mean? What does that mean? You want me to have sex with old people for money? Well, I mean I know friends who have sex with people on the first day, on the first night, and they don't even know if they really like him that much.

And it's just like, be yourself, do whatever you want, dude. There's no judgment here. I judge people that do that. You should stop judging, girl.

I judge people who best the first du This is your year of yes.

Yes, but does that mean yes herpes, yes, chlamydia? Yes, John, he's a condom. Again.

I don't want to bang in fuld white person for money.

Okay, so they don't have to be white.

You could get you an old Asian, well, you could get you a Filipino dude.

Well.

Also for the year of Yes, I've decided and this listen. This is to all the people that come to see us perform and stop us on the street. We're adding an Asian man to the rotation for twenty eighteen.

We just got to find him.

New segment Who Knew? Is gonna be fucking Marie this year?

Who Knew?

Who knew? Who Knew? That's here's a new segment. City Don't speak English now helps Sidney words sugar daddy dot com app. There's gotta be it says free trial. Oh do that free trial, hitch, I gotta pay to be on this, Yes, so that's why you get that free trial and do as much as you can. Wow, this woman from Taswell, Virginia is very unfortunate looking what it's

These dudes, I don't feel like they have any money. They're older.

No, I feel like men join sugar daddy dot Com that don't have no money because they're like all these women think I have money, so they gonna bang me and then they don't see these women again. I'm not about to get gassed by something broke on sugar deck. You're not about to bamboos on me.

That's what hinges us. Definitely, that's definitely the case, dude. I would get on it.

I would get on sugar daddy dot Com as a broke nigga and be like, I got money, so can I get these these thirsty trying to pay the rent? Imagine you were like, yo, I'm just get this one dude. He gonna pay my rent. And then you do what you have to do and then you're like okay and they're like okay, what And I'm like, well, you won't give me some money? And he's gonna be like, actually, I thought maybe you could give me some money. They're like, well,

How would you imagine I want you to pay one hundred percent of it?

Imagine if you had to pay a half, dude.

I would gag.

I would put my card down that Shugard decline here like like, excuse me, miss, this card ain't work, and I'll be like, I know, but I was just this was a courtesy put down. This is a courtesy put down my card. I was like, I'm trying to be nice. I just put it down to Yeah, but give me, give me, come on, give.

Me my card.

The bank told us to cut this up. You'd be like, all right, well let me get that got of scissors in my purse. Yeah, but yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it for a week to do it. How long is your trial Okay, hold on, let me live First of.

All, what like, I don't want to be on this.

Who is actually meeting people on sugar Daddy everybody?

What about Seeking Arrangements? What about that? You're gonna get on that too?

No, I don't want to do two websites. What's the problem, Marie, geez? Do you think somebody's not using your face on back page already? Like? Oh wow, dude, somebody all for the listeners that don't know what that is, tell them what the hell back pages? Back Page is basically like an escorting service is host and and the thing is is that you don't know who is who because all you have is somebody's picture, and people be using other people's

The fuck you look at the train station? How the fuck? Okay?

So should I be on Seeking Arrangement dot Com or sugar daddy dot com because I'm only doing one. We should just have the listeners or you always put full body put yourself on Instagram? You think somebody's not using your whole body? I don't have a lot of full bodies on. Yes, Marie, you have enough that I'm like, yo, I could deaf photoshop the ship out of this.

I got any photoshop this ship. That's a lie. It's not a lie.

Three full it's like if you wanted like a Christian backtage. Uh.

This is like a wholesome girl that's grimmers only dot com.

Yeah, yeah, I had the one where I have that rich white girl right which rich white woman shirt on?

There's like three full bodies. Shut up, Sydney.

Somebody lies photoshopping their face on your on your face.

You know what's gonna happen is a comedian is gonna be doing a joke.

He's gonna be working on his sugar Daddy dot com joke, and my he's gonna be like, well, let me just see what's on the website, and my photo's gonna pop up. A nigga be like, oh, Marie is an escort, and then it's gonna be like it's gonna be the talk of the town.

Yeah.

But if you already like post on your answer to hey dudes, I'm doing something different.

So I'm doing something brand new, brand new. Listen there. I just want to say for this for the Listen.

It's so much terrible things going on in the world, Like, there's so many bad news.

This podcast is.

If you literally want a whole hour of foolishness just to get your mind off of things. Listen, this is what we're doing. I rarely talk about serious things on here. And this is why this seeking arrangement stuff is hilarious to me, because, first of all, I know you're not gonna do it, but if you do do it, it's gonna be fucking hilarious. So Seeking Arrangement or sugar daddy

That sounds like a whole bunch of lie lie lie. But it's an app. Sugar Daddy dot Com don't have no app. I like that.

Let me go to the Seeking Arrangement dot Com app opening the app store.

I'm gonna do this one.

Wow, I'm gonna do a sugar Daddy dot Com I mean, seeking arrangement.

Do you have to pay? Oh? You know what, I didn't even check. You know what.

I'm gonna get another nigga to pay for my seeking arrangement profile. And then I'm gonna meet somebody with the money and I'm gonna have him pay us for the podcast.

Join the Patriots.

We totally need a financial advisor for this.

No, we need a pay pig. Yeah, but they only give twenty dollars a session.

Okay, Sidney, do you do you have extra twenty dollars in your podcast? I actually don't. I'm going to DC, don't. I totally need that twenty dollars.

If who listeners what you're doing in DC this weekend. I'm gonna be at the Draft House.

I'm gonna be at the Draft House telling jokes at the seven o'clock at nine o'clock show on Friday and Saturday.

You know, it's gonna be a lot of working on things but.

Also already polished stuff, So it's gonna be a great time. It's gonna be me being Michelle from Destiny's Child. It's like you've been through this so many times, but you still dripping bitch.

Okay, your wigs still slanted. Whatever. You know, it's gonna be fun. I'm gonna have a blast.

Hold on hold on hold, on, hold, on hold, on. Hold on, let's I hear you just saying, say, let's put a pen in it.

Come back.

Then I put Seeking Arrangement in the app store. What popped up was this thing called looks like Luxury Dating app.

Here's a review ready.

After breaking up with my first love, I fell into a state of depression and lost faith in love.

Okay.

It took me months to get used to that, and during that time my friends were always there and comforting me. My best friend advised me, instead of sadness, try to find a suitable person through luxury This app suitable, suitable quote, moneyed idea. Then I registered to become a member. I was totally surprised. It's a dating app dedicated to millionaires and beautiful girls. I was paired with an eighteen year old girl in California.

Oh this is the dude. Okay.

We started talking about life, about hobbies, about work, gradually found similarities and officially began dating. Thanks to free unlimited texting, we can chat all day. What I bet the girl that suited me most and gave us a chance to get closer.

Oh she must be putting it in her butt.

Yeabsly she's opened that rectum all the way up.

It's dilated.

He's so happy the ship was so good that he's like, I got to leave a review.

It was.

Let me go get in five stars what it is?

But it has sixteen thousand reviews. Wow. Okay, so how do you get on Looks. I'm gonna get on that. Let's see, Marie. I think you should do a few.

I don't hoult yourself. Back says that sounds like too many. And you changed and listen, you change your hair up all the time. So what that mean you changed your hair? They're not gonna notice you. Cash will hook up sixty chat night seeking alphas Seeking alphas. Oh that's frat dudes. That definitely gang bag alphus looking for alphas. Those are dudes in fraternities that are definitely going to run a train on you.

Don't. Nope, no, thank you.

All right, I'm gonna join Looks and I'll let you guys. I'll keep you guys posted. Keep first of all, keep me posted by posting. You know what the person look like, put it, send me a pen so I know where you at. Like allays, okay, I'm I'm gonna joining it today. As soon as we finished the podcast, yeah, I feel like if you hurry up and join, you can have a date by nine o'clock.

Home alone Beijing. You vision you come on.

Like in my mind, men with money who are on these apps are a little ticky ticky boom, so they a little crazy or they're super socially awkward and somewhere on the spectrum, because otherwise, like then with money don't need to be on the app where they're just giving women money to have sex with them.

There's something wrong with them.

Someone murder me, Sydney, and you're completely okay with me dying. I honestly, my whole world would be upside down if you died. And I don't have to keep to your apartment to take the clothes, so, oh my god, No, I need you to live so you can take my clothes, so you can write it in the write whatever in the world to me.

Shut up.

No, this is gonna be I'm gonna gets exciting. I'm so excited for you. I'm gonna get somebody to get me an apartment in my name, and then I'm never gonna.

Talk to you again.

Are you serious, Hondu. I'm the one that's pushing this on you and you're just gonna leave. It's just like you host, take take from me and then leave. But would you judge a woman? And this is I've never had sex for money. If I had, I wouldn't be on this podcast right now. It would be somewhere thriving in Abizah.

Have you How do you feel about women who get paid to have sex? I'm fine with it.

It's like, do you girl, just like do it in a way that makes sense for you, Like if this guy's not paying you enough and then taking advantage of you and talking to you any kind of way.

But what is enough? Like what's enough money for a dude to be paying you for one night? For one night? I feel like ten hundred dollars, fifteen hundred dollars.

Yeah, how long you think this guy is gonna have sex for? Honestly, probably like thirteen minutes. Yeah, but it's for the night, so for their whole night.

He's spend the night at somebody's house. Yeah, it's probably for the whole session.

So feel like Papa Sea Alis and be like, oh yeah, this until eight in the morning. Papa see Alison be like, all right, well, we're not sleeping the night, don't go ahead and take a day queel drink a red Bull. Yeah, and I'm gonna have that astroglide waiting for that ass. Astro Glide Is that lub for hood people? Is that loop for people who wear do rags outside? Uh?

Astro glide? It's fifteen hundred dollars enough for you listeners.

No, it's not. It's just I feel like you need to give me whatever they offered me. I'm gonna just double it. I'm like, okay, well, I could come for three thousand dollars, but I actually feel like I would feel disgusting, I think, and then I would deposit the money.

And you're like, I feel great, it's a beautiful day. What if they venmo you? You're like, I need cash.

I need cash, and you need to put me in my cash in an uber X so that I can go home. And actually I don't even want you to know where I live, So just drop me out by Sydney's house. Sidney's house, and then I'll just pack an uberpool from there.

Oh my god, the bus with three grand in my back yard. You're stupid. Who's selling ass or a backpack? One like? No, well, you don't know what I got in my backpack. Shut up, Sydney. I think this is gonna be a great time. I'm so excited for the story. No, I feel like I'm going to get murdered.

You're not, like, it's just like living if I if I do the if I make a profile and all the pictures is me and you, and then the dudes have to take us out.

Oh I'm okay. That's perfect for me. That's so good.

I stay hungry, right right right, Yellow, you could do three pictures you meet and my girlfriend Adrian's not going out with any of these dudes.

She's definitely not, and she's gonna be real nasty.

Adrian, no money, Adrian, come on, you gotta take one for the team.

She's like, I've been taking one for the.

D I'm like, Adrian, you gotta take a dick for the team. No, she's like, I've been taking a dick for the team. Aka Sydney. She's taking the dick me strapping on for her sister. I mean just taking taking me on the whole situation. I'm not sure what you're saying. It sounds like you be strapping on from I'm just saying taking on me in a relationship is a lot. Sounds like you have a dick in your backpack. Oh my god, who would do such a thing? You?

So we had a great time at the pool. Uh.

In other news, did you hear about the story about the soccer team that's stuck in a cave in Thailand? Let's talk about this, because you were trying to tell me the story and I was like, that feels like some of the information is missing. It's probably is any google this, Go ahead and tell the story. Yeah, but basically, it was a soccer team they went into rainforest, and it's just.

Like, Eh, why are we going into rainforest? Isn't there were enough movies.

Even real stories where people in the rainforest and then something bad happens and everybody's dead. I don't want to go to a rainform. I don't want to do no tours. I don't in a rainforest. I'm all sad. How do you feel about a safari ride? I don't want to do a safari right either? You we out here in the wild. These niggas do whatever they want. Okay, A lion don't care about you. You don't care about your binoculars?

You want in? Yeah, Okay, here we go.

Let's let's talk about tell the people. So it's in Thailand. Yeah, I was right about that. That's one fact that was right. Okay, let's get into the story here. Let me scroll down waters being Okay, hold on one moment. One you're trying to get the bullet points and it's like, bitch, I told you the story.

What's going? Did you tell us the story?

Because I don't feel like we even know what to tell the story is. It's probably not tell the story one more time.

Okay.

So the soccer team, there's a teacher and there's like thirteen other players or kids.

They're in the rainforest. They're trekking whatever.

They get into a cave and they're like, oh, let's go in the cave, and all of a sudden, there's torrential downpours. It starts raining in the rainforest. And the way it works in the rainforest, it's rain season right now. So it's raining, raining, raindy renny, and the cave is filling up, so they have to go deeper and deeper into the cave so that they can go up so that the water doesn't hit them. So they're one hundred feet above ground or something like that no below ground

Why hell? And they bring them into the cave in the first.

Where was this cave that I bet you there was one kid that was like, Nah, I don't want to do this, and everybody's like.

Come on, They're like, oh, be a pussy grid, come on, let's do it. And there's that one kid is like the in the cave right now.

Like I told y'all, niggas not that we shouldn't have gone in this fucking cave. So yeah, they had to send they had to send food into this cave. They have like a doctor that also knows how to dive. He came, he brought food, he's he said he was going to stay with them for a little bit. So if they don't get out in time, they will have to be in that cave for four months. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm trying to look at the story and I'm telling you the story. I know the coach

But divers have to bring them food. Yes, the divers.

Divers can't bring them back up, like they can't bring no scuba masks down and like bring them back up.

It's thirteen kids. These kids don't know how to dive.

Diving is not an easy People go to school to dive, right. But if I'm a lifeguard and somebody's drowning, I just take that person and pull them all the way up. And then that's not how they're They're so deep in the cave that you can't just do right.

But you hear what I'm saying, can't we just put some scooba.

Gear on these kids and then they're breathing air because they got a tango one and I'm just dragging them up to the surface.

They don't have scooba gear in Thai Land. They got drunken noodles. They got pineapple rice. Wow, Marie, you're gonna go there. They got peanut You're gonna go.

There's kids lives on the wrist on the line, and you're gonna make jokes like that.

They but you know what these get should have done. They should have went on seeking a rage.

Read dot Com found a rich dude to pay them to learn how to swim.

Oh my god.

Yeah, but it's but imagine if I was stuck in this kid, I don't know how to swim, and I don't know how to die.

I want to came in.

I want to First of all, I'm not going into the rainforest one second. I'm not going into a cave with a bunch of dudes. That's not my ministry. So I wouldn't have been stuck there. My heart goes out to these freaking kids. Oh your heart's and I'm not your entire heart. And I'm not mad at the soccer teacher, but I'm like, you should have just known better.

And how did they know that it wasn't going to rain that day?

Because I feel like when it's about to rain, you can tell it's going to rain today.

They don't look at the ACI weather, a weather they don't have.

Eyewitness news in Thailand called them a soccer teacher. It's a soccer coach, soccer coach whatever. He was an assistant coach a day. And so it's one thing if we're in the cave and we're dead. But it's all these parents waiting like they're on edge because their kids are alive. We just can't get to them. That's scary as fuck. So okay, well we'll follow this story. It don't make

We've been here for too long. It's hot. We're waiting hours for you.

Anyway, So then I met up with David, our guests a few weeks ago, our events expert, and he was like, Oh, were in the park, walking distance from your house and I'm on shrooms and I was like, oh my god,

The trees dancing.

I'm like, that's what I want. To feel like I want that, you know, like I got edibles at the house. I'm taking some edibles and felt exactly what you'all feel right now. You want trees dancing, bitch, you want to crack, you do some crack. The trees definitely dance.

Now. Is that what happened there? What's the crack?

High?

My my friend, my queen? Shut up? Wait, hold on, hold on.

So I'm like, damn, I'm so mad that these shrooms never really hit me. This guy was like, I got some mole. I was like at the park. I said, no, I think I'm okay. It was a Saturday.

He was like, uh.

So he pulls out this little vialm HM with like white powder, and I'm like, is that the molly because a lot of people assume that molly is in pill form like I did before I did MOLLI, but it's like a powder that you mixing your liquids and then you drink the malli.

So he was like, I got Malli.

I was like, no, that's not what I just wanted to do some like healthy ass herbal shroom tea. And then he pulls this powder out and I'm like, oh, is that molly? He was like, no, it's coke. And I was like, I'm out to wing cocaine with you a four PM at the park. They are children present, and this dude poured the cocaine on his phone screen okay, and then just started doing lines of cocaine at the park. So I feel like I'm an expert really at not snitching on So.

You said no to all of the drugs.

Yeah, I mean the shroom said no to me, and then I said no to the cocaine. What you think I should have done so molly at the park? No, because you don't know who this person is and you don't know what what they cut with the mally.

It could be anything. It could have been it could have been crack. E've been meth.

It could have been heroin, it could have been speed. It's too much. Listen, people who are listening right now, don't trust everybody with your drugs. Okay, you can. I'm already somebody who does not do drugs.

You really really can't, you know.

I feel like I do Mali once a year on my birthday, my birthdays in September.

It's not time for me to be doing Maley right now.

And I'll tell you this. I have done drugs with all of the strangers and all of the people, and.

It's scary you.

But you gotta go in fearless and be like, I'm just doing it. But if you start thinking about what anything and everything could be mixed with, you will go nuts.

So if you're gonna do it, do it.

But I just prefer if you if listen, if a nigga's just pulling out.

Coke in the park at four pm.

You don't want to know that coke, you don't want none of it. That street you it's oh man, that's the type of coke that'd be like, yeah, I'm doing coke at four pm.

They can see their Yelp reviews for this cocaine. Yeah, like what is this and where is it from?

I don't recommend it. I don't recommend it. So what were you an expert in this week? What was that an expert in this week? Having your tittas out? Relationship fan relationships.

It's just that.

Sounds like another way of you saying friendship, which is what you usually do. No, me and my me and Adrian Dude, It's like it's just like it's too hot in the apartment it's it's like a thousand degrees and we got seven fans and Adrian is you know, all.

Seven fans but no air conditioner.

No, she's off from work for the summer, devastating, so she's home. So and you know, I'm not doing everything I need to do.

I'm not watching it.

This is the way I'm not doing I'm not doing enough in the house. So you can't just not be doing enough in the house and it be a thousand degrees because every little thing is going to make you mad. Any little crumb I've dropped on, Like she's yelling at me about this crumb, But the crumb is really this bigger crumb than Youah, it's a symbol, symbolism of all the bullshit you've done for four years. That's what it is. I can't believe all have been together for four years.

Like, what are we doing together?

Yes, it's a thousand degrees in here and it's making me evaluate everything.

So what are you going? What are y'all doing? I gotta get this ac you're gonna.

Get in their conditions, I gotta get No, she doesn't, so you're gonna get it in and then just like knock all her fans down.

I don't know.

But relationships are about compromise, and it's about understanding, and it's about meeting in the mid and me at this moment in my life is very hard for me to just walk to the middle.

It's so easy to get there, but it's so hard for me.

Why I feel like you're good at well, maybe you're different in relationships. I just feel like as a friend, you seem like somebody who's like and that came above and beyond to like please your friends.

That's what was in the conversation. Adrian said that, yeah, she's like, you got you got Marie cupcakes for her birthday.

You didn't give me cupcakes for my birthdays in September, y'all?

She bring it up September stuff, yes girl, yes, yes, So.

The crumb on the floor was a cupcake crem It's a crumb for everything, and she bought that up. And I'm but I get it. I get it. I'm like, I'm I'm shitty. I need to be better. But it's just so hard because when is it? Birthday in February twenty eighth, but your birthday is February second.

Yes, oh, y'all the same month? Are you guys the same time? No, she's a pissy, So.

I'm gonna cur that does mean signs is means absolutely nothing, nothing to Okay, sorry David, but signs were dumb also, Carolina, They're stupid.

But so she brought up the cupcakes for my birthday. But I thought you got her cupcakes for her birthday this year?

Did but you were first, so fact had I had just found out about the cupcakes, So that's why I got your cupcakes first. Okay, let's backtrack for a moment. My birthday is in September. Her birthday was February twenty something. Yeah, you got her cupcakes this year or no I did? So why is she bringing up you getting me cupcass from my birthday? I have brought up I got you cupcakes first, though, this was like a couple of years ago.

Remember the Remember.

The first time I got you cupcakes with your face on it?

She bringing up cupcakes from twenty sixteen. When is that happens? That's how burning up my heart is like burning up fight you.

I'm yeah, listen, uh so, y'all i'llgue about that, and then what else have you guys.

Argued about this week?

It's just like, because this feels like peak, don't need a girlfriend's season. This is like, leave whoever you with to go be up under some BTUs, some real BTUs over five thousand bts. This is like ten thousand BTUs type type relationship situation.

I'm gonna put that in my sugar daddy dot com profile.

Yes, you must have over ten thousand BTUs and regular rent payments. You know what, You're gonna get the best of the best because you're not even asking for that much.

Ac.

No, that's a that's gonna be a dude who lives with his like colleague quote unquote, and he's gonna be like, I have an air conditioner. Poor people got air conditioners. People in this building that live with me got air conditioners. Yeah, it's not wealth, you're right. Uh so, Yeah, I'm an expert in fucking up in a relationship peru.

And then I'm an expert in but what did you do wrong? You did you did? Say? Any examples? Everything wrong?

Dude, Like, I'm always fucking up. I feel like you need to work on your self esteem. My self esteem is high. I just know I do everything wrong saying it is and honest as I'm very real about how I am in this relationship. I need to do better. I suck being with a comic. I already know, like we're self absorbed. We're narcissistic all the time. Girl, it's all about us. I'm not narcissistic. I am stunning. Bit shut up, Yes you are. I'm like, wait, are you delusional?

People you can't stop looking at themselves in the mirror. Well, I guess maybe that's me, But I'm a Christian narcissist. You know what. I can't shut up. Let me tell you something.

I had a show. Oh I think I talked about this on the last episode. I didn't book something and my mom was like, you didn't book it because you don't pray. Oh the thing that I went to, girl, honestly, you would have went there just for just just for the experience to go for a day.

But in actuality, it was low key waste of time. Just Sidney and I both.

Interviewed for this thing, this casting thing, and they flew to Neto La and they didn't fly me out.

And my mom was like, it's because you don't pray, Marie. I don't pray either, niggas though, I said, And my mom was.

Like, she must pray more than you, Like they don't pray. I do pray. I pray for us. You pray for us, yeah, I do. I pray for you, pray for us to not be poor. Yeah. I pray for the podcast every single day. I'm like, pray for all the thousands of people.

Dude.

I was like, there's no reason why we should know be on TV.

There.

They gave these people who are podcast this platform. We should have the same ship name name sis.

I'm not. I'm just saying we are fucking just.

As hilarious, just as witty, wittier.

I mean, you be punching up all the ship. Me. I'm being very long winded, and you know you're like, Okay, get to the punchline. It's coming. Don't worry.

But this ship is great, our chemistry is outstanding. There's no no due out out there. There's no do out there that looks like us, No that sounds like us.

None. They have no qualm, not these ugly podcast TV. Come on, Come on with the show, y'all. No, this is we're not We don't have a we don't have a hook.

No. If I get some old you know what when Kim Zosiak was on Real Housewifter and she was banging Big Papa or whatever his name was, some married old rich man who I guess paid for her original face, her first surgery or whatever.

That was Kim's storyline.

That and she used to wear wigs and she said she had I want to say al paca, but that's not what it's called.

You got that out packed she had? Is wrong with you, Marie? Why do you wear wigs?

Because I have alba, she had el paka, she had alopecia.

She didn't even have alopecia. She just doesn't like doing her hair.

I mean, I don't think that anybody anywhere in the world should be trusting a white woman that wears wigs every day. A wig, not clippings, not extensions, but like a full blown, went to the beauty supply store threw on a wig.

Wig.

You can't trust white women like that, or white women that were blue and have oak Lea's on and come out to parks and be like y'are not supposed to be grilling out. I still don't fucking believe how we still don't have a fuck show.

I'm blown away.

The fact I'm flabbergasting because it's like, it's so simple.

It's the simplest show ever.

And I watched these other shows and I'm like, just as simple.

Thirty minutes.

We're not asking for money if the set doesn't even cost that much money. We got a little audience, Yeah, we get a little cute audience. We watch What Happens live type of audience. It's not even gonna be them.

We need twelve people. We got. We have a couple, we got a couple of segments. We got a guess.

We got us Like, what the fuck? Okay, well, let's take a step back. We're doing a live show of our podcast. This the people that you love, greatest people you'll ever meet in your life. Cut and Gaunt at the Ludlow House on August fifteenth. It's a Wednesday, the show is free. Come, we'll buy drinks. And by will buy drinks, I mean we're gonna go to the bar and be like, well, we're doing the show, can we

Yes.

I mean technically we can only have thirty thirty people.

Sid I say that, but only thirty people can come.

Only thirty people can come because say it's a it's a private, it's a member is only members only, so they're going to have their members come. But you know, we'll do what we can to get you in thirty people from the pocket. Mind you, I met Mitch. Mitch listened to the podcast. He came to the show last week.

I don't know if he's.

Sliding your dms, but yeah, he's super tall.

I have.

I will say this, the people who listen to the Undivisual Expert, they're all super fine for no reasons. Yeah, it's super tracked. We got good looking folks. Y'all are beautiful. I never met one person that was to the podcast that was unattracted.

It's true and it's because of the energy that shade, the shade that we give huge.

People are like, oh, I got to be attractive to listen to this podcast.

We got to be attracted to approach them. I don't know, I don't know what's going on.

But everybody that's been sliding in my dms and like follows me on Twitter or Instagram, that's like, oh, I love the pocket.

Everybody's attractive. Yeah, we're so blessed. It's true. And it's like.

I'm just every day I'll look at a show and I'll watch it and I got hat in my blood because I'll be like this, this is on here, this on TV.

This is on TV, and they still get why why not us?

But you know it's gonna come and God, I'm gonna pray some more. Get I got you. My prayers are gonna be up.

And we don't work on it, these other shows get canceled. What are you praying for? No? I don't want anybody. No, I don't want anybody to show to get canceled. That's not right.

I don't want that. I just want, you know, the next level for us, And we gotta maybe, maybe we gotta think of something else. Other than the unofficial expert. Maybe this is not the thing that we can pitch at the moment. Okay, so what are you trying to pitch?

Like in an ideal world, like what's popping right now, lots of.

Reality shows with women throwing wineglasses, a lot of contour to makeup is in right now. Lots of love and hip hops are super popular right now. But that's what the black community. You know, white people watch it. What are the whites doing?

That should be a new segment. What are the whites doing? One? Are the whites up to?

That's a great white up Because we are trying to find like build in segments for the podcast because we don't have any.

It's just like an ongoing Allegedly, we ramble a lot of podcast.

It's a run on sentence for so whole fucking by you goose from the back. Yes, shout out to Jesus and Mary. We let him niggas you love them the back. I love those guys so much. Anyway, No, so we gotta think of more segments so that we can.

Put it right. Anyway, Since here's a segment right here, what are the whites up to?

You?

What a what a what a white people like right now?

Therapy teen they love therapy, So I gotta do a ted talk like I gotta do like remember I told you, I was like, oh, I want to do the show where one person goes in a stall and then the therapist is in a stall and then people just like bear their souls and then we try to find out. No, who's who threw the sneakers? No, friend, do you hear me? Friends, I'm not going I'm not waiting in a bathroom to give white people advice.

I do that for.

Free on the train. I do that on the radio, I do that on this podcast. I do it on people's comments on Instagram. I'd be like, sis, I wouldn't have worn that blouse. I give white people advice regularly for free, and I don't have to be in a funkyest bathroom to do it. So that next friend, what what's trending right now?

What are the whites up to?

They're always doing some kind of prank shit that is like, you should have no friends pranks. You're doing this to your people that you love. I would never do that to somebody that I actually like. I will say this though, there's this girl that I discovered on she keeps being reposted on my Twitter page, and I don't know what it is. She's like a young, like light skin, like a mixed black chick, right, and her I don't know.

Her mom is this old white lady.

And the first video that I saw on Twitter that somebody reposted, she was in the room like dancing and the mom bust in the room.

Oh I saw. She's like they said that. She said, you got your funny you're stripping on cameras. That's her mom.

And I'm saying that because so apparently her the little the girl's little sister snitched.

On her and the mom came in and was like yelling at her for trying to strip.

Uh. And then I saw a video yesterday of the two of them in the kitchen and she was like, Mom, I think I want to be a stripper, and the mom was like.

Strip, strip, stripper. She was like, what you go strip? You ain't got nothing that doesn't somebody wants to see.

It's so good southern white lady yelling at her mixed black daughter.

And she's like, been there, done that.

I used to strip And I was like wow, and she was like, I feel like I could get like one thousand dollars a night. The mom said, you gotta do a lot more than strip to get that much money and that yo. I said, Gladys, what does that even mean?

I care? Did her mom does admit.

To like sucking dig on the side in the champagne room. What's the tea? I fucking can anyway? I don't know what these what the girl's name is, but it seems like she just she sets her phone up and then she just gets her mom yelling at her.

Fucking crying.

Videos are so funny, this is so this is too much for me right now. She's like, strip, you gotta do a whole lot more than dance to make that much in the night. I was like, Oh, she gotta sell drugs too, She got to traffic them in her corca corca?

Is that where we.

Gotta come up with new words for our genitals. That's a segment when I was little, new word?

Who is? What that is? What that is? It's what are the whites watching? And what that is? Segment? We're coming up? I love it. We are really moving towards greatness. We're moving anyway.

I don't even know what else I wanted to say to you, guys, I am gonna download this ass. You are going to be a whole this summer. Be a hole, but only in Central Air. I'm not gonna be a who. If you got a box fan in the window, no way. If you got a box fan, then you don't deserve my box no fam.

If you have a box fan, you don't.

I will say this though, if you listen to the podcast and you come see us, please continue to approach us the way that y'all have been approaching us. The energy is so cute, the vibe is so real. I haven't been I feel like a lot of I feel like a.

Lot of people from the podcast have been coming to the show. Oh they have. They come and they come back and they're like, I love you, guys, I love the podcast.

The other day I got a text mesage that said Marie Marie called you her best friend. I was like, really, who sent you that text? I'm not saying who, but sounds like Adrian, has Marie ever called you her best friend?

In person? I was like, she would never. What in the Lisa Frank, Lisa? What in the Trapper? Keeper? The five star first get in the Trapper keeper Hill.

Oh my god, dude, it sounds like some Lisa Frank somebody with hard eyes was like, hey, Sid, she caught you her best friend at the show and you weren't there and I missed.

Go shut up. I hate everybody. For those of you who haven't seen The Incredibles, to you in theaters, it's so good. Did you see it when I went to It's so good. It's so cheap too. I like Jack Jack and Auntie Edna.

Everything that Jack Jack does and and Edna does, I'm here for Jack. Jack is literally a mood. He's like I'm doing all the moods. He's like, I'm doing whatever I want. And you know, whenever he would get mad about it, I was like, yo, that's me. Every time I look at my bank account into that like grimlin thing, that's me, dude, fucking me.

My butt itches, mine's too.

We were in that pool and we did not take a bath yet, and then I sat on the train.

If your butt's itching, you know, my butt's on fire?

Yeah?

But is on fire?

Is there anything that you want to leave the listeners with. We've got about ten minutes left, sis. I think you guys should add all the networks and be like, how come these girls don't have a TV show?

How come these girls are our TV? They are TV ready.

I mean Sydney needs to learn some new words and possibly you know, speak better English, which you know, she looks great on TV.

She does, she's she's ready for TV.

I'm so ready for TV, physically ready, physically ready, just mentally are you prepared? Just have me on mute. Yeah, I'm just gonna shake my head. What I'm just gonna shake my head every time we talk.

I don't think you're ready for TV. And that's why we're not booking that.

They're booking things that we're all God, So you're blaming it on me, Yes, you're blaming it on me. I'm ready blame it on that. No, here's another one. Blame it on the rain. Yeah yeah, oh, here's another segment. Blame it on the whites. What are we blaming on the whites today?

Uh?

Well, gentrification is that its highest rat's peak.

I mean the most hood ist neighborhoods that you're like, ain't nobody hit here? All of them are coming out.

They're coming out in their Madwell shorts, they're Midwell Maywell.

Whatever the fuck, they're Madwell, how.

You call it, whatever you call it, their ninety eight degree shorts. Yeah, the shorts to be real short. So what you're saying, you're blaming white people for gentrification. I mean they're just thriving right now. They don't even care that they're, you know, out here taking up all of the apartments.

Sidney, what are you looking at on your phone?

Because you are clearly distracted and the listeners want to know I'm looking at my butt.

I was like, wow, I need to go to the gym.

Also, shout out to your sister for having boot camp.

It's gonna be this Saturday, right.

My sister does a boot camp every Saturday in Washington Square Park. Everybody that's listening that lives in New York or the Tri state area can come. It's like twenty bucks, which is long.

Her boyfriend Joe, who we roast for the whole the whole time. We're like coach Joe. Yeah, he's hilarious.

And you get to work out with us and work out with us, I mean work out with me, Sydney, don't even be working out, dude. But the commentary be on a point. I need just morphed into a cameraman halfway through. Okay, bo camp, that's another show working out with SMM and it's like you really working out and then it's just me doing like modified everything.

Who's gonna watch Who's who are these shows for? Dude? Who's watching these shows?

I mean, listen, everybody will watch an Instagram model pretend that she's working out in the fucking gym. They can't watch us actually have funny things to say while in the gym. Okay, we'll go ahead and put that on the board. Oh yeah, we gotta have and another thing that we do. We gotta have daily vision boards. So it's like like Pinterest, but in our heads about things that we want. And today we were like, oh, we

I threw it over the fence. You're like, I'm so parched. I was like, oh, so thirsty.

You're like my throat is She's we met cider, we have vodka, we have rose. I was like, rose is the magic hord uh huh. And then she was like, so are you guys guess here?

Really? No? Should we have said yes? Maybe?

I don't know. She wasn't a guest there either. She said she was there because her brother was a guest. Her brother was Asian. What mean you said you needed an Asian man this season? That I need an Asian man? I said, this summer the floor up for a like a cool like a hip hop Asian, like a West Coast. Maybe he's a chef on a food truck Asian. Ah love that you know, like a job awakee like a

That's what you want, good like a like a like a.

I don't know if you're going to get that kind of Asian guy here. I think you want to get here like a like an accountant. You think I get an accountant Asian man here. I don't think you're gonna get the kind of Asian you want. I think I want to get like a gin from one to six and Park Asian.

Oh my, like Friday Asian.

You know he's doing stand up quote in quotation. No, I thought he was a Christian rapper. Now, no, he does stand up. I was he did something and I was like, oh, oh.

Was it stand up? Giving you sheg Wan vibe?

No, it was not another stand up community name rude, Marie, how is that rude?

He like?

Is he giving sheng Wing vibes? Cheng Wing doesn't sound like a real name, but it is. Shen Wean is a real person that we know. He's done our show before and he's hilarious.

He did our very first show. He was on Two Dope Queens on HBO and wondering who he is.

He did our very first show and I was wasted, and I brought him up as he was like our next guest is Asian and yeah, and everybody's like okay, And I was in the background like it was one of those things where I didn't know how to bring up people.

Yet it was very new. He got money though. He got money that night.

It was one hundred dollars to read off of a piece of paper. He was like, oh, y'all can have me back whenever.

I like scheng Wing though, because he's Asian but has like a country accent. He's done in Houston.

Yeah, so he'll get on stated and be like, so I was talking to these hosts. He never says hose Shawty was never says short.

He's like, y'all like Blake Sheldon. I're like, wow, that's shang Wang.

Shang Wang is gonna listen if he listens to listen to this damn time.

These girls don't know me. It's like these.

All right, well, shout out the shang Wang and all the shang Wang's listening right now.

This is incredible episode.

I was enjoyed the segments that we added one what are the white people watching?

Two? Why are the white people here? And what's the third segment? Don't remember what Daddy is? What Teddy is? And that was? What was that segment? It's like what that is? What is? But what is the segment?

It's like new words, new words that we come up with come up. Yeah, we come up with new words.

You don't even know what daddy is.

I don't see this why we're not ready for TV.

Marie, because you're not you're not ready.

I remember the segments of what they were, and you couldn't remember one segment or what it was.

What it was, that's a segment right there. What it was. Fourth segment is what was shang wang dude? W W s w D.

And I'm gonna go ahead and at a fifth segment and this segment is this is why we're not booting.

Good segment.

We'll just list all the terble things that were fly we're not getting booked, or auditions that we went to they were like, you know, so I went there because we didn't We don't pray. Yeah, that's what my mom said. That's surreal answer. We just gotta pray. Please answer you listening to the podcast. If you see us in these streets and we look good, come say hi. If you look dusty, it's probably not as do.

Me this solid?

Do we look disheveled? Are we jumping a train turnstile? That is not a do me this slid? If you see me in the streets, I want you to scream.

And be like, oh, I got bock.

So other people can see it and they're like yeah, and they're like, who's the on official expert? And then they look it up and they subscribe and then they fall in love with us. That's how you promote the brand. The brand is strong. The brand is strong. Shout out to Mitch because he can't do the show last week and he bought somebody Mitch, love you, buch, can't wait to see you, bro, bro b Alright, well what that is?

Don't forget.

We have a live show August fifteenth, and then we have a lot. We also have a live show July twenty fifth. YEP at at All one ninety one Christie Street at APM. Both of them are free AF so I don't want to hear no reasons why y'all can't come. If you live in Philadelphia, you can come to the show absolutely.

I'll see you there May Bye bye