Pretty Girls Love Mouse Traps

And yes we are. What's that, Sydney? How are you? Oh? You know it's gloomy and good old New York City to match my mood.

I feel like we're in the UK. It's been raining and gloomy for.

The last couple of days. Yes, it has very gross garbage, very hunter boot weather trash. Yeah, garbage. But you know what, I'm still gonna rock my calves out. I'm still gonna act like it's low key warm because it was like.

All the people who you were roasting all winter long.

Yeah, you know, you gotta flip the script. You gotta see why they were doing what they were doing. And I still don't get it. I mean, you look cute today. You have one a Ghostbusters Ghostbusters.

I was thinking that, Yes, a Ghostbuster slash garbage demand jumpsuit on.

It's cute. Is this yours? Or is this Adrian? This is mine? Beautiful beautiful like the color? Thank you like that?

It's like a little baggy. I know you like things to.

Be skin type. Who are you gonna call? Uh? You work, go on to college? The shady Busters. That's us. We should have a whole show about our shade.

I mean, honestly, we can let's just come up with different show ideas, dude, because I feel like that's where we are right now career wise. The Shade Busters, we just sit around and throw shade, or we people watch. We sit in front of a window and just talk about people as they walk.

By, because that's what we do.

Is that what you're wearing right now, sir a Tom Loafer?

But I also like creating like whole scenarios when I meet random people on the train. When I see them, I try to pretend like what their life is, like, what do they guess? I try to guess like what what do they do? Who are they with? Are they single? Do they have kids? Are they doing meth on the weekends?

Like so just by looking at them, you come up with like their whole backstore.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm here for a backstory, and then you put a little music on top of that will sound.

I feel like, first of all, I don't believe this to be your reality because you stay in your phone the entire time you're out in public, So when do you have time to make eye contact with people on the train.

When I'm on the train, I don't have any service, especially since saying I know data and it's gone. I can't even send barely a text. It's so bad right now.

It's every month, Sydney that I've known you, you go.

Over your data and I go over early, like it'll be seven days into the month, and you're like, you are one hundred percent gone with your data?

Seven days into the data?

Do you have? Dude? Apparently not enough. I'm trying to get out of AT and T. It's just a scam. It just wants people to spend more and more money. All of them are a scam. Verizon a scam. Sprint is a scam.

I feel like T Mobile is the only one that's like, where is the scam here?

I'm about to get a burner phone.

I feel like T Mobile they just let you. They're like, well, we'll buy out your contract and you get unlimited everything for twelve cents. And it's like, are y'all are y'all bugging me?

Are you about to do thing to.

The conversations and recording them?

I'm about to do cricket? Then that's what that's what our friend I mean it is she is cricket and she spends like six dollars a month. I mean it's like a month she has service. It's a month.

I mean we facetimed before and the FaceTime be on a delay.

It's oh, and it'd be pixelated as fuck. You'd be like, oh my god, this is an old Sega Genesis game. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. She has a like a six plus. She got an iPhone X, like she sell it. They sell it for like fifty dollars at cricket. She got an explode iPhone why? Yeah, what.

I mean, how do we feel about the iPhone X? First of all, it's a thousand dollars phone. So sometime I see somebody with it and they don't have a case. I'm like, oh, they got money.

But also I'm just like on a phone, if you spending this on a phone, your priorities are not together.

One thousand dollars dude, that's one hundred dollars times ten. Okay does that math check out? Yeah, that's fifty dollars times twenty.

I love how you clock in other people's money.

One thousand dollars for a cell phone. I remember when phones caught like you would like mail or rebate in and you would get you know, your phone for free or you get an upgrade. Remember when we were eligible for upgrades and you got a free phone in like two years.

They stopped doing that because they were they realized. They're like, we ain't making no fucking money from this. I know now. What they're doing is they're like, you can buy the phone, but like, pay us fifty dollars a month for the phone. That's what I've been for ten years. It's stupid.

But then when you do the math, at the end of that time, you spend more than you would have if you just bought the phone. Yeah, how long do you have to do that for before your phone is paid off?

I think of on two years and I think I finally paid off my phone. But how much were you paying a month to P I was like five dollars, No, forty five cents. That's all I have for the month for two years for two years. Yeah, I mean that means the phone was pretty cheap, dude. Yeah, it's like a hundred dollar phone. I was like, what is the lowest I can pay a month? A dollar?

And they were like, I don't know if you can afford to have this phone. Yeah, that's crazy people talk. I got my phone for free. Because I stole it. What allegedly? Wow, I just took it from an old job? What allegedly?

Are you serious?

Yeah, they had like a bunch of they bought a bunch of phones for the employees, you know, work phones, and I was like, I need a new phone. Don't nobody want this one? And I just took it allegedly What?

Yeah, which job was this? Allegedly it was? It was a temp job? Allegedly allegedly allegedly, Wait, that was a long time ago. When your cousin gave you that.

No, I took it from work. You're a lying asshole. Allegedly allegedly. No, the phone that I had before this, my cousin gave to me, not.

Allegedly for real, Okay, allegedly allegedly allegedly. You know, I like to steal things from work. I thought that leave the jacket that I still I know. You're so good at it. And when you look at your when I look at you, I don't see thief, but you do give me like sticky finger vibes. I thank you so much, thank you so much. I mean, I take from people who don't actually need. Wow, little ghetto robin hood, is that so much hood Rashida.

Let's talk about Cardi B briefly. She deleted her Instagram because of Azalea Bank.

She's going through it. What that's the pregnancy hormones? Like talking to her, because there's no way I wouldn't let that raggedy ass chick get me off social media my millions of followers. Okay, I hope she deactivated.

Is that's what I hope happened. Also, you could take a break.

Sometimes you gotta take a break though, because like all the mentions, all the like stuff that's going on, it's too much. Yeah, But I feel like verified accounts work differently than regular accounts. Oh what's that like? I feel like a verified account like a celebrity account, Like they get notified when verified people comment on their stuff, you know what I mean? Like they get notified. They get

One point two million likes. You think her phone is just vibrating one point two million times.

Well it's not. Nobody isn't. She's not taking care of her account anyway. She sure right. It's Angie, Angie.

Angie runs the Instagram.

You think it's somebody else.

I don't know. I feel like all her posts be looking real editorial like to It's like, Beyonce, do you have a personality? Like can you smile in this one photo?

It doesn't matter, sis, like this is what's our this is the time, this is what people are doing. Everything is curated. Nothing is like fun anymore. Everybody has to look like they're cool.

I mean that's what regular people face tunem, but celebrities like they get like people professional photoshop people to touch photos.

Talk about this face tuning people like.

What are you doing?

Who are listening with the hell? Face Face tune is like photoshop for regular ass folks, And it's just it's an app. It's an app that you can, you know, fix your ribs, fix your nose, fix the background and shit, yeah, remove a blemish. And it's just like, come on, we're all not that perfect, especially especially if you work at best Buy, Like why are you face face tuning your shit.

Yeah, Like I'm gonna come up and be like, oh, you know what is this tv on selt Wait a minute, I'll follow you on the gram. That's not what your face looks like. So your ass looks fatter on Instagram.

And it's really disappointing when you follow somebody on social media and then you meet them in real life and you like, you ain't nothing like you posted at all.

That's why I like ig stories because I don't be putting no makeup on. I just put like a like a taj Mahal filter on. You know what I mean. You just keep swiping until you get that Abu Zabi filter, the little rainbow bright thing, and I honestly I feel like I look exactly the same.

Yeah I don't. I don't put on filters all my ship.

I don't have face to him because I'm not paying for no damn app.

Well. I got face tune because the Gaze showed me what to do, but I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to face tune and make it look proper. If I face tu him, people like yo, that just yanky as hell, And I could tell that you try to remove that ash from your ankles and your your ankles still look ashy.

They'd be like, did you try to add a contour? Why is there a brown line on your cheek? Is that dodo?

Yeah, that's that's what it is. It's like, be yourself, man, I guess whatever the face tune because the gay is is the person who told me what face tune even was. Yeah, it's a lot of the gays. But the problem is with the face tune is like, you're so worried about your face, what about the other five people that's in the photo with you? You're just gonna have to rhyme to

Yeah, you'd be like, your face looks blemish free, but what is all this a wrinkle in time around you?

Yeah? And it's just like, so that's the crew that you're around. You look that good, and then that's your that's your follow up.

No, no way, these my homies, these my row dome.

No, it's my girl squad. But that's what people are doing now, and it's it's stressful because you feel like that's how you need to look in real life. But that's no way.

Well, Azalia Banks posted a picture of Cardi with no makeup on. It was like, you look like a big toe. She's like, when you remove all yet, oh you're a highlighting contour. You look like a big toe. She's so rude. She said that she was. She called her like a uh, she said that she couldn't read.

She called her a rat. Yeah, she called her a literate. I mean she said the the obvious. She didn't say anything that I wasn't like, oh wow, that's different. I mean, she doesn't look like a big toe. That's rude. I mean, if you look at the photo, it's kind of big toe ish. It looks like a smushed baby, pinky tonail. Well whatever, Ozilia's got a lot of nerves. She got a big ass overbite. Yeah, she looks a little off.

Oh that's old people for like she not all the way there.

Yeah, like her elevator only steps on the fifth floor and then you gotta walk the rest. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it says no, no unauthorized people exactly. And then you, like you, you push the emergency button and nobody comes. Oh. Absolutely.

I got trapped on an elevator once. Yeah, I was. I was in New Jersey. That's your phone with a giant suitcase, trying to get to my mom's house, trying to like go back into the city, and the elevator got stuck and I leaned on the button and the fire department came. They were like, uh ma'am, we're on the way, please stop pressing the button. And I was like, I'm gonna miss my train.

It's like, fuck the chain girl, get out of that. Dude.

Can you imagine? Is there a scarier place to be trapped New Jersey?

You know, that's that's your fault for going to New Jersey. But we are going to Newark for this barbecue.

Keep saying that.

I keep telling people thinking that you're like, no, we have to go, we need like a field peace, and you're telling others. Yeah, it's a field piece. Well, we're gonna we're gonna instagram it. We're gonna have like little clips, we're gonna post it. We're gonna have the brisket burger with a bacon on it. We're gonna have like a video of you eating it and be like, damn, tastes like poverty like stuff like that.

Why did you make me sound like Chris Tucker?

Damn?

Which one y'all do to hit me?

Uh? What? No?

Uh so your team is Zelia Banks? Is that what you're saying to me?

Oh? No, absolutely not. I mean sometimes I read her stuff and I'm like, oh, this bitch might be onto something, but she's so unlikable. Yeah, and she came for my best friend, so like, no, she's dead to me, she's she's always been dead.

I saw she was on the Breakfast Club Breakfast Club. I didn't watch the interview, but she looked crazy because she went to Bbq's with gloves and her like boobs were like at her chin.

Did you see the photo? No stalls Bbq's in a gown and like all the green dress, yeah, and an opera length glove and she was like eating honeywings. When we get money and we actually like have a wardrobe. We're not going to go on at Bbq'szelli Bank's.

Got no damn money. We probably have the same amount of money as.

Hi. You're not going to do ratchet things while you have money. That's how you save your money. You still got to go to the hood and do hood things to remain wealthy. You can't be spending your money on these places for people who are rich.

I mean, I hear what you're saying.

Yes, I accept that, but if Azelia Banks did it, I don't want to do it. We don't have to go somewhere. Were gonna have to go to Olive Garden and get a salads? Okay, well yeah, but I really like those sticky wings, especially when they're free.

I mean, so why am I spending my money at the hood spot where we can just get somebody hood dubyas wing?

Yes? That can't we do that this summer? We need to get more hood people who have connects to get us free things. Did I have to have connects?

They just gotta have money.

They could even be so you want a drug dealer, could be did you what I said?

You need to be drug money?

So you want a drug dealer.

No, I don't want a drug dealer. I just want somebody to pay for my food.

So you want to be at La Marina all summer, Listen. As long as I'm not paying for things and I don't have to get on the train for eight hours to get to the Bronx, I'll do it. Okay. So somebody saw me last night and they're like, yeah, I'm trying to hook Marie up with this guy. She showed me a picture of him and I was like, how tall is he? And I was like, mm, how told is he? How tall is he? Like five nine five? And she's like, She's like, oh, he makes two hundred thousand dollars a year.

And I said, oh, okay, what did he What does his face look like?

He kind of looks like Courtney Fearrington the comic Okay, yeah, he kind of looks like he kind of looks like him. But Courtney if he made two hundred thousand dollars, I mean, Courton works with the government and makes a cute amount of change too. But Courtney's not five ten Okay. I think he's five five yeah, okay, with brown eyes. Also, he's a comedian. Yeah, okay five brown ye a comedian divorce yes, okay, okay.

And he likes rose and he likes rose and in a can and he's and I feel like he dates like like black women, but also like maybe like an Asian girl.

Oh. I can see him with an Asian for sure, right right, an Asian that wears corn rolls as well, like a like a beat box Asian, like like the hard Juku, the Gwen Stefani Asian.

Yeah, or like or like like an Egyptian woman or something like. He looks like he'll date like Moroccan, like a Moroccan. Yeah, I see that, like an Abu Dabi okay, Dabby, Mommy. I don't know what song that's that song? What song is that is the rock in the building? That's not how you say are no stop?

Yeah? Yeah yeah yeah, which literally could be any song. But I know, you know what, the listeners know what fucking song we're talking about. We're not being racist and rude. It's a song. It's a song. It's a jay Z song. I can't fucking remember it though. I want to say a rap money, but that's a different song. Yes, get there money, we're getting their rab money. No that's a totally different song. Yo. Now I gotta go on Spotify. No, I can't even go to Spotify. It's on to dal.

Said, okay, I could work with that. Is this a friend that we like?

No, we don't know. He works at her job.

No, this person who was talking to you about, yes, guy is somebody that we like, yes, yes, yes. So then I was like, okay, so where does he Where does he live? And she's like Carlem.

I was like Harlem, Sis, Oh my god, for a long disconcern.

That's what I said.

That's what I said. Listen, I'm just speaking on behalf of the things that you've already told me, right.

And we both know we don't really I mean, you have a place in Harlem and used to you don't even go there.

Sis is getting I told you it's getting sold, right, The building is getting sold. The building is getting sold, and I gotta go get my ship. I got a T So you got like, oh you got a TV? Yeah, I mean the TV can stay here. Sis. You want it, sure gets stay here. Okay, cool, cool, cool, I'll bring it here. That's great that you need to get I've like, I'm just gonna throw out all these clothes or whatever that I used to have. It's like, I feel like you got closed.

That probably are you got some pieces?

No. I gave a lot of stuff to her because I didn't feel like bringing them to his wealth. Just gable wasted. Yeah, like a really nice yellow blazer, like some satin pieces, some real satin pieces. Yeah. Actually should have said, Marie, do you want the trash? You are dead to me, I get off my couch. You didn't have stand for the rest of the Yeah, I should have.

I was like, where Marie going, all right, I might possibly do a show and a satin piece.

Actually, but now that you're living your new life going to opera and ship, and I should have you could have had that for that. AnyWho. So, yeah, my building is getting sold. The building that had the backyard, the walking closet, the washing and dryer, the ship is gone.

Your furniture gone.

I have a little dresser. I'm gonna throw that out too. Damn dude, you just throw You didn't even craigslist it you could have made a little coin. No, girl, it's after a while. It's kind of like this ship has no value. You you bought it and it wasn't that much money, and you think you're gonna make you a bed? Was it?

Let's describe the bed frame.

Ikia thin rickety and I've had tons tons of sex on it. So the wood is hanging on by a threat. Yeah, exactly the bed in that song, that's that's my bed. So I threw everything with the mattress was it was an ikea mattress back all on support. Yea, it just felt like the floor literally hard. Honestly, the floors get for your back, that's what I heard. But you know, when you're drinking every day and drugging, a bed is a bed.

Bet is also a bathroom. A bed is also a kitchen table. When you're drinking and drinking.

Oh yeah, when you're drinking and drugging, underneath the table is the best. And underneath like the sink spot, or just.

Like resting your forehead gently on the bathroom tile.

Oh yes, after you had a good throw up, you just expelled all those hitty wings and kulaas feels great.

Wow.

So a chapter of your life is done, yo, the backyard and everything, y'ar. I didn't even get to get my place back. Remember when I used to tell you, Yo, I can't wait to get money because then I'm gonna move back to Harlem. That never happened. When I said that to you, you were like yeah. But in my head, I was like, oh, I can't wait to book something so I could get my apartment back, because I was just like, I'm the one that gentrified the building in the first place.

Yes, because you brought all the white people to the building. I did, and only one of them is still there. Yeah, my roommate, So where's she gonna go? She's looking for stuff? She said she might be in the financial district.

Okay, so fine, that's what I said. I said that. I was like, I hate when I know, well, when I can think of like how much money somebody is making or having, like just the moves that they make. I hate that I clock other people's finances.

Everybody does it, though, Like even when I lived in LA people would come to the apartment and be like, how much y'all pay for this? And I'm like, that's rude. That's like asking me how much I make.

Yeah, but I was telling them, I was like, well, you know, I only pay eight fifty for this, but a fifty in la is it's cute, and a fifty in New York City is amazing. But you're in a corner of a kitchen for fifty two bedroom, two bathroom, and we had a balcony. It's beautiful. Wow. Washroom driver in the building ship. I know.

I had my own bathroom. I miss having my own bathroom. I gotta share this with others.

I had a big ass bathroom. I had a small kitchen. Yeah yeah, cook so ramen, bitch, you don't need you don't need to gormet ramens.

So it was artisanal walk, it was artisan water.

I had to boil the egg shult have a little egg in it, little parmesan as. Yeah. But now my apartment is shut them down, open up shop. She's like she has like a couple months or whatever, a couple of months.

All you got plenty of time to bring that TV down.

No, but like no, he wants to clean out the basement immediately because it's gotta He's gonna the whole building is getting told he's gonna make like a cool million dollars off that you think probably more, probably more put.

That whole food's there, he's gonna make. There'll be a cute meal.

He got it less for less than a meal.

Well, that's what I'm saying, like freaking like the Brownstones here in Brooklyn are going for like two million, so I feel like that part of Harliament it'll maybe be a.

Little That's why we gotta get some money and buy something and buy a lit and flip that shit.

No, buy it and just hold on to as long as we like.

Till we get till we're old ladies, and then sell then sell it for like twenty million dollars.

That's that because the because people will never stop moving to New York.

That's true.

People will always bring their dusty Wisconsin asses to New York.

And I just want to let y'all people know to people who are like, oh my god, New York is everything. I can't wait. Yo, there's so many miserable people here. We've been here, We've been doing a shit that y'all come here, the tourists come here to take pictures up. We tied of the shit. It's a lot.

It's cold for like six months.

Yeah, it's cold. You gotta have seven fucking jobs, dude. You here we are on the couch with not one job between two, Oh my god, not a single job between the two. And what this. You have to hustle. You gotta sell breast milk, you gotta sell your eggs. You gotta do all this shit to fucking live. But if we were gonna sell our eggs, we can make probably like twenty grand. You think, well, not mean? I could? You could, not mean, because I've done things.

The weather, the diet, diet, myth eggs, it's wet, My eggs are farmed. The table sish, these are organic grasshead opera eggs.

Minds are h what do you call it? It's group home eggs. You'ither halfway house? Yeah, halfway halfway house.

Well, the thing about that is like when you're trying to sell your eggs, they pump you full of hormones, so you're like crying and bloated, and your period be mad, heavy and dupres, you.

Know what I mean. Like it's a lot. That's the shit that's already going on in my life right now. Okay, so just add so add twenty thousand dollars to it. Okay, no, but more home hormones. I'm gonna jump off a bridge, so now I can't.

Yeah, I mean, I've never been on birth control because I feel like I don't need it. Uh but I just feel like, I mean, there's other ways to not get pregnant.

Blout No, Sis's no, that's definitely not uh No.

But what I was gonna say is because a lot of people that I know who do take birth control. First of all, everyone either gets fat, they gain like a bunch of weight, like Rihanna.

Looks like now I was eating seven bacon, egg and cheese. Is a week like this?

I would crave three a day for two days.

It was weird, Like one day I'll od and have like three, and then one day I'll have one and the next day I have another. It's a lot. That's a lot of cholesterol. I will say, my butt was so freaking big, but your stomach flat. No, it was a little puffy, right, See, your butt was big, but your stomach was. Yeah, but the butt was so big that you wasn't concentrating on the fucking stomach.

How long did you take breath control?

For a year and I had depot and it it made me not a shot. I was miserable. Yeah, why because you for three months? For three months, for three months, you don't have to get a shot. It lasts for Yeah, all these things to stop myself from getting pregnant, and then there was a situation for youing well.

I mean, you know, the main way to not get pregnant is to just not have sex with the dudes.

I know, man, I haven't had to get a pregnancy test and so long that it's just I just want to go for shits and giggles. You've never taken a pregnancy test.

Good for you, Marie, But my period was late last week and I was like to.

Need to doo for you, bitch. It's scary now everybody lives that life, honestly.

With with Plan B, what do we need to planned pregnancy? I mean pregnancy tests for or planned parenthood for You got seventy two hours of pop a Plan B like a skittle. I mean that's probably not good for you either.

But yeah, but it's money. Though it's not any.

Dollars, that's a lot. It's how much does an abortion cost. It's more than fifty Okay, so at a zero you're adding a decimal point.

A decimal place is five hundred dollars and forty seven cents because of tax.

I want to pay fifty dollars for a plan B and be embarrassed at my duane read, then pay five hundred dollars to go to plant parenthood and do it there.

I'd rather just be a fucking lesbian. That's it. I don't have to worry about. No, come towel, I don't have to worry about I don't have to worry about a cumtwnt y'all got like a you have like a like a jiz rag. There's no jizz rag. So when you would do it like a warm a lukewarm like women when you go to the nail salon, or you like a Japanese spot when you go to a puto, they gave it the little towel. The tow No, we don't have that. You just women's ejaculation is different. It's

It's fine. Laying in that wet spot.

Listen to male come is disgusting. It's like the consistency everything is gross. So like women's ship is so much different. It's cleaner, it's thinner, it's it's a laying. It's filtered. It's definitely filtered. It's brittal, it's brital com it's great m and my pH is balanced. So okay, could you be using what? I don't know. It's just you know what the problem with having unprotected sex is mixing your shit with dudes. That throws your pH off, and so

Do we feel about pineapples or like pineapple j I don't believe that shit.

I don't believe it. No, I've never ever tasted it and been like, this tastes like ice cream? It does.

I mean, it's not gonna taste like ice cream, dude, I think it just supposed to taste like less funky.

It just doesn't taste good. It's not yummy. I don't want it.

I don't think people think that it's yummy if they're not getting paid.

When I watched them born, I'd be like, damn, bitch, you love it, but check. Yeah, I don't care how much money I'm getting. I've never tasted it and been.

Like, you know it, just need a biscuit, no dollars to dip the biscuit in mail.

I love this guy. I loved him. I loved his dirty draws. And I still was like, oh, please, don't get it away, girl, you love this guy.

I've never even heard you say that you loved any of the dudes that you were with.

I did. I loved him. I loved him. I thought I loved him. I don't even know what love is anymore. But anyway, I loved him, and I still was not into the let me come in your mouth. I mean, there was a couple of times where I was drunk and I said that ship, but I didn't really mean it. Did you swallow it? Did you spit it out? Sis, I'm gonna missed.

You're gonna you're gonna plead the fIF whip for a fifth.

Definitely clea the fifth on that. But you already know the answer. Yeah, I don't know my my old life. Sometimes I'd be like I miss it and then there's sometimes where I'm like so glad that I'm not a part of that anymore.

I mean, I see you now, you look great. You don't look like you lived hard and fast.

So really, sometimes I'll be looking at myself and I'm like, I look like a young old person. I mean, you are a young old person. We're all young old people. Nah, dude, Well because old people used to be young.

Sis that old lady that you won't give your seat up for on the subway, she was young once.

She used to be able to skip.

Look, there's this old lady that lives above me in this building, and she and she when I see her go outside, it'd be taking her mad loan to get to the dialysis van. Like it takes her legit like twenty minutes to get from the front door to the sidewalk.

I don't like that hard, hard life. Look, it's not for me. Like I'll be seeing these indie films and I see bitches ain't got no concealer on and they look like they haven't slept, And then they get an award for that movie, and I'm like, I'll never do that. That's Charlie's Then I'm not doing monster. I'm not doing Holly Berry monster Ball. I'm not doing that. That's not for me.

Then you're not gonna win the Academy Award.

Somebody they send me an audition for a woman who literally like as a son, has had a hard life. She's like an ex drug addict. I said, why am I getting this?

This is?

Can I get the cute rolls before you put me into the dive? Me into this drama?

The viol.

I said, yeah, this is I can't connect, can't relate.

Also, I'm out here for a drama. Like, can I do some comedic? I can't cute comedies? I was like, no, thank you. Can I do some maid in Manhattans?

So you want me to not draw my eyebrows? Yeah, I don't know. I can't speaking to draw. Why is there an X on your hand? Oh? Because my eyeliner is like drying out. So I just wanted to, you know, do a little. I thought you went to the club last night, and I mean it was like a lot of eyeliner on your It looks like you went to the club and got a stamped. No, girl, I don't go to the club no more. You know that we don't do that no more. And if we go, they're

We can't take this ID. So I'm gonna go to the d m V and get my life and you doing that. I'm gonna go to the d m V here because I need. I'm gonna change my address to hear what address do you have my parents address?

Yo? You ready for that photo? Yo? Can I come with you? Can I hype you up while you take that picture.

They're gonna be like, ma'am, please stand behind the yellow line.

Yo. They're so like savage at the DMV. They don't want you to fucking win. They don't want you to have a decent picture. And it's like, yo, I have to have this picture for four years, six years.

I don't even know how long it life.

It's a minute. And it's just like they don't even give you no notice.

They're like, okay, clip I mean. And I also need to get my passport expires next month, so I gotta get a new photo for that too. So maybe I'll just two birds one stone, like do them on the same day.

Yeah, you should.

I gonna I'm gonna go to this before and get my makeup dofer. I'm gonna pay the sixty dollars, so you gotta get you a ring light too. That's what Chloe Kardashian did.

She brought a ring my ring light to the sis. I'll come with you and I'll active. I was like, oh yeah, no, no, hold on, wait a minute. Chloe bought a ring light to get her license. I saw them. Oh, we didn't start well, we didn't start the podcast off with Marie has a mouse in her house and I just fucking saw it. Oh my god, underneath the fridge. Wow, your mouse capades are just you talk about it on Instant Stories and I laughed. But now I'm really here

I can't believe we didn't put it in Yo.

It went past like it.

Lives here, nigga. It was a little tiny one though, right Yo.

But the way it didn't run fast enough for it to be like it's not comfortable Instant Stories. It's strolling.

I saw it yesterday just it waved. It waved to me, went to the mouse traps, smelled it and then just walked. It was like, no not it came by. It was like, hey girl, it was it just greeted me.

Wave.

It was smoking a cigarette.

It had a do rag on and some TEMs. The tail was out. Oh my god, Marie was so loud you blew out the speaker. I fuck so sorry guys. So this is what happened my room. The dude that my roommate is dating came yesterday to drop off some new traps and uh, oh she got mouse trapped, dick, Yeah, mouse trap pussy.

So he was like, oh, the mouse is dead. It was in her radiator.

I threw it away downstairs and then I saw the fuel tiny.

Mouse right after he left, and I was like, so we had two miles.

You think the one because he threw one in.

The trash yesterday, and then after he left, the little one is still here.

Marie, this is fucking nuts. I'm telling you that was It's your building, dude.

I know it's my building because I've been seeing them outside.

It's your building that doesn't look like it's from like here. It's just no, no, no, no, no, that mouse was not born in Britain. No no, no, no, that's a that's a trap. That's an Airbnb mouse. Yeah, Marie, it's fucking scary under the refrigerator, Like, how are you comfortable? I'm not, yo, I haven't day. I had a mouse in my apartment in Harlem, but it had been in my apartment four months and I had never seen it. But I saw a couple of droppings and I was like, what the

He was really Jerry was really smart.

That mouse was like I went to de Rye to live, I'd come here to die with these old ass mouse straps. So anyway, finally my roommate was had ordered a pizza and we get the pizza and we opened up the box and we was about to go ham on this pizza. The fucking mouse came out, jumped on the dresser and basically was like, where's my slice? It looked at us. It was the scariest thing that the mouse stopped. It was on the dresser and was literally like where's my

I'm like, okay, well where are the poison at.

Dude stated, now I'm devastated for you because you're one of my cleanest friends. This thing.

Thank you so much. I always thought I was one of my cleanest friends. I was like, I'm cleaner than everybody that I know. Let me tell you something. Okay, this mouse only comes out when I got company on this couch. Oh that mouse is trying to embarrass you, bitch exactly. That's an embarrassing ass mouth.

When I'm here by myself, the mouse be like it'd be sleep, but here the mouse. The mouse puts on his good clothes and it's like, hey guys.

He's like, I'm ditty to see this new blazon. Yeah you see this new fashion nova.

I gotta you know. The mouse was harlem shaking. It's it was like, take this money, make this money.

It's daytime one the sun is up, and I thought they were supposed to be nocturnal, and then they hear it, hears us talking, and.

It's like, well, let me come ouse. In New York City, mice and rats are not nocturnal. They're like, I live in a city that never sleeps. I'm getting no sleep. I'm not going to bed during the day. It's too much going on. The rats don't know when it is daylight or nighttime because they be underground on that loud ass, dirty ass subway. So of course the rat the mouse had a shape up like I fucking camp, I'm done, Yo, we gotta get out of here looking for it.

Yeah, we have to go. I mean, I guess we just won't keep this episode real short. Today, this this feels like it should be a bonus episode because of how sensitive this mouse material is.

But everybody's got to know. But you be on the inswert stories and I'm like, oh, man, I wish you would post more about this mouse. Like I feel like you should do, like set the scene, do a plot story, like make create something more than just the mouse. I had a show on Monday, and I was like, I don't want to be here, guys, but I have a mouse in my house. I'm not here because I like comedy.

Because you're here not laughing at my mouse.

They were laughing at the mouth, which is weird because everybody I know has had like a mouse or some type of bug or something. This New York City, I never had a mouse. Like I'd never seen a live mouse in my house. Oh, my grandmother had like bronx rats in her fucking apartment. Bronx like they came out the oven. I was like, didn't we just have the oven on? It was like they were like, yo, we're tanning right now. They had a tanning bed. They thought the oven was a tanning bed.

They had on blue Yankee fitted.

Yo. Those they were big ass rats and they were and I would have to come to my grandmother's place, and I'm like, I don't want to be here, Like I don't love my grandmother that much. Actually, I don't even really like my grandmother that much. If if the rats they were huge and like they're like, oh Graanmmy's gonna make food and I'm like, well, I'm not eating it.

I'm not gonna eat there. This doesn't feel like the type of place that I want to eat.

I'm so sorry for you, find I see the stress in your face. Sis.

I've just been annoyed all week.

I know you text me. You text me the other day and I was like, is she breaking up with me? Dude?

I'm breaking up with everybody, Seriously, I'm breaking.

Up with comedy.

I'm breaking up with this apartment, the hinge. I'm breaking up with the Naoki niggas, the Nyoki niggas, the opera niggas, all the niggas, the Michelin star niggas.

Please don't we need you, Marie? What am I going to do? Dude?

I can't. It's not like I have a job to go to in the day.

Now. I be home with this mouse. But you say it doesn't come out until you have company, So I gotta stop having people come over. I got to sit here in silence with this mouse. You should write poetry for the mouse. I should write some.

Mean ass rude at like I'm got copedy.

I really didn't even remember the mouse until I just saw it. You've been talking about it for like two weeks now.

Sis, it's been a week because I saw it last Friday.

It's been a cool week. It just feels like it's been more. Yeah, it's been a week.

I saw it last week and then I saw it again on so.

But I mean, didn't they have like a little mouse trap and it was something on it? Told me? Yeah?

Yeah, Remember I put my foot on the glue.

It was a mouse on the It was so tiny. But that's what I feel like. This is nah, bitch, that was bigger than that fucking little mouse that you had. That that's the mother to that fucking mouse.

It's two mice in here. Still, I gotta get some poison, poison poison.

If I put these pellets down and the mouse eats it, is it die right after it eats it or something, it's gonna go somewhere. It's gonna feel sick, and then it's just gonna die.

So I'm not gonna stumble across the mouse when I get out the shower, is what you saying.

No, I don't think so, no, no, no, no, they go away because they're trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with them. Okay, as long as I'm not going to fall out the no no no no no no no. But it actually is better if they come out and die because then you can dispose it.

Yeah, because I don't want it to die behind my stove or under my refrigerator.

I think my little field mouse it since I had a basement. I think it went in the basement and died. And since his a basement, Like I didn't smell everything smellment, I didn't smell anything. But also my nose was just like dead anyway from melting cocaine all of the blow. Yeah, your hands, How big this mouse is that you just saw? And I feel like you're not really good with size. It's just me wow, Okay, I feel like the one that was on the thing was that big. No sins,

I was like, look at the baby.

I can't.

Like, I gotta wear boots in my apartments.

All right, people, listeners, we gotta do a little prayer circle. You also got to hit up the venmo. I mean, this is something that we should reach. You should reach out and send something or prayers. What is it? Thoughts? And prayers. Can you your thoughts and prayers be currents thoughts and prayers and funds. Yes, send thoughts and prayers and Venmo send us some money because I'm a part of this mouse situation now as well. I'm triggered. Just I just saw it and I was like, I thought

Anything, yeah, yo, brita filter.

Yo. The mouse went to the corner store and came back to drop some ship off, and it's gonna go back out looking I'm looking at the fridge.

Which corner of the did that corner right there?

Yeah? Yeah? Yikes, man, this is fucking ridiculous. Got to get out. You're better than this this dirty ass house. Guys.

Uh, don't forget to listen to the Patreon episodes.

We might maybe explore this mouse a little bit further. We're gonna try to get him to settle down and talk to us. I think we should be our next guest. We could just sit down and talk to them and be like to why this place, I will throw the microphones. We have more than one microphone, so I definitely feel like we can get a little little time in with this mouse sis.

Let me get my shoes back one guys, thank you for listening to this nasty ass and gross ass, dirty ass episode of the podcast.

We'll see you next week. Make sure you go to iTunes, you know, review, comment, all that good stuff, and then we have our monthly show at at all Is at a PMS May thirtieth, at all one ninety one Christy Street. You should come come.

See us after you your Memorial Day weekend barbecues and bring poison for the.

Rapt Yes, bring a lot of poison and bring money as well.

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